What You MUST KNOW To Truly Heal The Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style | Becoming Securely Attached

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  • Опубликовано: 24 июл 2022
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    The Handbook for a Better Life
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    In this video, we talk about what you must know to truly heal your fearful avoidant attachment style. We are going to talk about why you are not stuck with your attachment style and how it is possible to reprogram the beliefs that are keeping you from enjoying and deepening your relationships.
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    I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
    This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
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Комментарии • 123

  • @lynette-sowingseedsoflove2424
    @lynette-sowingseedsoflove2424 Год назад +49

    This was great! Looking forward to part 2 to help me reframe my mind. Your channel is very helpful!

  • @petermilne1203
    @petermilne1203 Год назад +69

    This is the crux: how to unlearn old patterns and reprogram the mind. As a FA, I can’t even imagine how to have a relationship that is not terrifying.

    • @coldblooded568
      @coldblooded568 2 месяца назад

      So true!¡!

    • @taylordr2005
      @taylordr2005 Месяц назад +2

      What helped me is working on friendships first. Way less complicated. When it comes to romance go slow and lots of physical touch and smelling your partner. Once you get your stress down youll start finding oxytocin and bonding and it will feel weird but then fulfilling. That is what love actually feels like. Sounds funny but until I was almost 40 I never felt that sensation. Best of luck! Its worth the work.

  • @suddenlyyours
    @suddenlyyours Год назад +30

    7:30 "I know I speak quickly. You can always put this on half the speed."
    Me listening at 1.5x: 💀

  • @lifecoachingtoronto
    @lifecoachingtoronto Год назад +104

    One thing I've found is people with an insecure attachment style try to prove their worth in sometimes non obvious ways, such as being very "moralistic". Have any of you noticed this too? :)

  • @musebymelissa8583
    @musebymelissa8583 Год назад +57

    Thais, after watching your videos for quite some time I'm finally feeling like * *I can heal* * and break free from the chains of being FA. Thank you for all that you do for this community 💗 Looking forward to part 2

    • @HealingHappyAli
      @HealingHappyAli Год назад +4

      It's the best feeling isn't it!? I finally understand my behaviors with consistency and am able to modify my nervous system responses. Feeling more secure, calm, healthy hopeful everyday!

  • @pete69696
    @pete69696 Год назад +61

    I just want to say that your videos have really helped me deal with finally walking away from my 8yr relationship with an untreated bpd/npd. Thank you very much

  • @Canadianforestfairy
    @Canadianforestfairy Год назад +23

    Her course was honestly life changing for me, highly recommend!❤️

  • @janellejoy8243
    @janellejoy8243 Год назад +14

    Interested in part 2 - I recently was triggered in a new relationship when he wasn't able to say I love you back or give me security of seeing me in his future. Saying I love you first was growth on my part and later when I felt like clinging or running I did try for the first time talking about how I was feeling - so tried to rewrite the script before sabotage. But I do need the steps to reprogram to think securely...

  • @swarovskikris1
    @swarovskikris1 Год назад +2

    This is absolute gold and right on time!! Thank you ❤

  • @janamerten6592
    @janamerten6592 Год назад +2

    This is really good, keep 'em coming! Thanks so much for your work! 💖🙏💖

  • @prayingmantis5435
    @prayingmantis5435 Год назад +3

    Thank you, Thais. That was extremely helpful.

  • @paul-marcgreen1311
    @paul-marcgreen1311 9 месяцев назад +2

    My God, your work is good! I'm literally growing.

  • @samanthasavarese7631
    @samanthasavarese7631 Год назад +1

    Slides from time to time are really helpful 😊 thank you!

  • @leolady8114
    @leolady8114 Год назад +1

    I'm saving this to watch it over & over aaaand over!!!!

  • @ShimmerSoulSong
    @ShimmerSoulSong Год назад +2

    Thank you for all your awareness and teachings. You are so thorough and give us hope for what's possible. I watch as many of your videos that I can so I can absorb it. I know there's more inner and relational work to do.

  • @riyajacob2909
    @riyajacob2909 Год назад +4

    Yes dear Thais, listening at .75 speed and m able to introspect as I 🙉 hear.Much Love 💕

  • @joyasydulcescoronado1673
    @joyasydulcescoronado1673 Год назад +2

    Thank you so much. Slides help a lot to understand and process all the information that you provide.

  • @winniekirui5487
    @winniekirui5487 Год назад +29

    Thank you for always going all out in caring for us, Thais. We truly appreciate it. ❤ Yes, the slides help.

  • @brightside119
    @brightside119 Год назад +1

    Wow! This is incredible! Thank you!

  • @jamirx9
    @jamirx9 Год назад +1

    Thanks for this- I like having the visual of the slides!

  • @TofuTeo
    @TofuTeo Год назад

    Thanks for your content on FA attachment, Thais! They're the best!!

  • @elfint9000
    @elfint9000 Год назад +6

    I absolutely love the slides. It gives a lot of necessary details.

  • @Waitukubuli
    @Waitukubuli Год назад

    Thank you for having the slide.

  • @christopheryutzy6963
    @christopheryutzy6963 Год назад +5

    I've been watching the Dismissive Avoidant series you have been producing. It would be very helpful to see this format geared towards the Dismissive Avoidant attachment.

  • @Girltalkwithvictoriaanddonnas
    @Girltalkwithvictoriaanddonnas Год назад +7

    I agree 100 percent, you get it at the root Thasis!

  • @ReikiAlternativeHealing
    @ReikiAlternativeHealing 4 месяца назад

    Yes, love the slides. Gives me a list to work on. Thank you.

  • @cdmartin20
    @cdmartin20 Год назад +1

    Excellent! Slides are a nice addition!

  • @37goodvibes
    @37goodvibes Год назад

    LOVE the slides!

  • @kamrynwitherspoon5256
    @kamrynwitherspoon5256 Год назад +2

    the slides are an incredible tool!

  • @Achelois7
    @Achelois7 Год назад +11

    Thais I just LOVED both the slide and the video! You definitely should do the part two!

  • @roshalllambert
    @roshalllambert Год назад +4

    Yessss I agree 100% I hate it when people say FAs can’t heal. But apart from that great video!

  • @libertybelllangdon1701
    @libertybelllangdon1701 10 месяцев назад

    I am so thankful for all of these videos it has helped me so much.❤

  • @mmag1180
    @mmag1180 Год назад +5

    Thank you for this, Thais. I loved the video and the sildes. Looking forward to part two

  • @cassybeauti
    @cassybeauti Год назад +3

    Thais! Bless you for doing this🫶🏽 soooo sooo helpful and reassuring!!!!

  • @JacobCarlson-uq1my
    @JacobCarlson-uq1my 10 месяцев назад

    WOW!
    Psychology is definitely something I'm interested in& your grip on it is fascinating to me.

  • @brookebennett2113
    @brookebennett2113 Год назад

    Dig the slides 😊Thank you

  • @gregoryritchie7852
    @gregoryritchie7852 11 месяцев назад +1

    Yes, use of slides VERY helpful.

  • @nedraford5461
    @nedraford5461 2 месяца назад

    Very good information! I need to work through this. Looking forward to part 2

  • @sparrowc4459
    @sparrowc4459 Год назад +11

    The chart is very helpful, as are all your other videos. Please do part 2 on reconditioning! This video resonated and I feel very encouraged that I can make the changes I want to.

  • @aqsi19
    @aqsi19 Год назад +5

    This video is essential! And looking forward to knowing how to recondition🙏🏽

  • @chitichalamuka3580
    @chitichalamuka3580 Год назад +9

    This came timely I have this core belief of being bad ..so yesterday I disclosed I was once pregnant and had miscarried to a guy and I immediately thought he must think am a low value cause in africa being pregnant out of wedlock is seen as abominable it must be my core wound at work I see thank you.

  • @dinner-at-the-diner
    @dinner-at-the-diner Год назад

    YES PLEASE use more slides like this in videos

  • @aylatorrent1957
    @aylatorrent1957 Год назад

    Well, this explains a lot.. thank you!

  • @phillygyrl34
    @phillygyrl34 Год назад +3

    I loved this!

  • @pamelahubert2564
    @pamelahubert2564 Год назад +28

    Looking forward to part two. I often talk about connecting the narrative in my mind to my body - like I KNOW I am worthy of love, but I cannot FEEL it. And I have been working on that for more than 21 days. What am I doing wrong?
    Thank you for your brilliant work💜

    • @skwerl81
      @skwerl81 Год назад +19

      The I am unworthy wound is best reprogrammed on an action level - so basically treating yourself on a day to day basis as completely worthy of love, specialness, boundaries, etc... it also helps to work on other wounds as well and over time they sort of wear each other down as well

    • @chrismccaffrey8256
      @chrismccaffrey8256 Год назад +1

      Hypnosis is phenomenal!
      Hypnosisdownloads from uncommon knowledge are amazing! They've really helped me reprogram my subconscious from insecure attachment, to secure attachment or at least a LOT more secure until i can buy some more lol.

    • @Heyu7her3
      @Heyu7her3 8 месяцев назад

      ​@@skwerl81 I can feel and do those things for myself, but that isn't going to translate into dealing with others. Especially when one's self-care is often 2X better than what they'd get in relationships. 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • @lunkerjunkie
    @lunkerjunkie Год назад +9

    I can't trust
    an UN known future
    I fear betrayal

  • @camplucastein
    @camplucastein Год назад +4

    Visuals were really helpful

  • @amirhosseinsheikholeslam7581
    @amirhosseinsheikholeslam7581 2 месяца назад

    I love your energy. I hope you stay kind and get to receive all the kindness that you put out into the world. :P thanks

  • @MaijaSequeira90
    @MaijaSequeira90 10 месяцев назад

    Ohh from 6:20 you got me good. I was just thinking "I don't think I'm bad" - and then everything you followed up with made so much sense it hurt.

  • @tulip5210
    @tulip5210 Год назад +3

    Off topic but your eyebrows are on fleek

  • @decemberclouds
    @decemberclouds Год назад +1

    Also looking forward to how to recondition!

  • @bitofwizdomb7266
    @bitofwizdomb7266 11 месяцев назад

    The very fundamental/very bottom basic aspects of personality starts getting written on the infants blank slate from internalizing feelings safe or not , trust vs mistrust , reliability , and emotional availability (sense of validation ) along with some heredity of some trait aspects that may or may not be fully expressed ( nurture vs nature )

  • @thereisnosanctuary6184
    @thereisnosanctuary6184 Год назад +4

    I'm not an avoidant I'm more of an invader. But the last person that gave up on me I decided my new mantra is if you're leaving I want you gone.

    • @grrlinglasses
      @grrlinglasses Год назад +7

      That "mantra" isn't going to change anything. You need to do the work on your anxious attachment style if you want any real change or healing. Stop abandoning yourself and do the work. You are the only constant in your life. When you change, how you relate/interact with others will change. You will also stop being attracted to emotional unavailable people. Loving yourself is giving yourself the gift to show up for yourself.

  • @decimusmeridius88
    @decimusmeridius88 11 месяцев назад

    Thnx for this vid, great overview, but where is part 2? I can't find it... please follow up with the practical steps to healing

  • @DrPatrickKingsep
    @DrPatrickKingsep Год назад +1

    To understand our own personal attachment style is so important as we navigate relationships with others. I wonder if people here have learnt about their attachment style for the first time and made changes in their lives as a result?

  • @elaineypainey
    @elaineypainey Год назад +1

    If there was a love button ❤️

  • @Mindsetolympics
    @Mindsetolympics Год назад

    Awesome video! Just wondering do you heal and temporarily close yourself off to dating while doing this?

  • @canelinhaoslo
    @canelinhaoslo 6 месяцев назад

    Thank you so much for creating these videos Thais! I don't know if you or your team or anyone else in the comments can give me input on this:
    I have been in a wonderful relationship with a man for a few months, I was and he was as well pretty certain that this was "it" for us both. Yet he has some patterns that pops up - to me out of the blue - but now I understand they often come when he starts getting afraid that I will abandon him.
    I care about him deeply. I do prefer of course his cuter and more boring sides. I am afraid that this "persona" that comes out when he is stressed/fears abandonment will get worse or more, the longer we are together.
    He is 38 years old and has never gone to therapy. What are the odds for this being possible to heal for him? I would deem myself securely attached leaning either dismissive or anxious when stressed, and him probably fearful avoidant with stronger dismissive and anxious patterns than I think that I have.

  • @senorachampagne3991
    @senorachampagne3991 Год назад +2

    We love long videos! Lol

  • @superdupeninja8149
    @superdupeninja8149 Год назад +2

    Are you doing one for the Anxious Preoccupied attachment?

  • @reenichristilda
    @reenichristilda Год назад +1

    yes

  • @dinner-at-the-diner
    @dinner-at-the-diner Год назад

    Hi PDS team- are the highlighted beliefs for FA and a differernt attachment would have different ones? or is the whole chart for FA?

  • @dangfd551
    @dangfd551 7 месяцев назад

    13:47 these resonate. 90%

  • @SkyePhoenix
    @SkyePhoenix 2 месяца назад

    So basically, we need to reprogram our subconscious mind in order to heal, and this video is an advertisement for your services. 👍

  • @katrinamcalpine7189
    @katrinamcalpine7189 4 месяца назад

    Hi there! Can you please help me out, which video is “part 2” for this video??

  • @rileypaigemc7018
    @rileypaigemc7018 11 месяцев назад

    Is there a part 2 yet? I can’t find it

  • @RenaeJGray
    @RenaeJGray Год назад +1

    This is all very true. I’m having a hard time feeling the emotions to even process past this lol

  • @meeraraj0
    @meeraraj0 11 месяцев назад

    7:30 The subconscious mind
    Program

  • @dotfive5six477
    @dotfive5six477 Год назад +4

    Please help Thais, Your my second favorite girl in the world ❤ my favorite girl is my fearful avoidant ex. I unfortunately waited too long to reach out after our breakup, I believe she shutdown at the 8 week mark, and felt rejected I didn't reach out, we are at like 12 weeks now. Is there anything I can say to get her to open back up? She is not self aware and has no idea about attachment theory. Does your video about how to get an fa ex back still apply ? There has to be a way... thank you for everything you do

  • @MangoOasis97
    @MangoOasis97 10 месяцев назад +1

    13:00 .....doesn't everyone think this way?? or is that just a fearful avoidant thing... i thought this was normal

  • @jaredvaughan1665
    @jaredvaughan1665 Год назад +2

    Studies show hereditary also influences attachment style.

    • @skwerl81
      @skwerl81 Год назад

      I'd be curious to read more about this, do you have any info?

    • @jaredvaughan1665
      @jaredvaughan1665 Год назад

      @@skwerl81 Read the book "Attached."

    • @skwerl81
      @skwerl81 Год назад +5

      @@jaredvaughan1665 eh, I did. Not a huge fan of it, it doesn't even really acknowledge Fearful Avoidant as its own style (which it very much is) :/

    • @jaredvaughan1665
      @jaredvaughan1665 Год назад

      @@skwerl81 I agree with you that FA should have been talked about.

  • @leolady8114
    @leolady8114 Год назад +3

    Which is the best program to get into for quitting smoking once and for all?

    • @thereisnosanctuary6184
      @thereisnosanctuary6184 Год назад

      Your own program. I decided yesterday was my last day of smoking. I actually hate it now and hate the after effects so once the hate and health worries outweigh the enjoyment you'll quit. Just quit. Don't go to the places where you get the smokes, start chewing on cinnamon gum or something else, if you manage to go several days or weeks of that and you feel like you're really just want to treat yourself go ahead. But don't make it an everyday thing, is the everydayness that kills you.

    • @skwerl81
      @skwerl81 Год назад +1

      There is an addiction course in school that might be helpful!

    • @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
      @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool  Год назад +3

      We have a course called Deconstructing and Overcoming Addictive Behaviours: End the War with Yourself, which would be helpful!

  • @LazarusFeels
    @LazarusFeels 6 месяцев назад

    i feel I have healed well. I am able to sit with my emotions. I do get triggered, but musch less frequently and much less strongly. I am able to question my stories etc. etc. But at this point, I am feeling tired of dating - there is a lingering sense of "I have done so much work", and I am afraid it will never come to use. I am 34F. What do I do?

    • @a6g2b01c
      @a6g2b01c 5 месяцев назад +1

      you put work in, great. dont be upset that you did. thats great if anything. put it to the test now. put yourself out there. you wont know unless you try

    • @LazarusFeels
      @LazarusFeels 5 месяцев назад

      @@a6g2b01c thanks, always need some motivation! I have been dating on and off over the last some time. Coincidentally, i felt 'tired' again today. Your nudge comes just at the right time. ❣

  • @Lotuslaful
    @Lotuslaful Год назад

    ❤❤❤

  • @Present4
    @Present4 Год назад +1

    Add some colour and animations to your slides as you develop your 'look'

  • @xiaoli9210
    @xiaoli9210 7 месяцев назад

  • @Jen-en1gu
    @Jen-en1gu 11 месяцев назад

    Anyone have the link for part 2?

  • @Mezzie1957
    @Mezzie1957 Месяц назад

    So you are a life coach and not a licensed therapist or degree therapist 😂😂😂

  • @ellie2008ify
    @ellie2008ify Год назад

    Do you believe what you are saying? You are blinking excessively.