This is nonsense. The only person who can make you happy in this world is you. Learn to love yourself and quit seeking it from outside. All these Hollywood movies romanticize love. Love is the opportunity for 2 people to share their lives in a open and honest manner and without pretence. Quit looking for someone else to make you happy, it's not their job, it's yours
@@nicksmith-cx1fx having a husband or a wife. Prophet was put in Heavens; even then he needed a wife to celebrate heavens😄. That is the thing, I wonder.
@@sarahqamar6377 Your internal world is your own and my internal world is my own. Yes we can celebrate and enjoy each other's company and make each other feel special, that is all good. The seeking of another to make each other happy is the downfall of most relationships.
People call me picky, I just know what I would prefer. Not so much of physical appearance, though it plays apart. Mainly mentally maturity. Believe it or not, it's extremely difficult to find mentally mature beings.
When someone is being picky we tend to predict the future, like you think it would never work on the long run. We convince ourselves that we are able to know what will happen. The truth is we don't. And we are turning down our potential partners. This is a huge problem when being picky. If you can stop that, it will be very useful to build a healthy relationship
I am too picky means I am not really ready for the relationship on an emotional level but instead of acknowledging that, I’d rather disguise it to make myself look better in my own eyes.
Unfortunately I have been this person and 2022 will be different. I accept I am not perfect and in my latter years care more about the integrity of the person and less about their height and looks. I recently had a date with a gentleman I was keeping at arms length, but he was consistent in his efforts to go a date to chat, no strings attached. He was respectfully consistent and we finally had a date. It was a lovely afternoon and I really enjoyed myself. Looking forward to a second date. Love your work and advice. A loyal listener 😊
This made me think of an interview with Lisa Kudrow talking about a director or producer or something early on in Friends questioning why Ross, Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Monica were friends with Phoebe because she was an oddball. Lisa responded to that person with something like "because they just are, because they choose to be her friend, because they've decided that she's one of them." I remember thinking, "wow, that is so powerful, and that's what made the show. They chose each other over and over and you knew their friendships were never in question because of that attitude." Choosing people is powerful! Choose wisely of course, but sometimes relationships are truly a choice.
I’m at a stage where I’m trying to learn how to be patient to wait and see other attributes from people outside of their physical appearance which seems to take time, but I’m sure there’s a balance…
My birthday is RIGHT in the middle of the MHRetreat - 19th March. So much of my life has gone and this birthday is reminding me of that. I feel so ready and in need of the information. Great Channel subscription
his speach is beautful. Gonna safe his for later ♥ to always remind myself that we need to choose what we give meaning to, instead of hoping everything comes to us.
Wow Matthew, how you reflected about “searching for meaning” instead of “choosing meaning” really hit. I’ve needed to hear that for so long, career wise, etc… I was hoping for someone to tell me that because I search for meaning in almost everything and get frustrated when I don’t
This was great but an important details was missing. I think many people are too picky about the *wrong* things. Material and status things are desired by so many people over personality, integrity and even more important how the person treats you.
Love requires effort and discipline. It is a choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. Choose wisely nonetheless, can’t enjoy people like one’s hobby choice of coffee.
When we get heart broken,it creates to much imerginations that end up making us think that we are not worthy but as we get on healing ,this makes us realize that self love gives more opportunities for better decisions in our real life.thankyou so much for the work weldone in our lives Mathew.
@@mastergwada6974 thankyou so much dear but I just want to heal and later get a new patiner dear.i.already decided to do away with that.thankyou so much.
Most people have no idea what 6ft tall is. I ask people to guess my height all the time and they always guess between 5'10 and 6ft. I'm 5'7. People limit themselves with a metric that is pretty arbitrary.
Wow this was so powerful I agree so much I feel like now I’m in a place where I’m more ready and I feel like it’s true once you find someone who has the qualities you’re less afraid to commit you’re Less afraid of the whole dynamic and it’s just so powerful what you just said thank you so so much❤️
That's so true, people do wait on life to give them meaning. I have to go discover meaning, uncover meaning, and create meaning. Most people are afraid of changing their mind, ways, and behavior. They're afraid to get to know the unknown. That's a basic meaningless life for me. I can't travel every day right now, but when I can, I go to learn more about life.
I love that you needed to take time to construct and consider your answers feels validating to me. I understood better than when somebody speaks quickly and speaks over the top of me. I appreciate your thoughtfulness!
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON)👈 after many years of separation with my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
I was recently asked what do i look for in a partner. I said, loyal, caring, supportive, honest and trustworthy. No mention to physical attributes. I was called picky and setting too high standards. Soooo yeahh...you can't win.
Ever since my last breakup just under a year ago, I've had an eye opening experience, a feeling that wherever i turn my head, there are SO MANY amazing people i have chemistry and could have a great connection with. I was overwhelmed by the amount of people i felt could be amazing partners to me, potentially for life. I dont know what it was that made my view shift but i suddenly realized compatibility is really not that difficult when both sides are willing to work and wanting to appreciate eachother. Super powerful feeling. Anyone can create a high functioning communicating partnership. Much love :) ❤
I've been accused of being too picky many times, mostly by family but sometimes by friends. I've dated guys that didn't check off all the boxes by any means so I'm not sure me being picky is the issue. I'm an artist and for me, it's hard to find someone that fits in with my lifestyle. I'm super creative, love to express myself and dress in costumes any chance I get, I love to dance, I'm super active and frankly, many men my age ( I'm 55 going on 34, lol) can't keep up. I don't want to date an 'old man' or a man who acts older than his age. That's not going to work for me. And I also want someone who takes care of themselves and has similar values I do both spiritually, socially and politically. My last boyfriend was a Trumper (though more of a life-long Republican, really) and evangelical. I grew up evangelical but that's not at all where I am today. He and I had dated in my late 20s and reconnected in 2019. He broke up with me because I believe I was too much of a risk for him. He loved that I was a creative being but I would have never meshed with his friends or family if ever the subject of Trump came up. I'm a kind, thoughtful person and would have done anything I could to make it work. It just didn't. It was a lot of work as it was with just him and I. He had a lot of baggage with a bad divorce and shitty in-laws and so much more. I tried to love him through it and was proud of myself for sticking it out as long as I did. There were more reasons to walk away than there were to stay. Maybe it was a test for both of us. But if I was that picky, I'd have never stuck with it as long as I did.
I always used to think I could never date someone who already had a kid. Then boom. I met a single mom and we flirted for a while, started dating and I fell head-over-heels in love with her. I also really loved her kid and wanted to be her step-dad one day. Then after things got serious, she started backing away, broke up with me, and shattered my heart... but that's beside the point ☹💔
Hello Matt and Steve, with me - It’s actually been about developing enough self-love to see myself as Worthy of a Great Relationship. 😃🌈💖 I’ve come through the journey now so Spammers - Please Avoid Commenting.⛔️
I’ve became more picky over time. Dating these days is really hard. I won’t even go on dating apps anymore because my pickiness becomes worse lol. But I’m going to be more open minded now that I don’t have the app shielding me from trusting the universe and going for what I want in real life.
@@DanTuber what she’s saying isn’t wrong. I’ve met lots of men on these dating sites and the majority have unaddressed trauma and psychological issues. This isn’t to say women don’t, just that people are fucked up in general.
@@DanTuber Wow. Not sure her comment deserved your rude words. She's just stating her own perspective. I've dated some doozies too. One guy who I met on Tinder was at least 60 lbs heavier than on any photo and a non-stop liar. This was verified by a friend who also went on a date with him. His lies were so outrageous it was like a train wreck I couldn't stop watching. Another guy who I went on a date with apparently hadn't updated any photos for at least 15 yrs because he looked NOTHING like them. You have to search carefully, especially as a woman. There are some serious nutbags out there.
Your videos have helped me through the years. It's wonderful to see your content becoming more and more nuanced and existential. I have a question about men and having their "ducks all in a row" before they commit to a relationship. Is that social or biological conditioning? It's so different from how women view relationships. I know this question will lead towards a much more serious question - do the sexes view love differently?
Had my first meet-cute in my local Pret. Been following, and hugging Steve and yourself (at o2 arena), since 2013. 32 and managed to utilise MTG techniques to flirt wordlessly with a complete hunk. Today he came up to me thanks to understanding that smiling at him is actually powerful. You brothers (and mum 'n dad) rock!
I didn't pay attention to a lot of men because they had small kids and I wanted to have a family of my own. there is no point in dating someone when you know you don't want to raise someone else's kids
Maybe they don't want you to raise their kids I don't know. It's worth discussing openly in my opinion. I have a friend with a boyfriend who has a daughter and she doesn't feel like she's raising her
I think when somebody reminds you of someone you used to know in the past it can make you very drawn to them even if they're not what you would consider to be typical of you 'type'.... I am frequently accused of being too picky, when in reality I just don't find that many people attractive to begin with.
Yes very good and I agree with most of what you shared. I always have said I am picky however after my self reflection I have become less judgmental. Thanks for the podcast😊
extreme eye opener matthew. I found no video that addresses this issue this way. I am struggling with myself in this area thinking i have to wait for the right guy and if the guy I'm with does not resemble my idea of the perfect guy (mostly superficially) then I'm going to have failed myself in creating a good social hierarchy. Whether anyone likes to admit it or not, we like showing off our partners. So I'm not even being faithful to myself choosing a guy that fits me. I choose a guy that I think other people would find attractive too. It's something I noticed. Am I the only one doing this?
I'm not picky at all, usually listen and try to stay open to hear what he has to say. I've been there in the dating apps but I don't do that anymore and don't have any desire to do dating sites because of how many red flags or awful people I have run into. I would rather find the right person for me. No he's will never be perfect because I know I am not perfect I don't expect him to be someone that he isn't. I hope he can help me a better version of what and who I am and also do the same thing for him. We all need to have someone in our lives, we aren't built to be alone but to explore and experience life to the fullest. I don't have room for people who play games ever and I block them out of my life. Dating site are not for me.
Not picky. I go 100% by feeling the connection. I'll give it a good chance, but if it's not feeling good enough, I'd rather not waste both our time. I often get asked what "my type" is, but I don't have a checklist. Either we vibe or we don't.
A lot of things need to fit before you exercise the agency though. Please identify the IMPORTANT CHECKLIST of “dos” and “don’ts” before we exercise that agency?
I really don't like dating apps, it boils down to nothing more than "I think this person is hot" and its great for people who want to hook up, all power to them, but it's not a good place to find love imo. You're judging people on their looks alone and there's no friendship first and getting to know a person and what they're really like and if you're compatible with them or not.
Yeah and when you meet someone there and express your desire to take your time and get to know someone you’re suddenly “emotionally unavailable” or “resistant” and they drop you 🙄
The law of attraction is the key to every lock, because we do not consciously know our own wishes, but the synchronicity of the universe knows everything. So if you want to find an ideal partner just love yourself and you attract your true desire. That is the law (similar vibration attracts similar). We should not TRY to manifest a lover, we should just allow them. There is no reality in the quantum field, everything we experience in life is just a thought of itself.
If being single itself is undesirable or unfavorable at any point in life, then yes it might be beneficial to consider the points raised here. If not carry on like usual if life is good enough for you.
I decided to focus on appearance (+ a little bit of chemistry) for now because I need to take that out of my system. I want to have one or two flings with women I find very attractive so that after that I can focus on personality. At the end of the day I don't want kids, and my friendships with women partially satiate the good things that come with caring for and being cared for, especially thanks to my best friend, So I don't feel the need to rush a serious relationship. On the other hand, I do fear that as I become older, having a fling with someone who I find very attractive is going to become harder. The only way I would enter a committed relationship right now would be if I miraculously found the perfect woman or if I entered an open relationship.
Yes Mathew, it is truly like this, I am the one who consciously chosen a career and a place to live, yet 95% of people who I met do not have much of a purpose and accountability of their choices and hope that some day some magic will happen, and even though Australian immigration rules are written very clearly (unlike dating ones) they may never bother to look and read :D
Well i have my set of preferences when it comes choosing a partner ( although i am not interested in these relationships thing anymore) but for me i do rather stay single and be happy than staying with someone who don't hit my preferences
Whenever I see a pretty girl I always assume that she already has a special someone, that she’s not worth it because it wouldn’t lead to something. My friends often tell me “when are you getting her number man?”I always reply “nah she clearly already has someone in her life she’s way too pretty to be single and why would she even talk to someone like me?” I really wish I’d stop thinking this way yet I feel like an emotional mess and lonely sometimes. Anyways, hope I’m not the only one feeling like this and looking for a solution
There was a video of MH responding to someone on a call asking if chemistry was necessary for the whole relai to carry on. I surprised at his comments on "height" issue because this relates to that initial chemistry which makes us wanting to get to know the person further. All of these analysis comes after the fact that we FEEL desire to get to know that person further.
I always felt that chemistry was an electric spark between two people when you speak, and has nothing to do with appearance. Attraction on the other hand does have to do with appearance!
@@thehealingfairee Exactly what I thought. I don't think chemistry and appearance are related because appearance tells you nothing about who the person is; it's just a matter of how attractive they are. Chemistry comes from socializing with that person, getting to know who they are and seeing how enjoyable it is to talk to each other.
I realized some time ago that Tinder doesn't work for me bc I need to see gestures, language, group dynamics etc to like a person and be attracted to someone. For me personally, I rarely ever had chemistry with someone and was never in love before. I don't have specific things I look for in a partner, but I quickly realize within a few minutes of a date that the other person and me don't have the same values in life and similar goals, so I cannot fall in love with them. Generally I am open for everything and give almost everyone a chance, but it's never a match :/ And I could never build a relationship with someone bc I never got to that stage. I don't know what to do about it :(
I must be. I’ve been striking out for a year and a half. I don’t want to think it’s entirely me but I’ve got to be playing a part in this. I don’t know what to do.
I want someone who: - is loyal, trustworthy, honest, and respectful, treats me well, doesn't lie and doesn't cheat. - is not an addict and not self-destructive. - is sexually compatible with me. Well, it seems that I'm obviously too picky, since I'm single since nearly 2 decades :(
I dated a guy who said this. We got along great, had great chemistry, and he said he liked many things about me. But after several months we split up because he felt there should be more and he fell back on the phrase of “being picky.” I think what really was at issue was that he was emotionally unavailable. So I can believe if someone says this they are covering for some other issue they aren’t acknowledging.
Sometimes there are people we think are great and have good chemistry with....but there is something missing. It has happened to me. I think it comes down to "he/she is just not into you". It's hard to hear, but that's often the case.
Ppl also have a tendency to put ppl on a pedestal & then become completely turned off once they start to see behind the curtains. Something as simple as "she snores like a walrus" could be a game changer for some guys.
I know what you mean & I think you’re right! I met a guy who hadn’t been in a relationship in ten years bc he’s picky.. I admired that at first. after coming onto me so strongly, charming me, telling me that he was honored to spend time with me.. as soon as any actual emotional work came up between us, he was out. some people aren’t picky, they’re unwilling to do the work required for a relationship.
A few years ago I subscribed on a couple of dating apps, and in 2 years I met around 20 men. 19 were liars, manipulators, flakes or jerks. One seemed to be honest and respectful, but we obviously didn't have enough cultural and sexual compatibility, and anyway he was still in love with his ex. Since then, I decided to be more careful about toxic or incompatible potential partners, aka more picky... The result in the 7 last years? NOTHING, NADA, ZERO... Should I become less picky and accept a toxic or incompatible partner? I don't think so... Some people are just doomed, even if they do everything right.
Someone introduced to you by someone you know at a party has already been vetted to some degree by your friend. They get some amount of leeway depending on what you think of the person that introduced you.
fr I just dont find most men attractive i have my own standarts and ppl says im too picky its as if they think i'm unworthy of my standarts or something like that ,it piss me off like why should I force myself to date and marry someone who aint my type ,I hate this shitty world
That's so true😂 lucky for me, once I start picking apart every detail about a guy about why "we won't work," I then think about my insecurities and then I call myself a judgemental asshole and move on😂😂
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON)👈 after many years of separation with my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
I find height criteria a challenge, being a tall woman. If I were 5ft 6 I could be flexible on height as I could easily still find a man a little taller than me. However being 5ft 10, ‘a couple of inches shorter than the height I have pre-determined’ would be shorter than me, which I personally would have an issue with. I have been called superficial, not wanting to date a man shorter than me, but I would struggle to feel feminine if I were taller.
I consider myself not a picky lesbian,the only thing i ask for is a leader in the relationship and no smoking and not being an alcoholic would be swell. i don't care if you are my heigh taller bit shorter(not too short though i am 1,55cm xd) long hair short hair it is all superficial stuff that will fade when you're old and grey anyways. what lasts forever is personality it makes us who we are.
@@MajaFucak93 I support her has well. I've walked away from women because they were overweight or had small breast size. I don't want to settle either.
Why is it when you talk to a guy and he automatically think that we are dating. That creaps me out. Or they think that just because I talked to him that I Have to go on dates and I Have to give him a chance just because he likes me that means I have to do what he wants me to do. That is a red flag to me!!! I protect myself from that because yes I have had to many guys think that they are it and I have to date them. Why does this happen to me. I have no desire for dating him but I was being nice and he thought that I liked him. I wasn't trying to be rude or mean to him but he thought because I answered his questions that meant that I liked him. I didn't like him or had any desire for a date with him. How do I stop that without be mean.
Still outgrowing that bad trait in me. lol and being more open to possibilities. This one is good, I decided to do an unscripted and unedited reaction video. Watch it later my friends. lol I wish to have a podcast conversation such as this. I like it. We are just processing a normal topic but turned out to be a catalyst of lifelong realizations.
Some men seem 'good on paper' but how you interact with them is key. Chemistry in real life. You need to hear their voice, smell them, touch them. Remember you can fix the outside but not the inside. A friend dated a geeky engineer with greasy hair, who hadn't been to the dentist in years, wore glasses and the same clothes he'd had since college. She saw his potential, which is supposedly a no-no in the dating world, and gradually turned him into a more attractive man. Some might think that's wrong but they've been happily married for decades.
I’m a Christian, and I really want my partner to be Christian. One of my best friends cousins liked me and I liked him back, but i just ask to my best friend “is your cousin Christian” I really just asked but my best friend when NUTS, he started saying to me like “I’m not gonna let you do that” and I was like why? And he told me that I was too picky and that I was going to be single for my entire life and he made me believe that but, now I’m wondering like “am I picky or I’m just looking for my perfect fit” bc I know no one is going to be perfect nor a relationship but I want to find the best guy to go through hard time you know? (I’m about to turn 19)
@@MajaFucak93 Its not just fking around its living a happier, more free and better life in my opinion, I get to work all week doing a job I love while making a lot of money and date interesting sexy girls on the weekends, no drama, no strings attached, no financial liabilities, or manipulative and annoying partners. It doesn't devalue anyone it's the 21st century and we can live life however we want, fk what anyone thinks. But if you want to keep doing the same thing that clearly isn't working out well for you go ahead.
I totally can see your point and i kinda disagree. In our cultural conditioning women have had to give the benefit of the doubt to survive (lower standards) and many men have been “allowed” to act like …well you know. When we level up and do the inner work we have better discernment. A butterfly doesn’t want to date a caterpillar. That said once we realize we all go through chapters we can have compassion and the ability to feel and see incompatibility. So many women are doing the work and rising so fast …we can no longer accept crumbs or disrespect behavior. Call it picky. Hmm. Maybe. Women are often judged (especially by other women)for having high standards. As we strive for better behavior in ourselves we will demand it in our partners. Goes both ways. Appreciate you and how you show up as a beautiful integrated man!! Happy Congratulations on your engagement!!
I actually disagree because lately on apps I've been giving people chances even if they didn't seem quite right because it could be a different story in reality. So I would say from my perspective and some palls around - we are not picky enough and let losers in who really shouldn't have the spotlight for 5 seconds even. Especially girls with lower self esteem - we choose to let small things slide that are actually red flags we shouldn't have ignored.
I think of myself as being very picky (I beat myself up for almost everything in life). But this video showed me that I am far from picky. I am just unlucky in love.
Matt- I have a theory. Men in history used to be image conscious due to their careers and social climbing. Their wives/GF's were status symbols for men socially. Now women are the careerists/ social climbers and seek men as status symbols socially. That's why today women look for tall, attractive, high earners because that's who they want to be with and be seen with socially. Women want to appear on SM, to friends, society as successes like men did in the old days.
Women set themselves for failure when they entered the job market in high numbers. I don't mean at all to say that it's a bad thing that women entered the market. But that women tend to be hypergamous (marrying across and up the social hierarchy) so it removed a lot of men from the dating. Whereas status is not a criteria for men, or at least a very small one. And even downwards. The most unsatisfied women are women in high positions because there is no one at their level
Hollywood glamorizes the Badboy image so bad I see threads all the time that say that women go for Badboys because their exciting. This is a dangerous thing because it is teaching people/women that you have to be a particular type or a label to be exciting or have value. Just because you don’t have tattoos and torn jeans/leather jackets doesn’t mean you can’t be exciting. I think when women focus on this mindset they limit themselves to being inside a small box of potential partners. I see it all the time I’m not saying that being a badboy type is a loser. But stereotypes are in place for a reason. Going for only these types only your odds of ending up middle aged and alone are greatly increased. The thing about exciting badboy types is if you find them exciting so does someone else.
I really need some advice if you have been talking to a guy for 3 weeks everyday you’ve had your first date but he’s still on dating apps does that mean he’s not interested?
Why should he get off the dating app after one date? There is no commitment yet on either side. If a good looking guy asked you for his number right now would you say no, I'm in one date with another guy, get lost Buster?!
"The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love."👍
Wow this is deep
But you can give love with so much kindness but people still don't appreciate your kindness
This is nonsense. The only person who can make you happy in this world is you. Learn to love yourself and quit seeking it from outside. All these Hollywood movies romanticize love. Love is the opportunity for 2 people to share their lives in a open and honest manner and without pretence. Quit looking for someone else to make you happy, it's not their job, it's yours
@@nicksmith-cx1fx having a husband or a wife.
Prophet was put in Heavens; even then he needed a wife to celebrate heavens😄. That is the thing, I wonder.
@@sarahqamar6377 Your internal world is your own and my internal world is my own. Yes we can celebrate and enjoy each other's company and make each other feel special, that is all good. The seeking of another to make each other happy is the downfall of most relationships.
People call me picky, I just know what I would prefer. Not so much of physical appearance, though it plays apart. Mainly mentally maturity. Believe it or not, it's extremely difficult to find mentally mature beings.
I agree with you.
Agreed!
oh gosh same
You sound incredibly pretentious
Well since your statement is androgynous and your name is. It would make sense you can’t find what you want.
When someone is being picky we tend to predict the future, like you think it would never work on the long run. We convince ourselves that we are able to know what will happen. The truth is we don't. And we are turning down our potential partners. This is a huge problem when being picky. If you can stop that, it will be very useful to build a healthy relationship
It's not easy if you date someone smarter you feel silly etc
@@maheen158it is what you must do
Truee
I am too picky means I am not really ready for the relationship on an emotional level but instead of acknowledging that, I’d rather disguise it to make myself look better in my own eyes.
Same
Yes that’s Right
this is what I realized about the last person I dated!!!
👍🏽
''I'm kind of a judgmental asshole!'' - loved that! Matthew you are a legend!
Unfortunately I have been this person and 2022 will be different. I accept I am not perfect and in my latter years care more about the integrity of the person and less about their height and looks. I recently had a date with a gentleman I was keeping at arms length, but he was consistent in his efforts to go a date to chat, no strings attached. He was respectfully consistent and we finally had a date. It was a lovely afternoon and I really enjoyed myself. Looking forward to a second date. Love your work and advice. A loyal listener 😊
I hope everything goes well! I'm glad you found someone who treats you right 😊
Thank you @ Sane Cat Lady 😊
This made me think of an interview with Lisa Kudrow talking about a director or producer or something early on in Friends questioning why Ross, Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Monica were friends with Phoebe because she was an oddball. Lisa responded to that person with something like "because they just are, because they choose to be her friend, because they've decided that she's one of them." I remember thinking, "wow, that is so powerful, and that's what made the show. They chose each other over and over and you knew their friendships were never in question because of that attitude." Choosing people is powerful! Choose wisely of course, but sometimes relationships are truly a choice.
Being too picky is also a form of commitment issue and fear of a real relationship also self sabotage
This is really deep! Accept yourself to be able to accept others, wow!!! 😲😳
I’m at a stage where I’m trying to learn how to be patient to wait and see other attributes from people outside of their physical appearance which seems to take time, but I’m sure there’s a balance…
My birthday is RIGHT in the middle of the MHRetreat - 19th March. So much of my life has gone and this birthday is reminding me of that. I feel so ready and in need of the information. Great Channel subscription
just someone to give me my quality time 🌼
his speach is beautful. Gonna safe his for later ♥ to always remind myself that we need to choose what we give meaning to, instead of hoping everything comes to us.
Wow Matthew, how you reflected about “searching for meaning” instead of “choosing meaning” really hit. I’ve needed to hear that for so long, career wise, etc… I was hoping for someone to tell me that because I search for meaning in almost everything and get frustrated when I don’t
This was great but an important details was missing. I think many people are too picky about the *wrong* things. Material and status things are desired by so many people over personality, integrity and even more important how the person treats you.
Yes I agree with you I like the way how you explain it a lot better
Things come and go in life, money comes and goes, I cannot IMAGINE making those things important.
Love requires effort and discipline. It is a choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. Choose wisely nonetheless, can’t enjoy people like one’s hobby choice of coffee.
Most people don't want to spend time and energy for that. We have become shallow and dating apps are just adding to the problem.
When we get heart broken,it creates to much imerginations that end up making us think that we are not worthy but as we get on healing ,this makes us realize that self love gives more opportunities for better decisions in our real life.thankyou so much for the work weldone in our lives Mathew.
@@mastergwada6974 thankyou so much dear but I just want to heal and later get a new patiner dear.i.already decided to do away with that.thankyou so much.
Most people have no idea what 6ft tall is. I ask people to guess my height all the time and they always guess between 5'10 and 6ft. I'm 5'7. People limit themselves with a metric that is pretty arbitrary.
Wow this was so powerful I agree so much I feel like now I’m in a place where I’m more ready and I feel like it’s true once you find someone who has the qualities you’re less afraid to commit you’re Less afraid of the whole dynamic and it’s just so powerful what you just said thank you so so much❤️
That's so true, people do wait on life to give them meaning. I have to go discover meaning, uncover meaning, and create meaning. Most people are afraid of changing their mind, ways, and behavior. They're afraid to get to know the unknown. That's a basic meaningless life for me. I can't travel every day right now, but when I can, I go to learn more about life.
What a profound video! Loved it! Thanks 🙏
This so good. Thank you for your wisdom, Matt.
Matthew HEALS ME
I love that you needed to take time to construct and consider your answers feels validating to me. I understood better than when somebody speaks quickly and speaks over the top of me. I appreciate your thoughtfulness!
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON)👈 after many years of separation with my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
I leave you his number, contact him immediately now with the number below to get help now!!
➕𝟮𝟯𝟰8167987281 (☉｡☉)! ❤❤
Matthew!!! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the show “Love Is Blind”? do you think it’s a good experiment and what does it show about love?
I was recently asked what do i look for in a partner.
I said, loyal, caring, supportive, honest and trustworthy. No mention to physical attributes.
I was called picky and setting too high standards. Soooo yeahh...you can't win.
I can relate to this! Just the basics… Not easy to find.
Ever since my last breakup just under a year ago, I've had an eye opening experience, a feeling that wherever i turn my head, there are SO MANY amazing people i have chemistry and could have a great connection with. I was overwhelmed by the amount of people i felt could be amazing partners to me, potentially for life. I dont know what it was that made my view shift but i suddenly realized compatibility is really not that difficult when both sides are willing to work and wanting to appreciate eachother. Super powerful feeling. Anyone can create a high functioning communicating partnership. Much love :) ❤
I've been accused of being too picky many times, mostly by family but sometimes by friends. I've dated guys that didn't check off all the boxes by any means so I'm not sure me being picky is the issue. I'm an artist and for me, it's hard to find someone that fits in with my lifestyle. I'm super creative, love to express myself and dress in costumes any chance I get, I love to dance, I'm super active and frankly, many men my age ( I'm 55 going on 34, lol) can't keep up. I don't want to date an 'old man' or a man who acts older than his age. That's not going to work for me. And I also want someone who takes care of themselves and has similar values I do both spiritually, socially and politically. My last boyfriend was a Trumper (though more of a life-long Republican, really) and evangelical. I grew up evangelical but that's not at all where I am today. He and I had dated in my late 20s and reconnected in 2019. He broke up with me because I believe I was too much of a risk for him. He loved that I was a creative being but I would have never meshed with his friends or family if ever the subject of Trump came up.
I'm a kind, thoughtful person and would have done anything I could to make it work. It just didn't. It was a lot of work as it was with just him and I. He had a lot of baggage with a bad divorce and shitty in-laws and so much more. I tried to love him through it and was proud of myself for sticking it out as long as I did. There were more reasons to walk away than there were to stay. Maybe it was a test for both of us. But if I was that picky, I'd have never stuck with it as long as I did.
I always used to think I could never date someone who already had a kid. Then boom. I met a single mom and we flirted for a while, started dating and I fell head-over-heels in love with her. I also really loved her kid and wanted to be her step-dad one day. Then after things got serious, she started backing away, broke up with me, and shattered my heart... but that's beside the point ☹💔
But the thing is:u went “outside ur box” and THAT is good👍🏻😊
She didn't Think she was worthy, If you did your Best.
That's her Battle, It's hard to get people to Accept you and a Child. Her lost✌🏽
Hello Matt and Steve, with me - It’s actually been about developing enough self-love to see myself as Worthy of a Great Relationship. 😃🌈💖
I’ve come through the journey now so Spammers - Please Avoid Commenting.⛔️
I’ve became more picky over time. Dating these days is really hard. I won’t even go on dating apps anymore because my pickiness becomes worse lol. But I’m going to be more open minded now that I don’t have the app shielding me from trusting the universe and going for what I want in real life.
Definitely be picky on the apps… you’re having to sort through a sea of personality disordered losers
@@DanTuber what she’s saying isn’t wrong. I’ve met lots of men on these dating sites and the majority have unaddressed trauma and psychological issues. This isn’t to say women don’t, just that people are fucked up in general.
Get off dating apps and join social meet up groups
@@DanTuber Wow. Not sure her comment deserved your rude words. She's just stating her own perspective. I've dated some doozies too. One guy who I met on Tinder was at least 60 lbs heavier than on any photo and a non-stop liar. This was verified by a friend who also went on a date with him. His lies were so outrageous it was like a train wreck I couldn't stop watching. Another guy who I went on a date with apparently hadn't updated any photos for at least 15 yrs because he looked NOTHING like them. You have to search carefully, especially as a woman. There are some serious nutbags out there.
@@DanTuber incel alert
Your videos have helped me through the years. It's wonderful to see your content becoming more and more nuanced and existential. I have a question about men and having their "ducks all in a row" before they commit to a relationship. Is that social or biological conditioning? It's so different from how women view relationships. I know this question will lead towards a much more serious question - do the sexes view love differently?
Had my first meet-cute in my local Pret. Been following, and hugging Steve and yourself (at o2 arena), since 2013. 32 and managed to utilise MTG techniques to flirt wordlessly with a complete hunk. Today he came up to me thanks to understanding that smiling at him is actually powerful. You brothers (and mum 'n dad) rock!
When your video pop up while I'm crying because of being single since birth 😭
We can never find a perfect person! 👍
I didn't pay attention to a lot of men because they had small kids and I wanted to have a family of my own. there is no point in dating someone when you know you don't want to raise someone else's kids
Maybe they don't want you to raise their kids I don't know. It's worth discussing openly in my opinion. I have a friend with a boyfriend who has a daughter and she doesn't feel like she's raising her
@@TheEnergizer94 in the end, you always do. you have to take care of them.
I think when somebody reminds you of someone you used to know in the past it can make you very drawn to them even if they're not what you would consider to be typical of you 'type'.... I am frequently accused of being too picky, when in reality I just don't find that many people attractive to begin with.
Yes very good and I agree with most of what you shared. I always have said I am picky however after my self reflection I have become less judgmental. Thanks for the podcast😊
I love this video of yours! That’s what I needed today! ♥️
extreme eye opener matthew. I found no video that addresses this issue this way. I am struggling with myself in this area thinking i have to wait for the right guy and if the guy I'm with does not resemble my idea of the perfect guy (mostly superficially) then I'm going to have failed myself in creating a good social hierarchy. Whether anyone likes to admit it or not, we like showing off our partners. So I'm not even being faithful to myself choosing a guy that fits me. I choose a guy that I think other people would find attractive too. It's something I noticed. Am I the only one doing this?
I'm not picky at all, usually listen and try to stay open to hear what he has to say. I've been there in the dating apps but I don't do that anymore and don't have any desire to do dating sites because of how many red flags or awful people I have run into.
I would rather find the right person for me.
No he's will never be perfect because I know I am not perfect I don't expect him to be someone that he isn't. I hope he can help me a better version of what and who I am and also do the same thing for him. We all need to have someone in our lives, we aren't built to be alone but to explore and experience life to the fullest. I don't have room for people who play games ever and I block them out of my life. Dating site are not for me.
Not picky. I go 100% by feeling the connection. I'll give it a good chance, but if it's not feeling good enough, I'd rather not waste both our time. I often get asked what "my type" is, but I don't have a checklist. Either we vibe or we don't.
A lot of things need to fit before you exercise the agency though. Please identify the IMPORTANT CHECKLIST of “dos” and “don’ts” before we exercise that agency?
I really don't like dating apps, it boils down to nothing more than "I think this person is hot" and its great for people who want to hook up, all power to them, but it's not a good place to find love imo. You're judging people on their looks alone and there's no friendship first and getting to know a person and what they're really like and if you're compatible with them or not.
Yeah and when you meet someone there and express your desire to take your time and get to know someone you’re suddenly “emotionally unavailable” or “resistant” and they drop you 🙄
The law of attraction is the key to every lock, because we do not consciously know our own wishes, but the synchronicity of the universe knows everything. So if you want to find an ideal partner just love yourself and you attract your true desire. That is the law (similar vibration attracts similar). We should not TRY to manifest a lover, we should just allow them. There is no reality in the quantum field, everything we experience in life is just a thought of itself.
Matthew! You are so incredibly wise!xx
I really wish I could afford this program, I feel it's the in depth help I need
If being single itself is undesirable or unfavorable at any point in life, then yes it might be beneficial to consider the points raised here. If not carry on like usual if life is good enough for you.
Hi good afternoon from Dammam Saudi Arabia
I’m doing a lot of self reflecting
I decided to focus on appearance (+ a little bit of chemistry) for now because I need to take that out of my system.
I want to have one or two flings with women I find very attractive so that after that I can focus on personality. At the end of the day I don't want kids, and my friendships with women partially satiate the good things that come with caring for and being cared for, especially thanks to my best friend, So I don't feel the need to rush a serious relationship. On the other hand, I do fear that as I become older, having a fling with someone who I find very attractive is going to become harder.
The only way I would enter a committed relationship right now would be if I miraculously found the perfect woman or if I entered an open relationship.
Yes Mathew, it is truly like this, I am the one who consciously chosen a career and a place to live, yet 95% of people who I met do not have much of a purpose and accountability of their choices and hope that some day some magic will happen, and even though Australian immigration rules are written very clearly (unlike dating ones) they may never bother to look and read :D
I was just thinking this about myself, and u dropped in...
I was told I’m too picky for not taking just any man that will give me the bare minimum
I’m not tolerating the pathetic behavior most have these days. I’d rather be alone than feel stressed and miserable because of a man.
Great stuff!
Well i have my set of preferences when it comes choosing a partner ( although i am not interested in these relationships thing anymore) but for me i do rather stay single and be happy than staying with someone who don't hit my preferences
Whenever I see a pretty girl I always assume that she already has a special someone, that she’s not worth it because it wouldn’t lead to something. My friends often tell me “when are you getting her number man?”I always reply “nah she clearly already has someone in her life she’s way too pretty to be single and why would she even talk to someone like me?” I really wish I’d stop thinking this way yet I feel like an emotional mess and lonely sometimes. Anyways, hope I’m not the only one feeling like this and looking for a solution
This was great. Thank you.
Hi..matthew... im ur fan here in philippines! Ur da best tnx 4 all da advice... its help me alot😊
There was a video of MH responding to someone on a call asking if chemistry was necessary for the whole relai to carry on. I surprised at his comments on "height" issue because this relates to that initial chemistry which makes us wanting to get to know the person further. All of these analysis comes after the fact that we FEEL desire to get to know that person further.
I always felt that chemistry was an electric spark between two people when you speak, and has nothing to do with appearance.
Attraction on the other hand does have to do with appearance!
Well I do have to disagree with the statement that appearance has nothing to do with chemistry/attraction.
@@thehealingfairee Exactly what I thought. I don't think chemistry and appearance are related because appearance tells you nothing about who the person is; it's just a matter of how attractive they are. Chemistry comes from socializing with that person, getting to know who they are and seeing how enjoyable it is to talk to each other.
Taller guys will give you trouble....
Im selective🤷♀️
Problem on deciding and going all in..which im good at.. is the other person has to feel the same
All this stuff goes in one ear and out the other it only after they hit the wall they start condidering these things but by then its too late
I realized some time ago that Tinder doesn't work for me bc I need to see gestures, language, group dynamics etc to like a person and be attracted to someone.
For me personally, I rarely ever had chemistry with someone and was never in love before. I don't have specific things I look for in a partner, but I quickly realize within a few minutes of a date that the other person and me don't have the same values in life and similar goals, so I cannot fall in love with them.
Generally I am open for everything and give almost everyone a chance, but it's never a match :/
And I could never build a relationship with someone bc I never got to that stage.
I don't know what to do about it :(
I realized I do not have anything to offer in a relationship. I'm trying to cut losses now and relinquish loneliness. So hard.
You probably have more to offer then you’re giving yourself credit for.
@@valerieromero9846 Hopefully, still it is good to get in peace with any possibility.
I must be. I’ve been striking out for a year and a half. I don’t want to think it’s entirely me but I’ve got to be playing a part in this. I don’t know what to do.
I want someone who:
- is loyal, trustworthy, honest, and respectful, treats me well, doesn't lie and doesn't cheat.
- is not an addict and not self-destructive.
- is sexually compatible with me.
Well, it seems that I'm obviously too picky, since I'm single since nearly 2 decades :(
I dated a guy who said this. We got along great, had great chemistry, and he said he liked many things about me. But after several months we split up because he felt there should be more and he fell back on the phrase of “being picky.” I think what really was at issue was that he was emotionally unavailable. So I can believe if someone says this they are covering for some other issue they aren’t acknowledging.
Sometimes there are people we think are great and have good chemistry with....but there is something missing. It has happened to me. I think it comes down to "he/she is just not into you". It's hard to hear, but that's often the case.
Ppl also have a tendency to put ppl on a pedestal & then become completely turned off once they start to see behind the curtains. Something as simple as "she snores like a walrus" could be a game changer for some guys.
I know what you mean & I think you’re right! I met a guy who hadn’t been in a relationship in ten years bc he’s picky.. I admired that at first. after coming onto me so strongly, charming me, telling me that he was honored to spend time with me.. as soon as any actual emotional work came up between us, he was out.
some people aren’t picky, they’re unwilling to do the work required for a relationship.
@@autumnnoahlea5223 Wow! Sounds familiar. For mine it was 4 years, but at least a year of that could have been blamed on the pandemic.
@@barbarar5869 thank you
Periodt
A few years ago I subscribed on a couple of dating apps, and in 2 years I met around 20 men. 19 were liars, manipulators, flakes or jerks. One seemed to be honest and respectful, but we obviously didn't have enough cultural and sexual compatibility, and anyway he was still in love with his ex.
Since then, I decided to be more careful about toxic or incompatible potential partners, aka more picky... The result in the 7 last years? NOTHING, NADA, ZERO...
Should I become less picky and accept a toxic or incompatible partner? I don't think so... Some people are just doomed, even if they do everything right.
The thing is it takes two to tango, and the other person might decide something else entirely.
Someone introduced to you by someone you know at a party has already been vetted to some degree by your friend. They get some amount of leeway depending on what you think of the person that introduced you.
and you think guys dont know that and play the system like a fiddle?
Ive always been. Line up 100 men ,im lucky if im attracted to 2. Thruth!!
For real sis 😂
fr I just dont find most men attractive i have my own standarts and ppl says im too picky its as if they think i'm unworthy of my standarts or something like that ,it piss me off like why should I force myself to date and marry someone who aint my type ,I hate this shitty world
That's so true😂 lucky for me, once I start picking apart every detail about a guy about why "we won't work," I then think about my insecurities and then I call myself a judgemental asshole and move on😂😂
Love this. So much. Btw, looking good Stephen! 😊
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON)👈 after many years of separation with my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
I leave you his number, contact him immediately now with the number below to get help now!!
➕𝟮𝟯𝟰8167987281 (☉｡☉)! ❤❤
I find height criteria a challenge, being a tall woman. If I were 5ft 6 I could be flexible on height as I could easily still find a man a little taller than me. However being 5ft 10, ‘a couple of inches shorter than the height I have pre-determined’ would be shorter than me, which I personally would have an issue with. I have been called superficial, not wanting to date a man shorter than me, but I would struggle to feel feminine if I were taller.
I consider myself not a picky lesbian,the only thing i ask for is a leader in the relationship and no smoking and not being an alcoholic would be swell.
i don't care if you are my heigh taller bit shorter(not too short though i am 1,55cm xd) long hair short hair it is all superficial stuff that will fade when you're old and grey anyways.
what lasts forever is personality it makes us who we are.
Excellent!!!! So clear sighted, profound and ground- breaking. I will make more efforts to follow your insights. .
Yes, walking away because of height did happen :( I did it
good.. it means you know what you want and that youre not settling... I dont get this video honestly
@@MajaFucak93 I support her has well. I've walked away from women because they were overweight or had small breast size. I don't want to settle either.
@@posest 👏
@@MajaFucak93 of course it's very offensive. Because there's some truth.
yeah but I think that people who just look around a bit and settle down for someone finally are way happier
Why is it when you talk to a guy and he automatically think that we are dating. That creaps me out. Or they think that just because I talked to him that I Have to go on dates and I Have to give him a chance just because he likes me that means I have to do what he wants me to do. That is a red flag to me!!! I protect myself from that because yes I have had to many guys think that they are it and I have to date them. Why does this happen to me. I have no desire for dating him but I was being nice and he thought that I liked him. I wasn't trying to be rude or mean to him but he thought because I answered his questions that meant that I liked him. I didn't like him or had any desire for a date with him. How do I stop that without be mean.
What are the “red flags” to be “picky” about though?
Still outgrowing that bad trait in me. lol and being more open to possibilities. This one is good, I decided to do an unscripted and unedited reaction video. Watch it later my friends. lol I wish to have a podcast conversation such as this. I like it. We are just processing a normal topic but turned out to be a catalyst of lifelong realizations.
Some men seem 'good on paper' but how you interact with them is key. Chemistry in real life. You need to hear their voice, smell them, touch them. Remember you can fix the outside but not the inside. A friend dated a geeky engineer with greasy hair, who hadn't been to the dentist in years, wore glasses and the same clothes he'd had since college. She saw his potential, which is supposedly a no-no in the dating world, and gradually turned him into a more attractive man. Some might think that's wrong but they've been happily married for decades.
I’m a Christian, and I really want my partner to be Christian. One of my best friends cousins liked me and I liked him back, but i just ask to my best friend “is your cousin Christian” I really just asked but my best friend when NUTS, he started saying to me like “I’m not gonna let you do that” and I was like why? And he told me that I was too picky and that I was going to be single for my entire life and he made me believe that but, now I’m wondering like “am I picky or I’m just looking for my perfect fit” bc I know no one is going to be perfect nor a relationship but I want to find the best guy to go through hard time you know?
(I’m about to turn 19)
He’s good looking!.!.
Mathew. Therehas to be immediate chemestry. ! You dont wait for that.
But what if you are? You dont find most people attractive.
Its not contempt. Its everybody thought tom cruise was hot. Not me!!! Me against thoasands of women
Thats not contempt itspersonal preference.
Most women are like this these days unfortunately. I think that's why guys get discouraged to try to date in 2022.
Why cant I have standards though?
I think settling is a big mistake..
Polygamy is a great option, you dont need to settle for anyone and you can keep whatever standards you want.
@@Ophanim1000 no cause i value myself enough not to do that.. why would I fuck around ??
@@MajaFucak93 Its not just fking around its living a happier, more free and better life in my opinion, I get to work all week doing a job I love while making a lot of money and date interesting sexy girls on the weekends, no drama, no strings attached, no financial liabilities, or manipulative and annoying partners.
It doesn't devalue anyone it's the 21st century and we can live life however we want, fk what anyone thinks. But if you want to keep doing the same thing that clearly isn't working out well for you go ahead.
I struggle with this too. I don’t want to settle…so I guess I’ll just stay single.
@@jo-el4078 Oh I know... I know what youre saying.. im not a child anymore I understand how they think
I totally can see your point and i kinda disagree. In our cultural conditioning women have had to give the benefit of the doubt to survive (lower standards) and many men have been “allowed” to act like …well you know. When we level up and do the inner work we have better discernment. A butterfly doesn’t want to date a caterpillar. That said once we realize we all go through chapters we can have compassion and the ability to feel and see incompatibility.
So many women are doing the work and rising so fast …we can no longer accept crumbs or disrespect behavior. Call it picky. Hmm. Maybe.
Women are often judged (especially by other women)for having high standards.
As we strive for better behavior in ourselves we will demand it in our partners.
Goes both ways.
Appreciate you and how you show up as a beautiful integrated man!!
Happy Congratulations on your engagement!!
I hope next year’s retreat will be in person.
I actually disagree because lately on apps I've been giving people chances even if they didn't seem quite right because it could be a different story in reality. So I would say from my perspective and some palls around - we are not picky enough and let losers in who really shouldn't have the spotlight for 5 seconds even. Especially girls with lower self esteem - we choose to let small things slide that are actually red flags we shouldn't have ignored.
I think of myself as being very picky (I beat myself up for almost everything in life). But this video showed me that I am far from picky. I am just unlucky in love.
Matt- I have a theory. Men in history used to be image conscious due to their careers and social climbing. Their wives/GF's were status symbols for men socially. Now women are the careerists/ social climbers and seek men as status symbols socially. That's why today women look for tall, attractive, high earners because that's who they want to be with and be seen with socially. Women want to appear on SM, to friends, society as successes like men did in the old days.
Women set themselves for failure when they entered the job market in high numbers. I don't mean at all to say that it's a bad thing that women entered the market. But that women tend to be hypergamous (marrying across and up the social hierarchy) so it removed a lot of men from the dating.
Whereas status is not a criteria for men, or at least a very small one. And even downwards. The most unsatisfied women are women in high positions because there is no one at their level
Find purpose out of where you are now and what you are doing! 💯
Hollywood glamorizes the Badboy image so bad I see threads all the time that say that women go for Badboys because their exciting. This is a dangerous thing because it is teaching people/women that you have to be a particular type or a label to be exciting or have value. Just because you don’t have tattoos and torn jeans/leather jackets doesn’t mean you can’t be exciting. I think when women focus on this mindset they limit themselves to being inside a small box of potential partners. I see it all the time I’m not saying that being a badboy type is a loser. But stereotypes are in place for a reason. Going for only these types only your odds of ending up middle aged and alone are greatly increased. The thing about exciting badboy types is if you find them exciting so does someone else.
But what would qualify as being too picky? Please give practical and specific examples.
How many first dates do you have that don’t lead to second dates
You should be picky, the idea is to try and be together forever (whatever that means to you). However be realistic we ain’t Cinderella.
I really need some advice if you have been talking to a guy for 3 weeks everyday you’ve had your first date but he’s still on dating apps does that mean he’s not interested?
Yes. He’s not interested. Move on.
Why should he get off the dating app after one date? There is no commitment yet on either side. If a good looking guy asked you for his number right now would you say no, I'm in one date with another guy, get lost Buster?!