2 Essential Truths and 3 Non-Negotiables Of Living With Mental Illness
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- Опубликовано: 6 мар 2024
- If you have a chronic mental health condition, your life is in a constant state of decay - unless you proactively do something about it.
This is 1 of the essential truths about living with mental illness. And I know that really sucks to hear - I acknowledge and validate that feeling.
I'm sharing with you some ways to make life good. It won't come automatic for you, but it can come intentionally.
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But I do care.
I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired
It's very difficult most of the time but gratitude and agency is all you need to be happy
This was me for years. But I'm finally doing better because after 6 years, I finally found the right medication. I'm still depressed, but no where near where I was for the past 15 years (since I've been diagnosed). All I thought about was death. I attempted twice, but almost attempted probably 5-6 additional times. I just wasted life away doing nothing at all. I felt so hopeless. Keep going. There is a LOT of bullshit you have to go through with med changes and the health care industry, but you will get better. Verryy slowly.
That's what I recently said to my GP 😢
I can relate! 😢
This is what Scott is discussing, these gratitude statements dont help everyone@tomtroy3792
People who find inherent pleasure in life can be pretty harsh towards people who don't. They often believe you should be grateful for every day of life no matter what. I have felt bad on so many levels for not being able to feel that. It is validating to know there's a reason for it that's not my fault.
Boy I totally relate to that. I am going to do the 3 points you made. I'll let you know if it works for me. Anything is better than what I'm feeling. I'm surprised my doctor hasn't recommended something like this. Thanks.
You're so right. Some of the cruelest words were said to me from a so called friend who had never experienced depression. No matter how much I explained it to her she just didn't get it and she ended up being really nasty to me as she got impatient with me not being the same as her. I can't imagine how anyone could never be depressed given the state of the world. People like that lack empathy and are best avoided.
My life sucks, but I'm grateful for every moment I exist; The alternative is horrifying to me.
Yeah, I can relate it a lot. Most of the time I try to explain how hard is, in my case, living with ADHD+CPTSD, I end up getting weird looks from people that think I just didn't figured out how to live a better life, or worse, when they blame ME to not being able to behave 'normaly'.
But at same time, I still believe I am able to increase my life. It's just that the answer is not with those people, but with the ones able to relate, validate and are genuinely willing and able to help.
We just need to stubborn enough to not give up. ❤
People like that are pretty miserable on the inside, and they gatekeep as a form of projection. They can't stand when someone doesn't share their opinion of life because they don't want to acknowledge their own vulnerability.
Someone who really appreciates life usually has had to overcome a massive struggle on their own, and they would be as accomodating and understanding as possible to their other. Happy people usually have empathy.
I have been saying this more and more lately. I merely exist in this world I am no longer living.
I know what you mean.
Same here - but am pushing through to find at least a couple of things to do _every day_ . Since covid, am striving to get out of the house at least once a day - every day.
Every time I do something, it immensely affirms that I'm on my own _and no one else will do it for me_ .
Amen. I used to feel like a lot of the time, watching other people was just like watching TV...life just seemed like an unfunny sitcom that I watching from a perspective where I could see the set and the actors, but also the audience and the soundstage and the crew. It didn't feel real.
People are making money off your existence. So ...
I felt the same, then watched one of Dr Scott's videos on lacking motivation, and realised I've been in freeze for years! Now in therapy, hopeful and best I've felt in my life. I felt that way for a month without therapy, just from watching Dr Scott, Crappy childhood fairy and others.
You might be the only guy on RUclips who actually gets it.
I reckon so...
Yes, and Forrest Hanson is also very good, he makes longer videos, with his dad - so sweet.
So is Tim Fletcher
@@Dragonflylane77 Thanks, I didn’t know about his work before!
I have been unhappy since the day I was born, according to my family. Full blown anxiety and depression at 10 when puberty hit. I have been on MANY anti depressants and benzos for 25 years. I feel defeated. I want to die every day. I exercise every day, eat healthy, perfect weight. I never feel ok. Just waiting to die. I cannot seem to find purpose. I keep trying. Female, 64years old.😟 I did join my local YMCA. It is saving me right now. Good people.
Wow, that’s a whole happened to you starting at a very young age. I’m glad the YMCA is offering at least a little tiny bit of relief. It sounds like you put forth quite a bit of effort to take care of your physical body. I’m so sorry there aren’t many or even moderately many moments of joy - I hope that at least a few of them come to you somehow someway :-)
Try Ashagwanda ❤🫶🏾💯🤲🏾👏🏽❤️🩹
❤🌸
You can't overstate the power of good people in your life.
You're not alone.... same here
For people like us, life is a long journey of making peace with existence. We are peace-makers, fighting for peace, fighting for light, even when no one else sees the war.
Oh jeez, that feels about right.
That was so poetic and so true!
So we'll said...
For me, the lack of meaning, isolation and exhaustion comes from experiencing people living like foolish, greedy animals. After 50 years of working with thousands of people in many fields, I have almost zero interest in "spending time" with any one.
I feel you. What kinds of fields have you worked in?
@cakensteak...yup...watch scott's short on why people annoy you!
@@zila626 building construction, retail, fund accounting, sales, "volunteer community organizing," distance learning, publishing, nonprofits, retired public "school library media specialist."
@@rebeccar4312 that was good.
Yes! As I get older the less people I have to be around the better.
Meaningless, isolation, exhaustion. Every day. Me.
Same been going for a couple years now. I’m 34 and honestly just kinda feel like ending it all.
Same
@corylemons7242 don't do that. Reach out to anyone, and try Dr. Scott's suggestions.
@@corylemons7242 Understand that feeling of total meaningless, but please do not give in to the darker side of it. Agree with the statement to please reach out. You may not feel like you have value, but you still do. Sometimes there is great value in encouraging someone else who is going through the same quagmire we are, even if we don't feel it.
U r not the only one. I just wish it wasn't so. Not alone...
Recognizing that your mental illness will never just magically be healed and will require maintenance for the rest of your life is such a heavy reality to face. When I first realized this, I went through a mourning period that, thankfully, I was able to work through with my therapist. I still have occasional moments of sadness when I think about it, but it does get easier to face the facts.
Mate, you're tough. Most people I've seen refuse to accept this. They use it as a crutch but also can't accept the blow to their egos. Claiming they're simply, different.
It is a heavy blow, but you copped it like a champ.
The good doctor understands. But I fear some of us dealt a hand we simply don't want to play
Exactly
Yep.. I'm very pissed off I was born...very
Yeah... I feel like accepting it how it is, is the most challenging part of it all...
yeah, i'm throwing in the towel. good luck.
Wow…well said!
The best thing i ever did was get a dog. You're never alone with a little furry friend. He gives me the motivation and excuse to disappear into the hills and woods for hours and explore. Time in nature and exercise is good for the soul and we both love it. Caring for him is a low stress sense of purpose and social interaction. It's not the whole answer to my problems but it's certainly a positive.
I totally agree. I'm never lonely with my dogs and cat. I also have to care for them, which is really good for me and gives me purpose. They have saved my life. I extended that to help rescued sanctuary animals... they are never cruel, nasty or mean. Animals and nature are the best healers.
I completely agree. This is why I always have a sweet dog to love and care for.
I agree...a sense of purpose in looking after your pet and getting out and about.
This didn't work.
@@JenJHayden Of course it doesn't work for everyone. It can depend on a lot of different things as every person and their illnesses are different. Have you been able to find something else that helps?
Sometimes it's so hard to muster up the energy to do anything I SHOULD do.
I dislike the word 'should' a lot. In fact, I want to do things much less if I think I SHOUD be doing them. Now I try to just choose to do something, or not to do it, with no judgement. It feels better than the endless weight of the shoulds.
This is very sensible advice. I'm going to give it a try. Thanks. @@ripple_on_the_ocean
yes!
Yeah, a therapist will tell you to avoid using words like "should" with yourself, a bit judegmental
@@aceholepicturesI *should* do my taxes, because the consequences will be horrible if I don't. But that's just a judgement, I guess
(Yes, I'm judging the concept of nonjudgement)
Politics has removed my desire to interact with other people at all. Whenever somebody runs their mouth about the newest, dumbest thing, I just want to turn my back and never speak to anyone ever again.
Same here! Politics is crap.
Yep, I totally understand!
Me Too. I make so many decisions based on the global political climate. I think it's because I feel so unsafe. Odd since I should be use to that feeling by now.
Your vote is worth about $75. That's the amount of energy you should spend on it every 4 years
Our current politics is like the tipping point for people who are already disappointed with humanity. It wasn’t always this bad…but, please vote, because it can get a lot worse.
I have that "extra job." I have had chronic depression. Hard to treat but on antidepressants. I am 71.I accepted long ago I had to work to feel good. Soooo tired of the work it takes to stay well all these years. Not suicidal, but it sure is exhausting as you age to do that extra work just to be on the planet.Lots to gbe grateful for(grateful joural every day)...but ready to go home anytime. I am tired.
Same here
Yy
Yy
🙏🏼❤️
60 and I feel the same.
Life feels like a burden and has felt this way since I was a child. I had depression since I was 7 and I don't know what to do. I wonder if I was just born to be sad.
Doc said I was wired this way. Accepting that I will have to be diligent and work hard everyday.
You have a good poem or song beginning. Born to be sad...grown to be glad!
I think people like us have a naturally more sensitive temperament and feel more deeply... it's a blessing and, more often imo, a curse.
Same here
You are not wrong. Life is a burden. It's not wrong to feel that way. Eating right, working out, working, sleeping enough - 18 to 20 of the 24 hours out of the normal person's day is basically maintenance. If you are lucky, you have some aspects of choice in there, something that gives you at least a bit of satisfaction, but if you don't, tough luck.
But the real issue is not that. We all have that problem. It's in not having anything that makes it feeling worth the wile for you. A hobby you love, special people you enjoy being around. A family you feel responsible for. And if those "normal" things don't work out for you, you need to actively choose a thing to engage in, something you decide will take that place of purpose in your heart and mind.
My non-negotiable is reducing stress levels. I feel i could have a higher paying more impressive job, but that would come with massive amounts of stress and its just not worth it. So I've adapted my expectations of myself and accepted I will never be financially rich, but rather be mentally wealthy. If that makes any sense.
Being “positive” feels like gaslighting to us whether we’re told it or whether we try to think it ourselves. Looking on the bright side feels cruel.
I need to be exhausted to get to sleep. If I don't fall asleep right away, the really dark thoughts get in. There's something about being at the edge of sleep that brings down my mental defences, and even the mildest thought can really get to me.
It takes time to establish new habits, see if redirecting your thoughts to positive things helps. If you’re imaginative try going to sleep thinking and imagining interesting scenarios. Maybe listen to mood music, interesting positive interviews or spiritual or religious videos or recordings.
Why not try and go down that route actively and consciously? Free the beast, watch it play. In the end it's just thoughts, you still get to decide how you act. It would make me crazy to know there is a part of me that I don't really know.
What helps me get to sleep is guided meditations with music. Otherwise, my “diarrhea of the mind” drives me to think about negative stuff &/or “things I did wrong”… further depressing me.
Same. What helps me is listening to YT videos as I fall asleep. If I can't do that for whatever reason, then conscious relaxation meditation does the trick.
My unhappiness has grown over time. The pandemic really did a lot of damage to my mental health. Things got better, but I'm still trying to fully recover.
Yes, the pandemic changed my entire life and I still haven't recovered
Me too. I was struggling very intensely before the pandemic too but after it hit things got to a level of awful that I'd never experienced before and it was terrifying. How am I supposed to just pretend it's business as usual now? Nothing makes sense.
I am in the same boat. The pandemic flipped the world on its head and everyone became “conscious” of mental health during isolation. Now that everything has returned to normalcy it almost feels like everyone forgot how debilitating life can be for those of us who suffer on a daily basis.
I’m so tired of being and feeling alone. I’m going through therapy thanks to the advice I received from another one of these videos, I’m hoping it’ll help relieve some of the overall despair of living.
True and even much worse now with what’s about to unfold. Life will not be worth living by the end of 2025. Glad I’m not young and in my 40’s
One hour of social engagement daily triggered me immediately. I can manage a few times a week, but as an introvert, forcing myself to be socially engaged daily freaks me tf out.
An hour sounds absolutely exhausting. The grocery checkout person asking me how my day is going is enough contact to last me for 3 days.
I feel the same. Everyone is different. These are suggestions about what works for him.
I kept trying to socialize and fit into diffent groups thru Meetup, but I always felt alienated even in perfectly casual social settings.
Found out I love being alone, and small interactions with people I trust help charge what little social battery I have.
I find it much more rewarding, albeit difficult, to stay comfortable in my own skin doing nothing.
Different things work for different people, but the best advice I got was to do things with others without doing it*to be social*. I used to go to meetups and events just to meet new people. It was anxiety-inducing and usually ended up with me going back home even worse than before, because I hadn't made friends. Then I followed the advice and signed up to a local choir. Been a member for two years now. I haven't really made new friends, and it's big choir (roughly 120 people) that could have made me anxious, but it doesn't stress me out or tire me one bit because I'm doing something I enjoy, and I just happen to be doing it with others. The aim is not socializing. It's just a part of the process. Still, it works. Gives me a sense of belonging.
A couple hours every weekend is much more feasible for me. I'm blessed with a good family, so I just spend time with them, since I just don't have the energy to maintain friendships
Thank you Dr. Scott for pointing out that life is just harder for those of us with mental illness. I know that eating well and exercising and getting outside are things that I need to do to make me feel at least level, but sometimes all of that seems like so much work! And sometimes I am angry because I have to work so hard just to TRY for normal life. It’s EXHAUSTING!!!! How do I continue to do it everyday day??? I have no more energy or the will to continue to do it all Help!!
You're not alone. I have the same exact feelings that you do.
This is exactly how I feel living with chronic illnesses. It’s so annoying that I have to do so many things to take care of my body just to feel kind of okay
If it makes you feel better: mentally normal people have a very good chance of developing mental illness if they don't do that work, too. They may not have to work as hard, but the basic principle is the same for all of us.
I feel so tired of going for walks excerise and others are just chilling relaxing enjoy life.
Online is my contact with humans. For the safety of all concerned, I need much more healing before I have live interaction. I've learned from tragic experience that for me, just random people who happen to be around or may be in a meeting are not always truly healthy enough for me to trust and truly connect with. Recognizing that my mental health is more important than obeying the 'rules' of engagement is my way of setting boundaries and protecting myself. Online comments actually feel very brave. I'm thankful for online content, it is the first true validation I have ever felt. I have NEVER been understood by any one I've known in real life. I have a few select online professionals who have that special blend of personal knowledge and training who honestly address the reality of my life for my therapy. So, again thank you Dr Scott for getting to the actual point with practical advice. You have helped me take a specific vital step forward!
I share these feelings too ❤
I also am hyper vigilant about others I am required to deal with. Some people are just horrible.
Same. Very lonely existence. I have become basically agoraphobic. I can't even remember the last time I shopped in a store vs using pick up. Sad but true. I trust no one and have good reason for it.
I'm a lot like you.
I'm a loner even though there's many people in my life who like me.
my experiences with people during my childhood taught me not to trust anyone. I spend most of my time alone because of that
I feel so guilty because I have so much to be grateful for but instead I feel like a waste of space. I feel like I’m just doing time, waiting to die 😢. I follow every bit of advice, nothing changes so I feel like a failure on top of it
That’s pretty much me ! Sorry for your pain!
Same here. I am grateful yet i am sorry at the same time. Healing takes years and it is also hard to stay alive for years for us.
@ 67 life doesn’t feel livable anymore I lost my wife and kids to various mental illnesses I’m praying that my granddaughter doesn’t fall prey to her dads schizophrenia. My own depression/anhedonia ptsd makes my head spin. Most good therapist don’t take medicare but i’m still looking. And they call this the golden years I call it BS
Where in WI? This will sound strange, and suspend your disbelief for a frw minutes and hear me out.
Are you fairly physically able, walking is not an issue?
Square dancing is so much fun, and there are never enough guys, you would never lack a partner. There are lessons in many parts of the state. And we dance to newer music, and you don't have to dress up, unless you want you, just comfortable shoes.
We don't compete, but we do have state and national dances.
National this year in in Milwaukee in June. You are welcome to drop in as a guest, or to any local dance just to check us out. Please think about it. It exercise, it's socializing in the best way. I cannot hold one negative thought while doing it. It takes no more skill than walking, and knowing your right from your left. That's it.
Check youtube for videos.
Spend time with your granddaughter & just love her.
Same here
As heartless as it is to say, I always wonder why people with chronic mental illness decide to have children. Especially when considering diseases such as schizophrenia when it's known to be genetic. I'm antinatalist mainly for this reason. People should really consider what kind of life their kids will be forced to live if born with such conditions. I have diagnosed OCD and suspect at least one other mental illness. As I'm coming into adulthood I'm slowly getting over resentment for my parents for "giving me" this kind of life. I suppose they were unaware of their own conditions at the time but that doesn't make my situation any better. You shouldn't have kids just because that's what you're "supposed to" be doing or you lack meaning in your own life.
@MrVader2525 your parents didn't 'give you' this kind of life, there is no reason to start blaming, that doesn't lead to learning how to navigate your situation. You can change your mind, and your ideology.
Scott, please talk more about the impact of food on mental health. You have briefly mentioned it in other videos. I teach nutrition; not at the high end medical level, but basic nutrition for kids in grade school through high school. The overall diet of most Americans is so bad it is jaw dropping. More than 50% of people in our country do not eat any vegetables at all. And almost none eat the recommended five fruits and vegetables a day. This is important because, in the original medical writings about diet in the early 1900s, it was well understood that mental illness and mental instability was a symptom of malnutrition. This very basic information got lost in the shuffle with the growth of food as an industry, and “better health through chemistry”, as one slogan of the day put it.
What I know for sure is that when I corrected my kids’ diets years ago, therapy started working, they suddenly had energy to get up in the morning, and on and on. One child still suffers significantly with depression, and while I can see the impact of good food on his mental state, he is not at this time really making that connection. But I am still working on it.
I would love to hear a discussion about the food you eat, and how you feel it has changed you. I know there is very good research in the psychology world that says a high protein and high fat breakfast can do wonders for depression-as much as physical exercise will. I hope you will talk about this a bit.
Super Interesting! Could you maybe share a basic meal plan you do in a week? I’m currently suffering quite hard from depression as well.. thank you in advance.
If you check back in a few days, I will write something up. But I keep it very simple for kids, a modification of what they are eating, and nothing fancy. Always a warning to stay away from the extreme diets! But basically I encourage them to eat only one sugary snack a day, count their fruits and vegetables to get at LEAST five a day, whole grains instead of products made with refined flour, whole milk products and not low fat, beans of some kind in the diet, and then adequate protein. Fresh and frozen veggies, not canned. As little processed food as possible.
I will write about this, but many of the original nutritionists felt that if a child simply ate what I’ve listed above, especially no refined flour products and very little sugar, with adequate whole milk consumption, we wouldn’t have the chronic problems we have today. I know it sounds like a gross oversimplification, but the science behind it is solid.
If you are like me… I thought this sounded way too simple and kind of rolled my eyes until I took a closer look at what my family ate in any given week. We were so far away from these basics! After 20 years, I still have to fight to get my family to eat enough fruit and vegetables each day. I have to literally cut them up and put them in front of them.
The diet that has been adopted by most Americans is essentially white bread, meat, and potatoes of some kind. It is that exact diet that the original doctors found caused the first widespread chronic health issues that were recognized. I have considered putting together a webpage and a RUclips channel to cover these basic things, but I honestly haven’t found many people who are interested in listening. Maybe I will move ahead with that now...
But let me add-I teach basics to kids. I am really interested in hearing what Scott, as an adult struggling with depression, did diet-wise that helped him. It sounds like it wasn’t a complicated “program” or anything-maybe he pretty much just got the basics in place, and it helped a lot?
Food is ONE piece of the puzzle. Scott is doing such a great job of teaching the other pieces!
Yep i do better on high fat low carbs - stability. The protein can be moderate but it’s the fat combo with insanely low carbs that really does the job. Vegies or no vegies doesn’t seem to matter - but i do love a huge salad. Also the brain and gut axis - there’s a reason why they call it the second brain or a gut feeling. Spot on 👍🏻
20 years ago I worked a little (two days a week) in a Waldorf school. They had some policy there to always cook their own food from fresh ingredients for school lunch. So one of the perks of working there was that I got free lunch. And wow, I always felt so great from that food, mentally and physically. And their dishes weren't following anything particular diet, not keto or vegan so if you'd read the "menu" it was relatively normal lunch dishes. Just that it was done with great care and quality ingredients, no ultra processed stuff.
I wish the world would take its lousy "gift" back. The people who call it a gift irritate me no end.
I know exactly what and who you mean.
These people must never have been given a gift they didn't want.
I'm autistic and dealing with the uncomfortable feeling of an uncoming burnout, this video gave me helpfull ideas to make it more tolerable and less helpless, I'm gonna try to define my non negotiables :)
I have been taking your advice on physical activity to heart. I should make taking walks a non negotiable item. I am overall happier and healthier with even a 10 minute walk in my day.
Thought 1. The development and social things seem so unreachable. Thought 2. Schedule in 20 mins 5 days out 7 for development. Start smaller. Thought 3. No family. No local friends. Live alone. So make one quality phone call every day with the intention to focus on really exploring and listening to that person and practice flicking off negative internal chatter e.g I'm boring, I don't want to talk about myself. Then develop into finding a group or club to physically attend. Start small. Start now.
Just wanted to say your comment is helpful to me. Esp. the phone call goal. I took live alone and no family near. At some point I quit making phone calls. It's been years and keeps getting worse as I stopped pretty much participating in social media and online groups I used to enjoy. I'm going to try that phone call idea. Thank you
@amphibbi Aw thank you. I'm just passing on what I'm learning through the help I receive. I'm not perfect. I've made progress and starting again many times is part of my norm.
@@neviestix very isolated like you. I wish you healing and health. I know how boring we think we are. Personally, I live alone, I don't work, so of course, I have nothing to say about my life. Keep up the good work, Céline (France)
Its easy to tell people to do what makes them happy but actually doing those things isnt easy especially when you dont have a job and cant get one
Agreed. I had quite a bit of healing under my belt when I was struck with a tsunami of unexpected negativity from outside of myself. Had I not been already stronger than I was before (from doing lots of healing work)...I might not have made it. As it was, I hit rock bottom for six months. The climb back was gut wrenching and yet I did it!
You put this so vividly, and I relate so much because I’ve had a similar experience recently. Congrats! Keep taking care of yourself! 💪✨
That’s a confidence builder 🙂👍🏻👍🏻
Thank you for your comment❤
Life is one big fat obligation.
All by itself. No other help needed. Well said, friend.
Don't call her that
I can't begin to express how glad I am that I found this channel. It let's me know that I am not crazy and that I am not the only one experiencing this type of trauma. Thank you for allowing me a platform to express how I'm feeling with no judgement. You all are secretly my friends, which is comforting when there is no one else to talk to. Family don't get it and neither do the so called friends. Actually they have grown tired of my depression want to die chatter...I mean who can blame them right? It doesn't seem to end. I recently bought some magnesium glycinate and that seems to help calm me for a little while.
I have experienced the loss of connections because I have cycles of depression and anxiety that are probably hard for other persons mental health to understand as well. Keep trying to find what works for your body and mind, it can be a hard journey.
@@marywiggins7411 and a lonely journey too
Yeah. It is nice not to be alone with that experience. But I am also very sad that there are so many people out there that suffer the same way... 😢
@EinszweidreiApril2023 Yes it is disheartening to know how many are going through this agony!
A big problem is lack of social engagement, because no friends. No friends because of the viscous cycle of crap mental health. No way out.
What do you enjoy doing? Friends are a hard thing, I struggle with that. I joined a group that does things I like, and it has taken years to find one person that I can consistently connect with. I am serious, probably over 6 years and I am 68.
@@marywiggins7411that's the problem for me, I no longer enjoy what I used to and can't seem to find anything that brings me joy or pleasure.😢
@@lcraig9239 I found that I had to just force myself at first, not on the darkest days!! But medium rotten days, and it takes a full 20 minutes for my brain to get just the match out, not even strike it.
What were your interests before?
Same here. I've gone to soo many social functions over the years and just could never figure out to connect with people/find like minded others. I'm joining an online neurodivergent support group soon, if this doesn't work I'm pretty much out of ideas
i can just attach myself to that train. Earlier in life i have been gaming a lot and had at least my social cup there i suppose. But now i started to get away from such habbits more and more, because they essentially just drain my energy without giving anything back. So my old best friends i cannot really bond with anymore, because the only thing we really did was gaming (or taking drugs as another example of a bad habbit).
Now i implementd new habbits that are supportive for me, but i have noone to share it with really. So driving my bike in the forest every day kinda makes me feel better a lot, but also makes me feel lonely a lot more. It feels like i need to be compromising one crucial thing to get the other.
But one thing that might sort that out (for me at least), is to focus on something i like and something that's kinda crucial for my wellbeing, wich in my case is painting/drawing. I try to connect it with this social thing by building up a "fanbase" or followers i can engage with. Of course this is nothing that just happens like that, it is a lot of effort and i let it slide more often than not. But once the momentum is there and once there are these few people i can talk about something on the internet, it makes everything else easier for the time being.
So we should try connecting things to create a working cycle in our life.
And often the first step to that is sharing ourselves with others. Noone will ever know i am painting, when i don't share it on this art homepage. Wich is why it will stay something i do in solitude until i share it.
Dr Scott, I am always torn between compassionately wishing you had a happier back story AND being so grateful that you experienced the things I did (and do), learned from it, and now share the learning. You’re doing more to raise the baseline state of humanity than anyone with a strictly happy happy joy joy backstory ever could.
Thank you for understanding and validating our pain.
Oh I need to hear this…
I am 70 and no I have not done anything much to maintain body, so i can't move to do anything
I have chronic mental health disorder for 20 years and i gave up helping it years ago, especially when no meds or therapies worked.
I am 70, alone, socially isolated just laying around no longer able to do anything. Not even my craft i once enjoyed. There is ZERO in my life to motivate me towards a life worth living. So tired of being tired. Maybe im just waiting to die. Irony is, when it appears ill immediately regret not doing something now let alone 20 years ago. No-one left any more to care or see me so why bother. Too late for any significant change to happen before the end
Additionally, at least half an hour of physical activity a day helps A LOT. Especially to those with mental conditions.
Not in every case but I think the priority is physical health, then nutrition, then physical activity and hygiene, then any prescribed treatment
Hi Dr Scott
I've been a fan and subscriber for a few months now and kept thinking I'd write some appreciation and today is the day!
I'm 75 years old, have had periods of depression in my life since adolescence and also a 12-year period of alcoholism from age 48 to 60.
Your down-to-earth advice really works for me. I've been free of alcohol for quite a while now and managing my mental health without medication but sometimes surviving rather than thriving. Your advice helps me to get this on a more consistent level. I'd already figured out that I need at least an hour of meaningful social interaction each day but living on my own I don't always manage it but I do make the effort - today I had a beach walk and coffee with a friend and wow does it make a difference! I like the hour minimum on personal development too and how that can differ from one day to the next. Will make time for playing the piano! Sleep - that's a whole other story but I'll just say that in my experience it's a myth about older people not needing so much sleep. We still need our 7 hours or so if we're going to have a meaninggful, interactive and not-exhausted day.
Thanks again, you have a way of putting into words ideas that I've been grasping at but hadn't quite clarified ❤
I find people saying the MOST important thing is consistency... but that's the number one thing I DO NOT have. I have tried many times, but my brain constantly moves the goalposts in terms of what it's willing to participate in or pursue. so I've learned to not trust myself at all to pursue and achieve anything meaningful to me. As you can imagine that's led to insane levels of frustration and the desire not to live. My problem is not outside of me it IS ME.
Same. You might need medication to quiet your mind, which might actually be a stimulant, ADD can mimic depression and anxiety because of untrained executive function issues. That's me, plus actual depression and trauma. Then we just beat on ourselves endlessly for all those perceived failures, and mucking up our heads more.
Keep coming on youtube and listening to Dr. Scott. Ĥe is such a treasure, so relatable but with actual help
Not only does it feel bad to be alive, but most of my encounters with people have always been negative. No matter how positive and kind I have been to others, they always turn around and spit on me or abandon me or betray me.
Everything in my life has always gone from bad to worse. Connections with people have never turned out. I’d love therapy but you can’t find anywhere to go. No matter what you do, it always ends in failure and pain.
Life just doesn’t feel like it’s worth living
I’ve finally figured all this out. I’m 65. I identified with everything you said!!!
It's soooooo hard to stay on track even after doing a 360 turnaround. I'm trying to make life easier and better. It's constant hard work and lots of distraction . It definitely has come crashing down. My main problems are my sleep, being an empath. I care too much and get used and abused for my kindness. I had to stop helping people who aren't willing to help themselves. I have to try and look after me before I can look after others. I have my connection at church. Other than that, I spend so much time alone. I love my alone time. I don't need much time with others. I definitely need to fix my sleep. That is a must. Thanks Dr Scott you are a gem ❤😊
Same here. Alone much of the time.
I used to have a lot of trouble with sleeping. Unsolicited advice: I would recommend 4-7-8 breathing or 4-4-4-4 breathing for 2 minutes. It's helped with my sleep schedule. I also added 10 min of mindfulness meditation after the breathing exercises. Then I'm able to sleep much easier. I also use a sleep mask. It takes time to fix sleep, but it's totally worth it
Look into regulating your sleep schedule using micro doses of melatonin. It’s not being used in higher doses like some to actually make you tired, but taking it 2 hours before you go to sleep to get your circadian rhythm on track. It’s part of a “healthy sleep hygiene routine” I started.
Herbatonin 0.3 mg. Melatonin. 2-3 hours before you go to sleep. Same time every night.
I also take 500 mg. Magnesium glycinate
I use the 4,7,8 breathing when I’m having anxiety (so pretty much every night)
And I use a white noise machine set to light rain. Whatever sound works for whoever you are. It gives something to focus on other that ruminating thoughts.
I wasn’t sure anything would happen, but something did. I make a commitment to be in bed at a certain time. Which is and of itself monumental for me- I would avoid going to bed till the wee hours of the morning because I can’t stand the negative thoughts when I lay down.) but I do it anyway, and I now wake up without an alarm at almost the same time every morning. If someone told me this would be real I would have laughed 3 -4 months ago. It’s crazy. If your sleep is seriously bad, mine was awful- insomnia, wake up all the time if I could fall asleep, anxiety dreams…bad.
My sleep is livable now. Still the thoughts, sometimes it still takes a long time to fall asleep- still the slight wake ups, but such a massive positive difference than what I lived for most of my years.
I was living with sleep deprivation/ chronic fatigue and the exhaustion from it. Couldn’t focus… how can I possibly think I could get my mental health on track living like that? You can’t. Healthy sleep, healthy nutrition, are totally a part of the whole equation.
Still working on the nutrition part, it’s hard. (Sugar/carb addict) 🙃
Codependency is a key issue aside from the actual diagnosis..I am addressing how poor boundaries is a killer ( literally). Cult-ure encourages codependency big time. Culture/ society is not our friend
Unsolicited and simple advice: This good doctor has a video on regulating sleep. It sounded weird to me at first, but it's helping.
Codependency is a drag. I think the best definition of codependency I've heard to date is, "when you care more about the well being of someone else who isn't living well."
I had to learn to set those boundaries as well. It does get easier with time. Although you can't fix their lives, you can pray that they get the help they need to figure it out. At least that way you are doing something (and you probably are doing that already), without giving up your ground.
This is so true for me. I really have to stick to a routine with all the things you mentioned, plus just making sure i don’t forget to eat. Otherwise, I spiral. At least now, I can tell when I’m starting to get dis-regulated before it gets too out of control. I really do appreciate your direct, personal approach the topic. You get really get what it’s like. ❤
The most difficult thing to me is bad quality of relationship. Everybody speaks and nobody listen. If only I could have one hour a day of good and rich communication it would make my day! When I feel down, what I need is certainly not going to the Circus! I just need a little support and love. Thanks for your Podcast, I appreciate a lot!🥰
Dr. Scott, thank you, thank you for putting into words exactly what my Bipolar feels like 🙏 As I age (63yo), I’m finding my lows getting longer and stronger. Anhedonia is so miserable. It has cost me a marriage and several friends.
I honestly don't remember how happy feels.
This makes total sense. Lots of people coming g from abusing or neglecting families don’t have a clue about that. I’m learning to do this now and I’m almost 40.
It completely sux but if it helps anyone else out there, there are heaps of people in this boat 🚢 myself included ❤
I’m a lifelong depression sufferer and have just recently had a health scare related to exactly these 3 things or lack thereof so I’m thrilled to have this message from you. I’m recovering and trying hard to incorporate similar things in my life! I think it’s working, thank you for confirming this in your video. I have downloaded it for future reference. Incidentally I’m 83 and it doesn’t get easier but it sure is important!
This articulates what it is like “life doesn’t feel good to me” you have to work on it feeling good, it’s a challenge but much harder if you don’t accept the truth of this
Oh my God doc you definitely get it!!
It's hard to hear that I will have to work at it every single day for the rest of my life and i have not yet experienced a sense of peace and contentment. Always having experienced depression and now anxiety I have yet to feel anything else. Millions of videos with advice on how to overcome this. I must accept the truth that this is me and I will have to accept this and try my best to work at a better outlook on life.
@@cindyd8177 Very well stated and I echo your sentiments. It's discouraging to say the least but he at least tries to throw those of us who suffer an olive branch
I don't know what is more difficult to accept. Living with anxiety and depression for the last 40 years or being addicted to a benzodiazepine and an antidepressant for the last 30 years. It seems impossible to wean off. The medications have only complicated my mental illness. I feel like a failure because I haven't been able to work in 15 years. Jesus Christ is my only hope for living right now.
Not being able to work does not make you a failure. A person's worth is so much more than their 9 to 5
The INCREDIBLY long taper required with bnzødiazapines is an ENORMOUS full-stop on functionality that none of us were told about beforehand
It was strangely freeing to hear that life feeling inherently not good is just part of having chronic depression or anxiety. It sounds so obvious, but that frame of mind is the war we’re taught to fight. Feeling bad about life isn’t normal, so you fight the war to feel good to be normal and you’re just… always fighting. And feeling horrible for always losing. Maybe there’s no war. Maybe that’s as useless as telling someone in a wheelchair they can walk if they just fight harder. A better and more sane use of energy is to accept it and learn to move around with it. Thank you.
I have PTSD. Previous to that, depression like mad. Lived the way you did. Realized how to deal with it while getting traumatized. I hate the dimension that PTSD adds to the already challenging problems. For me, I cannot sleep less than 10 hours or I'm fucked. And I can't manage my PTSD and progress in treating it while also holding down a job. So I'm on disability, sorta but not really. Today I slept 8 hours, and all I've wanted to do since I got up is to go back to bed.
I don't know if there was a point to this message but I feel less like I'm alone in the world after watching this. Also, not resilient enough to watch it but, I did it. Regardless though, thank you Scott. I'm not alone in my struggles. Good tidings to you.
I'm introverted but still need way more socializing time than I'm getting. The other 2 factors in the video are largely in my control, but finding quality connection doesn't seem to be. It's been so hard to find friends, and I'm so close to giving up, since I'm running out of ideas on where and how to meet and connect with people like me...
Of all the channels about mental illness, you're the only one who describes it in a way that resonates with me.
The depth of your insight and wisdom always amazes me, and your ability to share it in such a down-to-earth way is such a blessing for those of us who are struggling with chronic mental illness. Thank you, Dr. Scott!
It took me more than 10 years to realize all that on my own, I pray that those who need it, find their way to this video soon so they don't have to waste so much time as I did.
Hey it's worth trying. I've tried everything else. I appreciate that you KNOW what you are addressing. Thanks for the honesty of not being perfect.
You absolutely NAILED it, Dr Scott. I've been wondering why I have some trouble just waking up and being grateful for a new day. That's because I have to face another day of trying to be proactive against my depression and anxiety..living just to fight another day. It gets so exhausting sometimes. I do have meds, which are prescribed for my condition by my psychiatrist, but, some days are just harder than others, depending on many factors. Happiness or even contentment don't come easy. All your videos are amazing, and, you have a wonderful way of understanding, since you know all too well about these subjects on a personal level. Thank you SO MUCH for all your content..it helps tremendously. Rosemarie
What’s refreshing about listening to your channel is that the thoughts I’ve had for decades are validated. I feel like “we” have to hide this struggle at minimum to maintain a good image at work. Therefore, our literal survival & independence depends on “hiding” this condition which then inherently creates shame within etc. Hearing you say “It sucks & it’s not fair, but you have an extra job others without this condition just don’t have” is so true … strangely it makes me feel more hope, not less. Because ultimately it’s something I can choose to treat or ignore but it only becomes tolerable if I treat it. Makes me feel like I have some amount of control over a chronic condition that I didn’t choose & don’t want. Thanks for the validation, empathy & ideas.
There is a loneliness that is inescapable. Quality social time just isn't something one can count on for some.
Despair is the only thing i've had consistently for 20+ years. It's not going to get 'better'. Better is for other people.
This is exactly how I feel and it infuriates me when people say that I shouldn't off myself because "These feelings are temporary". Absolutely no one acknowledges the people that don't get better
@@OriginalContent89 It's because they're scared. They know it could easily happen to them. I'm also currently homeless with a job and have noted how towns and 'society' in general wants to sweep us under the rug: it's because of the 'not me' mentality. "If I don't see it, it can never happen to me, and that's all that really matters."
Big fan. I have learned so much. I don't know if you have already covered this, but I would like it if you could speak on (the fear of death, thanatophobia). For some reason, I have been consumed with this thought. I know it's not a favorite topic particularly here in the West, but I would love to hear your knowledge on this topic. (Sorry to get so dark)😐 Appreciate all you do. All the best.👍
Same here.
Yup, I relate 100%. If I don’t force myself to get adequate rest, socialization outside the home at least once a week, and to take mental breaks with no stimulus/input, then it doesn’t matter how much I care about what I’m working on and how important it is-I WILL fall into a deep burnout and depression pit.
If we don't do the tough inner work of really healing core issues...nothing will ever feel right longterm.
Schizoaffective here. Life is pretty miserable on the norm. Absurdist philosophy has really helped me find joy again in day-to-day. Life is a miserable storm, but some of the raindrops feel nice.
It's a comfort just knowing I'm not the only one that feels this way. Such a helpful video. 🙏🏼❤️
This hits home pretty hard. He's absolutely right. Ive been dealing with chronic anxiety and depression for the past 17 years of my life. Therapy and meds help when im at my worst, but looking back now i see that in the weeks, or even days prior to having a mental flare up, I had not been taking care of myself very well. I'd stay up too late too often, or indulge in a little too many hedonistic pleasures. The resulting exhaustion and dopamine detox were inevitable. Small wonder why my anxiety and depression would hit extra hard after indulging those bad habits.
Thank you so much acknowledging and validating the pain of trying our best to work an extra job just to maintain our mental health.
I work on my mental health daily. And even then I get tired of it. And it's the only job I have. I can go from happy to spiraling in a minute. But these are moments. 🤷♂️
I subscribe to a lot of what your saying, especially sleep and exhaustion. If I don't get 12 to 14 hours a day my brain literally shuts itself down. It will hit me without notice, no matter where I am, or what I am doing. Much like shutting off a light switch. I am on the floor..crawling to someplace safe where I can sleep for a hour or so to regain brain function so I can get to my bed. I had an EEG to rule out organic stuff and was left with nothing but anxiety/stress/exhaustion shut down.
My problem right now, have fallen off the take care wagon, you are helping me, I am so gratful I found you.
Its true, as the saying goes - keep doing the same things, you'll get the same results. I committed to taking personal responsibility for my mental health a few hears ago and life is infinitely better. I would also add that after taking up a daily meditation practise, reducing my work commitments, volunteering on community projects, practising gratitude, spending more time with mu family, massively reducing my screen time - I like my life so much more, i feel fullfilled I like doing these things they have become my life and in a sense recovery just blended into life. In fact i like how I live my life now alot more than my old life, which it turns out - In didn't like at all, just hadn't realised it - probably why is was depressed!
This is great if you have things that you enjoy, that bring you any kind of pleasure or enjoyment. If you don't, it's just one long slog through existence. I'm not on my phone. Hell, I leave it at home most of the time and it's not charged. I have no family. No friends. There's no such thing as "meaningful engagement."
I have not watched this video yet, but will. I just watched your short on why people annoy you and I want to thank you for that!!!! I am very much a severe introvert with high social skills and most people annoy me to the max-and they are so oblivious and so derogatory toward my need to be non-engaging with them. They resent it, they get defensive, they try to make me feel bad & I just want them to leave me alone! So, I appreciated your supportive short!!
Great words of wisdom. It took me nearly into my 50s before I really gave myself full permission to honor all my Non-Negotiables. Some of them I had good boundaries around earlier, but some not so much. Wish I'd had that wisdom much earlier in my life, but I guess we all come to these things in our own time. Thanks for sharing.
There is always something wrong in my life and that's the fact that I am a slave to the modern capitalistic economic system
I did a decade of deep inner work in an intense therapy group that became unhealthy. What you describe still persists so I can’t thank you enough for this validation. It makes me more hopeful, honestly. I am what I am. Warts and all.
I’m an introvert so I will recommend online support groups like trauma recovery, ACA, EA, etc. They are free and, if you don’t like one, you can try a different one. (Some of the ACA literature is shaming but I ignore those parts :) P.S. Go Hawks
I am learning the names of my problems and that's making it feel more manageable. Thank you for this video. I will find an approach that works for me.
Thank you, if nothing else it's reassuring to know that a mental health professional can vouch for this reality. I wish someone had echoed this sentiment to me ages ago. My early years were depressive but filled with the distractions of youth. As I grew older and the distractions faded, I didn't realize that the pit would grow with me, and I hadn't even thought to climb. Now I know better. You really do have to work for your own contentment--but really, doesn't that almost seem fair? It enables growth and makes life worth something. Yes, the looming misery steals so much, but knowing and learning to fight it is a privilege to understand yourself and life and grow accordingly.
Thanks again for the frank video.
Straight up and down, I don't believe there are people out there who don't qualify as mentally ill. Our entire society is mentally ill. Only extraordinary people in extraordinary circumstances make it out of childhood with enough skills to stave off mental illness with real success. Every single person I know ought to be working seriously on their mental health for their own sake and the sake of their loved ones.
I'm out of my first therapy now and your video helps me to stay on my path. There are many distractions, but 3 Non-Negotiables sound like a number, I can handle. Thank you a lot. :)
Life is just an obligation. There should be an “opt out” that people accept as ok.
Everything you said makes sense and I love your down-to earth approach, Doctor.
While I am not dismissing your excellent advice, the problem for me is, I have been trying those things my entire adult life and nothing has worked and I am just getting worse no matter how much I try and whichever doctor I try to get help from.
Nothing is working, my life has been stolen by mental illness and I am just tired of trying.
But you ARE still trying, and that matters. It is not easy, not at all.
Have compassion for yourself just for showing up, that alone is a tremendous feat in a world like this ❤
I agree with Zila, self-compassion is such a powerful force. I’ve just started learning about it myself, only about a month, and my perspective toward myself and my life has changed already. It surprised me so much. When we’re learning and healing, it often feels like nothing is changing, but there is always some progress, even when we can’t see it. We have to keep focusing on the progress. 💪
@@emmelinesprig489 I thank you for your comment and I DO have compassion for myself. I just have no more strength left.
After a long, painful struggle with my mental health and mental illness, I managed to pull myself out of the hole for just long enough to manage to go back to college. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be SO hard, and I’m 32 and failed out of college the first time because I was miserable and living with undiagnosed autism and my grades plummeted. I’m trying to give myself a second chance.
As someone else has said in another comment:
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.... and I'm sick of people telling me stuff that doesn't help and sometimes hurts and stuff that knocks me on my butt like:
I should be better, it's not that bad, it could be worse, I'm just being dramatic, I'm lazy, it's just the bipolar making me feel so bad, you aren't that sick, you don't look like you are sick at all, I don't believe that the condition/symptom exists,etc, etc.
I'm sick and tired of people not believing me, minimising my symptoms and the suffering they cause.
I'm sick of all the ways people have implied that I'm lying or exaggerating what is going on. There is nothing to gain from lying about what I live with.
I'm so sick of the useless advice, the medical people who don't help, the people in my life who don't believe me.
Living with a list of chronic health challenges that include rapid cycling treatment resistant bipolar spectrum disorder and chronic fatigue syndrome as well as a list of chronic pain conditions with other conditions suspected but as yet undiagnosed : I am sick of explaining and educating the doctors/specialists about my challenges only to be told that they don't know what to do.
I'm sick of people thinking that medication is like a magic pill and that taking a tablet will cure me or control all my symptoms and allow me to get back to a normal life.
I'm sick of being told to exercise, to eat right and to get out and be social as if I haven't had lectures from everyone about that useless advice. Like as if I would not have already tried many of the normal suggestions.
I'm sick and tired of the amount of time I spend managing everything medical/ health related in my life and then being called lazy. It takes the same time and energy as a part time job.
I'm really sick and tired of getting help in the form of a temporary measure (a bandaid solution) instead of finding out the underlying problem and working on fixing it.
I'm sick of not qualifying for help, not being offered the help that I could have, only getting limited help, or losing access to help because I do the right thing, take medications, and stop being in the emergency or urgent category.
I'm sick of being told that I'm not sick enough only to get worse each year and adding more diagnoses to the list
I'm sick and tired of people who waste my time, energy and money at health appointments. I'm sick of going around in circles and being no closer to getting done what we all agree is needed.
I'm sick and tired of people hearing that I have a mental illness and assuming that I'm violent, not safe to be around and that I should be locked away in an asylum.
I'm sick and tired of the attitudes, stereotypes and the way people assume that people with mental illness did something to deserve it and that what works for one person can help another in the same way.
And now I'm sick of complaining about things that won't change.
Not the best day today. I'm really feeling those words on the thumbnail. 🫤
Thanks, Dr. Scott. I'll keep trying! 🙂
The validation I just got! I'm crying I'm so so frikken tired of putting on a happy face for these people. I'm done! Thank you.
This was very helpful, especially the non-negotiables. I have been trying so hard to be that amazing upbeat super engaging mom to my 5 yr old that I dreamed I would be but it’s so forced sometimes to even smile that I know she is learning that mom is not internally happy. I’m on heavy sedatives at night due to BP and they’ve kept me stable for 15 hrs but they don’t allow me to exceed, “neutral” I guess is the best way to describe it. I have a great relationship with my child though and she knows mommy is the same level person but I really want to give her the example that excitement and happiness with laughter exists and will continue for her as she ages. I’m going to work on these non-negotiables and see if that helps with it.
Ok so I'm listening to your suggestions. I made myself wash the dishes a few minutes ago. Big accomplishment for me. Sounds silly to most "normal" people.😂
Thank YOU so much for sharing!!
I used to tell my fellow depressed friends "Some days are harder then others, but you must look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Especially the days you're really deep in there. And if you don't see it, close your eyes and see it in there." That's what they get for sayin' "Crazy say what?" 😂 That said. Thank you. This video makes me feel finally heard. Even if my needs are very different. But aren't we all. The balance is a tricky habit to learn. Sending love.
I always enjoyed my life. Then I. 2020 I married the wrong woman. She turned me into a mess. Then I had a hard time moving on from her. I even hung on after the divorce. I am miserable and I shouldn’t be. I have two amazing sons and a grandson from my first marriage. But my second marriage ended up with me abused and bankrupt. I really am getting tired. I am scared that if I don’t get happy soon I am just going to choose to not go on .
My life was a mess growing up. My parents didn't believe in modern medicine. I was always told "just apply yourself more" or criticism on laziness. I prospered in the military. Having ADHD in the Army was life on easy mode. You have a person telling you what to do, at all times. No structure in your life, no worries, the NCO's will tell you what to do. After I finished my military duty and became a civilian again at 26, my life never felt more out of control. I was essentially just taking "life to the face" each day, subsequently 8 years later I had a break down from the stress, even got to wear those grippy socks for 28 days. Its been a year, im properly medicated with 300mg of wellbutrin and 40mg of vyvance. Life feels "good" now, unless I cant get my meds, and of course I have my "bad" days. Seek help yall.
You can say this because your depression, despite how bad it may feel is not that severe. With a lot of people facing depression there is no way of being able to manage it, through reasoning and strategy. It also limits you physically too.
He's clearly not talking about what to do when you're that level of dysfunctional or close to rock bottom. He's talking about having to continue doing things to keep going when you are more functional, because it takes effort even when you're at that level, that you're not automatically happy and not needing to keep working at it. Because if you find yourself having improved from being in the complete depths of dysfunctionality, it can feel exhausting and demoralising to realise you still have to do more work to stay there and not fall back into dysfunctionality again.
This describes me well. Thanks for this video‼️
Thanks for the perspective.