Amy Grant's Tips for Caring for Aging Parents
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- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2012
- From playing games, to talking about nutrition, to dealing with finances, Amy Grant gives us some helpful tips on how to care for aging parents - tips she learned from her personal experience caring for her mom and dad.
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It’s downright hard when you had a parent that was more stubborn than a mule and fought you till the time of death. The damage stays with you forever and is so hard to shake off. All good memories replaced with a lot of bad, sad and mistakes regretted.
My mother refuses to discuss anything no planning nothing She has me in such a difficult and terrible positio
My mom is 72 & she is still mobile - she is very dependent on me ever since my dad passed away. Her life is practically in my hands. It has come to a point where my life is put aside.
good for u !
I been taken care of my mother for soon be 16 years after her stroke. She can’t move nothing but left arm a little and her head Talk a little. I had both mom and dad but my bad died 2 weeks after his stroke. I am a 55 year old man and I just found out I have lupus. Amazing huh. Its been rough very rough
I have the privilege now of taking care of my beautiful mother who happened to raise 12 of us children together with my father. We were taught to honor them. A family member is with her 24/7. Our parents sacrificed so much for us and the least we can do is the same for them. She can still bathe herself but we do everything else sort of. She still does light gardening which is something she has always enjoyed. My siblings, like 5 of us take turns staying at her 4 bedroom house in the mountainous countryside of Puerto Rico. I retired to the island primarily to be able to help in her care. She is not a financial burden because my father made sure she would be well take care of financially. they never incurred in debt either and she has good insurance. We also have our own incomes through retirement. My advice to young people is: honor your parents for you too will grow old one day and will need help. I find that caring for my elderly parent is the divine call of God in my life right now and I do it with joy knowing that God is watching and strengthening me to do it. So in essence our "burden" is lighter.
It's true that we all grow old, but not everyone will need help. People who keep themselves fit usually won"t end up as a burden. Euthenasia will be an option for me if I ever end up unable to look after myself I sincerely hope.
no. just because our parents looked after us when we were kids dont mean we should look after them in their old age. Children are not old enough to make their own decisions and lack life experience. Their destiny is to grow up and reproduce.
An elderly person on the other hand has lived their life and done their duty in raising us and now are suffering from irreversible illnesses and you aint doing them a favour keeping them alive in fact youre only prolonging their misery. Besides many of us are raising our own children so we dont have time to look after both our parents and our children. We are not our parents retirement plan. An elderly persons has done their duty by raising us and lived their lives and old life must die so new life can come into this world so their destiny is to die.
Could you have honoured them if you were in your own?
I’ve been caring for 8 years and at a cross road right now.
We don't all hv supportive siblings.. mostly only one sibling stays behindn gets the care done..
Exactly, if siblings don’t all support it is an even more terrible struggle. When siblings don’t pick up the slack equally.
She's a hundred percent right. Ageing parents fall into all those categories.
I care for my aging parents all the time. I agree with Amy Grant!
Great tips! Caring for Rose was the most challenging time of my life! Rose had dementia and it was as if she left her body and an evil spirit came in it to cause havoc. The book The Inspired Caregiver was created for the health of the caregiver. When we are at our best, we can give the best care to our loved ones!
Thanks for sharing these tips. Luckily, Rose and I talked about this years before she had dementia. But even with the excellent job she did preparing me to caregive for her in all ways- it was challenging, tiring, overwhelming, and worrisome. Caregivers need ALL the support we can get! Thanks again for these tips!
Family should take care of Family
What a flippant ignorant statement. Every family and situation is different.
I appreciate this video. I agree that having conversations early is important. It can be tough though. Aging parents can be stubborn and topics like how they would like to see/plan their future can be tough to engage them in. Also, if you're not married and/or don't have children, planning ahead for your own senior years is especially important.
Thank you for thst advice Amy.
8/13/23: Thanks, Amy. People need to know these things. It’s good of you to share.
Thank you. God Bless you, and your family.
I don’t get it… my partners mother is in her 70s and picked up a drinking problem along the way… she’s got alcohol related dementia and lives alone. My partner and I are debating if we should move in with her… the strange thing is she lived her life the way she wanted to her entire adult life. She didn’t care for her parents (her brother did) and she lived in her house, with her things, living the way she wanted to live. I’m struggling giving up our opportunity to live “our” life and giving up our home. She triangulates and talks badly about the son who does way more for her than my partner does. I even feel overwhelmed and stuck taking care of him sometimes let alone adding on his mother. I told my mother if she wants to be cared for in old age she would have to move in with me and fit into my life if she couldn’t live alone anymore. I’ve seen it with my grandmother, my mother in law, and my mother all saying they want to stay in their house yet they want one child to give up their lives to live with them and take care of them.
I’ve seen one elderly person do it right… my exes grandmother. As soon as her husband died, she sold her home and belongings and moved herself into a “55+ community” to the city where her daughter lives so the daughter would have easier access to her. The daughter was driving a couple of hours every few days to see her mom and now the mom was 15 minutes away after the move. She lived in the community a few years before she started falling and then they all agreed it’s time for “caregiving home”… Still close by so the mom could visit multiple times a week. She enjoyed the caregiver and there was never any family drama. The aging parent had a plan, accepted every transition as what is best for everyone, and the daughter still visited and talked to her on the phone all the time until she passed.
If the parent had been able to save and amass assets the appropriate and reasonable thing to do is for aging parents to plan ahead and have it in place as an agreement with their kids. Yes, everyone wants to die in their home or with their children giving up their jobs and lives to care for them but that isn’t right. Your kids have every right to live their lives in their own homes, with their families the same way the aging parents got to. If the kids move in with the aging parents, they are robbed of their opportunity to build a life the way the aging parent did.
We have to accept without the guilt that we cannot swoop in and fix this situation. Aging parents need to stop guilting children into taking care of them and make a cooperative plan together.
This was actually sweet and helpful--THANK YOU!
Amy Grant, what a blessing you are to our generation, I'm am awe stuck of how beautiful God has made you inside and out...I'm looking forward to meeting you in Heaven!
Amy grant I too am blessed by your story and the dementia journey
I love you and pray for your life to be continued blessings!
Thanks for the tip Amy Grant
Going to apply some of your advice. Now realize breaks are needed.
that was better. she seems a very down to earth person. more so than a lot of big stars.
Thenk you very much ...
As of this past Wednesday my brother and I (we are in our mid 50's) are now caring for both our folks. Neither can walk, both have dementia, our Pop has Parkinsons and my brother and I had ZERO clue. Our Mother hid it well until she was taken by ambulance to the ER on 12/22/21 with CHF and today she went into a rehab facility to regain her ability to walk. Now my brother and I see firsthand what has been going on. So we have been splitting shifts to care for our Pop which is like caring for an infant, he does not sleep much and has lost control of his pipes, it is just sad. This is all brand new to us, any advice is welcomed.
Really sorry to hear about your folks. Are you coping alright?
Spot on.
my mother has alzimers and end stage c.o.p.d. and my dad has cancer in his back...lungs....neck...and bones...end stage....i am care giver for them both...and its a labor of love....i promised them years ago that they would never be put in an elderly home and i will keep that promise....my brother offers no help at all....and complains and starts arguments when he can't borrow the car to go see his friends because i have dr acts for our mother and or father....i am pulled in two directions at same time then i also have to watch my brothers 10 yr old daughter when my brother takes off and is gone all day and most of the night....i seem to be the bad guy .according to my brother..yet i do everything from laundry...bathing both of my parents....making sure they are always in clean clothes....making sure they have the correct nutrition....making sure they take their medications...i have quit my job to care for my parents...i don't regret one second of this....but i just wish that my brother would help out.but bad guy or no in others eyes.....i will continue to take care of my parents....i love them dearly and have no regrets...but it is emotionally hard to watch them fade more and more every day and knowing that i can do nothing to stop their pain....i can just make them as comfortable as possible.
hang on there buddy, but sounds like you sacrificed a lot. do not let it be a silent sacrifice. you're already taking the full burden of your parents well being, i don't believe other toxic people like your brother should add to this burden.
good luck!
I don't know but my dad lately be crying and calling for he's mother why? He had a stroke what should I do? I'm so stressed out that I don't know what to do anymore I need help my mom gets scared when cries we don't know what to do why our family had to go through this pains even cry and I'm a guy because I want to help and I can't he can't walk he is just inside the house I need help taking him outside my back already hurt from helping him out when falls to the floor now I need help as well. 😢
My parents are now going through this. My dad is in hospice. He was an amazing financial planner, luckily. Amy is still as drop-dead good-looking as I remember when we were young. Who said only men get better looking as they get older?
how did you deal with it if the parents didn't want to do anything ? as in bathing getting up and moving around some?
I would like to know the answer to that question as well.
Wow. There is so much that is only hinted at here.. and this is where the real issues lie. Her sister and brother-in-law MOVED IN with her dad. You know what that means? It means dad needed 24 hour care and memory care facilities were either too expensive or not an option (because it would make his dementia worse)… and they either couldn't find enough trustworthy private caregivers or they couldn't afford them, or both. What do families do when there is no family to move in with the elderly person? What do people do when the elderly person is too paranoid to trust caregivers or family members? What do people do when family members live too far away and no facility will take the demented person because of "behavior problems" even after FIVE different psychiatric hospitalizations? What do people do when the elderly person keeps running away from their facility? What do you do when the facility kicks your loved one out after taking all your money? What do you do when social workers deem your relative too unsafe to live with you and your young kids? THESE are the issues people are facing. "Playing games with Dad to keep him moving" is a "tip"? I'm insulted.
Understood. What I keep thinking is this. Amy's parents had FOUR daughters who were all hands-on and we know that at least one (Amy) is wealthy. Yet even THEY had to hire caregivers for their dad. They took turns doing and helping. Where does that leave the rest of us? I am not wealthy and I will have very little, if any, help from relatives. My wonderful mother cared for my dad for years, then my stepfather for about the same amount of time. She was so good to them and I want to be good to HER. I am limited in mobility - another challenge. I just wish it was easier to care for our elderly because they so deserve it.
Yes I agree with you both. Amy and her other sisters were lucky that one sister stepped up to the plate to move in with parents, that is a HUGE sacrifice. But like you both mentioned what happens when no one wants to move in and not all siblings want to pitch in financially. The drama gets really really bad.
It doesn't help when your parent(s) have an anti-social nature and siblings are all absent.
Hang in their your not alone, it hard at times but each new day is a new start. Please don't ever forget that. Praying for strength for us all every night hope it reaches you as well.💛
ABBA....ABBA.....ABBA... WE NEED YOU
I change mom's diapers so that tome is real care taking. No family support either.
Were you there every day?
I'm a longtime Any Grant Fan & Christian singer/songwriter in a huge crises. My 2 young daughters were taken from me by the DCFS 10 months ago due to postpartum depression & bipolar disorder... (I never abused them).They are with their schizophrenic father who continues to abuse them and neglect them. They need HELP!!! The DCFS REFUSES to remove them and bring them back home to me. Please *PRAY* for us, that God will grant us a *MIRACLE* & bring them home to me!
Jennifer Grace How are things going for you?
My mum eats Mabey once a day and she is so stubborn she won't let me help set up the new Wi-Fi router.
She even hates when she has to cook.
I'm in a huge fork in the road.
I'm turning 20 and I'm trying to get my schooling done.
And I really want to go to college.
She makes me feel bad and always jokes about me bot taking care of her.
I don't want to make the same mistakes she made.
I don't want to be so stressed having kids and taking care of my mum.
That would be sad.
I want to travel while I'm still young.
And I'm not saying I don't want to take care of her.
It's just heart breaking when I want to feel more independence, and love and that she cares enuff to cook food for me every now and then.
But she doesn't like enything I do. I hate seeing her fall deeper and deeper into a hole that she hates so much. She has major depression and a really poor diet.
You sound like I did 23 YEARS AGO. My mom's very much like yours SEVERELY DEPRESSED and antisocial on top of that! This video didn't help much at all in my case. My mom's always been mentally ill. She never worked, never went to school, burned her bridges with friends & family and married a drunk illegal alien that once he got his residency he was ready to kick her out on the street. Now she's 87 and I have to put her somewhere because I can no longer take care of her. Not an easy decision and you are not alone. Most men would rather run away from these kinds of situations but I don't have that kind of heart/soul. Seek out God for guidance.
This just makes me sad I'm nowhere near my aging parents. #homesick
My parents are poor AF
Games would b good but weird AF as it would only b me 45 years old
Women... Take notes.
Shes still worh a dabble
I'm sorry,. But, you have ALL the resources to pay for any kind of care needed...so please don't act like you're one of the many "usually daughters". Trying to navigate this in the real world.
Why are you whispering? Are you telling us a secret? Are you in danger? Blink twice, if you need help.
Hi cousin! THANK YOU.