I was raised by one, and 2 of my siblings are quite narcissistic. Watch for someone who seems to need you to be beneath them, including pitying you, defining you in negative ways, and getting their digs in to deflate you. Mind your feelings when around this person, and pay attention to the patterns. These people are dangerous and we need to keep them out of our lives.
@@godzillamanstreb524 Sorry you are dealing with them too. It's a simple mission I am on now, to expunge these creatures from my life. Not saying it is easy though because I for one am surrounded.
I have 8 sisters, all of them lack self awareness. They got it from our narcissist father. So, I think (even though this implicates me), ask: "Describe your mother, father, and siblings". Will give you a GREAT indication who you are talking to. (I have other issues to resolve via therapy, but not a lack of self awareness, narcissist personality). So needless to say, I'm estranged from all my sisters...if they want complain, they can talk to their poor husband, be cuz I'm out! To be fair: my sisters were mentally abused, and their mind was corrupted by an evil dude. But...you can't kick start a dead horse, you just cross yourself and walk away.
I refuse to ride in the same car as a narcissist.. This can cause narcissist rage to take my own vehicle but at the end of the day I am not putting my life in their dangerous hands.
Look for hypocrisy! No one ever mentions that. Hypocricy a sign of intentional subterfuge and/or personality disorder! Rules for thee but not for me! If the hypocrisy keeps repeating, the person is potentially dangerous to your reputation, well being, job, marriage, health, and life.
So true My ex-N is still up the front preaching love, kindness, the importance of family, etc after years of treating me (and our kids) with disregard, disinterest etc. Full emotional abuse.And after walking out on us 3 years ago! So delusional about her own apparent perfection.
Covert "sweetest little old lady" mom wanted me to take her to visit the malignant golden child sibling who moved across the country as soon as Mom's memory began failing. I said "No." Nothing else, just no. Oh my goodness - she demanded a reason - I said I didn't want to and offered to put her on a direct flight and pick her up when she got back. She demanded an explanation. I repeated. She got angry, didn't understand. I repeated. She became a victim. I repeated "direct flight" offer. She tried to guilt. I said I understood, but No. It's comical once you can identify the tactics how they cycle through them, pushing buttons hoping for one that works. The entire time, they confirm that you are just the buttons, not a person.
It is also on a spiritual level. If you are quite in tune with your emotions & know who you are as a whole person. Knowing your own flaws and strengths, etc. Some can sense these creatures within seconds and I also feel they can sense some of us, too. Sadly, some of us have to go through some kind of relationship with them to have that ‘awakening’ period.
Also watching their micro expressions - they are quick so you have to be really paying attention. When their words don't match their expressions - HUGE.
I was once fired by a narcissist who, despite not being the department head, had 30 people going crazy with frustration over her. She was not grandiose. Her power plays were far more subtle and damaging. Introverts are often the worst narcissists.
True . The high functioning covert narcs are the worst. It’s really hard to spot as they’re the best actors sadly. They “know” how to act humble, kind, moral, polite, etc… Just be aware and pay attention to little details.
Not all of them have explosive anger. Some get resentful to the point of blind hatred of certain groups of people. I'd say this might be the covert narcissist, but the lack of accountability/responsibility is the main factor I see in various narcissists I have encountered.
Agreed to occasional lunch/dinner with a family friend, and we agreed that we would be "lunch buddies" only. Dutch. No romance, due to family connections. 1. Lost temper at other vehicle, honking, cursing. 2. Dangerous driving, despite my protests, on highway. (I drove or we met after that) 3. Snit fit with a cashier, because they didn't count back change the "right" way. 4. Declared "feelings", despite agreement. They asked a lot of questions during conversations, I think to gather ammo and to charm me, attempting love bombing, as in #4. There was no way we were ever going to have a relationship to begin with, as I stick with my boundaries. Looking back, I'm glad I learned to recognize the red flags and get out soon. I gradually cut communication, in order to eliminate drama. Slowed return of texts, no more info given, gradually cut contact. Now it is a friendly hello at rare family events. Once burned, twice shy. I'm glad I have great boundaries, and remember my red flags.
The overuse of the term is what helped me too finally discover what has been going on in and my life throughout my life! As much as I dislike the misuse and overuse of mental health diagnostic terms, it also brings awareness to them. I had thought my mother had… autism, reactive attachment disorder, early dementia (due to chronic lying), and a few others… but when I read the criteria for NPD I felt a wave of relief. I also understood why I was making so many horrible relationship choices. I’ve been single for over four years due to fear, but have been healing.
A narcissist I know definitely has road rage, and I'm talking about getting visibly angry and tailgating, etc, all because she thinks she should always go first (huge entitlement). She was driving around an elderly cancer patient in the family in a small city, and whenever I drove, the older woman would apologize for helping me navigate and she'd talk about how angry the narcissist would always get, even yelling so loudly that her ears hurt. Also, look for a power play, and that can mean them infantilizing you under the guise of being caring, because that's often a top-down attitude.
Aggressive driving and road ragers is a major sign someone is a narcissist or even sociopath (unless there's a medical emergency or something). Driving is inherently dangerous and you have to be safe behind the wheel of a 1,000 - 3,500 pound machine that is able to go 120+ mph. Narcs don't care if they engage in road rage or drive like maniacs and can injure or kill others and themselves. They're are a public danger when behind the wheel IMO. My dad is 100% a narcissist and drove like a crazy person.
I find that if you come away from an interaction with a person and they subtly made you feel “less than” or inadequate in some way, that’s a narcissist. They are constantly obsessed with the pecking order; they always need you to be a notch lower than them in their perceived status hierarchy. If you have a low self esteem, you will believe them - you will think you don’t measure up to them. The ironic thing is that THEY don’t feel adequate… their insecurity is always simmering under the surface of their “confidence” mask. Their subtle put-downs of you are their grasping attempts to soothe their insecurities. “Micro aggressions” is a good term to describe their tactics.
3:10 6-12 months? I took 6-12 years and a divorce! lol But there are other complicating factors, beyond my Irish tendency to just eat shit until I die.
I think she means 6-12 months once you know what to watch for! It took me about 5 years to see my ex was a narcissist because I didn't see some red flags and ignored others, until I was in way too deep.
I didn't realize my parents were narky until after they had been dead for a long time. Only Narky Sis remains. I figured it out maybe a year or two ago, and I was 63 at the time!
A Narcissistic person is a person that needs a warning sign. They are very dangerous and the people using the word in a desensitized matter, may be the narcissist. IJS
People shouldn’t abuse the word unless they’ve experienced it and know about it. 3.5 years and being accused for everything to the point of making me feel like a horrible person so I went to therapy to learn it wasn’t me, it was NPD and reactive abuse
Narcissists use cars as weapons psychologically and physically. If you're a woman, you might be treated to an "exciting" thrill ride" ~which is actually a powerful form of *intimidation* ...
I try to never ride with someone unless I know their driving habits or their personality. I do the driving. And when someone b*tches about my driving style, like telling me I should have honked or tried to beat out another car...then I know I will NEVER get in a car with that one behind the wheel.
The ex expressed all characterics of all types,sometimes grandiose covert ,vurnable,malignant physcopath trying to hurt or murder to get back control.Which ever one gets him.what he wanted.Getting worse with age for sure
THANK YOU for clarifying that being full of yourself/a cheater etc. does not a narcissist make!! It's getting out of hand how easily people call smn a narcissist lol and have no idea what they're talking about and really don't get how it's this whole thing. In my experience, narcs are more often female. (I say this as a woman..)
Your sounds completely went out after awhile. My advise is to redo this podcast. Thank you. It’s always hood to be reading the texts in a pod so as to see what is being discussed on the audience side. That way you can realize there’s a distortion or cut off in the mic or something.
Sometimes I think my mom is a narcissist. She had cancer, and my dad went above and beyond taking care of her . She survived . My whole life , any time he's sick, she's mean. She used to have horrible road rage, I remember crying in the back from her yelling and cursing . She once told me our dog died when I was under 8 years old and that this dogs name was Freddy not Goldie. My dad yelled at me really badly and my mom thought it was hilarious . I've always felt I have 2 dads because she never taught me to be feminine. As an adult I see her as an example of how I do not want to be . I love her but she's like a mean big sister .
my husband drives against oncoming traffic on the narrows roadway, and he's is yelling why they won't pass him away. I. my opinion, he had to wait. Two times he did that, and I think he was waiting if I supported him or not.
maybe my narc is just half narc, a piece of borderliner / sociopath. other side he is a good and generous provider, father and hubby. he does take the washdisher, clean the floor with his loved Dyson, and put out the garbage regularly. he is a boss, a leader, and I respect him. just sometimes, because of different opinions about growing up children, he is fighting for his own right to decide.
Here's another way to spot a possible narcissistic person using the famous and well known zebra crossing method: Observe the person when they are crossing a zebra crossing / marked crosswalk. If they accelerate their pace slightly when other traffic is waiting for them, they are unlikely to be narcissistic. If they do not even notice the other traffic and do not adjust their pace at all: that person may be narcissistic.
The notion thar there are more male than female narcissists should be put to rest sooner rather than later. The very knowledgable Dr. Ramani is very much in touch with the subject but not as much with the times.
I wanna do youtube channels in things I think are cool, but the whole, pointing a camera at me, just kreeps me out . Everything it takes to make a narc, Seperately or severally, makes me wanna run outta my skin, , I kinda hate it.
Kind, empathic, naive , low self esteem, a giver -type person, weak boundary, emotional unstable , have a parent or both parents are narcs / toxic family.
I was raised by one, and 2 of my siblings are quite narcissistic. Watch for someone who seems to need you to be beneath them, including pitying you, defining you in negative ways, and getting their digs in to deflate you. Mind your feelings when around this person, and pay attention to the patterns. These people are dangerous and we need to keep them out of our lives.
well sais I had the same...3 brothers like that
Sounds very familiar
@@godzillamanstreb524 Sorry you are dealing with them too. It's a simple mission I am on now, to expunge these creatures from my life. Not saying it is easy though because I for one am surrounded.
I have 8 sisters, all of them lack self awareness. They got it from our narcissist father. So, I think (even though this implicates me), ask: "Describe your mother, father, and siblings". Will give you a GREAT indication who you are talking to. (I have other issues to resolve via therapy, but not a lack of self awareness, narcissist personality). So needless to say, I'm estranged from all my sisters...if they want complain, they can talk to their poor husband, be cuz I'm out!
To be fair: my sisters were mentally abused, and their mind was corrupted by an evil dude. But...you can't kick start a dead horse, you just cross yourself and walk away.
Very well said…. I have found these patterns in the narcissists I have known. They are definitely dangerous and need to be out of our lives…
My dad was 110% narcissist and he drove like an angry kamakazi pilot. Getting in the car with him was putting your life at risk.
I refuse to ride in the same car as a narcissist.. This can cause narcissist rage to take my own vehicle but at the end of the day I am not putting my life in their dangerous hands.
I’m sorry….ive noticed that too….why do they drive like that?!? Entitlement probably
Thats why I dumped my ex. He kept putting me in situations where I got injured or ar high risk.
It’s about power because it’s always about control whether through fear or love bombing & transaction
My ex was the same way.
"Charm" and "charming behavior" are not the same as kindness.
I know a "charming" covert narcissist who is definitely not kind.
True. Covert narc....street angel...house devil....secret life.
Look for hypocrisy! No one ever mentions that. Hypocricy a sign of intentional subterfuge and/or personality disorder! Rules for thee but not for me! If the hypocrisy keeps repeating, the person is potentially dangerous to your reputation, well being, job, marriage, health, and life.
Yessss, hypocrisy
So true
My ex-N is still up the front preaching love, kindness, the importance of family, etc after years of treating me (and our kids) with disregard, disinterest etc. Full emotional abuse.And after walking out on us 3 years ago! So delusional about her own apparent perfection.
Bang on 🎯 Double standards...do as I say not as I do 🤨
Unfortunately it DOES take around a year to see it 😢
So TAKE IT SLOW PEOPLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The red flags were there early on, but the narc behavior was not obvious for years.
Tell them no when they demand something- it all unspools from there without any work on your part.
OMG a you’re soooo right!
Covert "sweetest little old lady" mom wanted me to take her to visit the malignant golden child sibling who moved across the country as soon as Mom's memory began failing. I said "No." Nothing else, just no. Oh my goodness - she demanded a reason - I said I didn't want to and offered to put her on a direct flight and pick her up when she got back. She demanded an explanation. I repeated. She got angry, didn't understand. I repeated. She became a victim. I repeated "direct flight" offer. She tried to guilt. I said I understood, but No. It's comical once you can identify the tactics how they cycle through them, pushing buttons hoping for one that works. The entire time, they confirm that you are just the buttons, not a person.
Very manipulative too. He will say.. I will take care of you, then he will control my financial crazy way..
It is also on a spiritual level. If you are quite in tune with your emotions & know who you are as a whole person. Knowing your own flaws and strengths, etc. Some can sense these creatures within seconds and I also feel they can sense some of us, too.
Sadly, some of us have to go through some kind of relationship with them to have that ‘awakening’ period.
Also watching their micro expressions - they are quick so you have to be really paying attention. When their words don't match their expressions - HUGE.
Absolutely my whole life transformed after my divorce from a narcissist. I found god so I am grateful to him for coming into my life ❤
Absolutely true in my case too ❤
I was once fired by a narcissist who, despite not being the department head, had 30 people going crazy with frustration over her. She was not grandiose. Her power plays were far more subtle and damaging. Introverts are often the worst narcissists.
coverts, indeed
True . The high functioning covert narcs are the worst. It’s really hard to spot as they’re the best actors sadly. They “know” how to act humble, kind, moral, polite, etc…
Just be aware and pay attention to little details.
Not all of them have explosive anger. Some get resentful to the point of blind hatred of certain groups of people. I'd say this might be the covert narcissist, but the lack of accountability/responsibility is the main factor I see in various narcissists I have encountered.
Yes sometimes the game is to create such frustration in another person that they react in rage.... that's where the narcissist holds the control.
Got it,first 10 sentences. At age 70,divorce after 22 YRS OF MARRIAGE..I SAW IT IN HIS ENTIRE FAMILY OF 8 BROTHERS,AND MOST MALE SONS.
I hear ya
Agreed to occasional lunch/dinner with a family friend, and we agreed that we would be "lunch buddies" only. Dutch. No romance, due to family connections.
1. Lost temper at other vehicle, honking, cursing.
2. Dangerous driving, despite my protests, on highway. (I drove or we met after that)
3. Snit fit with a cashier, because they didn't count back change the "right" way.
4. Declared "feelings", despite agreement.
They asked a lot of questions during conversations, I think to gather ammo and to charm me, attempting love bombing, as in #4.
There was no way we were ever going to have a relationship to begin with, as I stick with my boundaries. Looking back, I'm glad I learned to recognize the red flags and get out soon.
I gradually cut communication, in order to eliminate drama. Slowed return of texts, no more info given, gradually cut contact. Now it is a friendly hello at rare family events.
Once burned, twice shy. I'm glad I have great boundaries, and remember my red flags.
Dominance, dismissive and defensive. Or covert- just watch how they behave in contrast to the image they're conveying
The overuse of the term is what helped me too finally discover what has been going on in and my life throughout my life! As much as I dislike the misuse and overuse of mental health diagnostic terms, it also brings awareness to them. I had thought my mother had… autism, reactive attachment disorder, early dementia (due to chronic lying), and a few others… but when I read the criteria for NPD I felt a wave of relief. I also understood why I was making so many horrible relationship choices. I’ve been single for over four years due to fear, but have been healing.
A narcissist I know definitely has road rage, and I'm talking about getting visibly angry and tailgating, etc, all because she thinks she should always go first (huge entitlement). She was driving around an elderly cancer patient in the family in a small city, and whenever I drove, the older woman would apologize for helping me navigate and she'd talk about how angry the narcissist would always get, even yelling so loudly that her ears hurt. Also, look for a power play, and that can mean them infantilizing you under the guise of being caring, because that's often a top-down attitude.
That’s awful….. I would never ever drive with her
@@godzillamanstreb524 Thanks for your comment. I agree, and I stay as far away as I can.
Aggressive driving and road ragers is a major sign someone is a narcissist or even sociopath (unless there's a medical emergency or something). Driving is inherently dangerous and you have to be safe behind the wheel of a 1,000 - 3,500 pound machine that is able to go 120+ mph. Narcs don't care if they engage in road rage or drive like maniacs and can injure or kill others and themselves. They're are a public danger when behind the wheel IMO.
My dad is 100% a narcissist and drove like a crazy person.
Every diagnosed narcissist I’ve known was a dangerous, angry driver.
The best way for me was when she outright told me she was. She was right.
I find that if you come away from an interaction with a person and they subtly made you feel “less than” or inadequate in some way, that’s a narcissist. They are constantly obsessed with the pecking order; they always need you to be a notch lower than them in their perceived status hierarchy. If you have a low self esteem, you will believe them - you will think you don’t measure up to them. The ironic thing is that THEY don’t feel adequate… their insecurity is always simmering under the surface of their “confidence” mask. Their subtle put-downs of you are their grasping attempts to soothe their insecurities. “Micro aggressions” is a good term to describe their tactics.
3:10 6-12 months? I took 6-12 years and a divorce! lol
But there are other complicating factors, beyond my Irish tendency to just eat shit until I die.
I think she means 6-12 months once you know what to watch for!
It took me about 5 years to see my ex was a narcissist because I didn't see some red flags and ignored others, until I was in way too deep.
I didn't realize my parents were narky until after they had been dead for a long time. Only Narky Sis remains. I figured it out maybe a year or two ago, and I was 63 at the time!
A Narcissistic person is a person that needs a warning sign. They are very dangerous and the people using the word in a desensitized matter, may be the narcissist. IJS
Amazing video, thank you so much Doug! PS: You might want to edit/cut the end, it lose the sound after 10:19
Same for me
Same! I thought my phone messed up 10:25
Lose, not loose
@@hurricaneaquatics Thank you :)
The sound!
It's easy, listen to their conversational topic: themselves!
The sound goes out at the 10:22 mark. Great video. Got Dr. Ramani's latest book last week. YIPPEE
People shouldn’t abuse the word unless they’ve experienced it and know about it. 3.5 years and being accused for everything to the point of making me feel like a horrible person so I went to therapy to learn it wasn’t me, it was NPD and reactive abuse
I'm so glad you know it's not your fault! That was such a relief to me.
When you are present its not that difficult really.... its their energyfield. It feels off.
Narcissists use cars as weapons psychologically and physically. If you're a woman, you might be treated to an "exciting" thrill ride" ~which is actually a powerful form of *intimidation* ...
I try to never ride with someone unless I know their driving habits or their personality. I do the driving.
And when someone b*tches about my driving style, like telling me I should have honked or tried to beat out another car...then I know I will NEVER get in a car with that one behind the wheel.
The ex expressed all characterics of all types,sometimes grandiose covert ,vurnable,malignant physcopath trying to hurt or murder to get back control.Which ever one gets him.what he wanted.Getting worse with age for sure
THANK YOU for clarifying that being full of yourself/a cheater etc. does not a narcissist make!! It's getting out of hand how easily people call smn a narcissist lol and have no idea what they're talking about and really don't get how it's this whole thing. In my experience, narcs are more often female. (I say this as a woman..)
That's what I'm doing right now. Paying attention to that
I drive fast and i am the victom of narc abuse for decades
Same.
Thank you dr Ramani ❤
You have to be observant by following the clues
Go by how you feel and trust your instincts
Yes my ex was super inpatient when he drives. He used to scare me. Also super mean to others like to waitress.
My covert narc ex husband of 30 years is very, very patient. He is a very safe driver. Lol.
We lost the sound. Can you edit it? Interesting video.
Your sounds completely went out after awhile. My advise is to redo this podcast. Thank you. It’s always hood to be reading the texts in a pod so as to see what is being discussed on the audience side. That way you can realize there’s a distortion or cut off in the mic or something.
Sometimes I think my mom is a narcissist. She had cancer, and my dad went above and beyond taking care of her . She survived . My whole life , any time he's sick, she's mean. She used to have horrible road rage, I remember crying in the back from her yelling and cursing .
She once told me our dog died when I was under 8 years old and that this dogs name was Freddy not Goldie. My dad yelled at me really badly and my mom thought it was hilarious . I've always felt I have 2 dads because she never taught me to be feminine. As an adult I see her as an example of how I do not want to be . I love her but she's like a mean big sister .
So truth
Omg, what happened to the sound?
My dad was shamed for crying by his father and the cycle went on to him....all sports and competitive too lol
Volume needed
It is called a "decolte" in French. It should only be applied in fashion. That's my thinking. That will always be my thinking.
😢 lost sound very interesting though
Ask spot on eycept...Not all narcs speed. I know plenty that don't
Borderline personalities mirror a narcissist
I would tell my narc "Yes I am a hypocrit, but at least I am consistant. " I was going to lose any fukn way !
my husband drives against oncoming traffic on the narrows roadway, and he's is yelling why they won't pass him away. I. my opinion, he had to wait. Two times he did that, and I think he was waiting if I supported him or not.
maybe my narc is just half narc, a piece of borderliner / sociopath. other side he is a good and generous provider, father and hubby. he does take the washdisher, clean the floor with his loved Dyson, and put out the garbage regularly.
he is a boss, a leader, and I respect him.
just sometimes, because of different opinions about growing up children, he is fighting for his own right to decide.
Indigo circle around the eye? 😮
SELF ABSORPTION 🙄
Here's another way to spot a possible narcissistic person using the famous and well known zebra crossing method:
Observe the person when they are crossing a zebra crossing / marked crosswalk. If they accelerate their pace slightly when other traffic is waiting for them, they are unlikely to be narcissistic. If they do not even notice the other traffic and do not adjust their pace at all: that person may be narcissistic.
???? That's illogical
Kinda like Mice trying to figure out how to spot the House Cat. Don't worry about it in time the House Cat..er I mean the Narcissist will spot you...
The notion thar there are more male than female narcissists should be put to rest sooner rather than later. The very knowledgable Dr. Ramani is very much in touch with the subject but not as much with the times.
there are more male narcs because we live mostly in a patriarchal society but there are lots of female narcs too
Do you have evidence that contradicts what she said? Because their is certainly evidence that supports what she said.
@@MJ-gm7km evidence, no. Personal experience: A loud yes.
Psychedelics
At 10: 25, the soundcwas cut off.
The sound became mute around 10 minutes.
Did anybody’ else’s sound on the video cut out @ 10:34 into the video?
She's an American
💜💯👍
After 10:26 there is no tone, just silence
After about in 10 mins, there is NO sound!
I lost the audio
I wanna do youtube channels in things I think are cool, but the whole, pointing a camera at me, just kreeps me out . Everything it takes to make a narc, Seperately or severally, makes me wanna run outta my skin, , I kinda hate it.
No sound
Do gooders 😂
... Only if it lifts them selves. Not ever without, any bright communal lights, or cash in, on to them.
You sound shut down just before the 10:20 mark and didn’t come back.
It is getting to the point that everything someone does makes them a narcissist. We all better look in the mirror.
Exactly
Does a certain personality tend to attract narcissists ?
Kind, empathic, naive , low self esteem, a giver -type person, weak boundary, emotional unstable , have a parent or both parents are narcs / toxic family.
Empathic people
So how high did I grade in your class and what's the prize? That's what I should be thinking about. Nothing new, no?
Trump is the salesman type.
That is why he will make a great president!
@@joycewright5386 WORST EVER
@@jfd5289 you watch too much cnn. I’m sorry you feel that way.
I don't trust her energy...
Dr Ramni calls it like it is.. Narcs hateher.. She has helped to free millions from toxic relationships that were doomed to serve only one recipient.
Dr RaRamani operates at a high frequency which corolates with truth.. You might be at a different level of operation.