Raising Self-Reliant Children | Sara Zaske | Talks at Google
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- When Sara Zaske moved from Oregon to Berlin with her family, she knew the transition would be challenging. She was surprised to discover that German parents give their children a great deal of freedom: in Berlin, kids walk to school by themselves, ride the subway alone, cut food with sharp knives, and even play with fire. They did not share her fears, and their children were thriving. In Achtung Baby, she shares the many unexpected parenting lessons she learned from living in Germany.
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To the fire part, there is a sentence quite often used in german education: you have to burn your hands once, to learn that the oven is hot
there is also "messer schere feuer licht ist für kinderhände nicht"
No, it's not just Berlin. It's quite common in germany.
@Sidian42
It wasn't, if it is now it is a recent development. Non or less what is shown here doesn't tell the whole picture into handle certain things like fire. As Khalid Aziz noticed the common rule is "messer schere feuer licht ist für kinderhände nicht" translated to "knife scissors fire light is not for children's hands" in addition at least where i grow up most children read with their parantes the "Struwwelpeter", which contains the story of Paulinchen who burns herself. We certainly have a fear culture around these potentially dangerous things, when used in a false way.
And from that base to show what happens, children get raised to be carefully when using fire, what actually includes a demonstration how to be save. If this is now teached in kindergarden, it only shows how much the state takes over the education that first and for most parents did.
Additionally you have a culture that has fire involved in certain festivals. For example you have peoples' festival which in villages most likely have "Osterfeuer" the Easter Fire. Therefore kids grow up seeing fire of bigger scale, and more so feel the heat of a fire burning,... what teaches a certain respect, if you grow up.
All this together, the fear-porn, the culture contact as in the example of fire and the introduction with oversight and preparation to use instead of forbidden and unspoken culture produces other outcomes. It isn't only this kindergarden thing alone, or at least it shouldn't be that way!
Well, i wouldn't call it a "recent development" because that's what i and my friends experienced in different schools and kindergardens, too, and that was 24-26 years ago.
The phrase "messer schere feuer licht ist für kinderhände nicht" is a bit different from what i've learned: "Messer, Schere, Feuer, Licht, sind für kleine Kinder nicht", which translates to "knife, scissors, fire, light, is not for little children". Yeah, little. Not children in general. In Kindergarden, we used knives to carve stamps with potatoes, we made bonfires to make "Stockbrot" (which is bread on a stick, you hold it into the fire until it's done, and of course, we made the dough ourselves, too), we lit up candles during christmas time and so on...
It may be not a thing in every Kindergarden, but it's not just limited to Berlin, and it is not a recent development.
@Sidian42 Well Potato stamps i actually remember we have created in kindergarden too. It is very common. On a sidenote when the kid at 18:36 cut sideway in the videoclip i was shocked to see that. That is not how a lesson prepares kids to use knifes and then let them actually handle it. I guess it was well meant, but executed shitty as hell. And that is the real problem, not that kids learn it or are prohibited or to say the germans make it better than the americans. It is that adults aren't in the know how to teach save handling, because they never got told themself in the right way or are to stupid to use common sense to prepare the teaching. What was common within families to teach is nowadays school business and the teachers have no F**** clue how to teach it, since they only learned the next psychological clap trap in how to manipulate kids the best way maslow style. And the outcome of the shitty teaching of teachers is this footage.
Lighting candles or better to say the 4 candles on the weekends towards christmas not the tree itself. I didn't asked to do it, had no particular interest in it if my memory serve me correctly. However if i would have asked my parents would have allowed me to do so.
The "Stockbrot" experience with an open fire place I had too. However I had it on one of my first class trips in the 5th or 6th grade... But then again this was early 90s. It might have progressed into earlier childhood years, as did many other things that have been propagated to influence childs as early as possible.
And to make it a circle. First experience with open fire was grilling with charcoal, what is pretty common in germany in the summer time. This was early as i was eight years i think, when my father let me light it up and control it to get it ready for the actual grilling action. Compared that to the US where you have smokers nowadays which are "closed" and the way to grill hamburger i guess they are more protective and don't see this event as a chance to introduce handling of fire to their children.
This makes the difference when I think about it. We give kids the opportunity while teaching them what to do, how to do and what to avoid and the why it is danagerous, while in the us it is prohibited until you have the legal age. Spring break at least as it is portrait via media is pretty much the outcome of such a culture. Contact with alcohol is in germany a no brainer.. Kids may take a sip on the adults beer as early as 7 to 10 years of age. They taste it is bitter and may than not think about it untill the early teens, when they slowly get introduced into the adult culture, since they stay up longer into the evening. And pretty much to their Communion or Jugendweihe they have first time more or less supervised contact with alcohol, if it ain't had happend earlier. It is growing up into it, but not a now you can feel free to legally alcohol poison yourself to see the consequences of your actions thing.
As a (German) kid I usually was outside my entire free time. After I finished my homework (which wasn't usually that much) I immediately called up my friends or just rang their doorbell. I climbed trees and builded "shelters" with my friends, hell, we even beat each other with sticks. We pretty much had bruises, splinters or cuts daily, but when I got home my mum just looked at it annoyed in the manner of "oh not again...fix it yourself", which I eventually did.
To be honest I think all kids should have such experiences, it teaches them a lot and was so much fun.
the moment you climbed a big oak tree as a child, and as an adult wondering, how the hell did i do that?!
That was the life right there. Jump in dirty muddy ditches or puddles or collect grass stains in your new jeans and mom would have a fit when she tried everything to wash it out but no matter what she did it didn't work.
I share the same experience and Im pretty sure my childhood couldn't be better!
Same as a Dutch kid. Climb up in trees (and fall out of them), skate on ice, build shelters from wood etc. Also was sent for errands to the local store and rode to school myself.
@@EdwinBosveld Oh man, I fell out of so many trees as a kid!
The way of raising children is very different in Europe compared to the US. Where I live it's perfectly normal to let kids walk or take the bus by themselves to school from the age of 7. (Norway)
Yeah, I really also think it's a European difference :-)
I'm German, I think when I was 6 my mom still took me to school 🤔
But once I was 7 I went with a friend or rode on the back off my sister's bike 😊
My parents went with me to the bus station the first few days. Than my bigger sister took me but because she doesn't want to walk with me I soon started to get to the bus station myself. I missed the bus sometimes and got injured about 3 times I remember and than I could call my mother and she would show up and help me out, because she wasn't working yet.
I did not think much of it. It became part of my regular life.
Our crime rate is way to high, I could easily die or get kidnapped/trafficked even to walk to the library across the street
In Germany is it normal, that kids are walking without parents to school. Just a view month together with parents. My son walks the way alone after 2 months.
As a german child the rule for me always was: be home before the street lights turn on (aka before it gets dark)
Huh. My rule was: tell us where you're going, stay close if its turning dark/late, call us. I never had to be home at a specific time, I did that by myself. My parents trusted me a lot and I never ever dissapointed them.
same
Same. Because when the street lights turned on it was "Kinderklau-Zeit" (stealing children time). I could still play with my friends a bit if my mum/grandmother was able to see us from the kitchen window
when it went dark i had to stay in our street not to far away,so i could be found
I remember getting my first knife when I was 5. I'd seen my grandfather carve some designs into his walking stick and loved the idea, so he bought me a little fixed-blade outdoors knife that I could do some carving with, told me to fetch a small saw from the tool shed and get a small branch I could practice on. I cut myself with it not 10 minutes later, so after I stopped crying he told me "this is why you have to be careful when using a knife" He put a band-aid on it, gave me a piece of candy to cheer me up and showed me how to do it right.
I strongly believe making sure kids have experiences like this is instrumental for them to have a good approach to life in general.
My first one was a one of those Kinderschnittmesser (those bulky ones without a tip), which was not particularly sharp (but sharp enough to make rather sharp wouldn't swords) and if I remember correctly I got my first properly sharp knife when I entered school in form of a Schweizer Taschenmesser [which was also around the time I got really paranoid about not arrestable switch blades (the blade actually could be arrested but the saw could not and I did manage to unintentionally fold it back in a couple of times)]
Beautiful story
My Sons too. Until now no cuts, but when it happens it happens, they wont hurt themself seriously and learn from it.
@@uhudla42 thats a bit dangerous.... a blunt or not properly sharpened knife will result in a higher level of danger for the user, especially for kids, as they will use more force to cut, wich could result in slipping of and hurting themselves
@@zhufortheimpaler4041 Then we/they hurt our-/themselves. We/They will learn from it.
I'm more concerned about my kids using internet than walking alone on streets.
👍
Talk with them about what they see, even the uncomfortable stuff. Let them tell you how they feel seeing those things. Prepare them and make them strong. The Internet is inevitable by now and we cant keep them from getting in contact with its contents. I did this with my son and during his Teen years he always was fine with the internet. And that way he knew he could talk to me about anything at anytime if something made him uncomfortable.
@@sabines15 That same mentality is fine for video games and movies in my opinion. Teaching children to explore what they're comfortable with and act accordingly is the way to go, imo. My parents let me have a lot more freedom (in terms of what movies I was allowed to watch) as soon as they understood that I did not watch movies that made me uncomfortable.
I more or less discovered the internet myself. My parents don't really know how to use tech. I'm sometimes a bit like a technician for them
Well, you cannot forget the context. In Germany health care takes care of injuries that happen during playing - parents do not need to be afraid of bills from doctors. Kids are not threatened by gun violence in Germany when out by themselves. And if a kid gets injured on a playground, parents cannot sue anybody in the range of millions, so there is no need to make everything overly safe to protect yourself from lawsuits from parents. If a kid in the US gets into trouble, it can get very expensive. In Germany it isnt. It can have much much direr consequences if a kid fucks up in the US just because of its laws, justice system and social security.
Thought exactly the same...
So, you wanna say that your justice system is so bad that you can't change it? I bet you arent the only one who thinks that way. So why dont you try to change it if you dont like it, find other people and go aiganst it. Just accepting those things makes it worse.
My initial thought was that the health care system in Germany is much better and people with mental problems are better taken care of. I agree with Mrs. Zaske on the way to raise childreen but we must not forget that education shapes future society and at the same time is a reflection of current society.
Systemically codified anxiety in society shouldn't be a reason to not empower young people to be independent and self-protective.
@@Lovita2011 Why should we? What should be the reason to sue a city because a child fell down at a playground?
americans call the police if kids walk to school on their own? WHAT?
yep can happen...
xDD
crazy isn't it?
I am amazed that the death rate of children isn’t higher given how trigger-happy, nay, trigger-horny American Police appears to be...
Yeah that shocked me, that is so sick!
As a German i find this intriguing. Didn't know y'all had this no fun attitude in the US.
25:25 "[Germans] believe [children] have a right to know how their body works ... which I don't know how you take that but (...)"
Are you telling me, in the US it's considered weird to enable your child to understand their body? What? It's not like you're a virgin-saint - since you've got a child you've clearly had sex (unless it's adopted) so why would you prohibit your child from learning about it? I honestly don't get it. I could understand if you think that a 9-year old doesn't need to know that but as soon as children turn like 11 or 12 they should be educated on that matter! Imagine how scary it would be for a girl to suddenly start bleeding and having no idea what's going on. Or for a boy to wake up with a morning wood and being scared shitless because he doesn't know if that's a disease or whatever. Sexuality is a normal thing for goodness sake and everybody has it. I don't get it.
Yes exactly! As a German it's so weird how stuck up Americans are when it comes to sex. I remember having sex education in primary school and all I said was "ew that sounds gross, I don't think I ever want to do that". Also pretty sure my mom explained sex to me even earlier than that but I do not have any memory of that.
@@theazurstrassen5552 Same here - I am German as well and we first had sex education in 3rd grade and then more detailed in 7th grade I think. In my opinion, sex ed is one of the most important things for a child to learn!
@@theazurstrassen5552 same here as well. I'm from Austria and sex education was just another boring subject to me. We also had to watch "sex we can", an animated trilogy about sex, but damn is the animation weird x-x
My children are 4 and almost 6 and they already know where babies come from. They also know about same-sex couples. I did not decide that though, they ask and I answer their questions in an appropriate way. I always tell them the truth because it is natural and normal. Reproduction is not a thing I am ashamed of talking about! They want to know where they come from which is a very profound question to ask and I think I owe them an honest answer. Do American children never ask these questions?
@@lisasimpson3762 this! I totally agree
That's the way I grew up, hours and hours outside, living adventures every day. This is how we are brought up here, not only in Germany, as a matter of fact, everywhere in Europe.
Summer vacation days : woke up in the morning, got breakfast, got on my bike and came home just before sunset, hungry, covered in dust, bruises, scrapes, a sun tan, and a big smile on my face. That was childhood in Eastern Europe :)
Edd Grs that’s how it’s supposed to be, isn’t it? 😍
Not all of Europe. In the UK, parents have to pick their kids up from primary school every day at 3pm. If they're late, they have to pay a fine. Many Brits would call the police if they see a primary school aged kid walking around outside without an adult.
I am an American raised by a German mom and a South African dad. I always thought my parents were just progressive hippies. Just turns out my mom is German lol.
Hey Guys, my message will probably not been read by anyone. However I have to say somethings. I’m German and I really love your video and what you showed. It shows the German education/upbringing pretty good. Thanks for showing me how my parents did it. It helps me to reflect it and shows me how I wanna do it in the future as well. I send 10 months in the US when I was 17 years old. (Now I’m 25 years old) and I loved it. I learned a lot about your culture and Lifestyle.
However I have to criticize/ point out one thing! I think it’s very imported to know about the German past! But the Americans (you, in that video) make it sound like we have to be embarrassed about the past. I think we have aware of it and learn it. The Americans,in that term, did very horrible thing in the last 100 years! The Korea war and Vietnam war and furthermore atomic Bomb in Hiroshima. You don’t make you kids or people shame about it. I’m think those facts are very sad historical facts as well. And I think the Americans are somethings to cocky/boastful and in your education the young generation should learn how to avoid those mistakes !
Sorry for all my mistakes !
Sending love from Germany !
yeah your soo true, Im from american, and I hate about how they only tell us bad things about what other countries did, rather than what they did bad
In Germany we teach our children how to act when adressed by strangers and when they try to kidnap them. Pretty standard thing: Scream, Resist, try to gain attention - but here it comes: Children are taught to use the courtesy form instead of the private one they use amongst one another and their parents. And they should clearly vocalize they don't wish to go with that person. This immidiately makes it clear to any bystanders that this isn't a father trying to get his runaway child back home but instead an attempt of kidnapping - and thus they intervene.
But as Ms. Zaske said: In most cases child abuse is commited by people the victim is familiar to.
Yes. I heard of situations where sb called the police on parents who had trouble with a kid that didn't want to go home 😄
There's a very good rule for how much information a child can handle. As soon as they ask you things, they are ready to cope with the answer. It really is as easy as that!
16:46, that's why germans have proper sex education and less teenage pregnancies
Same in Denmark. The number of teenage pregnancies in Denmark is as low as ever.
I was 12 when my mother told me if i ever have a girlfriend i have to use protection. I learned in school how to use a condom. But not just the boys, the girls too. There are allways 2 in a relationship.
Yeah everyone in my class regardless of gender or religion had to put on a condom on a wooden penis the correct way in our school. We also learned about all the other ways of safe sex like these "female condoms" for licking etc. to prevent STD.
Yes, education is one part, another is our different healthcare system! Even if a US girl gets educated early, she would have problems getting the pill for free! In Germany the pill is free for every girl under 18! I am not saying the pill is the best solution, because of its side effects, but probably better then teen pregnancies). Condoms are still the best protection against diseases, but not as save and also not free... so for poor teenagers that would also be a big factor.
@@MrEQuecky the pill is free? Where exactly? I always had to pay, lol
I was born in Germany in 1984. As the age of 6/7 I went to school alone with my friends (ca. 2,5 KM) and after doing my homework, I went outside to play with them without parental supervision. During the summer when we had school break, I often left my home in the morning coming back in the afternoon without my parents knowing where i was. To make it clear, I had a lovely childhood and great parents. :)
My childhood was pretty much the same growing up in the 2000's. I went to the elementary school a town over (unlike my friends) and due to my school-best friend living there I was always roaming around somewhere with him on our bikes, our parents not knowing what we were up to again. My neighbourhood friends and I were also often in the town, eating ice cream, going to the 'Jugendtreff', etc and if we stayed in our tiny town we would climb on trees, go to the big playground, just get dirty and all scratched up, happy as can be. I would not trade those wonderful memories for anything in the world. :D
Times change. To give you an example: I was 6 years when I walked alone to school (in winter it was dark outside), I was 8 when I made breakfast on sundays for my parents to make them a surprise, I was 10 when I cooked meals when my mom got the flu, I was 12 when I took the bus alone to go downtown to cinemas in the afternoon, I was 17 when I worked in a beer tent as a waiter (as a student job), I was 19 when I moved to Berlin in my own apartment... it was normal in those days. Kids left the house after lunch, went to play with friends in the neighborhood and came home at 5 all by themselves. I am not sure if I would raise my kids like this today but I am glad I had this education.
So, why wondering wether to do it ir not, when you loved it.
It needs the confidence in how you raised your child up to the moment you let them go their own way, but if you do trust in yourself you should trust in how you raised your child.
My children (all underaged) do enjoy exactly what I did in the early 80s. In holidays there are days I only see them for the meals, they even don't take their cell phones with them. I have to handle this "are they ok? Where are they?" -feeling on my own. Getting paid with crazy stories, but more important happy children, when they come back home (not to talk about the free time for me).
I once got a call "Your 9yo is sitting about 10 m high in a tree.This is so dangerous, you should come and call him down, he won't listen to me." The Mom on the phone couldn't understand my answer: " Oh cool, so he finally managed it. He'll manage to get down himself. Please, don't make him nervous and let him enjoy it. To me it is ok, which he knows." Well, at least she never called me on that again, although it did and does still happen. I know it can dangerous and I'm happy, if he isn't sitting in a tree, but, it's his happy place and he's a safe climber.
I know I was the same as a child and I know from my Mom how she felt about this...she told me, when my boy started to climb trees, she felt, like I feel - as a child I always was sure she was absolutely fine with it and wasn't afraid of something bad happening...
I won't cut my children from experiences, they can make by themselves, just because of my fears. I will cut them off, if they are really too dangerous, trying to find a way they can make the experience in a more safe way.
It's unfair to cut joy and fun from s.o. bc of your own fears - esp. if you were allowed to have tgat fun at a similar age by your (for sure fearful) parents.
I'd wish this would be more common sense nowadays.
that's exatly it. I guess my mom felt the same way with me and my sister. I'm pretty sure she was afraid every time we didn't call that we were late. at times were mobile phones were not a thing. I grew up in Stuttgart, a fairly big city for germany. My mom was a single parent and had to work fulltime with 2 parttime jobs to get us good life. She did not had the time to look over us 24/7 and we survived. I got to take the subway and a bus to school at the other end of the city since 5th grade, I got to takecare of the hosehold with my sister since I was can remember. I even remeber the sextalk with her, after she found out my older sister had her first time and felt the need to take care that I will be prepared too. She was always open with any kind of discussion and educated us in a very natural way and on a daily basis, what was important to be indipendent and selfaware. I cant remember a time where I was afraid to ask her about any topic, and I hope someday I can do the same for my children. I would not want it any other way.
Here is the usual development of children in Germany:
Around age 6: Once the children start to go to school, they go on their own. Ideally in a group with other children, but only a few parents drop of their children daily. It is also usual for Children to get a little bit of pocket money at this age, so that they can do small business transactions (buying some sweets aso). Also the age at which children have learned to ride a bicycle. There is even a test for this, kind of like a driver licence for children, in which they have to show that they understand the traffic rules aso. They have to, because from a certain age onward they are no longer allowed to drive on the walkway, but have to stick to the street (or the bicycle lane, naturally)
Around the age of 14: The child drink their first alcohol. Nothing heavy yet, but that is the age at which they are allowed to have "lighter" drinks under the observation of their parents....at 16 they can drink beer on their own, at 18 they are free to drink the hard stuff.
And yes, the approach to sex is quite liberal, too.
Congrats for being a smart ass. How about watching the video to get an idea how it is different in the US? And, since the video doesn't mention it: Alcohol is forbidden there until you are 21, which leads to young people overindulging dangerously because they have no idea how to handle alcohol.
manhenk your comment was really ununnecessary manhenk
I like to add that children are allowed to drink beer and wine by the age of 14 when their parents are observing, but personally I do not know any case in which that actually happend. Only exception: lutheran confirmation celebration. Many are allowed to drink a sip of wine on that day.
In my case it was Amaretto, and not just a sip, a whole glas.
Schnappzapp Schmetter I drank a bit of alcohol like red wine or beer with food at 12, 13. With a bit I really mean a bit, like 100 ml of wine or if more always mixed with water or beer with lemonade. I have never in my life seen my parents drunk and I am 34 now and never got severely drunk in my life. Tipsy-yes. That's when I stopped. The only times I felt bad after drinking alcohol was when I mixed too much or when the quality was too cheap.
Also worth adding: I got my first key to our house age 5 and was allowed to walk home from kindergarten on my own. I lived in a more rural area though, not Berlin. Thanks to my parents I never had any problems with organising or filling out forms or finding information about best health treatment etc and now that my parents are elderly I extend the abilities they taught me back to them. They did many mistakes but not with those things. Also: walking around naked after showers was common. Having sex as a young teenager not. But exploring without shame, in stages appropriate for how I felt ready for - certainly.
This is so valuable. I am german and I spend some time in the US. Sara pinpointed it when saying "Give them the room to find out as they can". No more no less. Get together with the neighborhood and their children. Three or even two children walking together are safe (as much as it gets). As to the german playgrounds: one of my sons fell off one these climbing things and broke his leg. He is a bit more cautious now, and I dare to take him up the alps mountains ;-) . I didnt sue the berlin department of dangerous child climbing facilities :-D and my son didnt sue me either he was happy when I showed up in the hospital and proudly presented his big plastered leg ;-)
MrFrankie180
The ability of a child to withstand things and heal is also greatly underrated. A broken leg for a child is more of a nuisance than anything else, even more so with a graze or scrape. They'll cry a little bit and then they heal. Much more important for the child to make the experience than to stay completely unharmed. if they don't make the experience as a child, they'll eventually make it at an age were breaking a bone is more hindering and doesn't heal as well.
Also, children are incredible climbers.
Due to being smaller they have a much better grip strength to body weight ratio than adults, actually comparable to that of trained adult athletes.
It's the same biological mechanism by which e.g. insects are so incredibly strong compared to their body weight, just not taken to such an extreme. When one gets smaller, then body weight decreases faster than muscle strength.
It may have to do with health insurance too - if a kid breaks their leg in the USA then the parents will need to find a way to pay for the hospital bills which can be thousands of dollars.
@@olinkirkland That's pretty much a perfect argument. A German family mostly have one adult paying for insurance which covers the whole family. But: This is only possible with universal healthcare. Otherwise it would be way to expensive.
Also, children’s bones are more bendable, so they don’t break as easily, and even if one breaks and heals crookedly, over time it becomes straight again.
How we teach responsibility? In the german kindergarten/preschool/primary school kids get tasks for a week. So Peter is responsible to clean the table this week, Maria has to water the plants etc. Next week they change the task. All kids love that, because it gives them a feeling of being important and they are proud of themselves
My son was four when he asked his mother: Maman, how do the babies get into the belly? Her wise answer was: Ask papa :)) So here in germany we have very good books on "difficult" topics even for preschool children. So I myself had such a book on sexual education from my own time as a first grader in the 70s and I bought a modern book on sexual education for preschool children. So we sat together reading and talking asking, explaining. The way to explain it was mainly to talk about love, being close to each other, having good feelings, plus the basic biological informations. I also started to teach him slowly slowly about the body: what are the bones and the muscles etc. In fact this is very interesting for children.
In the same year my grandfather died, so we came to another "difficult" topic: death. Actually this topic wasn´t that new to him because of course he already had seen dead insects and small marmels. So again there was some talking, questions, explanations, I carried him to the funeral, he even saw his dead greatgrandfather in the coffin, and after that we read two wonderfull books for children with an almost philosophic approach. Everything very natural.
Religion than is a very special topic in our families: I am buddhist, my ex-wife is (a liberal) muslim, in both our families we have christians of different denominations, I have some jewish relatives, we have friends who are zoroastrians and yezidi… So he grew up with a lot of different religions. Our idea always was that again we have to teach him the basic concepts that are common to all these religions, especially compassion, ethics and being aware of the greater context of everything. Later on he himself has to decide which path is the right one for him.
So my approach in parenting (which also is more or less the way I myself was raised) is: don´t teach fear, but awareness (e.g. "look, there´s ice, might be slippery" instead of "be carefull, it´s dangerous, you could fall"); AND there is no such thing as a "difficult topic", you just have to answer all questions in words that fits the child´s level of understanding. So just find the right words.
Yes! And if someone is confuse and that's not the kid but the parents who don't know how to explain things to their kids yet.
Wir hatten „Peter, Ida und Minimum“ - Classic 😄
@sheik DE
And you thing "killing all Religionists" isn't anything bad?
No, religion isnt the real evil in the world. Unquestioned superior complexes, with violence tendencies are the real evil.
This includes extrem religious people who look down apone non religious or other religious people and wanna "get rid of the evil", something you seam to believe as well, but it's not limited to and/or dictated by religious extremism! This also includes extrem nationalism, classism, racism, sexism, extrem ideologies or extrem (e.g. intelligent) predatorism etc..
Yes extrem religion also belongs to this category, but people will always search for meaning in the world and the have the right to choose their beliefs as long as they don't hurt others, aka become extremists.
Think that your predatorism isn't as bad as religious predatorism is absolut bs.
You label your belive(, no matter what the are,) as superior to religious beliefs (without even being specific about which religion) and you can do that if you want, but using this form of thought to excuse your own bad thoughts or actions is the actual "source of evil" and you taped into it.
Ps: She said "my ex-wife is (a liberal) muslim" because she thought it might be be important about her story of her liberal (aka free not something political) religious upbringing of their child, that should be obvious.
@sheik DE
I say it again. Religion isn't the root of evil, unquestioned superior complexes with violent tendencies are and you can't *kill* or sterilise thos mindsets. Not to mention that most extremist either come from death and violence (war, violent or hateful influence).
Killing religious people is not a necessity to purify humanity, it's the beginning of discrimination, hate and violence, the exact thing we trying to get rid of, some with sterilising religious people.
Religion doesn't spread through Gens but words. Would you als get rid of their freedom of speech ? Maybe putting them into some kind of camp, giving them work so they can still be used, letting them either slowly die if there are to many, killing them to be able to "store" more of them... You are getting at what I am hinting at, right? 😅
Jews have been called the root of evil for centuries and it made it possible to justify inhuman actions against them for centuries.
We can't justify violence behavior against millions of peacefully living people, for the few extremists of them, who more often than not only went extrem because of their situation. If we could justify that, than humanity would have to end as a whole, because like I said, religion isn't the only belief system that barriers some extremists.
@sheik DE
They won't be free to choose if we threaten them with *death* !
And Yes I'm free to choose to protect religious people and I will do that until the day I die, when the people haven't done anything wrong. Because I only judge actions and not their motivation. I won't defend nor support murders of peaceful people no matter if the killed people or the killers are religious or not.
The idea of creating a better world through activ and non reactive violence is oblivious and wrong!
Another advantage in Germany is that everyone is covered by health insurance. If a child injures themselves while playing or even thinks they may have been injured in a fall, they can be examined and treated for free in the hospital.
this deserves more views!!
I'm 17, half german but grew up in the UK. I distinctly remember being 9 when my mum said "come on, you can walk to school on your own, its only a 15 minute walk and there are traffic lights at all the major crossings". She bought me a nokia brick phone just in case and i walked with my 7 year old sister every day.
I didn't think it was unusual, in the town where my mum grew up in southern Germany, kids walked to kindergarten on their own (although its not quite a fair comparison as the town is very rural) so i wasn't expecting teachers and other parents to be so shocked and ask to see a permission note or offer to take us home every day. This isn't east London, its Bath, a very safe neighborhood and it seemed absurd.
Moreover i wondered how spoiled must other kids be to have their parents willing to chauffeur them around every minute of the day. My parents worked full time and it was normal, I learned early on if i wanted to go somewhere I was going to have to walk, cycle or take the bus.
This sort of thing wasn't the only thing i'm grateful for my mum's german parenting about. I was never told "don't talk back" or "because i say so" and other things involving the inherent command of respect simply because a person is an elder. They helped me develop my set of values and taught me to demand reasons for doing things. its taught me to think for myself and question and consider how things reconsile with my own morals and values before doing them.
This led to issues with the typical UK education system (why should my socks have to have the school logo on them? they're socks, I won't buy into the capitalist system that forces me to spend 30 pounds on a pair of socks just so they're purchased from the approved retailer and i can be a walking advertisement for the school) But my parents always supported me and for this i am immensely grateful. I got good grades and was never disruptive to the learning of others, i just spoke out when i didn't see the benefit of following a pointless command. (and if the school then phoned my parents to complain about the disobedience the first question was "what was she asked to do and why" )
arent english people anglo-saxons mixed with the another germanic tibes called the franks? :D you're basically german ;)
@@hyenalaughingmatter8103 Some are. Some aren't.
Thankfully it's a lovely mix...
But you are right... it would apply to a lot of people in England.
What? America did worse than Germany in PISA? It was kind of national crises here that we were so bad.
This is nother ( and bigger ) theme...
True. When we had pisa test it was just graded as an ex(a small test. Score isn't worth much in the overall grading) so nobody cared about it. Also we took it just after vacation with 1 week notice. Everybody except the class strivers did bad. I heard in other schools they did actually prepare for the test.
Huschibaba but how give longer texts an unfair advantage to other languages? Wouldn't it give English the advantage because of shorter text to read and as such being able to answer more questions in a shorter time?
Now compare it to children of German ancestry. :o
Living Flower
German language tends to produce reeaaaal long sentences. This doesn't happen in the english language to that extent. German sentences can get really complex.
I dont know what sentences they had in this test and how they translated it, but it's highly possible that the german sentences are (a litle) more complex.
When I was age ten (more then 40 years ago) I was quite wild and got cuts and injuries quite often. My father arranged for me a first aid training, that I could treat myself in case I managed to get me a more severe injury. It was done at the local voluntary fire fighters in town, which eventuelly made me join them. This says a lot about how to educate children without limiting their freedom of choice. Just make aware of dangers, and how to handle it.
Of course we have the first column as well... this woman doesn't seem to get the point. It is about trust, earning and maintaining it. Sure i was allowed to go everywhere i wanted on my own from a young age, but that was because my parents could trust me to do it. That's how german society works on a whole, follow the rules and you get every freedom you desire. However if you fail the rules, you lose your freedom and have to work hard to regain that trust. German parents rather get disappointed than angry with their kids. And this strong believe in and following rules can be observed at every red light here... there might be no car in sight for miles, but still noone would cross the street. Or all the "serve yourself and leave the money in the box on the table" stores in the countryside.. it all relies on trust and rules that are oblieged. It is not so much tyranical drill that makes us follow rules so passionatly, but the clearly visible benefits for the community and ones selve in it, that makes us abide by them
That is a bit harsh, but true. Harsh, because you make a kind of "Prussian" attitude that kids cannot understand. On the other hand, freedom comes with learning. Basically, Saras point is right.
Crossing the street even though the lights are red is really common in Offenbach, but that's the shit part of Germany I guess
Crossing the light when they are red isn't only a thing in Offenbach. It is all over germany. Why you may ask, because there are red lights in places nowadays nobody bother to put up 10, 20 ore more years ago. They are just a hindrance. That is why people even in germany go by red light, who otherwise would follow rules. Non or less most look out for underaged persons. If they are aware, they restrict themself to wait and be a role model.
Anyway what is said about the high trust society is plain true. However with the progressive germany dictatorship of multicultural enrichment the days of a high trust society are over! Germany is only in part what it was. High trust in Frankfurt Main, Düsseldorf or Berlin,.. Roflmao. There are groups of people in germany that pray on the trust and in a couple decades even the last will see the outcome. You tell me if we have a high trust society with people stomping others in the back to get them fall of a stairway on the subway. You tell me if we have a high trust society with more and more gated communities growing like in Munich and having no go areas. The shit part of germany is everywhere.
Every part can always be a shit part, as long as there is some sick person who would do sick things, like kicking someone down the subway stairs. But the german values remain and that guy was caught and sentenced. Additionally we had a time between 1933 and 1945, when all values were neglected and the worst things were done by the worst people. Nobody can say that those times were better then it is now.
We really have to uphold our values, even if people try to abuse them and educate everyone of their benefits. If you want to be a respected member of the german society you have to behave that way. Otherwise you will always stay on the bottom.
In a few decades Germany will be at least as good as it is now, but probably better, because all people living in this country will have learned new and better ways.
Kids thrive when you give them 1 A clear set of rules and boundaries wich are non negotiable AND 2 The freedom to do as they please within these.
36:40 this is 100% true! At every stage that I got new freedoms I knew exactly that they came with responsibilities. German parenting is not without any rules, in fact there were a lot of rules to follow but they were reasonable and were interchangeable with the freedoms our parents gave us. My parents allowed me to go to clubs at 16 and even signed a paper for me to stay until midnight, but on the other hand they also expected me to either be home at the time that was agreed to or that I would send a timely message that I wasn't gonna make it in time and what time I would be home instead. Freedom came with a certain rule that was linked to trusting each other.
Thank you for clearing some things up! I was always pretty confused when I read some works of American authors where a character has children. Because the realtionship would often be reviewed as "so cute" and "really loving" while I was horrified at what seemed to me like such an unhealthy amount of control.
We do have "scary kidnapping movies" as well - in fact we do have most of the american movies over here (usually dubbed). Parents are scared here too but a movie like that would much more likely be used as a prompt to teach your kids how to react to strangers and how to act if they were approached inappropriately.
My mom taught me how babies are made when I was about 4 or 5 and it was pretty detailed (more medicinal than anything else) and I was satisfied with the answer. It intrigued me but did not scare or scar me in any way. I felt more powerful after learning such an important thing about life and how I came to be and it was something I knew but did not think about much until I was much older. Like how you get told why trees are green. It's fascinating but you don't overthink it as a child. I am glad I was allowed to be free a lot as a child. I hurt my knees and scraped my skin a lot - but I came home dirty and rough and happy and proud. Much better than what even german kids are allowed to do on their own today. Of course accidents happen, but more often than not the consequences are small. Nobody can protect their kids from everything bad in this world. Done with a fair amount of common sense and trust in your children the free range approach is not more dangerous than any other "method" I would say. Interesting talk! I did not realize how different the cultures really are on the topic of raising children :)
Even today most kids i know are allowed to get dirty. But i understand what you mean. the protective parents get really visible and loud nowadays
is there something in the USA like an age restriction for watching movies (like in Germany, FSK)? Well, a.e. Law and Order is watchable even for german kids during the day (without parental tv-control).
Kineticsphere--
Es gibt in Österreich und in der Schweiz, das PEGI Zeichen, für PC Spiele.
Die Spiele können gewalttätig und widerlich brutal sein. Egal.
Aber wenn was nacktes rumläuft..... PEGI16 oder PEGI18
Und sowas ähnliches gibt es auch in der USA ,das MPAA-System.
Da ist vieles, was bei uns ab 12. freigegeben ist, Jugendfrei.
Well, for one, the US is more concerned about nudity and bad language than violence (which often leads to European movies having a higher rating in the US for nudity, while US movies are often cut for the European market to avoid an r-rating), and two, American parents for all their hovering are strangely unconcerned about those ratings...i.e. Deadpool had a lot of parents with children watching.
swanpride -- "Well, for one, the US is more concerned about nudity and bad language than violence"
Ernsthaft, ein Land das den Gangster Rap und Twerken erfunden hat.
Das an der Stange-Tanzen als Tanzstil betrachtet macht sich darüber Sorgen?
It really makes me sad that this one guy thinks that there is more media control in Germany...
@Falk M Just show me one single example.
@Falk M das ist schlicht gelogen. Du hast die Auswahl zwischen vielen Medienquellen mit unterschiedlichen politischen Standpunkten um alle Blickwinkel abzubilden. Du wirst nichts finden, das zensiert wurde, oder?
That's a straight out lie. You can choose between many media sources with different political views to cover all the points of view possible. You won't find anything being censored, I dare you.
@Falk M Das stimmt so aber nicht. Die Nationalität von mutmaßlichen Tätern wurde in journalistischen Produkten bis zur sogenannten Kölner Silvesternacht in überhaupt keinem Fall genannt, weder bei migrantischen Tätern noch bei deutschen. Damals besagte die von Ihnen angesprochene Übereinkunft des Journalistenverbands noch, dass die Nationalität i.d.R. nichts zur Sache tut und aus diesem Grund i.d.R. auch nicht erwähnt zu werden braucht. Seit der Kölner Silvesternacht allerdings wird das in weiten journalistischen Kreisen anders gesehen. Seitdem liest oder hört man in Nachrichten meist auch die Nationalität des mutmaßlichen Täters. Und zwar sowohl dann, wenn es sich um einen ausländischen Tatverdächtigen handelt, als auch wenn es um einen deutschen Tatverdächtigen geht. Es lag keine Zensur vor, weil Tatsachen lediglich weggelassen wurden, die einfach als irrelevant eingeschätzt worden sind. Und vor allem: Das journalistische Vorgehen war in allen Fällen gleich. Und nach der Silvesternacht hat sich der inhaltliche Gehalt der Nachrichten zwar geändert, aber die Vorgabe des Journalistenverbands behandelt - weiterhin - alle gleich, nur eben nun entsprechend ihrer jeweiligen Herkunft bzw. Nationalität. Und wo sehen Sie da jetzt die beklagte Ungleichbehandlung?
@Falk M es gibt einen Unterschied zwischen Zensur und Sperrung von Inhalten, die beispielsweise gegen das Gesetz verstoßen. Ich würde mal vermuten dir geht es um deutsche "Geschichte" rund um den 2ten Weltkrieg oder die Zeit einige Jahre davor. Da kann ich mir sehr gut vorstellen welche Symbole in dem Video eventuell die Sperrung veranlasst haben könnten.
true I wasn't sad it was more like pity for a moment I guess. Afterall we also can watch L&O Special Victims Unit and still let our children walk alone to school
I had over 15 scars with 12, I can't remember how often I had band aids or bleeding knees. My clothes got torn and dirty. I climbed on trees and everything else. I fell into the stream if I couldn't keep my balance. I played with wires and woodworking tools. I cut myself with my pocket knife when I wasn't careful.
The only rule: go back home when the streets lights go on
I lived a happy childhood!
Unfortunately Germany becomes more and more like the US in this aspect.
12 Years ago in my final year of Kindergarten the oldest were granted access to a workshop with tools like hammer saw and drill to build stuff.
As I visited a few years ago the kids are not even allowed to use scissors without supervision.
it is changing back again today fortunately.
And how is supervision the same? You always have to supervise children as a teacher.
Obviously you don't know what supervision means. A good teacher allows children to make mistakes and learn from them by themselves.
They get access to scissors, you don't interfere when they are about to cut themselves, but you interfere when they are about to kill themselves. Otherwise they will get patched up and they are encouraged to try again *lol*
It's all about HOW you supervise.
Just a few years ago my kids learned to light matches, use pocket knives, cook and spend their days in the forrest climbing, building fortresses and getting dirty but having fun in Kindergarten here in Germany.
Whaaat? I’m German and sixteen and back when I was in elementary school, we used all kinds of "dangerous“ stuff. My little sister isn’t even in elementary school yet and she has already used scissors since she was 4. I don’t think it‘s changing and if I ever have a kid I‘m let it have its freedom.
Das ist traurig
I wish I had a book like this when I was raising my daughter. Fortunately she is a bold, big-hearted young woman in spite of my over-protecting her.
So you did right :-D congrats :-D
Very interesting talk. Especially as a Swiss person, where things role similar to Germany. It was fascinating to see, how different the upbringing can be and how it affects children. thanks
German here and I recently saw the smallest little boys in their cute little hats and their backpacks walking to school holding hands. It was so adorable I almost died.
Great talk by the way! I'm really glad that I had that priviledge of being raised the Germany way, it's surely not perfect but thinking back and hearing you talk about more oppressive ways I much prefer the former.
As a German, this was very nice to watch. She had realy good points.
It should be noted that German towns and cities (especially notable in Suburban areas) are more build around being walkable.
I was born in 2002 in Germany and i Hand a great, „wild“ childhood. As long as i sticked to a few basic rules, i was able to spend the whole day with my friends outside, without my parents even knowing where i was. Sadly most kids have a different childhood now, the things have changed.
As a German mom I love your analysis and cannot help but feel a bit flattered. At the same time it makes me a bit breathless/ short of breath as I listen to you. I just want to breathe in deeply into my stomach and out, because you seem excited/ nervous and do not breathe much or seem to be tense. Just like me, when I am nervous in front of an audience. Thanks for being open and human and letting me experience how it is for my audience when I am tensed up. Maybe it helps me to breathe more into my tummy than only up in the chest area.
I'm from Germany (for context)
We have a pretty tall oak tree (30-40m I'd guess) in our garden and I climbed it up to the top every day. My mother would see me from the balcony and die a thousand deaths because she was so scared, I would fall. But she knew, I and my little brother would be careful because after I fell from a tree in kindergarten and had to go to the hospital and use crutches for some time, my dad explained us to always be safe with three limbs while climbing and to check each thing we were holding on to, if it was safe before climbing on. Our neighbours tried to convince my parents to cut down the lower branches of the tree but they argued, that we'd just find another tree to climb or use the ladder from our tree house to get up there. I'm glad, they let us do this on our own and just provided guidance.
Another story: We've always had cats growing up. In some way, they helped my parents raise us. My parents have a picture of a birthday party where we were sitting in a circle for some game and my cat was also sitting there as if he was part of the game. I think we even laid some cards in front of him to make him feel included. But I'm drifting off. What I was going say, pets teach kids responsibility and to be kind and careful and take care of someone who depends on you. Later when I was 10, I took horse riding lessons and of course, I wanted my own horse. My parents gave me a lot of books on how to care for horses and about horses in general then when I was a little bit older (I can't remember the age but I'd guess 13) they allowed me to have two bunnies. I also read a lot of books on how to care for bunnies and how their cage must be that they're happy. They helped me build a cage that was big enough. And when I was 15 they allowed me to have a horse because I was taking care of my bunnies so well (which is in no relation to a horse, I know) and I wrote down all the costs and made clear, I knew what was coming. In an afterthought, it maybe wasn't the best idea to let 15 year old me have a horse but it made me grow a lot and he taught me so much about myself while I was working hard to understand him. My parents knew the risk and I'm glad that they took it because Nardini is still my best buddy and we go through thick and thin.
Thanks for reading so far. I hope, I didn't bore you too much with my life stories.
That was such an interesting speech 👍🏼 I especially loved the short video of kids learning how to light a fire or cut wood into smaller pieces. Because seeing how excited they were and also so focused on their own task, just shows that this kind of parenting style does so much good for your own child. I was pretty shocked when I saw a documentary, some years ago, about kindergarten and preschool in the US. Seeing those little kids, in the age of 4, sitting in a room, which looked more like a classroom, than anything you would find in a german kindergarten. German kindergarten of course also have some tables and chairs to sit on, but not for doing it ,mostly the whole time, while learning counting or spelling. So german kindergarten mostly have more than one room, all connected to each other. There are areas where you can play with playmobil stuff and build things. Or there is a room looking similar to a little home, where you can play with dolls or imagine different scenarios with other kids. Mostly you can also find a corner with mattresses and cushions on the floor to make yourself comfortable while a stuff member reads stories to a croup of children. And back to the tables, they can be used to get creative and draw things or even do other projects with a smaller group about a topic the kids can choose and then learn about. And another pretty important part is the outside area, where mainly everyday the whole group of kids go out and play. So they get outside and enjoy the fresh air and also to move around and not sit inside the whole day... so you would never find, or at least I’ve never heard of, a kindergarten similar to a classroom, where all the children are sitting still on the table and finishing files to learn stuff german kids will learn pretty much two to three years later... but I really don’t believe that this will get your child such an advantage for there life, so it would be worth it, to pretty much take away a piece of childhood from them... and in our society, it will start soon enough, that you can’t find enough time for “just” enjoying yourself and have fun with friends or family. And with your first day at school, the pressure to be as good as the other kids and also to be as good as you can be and put all the afford into it, so you are able to go to college and get a good payed job, begins...
in Germany most of the parents aren’t that afraid, that your child doesn’t succeed in school, if you don’t push them all the time 24/7 and start preparing them as soon as possible... I sense that in Germany it’s more valued to be independent and self reflective from early on, than being prepared for school, to be the best and achieve a high classed job to become rich one day... I think in the USA should change a lot about there typical parenting style, and what the state thinks should be the priority of a child’s upbringing and in the end the main goal of it. And from my point of you, the question above everything is: “ What kind of a person you wanna form your child into?” And also, if your child’s happiness and mental wellbeing is more important than his success in the business world later in life?
as a german i was brought and got from school for most of my younger years, because my sister got hit deadly by car on school way, so there is a danger you can never take away completly but in the end i was allowed to go alone even it was later then maybe my friends. still it must have scared my parents since it was the same school and the same way
to the media. we do have same Law and Order here as well. But we also know it is way more common for a child to get killed by its own mother or father or both than to be abducted by a stranger.
an example of child education in europe:
The book: Peter, Ida and Minumum. we had that at school and i had it at home.
it tells the story of a family with two young kids on how they get little brother. explaining the young agers how the baby came into mums belly and how it will get out. as a comic strip with pictures. also showing the difference between male and female bodies.
That book is designed for elementary school kids
A friend of mine travelled to the US with his family. In one instance his little 4 year old daughter put her fingers in some sliding door in some touristic place and hurt herself a bit. The locals that saw the situation did not ask "hows the kid?" or "can we help". Instead they told my friend:"you have to sue!". As parents you have the responsibility for your kids. If your kid does something dangerous or bad, it is the parents responsibility to cope with the consequences. From our perspective you only can sue yourself as a parent. Sueing is not teaching the kid. Sueing is bad in such cases. It prevents innovation as others do not dare to invent due to fear of being sued. So parents have to teach their kids so they can do things without a hoovering parent around. That creates trust that the kid can feel. Step by step more responsibility for the kid.
My kids 7 and 8 were able to make fire at 4 or 5. They can cook alone. They can shoot bow and arrow on targets (with steal tip arrows) without supervision. They can go shopping alone. etc. etc. It was hard work for us parents but as I said: step by step.
Well I think the control stuff is increasing in germany as well ... don't like it
Helicopter Parenting swept over from the US roughly around 2010. Also "Tiger Moms" become more prominent.
Yes! In our small village today all the kids are brought to school by car. In my time, all kids walked by themselves. I was shocked when I saw this.
Me and all my siblings walked to school without our parents from the second day of first grade. 3rd grade onward we just used our bicycles. A few years after that (around 7th grade I think), when I was usually going to the school two villages over by school bus, I one day just felt like hopping on my bike and cycling to school, and my mother let me do it no questions asked.
I don’t know if Americans have this but in Germany in some districts, of a town or a village, are so called "Spielstraßen“, play streets. There are usually where young family’s tend to move to and there are signs so car drivers know that there are probably children playing on the street, so they have to drive very slowly. I think that’s part of why german parents are so "chill". My mom told me to not go with anybody I don’t know and that’s it. You are usually together with at least one other friend so what could go wrong?
Interesting talk. Thanks a lot. From a German point of view, I'd like to point out that I think Sara gets one thing wrong: Education in Germany was always about giving children a lot of rope. This was not a result of post-WW2 re-educational effort (and the Nazi era had very little effect on this). This is also reflected in the German approach to military training that the modern German armies (after ~1850), especially the Wehrmacht, took: Non-commissioned officers and privates (so the lowest level of infantry ranks) always had a lot of tactical freedom over how they wanted to accomplish the goals they were assigned. Training heavily relied on this "empowerment" approach. As opposed to traditional military training in France, the UK and the US that was focused on breaking the recruits to pieces and then re-assemble them as "combat machines". The recruits also being placed in mixed units with no regional cohesion whatsoever to prevent mutiny, contrary to the German approach of keeping strong regional cohesion in all military units to increase fighting morale and comradeship. Military history is full of admiration for this approach (eg Martin van Crevelds books), because this actually worked very well. Interestingly enough, Western democracies still today have very authoritarian approaches in school and military training which seems to work well with a strong sense of political liberty. In Germany, political liberty and rebellion is not really held in high regard, maybe because we always enjoyed lots more of liberties in personal interactions than other societies did?
Can you please point me to some history books for corroboration?
@@Blackcomanche Basically anything dealing with the prussian reforms during the napoleonic age; that's when this kind of "Auftragstaktik" began. You could also read up upon the wars of unification, especially the franco-german war 1870/1871, because that really showed how much that aproach to leadership mattered in the face of war.
@@Blackcomanche Look for Mission-type tactics en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission-type_tactics or in German "Auftragstaktik" (mission command). It's more "leading by mission (what is the goal, what are the ressources, boundaries)" than "leading by detailed orders (in which way to achieve the mission, step by step)"
This woman speaks so breathless.
About the fire thing: the most dangerous kids i met there those who made a barn fires because of curiosity (because they are kids, that's natural) but obviously weren't never teached how to do it properly. I rebuked them of course, because of the inappropriate dangerous way and place they were starting the fire. And then i explained them calmly what and why they did it wrong and how to make it right. They were really thankful for that.
In germany we call the parents that are 24/7 around their children protecting them for everything and everybody "Helicopter Eltern" (Helicopter Parents) - Like a police Helicopter always flying around the kids scene ;-)
Ansd we have a proverb "Nur aus Fehlern lernt man" (You learn only from misstakes) and " Erfahrung macht den Meister" (Experience makes you professioal) - Where Meister is one of the highest official educational titles for educated handicraft workers (With Meister-title you are allowed to teach and qualify others etc.)
She explicitly mentions helicopter parenting in the first four minutes. You didn't even watch the video, did you?
The fire building such a natural behaviour of the last 200,000 years since homoerectus discovery and use of fire. Teaching kids at 4 years old would be in keeping with natural tribal skillset training as would making and fletching of arrows and bow, snaring, fishing with trained proficiency in their use. Also cooking and grilling skills would be taught and there skills should be taught at a young age. These are primordial skills look at how happy, focused and unafraid those kids were building the fires. Shelter building should also be taught at a later date with emergency survival in mind
I was even younger when I started walking to kindergarten alone. It was only down the road and I only had to cross one street so I went there usually by myself by the time I was 4 or 5, taking my little brother with me (who was a year younger). It was a very small village so it was not really all that dangerous and nothing ever happened to me or my brothers. We were also always allowed to play alone, climb on trees etc. as long as there were two of us kids (so one could get help)
I'm german and I was a kid in the 90s (born 89). I remember being out all day everyday with my friends building stuff and playing games. without any parents in sight, no cell phones and nobody could have known where we went (we had alot of nature and secret pathways in the area). I walked to school alone since 1. grade and from 5. grade I had a 40 min way to school via train or bus (20 min train, 20 min walking). We did all that completely on our own. Crazy if I think about it today.
In Switzerland Kindergarten is mandatory and starts when children are 4 years old. So you often see four or five year olds walking to kindergarten alone. It is very encouraged and the children are very proud when they did it and often don‘t want their parents to come with them. Of course not at first but when they are comfortable with the route. Also if parents still bring them in they are supposed to walk them and not drive them. The walk to school is seen as an amazing learning experience for the children. (Learning to be self reliant, on time, socialize with friends, follow traffic rules or even look at things on their way like flowers, snails and worms) Some time in the first semester a policeman will come and show the children how to cross streets savely and not to run next to or on the streets. The children also have to wear a reflective ‚band‘ or vest, so that drivers see them better.
MAN what a quality talk!!! Respect ... good research, best advise
The only time I remember my (german) parents being protective and controlling was when I was younger. A pretty big group of people my and my sisters' age (like 15 kids with age group of 7-13yo) were just walking around when an elderly couple asked us for help because their dogs ran off. They promised to give each of us a little reward and we agreed as we knew the village like the back of our hand. We split into two teams, one with the wife and one with the husband. I was in the one with the wife and we found one dog pretty quickly, so we joined the husband group. We finally cornered the second dog (a small white one, just a little scared but unharmed) and they send me to go find the husband, as he picked up his wife and the first dog with his car. I ran towards him and told him we found the dog. He told me to get in the car so we would be faster. I, being merely 8 years old, agreed and got in the car. Nothing happened, he just drove the last 200 meters to the forest, thanked us and gave each of us 5€, but my dad was working in the garden and didn't know the story, so all he saw was his little daughter getting in the car of an old man with a cute dog. He told me calmly to never get in the car of a stranger, even is it seemed to be save.
the more differeces i learn about between my country and most other countries especially outside of europe, the more i come to think the differences start at one simple but gigantic point:
*human dignity shall be inviolable. to respect and protect it shall be the duty of all state authority.*
to me, the english translation doesn't do a good job of translating the power these word have here. in my experience most of the differences to other countries can be traced back to the 1. Art. GG, atleast to some extend. it seems like absolutely nothing is more powerful than these word, in any regard.
this is the reason we do not participate actively in any actual war, why we do have "weak" punishments and not have death penalty, why we have mandatory social security like we do, why we have the feeling to be obliged to help(even if we don't need to) the ones that need help althought they're not asking and why we treat our children the way we do.
although our leaders seem to have neglected this a little bit in recent years. but i'm 100% positive that this 1. Art. will guide us as long as germany is a free and democratic country.
The way we are participating in wars isn't exactly any better in my opinion, we should stay out even further. Not even talking about Afghanistan, Mali and so on, where we do participate actively.
@jazzmann, protecting human dignity "overseas" is covered by art.1. since the afghanistan and Mali conflicts have rather diffrent origins they are not comparable. Imho the Mali Mission, Protecting the civilians against the cruelties of Boko Haram, is following Art 1 by the letter and should be applauded! Afghanistan is a much different story unfortunately
These words - and all that comes from them - are one of the main reasons why I am so happy in Germany and why I consider it a big honour to have been granted the German citizenship. I am proud to have been accepted by a country with this first sentence of its constitution.
THIS. This is so accurate, thank you!
You mentioned the desire(?) to help people in your comment. It actually is even more than that: Helping a person in need via first aid or calling for professionals is not only an ethical but a lawful duty. For example if you witness a car accident and don't secure the scene of the accident, perform first aid and call an ambulance (or make sure someone else does these things) you are breaking the law and can get punished pretty severely especially if the victim dies. (Unterlassene Hilfestellung) You are NOT liable however if you try to help and make a mistake in the process.
@@fairytala also not if helping would put you in danger yourself. Important thing to mention as well. Had a misunderstanding with an American who thought the law required you to risk your own life
When we got an oven for our living room to heat up during winter my dad showed us how to start a fire and maintain it. This way we could start a fire in the evening put in wood that burned slowly before we got to bed and the oven would still give off heat when we were getting ready for school. Firstly we were saving money because we didn't have to let the radiators run all night and secondly when we got down into the kitchen and living room which was all connected in our house it was already warm. Most evenings our dad would start and maintain the fire but since he showed us in the beginning how to do it we could do it ourselves if my dad or my mum ran late or were so tired after work they forgot it. That self reliance was a big step in growing up. Instead of holding our hand through everything we were shown the basics and could ask to be also shown the more adavanced stuff or try it on our own.
As a very young child (4-6 years) I climped on very high trees and my mother would always say: "if you can climp this tree on your own, you'll get down on your own" 😅 and I never fell.
When I was little and my mom taught me about stranger danger, she told me when a stranger talks to me and I feel uncomfortable to cling to a street light and scream... Well that backfired when a neigbor saw me playing outside and striked up a conversation and suddenly I was hanging on a streetlight screaming at the top of my lungs...
@@julialennjastorch2630 thats a point
German in the title
Deutsche: Meine Brüder und Schwestern es ist Zeit den Kommentar bereich zu übernehmen
ein volk, ein reich, ein kommentarberreich
Interesting to see this talk being given at Google. As a software engineer in America who spent his first 23 years in Germany I think about it this way: The prominent American style of parenting is like micromanaging the process of growth. German parenting is like setting up a framework which is designed to anticipate failure...and if you stop failing you also stop innovating(this phrase should sound familiar to Silicon Valley folks). The most important framework for Germans is "Human dignity shall be inviolable". Not allowing children how to learn from failure is like denying a child the right innovate, which at least in my German mind is one of the worst ways to deny human dignity to a child.
As a German kid, my dad first walked all the way to school with me, then halfway, and less and less till I did it on my own. I was 5 and 6 during that. I also took the bus to school everyday with my classmates and I was proud to be a „buskind“ . Also in my kindergarden we had a meterial and workbench room where we could build things all of our own, with saws and Hammers and all that stuff. I was in there a lot of the time.
This was very interesting to me, I am a German woman engaged to an American and will be moving to the US sooner than later and I never even considered how different things would be should we have a child.
be carefull what you wish for!
Do your family, especially though yourself and your potential children, the gigantic favour and give the US a massive, wide bearth. Just stay in Germany.
If your husband even cares the least bit he will happily and joyfully agree on the spot.
Else he cares more about himself than his family.
In our neighbourhood we have always the evening before easter sunday a easter fire and also the four and five year old boys of one family are playing with the sticks which burn just copying what the older boys do and the older ones show them how to act right so close at the fire not the parents. We more or less engage the younger children to do it. We say to them come you also can play with the fire and show them a safe doing with it.
hahaha! love it! i'm a german mom from the edge of berlin. i remember my daughter wanting to walk by herself to school in 1st grade. i had to agree to it, but i followed her in secret the first time...
My mother went with me for the first few days to the bus station and than left. After I remembered the way she let me go on my own. So It's fine to supervise at the beginning.
As a German father of two now almost grown-ups I can tell you, that Mrs. Zaske did a great job here, congrats!
We took our kids to a forest play school (Waldkindergarten) at the age of 3.
We first were looking out for a regular play school, visited 2 of them, and were shocked about the lack of space and the noise, that those 20 kids made in a normal class room, it was horryfying.
We easily could imagine, how our kids would come home after kindergarten, totally stressed and overtorqued.
We searched for other options and went to a Waldkindergarten - WHAT A DIFFERENCE!
The group was playing in the forest or nearby, with materials they found on the ground, sticks, stones and mud.
They had ropes hanging from the trees to swing on, climbed up trees, were playing "hide and search" or just "catching", two of them were carving alone, without being supervised.
The sun was shining (well, not always), the birds were singing, bees passing by and a little creek was murmuring and it was almost silent, although there was a group with 20 kids playing!
There were some kids talking silently to each other, others were giggeling, it was such a huge difference between this and the regular kindergarten that it seemed we were landed in a totally different world.
At that point it was absolutely no doubt in us where we wanted our kids to be.
And retrospective it was one of our best decisions ever made.
Our kids were healthy, bad cold was almost never a theme, stronger and had more body control than others in their age.
In sports or at free play out of the Kindergarten, they were more self confident and skilled, laughed about other kids, which were scared to do things they would do with their eyes closed.
When they came home from Kindergarten, they were tired but happy and balanced.
If I would grow up kids again, I always again would send them to a forest kindergarten and do highly recommend it to others.
Your kids will love it finally and will make huge steps towards self confident teenagers.
Greetz from Germany with love.
I am Australian and have lived in Germany for over ten years now. When I have kids, I am definitely going to bring them up the German way. None of this helicopter parenting that I had to put up with.
Well, after watching this video I found many *more* reasons not to move into the country without functioning health insurance and work security. The myth of the land of the free is definitely dead and buried. Thank God I'm German.
The part about letting kids play is really big. Here in germany, as a parent you can decide if you want to send your kid to school at age 6 or at 7. Most parents I know sent their kids to school at 7. They argue that life will get serious early enough, that life is hard and that the time you can be as carefree as kids is short compared to the rest of your life. And because of this, they decide to let their children be children as long as possible. "I want him/her to play for another year" is something I've heard many times.
My parents asked me if I wanted to go to school at 6 or 7 and I decided I wanted to go at 6. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I'd tell myself to wait another year and enjoy being a kid with no other responsibilities than to run around outside, climb trees, ride my bike, spend all my pocket money on ice cream and sweets and get myself dirty. Because that time will never come back.
This is interesting. Did that law change in the last 30 years? I am German ( though living in NZ) and I was taught you have to start school at 6 if "schulreif".
It depends on the kid's birthday. Back in my days the deadline was 30th of June, the kids born before had to be enrolled that year, the kids born after could be enrolled if fit for school. That deadline is up to the states nowadays, in Lower Saxony it's 30th of september . @@misfithog5855
I went to school at 6, but I even know some born in September that went at 5. I am born in february, but my mom also considered me at 5, because I already knew how to read and do math. But the doctor advised her that our school system isn't very playing oriented in thw early years, so I went to kindergarten for another year, which bored me, but I see the reasons.
Oh. The kids in the US are not kids. They are actually prisoners.
just like the rest of their entire population, which you can very clearly see right now.
That fire-thing is actually not exclusive to Berlin or Brandenburg area. It is a thing almost everywhere in Germany, even at low kid ages. Almost every German kid made a similar experience, like the ones on the video. In my opinion, it is very important to learn early how to do it right and to learn about the risks and consequences if something goes wrong while "playing" with fire. This way your child knows basics about fire and that it is not a cool thing to play with in secret and on their own agenda.
I walked ALONE to my German Kindergarden at the age of 3. It was just down two streets, "just around the corner". I did not have to cross any road. But at the age 5 I went to fetch milk at the milkshop in an iron milk-can and went to the bakery, To get there I had to cross a zebra-crossing (German Drivers stop, especially for kids), cross a little street and it was about 600 meters. When I started first class at the age of six and a half years, my mother walked me there in the first week. We got traffic education at school in the first week. It was about 1 km to walk, and a heavy traffic road to cross at a pedestrian crossing with a traffic light. I climbed trees in our garden at the age of 4 (I had big brother from whom I learnt).
When we moved to India, outskirts of Kolkata, It was a culture shock for me. Being taken to school by a driver, wearing school uniform etc, authoritarian teachers and beatings ( I was not beaten, it shocked me so much, I was well behaved). Thankfully we lived opposite to the back entrance of a country club and I just had to walk independently through our private compound to get there for swimming, golf, horseback riding etc.
Glad that I learned independance and responsibility at such a young age. I would not have learned it that way, had I spent my first 6 years of live in Germany.
After moving back from India to Germany, it however took me about 1 year to catch up with my friends and classmates at age 13, who had lived in Germany all the time.
I remember how I was allowed to be outside till the street lights starts lighting up and do whatever (it was at a time where mobile phones werent a thing around 2004) :D My Parents started to let me alone at home by 5 (they just left the house for about 30 minutes and expanded the time). I never had a baby sitter and i had no sister nor brothers.
Makeing fire and preparing food isn't limited to Berlin and Brandenburg.
We had our share of fire during Waldkindergarten back in the 80s in a village far West near the Netherlands.
Law and Order Special Victims Unit is actually a Series which is in German TV aswell 😅😂
Best way to have your kids walking alone is set some ground rules (now with everyone having a phone it is much easer) But how we were tought and still teach. #1 take the route I (parent) show you. Explain why. That if any thing happens the parent can find the child more easily and quicker if it is home late. Maybe teach a backup route for when the road has work happening or something. #2 Always come home first and ask if you can go somewhere. #3 if you go with a friend home(situation calls for it) make a phonecall to tell where you are or where you are going. Ofcourse children being children can stray and be distracted and sometimes do not as they are told, but you need to learn to trust them to do it most of the time and remind them again if they do stray. Trust in them will build their confidence that they can and are able to do those things.
Just to add some names that are subbed as [inaudible]:
The fire instructor is called KAin Karawahn
The "inventor" of Kindergarten: Friedrich Fröbel
Brussels sprouts are my biggest no-no in food as well. As a kid I always put them in my mouth and then said I had to go to the bathroom... you know what I did there... ;) I'm German btw. My childhood practically happened on trees *lol* I've been outside so much and also on my own with a friend or two, we went through the whole town and the closer outside of it by foot or on bikes. The whole area made for our playground, and we all made it through all this alive and with just minor bruises. ;) I like your approach and view on it (needless to say, I guess) ;)
Sadly it has become very rare to see children playing in the woods nowadays. I bet at 8 years old I spent more time outside than inside.
Un1qZ depends on the parents tbh. I had some prejudice like you about kids nowadays when I started to work with kids a few years ago. Actually there are a lot of kids outside, but it seems to me like they are only in the own garden, playgrounds right in front of the house or maybe at their neighbors house. I walked around where I wanted when I was a kid. But I have to say that after I moved out from my parents I only lived in larger cities and I don't know if parents there have been always a little bit more careful due to traffic. As I shit myself everyday because the city I live in seems to give a fuck about pedestrian and cyclists safety, I can kind of understand them.
Schlackie
Yeah, I didn't phrase it precisely enough. Of course there are kids outside and I see them everyday in gardens and in front of houses, but not in the woods that are close to houses or in park like areas of which there are plenty where I live. It seems like parents don't let their kids roam free as much as they did when I was that age, and I think that is sad. Playing in the woods gives a child more freedom to use their imagination and all that. Gardens, well at least most gardens in suburban and countryside settlements, are small and pretty boring compared to the woods in my opinion. And it is not like there are that many dangerous things in Germany's woods, that could threaten kids. No dangerous animals, only rarely poisonous plants.
Un1qZ I think youre right and I thought about my traffic "argument" again. It's not like there are no dangerous streets in the villages, but a lot more in large cities. But I saw more kids walking around in Berlin than I Karlsruhe, where I lived for three years and the traffic there is pure hell. Maybe it's also a regional thing? In my hometown in Northern Germany I don't see kids on their own on playgrounds anymore. I have to cross a huge playground to go to my parents home all the time so I can compare. I went there all the time when I was little to meet random kids. Another topic, also bathing naked is no more in common in kindergardens. You have to bring your own bathsuits, thats something we never did :D
was the same in the UK, i practically lived on my bike. you'd leave your house in the morning and not come back until evening and your parents wouldn't be worried.
I‘m a 18 years old german girl. Back when my cousin and I where 6 or so our grandma lifed in a different city so we visited her and there were a lot of playgrounds. When we got to loud and had to much energy our mothers just told us to play outside on any of those (we had no phones) and they where like be back about in an hour. Nothing ever happend.
Ich bin so froh, dass ich zur Selbständigkeit erzogen wurde. Es war manchmal hart. Aber jz ist meine Selbstständigkeit die Eigenschaft an mir auf die ich am meisten Stolz bin
I really love this - its so true
Couldn't finish the video, because listening to her makes me feel short on breath...
before kindergarden my kids learned in the childcare center how to make fire and how to kill fire tought by firemen. They even trained evacuations on the fireladder.
*What I learned from this:* I should send my kids to German schools
As a german father I can only tell ya that we all have to rely on ourselves as before. All of our (grand) grandparents did that. So we should do something similar ... isn’t that the right way?
My (german) son puts his dishes in the dishwasher and empties it since he is two, he also helps with everything else like doing laundry and vacuum. I never handled everything for him. I just encourige him to do himself and ask if he wants to help when I am about to do something. He loves it. He cuts vegetables and lights candles, is climbing and he runs 100 meters in front of me and just waits at streets (at two years old, he is now 3,5)
Man so true... I always knew where the children came from and I always knew about the Shoa. And the teachers told us again in first grade.
Video: has "German" in the title.
Germans: hippety hoppety this comment section is now EIGENTUM DER BUNDESREPUBLIK DEUTSCHLAND 🇩🇪
I once heard that if you control your kids to much and are just to strict, you will teach your children to be the best at lying and I think this is true. Because you most likely don't really listen to your children and that means to them that they can't trust you
In my community here in germany, we have schools which take measures against so called helicopter parents as they parents are not allowed to accompany their children as soon as they enter school and are taughtbto let their children make their way to school on their own or in company with fellow schoolmates at least. Children have to learn as early as possible to do things without their parents for they will definitely not be around in years later.
I've been going places by myself since I was about 10/11 I would say so I wasn't that young and I am german. I live in Berlin tho and here parents are usually more relaxed than my parents. I see kids ages 6-... driving around town by themselves without a problem. But in Berlin people help you if you got a problem so it's not so dangerous for them anyway
My mother walked me to school every day when I was five.
This was to Kindergarten. For the first semester. I had to
walk myself home. For the second semester, I was able to
walk both ways, which I did.
We lived almost exactly one mile from the school.
For first grade, she walked me to school the first day. That
was the last time my mother ever walked with me to school.
I was six years old. This was in the U.S.A., in the suburbs of
Los Angeles, in the 1960s. The big thing after that was
getting a bike and riding to and from school. Which was a
year or so later.
I found this talk oddly disgusting. By how mushy parents
seem to be and what they think of as normal. They are
raising spineless little worms, not steadfast human
beings. Sorry if this seems harsh.
Thanks for the great content. Keep up the good work.
בס״ד
I think it's super weird that Americans treat teens as if they are little children. Most girls started wearing make up to school at 11-13 here. Many are already considered teens by 12 or 13 and it's not that uncommon to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at this age and I knew many who already slept with their bf/gf at this age although 12-13 is a bit young it happens. At 14 you definitly aren't a child anymore. You can legally stay out longer and enter some clubs if someone older is with you. Many start drinking beer or alcohol then and often the parents don't mind because they are teens. You can have piercings and tattoos. It's very normal and common to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at 14-16 and to have sex. You can even have partners that are over 18 because 14 is the age of consent. When I was 14 many girls I knew had boyfriends in their 20s and on weekends they went partying and drinking. At 16 you can legally drink beer and wine and enter clubs and party. Many have had several relationships and several sexual partners and several drunk hang overs or drugs by 16. On the other side I often read about 16yo Americans whose parents don't allouw them to have a boyfriend or 16yo who get in trouble for using swear words or wearing make up. Or 18yo that are called a pedo for having a 16yo girlfriend. This is so weird...14-16yo are considered little children in the US. Here they are considered "almost adult" thus giving them more rights.
Very interesting talk and topic! Many of these aspects about how Americans and Germans raise their kids are counter-intuitive. Sara also talked about the change in Germany since WW2, but I'm wondering has there also been a shift in America? Because even though as kids and maybe teenagers Germans seem more independent and self-reliant than Americans, in the end as adults Americans have much more of an entrepreneurial and risk-taking mindset than Germans, it's not even close. I say that as someone who grew up in Germany. I believe American adults are in many ways more confident and courageous than Germans. Mostly when I want to learn about these things, I look to America. But as I said maybe there was a shift, and the American kids of today, once they grow up, will not perform as well as their parents.
less weapons. safer kids.
Actually, the gun ownership in Germany is quite high....stricter gun controls (you must proof that you are able to deal with a weapon and you have to pass a mental exam before even thinking of buying a weapon legally, and then there are different licences for different guns and you have to obey all kind of rules) do the trick there.
swanpride the thing is, Germans doesn't got the need to show their weapon to literally everyone around like Americans do.
weapons are just like fire. If you learn how to handle them properly and what not to do you can have them
In the US, a huge amount of weapons is in the hands of a very small amount of people. I think I've read 60% of all weapons by 5% of all Americans.
The Problem is mainly stuff like open carry and the attitude in general. When guns are not accepted in public, anytime someone pulls one, he is easily and quickly identified as a "bad guy with a gun". So the paid "good guys with guns", called cops, know who to arrest.
When everyone has a gun, that advantage goes away. Seeing a gun and not knowing if it is a bad guy gun or a good guy gun causes stress for everyone. Just leave them at home or carry concealed.
If you want to make people feel uncomfortable, just carry a sign saying "You could die any second". Pretty much has the same message, but a far smaller chance for you to kill someone you didn't want to kill.
liquidminds There are no 'Good Guys' wearing a gun
I'm german and I rmember that I was allowed to go out alone and that I could do what I want. I just had to say my mom, where I wanted to go or to which friend and I had to turn home, when the street lights turned on.