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Thank you ❤❤

I disagree. In my journey it’s to forgive the person but not what happened. You do it for yourself. This doesn’t mean you don’t have healthy boundaries! Gosh yes! Forgiveness sets you free 🎉

"I probably did some things with you I shouldn't have, but..." That's as close to an apology I will ever get. She doesn't remember specific events, things burned forever into my memory.

😊I found this episode very informative. I struggle to regulate my emotions when I am stressed and have wondered if it was because I was an EIP. I now think it is indeed true I become dysregulated when I cannot make myself understood it's because I feel the other people just unable to get what I am saying or are unwilling to take simple actions to resolve a situation. I think the analogy of walking into a hardware store when wanting something nice to eat is a very good way to describe the situation. I think my dysregulated state often makes me think and feel if I explain it differently the person will get it. I taught for over thirty years and prided myself on the fact that if I explained things in a different ways if the students failed to understand that I would get the point across. I think what I find so dysregulating is when there is either an unwillingness for the person to do something which would undoubtedly help a situation when it is perfectly clear a simple action could remedy the situation. Your podcast has helped me understand that maybe that's because of the emotional immaturity on their part not mine. Lastly, I feel that the emotional dysregulation I feel is so intense because as a child my needs, wants and opinions were never important. My mother was very narcissistic and everything revolved around her whims. This meant life was always insecure and whatever I wanted was unimportant. This led to a tendancy of feeling you need to shout to be heard.

Around 40 minutes the discussion around the use of "people pleasing" terminology is soooo potent! I didn't realize I had been using that to judge and punish myself. Thanks for another great episode!

Brilliant answer “attract them”. 🧐 Correct answer “perps target vulnerability”

OMG! The goldfish bowl analogy.....traded one goldfish bowl for another! No wonder I've been going round in circles! Thank you thank you thank you 🙏

Amazing.Thank you ❤

I'd love if you could balance this description of 'immature' people - with pure & simple greed and entitlement. So many of us are completely gaslit, by being encouraged to see these people as wounded or having 'defence mechanisms' That exists, but it's not the ONLY explanation. In many cases, we are simply dealing with an 'abuse of power' . People who take 'because they can' and 'because no-one stops them' We need the balance of caveats, to prevent feeding into abusers manipulative narratives, that so many of use are deeply controlled by.

I'm not giving compassion to my mother when she's never given my feelings any compassion. I'm not wasting any tears on someone whose not crying any for me.

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Your friendship is a lot like one I have and I find myself annoyed at Jen a lot! It’s good for me to listen to how you work through it.

✅ good video

❤ excellent

the Lundy Bandcroft books are life changing!!

✅ good video. Some takeaways- the grandstanding: this trait is SO ANNOYING.

My husband has a dismissive avoidant attachment style and imo emotional immaturity. I grew up with narcissistic and dismissive avoidant parents and older brother. So his stonewalling and general silence felt normal and natural. Then I would observe couples whose partners actually talked to them and empathised with them, and didn’t dismiss or put them down or side with others. And I started wondering why my husband is like he is. Something difficult is my mother thinks of herself as sensitive and empathetic but it really only goes so far before she is not willing to go further and a wall goes up. She certainly isn’t prepared to admit any shortcomings as a mother, but it is alway ‘she had a hard upbringing, her father was difficult, her mother was difficult, my father was difficult, she did her absolute best’ and my life was therefore incredibly easy, which it certainly wasn’t. I have given up on trying to get any deeper understanding from either. My husband certainly isn’t capable or willing and my mother probably just isn’t willing. So its a case of having to live with it, especially so as I’m a stay at home parent (with high needs children) and financially dependent on both. Which is an factor that significantly affects the power dynamics. It is hard to confront people and set strong boundaries when you are financially dependent and beholden to them. I would really like to become financially independent but its not v easy now I’m in my 50s & been out of the workforce such a long time.

❤❤ EXCELLENT

37:14 this example is very helpful. I love the term Disempowered. I am conflict avoidant so my default settings are disempowerment and peacekeeping.

❤ EXCELLENT 10:46 meat of the content starts here

This podcast episode is INCREDIBLE. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Wow. I feel like you were speaking direct to me. Thank you.

I believe she uses the term “immature” rather than narcissistic. I could be totally wrong. Does anyone else get that sense?

I love how Lindsay never throws the adult child under the bus for the emotionally immature parent. I feel like most people want to come up with excuses rather than taking accountability. As a parent myself now, I find the excuses deflecting. Personally, the idea of high sensitivity triggers me because my parent has always been highly sensitive and weaponized it against everyone in her life. I’m learning to re-integrate my sensitivity and realize it isn’t a bad thing. I am a sensitive person, not a highly sensitive person, and that’s okay!

I hate when I’ve said I’d do something and then someone asks me if I’ve done it. But I hadn’t yet gotten around to it. I hadn’t forgotten, I just hadn’t had time. There is a lot of anxiety around being reminded or feeling like I let someone down because they shouldn’t have to chase me.

Dr Lindsay, your conversations has been really helpful and useful, kinda life saving ❤ thank you!

I loved and appreciated this so very much, thank you both. It’s always amazing when you hear a discussion that feels so relevant, that you wonder if they saw your life story somewhere 😅 So many gems here. I appreciated the mention of the sibling issue. My sibling hates our mother to her core, but acts like her quite a bit (not as badly) and doesn’t seem to see it and would be furious and flabbergasted to hear even a whisper of that. Our other two sisters have died (both HSPs) and so for decades I’ve desperately wanted and worked for, a friendship with her. I’m 61 and she’s about 69. The poor thing just can’t give up her crap. I mention this because I’m just not willing to play anymore. We have minimal (pleasant) interchange a few times a year, but I just can’t tolerate more. It always ends up with me losing or exhausted somehow. So it really hurt to hear about the “retreat” as a way of avoiding the pain of the situation. I accept this and will think about it. At the same time, sadly, I’ve decided on some level that it’s just too much work for me. I resent being in the parent role with a 70 yr old woman. The die has been cast of me being the scapegoat for so long l, with me being the only one making any effort. No, she’s never going to give me what a mature friend can give me. I guess I’m having a hard time accepting that I don’t want relationships that are not authentic. 😢 It’s awful for me to write this but I crave truth and authenticity and daily work to be forward moving, that the whining manipulation of these folks sends my gut into a turmoil. Do I need to change the world? Jesus already died for people and I know I’m not the savior. Of course I feel guilty on another level, that I don’t find working on a (even shallow, which we already have and I cringe every time I see a text from her) a relationship with my only sister. I’m learning from so many great therapists that this situation is complex and my necrosis over it is not unexpected. That said, there’s work for me to do in speaking up a bit more. What’s ironic is that I have such an outgoing personality and deeply love people and do speak up, that if anyone that I knew saw this, they would be shocked at my deeper feelings and weakness in this area. I gained so much from you both and thank you from the deepest parts of my HSP parts 🙏🏻 Please, how do I contribute financially to your channel? Thank you again ❤❤❤

I’m beginning to believe I am late diagnosed autistic. I feel angry a lot and have a hard time outside of routine or if things change or I don’t have a plan on a day off for example. My friend asked me why it matters if I get diagnosed and she was very unsupportive about why i need to identify with that. Nowhere else would someone say this. The weird thing is, she is allll about gender identity. Anyway, I told her that it’s better to me than being labeled as lazy, high maintenance, worry wart, selfish, depressed, etc. I’m autistic: I have done well with my life for not having any support or understanding. It brought so much self compassion.

Thank you very much. In the description of this video there is a lot of usefull text, summarizing the key points. It is amazingly helpful for quick reference. However, the text suddenly stops at the DEAL BREAKERS. Question: Where are the key points on deal breakers can be found? Thank you

The message here is forgive yourself for not being able to forgive the unforgivable. Until you do, beating yourself up for not doing the impossible will never allow you to escape the mental clutches of the toxic EIP. Forgive yourself, forget the toxic EIP.

I really relate to what's being said at 33:00. I've being doing EMDR therapy to help me resolve some trauma. It's been interesting in certain memories where I have to "find" my emotion because I have suppressed it. This is a very comforting and enlightening episode.

Backstabbing is a commonplace among many, not all, such people; in families, at jobs, and anywhere where there is contact. And, there are always boundaries-- as long as there are human beings; public, private, professional, and customary. I find it a real rarity to come across an emotionally mature adult with an ability to REASON, and not disgorge clichés and fortified, self-indulgent biases.

Thank you guys. I have been labelled for my entire life for being sensitive. Some times I did it to me in order to apologize for my emotions. You guys validated my strength . Thank you.

I got married with 46 and even with 46 being cought in a trap of old patern is crazy. And, I fought with immature partner for 10 years. Only now I decided to go my own way and without having any deep connection.

Thank you so much for this great podcast. It has given me more understanding and clarity about myself and my relationships.

She simply explains my whole childhood to me, why i react the way i do, and she helps me realise that I matter too.

Hey Patricia and Jen, this episode was very insightful, helpful, and courageous. I feel great gratitude & honor in being allowed to glean from your willingness to express what's going on inside through such a troubling & challenging time because it's helping me learn to do the same. I can be an unapologetically deep processing person in the face of life's good, bad, and ugly. Keep leading the charge. You're changing lives.

Why would you stay in relationship with someone who continuously acts like a child or who lacks the empathy needed to care about how you feel?

I think I misunderstood in that this episode was going to have the convo with jen post rupture. 😮

Many thanks for posting your podcast on RUclips. It’d be great if you all would consider posting your video recording of the podcast. It’ll allow us to also benefit from observing the physical interactions and learning. Keep up the great work!

Yep….thank you!

Of course, forgiveness is a struggle. It's not an over fight thing. And I remember a therapist telling me, "You don't have to." It felt good for someone to hear my experience and tell me that. Many people force the idea that we are the awful person if we do not forgive

I really related to so much of this. Thank you.

At some point, you have to move beyond your wounds and get on with life. Enough victimhood; it serves no one!

Yes, felt dismissed and like I was a nuisance

This message has changed my life. And helped me to go easy on my self. TY

Boundaries are meant to control our own behavior. If somebody is not hearing, it is our responsibility to walk away. They are not as effective, stated as they are with action.

How do I find information on dealing with an emotionally immature spouse please?