8 THINGS I WISH I KNEW BEFORE ADOPTING/FOSTER CARE!
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- 8 Things I Wish I Knew Before Adopting/ Foster Care:
1. Trauma last way longer then you think
2. Biological extended family is now your family
3. How to navigate the school system
4. Paperwork is hard
5. Not everyone will be excited for you
6. Adopting from foster care is free
7. It's okay to say no to a placement
8. You will love deeper then you thought
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We were blessed with our first official foster child a few weeks ago, she is 20 months and will most likely be with us for 9-12 months (at least). We are in love, but the paper work to get licensed was crazy!!! But the thing you said that rung truest for me was ‘not everyone will be excited for you’. It is shocking and painful. 2 separate ppl I love have been very critical, and not because they think we wouldn’t give a child a good home, but because of the ‘drama’ we are ‘inviting’ into our lives, and the fact that we have ‘enough’ to take care of with our other 3 children. We are talking about a HUMAN CHILD that has just had their world turned upside down and had been living through horrible things. My husband and I are adults. Whatever pain or hardship for us that comes with this journey will be worth it to give this child the love and stability she deserves while her parents get their lives together. If the parents don’t make the necessary changes, we get to add a beautiful daughter to our family forever. How anyone can see that as bad is beyond me.
How long did you have to wait
We are currently fostering our first kids, teen sisters. It has been a wild ride so far, but I love these girls tremendously.
I'm 15 and I've wanted to be a foster carer since I was 8. I got took off my biological mum when I was 7 along with my 3 siblings. My older brother went to live with my auntie (he was 9 at the time. He's now 17), my little brother (then 4 now 11) stayed with me and we went to live with my nan and grandad. And my little sister (then 2 now 9) went into foster care and got adopted later. They taught her how to talk and walk and shower her what love is. She later got adopted and we haven't seen her for 6 years.
I want to make a difference on a child's life. I'm planning to foster 5 kids and have 1 biological child.
It is honestly my dream in life
Thank you for sharing your story! Also, good job staying positive! I know that you will be an amazing foster parent someday!
@@winterhendrickson2242 thank you so much 💕
That is so wonderful that you want to make a difference for other children like you. Bless you. We adopted a little boy through foster care. Good luck to you.
Bless you Jasmine, I was also a foster kid with siblings and we were all adopted. I'm 33 married with 2 biological kids, and finally getting into becoming a foster parent. The thought of at least understanding where another foster child is coming from is a huge emotional trip and investment. I wish you well on your journey and may God walk with you.
You hit the nail on the head! The thing about trauma- soooo true. Smells, TV shows, food, music can all be triggers. I am on the middle journey of our adoption. Daughter decided to move out the day after she turned 18 and moved in with a boyfriend and his family. Crushed me.
Awe... bless you! That would crush me too. Trauma is a beast. We have been learning about it a lot this year. Hoping to make more videos on the subject! Never can have to much information about it!
My husband and I are starting the state adoption path and I would love to find out more about how you've handled the trauma... its honestly the most terrifying part of adopting kids that have been through the foster care system and I just want to make sure I am as prepared as possible... thanks & love the video!
It is really hard but there are tons of resources now for adopting kids! I would say to read 'The Connected Child' by Karen Purvis. It helped a lot. Also, you will know what is best for your child. Sometimes regular advice is not helpful.
Constancy and unconditional love help too!
Because you care, you're going to do awesome!
Lots of love
I'd love to how things worked out for you? We are currently thinking of adopting our 2 and the trauma of the 3 year old is terrifying.
My parents adopted 4 boys and 1 girl, we were all drug babies with trauma. Fast forward, it wasn't easy but my parents enforced structure, discipline, education, sports, and diy. Your children are capable of accomplishments beyond your wildest dreams, set the standards unique for them and watch them succeed. Be open about the trauma, my biological mother was murdered in 1991 and they barely caught the killer through cold case DNA in 2018. If it wasn't for my parents explaining there is good out of bad and the choices of your parents don't determine your future, I just don't know where I would be.
Your question about what the cousins should call you.... you’re a “Bonus Aunt” :)
Thank you for the great information!!! May God continue to bless you guys. My wife and I are beginning this year as foster parents and this was very helpful
This really hit home! I have a 4 month old foster baby boy! He has my heart
So much fun! We have an 18 month old for the last month and he has been such a joy!! 😍😍
This is totally something my boyfriend an I want to do.... its strange but great that he's interested in this he's such a big teddy bear with a big heart❤
Yes! Amen to all of those, especially #7. It's so hard, but necessary sometimes!
I had a teacher who worked at a Alternative school. This girl in our school had some family issues from what I know and the teacher had decided halfway through the year to try and adopt the student since she didn’t have parents and none of her extended family wanted her
Wow! Thats a great teacher!
True family comes from the heart
You and your husband are amazing! Thanks so much for your obedience to our heavenly Father and caring for his children, you will be rewarded. 🤗
Thank you so much! They are such a joy!
I'm a single guy wanting to adopt, I'm afraid I won't be good enough to raise them. Thank you for sharing all the valuable information.
I know a lot of single people that foster! 👍🏼
Thank you for your honesty in this video. It's nice to see another RUclipsr willing to share the hard parts of adoption too... especially since you have so much experience! So often adoption videos are all about the warm and fuzzy parts of adoption. While adoption and foster care are beautiful, they are not easy! My husband and I adopted our daughter from Foster care this year, and it is definitely full of ups and downs! (But wouldn't trade it for the world ♥️)
Thank you for your candor. I am considering becoming a foster parent. I am a momma bear too. I have 2 kids (one 17 and the other is 24) and I wanted to have more, but due to health issues, I could not. Now that I am older and am financially stable, I find myself wanting more children. I didn't have the best childhood myself and a part of that was due to crummy parents. I never was a foster child, but I wish I had better parents. All of these experiences shape my desire to care for, nurture, protect and love more children. Your video helped me to think about the unknowns and some of the challenges that I might face. Thank you again.
#7 ... listen to the Holy Spirit!!!! Thank you for that. And, thank you for this video!!! So much valuable information here. Looking forward to seeing more.
You are absolutely amazing! What a huge heart. Thank you for sharing this.
That was amazing information. I love #8 the best! Thank you!
Im so excited to have come across your channel!!!! Just discovered one of your videos last night, now I'm scrolling through all your videos like "Yip gotta watch that one, and that one, and that one" haha Thankyou so much for loading content like this and teaching about fostering and adoption!!!! Lisa from New Zealand x. P. S my alarm went off today at 1.27pm and I was praying for the foster kids in NZ 😊😍 BLESS YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY x
Thank you for this super encouraging and sweet comment! ❤️❤️
@@winterhendrickson2242 everyday my alarm goes off at 1.27pm so I can pray for the foster kids of NZ, be blessed Winter, when you speak out wise, inspiring content you make an impact and a difference 😀Lisa from New Zealand x
Thank you! Very helpful to know as I am single, and signing up now to adopt from foster care. Most likely a teen. I am scared and excited.
Great tips Winter! I hadn’t thought about quite a few of those things before. ♥️ thank you for this vlog
Chrystal Newton you are so welcome!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Great information. We adopted through foster care and international. Parents really need more preparation.
This was very helpful thank you because the biggest obstacle is the cost.
Thank you for putting this video together.
You’re welcome! ❤️
Thank you for your honesty and help!
You are very welcome! Thank you for watching!
Heyy, I would like for you to make a video and elaborate on point 5. I'm not sure why you didnt want to get into it, but i wanna hear it
Thank you for the information. 💜
my 16 yr old foster son, my husband and I are trying to decide if there are any benefits he would lose or any cons to us adopting him as far as resources etc. We love him as our own now, and have told him that he will always be our son either way. He is TPR already, and is currently forbidden contact with his family due to his safety and their issues. But although he says he wants us to adopt him at some point, he still really wants to have a relationship with his parents when he turns 18. He is in no hurry if he would lose out on fun or monetary benefits being adopted now rather than later.
I think at this point (at least in our state) your foster son would still receive a lot of the benefits from the state. Adopted or not adopted.
It would be good to have an honest conversation with each other about it all. Look at all the options. He may want to be called by your last name and have that security of a family going into adulthood. Most kids do try to maintain some sort of healthy relationship with birth family when they are older. This is normal and apart of healing. It does work out though. Praying for you all to find the right choice for your family!
Good video, very informative 👍
I can’t wait until I’m old enough So that I can adopt a little girl - I’m 16 🥺
I can't wait either!! :)
I’m also 16 and want to adopt :)
Fłoral Oof same !!
Same here! I’m too young right now I’m 15 but I hope when I’m an adult I can adopt!
Im 17. Once i got a stable life, i want to adopt one kid as a single parent. Hope things will go well
Hi! My husband and I are en asking on this adoption adventure and we are evenly scared/ nervous/ excited!! Thank you for this video. I didn't think about school stuff at all.
You’re welcome! It’s so scary but I found that the best things in life are always scary at first! ❤️
I'm only 17 but once I get done with college and get a stable income I want to adopt a kid or a group of bio siblings. I help my mom&stepdad with my 1 year old sister and while doing that I've realized just how much I want kids, I'm willing to work through anything with them and give them the best lives possible (even though I haven't met them yet lol). My mom is my whole world, she's helped me through so much, and I want to do the same for my future kids.
I’ve always known that I want to foster and adopt since I was like 7 or 8. I’ve also known I wanted a big family. I’m currently 16 and I can’t wait to have a family. Giving a second chance to a child of any age and whatever they’ve been through is something I can’t wait to do. I absolutely love kids and I know for a fact that this is something I really want to do. Usually when people are growing up they think about what they want to be when they grow up, but all I’ve ever wanted to do is have a family. I can’t wait to get older and have a family.
I love this ❤️ and I’m sure you’re an AWESOME mother!
I had no idea about #6 that’s amazing!
Christian And transparent yes! We were always told that it cost around $2800 for lawyer fees but the state helped by paying for that fee! ❤️❤️
🤯 mind blown! That’s amazing!!
@@winterhendrickson2242 Of course they helped you financially. It's a small portion of the federal money which you make available to them by adopting in their state. It's basically your cut.
Thank you I needed to hear this.
About to go through the process this was the most helpful video I ever watched I was wondering about the adoption process through foster care like how long is it is my main question
That’s so encouraging! Thanks Kmaries! The process varies. Here is a basic timeline.
The child removed from their family, at this point they spend the next 6-12months trying to reunite the child to their birth family. All the while looking for extended family to take this child. If they can’t reunite the child to the parents, the rights of the parents are terminated by the courts. After this it’s about 6-12months to adoption.
On average it’s about a 2 year process from start to finish for the child.
Something to note is about 25% make it to this stage. 75% go home or are placed with extended family.
Congratulations in starting this process! You won’t regret it! ❤️❤️
Kmaries Dollz does the processing varies state by state ?
This is the first time watching. I'm just curious if you have/had a teenager. You say the word like A lot. However, I really enjoyed the content and found it very informative.
I have 2 teenagers! ❤️
Number 8 is so good! 😭😭😭
I am a single woman with a disability hoping to adopt a child from the foster care system. I know parenting is hard in general and parenting a child with trauma can and will be harder but, I hear there are alot of positive things about foster care adoption like there is alot of support and resources available for these children and as you said you can get Medicaid and in some states but, not every state you may keep the child's stipened which could help some when it comes to some wants and necessities for the child.
That’s awesome! Go for it! ❤️❤️
The first thing you said was a part of the final decision for me and my mate to do things outside the system. By which I imply there are other ways of doing it other than the agency, however looked down upon. Don't give up.
I love your video it is very informative. Thank you.
Oh man, I knew you knew Jesus!😊 then you said it! Were just in the praying and considering phase of foster/adoption.
Jesus is my everything! I feel like it would be impossible to foster with out Him! 🥰🥰🥰
@@winterhendrickson2242 It's kingdom work💕 It is so important! Great job sister!
If you foster/adopt through a private agency, it will cost you $$$$. It also depends on your income if you receive free medical care through Medicare/Medicaid - those programs are income based!
I had a question im turning 21 next year and im planning on adopting either next year or in the next 2 to 3 yrs. Do you know if you have to foster first before adopting or can you adopt straight out?
Yes! You can do foster to adoption cases. These are situations where the termination of parental rights has all ready happen. Some agencies say you can't but with the state you can! :) I'm excited for you!
@@winterhendrickson2242 if you check the state photo list can you inquire about them to see if you can foster to adopt?
Thank you for your video. 2 questions, please for anyone with advice: 1. How do you know you can handle it? I've mentored kids in group homes, but I don't know what to expect regarding adopting them. 2. We are 50 and 54 years old. The boys recently flew out of the nest and are married. Is adopting a good thing from both sides, or are we being selfish wanting to fill the quiet house, and the business that comes with being a parent again? I've even had a friend say I should just suck it up, and get used to the next (somewhat unfulfilling) stage of life.
I love this! You guys would be prefect for teens from group homes. While these may not be like your grown children, it’s so important for them to be raised in a home and not a group home. Here’s some of my thoughts:
1. Is your husband and grown kids on board. It will completely effect their life?
2. Are you doing it because you miss you kids or are you doing it for the good of all and you have the ability? ❤️
3. Are able to go with the flow? Plans change all the time.
Just my first thoughts! But I have always loved the idea of empty nesters adoption out of foster care! It’s a great solution for both sides!
@@winterhendrickson2242 My husband is on board. My grown kids I haven't discussed yet. They are both recently married, one out of state now. We do miss having kids, but adoption was always a consideration when we were planning a family. Once the boys happened we were so busy it kind of went out the window. We have a lot of compassion for kids that are put in a place they didn't choose because parents have made choices that didn't work out. And going with the flow?! I loathe doing that, since I like planning. I do realize, though, after working with foster kids that many times it is organized chaos, and that will have to be the way it is, unless we can get a good direction going. That is the goal. Teens were particularly interesting because we don't have the energy for little ones or chasing them around the house. Hormones are not always fun, but grown up talks are needed and spoken as kindly as possible and thought helping those even just for a few years before they age out might be a good thought.
Great video!
My question is about religion/faith. Does our religion matter or play into adoption in a negative/positive way? We are very active in our faith, do you have any tips or insight into how a child would react to this?
The child does have a say in their faith and going to church. We have always said that our family goes to church. We haven’t had any issues. Our older son converted from believing in Buddha to Jesus fairly fast after moving in with us.
Such a wonderful video. Thank you.
where does the 'adoption subsidy' come from?
Thank you for sharing!! ♥️
You are a Bonus Auntie🏅🙌
Yes!! ❤️❤️ I just found out last week we have 5 more bonus Nieces and Nephews!
If you choose to be a foster home but not adopte is it the same things?
Same process for adopting out of foster care. But yes you can foster and not adopt.
We're adopting our first baby boy since I cant have children. I'm super excited :) Aug 2020
Did you end up adopting?
Thank you so much for posting this video. So helpful! I do have a question... How old were you when you first started fostering?
I was 23 when we got licensed! 24 when we got our boys! ❤️❤️
I've heard that adopting through foster care doesn't always work out (by that I mean you aren't always able to have the right to adopt a certain child) did you ever have a problem with that? I also would like to know if you have any biological kids? I have a 2 year old but felt inspired to adopt. If anyone has advice on things to be aware of when doing something like that.
Hi Bailey! It is possible that adoption through foster care can be challenging. It all depends on perspective. Going into foster care we just committed to adopt every child that can’t be reunited with family. You can ask for kids that already have their parents rights terminated. Which is a lower chance of the kids moving out of your house. But once adopted they are your own kids! 😍😍
We don’t have any bio babies. 😃
Hi Bailey, my husband and I are in the process of adopting from foster care and we're worried about that too so we are looking on at Children Awaiting forever homes. If you Google search your state and then Children Awaiting Forever Homes, you will see children who are available and whose parental rights are already terminated.
Also, I met a lot of people in my state required training that have biological children and they only thing they said is that keeping birth order really helps. So if you have a daughter, one option is to only take kids that are younger than her. But it's completely up to you!
probably odd questing but let’s say you adopt a few kids ( 3-4 ) and you don’t have enough space anymore and can’t take in more kids what happens after?
You can buy anew home with more bedrooms or just crowd them in. There’s always room for one more! 😉
@@winterhendrickson2242 I thought you couldn’t foster after having 4 children in your home ?
I have a biological son and am 21yrs old. I hope that when I'm about 25-27yrs old, I can start fostering as well. My question is, if you have any biological children, how would you bring up the idea of having foster siblings? I would want to foster kids between 6-9yrs old so my son would be close to their age & I know they're less likely to be adopted if older. Also, how difficult is it to foster adopt an older child? I've tried finding things on it, but all I can find are babies or teens but nothing about 6-10yr olds.
We have only adopted kids in that age range! The best apart is that they are normally already potty trained and sleep through the night. The part that is going to be a challenge that they have already seen some awful things. My kids are amazing but honestly the pain they feel from their past still comes out from time to time.
When we adopted our younger two children, we asked the older two boys if they wanted to adopt them or not. They both agreed. So from the beginning we were all on the same page. Sure there are risks but thats the sam with giving birth to a new sibling! :)
Praying for your journey!
Hi I'm 25 and I live in Chicago is there any tips for me being a single person?
There are lots of Foster Mamas out there that are single! I bet Chicago (being so large) would have Facebook groups where you can chat with other foster parents out there in your area! It's always helpful to not feel alone! Also, don't be afraid to use respite if you need it! Thank you for fostering!
Just do it... Im speaking to myself more than you my friend.
It always helps to interact with the community
Really LOVE your straightforward but loving presentation about adoption, we are just now starting the process and are curious how hard it is to adopt out of state through foster program, do you happen to know?
It’s honestly difficult to adopt from out of state. But it’s worth the fight! ❤️❤️ just remember that everything takes longer then you would think when it comes to adopting. Bless you though! It has been done!
Did you ever have to go through an AARC meeting with any of your adoptions?
I don’t think so.. what’s AARC? 😂
If you adopt are you able to move to a different state with the children if you are called to an out of state job??
Once you adopt, that child is yours forever. Just like if you gave birth to them! ❤️❤️❤️
So yes! 👍🏼
That sometimes ppl can be insensitive and some caseworkers lie and are lazy.
Ouch number five really got me
I just spoke out to my family about adopting and a few of them questioned my fiance and my's decision and thought it was absurd... so stay true to what your heart tells you ♡
Great video
Shout outs to real loving and non abusive foster parents... So scary that kids are moved from parents who just need some help and placed with ppl who abuse and sexually assault kids and get wayyyy worse then they would of with their parents.. If a child is truly abused by parents like sick physically or mental abuse they should be removed... Not removed on false allegations or just bc of housing
Hi. I am in the licensing process. I like the last few things that you said especially .What state or area do you live it
South Dakota! ❤️❤️
@@winterhendrickson2242 Okay super b/c you were mentioning that for adoption children continue to receive some moneys from the state. So I'm going to reach out to my caseworker and do some research and see if that's the case here in South Carolina!
It’s called an adoption subsidy! Most states have it! ❤️❤️
I guess in a sense its like one big huge family along with both the adopted and biological family
Hi Winter This Is Jermey McGuire I Got Adopted On Thursday June 13th 2019. My Last Name Was Formerly Maddox
What kind of school do your children go to? I’ve never heard of anybody being able to choose teachers for their children. Is it a foster care specific thing?
My poor little brother had a horrible first grade teacher that was really mean to him, and we weren’t even allowed to transfer him to a different one. :(
You as the parents always have the right to request a teacher for your child! You go to the school in May and request! I made the mistake a few times and just left to chance. You are your child's advocate in every way!
If your a foster parent temporarily your not the parent... Just f.y.i.... If your adopting then yes your the parent and its your sworn duty to protect and love that child.. Please dont abuse kids anyone... (No offense to any good ppl or ppl here.. Id love to save as many kids as i can one day but id NEVER hurt a parent and child relationship on false allegations... )
Counseling and therapy can help but trauma can only be healed by God. I personally went through many traumatic experiences and therapy helped a litle but only God was able to heal me in a way that extends beyond habits. Spiritually, emotionally and mentally... God, the higher power who created the universe can ACTUALLY heal you.
Don’t do it unless you want to have added stress in your life....
Yes, it can be stressful. But in my opinion the kids are worth it.
Even people who haven't been adopted have trauma. Unfortunately, it's a part of life. 🤷♀️
I am I foster care for 3 days and move more then 10 time so far I am 11
I’m 17 worrying about adopting kids 😂
Great video, thank you 🙏🏼
Do you know if a child is in foster care in another state it’s possible for a friend of the family (me) to foster? Parents still haven’t lost rights but I’m already in love. Mom refused rehab, dads in jail. I’m over 2k miles away.
Sometime... it’s hard to cross state lines. It’s not impossible. If the kids come into state care they would work on reunification with birth mom first. If that can’t happen her rights would be terminated. Maybe 6 months at the least. Also, they would call all family and see if it’s a possibility for them to take the kids. But the best way is, if mom is willing to, have her give you guys Guardianship before they are in care. I understand that it’s not always possible. 🤷🏼♀️❤️
Winter Hendrickson thank you for your quick response. I’m giving it to God, the last child of the birth moms went through the same and her rights were terminated. & the dad is my friends dad, he’s never been in the picture or stable. I’m praying for this little girl no matter what, and giving it to God. 🙏🏼 meanwhile also putting off our next cycle of Ivf. I love your hair btw!
It doesn't seem like many single men adopt/foster..?
There are some, it’s just not as common.
My mate was and is very into it. I was partially inspired to do my part because he gave his part a go.
Great video, hate that background music.
You expected all of these kids to come to you a clean, blank fresh slate are you kidding me..and you didnt want their bio mothers involved at all wondering how they are doing..WOW
Can anyone adopt me please I'm 15 years old and I'm from Philippines
I'd love to
@@LydiaXavier321 what do you mean?
Are you serious😱😱
@@LydiaXavier321 please send me email Banesnacua@gmail.com
@@LydiaXavier321 please!!!
Thank you for a great information, I will like to speak to you do you have an email address, I can sent you a few questions. Thank you
hendricksonwinter@gmail.com
10:00
Maybe consider to sign up for LegalShield to have access to an attorney to help you navigate those issues as best as possible. Just saying...
What age group did you request to foster?
Kori Calaman it’s changed through out the years but right now it’s 3-18 age group..
you are so cute
don't change their name.
I didn't realize other schools did 504
Very informative, thanks!