Facts About Earth, Where Everyone Is Obsessed With Mark Johnson
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2024
- It's Earth Day and Stephen Colbert has harvested a bumper crop of facts about our home planet, including the fact that internet sensation Mark Johnson lives here! #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel: bit.ly/ColbertRUclips
Watch full episodes of "The Late Show": bit.ly/1Puei40
Like "The Late Show" on Facebook: on. 1df139Y
Follow "The Late Show" on Twitter: bit.ly/1dMzZzG
Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram: bit.ly/29wfREj
Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
---
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes. 
Развлечения
Greta's message is very similar to the saying "Be good to your children, they will choose your nursing home."
IMO it's a bit more. "Leave a planet to your children where nursing homes are still a thing." When survival becomes difficult, when food becomes scarce, when clean, drinkable water becomes expensive, taking care of your old ones will by necessity no longer be a priority.
Never in my life will I listen to a half-wit child
@@c.s.7097 That's a bit of a lame attitude. What's important, when listening, is what you listen to, not who you listen to.
@@c.s.7097 Neither will we. So, bye!! 👋
Great news 50 years from nursing home will not exist. Greta and co will have to eat us old people.
"When your insurance sounds like the book of Revelation" I'd laugh if it weren't so freakin true.
That Paramount+ joke is getting braver and braver
I’m a teenager and I read the Green New Deal! It’s 14 pages long Marjorie Taylor Green! That’s roughly the length of a chapter in middle school books! Oh wait, I forgot, she seems to have forgotten everything past the 1st grade! 🤦🏻♀️
Do you think Republicans can suffer to read anything that's not ass-kissing? They have the attention span of a fireworks rocket.
Ejakashin is fur librul snowflakes n them all Hollywood tipes.
I think you’re being unfair to MTG. To say that she has forgotten everything beyond 1st grade presumes that she actually LEARNED anything beyond 1st grade.
I think her memory is just fine. 😉
People don't go to school where she's from dear.
His comedy writing and delivery is getting better and better as this pandemic goes on!
Or .. your bar is getting lower 😅
@@findingsolutions198 nah, I agree with her. The timing of having a live audience vs socially distancing studio, but also developing the on screen relationship with his production team, I think he's gotten really into the groove
@@TheVoulenterilyMad maybe you are right . I was joking and i don't care . One thing for sure : news are invented by someone with a good sense of humor , most of the news are Hilarious by themselves.
He's bringing more of his colbert report wit
He has always been this good, this IS reminiscent of his ‘Colbert Report.’ I liked it growing up 😋
Did you get the part where Marjorie Taylor Greene said "once I read All 14 pages", as if that would be a major accomplishment worthy of recognition?
i'm sure it's full of big words frequently equaling and even exceeding two syllables, furthermore extensive research into what those words all mean will be required
so 2-3 months from now, once a crack team of Qanon conspiracy theorists have decoded it for her, she'll be thoroughly ready to demand a debate with a completely disinterested AOC
those 14 pages will have lost too much in the translation into caveman terms so any debate should be either Pay per View or a netflix standup comedy special
I read double that every night before going to sleep, and from boring classical literature works! Smh
Amen, she will make a complete fool of herself going up against A.O.C.
The post office is spying on us? They miss my address by one or two houses half the time, so good luck with that.
LOL
I got my neighbors stimulus check. She wasn't home when I hobbled over, so I stuck it in her mailbox.
Lol, yes they are going to have to up their spy game. Who is this Katie Ford's mail I keep getting😄
😁
yeah about half the time the post office guy won't even come and pick up my mail. Called them up to find out what was going on, and it turns out they won't show up if they don't have enough to drop off to you. So yeah, my mail getting picked up is dependent on my receiving a ream of junk mail. Not exactly the level of efficiency and oversight you would expect in an agency allegedly running some sort of covert ops.
The best line was, "Haute couture, from the Fred Flintstone Collection."
“Did it have to be that blurred? It looks like he has a condition.” Hahaha!
As someone born in 1967 it was strange to me when he said “ back in the 20’s” and I realized we are in the 20’s. Damn I’m old. Lol
Right there with you! I thought he was talking the 1920s. 1963 for me.
Well I'll be a uncles duck, 77 here and I also thought the 1920's lol
@@lindan236 he was! But it was still weird that we are now in the 20’s.
Those were "The Roaring 20's." These are "The RIOTING 20's...or perhaps "The VIRAL 20's" ?
@@MC-yy2bx personally I’m just so glad I was a kid in the 70’s and that I was in my 30’s before cell phones and Internet.
I absolutely adore you all for not using a laugh track
Hearing a few people (or even just one) honestly crack up is 1000000 times better. I don't get why everybody isn't doing this.
When you go back to the theater I’ll really miss all the laughter in the background from your crew and Evie. I love it.
“The ultimate test of man’s conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard.”
-Gaylord Nelson, founder of Earth Day
If we do not start behaving our selves the earth may send us the way of so many other extinct species and start over; she doesn't need us we need her.
Mankind has no conscience.
Alternatively, "A society grows great when old men plant trees under whose shade they know they’ll never sit." - Joycelyn Elders
@@pancakemogul So that's where Lin-Manuel Miranda got it from.
Heh, "Gaylord".
Best Geico ad ever.
Repent sinner! Lol
@@blaze556922 m .. as. . x
I have to say, after 4 years of the most insane new headlines ever, I’m so thankful for Mark Johnson.
I have learned to put down any beverages before watching Stephen. This has saved me many dollars in equipment damages :)
BTW, I think that Greta is an amazing young woman, I wish her well.
spannerman...this is really good advice... in my case it's clothes, the carpet AND electronics. 🤣
"In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves." -Carl Sagan
Yeah, actually there is.
@@johnbrowne3950; We still don't know that.
"You call this a Big Mac Jim?" - Abraham Lincoln
Earth inhabitants are bacteria. Bacteria will survive.
@@guynorth3277 You are thinking aliens. I'm thinking God.
Santa could give naughty people kale instead of coal - a not fun but still arbitrarily useful gift.
Coal is more useful than kale lol
OK, I like this idea. Where should I sign the petition??
You clever devil.
I would prefer literally any other vegetable AND a punch in the face from Santa than kale.
Lol
This made me laugh like a weirdo in public. Thank you. Mark Johnson.
C-3PO was never in the trash compactor. He was with R2-D2 trying to shut it off. GAWD!!
Shut off all the garbage compactors on the detention level!!!!
Is it sad that I was so ready for the punchline of that "Earth, Wind, and Fire" joke, that I sang along?
No. It's the rule.
You expect it because you love it. There is no shame in love of music.
you crack me up literally Mr Colbert 🤣 thanks for that and for the lovely shirt too 💜
That's my favorite shirt of his...yummy color on him.
Ive been watching Mark Johnson deliver the news since I was a kid. Hes a local treasure.
No studio audience will ever top the repressed laughter of the cameraman
I liked it so much, I went out and hired an intern named Jimmy for myself, unpaid, of course... he's currently dressed as a giant Panda and is sleeping on the 18th green of the local golf course. Or, he's dead. Could be either at this point. Who's to know?
Love his wife's laugh .
@@theheartlessknight2426 You should probably go check on him
I love Mark Johnson, he's a fun newscaster. Making Boise proud
I can’t believe the Brave Little Toaster actually went to Mars.
I have a feeling raunchy Mother Earth was coming onto poor Brave Little Toaster a little too strong. He wasn't ready.
Nothing compares to original, but Mars is a unique bizarre trip
I want to like this so bad, but it's at exactly 69 likes and I'm too much of a child.
@@shigeminotoge4514 89 now. You are free
My children adored that movie as did i! Best for all generations
"Twin Bob Saget tried to strangle in the womb" DEAD ASS LOL
When Stephen goes back to theater shows with a full audience, I'm going to miss the giggling in the background that we hear in these shows. :-)
The Snyder cut of "Cats" is an hour longer, and includes a deleted scene involving Garfield and the Joker sharing a lasagna.
Also, the blurring of the groins is removed, and we get to see the origin stories of the lesser cats.
Hope there’s a cameo appearance from
Mark Johnson.
Take my money!! 🤺
Spoiler alert: They don't consume the lasagna in the traditional sense.
that i would pay to see
allow me to point out that C3PO was never IN the trash compactor - it was he who helped the heroes ESCAPE the trash compactor (yes, I'll go back to the geek corner now)
I was thinking the same thing!! Stephen is going to get emails...
Thank you. Let me just put away my pitchfork now.
Stephen's a geek too, he should've known this.
And Han shot first, dammit!
I think He’s talking about the scene before the one where Chewi had him in the backpack, all taken apart.
Ah, Burn Notice. One of my all-time favourite shows. The world needs more Jeffrey Donovan.
He's also good in Shut Eye!
Right?! I was like "Micheal!" but immediately lowered my voice for fear the devil would hear me and His name is... Chuck Finnley...
I’ve watched that show front to back several times. That and Las Vegas. Suits was quality too.
Couture from the latest Fred Flinstone collection😂😂😂I can’t stop laughing.
8:36 "Paramount +...a mountain of cancelled entertainment" - lmao
I believe all the online networks are like that. I have HULU, and it's basically a mountain of cancelled entertainment. I pay the $6 a month to keep up with The Simpsons and Family Guy, but otherwise it's a bunch of old crap you'll never watch. That's why I cut basic cable. It was over $100 a month, and 95% of what they showed was unwatchable.
I KNEW not having any social media presence was a good idea. Why would you betray me mailman?!
RUclips is social media...
Well actually you do , this is on U-tube😄but hey details details.
On the original Earth Day, my 6th grade class planted a garden near the front entrance to our elementary school. Two years ago I drove by it and saw 50 years of growth. It was stunning!
"I swing both ways!" Me too, Earth. Me too.
Mark Johnson was my fav Earth Fact.
I love that my birthday is Earth Day 🌍💖
Do you get out and plant a tree to celebrate?
@@RinrvUSA I always have a little garden and flowers I plant every year, but I didn't get to plant a tree this year. I mean I still will, it just won't have been on Earth Day
@Gen M Thank you 😊
"We the young people will write about you in the history books"
Ohhhh yeah, I have PLENTY to write about the Great Pumpkin Cheetoh President.
You made me choke on my chicken curry and now I can't tell if I'm crying, coughing or laughing
Thats assuming you dont mistakingly ingest some peanut butter
He wasn't even a real president
I live for this new off-the-rails-on-purpose style. The Late Show writers, and Stephen, are crushing the lack of an audience, COVID lockdown conditions. Soooo brilliant!!
Facts About Earth:
Humans are killing it.
Are you sure the earth is not trying to kill us first: drought, floods coastal erosion, earth quakes in all the wrong places, 72 volcanos eruptions, polar vortex going down, 13 hurricanes in one season, tornados by the dozens, 57000 forest fires, landslides need I go on?
Earth will be fine when humanity is done with destroying itself. Changed like after the other mass extinction events, but fine.
@@katiehettinger7857 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
@@Azaghal1988 exactly, its so arrogant of us to frame the effort to save ourselves as some sort of effort to save the Earth. Life goes on without us, apes become smart, apes wreak havoc, apes die, life doesn't die.
“The planet will be fine...
The people, on the other hand...”
C3PO never went in the trash compactor. He was helping R2D2 shut it down from a terminal.
Thanks, had to scroll through the comments to make sure someone called them out on it.
I just commented the same thing, and also scrolled to make sure I wasn't the only person who caught that. I literally paused the video to do so. The fact that I care so much about this might be a problem, but here we are. Lol
@@ti9erlilly right? Got to make sure all the Star Wars references are accurate
I didn't want to embarrass him.
@@kylemaddox3423 especially when they pertain to the OG trilogy. Lol
I very much appreciated the "wait a minute Mr Postman" line. Thanks
I hate that I haven't written down all the jokes that have made me laugh out loud over the years. Can you make a compilation of all the awesome burns you've done over the years? Pleeeeeeeease?
Happy day of earth 🌎
Interviewer: "Can you... destroy the Earth?"
The Tick: "Egad, I hope not! That's where I keep all my stuff!"
77y7yy7yyyyyy7yyyyyyy
Y7yy77yy
I. Love. The. Tick.
I'm. Infested. With. Ticks.
SPOON!!!!!
Mark Johnson: the Man to Watch. That says it all.
Mark Johnson looking pretty dapper there, and my man Stephen rocking that purple shirt🥰🥰
I'd like to see Mark Johnson write a memoir. To add suspense, the title should be: Mark Johnson.
" I'm all wet!"
That got me. And the taint bit jesus.
C3PO wasn't in the trash compactor and you know it good sir!
DeKillJoy - killing joy for all Americans.
Did you get that Louie? I can repeat it if you'd like. 😀
There's too much going on, and my brain is overloaded.... so all I can focus on is Stephen's shirt. I'm mesmerized by the purple/blue of it. I want one.
I was just thinking the same thing. Such a pretty iridescent color.
@@GiftSparks i think it might be puce.
The one thing we can say definitively about Mark Johnson is "he is not a cat"
I don't know, it could be a cat using a Mark Johnson filter...
🙂😊😄😁😂🤣
@@temseti0 good point I guess we'll just have to wait to see if a video comes out of him saying I'm not a meow Johnson.
The new paradox of Schrodingers Johnson?
@@RinrvUSA no, bad human Spritz Spritz bad human. Is the Johnson hard or not it's in a stage of being both until we unzip to find out. Very very bad human, you brought that into this world, bad human.
So you're saying the post man has all the power? Jerry, lock the door Jerry! He's on to us... Newman!
The twin of bob sagat joke though. In tears
"Wilderness doesn't need no defense. it only needs more defenders"- Edward Abbey
I agree with that with the word would be Any, defense. How you say the message is just as important as the message itself
@@blaze556922 : You’re correct. That is a pet peeve of mine also.People don’t realize that the way you speak has a profound effect on how people perceive you.
If future generations are to remember us with gratitude rather than contempt, we must leave them more than the miracles of technology. We must leave them a glimpse of the world as it was in the beginning, not just after we got through with it.” ― Lyndon B. Johnson.
Yeah...words of care and concern from a Texas gangster who caused his commander in chief to be dead on the back seat of a limousine. Nice work, Tex. Nixon, Ford and Bush thank you.
@@MC-yy2bx
There is absolutely zero evidence to support the conspiracy theory that Johnson was involved in the assassination. It's about as believable as the ridiculous claim that Secretary Stanton played a role in the murder of Lincoln.
Was not expecting a Jeffrey Donovan , or a Burn Notice nod. Nice
That guy laughing in the back was crackin' me tf up x'D
I was a Mark Johnson for the first 40 years of my life. I took my wife's last name when we married as she is 1/2 French and had a cooler last name.
you just missed out on becoming international news
@@acediadekay3793 all my friends know my former last name, so I might be famous in a small circle. 😉🤣
I knew a guy once named John Jones. I heard him on a phone call one time, after introducing himself, saying, "Yes, I call my parents Mr. and Mrs. Imagination!"
Voila
She must wear the pants.
Side note: it takes an oak tree 50 years to produce its first acorn.
I agree with Mother Earth when she said: Yum yum, give mama some!
Edit: I hope the Postal Service is ready to flag literally all of Twitter.
Never go back to a live audience. The show has gained so much from ditching it
Nice name buddy
I love the audience reaction. The whole band is there and never miss a cue. They don't just laugh and clap, but they cheer him on when he makes sense.
Mother Earth's design looks quite similar to the Earth in the School House Rock episode "Energy Blues." If that was intentional, then kudos to the animation crew.
Never expected the mailman to be a part of the National Security Council.
Letter carriers are over worked and abused physically by their job - mentally and emotionally by their bosses and managers. They used to be able to deliver their route in 4 hours back in the 1970's and earlier decades. Then their routes were "re engineered" and they were out on the street 8 hours a day. Postal management kept "consolidating" their routes until they had to be on the street 10 to 12 hours a day. Now a days a letter carrier's USUAL day is 12 hours on the street sometimes 14 hours....6 days a week. Whereas a veteran mail carrier has had a little more then a little more and then alittle more added to their routes over the years - the new hires can't do it when they're dropped into the middle of the whirlwind. They go bezerk very early on. One of the "New Mail Carrier" trainers at my office said that the turn over rate for new hires was in excess of 80% but the Post Office's "Official" report said it was "only" 40%. I was working at one of the stations when a new hire came back after being out in the rain for 5 hours and handed the keys to his mail truck to the supervisor and told him to " ... shove the job and the mail up his ass." The supervisor FREAKED OUT and began SCREAMING frantically at the ( now freed ) letter carrier: " You CAN'T do THIS.... YOU CAN'T DO THIS ! Get back here GET BACK HERE ! They guy just walked out smiling. The Post Office was trying to hire new letter carriers for only $15 bucks an hour but quickly raised that to $19 bucks an hour after so many people just couldn't handle it. I believe now ( April, 2021 ) they are paying new mail carrier hire's even more- but... it's still not worth it. the overloaded routes were bad enough when it was mostly letter mail to deliver but THEN the pandemic came along and the delivery job became PACKAGES, PACKAGES, PACKAGES ! Due to their "downsizing" in terms of carrier manpower and increasing the route sizes the Post Office got caught drastically short for being able to deliver. It's sad to say but management at the headquarters level WANT'S it this way. It will make it EASIER to say that the post office is a failure and sell it off to a private delivery company like Amazon. Maybe a conglomerate of FedEx, UPS and Amazon ? I have the perfect name for the new delivery company: "Fed-Up-Azon. - Jim Carroll, Bufflalo, Ny - over and out.
@@MC-yy2bx Wow.
Is it this way everywhere?
Thank you for sharing!
@@AmericanTeacher-USA ; yeah. It is.
@@MC-yy2bx I agree with you. But I will say that it will take 4/5's of all states for that to happen since we're written into the main body of the Constitution. Under current conditions I don't see that many states agreeing on anything. 😊
Well... if you had listened to right winged propaganda over the last election cycle, you would know your mail person's job is to do a health and welfare check up on you daily.
Mark Johnson is someone I’m very familiar with. I’ve been hearing his voice almost everyday for 20 years. I’ve met him a couple times over the years. I’ve been to fundraisers, I saw him at Roaring Springs, I saw him at Doug Armstrong’s retirement party, I’ve gone to school with people whose parents work for KTVB, and I’ve even taken college classes from people who work at KTVB. When a Boise native like me has a passion for media, KTVB is where we all flock to. On a national scale, it’s nothing remarkable. So to see Mark talked about by people like Stephen Colbert is the most bizarre thing.
I don't know EXACTLY why, but "the Snyder cut of Cats" hit so hard that it's the funniest joke in the last 50 or so opening monologues. Whoever came up with that one, thank you!
LMFAO, literally sitting here eating peanut butter and crackers, yes Greta, I will.
My city specifically asks that residents don't rinse glas waste as it will be washed before recycling anyway.
Same (though pb&j), and despite knowing I was going to clean it out... I feel awkwardly guilty for some reason :/
My guess is a writer during quarantine binge-watched all of Burn Notice for that joke. 🤣
lol, I actually did that last year. :-)
In fairness, it really is a spectacular show that concludes at the right time with exactly the right ending.
Oh, I loved it. I came for Bruce Campbell, but stayed for everything else. And they indeed did stick the landing, the finale was just right.
@@Viperclarkx01 that was such a fun show, I even watched the web exclusives with Sam. Lol.
@@Phoenix-xn3sf I’m actually half way through it currently. Funny, I also came for Bruce Campbell
They know everything about my bed, my bath, and my beyond lol.
My favourite late night show! Writers including Colbert are geniuses! I like the personal more relaxed/casual look of the set & Colbert personally -no more super short hair & suit Stephen!!! I also adore Evie, his wife laughing in the background & occasionally getting to see her do a segment with Stephen ❤
I love the purple shirt 💜
I didn't notice until you said that!! Ty
Mother Earth and I have a lot in common. Love her.
9:09 i just love the little matt damon with a potato!
Geez, the Earth animation must be talking straight from the Sahara, 'cause every line was damn thirsty!
"But how does she know she doesn't like it?
The skin color of the person presenting it. That's how she knows.
This is one of the times when its definitely not a racial thing, its a different kind of ignorance. Doesnt matter whether it was AOC, Bernie or Pelosi who came up with it, its socialist and there is only one thing right wingers hate more than dark skin, socialism.
@Aaron Friedman 🤯
Aaron Friedman I know! I know! And it's not the skin color, it's the insane narcissistic fascist in the skin!
Cherry Red orange
Pat's Amazing Blends orange
While it's technically 14 pages, it's double spaced with wide margins and uses a 14 point font with a full page of the signatories.
And Majorie Taylor Greene still couldn't read that? I'm a writer, and I write that much in one sitting! Smh
People acting all surprised about Mark Johnson going viral while I'm preparing to celebrate Ed Balls day on the 28th.
Mazel tov!
Thank you for keeping your show on during these times and we all appreciate you Mr. Colbert 👏
So the post office has their workers stopping people going postal now
Louis Dejoy, mr impeached's faithful dog, is seriously destroying the post office.
To be honest, 14 pages is a long read for MTG.
MTG likes to be armed, but chooses unarmed combat in the form of a debate.
When I saw MTG I thought you were talking about magic the gathering lol then I realize those are the initials of the most heinous person in politics right now 😹
When I saw MTG wielding a gun to appeal to her voters I lost all faith in her abilities to steer us in the right direction for our children's future. I really hope she gets help with reading those 14 pages and form a meaningful opinion. But she will probably draw her gun again to fight against whatever.
If she read one page of the bill each month since it came out, she would have finished it last month
@@RevDrDoo Especially against AOC. If by some miracle they actually do end up debating each other, I'm all in.
14 pages is too much for MTG? I read more than double that in one sitting every night before going to bed. And not fun modern stories either, some complicated and old stories too.
Gosh, Stephen’s on fire tonight! 🔥
Classic. Just Stephen havin' a good time.
A good monologue!
Love the chair creak when he changes position.
Earth Fact ✅:
The Earth is bipolar.
But she’s a magnet.
Stephen doesn't miss a beat.. He's pretty sharp for an old dood!
Fred Flintstone Collection - Ouch! Nice one.
Geez, Mother Earth is seriously thirsty. But it only makes sense: she’s been getting hotter year after year.
If humans do nothing, then Mother Earth gets menopause and reaches old age.
You just gave me an idea...
Makes sense. Looks like her DMs are dry af
😍😍👗 😂 😂
That’s why it’s snowing in the U.S. right now.
Just wait until John Markson hears about this! It won’t be pretty.
Mark Johnson, thank you for making me laugh so hard 🤣for something so confusing and ridiculous.
Have him on the show.
14 pages and i’m over here stressing about missing 10 pages of reading in class
C3P0 was never in the trash compactor.....
Earth sounds like Aidy from SNL. I love her!
I thought it sounds like Nicole Byer, from Nailed it.
There is more pages to the firearms manuals disclaimers of Liability for her gun collection than that 14.
0:30 - It's remarkable how a 2-second burst of Earth, Wind & Fire's 'September' can brighten your whole day. 🌞
Happy Earthday to you
Happy Earthday to you...
Captain Planet needs a reboot for the current generation of Planeteers!!
I want Captain Planet played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Not a bad idea, I'd just be afraid it'd be turn into a Captain Planet GO 😑
I watch KTVB everyday and I was so excited to see Colbert talking about Mark Johnson. After all, Mark Johnson is the best Mark Johnson of all the Mark Johnson's.
C-3PO was never in the trash compactor. Him and R2-D2 were the ones who got them (Luke, Leia, and Han) out of the trash compactor on the Death Star.