Ep. 101 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2021
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This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are reunited in Austin, TX and it feels so good! Bert is staying at Tom's house and has stories about hanging out with Tom's kid. The bears talk about Bert snapping a belt with his waist, having fun in some soft water, some first class punters, and more! Do you have tips for empty nesters? Email us at 2bears1cave@gmail.com
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Good thing they squeezed this podcast in before the drama club had to use the auditorium.
😂
Bruh 😂
Lmao. Nice
I dont get it 🤦🏾♂️
@@federicalfred1 they're saying that it looks like they filmed this in a high school auditorium. Which is, admittedly, pretty funny
Really cool of Sean Evans to lend Tom the table cloths from season 1 of hot ones for the backdrop
@@AgendaInMind dude your name is so ironic
Bert said there’s gonna be magic happening. The crew misunderstood
@@AgendaInMind you sound more and more r worded each time i see this
@@AgendaInMind antivaxxers are dangerous
just a cool bald guy helping out another cool bald guy
I love how Bert interrupts himself to say "let's stay on track"
Me to me every day
I look forward to Ellis stories as much as I do Top Dog stories now.
The Father, Son and Unholy Spirit. The Segura Trinity.
The Dog, The Buns, and The Yet To Be Nicknamed
Right! Same with chris Delia's son's story's. Imagine bobby lee with a kid
I wanna like the comment but it’s at 69 likes so I can’t fock that up
@@TUPACTHEGOAT69 Time to like homie, somebody already went and did that...
Tom has the easiest gig in the game with this podcast. All he has to do is rev Brent up with 3-4 words then drink his coffee til he tires himself out, pull 1 thing up to rev him up again til the show ends. Genius
It really is a recipe for success with these two.
I'm a simple man and this simple formal satisfies me. Bert is a wealth of half knowledge
Oh my god. *That's* why he's still doing it.
he risks injury everytime he walks to and from the studio, not that easy for a crip
Who's Brent?
The new studio looks great, no expense spared. Only thing missing is the ceiling fan
I thought I had clicked on a beheading video.
I dont see any crown molding
@@AgendaInMind So loose
People who make comments like these are my kind of people
"the voice you are now hearing is Richard Kiley... Spared no expense." - Dr. John Hammond
As mind bogglingly self centered Brent is, you can tell he’s a very good father and truly loves his daughters. You’re a good egg Mr. Chrysler, and pretty close to becoming shaped like one
Thing is he is at least aware that its insane. It's the ones who are completely consumed by themselves who don't think they are, those are the insufferable cunts.
At first I thought your joke was he’s shaped like a Chrysler
100%
@@JustTheFlecks a hundred percent
Seems more like a bad father who loves his kids honestly
Tom's impression of his 5 year old son is deeper than his own voice
Another week of Bert ‘discovering’ that Tom writes with his left hand. And now we know Bert re-watches his podcasts, so not only has Tom told him several times he writes with his left hand, Bert has also watched himself discover several times Tom writes with his left hand and still doesn’t know
What a complicated web we weave lol
And they're best friends?!?! I'd go looking somewhere else
"Weird choice for a best friend."
- Anthony Jeselnik
This is the magic of Bert being so fucking oblivious and aloof. That's just who he is 😆 🤣
Yea, whatever. But the fact that Tom said the most Bert shit of all time is still funny.
Tom realizing at 42 years of age that he is right-handed and not left-handed is the biggest Pazsitzky Effect ever.
Could be ambi
@@Audiofatuation Yeah I'm ambi. Pretty much only write and piss with me left.
@@likwidmagik same i only shit with my left
@David Lastrapes LMFAO
Holy zsit
I'd love to see an "F is for Family" type of animated series about the Segura family. Those boys seem like a goldmine of material.
I would sooo watch that. Btw, Burr is more than great in that entire series. Peace.
I think Bert just needs to permanently move into that guest house of Tom's so he can help raise Tom's kids haha.
The very idea that Burnt has a stable family life and is not just a bachelor living in a loft above someone garage is really hard to get my head around.
Don't you mean so Tom's kids can raise Bert?
I believe him waking up sweating and shaky is called withdrawals.
Yeah...not so sure this hangover I.V. trend is such a good thing. For a guy like Brent, that just gives him the green flag to go that much harder every night. Can't be a good thing...
Clearly you aren’t a drinker
@@Revolution1117 his name is Brad, have some respect!!!
Actually laughed out loud. Thank you
It's true. I have the same issues. I'm trying to stop but it's bad rn
Lol I think we all want more stories of Tom's evil children. Haha shits so good.
The toilet water from Rogan? 🤣🤣🤣
I worry about what kind of adults they're raising for this world to deal with.
@@darkylinky288 they are raising a cool guy
They will be either comedians or serial killers lol
These stories crack me up.
Can we get a Ellis podcast with stories of him just doing crazy shit
I think he's doing the rounds at the moment to promote his fight and Tony hawk pod so he'll be on one of the ymh pods for sure
@@andrewtregoning he's talking about toms kid lmao
@MaggotSaiyan ! THIS!!! How great would that be and you know there's some untold, amazing stories!!!
I love when tom talks about his kids. Ellis is fun as hell
Bert: "I hope nobody ever finds my journal, the stuff in there is so insane."
Also Bert, in the same episode: "I wish I could get raped by a stranger on the road so I could have more kids"
My dad loves being an empty nester. In fact, he loves it so much he left my mom and I when I was 5.
I remember the fist time I told this joke when I was 7
@@withcharlie6059 Easy to see why your dad left.
@@casualwater698 I heard that one when I was 6
A story as old as time!
@@withcharlie6059 eh I enjoyed it, haven’t heard this one lol. Lighten up, goomba
Tom just now realizing he's right handed is the ultimate Pazsitzky Effect.
Did you Google it, to spell it right? ; )
Most lefties are ambidextrous at most things.
@@YesBruv105 im a righty but there has always been things I have to do left handed & others that my natural reaction is to use the left. Point of personal privilege: my right is tokd
Left handers are all faking it for attention anyway
Just when you think Tom is the smart on your realize there isn’t a smart one. Wtf
I get great appreciation out of listening to these podcast's they make me feel less alone. I've been trying to start over a find a more motivated circle of friends.
Looks like Ari talking to Brent about not blowing up people's spots had no effect whatsoever
Ellis trying to serve Bert toilet water is the funniest thing ever. That’s impressive for a 5 year old. Lol if only he was older and he had more will power to lie longer.
That’ll come after his life sentence. A guaranteed psycho.
I hate this kid I've never met. Menace on society
Kid sounds like a fucking demon🤣🤣
They should have is Zach Galifianakis sit in the middle of the table, and call it between two bears
Don't Google between two bears
I would like to see him to talk to them, just to see if they match up well
Dammit. Thought I might have had the most liked comment then I see this. You dropped this 👑
This is an original thought they are always talking about
😂🤣😂🤣
Tom telling stories about his kids is the funniest thing had me crying!!!
You know it’s a good episode when Brent makes you genuinely concerned about his recent weight gain.
as a server, we ALWAYS notice when you steal our pens, and it always sucks.
Have worked in the medical field for over 20yrs & you should never expect to get a good pen back unless you hover over whoever is using it & take it back immediately. You can never sit one down somewhere, if you do you can kiss that one goodbye
when I was a server, we always kept a mega pack of cheap bic pens on hand to send with the checks, but us servers would hold on to our nice pens to take orders.
As a former server and forever patron: if the server has a pen I know I'm gonna steal I just leave a bigger tip 🤣
It’s a dick move
You deserve it.
The light in Tom's eyes when he asked Bert if his journaling was about violence. 😂
Just like a little kid lmao
It's been six months since the Bad Friends crossover and we definitely need Rudy on the show
Watching Bart try to read is like when the teacher calls on the student who can’t read well but makes them finish the whole thing
I guarantee that Bert spends most of his day watching people "react" to his Machine story.
one HUNDRED percent hahaha
HAHA that shit is now 10+ years old since Bert first told it in public. Name one other really funny joke/story of his. He's riding the coat-tails of that (likely seriously elaborated and lie-padded) event for a decade now. One-trick pony!
@@SteveCossaboom have you watched his specials? Cos he deffo has a ton more stories
@@Anthony84739 yea fair one, that's probably why he's so unsuccessful.........
@@Anthony84739 yeah man he's an AWFUL stand up.....he sold out Red Rocks as the only headliner because people like to go and see how much he SUCKS.... yeah that totally makes sense
So funny to watch Tom realize his sociopathy has passed to his son. Karma for torturing Charro all those years 😂
I, fucking, agreeeeee. Lol. Good shit.
Plus cornflakes is pretty crazy herself off the Prozac
Am i the only one who gets chills hearing it? It's like that scene in jurrasic park when raptors figure out door handles.
Ellis sounds intelligent, almost too much but he uses it in very weird ways 😃
The way bert described it with the paint sounds like Ellis wants attention, and hes found out how to get it
Whoa. Calm down there G. We know this is you.
Bert as someone who live at home with his parents. It’s still depressing. I’ve noticed that sad shrug my dad gets when he’s says “you want to watch a movie” and I tell him “I need to study and then hang out with friends”
You need to make some time with your dad, my man. He will cherish that shit forever.
Around 17 minutes is when bert’s mid-life crisis starts. My dad said the same thing and quickly became an “enthusiast” of several random things.
Omg I just hit 17min, so excited 🤣🤣
Not gonna lie, That ending of the podcast made me really feel for Bert. He’s coming to terms with his kids growing up and moving on. Hopefully he and Leeann can learn to travel and enjoy their life together without kids.
Screw that, hopefully he gets ruffied by some Lithuanian women gets them pregnant and Leeann moves them all into their house.
His kids might leave, but they will always ask for money and come home.
I just hope he stops shitting the bed. Baby steps.
He just is having trouble fathoming what it looks like to see someone mature since he's miles behind his kids.
@@LateToThaParty big facts
Great energy in this episode. You can tell the bears are happy to be back in one cave!
Not since they where invited to unite in Ariannas chetchik's cave
Brent telling Tom about his pen reminds me of the “sell me this pen” scene in the wolf of Wall Street
This was such a good episode. Brent coming to terms with himself is always incredible.
The vibes were immaculate this episode, even with Bert being Bert, you can tell they have that in-person energy
Sooooo glad to see them in-person again
Tom's rented tim Dillons Austin studio. You can hear Ben giggling in the background
Ben has a next-level laugh 😂 He’s perfect for Timmy
I thought I caught that, too!!
I knew I recognized this set from somewhere lol
It's funny because Tim Dillon is actually taking over the YMH studio in LA soon lol.
@@paulallen6992 don’t lie, fr??
I love that Bert gets IVs rather than just drinking water
Bert is such a friend, he hoped he was like Tom and was writing with the wrong hand all along. Love it!
Or... and just hear me out... his brain couldn't handle Tom having something interesting to say where the attention moves away from Bert for two seconds, so he had to act quick and make it about himself again.
@@binimgarten8696 Why not both? HAHA!
The look on Tim's face whenever Bart gets himself back on topic tells you that he can't wait to send him off on a tangent all over again 🤣.
Need more Ellis stories lol
I like the close up of the camera work. Love it
We literally are watching 2 of one of the greatest comedians of all time. Brilliant. Long time listener first time caller.
*Tim starting to tell a story*
Bruce: wait wait wait, we're getting ahead of ourselves! Let me talk about me...
Ellis seems like an active form of Tom's chaotic personality.
I can listen to Ellis stories for HOURS
Tom & Bert need to do an ‘Old Firm’ derby. Love to hear them discuss that 🤣
When Burt talks about writing in his journal and Tom asks was it a lot of dangerous stuff the smile on his face is scary
Hearing Tom talk about that little demon he's raising always makes me sooo glad my 4yo is chill af. I can lay down for 40 minutes with no worries lol
This was one of the best episodes by far. Loved it. Bert had me rolling laughing towards the end.
The joy watching them sign those documents 🤣... I'm genuinely happy for how happy they are ❤️
I love hearing stories about the kids, this cracked me up 🤣🤣
We don’t care about the set…we just love seeing you boys together 💛💛
Obviously they didn't either 🤣
Bert wiping from the front somehow feels appropriate
Barf is saying some truly insightful and honest stuff. Talking about his fear of being an empty nester and listening to Tim more attentively and organizing his thoughts. Really inspired me to get back into journaling and mediating.
I'm about 80% certain that Berts gonna pull the trigger on a move to Austin within a year, just to do this podcast in person.🤣
Let’s hope so. He’s be much happier. Although I wouldn’t be mad if he came home to Tally.
They spent over a year remodelling their house I doubt Lee Ann will go
Probably
sooner in my opinion.
Bert: can you imagine reading to pass the time?!?
😂😂😂
I needed this so much today ❤️ thank you for the laughs
So glad you and Josh Potter are sharing space.
Ever wonder who has the gall to dislike these videos? Who doesn’t enjoy a classic 2Bears1Cave with ole Tom Segura and Brian kreeschter
Old Mikey Redbar and his fanatics if he's still around... guy used to do nothing but shit on the Rogan crew
A suggestion to Brent…
"The secret of happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less" - Socrates
Cringe.
@@AZCaveMan480 who cringes at quotes from Socrates..? lmao
This generation is proof that evolution can go backwards.
It's why Western Civilization is in its death throes..
you can bet that whatever comes after it will most certainly be 'cringe'.
@@grizzlywidow Proof?
@@grizzlywidow I'm begining to understand why you're a widow. Cant take a joke without bitching.
@@grizzlywidow Mate, you need to understand that the cringy part is not the quote from Sokrates. It’s someone posting such a quote on the comment section of 2 bears 1 cave and in that context.
It's amazing how great Bert's long term memory is, while his short term memory is basically equivalent to Guy Pierce's in Memento.
I appreciate Bart actively trying to rein himself in.
Lol I don’t. I wanna see a train crash of a human
Me to took him long enough
He’s been saying this since 2012
Wonder if Bert realizes things like saying “it amazes me when someone doesn’t like me” is probably why some people don’t like you lol
If I am already buzzed and having a good time I can see myself drinking with him for a while, but sober I would get annoyed after getting interrupted the 2nd time. Imagine having to live with him.
Wait till he finds out not everyone loves his farts as much as he does... SMH he's gone full Hollywood, really self obsessed and money oriented, not the loveable tiktok he used to be.
Watch the episode of Bad Friends podcast where they have the Murphy Bed Ninja Song lady defending herself. It'll give you a sense of how delusional some people really are.
Bert has always had a weird, false view of himself. It's almost as if he will say something just to say some words, and doesn't really believe it.
"I can't believe people travelled from LA to this game" Coming from a guy that apparently is a massive football fan. Considering he has said that he traveled long distances to sports games, it makes one of the statements false.
But the truth is both statements are false, and he said those thing just to say them and hear words come from his mouth.
This was a dumb, meaningless rant by me but it made me realize how much Bert annoys me and that I need to listen to him even less than I already currently do.
@@AZCaveMan480 omg I need to see this which episode was this??
I love him cause he doesn’t give a fuck
Face-to-face is MUUUUUCH better than Zoom!!! Thank you!!! (I don't really care/need decorations. But face-to-face is a must! So much better.)
This is the first episode in the last 100 that Bert made 100% sense and really felt like one of us
I hope you went to the dentist Bert! Your mess made me schedule an appointment.
Touch my teeth through the fence.
The best part is when Bart comes up with crazy scenarios for getting a kid and not having Leann be pregnant …. Like adoption doesn’t exist 😆
I love when Tom tells stories about his kids..
I wanted to hear more about the painted walls 🤣🤣😂👩🎨
I love how bert goes on rants and then says ok ok let's stay on track
I’m single with no kids and this episode made me be like “damn I don’t want my kids to grow up and move out either!” And now I’m sad at work over missing my hypothetical children. Thanks Bert.
That's hilarious!
Bert I used to feel the same way In school. I come from Italian immigrants, right off the boat. In Catholic school you had to bring your own lunch everyday. I was som embarrassed because all the other kids had sandwiches made out of Wonder bread, and I have a meatball sandwich on half a loaf of Italian bread. Nowadays, everyone rather have my sandwich. Funny how times have changed.I am 55 and now I appreciate that big ass sandwich. Love you guys, and Leann and Christina. Tom is right empty nester, anything goes! No one walking in on you. Your friend Kathy from Montgomery NY
That sounds delicious. Kids are weird, man.
Hey, what’s up from New Paltz! I can’t believe I found a Hudson Valley mommy in the comments.
What's poppin kathy
Gimme more of that HARD water talk. That's some goooood pod, baby!
Bart has that level of devotion to Bart as noted "I really love seeing myself"
"What color is our team?" is definitely coming back on Bert 🤣🤣🤣
Lovely to see how Bert enjoyed a soccer game. Whenever Bert and Tom visit anywhere in Europe they have to catch a game, particularly a derby or a classic.
54:22 “I can do what I can do what i can do” -Burnt Chrysler
That light really enhances Tom's head, i like it.
I thought we were going to see a crossover episode with Lex Fridman with the studio background
Holy smokes, completely forgot that Tim is left handed... lol makes his injury that much worse and funny. Plus watching him write just now looked funny too 😂 glad you're recovering Tim!! 👖
Tim Sandoval
Dude, us lefties are cursed. Pencil, chalkboards, whiteboards... they get smudged or erased as we write. Toss in being busted the fuck up... goddamn.
He's ambidextrous but I think he just uses his left more
People usually just call him Tom
I hope you intentionally called him Tim twice to bait comments.
The “Smallest house in the room” correction explained these bears relationship and I’m here for it.
Bert: "Have you ever seen him in shorts?" Tom: "Uh, no!" Priceless...
Love the new studio. Really appreciate the black curtains as a tribute to the African Americans. 💪👌🏼
Bcm baby...agreed
What’s an “African American?”
@@nietzschesno-things523 that’s what white American people used to be told to call black American people.
Now I think white American people are supposed to use “person of color”, which sounds soo racist it’s kinda funny. I’m curious what the next en-vogue term is going to be
Funny :)
@@nickkerr5714 I prefer to call them Americans because that is what they are, unless they were born in Africa & get their citizenship & move to the US. Everyone in this country is descended from somewhere else (even Native Americans if you go back far enough through history). Not to mention there arent very many ppl born in the US (or many other countries) that just have ancestors from 1 country- including "people of color". Technically if I remember correctly from 8th grade art class neither black or white are colors. But in some aspects ppl think they both are colors
Are we going to keep pretending that Bret is okay? He’s a grown man struggling to read every ad read, passes out when he laughs too hard, poops his pants regularly, and the list goes on and on
Intense panic attacks too
It's part of the fun!
no one cares lol
We're not pretending. He's definitely not ok
we are just watching bert slowly kill himself at this rate
Does anybody else think that Bert wakes up in the morning, opens up a dictionary and learns a new word every day before his podcast? “ voyeur” is a big word! Good job little buddy ☺️
You're a weird person
So Johnny Hekker (the punter they talk about mid-episode) had a punt blocked tonight against the Seahawks. He grabbed the ball off the ground, ran around with it and then punted it again, it rolled down the field to the 5 yard line before the Rams downed it. And it was a legal play. The guy is a beast.
Interesting that Tom would have a kid with Bert’s energy and his appetite for violence.
😂😂😂😂 Christine just puked in her mout
I'm ready for the episode when Tom snaps and screams at Bert, or an episode where Tom falls asleep on camera and Bert talks the whole time anyways.
I love this podcast, Tim & Brett are the best!
Actually amazed at the deep thoughts from Bert about unpopular things becoming "normal" in culture.
I will absolutely lose my SHIT if 2 Bears gets in to F1! Yes!
2 Bears 1 Formula
yessssssss
Same! I loved it when bill Burr first got into it on his podcast a few years ago.
Same!
LOSE
Hopefully not. F1 is dogshit for years.
The best way to watch this podcast is on the toilet with a cold beer.
I have watched a lot of their episodes and this one is one of my favorites. It reminds me of the day after you go out with your friends and your all still a little drunk talking about the night before
50 of the best plays of the week!!! Oh Bert
Bert sweating profusely, after a nap and hours afterwards, is a reason to be concerned. His body isn’t processing poisons like it used to.
Keep drinking Bert.
Diaphoresis. This is a sure sign of cardiac trouble.
@@RestingBitchface7 With his BP meeds,
I’m surprised his cardiologist hasn’t warned him about the dangers of flying and drinking alcohol.
Bert's in Austin and Tom looks like he's either lacking from sleep due to Bert being there or he's dipped out to take a daytime nap due to Bert being there
@@AgendaInMind why do you still exist I remember you from a long time ago. Stfu already
@@littlewigglemonster7691 Report and move on, I say
@@dougevansdm lol mhm
Bruh
@@dougevansdm report for what, exactly?
I love that I can watch y’all and hear Tom talk about parenting and then I’m like “YES IM NOT ALONE !!!” (Kids are around the same age) 😂
Bert talking about having more kids because raising them is so fun. Meanwhile, he mentioned multiple times that he was on the road the whole time they were growing up, so his wife did all the work.
It’s so sad how much he focuses on himself and wasn’t there for his kids growing up. And he thinks it’s so funny and cool
"I thought we were both racing to put the hot dog in our pocket." --Bert