How Do You Know If A Ship Is Coming Towards You? | QI
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This clip is from QI Series N, Episode 13, 'Naval Navigation' with Sandi Toksvig, Alan Davies, Ronni Ancona, Jimmy Carr and Johnny Vegas. 
Развлечения
You got me. You got me to click by showing a picture of Jimmy Carr in a sailor's cap.
That's not Jimmy Carr. That's Jimmy Boatt.
@@MagnumCarta Carrlarious!
When I was a child, I once wore odd socks to my uncle's house. He was in the navy and pointed the port and starboard colours out to me and I wore them like that for years afterwards.
Was this before you got a telly?
"He back doored in..." so was he a Rear Admiral?
Bravo 👏👏
Edmund Blackadder enters the chat.
He actually was
Make no mention of what happened on the poop deck
If you can see the port and starboard lights, it's coming towards you! Because, those particular light only have a 120° visible arc (centre-line to 30° aft of abeam). If it was going away from you, all you would see is the white stern light (no coloured lights on the side of the vessel would be visible).
^^ You should only see the red OR the green. The only time you see both is when you're straight in front of it as their arcs overlap only the tiiiiniest bit. You can still see a white AND a red/green when the ship is motorized but not when it's sailing. If you see ONLY the white, it's indeed going away.
Of course seeing red + green doesn't mean that you'll collide given you might be moving AWAY from where the ship is heading. HOWEVER, there's another handy trick here (though that requires some visible static object) which is if the ship is in line with such an object and STAYS IN LINE, that means you're on a collision course and WILL collide unless one of you changes course/speed.
It's no Boaty McBoatface, but...
I was upset they didn't keep that. I mean, YES they should have known better than to trust the internet, but the thing is, they said they'd take the top suggestion, and they went back on their word. Not to mention that's the most memorable boat name ever! I will never, ever forget that name as long as I live!
C.S. Forester, in his novel The Ship, points out an easy way to remember: port is red like port wine.
She did say that :p , but doesn't hurt to have a reminder ;p
There is red port wine left on the ship.
The amount of letters in the words group together. Red, left, port all have fewer letters than, green, right, starboard
"Going to a party but there's no port left" - adds remembering which side red beacons are on as you go into port or up stream.
When I was in the Navy, I served aboard the City of Corpus Christy. Of course, that was kind of a mouthful for a group of simple seamen, so we shortened it. We would go home to our families and loved ones and proudly tell them about how we were all serving aboard the COCC.
Interestingly, the name of my college is the college of corpus christi and the blessed virgin Mary, but we more boringly call it Corpus. At least we do have the Corpus Christi College Cambridge Cross-Country Club.
Add to that the seamen joke and things get really sticky.
I was taught "The big red ship left the port" as a way of remembering which is which.
We never did get to hear Ronni's interesting naval fact, due to Jimmy interrupting her so often.
Yeah, she got interruped A LOT. Sandi was guilty too.
Funny how the gals often get interrupted.
Yah she was doing her best to keep going and then more would jump in
Pretty crummy
Yeah, it was like Ronni: "I actually know this!" Everyone: *does not let her answer* It was especially cruel of Sandi to turn to someone who wasn't her and then to just go ahead and reveal it. Usually folks get points for that sort of thing.
I think Jimmy looks like the "Matey Bubbles" character in that hat!
The way you remember it is the number of letters. Port, left, and red are all shorter than their counterparts: Starboard, right, and green. No need for a rhyme.
PORT is (mostly) a fortified RED wine, which is traditionally passed to the LEFT.
Port wine is red. Left wing Labour is red( red flag). Job done.
This is the only way I have been able to memorise it.
or you could just remember it
There is another trick. Have a look what side the lights are on your own boat. Problem solved. Because chances are when you see that at sea you’re also in a boat.
If it hits you then it was coming towards you
Or you get covered in seamen.
@@daveh1294 kink or sink
Reminds me of that pragmatic definition of a tree: if you hit a plant with your car and the car is broken, then it was a tree.
Her Brother is former admiral Simon Ancona for those that want to know,
And her name is apparently Ronni Ancona.
Correct. But her name was in the description so I figured everyone would have the wherewithal to look.
Lol Titan Uranus took far too long for the penny to drop😅😂🤣😭
I didn't get it until Jimmy's joke!
I actually served with her Brother. He was the Captain on HMS Cumberland at that time. Legitimately one of the best Skippers I had
2:30 HMS Pansy was a flower class corvette, name was changed to USS Courage after transfer to US navy.
I was guessing that was the case, but now I don't need to look it up on Wikipedia (but probably will anyways).
Jimmy jokes about "How to Avoid Huge Ships" being a book for small islands, but checkout The Queen of the North (I think a BC Canada ferry) when it ran into Gil Island in 2006. Fishermen in a nearby village rescued almost everyone, but the captain spent 4 years in jail for the deaths of two passengers.
Only one person, 4th Officer Karl Lilgert, was actually criminally charged following the RCMP investigation and convicted.
The Canadian Transportation Safety Board concluded that duty crew had not followed sound navigational practices and regulations in its report but a TSB investigation is separate from any disciplinary investigation.
A separate BC Ferry investigation resulted in the firing of 4th Officer Lilgert, 2nd Officer Keven Hilton who had taken a meal break and was off the bridge, and Quartermaster Karen Briker who had been piloting the vessel
The captain was off duty and asleep in his bunk at the time of the collision. He wasn't fired but he no longer had a job since his command had sunk.
this was major news in Canada at the time. Also the two that died, I believe it was there first ever ferry ride
@@EndeavoursRadio*their* For goodness sake
There was also a BC ferry that crashed because the two bridge crew were having sex on the bridge at the time.
@@sureshot8399 That would be the same accident. Two of the crew members, Lilgert and Briker, were FORMER lovers but the claim that the two were having sex on the bridge at the time of the accident was an unfounded rumour.
(Runs ship in reverse)
The other captain: "Don't worry, it's green to green, red to red"
Machinehead!
The USN needs this book after having collided with two ships at night. Sailors seemed clueless and had no lights or transponders on.
The exquisite care they put into getting those Cap Tallies manufactured.
The bungling cack-handedness with which they tied them on.
Jimmy Carr is impossibly quick witted.
The oddest book title sounds like something Douglas Adams would have made up
Shame they didn't let Ronni Ancona finish speaking.
This was only a short edit/clip. From memory she did expand more on the story in the full length episode.
Even so, she was talked over repeatedly.
@@andrewharris4268yeah it happens a lot on the show. When you are surrounded by comedians who live off attention, you need to be pretty assertive.
But I agree. Wanted to hear the rest.
Is Ronni ever actually finished talking?
All the time, as demonstrated in this clip where everyone else speaks more than she does.
'Red" "Port" "Left" in a glass is an easy way to remember it, meaning port is on the left of the vessel while facing forwards (and ergo, green is starboard, right side).
There was a book published in 1975 called Living on the Sun and it was by Godfrey Boyle, which seemed fitting.
It was actually about harnessing renewable energy
Ronni Anconca doesn't age
I thought "constant bearing" was gonna come up , but they just went with the red & green .
Im sure i remember Steven Fry going more in depth, or it may have been James May
Yes!
I couldn't recall the exact term.
It's quick, you don't need lights, its easy to teach.
"Constant bearing, decreasing range" is how you know it's a collision course, rather than just facing your way. "Constant bearing" by itself means nothing; it could be going away from you.
Incidentally, the "constant bearing" part is why mid-air collisions are so common when ATC separation isn't in play. It's much harder to notice a small speck in the sky that *isn't moving* but just getting slightly bigger…
"How Do You Know If A Ship Is Coming Towards You?"
It appears to be getting bigger.
The ship is honking like crazy and your shipmates are readying the lifeboats
Finally something I knew in QI!
This is why amateur sailors are so dangerous. They don't have running lights on, they don't follow the correct traffic lanes in channels, they cross in front of ships that can't maneuver easily, and they try to cross the wakes of larger ships. The thing to remember is that Port if Left (same number of characters in the name) and Starboard is Right (odd number of letters in both), but that those sides are relative to the bow of the ship. Also, the stern is required to have a white light, so you should see Red on the Left, Green on the Right and a White light between them. Also depending on the size and type of ship, there may also be masthead lights.
Part of naval seamanship training is being able to identify the course of a ship by the running light configuration, as well as their silhouette, if visible (identify a merchant ship vs naval vessel, or a destroyer from a frigate).
Almost like if it'd be a good idea to require people to go through training before they're allowed to pilot a vehicle. :p
On a ship, you can't see the stern light at the same time as the port and starboard running lights. From dead astern, you see one white light. They left something out, if the ship is coming straight at you, you will see the port and starboard running lights and two white lights, one above the other, above and between them. All the lights have shields at particular angles, so you can tell what aspect of the ship is presenting itself. It's all quite ingenious, when you know how it works you can tell what profile of the ship you are seeing including where the bow and stern are, in the dark without being able to see the silhouette.
I remember my dad (who was an officer in the Navy,) teling me the best way to remember which was which was to ask "Is there any red port left?" (Port being the alcoholic drink, which is typically red in colour.)
Well, that certainly explains why a US destroyer ran into a Japanese merchant ship. Bloody amateurs, hey.
Reminds me of the book that was mentioned in one of the harry potter books "Powers you never knew you had and what to do with them now you've wisened up"
When I was a sailor it was easy.
Looking towards the bow, being red/green colour blind made it easy.
When two sidelights you see ahead,
Right your helm and show your red;
For green to green and red to red,
Perfect safety go ahead.
When to starboard bow red appear,
It is your duty to keep clear;
But when upon your port is seen,
A vessel's starboard light of green;
There's not much for you to do,
Since green to port keeps clear of you.
Whether is safety or in doubt,
Always keep a good lookout.
Oh, and you won't see those red and green lights from astern. All you'll see is a single white light.
I feel like the ships would have crashed about half-way through reading that out.
@@Tao_Tology I actually memorized that while studying for my third mate's license.
There are all kinds of jingles as memory aides.
Every ship larger than a bathtub has a white light at the back, but the colours are not visible. But if it has an engine (running) is has a white light at the front, too. (above the colours)
The Flower-class of Royal Navy corvettes during WW2 had the least warlike names. For example;
HMS Buttercup
HMS Fennel
HMS Periwinkle
HMS Wallflower
USS Pert
USS Saucy
USS Temptress
HMSC Asbestos
Canada was boring and named them after communities near their construction shipyard. That's after Asbestos Quebec. For some reason they changed their name recently.
If you can see both port and starboard lights usually with a white ('steaming light') above and between them, then its coming straight at you. Two whites if its a big one. The nav lights are supposed to be screened so that in any other orientation you only see one of them: e.g. when you are dead astern you only see the white stern light. "Red beside green, white over white" is time to panic.
In re: odd book names, there's also "Identifying Wood", "Be Here Now", and "Steal This Book".
If I remember right, Identifying Wood had a lovely picture of a man closely inspecting a little block of wood with a telescope
I was taught when doing my boat license the phrase ‘there is no more port left’.
I've an easy way to remember the port & starboard colours, "How much Red Port is Left?", never had to use it though, last boat I was on was one of the Skipton Castle canal tour narrowboats... :P
Real easy... Red has few letters therefore "port".
Blue has more so that's "starboard."
It also works for left and right.
@@user-dh6bj2me5p Yeah, that's how I do it. Nice and simple.
@@user-dh6bj2me5p That's good only starboard is green. If you're seeing blue then it means you've had one port too many and the bobbies are after you 😉
At least in English, short words to describe one side and long ones for the other:
- left right
- red green
- port starboard
Other languages might require different techniques or groupings... (In French, the words linking the right side all include the letter 't', unlike the ones for the left side.) 😊
The answer is of course wrong, because you can never see both red and green when a boat or ship is moving away from you. Only white, and one or the other colour if the other vessel is at some angle relative to the observer. Also, the white running light (s) is also missing.
So that's why in Star Trek the ships have those blinkies.
Spanker is a type of SAIL.
If the "baaa" is high pitched you know that the ship is running towards you. Doppler effect, you know.
On a square-rigged ship like TS Royalist, the Spanker is a sail at the back of the ship. Mounted fore and aft it gives an amount of stability as it acts like a rudder in the wind.
It’s got a sharp pointy end and the other end is blunty End. The blunt end means it’s pissing off. Sharp end means it’s about to ram you
You can't necessarily see that, in the dark, hence the running lights.
I guess no one's ever been backed over by a ship...
My favourite book title, "And to my nephew Albert I leave the island what I won off Fatty Hagen in a poker game"
1:24 "back doored in" Admiral.....................ah I see.........a Rear Admiral....gotcha!
My favourite strange book title is "How To Shit In The Woods". It is an actual manual for hikers to deal with elimination on hiking trails.
I like to think "Help! I Poo My Pants", written by me, is one of the strangest book titles. It's a story for children who have soiling problems.
I always remember that port is red, it also has the same amount of letters as 'Left'.
That last book was the plot of the 6th Sense!
Imagine having to swab the poop deck of the titan uranus 😂
I always say PORT is where I’ve LEFT, and GREEN means something is RIGHT.
Technically of course it doesn’t really matter if the boat is just coming towards you, but if it’s on the same bearing over time with this light configuration then you want to start panicking because you are on a collision course.
HMS Pansy sounds like Gilbert and Sullivan.
Probably a flower class corvette. There were a whole lot of flowery ships in WW2.
I was brought up on the saying "Red Right Returning." Meaning that if the red light is on the right, the the vessel is 'returning,' i.e., coming back toward the observer.
I was once in a book shop years back and there was a book titled "How to Raise Your IQ by Eating Gifted Children" I think that one might beat some of the ones on her list.
I always used the "trick" that red is on the side of your heart (usually your left side), and when you see these lights in the dark "red right = run"
When I did a sailing course with the Navy Cadets, they taught it to me as "there's a little red port left"
My brain when I saw this "It is missing its mast lights..." maritime academy really changes how you look at a red and green dot huh
Isn't the odd book titles an annual award?
Some say that ships have 2 white lights as well, one on the bow and another on the stern with the stern white light positioned higher than the bow white light. If those two lights line up one above the other, the ship is heading straight for you.
As a way to remember: the seaman entered port with a bleeding heart. Not only does this tell you which side is port, it also indicates which side of the waterway has red buoys
For weird book titles they could have included the Winnie the Pooh cookbook: “Cooking with Pooh”. I’m not making that up.
"Port side red" I was told. That is all. It stuck. The rest follows. No further convoluted aides memoirs. Simple, memorable.
Its not hard people. Port is the side of the ship that overlooks the port when its docked, starboard is the side facing away. simples!
Aircraft lighting follows the same rule.
If only the Baltimore Key Bridge has been given that for Christmas last year.
As the Captain said, "There is only red port left "
Those book titles are tame and logical when compared to Chuck Tingle's body of work
Spanker is a nick-name for a spinnaker sail. It would be weird if the Navy didn't use it for a ships' name.
If the ship coming at you seems to hold its heading, it will hit you.
If the heading is changing, the other ship is not hitting you.
"Constant bearing", as another person kindly posted/
It's the same as airplanes. Green light on the RHS, red light on the LHS. I don't know how this is difficult to work out.
I learned the rule as "Red Right Returning" i.e. if the red light is on the right, the ship is returning towards you. It's the title of a wonderful piece of music by Michael Manring.
And manring is a splendid surname, given the context of this clip.
Best hope you never navigate in IALA area A (i.e. most of the world outside Japan and the Americas) then, where the opposite is true.
For all those who have trouble with port and starboard…. When there’s no rum LEFT port it is…. ;)
Additional fact: you're not going to see the nav-lights from behind. You have to be outside the rear quarter and then you'll see only one (and the stern-light ofcourse).
It gets bigger !!
The names of these ships have got to be a try on. Hilarious
I thought they were going to talk about CBDR: constant bearing, decreasing range.
There was floating around the internet an exchange between two radio operators. They disagreed on the bearing of one of the ships. Both maintained the other should change course. One was a US navy destroyer or some such. It turns out, the other was a US Coast Guard lighthouse. They signed off, with something like "I suggest you change course. Your call."
Does the Norwegian navy have this book in their syllabus now? 😂
I thought the green and red bit was about buoys. In marked waterways, ships must keep red buoys on the left when going out of port and on the right when coming into port. Hence the phrase "red right return."
thats for Americans because they are special
@@akcarlos No, it's North and South America, Japan, South Korea, the Philippines, and Taiwan. So about 1.3 billion people. You might as well say only the Brits drive on the left.
And the rest of the world uses the same system, just with the colors reversed. So the episode still could be about lane markers, just with red and green switched.
Uranus wasn't even a Titan. He was the father of the Titans.
Uranus is a loose'un, if you will.
He was also one of the first sons of Gaea but was also her husband and father of the Titans like mentioned. Some scholars suggest Gaea is the origin of all life in the Greek / Hellenistic mythologies. Some scholars suggest Gaea has no parents while others like Hesiod suggest she was birthed out of Khaos (a personified name for empty space sometimes referred to as a "gap" in space). Although given a name, Khaos refers to a place (like the name of a bridge).
@@MagnumCarta The Greek Pantheon was essentially a celestial trailer park...
Honestly I'm a bit surprised their list of unusual book titles didn't include The Jewish-Japanese Sex & Cook Book and How to Raise Wolves.
What kinda recipes do they have in that cookbook?
Naval connection? That’s an umbilical cord, isn’t it?
Red Right Return
Its gets bigger as time goes by
It's easy to rember that starboard is on the right because all starfish are right handed
Okay, Patrick.
This is how we learnt it:
Green to green and red to red
Perfect safety, go ahead.
If on starboard red appear,
It is your duty to keep clear.
There is a little red port left in the bottle...
Isnt happy entrance and titan uranus the same boat?
Happy Entrance on patrol with Titan Uranus, only the Brits.
There’s no (RED) PORT LEFT in the bottle
From behind is a white light.
They had an HMS Titan Uranus, Black Joke, and Cockchafer, but Boaty McBoatface was a step too far.
Henry the Eighth had a warship named Peter Pomegranate. True fact.
You're in Baltimore.
Anyone know if there's an HMS Bonus Hole?
I wanted to hear what Ronni had to say with her inside information but it went on a bit with the interruptions and then Sandi rudely cut her off completely. Gah.
It's an edited clip.
I suspect she was going to say that Spanker is an old contraction of Spinnaker, which is a type of sail.
Red on Right is Returning.
Don’t ships have positional lights only facing their bow as well?
If it was going away from you, you wouldn't see the red and green lights at all.
Still need subtitles
They cut her off talking about her family connections, would have loved to hear what she had to say