There are many men who don't know this and think his wife is obliged to serve his parents and he just focuses on earning and burdens his wife with everything else in regards to service of his parents. When the wife says she wants to move out, many men and even the in laws think he has to divorce his wife and believe what they are doing is right. Such a woman is looked down upon. This is a sad reality in India. May Allah guide us all and protect us.
This issue is so common but why people don't discuss before marriage. Non Muslim takes marriage vows but we Muslims don't do on any vow. Why don't we ask what is expected do as wife before marriage
I discussed the same thing with my husband, even though he practices Islam he refused to accept this , he even got angry , I wouldn’t have any problem if only his parents would live , there is total of 18 members including outside people, I didn’t even know all these things before marriage, it was a arranged marriage, now it’s really very hard to maintain hijab all the time , doing the house chores and cooking n all then also people talk behind my back , I was completely a different person before marriage my father raised me like a princess , my husband appointed cook but then also you have to cook for 18 people with hijab ,don’t know what to do…
@@TrannumAkhtari May Allah make it easy for you my dear sister. From my personal experience, I would like to give you my humble opinion. Please don't fight with your husband regarding this. Don't keep on mentioning this to him often. It will only make things worse. It is clear that he got angry. So no point in arguing given the situation. Please make dua to Allah SWT. Try to pray tahajjud. Other than the relationship with your creator one of the main things you should be focussing on, is the relationship with your husband. And this will affect your mental well being too. We can only hope to raise our sons in a more responsible manner, teaching them the real Islam.
Masa Allah Great Top. I would like add. Husband and wife need be crystal clear on. 1. Who is the leader of house? Leadership comes with responsibilities and ability to make decisions. 2. What are the role and responsibilities of home, financial and how many hours each couple working. 3. how much mortgage or rent amount and other expenses paid and who is paying and property share accordingly. The person who is more than he/she should have ownership to the property/House 4. And In laws should not back drive the home decision from either wife' Family or husband's side.
Alhamdulillah! Topic way overdue for discussion.جزاك الله خيرا Finally brought to the forefront. It's way to late for some of these men, they've became comfortable and don't know what to do now. This must be a cultural thing. I would never wanna live with my in- laws, some of them are annoying and so nosey, that's why many marriages are failing these days. Most of these men are momma boys, especially in somes cultures. Women check out these men thoroughly before you marry them and save yourselves a lot of time, aggravation and misery etc.(vice versa) "communication is key" Ya Rabb, mend the families that are broken and help the future generations not to make the same mistakes their parents made. If things are not done according to Quran and Sunnah, our lives will be in total disarray. Ya Rabb, please help the ummah moving forward! اللهم امين 😢🤲🥺
I’ve seen both sides but I can’t speak because I’m not married. I only saw it from the outside point of view. Yes I’ve heard it does cause issues and I’ve seen it happen to family as well as my neighbors. May Allah make it easy for everyone. Also there are people I know who love living in their in laws house. They have a bigger house the parent are not annoying and don’t get nosy. So it’s two sides to it. I know people who are living with their in laws since marriage and they don’t plan to move out. I’m not giving a personal point of view and I’m not choosing one side but just giving an outside perspective.
@@FreeToThink0 as a guy who’s not married this make me kind of worried lol. I don’t want to end up in this situation or don’t want anyone to end up like this because I’ve seen it personally happen and from an outsider point of view it looks bad.
@@FreeToThink0 This absolutely makes sense. The problem in India is the daughter in law ia supposed to live with her in laws and not just that. The mother in law makes it a point that all her sons live in the same house with their wives. This is completely unislamic. When the daughter in law can have her own house as soon as she gets married, she wouldn't mind to take care of her elderly in laws when they become old and need help.
When I was young and married, I think it is better for us to be on our own. Not living with my parents or his parents. If the man is the eldest son, perhaps it is his responsibility to be with his parents. Now that I am old and married, Alhamdulillah, our parents (mothers have passed way), we understand we each need to take care of our parents although we still live apart but nearby. In fact his siblings are also nearby. My country is small only one hour end to end. Lol.
Alhamdulliah for the topic. Jazakallah khair for the beautiful lecture. Please make more detailed videos on this topic like , does the girl has to cook and serve for all visiting siblings every time when they come on vacation to visit parents is it not thier duty also to serve thier parents. what is a girls duty towards her parents specifically when she has no brother to look after can a boy or his family make issue about it isn’t it oppressive and injustice as per Islam?
Sheikh Can you translate this lecture in Bengali ? Many of the old parents from Bangladesh wants to force their culture upon their children and it needed to addressed, however they don’t understand English and when we translate this they feel that we are mistranslating to make them misunderstand the issue.
Why even marry? It's not like one becomes a non-Muslim if unmarried. The amount of struggle some spouses can become even after kids have come, compromises the level of piety a lot. However, much needed lecture for the Ummah
Good enough lecture and accepted too. But the big elephant in the room was not addressed: economic hardships of maintaining separate households for wives and parents. The privacy and rights of women, though admirable and needed, are being addressed from a very western perspective and addressed to affluent Asian immigrants. The economic constraints and reality of most people cannot meet these “high standards”.
Divorce is not a negative thing. If the partners in spite of all efforts, do not agree to live with each other then it's wise to separate as per shariat (Islamic law). This was the practice back during times of the Prophet and Sahabas.
lectures like what? lectures that teach women their rights, which they should have been taught growing up already? If women learning about and asking for their rights leads to divorce, their is something very wrong with the current marriage system, and the solution is not for women to give up their rights
@@mhmmdmz what does that even mean in this context? People make lectures about the basics of women's rights in Islam and you think that leads to increased divorce rates how? lol, are you suggesting we should stop teaching women their rights and the Islamic dangers of joint families for the sake of divorce rates?
Haha Here in the west it would be a big deal if the daughter in law just treated the in laws with some respect, let alone take care of them. It would be nice if the imams did a talk on that, but unfortunately they are scared of being canceled instead of speaking of Haq
their own kids willl be test for them , when same women who complains about treating eldery in laws bad way! . one day they will also be old and weak and their in kids and future in law will treat them on same way!. seen it many times. For justice of Allah will reach everyone! to husband and fathers, dont compromise your parents health and service comes first! if your wife cant get her head out of sand. time for another wife!
The daughter in law is expected to treat her in laws with respect and courtesy. Nothing more is expected of her. There are definitely bad daughters in law who are absolutely disrespectful to her in laws. But the cases of bad mother in law is more. They make it a point to meddle with their son's life. They think they have the right to poke their noses in to their lives. There are extreme cases where the mother in law even decides when her son can be intimate with his wife. This is a sad reality in my society in India. One must definitely take care of his/her parents at the same time he/ she should not do injustice to the spouse in the process.
I would want my sons to inform their future wives that one day either I or my husband whoever survive, will need to stay with them. They will appreciate this when they become old themselves. We parents prefer to be in our homes but we never know our health or surroundings may no longer be suitable.
@@kamariahkamis8356 Absolutely, this makes total sense. I say the same to my children. I am a daughter in law who has always lived with my in laws. I never liked this arrangement, i still don't. But now my fil has passed away. So, i don't wish an elderly woman to live alone. She should spend her last days in the comfort of her son and grandchildren. Many a times, i would put myself in that situation of being old and not so healthy and come to terms with this arrangement. Had my wish of having a separate home for myself during the initial years if our marriage acknowledged and respected, i would have served my mil with more affection. So, let the daughter in law be the queen of her house as soon as she gets married. And when the need arises she will embrace her in laws with respect and affection. And the husband should be willing to take in his in laws too if they don't have any other child. May Allah make it easy for all of us. May Allah put barakah in the marriages, give good understanding of the Deen and keep us steadfast. Ameen.
In Surah Furqan, Allah says that I have made relatives through lineage and marriage. So I think whatever is your roles and responsibilities for your lineage relatives, applies with the relatives through marriage too. Allah knows best
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There are many men who don't know this and think his wife is obliged to serve his parents and he just focuses on earning and burdens his wife with everything else in regards to service of his parents. When the wife says she wants to move out, many men and even the in laws think he has to divorce his wife and believe what they are doing is right. Such a woman is looked down upon. This is a sad reality in India. May Allah guide us all and protect us.
Same happened to me 😢my husband going to divorce me 😢
This issue is so common but why people don't discuss before marriage. Non Muslim takes marriage vows but we Muslims don't do on any vow. Why don't we ask what is expected do as wife before marriage
I discussed the same thing with my husband, even though he practices Islam he refused to accept this , he even got angry , I wouldn’t have any problem if only his parents would live , there is total of 18 members including outside people, I didn’t even know all these things before marriage, it was a arranged marriage, now it’s really very hard to maintain hijab all the time , doing the house chores and cooking n all then also people talk behind my back , I was completely a different person before marriage my father raised me like a princess , my husband appointed cook but then also you have to cook for 18 people with hijab ,don’t know what to do…
@@TrannumAkhtari May Allah make it easy for you my dear sister. From my personal experience, I would like to give you my humble opinion. Please don't fight with your husband regarding this. Don't keep on mentioning this to him often. It will only make things worse. It is clear that he got angry. So no point in arguing given the situation. Please make dua to Allah SWT. Try to pray tahajjud. Other than the relationship with your creator one of the main things you should be focussing on, is the relationship with your husband. And this will affect your mental well being too. We can only hope to raise our sons in a more responsible manner, teaching them the real Islam.
@@mehndiqueenworld2741 May Allah ease all your affairs and bless you with the best of both the worlds.
This was such a beautifully put together and throughout our video that tackled the issues from multiple angles!
Alhumdulillah! Jazakumullahu Khair brother, very important but most ignored topic covered.
May Allah guide us all and make it easy.
Very good lecture. MashaAllah
Mashallah good lectures
Masa Allah Great Top.
I would like add. Husband and wife need be crystal clear on.
1. Who is the leader of house? Leadership comes with responsibilities and ability to make decisions.
2. What are the role and responsibilities of home, financial and how many hours each couple working.
3. how much mortgage or rent amount and other expenses paid and who is paying and property share accordingly. The person who is more than he/she should have ownership to the property/House
4. And In laws should not back drive the home decision from either wife' Family or husband's side.
Alhamdulillah! Topic way overdue for discussion.جزاك الله خيرا Finally brought to the forefront. It's way to late for some of these men, they've became comfortable and don't know what to do now. This must be a cultural thing. I would never wanna live with my in- laws, some of them are annoying and so nosey, that's why many marriages are failing these days. Most of these men are momma boys, especially in somes cultures. Women check out these men thoroughly before you marry them and save yourselves a lot of time, aggravation and misery etc.(vice versa) "communication is key" Ya Rabb, mend the families that are broken and help the future generations not to make the same mistakes their parents made. If things are not done according to Quran and Sunnah, our lives will be in total disarray. Ya Rabb, please help the ummah moving forward! اللهم امين 😢🤲🥺
I’ve seen both sides but I can’t speak because I’m not married. I only saw it from the outside point of view. Yes I’ve heard it does cause issues and I’ve seen it happen to family as well as my neighbors. May Allah make it easy for everyone. Also there are people I know who love living in their in laws house. They have a bigger house the parent are not annoying and don’t get nosy. So it’s two sides to it. I know people who are living with their in laws since marriage and they don’t plan to move out. I’m not giving a personal point of view and I’m not choosing one side but just giving an outside perspective.
@@FreeToThink0 as a guy who’s not married this make me kind of worried lol. I don’t want to end up in this situation or don’t want anyone to end up like this because I’ve seen it personally happen and from an outsider point of view it looks bad.
@@FreeToThink0 This absolutely makes sense. The problem in India is the daughter in law ia supposed to live with her in laws and not just that. The mother in law makes it a point that all her sons live in the same house with their wives. This is completely unislamic. When the daughter in law can have her own house as soon as she gets married, she wouldn't mind to take care of her elderly in laws when they become old and need help.
Very fair lecture
With separate quarters there should be a separate kitchen.
Most of the conflicts happen in the kitchen due to differences of opinion.
When I was young and married, I think it is better for us to be on our own. Not living with my parents or his parents. If the man is the eldest son, perhaps it is his responsibility to be with his parents. Now that I am old and married, Alhamdulillah, our parents (mothers have passed way), we understand we each need to take care of our parents although we still live apart but nearby. In fact his siblings are also nearby. My country is small only one hour end to end. Lol.
Alhamdulliah for the topic. Jazakallah khair for the beautiful lecture. Please make more detailed videos on this topic like , does the girl has to cook and serve for all visiting siblings every time when they come on vacation to visit parents is it not thier duty also to serve thier parents.
what is a girls duty towards her parents specifically when she has no brother to look after can a boy or his family make issue about it isn’t it oppressive and injustice as per Islam?
Is there any aaya or hadith not to live in joint family
Sheikh Can you translate this lecture in Bengali ? Many of the old parents from Bangladesh wants to force their culture upon their children and it needed to addressed, however they don’t understand English and when we translate this they feel that we are mistranslating to make them misunderstand the issue.
Why even marry? It's not like one becomes a non-Muslim if unmarried. The amount of struggle some spouses can become even after kids have come, compromises the level of piety a lot. However, much needed lecture for the Ummah
I agree with this perspective unfortunately 🥴
Allah says to get married thats why. Its going to be difficult but that is life. Alhamdulillah for everything.
What cultures/countries is this most common in?
Pakistan, India, Bangladesh
Not a issue for middle eastern only a issue for south Asian
facts sadly
Good enough lecture and accepted too. But the big elephant in the room was not addressed: economic hardships of maintaining separate households for wives and parents. The privacy and rights of women, though admirable and needed, are being addressed from a very western perspective and addressed to affluent Asian immigrants. The economic constraints and reality of most people cannot meet these “high standards”.
💯
Lectures like these are exactly why divorces are so common in the ummah today.
Divorce is not a negative thing.
If the partners in spite of all efforts, do not agree to live with each other then it's wise to separate as per shariat (Islamic law). This was the practice back during times of the Prophet and Sahabas.
@@uhum300984 - it’s a problem if it becomes an epidemic … and sadly that’s what is seen today.
lectures like what? lectures that teach women their rights, which they should have been taught growing up already? If women learning about and asking for their rights leads to divorce, their is something very wrong with the current marriage system, and the solution is not for women to give up their rights
@@elifermis4634 you shouldn’t go to fight a war just by watching an action movie.
@@mhmmdmz what does that even mean in this context? People make lectures about the basics of women's rights in Islam and you think that leads to increased divorce rates how? lol, are you suggesting we should stop teaching women their rights and the Islamic dangers of joint families for the sake of divorce rates?
Haha Here in the west it would be a big deal if the daughter in law just treated the in laws with some respect, let alone take care of them. It would be nice if the imams did a talk on that, but unfortunately they are scared of being canceled instead of speaking of Haq
their own kids willl be test for them , when same women who complains about treating eldery in laws bad way! . one day they will also be old and weak and their in kids and future in law will treat them on same way!. seen it many times.
For justice of Allah will reach everyone!
to husband and fathers, dont compromise your parents health and service comes first!
if your wife cant get her head out of sand. time for another wife!
The daughter in law is expected to treat her in laws with respect and courtesy. Nothing more is expected of her. There are definitely bad daughters in law who are absolutely disrespectful to her in laws. But the cases of bad mother in law is more. They make it a point to meddle with their son's life. They think they have the right to poke their noses in to their lives. There are extreme cases where the mother in law even decides when her son can be intimate with his wife. This is a sad reality in my society in India. One must definitely take care of his/her parents at the same time he/ she should not do injustice to the spouse in the process.
There is no hadeeth or verse of Quran that says the daughter in law has to serve her in laws
I would want my sons to inform their future wives that one day either I or my husband whoever survive, will need to stay with them. They will appreciate this when they become old themselves. We parents prefer to be in our homes but we never know our health or surroundings may no longer be suitable.
@@kamariahkamis8356 Absolutely, this makes total sense. I say the same to my children. I am a daughter in law who has always lived with my in laws. I never liked this arrangement, i still don't. But now my fil has passed away. So, i don't wish an elderly woman to live alone. She should spend her last days in the comfort of her son and grandchildren. Many a times, i would put myself in that situation of being old and not so healthy and come to terms with this arrangement. Had my wish of having a separate home for myself during the initial years if our marriage acknowledged and respected, i would have served my mil with more affection. So, let the daughter in law be the queen of her house as soon as she gets married. And when the need arises she will embrace her in laws with respect and affection. And the husband should be willing to take in his in laws too if they don't have any other child. May Allah make it easy for all of us. May Allah put barakah in the marriages, give good understanding of the Deen and keep us steadfast. Ameen.
In Surah Furqan, Allah says that I have made relatives through lineage and marriage.
So I think whatever is your roles and responsibilities for your lineage relatives, applies with the relatives through marriage too.
Allah knows best