A Month In Our Life | Dissociative Identity Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 8 июл 2024
- We are an individual living with dissociative identity disorder, and we're aiming to share our experiences and document our journey through healing. Welcome to a month in our life!
Time Stamps:
00:00 - Introduction
2:48 - "Triggers and Co-consciousness" (Day 1)
4:08 - "A Study In Nightmares" (Day 2)
7:08 - "Front-stuck?" (Day 3)
9:53 - "Our Birthday Trauma & Diagnosis Story" (Day 4)
19:14 - "More Like System Shame Day..." (Day 5)
25:55 - "Co-conscious Bowling Adventure!" (Day 7)
31:56 - "A Day Out Gone Wrong..." (Day 12)
39:12 - "Cozy Day In" (Day 17)
41:41 - "More Nightmares, More Bottling" (Day 19)
47:30 - "Traumaversaries Suck..." (Day 20)
53:51 - "Trying To Hold On" (Day 21)
56:17 - "The Birthday" (Day 23)
1:03:07 - "Goofy Day With Devon" (Day 25)
1:07:58 - "Dealing With Persecutory Parts" (Day 28)
1:13:05 - "Looking Back at the Month!" (Day 30)
1:15:10 - Concluding Data!
You can find the complete playlist including full videos from each day on our Patreon!: / thekairoscollab
Follow Us!:
Twitter: / thekairoscollab
Instagram: / thekairoscollab
Bruh I’m just now rewatching this & the fact I say “abridged version” 3 times in a row makes me cringe so damn hard 💀
EDIT: NAH CUZ WHY IS ALL OF THIS VID EMBARRASSING AF
This was just brilliant! Very powerful and raw in places. It was interesting to see going out for the day vs. being at home and the different challenges different environments can bring y'all. The screaming neighbours, ugh, I felt that one hard. Also, the nightmares thing was very relatable. When you put off sleep because you desperately don't want to have nightmares again and the act of going to sleep becomes scary and difficult. Repetitive nightmares can become traumatic in themselves. It's horrible. Y'all had a really difficult month with the trauma date and it felt like an honour that you let us in to see what life is like for y'all. Also, the video was so well put together and edited. Just pretty awesome all round! It has definitely helped me in our system journey to see what DID looks like day-to-day in normal life. It was reassuring and has given me stuff to think on too. Also your voice (all of your voices!) are very calming/soothing. You'd be good at doing ASMR! 😉 Thank y'all again for making this vlog. 😊❤️
Thank you so much for your lovely comment & for letting us know how you could relate! Your encouragement was so lovely to read n I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed the video 😊 We put our all into it n we are v pleased w/ how it's turned out! It's definitely the most vulnerable video we've made by far but being able to share our experiences in a way tht makes others feel less alone or may even aid in other's own healing journey is worth the risks tht come w/ being publically vulnerable. Thank you again for your support! 🤗
Good job everyone, I'm watching this as a friend to another system to get more frame of reference on DID as an experience and I'm happy to see what I am already doing to make them feel comfortable around me is stuff yall do naturally for each other. Also good job Leo for exploring a new creative outlet, it sounds gorgeous. I have pride in that y'all survived and have the ability to show love and accept love and support from our outer partners and each other. This was a massive effort to do for a month and it's brilliant to see y'all support each other thru challenges such as getting triggered, emotional stress, and unplanned situations taking y'all by surprise.
I’m just now reading back on the comments on this vid & I can’t believe we didn’t tell you how touching this comment was. Thank you for seeing us so clearly. &Thank you for being such a great support system (no pun intended) to your friend!
Been having lots of doubts & denial about being part of a system but this video really helps cement that I truly am one. I have the same exact feelings & go through similar issues daily. Thank you so much for this video
I'm so glad this helped you! I'm sorry for the late response. Thank you for watching our (admittedly cringy) vlog! 😂
This was difficult to watch at some points and I can definitely relate. One thing that stood out to me was you being on the phone and triggered. I know this video is 2 years old and I don't know you, but I wanted to grab that phone and hang it up for you. It broke my heart seeing you like that. Nobody should ever have to subject themselves to this kind of pain for the sake of someone else's comfort, family or not. I hope in your journey of healing you can realize how important you are and that your peace and safety come first. It is ok to walk away. It is ok to say no. It is ok to pause and take time for you. It's ok to hang up. Healing is messy work but you all are doing it. Big High Five!
I choked up reading this 😣 Thank you for your extremely touching comment ❤
I watched this whole thing, took me a few pauses to get through. Just want to say this is some deep and honest representation. Thank you for the work you do. I tried to stay very intentional while watching this video, and the whole experience was so meaningful. I want to say thank you for putting this out there. As a system, it feels very refreshing and also somewhat painful to really feel not so alone. Hope that makes sense! Thank you!
I’m so sorry we didn’t reply earlier. I think we were just overcome by all the sentiment in these comments. I deeply appreciate your empathy & relatability. Thank you for your lovely message ❤ I’m so happy we were able to touch y’all so deeply. Not at all the reception we expected 😅
Thank you, this is incredibly informative for a new system like us. And thank you for being so vunerable and talking about such personal matters
I'm so glad you found it to be informative! Thank you so much for watching! ☺️
This was such a beautiful video. I especially love the end where Leo was developing insight and empathy about sterling and the other alters. Thank you all for making this. I really appreciate you for giving all of us a peak into your system. I can really tell you've all been working on your headspace, intracommunication, and skills for a while. Also, I just have to say on behalf of all of humanity, I'm sorry you had to go through everything you've been through, and I want to commend your brain for finding a way to manage all of that with splitting. Incredible video 🩷 truly a gift to all watchers - systems and singlets
Thank you for your lovely and encouraging message. It’s often more a rollercoaster than an uphill battle but we support each other the best we can.
This is amazing. Thank you- All of us!
Thank you so much! 💙🙏
I only just stumbled upon your channel honestly, and been binging some. This blog is so well executed! So nicely put together and it’s been an honor to be taken along with you all. I hope you all the best and I’ll be following you along your journey. Stay safe :)
Loads of autocorrect typos… my apologies
Just subscribed, hi from Puerto Rico 🤗
thank you for this video! we liked it a lot
I'm so glad to hear you guys liked it! Thanks for watching 🙂
You guys are so strong I don’t know how you do it I’m inspired to do better
I definitely don’t know what to comment but I wanted to because I thought this video was probably good for other ppl who experience stuff like this. Of course since I haven’t I cannot say I understand at all what all that has been like and is to deal with. But just wanted to comment since I thought the video was good and very great editing aswell. I appreciate the trigger warnings too. :) hope you guys are doing well! And the white cat is so adorable
I’m sorry for the late reply! I reallly appreciate you ❤ that was such a lovely sympathy. Things are always up and down. Usually rapidly so. But we’ve long learned to deal with it so it’s really not a problem
wow this must have been soo much work to film and edit. it‘s amazing you are doing this to educate and help others on their journey. ❤️
Hello! Thank you for sharing! This was a wonderfully made video, it was very interesting to see! Take care!
Thank you for watching! We're so happy to hear you enjoyed the project 🤗💙
"Hello 😁 this is Leo 😉"
And Celina went 😍😍😍😍😍💖💖💖💖
She is 16...
Help lol
Very informative video, though.
Love how open you are.
We are a DID System of 27 alters in Spain.
Stay safe, guys 😘
-Carlota.
😊 Thank you sm! Wishing the best for yg.
You are all so raw and incredibly brave; I have mad respect for all of you. ❤️ I love how you all present mental health via working towards normalizing the act of talking about it, the good and the bad. People seem to think that unless they have the answers, not to speak on it; but the journey towards getting better tools to heal with anything mental/emotional health related comes from being able to talk about what/how you feel to those you feel okay doing so with (sometimes even just out loud to yourself is a great start). The words spoken by those who participated in this are so valuable and the courage to speak them is inspirational. I subscribed to your channel ages ago, though wasn't getting notifications for things and realized the bell was set to "personalized" and not "all." Too bad on my end! That has been rectified! I am looking forward to more of your content. Sending safe and comfort vibes your way! ❤️❤️
Yes I love it whenever you upload videos.
Aww thts so sweet! 😄 Thank you so much!
AN HOUR LONG VIDEO!!! my comrad thats killer
& It was a struggle to get it this short 😖 Only used ~1/2 the content we'd filmed 😬
6:44 app name?
It's called "Daylio Journal - Mood Tracker" on Android & I believe it's under the same name for iPhone. You should be able to find it if you look up "Daylio" in whatever app store you have 🙂
@@TheKairosCollaborative thank you very much
What if you are driving a car and someone else " takes over" and doesn't know how to drive? If you cause an accident and crash, will you be sued, or do you say it was a different person " thus an insanity defense " either way, you should not drive because it will put innocent bystanders at risk. So, do you drive? Thanks, it's for a research paper. Also can you support yourself financially? And do you need someone like a personal care assistant to make sure you don't cause harm to others or yourself? My college kid is in university for psychology but obviously doesn't want to be associated with messaging youtubers so I just have a list of questions. Given we have interviewed 3 psychiatrists and they all say this is a fictitious disorder and perhaps malingering. Can you explain why professionals dont believe in DID?Thanks, appreciate it,
Hello, and thank you for your comment! I hope you don’t mind that I’ve broken my reply down into sections, so as to make sure that I address everything you asked.
On driving and legal consequence:
I’m not personally able to drive, but I have met other individuals with dissociative identity disorder who have parts that are able to maintain front with enough security that driving is a non-issue, as well as dissociative individuals for whom driving does not induce above-average levels of dissociation. One person I’ve spoken with told me they’re actually the most grounded while they are driving! It’s definitely a spectrum when it comes to the influence of symptomatology over daily life. Personally, both driving and riding in a vehicle cause heavy dissociation, so I’ve opted not to re-try learning to drive until I have learned to better manage and anticipate my dissociation.
Depending on where a patient lives, diagnoses such as DID and other severe neurological conditions are required to be reported to vehicle/licencing centers, and in order to appeal restrictions, one must either prove competency in driving or have been episode-free for a set-duration of time. It is my experience that dissociative individuals can have a higher likelihood of presenting a danger on the road, but it will depend on the severity of symptoms, and where an individual is in their healing and symptom management.
As for the legality behind things like driving violations, it’s extremely rare for an individual to be found not guilty by decree of insanity based on a diagnosis of DID. I’m fairly sure the only example of this kind of exoneration is Billy Milligan. Personally, my system subscribes strongly to the idea of “system responsibility” which is the mentality that any action one part of the consciousness does, the whole is entirely responsible for. This wouldn’t change if the action at hand was of a criminal nature. We’re one person with a fragmented and dissociated ego state, not entirely separate individuals free of inter-connectivity. Dissociative boundaries are hardly ever so clear-cut and rigid, so it would hardly make sense to treat alters as though they’re entirely independent of each other. Some people with DID do think this way, but they’re usually at an earlier stage in their healing, and do so out of a continued need to dissociate from their own actions out of a need to continue traumatic avoidance. This doesn’t make this pattern of thought “okay”, but may give you some background of understanding as to why that type of image may be perpetuated within the community.
On self-sufficiency:
I have personally been on both extremes of the functionality spectrum, depending on the degree of dissociation to my traumas that I am able to maintain on a constant basis at any given time period in my life. Due to the nature of this disorder, removing oneself from stressful events and compartmentalizing aspects of the self that are able to function as “apparently normal parts” are natural coping mechanisms that can allow extremely high-functionality, as compared to individuals that have C-PTSD without a dissociative disorder. However, as I work to integrate my trauma and lessen my dissociative symptoms, my overall PTSD symptoms have worsened, which has resulted in less control over my switches, and an overall decrease in the functionality of my system. I have also recently encountered a threat by an old abuser which has put persecutory parts on the offense, making me, currently, a threat to myself. I’ve been homebound for the past six months, and am being looked after by my partner, who is taking care of me financially and otherwise. They’ve done a lot of work to help the system to become more communicative, which gives me more control over my actions, to retain details about what happens throughout my life as well as personal information, and to help with crisis intervention. Due to my recent plateau, I’m also seeing an intervention team that works to connect patients with resources to prevent moments of crisis.
This being said, before my most recent batch of triggers and subsequent memory integration, I was fairly functional (at least during the day) and was able to financially provide for myself and my partner. In the more productive times of my life, I’ve been able to detach from my emotional responses in a way that allows me to get through the day’s expectations, and hold off breakdowns until the night. The day’s triggers would usually come down when I was alone, and if I were to be unable to prevent a breakdown at work, I typically would switch to an ANP who is able to complete my responsibilities. Despite this, it was definitely maintainable, and preferable to the lack of self-sufficiency that I have now.
On professional’s beliefs in DID:
I believe there are several reasons for the skepticism that has developed surrounding DID: the confusion between repression and dissociation, the formation of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, the popularized fictional representations which misrepresent what it’s like to live with the disorder, as well as the impact this has had on the amount of malingers who view this disorder as some kind of a role-playing game, or an excuse to get away with awful deeds… overall any reasoning I can think of comes down to the fact that DID has come to be seen as more “fantastical” than it actually is. In reality, it’s nothing more than a complex trauma disorder. Many studies have proven dissociation to be a traceable, physiological response to stress. Many disorders cause dissociative symptoms. Many disorders, as well, cause fragmented parts as a result of primary, secondary, or tertiary structural dissociation. DID is the most severe of inabilities to integrate these dissociative parts, but there are no symptoms or characteristics of DID that are entirely unique to the disorder itself, despite common misconception. DID isn’t “special” and it certainly isn’t fictitious!
There’s also a huge lack of motivation to research more into the disorder, because it provides no monetary benefit to psychiatry to do so. As much as I love psychology as a science, there’s a huge issue when it comes to research funding, and DID certainly suffers due to this. Despite that though, a lot of research has come out recently affirming DID as a legitimate diagnosis (I’ll link a few studies at the end of this comment!), and DID remains as a diagnosis in the ICD-11, which will become the manual for diagnosis this coming January, despite critique from outdated psychologists.
The current scientific data, though lacking, is definitely in support of DID. Unfortunately, many professionals are centered on older work that marks the diagnosis controversial. It’s my hope that, with more awareness from not only individuals like me, but more covert cases of DID, which make up a majority of cases of this disorder, the stigma will lessen, and we can begin to build the social and evidentiary support survivors deserve.
I appreciate you giving me the chance to address these things! Thank you for your comment. Included below are a few studies backing DID as a diagnosis!
(Neurobiological evidence regarding the aetiology of DID supporting clinical observation that it's a severe form of PTSD):
www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/dissociative-identity-disorder-out-of-the-shadows-at-last/8E2884FA8669A9A64790E5C47AD72DC7
(Brain scans show evidence of DID to same precision of other disorders):
www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/aiding-the-diagnosis-of-dissociative-identity-disorder-pattern-recognition-study-of-brain-biomarkers/DCF85A7D69652C06E61524593B266E8C
www.maudsleybrc.nihr.ac.uk/posts/2018/december/computers-can-spot-the-difference-between-healthy-brains-and-the-brains-of-people-with-dissociative-identity-disorder/?platform=hootsuite
(Evidenced updated model & empirical data for symptoms of DID):
www.academia.edu/6119645/A_New_Model_of_Dissociative_Identity_Disorder
(Evidence for the existence of dissociation):
med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2020/09/researchers-pinpoint-brain-circuitry-underlying-dissociation.html
(Epidemiology of Dissociative Disorders):
www.hindawi.com/journals/eri/2011/404538/
whys that gay one look like a vampire lol
Good mf question I wonder tht myself
I find it ironic that you want to raise awareness about your disorder however you’re petitioning to stifle a piece of art that, in a way, shows just how difficult and isolating this condition can be when not treated with the right level of acceptance or awareness.
You’re gatekeeping a disorder.
Super shit thing to do.
Best of luck with the content but maybe don’t try and shit on other peoples art to validate your own? 🤷♂️
Raising awareness has never been, and will never be, the purpose of this channel. We make content to connect with (and offer resources to) other trauma survivors, and to share our own story and perspective in order to feel less alone, and to hopefully make others feel less alone.
In other words, we make content for a community of trauma survivors, who don't need us to help them be aware of the impacts of their own trauma.
Next, what "piece of art" are you referring to? Because the only thing we've petitioned has been Split (and only as it pertains to the media's sponsorship by Netflix, NOT on a general 'this media should not exist' basis), which myself and thousands of other individuals with dissociative disorders have been trying to convey since the conception of the film, does not represent what it's like to live with this disorder. It certainly doesn't show the impacts of isolation or a lack of treatment, and the fact that you believe that only speaks to the negative influence this film has had on the public perception of DID.
The film is trauma-porn for entertainment purposes. If the intent of Split was to represent DID and how difficult and isolating it can be, Shyamalan would have hired an advising psychologist, or met with people with this condition. Both things suggested to him which he refused to do.
We have dealt with dangerous alters. We are not saying they don't exist, or that a person with DID cannot be violent. But should some of the sole representation of this disorder, certainly some of the only being presented on a large streaming platform such as Netflix, really be of rapists, murderers, and kidnappers? Especially when we’re perceived to be dangerous, despite an overwhelming lack of evidence to prove such a correlation. Media can have a dramatic influence on the treatment of under-represented groups, this fact is indisputable.
Those are my musings on that. But a lot has happened in regards to DID representation in the past year, and I am now much more of the mind that romanticization and faking (/embellishment) is a far worse threat to how DID is precieved and treated in professional spaces than is stigmatizing media.
Would take Split over "DID TikTok" in a heartbeat. So, honestly, fuck it.
If any of this makes me a gatekeeper, so be it.