On Wednesday, it’ll be 4 years since my soulmate died. This negative bias was all consuming for me during the first three years. Had I known of this, I’m not sure I could have understood it or prevented it from happening, so deep was my grief. My life was devoid of the one I love, what did I care about feeling anything but my sadness. Jo, this is a really tough one. Only this past year have the clouds parted enough to see this kind of light.
18 months since the loss of my beloved Mum. I have severe anxiety & depression. Im trying so hard to "move forward" as this is what Mum would want but the negativity bias is so strong. Thank you for explanation that grief lies to us. I have so many negative thoughts, sometimes i believe they're true, i have evidence to prove they are not true but when the thoughts take hold its so hard to challenge them & "come out of it". Looking forward to hearing tips on how to combat the negativity bias. So grateful for your channel, thank you, you help me a lot ❤
I'm sorry for your loss. I pray your pain eases as your heart heals. I too look forward to learning how to combat the negativity bias as it seems it would help once we realize we are facing it. Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself.
Having lost all my Aunts, Uncles, Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, all of my Cousins and many dear Friends over the years. None of these losses have devastated me in the way the loss of my wife of 65 years in December 2023 has. Negative bias as described by Jo has prevented me from finding myself again for at this moment I do not recognize myself as the person I used to be.l can only hope that by following Jo McRogers advice I will somehow learn to live with my grief and feel joy again.
Tomorrow marks 9 months since losing my husband --married 43 yrs. I'm still struggling with the pain of not having him by my side. Your explanation of Negative bias is exactly what I am going through. But now I know that it's not helping me to heal my broken heart and to move forward. Thank you, Jo. I will try to look more at positives in my life--my new normal.
I lost my 14 year old son. Diagnosed with complicated grief and complex PTSD. I'm going into year 3. I don't believe I will ever enjoy life again and I'm always afraid the next bad thing is coming... AND IT DOES!!!
I lost My sister to suicide only 5 months ago, she was only 35 and had 3 kids, she was one of my best friends and I adored her, she was my big sister and hero I looked up to and confided in, we shared a womb, we shared a childhood we shared our dolls our clothes our secrets our makeup our crushes, we shared a room for the first 12 years of my life and we shared over 30 years of memories together.. I never in a million years thought I would deal with her dying so young and in such a manner, it was sudden, unexpected, traumatic and I'm honestly still in shock and disbelief and denial.. I don't want to accept it, I don't know how, I'm numb and depressed and either angry or apathetic at everything, I wake up not wanting to be alive, I don't know how to grieve it's my first time and I'm only 31 and didn't think I'd be dealing with a loss of an older sibling until I was in my 80s or older since my family has longevity and I've always just expected we would all live well into our 100s.. I don't want to accept that I never got to say everything I needed to or hear ever thing I needed to and that I'll never see her or hear her laugh or hug her again and that her life ended so short and messy and left such a mess for her kids and family.. I can't accept this is real I don't want to it's too much and I'm doing my best bit I'm just so.. I'm a wreck.. I've not been sleeping in weeks and I just woke up after maybe 3 hours of sleep all night and I don't even want to be awake and I'm just crying out of nowhere and desperately trying to find support or help or understanding or advice somehere.. I come from a very unsupportive family amd culture and have zero support..
@amberbrock6440 you're in the right place....just keep following the bunny trail of subjects that nurture your grief. Even though it might feel like it, you aren't alone. There are others in your desperate place...and lots of good people- like Jo- with helpful words that will help you navigate. I'm so sorry for your loss💗
your heartache and sense of horrific loss is palpable in your eloquent comment. It sounds like your situation does not have anyone you can turn to for solace. I have been searching the web for resources and will be starting to attend a series of groups affiliated with GriefShare which i hope will be of some comfort to me in my own struggle. And this channel with jo also gives me a bit of comfort. I hope some of these resources, as well as others on line, will give you some comfort. I also lost my soulmate/best friend, and it is a particularly difficult type of loss. I send heartfelt wishes that some sense of comfort will find you - your loss is too profound to manage alone.
So true... Even 14 months after the loss, I still feel extremly anxious in stressful situations. Up until today I'm not able to travel. I seek the comfort of my home a lot. I'm looking forward to your tips.
I find that my brain is in FIXIT mode...so the rumination has transferred to the PERCEIVED solution to escaping this pain. I am 11 months into this process and I'm so surprised at the twists, turns and backflips my brain (my thoughts) is doing against my will! How do I "turn off" the noise maker of rumination? It's really frustrating and annoying....when my brain is basically telling me to figuratively drive off a cliff of behavioral choices that I know will cause more sorrow! It's exhausting trying to rein it in. I feel like crazytown!
I can relate.. 90s psychology says just be happy, currently the advice is to just process the emotions. But then for more serious grief, the advice is a combination of those plus adjusting thoughts. This is probably why not many therapists would be good with grief.. it's not that simple and pleasant.
Then the other shoe dropped when 2 weeks ago my sweet little girl (4 legs) died at home.I was glad it was at home like my husband found both of them dead on the floor (my husband 2 years ago and don"t know why he died as well) so needless to say I am in a state Why Why Why. So back to sorrow and loss and extremely negative.
❤thank you Jo, very helpful and well explained as I find myself ruminating and lost in sorrow at the loss of my Dear Wife 18 months ago. Thank you for all the incites and support for healing on this challenging journey.
I can’t find a purpose after losing my spouse of 54 years. I have NO INTEREST in anything. I am functioning in a fog and am not on top of anything. It’s been 6 months and I can’t move forward. Bed is my happy place if sleeping 18 hours a day can be called happy
Thank you Jo, this has arrived in a time when I have been wondering, not whether I’m ever going to be better (I am getting better and I know it), but when I struggle with purpose. I’m doing fine, but why am I going ahead, if my loved ones’ lives and mine too will once end. So I’m taking it one day at a time, hoping for the best and for some piece (and peace) of mind.
Had a nasty tempered, boiler repair man over and I had to stay in another room sobbing till he left , I felt so powerless and intimidated by him , thought he would never leave.
My mom died in 2015 and then in 2018 my husbands brother died by suicide, I was in my 3 rd year of grief of my mom and then this happened it seems to of complicated my grief of my mom mom died in Nov and my brother in-law died in Oct. so I have to this now before my moms anniversary In Nov. I feel so anxious when his anniversary comes up, I have trauma from his death, no I did not see him at his death but it happened near our home and finding it very hard living here it’s a constant reminder and has taken my grief of my mom away. My mind is consumed with his suicide. Then in my other brother in-law died of cancer and it brings up the death of my mom she died of cancer to this happened three years ago seeing all this is way to much,I can’t talk to my husband about how I am feeling because I wouldn’t know how to put all this into words, he seems fine but I feel if I talk to him he would not understand because he just didn’t get it when I was diagnosed with a health condition and how I felt,so I don’t think he would get it. I wrote this the best way I could. I hope you no what I am trying to say. I don’t know what to do about this, my councillor has no solution my husband does not want to move. I go out everyday so I don’t have to be close to where he did this. I have anxiety from a health condition that also scares me. Please give me some advice.
Can someone explain to me why I don't feel comfort from anything? I don't even feel like I fit in my life anymore. I don't feel right in my own home, I don't feel like me anymore. It's been 18 months. Is this "normal" to feel like this? I go to bed hoping I don't wake up. How the hell do I move past this? Jo, any ideas? I just feel weird & terrified all the time.
This is perfectly normal. We lose sense of purpose, we sometimes get numb to emotions, we don’t know who we are anymore… Three years into losing my Mum and I’m still experiencing those at times. One has to be patient and kind to oneself. Hang in there, you can’t be more normal than that!
Could you talk about experiencing grief while also having Borderline Personality Disorter. The death of my boyfriend was very traumatic and now it's bringing up alot of memories of childhood trauma and other deaths I never processed growing up. All these things are hard to process and almost putting my brain in overdrive. I often isolate because it affects my mood, I'm sensitive to noises, I have nightmares, and flashbacks, I disassociate alot and I'm starting to deal with derealization now. I don't even know what's happening to me, but it's scary. How do you even begin to pick up the pieces?
On Wednesday, it’ll be 4 years since my soulmate died. This negative bias was all consuming for me during the first three years. Had I known of this, I’m not sure I could have understood it or prevented it from happening, so deep was my grief. My life was devoid of the one I love, what did I care about feeling anything but my sadness. Jo, this is a really tough one. Only this past year have the clouds parted enough to see this kind of light.
18 months since the loss of my beloved Mum. I have severe anxiety & depression. Im trying so hard to "move forward" as this is what Mum would want but the negativity bias is so strong. Thank you for explanation that grief lies to us. I have so many negative thoughts, sometimes i believe they're true, i have evidence to prove they are not true but when the thoughts take hold its so hard to challenge them & "come out of it". Looking forward to hearing tips on how to combat the negativity bias. So grateful for your channel, thank you, you help me a lot ❤
I'm sorry for your loss. I pray your pain eases as your heart heals. I too look forward to learning how to combat the negativity bias as it seems it would help once we realize we are facing it. Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry you are going through this too. Sending you much love ❤
Having lost all my Aunts, Uncles, Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, all of my Cousins and many dear Friends over the years. None of these losses have devastated me in the way the loss of my wife of 65 years in December 2023 has. Negative bias as described by Jo has prevented me from finding myself again for at this moment I do not recognize myself as the person I used to be.l can only hope that by following Jo McRogers advice I will somehow learn to live with my grief and feel joy again.
True. My husband passed away 17 months ago and I still don’t want to be around anyone. I’ve more or less have isolated myself. A lot of anxiety also.
I know the feeling
Tomorrow marks 9 months since losing my husband --married 43 yrs. I'm still struggling with the pain of not having him by my side. Your explanation of Negative bias is exactly what I am going through. But now I know that it's not helping me to heal my broken heart and to move forward. Thank you, Jo. I will try to look more at positives in my life--my new normal.
I lost my 14 year old son. Diagnosed with complicated grief and complex PTSD. I'm going into year 3. I don't believe I will ever enjoy life again and I'm always afraid the next bad thing is coming... AND IT DOES!!!
I lost My sister to suicide only 5 months ago, she was only 35 and had 3 kids, she was one of my best friends and I adored her, she was my big sister and hero I looked up to and confided in, we shared a womb, we shared a childhood we shared our dolls our clothes our secrets our makeup our crushes, we shared a room for the first 12 years of my life and we shared over 30 years of memories together.. I never in a million years thought I would deal with her dying so young and in such a manner, it was sudden, unexpected, traumatic and I'm honestly still in shock and disbelief and denial.. I don't want to accept it, I don't know how, I'm numb and depressed and either angry or apathetic at everything, I wake up not wanting to be alive, I don't know how to grieve it's my first time and I'm only 31 and didn't think I'd be dealing with a loss of an older sibling until I was in my 80s or older since my family has longevity and I've always just expected we would all live well into our 100s.. I don't want to accept that I never got to say everything I needed to or hear ever thing I needed to and that I'll never see her or hear her laugh or hug her again and that her life ended so short and messy and left such a mess for her kids and family.. I can't accept this is real I don't want to it's too much and I'm doing my best bit I'm just so.. I'm a wreck.. I've not been sleeping in weeks and I just woke up after maybe 3 hours of sleep all night and I don't even want to be awake and I'm just crying out of nowhere and desperately trying to find support or help or understanding or advice somehere.. I come from a very unsupportive family amd culture and have zero support..
@amberbrock6440 you're in the right place....just keep following the bunny trail of subjects that nurture your grief. Even though it might feel like it, you aren't alone. There are others in your desperate place...and lots of good people- like Jo- with helpful words that will help you navigate. I'm so sorry for your loss💗
@angievox33 thank ypu I appreciate it 🙏
your heartache and sense of horrific loss is palpable in your eloquent comment. It sounds like your situation does not have anyone you can turn to for solace. I have been searching the web for resources and will be starting to attend a series of groups affiliated with GriefShare which i hope will be of some comfort to me in my own struggle. And this channel with jo also gives me a bit of comfort. I hope some of these resources, as well as others on line, will give you some comfort. I also lost my soulmate/best friend, and it is a particularly difficult type of loss. I send heartfelt wishes that some sense of comfort will find you - your loss is too profound to manage alone.
So true... Even 14 months after the loss, I still feel extremly anxious in stressful situations. Up until today I'm not able to travel. I seek the comfort of my home a lot. I'm looking forward to your tips.
I find that my brain is in FIXIT mode...so the rumination has transferred to the PERCEIVED solution to escaping this pain. I am 11 months into this process and I'm so surprised at the twists, turns and backflips my brain (my thoughts) is doing against my will! How do I "turn off" the noise maker of rumination? It's really frustrating and annoying....when my brain is basically telling me to figuratively drive off a cliff of behavioral choices that I know will cause more sorrow! It's exhausting trying to rein it in. I feel like crazytown!
I can relate.. 90s psychology says just be happy, currently the advice is to just process the emotions. But then for more serious grief, the advice is a combination of those plus adjusting thoughts. This is probably why not many therapists would be good with grief.. it's not that simple and pleasant.
Then the other shoe dropped when 2 weeks ago my sweet little girl (4 legs) died at home.I was glad it was at home like my husband found both of them dead on the floor (my husband 2 years ago and don"t know why he died as well) so needless to say I am in a state Why Why Why. So back to sorrow and loss and extremely negative.
❤thank you Jo, very helpful and well explained as I find myself ruminating and lost in sorrow at the loss of my Dear Wife 18 months ago. Thank you for all the incites and support for healing on this challenging journey.
I can’t find a purpose after losing my spouse of 54 years. I have NO INTEREST in anything. I am functioning in a fog and am not on top of anything. It’s been 6 months and I can’t move forward. Bed is my happy place if sleeping 18 hours a day can be called happy
Thank you Jo, this has arrived in a time when I have been wondering, not whether I’m ever going to be better (I am getting better and I know it), but when I struggle with purpose. I’m doing fine, but why am I going ahead, if my loved ones’ lives and mine too will once end. So I’m taking it one day at a time, hoping for the best and for some piece (and peace) of mind.
Perfect timing for this video❤️🩹
I had no idea
Had a nasty tempered, boiler repair man over and I had to stay in another room sobbing till he left , I felt so powerless and intimidated by him , thought he would never leave.
Thank-you for your support by giving such pertinent information and examples. It has helped me understand myself better.
My mom died in 2015 and then in 2018 my husbands brother died by suicide, I was in my 3 rd year of grief of my mom and then this happened it seems to of complicated my grief of my mom mom died in Nov and my brother in-law died in Oct. so I have to this now before my moms anniversary In Nov. I feel so anxious when his anniversary comes up, I have trauma from his death, no I did not see him at his death but it happened near our home and finding it very hard living here it’s a constant reminder and has taken my grief of my mom away. My mind is consumed with his suicide. Then in my other brother in-law died of cancer and it brings up the death of my mom she died of cancer to this happened three years ago seeing all this is way to much,I can’t talk to my husband about how I am feeling because I wouldn’t know how to put all this into words, he seems fine but I feel if I talk to him he would not understand because he just didn’t get it when I was diagnosed with a health condition and how I felt,so I don’t think he would get it. I wrote this the best way I could. I hope you no what I am trying to say. I don’t know what to do about this, my councillor has no solution my husband does not want to move. I go out everyday so I don’t have to be close to where he did this. I have anxiety from a health condition that also scares me. Please give me some advice.
Thank you, Jo. So true...so well shared.
Can someone explain to me why I don't feel comfort from anything? I don't even feel like I fit in my life anymore. I don't feel right in my own home, I don't feel like me anymore. It's been 18 months. Is this "normal" to feel like this? I go to bed hoping I don't wake up. How the hell do I move past this? Jo, any ideas? I just feel weird & terrified all the time.
This is perfectly normal. We lose sense of purpose, we sometimes get numb to emotions, we don’t know who we are anymore… Three years into losing my Mum and I’m still experiencing those at times. One has to be patient and kind to oneself. Hang in there, you can’t be more normal than that!
Thank you so much for replying. It helps me feel less alone knowing that you too feel this, although I'm so sorry you're going through this too ❤
@@wendycopeland5147 You are not alone🤗
Thank you Jo ❤
Could you talk about experiencing grief while also having Borderline Personality Disorter. The death of my boyfriend was very traumatic and now it's bringing up alot of memories of childhood trauma and other deaths I never processed growing up. All these things are hard to process and almost putting my brain in overdrive. I often isolate because it affects my mood, I'm sensitive to noises, I have nightmares, and flashbacks, I disassociate alot and I'm starting to deal with derealization now. I don't even know what's happening to me, but it's scary. How do you even begin to pick up the pieces?
lost two friends May then June