life’s hard. here’s what’s next.
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- Опубликовано: 3 авг 2024
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can i just say, as a newly graduated mental health counselor, this video embodies the self awareness and autonomy every counselor wants their clients to eventually have. i know it hasn’t been easy, but this growth and change in mindset will set you free every day. thank you so much for sharing this with us chandler and best of luck to you and haden moving forward!
I’m finishing my MSW and thought the same thing!
I deleted all of my social media because everyone getting married and settling down was really fucking with me. I didn’t want to make a bad decision (settle for a douchebag or rush to have a kid) simply because I felt like I was getting left behind or running out of time. I wanted to do these things at the time they were right for ME and I’ve got to say, social media was truly the culprit for about 95% of those feelings
I haven’t deleted my social media, I just don’t go on them anymore but I feel the exact same way as you. I don’t know if it makes me a bad person, but seeing all these people happy having these big milestones, getting married, having kids, now at my age just makes me sad, mad, depressed. If I ever do have to go on social media I search for the exact thing I’m looking for and then click off. I don’t scroll and fall down the hole because I know my head will be messed up after.
If you think about it, you're only seeing a curated image on social media. It's just not possible to have a whole life that is as good as the perfect snapshots people show of themselves on social media. If you were to sit down and chat with those people regularly, you would see that they aren't having as much fun as they appear to be. I've been off of social media for 6 years and feel way more grounded and happy with my life now.
You should be so proud of yourself! Deciding to put yourself first is one of the hardest things we can do in life and because of that so many never do. I’m experiencing similar shifts in my life, so this really resonated with me and I’m so glad you posted! Xoxo
Putting yourself first is the best decision anyone can make and the most challenging. Hope everything works out the way you want it to work out!
I’m also on a fertility journey and recently had a similar realization. I wanted a baby so badly that I let that consume me, and felt like I wouldn’t be whole or worthy until I was pregnant. I had a life situation that forced me to take a break, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got my mental and physical health under control, and have been happier and better mentally than I’ve been in years. I realized that I want my future baby to join a life that is already happy and full, and expecting a baby to “complete me” wasn’t fair or okay. Just to say that I’m so excited for you because this part of the journey isn’t often talked about, but it’s SO good.
As someone with PCOS who wants to be a mom in the future, this video is deeply relatable. I’m also in medical school and watching a lot of my friends get married/have kids while I still am focused on work makes me feel so deeply behind and afraid I won’t get to have those things. But at the end of the day, we gotta do what we need to do in order to live our best and happiest lives. Rooting for you on your journey wherever it may lead!
I think you're brave af. I can't imagine how much strength it takes to be so open in front of thousands of strangers, basically, I can't talk about personal stuff even with my closest friends and family because I'm so scared of what they might say... I genuinely admire you.
Deciding to be adult for your child and figure your life out before having it is such a mature decision and one that people don’t make enough. You’re very brave! I really hope Haden (I wrote it correctly this time, yay!) and you get to be happy ❤️
As a 35 year old mom of two who was so scared of "missing out" with my PCOS and not having kids (and having losses)--I wish I could go back and say all of this to myself. I LOVE my kids, but I am not always the best mom because I am not always the best me. I have a number of health concerns. I have a lot I should've worked on and fixed before having kids. I wouldn't trade them, but I do wish sometimes that I could go back and live a little more.
Proud of you. As a 27 year old who still feels like a teenager sometimes, I really feel for you ♥️
There's something really bold and comforting about you admitting all this and being so vulnerable. I am so cripplingly afraid of the fact that I'm not an adult yet, and this is such a good reminder that it's hard and scary and there's no rush. We owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be and to take on the scary challenges, but slowing down and taking the time you need to grow and heal before tackling things is so brave and empowering. Thank you for sharing and being so open!
EDIT: I'm about to graduate undergrad and all my friends are panicking about not knowing our next steps and not feeling prepared. And it's such a lovely message that it'll all be ok. And it's fine to be on your own timeline, no matter what that looks like. So it's just really lovely to have this posted around this time.
I thought at first when you said break, you meant RUclips and then when you said the rest of the year I was like 😳😭 but then I quickly realized what you actually meant LOL! Proud of you!!
I love this! Doing things for YOU is so important.
Fear is a LIAR! Walking in freedom is so much better! You go girl!
I also have pcos, and I relate to coming to a point where you have to start taking care of yourself. Not eating well leads to feeling like shit and drained, and then I don't feel like cooking real food. It's such a self-fulfilling circle.
Hope you can get to a better place as well❤
I'm super behind on your videos but I just wanted to say I am so happy to hear about your happiness and motivation!! Wishing you the best of luck with everything!
I absolutely love fellow women taking the reigns of their own life, making decisions based on their inner dialogue and not outside voices. It's so empowering and inspiring. Love to see it, here to support it.
This is the self-care you need! Your mental health always comes first, and it's important that you do what you want to do when you're ready to do it. Thank you so much for sharing this! Wishing you the best in whatever direction you move forward with.
one thing that my therapist and i have discussed countless times is how opposing feelings can coexist and how confusing that can be - especially when you feel like you’re “supposed to” feel one side of the emotions but nobody ever talks about the other set that can come with it and balance it. i feel like, obviously i’m 100% on the outside and only get snippets, i’ve seen you handle this with so much grace and rawness. and by seeing you extend those to yourself encourages and reminds me to do the same. so thank you, and i hope you continue healing and feeling joyous, yes, but also all of the other not so happy emotions so that your mind and body can process them healthily and truly move forward
I'm really happy that you've had such a big realisation. I know it's been a tough road to get there, but you should be so proud of yourself. I'm just some person on the internet but I'm really proud of you too.
I am also a sufferer of PCOS and it can be so so awful. I don't personally want children but even I was distraught and upset when I found out I had PCOS. It's weird, it's upsetting, there's a lot to it. Since learning how to cook better my symptons have been so much more manageble. Diets are hard (I'm a sweet tooth) but it's so important.
You absolutely got this Chandler.
thank you! totally relate to the sweet tooth. i've been really focusing on well rounded meals and even just within a week i am feeling so much better. shouldn't shock me but wow!
I am editing a parenting/mommy video right now & I touch on having to parent yourself while parenting your children. Like you want to teach them emotional regulation but realize you were never taught it yourself!
I think it's great you are realizing that you need to work on yourself & want to be the best you for your children, but also if you did happen to get pregnant (I know in your situation that is probably unlikely to happen naturally) you have to remember you are never going to be "perfect" & we spend our lives growing & maturing.
I wasn't trying to get pregnant when I got pregnant with my first & my husband had to keep telling me "this is a good thing", lol. It's been 12 years & 4 kids later & I still think to myself, I am not mature/healed/healthy enough to be a parent (I am 36, 37 later this year).
Thank you for being so open & honest - I know these kinds of stories help others so much.
So proud of you, Chandler! Rooting for you always
I had a baby in January, got pregnant April last year…. And there are definitely parts of me that wish I’d waited. I don’t feel like an adult either, like I am anywhere near ready for this life that I am in charge of now…. So coming from someone who jumped and had the baby before they were ready, ABSOLUTELY do what’s best for you and make sure you’re where you want to be first.
I love my son but part of me will always wish I’d let myself grow up a little bit first ❤
I'm over here crying happy tears for you! We live in such a big world, especially now with the connectivity of the internet. Your life can look so many different ways, put the puzzle together that works best for you (and Haden). ❤
i’ve been a subscriber of yours for years, and also have been going through the realization that i’m making a lot of big life choices lately out of fear. this video was exactly what i needed to hear. i think your wisdom and dedication to yourself is really inspiring 💗💗
Chandler, I'm so glad that you are feeling like you are on a good path and taking care of yourself! Thank you for being so open and generous with your journey. I had a miscarriage last week and it honestly helped me feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing. I honestly needed to hear this. I just turned 30 and I’ve been disabled since I was 19 and now I’m in a Groundhog Day situation like you guys also had.
With my illnesses I’m in excruciating pain daily and cannot have kids and if I do adopt, I couldn’t take care of them because I can’t take care of myself. And I’m so fatigued and exhausted everyday. So that was (and still is) extremely depressing for me for years to accept. Now I’ve gotten to the point that I’m no longer yearning for kids and that I will be the best auntie to whoever needs one haha ❤
I try to find all the small joys in life and self care as much as possible and I always have a smile on my face because it’s not helping anybody to be mean lol I know so many people who are nasty because of the pain and I could never.
I don't belive that everything happens for a reason. There are just too many terrible things that occur for me to. But I do believe that we have the ability to /find/ meaning in many of the things that happen to us. And you are the epitome of this right now. Life has handed you something, and you are finding the best journey through it.
Would love to see the DIY home reno content ❤
Glad to see you thriving!
I love this!! This is so relatable. It hits close to home. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
Just came across your channel going into my first FET next week (also MFI mainly) just wanted to say that you're so real and relatable and that's refreshing to see on youtube. Also your cat is absolutely beautiful!! Hope your channel continues to grow!
Thank u for sharing this with us 💓
I’m so proud of your decision! It’s imperative to do what’s best for you, run your race, and not let other people's life events pressure you. As women, we’ve all felt like that. It’s so understandable. Take the best care of yourself, mind, body, and soul. 🙂
My younger self can relate to what you are saying so much. I am quite a bit older than you and have been exactly where you are now. I just wanted to say you are not on anyone’s time line do what’s best for you and your husband. Be happy, live life, enjoy every moment good and bad. I dealt with fertility issues for years. It was the only thing I could think about for a long time. I missed many opportunities because the only thing I could think about was having a baby. One day I woke up and said that’s it I’m taking my life back. I never gave up trying switched Doctors who from day one told me I would get pregnant, focused on the present and during one of my IVF cycles that had to be canceled ended up getting pregnant, and 4 years later had another baby boy. ❤
Proud of you ✨✨best of luck on your journey ahead 💕
sooooo excited for you ❤❤ i love your videos so much & you inspire me all the time!! sending you love during this exciting new season!! ✨️✨️
So happy for you. Can’t wait for the DIY content!
Sending you (and Hayden) lots of love and good vibes!
You’re amazing❤
So happy for you Chandler!
this video really woke me up. ive been going through the motions for a couple years too and i can feel myself desperately wanting to start doing the things i actually want to do.. the things i know i NEED to do, but im stuck. you put everything into words so well. i have time, but im tired of letting life pass me by and not truly living.... thank you.
You are amazing ♥️
Wow, this was wildly insightful. You’re amazing, proud of you
This is so insightful Chandler. Thank you for being vulnerable 🫶
I'm sending you so much love & love these heart to hearts. I related so strongly to SO MUCH of your backstory. Seriously. Four years ago I was a marathon runner and took such such good care of my body. I was so loving and respectful towards it and through a series of unfortunate events I have lost that and am just now starting to try to respect myself again in a healthy way! So I am here with you on the journey of self care again. I'm turning 27 and while I've never really felt like being a mother, I do have periods of time where I strongly yearn for it. I completely related to you talking about making decisions based on fear, running out of time, everyone around me having babies, etc.
You show so much growth and maturity in every single video and I just wanted to pop in and say I am so proud of you, all the time!
Patience is a valuable " commodity."❤
I am so proud of you for this decision Chandler!
So excited for your excitement. Can’t wait to see all that is to come for you ❤❤❤
I’m excited for you and the decision you have made. Can’t wait to see what kind of content you put out 🤗
So proud of you! Taking care of yourself is so important and something that gets put aside so easily. ❤❤
I think we all take our lives for granted, and we forget to enjoy the little things and to take care of the body that allows us to experience life. I've been dealing with health challenges over the last weeks, and you have no idea of how this video resonated with me.
I'm so so happy for you, that you're putting yourself first, as it should be.
Thank you for sharing and I’m excited to see what you’re planning for the rest of the year!! 😊
I am so endlessly proud of you~ 💖💖😊
Chandler! Thank you so much for sharing this with us, and I can’t wait to watch you through the rest of the year focusing on yourself. You seem lighter and more hopeful for life to come in this video❤️
You are an awesome woman Chandler. Thanks for sharing.❤
Intentionality is so hard but it is everything! This video was a great reminder to me to look at what I want out of life and move towards that with purpose. I’m excited to watch all that you have coming
Wow. This made me cry because it spoke to me so much! Thank you for your vulnerability! Wishing you the best!
I've been following you since 2020, and honestly I was here for book recommendation but now it feels like you are my elder sister, always guiding, influencing, learning and sharing and just not the rainbows and unicorns but the real life struggles. Now you just shared with so many womens out here to put yourself first coz yolo. YOU WILL BE BACK STRONGER.
Also you don't have to be perfect or have everything figured out, life is a scary ride, with twists and turns, hold on tight it might surprise you with much bigger and better things ahead!
Realizing you need to put yourself first is a huge step! Pat yourself on that back. 💗
This video is very relatable. I feel like I’ve been trudging through life for so long. I also don’t treat my body very well and I’m trying to be better. Thank you for sharing Chandler. Makes me feel like I’m not alone and that I can make changes. I wish you all of the best in your journey.
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I have the same anxious thoughts about getting older and all the uncertainties of if/when kids will happen for me. To combat that I’ve been trying to appreciate the positives of being a DINKWAD right now like being able to spend my free time on hobbies, the quiet mornings with my husband, sleep, etc. It has helped me find peace where I am currently in life. It’s just nice hearing your stories and knowing I’m not alone.
You are so real for this. I hope you have a wonderful and fullfilling break ❤❤❤
Not sure what else to say other than i find you so admirable for being so raw here in sharing your thoughts/feelings. Also I relate so much to some of these so thank you for verbalizing some of what I have struggled to!
I think you are incredible. You are so strong, and I think the overall theme in this video is so relatable to everyone. Including me ❤❤❤
This video is making me realize how comfortable I got with not doing things because I didn’t know what would happen during or after I did them. Mentally I have done all the work I needed to be able to move towards what I want and I have been putting off things adults do because doing them means things are changing and it is scary. Your videos have been part of my days for a few years and hearing you verbalize a lot of the feelings I have been going through but then to also hear you so determined to better yourself is very inspiring. Im proud of you and extremely happy that you are feeling more like yourself more and more!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Chandler! I often judge myself so harshly for changing my mind, especially with big decisions, and it's so comforting and nice to hear you talk about all of this and the emotions that have gone into it for you. I'm wishing you all the best in your glow up era and I can't wait to see all of the cool new projects and content as you focus on other stuff! ☺
CHAN! I needed to hear this post miscarriage. Cheers to living our hot girl lives, healing ourselves, and growing up before we pass our not so great habits onto our future children.
we GOT this
While I think it's amazing that you are self aware enough to decide you want to hold off on trying for a baby right now for all the reasons you mentioned, I also can't help but point out that I don't think any parent would say they ever felt "grown up" enough before they became parents for the first time. I just had my first baby 9 months ago and I'm 28, and i feel like i'm still figuring life out but so is every adult I know lol, and life doesnt stop once you have a baby. I know it may seem like this huge event that will change the course of your life forever, and it will but also it won't. You will still have time to do all the things, just with a little mini companion and while it's hard at times it's also so precious. Anyways, definitely do what you want with your body and wait if you want to wait, but just wanted to give my little two cents as a new first time mom
certainly true, i don't think anyone is ever 100% ready. and life definitely goes on! but you don't get to be quite as selfish when you have a kiddo, and right now i need to be (and really want to be). appreciate your perspective though.
This is the first video in awhile, you really do seem happy. Looking forward to following your new journey and what is to come.
Thank you so much for sharing this! A lot of what you said here is very relatable, from wanting to be a mom one day and feeling like there's growth I need to do before that's a possibility, to wanting to eat healthier and exercise more. I'd personally love some cooking content since I'm on that journey too!
And don't worry, I think it's actually really brave to take the step to work on ourselves if we feel we need it. This isn't weakness, quite the contrary. Good luck, Chandler!
thank you for sharing this challenging and beautiful decision with us. you didn't have to, and i think it will have a tremendously positive impact on many people who are struggling in similar ways and don't know what to do next. you are an inspiration and a human and i admire you so much for fighting the timeline we are encouraged to adopt just because. 💙
I’m not really a commenter usually but I really related to this chat. My daughter (our only one) is 18 months old and I’m still really struggling with feeling like I’m mature enough to do this. I don’t feel like I have myself together or that I’ve ever been at a point where I can say my life has balance. I really appreciated your openness with your struggles and honestly feel like we’ll be going through learning how to take care of ourselves, and learning what it looks like to be the best versions of ourselves for the future together ❤
I haven’t been going through exactly what you have, but I have been having a pretty crappy few years. Since 2020 basically. I’m kinda now at a point where I probably need to reexamine a lot of things and think about what I want
Such a beautiful video, Chandler! Happy for you and I hope you're happy for your future, whatever it may entail :) And I would love any cooking-related videos. I think it would be really fun to see one of these vlog-style videos while you're following recipes and cooking. That may be a lot of editing, so do what's best for you. But it would be fun to see!
Powerful moves girl!
I’ve been a fan for many years and I appreciate you sharing on these topics. You are definitely an inspiring creator with how eloquent you are and passionate about talking about books. I relate to at times being fixated on reading and question fulfillment, just check ins with myself on that continually. And also sadly relate to PCOS (highly recommend myo-inositol). I think one thing that has been holding me back recently has been feeling alienated when you mention not working a 9-5 as a mom, not putting your hypothetical child in childcare, I know you give CW for fertility talk but that kind of talk catches me off guard too. It’s on me to protect myself but just commenting cause I really wish I could dive in to this content and again I am a fan but it’s hard to keep hearing.
thanks for letting me know! i didn't realize that could be triggering, i'll try to be more conscious of that going forward. all the respect for moms working 9-5s
Excited to learn how to grow up right along with you! Moving across the country this week, bought our first house, and I’m working a lot on financial literacy and how to keep house with raging ADHD. Also looking to continue my fitness journey and find a new gym and running group as well as a mom’s group for my toddler and I and getting a new job (part time). I’d love to see some fitness content along with your cooking journey if that’s something you’re comfortable with sharing!
would love to share :) also mega relate to the financial literacy part. i had to do major discovery there for myself a couple of years ago. best of luck with your move!
Just started the video ❤❤❤
I’ve had a different journey to the place you’re at but in a sense I also realized that my desire to have a child was the thing that I thought would fix all the things I was unhappy with. I was told growing up that it’s the ultimate “calling” for a woman. I put off weight loss because why lose weight when I’m going to gain weight with pregnancy, why find a job that I’m wholly happy in if I just want to go part time to be a mom. Also after a job change and time I realized that I needed to prioritize myself to make myself the best mom and in that also realizing that I may or may not actually be able to be a mom. But if it’s only me and my husband for the rest of our lives, I’d consider that a damn good life. Anything else is just a bonus.
Judgement shmudgement, as long as you and your husband are on the same page, no one else matters. And you can be really proud of yourself for recognizing that it's time to focus on yourself for a bit.
I'm actually most excited about your cooking tbh. I have endometriosis, which also makes weight a mf bitch, and I've realized that no matter if I lose weight or not, I want to start making food that makes me feel good. So I'm excited to get some inspiration from you 😅
I am so happy that someone is saying that its fine for women not to be ready to have a baby and prioritize themselves and their health.
I have been on the opposite side of your perspective. We got engaged early married early and had a baby early, even with fertility issues. All our friends don't have children, and its very difficult sometimes just because they do not always understand the responsibility of raising a child. My husband and I have very demanding jobs and juggling everything can get very overwhelming.
I would just want to say thank you. Your videos on both your channels are my mental health break every week. and it helps so much just to know that even if my journey is not the same as yours I can sort of relate to how you are feeling.
❤❤from South Africa
totally relate to friends not having children! my husband's friends have kids but none of mine do. i imagine it'll be a little isolating once i finally get there.
thanks for sticking around and watching
Can you do a tutorial video on how you do your nails they look so pretty
I just got married so now it the start of when are you going to have kids ( not by my parents or in laws but other people) and I keep saying I am not ready to have kids yet I am still a child in that part of the
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Everyone going through infertility has phase you're on. I took time to work on myself, and it was great, but now I just want a baby
we're all on our unique journeys and timelines. hope you get your baby!
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I need you to learn how to cook so you can teach me how to cook 🤣
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