A key idea for me, paraphrased: The reason why we’re exaggeratedly holding on to a specific strategy, is not about that strategy in particular, it’s about our fear that they don’t care about our needs when they want something different. Thank you!
I had to watch this twice as I thought you were speaking to me and my situation. I felt I was out of Healing mode, but after Tuesday and today(Friday) I know I have to attend the Emotional scars from my Ex Person now that I gave my inner kid permission to come out and be in the Moment. Gratitudes for sharing Marianne!💯
Thank you, wish my therapist said this instead of 'focus on the body' - it helps but it's not a full solution if I keep trying to calm myself when a strategy isn't working.
Since I‘m living polyamorously I have to practice this a lot more: differentiating between needs and strategies (or responsibilities). And also talking about it, open up and show the vulnerable part of me to my partner(s). But this is always the fastest way for understanding and getting our needs met. Thank you for your video. I could relate to your words. 🙏🏻
Then why do partners separate? Is it a prerequisite - for resolving clashing "needs"- that the other does some work with the self - NVC or other - or does it suffice one of the partners to do the work for oneself and maybe for the other as well? Thank you Marianne for your up to the point explanations!
Depends: one reason is because some strategies are too important for us to let go of. For example the strategy of having kids. Or living in a certain country. Also, I believe you can just not be a match (anymore). There is chemistry involved that makes it easier to get on the same page with some than with others. It does help when both partners know about NVC, and it can be enough if they are just open to it. Does that answer?
In some cases, mine for example, we seperated(later divorced), because I failed to pay attention to my now needs and catered to and devoted my whole Life to the other. This caused resentment and made me feel unappreciated. For the other, they wanted autonomy, a strategy to leave the commitment.
I think a strategies are different from the needs - So what you say in the first part of the video is confusing to me. Strategies are ways of getting needs met. I think you clarify it later in the video. Strategies are ways of controlling, and affecting a situation to meet needs or to see un met needs, because of un-successful strategies. Thank you for explaining these things, and for the examples.
I don't know if it is possible. I am a climate activist and I like NVC a lot and just had to think about the very stressful and weird way politics work and how NVC might help. For example when different interests are weighed against eachother by who has the most power instead of what needs the people have, one could try to focus on the needs first. It just seems so weird and difficult for me to deal with. Do the needs of the fossil fuel industry and their workers to have stability matter as much as the need for food in places of drought due to heat and the need for drinking water in places where the rivers dry up in summer because there are no glaciers that melt anymore? It seems like the wrong question somehow...
@@emiknapheide1817 I would say that the whole idea is that needs don't clash, you dont have to choose between needs. It's about collaborating as opposed to choosing. That said, in the context you mention and any context where there is hierarchy, another factor comes into play. I dont know enough about this, but my colleague Cara Crisler specialises in it. I just interviewed her because she will be co-teaching a course of mine, if you're curious check here: cupofempathy.com/nonviolent-communication-course/
A key idea for me, paraphrased: The reason why we’re exaggeratedly holding on to a specific strategy, is not about that strategy in particular, it’s about our fear that they don’t care about our needs when they want something different.
Thank you!
Formulation, Strategies are focused on the action expectations. Needs are hidden behind the actions.
I had to watch this twice as I thought you were speaking to me and my situation. I felt I was out of Healing mode, but after Tuesday and today(Friday) I know I have to attend the Emotional scars from my Ex Person now that I gave my inner kid permission to come out and be in the Moment.
Gratitudes for sharing Marianne!💯
Thanks for sharing, wishing you softness in attending to yourself :-)
Thank you, wish my therapist said this instead of 'focus on the body' - it helps but it's not a full solution if I keep trying to calm myself when a strategy isn't working.
Yay, glad to hear that! Will you be at my next webinar? This one: cup-of-empathy.webinargeek.com/nvc-for-love-relationships-7
Thank you
I was really touched
Especially from the part you said that we want to know the others cares about us
I feel happy because i guessed the answer right.
And I feel curious to see me discerning between needs and strategy.
Thank you
Since I‘m living polyamorously I have to practice this a lot more: differentiating between needs and strategies (or responsibilities). And also talking about it, open up and show the vulnerable part of me to my partner(s). But this is always the fastest way for understanding and getting our needs met.
Thank you for your video. I could relate to your words. 🙏🏻
thanks for sharing!! Glad to hear you are applying NVC :-)
I appreciate your insight so clearly expressed. Thank you! ❤️
Thanks!!
Thanks for posting
Then why do partners separate? Is it a prerequisite - for resolving clashing "needs"- that the other does some work with the self - NVC or other - or does it suffice one of the partners to do the work for oneself and maybe for the other as well? Thank you Marianne for your up to the point explanations!
Depends: one reason is because some strategies are too important for us to let go of. For example the strategy of having kids. Or living in a certain country. Also, I believe you can just not be a match (anymore). There is chemistry involved that makes it easier to get on the same page with some than with others. It does help when both partners know about NVC, and it can be enough if they are just open to it. Does that answer?
In some cases, mine for example, we seperated(later divorced), because I failed to pay attention to my now needs and catered to and devoted my whole Life to the other. This caused resentment and made me feel unappreciated. For the other, they wanted autonomy, a strategy to leave the commitment.
True 👍👍❤️💖
I think a strategies are different from the needs - So what you say in the first part of the video is confusing to me. Strategies are ways of getting needs met. I think you clarify it later in the video. Strategies are ways of controlling, and affecting a situation to meet needs or to see un met needs, because of un-successful strategies. Thank you for explaining these things, and for the examples.
⭐⭐❤
How would you think NVC could work in political clashing of needs?
Yes. Is has been used in politics for example Rwanda 🇷🇼 and Israel 🇮🇱 and Palestine 🇵🇸...
@@aurelienyonrac Nice!
In a way the same. Are you asking because you think that it would not work?
I don't know if it is possible. I am a climate activist and I like NVC a lot and just had to think about the very stressful and weird way politics work and how NVC might help. For example when different interests are weighed against eachother by who has the most power instead of what needs the people have, one could try to focus on the needs first. It just seems so weird and difficult for me to deal with. Do the needs of the fossil fuel industry and their workers to have stability matter as much as the need for food in places of drought due to heat and the need for drinking water in places where the rivers dry up in summer because there are no glaciers that melt anymore? It seems like the wrong question somehow...
@@emiknapheide1817 I would say that the whole idea is that needs don't clash, you dont have to choose between needs. It's about collaborating as opposed to choosing. That said, in the context you mention and any context where there is hierarchy, another factor comes into play. I dont know enough about this, but my colleague Cara Crisler specialises in it. I just interviewed her because she will be co-teaching a course of mine, if you're curious check here: cupofempathy.com/nonviolent-communication-course/