"Be a realist with an optimistic spin" is a great way to frame it. I've suppressed my feelings for my whole childhood to get the attachment I needed from my mother. For a while this showed up as toxic positivity as an adult until my emotions exploded out of me and all hell broke loose. I'm at an equilibrium now but it took work to get through my deeply suppressed emotions.
This is a very important message. Especially love "You can't heal what you don't feel." I was raised in a toxic positivity church. Ok so long as one isn't sick. Agonizing, if one is. And if one is in pain, any kind, it's BECAUSE you, they, are thinking wrong. Yet another kick to the teeth of someone suffering. SO unkind. SO invalidating. SO disrespectful. SO wrong.
It encourages you to numb yourself since you can't feel positive while the negative is still there. And numbing often means unhealthy habits plus the inability to feel good things.
This is so true ,I have a friend who is chronically positive,while that can be a nice energy to be around,it's often irritating because she doesn't allow people to be less than.. so if you're struggling she doesn't want to know as she finds it too negative.
I have a challenge with this with a couple of my friends. I have to work on myself not to judge them for their Pollyana attitude because I am a very "aware" person which is what I use to help grow.
"Stay positive" - exactly what my family said to me when I was faced with crippling problems that needed just a little nudge of help to fix. This resulted in catastrophic consequences that were both predictable and avoidable.
What if I claim "But I am an optimist, it's not toxic. I do feel my feelings sometimes. But I rarely even have negative feelings to feel, I just understand things and people. And maybe I feel them just when I'm not alone." --- very often in psychology it's hard to draw a line (toxic/unhealed/impaired/mildly unadjusted/good enough)
Alex, so now you are saying Little Orphan Annie was wrong, that the Sun won't always come out tomorrow?? She was always positive. If you have to be toxic, I think toxic Positivity is the best for of toxicity to have, don't you? I don't see this view...I think it is always good to be positive preferable to being down even if it is toxic. And who cares if you aren't feeling your true emotions? Who wants to feel those sad emotions anyway??
"Be a realist with an optimistic spin" is a great way to frame it. I've suppressed my feelings for my whole childhood to get the attachment I needed from my mother. For a while this showed up as toxic positivity as an adult until my emotions exploded out of me and all hell broke loose. I'm at an equilibrium now but it took work to get through my deeply suppressed emotions.
This is a very important message. Especially love "You can't heal what you don't feel."
I was raised in a toxic positivity church. Ok so long as one isn't sick. Agonizing, if one is. And if one is in pain, any kind, it's BECAUSE you, they, are thinking wrong. Yet another kick to the teeth of someone suffering.
SO unkind. SO invalidating. SO disrespectful. SO wrong.
It encourages you to numb yourself since you can't feel positive while the negative is still there. And numbing often means unhealthy habits plus the inability to feel good things.
This is so true ,I have a friend who is chronically positive,while that can be a nice energy to be around,it's often irritating because she doesn't allow people to be less than.. so if you're struggling she doesn't want to know as she finds it too negative.
I have a challenge with this with a couple of my friends. I have to work on myself not to judge them for their Pollyana attitude because I am a very "aware" person which is what I use to help grow.
"Stay positive" - exactly what my family said to me when I was faced with crippling problems that needed just a little nudge of help to fix. This resulted in catastrophic consequences that were both predictable and avoidable.
Totally agree that we can't heal what we don't feel. Great message!
Very helpful
What if I claim "But I am an optimist, it's not toxic. I do feel my feelings sometimes. But I rarely even have negative feelings to feel, I just understand things and people. And maybe I feel them just when I'm not alone." --- very often in psychology it's hard to draw a line (toxic/unhealed/impaired/mildly unadjusted/good enough)
Toxic positivity is rigid they are definitely not being relational!
Alex, so now you are saying Little Orphan Annie was wrong, that the Sun won't always come out tomorrow?? She was always positive. If you have to be toxic, I think toxic Positivity is the best for of toxicity to have, don't you? I don't see this view...I think it is always good to be positive preferable to being down even if it is toxic. And who cares if you aren't feeling your true emotions? Who wants to feel those sad emotions anyway??