The irony of "just be yourself"

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  • Опубликовано: 16 дек 2024

Комментарии • 82

  • @Justiceroote
    @Justiceroote 4 месяца назад +79

    Hold on! Let me go grab my notebook.
    Update: Apparently my notes won't do shit, and now I have to actually socialize...damn.

    • @TwentyTwoSP
      @TwentyTwoSP 4 месяца назад +8

      feel called out with this one haha

    • @AngeloSomers
      @AngeloSomers  4 месяца назад +22

      @@Justiceroote edit of the year😂

  • @hypatch8014
    @hypatch8014 4 месяца назад +15

    I see it as there are two general parts of ourselves, the "true" self (following own needs and emotions) and the false self (pleasing others). The advice is asking you to be your true self, which is good advice, but the reason you aren't being your true self is because you're scared. There's not some sort of magical personality inside representing who you really are, your "true self" boils down to the natural impulses that you suppress out of fear, in favor of fawning. The fix is being your false self as little as you can (although in some situations you still have to, everyone does, but not everyone has their entire personality based on that), seeing it's ok to be your true self, and in general practicing experiencing your feelings fully. And also great video. got a bit carried away

    • @AngeloSomers
      @AngeloSomers  4 месяца назад +2

      @@hypatch8014 incredible insight 👏🫡

    • @taramaforhaikido7272
      @taramaforhaikido7272 3 месяца назад

      Emotions can lie. Pleaseing others doesn't have to be dishonest. You're right about fear though.
      If you're afraid of losing control then you already have. Cowards will pretend to understand. The illusion of control. At that point I'm like Death in Puss in Boots. If only because it's about honesty at any cost.
      In other words I hunt. I remind people they are prey. Mean and intend to scare them. It really does work. They put those methods in movies for a reason. To leave dishonesty unchallenged would be to allow the dishonesty. That's why even Death has to stand down in the movie. Because his expectations of Puss weren't matching reality.
      Either someone knows you better then you know yourself (like Puss in the bar in the movie), in which case they control you, or you know yourself better (not just thinking you do). In which case you can control the situation. A coward won't be able to do that. Someone fleeing with their assumptions can't do that. Death looked Puss in the eye, and he looked back. And Death had to acknowledge Puss wasn't afraid. That he was no longer letting fear blind him.
      It's a subtle detail in the movie. In terms of expectations. But it sends a strong messsage if you notice it. You can't have honesty without courage.
      It might be wiser to expect nothing. Just accept what happens. "Whatever happens, happens." No point wishing for things to be different. The situation is what it is.

  • @NWbeats
    @NWbeats 4 месяца назад +13

    This was actually helpful. I realized that I have been masking so much even on my "self improvement journey". I actively tried to hide my past failures instead of dealing with them and embracing them. And this causes me to act weird and unrelatable.

  • @MichalWck
    @MichalWck 4 месяца назад +11

    I appreciate how in-depth you get in every video, this channel is really a great place to get educated on various topics. People need more channels that provide this much value to life without jsut copying other self improvement videos. Youre a gem bro, I'll learn from you to be better at my vids

  • @joaof5838
    @joaof5838 2 месяца назад +1

    One thing thats helped me is identify that much rejection comes from perfectionism, and the understanding that if you arent perfect in social situations, people will despize you, and no one will if you are

  • @Gisus-Cryst
    @Gisus-Cryst 4 месяца назад +19

    "Social Anxiety is a tutorial boss" 😂I love that

  • @ben_maclean03
    @ben_maclean03 4 месяца назад +4

    Another brilliant video, I've suffered with social anxiety for years now and I'm trying to overcome it now using similar methods. The distinction between connecting with others and impressing them really stuck out to me - when I started actively working on myself just over a year ago now I subconsciously focused on doing things that would signal value to others (getting in shape, finding sources of income, wearing nice clothes etc.) and would despair when this wouldn't make me a more connected person socially even though my means could in no way culminate in those ends. These changes did give me a greater surface level of confidence which led to my first relationship beginning, but this died in part because I felt like I hadn't really connected - even though tweaking had got me into that situation, the constant analysis of myself and then her stopped me from really forming a deep connection. Exposure therapy is something I'm really trying now to focus on as a new path forward.

  • @kickatorch9151
    @kickatorch9151 4 месяца назад +1

    This was genuinely the best video I found for social anxiety other than just be yourself or dont care about what other people think. Thanks bro, keep it up.

  • @loaymohamed3249
    @loaymohamed3249 4 месяца назад +1

    This is honestly one of the most helpful videos I've ever watched. Thank you

  • @AnthonyWasiukiewicz
    @AnthonyWasiukiewicz Месяц назад

    Such wise words from such a young fella. There is hope for the world.

  • @theactualplanet6633
    @theactualplanet6633 3 месяца назад +1

    someone get this man more views plz

  • @NotFourResale
    @NotFourResale 4 месяца назад +2

    i love the colour grading man

  • @kena7016
    @kena7016 4 месяца назад +5

    I think for this specific topic you could account for the likelihood that a lot of your audience is on the autism spectrum (because that population is frequently consuming anything YT has to offer on the topic).
    In that context some of the advice here could be tweaked (hah!) to account for behaviors that non-autistics can find difficult to deal with such as stimming, echolalia etc. Hiding these behaviors is part of the anxiety like you explain, but un-hiding them comes with real risk of social rejection. Even though as you say "normal people don't have a wealth of contacts to choose friends from" there is cultural prejudice that will prevent a lot of folk from accepting the one person in their life just because they are that outsized amount of "weird".
    The key here (me thinks) is to extend the argument with some words about *teaching* others about who you are and your quirks, for example by talking about the quirks before you show them, or perhaps learning some judicious self deprecation or whatever. (Would love your thoughts on this)

    • @MeiyaG
      @MeiyaG Месяц назад +1

      Thank you so much for this comment. As someone who is late diagnosed neurodivergent, my inner voice kept screaming throughout this video "but this doesn't result in success for neurodivergent people!" I learned to be a chameleon in early adulthood and acquired many friends and social success but it always came with the toll of exhaustion. After experiencing burnout and receiving my diagnosis, I started to learn to unmask and it resulted in the loss of most of my friends. They didn't like how I had "changed". And experiencing RSD makes that very hard to deal with. Now I really only experience social anxiety around neurotypical people but feel quite calm in a group of neurodivergent people. The context matters greatly for how much tweaking (masking) is required.

  • @bigboicloud
    @bigboicloud 4 месяца назад +5

    Only channel that makes sense. Keep up the good work man

  • @vdigitalsagency
    @vdigitalsagency 18 дней назад

    geez this vid is so relatable especially the 8 steps

  • @danielburls431
    @danielburls431 4 месяца назад

    bro you've gotten 3k subs in the last day. watched a vid last night and it was at 9.3k subs!!! Keep up the good work Angelo!!!

  • @solearcarese5679
    @solearcarese5679 4 месяца назад +1

    You have nothing to hide but remember. You don't have to show everything.

  • @tommarchant762
    @tommarchant762 4 месяца назад

    This is again so philosophical but true, resonated with every point made

  • @regilio889
    @regilio889 4 месяца назад

    By the end of next year, you will have 1 million subscribers, keep making good stuff man!

    • @joshuakohn4408
      @joshuakohn4408 4 месяца назад

      Uhm no, unless you mean by the end of next year that's not happening at all

    • @regilio889
      @regilio889 4 месяца назад

      @@joshuakohn4408 which is what I said

    • @joshuakohn4408
      @joshuakohn4408 4 месяца назад

      @@regilio889I think my eyes might have been retarded yesterday

  • @TheoSomers
    @TheoSomers 4 месяца назад

    loving the new graphics, clips and backdrop!

  • @bengtaylor
    @bengtaylor 4 месяца назад

    Over delivering as always. I have a lot to learn from you bro, both in terms of philosophy/mindset/wisdom AND scripting, video production, speech, etc. I've battled with my fair share of social anxiety and I'm finally starting to overcome it. Keeping these things in mind will be really helpful - maybe one day I'll be as dope as you and become a certified chiller as well 🤙😂

  • @MindStudent
    @MindStudent 4 месяца назад

    Well this video was very well timed for my own personal part of the journey I was forced to be on - the fear of being myself and exposing those parts of me.. forcing me to be a social chameleon which comes with the price of always hating myself for not being authentic while looking up to others for cues of what’s “acceptable” and “you should be more like this person because they are accepted”
    To over come that fear of being me and accepting being judged or rejected comes with being fully okay and being vulnerable rather than pretending to have my sh*t together to connect rather than impress like you’ve mentioned in the video
    Don’t read my comment this was me brain dumping my thoughts and using the comment section as a journal 📝

  • @noteblock1071
    @noteblock1071 4 месяца назад

    For me being yourself has a different definition. Be yourself for me means accept yourself fully even the negative side of you and try to use it as a power and change only what doesn't suit you or isn't helping you shape better version of you.
    Most of the points that you mentioned were in my character naturally or what I changed about myself in a few years back. Only with what I disagree with is don't analyse. Analysing people helped me to understand more who the person is and even sometimes changed views on something.

  • @cooperdaggoe
    @cooperdaggoe 4 месяца назад

    love bro, this video amazing

  • @Xena10000
    @Xena10000 4 месяца назад

    Da goat is back

  • @Plus1Like
    @Plus1Like 20 дней назад

    Self-Acceptance: It is not an active force but the absence of self-rejection... damn.

  • @sheepsheep9499
    @sheepsheep9499 4 месяца назад +1

    This shit is such a godsend, banger video

  • @taramaforhaikido7272
    @taramaforhaikido7272 3 месяца назад

    The advice works when there's context established first. Such as "Speak your mind. Lies and secrets backfire. Blind situations lead to out of control situations." etc.
    Flaws is the point. Love is the point. If you can't be honest about yourself, the REAL you, the FLAWED you, then are you letting people accept you?
    I'm rude. I'm trouble. I'm a problem. I'm the danger. I learned to love myself. Problems bring opportunity.
    It's more about "the situation" and "context".
    I also find dealing with difficult people more is more honest. Learn to handle the worst and you'll learn obervation. And in that learn more about not only yourself, but so much more too. Sun Tzu has the right of it. "Know thy enemy." "All is fair in love and war."

  • @hotgarbage5467
    @hotgarbage5467 4 месяца назад +2

    Watching this in 1 hour gotta study first

    • @andrewvlaovic4364
      @andrewvlaovic4364 4 месяца назад +2

      Giving u a noti incase u forgot to come back

    • @taku6157
      @taku6157 2 месяца назад

      hope you came back

  • @literallyafrog5716
    @literallyafrog5716 4 месяца назад

    WAKE UP MOM ANGELO POSTED!

  • @JBeestonian
    @JBeestonian Месяц назад

    Self-anxiety, self-doubt and self-cockiness all come from the same place: Self-absorption. People who seem confident to me, I worked out, do not actually think about themselves as much as I do. They think about whatever it is that they're doing or speaking to. When you do this, more of your attention is going towards the people and you notice things that you would have missed when you were obsessed with your self-image. Then you can react appropriately to what happens, and then you are resonating with the vibe. Similar thing of when you do your homework or some test. Obsessing over your ability to do it, how much you studied, whether you're good enough or smart enough, is draining precious mental load away from the task itself. So forget yourself and pay attention.

  • @BrisaRuiva
    @BrisaRuiva 4 месяца назад

    Another great video👏

  • @PantsFN
    @PantsFN 4 месяца назад

    Great video!

  • @hypatch8014
    @hypatch8014 3 месяца назад

    The main problem for me is accepting the anxiety. Like yeah it sounds good in theory but what do I do then? If I'm scared but do it anyway, it'll be very obvious to someone that I am, provided I don't tweak myself. The way I got around doing this the past few years was pretend I'm approachable and relatable and dumb and stuff, and that'd get me into a state without fear, where I'd still tweak but at least be able to talk. I feel like that's an unhealthy pattern of behavior, even at the very start of it, since I'm doing it with the intention of using others to alleviate my anxiety.

  • @knowndepredator
    @knowndepredator 3 месяца назад

    CERTIFIED CHILLER🗣️🔥🔥🔥 6:56

  • @user-wi7lc4uk6v
    @user-wi7lc4uk6v 4 месяца назад

    pls dont stop making these videos

  • @maronglaze6529
    @maronglaze6529 4 месяца назад

    Great sweaty talk

  • @King_J3
    @King_J3 4 месяца назад +1

    I’m suffering from this shit currently. Thanks

  • @hamzapop9769
    @hamzapop9769 4 месяца назад +2

    Ive always been a shy kid but never really had any social anxiety untill covid i remember feeling like my heart could burst and sweating when talking to a stranger or a crush i remember seeing my coach during covid randomly and initiated a conversation and i just opened my mouth behind my mask and from being so anxious i couldn't talk and it was so awkard i remember feeling scared before going to the supermarket because i have to talk to the cashier it was that bad. Until i started to dare myself to talk and initiate a conversation and i found out i really enjoy talking to people and asking them question i think truly being lost in my head made me so anxious and caring what people think made me anxious but practice made me better and i came to the conclusion that iam an introvert and sometimes i dont have the energy to socialise so i dont have to if its not necessary, made me feel more confident and energetic when i wanted to

  • @Sheila_zone
    @Sheila_zone 4 месяца назад +1

    I was jogging/walking around the lake , i musst leave because all of this "fake love" couples , i saw it everwhere ....

  • @rakdsm3525
    @rakdsm3525 Месяц назад

    Angelo now you have to make a video on how to be in present man..its like the same thing as be yourself, be confident.. those words.When i think to be in present i get concious about it and it gets me into trouble like when we get concious about breathing we cant breath properly and shit.

  • @naveedferoz9307
    @naveedferoz9307 4 месяца назад

    Good shit boss

  • @upturn2.
    @upturn2. 4 месяца назад

    you have so much wisdom g, the self help space is a literal scam compared to your vids😂

  • @Hasan10-oh7vl
    @Hasan10-oh7vl 4 месяца назад

    Love ittt!!!
    Do you need a video editor bro ?
    I can do a sample video:)

  • @K1911TE
    @K1911TE 4 месяца назад

    Real shit

  • @Yumea883
    @Yumea883 3 месяца назад

    0:26 -0:40 😢

  • @DKP33
    @DKP33 4 месяца назад

    I'm at the point where idk anymore lol haha awesome

  • @Teltor
    @Teltor 4 месяца назад

    Lock in

  • @fabian_ms
    @fabian_ms 4 месяца назад

    do you have paypal?

  • @simpletomash
    @simpletomash 4 месяца назад

    This isn't instagram... unfortunate

  • @besiari2105
    @besiari2105 4 месяца назад

    can u do a video on fear bro?

  • @Oluwatoyosi.A
    @Oluwatoyosi.A 14 дней назад

    ❤❤❤❤

  • @unconfusedother4164
    @unconfusedother4164 4 месяца назад

    I don't suffer from social anxiety, I'm just socially awkward. Deal with it.

    • @vikramchatterjee4495
      @vikramchatterjee4495 4 месяца назад

      Fearful avoidant vibes with this one

    • @unconfusedother4164
      @unconfusedother4164 4 месяца назад

      @@vikramchatterjee4495 - If you are uncomfortable around someone who isn't actively trying to make you feel uncomfortable, then that is your problem...

    • @vikramchatterjee4495
      @vikramchatterjee4495 4 месяца назад

      LOL dude, I’m not uncomfortable. I am like you. I have fearful avoidant traits too. Only difference is I am aware of this. Maybe I had to become lonely enough to look inside

    • @taramaforhaikido7272
      @taramaforhaikido7272 3 месяца назад

      Or is it dealing with you when you feel the need to explain awkardness? For someone that calls others uncomfortable you brought up how akward things are first. Are you sure you're not in denial? I'm very sure you wouldn't have brought it up unless you yourself were bothered.
      I'm a problem. I'm trouble. I'm the danger. And I'm fine with that.
      I actually mean and intend to make people uncomfortable. Mean to scare people. Hurt them. Anyone pretending they won't hurt you is lying to you. The nice people complaining about comfort take everything as a personal attack anyway. So I know what you're getting at. But can you honestly tell me you don't fear social situations if you're having to bring up "socially akward"? Because I'm used to people saying one thing and showing another. I also noticed you didn't say anything about when people try to make you uncomfortable. Do you get afraid then?
      And if you're making comments about how it's "your problem" then congrats, you made it your problem too. Even if personal attacks are a you problem. But you still took it upon yourself to involve yourself didn't you? Did it make YOU uncomfortable? The three dots at the end of the sentence. The hesitation. The blame without accountability. I'm not buying it. I think you're uncomfortbale, regardless of wherever others are or not. And people want you to admit it.
      You didn't even acknowledge or deny the fear either. Something isn't adding up here.

    • @vikramchatterjee4495
      @vikramchatterjee4495 3 месяца назад

      One of the best explanations of social awkwardness I’ve ever heard is that awkwardness is the outward manifestation of anxiety. So if you’re awkward around everyone and you just want them to deal with it, I.e. you want to avoid taking any responsibility for connecting with the other person, that sounds like and anxious avoidant attachment style.

  • @top.1.percentt
    @top.1.percentt 4 месяца назад

    Can you please explain in simple language, im not lazy but its going to save my time

  • @Morox3_
    @Morox3_ 4 месяца назад

    Hi, I like your videos and thought I would give some feedback. In general I felt that the video was a bit hard to follow specially the distinction between tweaking and changing yourself.
    After thinking a bit about my understanding of as you put it "tweaking", is changing your actions and behaviours as a reaction to what you others think should be how you should behave. Basically a baindaid to fix the problem. The downside with this is that it's obvious to others because it doesn't feel authentic and is reactive. My understanding of what you call "changing yourself" is trying to fix the underlying problem instead of using the "tweak" as a band-aid.
    I don't know if this is what you meant but for the future it would be helpful to have a better distinction with a solid example to exemplify the concept.
    Keep it up!

  • @prostohodim
    @prostohodim 4 месяца назад +3

    social anxiety video from a pretty boy, sweet

    • @thatforanktor9908
      @thatforanktor9908 4 месяца назад +1

      💀

    • @taramaforhaikido7272
      @taramaforhaikido7272 3 месяца назад

      Pretty boy, huh? Reminds me of Jetstream Sam.

    • @lef242
      @lef242 2 месяца назад

      And you managed to completely avoid the points made in the video. Great job.

    • @isaac11037
      @isaac11037 Месяц назад

      ⁠@@lef242hey, had a few thoughts on this. If you’re mad that this person thinks he’s pretty, you should reconsider why you are upset about this. People are going to think other people are pretty whether you like it or not. It doesn’t make them bad and it doesn’t make you bad if you aren’t the one labeled as such in the current moment. Avoid accidentally projecting insecurity. Holding on to jealousy prevents you from truly respecting yourself and also lifting others up. There are things in this life that God has willed for some and not others. If you don’t work on being okay with that you will see your whole gift of life as a sick joke of not being as good as others. That is hell man and I just hope I can maybe help you think about stepping away from that

  • @hamzapop9769
    @hamzapop9769 4 месяца назад

    Ive always been a shy kid but never really had any social anxiety untill covid i remember feeling like my heart could burst and sweating when talking to a stranger or a crush i remember seeing my coach during covid randomly and initiated a conversation and i just opened my mouth behind my mask and from being so anxious i couldn't talk and it was so awkard i remember feeling scared before going to the supermarket because i have to talk to the cashier it was that bad. Until i started to dare myself to talk and initiate a conversation and i found out i really enjoy talking to people and asking them question i think truly being lost in my head made me so anxious and caring what people think made me anxious but practice made me better and i came to the conclusion that iam an introvert and sometimes i dont have the energy to socialise so i dont have to if its not necessary, made me feel more confident and energetic when i wanted to