This is one of the best BPD education channels I’ve found, first one I’m commenting on. I’ve found my partner I LOVE SOO SOO Much has BPD, she’ be been suffering so much all her life. Since the time I’ve discovered she’s struggling with BPD all her life, it was a massive relief from the constant fights & heartbreaks. It’s been extremely helpful to learn & understanding the struggles & workarounds & this is by far one the best / well explained channels out there, this is going to have such a big impact in so many others lives. So so grateful for your work Commitment & to develop this beautiful channel.
Thank you thank you!! Positive feedback like this means SO much to me. I deeply appreciate it. I love that you’re working on ways to support your partner and I hope you’re making sure the relationship is healthy for you both. It can take work for any couple to mange that, and BPD of course can make things much more challenging. Thank you again for the nice comment. Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! There’s plenty more videos to come that you’ll hopefully also find helpful. I hope to hear from you again 😊
I’m so glad you approve of my explanation enough to use this as a resource! It’s hard to explain to others, and it can be scary to trust whatever they may find on their own with how much stigmatizing and misleading information there is
I can't believe I've made it to 32 years of age without having more than a poorly basic understanding of BD and absolutely no idea about BPD (besides in name). I consider myself pretty well-read when it comes to psychology and self-help/healing, so its crazy to to me to think how often BPD (and personality disorders in general) are not discussed. THANK YOU for providing the actual DSM-5 criteria and delivering it in such an easy to understand way. It hurts my heart to think of how many others are affected by BPD and have also been in the dark on this, suffering and confused. Just having the knowledge of the criteria can give us the power to ask for help, and you are the light shining in that darkness.
Oh my god, thank you so much! It makes me so happy to know anyone without BPD is even interested in these videos. BPD has been talked about a little more the past few years (gen z’s influence, I believe) but mostly still with so many over generalizations and misconceptions. It really touches me to know that someone like you, who might one day hear someone talk about how terrible and toxic everyone with BPD inherently is, will know better because of my content. Thank you endlessly 🥹
The combination of generally having strong emotions, remembering my previous struggles all too well, and having overwhelming empathy for everyone currently dealing with the same definitely made it a little difficult to stay composed during parts of this video. I appreciate your empathy for that as well. Thank you for watching and commenting!
Holy crap! this brought up so much, past trauma. 30-35 years ago my ex traveled a maze of failed therapists. I believe they prolonged and intensified her BPD. Her shame over the things she did was crippling at times. Destroying her self-esteem. Other times she would disassociate to such a degree that it was as if she had an evil twin that had taken over, with her memory of it totally superficial. These things had her therapists running in circles. Throw in her depression... I'm so glad you are here for those searching for relief
It was really difficult for me to find a therapist that could understand what I was actually experiencing (and not just invalidate my feelings and tell me I was being too hard on myself and throw different meds at me), and it did make things worse for me. I started therapy about 15 years ago - I can't even IMAGINE how much more difficult it was to understand these symptoms and feel understood 20 years before then. I'm glad she was able to make it through all that, and I really do hope this channel provides helpful information and support for those in need. Thank you for commenting.
Thank you so much. I have become the favorite person for a lovely and talented young woman. I’m trying to help her, but she feels judged in therapy and keeps dropping her therapist. I appreciated your mention of this in your DBT video. I have watched five of your videos today, and I have shared your channel with my friend. I haven’t seen whether you had to deal with a favorite person cycle. I was very moved by your emotion in this video. Being close to someone with BPD helps me be empathetic with what you have gone through.
I’m so glad you’re finding these videos helpful! I feel for you and your friend - FP attachments can be very difficult on both ends. Ive had various level of FP relationships, but I no longer attach in that way. I will cover the topic in the future - there are so many topics i want to cover, and these videos have been more challenging to put out in a timely manner lately. ill get to them all in time! I obviously know nothing about your friend, but I want to say that her problems in therapy MAY not be because of her resisting therapy or simply because of the type of therapy. It took me many years to find a therapist that i actually felt could understand me and help. if she hasnt yet, i highly suggest looking for a therpist that specializes in personality disorders or BPD, or, of course even a DBT therapist typically may have a better understanding of BPD patients. I appreciate your compassion and I'm sure it goes a long way for your friend as well. i hope you continue to enjoy the channel, thank you so much for your support and kindness!
Thanks for having the courage to do this. As a partner with someone who may have this, I am at a loss on what to do. Suspect the problem is from family origin , but there is zero acknowledgement. The anger outbursts are very difficult to deal with.
Sarah, I admire your courage to get this vulnerable. Are you in a relationship? I'm going through a divorce right now. And I'm really having a hard time with it. The actual divorce happened over a year ago. But I have been in and out of disassociative states for over 2 years. When my husband started dating again, we were completely divorced, but that's when my disassociation episodes ended and the full blown borderline episodes began. I know my issues right are from my fear of abandonment but that doesn't make the pain hurt any less nor does it stop me from humiliating myself and begging my husband to come back to me. I'm not healthy enough to get into another relationship right now but I'm wondering if it's even possible for us to become stable without a relationship. That's why I asked if you were in one. Or at least, have you experienced stability out of a relationship?
I was in remission for about 10 years after he and I got married. But the first mention of a divorce sent me back into a relapse. But I have never experienced remission out of a relationship.
Hi, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with your divorce. I am currently in a relationship, but I’m kind of the opposite of you - I was afraid I’d have to chose between being in a relationship and being in recovery because relationships have always been my biggest trigger. They affect me so greatly and distract me from my self work. That doesn’t seem to be uncommon for pwBPD, but everyone’s different. I was very unwell during the full heartbreak stages, and the loneliness and emptiness afterwards still sucked, but I was able to control my other symptoms and focus on healing and growing and connecting with myself much easier outside of relationships. BUT I have been able to maintain a relationship, and multiple close friendships, through recovery now - and you can have both as well. I don’t want to play therapist here, but I am curious if you were with your husband throughout your entire remission, or if maybe he was your first partner after recovering, and that you associate being in recovery with being with him? Did you depend on the relationship for stability? Because you CAN build it for yourself, even if you haven’t yet. You don’t need him to be in recovery, and he’s not the only person you can love or be loved by. I don’t know you, but I can still promise you that. Are you in therapy or have you learned DBT skills? It won’t change what has happened or the pain that this causes, but it can help additional layers of pain that we unintentionally add ourselves through certain thought and behavior patterns.
You’re very welcome, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching and commenting. I put a lot of effort into these videos, so I greatly appreciate the positive feedback.
I will add to this, that it is ok to research in advance and if you identify with a specific diagnosis, bring that knowledge in when you seek professional help. It can help you word some of the feelings you are having when you don't know how to describe them (such as feeling empty). In my case, I did extensive research, watching likely hundred+ hours of different disorders that shared any of my symptoms. I did this while waiting for mental Health appointments which took months to happen. Doing all the research I did in advance helped me get placed with the right therapist. When I arrived for my intake appointment, I explained to the person doing the intake that I thought that I had BPD. He kind of laughed it off and said he has seen over 1000 people with BPD and he was certain I didn't have it, BUT he still took what I said to heart and assigned me to the resident BPD specialist at the hospital. The BPD specialist after about 4 or 5 sessions did determine that I had BPD. A few months later, I did a neurological assessment as well, where they came to the same conclusion that I DEEEFFFFFFIIIINNNNNAAATTTTELLLY had BPD. So it makes me laugh that the intake person was so sure I didn't have it. I am, no where near recovered. I didn't get my diagnosis until like 9 months ago or so. Its been tough trying to find a DBT program that is covered for me. I did a mini-DBT program run by the BPD Specialist but it was very much abridged and not intended to take the place of a full year long DBT program. It really is a shitty condition to live with. I previously had been diagnosed with both ADHD (as a child and again as an adult), AND Major Depressive Disorder. And now my psychiatrist has an underlying worry that I may also have Bipolar II, but its so hard to tell since BPD can mimic other disorders and until we get the BPD under control, he can't say for certain. Oh joy, would you look at this, I've managed to overshare again. Ooops. Thanks for the video.
Ah, the oversharing… I could’ve diagnosed you based on that!! (Totally kidding of course, and as I often say, brevity is *not* my strong suit, so I feel ya) I completely agree about doing research - I obviously still currently do it, but I did to piece things together for myself before my diagnosis as well, and I finally started working with a therapist who has a better understanding of BPD and could confirm. I’d seen many doctors previously and none suggested it, and 2 told me I didn’t have it (because of common misconceptions) when I mentioned it, so I trusted they knew what they were talking about. The DSM symptoms seemed to align with me but the available resources and literature at the time didn’t - again, cause they were riddled with misinformation. Things are getting a little better in that sense, but there’s still so much misinformation out there. That’s one of the main reasons I do this! I’m glad they were able to accurately diagnose you with BPD and that it can help your understanding of yourself and guide your treatment. I see DBT as a more straightforward fast-track to gaining control of behaviors and emotion regulation, so it’s definitely preferred, but it’s not necessarily *required* for recovery. I didn’t do DBT, and I know others in recovery who haven’t either. I have a video reviewing some DBT self help materials if you’re interested in that until you find a program. I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD, MDD, and possible bipolar II (plus generalized anxiety), so I feel for you. “Pure BPD” (without any comorbidities) is very uncommon. I still deal with depression and anxiety, so it’s not all rainbows and butterflies for me over here, but they’ve become MUCH more manageable through recovery. My BPD symptoms reeeeeally worsened the others. So even though you feel you’re nowhere near recovery, take comfort in the fact that you’re on your path now! I wish you the best of luck, and I’m grateful to connect. Thanks for watching and commenting 😊
@SarruhTonin I appreciate the follow up comment and all the detail. You seem like a wonderful person so I am glad to be here. Recovery definitely feels decades away for me currently but that hasn't stopped me from trying. I look forward to any future videos. I'm glad I found these.
Thanks for differentiating that some people will block you for not answering and others will blow up your phone 15 times.. no one ever explains that some people are different and get all confused of which one it is..
Absolutely! I've been guilty of both pushing and pulling at times, and I find it interesting that both responses usually are coming from the same place - that fear of abandonment. Being able to recognize and understand which core emotions were triggered at these times really helped me learn to control the secondary emotions and behavioral response.
Hi, thank you for watching and commenting! I’m very sorry to hear your loved one is struggling with this, and those early/mid 20’s can reeeally be rough. It is slightly easier to navigate with an accurate diagnosis though, so keep praying and having hope. It’s difficult for me to answer either of those questions since I was misdiagnosed for so long while also trying a bunch of different approaches of my own to improve my symptoms (even without fully understanding them). BUT for your loved one, I highly suggest starting with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It’s specifically designed for people with symptoms of BPD, and it is often very effective. I think it would’ve been a “recovery shortcut” for me had I known how helpful it could’ve been. I have another video on that if you want to learn more.
Great video lady! I always wonder about BPD but it just seems like a lot of symptoms and you don’t even need all of them. I have been with my therapist for about 10 months now and we have never talked “labels” of diagnosis of any kind. I’m sure if I should even breach the topic, what would it help? Stay lovely lady!
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the video! The label isn't necessary - but if you do have any of these symptoms that are significantly affecting you, then it's important to focus on treating those. If you don't have these symptoms, well... congratulations! 😋
@@SarruhTonin Oh no congratulations lol! I have plenty of them. I like to think I’m self-aware enough to know I need the others in my life to tell me to what level I exhibit a lot of these symptoms. That’s what scares me lol!
@@Tim_g_SAtx Haha ah, then, welcome to the club 😄 You may benefit from my “BPD Advice Part 1” video if you haven’t watched it yet - it’s for people who have symptoms without a diagnosis as well.
Sarruh can you please describe what it feels like when people are trying to reach out and help you? For me, living with someone with BPD it was like dealing with someone that was a back hole or bottomless pit. Anything I did was consumed and reciprocated back less and less.
Hi, that's a great question - but a very difficult one to answer. Beyond looking for emotional support, compassion, and company, I usually didn't feel like anyone else actually *could* help me. I often felt like something was broken inside me and if there was any chance that it could be fixed (which I frequently doubted), it'd have to be by my doing. I also have a history of being a people pleaser and defining my worth by what I could do for others - and had relationships where this was reinforced - so I felt guilty for wanting help and often tried to make up for it by giving more. So I think this question really depends on the person. Support, understanding, and compassion can go a long long way, but if someone is not getting professional help and/or working on themselves, the type of help others do try to provide won't necessarily be truly helpful. There's a fine and often unclear line between supporting and enabling. I'm sorry for your experience, but it is nice that you wanted to help. It sounds like it was either not the type of help they needed (not necessarily your fault) or they weren't open to accepting help.
Thanks for having the courage to do this. As a partner with someone who may have this, I am at a loss on what to do. Suspect the problem is from family origin , but there is zero acknowledgement. The anger outbursts are very difficult to deal with.
You’re welcome, and I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It’s really tough for both parties to deal with, especially before they can acknowledge it and work to understand themselves better and improve. It’s difficult to step back and try to let someone’s journey play out in its own time and way, when it’s affecting you, your relationship, and you want better for them. It’s tough to know if it’s worth staying and hoping or if it’s not worth what it does to you and doesn’t seem to have a positive outcome. I feel for you. I plan on making some videos specifically for partners of pwBPD, but it’s a subject I’m going to have to study *a lot* before I do, since obviously I’ve been the one on the other side and want to do the topic justice. It’s even more challenging to approach with partners of people who have some symptoms but aren’t seeking help to understand and improve. I really hope things get better for you both soon ❤️
@SarruhTonin thanks for responding. It's gone beyond leaving or staying. If I leaving she will just get worse as she is 68 with dementia creeping in. The splitting I feel comes from something that happened in the Christian family of origin, will not acknowledge all subconscious which is creeping in , in all sorts of ways. Do you think person could crash under the weight of this ? It's a bit like AA. Powerless to prevent what is happening, one day at a time. Thanks again for responding.
my partner had BPD and went on to make a full recovery - however, the rages weren't due to BPD, only the acting out part. but after successful treatment she was able to direct herself away from potential targets and quickly calmed down. it was the "acting out" that had stopped, because she no longer felt ashamed of her behaviour. one thing I learned was that as soon as the rage had passed, then it was gone and nothing carried over. I made it my focus to provide a constant steady environment so that she could use it as a baseline.
This is one of the best BPD education channels I’ve found, first one I’m commenting on.
I’ve found my partner I LOVE SOO SOO Much has BPD, she’ be been suffering so much all her life.
Since the time I’ve discovered she’s struggling with BPD all her life, it was a massive relief from the constant fights & heartbreaks.
It’s been extremely helpful to learn & understanding the struggles & workarounds & this is by far one the best / well explained channels out there, this is going to have such a big impact in so many others lives.
So so grateful for your work
Commitment & to develop this beautiful channel.
Thank you thank you!! Positive feedback like this means SO much to me. I deeply appreciate it. I love that you’re working on ways to support your partner and I hope you’re making sure the relationship is healthy for you both. It can take work for any couple to mange that, and BPD of course can make things much more challenging.
Thank you again for the nice comment. Please subscribe if you haven’t yet! There’s plenty more videos to come that you’ll hopefully also find helpful. I hope to hear from you again 😊
Sarah is the best bpd person she lives it.and also lot of other videos out there I've learned so much..tyou all❤❤
Sending this to those I wish to share my diagnosis with when I just can't explain. Thanks as usual!!!
I’m so glad you approve of my explanation enough to use this as a resource! It’s hard to explain to others, and it can be scary to trust whatever they may find on their own with how much stigmatizing and misleading information there is
I can't believe I've made it to 32 years of age without having more than a poorly basic understanding of BD and absolutely no idea about BPD (besides in name). I consider myself pretty well-read when it comes to psychology and self-help/healing, so its crazy to to me to think how often BPD (and personality disorders in general) are not discussed. THANK YOU for providing the actual DSM-5 criteria and delivering it in such an easy to understand way. It hurts my heart to think of how many others are affected by BPD and have also been in the dark on this, suffering and confused. Just having the knowledge of the criteria can give us the power to ask for help, and you are the light shining in that darkness.
Oh my god, thank you so much! It makes me so happy to know anyone without BPD is even interested in these videos. BPD has been talked about a little more the past few years (gen z’s influence, I believe) but mostly still with so many over generalizations and misconceptions. It really touches me to know that someone like you, who might one day hear someone talk about how terrible and toxic everyone with BPD inherently is, will know better because of my content. Thank you endlessly 🥹
I felt you here! That sigh of anxious relief/ or overwhelming emotion 😶😞 my heart goes out to you, THANK you for your information 🙏🏾
The combination of generally having strong emotions, remembering my previous struggles all too well, and having overwhelming empathy for everyone currently dealing with the same definitely made it a little difficult to stay composed during parts of this video. I appreciate your empathy for that as well. Thank you for watching and commenting!
@@SarruhTonin anytime! I subscribed to btw, your amazing and never forget that! 🥹🫶🏾
Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate the support and encouragement 🥰
@@SarruhTonin anytime 🤍
Holy crap! this brought up so much, past trauma. 30-35 years ago my ex traveled a maze of failed therapists. I believe they prolonged and intensified her BPD. Her shame over the things she did was crippling at times.
Destroying her self-esteem. Other times she would disassociate to such a degree that it was as if she had an evil twin that had taken over, with her memory of it totally superficial. These things had her therapists running in circles. Throw in her depression...
I'm so glad you are here for those searching for relief
It was really difficult for me to find a therapist that could understand what I was actually experiencing (and not just invalidate my feelings and tell me I was being too hard on myself and throw different meds at me), and it did make things worse for me. I started therapy about 15 years ago - I can't even IMAGINE how much more difficult it was to understand these symptoms and feel understood 20 years before then. I'm glad she was able to make it through all that, and I really do hope this channel provides helpful information and support for those in need. Thank you for commenting.
Congratulations on your BPD remission and thank your for videos! 🎉
Thank YOU ☺️
Congratulations on your remission!
Thank you so much! It hasn't been an easy journey, but it is beyond rewarding. I appreciate your support.
@@SarruhTonin you're very welcome!
Thank you so much. I have become the favorite person for a lovely and talented young woman. I’m trying to help her, but she feels judged in therapy and keeps dropping her therapist. I appreciated your mention of this in your DBT video. I have watched five of your videos today, and I have shared your channel with my friend. I haven’t seen whether you had to deal with a favorite person cycle.
I was very moved by your emotion in this video. Being close to someone with BPD helps me be empathetic with what you have gone through.
I’m so glad you’re finding these videos helpful! I feel for you and your friend - FP attachments can be very difficult on both ends. Ive had various level of FP relationships, but I no longer attach in that way. I will cover the topic in the future - there are so many topics i want to cover, and these videos have been more challenging to put out in a timely manner lately. ill get to them all in time!
I obviously know nothing about your friend, but I want to say that her problems in therapy MAY not be because of her resisting therapy or simply because of the type of therapy. It took me many years to find a therapist that i actually felt could understand me and help. if she hasnt yet, i highly suggest looking for a therpist that specializes in personality disorders or BPD, or, of course even a DBT therapist typically may have a better understanding of BPD patients.
I appreciate your compassion and I'm sure it goes a long way for your friend as well. i hope you continue to enjoy the channel, thank you so much for your support and kindness!
Thanks for having the courage to do this. As a partner with someone who may have this, I am at a loss on what to do. Suspect the problem is from family origin , but there is zero acknowledgement. The anger outbursts are very difficult to deal with.
You're welcome! It looks like you accidentally posted twice, but I responded to the other one :)
Sarah, I admire your courage to get this vulnerable. Are you in a relationship? I'm going through a divorce right now. And I'm really having a hard time with it. The actual divorce happened over a year ago. But I have been in and out of disassociative states for over 2 years. When my husband started dating again, we were completely divorced, but that's when my disassociation episodes ended and the full blown borderline episodes began. I know my issues right are from my fear of abandonment but that doesn't make the pain hurt any less nor does it stop me from humiliating myself and begging my husband to come back to me. I'm not healthy enough to get into another relationship right now but I'm wondering if it's even possible for us to become stable without a relationship. That's why I asked if you were in one. Or at least, have you experienced stability out of a relationship?
I was in remission for about 10 years after he and I got married. But the first mention of a divorce sent me back into a relapse. But I have never experienced remission out of a relationship.
Hi, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with your divorce. I am currently in a relationship, but I’m kind of the opposite of you - I was afraid I’d have to chose between being in a relationship and being in recovery because relationships have always been my biggest trigger. They affect me so greatly and distract me from my self work. That doesn’t seem to be uncommon for pwBPD, but everyone’s different. I was very unwell during the full heartbreak stages, and the loneliness and emptiness afterwards still sucked, but I was able to control my other symptoms and focus on healing and growing and connecting with myself much easier outside of relationships.
BUT I have been able to maintain a relationship, and multiple close friendships, through recovery now - and you can have both as well.
I don’t want to play therapist here, but I am curious if you were with your husband throughout your entire remission, or if maybe he was your first partner after recovering, and that you associate being in recovery with being with him? Did you depend on the relationship for stability? Because you CAN build it for yourself, even if you haven’t yet. You don’t need him to be in recovery, and he’s not the only person you can love or be loved by. I don’t know you, but I can still promise you that.
Are you in therapy or have you learned DBT skills? It won’t change what has happened or the pain that this causes, but it can help additional layers of pain that we unintentionally add ourselves through certain thought and behavior patterns.
thanks for this, a very informative and well delivered video on this disorder. Thank you!
You’re very welcome, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching and commenting. I put a lot of effort into these videos, so I greatly appreciate the positive feedback.
I will add to this, that it is ok to research in advance and if you identify with a specific diagnosis, bring that knowledge in when you seek professional help. It can help you word some of the feelings you are having when you don't know how to describe them (such as feeling empty). In my case, I did extensive research, watching likely hundred+ hours of different disorders that shared any of my symptoms. I did this while waiting for mental Health appointments which took months to happen. Doing all the research I did in advance helped me get placed with the right therapist.
When I arrived for my intake appointment, I explained to the person doing the intake that I thought that I had BPD. He kind of laughed it off and said he has seen over 1000 people with BPD and he was certain I didn't have it, BUT he still took what I said to heart and assigned me to the resident BPD specialist at the hospital. The BPD specialist after about 4 or 5 sessions did determine that I had BPD.
A few months later, I did a neurological assessment as well, where they came to the same conclusion that I DEEEFFFFFFIIIINNNNNAAATTTTELLLY had BPD. So it makes me laugh that the intake person was so sure I didn't have it.
I am, no where near recovered. I didn't get my diagnosis until like 9 months ago or so. Its been tough trying to find a DBT program that is covered for me. I did a mini-DBT program run by the BPD Specialist but it was very much abridged and not intended to take the place of a full year long DBT program.
It really is a shitty condition to live with. I previously had been diagnosed with both ADHD (as a child and again as an adult), AND Major Depressive Disorder. And now my psychiatrist has an underlying worry that I may also have Bipolar II, but its so hard to tell since BPD can mimic other disorders and until we get the BPD under control, he can't say for certain.
Oh joy, would you look at this, I've managed to overshare again. Ooops. Thanks for the video.
Ah, the oversharing… I could’ve diagnosed you based on that!! (Totally kidding of course, and as I often say, brevity is *not* my strong suit, so I feel ya)
I completely agree about doing research - I obviously still currently do it, but I did to piece things together for myself before my diagnosis as well, and I finally started working with a therapist who has a better understanding of BPD and could confirm. I’d seen many doctors previously and none suggested it, and 2 told me I didn’t have it (because of common misconceptions) when I mentioned it, so I trusted they knew what they were talking about. The DSM symptoms seemed to align with me but the available resources and literature at the time didn’t - again, cause they were riddled with misinformation. Things are getting a little better in that sense, but there’s still so much misinformation out there. That’s one of the main reasons I do this!
I’m glad they were able to accurately diagnose you with BPD and that it can help your understanding of yourself and guide your treatment. I see DBT as a more straightforward fast-track to gaining control of behaviors and emotion regulation, so it’s definitely preferred, but it’s not necessarily *required* for recovery. I didn’t do DBT, and I know others in recovery who haven’t either. I have a video reviewing some DBT self help materials if you’re interested in that until you find a program.
I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD, MDD, and possible bipolar II (plus generalized anxiety), so I feel for you. “Pure BPD” (without any comorbidities) is very uncommon. I still deal with depression and anxiety, so it’s not all rainbows and butterflies for me over here, but they’ve become MUCH more manageable through recovery. My BPD symptoms reeeeeally worsened the others.
So even though you feel you’re nowhere near recovery, take comfort in the fact that you’re on your path now! I wish you the best of luck, and I’m grateful to connect. Thanks for watching and commenting 😊
@SarruhTonin I appreciate the follow up comment and all the detail. You seem like a wonderful person so I am glad to be here.
Recovery definitely feels decades away for me currently but that hasn't stopped me from trying.
I look forward to any future videos. I'm glad I found these.
Thanks for differentiating that some people will block you for not answering and others will blow up your phone 15 times.. no one ever explains that some people are different and get all confused of which one it is..
Absolutely! I've been guilty of both pushing and pulling at times, and I find it interesting that both responses usually are coming from the same place - that fear of abandonment. Being able to recognize and understand which core emotions were triggered at these times really helped me learn to control the secondary emotions and behavioral response.
Thank you for creating and sharing.
Thank you for watching and commenting! 😊
Great overview. What age were you when you could manage, get this under control? What helped you most? Praying for my loved one, age 23.
Hi, thank you for watching and commenting! I’m very sorry to hear your loved one is struggling with this, and those early/mid 20’s can reeeally be rough. It is slightly easier to navigate with an accurate diagnosis though, so keep praying and having hope.
It’s difficult for me to answer either of those questions since I was misdiagnosed for so long while also trying a bunch of different approaches of my own to improve my symptoms (even without fully understanding them). BUT for your loved one, I highly suggest starting with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It’s specifically designed for people with symptoms of BPD, and it is often very effective. I think it would’ve been a “recovery shortcut” for me had I known how helpful it could’ve been. I have another video on that if you want to learn more.
Great video lady! I always wonder about BPD but it just seems like a lot of symptoms and you don’t even need all of them. I have been with my therapist for about 10 months now and we have never talked “labels” of diagnosis of any kind. I’m sure if I should even breach the topic, what would it help? Stay lovely lady!
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the video! The label isn't necessary - but if you do have any of these symptoms that are significantly affecting you, then it's important to focus on treating those. If you don't have these symptoms, well... congratulations! 😋
@@SarruhTonin Oh no congratulations lol! I have plenty of them. I like to think I’m self-aware enough to know I need the others in my life to tell me to what level I exhibit a lot of these symptoms. That’s what scares me lol!
@@Tim_g_SAtx Haha ah, then, welcome to the club 😄 You may benefit from my “BPD Advice Part 1” video if you haven’t watched it yet - it’s for people who have symptoms without a diagnosis as well.
so good
Aw, thank you! I put a lot of effort into these videos, so that means a lot!
Thank you(: dope shirt btw
Thank you!! I bought two of them because I liked it and it was cheap 😅
Whom can tell the difference? Which is which? Seperating prize fighters bent on killing the host. BD and BPD that is.
Sarruh can you please describe what it feels like when people are trying to reach out and help you? For me, living with someone with BPD it was like dealing with someone that was a back hole or bottomless pit. Anything I did was consumed and reciprocated back less and less.
Hi, that's a great question - but a very difficult one to answer. Beyond looking for emotional support, compassion, and company, I usually didn't feel like anyone else actually *could* help me. I often felt like something was broken inside me and if there was any chance that it could be fixed (which I frequently doubted), it'd have to be by my doing. I also have a history of being a people pleaser and defining my worth by what I could do for others - and had relationships where this was reinforced - so I felt guilty for wanting help and often tried to make up for it by giving more. So I think this question really depends on the person.
Support, understanding, and compassion can go a long long way, but if someone is not getting professional help and/or working on themselves, the type of help others do try to provide won't necessarily be truly helpful. There's a fine and often unclear line between supporting and enabling. I'm sorry for your experience, but it is nice that you wanted to help. It sounds like it was either not the type of help they needed (not necessarily your fault) or they weren't open to accepting help.
@@SarruhTonin Wonderful and insightful answer Sarruh! I greatly appreciate the response :)
Thanks for having the courage to do this. As a partner with someone who may have this, I am at a loss on what to do. Suspect the problem is from family origin , but there is zero acknowledgement. The anger outbursts are very difficult to deal with.
You’re welcome, and I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It’s really tough for both parties to deal with, especially before they can acknowledge it and work to understand themselves better and improve. It’s difficult to step back and try to let someone’s journey play out in its own time and way, when it’s affecting you, your relationship, and you want better for them. It’s tough to know if it’s worth staying and hoping or if it’s not worth what it does to you and doesn’t seem to have a positive outcome. I feel for you. I plan on making some videos specifically for partners of pwBPD, but it’s a subject I’m going to have to study *a lot* before I do, since obviously I’ve been the one on the other side and want to do the topic justice. It’s even more challenging to approach with partners of people who have some symptoms but aren’t seeking help to understand and improve. I really hope things get better for you both soon ❤️
@SarruhTonin thanks for responding. It's gone beyond leaving or staying. If I leaving she will just get worse as she is 68 with dementia creeping in. The splitting I feel comes from something that happened in the Christian family of origin, will not acknowledge all subconscious which is creeping in , in all sorts of ways. Do you think person could crash under the weight of this ? It's a bit like AA. Powerless to prevent what is happening, one day at a time. Thanks again for responding.
my partner had BPD and went on to make a full recovery - however, the rages weren't due to BPD, only the acting out part. but after successful treatment she was able to direct herself away from potential targets and quickly calmed down. it was the "acting out" that had stopped, because she no longer felt ashamed of her behaviour. one thing I learned was that as soon as the rage had passed, then it was gone and nothing carried over. I made it my focus to provide a constant steady environment so that she could use it as a baseline.