“When we are afraid for our survival, femininity is the first thing that goes.” …the depth of this statement, and the seed of individual & collective rebirth & potential inherent within these words, moves me deeply ❤️ Thank you Alison for this incredibly illuminating, nourishing, and inspiring conversation. 🌍🌏🌎🌈✨
I agree! Echoing the exact sentiments! Fun fact, or maybe more enlightening, so many African American women have the “survival mode” on all the time because we are afraid for not just our survival, but that of our families, our children, our elders and lastly ourselves. So, being in that alarmingly state of mind quite a bit, our men don’t always see us as soft and feminine. It’s very disheartening that this message is hidden in plain view and has not been heard. So thank you Alison for your years of research, I’m going to share your insights with as many women as possible!
you are the most amazing woman. I learn so much from you. Thank you for being so interested in men. I cried I heard you say "In a black and white world, women are color ."
Apparently I am so innately feminine that's why I'm not productive at all on my days off. I'm efficient, organized and productive at work. But at home, I "putter". I thought it was a form of ADD, but what I'm doing is using diffuse attention/awareness: following the prompts that come into my mind such as the idea to make coffee in the middle of making the bed, having an idea coming to my mind and choose to listen to a RUclips video, while I'm cleaning, stopping doing dishes to play music, as I wash the dishes. I live alone, but my boyfriend will often comment about how I don't finish things because often when he comes over he can tell I started a few things and didn't quite finish, Lol. It is true that while I'm doing it I'm having a nice sense of well-being, simply flowing, but afterwards I do feel like "darn I didn't accomplish as much as intended." I will simply start getting up earlier to allow more time to continue "puttering"😊 Thank you for making me realize this is a normal thing and not ADD.🥰
Oh my gosh I relate. I always give my efficiency to work but I get home and I do several things and putter. Like I might make food and run a bath and then play a tune and declutter the bookshelf and not put away groceries and then before I know it several things are happening and it seems like a day goes in a blink of an eye. But I’m so relaxed and just love it
Dear Alison, I’m so happy I found you! You are so precise in your observations and everything you say makes sense. I’ve experienced a lot of it myself, having no time, not enough sleep, having to survive, wanting to fit in the feminism narrative almost killed me. I’m so happy I found out this is not for me. I always felt like something is wrong with me for being sloooooow. Now I celebrate it! Thank you for your work, it helps a lot!!!
It was funny because you were talking about puttering as a feminine trait at the same time I was observing my three daughters getting ready for church. I never thought about it that way. My daughters take way longer than my son's to get ready for the day. I homeschool 3 of my children.My son's even are about productivity in getting their school work done, and they are 10 and 6. My daughter takes forever to get her schoolwork done and I need to help her with every step. She is 8. Obviously every kid is different, but it's amazing to observe the uniquely female and masculine traits.
Thanks, I love how you say you can be feminine with a masculine way of being- to be productive ... I used to Shame myself so much for when I was being masculine and thinking it was not feminine or with the right state of mind of being calm, but sometimes it's okay for feminine women to act like that if they need to. Something I am coming to terms with and trying to embrace in myself. Thanks for all your work, it is really helping lately.
Alison, I just randomly stumbled across this and wow. Im blown away at how well articulated and how much sense this entire video provides. Buying the queens code now, and crossing my fingers that everyone has a chance to hear your message. Truly appreciate your perspective, thanks for sharing.
Hi Alison 😄! I have some questions for you. How does masculinity and femininity apply, when middle age men and women go through their role reversals? I remember you saying that men start producing more estrogen and women start producing more testosterone. Does that mean that men are still hunters and women are still gatherers? Is there a modification of roles, creating more of a gray area, or do primal instinct still run their course?
There's plenty of new evidence that many ancient "hunters" bodies that were discovered were presumed to be male but were actually female. Historically, there might not be that neatly compartmentalised hunter gatherer stereotype as we have assumed.
I love your stories with teaching us how to understand and cherish our man:) learning every bits of a time and hope to improve my next relationship ( I didn’t has wise mother or sister to grow with ) so I m glad I stumble across your teaching ….. going to buy your book , may be you can advice which book I can start to explore first ?
Thank you Alison.. very helpful reminder about not interrupting and asking for help. I’ve read the Queen’s Code twice, but it’s a habit that needs to be refreshed. And the puttering strategy Is so much more fun than the timeline itinerary, I thought it was just me resisting getting things done.
Hello Alison, Thank you for sharing your insights. No offense intended: Just letting you know that listening to you at this youtube site and especially at 1250AM on Dennis Prager's talkshow, your electronic side of the dialogues with Dennis are not coming through clearly, but sound instead like you are talking through a cheap tinnie-sounding electronic connection, making it difficult to decifer what you are saying. It may be time for an upgrade.
I feel like I do everything mentioned in this video already but I can’t seem to find a man who isn’t a pathetic cowardly, loser, taker who doesn’t protect and provide at all. In fact Ive had multiple exes shut me down when I’m am being magical playful and creative and shining my brightest. Negging is something I always seem to experience with men. I’ve had multiple exes not get me anything for holidays even though I get him something. I’ve had so many exes that expect me to do so much and they do nothing in return. I feel like something is wrong with me. I consistently keep getting treated poorly by men. Weather they keep playing video games when I call about my cat dying, they don’t even offer to come and help me when I call him that I’m stuck in the snow, when he doesn’t walk on the car side of the sidewalk or leaves me way behind him when walking. I have countless examples of men being like this to me and idk what I’m doing wrong.
Wonder if it is the old adage " if you need something done, ask a busy person." Are there any men in your circle that are unattached, but busy getting things done? Could you ask for their help with something? A busy man will make time for you....men who have all the time in the world are lazy and want you to do everything they don't want to do....I have no patients for them...they can find someone else to be their "mommy" at work and in a relationship.
We attract what we are. We attract to us what we feel about ourselves and how we treat ourselves. No boundaries, low sense of self worth will attract men that use and take advantage of you.
You are not doing anything wrong Hun, some men are just a##holes and no matter how kind or loving you are, they will still be complete a##holes back to you. I respect Alisons opinions but we are not all in fairytale land, there are alot of bad men out there, who will use and abuse you. This podcast really gratted on me, are we going back to the 1950' s, ? It's just not realistic women should do whatever they want to do, stay single if you too, no women needs a man, or needs to get up at 5am in the morning to bake bread for your husband! I are you kidding me??? Her views are very iddilict but really not realistic! Let's get real please!
Hello Alison, thank you so much for those gifts you grant us, gifts the world definitely needs !! I had a question though : how or where do men with very abusive behaviors fit in all of that ? (Incestual fathers/family members, rapists, men who beat their children or partners, etc) ? Do you have any content where you speak about those kind of men/behaviors in men (or women)? I love what I discover with all your insights and teachings ! But I keep on asking myself : « if men are like that, that benevolent, that loving, what was the matter with those I grew up with ?? With those I met, then ??? » All of what I learn here makes me experiment so much trust in men, but I also fear losing discernment and gaslighting myself when it comes to dangerous men. Guess it’s on me to heal trauma in my body, though. But do you have some content on these subjects ? Thank you, have a great day!
Great questions! Since nobody answered this - if I may... Go slow. Slower than usually. Be slower to react, allow more time to respond. Listen better and think - and maybe more importantly - feel how that sounds and resonates with you. I think reaching for your intuition in discerning who is good and/or safe for you to be around, is the best way to go about figuring out men. The types of men you are referring to, are damaged goods, and it doesn't matter if it's pathological or learned behavior. You can't change a man's personality - predators will be predators. The only way they stop, is that they either get caught and be put away, someone takes them "out", or are afraid of being outed. And in the later case - they eventually just change their approach, getting better, sneakier and generally more dangerous in the process - you simply can't change a tiger's stripes. But you can learn to recognize one when you see one - and stay out of its way! You can change the way you interact with one, if it's unavoidable - until you are able to eventually disengage safely. Sometimes when your entire male family tree is rotten - the only way to live in peace and with self respect is to walk away and stay away. Keep yourself and your children away + safe from them, and educate all of your children to learn to recognize this type of men as well. And also teach your boy children to not become "them", and for your girls to not become victims!
I will add, to the "go slow" & predators damaged goods. Always be checking: is this comfortable because it is an "old way" or safe way. Risk only what you are willing to lose, as in be with him in a place with others, never alone. How does he treat his friends, servers, etc? Badly, run, you are next!!! Is he sneaky, are others reminding him of things, is he busy when it is time to pay; all bad signs! When he has finally proved he is trustworthy, be alone where you can leave quickly and get to others. Suggest taking a break to see how he takes it, or just be busy a couple times and see how he reacts. If you ever feel "comfortable" make sure that is real safety and not the way you grew up. Teach your boys that real men defend themselves and their women, strength is protecting. While hurt people, hurt people... you might need healing for yourself, instead of a partner.
I'm jealous of Aba's dancing skills, for real, if you know how to Salsa you're already high value in most womens eyes, why?? Because if you know how to lead a woman on a dance floor, you know how to lead in life
😮 I didn’t hear a single interruption? I’m flabbergasted as I think it’s so brilliant and practical. A real breakthrough lesson. Funny as I’ve already been slowing right down. If I can’t be bothered working, I just don’t. Inconceivable just a few years ago. Just yesterday I moved my hand really slowly in a yoga class and was aware how lovely it felt. I didn’t realise rhythmic hand motions cause oxytocin. Every day I stop to visit a cat and give her treats. Sometimes I see her unexpectedly and then walk back to mine just to get the treats. I love that I have all the time in the world to stop, feed and pet a cat. My current energy levels are forcing me to slow right down and take my time, this time I’m not fighting that, I’m surrendering and even accepting, trusting and embracing it. ❤ I love the thought of MY femininity, what it is for ME.
“When we are afraid for our survival, femininity is the first thing that goes.” …the depth of this statement, and the seed of individual & collective rebirth & potential inherent within these words, moves me deeply ❤️ Thank you Alison for this incredibly illuminating, nourishing, and inspiring conversation. 🌍🌏🌎🌈✨
❤❤❤❤
I agree! Echoing the exact sentiments! Fun fact, or maybe more enlightening, so many African American women have the “survival mode” on all the time because we are afraid for not just our survival, but that of our families, our children, our elders and lastly ourselves. So, being in that alarmingly state of mind quite a bit, our men don’t always see us as soft and feminine. It’s very disheartening that this message is hidden in plain view and has not been heard. So thank you Alison for your years of research, I’m going to share your insights with as many women as possible!
This talk could have single-handedly spared me 25 years of pain if I had learned this as a teenager.
Godsend. Not an exaggeration. Thank you.
❤
I’m finding her at 69!!! I’ve never even heard of her! 😵💫Guess now’s the next right time!❤ Happy man journey! 😅🎉
"Rhythmic hand motions build oxytocin" - now I can see why I love knitting and crochet :)
💓 (crochet lover here too)
Same 😊🙈🙊💓🧶🧣
you are the most amazing woman. I learn so much from you. Thank you for being so interested in men. I cried I heard you say "In a black and white world, women are color ."
You're welcome! Thank you for watching and commenting ❤ - Alison's team
Thank you 💞✨ being a woman is magic
Apparently I am so innately feminine that's why I'm not productive at all on my days off. I'm efficient, organized and productive at work.
But at home, I "putter".
I thought it was a form of ADD, but what I'm doing is using diffuse attention/awareness: following the prompts that come into my mind such as the idea to make coffee in the middle of making the bed, having an idea coming to my mind and choose to listen to a RUclips video, while I'm cleaning, stopping doing dishes to play music, as I wash the dishes.
I live alone, but my boyfriend will often comment about how I don't finish things because often when he comes over he can tell I started a few things and didn't quite finish, Lol.
It is true that while I'm doing it I'm having a nice sense of well-being, simply flowing, but afterwards I do feel like "darn I didn't accomplish as much as intended."
I will simply start getting up earlier to allow more time to continue "puttering"😊
Thank you for making me realize this is a normal thing and not ADD.🥰
OMG, yes. 🤯 thank you for validating my experience too
I just had the same thought! Maybe it's not ADD!
Oh my gosh I relate. I always give my efficiency to work but I get home and I do several things and putter. Like I might make food and run a bath and then play a tune and declutter the bookshelf and not put away groceries and then before I know it several things are happening and it seems like a day goes in a blink of an eye. But I’m so relaxed and just love it
You’re blowing my mind. I don’t allow myself to putter,because I always saw that as laziness.
I keep saying I’m lazy & chubby…so glad to now understand I’m just retaining some of my estrogen at almost 56 yo
This was a great perspective. Slowing down is being more present and aware.
Dear Alison, I’m so happy I found you! You are so precise in your observations and everything you say makes sense. I’ve experienced a lot of it myself, having no time, not enough sleep, having to survive, wanting to fit in the feminism narrative almost killed me. I’m so happy I found out this is not for me. I always felt like something is wrong with me for being sloooooow. Now I celebrate it! Thank you for your work, it helps a lot!!!
It was funny because you were talking about puttering as a feminine trait at the same time I was observing my three daughters getting ready for church. I never thought about it that way. My daughters take way longer than my son's to get ready for the day. I homeschool 3 of my children.My son's even are about productivity in getting their school work done, and they are 10 and 6. My daughter takes forever to get her schoolwork done and I need to help her with every step. She is 8. Obviously every kid is different, but it's amazing to observe the uniquely female and masculine traits.
I’ve noticed the exact same with homeschool!
Your words and wisdom is healing me. I can't express my gratitude. You are a crucial gift. Thank you so much!
Thanks, I love how you say you can be feminine with a masculine way of being- to be productive ... I used to Shame myself so much for when I was being masculine and thinking it was not feminine or with the right state of mind of being calm, but sometimes it's okay for feminine women to act like that if they need to. Something I am coming to terms with and trying to embrace in myself. Thanks for all your work, it is really helping lately.
thanks a lot alison!
you are the kind of woman I want to become when I am your age🌹
I got a lot of new insight from a topic that has become so oversaturated. Thank you!
This so far the best video I've seen on femininity, ❤thank you ❤
Alison, I just randomly stumbled across this and wow. Im blown away at how well articulated and how much sense this entire video provides. Buying the queens code now, and crossing my fingers that everyone has a chance to hear your message. Truly appreciate your perspective, thanks for sharing.
Hi Alison 😄! I have some questions for you. How does masculinity and femininity apply, when middle age men and women go through their role reversals? I remember you saying that men start producing more estrogen and women start producing more testosterone. Does that mean that men are still hunters and women are still gatherers? Is there a modification of roles, creating more of a gray area, or do primal instinct still run their course?
There's plenty of new evidence that many ancient "hunters" bodies that were discovered were presumed to be male but were actually female. Historically, there might not be that neatly compartmentalised hunter gatherer stereotype as we have assumed.
Thank you so much for this!! Priceless ✨
Glad you enjoyed it! You're welcome :)
I love your stories with teaching us how to understand and cherish our man:) learning every bits of a time and hope to improve my next relationship ( I didn’t has wise mother or sister to grow with ) so I m glad I stumble across your teaching ….. going to buy your book , may be you can advice which book I can start to explore first ?
Thank you Alison.. very helpful reminder about not interrupting and asking for help. I’ve read the Queen’s Code twice, but it’s a habit that needs to be refreshed.
And the puttering strategy Is so much more fun than the timeline itinerary, I thought it was just me resisting getting things done.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you for sharing :)
I learned so much from you. Lots of love❤
I love you, Allison! Can you please give us some ideas about relinquishing control?
Thank you very much for your work! Alison, I wonder what your thoughts are on the "Proverbs 31" woman in the Bible?
This is an amazing video! 💛
So interesting ❤ thank you 😊
Hello Alison,
Thank you for sharing your insights.
No offense intended: Just letting you know that listening to you at this youtube site and especially at 1250AM on Dennis Prager's talkshow, your electronic side of the dialogues with Dennis are not coming through clearly, but sound instead like you are talking through a cheap tinnie-sounding electronic connection, making it difficult to decifer what you are saying. It may be time for an upgrade.
I feel like I do everything mentioned in this video already but I can’t seem to find a man who isn’t a pathetic cowardly, loser, taker who doesn’t protect and provide at all. In fact Ive had multiple exes shut me down when I’m am being magical playful and creative and shining my brightest. Negging is something I always seem to experience with men.
I’ve had multiple exes not get me anything for holidays even though I get him something. I’ve had so many exes that expect me to do so much and they do nothing in return. I feel like something is wrong with me. I consistently keep getting treated poorly by men. Weather they keep playing video games when I call about my cat dying, they don’t even offer to come and help me when I call him that I’m stuck in the snow, when he doesn’t walk on the car side of the sidewalk or leaves me way behind him when walking. I have countless examples of men being like this to me and idk what I’m doing wrong.
Wonder if it is the old adage " if you need something done, ask a busy person." Are there any men in your circle that are unattached, but busy getting things done? Could you ask for their help with something? A busy man will make time for you....men who have all the time in the world are lazy and want you to do everything they don't want to do....I have no patients for them...they can find someone else to be their "mommy" at work and in a relationship.
We attract what we are. We attract to us what we feel about ourselves and how we treat ourselves. No boundaries, low sense of self worth will attract men that use and take advantage of you.
You are not doing anything wrong Hun, some men are just a##holes
and no matter how kind or loving you are, they will still be complete a##holes back to you. I respect Alisons opinions but we are not all in fairytale land, there are alot of bad men out there, who will use and abuse you. This podcast really gratted on me, are we going back to the 1950' s, ? It's just not realistic women should do whatever they want to do, stay single if you too, no women needs a man, or needs to get up at 5am in the morning to bake bread for your husband! I are you kidding me??? Her views are very iddilict but really not realistic! Let's get real please!
Like the part let him finish doing what he has to do and he'll be back
Thank you💋🥹😍🥰🙏🏼
Hello Alison, thank you so much for those gifts you grant us, gifts the world definitely needs !!
I had a question though : how or where do men with very abusive behaviors fit in all of that ? (Incestual fathers/family members, rapists, men who beat their children or partners, etc) ?
Do you have any content where you speak about those kind of men/behaviors in men (or women)?
I love what I discover with all your insights and teachings !
But I keep on asking myself : « if men are like that, that benevolent, that loving, what was the matter with those I grew up with ?? With those I met, then ??? »
All of what I learn here makes me experiment so much trust in men, but I also fear losing discernment and gaslighting myself when it comes to dangerous men.
Guess it’s on me to heal trauma in my body, though.
But do you have some content on these subjects ?
Thank you,
have a great day!
Great questions! Since nobody answered this - if I may... Go slow. Slower than usually. Be slower to react, allow more time to respond. Listen better and think - and maybe more importantly - feel how that sounds and resonates with you. I think reaching for your intuition in discerning who is good and/or safe for you to be around, is the best way to go about figuring out men.
The types of men you are referring to, are damaged goods, and it doesn't matter if it's pathological or learned behavior. You can't change a man's personality - predators will be predators. The only way they stop, is that they either get caught and be put away, someone takes them "out", or are afraid of being outed. And in the later case - they eventually just change their approach, getting better, sneakier and generally more dangerous in the process - you simply can't change a tiger's stripes.
But you can learn to recognize one when you see one - and stay out of its way! You can change the way you interact with one, if it's unavoidable - until you are able to eventually disengage safely. Sometimes when your entire male family tree is rotten - the only way to live in peace and with self respect is to walk away and stay away. Keep yourself and your children away + safe from them, and educate all of your children to learn to recognize this type of men as well. And also teach your boy children to not become "them", and for your girls to not become victims!
@@ssiegreen5292 Thank you deeply for your answer.💞
@@ssiegreen5292Great answer.
I will add, to the "go slow" & predators damaged goods. Always be checking: is this comfortable because it is an "old way" or safe way. Risk only what you are willing to lose, as in be with him in a place with others, never alone. How does he treat his friends, servers, etc? Badly, run, you are next!!! Is he sneaky, are others reminding him of things, is he busy when it is time to pay; all bad signs! When he has finally proved he is trustworthy, be alone where you can leave quickly and get to others. Suggest taking a break to see how he takes it, or just be busy a couple times and see how he reacts. If you ever feel "comfortable" make sure that is real safety and not the way you grew up. Teach your boys that real men defend themselves and their women, strength is protecting. While hurt people, hurt people... you might need healing for yourself, instead of a partner.
Have you heard of the Happy Wife School? Karyn Seitz. She lives in Colorado. She is on you tube.
I get in the way. He wants my attention and explanations. This is exhausting and it feels like I’m in the hot seat all the time.
Thank you for the amazing information! Is it just me or is her voice muffled? I hope she gets a microphone
Thank you for your feedback! - Alison’s Team
And all along I thought I was doing too much. ❤❤❤❤
Heavenly. 🌲🦋🌺
I'm jealous of Aba's dancing skills, for real, if you know how to Salsa you're already high value in most womens eyes, why?? Because if you know how to lead a woman on a dance floor, you know how to lead in life
Rhythmic hand motions - except for doomscrolling 😅
are they nurtured by us being eternal because they'd like to also be like that- but cant because they're men?
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Just a thought turn off the waiting room :) or get someone else to be cohost and let people in for you
Thanks! We're working on the best mix of inclusion and being able to get down to work.
Is it to late for the man I love
Couldn’t listen past 10 mins. Horrible. Constant interruptions.
Should nurture some patience because it got really great. Also there's ability to skip forward just FYI because it's great info.
😮 I didn’t hear a single interruption? I’m flabbergasted as I think it’s so brilliant and practical. A real breakthrough lesson. Funny as I’ve already been slowing right down. If I can’t be bothered working, I just don’t. Inconceivable just a few years ago. Just yesterday I moved my hand really slowly in a yoga class and was aware how lovely it felt. I didn’t realise rhythmic hand motions cause oxytocin. Every day I stop to visit a cat and give her treats. Sometimes I see her unexpectedly and then walk back to mine just to get the treats. I love that I have all the time in the world to stop, feed and pet a cat. My current energy levels are forcing me to slow right down and take my time, this time I’m not fighting that, I’m surrendering and even accepting, trusting and embracing it. ❤ I love the thought of MY femininity, what it is for ME.
Feeling you. Listened to it all but needed to speed up the video 1,5x
She talks nonstop for 53 minutes, mostly about herself. 🤦🏼
Imagine creating a fake female account to leave dum msgs like this
Then you must not have been really listening.
Word salad.
Is it word salad or do you lack the mental bandwidth to follow
How boring. People like you are the reason for the devolution of meaning in today's world.
You are too hard to listen to, because you are so distracted.
It is you that's distracted
I was tuned in and found it insightful. I am surprised you found it hard, but I find her delightful
You are brilliant
Thank you! ❤🎉 - Alison’s Team
@@AlisonArmstrongVideos
“Diffused awareness” sounds a lot better than ADD🥹