I tend to go by “there’s never a right time, but there is a wrong time”… meaning there are curveballs that might make it not the best time…. But having a child at the time wouldn’t be the absolute wrong route. A wrong time example is being made redundant whilst about to enter expensive IVF (my situation, hence delaying it for about a year).
Couldn’t agree more! Before I got pregnant, my husband and I chatted to our friends and family to see what they wished they’d done before having a baby. Universally, everyone said they wished they had more money. Doesn’t matter how much they earned, saved, etc. whatever they had wasn’t enough. It solidified in my mind that wherever you are financially you’ll make it work
I am 50 in a month. I was a teacher before I had my first child at 28, and a combination of becoming a mum and having to have life changing surgery meant I never went back to teaching. I had a second child just before I was 30 and returned to work, part time, when my youngest went to school. It was a professional role, as have the subsequent roles I have done/do, but I have never gone back to full time work and I have never regretted not pursuing a career and moving up a career ladder. I am also very blessed by the circumstances that have enable me to make this choice.
I know quite a few people who got pregnant for the first time in their 40s without any fertility assistance. It's not impossible. A lot of people are having kids later in life.
I really enjoyed this video, because I could never relate to those who decided they preferred to wait until well into their 30's to have children because of career, financial stability, etc. When I was a teenager, an adult told me that taking a break from your career when it's well established is much more detrimental for your career and difficult than getting a slower start to your career because you've had children in the beginning of it, but then having the rest of the decades uninterrupted to build your career when your children are a bit more independent. As someone who always wanted a career and multiple children, I really resonated with that and it was one of the main factors why I chose to have children before 30. And yes, financially, you really just make it work, just like you make your day to day life work with the income you have.
Yes! I wanted to become a solo mom from around 25-ish... But I simply couldn't afford it (actually getting pregnant and then caring for a baby/child)... Then at 30 I was able to kind of afford it, so when my last relationship failed I just pulled the trigger.. Got pregnant and had my son at 31 (had him just before turning 32)...he's almost 2 now (turning 2 in August), and I can't imagine my life without him! And although every day isn't easy, it's definitely worth it! I work full time, but I work remotely.. Which definitely helps as that's how I get chores done etc. My son goes to daycare full time during the week.. I actually thought that I might struggle to get pregnant as I was diagnosed with endometriosis around 21, luckily not severe at all and the lesions were removed... But I've never tried to get pregnant before that time, so I just didn't know... And I was over 30, which is 'old' for fertility these days... Luckily my 2nd medicated IUI worked, I'm still amazed!
Hey just wanted to say your story really resonated with me. My daughter is a similar age, as I think are we. I had been in a very long relationship though with my now husband at the time. We don't have everything you're 'meant' to have before having kids, but we were still young enough that we were able to conceive quite easily.
Loved this video. Myself and my partner have good stable jobs (however both very junior in our careers and would be unusual to have children at this point) but we decided we absolutely did not want to wait to have kids. We didn’t have a house or anywhere to live, we are not married but we realised that the property and career ladders would always be there but my fertility wouldn’t be. We got pregnant at 26 and had our first child at 27. We are definitely younger than most people in the mommy and me classes and our friends probably think we are mental but we are so delighted with our decision. Everyone’s priorities are absolutely different but ours were always having kids.
There is never a right time really, it depends on the priorities, wants and needs of the person/people in question and a host of other circumstances. I am currently pregnant at 33 with my first, the typical advice isn’t why I chose this age not a younger age , it just felt right to me and my partner. We have been warned by well meaning people that I in particular as the person who would carry theoretical baby am “getting older” and the body isn’t the same as “when you are in your 20’s” to the point where it was actually getting quite offensive if I am honest. I know this won’t be everyone, but it only took 3 months for me to conceive. Maybe I’m lucky, not sure, but the point is, do what you need to do when you feel it is the right time for you, the opinions of others who do not understand the intricacies of your life need not dictate your actions.
Thank you! I’m looking at a major career change (lower paid work) and the advice you shared here is relevant to that conversation too! Great to have the encouragement that we can make it work by focusing on reducing expenses instead of fretting too much about trying to increase income.
This is such an important video, thanks for making it! I think it's a rule that has been passed through generation in almost every country that you need a career and a partner to have a baby. And in my opinion no, and you are living proof of that! Careers can change, they can start later, end mid-way, shift, a million things can happen and this should not dictate such an important decision in life as it is having a child. And the partner part, this is just old fashion, and silly, wanting a child of your own should not be tied to a partner, there are other ways: solo parenting, adoption, fostering. I'm glad you are making such important content for people out there! 😎
Hi Bryony! I followed your pregnancy journey and got pregnant myself last year and had my gorgeous baby in November :) watching you was very inspiring to us! Was just wondering if you could please maybe discuss budgeting that has allowed you to get by on a smaller income with having a baby? I'm due to go back to part time work in August and dreading it already
This is such an important message that I feel like a lot of people need to hear, including myself. I think I might send this to my partner who believes that there will be a right time for us to have children, and that time will probably be after we turn 30, whereas I want to have a baby before I’m 30 because of my unknown fertility and the fact that it’s harder on your body as you get older. We’re currently trying to buy property so it’s not a conversation for now, but it’s weighing on my mind because I feel like time is slipping away!
Yup, agree. Better and worse times. And yup the career aspect makes things so tricky, and is pretty much unavoidable that will impact. For me i chose to pursue a PhD and so for both financial and time commitment reasons would not have worked to have a baby. Basically as Soon as i landed a postdoc job, it was the time 😂 Now im in a position where i want a second, but need to wait until ive been at this new position long enough to qualify for maternity leave (only a few months to go 😊🤞🏻)
I’m 14 years older than you and I agree. My husband and I have been struggling with fertility issues these past 3 years trying to have a baby. I was peak into my career and it really took a toll. It would have been easier though created other challenges had we simply started earlier.
This has made me feel better. I chose to have kids young but i never had a career but always wanted to and feel if i dont have a career before 30 ive left it too late but youve definately put it in perspective as i still will have probably over 30 years to do so!
I think the idea that women would just take 3-12 months off to have a baby and then go back like nothing's happened, is ...Absurd. Yup it totally changes your outlook. I did go back full time and am at peace and happy with it, but defs wish i could have taken more time, and yep wish would've been able to go down to say 4days a week.
I wanted more children at a younger age and I am/was happily married from a young age but we couldn’t afford more children and didn’t have our own home. We had our first when I was 24, then our second after 2 years of struggling to fall pregnant when I was age 40 (naturally conceived). We’re in a much better position financially and I’m able to be a full time sahm but gosh I’m worn out this time around. Wish I had had my second much younger but we just couldn’t afford it back then.
It’s interesting how this is culturally different - I’m Italian and we have the opposite pressure: “hurry up, or you’ll be too old”. I have friends who ended up having children for fear of time running out, thinking I’ll work on my career afterwards, and then resented it because they didn’t get a chance to develop in the career they loved because, as you said, it’s a lot harder to do once you have a child.
same where I live not to mention the ones who had kids in a relationship that they really shouldn't have, for fear of getting too old to start searching for a better partner.. at like 26.. and I know a bunch of women who got pregnant in just a few months in their early 30es, so by now I'm convinced that below 35 is fine, unless you have a specific issue. So it is good advice to have that checked early to take that into account but then don't worry about it
So Much on the not being properly educated on your likely fertility. I mean i get it that they want it to be clear and hammer that message home to teens, but the reality that u are actually likely only fertile a couple days out of the month was a Shocker.
This is really interesting. I do want to have children but I never want to be pregnant, I don't care about being biologically related to my kid(s), and I don't want to be a solo parent so we're not in the same position. This might be the kick in the pants I need to look into egg donation seriously though.
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I tend to go by “there’s never a right time, but there is a wrong time”… meaning there are curveballs that might make it not the best time…. But having a child at the time wouldn’t be the absolute wrong route. A wrong time example is being made redundant whilst about to enter expensive IVF (my situation, hence delaying it for about a year).
Couldn’t agree more! Before I got pregnant, my husband and I chatted to our friends and family to see what they wished they’d done before having a baby. Universally, everyone said they wished they had more money. Doesn’t matter how much they earned, saved, etc. whatever they had wasn’t enough. It solidified in my mind that wherever you are financially you’ll make it work
I am 50 in a month. I was a teacher before I had my first child at 28, and a combination of becoming a mum and having to have life changing surgery meant I never went back to teaching. I had a second child just before I was 30 and returned to work, part time, when my youngest went to school. It was a professional role, as have the subsequent roles I have done/do, but I have never gone back to full time work and I have never regretted not pursuing a career and moving up a career ladder. I am also very blessed by the circumstances that have enable me to make this choice.
I know quite a few people who got pregnant for the first time in their 40s without any fertility assistance. It's not impossible. A lot of people are having kids later in life.
Definitely not impossible but also can't be counted on (not that it ever can)
I really enjoyed this video, because I could never relate to those who decided they preferred to wait until well into their 30's to have children because of career, financial stability, etc. When I was a teenager, an adult told me that taking a break from your career when it's well established is much more detrimental for your career and difficult than getting a slower start to your career because you've had children in the beginning of it, but then having the rest of the decades uninterrupted to build your career when your children are a bit more independent. As someone who always wanted a career and multiple children, I really resonated with that and it was one of the main factors why I chose to have children before 30. And yes, financially, you really just make it work, just like you make your day to day life work with the income you have.
Yes! I wanted to become a solo mom from around 25-ish... But I simply couldn't afford it (actually getting pregnant and then caring for a baby/child)... Then at 30 I was able to kind of afford it, so when my last relationship failed I just pulled the trigger.. Got pregnant and had my son at 31 (had him just before turning 32)...he's almost 2 now (turning 2 in August), and I can't imagine my life without him! And although every day isn't easy, it's definitely worth it!
I work full time, but I work remotely.. Which definitely helps as that's how I get chores done etc. My son goes to daycare full time during the week..
I actually thought that I might struggle to get pregnant as I was diagnosed with endometriosis around 21, luckily not severe at all and the lesions were removed... But I've never tried to get pregnant before that time, so I just didn't know... And I was over 30, which is 'old' for fertility these days... Luckily my 2nd medicated IUI worked, I'm still amazed!
Hey just wanted to say your story really resonated with me. My daughter is a similar age, as I think are we. I had been in a very long relationship though with my now husband at the time. We don't have everything you're 'meant' to have before having kids, but we were still young enough that we were able to conceive quite easily.
Loved this video. Myself and my partner have good stable jobs (however both very junior in our careers and would be unusual to have children at this point) but we decided we absolutely did not want to wait to have kids. We didn’t have a house or anywhere to live, we are not married but we realised that the property and career ladders would always be there but my fertility wouldn’t be. We got pregnant at 26 and had our first child at 27. We are definitely younger than most people in the mommy and me classes and our friends probably think we are mental but we are so delighted with our decision. Everyone’s priorities are absolutely different but ours were always having kids.
There is never a right time really, it depends on the priorities, wants and needs of the person/people in question and a host of other circumstances. I am currently pregnant at 33 with my first, the typical advice isn’t why I chose this age not a younger age , it just felt right to me and my partner. We have been warned by well meaning people that I in particular as the person who would carry theoretical baby am “getting older” and the body isn’t the same as “when you are in your 20’s” to the point where it was actually getting quite offensive if I am honest. I know this won’t be everyone, but it only took 3 months for me to conceive. Maybe I’m lucky, not sure, but the point is, do what you need to do when you feel it is the right time for you, the opinions of others who do not understand the intricacies of your life need not dictate your actions.
Thank you! I’m looking at a major career change (lower paid work) and the advice you shared here is relevant to that conversation too! Great to have the encouragement that we can make it work by focusing on reducing expenses instead of fretting too much about trying to increase income.
This is such an important video, thanks for making it! I think it's a rule that has been passed through generation in almost every country that you need a career and a partner to have a baby. And in my opinion no, and you are living proof of that! Careers can change, they can start later, end mid-way, shift, a million things can happen and this should not dictate such an important decision in life as it is having a child. And the partner part, this is just old fashion, and silly, wanting a child of your own should not be tied to a partner, there are other ways: solo parenting, adoption, fostering.
I'm glad you are making such important content for people out there!
😎
Hi Bryony! I followed your pregnancy journey and got pregnant myself last year and had my gorgeous baby in November :) watching you was very inspiring to us!
Was just wondering if you could please maybe discuss budgeting that has allowed you to get by on a smaller income with having a baby? I'm due to go back to part time work in August and dreading it already
In a similar boat to you
This is such an important message that I feel like a lot of people need to hear, including myself. I think I might send this to my partner who believes that there will be a right time for us to have children, and that time will probably be after we turn 30, whereas I want to have a baby before I’m 30 because of my unknown fertility and the fact that it’s harder on your body as you get older. We’re currently trying to buy property so it’s not a conversation for now, but it’s weighing on my mind because I feel like time is slipping away!
Yup, agree. Better and worse times. And yup the career aspect makes things so tricky, and is pretty much unavoidable that will impact. For me i chose to pursue a PhD and so for both financial and time commitment reasons would not have worked to have a baby. Basically as Soon as i landed a postdoc job, it was the time 😂 Now im in a position where i want a second, but need to wait until ive been at this new position long enough to qualify for maternity leave (only a few months to go 😊🤞🏻)
I’m 14 years older than you and I agree. My husband and I have been struggling with fertility issues these past 3 years trying to have a baby. I was peak into my career and it really took a toll. It would have been easier though created other challenges had we simply started earlier.
This has made me feel better. I chose to have kids young but i never had a career but always wanted to and feel if i dont have a career before 30 ive left it too late but youve definately put it in perspective as i still will have probably over 30 years to do so!
I think the idea that women would just take 3-12 months off to have a baby and then go back like nothing's happened, is ...Absurd. Yup it totally changes your outlook. I did go back full time and am at peace and happy with it, but defs wish i could have taken more time, and yep wish would've been able to go down to say 4days a week.
I wanted more children at a younger age and I am/was happily married from a young age but we couldn’t afford more children and didn’t have our own home. We had our first when I was 24, then our second after 2 years of struggling to fall pregnant when I was age 40 (naturally conceived). We’re in a much better position financially and I’m able to be a full time sahm but gosh I’m worn out this time around. Wish I had had my second much younger but we just couldn’t afford it back then.
It’s interesting how this is culturally different - I’m Italian and we have the opposite pressure: “hurry up, or you’ll be too old”. I have friends who ended up having children for fear of time running out, thinking I’ll work on my career afterwards, and then resented it because they didn’t get a chance to develop in the career they loved because, as you said, it’s a lot harder to do once you have a child.
same where I live
not to mention the ones who had kids in a relationship that they really shouldn't have, for fear of getting too old to start searching for a better partner.. at like 26..
and I know a bunch of women who got pregnant in just a few months in their early 30es, so by now I'm convinced that below 35 is fine, unless you have a specific issue. So it is good advice to have that checked early to take that into account but then don't worry about it
So Much on the not being properly educated on your likely fertility. I mean i get it that they want it to be clear and hammer that message home to teens, but the reality that u are actually likely only fertile a couple days out of the month was a Shocker.
This is really interesting. I do want to have children but I never want to be pregnant, I don't care about being biologically related to my kid(s), and I don't want to be a solo parent so we're not in the same position.
This might be the kick in the pants I need to look into egg donation seriously though.
29 & I so appreciate this video ❤