2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back. Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….
Such good advice! Thank you so much. Sometimes as mom we beat ourselves up for things that are very "trivial". It's great to keep your priorities straight and focus on those and know that not everyday is going to be a successful day and that's ok
Yes I can totally relate! I think it shows how much we love our kids, we want them to have it all and can’t always give it to them! Other ideas for videos (unless you already made them): Did your kids show a behavioral or sleep regression when you brought baby home? How is it going? (Currently have a 2 year old and 1 month old so I’m in it!) Easy snack ideas for toddlers (realistic, no need to be fancy!) also, how do you feed your toddler? Do you let them feed themselves even when it’s super messy? Do you make separate meals for them? (I’m a super clean freak so it’s hard for me to let my toddler to just go to town, knowing most of it will end up on the ground) Have you considered homeschooling? What pros and cons were on your mind when considering?
Working mom here with a stay-at home dad husband. Mom guilt is still overwhelming!!! I don't feel guilty for working because it's obviously necessary. But everything else: whether we're doing the "right" thing for feeding, sleep, screen time, etc.... Sometimes that even gets in the way of the real question: what's best for my family overall? My baby hates baby led weaning, nurses to sleep, and she is perfectly happy and healthy. But definitely social media and getting overwhelmed by health recommendations doesn't help. I think it's helpful to think about the why - okay, no screen time is recommended before age 2, but that doesn't mean my baby is harmed if my husband and I play a video game while she plays independently. If I focus on what's best for the family, then great - we are relaxing and she is developing motor skills and independence. Edit: And my husband feels ZERO guilt. He just takes great care of our baby and doesn't stress about optimizing everything. I wish I knew the secret.
Five years in… I have built our routine around what I want my kids to have each day. I have a visual check list for them to homeschool, go outside, and read/be read to before they’re allowed to watch tv or whatever is extra. Because we have to check off the list, the extra doesn’t happen until about quiet time which is perfect. I am expecting #3 though in Dec and am kind of nervous how postpartum and a new baby will change how I feel about all of it!
Yes, mom guilt is so a thing! My husband doesn't feel guilt about any of the things I do. He's so cool. He'll be like, "Babe, I picked a good momma for my kids and all the things that are bothering you now will most likely not be a big deal in by the time they're 18. So don't beat yourself up, you have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Raising the next generation."
My husband and I are pretty 50/50 but different tasks. He works full time but I'm in law school as well. I'm kind of Type A, he's kind of Type B, and I feel like we help each other that way. He does a lot with our son and, sometimes it's not exactly the way I would do it or he forgets stuff that I feel like is basic but I've had to learn to let go a little and not be high-strung with stuff that isn't really putting him in danger because I really don't have the capacity. In my honest opinion, I think a lot of the moms who have a ton of guilt are holding themselves to a super high standard because they can. At the very beginning of law school we were taught that the workload will take as much of your time as you let it. If you try to annotate every case and read supplements and do everything perfectly, you'll burn yourself out in about 2 seconds. I feel like parenting is similar. If you're a Type A person and you're a SAHM, you're going to fill that extra headspace with all these things you "should" be doing. I think dads don't feel the guilt as much because there's a really low standard for being a "good" dad and other dads don't judge each other the way other moms do.
Whoa. The last video i caught you were most likely not having a 3rd, and i see a tiny baby in your thumbnail lol... Time flies.. THEN i just realized that i DID see your video announcing #3... But still, time flies cause now there is a baby lol
I was just googling gratitude journal and alike past night. Mom rage is fueling my mom guilt. It's been tough since the welcoming of my second and feeling like life is completely off control...
My second is a little over a year old and I felt like you describe after she was born. It was SO hard as a transition but it gets better ❤ sending love, you're doing amazing!
Do you know what Mum I feel guilty just thinking about getting a massage. My husband told me that I should organise care for the baby such as getting a nanny if I want to get him a massage or something hypothetically.. but we both know that’s never going to happen because I’m just guilty just thinking about it And it’s so surprising to me that he doesn’t even get it when I say that I feel guilty doing that for this . Like he just doesn’t get it.
I clothed my 1st baby from about 5 months on. I’m on the fence about doing cloth from birth with future kiddos. I do plan to still do cloth, but prob start at 2-3 months.
Hi! Here's our experience as a same sex couple. Yup! Mom guilt is real, at least for this mommy who navigates mom guilt all day every day. My partner and I truly do split the caregiving tasks 50/50, but I carried so... maybe? I think the guilt is more likely to impact those of us who are socialized into thinking we SHOULD be the primary caretaker. Just speculating. 😂
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back. Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back.
Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….
Such good advice! Thank you so much. Sometimes as mom we beat ourselves up for things that are very "trivial". It's great to keep your priorities straight and focus on those and know that not everyday is going to be a successful day and that's ok
Yes I can totally relate! I think it shows how much we love our kids, we want them to have it all and can’t always give it to them!
Other ideas for videos (unless you already made them):
Did your kids show a behavioral or sleep regression when you brought baby home? How is it going? (Currently have a 2 year old and 1 month old so I’m in it!)
Easy snack ideas for toddlers (realistic, no need to be fancy!) also, how do you feed your toddler? Do you let them feed themselves even when it’s super messy? Do you make separate meals for them? (I’m a super clean freak so it’s hard for me to let my toddler to just go to town, knowing most of it will end up on the ground)
Have you considered homeschooling? What pros and cons were on your mind when considering?
Working mom here with a stay-at home dad husband. Mom guilt is still overwhelming!!! I don't feel guilty for working because it's obviously necessary. But everything else: whether we're doing the "right" thing for feeding, sleep, screen time, etc.... Sometimes that even gets in the way of the real question: what's best for my family overall? My baby hates baby led weaning, nurses to sleep, and she is perfectly happy and healthy. But definitely social media and getting overwhelmed by health recommendations doesn't help. I think it's helpful to think about the why - okay, no screen time is recommended before age 2, but that doesn't mean my baby is harmed if my husband and I play a video game while she plays independently. If I focus on what's best for the family, then great - we are relaxing and she is developing motor skills and independence.
Edit: And my husband feels ZERO guilt. He just takes great care of our baby and doesn't stress about optimizing everything. I wish I knew the secret.
You sponsoring LMNT-- me hearing your sponsor and taking a sip of my LMNT that's right in front of me... Yeah. LMNT.
Five years in… I have built our routine around what I want my kids to have each day. I have a visual check list for them to homeschool, go outside, and read/be read to before they’re allowed to watch tv or whatever is extra. Because we have to check off the list, the extra doesn’t happen until about quiet time which is perfect. I am expecting #3 though in Dec and am kind of nervous how postpartum and a new baby will change how I feel about all of it!
Yes, mom guilt is so a thing! My husband doesn't feel guilt about any of the things I do. He's so cool. He'll be like, "Babe, I picked a good momma for my kids and all the things that are bothering you now will most likely not be a big deal in by the time they're 18. So don't beat yourself up, you have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Raising the next generation."
Thank you Shayla, we love you!!!! Love from the PNW
My husband and I are pretty 50/50 but different tasks. He works full time but I'm in law school as well. I'm kind of Type A, he's kind of Type B, and I feel like we help each other that way. He does a lot with our son and, sometimes it's not exactly the way I would do it or he forgets stuff that I feel like is basic but I've had to learn to let go a little and not be high-strung with stuff that isn't really putting him in danger because I really don't have the capacity. In my honest opinion, I think a lot of the moms who have a ton of guilt are holding themselves to a super high standard because they can. At the very beginning of law school we were taught that the workload will take as much of your time as you let it. If you try to annotate every case and read supplements and do everything perfectly, you'll burn yourself out in about 2 seconds. I feel like parenting is similar. If you're a Type A person and you're a SAHM, you're going to fill that extra headspace with all these things you "should" be doing. I think dads don't feel the guilt as much because there's a really low standard for being a "good" dad and other dads don't judge each other the way other moms do.
Looking forward to the mindset guide!
Shayla!! Could you do a Day in my life/ Week in my life? I think it could be super helpful
Whoa. The last video i caught you were most likely not having a 3rd, and i see a tiny baby in your thumbnail lol... Time flies.. THEN i just realized that i DID see your video announcing #3... But still, time flies cause now there is a baby lol
Please talk about what you intentionally do to promote a secure attachment
I was just googling gratitude journal and alike past night. Mom rage is fueling my mom guilt. It's been tough since the welcoming of my second and feeling like life is completely off control...
My second is a little over a year old and I felt like you describe after she was born. It was SO hard as a transition but it gets better ❤ sending love, you're doing amazing!
@@bethw3573 thanks 🙏
I wonder if the guilt is connected more to type A personalities 🤔
Haven't watched yet but oh I know I need to hear this right now
Do you know what Mum I feel guilty just thinking about getting a massage. My husband told me that I should organise care for the baby such as getting a nanny if I want to get him a massage or something hypothetically.. but we both know that’s never going to happen because I’m just guilty just thinking about it
And it’s so surprising to me that he doesn’t even get it when I say that I feel guilty doing that for this . Like he just doesn’t get it.
I clothed my 1st baby from about 5 months on. I’m on the fence about doing cloth from birth with future kiddos. I do plan to still do cloth, but prob start at 2-3 months.
Those newborns do be pooping all the time 😂😅
super random, but just curious:
Did you decide to cloth diaper from birth this time or are you waiting for baby boy to grow into the all-in-ones
Hi! Here's our experience as a same sex couple. Yup! Mom guilt is real, at least for this mommy who navigates mom guilt all day every day. My partner and I truly do split the caregiving tasks 50/50, but I carried so... maybe? I think the guilt is more likely to impact those of us who are socialized into thinking we SHOULD be the primary caretaker. Just speculating. 😂
2:08 Sorry for so many comments back to back.
Married lesbian here to speak on mom guilt. lol! I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. My wife works full time. We both spend tons of time with our daughter, but I am the primary caregiver. My wife & I had the same conversation. She said she misses us a lot, but doesn’t usually feel guilty for going to work because she knows our daughter is with me. She doesn’t feel guilty for too much TV time, not going outside enough, etc… I was like: “That’s fascinating! I cannot imagine! That sounds so beautiful & liberating!” I feel bad if we weren’t outside much, had take out ‘too many times’, if I prioritized cleaning the house for a day, etc….