"I Cant Find A Man Because... I Just Love Really Hard" - Tiktok's Most Desperate Woman?
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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So I matched with this girl on hinge, she seemed cute, she asked for my ig for some reason. So I gave her my ig, she saw my ig and was all gassed up and asked when we could catch up in person. On HER ig however she had all these reels of her smoking weed but most importantly, she did these talk to camera things about literally everything and a lot of it was sex and dating. She had polls to her audience about personal sexual stuff, she had videos where she went to the toilet of a guys house she just had sex with and was talking to her audience about the sex and what she should do. It was full on. Meanwhile she wants to come over and chill with me. I decline and she wants to know why? I’m not a jerk so I’m honest and I explain that I don’t do drugs and I’m a bit more private than she is. So she goes OFF on me. Now I don’t have tiktok but after this, she had this campaign against me on TikTok which was so full on that people in my city contacted me to let me know. She was getting her followers to hate me, multiple videos trashing me. I was getting dm’d by these white knights who were doxxing me and wanting to fight me etc. I had to get off social media.
This woman is very reminiscent of this girl, airing out literally everything to the world. I’d steer clear of any woman who does this. HUGE red flag.
Send us this story
send the story or it didnt happen at all.
Pin of interest? You gotta slide this story fam
A lot of people don’t need a partner, a lot of people just need therapy.
If this is true... Then damn bro
If you say "I dont want someone thats good for me" then you are the architect of your own misery
The point she definitely made was that she didn't want someone she wasn't attracted to just because they're good to her. Most people generally want both of those things in relationships
@@nightfighter7452 Yes, but attraction can grow over time. People underestimate this a lot. I once met up with a guy whom I didn't consider handsome at first, but we shared some interests and values and really we just hung out. He was kind and intelligent, and when we met a second time, I genuinely thought that he looked handsome. If you don't feel any attraction after a few dates, I guess it's better to leave it be, but as I said, attraction can grow over time.
@@miepmiep3017 Indeed attraction grows over time but that is exactly where the problem lies, time. We live in an era where women nowadays reject guys the second they see someone they are not attracted to. What is a guy to do if he is already rejected before even getting a word in/out?
@@miepmiep3017 That's great but I've seen women burn that unattractive person to also feel better about themselves and move on. Then get annoyed when that person doesn't interact with them again, years later. Attractive is wonderful but it's not the end all and be all.
@@miepmiep3017y formula for love is:
(Initial attraction) x (time invested)
It's easy to fall for a sexy MF
But homely folks have to work hard.
Sidenote....... I never work 😅
"I don't want peace. I want problems always!"
- This Woman
Try 40% of women lmaoo
@@kahlilbenjamin7298try all women 😂
@@kahlilbenjamin7298seems like 60% of humans to me
The logic isnt logic
I have the ref 😅
A wise man once told me "if you test drive 50 cars and they're all bad, you're either a terrible driver, or shopping at a scrap yard"
Instead of speaking to a therapist privately about these issues, she makes TikToks to feel validated. Hundreds of women will be in the comments calling her a queen and that nothing is wrong with her, and hundreds of men will be simping asking her to give them a shot.
I wonder if that has anything to do with it.
You said it, it's way easier, cheaper and better for your mind and there's an off-chance the therapist is not really good at his job or care about you anyway. Just act as a vapid emotional tampon, give generic advice, get paid, plan next session and repeat ad infinitum
And todays winner is this guy
That’s why most people post nowadays, they post things just to cope with delusional behavior or qualities.
@@av4781 think a therapist is better for you long term than a crowd of anonymous strangers who have no true investment in your life playing into your delusion. That crowd of people encouraging you may get you into absolutely terrible habits that you have to unlearn later
@@oblivion_2852 A good friend or family member is even better
This girl seems needy, clingy, and paranoid. If she doesn't learn to chill, she's either gonna end up alone, or attract an abuser who can sense she's messed up and desperate. That's what always happens with these types.
She deserves that guy. She literally says that's what she's looking for when she says she doesn't want someone who's good for her, or healthy for her
@@loetzcollector466nobody deserves an abuser. she needs therapy
I think women like her are one of two things. They chose terrible men or they scare half decent men away because they lack awareness, theyre clingu, insecure, lack self confidence and are jealous as hell. I've had friends like that and trust me no matter how much you try to help them they do the same things over and over.
It's a narcissism spiral tbh. They only chase tingles and when they get them they NEED them to stay. It's unsustainable and dudes know it without even knowing it.
I know people in their 50's and 60's having 1 week "boyfriend/ girlfriends" It's like they never left high school.
clingu? IMPOSSIBRU!!!!!!
It's probably both
You cannot ever truly help people, people will keep repeating the same mistakes until they realize that they need to change, the best you can do is to try and make them realize that they need to change themselves.
"Let them talk... they will eventually snitch on themselves." 👀
Social media is their diary, megaphone, and therapist.
Man. Ive been where this woman has been many many times. But you know what saved me? The gym, finding spirtual guidance and being by myself a while instead of being in toxic relationships and situationships. She seems like she needs good support and time to learn to love herself. Understanding why you want to so badly be with someone is the path she must take within herself.
👏👏👏
And don't have sex unless a guy is consistent with you outside of that, he genuinely wants to be around you even if you're not getting intimate. (first month or two at least). As a woman, you shouldn't feel rushed.
Also, date multiple guys but without sleeping with them. That way, if you're into one that shows signs he's not that interested, you won't be home stressing over why he didn't text you back or something like that, you'll have other guys showing interest. Once you find someone who is consistent and doesn't rush sex, you date only him and, most importantly, are intimate only with him. And you forget about the ones who you're into but they are not into you like that.
Understanding your personal issues is a great step one.
Making choices that don’t feed those issues is the critical step two.
She only understands half her personal issues. Saying she's a bad judge of character is half assing responsibility, since you can still blame the other person to some degree. And she doesn't understand why men she's attracted to, aren't attracted to her.
@voidmayonnaise that's some pretty good advice that I need in my own life right now. Thanks for that 🙏🏼
she'd only understand this, if you made it a tiktok, cause those ppl lost their soul to the app.
Step three: Embark on an epic quest to the mystical Land of Self-Actualization, where you will encounter ancient gurus, wise talking animals, and mythical creatures. Armed with a magical talking mirror, you must confront your personal issues in a battle of wits and cunning. Along the way, you'll collect enchanted artifacts, such as the Shield of Resilience and the Sword of Self-Awareness, to vanquish your inner demons. Upon reaching the peak of Mount Enlightenment, you'll undergo a transformational ceremony involving dancing unicorns, a choir of singing mermaids, and a majestic fireworks display. As the universe applauds your triumph, you'll emerge as a beacon of personal growth, radiating rainbow-colored positivity to all those around you.
@av4781 That was gold, lol.
This woman is the definition of a person who is in a cycle of perpetual self destruction. This person will continue sabotaging themselves because they have no self awareness.
For her I think it's worse: she obviously has some sense of self-awareness because she won't choose someone who is good for her, but that level of self-awareness isn't high enough for her to dig herself out of her self-destructive ways. It's kinda fascinating.
She is is.
Why are you calling her "This person/them "
That's a woman, one woman, are you blind?
My BPD ex is exactly like this, sabotages all her relationships and takes zero accountability. These people are going to end up alone.
@@jayc342009Actually these people end up healing and finding someone in time.
@@theredheadwiththread1275 The absolute bare minimum of self-awareness. Yeah, that might just be worse.
The entitlement is at an all-time high. Just because you like a person doesn't mean it needs to be reciprocated. Just because someone doesn't like you, doesn't mean they're automatically trash. Don't look for validation via other people, live a fulfilled life, and enjoy simply getting to know people.
Discussing this on Tiktok is already a major red flag and a good reason to steer clear of a relationship with her. You can just feel the drama surrounding any relationship with her.
I'd hate to see all the enablers in the original video's comments trashing men and telling her she's too good for them and blah blah blah so she'll never truly find what she's looking for. It's kinda sad.
Assuming TikTok even HAS comments..
And yet you seem so judgmental when you barely know her, red flag.
@@av4781found the burner
@@av4781 shut up bimbo, you've been all over comments on this issue and still can't make a lick of sense
Social media is already a massive red flag. If I ask for a couple of your social media accounts and I see your whole life story I'm out.
Oversharing information with the whole world to see does not seem like the healthiest choice for someone looking for relationships.
Why not? Some people revel in being sociable and gaining popularity. It can work if both partners consent to the social media presence.
@@av4781
I don't care how social and extraverted someone may be, nobody was meant to be THAT social where the whole world knows every single thing about you. That shit changes people, oftentimes it destroys their mental health. It's not good for one person, let alone two in a relationship.
@@av4781found the social media addicted girl. Poor thing.
Yep no guy i know would go near a girl that puts her whole life online
and I dont even mean they have to be a popular online account. just even the girls we all know that feel the need to post on facebook when they have a fight with their bf or even their mom. if they have an unpleasant experience at subway if a stranger did something they didnt like everything goes online
She has an attachment disorder and probably self esteem issues. What happens is you’re attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable because it’s “safe”. Subconsciously you know it will never go anywhere with them and you will never have to open up to them. Therefore they can’t ever fully hurt you (only a bit when you inevitably get rejected at the beginning, but you bounce back). I have this issue myself. It’s like the thought of a full real relationship where someone is fully available to you is terrifying and overwhelming. And part of you thinks you don’t deserve it or can’t handle it. It takes years of therapy to overcome this. I’m working on it right now.
Same here but I'm a dude
I can fully relate
"I love really really hard" I think her problem is she thinks she's in "love" way too fast and then says things that puts pressure on the person she's dating when they aren't there yet.
And she also probably thinks her love for someone obligates that person to do certain things for her in return, so then she ends up disappointed that the person isn't meeting her expectations when they never agreed to her expectations in the first place.
@@badwolf3618she's a red flag
@@badwolf3618 So a nice girl?
@@av4781 exactly!
Which isn't even atypical, many women do exactly that. Nie of a red flag is sharing everything online, though I noticed young people today have a strange concept of privacy when it comes to social media (by strange I mean: none). When I was in my 20s, that's how I was a swell as most of my friends were (I mean falling in 'love' quickly, etc. not the social media), it's literally the most stereotypical behavior. Usually it's just about finding the right person for you, with whom suddenly the relationship feels easy and natural (well, at the beginning at least, we all know that relationships are actually work).
This is something people need to realize. Settling means being with someone you don't really like because you had no other options.
Giving someone a chance and getting to know them better despite not being head over heels for them initially isn't settling
Exactly
People = modern women
What if it’s rebound
They confuse "settling down" with "settling for"
Settling down vs settling for someone is different… so it ultimately depends. There is nothing wrong and in fact you should settle down with someone but settling for someone you have no interest in us obviously not good, but there are points where settling is ok in that regard.. they don’t have to like everything you like that’s a settle etc
It seemed she has already deleted her TikTok, which will probably go a long way in terms of helping her find healthy habits.
Back in my day, we would go to the bar and have female friends voice these same complaints to the group of friends (guys and girls) sitting at the table. Several of us were single, and these were physically attractive girls, yet not a single one of the available guys would ask them out. The reason was simple: no one wants to be with someone who comes across as miserable. When you see guys pouting "Why not me?", it is girl-repellent. The same is true when you see girls doing it - especially these days when they are doing it online!
Tip for Single People (Guys and Girls): You are far more likely to find someone you might want to date if you come across as a genuinely pleasant/optimistic person! If you come across as unpleasant, pessimistic, depressed, etc., no one wants to be around you, much less date you!
Hate to tell you, but she just made a new one to dodge all the flak she was taking.
Wait, so you're telling me you're hanging out with bars full of fine ass, drunk girls in a singles bar complaining that no one would pick them up!! Give me the address that damn bar I've never seen a scenario like that in my entire damn life!
@@loetzcollector466 Well yeah, but I doubt you would be hanging around after the first night lol
Normalize staying single until you heal emotionally from past relationships. That's why we keep making the same mistakes in who we choose or why we keep pushing the right people away.
Sounds more like she needs to heal from herself.
Lol and people told me to have a child right away at 19 when I was trying to heel
It is normalized already, but see the healing part is usually jumping from peen to peen thinking it’s helping you get over your ex but you’re really just collecting more baggage for the poor sucker that decides to carry it all. We need to normalize picking the people that are best for us from the beginning instead of the person that gives us the most tingles.
I mean look at her friend that just got out a 4 year relationship she’s “talking to someone” meaning I’m single but I’m sleeping with him.
@@WolfamongSheep626 Talking to someone doesn't always mean that.
She doesn't need a break, she needs to go into exile and do some introspection. Some of these ladies, when you begin to peel the layers of their "relationships" you find that some of them want a relationship where there's no boundaries and they want to be free to do whatever with no respect for themselves or their relationship. Then they get mad when things go south.
Or worse. You let her do her thing and she'll get mad cuz her friends man isn't letting them be that wild but you are. So now she thinks you're a bitch
She reeks of "Im the main character"
She has “ I’m independent” and “ we’re just friends” to random arguments and insults until the guy loses interest written all over her.
Introspection. Exactly. Unfortunately I noticed that many girls under 30 are rarely able of deep thought for the purpose of finding answers.
@@praetorian3902 100 people will lie to them and the person who tells the truth no matter how harsh it may be is considered a hater. They DESERVE astronomically unlikely scenarios until they’re undateable.
I think she's one of those people that think a casual get-to-know-you date means that you are suddenly in a relationship and meant to be. The entire dating process is like a series of interviews to determine compatibility. At any point either person can call it quits and say, "This isn't what I'm looking for." You are trying to figure out if the person is someone you want to commit to in the first place. You don't try out an actual relationship until you've determined whether they are even what you want in personality, interests, opinions, priorities, attitudes, etc.
Most people don't understand that
This is where I disagree with A&P. Saying you are in love quickly is a huge red flag. There is no way you can be in love with someone within only a few weeks. You are just in love with the person you have made them out to be in your head. It takes a long time to truly know who someone is and how you really feel about them.
@@1dingerr BS. Falling for someone is a chemical process. You are just playing with words here, trying to sound deep.
@MegaCm123456 or maybe I just have a different interpretation of what falling in love is.
Part of her problem is that she’s obsessed with being in a relationship. If you can’t be at peace single, then you’ll never have a peaceful relationship. No one can help you with your insecurities and struggles if you aren’t willing to work on overcoming them. She says she wonders if something is wrong with her, but something tells me that if she was told what to work on, it would only leave her upset and defensive.
Entirely wrong.
Word. You have to be contented where you are.
When you good with yourself, there is a positive vibes about you that attracts others
That could explain why when you are in a relationship, girls want you.
@@hokkaidosnow6643Nah, mf just described me accurately that's exactly my problem lol. My bullshit is the biggest thing getting in my way but I like my bullshit and don't wanna change it. 'S tough but I got shit to move around and let go of.
I’ll be dead honest, she seems boring and like she has nothing going on, and combined with some mental health issues, of course she’s obsessed with being in a relationship. Girl needs a purpose, she doesn’t seem to have much.
@@samwallaceart288 Atleast you acknowledge it and know you have some work to do. The problem we have with a lot of modern women is that they refuse to do any self-reflection or take accountability and instead keep putting the blame on the guys.
Aba pretending to be the girl while preach is behind him saying the sad truth is key and peele level comedy. That should be it own short 😂. I was dying
That honestly had serious K&P vibes
"The Ghost of the Bitter Bitch" is what they call it
When somebody says "I love hard" I know it's my time to run. I am a heterosexual woman, and there are plenty of men out there with this mindset too.
I recently connected with a guy who already started dictating how I text because he didn't feel like a priority before the first date. After we had the first date, which went OK, he asked if I changed my privacy settings because he had been monitoring my activity for three days and he thought something changed that he got paranoid about. Some more shit happened in the two weeks I was talking to him.
Summed up, if you're that psycho about wanting a relationship you are repelling every healthy person away from you.
When Men do this, it's fire and brimstone 🔥 calling them all sorts of Losers, Incels, lame, weirdos etc...
When women do it, it's calm solemn reflection, deep analysis, advice etc.
Keep the same energy
I was looking for this comment. Thank you for spouting the obvious. This woman is giving me creepy incel vibes, for real.
"Where have all good men gone?" is basically just incel and "nice guy" hetoric. Yet when women hear other women say this, instead of judging them like they would do towards a man, they reply with something like "omg girl you are so right!"
It's like that one Taylor Swift song where she talks about how she could be a much netter girlfriend to some guy than the guy's current girlfriend, or how she would treat him better than this other woman would. Hell, she even matches the "jock vs not-jock" rhetoric you hear from some incels and nice guys with her line in the lead up to the chorus: "she wears high heel, I wear sneakers. She's a cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers." And yet women seem to fucking love this song even though it screams "nice girl" vibes.
The hypocrisy and double standards are just fucking wild!
She sounds like a broke dusty to be honest.
Exactly, this literally textbook incel babble but look at the response 😂😂😂 this is why I know when ppl talk about "balance" it's a lie. They just don't want men saying anything.
The Greeks, the Romans, the Arabs, the Han and the Mughal philosophers of the past have told us for 1000's of years about female nature, how could this then still be a surprise? Treat them like children because emotionally they are.
I'm sorry, but Preach slipping behind Aba and singing what petty women actually think, his eyes wilding out, was so amazing, I nearly died laughing. 😂
The same, that was peek comedy
Same😂😂😂
Fr I was cackling
ikr
You must be new because that was "the ghost of a petty b*tch" lol
Been a while since he's done it.
EDIT: Or maybe it's the "ghost of a bitter b*tch". It's been a minute since I've seen it.
The minute she said "I love really really hard" I knew. (Actual translation: I get obsessed really really fast). Every one of my friends who ever said those were suffocatingliy clingy, insecure and exhibited some truly psychotic behavior when they met someone new.
She would be considered an incel if she was a guy.
But now she's considered a strong and empowered woman who men need to step up and improve for.
For real
Yes and guys are considered Chads for bagging 50 women but women are considered sluts
Femcel. She's a femcel.
Yep. Men and women are different so the standards are going to be different
@@KiNGZiGMASTER bagging 50 women requires you to be impressive, attractive, confident, and competent.
Being a s!ut requires you to have a vagina. There’s a reason for the difference, unlike men being considered incels when they can’t get anyone but women getting sympathy when they can’t.
Limerence. It's not widely talked about yet but there IS a word for obsessive, delusional "love". Limerence. We target someone, dream up the perfect version of them, have all sorts of fantasies about being with them. Our moods are unhealthily dependent on that person, or Limerent Object (LO), and when our expectations aren't met we likely end up single and depressed. Limerence.
Word of the day 🌈
Limerence. Thank you. Never heard that word before. But I certainly have been the object of its projection.
Look, we have all been through the trenches in the dating world. Sometimes it really sucks, however, I have now realised that you have to really love yourself to find the right person. I wondered why I kept attracting jerks and it was because I didn't love myself enough. Working on that has made a big difference. Yeah, some people suck and it isn't gender specific. Stop broadcasting things that should be private and focus on getting to know the other person. Good relationships take work, including work on yourself. I agree. Find joy in your life.
1:11 "stop assuming shit, assuming shit is the killer"
One of the best quotes I've heard
Bars
The better way to phrase it is “assume makes an ass out of u and me”
Imagine being the friend she talked to and watching her video after she got off the phone with her 😂. She turned her friend's success story into her pity party.
Exactly, wtf? what is this?? not a true friend
@@sureyabell2082I disagree. People are allowed to feel inferior to their friends, be envious or even jealous - it happens. That does not make them bad friends.
The point was that she was unhappy and was comparing herself to her friend; the video was about her, not the friend - it's not like she was complaining about her love life at her friend's wedding.
I'm a 28 year old guy and I've never had a gf and let me tell you, almost every single thing she said resonates with me so hard, it's really just depressing. I don't think anyone who isn't in the kind of position like this can really understand how it makes you feel and how it twists your internal view of yourself to the opposite sex. It's so easy to just be like "You need to be happy with yourself" or "you can't rely on someone for happiness" but that is so stupid because people like us are just feeling genuine loneliness and depression from being alone. It's actually completely natural to feel this way, humans aren't wired to live their entire life without making a connection to someone on an intimate romantic level. It's unhealthy.
The shitty part is, this is just how it is now. Dating doesn't work half the time, and online dating almost never works at least in my experience. Dating apps suck. Telling some to just "Be HaPpY oN yOuR oWn" is retarded, and it invalidates the feeling on loneliness we get which is a very real thing.
Humans aren't meant to live like this.
I feel you bro. Social media has made it harder too with low attention spans and lack of in person communication. But it has also made some things better in some cases. I think the best thing us guys can do it work on our selves. Find some solace and maybe even happiness in your work, gym time, family gatherings, social gatherings and things like that. U gotta keep it pushing. It’s hard and lonely but that’s just how it is.
That's the key "opposite sex." i haven't really had any male friendships in my adult life until the last year. That has helped much more than me being in a 3 year relationship. Soical media doesn't help, and people aren't able to have conversations anymore. I hope you can find a way to stop this feeling of loneliness.
Yes, humans are social beings and we need to socialize, but saying "people like us are just feeling genuine loneliness and depression from being alone" is a cap. All people feel those feelings, but if you physically cant stand it, you got psych issues, and you're probably super clingy, but that at the same time deters potential mates for romantic relationships. Cause news flash, people "like you" don't stop being clingy, ever. Childhood, bla bla bla, who hurt you, bla bla bla, attachment issues bla bla bla, I won't go into whole spiel about it, but the bottom line is it's you problem through and through. You're too entitled, 50% of males in the history haven't procreated, along with 30% of women, you're not special for being lonely and you're most CEIRTANLY NOT entitled to a good relationship. Great relationships are like work, they take just as much mental and physical strain as your job that pays you money, which is why so few people have great relationships. You're gym freak that trains 2 hours a day every day? You're hiker that enjoys spending days upon days in the nature, without basic civilized means for comfort? You're a gamer that spends average of 4 hours on PC? Welp, you just lost "great relationship". Unless you find a person from the same niche hobby which happens to be opposite sex, so you can enjoy that hobby together, that's it, you don't get to have a great relationship. It literally needs to be your hobby, we're already sacrificing 8-10 hours of our day to work, alongside commuting, couple of hours on food and making it ready to consume, third of a day on sleep etc etc. Reality is, every day you got about 3-5 hours maximum to yourself, and making a great relationship usually takes that time up, so unless it's actually your hobby, good luck having it.
And people like her (and I'm assuming you) will constantly say they just want "something" but then down the line admit (like she did in the video) that it's not that something that fits the bottom line, it's something "great". Sure, maybe she has higher standards than you cause she's a female so she can, while you consider something else "bottom line" and something else "great", but neither of you are entitled to it.
I'm not telling you "bE hApPy oN yOuR oWn", I'm telling you "Solid half of population is experiencing what you are experiencing, you're not special and NO, it wasn't better before, it was the same throughout the history. Now stop whining about it cause whining about it only makes it seem even more repugnant and clingy and needy, which will in turn shoo away even more potential partners.".
Get off social media, get a shrink, tell him (absolutely male, don't ever go to a female shrink as a male) your problems, get a prostitute, pay her hourly to listen to your story, maybe f*ck her, travel the world, go to impoverished areas of the world, see how they struggle for basic needs yet have community OUT OF NECESSITY, climb a mountain, change your outlook.
If all else fails, go to those very same impoverished areas and straight up buy a wife, she'd enjoy basic civilized comforts while you enjoy her.
If even that fails, become a monk and serve God in your mortal lifespan.
Just stop f*cking whining.
@@MrMrtvozornik Damn you ain’t have to rip into him like that😂😂😂💀 nah but I totally felt this. I promise I’m the type of person that doesn’t generally have a problem finding and keeping someone. I’ve dating someone for 5 years and my last ex was 2 years on and off. After both I did self reflection and dig deep to see what was the problem in both situations and I came out having a better understanding of myself and the people I was choosing and why. I am now with a new person who gives me all the things I need. A lot of people’s problems is they have very unrealistic expectations. They feel like getting in a relationship is all fun and games and going to make them hate their life less but news flash dating someone is just going to amplify your general feelings towards life so if you haven’t worked on yourself and aren’t happy with being alone you’re gonna stay being unhappy and then attribute that to them or you are going to make them your happiness which will In turn repel them. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but the relationship you have with yourself is what is reflected in your outter world. And people rather complain and bitch than do the work to be self accountable, establish good morals and boundaries, and make their own happiness by themselves. I attract good love because I love myself and I put in the work to be a good partner, always grow and correct my mistake. The girl literally said she doesn’t know why she attracts bad people and then in the same breath said she isn’t going to settle for good guys…like okay sTUpiD
That advice isn’t really stupid, it’s just that you have difficulty doing it because of the headspace you’re in. I see this all the time, where people reject advice because “Its easy for you to say, but…” Just because it’s easy to say doesn’t mean it isn’t true. The truth is that when you are happy with yourself, it’s easier to attract other people. Why? Well, if you don’t like yourself, why do you expect others to? Your mindset shows in your attitude, and people that put out negative energy are generally going to repel others because they are energy suckers. You have to consider what YOU are bringing to a relationship and why someone should take a chance on you. Don’t wait for opportunities to drop in your lap, go out and look for them. Clearly what you’re doing now isn’t working for you, so stop doing it.
I would say that you should do the things that you enjoy - hiking, rock climbing, art, board games, gaming, concerts, whatever, and look for local places/groups to do them at/with. Or take a community college class in something that interests you, volunteer for a cause you support. Meeting someone with a compatible interest is the bare minimum for making a connection that leads to a relationship.
Nah girl, you ain't getting hurt because you love really hard; you get hurt because you're unconsciously choosing men who represent the childhood traumas you've refused to face. Once you stop looking outwards and reflect, identify your traumas then deal with them you'll become the leader of your love life. Hurt people, hurt people.
Most people don't reflect. They don't see the past shapes them. Then it becomes a cycle which is rarely broken on a vaccum.
@@pastdue7170 Exactly an endless cycle.
@@SeeBillyRun it can be broke, but it is rarely done alone.
@kaelank484 the chances is yes they do to others if done to you if wasn't a mix bag of issues. Any abuser normaly can spot abuseable people. Good for you on getting out.
No she is getting hurt because she is shopping of her price range with men that can have her on Tuesday and another different girl on Wednesday.. She does not want to settle for a guy that can not do this so she will have no guy at all until she gets older and then settles for this kind of man who will have no idea she is just settling because she is running out of time..
Social Media made these women incapable of finding love from ONE person. First, they love themselves, second, they crave the attention that social media provides. Deep inside, they love this. That's why after every date, every breakup, every text, the first thing they do is run to social media to explain their situation to millions of strangers.
Histrionic Personality Disorder. When the dust settles we'll see that it's increased a heap since social media came into play.
Very much factual
Except they don't love themselves. That's the root of the problem. People see these women saying shit like "I'm a 10 and I deserve a 10" and think they have inflated egos. What they actually have is deep set insecurities they haven't dealt with, and deep down hate themselves. They're faking it thinking that's what having a good self esteem looks like. They actually have no idea what it really means to love yourself properly.
As someone that was a teenager in the mid 90s
Women like this always existed all social media did was expose them on a world wide stage
I think it's very dangerous to constantly blame social media for every negativity on earth
Let's think here, if not for this same social media, Julian Assange, Edward Snowden wouldn't of been able to expose the things they did and these toxic women wouldn't of been exposed that are telling on themselves
Many people's lives are saved by exposing shady people on Social media and corruption as well
So let's not treat social media like it's the sole reason for this
(Edit I can guarantee my comment won't be acknowledge because Americans need a boogyman to blame for everything and can't think critically)
@@Vannabee13 so obvious. There's the saying.
You're your worst enemy.
She can do the self healing work to reprogram herself to where she is attracted to and is attractive to emotionally healthy guys. That’s what I did and I’m extremely thankful that I was able to endure how long and excruciating of a process that was. Someone needs to tell her that she can change a full 180 degrees and it doesn’t cost a dime because all of the information is posted by the experts online for free, all it takes is bravery and dedication.
Do you know how unattractive men must find her personality if they are dodging her? She's not ugly, so it should be easy; just giving incel vibes. She should work on her self esteem and ask herself why she only feels validated through male attention. Counselling would help her, along with a ceast and desist on pity parties.
It's the exact same reason why those dudes in the incel community have issues getting dates. They come off as unhinged and lack self-awareness. This girl sounds (and looks) unhinged and obviously lacks self-awareness.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen 😂
For me the only solution would be "get out of social media and find something you like to do" but the need for validation is stronger so 🤷🏽♂️
You can’t call a woman an incel , doesn’t equate lmao .
@@AarGuzyup, step one would be Mission Impossible for her already. That being, get off social media and moreover; delete your account and work out, read, do self improvement and some serious therapy plus have some Damn hobbies lady 😊😅😅😅😅
A woman can't be incel she's most likely going after male model looking dudes I'm sure there are plenty of men who wanted her and asked her out that were just average and she rejected them.
In today’s world the internet (RUclips, Instagram, and TikTok). You two gentlemen are a breath of fresh air of common sense and just honesty at it’s core.
Thank you guys.
You know it's good content when it's got red pill and blue pill drones all hot and bothered.
@@SmickyDFence sitters ✊
@@SmickyDon god
@JuanHernandez-jt4cm Remember Aba and Preach are mere mortals, not God. If you want to discover more truth seek him and trust God not humans.
@@DanHoslerfuck the fence they’re on their own path fr bro just keeping it 💯 and trying to be good people
This is the hardest thing to learn, its so easy to judge and assume, when Im trying not to, learning it bit by bit has improved the quality of my life massively.
As someone unlearning the tendency to assume that the other person is at the same pace as me.. then becoming disappointed by my own expectations.. this really resonated. Doing the work to heal those deep-seeded patterns of self-sabotage (i.e. choosing emotionally unavailable people to date) born from fear & insecurity, and ultimately a reaction to trauma and betrayal, then putting in the effort to detach from said patterns, has been very hard to say the least. My therapist told me "once on this journey, it's relentless work". She told no lies.😫I commend anyone strong enough to face themselves in this way and try to be a better version of themselves and a healthier potential partner. Hardest pill to swallow has been that it's my responsibility and no one else's to take accountability for how I show up in my relationships, even if having been in survival mode wasn't my fault. Thank you guys for this segment ❤
I can really relate to this and am on the same journey. I agree that it can be pretty relentless but I will also say every step of the way I have seen improvements in so many areas of life I didn't expect. I have even started to enjoy being single and all its benefits, even if it's not the situation I would necessarily choose. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work healing
She should date skippy, at least she'll get nonstop daily communication 😂
XD she'd jump put of the nearest window in a week.
"I just want someone who cares about my feelings, likes to watch Netflix, and doesn't ghost me"."
Bish Please
🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂
Daily communication is way too much
12:59 “you need to find happiness before you find penis” bars, Preach! Bars! 😂
That girl needs some heavy therapy; not even joking. Also, Aba's message is something any woman in that situation must follow because there is happiness in peace, and once you realize that, you shine. I promise you!
How do you think she got here 🤭
48 year old here. Ten years ago I quit dating because my daughter was going through some stuff that required all my attention. Well it took a few years to get her through it, and let me tell you, I haven’t had any desire to start dating because I love my peace. I love doing my own thing. This lady is scary 😧
Good for you. You are a good Dad. My dad couldn’t stand being single, he married a woman that hated my brother and I. He allowed her to alienate him from us and continues to stay alienated even though she died years ago.
This is what happens when you remain single, you become addicted to it.
It's always funny to me how many people use the excuse "I just love so hard" when they're explaining away their failed relationships. I love very hard but I'm also happily married very young lol. Loving hard has nothing to do with anything. They don't love too hard, they just get attached too easy. Most people don't even know what genuine love is anymore. They have feelings and attachment and immediately start throwing around the word. You can't feel love as deeply if you're selfish and delusional about the issues you're causing in your own relationships. Truly loving someone means being willing to see the flaws in yourself and work hard to improve for the sake of your relationship rather than just constantly pointing out their flaws and wanting them to accept you as you are. YOU shouldn't accept you as you are. There is always room to be a better person. I suspect that's this girls issue. She couldn't possibly be the problem. The "is there something wrong with me" is a ploy for sympathy, not her genuinely wanting to know where she can improve.
You hit the nail on the head. I've been married for 12 years and it took me about a year and a half to finally tell my now wife I love her, because I really wanted to mean it, but now you have people just throwing around the love word and it really has lost it's meaning.
@@victorsoto4821People mistake lust for love .
This comment deserves more upvotes. You are so spot on. Also I would not want to date someone who I knew was going to talk about it all over social media. I bet that guy wouldn't feel too great knowing he just met "minimum requirements".
the fact her conclusion is "when will it be my turn" is so revealing as to what she set the condition for something that works. her baseline is finding the extraordinary partner that goes the extra mile while she sits there using her energy to guard herself from the hurt of a possible breakup. is anything up to you, at all? all you need to do is wait to pick the good lottery ticket? that's what you think people who are happy in long, healthy relationships did to achieve it?
that one remark is worded in such a red flag way it should be a nation-wide nuclear attack alarm
I see these posts from women saying that if a man isn't obsessed with them they lose interest. I can't help but think of the incredibly unhealthy relationships these women CRAVE all because it looks easier than actual accountability.
I'm actually sensing a different problem judging by how she says she just "loves really hard" and I've seen guys who have this problem too. She probably does too much early on thinking somehow she'll "earn" the love. "If I do xy and z, then they'll love me" and when she doesn't get the result she wanted she feels defeated.
You don't pick someone from a line up of people and then make that person love you by just trying "really really hard." Especially if its someone who isnt emotionally ready for commitment themselves. (Ie, the "unhealthy" people shes attracted to) Mutual love is something that develops organically by getting to know someone and building a connection.
This is a very good observation.
This girl has the same problem I used to have, she is getting attached to guys she doesn’t know too soon. And may be repelling guys with a negative attitude.
I remember in the 2000s it was a common trope to make a plot twist in movies of this miserable main character girl finally having an optimistic POV about love only after meeting the ✨Perfect ✨ Prince Charming guy… and 2018. The guy who does everything right and even when the girl is petty he is persistent, nothing ever repelled him from her because he progresses to “love her for who she is”
Obviously scripted entertainment isn’t always the same as psychological reality of relationships. BUT watching enough of these movies from a young age gave us an impression of life that it will probably turn out the same for us. By itself, the guy who does ALL THE WORK while the female protagonists were just there, that will happen to us. He will just show up at our environment ONE DAY and do the thing!
And boy did I used to be wrong for so long, thinking guys will be attracted to me pretending I’m not even interested one bit and distant and let him cut the distance himself 🙃 Or because guys like it when I play hard to get because it worked for many female leads in many movies 🙃🙃🙃🙃 🤦🏻♀️NOPE. Idk about y’all but that was the only romance guide I had at the time slightly but now I know confidence and optimism is what attracts people. Because I didn’t like guys that acted like this and then I noticed how my mindset wouldn’t be a good look with someone else either to begin with or from other petty girls too, but I didn’t think so when I was young, was it a double standard for women? Nevertheless, I finally know that it’s better to already be happy and be happy for your life before looking for someone.
And when you’re in a better place don’t just sit like all the past female protagonists, put some work, show some interest, get to know people, and if he isn’t reciprocating that same interest and work, move on. If you come to find y’all don’t want the same things, move on right away, that’s how it should go before you get too attached.
I honestly felt the same way until I became more self aware of the situation. Like we're all vain in the shit we want in a relationship and it seems we have so many expectations when it comes to love. Like Preach said "dont assume shit" just enjoy your time with another human being and consider yourself lucky to even get to try. Some people never get that.
Deeply disagree on the, "we're all vain with what we want in a relationship."
I literally just wanted someone who is alive, pleasant to be around...and above all kind!....my wife is *checks her pulse* all three of those!! 😂
@@bbbbbbb51maybe women and this guy specifically
I think everyone has a point in their life where they wonder “why can’t I get in a relationship” “why is everyone better than me at relationships” “why is everyone I get with betray me”
But when you think about it, when you’re secure in being single these questions won’t bother you. You will raise your standards and not let yourself be treated unfairly before you don’t have that fear of being single weighing you down, you need to love yourself first and foremost.
3:50 preach hold on that shit go hard 😭
Word!🤣
I've been single for 4.5 years, even though I have met several people whom I like, it has never led to any dating, but I understand that I'm not entitled for someone to love me, it will happen eventually or perhaps never, but loving myself and being focused on my goals have taken away the constant search for a partner
I’m so tired of all these people filling up social media with complaints about dating, how hard it is to find a good partner, how they’re gonna go it alone,….
Grow a backbone and develop some emotional maturity already
Chill, take care of yourself, keep putting yourself out there when it's comfortable - you'll be alright. You got this. Everyone deserves love, but don't go acting entitled to it or you might not get any.
Not everyone living on this godforsaken planet is deserving of love, no.
@@av4781agreed
@@av4781 I'm alright disagreeing on this one, but I still vibe with it. Definitely a hard sell this "everyone deserves love" idea. Took a lot of getting used to tbh
people deserve to love themselves, and to be loved when they're not a detriment to themselves and people around them. for instance, I may love someone toxic but no way am I going to actively love them through my actions and be there in their life, unless shit hits the fan
She sounds incredibly lonely. I hear such a pain in her voice and her filming herself and putting herself online shows how immensely she long for genuine connection. Those deep relational wounds better be treated with professional help in therapy. I’m wondering if she even feel a connection to her own inner core or if she’s trying to connect to herself through others. What we are not given in childhood we sometimes are bound to seek out jn our adult life. I wish she will find the help she might be in need of and hope that she will find a way to love herself first🙏
Sucks for her.. /Shrug Her and Girls like her wouldn't look at me in High-school, they still don't now, but are still whining about being lonely. I've been lonely the WHOLE TIME. And don't Whine about it...
One of us will be lonely and in Misery the whole time. (here's a hint: it's not me)
Moral of the story? Its their own fault and they deserve every second of it.
as a counselor this has red flags alllllllllll over it.
1. "loves too much". 99% of the girls who've come in to me and stated that, it's almost always an overly suffocating love, or co-dependency, or an infatuation/need for love so deep that they fall prey to love BEING in love. That's a key factor here.
2. I choose people who are bad for me, and why should I lower my standards to go for people I'm not attracted to...................notice how she doesn't talk about attractive or handsome people. she specifically says "the type I'm attracted to". That alone is a YUGE red flag. That means she's actively attracted to people who damage her. Actively attracted to a TYPE. There are handsome and great looking people from every demographic and personality type. There's sure to be one that strikes your fancy that isn't damange. What she means is she's attracted to personality types that are very damaging. This is most likely (as I can't specifically diagnose her from just a video) from childhood trauma, and deep seeded insecurities. There is zero reason to play the insanity route (doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results being the definition of insanity) unless the very aspects about the person she's looking out is not about visible attractiveness, but rather aspects about the other person's personality or their habits and those being damaging. THAT needs to be dealt with first. No one is saying go out and date someone you find phsyically repulsive, but she definitely needs to get to the root of the reason why she's attracted to damaging aspects. She will never have a fulfilling relationship if those aren't dealt with.
You’re speaking in a lot of absolutes for a counselor…
@@daanschroer7819 There is nothing new under the sun. there simply are small variances to over arching commonalities. The idea that each and every person follows some unique path is quite simply false. most people have hightly repetitive themes andt tendencies that are common among many people, just varied with slightly different life choices and backgrounds. there are almost always hugely common themes, moderately common themes, and less common themes for everyone. that's why we have a DSM 5 (TR)....common themes that after youv'e seen enough people are usually easy enough to see.
for example, if someone's an avoidant personality or displays those tendencies it's really easy to guess that they have have attachment issues, and various other traits and habits that they'll have without even seeing them. it's just a a super common conglomorate of tendencies based upon viewing thousands of people who will show most, if not all, of the tendencies as well.
I also thought her dichotomy was off. It's like she either thinks she can date a badboy who screws her over, or can only deal with crappy "nice guys" with zero attractive qualities. There are plenty of people who lie in the middle, but since she's as good looking as she is (just to keep it a buck), I wager she wants to date physically attractive men. That's fine, but a lot of those guys are so used to positive sexual attention that they can afford to play the field and "use" women, and I imagine that's who she's ending up with. The guys who are good looking but not players, many of them end up in committed relationships early and stay there. The older you are, the worse this seems to get as the dating pool has most of the strongest suitors taken early because they are such good partners, which leaves less desirable people and people with "baggage". We all deserve love, but it's a harder sell when you seem to have less to offer. It pains me to put it that way, but that's just how it is.
The sickness thing always gets me 😂
8:10 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Telling me that when he’s busy he’s not going to be able to answer me quickly” is EXACTLY it. She’s too much. He had to already explain that he sometimes can’t answer quickly. He had to explain that.
these two guys are probably the two most psychologically sane people on RUclips.... the comedy combined with wisdom hahahaha I never get tired of watching this hahhahahha
Bet they secretely hide gigantic skeletons in their closet
@@av4781hat's the ghost of the bitter bitch talking through you
@@av4781 prove it
Totally, I love watching these two. Their approaches are sane and real and they don't try to fit into some mainstream politically correct corset, they just say what they think.
Calm tf down bro
This just happened to me, the girl I was dating came from a lot of trauma and toxic relationships so whenever it was going good between us she would start pointless fights
From my experience, MANY W will say that their last BF was "toxic, controlling, narcissistic, etc."
Are there some M who have those traits? Absolutely.
But MOST W say this as a way to capture the next guys attention and COMPLETELY neglect the FACT that SHE was a HUGE problem in the relationship.
It's a COMMON way for MANY of them to avoid accountability and self-awareness.
Then when she ends things with YOU, she will begin formulating situations that make YOU the bad guy to her next M.
And the cycle continues...
Dont believe her she is the toxic one she made the relationship toxic
Last time I had this "When will it be my turn" mindset was when I was like in my late teens to early 20s, but dropped it once I was approaching my mid 20s. You learn this when you get older, but this is a really pathetic way of thinking.
The fact is that in your life, you're gonna attract all kinds of different people, but not all of them are gonna be good for you. I'd even say most of them will most likely be duds. And vice versa, you're gonna be attracted to people who seem great at first, but who are just not a good match for you. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. Sometimes it's also a sign for you to work on yourself as well.
It really just boils down to weeding out people that are not treating you well and to setting boundaries. If a guy goes ghost or only replies days later, doesn't put in any effort and you just feel that something's off, then just walk away. Don't stay because you think you can't do better.
But first and foremost, I agree with Preach's saying of finding happiness and self love before finding a dick lmao.
Also, while it's natural for people to want to partner up and to desire romance and companionship, it still is a pathetic thing to wonder "When will it be my turn" as if getting a partner is some kind of badge of honor. Nah that's the beginning, not the end. Relationships take work and a lot of people out here desire a relationship, but are not emotionally or mentally ready for the responsibilities of a relationship.
7:50 PREACH 😂😂😂😂
I can give her some props for actually doing some self reflection as to why things aren't working out instead of immediately pointing fingers.
But to me, the apparent problem still exists that women out there still don't have a grasp of men having standards and actually having some wants. Some women have no concept of men actually having the sense and liberty to see red flags in women; these women just think it's all about them like they are the main actor and everyone else is living in their world, mindlessly behaving the way they want.
But at least she was willing to consider that she might be the one at fault, although her thinking still fell short
Honestly there's a lot of mixed messages going on with social media that's given this generation false expectations with dating.
Women are told men have no standards and the average guy will fall in love with you if you just give them a compliment because men never get attention and always do the chasing. While I'm sure most men would appreciate more compliments and attention, it's not a fast track for instant commitment. And most men still have standards.
Men on the other hand are being told that most women have inflated egos and are chasing the top 10% of guys and won't look twice at an average guy. And that they need "game" and "rizz" to stand a chance. Most women are deeply insecure, especially about their appearance, and aren't social media influencers, and want sincere connection, not a guy dropping one liners before he even knows her name.
No one knows how to sit down and talk like normal people.
Quote of the day... "You need to find happiness before you find a Penis" ...oh it apply both ways (both genders) .
She's not actually asking what she can change and what she needs to work on. She's asking what's wrong with her so that all the people in the comments will say all kinds of stuff about how nothing is wrong with her and these men just don't deserve her and all that bs. I guarantee you if someone made a list of her behaviors that were running men off she'd get super upset and sic her followers on the person. If someone really wants to know what's wrong with them, they wouldn't go to social media, they'd ask someone they knew and the words "I just love too hard" would NEVER leave their mouths.
@@faithwdeng Nailed it !
In my experience, most of the people who say “I love too hard and fast” usually just tend to overshare and project this fantasy on you without ever actually getting to fully know or understand you first. They have this idealistic Disney approach to relationships that consists of a lot of delusion. When they inevitably scare people away with coming on too strong, they fall back on being “the hopeless romantic.” They just need therapists.
Are there serial daters? Yes. Are there people who absolutely do not know how to be single? Absolutely. But there are also people who want to put the work in to make a relationship work and be open to the idea of it. I think this woman is purposefully picking the wrong people because the idea of actually working for a healthy relationship scares the hell out of her. She may hate being single, and can point to all the reasons why it didn't work out. Meanwhile, her friend gets knocked down but gets back up to try again. I used to have that mentality of "When will it be my turn?" Never. There are no "turns". You want something? Go and get it. It's not enough to want it. You have to WANT to GO OUT AND GET IT.
I can somewhat relate to her first point of feeling like dating is pointless nowadays. She's clearly got some problems but the feeling of hopelessness in the dating scene is real. At this point though I just need to work on myself and figure out what I want out of life before I even attempt relationships again. I tend to fall pretty hard for people which isn't good when I need to work on myself as I'll get too wrapped up in the relationship and lose myself.
Im not very experienced in relationships.. but i feel when we work on ourselves and actually are happy, then usaly love comes automaticly but it can drag us out of the routine that made us confident and happy within ourself. Getting our happiness externally is always bi..tch to rely on, so focusing on our happiness internally is def the key for a happy life and relationship.
No, I cant relate. Women have it infinitely easier
“ you know what happens when you assume something? It makes an Ass of U and Me.” (Ass U me).
Best life lesson my grandma ever taught me.
8:04 I completely lost it LMAOOO
Desperation forms misery and misery loves company. It's definitely difficult to date now, but continually talking about it and putting so much energy into it isn't going to help.
Like Aba has said in the past, find a hobby, but I'll also reiterate; learn some skills, hang out with friends if you have them, do what makes you happy and do things that take relationships off of this mysteriously high pedestal that people tend to have.
When people say you have to love yourself before you can love someone else they're talking about these kinds of people. They want what they want without fully grasping why. If you don't show love for yourself, understand yourself and take care of yourself you'll always lose in the end.
People need to stop depending on others to be happy. If you're not enjoying your own company, how can anyone else bear you let alone enjoy you being around?
As a teen, I never understood women. As a young woman, I never understood women. As a grown ass women, I still don't understand women.
My heart goes out to anyone who is capable of dating these types of people. People who are willing to share most of their relationship and daily life to thousands of people. I love my privacy and would chose someone who share the same sentiment.
The “bare minimum of daily communication” is such a red flag. I have a guy friend just like this. His biggest critique of girls is they need to talk everyday. Once they don’t chat everyday of heaven forbid he gets left on read without a reply he gets weird af and ruins it. It literally could be going smooth for a month but one day or one weekend they don’t talk.
I have BPD and she describes the way my human interactions go. To the TEA! Not gonna say she has BPD too, but I it's more probable than not that she has BPD in my eyes. It was like listening to my female counterpart in the mirror. I just don't post this shet online, I just cry in corners
I also get the "I dont want people that would be good for me" because in a way I feel the same, though I try to bend that line in the direction of good for me and give up on my fantasies. When you need a lot of reassurance and a person that is secure and wants to be around you a lot and be a bit clingy as well, just as you are, you know that you choose that kind of thing because you have a problem. So a person that would be similar to you or would be prone to offering you that gets from you sort of a desgust of your own projection on her. You don't like her because you don't like yourself mirrored in there. So you end up not going towards what would be good for you.
Wow, I have BPD too and the thing you said about projection is blowing my mind. This actually really helped me, thank you. And I had the same thought that she probably has BPD haha.
@@jeanette2475 I am glad that it helped you. Wish you well Jeanette.
I have BPD as well but it's not just a BPD issue it's a maturity issue. For people like us, not chasing emotions is a must and you can't just assume things without communicating not just for the other person but for ourselves
Hey, at least she’s getting her bullshit out in the open for you to decide if you wanna opt in or out. (Big out, personally) Massive time saver for you, my brothers. 👍
I wish more people did this and there was an app that tracked body count so people know what they are getting themselves into
That's actually the single best thing about our current dating landscape in the West. Awful men and women alike seem to unabashedly wear their red flags on their sleeve. I'm quite grateful for it.
I think people confuse love with obsesion, someone makes them feel not alone and they get pbsesed with that feeling of not being alone, that aint love, you are just obsesed with not feeling bad
A lot of women (and maybe men too) go through this, we want a certain type of guy that gets our juices flowing. That excites us. But a lot of times those men are emotionally unavailable, or abusive, or just not a good match for us outside of sexual/physical attraction. We avoid nerdy guys, or *genuine* nice guys, or less physically attractive guys because they don’t excite us. So we reject them. And we will repeat this mistake a lot until we eventually get exhausted of having our hearts shredded. We have to be broken like horses to get that wildness out of us. Only then will we start to consider that maybe all those guys we have been turning down may have been sent from God to steer us in a healthier direction, and we give in and try dating them instead. For some women this happens sooner rather than later, but for others it happens way later, and some never learn. It’s not really settling, it’s just prioritizing something other than our base desires.
Ma'am you are speaking for yourself. But go off.
It's funny how she doesn't wanna settle for a good man and then gets upset that hot men are not willing to settle for her.. The irony is strong in this one 😂
Preach as the inner voice is PEAK comedy. I dont know how Aba kept a straight face 😂
You must not watch a lot of comedy, cause it wasn't that funny lol
I wish I have friends like you who's sincere, insightful, balanced and just tell things the way they are.
"Loving too hard" =NEEDY AS FUCK right out of the gate. Wants instant responses to ALL her texts-which flow like Niagara Falls. Starts talking about names for the kids within a week of dating. No "getting to know you" period; just jumps in with TMI FAR too soon and demands equal forthcomingness. I am thinking some therapy might help her to gain some insight into what is a very obvious problem on HER part. If "everybody else" is the problem, SHE is the common denominator in all of this. "Loving too hard" with someone she has only known for a WEEK spells the issue out PLAINLY.
We just found the female Skippy
She lacks so much self awareness
Cause she wasn't taught the importance of it.
@@noaharthur9041 But is her lack of self-awareness a result of "nature" or "nurture?"
Can someone actually be TAUGHT self-awareness? Or is it an attribute that is naturally developed?
There are MANY people who have been shown/taught/instilled with a sense of self-awareness;
But still neglect it, regardless of how many situations require it from them.
Others are simply destined to lacking self-awareness... and we could attribute that to MANY social or even natural factors.
@@BingoBangoBongoBOOM those are fair points. The way I see her talking, its like she is kinda clueless on what she wants. Thats why I assumed she wasn't taught it.
@@BingoBangoBongoBOOM true I think you can grow up in the healthiest and most stable family and still lack it. It's for me the reflection of self of how you interact with your environment and how your environment reacts/responds to ones self. The best lessons are the ones we don't even have to through ourselves but see other ppl make and know how to prevent something like that in the future.
@@mellowsloth2984 I appreciate your response, but I will pose you a question:
Is self-awareness different for M & W?
As a M, we ideally enter the world and become aware of ourselves, in relation to the environment, or put ourselves and others at risk. We can observe others around us and make adjustments toward how to acquire the things that sustain our lives. We develop a sense of individuality that unfolds into varying levels of self-awareness in an effort to influence the external world in our favor.
However, W "seem" to enter the world and often expect the external world to adjust to their needs. Their general observations are geared toward influencing others to accommodate their internal desires. Many W seem to neglect self-awareness because they have vicariously observed MANY other W reaping the benefits from others without ever having developed it.
In a nutshell, we often see M requiring self-awareness because without it, he will be unable to sustain himself or influence the world;
While W do not have this same obligation because she [perhaps] unconsciously expects the world [especially M] to sustain and provide FOR her.
You two got me crying ! 😂😂😂 7:42
My g/f (now wife) said "I love you" first. It was ~3-4 weeks into the relationship and I wasn't ready and I try to be honest at all times. My reply was "I feel loved" (not my best moment). She almost kicked me to the curb right then she told me. Happy she didn't. Together for 21 years. Married for 12. We had different pace like you mentioned!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think that people mislabel certain actions as "clingy" when they're not. Your wife just operated on a faster pace on the relationship side, and it doesn't mean there was anything wrong with her, that's just how she was. Similarly, there was nothing wrong with the way you felt about the situation, you were also going on your own pace.
@@darkyoumemento5307 Exactly! Funny thing is... We both decided we didn't want kids. With that in mind, she was always saying "no point in marriage if no kids. It's just a piece of paper." One morning I made us both a coffee and just asked her. She lost her mind and started crying. It was adorable. I am a lucky man.
i find that people who fall in love super fast, fall out of love just as fast
I don’t think anyone should “settle” but sometimes people need to realize their standards are higher than what they are capable of getting
This is the stereotypical broken woman who can't let go of her attraction of bad boys. She grew up.
Love y’all work, started watching y’all a little after 100k and just wanna say it’s amazing watching y’all grow
I’m young and live a semi-solitary lifestyle. It is so weird and concerning to hear people complain for validation from others, they wont even take accountability for their own mechanisms.
What guy wants a chick that emotionally vomits all over tik tok?? If she’s putting all that out there for strangers, what else is she holding back? How much more crazy is under the surface. Also, privacy in a relationship matters. I wouldn’t want to worry that she’s gonna put all my business out there
Might be a cluster b personality. Ran far, run fast.
@@revvolutions dated one, never again.
I honestly don’t think a lot of women value privacy or understand the importance privacy in a relationship and how much men value it
@@Ryan-cb1eiYet a bunch of men want to date or get with those women.
@Easy-xk5ce do they though?? I never heard guys say "oh yeah I want a gf that post everything online"
I have a friend who is exactly like this, I love her very much but unfortunately she is not open to constructive criticism AT ALL. I have tried so hard to help her out but she takes everything as a personal attack, and makes me feel like I’m not being a good friend. You really can’t help these types of people 😢
I'd recommend not associating myself with those types of people. They drag you down in the long** run.
The ghost impressions are hilarious! Love you guys ❤
I laughed my ass off when she said "I can't find nobody, I just love really hard'.. this what every girl says after they run up their body count and then wonder why they can't have a stable relationship 😂 like a blueprint
facts
Ehhhh, I guess it depends. I've only been with 1 man my whole life, and personally, I love really hard aswell. Just gotta learn that people DO NOT have to feel the same way about you at all, no one is obligated to.
People’s minds get clouded with this red pill shit. Not everyone is as obsessed with “body count.” Her saying “I love too hard” is way more likely to mean anything between “I know I suffocate the shit out of people I date and probably try to move in with them after two weeks of dating and start talking about marriage after like a month, but I think that should be considered a positive trait” and “I come across as a full on psycho and probably seem like I’d poke a hole in condoms to keep a guy I like.”
Red pill shit is like “all I have is the hammer so everything looks like a nail” and the hammer is “girls are hoes.” That’s not how mature people evaluate relationships.
@@hcironman9196 yep!!👍👍
@@RottedDollface It's even more important to understand that love isn't merely an emotional state. Real love is appreciating the whole person, the real person, despite their imperfections (I don't mean red flags), not the idealised version that our brains concoct and we in turn 'hope' is the case. That is why relationships are so fucked, most people aren't looking for other _people_, they're looking for some magical being who can 'fix' all their problems so they won't have to do it for themselves.
the social media and media in general has made the relationships so hard. these people cannot have it irl anymore. they just can't. they see a romatisized version of love and relationships on a screens of their phones, they read about it in books or see it on TV, and they desperately want it in their lives, they dream about it, but as soon as it starts irl, they begin to find any excuse for doing nothing, they do not put effort in it. for some reason they think that it just has to happen by itself, that the attraction, care or love have to appear right away in a kind of 'a love from the first sight' way... these poor people just don't understand that if they want to have a romantic relationship with other person, they need to work on it.
what is it? are you interested in each other? that's great! now communicate with each other. after time there will be both friendship, and attraction, and care and ultimately love. you just have too work on it! you have to be there and do it! not just wanting it, but actually doing it!
I'm 45 and I feel the same way. However I'm learning to be happy by myself : I'm learning to love myself again and walking in purpose.
On a non-relationship standpoint, I've had a situation in which someone who was my friend in school was constantly comparing themselves to their peers-who were coincidentally our peers. It was so weird because it's not like they weren't smart, but they, in all their wisdom, believed that they weren't because they got one question wrong from other individuals despite the fact that they might have had one of the highest grades
I kind of relate to this. I really despise when people close to me irl talk about how I'm smart, wise, or nuanced.
I'm not sure what it is that causes me to feel that way. Might be my optimism in other people. I see the good in them and want other people to as well.
There’s something from their home that’s causing that. I just know it. I had that behaviour too
People are so surface level. No wonder women and men have trouble dating. Everybody excepts perfection yet none of these people wanna put effort themselves.
Nope men dont have unrealistic expectation. Statistics showed that even average women want top % men and would ignore men her level. There was on with bumble where 80% of women only swipes right for 10% of men. Thats why i invested in cat food and wine 😂
As soon as I saw the title I knew what the reality was: she's a borderline personality, that's what "I love too much," means. I watched it and listened, and now I see that I was right.
"I'd so much rather be single and alone, and be in peace..." That's definitely not true, this type of person HAS to be in a relationship all the time, her identity is completely dependent on being in a relationship. That's why "she loves too much."
Edit: reading the pinned comment only reenforces it.
I think there’s a bit of a paradox when it comes to making friends and dating. It can be harder to meet good potential friends or dates when you put too much focus on that objective. You might have to look for them in your peripheral vision while you’re doing other things, like pursuing hobbies that get you around other people. This could be biking, writing groups / book clubs, classes that teach a skill, martial arts, walking groups, etc.
Doing things to better others’ lives, whether volunteering with an organization or just doing things for people in your community, not only brings you into contact with like-minded people but also gives you more perspective and can open your heart in new ways.
Any of these activities can help you build confidence, too. Plus you start with a shared interest, which makes getting to know a friend or potential partner easier . Just having a go-to topic you both like makes a difference, especially in the early stages before you get more comfortable and have a cache of shared jokes and stories
I used to be this girl. Super hyped over the smallest bit of male attention. That desperation attracted men who just wanted to use me, cause I was easy. Compliment-bomb me, and I was yours. If you ghosted me afterwards, I was a hysterical mess.
This one time, I met a guy from Tinder. We were talking for a couple of weeks before we finally met. The moment he saw me, he kissed me. I took him to my apartment, we had a few drinks (mostly to calm my nerves.) Then we slept together. He went home the next day and for the following week, I didn't hear anything from him. I bombed him with messages of desperation, bitterness, confusion, and begging... then, he finally got back to me. Said his phone was dead for the week. I believed him (these days, I know he was ghosting me. He probably spent the week hooking up with someone else, then when they were no longer interested, he came back to the one that WOULD have him.)
Well, we continued to go out for the next 9 months. I was like, "Omg, I'm in an actual relationship. I love him. We should move in together and have kids." Anyway, he never moved in and when I started growing up and setting healthier boundaries, like, "You're gonna start wearing rubber if you're not gonna get a job or make a serious move with me. I'm not falling pregnant to a bum" kinda stuff. We eventually broke up, cause he refused to wear one, get a job, or move in with me (he was living in his fathers backyard in a caravan. I had my own apartment. It made sense). He claimed the entire 9 months of our relationship, he considered it nothing more than a fling.
I was so dumb and stupid and moronic and DUMB. I've been single for almost 10 years now, cause I don't know how to be a healthy girlfriend! I don't know how to attract healthy men. I'm not the healthiest woman to start with (emotionally, mentally, and physically), so to spare myself the self-made misery, and to spare the time and energy of another man- I'm happily single, cause the alternative is putting myself out there with very little experience and improvement. Drama drama drama.
No one's responsible for that except me. I don't sit there asking, "When's my turn?!" I'm not bitter or envious over the relationship of others. You can't miss what you've never had.
I HAVE made emotional and mental improvements to become a more grounded person with standards higher than, "Omg, he's saying words to me!" - I just don't have the drive to put myself out there. I've only been in two (unhealthy) relationships. I'm 34. I've basically got the frightened, prudish mentality of a virgin- with all the experience to boot. Cringe. I'll cheer the lovebirds on and live vicariously through them. 🤭🫣
Wow what a story... I hope u find a fulfilling and lasting relationship 💓 💗
@@ItsJustKylie-i like the honest in your post.
It's great to see people taking accountability and consider to they may hurt the others.
Lots of broken folks go into relationship just to destroy their partners. The worst when they have kids together.
@ytcensorship8180 - That's so true. Hurt people hurt people, if you know what I mean. I'm too insecure and inexperienced to burden a full-grown man with that.
I actually fell pregnant with my first boyfriend (not the one I mentioned in the story), but I lost it 3 months in. I was devastated. Every year around the time I lost it, I remind myself that I could've had a 14 year old teenager by now- but I also remind myself that I'm... grateful, I guess I could say- that the pregnancy didn't work- cause then I'd be a single mother forever attached to a toxic baby daddy.
I think I'm lucky that the worst I got is being single for a long, long time. I haven't dragged anyone down with me.
Did I write this? Loll
So the guy was telling you it was a fling and you chose to ignore it? Sounds like a big case of your fault lol
There's nothing healthy about someone moving on from a realtionship quickly. People don't understand the importance of true healing and true healing doesn't mean sleeping with other people to mask the pain, it means being celibate and alone, and dealing with the wounds you recieved in your previous relationship. People need to learn to respect the healing stage.
M e n t a l H e a l t h ✨ She needs therapy and a wake up call. It’s sad objectively that she’s subjecting herself to a vicious cycle. I hope she breaks that loop somehow….
You worded that really well. 😅
Stop these therapy nonsense. You people need to talk to each other, not through the phones, instagram and other bias. You are always on your phones, headphones.. Stop it. Be social.
She need self awareness maybe, but not therapy. She is not sick, she's a narcissist
@@miroslavkruzlik9023most of social people I know are crazy, so it doesn't seem to help them. How should they help themselves?
Needs god in her life.