I hope it gives you the boost you need to do the things you know that need be done. I know I identified way too much with almost every aspect of Talon. Try to do a small gesture for other people. Don’t be so much on your head. Truly wishing the best for you.
@@NWPaul72 Be willing to suck it up and apologize, and to vocalize or write the exact things that you’re sorry for, and - in some cases - what you’re doing to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Use the word “sorry” or “apology” to make it clear that you are saying that you’re sorry and that you are acknowledging your responsibility for the harm caused. This will be very difficult to do initially. Evolutionarily speaking, humans are hardwired to perceive any possibility of being “cast out from the group” as akin to physical pain (because someone abandoned by the group thousands of years ago would die very quickly.) You’ll experience less discomfort doing it over time, because you’ll learn that people are nearly always positively receptive to what feels like a genuine apology. It begin to feel more natural and automatic the more you do it. Also be willing to say that you were wrong about something. Be willing to take responsibility. It is the admirable thing to do. If you want to be admirable, you must do admirable things. Admirable things are admirable because they are difficult for the average person to do when the circumstances call for it most. (That’s why things like humility, compassion, and patience are virtues.) You don’t have to mean it, but your words and your *behavior* have to appear humble, yet not completely self-deprecating (unless humorously, and only once in awhile with the right company). It might seem corny, but think about Mr. Rogers. Everyone admires him. So just think, “What would an admirable person do in this situation? How would Mr. Rogers handle it? What was a truly decent human being say?” About 3/4 of that is what I’ve learned from my own experiences and the other 1/4 of it is what I learned from James H. Fallon, a brilliant neuroscientist who sadly died last year but left a lot of insight in his writings, research, and interviews.
Ahhh this is such a simple and straightforward answer to a question I was looking for. "What is humbleness (humility) and how is it different to downplaying oneself?"
I think the main difference between a “narcissist” and any other a h ole, is that narcissists don’t ever eventually feel bad about their actions. Where as the rest of us a h oles typically end up regretting bad behavior. Just my opinion.
I don't know if I am one, because if I am one, the behaviour centers around focusing to not be one and concentrating about how it makes me feel, fully indulging in those feelings of "yes, more people should be like that: noticing and fighting for being better. I'm better then them" or some shit like that, and I have no idea how to even approach this honestly. It's weird, but I care in a weird way, I really do.
Yeah, but I would disagree, it really depends on how the person is. People with autism for example are often engulfed in their internal worlds, doesn't mean they have NPD. But I guess it's maybe the way you worded it, being obsessed with oneself rather than their inner world? Idk just talking at this point.
@@XxTh3Fall3nxX mostly I meant that, at least I, should be careful to just pay attention and analyse my feelings and thoughts rather than fixating on them and forgetting there are even other people feelings and thoughts.
everyone has traits of narcissim, it's part of basic self preservation. the difference is to what degree and how detrimental the effects are on one's own life and to those around them
Yeah ngl I had to overcome a lot of trauma (abuse neglect r*pe violence). I was in survival mode, and only tought about myself. Just a few months ago I realized how little I actually care about others. I might think about them, but I never never the extra length to make them feel consistently loved, I don't do enough follow trough questions, I don't remember dates, I don't show up to events if I don't want to. I'm a TERRIBLE friend, and well it's good that I noticed because I want to love my friends as much as they love me, flawed and all 🥰♥️♥️♥️
It is not enough to show certain traits. Everyone has dark psychological qualities. This is something you would have to accept if you want to reach true self awareness. Then you are able to change these traits
100% we all have narcissistic tendencies. It's as how deep and how severe these are which is when it can become a disorder. Just like anxiety we can all get it but if it starts to impact our life in such a drastic way it becomes a disorder. The problem with Narcissism And other disorders in today's society is that we someone who has it has the tendencies and people who aren't diagnosed we have the the assumption they have none of them. I've learnt a lot about the destructive and hurtful sides of narcissism, but not so much.The you haven't Upset anyone but have pushed them away. Really insightful video.
There's a huge difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder. Everyone has narcissistic traits it's part of being human and feeling self-important doesn't automatically equate to a narcissistic disorder unless you're manipulating others or seeking control by undermining them. Self-importance isn't about feeling superior to others, it's about valuing yourself and your needs, just like you'd value your own child without thinking they're better than everyone else. Self-reflection and dreams of greatness are also perfectly acceptable, the line is crossed when you start manipulating others to boost your image or when you put others down to elevate yourself. So, let's not go diagnosing everyone who's a bit self-absorbed as a covert narcissist, it's way more complicated than that.
5 minutes into the video and it strikes me that it's all contrived narrative to create framing that will prove the eventual argument right. Which is rather self-serving. Everyone is narcissistic at least in the sense that you're on your own team, and of course you should be, to the degree that you can fairly defend your position. You don't have to feel guilty about that. It also makes no sense to care about others, but not care about yourself at least as much. You can't be in any healthy relationship if you can't articulate your boundaries and needs. Anyway, most of these "narcissist" videos are suspiciously vein and self-serving ;). * Watched it to the end, completely fact-free, 100% projection and navel gazing, exposition. Clickbait misleading title, pretending to be factual/educational. Otherwise good production values and well made, just too bad it seems so misguided. ** Watched it to the end where he advertises his own therapy materials. Now that's highly dangerous and deluded. Self-proclaimed guru?
@@PeeGee85That's a cool analysis. How'd you like to direct that towards a new artistic animator some day? It might help the animator step out of misguidedness and bad habits earlier rather than becoming entrenched later.
@@PeeGee85 SERIOUSLY. Covert (vulnerable) Narcissists can be beyond the pale and the line between Overt (Grandiose) Narcissism can be fluid. Covert narcissists will start to *actively* put down and manipulate others. It is NOT just being self-absorbed. Narcissists of both types generally lack a moral compass, rationalizing things like cheating on partners, embezzling, emotional/physical abuse. This video does not describe the totality of Covert (technical term "vulnerable") Narcissism. Watch a video by Dr. Ramani: ruclips.net/video/mNFIQ46-s-A/видео.html
@@PeeGee85I mean.... It's a though experiment taken to the extremes to help people realize how different one's own perception can be from reality and the effect of our own thoughts in self fulfilling prophecies, even if it comes from past trauma. The therapy he seems to offer follows the dame way of thinking deeply about one's self in hopes of understanding their problems and working towards solutions, it doesn't have to be fact written to be educational
“everyone has narcissistic traits it’s part of being human” people who are never exposed to narcissistic behavior will likely never turn out narcissistic..
As someone prone to overthinking, I was helped a lot by a simple hard and fast rule to social interactions. Without judging, analyzing or picking interractions apart I just ask myself "Do I feel energized or drained after that interraction?" and for self reflection I ask myself if others feel like that around me (and ask them as well if they're close friends/family) After years of analyzing, blaming myself and others, I've reduced it down to this and it works like a charm.
Chemotaxis toward the good and away from the bad. Cells do it too, cause it works. Too bad people make it too complicated a lot of the time. "You're missing the nuance. *Makes the same predictable mistake again*" "Am i?"
Im open to being wrong, but wouldn't that be too simplified? What if other factors sway the assessment of the interaction? The weather, your mood, the environment, the people, the noise, your physio state, etc. How can you say for certain?
Firstly, this style of animation was immersive. Secondly, what a story. "Whether you like yourself too much or you hate yourself too much, you thinking about yourself too much." I never thought about it like that and I'm sincerely thankfull to know about that perspective. If I find myself in that spiral of self-hatred, I will remind myself that this act is nothing more than toxic self-importance, which is not appropriat in a world so complex like wa're living in.
No it isn't. Learning from others and helping along is. Just be wary of those that wear their dangerous naivety on their sleeves and language. good luck friend
It's pretty disturbing that you think caring about yourself is bad. We should all be dependent, lack self awareness and construct a delusion of ignorance? Fyi, narcissists ONLY care about yourself, caring about yourself in general is noble, important and responsibility. Whether you hate or love yourself is a measure of your past sins and guild vs your accomplishments and skills. If someone hates themselves it's impossible for them to be a narcissist because narcissists believe they can do no wrong, anything and everything is someone's fault. Empaths hate themselves because they know their shortcomings are affecting others and themselves and guilt builds up. A narcissist would make an excuse to ignore the emotion and quickly forget and move on, but an empath holds on to that because even though it's easier to forget your mistakes, it's better to remember and learn from them.
Nacrs hare then selves. Don't get it wrong they can't love. And can't accept love. That's more the issue. If they cld accept love form another, then it wld also make sense to them that they cldve been loved by which ever parent did them wrong. And thIer parent can't be wrong. If they didn't love the narc esp as a child, then its becuz they're bad and unlovable. Which back when this happened they kinda decided for themselves no one will ever hurt them again. Almost like they create a toxic body guard imaginary friend. Who tells them it's not their fault. Tells them ppl don't really love them. Ppl cheat on them and all that. They form .ksr a protector for themselves. It's wild what a child mins is capea le of during times of terrible trauma. And they seek out love maybe more than most even. But they'll never think they are loved. Cuz they don't feel it from anyone. U CLD give your life out of love for them and they'd just excuse it as something else. But not love. This ain't true for all narcs. But trust me. They all hate themselves. Another reason why they can't love anyone. Cuz they don't have love for themself. They don't treat themself right. They disrespect their self. So how on earth CLD they ever do better for another who isn't as smart and worthy as they are? They feel like they're the only real one in the world. Everyone else is just there as a character in their story. But it's their story.
Bro I’m the protagonist 😢 I don’t know if I’m narcissist right now but I remember back in high school and university I was always talking bad about me, having hatred thoughts about me, and spend 90% of the time close in my own thoughts 💭 When someone get close to me I never felt like I was cool enough or worthy to be there to have friends or have a girlfriend I felt like a robot 🤖 I knew what I l have to say and ask just to keep the people moving around me Now I’m married with two kids and I feel completely alone all days of my life
@@Rapha_Carpio you're not, narcissists sitting there closed off in their own thoughts. They don't actually care they just pretend to. If you legitimately feel concerned then it doesn't matter if you're confident or doubtful, if you're feeling anything then you're good. Narcissists only worry about being outed and will gaslight as a defense
Reminds me of my father. He was emotionally neglected by his parents and eventually raised by his grandparents. They were overprotective and tried to make him feel like a special person. He's is now a 75 year old man with the emotional development of a toddler. As a child I was unaware of this. It is only recently that I have realized how disturbed his psyche is. It makes me mourn the father he never was.
Very true. We all have narcissism to a degree. It's on a spectrum. Like anything else. It's when it's extreme and all or most of the time that it becomes a problem. But we all have tendencies. We have to in order to live and survive in the world.
I'm not saying a large percentage of the population is/isn't narcissistic; we would need data, and I'm lazy. But a couple of ideas: *1)* Like attracts like... often people have social circles of people similar to them. *2)* We tend to project our own perspectives and mindset onto others, imagining them to be like us when they might not be. Helps when we forget that we're not psychic and different people are different. *3)* If the definition of "narcissism" we're going with is _"thinking about yourself too much",_ that's *incredibly* subjective and vague, so depending on the answer you're subconsciously gravitating towards (you and/or others _are_ or _are not_ narcissistic), you can easily make it fit. Everyone thinks about themselves sometimes. Everyone prioritizes themselves sometimes. Does it make them narcissistic? Not necessarily, but if you're trying to find ways that people are narcissistic, perhaps because it helps you relate more to the video, you can easily interpret it that way. Alternatively, if you're _not_ wanting that to be true because you want to believe something you think is more positive, you can just as easily say that _doesn't_ meet the threshold for narcissism. *tl;dr:* _it's all made up, all of it. every label and definition. what matters is nameless cause and effect. it doesn't matter whether you call yourself or others narcissistic or selfless or anything else. what matters is whether the underlying thoughts and actions those labels aim to describe are leading towards something desirable. be mindful of every thought, the words/actions they inspire, and their consequences, and you'll be alright, no matter your starting point._
I think it might be dangerous to tell self loathing people they are narcissists. Sure there is a type of person who complains about their life to others all the time, but that's not the majority of people who are self loathing. There are plenty who are people pleasers or very isolated individuals and will use the label of covert narcissist as yet another cudgel to hit themselves with.
But People Pleasers ARE Narcissistic. I was one for a VERY long time myself and I used to DROWN in self loathing. These types of behaviours ARE narcissistic no matter which way you slice it. It is focusing on one's own self WAYYYY too much. The reason doesnt matter in the definition here. From my experience People Pleasers do NOT please others to actually help them. If there was a situation where the person a pp helps will still not think of them in a better light afterwards, they will NOT be willing to help them. As a PP myself (lol) I have sacrificed the wrong things to value the wrong people just to get their approval a lot of the times. It is toxic, it is harmful to those actually close and tolerant to your behaviours and yourself, and it is narcissistic. And not in a good way. I know this sounds harsh but there is no other way around this. We cannot hide the truth from them just because they'll use it the wrong way.
Sadly, people with a negative self-narration will use anything you hand them to beat themselves with. Compliments can be poisonous to a depressed person! So what you hand them is whatever you think will make a good tool and hope they figure it out.
@@antagonisticalex401Yeah there is kind of a gordian knot of trying to get what you want when what you want is people to like you. You can't force people to feel the way you want them to and trying to make them in weird conniving ways is almost always annoying. All you can do is go with the flow.
Yea lets not use such strong and definitive words. Better just describe the symptomes and maybe later add your interpretation or just suggest a therapist.
It doesn't sound to me like Talon is "excessively interested" in himself. It sounds like he has complex trauma, is deeply isolated, feels guilty for sharing his burdens but cant help himself because it torments him so much, yet for all of the attention this gets him, thats clearly not what hes looking for. his parents made him feel unwanted. no amount of kindness can heal that kind of all consuming pain. Talon really is doing his best. But that doesn't make Talon a good person, a good friend, or anything. He might be really manipulative and shitty to people, but the story didn't show that. What the story did show, is that for everyone he ever opened up to, no one ever encouraged him to seek mental health help. And that is tragic, because Talon seemed willing to give it a shot
Only at the very end there is a possibility that he seeks change and considers for once showing actual interest in someone else. Therapy is good but it does not solve your problems for you. He would only get better by focussing more on others. Therapy would have only told him what Maria said.
@@boyke2536 The quote you stated is taken from Alfred Adler's book, which has many psychological theories that have pretty much been debunked by modern day psychologists, much like most of Freud's works: currently irrelevant! It is medically proven that trauma changes the brain. Trauma is very much real.
@@cabana85 eh, I wouldn't say that focusing more on other people is a great solution for Talon. In his situation he is alone and forcefully making friends or investing into others in his state of mind would lead to making it worse for himself especially with how uncaring most people are at least until you find those to be close with. This video made it seem like the whole world revolves around people and relationships, and perhaps that's how it is in Talon's mind. He shouldn't be so focused on himself either. He should be focused on what he can actually do with his time and to find self esteem in actualizing his potential. Then, friends will naturally come and he won't be so miserable to drive them away because he won't have to meet all his needs through the emotions of others.
I think if a person has mental issues that mostly prevent them from working and keeping their stuff together to the point that they rely on other people, meaning, if that person is a burden on society, then... thinking about themselves a lot can be a way to try to better themselves. Of course, a fitting therapist and some other accomodations are probably better, but therapy can take a lot of time anyway
Obsession over one’s own perceived shortfalls, and letting others know that constantly, is such a covert way of garnering attention without being labelled a narcissist, because we always see narcissists as people with inflated self-worth and grandiosity. Another amazing video by Pursuit of Wonder 🙌.
That's not narcissism... A narcissist could do that yes, but it's not exclusive to them. Trauma can cause that, typically by being taught to be too dependent. Example, if a child is in school and struggling with it's work and is asking for help from others then you'd lable that as narcissism... See the error, sometimes people fall behind and asking for help is hard to do. Real narcissists get frustrated when asked to help others with their short comings, they will label them as self proclaimed shortfalls and that they are only asking for their attention. Only someone who is lacking empathy can come to a conclusion like that
@@That_1_Bohemian No of course, I agree with you, this behaviour is not exclusive to narcissists, and can be seen in people with different issues, hell it can be seen with people victims of narcissists (I.e., gaslighting). Like you said Trauma can be another one of those situations. I am sorry if I implied otherwise. DSM usually has very specific criterias that don’t overlap with other issues when a diagnosis is made. This type of behaviour can be considered while diagnosis for Vulnerable Narcissism. But yes, only if it is not better explained by another disorder.
Good post and good answer from @That_1_Bohemian. Constant victimisation and trauma-dumping is just one aspect of covert narcissism. What cinches it is what Bohemian said : namely a frustration when prompted to reciprocate. That's where the lack of empathy comes through, which sets them apart from others with that issue (trauma dumping constant victimization).
@@jeanvaljean4218 there's no such thing as covert narcissists. You're a narcissist or you're not. All narcissism is covert, if your openly narcissistic then you're just arrogant, and that's not a thing because narcissists hide. Trauma-dumping is a term that frankly a narcissist clearly came up with. Narcissists that disguise themselves as carrying people don't like dealing with trauma because since they lack empathy, they can't accurately act out the appropriate emotions because trauma is specific, special and unique to that individual. A narcissist relies on a social understanding of emotions, if they are in a situation that social understanding is lacking their sharade falls apart. "Trauma-dumping" is no more than an attempt to control a narrative created by narcissists to protect narcissists. Because only a narcissist can come up with a rational excuse to ignore and discredit others grievances. Trauma dumping... What an insidious and warped perspective, I'm not attacking you or your comment, just the term is so clearly evil in it's conception
@@sarvagyakaushik7976 it's ok you didn't imply anything, it's just the logic they presented is flawed and I was addressing it. "You" in this topic is more vague and subject to the hypothetical situation of the reader of the comment could be a part of, not you as the op specifically
Most people have some degree of narcissism. There is in fact a healthy degree of it. Although killing your ego can be helpful for some too. Recognizing your own negative narcissism is a part of growing. I’ve been a vulnerable narcissist before, but I met the diagnostic criteria for BPD. Happy to say it’s in remission. Remember to treat all people with dignity and respect: even those with disordered personalities and issues with ego. Trauma is a bitch for everybody to overcome
Yea lets not stigmatize disorders or especially personality disorders. Tho that does not mean that you shouldn't react to their action in a normal way. The problem with Talonw as that no one confronted him. That is partly because no one cared enough to do the work (which is fine) but also partly because some did not know that this would help him in the long run.
This is not covert narcissism, a covert narcisist is someone who thinks about himself in a "either/or" manner, like a child, he is either the best or the worst, no "in between" often caused by being ostracized and bullied during childhood His self-hatred is so great that he is unable to face his own opinion of himself and NEEDS to constantly be told he is amazing, because he has to constantly convince himself that he isn't horrible Otherwise that horrible opinion of himself will overwhelm him with a strengh thats difficult to describe He has a image to uphold, made up to escape reality, and all of his actions are means to uphold that image Manipulating, contantly lying, bullying, blame-shifting and gaslighting, even self-pity is only used to maintain the farse that he is amazing and everything bad that happens is always unfair and never his fault They dont see others as human-beings, only as emotional supply The most dangerous part is most of them realize that the only way to keep that supply contantly, since everyone who can, will always leave them, is to make another person completely dependent on them Like children or a partner with low self-esteem, in both cases they will contantly "attack" the other's sense of self by a number of small but efficient tatics I recomend reading about those tatics since they are more common than we would like (triangulation, gaslighting, and others) They will destroy you and pretend it was your fault, and then help you They will make you feel that you are not enough alone and that you need their help They will make you feel guilty for not being grateful, they will force you to admire them they will trap and psicologically torture you this video just show someone who is a little too self-centered, its not narcisism
This *is* what covert narcissism is though. Narcissism, covert and overt, is defined by its deficits in self image, coping mechanisms, social functioning, and awareness- all of which the protagonist suffers with. A covert narcissist experiences grandiosity in private because deep down they think they are more special, misunderstood, or unfairly wronged by the world- that is their grandiosity. It doesn’t have to mean thinking they are “better” than others- the classical/overt definition we think of when we think of what a narcissist is. (Pathological) narcissism isn’t defined by its behavior because in one way or another we all have acted in ways that are narcissistic. If that were the case, babies would be the most narcissistic being in existence. Instead, it is defined by the underlying and usually unconscious patterns, beliefs, and motivations. Of which the protagonist has, even the ending while seemingly implied to be a cliffhanger actually shows the repeating self-fulfilling prophecy cycle of self-sabotage narcissists suffer from because he’s unwilling (and unable) to self reflect to change.
Everything described in the video is me, like my whole life. And I hate it, but cannot stop. I don't mean to ramble to people and be so self-centered, but idk. I don't know how to stop. I promise I don't mean any harm tho, I just get wrapped up in myself.
Well this just made me more confused after watching it and reading the comments. All this shit is symptoms of a million different things and more likely to cause people to self diagnose themselves and that's dangerous..
Covert narcissism hides behind a mask of humility. As Carl Jung noted, 'People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.' Recognizing this behavior is key to protecting your energy and aligning with your true self.
@@dailyrepsofficial narcissism does not as a matter of course hide behind a mask of humility - at some point, whether in public or private, narcissists express their belief that they are better than everyone else. The character in this video never expresses that belief.
@jaye5872 I guess. That just makes it harder for people with real suffering to have their suffering correctly identified. Trauma isn't the same as narssisim and shouldn't be conflated as the same thing or close to. It distorts the intention behind the behaviors with a lable from a layman, like how people chirp neurodivervisty when there is no such term diagnostically or academically for such a word. 🙄
@@moosepatil5946 There is no pathological narcissism without trauma. It’s the splitting of the authentic self and adopting a narcissist defence which protects the child from the deep abyss of pain within. The persona of grandiosity or a deeply flawed and wounded human are then running the show from that point on. There is no self anymore. We have to think of narcissism as a spectrum. It’s not binary. We all have traits of narcissism. Some more than others until we eventually reach the far end of the spectrum and there we have diagnosable NPD.
I cannot even find my words...as someone who has no idea how it feels to grow up being loved by my own parents and family and that developed into intense self-hatred and an emptyness that sucks the life out of me everyday...it's hard to hear that society has a word for this now and is narcissism. I don't wish anyone to experience the UNLOVE as a child because is something you will feel for the rest of your life and I personally did not find the cure yet. And yeah, I feel the urge to complain about how miserable I am almost all the time because no one ever told me when I really needed that that they are happy to have me...but I learned to keep the misery mostly for myself...I write everything on paper and then I torn them into pieces... it is unlove, not narcisssism...
For what it's worth, I don't think you sound like a narcissist at all. When you imagine a child being similarly deprived of love like you have been, what feelings does it evoke in you? From what you've written, I would guess that empathy is a huge part of it
Meditation helps! I appreciate what you wrote. It's an interesting description and I think adds some nuance that was sorely lacking from this video. It's basically just a non-trauma-informed, crude try at a narrative summary of someone's idea of NPD. I actually don't even know if this random character would be diagnosable. He might have another disorder entirely. So yeah, I dunno. The over-medicalization of mental differences is not always helpful.
It’s a shame that nobody can fulfill that for you, but I wish people felt more comfortable doing it. I know how you feel and I feel like because of my experiences, if I ever met someone like you I would tell them that they’re amazing, that they’re wonderful, that they’re doing a great job at surviving, that they’re loved, that they got this, that they can conquer their obstacles. But life isn’t fair and most people wouldn’t think to dive that deeply into your psyche and have that level of empathy for your past. But maybe you’ll find someone like you one day? Maybe me too? If anything I think I’ve been connecting to god and energies for healing. What I started doing is logically putting myself through hypothetical situations and scenarios to prove that I’m not a horrible person. That I deserve to live, and be loved. Maybe start by moving towards being self neutral and not a self-loather? Like, I’m ok :) just ok.
The opposite of narcissism is authenticity. One of the biggest burdens people curse themselves with is pretending they know something they don’t. The best way to stop yourself falling into the narcissistic self trap is to be willing to prove yourself wrong. If you’re always accusing others of narcissism, the test of weather the real narc is you is to see how far you’ll go to be right about that. Fact is NPD is no joke. Anyone can be a little selfish or whatever but I’ve never met someone who actually had NPD who life wasn’t a complete train wreck. It’s completely and totally debilitating for the person who has it. It’s not as common as people would like to make out.
i do have a problem with going to a far extent to prove myself right. and thats part of the reason my gf left me. how do i go about proving myself wrong? how do i do this and not feel so shitty about myself?
@@thedoor5903maybe you make an assumption about someone's intentions, you think they did something to slight you in some way. To try to prove yourself wrong, you could talk to the person you think harmed you and make yourself vulnerable, explain what they did and how it made you feel, knowing you might be wrong. It is hard but I think it can put things in perspective
Although it’s an interesting idea, I’m not sure what you’re basing this on. People who are miserable view their state as a threat and are therefore naturally ego-centric and inconsiderate. That’s not the same as narcissism. I recommend John Vervaeke’s awakening from the meaning crisis, he talks at the beginning of his series about why people who feel like shit can’t really see the pain of others or readily change their cognitive framework. If that same person improved their life-situation and felt overall better, would they still act this way?
Yea idk if im this narcissist or what you describe. but i know when i am emotionally very bad i cant see the pain of others. its like very thick fog in my brain. i searched what you suggested. its a playlist of 143 videos, are you specifically talking about the first video?
@@thedoor5903 he talks about it specifically in Episode 5 but it’s good to start listening from the first episode so that the context becomes clearer later on.
My name is Maria, I’m a narcissist but I didn’t realize it until fairly recently, as I started going to therapy. It’s been great but also awful and this video made me feel a little better. I’ve been watching your videos for years now and have read all your books, I even own the navy blue perception hoodie you released a few years back, I’ve worn it so much it is literally my most worn out hoodie. Your content has always been a catalyst for change for me and even pushed me to pursue academic philosophy as a hobby. Thank you for the work you put out into the world, I honestly don’t think I’d be half the person I am today if I hadn’t discovered your channel when I did.
@@cameronvadnais4388 Initially BPD that evolved into NPD with borderline traits. As I have gotten older, I started being less able to show empathy or remorse and I started making more rational decisions. My experiences with BPD created a sort of counter conditioning where, in order to avoid the pain caused by interpersonal relationships as a result of the violence of my emotions, I started seeing others as less important so that I wouldn't feel so influenced by anyone outside of me. I had constantly exposed emotional nerves, I felt everything so strongly. The decision to distance myself from anything that could make me feel unpredictable feelings was a rational one, but I didn't realize it would make me so narcissistic. As someone with BPD I was a narcissist the whole time anyway, everything was always about me, I always overestimated my importance in other people's lives and felt felt like everyone either loved me or hate me. But then as I got older, I realized people weren't going to put up with my shit much longer I stopped having outbursts and became an overachiever, I started thinking I was above emotions, I was rational and driven and perfect, and I derived genuine pleasure from being emotionally distant from anyone who wanted to get close to me. I used people up. It’s strange because, for the most part, I didn’t even really know I was being narcissistic. I felt strongly identified with my BPD because I always felt like even the change in my personality was meant to be a spiteful message to people I felt had wronged me. In my mind everyone else was the enemy, they all laughed at me, and mistreated me, and none of my friends actually liked me and I had just created a coping mechanism by being cold and distant, but I surely wasn't being narcissistic and I surely wasn't doing anything wrong. So yeah I do have NPD, and for the most part I didn't know. The thing is, when you have a personality disorder or a mental illness you don't really know what it is like to not have it. I have my own subjective experience of things and that's all I've ever known, and my core beliefs were developed by a mix of experiences, actions and reactions that I am mostly not aware of. Like everyone else I have a personal narrative, every time I make a judgment or a choice or act in any way, I am referencing that personal narrative in combination with my emotional state to decide how I will act, what kind of person I am going to be. In my case I am mostly a narcissistic idiot who likes to overthink, with that knowledge in hand I have a duty to change. That's how it feels.
Basically, everyone poops. You gotta wipe your own butt. Don't come to people about your butt when you can help yourself. You're worth of help, care and love. Be your best friend first and help yourself, then all other relationships will be a breeze.
The discovery of psychedelics as a mental health treatment is a groundbreaking achievement. Their ability to alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety is nothing short of astonishing. On a personal note, they have been a lifesaver, helping me overcome challenges that once seemed insurmountable.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
@@alucardvfx9357 if they constantly take everything the wrong way, having a community of people who are similar is kind of important, depends on your environment
@@alucardvfx9357 1. they didn't say that, and it doesn't make what they said less true. you sometimes have to disconnect from people who misunderstand you 2. it is _your_ obligation to understand you
"Isolation is a gift. All the others are test of your endurance" - Bukowski. He also said to fear those who cannot be alone. Those are the real narcissists, those that cannot sit in their own skin without someone else
Don't even read this but I got invited to a birthday party in middle school, which was a big deal for me (i didnt have many friends), only to find out a few weeks later that I was only invited because the kid felt awkward that I was in the room and overheard him talking about the party. Thanks for listening
Being aware of your problems doesn't always mean you're growing. To really change and connect with others, you need to focus less on yourself and more on genuine effort and understanding.
I think he realizes, that Maria needs this conversation, that she has problems aswell. But he still cant stop focusing only on himself. Thus his narcisicm wins yet again and he stomps out the cigarette, ending the conversation, instead of taking another drag.
A precocious kid working a teacher might. Adults are so relieved when a child can describe big feelings with words that they'll accept a child's diagnosis. When I was a kid I got a lot of miles out of "depressed."
@@NWPaul72 My guess is Alvin’s not met the kid who asked the nurse for a sleeping pill before the flu shot at 8 years of age, “because the trypanophobia will cause me to pass out anyway and at least this way I won’t have to be awake for the shot.” Beyond the relief at my academic achievements (something which required little effort from me), my caregivers no doubt perceived me to be an impish and insufferable child many times.
I am just like Talon, a narcissist, obsessed with myself and my failures. I am sad as I realize I don't even want to improve myself. I like being miserable and I am comfortable with my sadness and loneliness now. I don't think I want to get out of it.
Same, but I find myself uncomfortable when I remember the expectations people have put in me, I can barely stand the sadness and guilt It makes me want to dissapear or I wish the expectations dissapeared so I don't have to reach any of them
This is the literal story of my early childhood. LOL Although I was stuck in that self-centered loop of despair, I was also highly sensitive; a budding empath who could barely understand the implications of others feelings. I could feel them though. 5yo and I still remember very clearly. This would shift me out of my self-centered ways as I learned to really emotionally connect to friends, family members and eventually girlfriends. Little of that narcissist remains. Humility is a much worthier target than pride. I've learned a lot of different things. I've shifted gears and careers like a Nascar driver. Made some mistakes, lost some battles and made some course corrections. I'm still here. Haven't stopped learning. Haven't given up yet. Life isn't really about the survival of the fittest. It's those who can adapt readily to arising challenges that really survive. Blessings! 🙏
I think I might be a covert narcissist and have thought so for a while now. Since my mid 30s, and I'm 43 now. It's really hard to try to heal from, I think because it's so deeply embedded in severe trauma, for me at least. And being autistic, for me, also complicates it because I'm incredibly isolated from other people inside myself, but that's been a choice I've repeatedly made because other people are hard and hard is hard. And change is slow. But my relationships have been steadily improving, and I think I'm feeling less of that alienating woe that seems to occur whenever I have been a self-centered jerk whose actions rightly make others feel hurt. By my metrics, not hurting others is a definite measure of success, however slow or difficult this lesson has been. 👍
How do we know what we are? I see myself as a shy narcissist. My family, friends, and therapists say I am an overly sensitive empath. I care about Nature waaaay more than humans. I have had a full life, but I hope not at the expense of others. Politics, religion, and greed is killing me. When I see what we are capable of vs what we are doing to each other, the planet, and ALL other lifeforms, I am horrified at the human race. Aren't we put here to serve as stewards, not killers?
Thank you for existing. We need more people using their hearts here on earth because that’s what it’s all about and just that energy alone does so much you don’t even know. Keep connecting to that energy and let it guide you ❤
What if Jesus' stepdad had been a landscaper instead of a carpenter? Coaxing nature instead of forcing it into shape? A certain level of ego, i.e. knowing your value, is necessary for survival. There really is only one you, especially to you. Just because your position could be filled doesn't mean you're replaceable, it means that that job is you-shaped for now. No one can step in and fill the space you occupy in your family or community, that's up to you. No one else knows what you know or feels the way you do about it. Once you've internalized that, realize you're not so special that you get a pass. Just try to be special enough to deserve the resources you consume and the waste you leave and that's good enough. Oh, and I don't think we were put here, I think we find ourselves here and none of us asked for it. So be kind.
I respect that. And Im one too for the record btw. Nothing for me to be ashamed about as the intensity of it is as normal as it gets.@@Brother_In_Christ
@@antagonisticalex401 nah, I was joking. I don't think I am one because I focus on other people when I am around them and I actually prefer it if I don't have to talk about myself much. I'd say it's fine to be a narcissist if you're not hurting anyone in any capacity. I'm curious as to why you think you're a narcissist in your opinion though.
@@Brother_In_Christ Thats valid ngl. As for me I think Im one because I constantly worry whether Im being too self-centered in any interaction, and end up being more self centered afterwards because of that anyways by focusing on my own social restraint. Really paradoxical stuff to be honest. Crazy.
For some of the people in the comments: Not every reflection on how our minds work-or even on how they hurt-is meant to be a psychiatric diagnosis. You can identify a narcissistic pattern in your behavior that has been causing you and other people pain, without necessarily coming to the conclusion that you have a narcissistic personality disorder, or that you are this or that specific type of “narcissist”. I enjoyed this video. It’s not your story, or my story: it is the story of Talon, a fictional character. Of course, it’s meant to resonate with people. But it is not a diagnostic tool-it never claimed to be one; so there’s no need to become trapped on whether it accurately represent this or that clinical picture, let alone your own intimate, personal one. One should rather focus on its implicit yet quite useful advice. Cheers.
Beautiful way to put in words what is so easy to point out in others but hard to feel empathy for. Being friends to someone like this is quite a conflicting relationship of love and hate. Especially when the person in pain expresses her pain all the time but does not do much to get better. It can be extremely draining for people pleasers or sensitive people. And ultimately a self-love test where you will learn to set boundaries with someone you love for your own sake. Sending love to all those that struggle with these complex disorders.
As a covert narcissist, the worst of it is being aware of being a narcissist but making the internal decision to use that as another reason for self deprecation and self pity while masquerading it from others… there just seems to be nothing that can change you
Kinda weird how he’s damned if he does damned if he doesn’t. If he admits defeat and acknowledges his self-depreciating behavior then he’s a narcissist, but if he tries to focus less on himself and have a more positive attitude, then he’s a self-aggrandizing narcissist. Honestly seems a bit manipulative to view narcissists this way because no matter what we view their behavior as problematic.
That’s kind of why I’ve always had a problem with labels in psychiatry. It feels very “good person vs. bad person” but doesn’t everyone have the same capacities? We should just get rid of the stigma
Speaks highly to the mundanity of narcissism. Can’t expect 14 mins to be perfect, esp with all the thousands of videos by pros on the topic. Glad there’s a wealth of resources here.
I have a friend who always is negative, he doesnt give a shit about others, he just wants to complain about his life as he continues to ruin his own life then blames everyone but himself for his actions. Its always the worlds fault and everytime someone doesmt give in to his shit then he complains that of course the world is like this, its our fault and we are all the same for telling him the truth which is to work on yourself.
Do interactions with him feel like a minefield? I'm sorry, but the only way to get rid of him is to leave him and his bullshit. Read up on concept of narcissistic supply. See what happens when you try to leave.
One of the hottest topics nowadays (especially on youtube) - “narcissism”. It is actually very complex in many cases, and most people have no idea what it is or isn’t ...even with the all the help from supposed experts on youtube (making fortunes off their videos) who have degrees or credentials. It can be very tricky, and I believe most people don’t understand it (along with other Cluster B disorders). Many “professionals” in the field either don’t understand the intricacies themselves (as well as they think they do) or they themselves ARE narcissists (or worse), but most never suspect it because they are the ones who are educated in the field and are ostensibly empathetic and caring. That profession is a position of power (almost like no other). People gravitate towards such a profession for a reason. If you think it's merely to “help others”, you are sorely mistaken. Everyone is on a scale of narcissism. It is far more complex than it seems. Narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist are different. Try not to conflate. Most I have ever come across who think they aren’t narcissistic, are actually very narcissistic (or they are narcissists) and have low consciousness. But we all are on a scale of narcissism, whether we like it or not...don’t be narcissistic and think you are exempt...
Way to type a lot of words to say pretty much nothing. Your whole post could be summed up with "it's complicated". I guess your narcissism compelled you to stroke yourself in public like this with clever sounding phrases, which really amount to nothing except vague accusations to nobody in particular and the impression of a superior position to said nobodies ( most people have no idea, most people don't understand it, many "professional" etc).
@@jeanvaljean4218 ironically, your comment says nothing. You actually just used your own comment to project banality onto his comment, when in fact it's YOUR comment which is empty. It just makes shallow accusations against a person who isn't striving to do any of what you accuse. What use would it be to leave a comment saying of narcissism 'i think peoples understanding of it is incomplete, it's more complicated than they think'. You might as well not even comment at all. Hes not intending to discuss narcissism itself, hes discussing the culture which surrounds it, whos central feature might be to reduce complex phenomenon into pop psychology and also the tendency of narcissistic obsessed communities to vilify narcissists so stridently so as to make it appear as though themselves are without any fault - the people constantly whining about narcissism exhibit a kind of narcissism or at very least pathology, but don't see it.
@@johnsmith-pm1qe My comment said his comment said nothing by pointing out its lack of substance and underlining the tone of superiority (which is associated with narcissism which I used as an ironic jab) I substantiated every accusation with examples. Your bloated reply to basically repeat his "it's complicated guys!" argument is as vacuous as his initial post.
Whoever you are Pursuit of Wonder, these videos are very enlightening and im always in awe in how concise and simple you present complex topics. On top of that the solutions you propose are almost painfully obvious after you presented them. Love your videos and insights!
No, that is just self centeredness. There is some overlap, but lots of people are just self centered while they are working through some issues or when they are young. Actually narcissists have an inability to accept that other people are actually individuals with autonomy, and not just extensions of themselves, and typically feel resentment towards others not behaving the way they want or expect them to, as well as an entitlement that the world revolve around them, as well as desire to control others. Someone can be self centered just because they don't like their own habits and behaviors, and are doing their best to change.
@@davidgreenwood6029 well yes but the false self literally is "split". BPD also has bad black and white thinking or splitting but usually of others. NPD of the self. Despite what a lot of people think, this is a good way of looking at HOW they go about getting supply in the simplest of terms
I am one. I’m also aware of this behaviour. Now I try to isolate myself socially and never make friends and talk about hating myself. I keep the self-hatred to myself. And I hope to go away for good silently.
This is hardly covert narcissism. It actually hurts people who are victims of actual covert narcissists to describe them as merely preoccupied with thoughts about themselves. Covert narcissists do much more and worse than that. I can’t take this channel seriously at all.
I was thinking the same. I'm not sure if I missed it but I don't remember anything regarding an overly inflated ego, manipulation, emotional deregulation, etc... Idk if you would count him self-loathing as an overly inflated ego. The guys life just sucks and he doesn't know how to get out
You two need to drop the insane Dr Ramani stuff, stop validating your own victim MENTALITIES. These self help gurus are usually NPD's themselves. Who else is in the limelight like this and acts so pompous about this stuff and dehumanizes people? My ex was the same. But all watching this content and pushing this very narrative did was keep me trapped and isolated for years. Almost like she offloaded her stuff into me... Go seek therapy please, tough love isn't bean or shaming, but stating reality for what it is. 🖤
This… describes me to a T. So tf am I supposed to do??? If I try to be nicer to people, I’ll always have that itch in the back of my mind like “I’m just doing this for myself”
• You don’t have to have the same thoughts. You have more control to change this than you think, and you are so much more capable than you’ve given yourself credit for. • What you think isn’t true simply because you’ve thought it to be true, no matter how much the pain deep within you is telling you that it’s true. • You don’t have to act on your thoughts. You can have initial thoughts/feelings and choose to only act on the thoughts and feelings that serve both you *and* the people around you, or at the very least do the things that cause the least harm to everyone involved. Please hear me saying those things with love and compassion. Patterns, which include our thoughts, are difficult to break - they are *not* impossible to break. You can do it.
I agree with everything you just said, and I also think that the video is garbage. I hate it, too. I wish I could change, and not be so self-centered. The only thing I can do is make up for it in my kindness. It's the least I can do for the people who have to suffer all of my ramblings.
I love how much this story resonates with my own early growth. It’s truly an amazing feeling experiencing how we are never completely better than anyone else, because everyone is part of everyone else… we can just be better relatively ❤😉
There is no "self" to hate. They never figured out what it is so they try to see it externally and act up when they don't like what they see reflected back at them from others.
The false self was necessary to protect them from the trauma that occurred in their childhood. They didn’t realize they created it, and they’re terribly afraid to be seen as that small child cowering in fear, wishing for loving connection, but feeling never worthy enough for it. They’ll do anything not to be seen as *that* and not to identify with *that*. The fear of the true self being seen is overpowering enough that being seen as anything else is a better option, whether that option is Best Human Ever™ or Most Miserable Asshole Ever™.
I knew a guy like this in uni. I always found him to be really annoying. This was like 9 years ago. 2 years ago I started dating this girl, and she was semi-stalked by him on facebook. Didn't surprise me at all.
I've never thought of this idea that narcissism can also mean hating yourself too much based on that you "focus so much on yourself" and not others. The fact that i spend a tremendous amount of my time looking at myself in all these self-hatred things could be the reason why I feel isolated at times. This video truly did a fantastic job on how to teach me this, and you have my love for making these contents.
The character in this video is not a narcissist. This video is very incorrect. There must be arrogance to qualify as narcissism - that is the. central part of the definition. Simply not being able to focus enough on others bcs you feel so bad about yourself does not qualify as arrogance, which is the opposite. Arrogance is thinking you are better than everyone else.
It's because he isn't. This video is disturbingly projecting and not legitimate. It's not narcissism to care about yourself, it's narcissism when you ONLY care about yourself and he clearly cares about others around him. This is a video about conformity, "caring for yourself is bad, you should care about others and well care for you." It's a hive mind mentality, don't be responsible and take care of yourself, care for the mob... It's insidious doublespeak, your reaction was rational
@@anukwa531exactly, this is a manipulation narcissists do to trick people into thinking they are one and sacrifice their self awareness because of it.
@That_1_Bohemian no He doesn't. He would ask others about their day just enough to keep the conversation going. Realize something, he didn't feel bad because his 8th grade gf, Stephanie had a terrible accident, and she had to move, and her family was ruined due to her father being incapacitated, or she having life changing injuries, he felt bad because he was dumped. Look at the words "of course this happened to ME in MY first relationship," and "she pretty much abandoned me completely." At least that's what he complained to Maggie about. When the other girl, Maggie decided to talk to him and converse about the breakup as well as the rejection of her crush, we can see that she moved on and outgrew her problem with time, he would never do that and talk about his problems as if it had happened yesterday and as she didn't have any problems herself. He indeed would still talk about his problem, never asking of hers, as he would talk about his breakup months after and his problems all the time without working them out. It was a way for him to keep the focus on himself and not anyone else. It is as if he needed his problems and his pain. He would take offense on his other friend not inviting him to a party, not realizing it had nothing to do with him. Taking rather innocuous and mundane things to heart, or personal is also focusing only in one owns personal problems and trying to drag attention to himself. and assuming that other people's lives are perfect just so that you can feel special for being the ONE person with this type of misfortune, finding comfort in being the one who is "misunderstood" is sort of narcissist. Being this very tragic figure and getting sympathy from others is, in a very strange way, very much addictive.
@@potatojoe1070Brilliant response to a comment that was so full of holes it had practically zero volume. Thanks for this. I completely agree with you.
This video has gotten the idea of covert narcissism wrong, real covert narcissists would be self loathing but they also have this toxic need of dominating but in a more subtle way such as belittling someone and putting others down, spreading lies about someone else. This is only one aspect of covert narcissism and it doesn't make you a narcissist if you are just self loathing which is a narcissistic trait but it doesn't become a disorder until it starts effecting others in a toxic way
I get like this when I’m depressed and end up making others depressed so im just gonna keep on going to to therapy and isolate until I feel I’m better.
I've met some toxic people in my life who showed many undeniable signs of NPD. One of the signs is they're always the one talking, most likely about themselves
As always, great reflective work. In the anonymity of the internet, this is much easier to admit, but I once was very much like him. Sort of interesting, if back then somebody told me this I would have found it really offensive, but it is what it is, truth. Self loathing and self depreciation is a trap that sometimes happen in such a subtle manner that we dont even realize it's happening or that it's irrational.
Ive known people like this. Its so... Exhausting. Especially for a people pleaser like me, constantly reassuring, loving, desperately trying to make the other happy or at the very least prevent the worst possible outcome. Its hard to leave and it's exhausting to stay
The learning aspect and atypical growth is especially fascinating, such as how the covert narcissist learns to apologize for trauma dumping. It's as though they do legitimately feel bad, because it's a part of their negative self-image. But I suppose it's never quite that they're sorry for "always putting themselves first," just the way it happened
Narcissist-ism is so cringe. Everyone calls everyone else a narcissist. People are just people, there is no psycho-social caste system. People do things in different ways in different circumstances. Judge and treat them according to their specific actions towards you, not some false revelation of their essential nature. It’s dumb and something ‘a narcissist’ would do, if anything 😂
As someone trying to place an adult schizophrenic, I disagree. Once you have a psychological or psychiatric diagnosis, you become a second-class citizen. All of your needs are now mediated through doctors and social workers or court-appointed guardians. Behavioral disorders are real and incredibly upsetting to witness in someone you know. May your condescension never be shaken by a loved one losing their mind.
Psycho-social caste system as a concept is SOOOO REAL. As someone who survived SMI, I swear that is a super important framework for more of us all to suggest. It's not cooler to think you're more moral. I literally only am thankful to not have a personality disorder because I'm already so overwhelmed with day to day OCD which is more acceptable to discuss than my experience of severe bipolar because literally uhg capitalism
I used be exactly like this I was always the annoying unwanted friend. Spend time in my room and if I didn’t get my way would remove myself in hopes someone would come tell me I was not in the wrong. I still catch myself often with these thoughts and inclinations.
narcissism is considered a law of human nature. We all have traits of narcissism. We are all self-absorbed. Narcissism is somewhat like a spectrum. It is up to us to be aware of this unconscious nature and train ourselves to turn self-love(narcissism) into empathy.
An honest confession, I cannot tell if what I feel and how it overwhelms is genuine empathy sometimes or just an opportunity to look like a sweetie. But being kind makes me FEEL good, and that’s where all my questions come from. Cause I also do not wish to be disliked.
If a Narcissist seeks out a therapist or tries to learn more about Narcissism, aren't they just making things paradoxically worse by focusing more intensely on themselves? Is this question ridiculous? I feel it should have been anticipated. narcissism - excessive interest in or admiration of oneself
I think focusing on yourself for the purpose of becoming better (or to stop being a narcissist) can’t be considered narcissistic in nature cause you’re attempting to change and transition into something better
I think that the mere concept of narcissism isn't always a bad thing, self-awareness is a crucial aspect in knowing how to navigate relationships and interactions in a non-narcissistic way lol. that's a really interesting thought tho
I believe going to therapy for narcissism doesn’t make the problem bigger because once you’ve realized you’re a narcissist, you’ve somewhat already seperated your consciousness from your emotions/mind; now the therapy targets your narcissism, not you.
Everyone is a Narcissist. Some people are just live in extreme ends of the Narcissistic spectrum. Too many people, honestly. Some of the creepiest people I've had the displeasure of knowing.
This covert narcissism sounds kinda like depression. The constant self-loathing and obsession of sadness.. reminded me of myself when I was severely depressed. All I could think of is how much I hate myself. The negative energy I was spreading to everyone around me which led to me isolating myself from others. But it's like I couldn't do anything to stop thinking about my on sadness and own worthlessness. It made me incredibly selfish but i didn't know how to stop it.
*I'm overjoyed and grateful to see God's blessings and abundance manifest in my family's life. We're thriving and happy once again, and I can now provide for my loved ones even in retirement, thanks to a remarkable weekly income of $67,000. It's a game-changer after* *facing many challenges*.
Only God knows how much grateful i am. After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
![Eminem - Like My Shit [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vx_IMvFkrfA/mqdefault.jpg)
"Self awareness does not always equate to self development" It did critical damage to me
How come?
@@youtuber23450 Because he likely finds it relatable. So do I. And it makes you feel disgusted in yourself.
I hope it gives you the boost you need to do the things you know that need be done.
I know I identified way too much with almost every aspect of Talon.
Try to do a small gesture for other people. Don’t be so much on your head.
Truly wishing the best for you.
Yeah, 'cuz self-development requires action. Self-awareness is just the first step.
@@just_julia_things❤
Humility isn't about thinking less of yourself.
It's about thinking of yourself less.
I'm trying to find the best way to appear humble to those whose approval I crave.
@@NWPaul72 You shouldn't crave approval from people first off, you crumble from the lack of/ disapproval. Also don't "appear" humble, be it.
@@NWPaul72
Be willing to suck it up and apologize, and to vocalize or write the exact things that you’re sorry for, and - in some cases - what you’re doing to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Use the word “sorry” or “apology” to make it clear that you are saying that you’re sorry and that you are acknowledging your responsibility for the harm caused.
This will be very difficult to do initially. Evolutionarily speaking, humans are hardwired to perceive any possibility of being “cast out from the group” as akin to physical pain (because someone abandoned by the group thousands of years ago would die very quickly.) You’ll experience less discomfort doing it over time, because you’ll learn that people are nearly always positively receptive to what feels like a genuine apology. It begin to feel more natural and automatic the more you do it.
Also be willing to say that you were wrong about something. Be willing to take responsibility. It is the admirable thing to do. If you want to be admirable, you must do admirable things. Admirable things are admirable because they are difficult for the average person to do when the circumstances call for it most. (That’s why things like humility, compassion, and patience are virtues.)
You don’t have to mean it, but your words and your *behavior* have to appear humble, yet not completely self-deprecating (unless humorously, and only once in awhile with the right company).
It might seem corny, but think about Mr. Rogers. Everyone admires him. So just think, “What would an admirable person do in this situation? How would Mr. Rogers handle it? What was a truly decent human being say?”
About 3/4 of that is what I’ve learned from my own experiences and the other 1/4 of it is what I learned from James H. Fallon, a brilliant neuroscientist who sadly died last year but left a lot of insight in his writings, research, and interviews.
Ahhh this is such a simple and straightforward answer to a question I was looking for. "What is humbleness (humility) and how is it different to downplaying oneself?"
@@NWPaul72 I just love that people are giving you serious replies.
It always cracks me up that everyone knows a narcissist but nobody ever IS a narcissist. Lol….😂😂😂
lol usually I leave this comment under these videos
Narcissist people are probably not going to watch this type of content
Narcissists need a codependent to thrive 😂
I think the main difference between a “narcissist” and any other a h ole, is that narcissists don’t ever eventually feel bad about their actions. Where as the rest of us a h oles typically end up regretting bad behavior. Just my opinion.
@@mriyoi your self pitting you could literally just stop.
Well what do you expect when you name your kid "Talon". Give him a cool name like "Raptor Claw" and he'd be fine.
Hey, what’s wrong with being named Tallinn
Rusty would be cooler, Rusty Shackleford
Lmao 😂
Good one!
@tallinnt415 Yeah what's wrong with being named Tallinn
There is a thin line between deepening your self understanding and being obsessed with your internal world... and I am skipping over that line
Me too
I don't know if I am one, because if I am one, the behaviour centers around focusing to not be one and concentrating about how it makes me feel, fully indulging in those feelings of "yes, more people should be like that: noticing and fighting for being better. I'm better then them" or some shit like that, and I have no idea how to even approach this honestly. It's weird, but I care in a weird way, I really do.
Yeah, but I would disagree, it really depends on how the person is. People with autism for example are often engulfed in their internal worlds, doesn't mean they have NPD. But I guess it's maybe the way you worded it, being obsessed with oneself rather than their inner world? Idk just talking at this point.
@@XxTh3Fall3nxX mostly I meant that, at least I, should be careful to just pay attention and analyse my feelings and thoughts rather than fixating on them and forgetting there are even other people feelings and thoughts.
Walk the line, brother.
In this self obsessed isolated society I believe everyone portrays characteristics of different types of narcissism.
everyone has traits of narcissim, it's part of basic self preservation. the difference is to what degree and how detrimental the effects are on one's own life and to those around them
me too.
Yeah ngl I had to overcome a lot of trauma (abuse neglect r*pe violence). I was in survival mode, and only tought about myself.
Just a few months ago I realized how little I actually care about others. I might think about them, but I never never the extra length to make them feel consistently loved, I don't do enough follow trough questions, I don't remember dates, I don't show up to events if I don't want to. I'm a TERRIBLE friend, and well it's good that I noticed because I want to love my friends as much as they love me, flawed and all 🥰♥️♥️♥️
It is not enough to show certain traits. Everyone has dark psychological qualities. This is something you would have to accept if you want to reach true self awareness. Then you are able to change these traits
100% we all have narcissistic tendencies. It's as how deep and how severe these are which is when it can become a disorder.
Just like anxiety we can all get it but if it starts to impact our life in such a drastic way it becomes a disorder.
The problem with Narcissism And other disorders in today's society is that we someone who has it has the tendencies and people who aren't diagnosed we have the the assumption they have none of them.
I've learnt a lot about the destructive and hurtful sides of narcissism, but not so much.The you haven't Upset anyone but have pushed them away.
Really insightful video.
There's a huge difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder. Everyone has narcissistic traits it's part of being human and feeling self-important doesn't automatically equate to a narcissistic disorder unless you're manipulating others or seeking control by undermining them. Self-importance isn't about feeling superior to others, it's about valuing yourself and your needs, just like you'd value your own child without thinking they're better than everyone else. Self-reflection and dreams of greatness are also perfectly acceptable, the line is crossed when you start manipulating others to boost your image or when you put others down to elevate yourself. So, let's not go diagnosing everyone who's a bit self-absorbed as a covert narcissist, it's way more complicated than that.
5 minutes into the video and it strikes me that it's all contrived narrative to create framing that will prove the eventual argument right. Which is rather self-serving.
Everyone is narcissistic at least in the sense that you're on your own team, and of course you should be, to the degree that you can fairly defend your position. You don't have to feel guilty about that. It also makes no sense to care about others, but not care about yourself at least as much. You can't be in any healthy relationship if you can't articulate your boundaries and needs.
Anyway, most of these "narcissist" videos are suspiciously vein and self-serving ;).
* Watched it to the end, completely fact-free, 100% projection and navel gazing, exposition. Clickbait misleading title, pretending to be factual/educational. Otherwise good production values and well made, just too bad it seems so misguided.
** Watched it to the end where he advertises his own therapy materials. Now that's highly dangerous and deluded. Self-proclaimed guru?
@@PeeGee85That's a cool analysis.
How'd you like to direct that towards a new artistic animator some day? It might help the animator step out of misguidedness and bad habits earlier rather than becoming entrenched later.
@@PeeGee85 SERIOUSLY. Covert (vulnerable) Narcissists can be beyond the pale and the line between Overt (Grandiose) Narcissism can be fluid. Covert narcissists will start to *actively* put down and manipulate others. It is NOT just being self-absorbed. Narcissists of both types generally lack a moral compass, rationalizing things like cheating on partners, embezzling, emotional/physical abuse. This video does not describe the totality of Covert (technical term "vulnerable") Narcissism. Watch a video by Dr. Ramani:
ruclips.net/video/mNFIQ46-s-A/видео.html
@@PeeGee85I mean.... It's a though experiment taken to the extremes to help people realize how different one's own perception can be from reality and the effect of our own thoughts in self fulfilling prophecies, even if it comes from past trauma. The therapy he seems to offer follows the dame way of thinking deeply about one's self in hopes of understanding their problems and working towards solutions, it doesn't have to be fact written to be educational
“everyone has narcissistic traits it’s part of being human”
people who are never exposed to narcissistic behavior will likely never turn out narcissistic..
"There's a great deal of narcissism in self-hatred!" ~ David Foster Wallace
*hatred
I love that man so much. I think about him literally every day. RIP.
Dang, I guess that means I'm a narcissist
The inverse is more accurate. There’s not always narcissism in self hatred but narcissism will contain self hatred a lot of the time.
As someone prone to overthinking, I was helped a lot by a simple hard and fast rule to social interactions. Without judging, analyzing or picking interractions apart I just ask myself "Do I feel energized or drained after that interraction?" and for self reflection I ask myself if others feel like that around me (and ask them as well if they're close friends/family)
After years of analyzing, blaming myself and others, I've reduced it down to this and it works like a charm.
Seams reasonable, I do something similar when I get overwhelmed 👍🏻
Chemotaxis toward the good and away from the bad. Cells do it too, cause it works. Too bad people make it too complicated a lot of the time.
"You're missing the nuance. *Makes the same predictable mistake again*"
"Am i?"
That's definitely a good metric for deciding if someone is helping you or helping themselves to you, or the other way around.
Im open to being wrong, but wouldn't that be too simplified? What if other factors sway the assessment of the interaction? The weather, your mood, the environment, the people, the noise, your physio state, etc. How can you say for certain?
That is really very beautiful
Thank you for sharing from someone dealong with cptsd
Firstly, this style of animation was immersive. Secondly, what a story. "Whether you like yourself too much or you hate yourself too much, you thinking about yourself too much." I never thought about it like that and I'm sincerely thankfull to know about that perspective. If I find myself in that spiral of self-hatred, I will remind myself that this act is nothing more than toxic self-importance, which is not appropriat in a world so complex like wa're living in.
No it isn't. Learning from others and helping along is.
Just be wary of those that wear their dangerous naivety on their sleeves and language.
good luck friend
It's pretty disturbing that you think caring about yourself is bad. We should all be dependent, lack self awareness and construct a delusion of ignorance?
Fyi, narcissists ONLY care about yourself, caring about yourself in general is noble, important and responsibility. Whether you hate or love yourself is a measure of your past sins and guild vs your accomplishments and skills.
If someone hates themselves it's impossible for them to be a narcissist because narcissists believe they can do no wrong, anything and everything is someone's fault.
Empaths hate themselves because they know their shortcomings are affecting others and themselves and guilt builds up. A narcissist would make an excuse to ignore the emotion and quickly forget and move on, but an empath holds on to that because even though it's easier to forget your mistakes, it's better to remember and learn from them.
Nacrs hare then selves. Don't get it wrong they can't love. And can't accept love. That's more the issue. If they cld accept love form another, then it wld also make sense to them that they cldve been loved by which ever parent did them wrong. And thIer parent can't be wrong. If they didn't love the narc esp as a child, then its becuz they're bad and unlovable. Which back when this happened they kinda decided for themselves no one will ever hurt them again. Almost like they create a toxic body guard imaginary friend. Who tells them it's not their fault. Tells them ppl don't really love them. Ppl cheat on them and all that. They form .ksr a protector for themselves. It's wild what a child mins is capea le of during times of terrible trauma. And they seek out love maybe more than most even. But they'll never think they are loved. Cuz they don't feel it from anyone. U CLD give your life out of love for them and they'd just excuse it as something else. But not love. This ain't true for all narcs. But trust me. They all hate themselves. Another reason why they can't love anyone. Cuz they don't have love for themself. They don't treat themself right. They disrespect their self. So how on earth CLD they ever do better for another who isn't as smart and worthy as they are? They feel like they're the only real one in the world. Everyone else is just there as a character in their story. But it's their story.
Bro I’m the protagonist 😢 I don’t know if I’m narcissist right now but I remember back in high school and university I was always talking bad about me, having hatred thoughts about me, and spend 90% of the time close in my own thoughts 💭
When someone get close to me I never felt like I was cool enough or worthy to be there to have friends or have a girlfriend
I felt like a robot 🤖 I knew what I l have to say and ask just to keep the people moving around me
Now I’m married with two kids and I feel completely alone all days of my life
@@Rapha_Carpio you're not, narcissists sitting there closed off in their own thoughts. They don't actually care they just pretend to. If you legitimately feel concerned then it doesn't matter if you're confident or doubtful, if you're feeling anything then you're good. Narcissists only worry about being outed and will gaslight as a defense
Reminds me of my father. He was emotionally neglected by his parents and eventually raised by his grandparents. They were overprotective and tried to make him feel like a special person. He's is now a 75 year old man with the emotional development of a toddler. As a child I was unaware of this. It is only recently that I have realized how disturbed his psyche is. It makes me mourn the father he never was.
Mourn the father he never was. Such a powerful sentence
Sorry.
What do you think could have been done better tomake the situation better
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less". -C.S. Lewis
Well between all the types of narcissism I can safely say I don't know a single person that it isn't one including myself.
maybe you overestimate how similar you are to others
Everyone requires a certain amount of narcissism or we wouldn't leave the house.
Very true. We all have narcissism to a degree. It's on a spectrum. Like anything else. It's when it's extreme and all or most of the time that it becomes a problem. But we all have tendencies. We have to in order to live and survive in the world.
Be that as it may,but a wise man once said :
You'll know the tree by its fruit...
I'm not saying a large percentage of the population is/isn't narcissistic; we would need data, and I'm lazy. But a couple of ideas: *1)* Like attracts like... often people have social circles of people similar to them. *2)* We tend to project our own perspectives and mindset onto others, imagining them to be like us when they might not be. Helps when we forget that we're not psychic and different people are different. *3)* If the definition of "narcissism" we're going with is _"thinking about yourself too much",_ that's *incredibly* subjective and vague, so depending on the answer you're subconsciously gravitating towards (you and/or others _are_ or _are not_ narcissistic), you can easily make it fit. Everyone thinks about themselves sometimes. Everyone prioritizes themselves sometimes. Does it make them narcissistic? Not necessarily, but if you're trying to find ways that people are narcissistic, perhaps because it helps you relate more to the video, you can easily interpret it that way. Alternatively, if you're _not_ wanting that to be true because you want to believe something you think is more positive, you can just as easily say that _doesn't_ meet the threshold for narcissism.
*tl;dr:* _it's all made up, all of it. every label and definition. what matters is nameless cause and effect. it doesn't matter whether you call yourself or others narcissistic or selfless or anything else. what matters is whether the underlying thoughts and actions those labels aim to describe are leading towards something desirable. be mindful of every thought, the words/actions they inspire, and their consequences, and you'll be alright, no matter your starting point._
I think it might be dangerous to tell self loathing people they are narcissists. Sure there is a type of person who complains about their life to others all the time, but that's not the majority of people who are self loathing. There are plenty who are people pleasers or very isolated individuals and will use the label of covert narcissist as yet another cudgel to hit themselves with.
But People Pleasers ARE Narcissistic. I was one for a VERY long time myself and I used to DROWN in self loathing. These types of behaviours ARE narcissistic no matter which way you slice it.
It is focusing on one's own self WAYYYY too much. The reason doesnt matter in the definition here.
From my experience People Pleasers do NOT please others to actually help them. If there was a situation where the person a pp helps will still not think of them in a better light afterwards, they will NOT be willing to help them.
As a PP myself (lol) I have sacrificed the wrong things to value the wrong people just to get their approval a lot of the times. It is toxic, it is harmful to those actually close and tolerant to your behaviours and yourself, and it is narcissistic. And not in a good way.
I know this sounds harsh but there is no other way around this. We cannot hide the truth from them just because they'll use it the wrong way.
Sadly, people with a negative self-narration will use anything you hand them to beat themselves with. Compliments can be poisonous to a depressed person! So what you hand them is whatever you think will make a good tool and hope they figure it out.
@@antagonisticalex401Yeah there is kind of a gordian knot of trying to get what you want when what you want is people to like you. You can't force people to feel the way you want them to and trying to make them in weird conniving ways is almost always annoying. All you can do is go with the flow.
Yea lets not use such strong and definitive words. Better just describe the symptomes and maybe later add your interpretation or just suggest a therapist.
@@youtuber-cc8sx Or we can look for solutions so narcissists become better.
It doesn't sound to me like Talon is "excessively interested" in himself. It sounds like he has complex trauma, is deeply isolated, feels guilty for sharing his burdens but cant help himself because it torments him so much, yet for all of the attention this gets him, thats clearly not what hes looking for. his parents made him feel unwanted. no amount of kindness can heal that kind of all consuming pain. Talon really is doing his best. But that doesn't make Talon a good person, a good friend, or anything. He might be really manipulative and shitty to people, but the story didn't show that. What the story did show, is that for everyone he ever opened up to, no one ever encouraged him to seek mental health help. And that is tragic, because Talon seemed willing to give it a shot
Only at the very end there is a possibility that he seeks change and considers for once showing actual interest in someone else. Therapy is good but it does not solve your problems for you. He would only get better by focussing more on others. Therapy would have only told him what Maria said.
"Trauma does not exist." - Alfred Adler
@@boyke2536 The quote you stated is taken from Alfred Adler's book, which has many psychological theories that have pretty much been debunked by modern day psychologists, much like most of Freud's works: currently irrelevant! It is medically proven that trauma changes the brain. Trauma is very much real.
@@cabana85 eh, I wouldn't say that focusing more on other people is a great solution for Talon. In his situation he is alone and forcefully making friends or investing into others in his state of mind would lead to making it worse for himself especially with how uncaring most people are at least until you find those to be close with. This video made it seem like the whole world revolves around people and relationships, and perhaps that's how it is in Talon's mind. He shouldn't be so focused on himself either. He should be focused on what he can actually do with his time and to find self esteem in actualizing his potential. Then, friends will naturally come and he won't be so miserable to drive them away because he won't have to meet all his needs through the emotions of others.
I think if a person has mental issues that mostly prevent them from working and keeping their stuff together to the point that they rely on other people, meaning, if that person is a burden on society, then... thinking about themselves a lot can be a way to try to better themselves. Of course, a fitting therapist and some other accomodations are probably better, but therapy can take a lot of time anyway
Obsession over one’s own perceived shortfalls, and letting others know that constantly, is such a covert way of garnering attention without being labelled a narcissist, because we always see narcissists as people with inflated self-worth and grandiosity. Another amazing video by Pursuit of Wonder 🙌.
That's not narcissism... A narcissist could do that yes, but it's not exclusive to them. Trauma can cause that, typically by being taught to be too dependent.
Example, if a child is in school and struggling with it's work and is asking for help from others then you'd lable that as narcissism...
See the error, sometimes people fall behind and asking for help is hard to do.
Real narcissists get frustrated when asked to help others with their short comings, they will label them as self proclaimed shortfalls and that they are only asking for their attention. Only someone who is lacking empathy can come to a conclusion like that
@@That_1_Bohemian No of course, I agree with you, this behaviour is not exclusive to narcissists, and can be seen in people with different issues, hell it can be seen with people victims of narcissists (I.e., gaslighting). Like you said Trauma can be another one of those situations. I am sorry if I implied otherwise.
DSM usually has very specific criterias that don’t overlap with other issues when a diagnosis is made. This type of behaviour can be considered while diagnosis for Vulnerable Narcissism. But yes, only if it is not better explained by another disorder.
Good post and good answer from @That_1_Bohemian. Constant victimisation and trauma-dumping is just one aspect of covert narcissism. What cinches it is what Bohemian said : namely a frustration when prompted to reciprocate. That's where the lack of empathy comes through, which sets them apart from others with that issue (trauma dumping constant victimization).
@@jeanvaljean4218 there's no such thing as covert narcissists. You're a narcissist or you're not. All narcissism is covert, if your openly narcissistic then you're just arrogant, and that's not a thing because narcissists hide.
Trauma-dumping is a term that frankly a narcissist clearly came up with. Narcissists that disguise themselves as carrying people don't like dealing with trauma because since they lack empathy, they can't accurately act out the appropriate emotions because trauma is specific, special and unique to that individual. A narcissist relies on a social understanding of emotions, if they are in a situation that social understanding is lacking their sharade falls apart.
"Trauma-dumping" is no more than an attempt to control a narrative created by narcissists to protect narcissists. Because only a narcissist can come up with a rational excuse to ignore and discredit others grievances.
Trauma dumping... What an insidious and warped perspective, I'm not attacking you or your comment, just the term is so clearly evil in it's conception
@@sarvagyakaushik7976 it's ok you didn't imply anything, it's just the logic they presented is flawed and I was addressing it. "You" in this topic is more vague and subject to the hypothetical situation of the reader of the comment could be a part of, not you as the op specifically
Most people have some degree of narcissism. There is in fact a healthy degree of it. Although killing your ego can be helpful for some too. Recognizing your own negative narcissism is a part of growing. I’ve been a vulnerable narcissist before, but I met the diagnostic criteria for BPD. Happy to say it’s in remission. Remember to treat all people with dignity and respect: even those with disordered personalities and issues with ego. Trauma is a bitch for everybody to overcome
Yea lets not stigmatize disorders or especially personality disorders. Tho that does not mean that you shouldn't react to their action in a normal way. The problem with Talonw as that no one confronted him. That is partly because no one cared enough to do the work (which is fine) but also partly because some did not know that this would help him in the long run.
Thanks for sharing this! BPD in remission. I think this narrative is a bit off.
This is not covert narcissism, a covert narcisist is someone who thinks about himself in a "either/or" manner, like a child, he is either the best or the worst, no "in between"
often caused by being ostracized and bullied during childhood
His self-hatred is so great that he is unable to face his own opinion of himself and NEEDS to constantly be told he is amazing, because he has to constantly convince himself that he isn't horrible
Otherwise that horrible opinion of himself will overwhelm him with a strengh thats difficult to describe
He has a image to uphold, made up to escape reality, and all of his actions are means to uphold that image
Manipulating, contantly lying, bullying, blame-shifting and gaslighting, even self-pity is only used to maintain the farse that he is amazing and everything bad that happens is always unfair and never his fault
They dont see others as human-beings, only as emotional supply
The most dangerous part is most of them realize that the only way to keep that supply contantly, since everyone who can, will always leave them, is to make another person completely dependent on them
Like children or a partner with low self-esteem, in both cases they will contantly "attack" the other's sense of self by a number of small but efficient tatics
I recomend reading about those tatics since they are more common than we would like (triangulation, gaslighting, and others)
They will destroy you and pretend it was your fault, and then help you
They will make you feel that you are not enough alone and that you need their help
They will make you feel guilty for not being grateful, they will force you to admire them
they will trap and psicologically torture you
this video just show someone who is a little too self-centered, its not narcisism
Exactly! This video is uninformed and is going to make people question themselves unnecessarily
This *is* what covert narcissism is though.
Narcissism, covert and overt, is defined by its deficits in self image, coping mechanisms, social functioning, and awareness- all of which the protagonist suffers with.
A covert narcissist experiences grandiosity in private because deep down they think they are more special, misunderstood, or unfairly wronged by the world- that is their grandiosity. It doesn’t have to mean thinking they are “better” than others- the classical/overt definition we think of when we think of what a narcissist is.
(Pathological) narcissism isn’t defined by its behavior because in one way or another we all have acted in ways that are narcissistic. If that were the case, babies would be the most narcissistic being in existence. Instead, it is defined by the underlying and usually unconscious patterns, beliefs, and motivations. Of which the protagonist has, even the ending while seemingly implied to be a cliffhanger actually shows the repeating self-fulfilling prophecy cycle of self-sabotage narcissists suffer from because he’s unwilling (and unable) to self reflect to change.
Everything described in the video is me, like my whole life. And I hate it, but cannot stop. I don't mean to ramble to people and be so self-centered, but idk. I don't know how to stop. I promise I don't mean any harm tho, I just get wrapped up in myself.
@@inthedetails5467 Covert narcissists still think they're better than other people. That's a fundamental part of narcissism
Well this just made me more confused after watching it and reading the comments. All this shit is symptoms of a million different things and more likely to cause people to self diagnose themselves and that's dangerous..
Covert narcissism hides behind a mask of humility.
As Carl Jung noted, 'People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.'
Recognizing this behavior is key to protecting your energy and aligning with your true self.
Which yung book ? Or just spoken?
@@dailyrepsofficial narcissism does not as a matter of course hide behind a mask of humility - at some point, whether in public or private, narcissists express their belief that they are better than everyone else. The character in this video never expresses that belief.
So true, I came up with a term called "negative narcissism" to describe ppl being overly focused on their flaws, issues and mistakes.
Often, that obsession comes from trauma, maybe narcissist isn't the right way to describe people who act like this as a whole.
@@moosepatil5946 Ur right, it does probably stem from trauma but I like the term negative narcissism since it rolls off the tongue well imo.
@jaye5872 I guess. That just makes it harder for people with real suffering to have their suffering correctly identified. Trauma isn't the same as narssisim and shouldn't be conflated as the same thing or close to. It distorts the intention behind the behaviors with a lable from a layman, like how people chirp neurodivervisty when there is no such term diagnostically or academically for such a word. 🙄
@@moosepatil5946 good point.
@@moosepatil5946 There is no pathological narcissism without trauma. It’s the splitting of the authentic self and adopting a narcissist defence which protects the child from the deep abyss of pain within. The persona of grandiosity or a deeply flawed and wounded human are then running the show from that point on. There is no self anymore.
We have to think of narcissism as a spectrum. It’s not binary. We all have traits of narcissism. Some more than others until we eventually reach the far end of the spectrum and there we have diagnosable NPD.
I cannot even find my words...as someone who has no idea how it feels to grow up being loved by my own parents and family and that developed into intense self-hatred and an emptyness that sucks the life out of me everyday...it's hard to hear that society has a word for this now and is narcissism. I don't wish anyone to experience the UNLOVE as a child because is something you will feel for the rest of your life and I personally did not find the cure yet. And yeah, I feel the urge to complain about how miserable I am almost all the time because no one ever told me when I really needed that that they are happy to have me...but I learned to keep the misery mostly for myself...I write everything on paper and then I torn them into pieces... it is unlove, not narcisssism...
For what it's worth, I don't think you sound like a narcissist at all. When you imagine a child being similarly deprived of love like you have been, what feelings does it evoke in you? From what you've written, I would guess that empathy is a huge part of it
Read "the courage to be disliked"
Meditation helps! I appreciate what you wrote. It's an interesting description and I think adds some nuance that was sorely lacking from this video. It's basically just a non-trauma-informed, crude try at a narrative summary of someone's idea of NPD. I actually don't even know if this random character would be diagnosable. He might have another disorder entirely. So yeah, I dunno. The over-medicalization of mental differences is not always helpful.
It’s a shame that nobody can fulfill that for you, but I wish people felt more comfortable doing it. I know how you feel and I feel like because of my experiences, if I ever met someone like you I would tell them that they’re amazing, that they’re wonderful, that they’re doing a great job at surviving, that they’re loved, that they got this, that they can conquer their obstacles. But life isn’t fair and most people wouldn’t think to dive that deeply into your psyche and have that level of empathy for your past. But maybe you’ll find someone like you one day? Maybe me too? If anything I think I’ve been connecting to god and energies for healing. What I started doing is logically putting myself through hypothetical situations and scenarios to prove that I’m not a horrible person. That I deserve to live, and be loved. Maybe start by moving towards being self neutral and not a self-loather? Like, I’m ok :) just ok.
@@SarahWarren-ht5nz Sarah, this is such a great comment. Thank you for taking the time to write something so useful! Super precise, too.
Or…just maybe hear me out…the narcissist was the friends we made along the way
Hold yourself accountable my love. Maybe you and your friends are narcissistic.
Not funny 🤣🤣🤣
Does this video sound like u?
Hahahahah yo, thiiiis
The opposite of narcissism is authenticity. One of the biggest burdens people curse themselves with is pretending they know something they don’t. The best way to stop yourself falling into the narcissistic self trap is to be willing to prove yourself wrong.
If you’re always accusing others of narcissism, the test of weather the real narc is you is to see how far you’ll go to be right about that.
Fact is NPD is no joke. Anyone can be a little selfish or whatever but I’ve never met someone who actually had NPD who life wasn’t a complete train wreck. It’s completely and totally debilitating for the person who has it. It’s not as common as people would like to make out.
i do have a problem with going to a far extent to prove myself right. and thats part of the reason my gf left me. how do i go about proving myself wrong? how do i do this and not feel so shitty about myself?
@@thedoor5903maybe you make an assumption about someone's intentions, you think they did something to slight you in some way. To try to prove yourself wrong, you could talk to the person you think harmed you and make yourself vulnerable, explain what they did and how it made you feel, knowing you might be wrong. It is hard but I think it can put things in perspective
Although it’s an interesting idea, I’m not sure what you’re basing this on. People who are miserable view their state as a threat and are therefore naturally ego-centric and inconsiderate. That’s not the same as narcissism. I recommend John Vervaeke’s awakening from the meaning crisis, he talks at the beginning of his series about why people who feel like shit can’t really see the pain of others or readily change their cognitive framework. If that same person improved their life-situation and felt overall better, would they still act this way?
Yea idk if im this narcissist or what you describe. but i know when i am emotionally very bad i cant see the pain of others. its like very thick fog in my brain. i searched what you suggested. its a playlist of 143 videos, are you specifically talking about the first video?
@@thedoor5903 he talks about it specifically in Episode 5 but it’s good to start listening from the first episode so that the context becomes clearer later on.
@@thedoor5903 sounds like BPD maybe? As they retain affective empathy but lose it during their emotional dysregulated states.
My name is Maria, I’m a narcissist but I didn’t realize it until fairly recently, as I started going to therapy. It’s been great but also awful and this video made me feel a little better.
I’ve been watching your videos for years now and have read all your books, I even own the navy blue perception hoodie you released a few years back, I’ve worn it so much it is literally my most worn out hoodie.
Your content has always been a catalyst for change for me and even pushed me to pursue academic philosophy as a hobby.
Thank you for the work you put out into the world, I honestly don’t think I’d be half the person I am today if I hadn’t discovered your channel when I did.
Wonderful on you for wanting to be a better person. 🫶 You seem very intelligent and kind.
Like, you have NPD? What's that like?
Awesome comment. Glad you're seemingly taking charge of you're existence 🖤
Your comment sucks
@@cameronvadnais4388 Initially BPD that evolved into NPD with borderline traits. As I have gotten older, I started being less able to show empathy or remorse and I started making more rational decisions. My experiences with BPD created a sort of counter conditioning where, in order to avoid the pain caused by interpersonal relationships as a result of the violence of my emotions, I started seeing others as less important so that I wouldn't feel so influenced by anyone outside of me.
I had constantly exposed emotional nerves, I felt everything so strongly. The decision to distance myself from anything that could make me feel unpredictable feelings was a rational one, but I didn't realize it would make me so narcissistic.
As someone with BPD I was a narcissist the whole time anyway, everything was always about me, I always overestimated my importance in other people's lives and felt felt like everyone either loved me or hate me.
But then as I got older, I realized people weren't going to put up with my shit much longer I stopped having outbursts and became an overachiever, I started thinking I was above emotions, I was rational and driven and perfect, and I derived genuine pleasure from being emotionally distant from anyone who wanted to get close to me. I used people up.
It’s strange because, for the most part, I didn’t even really know I was being narcissistic. I felt strongly identified with my BPD because I always felt like even the change in my personality was meant to be a spiteful message to people I felt had wronged me.
In my mind everyone else was the enemy, they all laughed at me, and mistreated me, and none of my friends actually liked me and I had just created a coping mechanism by being cold and distant, but I surely wasn't being narcissistic and I surely wasn't doing anything wrong.
So yeah I do have NPD, and for the most part I didn't know. The thing is, when you have a personality disorder or a mental illness you don't really know what it is like to not have it. I have my own subjective experience of things and that's all I've ever known, and my core beliefs were developed by a mix of experiences, actions and reactions that I am mostly not aware of.
Like everyone else I have a personal narrative, every time I make a judgment or a choice or act in any way, I am referencing that personal narrative in combination with my emotional state to decide how I will act, what kind of person I am going to be. In my case I am mostly a narcissistic idiot who likes to overthink, with that knowledge in hand I have a duty to change.
That's how it feels.
Basically, everyone poops. You gotta wipe your own butt. Don't come to people about your butt when you can help yourself. You're worth of help, care and love. Be your best friend first and help yourself, then all other relationships will be a breeze.
The discovery of psychedelics as a mental health treatment is a groundbreaking achievement. Their ability to alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety is nothing short of astonishing. On a personal note, they have been a lifesaver, helping me overcome challenges that once seemed insurmountable.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porassss
boogie2988 gonna think this video was made because of him 💀
*fatly nods dumb head* "MHM, YUP. I'M BROKEN. I'M A MESS. I'M A COVERT NARCCISIST AND EVERYONE HATES ME BECAUSE I MAKE SUCH STUPID MISTAKES 🤪🤪🤪"
12:34 "You weaponize your misery against others." Holy shoot, mic drop there.
Sometimes you have to disconnect with people because they just won't understand you
its no ones obligation to understand you
@@alucardvfx9357 if they constantly take everything the wrong way, having a community of people who are similar is kind of important, depends on your environment
@@alucardvfx9357it is their obligation to be polite though
@@alucardvfx9357 1. they didn't say that, and it doesn't make what they said less true. you sometimes have to disconnect from people who misunderstand you
2. it is _your_ obligation to understand you
"Isolation is a gift. All the others are test of your endurance" - Bukowski. He also said to fear those who cannot be alone. Those are the real narcissists, those that cannot sit in their own skin without someone else
Don't even read this but I got invited to a birthday party in middle school, which was a big deal for me (i didnt have many friends), only to find out a few weeks later that I was only invited because the kid felt awkward that I was in the room and overheard him talking about the party. Thanks for listening
Being aware of your problems doesn't always mean you're growing. To really change and connect with others, you need to focus less on yourself and more on genuine effort and understanding.
Why is everybody and their dog suddenly an expert in identifying narcissism😂
dogs are evolving
Pop psychology and its consequences…
Narcissism isn't even real.
@@papabird4425we aren’t even real
It's been on the table daily for the last ten years?
I think I understand leaving it at that 13:30, I feel like these conversations have very little meaning to those that are not willing to receive them.
I think he realizes, that Maria needs this conversation, that she has problems aswell. But he still cant stop focusing only on himself. Thus his narcisicm wins yet again and he stomps out the cigarette, ending the conversation, instead of taking another drag.
I know the thought experiment in this story is well and pure but a kid in elementary school probably wouldn’t use the word “overwhelmed”
A precocious kid working a teacher might. Adults are so relieved when a child can describe big feelings with words that they'll accept a child's diagnosis. When I was a kid I got a lot of miles out of "depressed."
@@NWPaul72
My guess is Alvin’s not met the kid who asked the nurse for a sleeping pill before the flu shot at 8 years of age, “because the trypanophobia will cause me to pass out anyway and at least this way I won’t have to be awake for the shot.”
Beyond the relief at my academic achievements (something which required little effort from me), my caregivers no doubt perceived me to be an impish and insufferable child many times.
I am just like Talon, a narcissist, obsessed with myself and my failures. I am sad as I realize I don't even want to improve myself. I like being miserable and I am comfortable with my sadness and loneliness now. I don't think I want to get out of it.
Maybe um, go to therapy
As long as you are not dragging other people down with you, you're good.
Same, but I find myself uncomfortable when I remember the expectations people have put in me, I can barely stand the sadness and guilt
It makes me want to dissapear or I wish the expectations dissapeared so I don't have to reach any of them
I thought his name was talent. I'm not a native speaker
I felt like this then I got the therapy I needed and life became so much better
This is the literal story of my early childhood. LOL
Although I was stuck in that self-centered loop of despair, I was also highly sensitive; a budding empath who could barely understand the implications of others feelings. I could feel them though. 5yo and I still remember very clearly.
This would shift me out of my self-centered ways as I learned to really emotionally connect to friends, family members and eventually girlfriends.
Little of that narcissist remains. Humility is a much worthier target than pride. I've learned a lot of different things. I've shifted gears and careers like a Nascar driver. Made some mistakes, lost some battles and made some course corrections. I'm still here. Haven't stopped learning. Haven't given up yet.
Life isn't really about the survival of the fittest. It's those who can adapt readily to arising challenges that really survive.
Blessings! 🙏
What a weird way to discover you were a narcissist in your early 20s prior to therapy. It has been 10 yrs but it hits home.
I think I might be a covert narcissist and have thought so for a while now. Since my mid 30s, and I'm 43 now. It's really hard to try to heal from, I think because it's so deeply embedded in severe trauma, for me at least. And being autistic, for me, also complicates it because I'm incredibly isolated from other people inside myself, but that's been a choice I've repeatedly made because other people are hard and hard is hard.
And change is slow. But my relationships have been steadily improving, and I think I'm feeling less of that alienating woe that seems to occur whenever I have been a self-centered jerk whose actions rightly make others feel hurt. By my metrics, not hurting others is a definite measure of success, however slow or difficult this lesson has been. 👍
Thanks for your wisdom.
How do we know what we are? I see myself as a shy narcissist. My family, friends, and therapists say I am an overly sensitive empath. I care about Nature waaaay more than humans. I have had a full life, but I hope not at the expense of others. Politics, religion, and greed is killing me. When I see what we are capable of vs what we are doing to each other, the planet, and ALL other lifeforms, I am horrified at the human race. Aren't we put here to serve as stewards, not killers?
Thank you for existing. We need more people using their hearts here on earth because that’s what it’s all about and just that energy alone does so much you don’t even know. Keep connecting to that energy and let it guide you ❤
What if Jesus' stepdad had been a landscaper instead of a carpenter? Coaxing nature instead of forcing it into shape?
A certain level of ego, i.e. knowing your value, is necessary for survival. There really is only one you, especially to you. Just because your position could be filled doesn't mean you're replaceable, it means that that job is you-shaped for now. No one can step in and fill the space you occupy in your family or community, that's up to you. No one else knows what you know or feels the way you do about it. Once you've internalized that, realize you're not so special that you get a pass. Just try to be special enough to deserve the resources you consume and the waste you leave and that's good enough.
Oh, and I don't think we were put here, I think we find ourselves here and none of us asked for it. So be kind.
I relate to you so much. 🥺🥺🥺
You're holding all of Humanity in your mind to the tenants of a value system you entirely made up yourself and getting upset over it?
Literally everyone in the comments talking to each other rn: "No! YOU'RE the narcissist."
I'll take one for the team and end the cycle. I'm the narcissist.
I respect that. And Im one too for the record btw. Nothing for me to be ashamed about as the intensity of it is as normal as it gets.@@Brother_In_Christ
@@Brother_In_Christ no, WE are narcissists. A fine community.
@@antagonisticalex401 nah, I was joking. I don't think I am one because I focus on other people when I am around them and I actually prefer it if I don't have to talk about myself much.
I'd say it's fine to be a narcissist if you're not hurting anyone in any capacity. I'm curious as to why you think you're a narcissist in your opinion though.
@@Brother_In_Christ Thats valid ngl. As for me I think Im one because I constantly worry whether Im being too self-centered in any interaction, and end up being more self centered afterwards because of that anyways by focusing on my own social restraint. Really paradoxical stuff to be honest. Crazy.
For some of the people in the comments:
Not every reflection on how our minds work-or even on how they hurt-is meant to be a psychiatric diagnosis. You can identify a narcissistic pattern in your behavior that has been causing you and other people pain, without necessarily coming to the conclusion that you have a narcissistic personality disorder, or that you are this or that specific type of “narcissist”.
I enjoyed this video. It’s not your story, or my story: it is the story of Talon, a fictional character. Of course, it’s meant to resonate with people. But it is not a diagnostic tool-it never claimed to be one; so there’s no need to become trapped on whether it accurately represent this or that clinical picture, let alone your own intimate, personal one. One should rather focus on its implicit yet quite useful advice.
Cheers.
Beautiful way to put in words what is so easy to point out in others but hard to feel empathy for. Being friends to someone like this is quite a conflicting relationship of love and hate. Especially when the person in pain expresses her pain all the time but does not do much to get better. It can be extremely draining for people pleasers or sensitive people. And ultimately a self-love test where you will learn to set boundaries with someone you love for your own sake. Sending love to all those that struggle with these complex disorders.
Great video.. I lowkey felt called out. But I definitely learnt something.
You CANNOT end a video about pathological self-awareness with a message about how self-awareness SHOULD be used so you can be better.
Actually wild
As a covert narcissist, the worst of it is being aware of being a narcissist but making the internal decision to use that as another reason for self deprecation and self pity while masquerading it from others… there just seems to be nothing that can change you
I think, I wanna stop caring about nercissism. I just wanna live.
This is gonna hit really hard for the .001% of the population that is named Talon and acts like this
Kinda weird how he’s damned if he does damned if he doesn’t. If he admits defeat and acknowledges his self-depreciating behavior then he’s a narcissist, but if he tries to focus less on himself and have a more positive attitude, then he’s a self-aggrandizing narcissist. Honestly seems a bit manipulative to view narcissists this way because no matter what we view their behavior as problematic.
That’s kind of why I’ve always had a problem with labels in psychiatry. It feels very “good person vs. bad person” but doesn’t everyone have the same capacities? We should just get rid of the stigma
Speaks highly to the mundanity of narcissism. Can’t expect 14 mins to be perfect, esp with all the thousands of videos by pros on the topic. Glad there’s a wealth of resources here.
I have a friend who always is negative, he doesnt give a shit about others, he just wants to complain about his life as he continues to ruin his own life then blames everyone but himself for his actions. Its always the worlds fault and everytime someone doesmt give in to his shit then he complains that of course the world is like this, its our fault and we are all the same for telling him the truth which is to work on yourself.
Do interactions with him feel like a minefield? I'm sorry, but the only way to get rid of him is to leave him and his bullshit. Read up on concept of narcissistic supply. See what happens when you try to leave.
That's like my mom
One of the hottest topics nowadays (especially on youtube) - “narcissism”. It is actually very complex in many cases, and most people have no idea what it is or isn’t ...even with the all the help from supposed experts on youtube (making fortunes off their videos) who have degrees or credentials.
It can be very tricky, and I believe most people don’t understand it (along with other Cluster B disorders). Many “professionals” in the field either don’t understand the intricacies themselves (as well as they think they do) or they themselves ARE narcissists (or worse), but most never suspect it because they are the ones who are educated in the field and are ostensibly empathetic and caring. That profession is a position of power (almost like no other). People gravitate towards such a profession for a reason. If you think it's merely to “help others”, you are sorely mistaken.
Everyone is on a scale of narcissism. It is far more complex than it seems. Narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist are different. Try not to conflate. Most I have ever come across who think they aren’t narcissistic, are actually very narcissistic (or they are narcissists) and have low consciousness.
But we all are on a scale of narcissism, whether we like it or not...don’t be narcissistic and think you are exempt...
based
Way to type a lot of words to say pretty much nothing. Your whole post could be summed up with "it's complicated". I guess your narcissism compelled you to stroke yourself in public like this with clever sounding phrases, which really amount to nothing except vague accusations to nobody in particular and the impression of a superior position to said nobodies ( most people have no idea, most people don't understand it, many "professional" etc).
@@jeanvaljean4218 ironically, your comment says nothing. You actually just used your own comment to project banality onto his comment, when in fact it's YOUR comment which is empty. It just makes shallow accusations against a person who isn't striving to do any of what you accuse. What use would it be to leave a comment saying of narcissism 'i think peoples understanding of it is incomplete, it's more complicated than they think'. You might as well not even comment at all. Hes not intending to discuss narcissism itself, hes discussing the culture which surrounds it, whos central feature might be to reduce complex phenomenon into pop psychology and also the tendency of narcissistic obsessed communities to vilify narcissists so stridently so as to make it appear as though themselves are without any fault - the people constantly whining about narcissism exhibit a kind of narcissism or at very least pathology, but don't see it.
@@johnsmith-pm1qe My comment said his comment said nothing by pointing out its lack of substance and underlining the tone of superiority (which is associated with narcissism which I used as an ironic jab)
I substantiated every accusation with examples.
Your bloated reply to basically repeat his "it's complicated guys!" argument is as vacuous as his initial post.
@@jeanvaljean4218LMFAOOO I adore how everyone’s just accusing eachother of being narcissist 🤣 meanwhile they like “could never be me tho 🙂↔️” 😂😂😂
The financial ruin of getting in a car crash doesn’t compute outside the US.
Whoever you are Pursuit of Wonder, these videos are very enlightening and im always in awe in how concise and simple you present complex topics. On top of that the solutions you propose are almost painfully obvious after you presented them. Love your videos and insights!
Narcissism = Overly focused on oneself either good or bad
No, that is just self centeredness. There is some overlap, but lots of people are just self centered while they are working through some issues or when they are young. Actually narcissists have an inability to accept that other people are actually individuals with autonomy, and not just extensions of themselves, and typically feel resentment towards others not behaving the way they want or expect them to, as well as an entitlement that the world revolve around them, as well as desire to control others. Someone can be self centered just because they don't like their own habits and behaviors, and are doing their best to change.
No narcissism is alot deeper than that
@@davidgreenwood6029 well yes but the false self literally is "split".
BPD also has bad black and white thinking or splitting but usually of others.
NPD of the self. Despite what a lot of people think, this is a good way of looking at HOW they go about getting supply in the simplest of terms
I am one. I’m also aware of this behaviour. Now I try to isolate myself socially and never make friends and talk about hating myself. I keep the self-hatred to myself. And I hope to go away for good silently.
i am the best.
I am the best. Do NOT listen to that other guy.
This is hardly covert narcissism. It actually hurts people who are victims of actual covert narcissists to describe them as merely preoccupied with thoughts about themselves. Covert narcissists do much more and worse than that. I can’t take this channel seriously at all.
I was thinking the same. I'm not sure if I missed it but I don't remember anything regarding an overly inflated ego, manipulation, emotional deregulation, etc... Idk if you would count him self-loathing as an overly inflated ego. The guys life just sucks and he doesn't know how to get out
You two need to drop the insane Dr Ramani stuff, stop validating your own victim MENTALITIES.
These self help gurus are usually NPD's themselves. Who else is in the limelight like this and acts so pompous about this stuff and dehumanizes people?
My ex was the same. But all watching this content and pushing this very narrative did was keep me trapped and isolated for years. Almost like she offloaded her stuff into me...
Go seek therapy please, tough love isn't bean or shaming, but stating reality for what it is. 🖤
Wow. It's like you met my ex. He made his best friend dying on a car accident about himself, too.
This shit lowkey changed something in me
PoW videos can do that sometimes. They somehow make me feel better about being a tiny, soft being in a huge, indifferent universe.
This… describes me to a T. So tf am I supposed to do??? If I try to be nicer to people, I’ll always have that itch in the back of my mind like “I’m just doing this for myself”
I mean if you're being nice to someone and it's benefiting them, and it benefits you... What's wrong with that?
• You don’t have to have the same thoughts. You have more control to change this than you think, and you are so much more capable than you’ve given yourself credit for.
• What you think isn’t true simply because you’ve thought it to be true, no matter how much the pain deep within you is telling you that it’s true.
• You don’t have to act on your thoughts. You can have initial thoughts/feelings and choose to only act on the thoughts and feelings that serve both you *and* the people around you, or at the very least do the things that cause the least harm to everyone involved.
Please hear me saying those things with love and compassion.
Patterns, which include our thoughts, are difficult to break - they are *not* impossible to break.
You can do it.
I agree with everything you just said, and I also think that the video is garbage. I hate it, too. I wish I could change, and not be so self-centered. The only thing I can do is make up for it in my kindness. It's the least I can do for the people who have to suffer all of my ramblings.
New discovery unlocked:
I'm a narcissist 🤝
10:53 🗣️🔊HE LIT UP A CIGARETTE(I like how you said this)
What you're describing isn't narcissism. It's complex trauma and PTSD.
I love how much this story resonates with my own early growth. It’s truly an amazing feeling experiencing how we are never completely better than anyone else, because everyone is part of everyone else… we can just be better relatively ❤😉
All (covert + overt) narcissists hate themselves
That’s not true, how narcissists feel about themselves varies. It’s not a black and white issue.
Yep, can confirm, i do that
shut up lol@@deftdeltron9944
There is no "self" to hate. They never figured out what it is so they try to see it externally and act up when they don't like what they see reflected back at them from others.
The false self was necessary to protect them from the trauma that occurred in their childhood. They didn’t realize they created it, and they’re terribly afraid to be seen as that small child cowering in fear, wishing for loving connection, but feeling never worthy enough for it. They’ll do anything not to be seen as *that* and not to identify with *that*.
The fear of the true self being seen is overpowering enough that being seen as anything else is a better option, whether that option is Best Human Ever™ or Most Miserable Asshole Ever™.
I used to have a friend like this. I'm glad they're no longer in my life
I knew a guy like this in uni. I always found him to be really annoying. This was like 9 years ago. 2 years ago I started dating this girl, and she was semi-stalked by him on facebook. Didn't surprise me at all.
I've never thought of this idea that narcissism can also mean hating yourself too much based on that you "focus so much on yourself" and not others.
The fact that i spend a tremendous amount of my time looking at myself in all these self-hatred things could be the reason why I feel isolated at times.
This video truly did a fantastic job on how to teach me this, and you have my love for making these contents.
The character in this video is not a narcissist. This video is very incorrect. There must be arrogance to qualify as narcissism - that is the. central part of the definition. Simply not being able to focus enough on others bcs you feel so bad about yourself does not qualify as arrogance, which is the opposite. Arrogance is thinking you are better than everyone else.
For some reason, when she called talon a narcissist, i felt really mad and felt as if I got insulted myself
She could identify it in him because she is also one …
It's because he isn't. This video is disturbingly projecting and not legitimate. It's not narcissism to care about yourself, it's narcissism when you ONLY care about yourself and he clearly cares about others around him.
This is a video about conformity, "caring for yourself is bad, you should care about others and well care for you." It's a hive mind mentality, don't be responsible and take care of yourself, care for the mob...
It's insidious doublespeak, your reaction was rational
@@anukwa531exactly, this is a manipulation narcissists do to trick people into thinking they are one and sacrifice their self awareness because of it.
@That_1_Bohemian no He doesn't. He would ask others about their day just enough to keep the conversation going. Realize something, he didn't feel bad because his 8th grade gf, Stephanie had a terrible accident, and she had to move, and her family was ruined due to her father being incapacitated, or she having life changing injuries, he felt bad because he was dumped. Look at the words "of course this happened to ME in MY first relationship," and "she pretty much abandoned me completely." At least that's what he complained to Maggie about.
When the other girl, Maggie decided to talk to him and converse about the breakup as well as the rejection of her crush, we can see that she moved on and outgrew her problem with time, he would never do that and talk about his problems as if it had happened yesterday and as she didn't have any problems herself. He indeed would still talk about his problem, never asking of hers, as he would talk about his breakup months after and his problems all the time without working them out. It was a way for him to keep the focus on himself and not anyone else. It is as if he needed his problems and his pain.
He would take offense on his other friend not inviting him to a party, not realizing it had nothing to do with him. Taking rather innocuous and mundane things to heart, or personal is also focusing only in one owns personal problems and trying to drag attention to himself. and assuming that other people's lives are perfect just so that you can feel special for being the ONE person with this type of misfortune, finding comfort in being the one who is "misunderstood" is sort of narcissist. Being this very tragic figure and getting sympathy from others is, in a very strange way, very much addictive.
@@potatojoe1070Brilliant response to a comment that was so full of holes it had practically zero volume. Thanks for this. I completely agree with you.
I thought for a while now, I might be a narcissist. I pretty sure a narcissist is someone who lacks guilt and empathy
Wow, am I a narcissist?!
The ultimate question I've been asking myself for the last week. This video might be a nice wakeup call.
you‘re probably not, when you‘re questioning it and reflect your actions
@@elinaslnNot mecessary. Narcissism isnt just some shut off box yknow. People have different levels and natures of narcissism.
Probably. Did you make this post to get others focused on you?
This video has gotten the idea of covert narcissism wrong, real covert narcissists would be self loathing but they also have this toxic need of dominating but in a more subtle way such as belittling someone and putting others down, spreading lies about someone else. This is only one aspect of covert narcissism and it doesn't make you a narcissist if you are just self loathing which is a narcissistic trait but it doesn't become a disorder until it starts effecting others in a toxic way
I get like this when I’m depressed and end up making others depressed so im just gonna keep on going to to therapy and isolate until I feel I’m better.
I've never seen a video of how many times my mother has spent this time with his grandparents.
Talon should smoke some weed.
youre still focused on yourself then
I've met some toxic people in my life who showed many undeniable signs of NPD. One of the signs is they're always the one talking, most likely about themselves
As always, great reflective work. In the anonymity of the internet, this is much easier to admit, but I once was very much like him. Sort of interesting, if back then somebody told me this I would have found it really offensive, but it is what it is, truth. Self loathing and self depreciation is a trap that sometimes happen in such a subtle manner that we dont even realize it's happening or that it's irrational.
Ive known people like this. Its so... Exhausting. Especially for a people pleaser like me, constantly reassuring, loving, desperately trying to make the other happy or at the very least prevent the worst possible outcome. Its hard to leave and it's exhausting to stay
This was great! Much better understanding of the topic, thanks as always!!
This is well put together. Very interesting.
Great video…trying not to write a narcissistic comment 😂
The learning aspect and atypical growth is especially fascinating, such as how the covert narcissist learns to apologize for trauma dumping. It's as though they do legitimately feel bad, because it's a part of their negative self-image. But I suppose it's never quite that they're sorry for "always putting themselves first," just the way it happened
This one hit real close to home Jesus Christ
Great now I hate myself even more since I'm apparently also a narcissist
Narcissist-ism is so cringe. Everyone calls everyone else a narcissist. People are just people, there is no psycho-social caste system. People do things in different ways in different circumstances. Judge and treat them according to their specific actions towards you, not some false revelation of their essential nature.
It’s dumb and something ‘a narcissist’ would do, if anything 😂
Wooooow this comment was a trillion times more narcissistic than any other comment or video about narcissism combined holy hell.
you're more closed minded than you think
As someone trying to place an adult schizophrenic, I disagree. Once you have a psychological or psychiatric diagnosis, you become a second-class citizen. All of your needs are now mediated through doctors and social workers or court-appointed guardians. Behavioral disorders are real and incredibly upsetting to witness in someone you know. May your condescension never be shaken by a loved one losing their mind.
Psycho-social caste system as a concept is SOOOO REAL. As someone who survived SMI, I swear that is a super important framework for more of us all to suggest. It's not cooler to think you're more moral. I literally only am thankful to not have a personality disorder because I'm already so overwhelmed with day to day OCD which is more acceptable to discuss than my experience of severe bipolar because literally uhg capitalism
Thank you so much for making this video! So informative and accurate with several people I've met
Well this came to be at the right time for me
This video tremendeously helped me in gaining a new perspective of my insecurities. Thank you, thank you so much
My parents beat the narcissisms out of me at an early age, best thing that ever happen.
@@ola4jb No
@@ola4jb no
I used be exactly like this I was always the annoying unwanted friend. Spend time in my room and if I didn’t get my way would remove myself in hopes someone would come tell me I was not in the wrong. I still catch myself often with these thoughts and inclinations.
Holy shit am I Talon?
narcissism is considered a law of human nature. We all have traits of narcissism. We are all self-absorbed. Narcissism is somewhat like a spectrum. It is up to us to be aware of this unconscious nature and train ourselves to turn self-love(narcissism) into empathy.
Wow this hit close to home.
An honest confession, I cannot tell if what I feel and how it overwhelms is genuine empathy sometimes or just an opportunity to look like a sweetie. But being kind makes me FEEL good, and that’s where all my questions come from. Cause I also do not wish to be disliked.
If a Narcissist seeks out a therapist or tries to learn more about Narcissism, aren't they just making things paradoxically worse by focusing more intensely on themselves? Is this question ridiculous? I feel it should have been anticipated.
narcissism - excessive interest in or admiration of oneself
I think focusing on yourself for the purpose of becoming better (or to stop being a narcissist) can’t be considered narcissistic in nature cause you’re attempting to change and transition into something better
I think that the mere concept of narcissism isn't always a bad thing, self-awareness is a crucial aspect in knowing how to navigate relationships and interactions in a non-narcissistic way lol. that's a really interesting thought tho
You learn about yourself, then forget everything and move on.
I believe going to therapy for narcissism doesn’t make the problem bigger because once you’ve realized you’re a narcissist, you’ve somewhat already seperated your consciousness from your emotions/mind; now the therapy targets your narcissism, not you.
This is one of my greatest fear tbh, sometimes I realise I talk too much about me and try to bring the topic back to others but it just feels awkward
Everyone is a Narcissist. Some people are just live in extreme ends of the Narcissistic spectrum. Too many people, honestly. Some of the creepiest people I've had the displeasure of knowing.
This covert narcissism sounds kinda like depression. The constant self-loathing and obsession of sadness.. reminded me of myself when I was severely depressed. All I could think of is how much I hate myself. The negative energy I was spreading to everyone around me which led to me isolating myself from others. But it's like I couldn't do anything to stop thinking about my on sadness and own worthlessness. It made me incredibly selfish but i didn't know how to stop it.
*I'm overjoyed and grateful to see God's blessings and abundance manifest in my family's life. We're thriving and happy once again, and I can now provide for my loved ones even in retirement, thanks to a remarkable weekly income of $67,000. It's a game-changer after* *facing many challenges*.
Only God knows how much grateful i am. After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
Wow that's huge, how do you make that much monthly?
I'm 35 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Scott) who suggested Mrs Maria Angelina🙏.
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸