8:36 Crazy shi we just connected on her vulnerabilities and not closer we did that on Sat Pride nyc and Sunday it all came crumbling down when I wanted clarification around something and didn’t want to harbor any feelings without really what’s showing up and let’s talk about it. I realized her melt down was the same one her narc daughter usually had she would rage at any perceived criticism aka narc injury. Like daughter like mother I saw my gfs reactions were similar to her daughters and she denied she acted that way others perception of her was faulty. She couldn’t see herself out of the nice person she crafted and she wasn’t nice at all actually very very negative and always judging and gossiping about people.
Ain't no one who wants a real life got time for that especially a healthy healing person. Sometimes they act stupid lower level one dimension and unfortunately these folks are the ones who should be ignored always till the point they're exiled entirely. These folks are in charge of so many things and these people can't be critiqued and also need sooooo much help on how to be human step by step and we cannot allow ourselves to keep breaking life down piece by peace including our own. It's exhausting and we don't actually need to engage. Yes there are narcs who do act violent when they're actually ignored by others who know that they're not compatible with life not just human interaction. These folks abuse stoic objects, animals and everything they're dangerous. Unhealed people are like flying double sided daggers.
Oh yes.. Look at the wall. I alwasy thought he was doing it on purpose to piss me off. I just didn't know how many other people do so. It was the craziest experience I ever have been through. Damaged my brain from all the stress.. Good news, it can heal. 🎉
Talking to my ex is just like talking with someone that doesn't speak the same language at all. I dont know if he's a narc and at this point, it doesn't matter. I'm out. I'll go talk to someone else 😂
He'd intensely tell me about his day, then as soon as I started talking he would start looking at his phone or walk out of the room mid-sentence to do something else. Uh, HELLO I'm talking to you.
I got that. We broke up because I’d get angry when she pathologically lied and cheated on me as if had a bad temper! I never even swore at her let alone touched her and she was just being awful and expecting me to co-sign it. There must be some that do because she married an older rich dude and still has the same guy “friends.” You can be nice or mean as hell either way it’ll be used against you. It’s an ugly disorder that I can see now as she gets older. All I wanted was her to be honest with herself but she’s not going to change. It’s sad.
This video couldn't be more accurate. I told him, he was always about himself. The day I went no contact I asked him, " do you know ANYTHING about me?" He's like " No. You've never told me anything." 🙄 I've told him a lot he just didn't care to listen but stuff I didn't expect him to remember, he remembered. It was t bad things either. Just surprised he remembered.
I can sooooo picture my ex sitting in the chair either on his phone or watching TV while I was talking to him and him mindlessly commenting "Mmmmhmm, yeah". I knew even back then that he couldn't have repeated to me anything I had just said and I was made to feel as I was bothering him with my talking and he just wanted me to shutup. This video is one more check in the box to verify his narcissistic actions.
Lol, the one I knew would either game or be laying in bed with a phone plastered to his face 🙄 sometimes when pretending to be a good partner he'd put his phone down or get off the game but clearly would be distracted and talk about random things, act stupid ,or bring up random important information i never knew about 🙄
Yes, he wants you to finish talking so he can tell you why he called and what he needs you to do for him. That why they occasionally call and you think and hope he was thinking of you and missing you?? Ha ha 😅 Let him talk to find out what he needs and hint-it’s NOT you!!! Something you can DO for them. Very sad. While you “dreamily” hoping and thinking he must realize he really does love you??? Ha ha Is it working?? He hopes so!!! Ha ha 😅
Maybe it's hard for the Narcs to concentrate because of their fake Persona to which they always have to switch back-and-forth when somebody is talking to them🤷🏽♀️🗯 Thanks for sharing your perspective Ben!😊
This helps explain why narcs constantly INTERRUPT! I could rarely get through a conversation before he interrupted me. Combined w not listening, talking w him SUCKED!
Mine used to phone me but be simultaneously having another conversation in the background and I used to wait on the line like a lemon waiting to resume *our* talk 😢😅
That sounds incredibly frustrating and disrespectful. Being ignored or made to wait while someone is engaged in another conversation can be deeply hurtful and invalidating. Your experience highlights the lack of consideration and empathy often present in such relationships. Remember, you deserve to be heard and valued. Discover how to break free and gain clarity by joining this free masterclass: www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass. Your feelings and experiences are important.
I can remember very well that I felt like "unheard" as I tried to talk to my Ex seriously about the unfairness I was feeling. He tried to convince me that I was wrong and he stayed with his mind by himself!
I just left a guy for this type behavior and more. 2 months dating or whatever the hell it was. I just let him have it verbally and through text messaging. And he told me if I leave him and I’m a come back and he is going to dog me. I said. GOOD BYE. Not planning on coming back. Who says this type of shit. A toxic ass person. Sick as PHUCK. IJS.
Mine would say " maybe you should think about what you write before you write" projection because I made sense, he never did. He'd twist words or assume what was said but not ACTUALLY reading. 🙄
Mine says he doesn't care to hear anyone else talk. He waves his hand as though I'm taking to long speaking. But then lies and says "no, you're the only one I care to talk to."
I noticed myself always asking if he was listening to me. One time he did say “I’m listening to you it’s just I’m also thinking about what I’m going to say “ so he wasn’t truly listening, he was thinking about what he wanted to say. He interrupted me constantly
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Well my identical twin sister would allow me to speak. She would allow me to take my turn. Then there were times where she would use it as a weapon. She would deliberately zone me out. Then she would say, wait, what? And then I had to repeat myself. I would have to repeat myself three times. I would tell her, you’re not listening to me. I would say to her that it exasperated me to have to always repeat myself. Little did I know that this was deliberate. I just thought that she was being an a-hole, as usual. So I start to say to her, no I’m not repeating myself, it’s not interesting anyways. So then that’s what I would do. I would say, nope, I’m not repeating myself, too bad. The truth of the matter is, is that they prefer for you to just be their audience and not exist at all. They probably only need information from you to be nosy. They just want to know what you are doing so that they can have an opinion about it, get mad at you about it, have control over you about it, or use it against you later.
I think the kind of 'making everything people do about me' is a human affliction far more common than narcissism... the impatient 'cutting people off' part is definitely arrogance and self-vanity / superciliousness part of narcissism / sociopathy / psychopathy/ Machiavellianism.
Over 22 yrs together I refuse to eat certain foods and he had the balls to tell me a few months back, as I dont want to eat certain things, he told me, well it's not all about you. That is not the first time he has told me that either. I finally started telling him, I am starting to make it all about me.
This is absolutely on point! My narc mother-in-law will start to yell harsh, inappropriate comments into other peoples conversations and try to disturb the conversation, when she is not the center of all attention. like a toddler, litterally! Funny thing is, you cannot have a normal conversation with her, she always has to be loud and all over everyone and everything. If she does not get attention, she will make up an excuse and leave - fuming and angry. The revenge will be a smear campaign and stupid accusations.
Mine just interrupted me because he "knew" what I was going to say. Or he would change the topic right after I asked a question. 🙄 So glad he is my ex.
Makes sense, mine and I have talked alot in person and on the phone. I felt something off so I started listening to his silence when I was talking. I would stop talking and say did you hear me, he woukd respind yes im listening to you so I woukd ask what did I say? He would briefly say a little about what words he heard. Or when I paused in my conversation hecwoukd start talking about something g completely different. Then I would stop him and say you just cut me off. Hecwoukd say oh ok go ahead so of course I felt a way then say never mind doesn't matter anymore. But I knew he didn't even care. Usually when I was excited to tell him something hecwoukd do this. Also when we partied with drugs I noticed we woukd talk but 2 different conversations the whole time. Curiously I observed sometimes I would look at him and his lips would be moving like he was talking to himself but no words. I always thought that was odd.
Oh my gosh! This makes so so much sense! Thank you so much for explaining it the way that you do! Now I totally understand the crazy 3-year-old outbursts that my narc would have if he wasn't the center of attention! After a while, when I figured out what he was doing, I could see him winding himself up, and I knew that he was going to blow!
What you're describing there is in parts more akin to psychosis, which can certainly come into play with extreme forms of narcissism. It's part of the problem with the DSM definition of narcissism, let alone the often very distorted understanding the public has of what narcissism is. Most countries outside the USA use the ICD system which has scrapped the old personality disorders and replaced them with a dimensional, spectrum type model that records traits. It allows for a much more holistic diagnosis, rather than trying to shoehorn traits into reductive categories like the DSM does.
I speak with words that cannot be misconstrued. I answer with truth and only once. Repeating the question is not tolerated. How he reacts, accepts or handles it is in him. IDC this is well established. Should he not respond to questions, begin with even the slightest hint of idiocy. All things come to a halt. He does not exist until time he is capable of coherency. PERIOD.
Yulanda Rowe, Oh ok. Thank you. Yes, what you say makes perfect sense for everyone who’s in on that information. So you are not incorrect. That means that if you are communicating with someone else who also knows this, short hand writing then it is true that you are clear with them. But ultimately I know that you were making a point but I was challenging you simply because I caught that. But it is true. If you are trying to communicate with someone who cannot communicate back with you, that’s a big problem. I know that that was your point so I apologize to you.
Is it lost on you that you just basically said he was beating around the bush and wasting your time so to be the knight in shining armor you're giving us all a time stamp to get straight to it? I would say your contribution is a perfect example of the subject matter at hand. 🙄
I'm almost 2 yeas out of a 6-year rel with my narc. YOU are helping me with this more than anything I've found (and I have to give credit to all I have resourced as I would not be almost 2 years out without them!). But you are hitting every single thing. And I can't thank you enough for sharing you, and your wife's journey through this SUPER challenging disorder. YOU are SO valuable to the world--you probably don't realize how much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
When I would try and talk to my covert narc husband, he was too busy checking his reflection in a mirror or something else he could admire himself in. He was just too beautiful to take his eyes off himself.
I feel like my guy knows something is going on with him. In his mind and his behaviors. I hate his actions but I love the guy that’s buried in there somewhere. Maybe it’s all still too fresh. Only been a month since we have been on a “break”.
Could be a covert. They gain sympathy and credibility by acknowledging they have ‘issues’. Then you think you can help them. Look at what they do not what they say. They wil tell you how much they value/love you if pushed but will actually play emotionally abusive mind games on you. Remember - these little games are about intentionally inflicting emotional pain.
It took cancer. Twice. For me to realize she just didn’t care about me in a basic genuine human way and her words were empty. They only get worse. Thinking your behavior or actions can somehow change them is the trap. They find new supply and act like they’re totally different and great but the pattern just repeats they use peoole and wear them down and they refuse to acknowledge it at all. I look at her now more like a drug. There’s no amount of heroin that’s good for you. You just have to stop. The person you loved disappears. As horrible and pessimistic as that sounds it’s what happens.
The gut that's " buried in there" doesn't exist. It was an act. Like being in love with a movie character. I got over him quickly once I realized that he doesn't exist.
Interesting you bring that up. Both me and the narc are diagnosed with ADHD. It's kinda frustrating cause now she probably thinks anything she does is just her ADHD, when she clearly has more NPD/ASPD traits that get shoved under the rug.
Pertaining to my sister. They like to hear themselves talk. And they talk loud to dominate. They talk over you. They get mad at you for trying to talk as well. You find yourself talking loud as well because they’re not listening. Then they get mad and want to fight with you. The conversation turns into a competition. I would say, I don’t want to talk this loud. It hurts my throat. I would ask, why do you talk so loud? And she said, I like to hear myself talk and then she laughed embarrassingly.
That could be more than NPD or not NPD at all...Asperger's, histrionic, borderline...a combo of disorders and/or mental health issues. The labels don't matter though. She seems self aware though.
Hey Ben, apart from the good message, you are also really pleasant to listen to, very natural, relaxed and yet enthusiastic delivery. All the best to you and yours.
That was actually really fu$&&in informative. I always wondered that. I might even have to yell her nam twice three times in a conversation to listen to me or our child or her sister
He had to be always at the center of attention, at the resturants he always sit in most panoramic place and left me staring at the wall!! What a gentleman…😂
As always your honesty is totally mind blowing. The work you have to do and the effort it must take to retrain your internal dialogue must be epic. Thank you Ben
I can tell when I'm saying something that i needed him to be done, in his mind he's thinking how to answer that so he can project it as my fault, as usual 🙄. Such a waste of time and energy to talk to these sociopaths.
She always used to say to me" you get something into your head and you want it there and then" absolutely crazy. You give me so much clarity. Thanks Ben ❤
The movie they make and the script each person is supposed to say in the narcs mind.Introject constancy. Ideas of reference a paranoid flavor that guy across the street Cognitive distortions and dissocation ( checked out and in fantasy).
Yes, they are delusional 100% of time... When you talk to them and look in the eyes they are empty. There is no person/awareness there. It is pure subconscious/instinct talking. It IS mental illness after all...
Ye, the adhd is more like "her hair looks nice, concentrate, what did she just say? Shit she's going to notice I'm not listening, stop thinking about that, concentrate on what she's saying, ah that's a cute dog, stop it! Concentrate!.... god when is she going to stop talking I have no idea what she's said, I'm such a bad friend "
8:46 Crazy shi we just connected on her vulnerabilities and not closer we did that on Sat Pride nyc and Sunday it all came crumbling down when I wanted clarification around something and didn’t want to harbor any feelings without really what’s showing up and let’s talk about it. I realized her melt down was the same one her narc daughter usually had she would rage at any perceived criticism aka narc injury. Like daughter like mother I saw my gfs reactions were similar to her daughters and she denied she acted that way others perception of her was faulty. She couldn’t see herself out of the nice person she crafted and she wasn’t nice at all actually very very negative and always judging and gossiping about people.
I will be talking to him about anything and he is always yawning and crap like that. I am always trying so hard to communicate with him and all I get is yawns from him. It has always been like that.
I experience this with my brother, he will just plain ignore me completely. As in I talk to him and he does not even bother to say "fuc* Off" just NO answer at all. I was baffled by it, now i understand it and I simply walk away and in my mind I tell myself " ignore him and pretend he is not here" so I do not let him take over my day with his narcissism. Otherwise I would run around trying to figure it out what is going on with him. Now I just understand he is in his head and it does that not include me in it.
Another painful realization of all what has been said is applied to me. It's been not that long that I've been diagnosed with NPD, and since then I tried to work with the mess that I am to better myself and diminish my hurtful impact on people I b e l i e v e I love, but... Gosh, the effort does not seem to bear any fruits.
@@prietagarcia1155 I'm not sure if I ever really loved someone. I mean, it surely wasn't that healthy feeling that normal people harbour toward someone. It was that idea of ugly narcissistic fusion, where your and your partner's personalities merge, the world dims and then disappears, and you become a new world to each other. Relationships have been starting and, well, eventually coming to an end, without a chance to really test my feelings for my partners. I've been viewing love as such for almost my whole life, and since I've been diagnosed with NPD and learned about my flaw very recently (a few months), I still struggle with abandoning my old ways and adopting new ideas. The reason because I turned to a psychologist is that I was very lucky to get close with my female coworker, who is very empathetic, frolic and easygoing. Before I knew I am a narc, I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, I've started syphoning compliments, encouragment and her positivity from her. I've been craving her attention solely for myself, I could become frustrated and enraged, seeing that she would simply even smile for anyone BUT me. When we became more closer, I applied my usual tactic of silent treatment, which appeared to be an undearable torment for her. I could make her crying and insomniac using just my mere silence. This is when things get ugly, she turned from a nonchalant woman to a pale shadow, and I felt like a biggest a-hole planetside. I was disgusted by my own self, by my loathsome deeds. She was like a sister to me, and I repaid for her sincerity and genuine support with mental abuse. I realized that I should never do anything like that to anyone whatsoever, and to achieve that, I needed to start somewhere, so I started with a psychologist's office.
My father was a huge narc. Whenever I tried to talk with him to connect, I got screamed at and cursed out and called four names. He had true anger I his face. I never understood until recently. My mother played along with it too and that was just as disgusting. I married a woman and she's a sweetheart, but raised by a narc mother so she had issues with pair bonding with me
I have to admit I have to do work to concentrate on what the other person is saying and wants too. I have a lot of narcissistic traits and found my ex did too and we bumped heads constantly
I explained this to my therapist...LDR and when we FaceTimed, he would just do his thing like I wasn't even "in the room". Like he wasn't tuned in to me. She gas lit/criticized me saying that's young people these days (ummm both he and I were not "young"). She kept dismissing my complaints about this and other stuff he did.
How true…. My wife expects me to be interested in how her day was - and berates me if I don’t ask….but will she ask about mine? She also barely acknowledges me if I start a conversation about something she is not interested in (that’s if she doesn’t just come out and say, “I’m not interested”……
Seems like i can hear it all day long they dont care and never did, im still just like how.....do you not care, doesnt the relationship serve them too? Catering to them and loving them... ig they are just broken..
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My ex would stare in a daze or look at his phone when i spoke to him about something important yet when he was speaking he would demand that i looked him in the eyes. I found it so weird because it's one thing for someone to demand you undivided attention, but he would be like look me in the eyes and the second i looked away he would complain.
There is something wrong with this. All people have narcissistic qualities and tendencies. We all would prefer to get what we want and influence others, to varying degrees. We are all selfish at times and can have trouble focussing on what’s important to others. We often would prefer to be at the center, though shyness and embarassment tempers this and then we congradulate ourselves for our empathy. If you have had a relationship with a REAL narcissist, you would have seen the darkness, the cruelty, the manipulation. It is beyond anything in this video, a fundamentally different state of diabolical evil. These guys stalk the earth like grim reapers, leaving pain, anguish, self-hate, and betrayal in their wake. I appreciate what this guy is saying. But the mere fact that he is self-aware is proof that he is not one of these people.
Yup when I told him about not finding a shower installer he cudnt be less interested hurry up and finish what ur saying or he will pretend like he is getting another call or he can't hear me over the phone. I had to keep getting his attention to work on the brochure for HIS business while he was probably messaging some other woman
I'm convinced my narc mom plays, "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round", on repeat when I talk to her. Just joking, but seriously she doesn't listen at ALL. She heard concern as criticism when it comes to her poor health. She knocks me down by calling me Dr. Jack and always saying how I don't understand pretty much everything. Or she's paranoid people are always talking about her, or lying about her. She really hears nothing in the real world.
TY❤ Great content Ben! 👏 This is helping me process behaviors & better reframing. There are many around me who interrupt, especially one of my relatives that is only "outputs" LOL not much receiving, more about when he gets to speak, give his advice, talk over others. He will do this to his boss, anyone. As grown adult, he would make up weird rules for me, or even tell me that I did something wrong, even though I what I did before he even "correcting" me that "I should do X" when I literally did X. For some reason I internalized that to mean I'll never be good enough & people think I am idiot. NOW I know, what this narc says or does has to do with HIS EGO & he was really showing his hand, or a look behind the curtain and I view this as one of the most valuable 🎁 of truth or reality checks I could have been given. 😊
I have this thing where if women look at me I think they must be attracted to me. I know it's not true. Maybe I like the attention or the eye contact. Or if she's attractive it's like an ego boost. But I also know I want more from a woman. Looking at me isn't enough. I want the relationship. Maybe some people, like this woman I liked, are just happy being looked at and they judge people based on how they feel when a person looks at them.
Just to add he is currently in prison and today is father's day. Tge past few days I felt hexwas off, education in calls so I pointed it out. He gave me 2 different reasons. But today he has called several times. I remembered he woukd get texts and calls wishing him happy fathers day, that can't happen as he's in prison so he has to call. I may be off base but I'm pretty much the only one maybe to listen to his crazy shit. So all that attention he requires he's getting UT from me plus blaming his friend for the reason he's incarcerated being a victim
That would make sence actually... I have ADHD and also some narcissistic traits like vanity and wanting to be the constant centre of attention. I suspect my biological father to have NPD and I thought that I may have inherited those traits from him, but maybe it's my ADHD.
Nabil C, Yes, the internet said that the prefrontal cortex develops slower than normal children. Also I found this: Findings revealed significant associations between ADHD diagnosis and widespread changes to the maturation of white matter fiber bundles and gray matter density in the brain, such as structural shape changes (incomplete maturation) of the middle and superior temporal gyrus, and fronto-basal portions of both frontal lobes. ADHD symptoms in childhood showed the strongest association with brain macro- and microstructural abnormalities. At the brain circuitry level, the superior longitudinal fasciculus (SLF) and cortico-limbic areas are dysfunctional in individuals with ADHD. The morphometric findings predicted an ADHD diagnosis correctly up to 83% of all cases. Conclusion An adult ADHD diagnosis and in particular childhood symptoms are associated with widespread micro- and macrostructural changes. The SLF and cortico-limbic findings suggest complex audio-visual, motivational, and emotional dysfunctions associated with ADHD in young adults. The sensitivity of the morphometric findings in predicting an ADHD diagnosis was sufficient, which indicates that MRI-based assessments are a promising strategy for the development of a biomarker.
Min 9:30 Whew!.. I DO have ADHD & Aniexty & was wondering if I am a narc too or if you had ADHD too.. because I am always thinking about what's next & worrying. But I do try to reign my thoughts into & focus on the other person. After narc abuse, it is also hard to be patient with small talk & I feel like "let's streamline this. Tell me what I need to know or do (or deep stuff or how you are doing, etc.) but I don't want to hear about the squirrel or bird that is running up your tree. (Yes, I seem to get this alot.) I used to be an I/S, then morphed into a D/C and now am probably a C/S recovering from Narc Abuse.
HI, I HAVE A QUESTION IF YOU DONT MIND, FIRST OF MY CONGRATS TO YOU IN THE WAY YOU EXPLAIN SO CLEAR THE NARCISSIST WORLD, I SAW MANY VIDEOS OF YOU AND ALSO OF OTHER SELF AWARE NARCISISSIT ON RUclips AND I FIGURE OUT THAT ALL OF YOU TALK SO FAST , WHY LIKE THAT ? ALL OF YOU SEEM USE THE SAME WAY OF SPEECH, VERY VERY FAST, IS SOMETHING RELATED OF YOUR MIND OR BRAIN ? OR SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK MORE FAST THAN OTHERS ? THANK YOU IF YOU WILL ANSWER AND KEEP GOING ON YOUR AWESOME VIDEOS 🙂
Raw motivations, I’m going to add to this for a critique: I do have adhd and I will zone out. That said, I know that you’re just trying to get to the point, I get that. And I know what’s going on. You’re trying to be thorough, give details, but you’re also feeling pressed to get to the point and hence, talk fast. So I get that, it seems ok but it’s not a good flow for listening to. Here’s another thing. Now, I understand to annunciate, stress, or emphasize words to A). Convey an important point; and B). “ punch in “ sound, to keep the person alert. But the problem is that you are doing it throughout the whole conversation. It’s only effective if you do it every once-in-a-while. Otherwise, when overused it has no effect but an, annoyance or hard time to listen to because there’s no gentle, natural, flow to the speech. I find myself having to rewind, over and over again when I’m listening to you because I’m loosing interest. Also, you’re hard to follow because you’re fast and sometimes your words blend together. Or, I can’t tell which party you’re speaking of, the narc or the victim, because you’re ideas go so fast that the party gets blended. Sorry, it’s just my experience. Just letting you know.
Thank you for the informative videos. But after watching this video I feel like asking: Didn't you feel afraid that people might not like you when you did not listen to them, when you told them that you didn't have time for this or that conversation etc. in the work environment? I mean, narcissists are very preoccupied with their image and treating other people like that probably would not make you very popular..???
Listen to the wife's perspective on our new podcast Trauma, Drama & Life: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/trauma-drama-life/id1639753152
See I feel like with ADD it's like you care about the person and what they are saying and want so badly to be able to keep the concentration on what they are saying, but, your mind wanders off without being able to control it. Cause that's what I have and it bugs me that what I have and it's quite annoying because I do genuinely care, lbvs
This just validates that narcissists are little kids stuck in adult bodies!
Well said!!!
8:36 Crazy shi we just connected on her vulnerabilities and not closer we did that on Sat Pride nyc and Sunday it all came crumbling down when I wanted clarification around something and didn’t want to harbor any feelings without really what’s showing up and let’s talk about it. I realized her melt down was the same one her narc daughter usually had she would rage at any perceived criticism aka narc injury. Like daughter like mother I saw my gfs reactions were similar to her daughters and she denied she acted that way others perception of her was faulty. She couldn’t see herself out of the nice person she crafted and she wasn’t nice at all actually very very negative and always judging and gossiping about people.
Exactly.
Ain't no one who wants a real life got time for that especially a healthy healing person. Sometimes they act stupid lower level one dimension and unfortunately these folks are the ones who should be ignored always till the point they're exiled entirely. These folks are in charge of so many things and these people can't be critiqued and also need sooooo much help on how to be human step by step and we cannot allow ourselves to keep breaking life down piece by peace including our own. It's exhausting and we don't actually need to engage. Yes there are narcs who do act violent when they're actually ignored by others who know that they're not compatible with life not just human interaction. These folks abuse stoic objects, animals and everything they're dangerous. Unhealed people are like flying double sided daggers.
Kids don’t act like this
mine walks away while i’m still speaking
He would never look me in the eyes. Then when I spoke he was already thinking about how to respond and not listening.
Oh yes.. Look at the wall. I alwasy thought he was doing it on purpose to piss me off. I just didn't know how many other people do so. It was the craziest experience I ever have been through. Damaged my brain from all the stress.. Good news, it can heal. 🎉
Haaaa i just dealt with one like that 😂😂😂 they are rude people. Would buttt it by one sentence 🙄🙄
Yeah they don't listen. Don't bother speaking to them. Pointless. I usually end up feeling like l am talking to a wall.
They are demons non the less
It just goes around and around...it's better to talk to the wall at least the wall won't abuse you!
Facts 🎉 💯
You get more honest and intelligent responses from a wall.
They listen súper well to everyone BUT You 😢
I got sick of hearing my own voice repeat itself over and over saying "Did you hear what I just said" to him?? 🍒
Talking to my ex is just like talking with someone that doesn't speak the same language at all. I dont know if he's a narc and at this point, it doesn't matter. I'm out. I'll go talk to someone else 😂
He'd intensely tell me about his day, then as soon as I started talking he would start looking at his phone or walk out of the room mid-sentence to do something else. Uh, HELLO I'm talking to you.
Wow, my new husband does this to me now 😢what I have to say isn't important
My wife gets angry when I don’t “communicate”………but she is worse than she claims that I am. I get tired of wasting my breath.
I got that. We broke up because I’d get angry when she pathologically lied and cheated on me as if had a bad temper! I never even swore at her let alone touched her and she was just being awful and expecting me to co-sign it. There must be some that do because she married an older rich dude and still has the same guy “friends.” You can be nice or mean as hell either way it’ll be used against you. It’s an ugly disorder that I can see now as she gets older. All I wanted was her to be honest with herself but she’s not going to change. It’s sad.
This video couldn't be more accurate. I told him, he was always about himself. The day I went no contact I asked him, " do you know ANYTHING about me?" He's like " No. You've never told me anything." 🙄 I've told him a lot he just didn't care to listen but stuff I didn't expect him to remember, he remembered. It was t bad things either. Just surprised he remembered.
I can sooooo picture my ex sitting in the chair either on his phone or watching TV while I was talking to him and him mindlessly commenting "Mmmmhmm, yeah". I knew even back then that he couldn't have repeated to me anything I had just said and I was made to feel as I was bothering him with my talking and he just wanted me to shutup. This video is one more check in the box to verify his narcissistic actions.
This is exactly how it was with me.
Lol, the one I knew would either game or be laying in bed with a phone plastered to his face 🙄 sometimes when pretending to be a good partner he'd put his phone down or get off the game but clearly would be distracted and talk about random things, act stupid ,or bring up random important information i never knew about 🙄
Mine was the same. I had to smile and be happy regardless of what happened. He hated when I spoke. He always tuned out.
My ex did this then had the nerve to demand my full attention when he spoke.
Yes, he wants you to finish talking so he can tell you why he called and what he needs you to do for him. That why they occasionally call and you think and hope he was thinking of you and missing you?? Ha ha 😅 Let him talk to find out what he needs and hint-it’s NOT you!!! Something you can DO for them. Very sad. While you “dreamily” hoping and thinking he must realize he really does love you??? Ha ha Is it working?? He hopes so!!! Ha ha 😅
Maybe it's hard for the Narcs to concentrate because of their fake Persona to which they always have to switch back-and-forth when somebody is talking to them🤷🏽♀️🗯 Thanks for sharing your perspective Ben!😊
This helps explain why narcs constantly INTERRUPT! I could rarely get through a conversation before he interrupted me. Combined w not listening, talking w him SUCKED!
There is no “U” in “narcissist”
There are two “I’s” in NARCISSIST and no “U”. 🥺🥺🫥
Mine used to phone me but be simultaneously having another conversation in the background and I used to wait on the line like a lemon waiting to resume *our* talk
😢😅
That sounds incredibly frustrating and disrespectful. Being ignored or made to wait while someone is engaged in another conversation can be deeply hurtful and invalidating. Your experience highlights the lack of consideration and empathy often present in such relationships. Remember, you deserve to be heard and valued. Discover how to break free and gain clarity by joining this free masterclass: www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass. Your feelings and experiences are important.
I can remember very well that I felt like "unheard" as I tried to talk to my Ex seriously about the unfairness I was feeling. He tried to convince me that I was wrong and he stayed with his mind by himself!
She always used to say to me "you never listen" omg I tried so so hard to change.
I just left a guy for this type behavior and more. 2 months dating or whatever the hell it was. I just let him have it verbally and through text messaging. And he told me if I leave him and I’m a come back and he is going to dog me. I said. GOOD BYE. Not planning on coming back. Who says this type of shit. A toxic ass person. Sick as PHUCK. IJS.
I heard that too, projection.
Mine would say " maybe you should think about what you write before you write" projection because I made sense, he never did. He'd twist words or assume what was said but not ACTUALLY reading. 🙄
My mom is exactly like this always saying “wow you are so sensitive “ and” what is going thru your head” and saying you’re not very spiritual “
Mine says he doesn't care to hear anyone else talk. He waves his hand as though I'm taking to long speaking. But then lies and says "no, you're the only one I care to talk to."
I wom’t get stuck no matter what.God will help me and protect me from that.✝️
I noticed myself always asking if he was listening to me. One time he did say “I’m listening to you it’s just I’m also thinking about what I’m going to say “ so he wasn’t truly listening, he was thinking about what he wanted to say. He interrupted me constantly
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Well my identical twin sister would allow me to speak. She would allow me to take my turn. Then there were times where she would use it as a weapon. She would deliberately zone me out. Then she would say, wait, what? And then I had to repeat myself. I would have to repeat myself three times. I would tell her, you’re not listening to me. I would say to her that it exasperated me to have to always repeat myself. Little did I know that this was deliberate. I just thought that she was being an a-hole, as usual. So I start to say to her, no I’m not repeating myself, it’s not interesting anyways. So then that’s what I would do. I would say, nope, I’m not repeating myself, too bad.
The truth of the matter is, is that they prefer for you to just be their audience and not exist at all. They probably only need information from you to be nosy. They just want to know what you are doing so that they can have an opinion about it, get mad at you about it, have control over you about it, or use it against you later.
Bingo, you're so right.
I think the kind of 'making everything people do about me' is a human affliction far more common than narcissism... the impatient 'cutting people off' part is definitely arrogance and self-vanity / superciliousness part of narcissism / sociopathy / psychopathy/ Machiavellianism.
Over 22 yrs together I refuse to eat certain foods and he had the balls to tell me a few months back, as I dont want to eat certain things, he told me, well it's not all about you. That is not the first time he has told me that either. I finally started telling him, I am starting to make it all about me.
One sided and that side doesn't include me.......That said everything
I would imagine with my narc sis it's something like "why doesn't everyone just do what I want,when I want it!"
Sounds exhausting. A lot of energy goes into controlling and sculpting the self-image.
This is absolutely on point! My narc mother-in-law will start to yell harsh, inappropriate comments into other peoples conversations and try to disturb the conversation, when she is not the center of all attention. like a toddler, litterally! Funny thing is, you cannot have a normal conversation with her, she always has to be loud and all over everyone and everything. If she does not get attention, she will make up an excuse and leave - fuming and angry. The revenge will be a smear campaign and stupid accusations.
HAHAHAHAHA you remind me of my mother. She forces herself to be a moderator of people's private conversations. 😂
Mine just interrupted me because he "knew" what I was going to say. Or he would change the topic right after I asked a question. 🙄 So glad he is my ex.
Seems like they are in offense mode at all time.
That's a valid point, you have to re-wire that thought process. Deep down we all know the truth.
Makes sense, mine and I have talked alot in person and on the phone. I felt something off so I started listening to his silence when I was talking. I would stop talking and say did you hear me, he woukd respind yes im listening to you so I woukd ask what did I say? He would briefly say a little about what words he heard. Or when I paused in my conversation hecwoukd start talking about something g completely different. Then I would stop him and say you just cut me off. Hecwoukd say oh ok go ahead so of course I felt a way then say never mind doesn't matter anymore. But I knew he didn't even care. Usually when I was excited to tell him something hecwoukd do this. Also when we partied with drugs I noticed we woukd talk but 2 different conversations the whole time. Curiously I observed sometimes I would look at him and his lips would be moving like he was talking to himself but no words. I always thought that was odd.
Cudos to this author, admitting he's the N, and explaining what's going on in his mind, so we can understand.
Oh my gosh! This makes so so much sense! Thank you so much for explaining it the way that you do! Now I totally understand the crazy 3-year-old outbursts that my narc would have if he wasn't the center of attention! After a while, when I figured out what he was doing, I could see him winding himself up, and I knew that he was going to blow!
What you're describing there is in parts more akin to psychosis, which can certainly come into play with extreme forms of narcissism. It's part of the problem with the DSM definition of narcissism, let alone the often very distorted understanding the public has of what narcissism is. Most countries outside the USA use the ICD system which has scrapped the old personality disorders and replaced them with a dimensional, spectrum type model that records traits. It allows for a much more holistic diagnosis, rather than trying to shoehorn traits into reductive categories like the DSM does.
I have felt unheard but he could repeat back to me what I said But I felt ignored. He would make me feel like I was being sensitive
I speak with words that cannot be misconstrued. I answer with truth and only once. Repeating the question is not tolerated. How he reacts, accepts or handles it is in him. IDC this is well established. Should he not respond to questions, begin with even the slightest hint of idiocy. All things come to a halt. He does not exist until time he is capable of coherency. PERIOD.
Yolanda Rowe,
You said, “ I speak with words that cannot be misconstrued. “ then you use these letters: IDC. Does that mean, I don’t see?
@@bonnielee316 IDC. Acronym for "I don't care." A common form of short hand in the style of texting used in the United States.
Yulanda Rowe,
Oh ok. Thank you. Yes, what you say makes perfect sense for everyone who’s in on that information. So you are not incorrect. That means that if you are communicating with someone else who also knows this, short hand writing then it is true that you are clear with them. But ultimately I know that you were making a point but I was challenging you simply because I caught that.
But it is true. If you are trying to communicate with someone who cannot communicate back with you, that’s a big problem. I know that that was your point so I apologize to you.
He sort of gets to the point around 4:00 if you want to save some time.
TLDR: Narcs are selfish. 🤣
Is it lost on you that you just basically said he was beating around the bush and wasting your time so to be the knight in shining armor you're giving us all a time stamp to get straight to it? I would say your contribution is a perfect example of the subject matter at hand. 🙄
Thank you!
I'm almost 2 yeas out of a 6-year rel with my narc. YOU are helping me with this more than anything I've found (and I have to give credit to all I have resourced as I would not be almost 2 years out without them!). But you are hitting every single thing. And I can't thank you enough for sharing you, and your wife's journey through this SUPER challenging disorder. YOU are SO valuable to the world--you probably don't realize how much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Friends, family, romantic partner. They're all the same.
When I would try and talk to my covert narc husband, he was too busy checking his reflection in a mirror or something else he could admire himself in. He was just too beautiful to take his eyes off himself.
Yeah their egos are extremely fragile and it doesn’t matter what tone you speak to them in
I feel like my guy knows something is going on with him. In his mind and his behaviors. I hate his actions but I love the guy that’s buried in there somewhere. Maybe it’s all still too fresh. Only been a month since we have been on a “break”.
research cognitive dissonance
Could be a covert. They gain sympathy and credibility by acknowledging they have ‘issues’. Then you think you can help them.
Look at what they do not what they say. They wil tell you how much they value/love you if pushed but will actually play emotionally abusive mind games on you. Remember - these little games are about intentionally inflicting emotional pain.
It took cancer. Twice. For me to realize she just didn’t care about me in a basic genuine human way and her words were empty. They only get worse. Thinking your behavior or actions can somehow change them is the trap. They find new supply and act like they’re totally different and great but the pattern just repeats they use peoole and wear them down and they refuse to acknowledge it at all. I look at her now more like a drug. There’s no amount of heroin that’s good for you. You just have to stop. The person you loved disappears. As horrible and pessimistic as that sounds it’s what happens.
The gut that's " buried in there" doesn't exist. It was an act. Like being in love with a movie character. I got over him quickly once I realized that he doesn't exist.
Interesting you bring that up. Both me and the narc are diagnosed with ADHD. It's kinda frustrating cause now she probably thinks anything she does is just her ADHD, when she clearly has more NPD/ASPD traits that get shoved under the rug.
They do overlap.. which makes it all the more complicated
Pertaining to my sister. They like to hear themselves talk. And they talk loud to dominate. They talk over you. They get mad at you for trying to talk as well. You find yourself talking loud as well because they’re not listening. Then they get mad and want to fight with you. The conversation turns into a competition. I would say, I don’t want to talk this loud. It hurts my throat. I would ask, why do you talk so loud? And she said, I like to hear myself talk and then she laughed embarrassingly.
That could be more than NPD or not NPD at all...Asperger's, histrionic, borderline...a combo of disorders and/or mental health issues. The labels don't matter though. She seems self aware though.
You are spot on Ben!! This is so surreal. It’s as if you were right there in his head when these things happened… wow!!
Hey Ben, apart from the good message, you are also really pleasant to listen to, very natural, relaxed and yet enthusiastic delivery. All the best to you and yours.
That was actually really fu$&&in informative. I always wondered that. I might even have to yell her nam twice three times in a conversation to listen to me or our child or her sister
Make me feel like I’m not good enough
Oh !!! But you ARE 😊
You're so worthy of love and kindness!! Tell yourself daily ❤🎉
He had to be always at the center of attention, at the resturants he always sit in most panoramic place and left me staring at the wall!! What a gentleman…😂
As always your honesty is totally mind blowing. The work you have to do and the effort it must take to retrain your internal dialogue must be epic. Thank you Ben
I can tell when I'm saying something that i needed him to be done, in his mind he's thinking how to answer that so he can project it as my fault, as usual 🙄.
Such a waste of time and energy to talk to these sociopaths.
She always used to say to me" you get something into your head and you want it there and then" absolutely crazy. You give me so much clarity. Thanks Ben ❤
The movie they make and the script each person is supposed to say in the narcs mind.Introject constancy. Ideas of reference a paranoid flavor that guy across the street
Cognitive distortions and dissocation ( checked out and in fantasy).
Yes, they are delusional 100% of time... When you talk to them and look in the eyes they are empty. There is no person/awareness there. It is pure subconscious/instinct talking. It IS mental illness after all...
You are the most accurate one ..that hit the nail on the head in exactly what my narc does
Ye, the adhd is more like "her hair looks nice, concentrate, what did she just say? Shit she's going to notice I'm not listening, stop thinking about that, concentrate on what she's saying, ah that's a cute dog, stop it! Concentrate!.... god when is she going to stop talking I have no idea what she's said, I'm such a bad friend "
8:46 Crazy shi we just connected on her vulnerabilities and not closer we did that on Sat Pride nyc and Sunday it all came crumbling down when I wanted clarification around something and didn’t want to harbor any feelings without really what’s showing up and let’s talk about it. I realized her melt down was the same one her narc daughter usually had she would rage at any perceived criticism aka narc injury. Like daughter like mother I saw my gfs reactions were similar to her daughters and she denied she acted that way others perception of her was faulty. She couldn’t see herself out of the nice person she crafted and she wasn’t nice at all actually very very negative and always judging and gossiping about people.
Run Forest Run
I did. I kicked her ass to the curb. Bi-atch!
Narcissistic ex :”Good luck trying to explain something to me. I won’t listen.”
I will be talking to him about anything and he is always yawning and crap like that. I am always trying so hard to communicate with him and all I get is yawns from him. It has always been like that.
Would you say it was like day-dreaming? You were deliberately escaping reality, fleeing it almost, and just trying to imagine a life you really want?
I experience this with my brother, he will just plain ignore me completely. As in I talk to him and he does not even bother to say "fuc* Off" just NO answer at all. I was baffled by it, now i understand it and I simply walk away and in my mind I tell myself " ignore him and pretend he is not here" so I do not let him take over my day with his narcissism. Otherwise I would run around trying to figure it out what is going on with him. Now I just understand he is in his head and it does that not include me in it.
Spot on. There is only one person in the relationship.
Another painful realization of all what has been said is applied to me. It's been not that long that I've been diagnosed with NPD, and since then I tried to work with the mess that I am to better myself and diminish my hurtful impact on people I b e l i e v e I love, but... Gosh, the effort does not seem to bear any fruits.
How long you been in recovery? Do you actually feel love for someone or your force your self to feel it? What made you get diagnosed?
@@prietagarcia1155 I'm not sure if I ever really loved someone. I mean, it surely wasn't that healthy feeling that normal people harbour toward someone. It was that idea of ugly narcissistic fusion, where your and your partner's personalities merge, the world dims and then disappears, and you become a new world to each other. Relationships have been starting and, well, eventually coming to an end, without a chance to really test my feelings for my partners.
I've been viewing love as such for almost my whole life, and since I've been diagnosed with NPD and learned about my flaw very recently (a few months), I still struggle with abandoning my old ways and adopting new ideas.
The reason because I turned to a psychologist is that I was very lucky to get close with my female coworker, who is very empathetic, frolic and easygoing. Before I knew I am a narc, I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, I've started syphoning compliments, encouragment and her positivity from her. I've been craving her attention solely for myself, I could become frustrated and enraged, seeing that she would simply even smile for anyone BUT me. When we became more closer, I applied my usual tactic of silent treatment, which appeared to be an undearable torment for her. I could make her crying and insomniac using just my mere silence. This is when things get ugly, she turned from a nonchalant woman to a pale shadow, and I felt like a biggest a-hole planetside. I was disgusted by my own self, by my loathsome deeds. She was like a sister to me, and I repaid for her sincerity and genuine support with mental abuse.
I realized that I should never do anything like that to anyone whatsoever, and to achieve that, I needed to start somewhere, so I started with a psychologist's office.
Your wife is a strong woman. You're a lucky man to have her. Just my opinion
My father was a huge narc. Whenever I tried to talk with him to connect, I got screamed at and cursed out and called four names. He had true anger I his face. I never understood until recently. My mother played along with it too and that was just as disgusting. I married a woman and she's a sweetheart, but raised by a narc mother so she had issues with pair bonding with me
Thanks for the clarity Ben. Seriously XXX all my love from Liverpool England UK.
Hi Ben. Did you ever make up little rules as you went along for your wife that you didn't make clear to her but you punished her for breaking them?
Good question...
I have to admit I have to do work to concentrate on what the other person is saying and wants too. I have a lot of narcissistic traits and found my ex did too and we bumped heads constantly
WOW! My late narc husband…
I explained this to my therapist...LDR and when we FaceTimed, he would just do his thing like I wasn't even "in the room". Like he wasn't tuned in to me. She gas lit/criticized me saying that's young people these days (ummm both he and I were not "young"). She kept dismissing my complaints about this and other stuff he did.
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How true…. My wife expects me to be interested in how her day was - and berates me if I don’t ask….but will she ask about mine? She also barely acknowledges me if I start a conversation about something she is not interested in (that’s if she doesn’t just come out and say, “I’m not interested”……
I think I ended up like that. Totally paranoid.
I understand it. Me too
We end up becoming them.
Seems like i can hear it all day long they dont care and never did, im still just like how.....do you not care, doesnt the relationship serve them too? Catering to them and loving them... ig they are just broken..
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I’m sick of it
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She always used to do that. The conversation always is always about you( meaning me) omg.....I would go out of my mind. Crazy.
My ex would stare in a daze or look at his phone when i spoke to him about something important yet when he was speaking he would demand that i looked him in the eyes. I found it so weird because it's one thing for someone to demand you undivided attention, but he would be like look me in the eyes and the second i looked away he would complain.
power over and control...testing boundaries... dominance and submission...it's always a cluster fuck with Cluster Bs.
There is something wrong with this.
All people have narcissistic qualities and tendencies. We all would prefer to get what we want and influence others, to varying degrees. We are all selfish at times and can have trouble focussing on what’s important to others. We often would prefer to be at the center, though shyness and embarassment tempers this and then we congradulate ourselves for our empathy.
If you have had a relationship with a REAL narcissist, you would have seen the darkness, the cruelty, the manipulation. It is beyond anything in this video, a fundamentally different state of diabolical evil. These guys stalk the earth like grim reapers, leaving pain, anguish, self-hate, and betrayal in their wake.
I appreciate what this guy is saying. But the mere fact that he is self-aware is proof that he is not one of these people.
Thanks for your opinion
A sociopath. All. Sociopaths are narcs. Not all narcs are sociopaths. They don’t need to be serial killers to ruin your life.
Yup when I told him about not finding a shower installer he cudnt be less interested hurry up and finish what ur saying or he will pretend like he is getting another call or he can't hear me over the phone. I had to keep getting his attention to work on the brochure for HIS business while he was probably messaging some other woman
I'm convinced my narc mom plays, "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round", on repeat when I talk to her. Just joking, but seriously she doesn't listen at ALL. She heard concern as criticism when it comes to her poor health. She knocks me down by calling me Dr. Jack and always saying how I don't understand pretty much everything. Or she's paranoid people are always talking about her, or lying about her. She really hears nothing in the real world.
18 years and yep
But I bother him anyways
TY❤ Great content Ben! 👏 This is helping me process behaviors & better reframing. There are many around me who interrupt, especially one of my relatives that is only "outputs" LOL not much receiving, more about when he gets to speak, give his advice, talk over others. He will do this to his boss, anyone. As grown adult, he would make up weird rules for me, or even tell me that I did something wrong, even though I what I did before he even "correcting" me that "I should do X" when I literally did X. For some reason I internalized that to mean I'll never be good enough & people think I am idiot. NOW I know, what this narc says or does has to do with HIS EGO & he was really showing his hand, or a look behind the curtain and I view this as one of the most valuable 🎁 of truth or reality checks I could have been given. 😊
I have this thing where if women look at me I think they must be attracted to me. I know it's not true. Maybe I like the attention or the eye contact. Or if she's attractive it's like an ego boost. But I also know I want more from a woman. Looking at me isn't enough. I want the relationship. Maybe some people, like this woman I liked, are just happy being looked at and they judge people based on how they feel when a person looks at them.
Just to add he is currently in prison and today is father's day. Tge past few days I felt hexwas off, education in calls so I pointed it out. He gave me 2 different reasons. But today he has called several times. I remembered he woukd get texts and calls wishing him happy fathers day, that can't happen as he's in prison so he has to call. I may be off base but I'm pretty much the only one maybe to listen to his crazy shit. So all that attention he requires he's getting UT from me plus blaming his friend for the reason he's incarcerated being a victim
It's ALWAYS a wall
187% truth!
I knew when he said to me, “I appreciate your honesty” when the look in his eyes was saying “You BITCH!!!”
…I have read that narcissism happens in the same area of the brain than ADHD…💚
That would make sence actually... I have ADHD and also some narcissistic traits like vanity and wanting to be the constant centre of attention. I suspect my biological father to have NPD and I thought that I may have inherited those traits from him, but maybe it's my ADHD.
Which part?
@@nabilc1667 the prefrontal cortex I believe.
Nabil C,
Yes, the internet said that the prefrontal cortex develops slower than normal children. Also I found this:
Findings revealed significant associations between ADHD diagnosis and widespread changes to the maturation of white matter fiber bundles and gray matter density in the brain, such as structural shape changes (incomplete maturation) of the middle and superior temporal gyrus, and fronto-basal portions of both frontal lobes. ADHD symptoms in childhood showed the strongest association with brain macro- and microstructural abnormalities. At the brain circuitry level, the superior longitudinal fasciculus (SLF) and cortico-limbic areas are dysfunctional in individuals with ADHD. The morphometric findings predicted an ADHD diagnosis correctly up to 83% of all cases.
Conclusion
An adult ADHD diagnosis and in particular childhood symptoms are associated with widespread micro- and macrostructural changes. The SLF and cortico-limbic findings suggest complex audio-visual, motivational, and emotional dysfunctions associated with ADHD in young adults. The sensitivity of the morphometric findings in predicting an ADHD diagnosis was sufficient, which indicates that MRI-based assessments are a promising strategy for the development of a biomarker.
Thanks for the vid ❤
They don't listen at all
Being a narcissist sounds like a lot of work....
Min 9:30 Whew!.. I DO have ADHD & Aniexty & was wondering if I am a narc too or if you had ADHD too.. because I am always thinking about what's next & worrying. But I do try to reign my thoughts into & focus on the other person. After narc abuse, it is also hard to be patient with small talk & I feel like "let's streamline this. Tell me what I need to know or do (or deep stuff or how you are doing, etc.) but I don't want to hear about the squirrel or bird that is running up your tree. (Yes, I seem to get this alot.) I used to be an I/S, then morphed into a D/C and now am probably a C/S recovering from Narc Abuse.
I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
Is it not normal to take care of ourselves and do what we want with our life? Does that makes us narcissists??
Not at all
HI, I HAVE A QUESTION IF YOU DONT MIND, FIRST OF MY CONGRATS TO YOU IN THE WAY YOU EXPLAIN SO CLEAR THE NARCISSIST WORLD, I SAW MANY VIDEOS OF YOU AND ALSO OF OTHER SELF AWARE NARCISISSIT ON RUclips AND I FIGURE OUT THAT ALL OF YOU TALK SO FAST , WHY LIKE THAT ? ALL OF YOU SEEM USE THE SAME WAY OF SPEECH, VERY VERY FAST, IS SOMETHING RELATED OF YOUR MIND OR BRAIN ? OR SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK MORE FAST THAN OTHERS ? THANK YOU IF YOU WILL ANSWER AND KEEP GOING ON YOUR AWESOME VIDEOS 🙂
Thank you for watching, that's an interesting question...
I have the same question
Raw motivations,
I’m going to add to this for a critique:
I do have adhd and I will zone out. That said,
I know that you’re just trying to get to the point, I get that. And I know what’s going on. You’re trying to be thorough, give details, but you’re also feeling pressed to get to the point and hence, talk fast. So I get that, it seems ok but it’s not a good flow for listening to.
Here’s another thing. Now, I understand to annunciate, stress, or emphasize words to A). Convey an important point; and B). “ punch in “ sound, to keep the person alert. But the problem is that you are doing it throughout the whole conversation. It’s only effective if you do it every once-in-a-while. Otherwise, when overused it has no effect but an, annoyance or hard time to listen to because there’s no gentle, natural, flow to the speech. I find myself having to rewind, over and over again when I’m listening to you because I’m loosing interest.
Also, you’re hard to follow because you’re fast and sometimes your words blend together. Or, I can’t tell which party you’re speaking of, the narc or the victim, because you’re ideas go so fast that the party gets blended.
Sorry, it’s just my experience. Just letting you know.
7:18 makes me thing of Gary Vee lol
Thank you for the informative videos. But after watching this video I feel like asking: Didn't you feel afraid that people might not like you when you did not listen to them, when you told them that you didn't have time for this or that conversation etc. in the work environment? I mean, narcissists are very preoccupied with their image and treating other people like that probably would not make you very popular..???
Please provide the link to your wife's channel/podcast. Thank you.
Listen to the wife's perspective on our new podcast Trauma, Drama & Life:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/trauma-drama-life/id1639753152
See I feel like with ADD it's like you care about the person and what they are saying and want so badly to be able to keep the concentration on what they are saying, but, your mind wanders off without being able to control it. Cause that's what I have and it bugs me that what I have and it's quite annoying because I do genuinely care, lbvs
I wonder if they are truly a narcissist or if they just aren’t into you.
They crazy
FACT Theres a person he is THE DEVIL RUN
Sad...