Bad things to say on a first date | Mock the Week - BBC
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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Watch the BBC first on iPlayer 👉 bbc.in/iPlayer... In this round of Scenes We'd Like to See, Dara O Briain asks guest panelists Rob Beckett, Romesh Ranganathan and Holly Walsh, and regulars Hugh Dennis, Andy Parsons and Milton Jones to get romantic...
In this episode, Dara O Briain and the team present a special end-of-series show featuring hilarious new material, out-takes and favourite bits.
Mock the Week | Series 13 Episode 12 | BBC Two
#BBC #MockTheWeek
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The tiramasu one would end with a definite second date imo.
DiabolicalPaperClip Me too.
@@jbcatz5 tirametoo?
Not quite. It is, however, the perfect test.
If she doesn't laugh, she wasn't worth it in the first place.
If she laughs... *she's a goddamn keeper.*
his delivery tho *chefs kiss*
As long as it was good Tiramisu, like the kind at my favorite Italian restaurant. 😎
I love how Milton takes every joke as an opportunity to perform interpretative dance!
Milton's altar joke was probably the darkest things he's ever said 😂
There was the "throwing a toaster in her bath" joke!
Well, he could have said that apparently she's not into human sacrifice...
Abbas greatest hits
there was also one about his dead parents and camping on gravestones.....he can be VERY dark occasionally. Oh and then there is the 'abatoir where the chickens have a choice!' (yes he DID say that!)
I wonder if he has become more dark 'recently'? Perhaps to expand his Mock the Week oeuvre a bit. Because there's also the clinic in Switzerland joke and the 101 Dalmatians one, to name a few.
The jokes in these comments are exactly why none of us are on the show lol
Docter Xela To be fair if you saw the ones in the video as text they’d look pretty shit too. Delivery can change everything.
Only thing worse than the jokes is how many likes they get!
Docter Xela all of these comments are way better then what that blond woman’s coming up with 🙄💯
sweet summer Childe eh
Why frankie Boyle is also not allowed on anymore lmfao
"I tirama-do!"
I didn't get that one : (
Now I want some....
I would say that tbh
@@Faick99999 It was just stupid.
Asterismos you’re stupid
Milton at it again. "Or is he?"
Senj Acorn *did, the joke doesn’t even make sense with “is”.
MrLethalShots he's not quoting, he's adapting the joke to what he's saying.
"I'm really just looking for long term citizenship, er, I mean companionship."
hahahahaha
SPOILER ALERT: GREEN CARD! LOL
This had me laughing so hard!!
" sorry we could only meet on a Tuesday afternoon but that's the only time I get day release "
Now that Tiramisu joke would've worked for me on a first date. Gotta love a guy who loves bad puns!
"My last girlfriend left without saying goodbye. She was the first one to escape the dungeon."
"Well, hello there."
*Places fingertip to earlobe*
*Whispering* "Okay, she's here, what do I do now?"
thats such a russell howard joke man
go on you can do better
"How do you want to do this? Dinner then chloroform or shall we skip dinner?"
James Taylor imagine having Venom as a wingman
Reply General Kenobi
"I'm so happy i can see you up close, rather than through the bush in your front yard"
“Your place or mine? Well, that depends. You don’t live within 500 yards of a school, do you?”
I just expect everything Milton says is exactly what has happened on his first dates 😂
Andy: "I've marked your homework."
Romesh: (wtf)
"That's the thing about blind dates, you never know who you're going to meet. I want a divorce."
"You're just like my wife!"
You smell different when you're awake
Hugh doesn’t do a bad Dutch accent, you know.
Hugh Dennis is so consistently good in all these
One person isn't into animal sacrifice...OR ARE THEY?!
"Well, it's a bit weird actually, when you said you were bit of a petrolhead I didn't think that meant you were gonna turn up with your face on fire"
The star wars yoda one was too funny 🤣🤣🤣
When I described myself as 'committed', I actually meant to a mental hospital.
If we get on well this evening, would you like to accompany me to a wedding on Saturday? I’ll bring you a bouquet and a veil.
Is your Dad in prison?
Because if I was your Dad, I would be.
Lol but nooooooooooo but lol but noooooooooooooooooooo My humours are confused %|
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣this is sick on so many levels.
Oh, my last husband? Yeah, it took way to much arsenic. Next time I'm gonna try strychnine.
I’ve written a poem:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m already in a relationship
So now I don’t need you
I'm going on first date next week and I'm using at least one of these
''when youre said youre an outgoing person you meant youre terminally ill?''
My Entry: "Sorry I'm a touch late, but I've just come from the funeral of my last girlfriend".
I love it when Milton Jones is there!!
I marked your homework..
I actually didn’t get that one I’m just weird I know
@@dam594 That was the teacher on a date with a student.
“Thanks for agreeing to go out with me.
This is the first time in 6 months that I’ve been on a date that didn’t involve a bottle of chloroform and a rag.”
You've got beautiful eyes, please can I have them for my collection?
what actually is the function of the buzzer..?
I wonder the same thing too
It signifies Dara has decided he's heard enough of the joke and thus the end of their turn.
Its function is that it makes a bzzzt sound when pressed...
@@rexlyonsCPW You should be on the show!
it signifies the end of the joke. Dara is keeping scores of all the jokes done by next team that round, and also in the other rounds of the show.
"Does this handkerchief smell of chloroform to you"?
The Star Wars joke made me snort out loud!
I've had my eyes on you for a long time, looking at you through my window, bringing you flowers... Keeping your tombstone in a perfect condition
My entries:
"Well, that dessert you've chosen is certainly gonna bump up your half of the bill."
"Y'know, that reminds me of a passage I read in the Bible..."
"I heard you worked in the post office, so I thought I'd show you my stamp collection."
"Wait a minute. I I think I've met you before. Yes, now I remember. I think I performed your smear test."
"My last relationship ended rather messily. Even to the day, I can still hear her screaming from my basement."
bant
Algahiem
'' Youre paying for the bill''
The guy in the yellow shirt really rocked
Or in the words of Ted Mosby, “I love you.”
The blind date caught me off guard.
My personal favourite was Hugh Dennis’s joke
That’s the thing about blind dates you don’t know who you’re gonna get
How are you mother
''Ill be back in a minute'' (gets stood up)
So when could we date again, because my friends are getting married already and I’m the only one single.
"you smell different when you're awake"
"Ah so the stereotype was correct! Ferrari =compensation"
1:48 umm, why? 😅
The star wars joke 😂😂
Nope should have gone to specsavers
*Pulls out wrag*
"Does this smell like chloraform to you?"
No, it's more like bromoform...
@@simeonbaumel7293 u ruined it....get out!
We're all alone out here, anything could happen
Oh god the tiramisu one is actually something I'd say on a first date 😂😂
how is Milton Jones so good
0:22 😂😂😂😂
"He'd be my idol for sure, so speaking of Nazi's..."
0:44 ok he's definitely speaking from experience. You live and you learn I guess
Herman Goering, Joseph Goebbles and MArtin Boerman
“Where am I”
Pause at 1:38
Jesus Christ 😳
+TheBlade 97 It's Jason Bourne!
I almost choked whem I heard the tiramisu joke
....on a rooster?
So I've marked your homework 😅⚰️🪦
"I love you!"
I’m Dutch and his accent was spot on! Well done! Also didn’t have a clue what he was saying...😅
"I'll have the poppadoms please."
I fucking lost it a 'Let's go Dutch.'
Denise De Smit I didn't get that one could you please clarify?
"Going Dutch" is a term that indicates that each person participating in a group activity pays for themselves, rather than any person paying for anyone else, particularly in a restaurant bill. It is also called Dutch date, Dutch treat (the oldest form) and "doing Dutch".
Hugh did the Dutch accent instead lmao
marrystylesford and he nailed the accent, thanks for the clarification. I should've known it meant something like that.
Do they think of these on the spot?
yep
it's incredible to be honest
No. Milton Jones and Frankie Boyle have both said they get given the questions in advance
James Taylor No they're all pre-prepared
I think so. Even if they don't, it's better to believe it.
Alter... Animal sacrifice... BA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I'm sure the neighbors heard me that time!
“Would you mind signing this consent form?”
Oh this? This is just a dress I made out of the skin of all my previous boyfriends, so back to mine?
Damn that blind date joke was brutal.
Funny how this showed up in my recommendations on Valentines day
“Sooooo...pink or brown?”
Milton. Is. Hilarious.
We need this show in america
It's impossible to make a decent satirical news quiz in America since the programmes all depend on advertising - so they can't say anything controversial in case they lose revenue.
''So what time are we having sex?''
Is it wrong that I'm now trying to think who my top 3 Nazi party members would be. Oscar Schindler is obviously number 1, but I can't think of 2 others.
John Rabe comes to mind.
0:04 1:25
You have kids
I really love kids its okay if they jump into bed if they have nightmares
I’ve got the police on standby if this doesn’t go well.
That's the great thing about a blind date you dno who your going to meet... how are you mother 🤣🤣🤣
“I brought my kid to watch...”
Just wanted make sure you got home safely,well done
Did you tell anyone you were going out with me?
Why do people on here seem to think that when the BBC are casting comedians for the show, that they'll look at their youtube video comments?
Are you TOTALLY SURE they're Not...Hmmmmm...?
Could anyone explain the tiramisu joke please? 0:43
Tiramisu is a dessert. "Tiram-I-do" is an extremely bad punny way of saying you want some tiramisu. It's one of Milton Jones' traditional "so awful you have to laugh at it" puns.
I liked this one because the way he said it, almost made it sound like he had personal experience with this pun ending a first date.
o you're back how was the shit hahahaha
I went out with the most amazing person I've ever met.
I still think they're the best.
They called me a racist, sexist, hateful, pedophile and never want me to contact them ever again.
So now I'm just a sad old single man.
At least my mixed race kids love me and all my nieces and nephews know I'm no pedophile.
Whatever i said is the worst thing ever.
The last one must have been in Wales.
I drove to dinner at a woman's house and she asked me, "would you rather lose your legs or your arms?" Of course, I replied, "neither. You should watch the film Misery." She pressed play on her DVD and it came on.
"Sorry im late i just got back from a clan meeting...So did you say youre from Kenya?"
I wish we had shows like these in the states
We do. This is quite similar to Whose Line.
@@diehardrvdfan22 Not surprising really, the American version of Whose Line was a remake of a British programme with the same creators and producers as Mock the Week.
When a concept works it works.
Hi
0:04
I'm sorry I'm late, I didn't know the directions from the stc shop
Whose line?
Dan Patterson's.
"I'm glad you like the dress. You know I'm a dude, right?"
Last time I was in this resteraunt I was a woman
"Sorry for my initial confusion, it's just when all my previous girlfriends went down on me, they all deflated."