I like this concept; it's always been joked about with my friends that I'm a huge slut, despite me rarely getting physically intimate with people; I just flirt with all of my friends constantly. With the idea of sexual currency, there is a clear argument to be made that I'm a slut now, and I LOVE IT. I think I'll share this video with my friends, and when they call me a slut from now on, I'll just say "hey, I'm just trying to stimulate the economy."
😂 so funny. What a great sense of humor and positive vibe. There is enough moments in the day that are serious. I think it’s just as important to find and make funny moments in the day.
My favourite example of sexual currency is my Grandparents. Yeah, I know, it's weird but my Grandparents were adorable. I remember a particular moment, they were in their 80's at the time. I was sitting at the breakfast bar & Nan was in the kitchen & Pop walked past Nan & he "copped a feel" on the way past. It was the most beautiful expression of their love & life together that after 60 years together Pop still saw Nan as his hot wife
Maybe it's from growing up with parents who hated each other, but I always was confused when people would "eeeewwwww" at older couples smacking each other butts and whatnot. When I see my dad grab my step mom's ass I don't get all grossed out. Instead I'm happy for them that they have maintained a healthy sex life after many many years of marriage. I want to know the older couples I know are still happy with their spouses. It gives me hope for the future of my own relationship
It’s so interesting and helpful to hear about your experience with sexual currency. After SA and with some religious trauma, when I first learned about sexual currency, it scared me. I felt like any sexually related communication was blanket consent and as if I would lose control over my body. Now, I’m in a relationship for the first time, and experiencing sexual currency differently with someone who I feel very safe with. Learning about sexual currency has helped me give myself permission to have fun being sexual and that being sexual is not permission to be assaulted. So thanks!!
I'm so happy to hear that you're in a relationship you feel safe in ❤ Coming from a religious background myself, I definitely feel like sexual currency could be twisted to be like "money in the bank" that the wrong partner could use to "pay" for sex at a later time. Even though the whole point is the opposite of that!
Can you maybe discuss what it would look like if you are going from super low sexual currency to trying to increase it? How would you bridge the gap between things that are meant to be sexual currency (where sex is not necessarily the immediate goal) and then to finally getting to the point where sex is the goal of the interaction.
Ok Hannah, I need to thank you 😁 me and my partner basically stopped having sex since our baby was born. It's been 2 years! And today I sat him down and I just played him your video. We started talking about it and we ended up discussing our situation. A lot of explaining, discovering and eurecas! 😂 We settled on improving our sex currency: for us it will be casual touch (eg. hand on another one's knee while sitting) and kissing without pressure to it leading somewhere. Thank you. Like a lot 😁❤
Showed it to my spouse. He said i need to get better at it 😅 which is true, to be fair. But I'm definitely in the "can be worried it WILL to lead to sex" instead of just playful flirting. Working on that 😊
Thank you for this! I have seen a few videos of women (generally) communicating that making out doesn't automatically lead to sex, with men (generally) commenting ridiculous BS like, "you don't give someone food then tell them not to eat it" 🤮 Love that the idea of sexual currency offers such a holistic view of sex and relationships!
My husband and I kiss, touch, and make out all the time without it necessarily leading to sex. We do have sex frequently, but it's just not always the right time for it or whatever. I wish more couples could have this. It's so nice.
I love how sexual currency keeps the spark alive in my relationship even though chronic illness means I'm often too ill for piv sex. One of the funnest examples of it was when I was in hospital one day and I gave my husband my phone to play a game, he put on a nightly alarm saying 'Give husband a blow job'. It cracked me up so much the first time it rang that I kept it going for months, and we'd laugh about it whenever it went off. It would also lead to conversations where I'd tell him what we'd do to each other later. And, yes, there were times I'd oblige at the allotted time 😂😂
Genuinely appreciate the section about building sexual currency with yourself. As someone who’s been single for a while, I’d definitely like to work on it!
A silly example of sexual currency in my relationship: often when we have sex we'll refer back to it in the 24 hours following it by going 'Hey, remember when we had SEX?!'
Hello, I always find your videos very interesting. I wanted to share my situation, but I'm not sure if that's what you mean. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 4 years. Most outsiders find our relationship odd. Since I am autistic, physical contact is difficult for me. After almost 4 years, cuddling and kissing on a good day is ok for me. When it comes to sex, we have an open relationship. Since sex is not possible for me at the moment, he is allowed to have "affairs" outside of our relationship. Since sex doesn't mean anything to me, I'm not jealous at all. Others don't understand it at all. He tells me about all his meetings and I'm happy for him. Sometimes we get to talking about what we could try in the future. We compliment each other, we exchange lewd jokes and so on. Your channel definitely helps me to deal more with the topic and to be braver. Thanks for that. Greetings from Pomerania (Germany). ❤
it seems like you've figured out a good situation! I wish more people were open and accepting of arrangements like this. sex is not everything in a relationship and being sexually 'incompatible' doesn't mean that the relationship is not possible!!
Sounds like something that works and is healthy for you! As a fellow autistic person it has taken me a long time (and still actively working on it) to realise it's ok if my relationship needs are very different from what society deems "normal". For me that looks different than what that means to you but it's so important that us neuro diverse folks find our own ways in this and try to ignore what neuro typical people have to say about it. But it's hard, it's so ingrained, I'm really trying to train myself out of learned thoughts and behaviours linked to romantic relationships.
Fellow person with open relationships here! The partner I live with and I no longer have a sexual relationship, but we have loving sexual relationships with others, and are fulfilled with each other in flirty, romantic, and comforting ways otherwise. Your arrangement sounds wonderful, and I'm so glad you figured something out! I like to compare ethical non-monogamy to making up "house rules" in board or card games: if everyone is playing by the same set of rules, it doesn't matter if they are the rules that came with the box, or you made them up yourself: you'll have a good time.
Im a Dude in a 4 year relationship and I just stumbled upon this. I am close to tears honestly because it hits exactly what I feel is missing from my relationship. I could never put it into words since whenever I talked about a lack of intimacy, we would refer to sex and how often it was and whatever. But what really hurt me, was that I never ever felt like I was attractive or desirable in a sexual way. I feel plenty loved and adored (which is great) but never did I feel were there any sexual thoughts or intentions of her towards me And whenever I thought about it i also thought to myself "Well its so little sex that makes me sad" but it really is this. It is exactly the feeling that there is no sexual spark at all from her to me. I could admire her every second of every day. I genuinly feel privileged to be able to look at her. But I dont get that feeling back. And whenever we had sex, the topic was dead until we maybe had sex again. There never was any recalling of it. Any reminiscing about it I honestly feel a bit broken right now, to realize what I miss from my relationship Thank you for this Video
This has made me realise that despite knowing about sexual currency, I'm not actually very good at engaging in it... I've never been a particularly flirtatious person and I tend to be pretty anxious so sometimes when my partner tries to be a bit flirty with me I just ignore it cause I'm busy *thinking rly hard about whatever I'm doing*. It's hard for him to find a chance to be flirty since I'm often in a closed-off state lately. But my mood is definitely improving with the new meds I'm on so hopefully that will allow me to engage in sexual currency a bit more!
Same here! I had a period in my 20s where I was very good at it, but in a relationship I feel like I Madonna/wh0re myself where it's like weird when I'm being sexual unless it's in a goofy way. My partner was very low libido, and this has now improved, but now that it's improved I still feel weird about it! Like I lost what little erotic identity I had 😅. He feels similarly so we're both in the same boat trying to feel more sexual while also feeling awkward about it.
Very helpful! Married 32+ years, monogamous. One of many objectives is to build our sexual currency throughout the week! Very happy people. What Hannah describes can truly be real for YOU, like it is for me and my partner. Robert in NYC.
Hi Hannah ! I loved your video and here I am, realizing how good I am with sexual currency without knowing it was a concept. I love to compliment my partner in a sexual way without expecting something to happen afterwards. I just like to see how it changes his way of being, spices up the day.
First I was like: "Sexual currency? Oh no. Please no Crypto bullshit from Hannah Witton. She always was one of the good ones." No 100 seconds in I am: "That does make so much more sense." Also I think the concept does illuminate one of my core driver in my intimate relationships. A form of mutual affirmation as being desired. Still not a fan of the term "currency", though. For me that implies binding contracts, expectations, interest, exploitation, hoarding and other stuff I really don't want in life - but especially not in my love life.
The "currency" terminology feels a bit funny to me too. Years ago I saw a post that said "women aren't a machine that you put love in until sex comes out" and I can see how "currency" could communicate the wrong idea if someone doesn't take the time to learn.
My boyfriend and I are learning shibari, and he'll sometimes send snaps of him trying out the tie on himself before he tries it on me. That's kinky sexual currency!
The idea is so mind blowing that I want to send it to my partner right now. But his English is so basic so I have to present it by myself. Oh, I wish I was so well spoken as Hannah 😅
This is such a cool concept and I appreciate you explaining it in full! (And especially the bit about having sexual currency with yourself, which I found fascinating). I think as a person on the asexual spectrum sexual currency is something that could be very useful
I cannot THANK YOU enough for talking about sexual currency when single. I haven't have a partner in years and I struggle with desire cause of mental health issues and that makes me feel SO broken
I have never heard the term before but I think my boyfriend and I do some things that could qualify. We are kinda long distance and see each other once a week to every other week. So we send each other pictures when we get out of the shower, or when we do meet up we make time to cuddle naked or in underwear without really wanting it to lead anywhere. Sometimes it does but that's more of a spur of the moment thing, nothing that's planned or always going to happen.
I appreciate your content and the way you word what you say to be inclusive and not pressuring. I will be having a talk with my partner about what I learned today! ☺️
I never heard of it. I have done this unknowingly but not in a way with an over all concept approach. This make so much sense. I love this idea. How come I never figured this out before. It seems so obvious and beneficial. I have always been interested in discovering ways to improve a relationship. This one is a definite one to add to a relationship. Great video! I am definitely going to start doing this to add as a staple to my relationships. Being acknowledged or feeling seen is important. Communication in all forms is super important to building great relationships. Thanks for sharing this. I love this idea and concept.
Amazing. I've thought about this so much but never had the vocabulary for it but now I do. This is some important and game-changing stuff. Thank you. Also, that 'wank you off' bit is the funniest thing I've seen today.
"you wouldn't do it with your mates" my experience in a queer, sex-positive friend group is different. now it might be because a lot of us are open to poly relationship models and reject cishetmononormativity, it might be because of the significantly smaller dating pool, or the increased intimacy stemming from shared trauma (having gone through psychotherapy and having extensively learned how to draw, communicate, and respect boundaries surely helps...). idk. but i think the exchange of sexual currency can be a valuable component of friendship, not just with a (current) sexual partner
Yes this this. I love this video and sexual currency as a whole. When I heard "as a lot of relationships progress, it's easy to get caught up in the logistics of building a life together." I realized this video is under the assumption that Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual Relationships are "levels" of a singular relationship in that order that lead to Cohabitation and then family building. Sexual Currency can obviously be applied to QPR's, polyam. networks, and other non-monogamous/non-exclusive relationships. etc. etc. P.S. having similar and/or shared history plus good communication via therapy is SO valuable to all relationships, you're spot on. :3
Agree! I was thinking this also.. perhaps, people with whom you have trust and intimacy with, regardless if it's personally sexual or partnered, but reciprocal sexual openness with
Never realized why my partner and I are not having sex frequently but are still satisfied with our sex lives every time we talk about it, we have high sexual currency lol
Thanks so much for a video dedicated to this concept ! I'm an avid watcher of yours and have been spreading this notion to all my friends now but now that there is a specific video I can explain and share it even better :D
Thank you hannah for always making me feel reassured. ❤ i was sad lately beacause something was off with my partner and now i feel we have some keys and a few new path to explore ro make things better ! I somehow feel a but more comfident now and was missing the advice. Thanks for being the big sister friend i miss
Thank you ❤ my partner was just saying how I don’t randomly grab them anymore and honestly there is a gap. We both need to engage in some sexual currency!
You couldn't have timed this video better - i have been with my husband for 16 years (and had kids for four) and we got a bit pissy with each other the other night because our sex life used to be mad but now it is spaaaarse. We went away about 6 weeks ago and as soon as we were out of our usual environment we were like teenagers again! But I find it so hard to just "turn on" the sexy times but this whole video could describe us to a tee. Chef's kiss... Thank you! 👌🤌
I've gotten to the point in my relationship where I feel uncomfortable with most sexual currency because I feel like it always comes with the expectation of sex. I often feel like sex is the only thing on their mind and its "the only thing I'm good for". I would love to figure out how to stop this pattern. I think it might have something to do with how often I have made compromises to keep my partner "happy". I miss my high sex drive that meshed so well with my partners and my confidence and comfort in my relationship. Any advice?
Coming to this late, but my advice would be honesty. There's a difference between *feeling* like that and things actually *being* like that, so if what you're dealing with is your own feelings and interpretations of things your partner means differently then there's huge hope to have a conversation to give you both the chance to be transparent and voice your unspoken assumptions and then have a foundation to rebuild trust. And if your partner is a decent human being they'll listen and try to get it, even if the way you're feeling is also how they're assuming things should go too. My marriage started like you describe after a really sexually charged dating relationship and wow that was hard. It took time and the fixing of some physical pain/medical issues, but things did make a complete 180.
Years ago I read about a method called sensate focus, it's basically playing touchy feely with your partner but without touching any of the bits that you associate with sex. The rule is that the playtime must not lead to sex. Amongst other things, it's meant break the sense of inevitability that any touch is going to lead to sex.
Hi! I might be very wrong here because it just rang a tone with my own experience of people pleasing. What really helps me is to develop a better relationship with my boundaries. Only if I was sure that I would act in my best interest and (kindly but firmly if must) stand up for myself, I could let go of my inner feeling of being pressured.
I should add to this that my husband knows all of this. We have discussed this topic ad nauseam. Logically I know he loves me and that it’s the best way he knows how to express this love but I can’t help the way it makes me feel. It’s almost like I’ve trained my body to recoil and I hate it. It’s been a rollercoaster ride I haven’t been feeling it as much lately but other areas of our relationship have also changed and my mental health is better for now at least. I feel like part of me is grieving my high libido but the only way out is through so I’ll keep trying.
Great video! A tip from sexplanations (years ago) that I always valued was to prepare for your solo sexual time as you would if it was partnered - shower, smell nice, wear something cute, all the things you would do to make yourself feel your best for someone else to be sexual with you - do them for yourself to be sexual with you! Doesn't have to be all the time, but it's a great way to show love to yourself and build sexual currency with yourself
I saw this with my partner and after finishing the video he asked me: “so what’s the exchange rate of sex dollars to bj?”. Thank god he was just joking haha. Thank you for a great video, Hannah. It allowed my partner and I to talk about our sex life and how are we feeling about it ❤
Hi Hannah. Silent subscriber but I just thought about how you mentioned you were struggling with your career. Have xou thought (and I'm guessing you have, you're so organized ans structured) about crearing an online course on how to have better relationships/learning about sexuality etc? I feel like many entrepreneurs make more money that way. For the customer, I think having a structured course is so nice compared to just watching one video and then being distracted ny RUclips to watch another one. Hope you'll thrive, your content and your personality are so wholesome, its very refreshing to see in this social media madness :)
My husband jokes about 20 times a day: THAT"S WHAT SHE SAID! Honestly, the amount of times you tell your baby something that a dirty mind can run of with... "I think that's too big for your mouth". "You really like pulling my hair". "Can you put that in there?" "Do you think it fits?" I can go on. (I like the jokes by the way, and we have a very satifying sex life, even with a baby and postpartum body!)
This is so interesting for me to watch in my context of recently breaking up with a bf bc I realized I was gay and now dating a woman - I used to be such a "prude" about sexual jokes and innuendos and now they are almost second nature. Sooo not to imply you're gay if this is hard, but maybe consider it :D? Bc for me there is an insurmountable difference not only in how sex itself feels but how comfortable I am using the "sex money". Just a thought from a friendly lesbian ;)
An example in my relationship that always makes me laugh: I'll bend over to pick something up from the floor and my partner will say "thank you." Some times he will take whatever I picked up from me and throw it back on the floor so I have to bend over again.
If you are at a point where pressured is an issue in the relationship I don't think introducing this concept will help. It might be a great way to never get to that point though
Been doing sexual currency without even knowing 😅 it mine and my partners way of staying connected as 'alone time' together is few and far between with 2 kids under 2 years 😅
Now I'm curious about what the exchange rate is. In all seriousness though this was great and I wanted to ask about how to make sexual remarks around your partner without crossing any boundaries or having them sound forced and awkward in any way.
Granted I got given a different script of what a good sex life looks like, "Don't Do That". Perhaps other people with disabilities maybe feel this way as well but I've noticed that being autistic has a habit of causing people to think of me wanting sex/sexual relations/that special someone as kind of disgusting (possibly due to infantilization) or something that doesn't happen (you know how people are often told their life path is to grow up - get a well paying job - find someone - get married - have children, not a path I was given), granted that meant I've never been expected to reproduce and never had relatives ask about why I'm still single. Are there ways to build sexual currency for people with disabilities that don't repulse people?
People being repulsed is sort of a them problem rather than a you problem imo... I mean I think there is totally a socially comfortable level of talking about sex, no matter who you are, depending on who you're talking to. For example if I'm talking to my friends I'll make a lewd joke (extremely occasionally), ask things like "do you think my tall heels are going to get me all the girls at the party tonight?" Or even jokes that make light of things going wrong like "do you think my social awkwardness has become so convoluted that I now come across as mysterious and sexy?" Or "I can't believe I had a meltdown - I thought I was holding it together. Oh well, pretty sure everyone thinks I'm incredibly hot anyway". But I wouldn't really talk to parents or support workers about stuff like that. I think just joking in a really over the top way about being sexy etc (I'm so smart and beautiful and wonderful and TRULY HUMBLE) has improved my self confidence too haha
@@helenm1085 Thank you for your kindness and understanding. Perhaps this will work for me to, especially as I have a quite dark sense of humour with quite a matter of fact style of delivery. Hope you have a great time and the parties go well.
I always felt worried that I am sexually satisfied even though me and my partner aren't having as much sex as we're "supposed to". I felt li9ke there was something wrong with me and that I should want sex more often than that. Turns out all me and my partner do is throw around sexual currency, it's nice to know this is normal and even good.
Hi Hannah :) I have a health issue where I am unable to have sex in the "usual" hetero way (I'm a cis woman). Eventually this may be fixed with surgery but for now it's not an option at all, and I've been abstinent for the past 7 or so years. I feel broken. How can I feel better about myself? I mostly avoid thinking about sex at all because it's too upsetting and I feel sad about missing out on something that most people get to enjoy in their lives (at least at some point).
lol @9:25 never felt more heard. A great nap vs good sex? never underestimate the power of a really great nap (which could also lead to sex later....no one wants sleep deprived sex)
@HannahWitton , I have been watching your videos for quite a while ok & i was wondering what you do to get sent items to try & who do i speak to . I’m think of trying stuff to give my review of toys as a post surgery transgender woman
My issue is that "sexual currency" as a phrase sounds more than a little tawdry. It sounds like it's commodifying sexual relations, which can lead to a whole raft of problems.
Yeah the pressure gets to me. We do have sexual currency in our relationship and I want to make out with her but she always asks me if I want sex. I just want to make out sometimes without sex. .
I found this very interesting, i would love for my wife to watch this. But i know she would not, i would get “you are trying to pressure me into sex”. Our sex life has been pretty dead for 8 years, mostly because i had to have a radical prostectomy aged 50. Having said that we do have a 7 year old daughter, once i had been diagnosed we had 4 months to try for a baby. From your video i now know that we used to have a pretty high sexual currency, we are now in a 0 sexual currency relationship. After i recovered from the surgery i had severe erectile dysfunction, hence the dead sex life. I have tried everything available to try to get some functionality back, eventually i had a penile implant operation. During all that time i have tried to be as affectionate as possible, to try to keep something alive. However when i would try to give my wife a hug or a kiss i was told that i was trapping her, i should mention that she is a high functioning autistic. So in her defence it may well have seemed that way to her even if it was not my intention. Because of her comments i have just stopped being affectionate, and she does not even seem to care or notice that i have stopped. I have tried a lot of different approaches to get things started again, but basically because we can not have PiV sex she is not interested and especially not interested because i can not ejaculate. My apologies for going somewhat of topic. I did find the video and its contents vey interesting though
Title: "The Great Bedroom Bargain" Once upon a time, in a cozy suburban neighborhood, lived a couple named Jack and Jill. Jack was notorious for leaving his dirty socks scattered around the house, while Jill had a knack for hogging the blankets in bed. Despite their quirks, they loved each other dearly. One day, as Jack was rummaging through the laundry basket in search of a clean pair of socks, he stumbled upon an idea. He approached Jill with a mischievous grin. Jack: "Hey, Jill, how about we strike a deal? I'll pick up my socks if you agree to let me have control of the TV remote for a week." Jill, intrigued by the proposal, raised an eyebrow. Jill: "Hmm, interesting offer. But what's in it for me?" Jack, feeling bold, leaned in closer with a twinkle in his eye. Jack: "How about a little... 'sexual currency'?" Jill burst into laughter, but couldn't hide her interest. Jill: "Alright, Romeo, you've got yourself a deal! But don't think I'll go easy on you." And so, the Great Bedroom Bargain was struck. Jack diligently picked up his socks, while Jill begrudgingly relinquished control of the TV remote. Their evenings were filled with laughter, playful banter, and the occasional wrestling match for the remote. But amidst the chaos, their bond grew stronger, fueled by their shared humor and willingness to compromise. And as they snuggled up together under the covers each night, they knew that the true currency of their relationship was not found in socks or TV remotes, but in the love and laughter they shared. And so, Jack and Jill lived happily ever after, navigating life's challenges with a healthy dose of humor and a whole lot of love. The end.
Going to be honest, I'm not sure if this concept works for me. I would love more sexual currency flowing, but there's an issue with this. I don't know if it's a male thing or just a me thing. But for me, because I have a strong sex drive, I'm never going to have the amount of (actual) sex I would like -- it's always a compromise. So doing a lot of stuff like this, I feel would lead me to being more frustrated. The idea of being sexually satisfied without having actual sex doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure that's possible for me, or maybe a lot of men? Not sure. We're definitely more focused around actual orgasm on average. I will say I'd feel more satisfied with my *relationship* with greater sexual currency, and feeling more connected is a great thing on its own. But I feel like this would also lead to frustration, which can already be an issue in my marriage sometimes. I suppose I could just masturbate more, but there are physical limits on that, and if then sex does happen spontaneously it might reduce my enjoyment of that if I'd masturbated too recently. So it's a bit of a difficult balance to strike.
I like this concept; it's always been joked about with my friends that I'm a huge slut, despite me rarely getting physically intimate with people; I just flirt with all of my friends constantly. With the idea of sexual currency, there is a clear argument to be made that I'm a slut now, and I LOVE IT.
I think I'll share this video with my friends, and when they call me a slut from now on, I'll just say "hey, I'm just trying to stimulate the economy."
😂 so funny. What a great sense of humor and positive vibe. There is enough moments in the day that are serious. I think it’s just as important to find and make funny moments in the day.
STIMULATE THE ECONOMY YESSSS!
My favourite example of sexual currency is my Grandparents. Yeah, I know, it's weird but my Grandparents were adorable. I remember a particular moment, they were in their 80's at the time. I was sitting at the breakfast bar & Nan was in the kitchen & Pop walked past Nan & he "copped a feel" on the way past. It was the most beautiful expression of their love & life together that after 60 years together Pop still saw Nan as his hot wife
Maybe it's from growing up with parents who hated each other, but I always was confused when people would "eeeewwwww" at older couples smacking each other butts and whatnot. When I see my dad grab my step mom's ass I don't get all grossed out. Instead I'm happy for them that they have maintained a healthy sex life after many many years of marriage. I want to know the older couples I know are still happy with their spouses. It gives me hope for the future of my own relationship
It’s so interesting and helpful to hear about your experience with sexual currency. After SA and with some religious trauma, when I first learned about sexual currency, it scared me. I felt like any sexually related communication was blanket consent and as if I would lose control over my body. Now, I’m in a relationship for the first time, and experiencing sexual currency differently with someone who I feel very safe with. Learning about sexual currency has helped me give myself permission to have fun being sexual and that being sexual is not permission to be assaulted. So thanks!!
I'm so happy to hear that you're in a relationship you feel safe in ❤ Coming from a religious background myself, I definitely feel like sexual currency could be twisted to be like "money in the bank" that the wrong partner could use to "pay" for sex at a later time. Even though the whole point is the opposite of that!
The Big Sister Swap Polka Dot Dress AND a sexual currency breakdown?! We have been blessed.
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Can you maybe discuss what it would look like if you are going from super low sexual currency to trying to increase it? How would you bridge the gap between things that are meant to be sexual currency (where sex is not necessarily the immediate goal) and then to finally getting to the point where sex is the goal of the interaction.
Ok Hannah, I need to thank you 😁 me and my partner basically stopped having sex since our baby was born. It's been 2 years! And today I sat him down and I just played him your video. We started talking about it and we ended up discussing our situation. A lot of explaining, discovering and eurecas! 😂 We settled on improving our sex currency: for us it will be casual touch (eg. hand on another one's knee while sitting) and kissing without pressure to it leading somewhere. Thank you. Like a lot 😁❤
Showed it to my spouse. He said i need to get better at it 😅 which is true, to be fair. But I'm definitely in the "can be worried it WILL to lead to sex" instead of just playful flirting. Working on that 😊
I think it's not an encouraging place to start thst he says you need to get better at it. It's a shared thing.
Thank you for this! I have seen a few videos of women (generally) communicating that making out doesn't automatically lead to sex, with men (generally) commenting ridiculous BS like, "you don't give someone food then tell them not to eat it" 🤮 Love that the idea of sexual currency offers such a holistic view of sex and relationships!
My husband and I kiss, touch, and make out all the time without it necessarily leading to sex. We do have sex frequently, but it's just not always the right time for it or whatever. I wish more couples could have this. It's so nice.
I love how sexual currency keeps the spark alive in my relationship even though chronic illness means I'm often too ill for piv sex. One of the funnest examples of it was when I was in hospital one day and I gave my husband my phone to play a game, he put on a nightly alarm saying 'Give husband a blow job'. It cracked me up so much the first time it rang that I kept it going for months, and we'd laugh about it whenever it went off. It would also lead to conversations where I'd tell him what we'd do to each other later. And, yes, there were times I'd oblige at the allotted time 😂😂
Genuinely appreciate the section about building sexual currency with yourself. As someone who’s been single for a while, I’d definitely like to work on it!
A silly example of sexual currency in my relationship: often when we have sex we'll refer back to it in the 24 hours following it by going 'Hey, remember when we had SEX?!'
We do that too lol
All I can picture in my mind is that Lonely Island = I Just Had Sex song, lol
Hello, I always find your videos very interesting.
I wanted to share my situation, but I'm not sure if that's what you mean.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 4 years. Most outsiders find our relationship odd.
Since I am autistic, physical contact is difficult for me. After almost 4 years, cuddling and kissing on a good day is ok for me. When it comes to sex, we have an open relationship. Since sex is not possible for me at the moment, he is allowed to have "affairs" outside of our relationship. Since sex doesn't mean anything to me, I'm not jealous at all. Others don't understand it at all.
He tells me about all his meetings and I'm happy for him. Sometimes we get to talking about what we could try in the future. We compliment each other, we exchange lewd jokes and so on.
Your channel definitely helps me to deal more with the topic and to be braver. Thanks for that. Greetings from Pomerania (Germany). ❤
it seems like you've figured out a good situation! I wish more people were open and accepting of arrangements like this. sex is not everything in a relationship and being sexually 'incompatible' doesn't mean that the relationship is not possible!!
Sounds like something that works and is healthy for you! As a fellow autistic person it has taken me a long time (and still actively working on it) to realise it's ok if my relationship needs are very different from what society deems "normal". For me that looks different than what that means to you but it's so important that us neuro diverse folks find our own ways in this and try to ignore what neuro typical people have to say about it. But it's hard, it's so ingrained, I'm really trying to train myself out of learned thoughts and behaviours linked to romantic relationships.
Fellow person with open relationships here! The partner I live with and I no longer have a sexual relationship, but we have loving sexual relationships with others, and are fulfilled with each other in flirty, romantic, and comforting ways otherwise. Your arrangement sounds wonderful, and I'm so glad you figured something out! I like to compare ethical non-monogamy to making up "house rules" in board or card games: if everyone is playing by the same set of rules, it doesn't matter if they are the rules that came with the box, or you made them up yourself: you'll have a good time.
Im a Dude in a 4 year relationship and I just stumbled upon this. I am close to tears honestly because it hits exactly what I feel is missing from my relationship.
I could never put it into words since whenever I talked about a lack of intimacy, we would refer to sex and how often it was and whatever. But what really hurt me, was that I never ever felt like I was attractive or desirable in a sexual way. I feel plenty loved and adored (which is great) but never did I feel were there any sexual thoughts or intentions of her towards me
And whenever I thought about it i also thought to myself "Well its so little sex that makes me sad" but it really is this. It is exactly the feeling that there is no sexual spark at all from her to me.
I could admire her every second of every day. I genuinly feel privileged to be able to look at her. But I dont get that feeling back. And whenever we had sex, the topic was dead until we maybe had sex again. There never was any recalling of it. Any reminiscing about it
I honestly feel a bit broken right now, to realize what I miss from my relationship
Thank you for this Video
This has made me realise that despite knowing about sexual currency, I'm not actually very good at engaging in it... I've never been a particularly flirtatious person and I tend to be pretty anxious so sometimes when my partner tries to be a bit flirty with me I just ignore it cause I'm busy *thinking rly hard about whatever I'm doing*. It's hard for him to find a chance to be flirty since I'm often in a closed-off state lately. But my mood is definitely improving with the new meds I'm on so hopefully that will allow me to engage in sexual currency a bit more!
Same here! I had a period in my 20s where I was very good at it, but in a relationship I feel like I Madonna/wh0re myself where it's like weird when I'm being sexual unless it's in a goofy way. My partner was very low libido, and this has now improved, but now that it's improved I still feel weird about it! Like I lost what little erotic identity I had 😅. He feels similarly so we're both in the same boat trying to feel more sexual while also feeling awkward about it.
Very helpful! Married 32+ years, monogamous. One of many objectives is to build our sexual currency throughout the week! Very happy people. What Hannah describes can truly be real for YOU, like it is for me and my partner. Robert in NYC.
Hi Hannah ! I loved your video and here I am, realizing how good I am with sexual currency without knowing it was a concept. I love to compliment my partner in a sexual way without expecting something to happen afterwards. I just like to see how it changes his way of being, spices up the day.
This makes a lot of sense. When women asked to be called pretty or given roses or be pursued, this is what they really mean.
Very well scripted video, nicely fast pace, interesting and informational. Love it ! Well done.
Love that my comment with my boyfriend's zany humour got mentioned lol.
First I was like: "Sexual currency? Oh no. Please no Crypto bullshit from Hannah Witton. She always was one of the good ones." No 100 seconds in I am: "That does make so much more sense." Also I think the concept does illuminate one of my core driver in my intimate relationships. A form of mutual affirmation as being desired.
Still not a fan of the term "currency", though. For me that implies binding contracts, expectations, interest, exploitation, hoarding and other stuff I really don't want in life - but especially not in my love life.
You don't want to mine for s3x c0in? But yeah, I don't love the term either, I associate it with bribery and leverage more than mutual respect.
Would you prefer sizzle, energy, or current in place of currency? Flow?
@@rtd1791Definitely. Flow, current, stream, something like this.
The "currency" terminology feels a bit funny to me too. Years ago I saw a post that said "women aren't a machine that you put love in until sex comes out" and I can see how "currency" could communicate the wrong idea if someone doesn't take the time to learn.
@@rtd1791 I love current! Like a flow of energy
My boyfriend and I are learning shibari, and he'll sometimes send snaps of him trying out the tie on himself before he tries it on me. That's kinky sexual currency!
The idea is so mind blowing that I want to send it to my partner right now. But his English is so basic so I have to present it by myself. Oh, I wish I was so well spoken as Hannah 😅
This is such a cool concept and I appreciate you explaining it in full! (And especially the bit about having sexual currency with yourself, which I found fascinating). I think as a person on the asexual spectrum sexual currency is something that could be very useful
I cannot THANK YOU enough for talking about sexual currency when single. I haven't have a partner in years and I struggle with desire cause of mental health issues and that makes me feel SO broken
That dress looks amazing! I love the little sleeve details, and the pattern is so fun while somehow being a bit subtle and I love that!
I have never heard the term before but I think my boyfriend and I do some things that could qualify. We are kinda long distance and see each other once a week to every other week. So we send each other pictures when we get out of the shower, or when we do meet up we make time to cuddle naked or in underwear without really wanting it to lead anywhere. Sometimes it does but that's more of a spur of the moment thing, nothing that's planned or always going to happen.
I appreciate your content and the way you word what you say to be inclusive and not pressuring. I will be having a talk with my partner about what I learned today! ☺️
the idea of sexual currency with yourself blew my mind. such a cool concept to have language for
Videos like this remind me that I prefer to be alone. Relationships seem like so much work.
I never heard of it. I have done this unknowingly but not in a way with an over all concept approach. This make so much sense. I love this idea. How come I never figured this out before. It seems so obvious and beneficial. I have always been interested in discovering ways to improve a relationship. This one is a definite one to add to a relationship. Great video! I am definitely going to start doing this to add as a staple to my relationships. Being acknowledged or feeling seen is important. Communication in all forms is super important to building great relationships. Thanks for sharing this. I love this idea and concept.
Amazing. I've thought about this so much but never had the vocabulary for it but now I do. This is some important and game-changing stuff. Thank you.
Also, that 'wank you off' bit is the funniest thing I've seen today.
"you wouldn't do it with your mates"
my experience in a queer, sex-positive friend group is different.
now it might be because a lot of us are open to poly relationship models and reject cishetmononormativity, it might be because of the significantly smaller dating pool, or the increased intimacy stemming from shared trauma (having gone through psychotherapy and having extensively learned how to draw, communicate, and respect boundaries surely helps...). idk.
but i think the exchange of sexual currency can be a valuable component of friendship, not just with a (current) sexual partner
Yes this this. I love this video and sexual currency as a whole. When I heard "as a lot of relationships progress, it's easy to get caught up in the logistics of building a life together." I realized this video is under the assumption that Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual Relationships are "levels" of a singular relationship in that order that lead to Cohabitation and then family building. Sexual Currency can obviously be applied to QPR's, polyam. networks, and other non-monogamous/non-exclusive relationships. etc. etc.
P.S. having similar and/or shared history plus good communication via therapy is SO valuable to all relationships, you're spot on. :3
I agree with both of you on everything! ❤
Yes! Absolutely exists all through my queer polyam circles
Maybe a better way to describe it is "you wouldn't do it with someone you only have a platonic connection with"
Agree! I was thinking this also.. perhaps, people with whom you have trust and intimacy with, regardless if it's personally sexual or partnered, but reciprocal sexual openness with
Never realized why my partner and I are not having sex frequently but are still satisfied with our sex lives every time we talk about it, we have high sexual currency lol
Thanks so much for a video dedicated to this concept ! I'm an avid watcher of yours and have been spreading this notion to all my friends now but now that there is a specific video I can explain and share it even better :D
If only we could read each others thoughts, this can be hard for some who are afraid of rejection.
An in-depth discussion about sexual currency and rejection sensitive dysphoria would be super interesting
Thank you hannah for always making me feel reassured. ❤ i was sad lately beacause something was off with my partner and now i feel we have some keys and a few new path to explore ro make things better ! I somehow feel a but more comfident now and was missing the advice. Thanks for being the big sister friend i miss
Love this! Great topic and great video 😊
Thank you ❤ my partner was just saying how I don’t randomly grab them anymore and honestly there is a gap. We both need to engage in some sexual currency!
Great video Hannah, really important topic.
And love that top/dress.
I was just explaining sexual currency to my partner a couple of weeks ago ❤
You couldn't have timed this video better - i have been with my husband for 16 years (and had kids for four) and we got a bit pissy with each other the other night because our sex life used to be mad but now it is spaaaarse. We went away about 6 weeks ago and as soon as we were out of our usual environment we were like teenagers again! But I find it so hard to just "turn on" the sexy times but this whole video could describe us to a tee. Chef's kiss... Thank you! 👌🤌
Watching this video again and saw your comment. Any updates? Did it work?
I've gotten to the point in my relationship where I feel uncomfortable with most sexual currency because I feel like it always comes with the expectation of sex. I often feel like sex is the only thing on their mind and its "the only thing I'm good for". I would love to figure out how to stop this pattern. I think it might have something to do with how often I have made compromises to keep my partner "happy". I miss my high sex drive that meshed so well with my partners and my confidence and comfort in my relationship. Any advice?
Coming to this late, but my advice would be honesty. There's a difference between *feeling* like that and things actually *being* like that, so if what you're dealing with is your own feelings and interpretations of things your partner means differently then there's huge hope to have a conversation to give you both the chance to be transparent and voice your unspoken assumptions and then have a foundation to rebuild trust. And if your partner is a decent human being they'll listen and try to get it, even if the way you're feeling is also how they're assuming things should go too. My marriage started like you describe after a really sexually charged dating relationship and wow that was hard. It took time and the fixing of some physical pain/medical issues, but things did make a complete 180.
Years ago I read about a method called sensate focus, it's basically playing touchy feely with your partner but without touching any of the bits that you associate with sex. The rule is that the playtime must not lead to sex. Amongst other things, it's meant break the sense of inevitability that any touch is going to lead to sex.
Hi! I might be very wrong here because it just rang a tone with my own experience of people pleasing. What really helps me is to develop a better relationship with my boundaries. Only if I was sure that I would act in my best interest and (kindly but firmly if must) stand up for myself, I could let go of my inner feeling of being pressured.
I should add to this that my husband knows all of this. We have discussed this topic ad nauseam. Logically I know he loves me and that it’s the best way he knows how to express this love but I can’t help the way it makes me feel. It’s almost like I’ve trained my body to recoil and I hate it. It’s been a rollercoaster ride I haven’t been feeling it as much lately but other areas of our relationship have also changed and my mental health is better for now at least. I feel like part of me is grieving my high libido but the only way out is through so I’ll keep trying.
@@MomoMensch You’re certainly not wrong my people-pleasing tendencies aren’t even tendencies its a full blown problem lol
Thanks for making this finally! Will be sharing with my partner 😊
This video is so important, empowering and kind ❤
It's such a nice concept, thanks for sharing!
Great video! A tip from sexplanations (years ago) that I always valued was to prepare for your solo sexual time as you would if it was partnered - shower, smell nice, wear something cute, all the things you would do to make yourself feel your best for someone else to be sexual with you - do them for yourself to be sexual with you! Doesn't have to be all the time, but it's a great way to show love to yourself and build sexual currency with yourself
Forever referring to it now as SEX MONEY
Such an awesome video! Great explanations of a very cool concept
I saw this with my partner and after finishing the video he asked me: “so what’s the exchange rate of sex dollars to bj?”. Thank god he was just joking haha. Thank you for a great video, Hannah. It allowed my partner and I to talk about our sex life and how are we feeling about it ❤
The montage of you saying sexual currency made me laugh so much 🤣
I love this concept!! Thanks for sharing Hannah.
is it currency as in "current"-ness or currency as in like an exchange? I always thought it was about "now-ness"
I like that interpretation! Not so much a fan of the money side. This is a nice turn around of the term
Amazing video on the topic! Short yet informative!
Love the video topic and the style and comment for the algorithm!
Hi Hannah. Silent subscriber but I just thought about how you mentioned you were struggling with your career. Have xou thought (and I'm guessing you have, you're so organized ans structured) about crearing an online course on how to have better relationships/learning about sexuality etc? I feel like many entrepreneurs make more money that way. For the customer, I think having a structured course is so nice compared to just watching one video and then being distracted ny RUclips to watch another one. Hope you'll thrive, your content and your personality are so wholesome, its very refreshing to see in this social media madness :)
Is currency the best term? To me, it carries connotations that sex is a transaction.
Thanks for supporting the map community Hannah we really appreciate u
🤮🤮🤮
You explain it so good!
12:48 bc for some reason this resonated with me as a great audio stim
Hannah amazing video, you are really a great teacher thank you for sharing ❤
My husband jokes about 20 times a day: THAT"S WHAT SHE SAID! Honestly, the amount of times you tell your baby something that a dirty mind can run of with... "I think that's too big for your mouth". "You really like pulling my hair". "Can you put that in there?" "Do you think it fits?" I can go on. (I like the jokes by the way, and we have a very satifying sex life, even with a baby and postpartum body!)
This is so interesting for me to watch in my context of recently breaking up with a bf bc I realized I was gay and now dating a woman - I used to be such a "prude" about sexual jokes and innuendos and now they are almost second nature.
Sooo not to imply you're gay if this is hard, but maybe consider it :D? Bc for me there is an insurmountable difference not only in how sex itself feels but how comfortable I am using the "sex money". Just a thought from a friendly lesbian ;)
An example in my relationship that always makes me laugh: I'll bend over to pick something up from the floor and my partner will say "thank you." Some times he will take whatever I picked up from me and throw it back on the floor so I have to bend over again.
If you are at a point where pressured is an issue in the relationship I don't think introducing this concept will help. It might be a great way to never get to that point though
Been doing sexual currency without even knowing 😅 it mine and my partners way of staying connected as 'alone time' together is few and far between with 2 kids under 2 years 😅
I assume if i would have found this video a year earlier, i may have saved my 16 year old relationship. Now i am the first time in my adult live alone
Great advice thanks👍
As long as we remember theres lots of different currencies love health wealth currencies for example jmo
Do you think people would forget about money because they watched this video
Now I'm curious about what the exchange rate is. In all seriousness though this was great and I wanted to ask about how to make sexual remarks around your partner without crossing any boundaries or having them sound forced and awkward in any way.
Lmfao @ the hand supporting the wanking arm 😂 so true
I loved this video! ❤
Love your fresh hair color
Spontaneous sex baffles me. As an aspec person with low sexual desire, it takes me a good 3 days to think about sex before I want to even consider it.
i'm laughing so hard at your line "who's taking the bins out and getting milk on the way home, WHAT FUN!" 😂
Yay I'm excited for this! ❤
Granted I got given a different script of what a good sex life looks like, "Don't Do That".
Perhaps other people with disabilities maybe feel this way as well but I've noticed that being autistic has a habit of causing people to think of me wanting sex/sexual relations/that special someone as kind of disgusting (possibly due to infantilization) or something that doesn't happen (you know how people are often told their life path is to grow up - get a well paying job - find someone - get married - have children, not a path I was given), granted that meant I've never been expected to reproduce and never had relatives ask about why I'm still single.
Are there ways to build sexual currency for people with disabilities that don't repulse people?
People being repulsed is sort of a them problem rather than a you problem imo... I mean I think there is totally a socially comfortable level of talking about sex, no matter who you are, depending on who you're talking to.
For example if I'm talking to my friends I'll make a lewd joke (extremely occasionally), ask things like "do you think my tall heels are going to get me all the girls at the party tonight?" Or even jokes that make light of things going wrong like "do you think my social awkwardness has become so convoluted that I now come across as mysterious and sexy?" Or "I can't believe I had a meltdown - I thought I was holding it together. Oh well, pretty sure everyone thinks I'm incredibly hot anyway". But I wouldn't really talk to parents or support workers about stuff like that.
I think just joking in a really over the top way about being sexy etc (I'm so smart and beautiful and wonderful and TRULY HUMBLE) has improved my self confidence too haha
@@helenm1085 Thank you for your kindness and understanding. Perhaps this will work for me to, especially as I have a quite dark sense of humour with quite a matter of fact style of delivery. Hope you have a great time and the parties go well.
I always felt worried that I am sexually satisfied even though me and my partner aren't having as much sex as we're "supposed to". I felt li9ke there was something wrong with me and that I should want sex more often than that. Turns out all me and my partner do is throw around sexual currency, it's nice to know this is normal and even good.
This video was 10000000000000/10
Thanks a lot for this video, will discuss it with my partner 😊
Hi Hannah :) I have a health issue where I am unable to have sex in the "usual" hetero way (I'm a cis woman). Eventually this may be fixed with surgery but for now it's not an option at all, and I've been abstinent for the past 7 or so years. I feel broken. How can I feel better about myself? I mostly avoid thinking about sex at all because it's too upsetting and I feel sad about missing out on something that most people get to enjoy in their lives (at least at some point).
Great video!
Why is amount something to be worried about?
Me and my wife have had this are entire relationship
Love that idea of "SEX MONEY!"
THANK YOU
How much is membership per month in US dollars since I don't know the exchange rate for English pounds and the US dollar
lol @9:25 never felt more heard. A great nap vs good sex? never underestimate the power of a really great nap (which could also lead to sex later....no one wants sleep deprived sex)
Yay! Finally 🎉
@HannahWitton , I have been watching your videos for quite a while ok & i was wondering what you do to get sent items to try & who do i speak to .
I’m think of trying stuff to give my review of toys as a post surgery transgender woman
SO send your partner this video... Umm did that three minutes ago, thanks Hannah. :P
My issue is that "sexual currency" as a phrase sounds more than a little tawdry. It sounds like it's commodifying sexual relations, which can lead to a whole raft of problems.
Yeah the pressure gets to me. We do have sexual currency in our relationship and I want to make out with her but she always asks me if I want sex. I just want to make out sometimes without sex. .
I found this very interesting, i would love for my wife to watch this. But i know she would not, i would get “you are trying to pressure me into sex”. Our sex life has been pretty dead for 8 years, mostly because i had to have a radical prostectomy aged 50. Having said that we do have a 7 year old daughter, once i had been diagnosed we had 4 months to try for a baby. From your video i now know that we used to have a pretty high sexual currency, we are now in a 0 sexual currency relationship. After i recovered from the surgery i had severe erectile dysfunction, hence the dead sex life. I have tried everything available to try to get some functionality back, eventually i had a penile implant operation. During all that time i have tried to be as affectionate as possible, to try to keep something alive. However when i would try to give my wife a hug or a kiss i was told that i was trapping her, i should mention that she is a high functioning autistic. So in her defence it may well have seemed that way to her even if it was not my intention. Because of her comments i have just stopped being affectionate, and she does not even seem to care or notice that i have stopped. I have tried a lot of different approaches to get things started again, but basically because we can not have PiV sex she is not interested and especially not interested because i can not ejaculate. My apologies for going somewhat of topic. I did find the video and its contents vey interesting though
Yay the sexual currency video
Title: "The Great Bedroom Bargain"
Once upon a time, in a cozy suburban neighborhood, lived a couple named Jack and Jill. Jack was notorious for leaving his dirty socks scattered around the house, while Jill had a knack for hogging the blankets in bed. Despite their quirks, they loved each other dearly.
One day, as Jack was rummaging through the laundry basket in search of a clean pair of socks, he stumbled upon an idea. He approached Jill with a mischievous grin.
Jack: "Hey, Jill, how about we strike a deal? I'll pick up my socks if you agree to let me have control of the TV remote for a week."
Jill, intrigued by the proposal, raised an eyebrow.
Jill: "Hmm, interesting offer. But what's in it for me?"
Jack, feeling bold, leaned in closer with a twinkle in his eye.
Jack: "How about a little... 'sexual currency'?"
Jill burst into laughter, but couldn't hide her interest.
Jill: "Alright, Romeo, you've got yourself a deal! But don't think I'll go easy on you."
And so, the Great Bedroom Bargain was struck. Jack diligently picked up his socks, while Jill begrudgingly relinquished control of the TV remote. Their evenings were filled with laughter, playful banter, and the occasional wrestling match for the remote.
But amidst the chaos, their bond grew stronger, fueled by their shared humor and willingness to compromise. And as they snuggled up together under the covers each night, they knew that the true currency of their relationship was not found in socks or TV remotes, but in the love and laughter they shared.
And so, Jack and Jill lived happily ever after, navigating life's challenges with a healthy dose of humor and a whole lot of love.
The end.
Damn, that would have been useful for the relationship that I just lost. :(
Where is this dress from😮
positive comment for the algorithm.
will begin using SEX MONEY as a safe word from now on
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
Going to be honest, I'm not sure if this concept works for me. I would love more sexual currency flowing, but there's an issue with this. I don't know if it's a male thing or just a me thing. But for me, because I have a strong sex drive, I'm never going to have the amount of (actual) sex I would like -- it's always a compromise. So doing a lot of stuff like this, I feel would lead me to being more frustrated. The idea of being sexually satisfied without having actual sex doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure that's possible for me, or maybe a lot of men? Not sure. We're definitely more focused around actual orgasm on average.
I will say I'd feel more satisfied with my *relationship* with greater sexual currency, and feeling more connected is a great thing on its own. But I feel like this would also lead to frustration, which can already be an issue in my marriage sometimes.
I suppose I could just masturbate more, but there are physical limits on that, and if then sex does happen spontaneously it might reduce my enjoyment of that if I'd masturbated too recently. So it's a bit of a difficult balance to strike.