As an ESTJ, I feel like a more common question or a question we are more familiar with is, “what do I HAVE to do?” “What is expected of me?” “What are my responsibilities in life and what is my responsibility to society?” I think we also say “It doesn’t matter what I want to do, what matters is what I *have* to do.” I think we feel responsible and feel like we have to contribute to society some how because it’s our responsibility. We have to do what’s expected of us. And this pretty much always means we have to forsake our own dreams and wants for *the greater good* because I have to *fix* society and contribute to it because it’s my duty, my responsibility.
As an INFJ, that is a conflict I have too. It always hurts a lot more for me though because I want to do what brings me joy, not do what I have to do to survive. I'm still in contemplation about how to meld the "I have to" with the "I want to", especially with career. Surely a balance can be struck somewhere. For an ESTJ, you aren't responsible for what society does. You can only be responsible for yourself. I think you're taking on a task that is impossible. Sort of like Atlas trying to hold up the world. You'll end up burning yourself out.
With the advice you're giving ESTJs to only be responsible for ourselves you're still thinking like an INFJ. It's true everyone needs a break and needs to realize they can't control everything, but we prefer to feel a sense of accomplishment, and not feeling like we're contributing to the world or anything but ourselves is the last thing an ESTJ needs. I don't see a reason to fight my natural sense of responsibility for what goes on in society, until it's something I shouldn't change or can't change, and I think I've gotten pretty good at knowing what those things are. Thinking about how things should be done is my dominant function so I'm not going to be easily burnt out by using it.
Agree, I also think the same way, and in that sense, have volunteered in many organizations (free). To some point some may like that approach, but what about your persona?
My Ne has been really over developed in my life. I worry about the past and future a lot. No one likes my logical explanations of things. Everyone finds me boring and that I take things too seriously. Life as an ESTJ has been pretty hard. I'm glad to have this explanation really helps.
Wow. I have always been typed right between ESTJ / ISTJ. This video is an amazing gift! Thank you. I have never felt so understood or been given so many thoughtful insights all at once. Even in middle age and having known myself well for so many years and I still find this material FULL of truth that applies to both my recent successes AND failures in life. MANY, MANY Thanks!!
As an ESTJ I appreciate this. I’m working on my extraverted feeling and trying to grow in relating to others. I’m trying to learn about who I am and how I feel.
Hate to be a jerk, but you might consider limiting your efforts. The potential yield is limited compared to effort required. Fe is dead last in your function stack. That's like trying to use the little pinky on your left foot to swing a tennis racket. Instead, develop "survival Fe"..know just enough to get by and delegate the heavy Fe lifting to other types. As an INFJ, Te is second to last for me, so I have done myself and the world a favor by avoiding careers that involve heavy Te usage and outsource most Te decisions to my ISFP wife.
Alexis, this is the first video of yours I've seen and I just subscribed. I don't ever do that. I loved everything about your approach. I've been studying cognitive functions, mostly through CS Joseph, for about four years and you taught me things in that 21-minute video. I have mad respect for that! I have mistyped myself multiple times, probably due to the near-constant rejection I faced throughout my childhood, but I think I'm an ESTJ. I don't fit most of the stereotypes for this type, but when I look at and analyze the cognitive functions, this stack really makes a lot of sense. Thanks for what you're doing. I'll continue my deep dive and keep you in mind.
As an ESTJ growing up I thought I was always too much for people, that led me to push back and get even more introverted (also led to a few mistypings). Now as an adult that's not the case. I am more comfortable with myself. And yes we do strive for efficiency and perfection in the best and fastest way possible.
As an INFJ I really admire ESTJs, their work ethic is amazing. I reall look up to them, same with ENTJs. I'm so great with my Ni, but when it comes to bring my visions to life I have to go a really loooong way. So I try to develope my third and fourth function - especially Se. :) Thanks for the good video. I'm researching for my novel. One of the Protagonists is an ESTJ. :D
i’ve seen a lot of similar comments saying they’re between istj and estj, and i completely agree! Around my friends in school i’m very extroverted and most of the time a leadership role , who „gets it done“. (sometimes even doing their work, in an unhealthy way) but i also see myself being very VERY introverted around some people.
She's on point and the dark blue and Grey clothes are definitely a thing I went through alot of rough situations where I had to be on all 10 toes and think for myself with no help and because of it I give alot of advice and people listen no matter the age bc most people I associate with are 10-20yrs older. I don't even feel 22
ESJTs dont micro manage that's more likely an ISTJ. ESTJs hate micro managing its inefficient. ESTJs are end time goal orientated planners, they dont care how you achieve the goal, as long as its effective and efficient. We tend to create plans on the most reliable methods known for 100% success rates, micro managing is a time waster and I have never meet an ESTJ who does such things. Even when I was younger and more unhealthy I was never pessimistic as your describing either, although my ISTJ friend is exactly as you described. I think your basing this on the wrong type. ESTJs are usually very optimistic, Ive found in every one Ive meet including myself, its why we are so driven, confident and dont see anything as too hard to achieve. ESTjs do have issues with emotional awareness causing them to have no idea what they really want or their purpose or able to find want would make themselves happy. They are more focused on others and fixing other peoples issues (via problem solving), they use systems to solve problems including there own emotional state, LOL which doesn't work for obvious reasons. So yes we need to massively work on learning about ourselves and what we personally enjoy on an emotional level, via consuming new information and spending time thinking inwardly on our needs/emotions (which is so weird for us to do - can take years to learn how).
Yes, this IS how ESTJs operate. I see this mindset at work most of the time and it is quite effective in accomplishing goals. However, a major blind spot of many ESTJs is the "end justifies the means' mindset. This is where cost cutting and rushing people and processes creates disaster in organizations like Boeing or the last place I worked where 2 avoidable fatalities occurred because of this. You ESTJs need to take more responsibilities for this since most people are too intimidated by you to bring it to your attention.
@@stevedavenport1202 As an ESTJ, if you have any respect for your life you will speak up. mostly because I tell everyone to. I even tell them the process to report their managers and supervisors. A good authority is its own reward.
Thank you dear .. I am discovering your channel .. I came from a family of EXtra .. I am looking forward for your description for type ENFP mom and ESFJ dad ... ;) Merci!
Intj here.. hates estj (unhealthy estj)(most of them are lmao) but i 10000% can relate with respecting their reliability ! Edit : i am being quite biased since i cried for the first time last night in front of someone (my estj dad) because of his insults and accusation..
INTJ here as well... and I think it's funny because I tried so hard to be the complete opposite of what my father was growing up (ESTJ as well) and I relate that for the majority of things that I've had issues with him growing up, as unhealthy as he his, he is incredibly family oriented and when I've needed help he has been incredibly reliable... but he is without a doubt, the LAST person I would ever think to call and ask for help. I can at least say that although he is a very unhealthy ESTJ, I've never felt any malice behind his actions. He's ignorant and blunt but incredibly loyal, it almost makes me sad to think that he normally wants to help my sisters and me out, but no one really wants to interact with him because of how abrasive he is and somehow manages to turns everything into a condescending monologue (to put it lightly). He and I have never really been on the same wavelength.
@@maniacallyhappy thank you for the great story! I can relate 1000% with everything u said. I know deep deep inside how he actually is and while i dont agree with how he thinks or how his approach to problems, he means well.
Wow as a listen to this description while wearing dark blue and dark gray I wonder if you have interviewed all of my family members and a large sample of my coworkers across my career as it is helpfully And exactingly an accurate description of me
The problem I have with ESTJ's is that they're all about the hustle and bustle without a clear goal in mind. Well they do have a goal in mind but they rarely think things through to a level that is sufficient. I'm going to quote Nathan Glass from Love Who: ''Effectively going around in circles'' and that's really apt. I've had several ESTJ's in my life and they are indeed really good at getting sh1t done but they sometimes are doing it for the sake of doing it. They lack purpose and a long term vision. Why do you hustle and bustle if you don't even know what you want out of your life? You're just being a worker drone at this point. I have an ESTJ mother and she also doesn't think things through and is not really able to prioritise certain tasks that are *actually* important. They're all kind of on the same level on her to do list every day and she gets restless when even the smallest ones aren't done. Like a singular coffee cup standing on the table little too long to her liking. Completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but... not in her mind apparently. Another example, I had an ESTJ in my project group for college and he planned a vacation to Sri Lanka. A very expensive vacation while he is in a mountain of student debt. ESTJ's are really good when it considers day to day, but if things get a little more long term and purposeful they seem.... clueless. They don't see the forest because all the trees are in the way... My advice for them is to chill out and think and reflect more. You might be able to save a lot of energy if you focus on the tasks that are objectively important and do things for the long term. You're intelligent people, you can figure it out.
thanks for the information I really enjoyed your explanations. but 3rd and 4th cognitive functions can be healthy of course. not to mention neither I, my mom, nor anyone I know who is an ESTJ is pessimistic! ESTJs are realistic not pessimist. In my opinion, many things are possible, but you have to find the right way to do them. if something is not achievable now, but it might be 5 years from now.
xSxJs can't be perfectly realists because Si, as a subjective, introverted function will always distort the reality A LITTLE BIT. The more realistic types are the xSxPs
Idk. This seems so esoteric and references things that are similar to astrology. But, I do use this personality test as more of a guideline since I only know what I am not.
As an INFP, hearing that the the MC for your wedding had any fucking input on your vows is just crazy to me.... Thats the kind of stuff that make ESTJs rub me the wrong way
I think all INTJs have a t shirt like hers somewhere in their closet. Just dont be around ESTJs when you wear it. Their Se Critical Parent will have to point it out and want you to change it. -INTJ with ESTJ dad.
Some thoughts on the ESTJ... We all need to get acquainted with them because, unless you are a trust fund baby, you will probably be working for one at some point. In the workforce there are three kinds of ESTJs. There are the dumb ones who never get promoted beyond entry level yet manage to annoy their co workers with their bossiness and are the first to be let go during a recession. Tier 2 ESTJs are the worst. They are smart enough to get promoted but not smart enough to make consistently smart decisions. But, during their reign of terror do damage to the organization before they are fired. Tier 3 ESTJs are the bright ones who can rub people the wrong way at times, but end up making mostly great decisions and create a lot of value for the organizations they work for. I think ESTJs are not the best day to day administrators of stable organizations. ESTJs thrive on bringing order to chaos. They are warriors and conquers who are excellent at making accurate Te decisions when seconds count. At an organization I worked for before, we operated inside an environment in our transportation company where things were constantly going wrong, accidents, drivers calling in sick, delays and frustrations around the clock. Yet the ESTJs who worked as dispatchers handled all of this chaos like a boss I think they also thrive on the battlefield, or even managing a start up organization where things are constantly in a atate of Flux
As an ESTJ, I feel like a more common question or a question we are more familiar with is, “what do I HAVE to do?” “What is expected of me?” “What are my responsibilities in life and what is my responsibility to society?” I think we also say “It doesn’t matter what I want to do, what matters is what I *have* to do.” I think we feel responsible and feel like we have to contribute to society some how because it’s our responsibility. We have to do what’s expected of us. And this pretty much always means we have to forsake our own dreams and wants for *the greater good* because I have to *fix* society and contribute to it because it’s my duty, my responsibility.
Same feeling thoughts 🤣 mine
As an INFJ, that is a conflict I have too. It always hurts a lot more for me though because I want to do what brings me joy, not do what I have to do to survive. I'm still in contemplation about how to meld the "I have to" with the "I want to", especially with career. Surely a balance can be struck somewhere.
For an ESTJ, you aren't responsible for what society does. You can only be responsible for yourself. I think you're taking on a task that is impossible. Sort of like Atlas trying to hold up the world. You'll end up burning yourself out.
With the advice you're giving ESTJs to only be responsible for ourselves you're still thinking like an INFJ. It's true everyone needs a break and needs to realize they can't control everything, but we prefer to feel a sense of accomplishment, and not feeling like we're contributing to the world or anything but ourselves is the last thing an ESTJ needs. I don't see a reason to fight my natural sense of responsibility for what goes on in society, until it's something I shouldn't change or can't change, and I think I've gotten pretty good at knowing what those things are. Thinking about how things should be done is my dominant function so I'm not going to be easily burnt out by using it.
That’s a cope, I am an executive, but I want to contribute to society by contributing to myself aswell
Agree, I also think the same way, and in that sense, have volunteered in many organizations (free). To some point some may like that approach, but what about your persona?
As an ESTJ, your voice and approach is so real where you do not try to sound appeasing but sound natural, thank you for this!
My Ne has been really over developed in my life. I worry about the past and future a lot. No one likes my logical explanations of things. Everyone finds me boring and that I take things too seriously. Life as an ESTJ has been pretty hard. I'm glad to have this explanation really helps.
I like logical Te explanations.
As an estj I can understand you🙂
Wow. I have always been typed right between ESTJ / ISTJ. This video is an amazing gift! Thank you. I have never felt so understood or been given so many thoughtful insights all at once. Even in middle age and having known myself well for so many years and I still find this material FULL of truth that
applies to both my recent successes AND failures in life. MANY, MANY Thanks!!
As an ESTJ I appreciate this. I’m working on my extraverted feeling and trying to grow in relating to others. I’m trying to learn about who I am and how I feel.
Hate to be a jerk, but you might consider limiting your efforts. The potential yield is limited compared to effort required.
Fe is dead last in your function stack. That's like trying to use the little pinky on your left foot to swing a tennis racket.
Instead, develop "survival Fe"..know just enough to get by and delegate the heavy Fe lifting to other types.
As an INFJ, Te is second to last for me, so I have done myself and the world a favor by avoiding careers that involve heavy Te usage and outsource most Te decisions to my ISFP wife.
@Steve Davenport I understand
@@stevedavenport1202 smart
Alexis, this is the first video of yours I've seen and I just subscribed. I don't ever do that. I loved everything about your approach. I've been studying cognitive functions, mostly through CS Joseph, for about four years and you taught me things in that 21-minute video. I have mad respect for that! I have mistyped myself multiple times, probably due to the near-constant rejection I faced throughout my childhood, but I think I'm an ESTJ. I don't fit most of the stereotypes for this type, but when I look at and analyze the cognitive functions, this stack really makes a lot of sense.
Thanks for what you're doing. I'll continue my deep dive and keep you in mind.
As an ESTJ growing up I thought I was always too much for people, that led me to push back and get even more introverted (also led to a few mistypings). Now as an adult that's not the case. I am more comfortable with myself. And yes we do strive for efficiency and perfection in the best and fastest way possible.
As an INFJ I really admire ESTJs, their work ethic is amazing. I reall look up to them, same with ENTJs. I'm so great with my Ni, but when it comes to bring my visions to life I have to go a really loooong way. So I try to develope my third and fourth function - especially Se. :)
Thanks for the good video. I'm researching for my novel. One of the Protagonists is an ESTJ. :D
i’ve seen a lot of similar comments saying they’re between istj and estj, and i completely agree! Around my friends in school i’m very extroverted and most of the time a leadership role , who „gets it done“. (sometimes even doing their work, in an unhealthy way) but i also see myself being very VERY introverted around some people.
She's on point and the dark blue and Grey clothes are definitely a thing I went through alot of rough situations where I had to be on all 10 toes and think for myself with no help and because of it I give alot of advice and people listen no matter the age bc most people I associate with are 10-20yrs older. I don't even feel 22
Thanks so much for your valuable insight about ESTJs, happens I am one of them.
ESJTs dont micro manage that's more likely an ISTJ. ESTJs hate micro managing its inefficient. ESTJs are end time goal orientated planners, they dont care how you achieve the goal, as long as its effective and efficient. We tend to create plans on the most reliable methods known for 100% success rates, micro managing is a time waster and I have never meet an ESTJ who does such things. Even when I was younger and more unhealthy I was never pessimistic as your describing either, although my ISTJ friend is exactly as you described. I think your basing this on the wrong type. ESTJs are usually very optimistic, Ive found in every one Ive meet including myself, its why we are so driven, confident and dont see anything as too hard to achieve. ESTjs do have issues with emotional awareness causing them to have no idea what they really want or their purpose or able to find want would make themselves happy. They are more focused on others and fixing other peoples issues (via problem solving), they use systems to solve problems including there own emotional state, LOL which doesn't work for obvious reasons. So yes we need to massively work on learning about ourselves and what we personally enjoy on an emotional level, via consuming new information and spending time thinking inwardly on our needs/emotions (which is so weird for us to do - can take years to learn how).
Yes, this IS how ESTJs operate. I see this mindset at work most of the time and it is quite effective in accomplishing goals.
However, a major blind spot of many ESTJs is the "end justifies the means' mindset.
This is where cost cutting and rushing people and processes creates disaster in organizations like Boeing or the last place I worked where 2 avoidable fatalities occurred because of this.
You ESTJs need to take more responsibilities for this since most people are too intimidated by you to bring it to your attention.
@@stevedavenport1202 As an ESTJ, if you have any respect for your life you will speak up.
mostly because I tell everyone to. I even tell them the process to report their managers and supervisors. A good authority is its own reward.
I HATE micro managing
I'm an INTJ too. I think their work ethic is amazing, so I try to learn more from them, in order to emulate at least a bit of that.
That food and water analogy is *really* helpful!
When I'm around my friends I'm more like an ESTJ, but when I work and interact with strangers I'm an ISTJ
This has helped me tremendously as an ESTJ! Thank you for posting
I see a bunch of things relates to my life. Thanks for bringing clarity to it. Amazing work!
Thank you dear .. I am discovering your channel .. I came from a family of EXtra .. I am looking forward for your description for type ENFP mom and ESFJ dad ... ;) Merci!
Intj here.. hates estj (unhealthy estj)(most of them are lmao) but i 10000% can relate with respecting their reliability !
Edit : i am being quite biased since i cried for the first time last night in front of someone (my estj dad) because of his insults and accusation..
INTJ here as well... and I think it's funny because I tried so hard to be the complete opposite of what my father was growing up (ESTJ as well) and I relate that for the majority of things that I've had issues with him growing up, as unhealthy as he his, he is incredibly family oriented and when I've needed help he has been incredibly reliable... but he is without a doubt, the LAST person I would ever think to call and ask for help. I can at least say that although he is a very unhealthy ESTJ, I've never felt any malice behind his actions. He's ignorant and blunt but incredibly loyal, it almost makes me sad to think that he normally wants to help my sisters and me out, but no one really wants to interact with him because of how abrasive he is and somehow manages to turns everything into a condescending monologue (to put it lightly). He and I have never really been on the same wavelength.
@@maniacallyhappy thank you for the great story! I can relate 1000% with everything u said. I know deep deep inside how he actually is and while i dont agree with how he thinks or how his approach to problems, he means well.
you just broke my heart😥..
hope you're feeling better now and i hope you have a great day
@Bless Me not all estj's are bullies 😒
may i ask what type you are?@blessme7853
Fresh new takes on my personality type - taking notes! Thanks.
Wow!! I continue to get push back...on point! This is really good and informative.
Was really interesting! Helping me understand my mom, I’m an infp so it’s been a little difficult.
Wow as a listen to this description while wearing dark blue and dark gray I wonder if you have interviewed all of my family members and a large sample of my coworkers across my career as it is helpfully And exactingly an accurate description of me
Brilliant.
You know you’re a ESTJ. When you had to put this video on 1.5x speed because she was talking too slow 😅
I know INTJs who speed up playback as well since they have Te as auxilary.
Could you maybe make a video on ESTJ 3w2 versus ESTJ 8w9?
Very informative, thank you.
Lol, 😂 as an ESTJ, I love this video but am cracking up at I am wearing dark blue as it's part of my uniform
The problem I have with ESTJ's is that they're all about the hustle and bustle without a clear goal in mind. Well they do have a goal in mind but they rarely think things through to a level that is sufficient. I'm going to quote Nathan Glass from Love Who: ''Effectively going around in circles'' and that's really apt. I've had several ESTJ's in my life and they are indeed really good at getting sh1t done but they sometimes are doing it for the sake of doing it. They lack purpose and a long term vision. Why do you hustle and bustle if you don't even know what you want out of your life? You're just being a worker drone at this point.
I have an ESTJ mother and she also doesn't think things through and is not really able to prioritise certain tasks that are *actually* important. They're all kind of on the same level on her to do list every day and she gets restless when even the smallest ones aren't done. Like a singular coffee cup standing on the table little too long to her liking. Completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but... not in her mind apparently.
Another example, I had an ESTJ in my project group for college and he planned a vacation to Sri Lanka. A very expensive vacation while he is in a mountain of student debt.
ESTJ's are really good when it considers day to day, but if things get a little more long term and purposeful they seem.... clueless. They don't see the forest because all the trees are in the way...
My advice for them is to chill out and think and reflect more. You might be able to save a lot of energy if you focus on the tasks that are objectively important and do things for the long term. You're intelligent people, you can figure it out.
I've often worn black pants since I was a kid, I don't like gray though.
thanks for the information I really enjoyed your explanations. but 3rd and 4th cognitive functions can be healthy of course. not to mention neither I, my mom, nor anyone I know who is an ESTJ is pessimistic! ESTJs are realistic not pessimist. In my opinion, many things are possible, but you have to find the right way to do them. if something is not achievable now, but it might be 5 years from now.
xSxJs can't be perfectly realists because Si, as a subjective, introverted function will always distort the reality A LITTLE BIT. The more realistic types are the xSxPs
You have a beautifull eyes 🥰
The real Estj wear glasses yes my girl😅😎
Idk. This seems so esoteric and references things that are similar to astrology. But, I do use this personality test as more of a guideline since I only know what I am not.
As an INFP, hearing that the the MC for your wedding had any fucking input on your vows is just crazy to me.... Thats the kind of stuff that make ESTJs rub me the wrong way
I'm ESTJ... Why would ESTJ wear dark blue and grey?
I think all INTJs have a t shirt like hers somewhere in their closet. Just dont be around ESTJs when you wear it. Their Se Critical Parent will have to point it out and want you to change it. -INTJ with ESTJ dad.
Your so beautiful ..
#ISFP .
im the 100 like ✋🏻
I love everything about you, except your shirt. Great video though ❤️
Xstj I admire your commitment to things, but why control people? We all have our reasons. - Infp
as an infp, they dont control people unless unhealthy
We hate chaos we love order and organization whether it’s in in mind or worldly.
It's me
Estj here, let me just tell you that your shirt is amazing 🤣🤣(no offense, and really it is) se critic triggered
100% can agree, im very competitive, navy is my favorite color to dress in. I feel that your video is quite accurate, thank you.
Some thoughts on the ESTJ...
We all need to get acquainted with them because, unless you are a trust fund baby, you will probably be working for one at some point.
In the workforce there are three kinds of ESTJs. There are the dumb ones who never get promoted beyond entry level yet manage to annoy their co workers with their bossiness and are the first to be let go during a recession.
Tier 2 ESTJs are the worst. They are smart enough to get promoted but not smart enough to make consistently smart decisions. But, during their reign of terror do damage to the organization before they are fired.
Tier 3 ESTJs are the bright ones who can rub people the wrong way at times, but end up making mostly great decisions and create a lot of value for the organizations they work for.
I think ESTJs are not the best day to day administrators of stable organizations. ESTJs thrive on bringing order to chaos. They are warriors and conquers who are excellent at making accurate Te decisions when seconds count.
At an organization I worked for before, we operated inside an environment in our transportation company where things were constantly going wrong, accidents, drivers calling in sick, delays and frustrations around the clock. Yet the ESTJs who worked as dispatchers handled all of this chaos like a boss
I think they also thrive on the battlefield, or even managing a start up organization where things are constantly in a atate of Flux