Truth… felt neglected , ignored , not guided or taught much of anything but to fend for myself.. Now I get berated because I didn’t make perfect choices in life. I’m finally detaching & veering away from parents now,in my 50s
As a highly sensitive daughter of an emotionally immature mother myself I found your interview very useful for my healing journey 🎁 thank you Patricia !
This information has been so interesting. What a shame we older adults (children of the 60's and 70's) didn't have this information or the internet back then. What we could have learned! I grew up surrounded by adults for whom I had to take care of their emotional needs. Mom wasn't really one of them, at least not when I was very young. She put me in that role soon enough though and I never even realized it until recently. Always felt honored that I was so "mature" and my mom and I were "friends" etc. Just didn't realize I was being set up to be the parent. I felt like everyone's parent or at least knew I had to behave a certain way to survive. The walking on eggshells thing was ever present when dad was around - and that was for all of us. Grew up and had no idea who I was, what I could be, what I even wanted or liked. Took me until my 30's and 40's to start even thinking about my identity. Then by my 50's, after losing a job and finding an even better one, it started clicking. Now in my early 60's I get it. In first marriage, hubby asked me what I wanted to do with my life (in the context of he was going to school to better himself and I was just working at work, working at home, taking care of him and everything else). I just broke down crying. The reaction shocked me. Why was I crying? I had no idea who I was or what I wanted, or that it was okay for me to want.
I very much relate to your experience and insights in so many ways. I got on to a career track yet still now feel adrift and needing to take charge of my life direction. Your insights are your salvation, and I believe mine are my salvation. I am hanging on every word of Lindsay’s knowledge and experience, as I know this is my way forward. Life is short, so for me being pro-active at this stage is all-important as I now have the understanding and the ‘tools’. Thank you for sharing. Professor-Elizabeth
Dealing with these types of difficult personalities depends on how long and how deep a pattern of treating you as if you don't matter, and how many timea they dismiss your request for clear and direct communication with silent treatment or passive aggressive behavior. It is better to minimize contact in some cases, in others move on. It's an individual choice. It can be dangerous to interpret a truly destructive personality type with just being immature.
As a adult children of BPD mother, I am having a nerve breakdwon due to my mind set up, so much of my energy was spent on dealing with the unpleasant emotions caused by work, relationships...I brorrowed this e book from the library imediately . Thank you. I need a good boundary to protect me.
Around 40 minutes the discussion around the use of "people pleasing" terminology is soooo potent! I didn't realize I had been using that to judge and punish myself. Thanks for another great episode!
This is one of the best interviews with Lindsay Gibson I've found yet, thank you so much for the care in creating this. It probably makes sense that this resonated with me the most because I am an HSP, and it seems like Patricia was really good at navigating this particular experience and Lindsay followed gracefully through that landscape, I'm impressed and so grateful! I;m in my late 40s and lost my parents some time ago, so I already have had to solve most of these issues on my own, but the new framing is useful and especially helpful in dealing with other emotionally immature family members who are still alive.
Backstabbing is a commonplace among many, not all, such people; in families, at jobs, and anywhere where there is contact. And, there are always boundaries-- as long as there are human beings; public, private, professional, and customary. I find it a real rarity to come across an emotionally mature adult with an ability to REASON, and not disgorge clichés and fortified, self-indulgent biases.
i found that when i realized there was more to life that i hadnt known about i got extremely angry because i knew it wasnt something id be able to reach or have the courage to get or was terrified of
This is brilliant! I've long wondered why I started having epileptic seizures and nose bleeds as a pre-teen, and then partial seizures after my mother's nervous breakdown, deciding whether or not to divorce my father (after he beat her, which meant she had grounds for divorce). I've just ordered Lindsay Gibson's Self Care book and I'm very much looking forward to reading it. Thank you so much for this podcast. And may you continue to flourish! I'm going to be listening and listening and re-listening to this podcast - every time I hear it, I find ah ha moments .... xxx
I am in good therapy for the first time and my reoccurring toxic thought is, “I am too much.” 15:40 Knowing I was programmed to think that way was very validating. Thank you.
This was so commercialized and monetized with the constant advertising interruptions that I had to keep stopping and going back because each commercial interrupted thoughts and sentences. Won't be returning.
Thank you for your wisdom and intelligence, ladies. You've helped me tremendously to understand my childhood and "caretakers" better and to heal past trauma.
You seem to get it exactly. I’ve only saw 2 videos so far, but is there a discussion on how to find a therapist who isn’t also playing the same emotionally immature games? I had a therapist who, because I was a few minutes late 1st session and a few minutes early 2nd session, made me wait til 10 minutes after starting time while she loudly stirred her tea in the kitchen of her home/office. I was 22 and she was at least twice that. 20 years later and I still am blocked from connecting with other emotionally mature and respectful people. This was around the corner from the UN, so we were both probably targeted. It does feel like i still have to teach therapist these ways of being because no one taught them either but they won’t let me get the credentials to make a living out of my best skills such as these because I really worked at it! While my peers were always out partying, I was trying to have better relationships because I wanted to address my issues head on instead of only numbing out like too many people do…please help me!
My mom NEVER held any of us-- She made excuses as to why she was unable to be a mother, stating she was victimized by it. Preferring us to be left on the floor.
Hi Patricia. I have a question about HSPs with EI parents. It seems likely that if a HSP continues in a relationship with a (very) EI parent, then it's likely to be quite stressful regardless of learning techniques to manage the encounter. Are HSPs more likely to entertain the idea of breaking off a relationship with a harmful EI parent??
Unfortunately, that’s what I’m finally doing & im in my 50s now.. Wish I would of detached from my parents in my early 20s- instead of waiting til my 50s 🫤
Yes for me in learning this info. Challenging my mom in these areas brought out the worst and I went limited contact via text for holidays only to stay safe.
I'd love if you could balance this description of 'immature' people - with pure & simple greed and entitlement. So many of us are completely gaslit, by being encouraged to see these people as wounded or having 'defence mechanisms' That exists, but it's not the ONLY explanation. In many cases, we are simply dealing with an 'abuse of power' . People who take 'because they can' and 'because no-one stops them' We need the balance of caveats, to prevent feeding into abusers manipulative narratives, that so many of use are deeply controlled by.
I don’t like the word boundaries. It makes us coaches with whistles, instead of sentient humans. When Patricia talks about the group I find that a monitoring intellectualizing false voice.
im puzzled. this lady hates people. she's like the villain in Disney movies. this lady is a bully. condescending. saying things like "Their apparent goal is to hold your attention for as long as possible. In this way, you can see the emotional immaturity of their need. It is not the adult enjoyment of reciprocal conversation, it is more like the anxiety of an emotionally neglected child who dares not to stop talking or Mommy wont pay attention at all." p. 92 ya thats exactly the problem lady. thanks for stating the obvious and literally not even addressing the issue or healing the "child". the advice is to be self aware and pay attention to the other person in the conversation even though ur needs have still not been met, which is not going to help much lol.. its like she's basically laughing at adult children who didn't get their needs met and is like oh boo hoo was mommy not paying attention to you. so weird. and describing what happened in the most rude way possible. there's got to be a better person writing on this type of stuff.
this lindsay lady is so toxic its hard to listen to, its triggering. she needs someone else to do her interviews bc clearly she herself is one of these types of people shes talking about. its like the elephant in the room.. and gives me a bad feeling
Exactly it's just very light fawning frivolous code word for endless cruelty and abuse so we need to start saying emotionally psychologically violent person. But the culture that these women are coming from is inherently misogynistic and inherently fawning so They will go along to get along. Classic internalized misogyny.
Truth… felt neglected , ignored , not guided or taught much of anything but to fend for myself..
Now I get berated because I didn’t make perfect choices in life.
I’m finally detaching & veering away from parents now,in my 50s
people without empathy want u to see how powerful they are, loving people want u to see how powerful u r
She simply explains my whole childhood to me, why i react the way i do, and she helps me realise that I matter too.
As a highly sensitive daughter of an emotionally immature mother myself I found your interview very useful for my healing journey 🎁 thank you Patricia !
Me too❤
Same!❤
This information has been so interesting. What a shame we older adults (children of the 60's and 70's) didn't have this information or the internet back then. What we could have learned! I grew up surrounded by adults for whom I had to take care of their emotional needs. Mom wasn't really one of them, at least not when I was very young. She put me in that role soon enough though and I never even realized it until recently. Always felt honored that I was so "mature" and my mom and I were "friends" etc. Just didn't realize I was being set up to be the parent. I felt like everyone's parent or at least knew I had to behave a certain way to survive. The walking on eggshells thing was ever present when dad was around - and that was for all of us.
Grew up and had no idea who I was, what I could be, what I even wanted or liked. Took me until my 30's and 40's to start even thinking about my identity. Then by my 50's, after losing a job and finding an even better one, it started clicking. Now in my early 60's I get it. In first marriage, hubby asked me what I wanted to do with my life (in the context of he was going to school to better himself and I was just working at work, working at home, taking care of him and everything else). I just broke down crying. The reaction shocked me. Why was I crying? I had no idea who I was or what I wanted, or that it was okay for me to want.
Oh man. I see you. ❤
I very much relate to your experience and insights in so many ways. I got on to a career track yet still now feel adrift and needing to take charge of my life direction. Your insights are your salvation, and I believe mine are my salvation. I am hanging on every word of Lindsay’s knowledge and experience, as I know this is my way forward. Life is short, so for me being pro-active at this stage is all-important as I now have the understanding and the ‘tools’. Thank you for sharing. Professor-Elizabeth
I had very much the same childhood experience as you. 🙁
Also now in my 60's and very grateful for all this new information. ❤
Hey 🎉how you doing. I hope you’re doing great. Thank yiu for posting that. I feel very lost at the moment.
“… to allow themselves to be eclipsed … emotionally coerced through shame and guilt” Absolutely nailed it.
So true!
Dealing with these types of difficult personalities depends on how long and how deep a pattern of treating you as if you don't matter, and how many timea they dismiss your request for clear and direct communication with silent treatment or passive aggressive behavior. It is better to minimize contact in some cases, in others move on. It's an individual choice. It can be dangerous to interpret a truly destructive personality type with just being immature.
As a adult children of BPD mother, I am having a nerve breakdwon due to my mind set up, so much of my energy was spent on dealing with the unpleasant emotions caused by work, relationships...I brorrowed this e book from the library imediately . Thank you. I need a good boundary to protect me.
Around 40 minutes the discussion around the use of "people pleasing" terminology is soooo potent! I didn't realize I had been using that to judge and punish myself. Thanks for another great episode!
This is one of the best interviews with Lindsay Gibson I've found yet, thank you so much for the care in creating this. It probably makes sense that this resonated with me the most because I am an HSP, and it seems like Patricia was really good at navigating this particular experience and Lindsay followed gracefully through that landscape, I'm impressed and so grateful! I;m in my late 40s and lost my parents some time ago, so I already have had to solve most of these issues on my own, but the new framing is useful and especially helpful in dealing with other emotionally immature family members who are still alive.
I am blown away by how accurate this is. She’s so brilliant. Everything said is so helpful, oh my goodness.
Hugs to everyone. Jeeze, how will we ever find our way. At this point it's just alone right?
Backstabbing is a commonplace among many, not all, such people; in families, at jobs, and anywhere where there is contact. And, there are always boundaries-- as long as there are human beings; public, private, professional, and customary. I find it a real rarity to come across an emotionally mature adult with an ability to REASON, and not disgorge clichés and fortified, self-indulgent biases.
i found that when i realized there was more to life that i hadnt known about i got extremely angry because i knew it wasnt something id be able to reach or have the courage to get or was terrified of
It’s helpful to hear this but it also makes me sad because I don’t understand why almost no one gets it and why I do. It’s lonely most of the time…
This is brilliant! I've long wondered why I started having epileptic seizures and nose bleeds as a pre-teen, and then partial seizures after my mother's nervous breakdown, deciding whether or not to divorce my father (after he beat her, which meant she had grounds for divorce). I've just ordered Lindsay Gibson's Self Care book and I'm very much looking forward to reading it. Thank you so much for this podcast. And may you continue to flourish! I'm going to be listening and listening and re-listening to this podcast - every time I hear it, I find ah ha moments .... xxx
I am in good therapy for the first time and my reoccurring toxic thought is, “I am too much.” 15:40
Knowing I was programmed to think that way was very validating. Thank you.
This is exactly my story with my EIP, myself and my child. Several scenes of my life are shown to me in this video. Thank you both so much. 👍🙏
This was so commercialized and monetized with the constant advertising interruptions that I had to keep stopping and going back because each commercial interrupted thoughts and sentences. Won't be returning.
One ad per minute.
Dr Lindsay, your conversations has been really helpful and useful, kinda life saving ❤ thank you!
Thank you for your wisdom and intelligence, ladies. You've helped me tremendously to understand my childhood and "caretakers" better and to heal past trauma.
You seem to get it exactly. I’ve only saw 2 videos so far, but is there a discussion on how to find a therapist who isn’t also playing the same emotionally immature games? I had a therapist who, because I was a few minutes late 1st session and a few minutes early 2nd session, made me wait til 10 minutes after starting time while she loudly stirred her tea in the kitchen of her home/office. I was 22 and she was at least twice that. 20 years later and I still am blocked from connecting with other emotionally mature and respectful people. This was around the corner from the UN, so we were both probably targeted. It does feel like i still have to teach therapist these ways of being because no one taught them either but they won’t let me get the credentials to make a living out of my best skills such as these because I really worked at it! While my peers were always out partying, I was trying to have better relationships because I wanted to address my issues head on instead of only numbing out like too many people do…please help me!
My mom NEVER held any of us-- She made excuses as to why she was unable to be a mother, stating she was victimized by it. Preferring us to be left on the floor.
Amazing chat! Thanks for doing this.
Dr. Gibson is awesome, ty!
Adult Offspring is an excellent term.
Y'all's detours are valuable too, I get a lot out of them.😅
Thank you
Thanks so much!!! Such a useful information!
What about something for emotionally toxic adult children!
Hi Patricia. I have a question about HSPs with EI parents. It seems likely that if a HSP continues in a relationship with a (very) EI parent, then it's likely to be quite stressful regardless of learning techniques to manage the encounter. Are HSPs more likely to entertain the idea of breaking off a relationship with a harmful EI parent??
As for me, temptation is very high…right now
Unfortunately, that’s what I’m finally doing & im in my 50s now..
Wish I would of detached from my parents in my early 20s- instead of waiting til my 50s 🫤
Yes for me in learning this info. Challenging my mom in these areas brought out the worst and I went limited contact via text for holidays only to stay safe.
This was so good!
what happened to the idea of getting an education in order to be a better mother?
Ad at 6:33 | 13:07 |
3:19 Lindsay hi
but how am i supposed to move on with my life from emotionally immature parents?
exactly
Her recovery book is helpful
Seems like everyone was expecting same circumstances more or less
I'd love if you could balance this description of 'immature' people - with pure & simple greed and entitlement.
So many of us are completely gaslit, by being encouraged to see these people as wounded or having 'defence mechanisms'
That exists, but it's not the ONLY explanation.
In many cases, we are simply dealing with an 'abuse of power' . People who take 'because they can' and 'because no-one stops them'
We need the balance of caveats, to prevent feeding into abusers manipulative narratives, that so many of use are deeply controlled by.
Good content, but way to many advertisements
I don’t like the word boundaries. It makes us coaches with whistles, instead of sentient humans. When Patricia talks about the group I find that a monitoring intellectualizing false voice.
👍
im puzzled. this lady hates people. she's like the villain in Disney movies. this lady is a bully. condescending. saying things like "Their apparent goal is to hold your attention for as long as possible. In this way, you can see the emotional immaturity of their need. It is not the adult enjoyment of reciprocal conversation, it is more like the anxiety of an emotionally neglected child who dares not to stop talking or Mommy wont pay attention at all." p. 92 ya thats exactly the problem lady. thanks for stating the obvious and literally not even addressing the issue or healing the "child". the advice is to be self aware and pay attention to the other person in the conversation even though ur needs have still not been met, which is not going to help much lol..
its like she's basically laughing at adult children who didn't get their needs met and is like oh boo hoo was mommy not paying attention to you. so weird. and describing what happened in the most rude way possible. there's got to be a better person writing on this type of stuff.
this lindsay lady is so toxic its hard to listen to, its triggering. she needs someone else to do her interviews bc clearly she herself is one of these types of people shes talking about. its like the elephant in the room.. and gives me a bad feeling
This Lindsay lady is kind and lovely. Her voice is fine.
I find it validating and not triggering. Her books have been more helpful than 45 years of counseling.
not blue dot, Blue BOT!
Unfortunately "immature" is synonyme to "endless cruel". Thank You!! 💖🦚🌹🌠🌻!!
Exactly it's just very light fawning frivolous code word for endless cruelty and abuse so we need to start saying emotionally psychologically violent person. But the culture that these women are coming from is inherently misogynistic and inherently fawning so They will go along to get along. Classic internalized misogyny.