Can Chimps Wage War? | Tales From the Bottle

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  • Опубликовано: 28 дек 2024

Комментарии • 2,6 тыс.

  • @Qxir
    @Qxir  4 года назад +2000

    In the video I mistakenly call chimps monkeys instead of apes because I'm stupid.
    Follow my new Twitch to see my stream games and shit: www.twitch.tv/qxiryt
    Merch: teespring.com/stores/qxir
    Patreon: www.patreon.com/qxir
    Twitter: twitter.com/QxirYT
    Discord: discord.gg/jZzvvwJ

    • @Mikey-zk5wc
      @Mikey-zk5wc 4 года назад +33

      Ok big monkie

    • @Goldrusher-ee3jo
      @Goldrusher-ee3jo 4 года назад +7

      Id donate to patreon but im broke

    • @Maximus2761
      @Maximus2761 4 года назад +15

      The most notable fact about bonobos is that they use sex to resolve a majority of all conflicts.

    • @Tweakjones5
      @Tweakjones5 4 года назад

      The music at the end what is it?

    • @legend5860
      @legend5860 4 года назад +1

      Do u hate furries?

  • @Kuzitube
    @Kuzitube 4 года назад +5327

    Corona is messing with Qxir seriously, he’s uploading more than once a year now

    • @PatrickBatemanVietnamBush
      @PatrickBatemanVietnamBush 4 года назад +242

      He quit his job so he could do youtube full-time. He announced it on twitter.

    • @sinphus
      @sinphus 4 года назад +23

      SPQRK COOL

    • @mitchellyoung589
      @mitchellyoung589 4 года назад +6

      I know it’s awesome

    • @automatiik_yt
      @automatiik_yt 4 года назад +3

      SPQRK YES

    •  4 года назад +2

      I think the real question is what the hell is a qxir!?

  • @BreadApologist
    @BreadApologist 4 года назад +6962

    The tribe that lost made one huge mistake in not contacting an American tribe and promising it oil in return for military assistance.

    • @Qxir
      @Qxir  4 года назад +1764

      "The Kasekala tribe is a communist state looking to spread its influence"

    • @shadowthehedgehog4737
      @shadowthehedgehog4737 4 года назад +179

      @@Qxir Drop a fucking nuke.

    • @theirishbolshevik212
      @theirishbolshevik212 4 года назад +104

      @@shadowthehedgehog4737 Your name is "Shadow the Hedgehog". Of course you'd say something as edgy and idiotic as that.

    • @randomuser5443
      @randomuser5443 4 года назад +93

      The Irish Bolshevik
      Still funny

    • @shadowthehedgehog4737
      @shadowthehedgehog4737 4 года назад +165

      @@theirishbolshevik212 Your favorite RUclips must be the Weather Channel.

  • @jjrap3
    @jjrap3 4 года назад +2085

    "Jamie, pull that chimp war video up."

    • @Qxir
      @Qxir  4 года назад +515

      "That's crazy, do you think a chimp has ever smoked DMT?"

    • @daedreaming6267
      @daedreaming6267 4 года назад +53

      @@Qxir God I hope so

    • @Ali80076
      @Ali80076 4 года назад +12

      Ooo Ooo Aa Aa Joe Rogan Experience

    • @andrewescocia2707
      @andrewescocia2707 4 года назад +2

      "ChimPanzee"

    • @holyhex6520
      @holyhex6520 4 года назад

      @@Qxir I'm trying to think of a quirky quip about an Aimo DMT chimp dose...

  • @FubbleSmurf
    @FubbleSmurf 3 года назад +1488

    I love how the wikipedia page of this conflict has a little stat comparison of both parties, just like all the other human wars.

    • @ldgvh7210
      @ldgvh7210 2 года назад +166

      Decisive Kasakela victory

    • @pataki2666
      @pataki2666 2 года назад +124

      3 enslaved
      (including non-combatants)

    • @andyhighroller8217
      @andyhighroller8217 2 года назад +73

      _”…Goliath had been relatively friendly with the Kasakela neighbors... However, his kindness was not reciprocated and he was killed._
      _Only 3 Kahama remained: Charlie, Sniff, & Willy Wally, who was crippled from polio. Without a chance to strike back, Charlie was…next. After his death, Willy Wally disappeared..._
      _The last Kahama male, the young Sniff, survived for over a year…it seemed as if he might escape…but this did not occur. Sniff, too, fell to the Kasakela warband.”_

    • @jessievelasco6074
      @jessievelasco6074 Год назад +11

      ​@@pataki26667 killed 3 missing (including non combatants)

    • @trshpizza
      @trshpizza Год назад +10

      We did branch off from them, so I'm not surprised that their warfare tactics are kind of the same as ours, as our psychology is basically the same. We can get violent just like them, and we have similar political structures, and reflexes.
      We are apes. We branched off from them once we started losing trees in Africa. We had to walk, and it was a fight for survival. We developed feet instead of hands on our lower legs, and when it started heating up, we lost our hair.
      We then developed diffirent vocal cords.

  • @vxxiii4160
    @vxxiii4160 4 года назад +1747

    Imagine that War as a concept is not a man made thing but an actual natural event bound to happen sooner or later in species. It's terrifying.

    • @mariosuper9844
      @mariosuper9844 3 года назад +60

      For real tho , this shit got me thinking....

    • @nightfall1826
      @nightfall1826 3 года назад +234

      Don't ants and termites wage wars against each other?

    • @orangemoustash
      @orangemoustash 3 года назад +82

      That may be, but I choose to think of it almost like a wildfire if it is where it's a preventable disaster where things like diplomacy are the controlled burns. I mean chimps can wage war but humans need to act like the more evolved species we are and avoid it, theoretically we should be the best at it, theoretically.

    • @keenanthornley7680
      @keenanthornley7680 3 года назад +18

      @@orangemoustash Well thankfully we are getting much better at it

    • @krusadooriental3348
      @krusadooriental3348 3 года назад +21

      @@orangemoustash you're don't like war because war has become much more destructive than it should be not because we became wise

  • @grugg3108
    @grugg3108 4 года назад +1222

    There is no such thing as the Random Chimp Event. Sleep with the doors unlocked, _teach us English, give us pointy sticks_

    • @tadeomurdaca1709
      @tadeomurdaca1709 4 года назад +47

      hem hem momkey wanna a gunm

    • @Dman6779
      @Dman6779 4 года назад +45

      planned ape occurence

    • @grugg3108
      @grugg3108 3 года назад +1

      @@akelly9528 no lol

    • @dedsec6072
      @dedsec6072 3 года назад +1

      _Tell us about sweet sweet oil_

    • @confusedaxolotl7833
      @confusedaxolotl7833 3 года назад +2

      Do apes and monkeys know how to operate firearms?

  • @fluffiddy6515
    @fluffiddy6515 4 года назад +1866

    Willy Wally
    Top 10 Saddest Anime Deaths

    • @magic2583
      @magic2583 4 года назад +60

      Closely followed by goliath

    • @patrickmarsh2538
      @patrickmarsh2538 4 года назад +12

      I bet your wondering how I got into this situation. It all started with a girl.
      Hope he's ok!

    • @toastie8173
      @toastie8173 4 года назад +7

      Wtf spoilers

    • @jonnypballin
      @jonnypballin 4 года назад +12

      I think that Goliath’s was sadder

    • @snakezase2998
      @snakezase2998 4 года назад +1

      Noooooo

  • @wargriffin5
    @wargriffin5 4 года назад +1860

    "All warfare is based on throwing poop." - Chimpan-Tzu

    • @TheWizardGamez
      @TheWizardGamez 3 года назад +56

      the amount of puns in the comment section are beautiful

    • @SeanKula
      @SeanKula 3 года назад +36

      “If I determine the enemy's disposition of bananas while I have no perceptible banana, I can concentrate my bananas while the enemy is fragmented. The pinnacle of military deployment approaches the bananas: if it is bananas, then even the deepest spy cannot discern it nor the wise make plans against it.”

    • @cpt.awesome7281
      @cpt.awesome7281 3 года назад +25

      *"All warfare is based"*
      _-Sun Tzu_

    • @DEATH-THE-GOAT
      @DEATH-THE-GOAT 3 года назад +22

      "Poop throwing is the continuation of politics by other means."
      -- Chimp von Clausewitz

    • @flimsyjimnz
      @flimsyjimnz 3 года назад +3

      Nuclear ICBMs are simply uberpoop with sparkle.

  • @Brianna-eo8nu
    @Brianna-eo8nu 3 года назад +887

    I feel so bad for Jane Goodall. Having to witness the chimps who she had bonded with so closely and considered peaceful and loving, slowly descend into such brutal violence and cruelty…
    The research she made in this time has proven vital in our understanding of primates and I commend her for it. But I can’t imagine a more traumatising way to learn the darker side of chimpanzee nature. :(

    • @abstraqtphilosophy7357
      @abstraqtphilosophy7357 2 года назад +2

      Jane Goodall and y'all westerners came late to the party. The natives that have had village settlements around the Gombe for centuries have always known the true nature of chimps. But the westerners who are guided by the native inhabitiants come on tv and claim to be the first to observe apes. Hahahahha

    • @joshuadougherty8077
      @joshuadougherty8077 2 года назад +13

      Just wait till you hear about the Civil War I'll tell you what

    • @cosmiceyness
      @cosmiceyness 2 года назад +4

      jane goodall is one of the best

    • @ronkledonkanusmoncher564
      @ronkledonkanusmoncher564 2 года назад +28

      @@abstraqtphilosophy7357 nah bro you couldn’t find me fucking with a chimpanzee or an orangutan without a gun, and I sure as hell don’t think they’re my friend lmao

    • @leeviajero2716
      @leeviajero2716 2 года назад

      But, imagine how many human conflicts she missed, while being so involved in the depths of depravity of our nearest kin...

  • @deadgiveaway-z3i
    @deadgiveaway-z3i 3 года назад +304

    ''You are all termites, and i am da big monkey.'' -Qxir 2020

  • @Bensworth
    @Bensworth 4 года назад +2396

    So they can wage war, but can they do a crusade?

    • @Qxir
      @Qxir  4 года назад +632

      They must reclaim their holy land

    • @RhapsodicXStyle07
      @RhapsodicXStyle07 4 года назад +105

      Deus vult?

    • @ianmacfarlane1241
      @ianmacfarlane1241 4 года назад +79

      They aren't stupid enough to find religion.

    • @personman1132
      @personman1132 4 года назад +76

      @@ianmacfarlane1241 More like they are to stupid to have a reason to need religion.

    • @MegaAlchemist123
      @MegaAlchemist123 4 года назад +64

      @@ianmacfarlane1241 Religion is the opposite of stupidity

  • @rickyp.martin3209
    @rickyp.martin3209 4 года назад +9369

    Yes, guerilla warfare.

  • @schonnj
    @schonnj 4 года назад +366

    Somewhere there are two chimps philosophizing in whatever they have passing for speech:
    "What is best in life?"
    "To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."

  • @RoninWaffle
    @RoninWaffle 4 года назад +61

    The MIDI version of "Right in Two" by Tool playing at the end was so subtle that I got the song in my head without realizing it was going on until the last second. Great play.
    "Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden has enough to go around? ...Silly monkeys, give them thumbs, they build a club and beat their brother down"

  • @truckingtotokyo
    @truckingtotokyo 4 года назад +157

    “Right in Two” is the literal perfect song for this video

    • @GhostDog519
      @GhostDog519 3 года назад +10

      "Silly monkeys,
      Give them thumbs they make a club
      To beat their brother down"
      God, such a good song. Didn't know Qxir had such a good taste in music.

  • @dbensdrawinvids8390
    @dbensdrawinvids8390 4 года назад +1958

    "Cupping his hands under a wound in the other chimp's throat so he could drink the blood."
    Jesus Christ.

    • @thomasconrad7998
      @thomasconrad7998 4 года назад +439

      well he was satan

    • @averygoodfantasticname4206
      @averygoodfantasticname4206 4 года назад +84

      Kinda kinky

    • @trezapoioiuy
      @trezapoioiuy 4 года назад +269

      Turns out, Goodall wasn't only one of the best primatologists, but also a psychic. I mean, she called him Satan and this happened.

    • @jamdungdrones2424
      @jamdungdrones2424 4 года назад +43

      I think the primatologist hated him the most

    • @trezapoioiuy
      @trezapoioiuy 4 года назад +17

      ROE JOGAN DMT APOCALYPSE every ape has its own name, I doubt she would rename them.

  • @ShamanMcLamie
    @ShamanMcLamie 4 года назад +563

    I had a Professor who once studied Chimps and his short description of Chimps, especially the males is, "They're real bastards." Chimp society is really violent. The males constantly fight each other for dominance and the alphas beat up the females into submission and the new alpha will go around killing all the young so the females can mate again.
    The same professor said one reason Chimps don't attack humans despite being overwhelmingly stronger is in the animal kingdom size correlates with strength so Chimps just assume the bigger humans are stronger.

    • @alextheferret5674
      @alextheferret5674 3 года назад +37

      This is the real life meme: "why are you booing me?! I'm right!"

    • @jasoncarswell7458
      @jasoncarswell7458 3 года назад +22

      Chimps are universally afraid of humans for a long time after they are introduced. Like you said, we're huge and hairless... they know we're apes, or else they wouldn't know how to chew out our eyes and testicles, but a smart wild animal doesn't attack things bigger than it unless it has a very good reason.

    • @HoveringAboveMyself
      @HoveringAboveMyself 3 года назад +14

      Chimps aren't actually stronger than people, those old studies that claimed they were many times stronger than humans have been debunked for many decades now. They are however stronger relative to their weight and are able to exert their strenght in a much more explosive manner than us (something we apparently traded for more fine and delicate control of our hands and fingers), that and their bites is why they are still very dangerous.

    • @theiojo9253
      @theiojo9253 2 года назад +12

      So the real question is....could an adult human 1v1 an adult Chimp?

    • @eskimoassasin6764
      @eskimoassasin6764 2 года назад +1

      @@theiojo9253 not without a gun or something like a spear

  • @ikitclaw3299
    @ikitclaw3299 4 года назад +445

    Poor Willy wally, his brother has a place in Finglas, a nice family too

  • @SerbianTaliban
    @SerbianTaliban 2 года назад +44

    Thank you for making this,my grandfather died in this war and fought for Kahama liberation front.

  • @tobiascooper8800
    @tobiascooper8800 7 месяцев назад +11

    “War was always here. Even before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner .”

  • @eriklindergren8755
    @eriklindergren8755 4 года назад +590

    ”Jane Goodhall’s last memory of him was Satan cupping his hands under Sniff’s chin to drink the blood welling from a great wound on his face.”
    JESUS CHRIST! Satan is really living up to his name. I think that’s where he got it from tbh.

    • @shonenjumpmagneto
      @shonenjumpmagneto 3 года назад +13

      I agree & thought that instantly. Sickening & saddening TBH.

    • @EuanWhitehead
      @EuanWhitehead 3 года назад +29

      Now we see where the evil in humans comes from... nature.

    • @harrietharlow9929
      @harrietharlow9929 Год назад +3

      @@EuanWhitehead That's exacty what I thought as I've watched videos on this topic. Depressing.

    • @shrill1736
      @shrill1736 Год назад

      @@EuanWhitehead nature looks majestic, but in all reality is pretty dang evil, the average human compared to the average animal will look like an actual saint, it takes the worst humans to ever live to actually be worse than some of the things happening in nature

    • @EuanWhitehead
      @EuanWhitehead Год назад +2

      @@shrill1736 literally bro

  • @nerd_world8919
    @nerd_world8919 4 года назад +289

    2:00 probably one of my favorite thing you've ever said

  • @hawkeyebirdman
    @hawkeyebirdman 4 года назад +230

    I previously watched the Jane Goodall documentary and I had no idea how edited it was. I'm glad you had the stones to post the TRUE, UNEDITED VERSION. I was unaware that a campaign for a border wall had taken place, or that they planed and attended birthday parties and even sent Christmas cards, and the weirdest thing, Chimps using Guerrilla Warfare to hunt and eat Monkeys.

  • @tidypog3272
    @tidypog3272 3 года назад +64

    I'm really grateful to Jane Goodall for telling it like it is, even when nobody wanted to hear it. The last monkey video i watched was about Koko

  • @afluffyboi4093
    @afluffyboi4093 3 года назад +51

    Willy wally "died" offscreen and if anime has tought me anything its that they are never dead unless you can clearly see it happen my theory is that since willy wally was always seen as the weakest of the tribe he was the lowest priority on their kill list so he would be able to escape much more easily by just leaving behing his hat so it would seem a random animal took him out willy wally is currently part of a small group of monkeys whos tribes where also taken out and they are out for revenge

    • @Themanwiththeplan1899
      @Themanwiththeplan1899 2 года назад +15

      Willy Wally went on to do 100 pushups, 100 sit ups, 100 air squats and a 10 Km run every day for a year.

    • @olliegoria
      @olliegoria 11 месяцев назад +1

      ​@@Themanwiththeplan1899That's incredible for a polio survivor!

  • @karsonabradoodle
    @karsonabradoodle 4 года назад +532

    “Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground” - from Tool - Right in two (song at the end)

    • @MultiBadboy666
      @MultiBadboy666 3 года назад +19

      Also, that line from Vicarious comes to mind: The universe is hostile. so Impersonal. devour to survive. So it is. So it's always been.

    • @marraer481
      @marraer481 3 года назад +17

      I am so happy someone referenced this. One of my favorite songs ever.

    • @rflanaganagan8489
      @rflanaganagan8489 3 года назад +6

      Heard it and started searching the comments 😃

    • @keenanthornley7680
      @keenanthornley7680 3 года назад +6

      Holy shit I thought it sounded familiar

    • @oleanderkazzy_
      @oleanderkazzy_ 3 года назад

      "Machine gun kill people, but people kill machine gun, so put machine gun in a box, but machine gun can't see people"

  • @charlesperry671
    @charlesperry671 4 года назад +745

    “Chimp can’t wage war”
    *Laughs in Caesar*

    • @partyrobbins4690
      @partyrobbins4690 4 года назад +48

      PAtrolLinG ThE MoJaVe aLmoSt Makes YoU WiSh FoR A nUcLear WiNter.

    • @darren8608
      @darren8608 4 года назад +20

      @@partyrobbins4690 Heretics like you belong on a cross

    • @partyrobbins4690
      @partyrobbins4690 4 года назад +21

      @@darren8608 The truth is... the game was rigged from the start.

    • @waylonmeyer3736
      @waylonmeyer3736 4 года назад +14

      Ave true to Caesar

    • @johannesvonmalos7505
      @johannesvonmalos7505 4 года назад +3

      Planets of the apes

  • @gcil8214
    @gcil8214 4 года назад +177

    My 6th and 7th grade science teacher was former primatologist and he lived on an island for a year with a group of researchers and chimps and apes. He witness a chimp tribe fight too. I don’t remember a lot but he told us about it in class, also about how one his fellow researchers got bit by a ape and had to be airlifted away. He was cool af.

  • @kartingkid714
    @kartingkid714 3 года назад +15

    my dad studies the exact same site in tanzania, always would tell me how amazing yet brutal these animals were. and yet people still think they make great pets

  • @aputridpileofb-movies6542
    @aputridpileofb-movies6542 4 года назад +27

    Satan is currently working as a Saturday morning cartoon villain under the command of Mum-ra.

  • @henryhu8777
    @henryhu8777 4 года назад +133

    Chimp: *easily disembowels a body*
    Me: “Can you help me open my lunch box please?”

    • @angelgabriel1825
      @angelgabriel1825 3 года назад +1

      "Hey can you open this pickle jar for me plz"

  • @johantank5631
    @johantank5631 4 года назад +492

    Why does this sound like the plot of an actual movie!?😂

    • @griffinnunnelee7236
      @griffinnunnelee7236 4 года назад +57

      it’s extremely similar to “Lord of the Flys” if you think about, but instead of young human boys, it’s full grown chimps

    • @niclasjohansson5992
      @niclasjohansson5992 4 года назад +6

      Feels like some game of thrones stuff. A story about leadership inheritance and factionalism

    • @rachaelgibbs1152
      @rachaelgibbs1152 4 года назад +23

      Planet of the apes: "Am I a joke to you?"

    • @ancalagon1144
      @ancalagon1144 4 года назад +1

      JC Denton lmao

    • @hibiki28
      @hibiki28 4 года назад +1

      I would like to do an animation about the history

  • @dougpitcher1224
    @dougpitcher1224 4 года назад +247

    Just wait untill Willy-Wally respawns from the gulag

    • @plebulus
      @plebulus 4 года назад +20

      Then random chimp event will commence

    • @grugg3108
      @grugg3108 4 года назад +4

      @@plebulus hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo
      hee hoo.

  • @georgej.dorner3262
    @georgej.dorner3262 3 года назад +36

    An adult chimp has the strength of three men. Chimps also has such a fabulous sense of balance they have been known to perch themselves on doorknobs. Incredible.

  • @bex1494
    @bex1494 2 года назад +3

    I was born & raised in Texas & currently live in New Mexico. Your comment about the building a wall & getting the other side to pay for it... absolutely hilarious!!! Truly a laugh put loud. Love your video's.

  • @charlesstewart5233
    @charlesstewart5233 4 года назад +152

    ATTENTION ALL HUMANS: THE CHIMP EVENT IS IMMINENT

    • @grugg3108
      @grugg3108 4 года назад +2

      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo
      Hee hoo

    • @useodyseeorbitchute9450
      @useodyseeorbitchute9450 4 года назад +4

      Correct. All was needed was one criminal who overdosed and less ethical media that whipped this up to frenzee level.

    • @mooganify
      @mooganify 3 года назад

      Damn, predicted memes

    • @oldschoollgearjammerlongmi5209
      @oldschoollgearjammerlongmi5209 3 года назад +1

      @@useodyseeorbitchute9450 Totally correct sir. He even got a Banana from the food cash.

  • @cartermiller853
    @cartermiller853 4 года назад +341

    In the end, We realized nothing truly separated us from the animals. All it took for us to rule was the ability to be able to greatly communicate and make tools

    • @OnMePro2000
      @OnMePro2000 4 года назад +16

      Commander Appo! get back to the frontlines soldier! No time for RUclips!

    • @tysopiccaso8711
      @tysopiccaso8711 3 года назад +1

      @Koolade Porter take your meds

    • @DaReelSlimN80
      @DaReelSlimN80 3 года назад +1

      _Right by Two plays_

    • @leeviajero2716
      @leeviajero2716 2 года назад +5

      As a subset of communication: The willingness to defer revenge to such a time as it might be more easily implemented.

    • @SerenitynPeace
      @SerenitynPeace 2 года назад

      Actually, majority of people will tell you humans are not animals, humans are higher functioning & have brains to think. Wow they are stupid. We are no better than animals. We kill each other for nothing, or we kill for power, we create war, we hit our females/rape them & enslave them... Same with children. We murder for fun, tell me how we are better than or not animals...... For having a supposedly superior mind, we are pretty darn stupid!

  • @uberbosst
    @uberbosst 3 года назад +34

    REMEMBER OUR FALLEN KAHAMA BROTHERS.
    GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

  • @salsamancer
    @salsamancer 4 года назад +9

    "War's just a part of who we are! Why fight it?" -Sundowner

  • @dmittleman9757
    @dmittleman9757 4 года назад +68

    Now I’m just imagining JG yelling “Satan, no! Bad Satan!” And using a squirt bottle on him.

  • @jakenum30
    @jakenum30 4 года назад +70

    7:24
    The 8 bit rendition of "Right In Two" was awesome, fitting and completely took me be surprise.
    You got a sub just for that

    • @brimstoneonsteam9069
      @brimstoneonsteam9069 3 года назад +1

      That's not 8 bit at all though

    • @davidgames2728
      @davidgames2728 Год назад +1

      I'm so glad someone else noticed the song and how well it fit with the theme.

  • @AEheyeh
    @AEheyeh 4 года назад +30

    Any animal with sufficient enough intelligence to understand the concepts of limited territory and limited resources, will inevitably have large scale conflict to ensure the continuation of their own tribe, race, belief, etc.

  • @georgeagar4210
    @georgeagar4210 4 года назад +14

    “You are all my termites, and I am de big monke”
    Also, “skunk monkies - skunkies”

  • @lilwheedle
    @lilwheedle 3 года назад +8

    If there is one thing that Monster Hunter World taught me is to never mess with monkeys. Especially if he has super sayian powers and is easily pissed off. To the point of jumping 20 meters in the air and slamming the ground with such force that he creates an electrical explosion.
    Seriously, the amount of pain that thing has caused me is immeasurable.

  • @rosanirodrigues557
    @rosanirodrigues557 4 года назад +116

    Well that’s depressing

    • @ianmacfarlane1241
      @ianmacfarlane1241 4 года назад +20

      It's an awful story if you go into it in any detail - little wonder that Jane Goodall was mentally scarred after witnessing it unfold.

    • @armandoventura9043
      @armandoventura9043 8 месяцев назад

      A normal day in Eastern Europe/Central Asia/Latin America

  • @colin1177
    @colin1177 4 года назад +23

    Wasnt expecting to hear a redition of "Right in Two" on what sounds to be a Revenant's Doot horn

  • @owenstockwood5040
    @owenstockwood5040 4 года назад +60

    The best part is that there is a wikipedia article that, in several ways, treats this just like a human war, even including it in categories such as Civil wars post 1945 and 1970s conflicts. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe_Chimpanzee_War

  • @demetriusflemister2456
    @demetriusflemister2456 4 года назад +2

    ive been on a hammered binge of tales from the bottle and honeslty gof bless you brother. your videos cure deoression and bordeom. ILOVE YOU this thisd is tight

    • @clamcrewcarclub6017
      @clamcrewcarclub6017 Год назад

      Hope you’re doing well, I can tell you were plastered typing this comment lol

  • @MityQuinnn
    @MityQuinnn 4 года назад +2

    I very rarely watch anything more than once. You have made this story so entertaining that this is at least my third viewing.

  • @devinkeller208
    @devinkeller208 4 года назад +66

    So many uploads in so little time, this is wild!!!

    • @Qxir
      @Qxir  4 года назад +5

      Qxirmania running wild, brother!

  • @slicedcucumber4048
    @slicedcucumber4048 4 года назад +137

    Random Chimp Event.

  • @Thoroughly_Wet
    @Thoroughly_Wet 4 года назад +167

    "Animals don't wage war"
    *snort*

    • @fayhay8011
      @fayhay8011 3 года назад +30

      Ants: (laughs in war every day)

    • @zapazap
      @zapazap 3 года назад

      *sniff*

    • @jackreid2664
      @jackreid2664 3 года назад +10

      @@fayhay8011 ants are straight up living warhammer 40k everyday

    • @GoddessNepgear
      @GoddessNepgear 3 года назад +2

      @@fayhay8011 Some ants even make other ants their slaves. The Slave-making ant got so specialized in capturing other ants that they can't even feed themselves. They need to have their captured ants feed them. They even have slave rebellion, when the captured ants starts to systematically killing the offspring of their captor.

  • @YukonDemon
    @YukonDemon 2 года назад +2

    I'm only 1/3rd in but I heard the struggle you had talking about chimps eating Pokémon and you're 90% successful effort and not laughing your ass off. I doubt it was your first take, highly suspect it was your "Fuck it good enough" take. Love your content bud. Keep it up.

  • @Bibidybobidy
    @Bibidybobidy Год назад

    I love your commentary, "you are my termites, and I'm your chimpanzee" your accent has me engrossed, and your humour is, right on.

  • @oldtimetinfoilhatwearer
    @oldtimetinfoilhatwearer 4 года назад +86

    You've got nothing to do with the quarantine huh

    • @Qxir
      @Qxir  4 года назад +41

      I know you mean I have nothing to do because I'm in lockdown but you made it sound like I masterminded the thing

    • @spinyslasher6586
      @spinyslasher6586 4 года назад +13

      @@Qxir What if you did??

  • @A_Frog_from_mars12
    @A_Frog_from_mars12 4 года назад +27

    Is that an 8-bit version of the song Right in two by TOOL? TOOL is such a great band.

    • @OmegaSpaghetti
      @OmegaSpaghetti 4 года назад +4

      Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground is really accurate

  • @ATaskProductions
    @ATaskProductions 4 года назад +23

    Hella good video. I saw a video a few years ago about this but this is definietly the better one. Cheers

  • @bunnysight
    @bunnysight 13 часов назад

    Yo.
    This is one of yer best vids. So much depth on a subject I’ve seen before. So much feeling.

  • @tuco0x
    @tuco0x 4 года назад +30

    A chimpanzee's arm strength is mostly due to their biceps tendon (as well as others) attaching further from their elbow joint thereby giving them more mechanical advantage for equivalent muscle mass as compared to a human tendon attach point. It's much like using a longer wrench to tighten a bolt. But all at the expense of their upright posture.

    • @facopse
      @facopse 2 года назад +5

      Thanks for the explanation. I always wondered why chimpanzees are supposed to be so super strong though their muscles don't even seem so much bigger than ours.

    • @darrellcook8253
      @darrellcook8253 Год назад +3

      My son has "long tendons" a condition where the tendons attach further down the forearms giving him more leverage there. I have it too but in my ankles and that gives my feet a weird profile. I have to wear 4EE shoes because my feet spread by half an inch.

  • @MattNeufy
    @MattNeufy 4 года назад +21

    “They looked like little skunk monkeys”
    Me: Skunkeys
    Quixr: Skunkeys
    Me: fucking right we got some Skunkeys on our hands

  • @Yamthief
    @Yamthief 3 года назад +1

    I like the secret midi version of "TOOL - Right in Two" during your summary at the end.

  • @aduckwithayoutubechannel
    @aduckwithayoutubechannel 3 года назад +8

    “cupping his hands under Sniffs chin, to drink the blood welling from a great wound on his face.”
    Holy shit, no wonder she named him Satan.

  • @coolepicperson4150
    @coolepicperson4150 4 года назад +44

    Name your band "Chimp Succession Crisis"

  • @rickyp.martin3209
    @rickyp.martin3209 4 года назад +32

    I think they walk in a line as to not show how many there are in their pack. If you see one it's because it's curious of you and believes your not a threat, if not it's still observing you.

    • @Lvl18Meep
      @Lvl18Meep 4 года назад +6

      More than likely its the same reason humans do it, column formation is to maneuver quickly and in a manageable group. It was not stated but I assume the leader was at the front of the group as to have first contact therefore able to "command" upon surprise or arrival.

  • @billwilson7841
    @billwilson7841 4 года назад +196

    "Sorry, too politicial"
    no no, that was an ok joke to make.

    • @conradmcdougall3629
      @conradmcdougall3629 4 года назад +37

      I support Trump and I found that funny. He should have made an orangutan reference

    • @billwilson7841
      @billwilson7841 4 года назад +10

      @@conradmcdougall3629
      exactly my thoughts

    • @randomuser5443
      @randomuser5443 4 года назад +6

      The most enjoyable trump joke of 2020

    • @ye-xf5mw
      @ye-xf5mw 4 года назад

      Random User agreed

  • @misanthropicmusings4596
    @misanthropicmusings4596 3 года назад +1

    I missed out an opportunity to catch Jane Goodall live because about the time her visit to DC was supposed to happen -- freakin' covid.

  • @resevoirdog
    @resevoirdog 3 года назад +3

    Qxir i think this is one of your best videos. Great story not everyone knows. Great visuals. And great execution man. Keep doing these deep dives !

  • @pyrrhusofepirus8491
    @pyrrhusofepirus8491 4 года назад +63

    It’s so interesting and strange seeing animals seem and act so much like us in many ways, even our worst qualities. I’ve also heard male Gorillas are insanely violent, and if anything looks him in the eye, even of its own group, it better have 500 persuasion and even then its a slim chance.
    It goes to show that war was never a human invention, even before humans came about our ape and ape like ancestors were warring with each other yet without the cognitive ability to make peace, which possibly made it worse

    • @thecreature7808
      @thecreature7808 2 года назад +21

      No, this isn't quite it. Chimpanzees are a human relative, but we aren't directly descended from them, instead sharing a common ancestor from about 25 million years ago.
      The scarier implication is that we convergently and independently evolved the capabilities to wage war, as if it presented an evolutionary advantage. That, or the ability to form complex social groups is inherently intertwined with conflict.

    • @xijinping880
      @xijinping880 2 года назад +3

      Gorillas are peaceful not violent and this video isn’t about gorillas it’s about chimps

    • @rollfizzlebeef6619
      @rollfizzlebeef6619 2 года назад

      Gorillas are actually very peaceful compared to chimpanzees. Ditto with orangutans and bonobos. It's theorized that this is the case with gorillas and orangutans because they are strictly vegetarian, whereas chimps are omnivorous meat eaters. Though that may just be a coincidence. With bonobos, it's because they substitute sex for warfare. Basically anytime a conflict arises between them, instead of fighting, they just fuck, and that's the end of it. They literally have a "make love, not war" society

    • @SerenitynPeace
      @SerenitynPeace 2 года назад

      But with brains (supposedly 😂) we haven't changed, we haven't evolved, we still murder, maime , rape, enslave, kill, power hungry, greedy humans. In order to evolve, we must change. Stop being terrible, killers, destructive, power hungry, greedy, self ritious humans!

    • @harrietharlow9929
      @harrietharlow9929 Год назад +1

      @@thecreature7808 That is scary.

  • @marshalmarshall2109
    @marshalmarshall2109 4 года назад +54

    Right in two by Tool, great choice of music Qxir!

  • @williamgorham7339
    @williamgorham7339 4 года назад +5

    I love the “right in two” in the background!

  • @hydorah
    @hydorah 3 года назад +2

    Wow. This video was very highly educational. Great work, Qxir

  • @codymanzi6846
    @codymanzi6846 2 года назад

    I absolutely loved hearing the melody of Right in Two at the end of the video here. Well done, sir.

  • @crwa111
    @crwa111 4 года назад +14

    Dude is the background music "Right in Two" by Tool? Sick!!

  • @conradmcdougall3629
    @conradmcdougall3629 4 года назад +7

    Someone has been busy since the lockdown.
    Good work Qxir

  • @coygus
    @coygus 4 года назад +15

    This is genuinely tragic, poor Goliath :(

  • @thomasowen5785
    @thomasowen5785 3 года назад +1

    Qxir I love your channel. So much thought goes into these videos. Plus your voice is extremely easy to listen to. Not annoying at all. Cheers mate

  • @x_aviat1on
    @x_aviat1on Год назад

    Love the video all round! Especially the little detail of the TOOL song, Right in Two at the end! Perfect fit as the lyrics literally mention monkeys killing.

  • @lordodin92
    @lordodin92 4 года назад +4

    Dude you have my respect for using tools right in two for the background music. It is perfect for this sort of subject

  • @thesandvitchman1234
    @thesandvitchman1234 4 года назад +41

    Random chimp event happening

  • @count69
    @count69 4 года назад +107

    "She found chimps are more like humans than we thought" or you could say humans are more like chimps than we thought.

    • @oldschoollgearjammerlongmi5209
      @oldschoollgearjammerlongmi5209 3 года назад +14

      Especially the ones in Africa. I'm talking about the chimps of course.

    • @Nyota7766
      @Nyota7766 3 года назад +3

      @@oldschoollgearjammerlongmi5209 wow ok then

  • @WretchedIcon
    @WretchedIcon Год назад

    The "Right in Two reference" was so on point that it'd be a crime to not subscribe.

  • @krakenpots5693
    @krakenpots5693 3 года назад +1

    Was 100% expecting that ending... and I was not dissapointed!

  • @Vegito_Fanpage
    @Vegito_Fanpage 4 года назад +8

    You know I was expecting more from a chimp called *Goliath* but you know, I just realized I was probably just completely desensitized to the fact that chimps went to war because of someone saying guerrilla warfare.

  • @Cristianooo
    @Cristianooo 4 года назад +4

    You keep uploading this type of good content and then everyone will definitely be your termites!

  • @alanwatts8239
    @alanwatts8239 4 года назад +13

    One day they might even evolve into being more intelligent, since we can teach them how to farm, letting them spend most of their energy into thinking rather than hunting.

  • @beetogarcia9983
    @beetogarcia9983 3 года назад +5

    “I am the big monkey”
    Cracked me up harder than it should have

  • @user-ft3jq5vi2l
    @user-ft3jq5vi2l 3 года назад +33

    When you return to monke but monke wants war too:

    • @10kirneh
      @10kirneh 3 года назад +3

      at least it's not civilized war, skip all the political bs and jump right into the dirt

    • @CWINDOWSsystem32
      @CWINDOWSsystem32 3 года назад +3

      Reject monke return to microbe

    • @armandoventura9043
      @armandoventura9043 8 месяцев назад

      ​@@10kirneh There is no civilized war, only more scientifically advanced war, with a more intelligent use of violence

  • @MsMarciax
    @MsMarciax 4 года назад +27

    This turned from a "Aaaaw how cute" into a nightmarish bad bloody Monkey massacre cartel war... Wow! Even monkeys are crazy and twisted as humans are in life with each other. Marvellous and yet really sad.

  • @OkieDokieSmokie
    @OkieDokieSmokie 4 года назад +34

    You're getting a like for "Skunkies"

  • @bobthompson4319
    @bobthompson4319 4 года назад +10

    If you think about it war is beneficial to survival for the winning side. It kills off the weakest of the group, and with gaining of territory is the gain of food. And the gain of food allows for a gain in the size of a group that can be sustained by the territory.

  • @SlightlyShoobie
    @SlightlyShoobie 3 года назад +1

    You had me for a second with the chimp birthdays.... but christmas cards... damn those are some smart Monkees

  • @PeterMuskrat6968
    @PeterMuskrat6968 2 года назад

    Love that you used a copyright free version of right in two.
    Very fitting.

  • @hectorcorona9536
    @hectorcorona9536 4 года назад +9

    Qxir: we had the knowledge to remove the leaves of the sticks
    Me: *pauses the video and starts removing leaves from kitchen utensils*

  • @gravy3745
    @gravy3745 4 года назад +5

    Hey i love your channel keep it up!

    • @Qxir
      @Qxir  4 года назад +2

      Cheers!

  • @michaelweeks9317
    @michaelweeks9317 3 года назад +4

    What an amazing treasure Jane Goodall was!

  • @haileybalmer9722
    @haileybalmer9722 7 месяцев назад

    "You caused this by creating an abundance of food" is a hell of a take. I'd love to hear how they squared that one.

  • @ljf241
    @ljf241 4 года назад +1

    Bro you are too cool! 👍 Much love from Dallas TX USA!!

    • @ljf241
      @ljf241 4 года назад +1

      Dont underestimate yourself bro! Your talents are greater than you think! For a greater purpose! For good!! God bless you bro!!

  • @StoutandFern
    @StoutandFern 4 года назад +12

    At 7:25 "Right in Two" by Tool starts playing, listen closely. Took me by complete surprise, love the tiny detail

  • @thebest-do8sk
    @thebest-do8sk 4 года назад +24

    Who know that chimps could be so brutal

    • @tfwwhennofitlitgf3300
      @tfwwhennofitlitgf3300 4 года назад +6

      Joe Rogan

    • @Special_Tactics_Force_Unit
      @Special_Tactics_Force_Unit 4 года назад +12

      Literally anyone who's spent more than five minutes observing them

    • @ianmacfarlane1241
      @ianmacfarlane1241 4 года назад +13

      The woman who had her face forcibly removed by a chimp had a fair idea.

    • @wset-13archive27
      @wset-13archive27 4 года назад

      The monkeys chimps often hunt with crude pointed spears?
      It's actually become a threat to the western red colobus. Chimps have been hunting them so much that they have become endangered.