Being blind all my life, I listen to audiobooks and other stories as a matter of course. This guy is right up there at the top with his narrations. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if they ever made virtual reality for the Blind community. Would I play such a game if something like that existed? Yes I would. Even if it were dangerous.
@@noahokayama3825 to be honest, I wouldn’t probably get the M NeuroLink technology but if it were just a headset that I can put on and takeoff I’d be OK with that. Although now, after getting through the entirety of the story, maybe I might rethink things and not play such a game.
That's a really interesting idea. My mom has been blind in one eye her entire life and she's going fully blind within 5 years..she doesn't have depth perception. I wonder if she could experience virtual 3D then..
allencolvin5231 3 days ago Being blind all my life, I listen to audiobooks and other stories as a matter of course, allen colvin were you in Arkansas Blind School or better Austin Texas Blind School? I think you would enjoy this story, it is Long The Interface Series (1-15) - _9MOTHER9HORSE9EYES9 26K views 6 years ago Thee Landstander My idea is I can do a few posts at a time, resulting in fairly short videos in between my usual fare
@@einienj3281unfortunately not, neurolink basically allows you to interface either with your phone or a computer directly with your brain. You would need some type of mechanical eye, retina or whatever organ isn't working replaced to regain vision. Unless every part of the eye's is working fine and the fault and therefore reason for sight loss is after the image is seen by the eye, somethings going wrong somewhere on the images journey being reflected and transported, picked up and understood by the brain. In that case neurolink still won't work as it only allows you interface with a computer or similar device. They dont sell mechanical eye's yet but you can defo get eye transplants. If you live in a country with healthcare you have about 0% chance to get one and anywhere in the west they cost more than an arm and leg put together but if you don't mind how unethically the eye is sourced, they are very cheap in china, about 1/8 the price of Europe and that that includes the surgeon performing surgery, you have to pay 20k after even buying the eye here jisf to get them to fit it 😮
Am I the only one who noticed how hilariously useless the main character was to the team at the end? Their only contribution being moral support and keeping the team focused
This was a great dark web video game story. Excellent creation by author and excellent narration by narrator, one in the same 😉. Thank you, @Dr. Creepen. Have a splendid weekend ❤🤗🌟
I had to cut you out the past few weeks. You were doing a story about Vietnam. We lost my father-in-law a week and a half ago, he was a Vietnam vet. I love your narrations, and please don't change for me, your followers would hate that. I'll go back and listen later, however, I am back, and you didn't disappoint. Ty for being you.
As always love the narration doc, and your writing is getting better and better every time! I also love your optimism of the world thrown in them about governments actually responding and acting in the peoples best interests, it’s a nice change from the stories that use them as a big bad who are behind all the bad things happening in the story
CONGRATULATIONS! If I'm not mistaken, this is the first story written by the famous Darius McCorkendale to receive 10,000 views in one day. Very well deserved!
Thank you Dr Creepen for another awesome pasta. Excellent story and narration as typical for you. Definitely love the story. I'm sitting back and relaxing with my bottle of rum, and binge listening to your pastas. Thank you for everything you do my great doctor. 🖤🖤🖤🖤
@@DrCreepen Start to finish, it rings of both nostalgia and creepiness of a future one might wish for, and wish to avoid as well! Thank you for your inspiring story.
I bought some merchandise and forgot to post it. I'll be sure to do it later I do enjoy supporting narrators and this is the best way to do it. By the Dr, if I had a story for you to read could you do it? And where do I send inquiries?
Ah, another brilliant and amazing story, Doc. The only critique I'd have for you, is that the world of Utopia and the AI was a bit overly repetitive, which in and of itself is completely fine, but I felt like there could have been more elaborate details that could have been added. Not just when he'd be taken back into the world, but also in the beginning of the story. Sure, it's fine to generalize a lot of things, and you don't want to add any unnecessary details, but perhaps adding more description of what the game was like to help with world building, no pun intended. Perhaps just giving examples of the quests that you'd be sent out on in the game, and then after he'd thought he'd escaped, he'd begin to notice similarities in tasks that people would ask him to help out with; and maybe making him think that they had requested for him to aid in a war against monsters found in the game, using the same dialogue that an NPC whom had given the same quest option to players in Utopia. Leaving the MC to initially believe that despite the coincidence, he could have sworn that they said what he initially heard, but, when asking them what they meant by that, and what were they even talking about, they'll seem confused or concerned, either telling him that they hadn't said anything, or that they simply had requested him to hand them an object (maybe they're on top of a ladder, or something, and it'd just be easier to have someone passing by or working with them just reach up to give them something sitting just out of reach, you get the idea) that he was standing right next to, leading him to think he was beginning to go crazy, or question whether or not he was still in the game, or just overly exhausted from lack of sleep due to strange nightmares he couldn't recall. Also, perhaps instead of repeating the cycle for a third time of him being forced into the game, make it so the AI is trying to brainwash him by changing the world to instead emulate the game more akin to real life within the game as well. This could add some diversity in the story, and help with further blurring the line of reality even further. Perhaps the whole time this would lead the main character to never truly know if he's in reality or within the game, and be unable to even tell the difference after it continued to evolve, making him not want to leave, let alone attack the AI or the world it had created for everyone on an individual level. Maybe in the simulated reality, it would almost be like an alternative universe, where a loved one or good friend, whom had tragically died in an accident, or health complications, and so on would be there, and everyone would try to convince him that whatever happened to that person never actually did happen. You could also have them tell the MC that it's true that the person had almost lost their life, but survived through it, due to a small change in the virtual reality timeline. Lastly, another idea for a story based off of virtual reality, you could go for a twist at the end that he actually was always just an advanced NPC that the company had spent extra time and effort on to make it think and truly believe that it was real, as well. All in all though, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and if you'd like to incorporate any of the ideas that I've presented here into a story of your own (same goes for anybody who took the time to read this, lol), if you'd like to. I'd be honored, in fact, if any of these things inspire you or any other authors out there. ❤ I hope you and your family are doing well, by the way, and that your teaching career is as fulfilling as you'd hoped it to be. I'm sure that teaching, on any level / grade must be a daunting task, so yeah, I guess I better wrap this up as it's already gone on far too long, eh? Haha. Warm Regards, Ben
Why did I just listen to slightly different readings of the same story three times in a row. If I may offer criticism, variety and background info would have been appreciated. I would have liked more info on the humans behind the ai since someone had to have created it as, well as what experiment they were actually running. I had also pegged his mysterious hacker friend (the one who didn't come in person for the second fight) to be a traitor and was kind of disappointed when nothing ever came of this blatantly mysterious man. It was a good story, and I did finish it. I also think the Grammer and word choice as well as the writing style are good. I wish you all the best and hope you write more amazing stories in the future. Sorry for the wall of text.
Thank you. To be honest, Specter's story was deliberately ambiguous, in case I wanted to revisit this story and his charcter could play a big part in the continuation.
Spoiler Alert, so don't read this if you haven't listened yet: Wait a minute...I just got the full impact. What about the implant? Isn't it inside the brain? So just taking off the VR ...doesn't do any good? Aack!
Really good story good Dr, very reminiscent of the Otherworld series by Tad Williams and of course certain aspects of The Matrix, thus begging the question of once locked into a VR world run by an advanced and evolving AI consciousness, how can you ever know for certain that you've gotten out? Thank you once again for one of your tales
Very captivating story. Great narration as always. It reminded me about a dream I had at the beginning of the AI craze. In that dream I was fighting malicious AI, only to discover it was already inside my head influencing my thoughts. The story - besides that theme - was nothing like "Utopia", but I think you would like the atmosphere. It could match Dr Creepen's worlds.
Is this a few years old? I feel like I heard this before. They are placed inside of a vr utopia and there's like a crazy dude involved I don't know.😂 maybe I'm thinking of that episode from black mirror or some similar TV show.
Yeah The Good Dr. Is In The House! 🧡💚 Hi A.J.! 💙💜 Absolutely Excellent Writing, what a Great Story! 🩷 Keep up the Fantastic Work Dr. Creepen! 🥰😱👻🐺🐈⬛🐾🙏✌️
The premise of the story and the first part were pretty good, but towards the end the execution became less good. 1. You often repeated phrases, like "The AI threw everything it had on me" or "it's wasn't over" in various forms. You could tighten that and only use it once in the most important moment. 2. The third part was a lot of telling and very little showing. That's why their journey remained very abstract. You mentioned a few creatures and psychoterrors, but it could have used more fleshed-out scenes about how they were dealing with those things and with the traps. What traps were that even? 3. The problem I see there is that the AI is basically god in the game. It seems to have no limits and could easily just kill them by, I don't know, turning the floor into lava. You should give it limits. Maybe it can operate only within certain rules within the game. For example if it had to submit to the programmed in-game physics, then it could only create landscapes and creatures that had some kind of internal logic. The floor-turns-to-lava would then have to have an in-game cause and happen relatively slowly. Maybe by an actual in-game volcano. The insta-change could not happen and thus give the heros a reasonable chance of escape. I also expected a bit more body horror. If they went through so many dangers, did they lose limbs? Did they suffer from hunger and thirst? Did some of their group experience mental breakdowns and had to be soothed and coaxed back to action by their allies? Or were the others forced to leave them behind? 4. You should describe more of the details of how they interact with their environment within the game. Both in the first part and in the third. We only learn that they talk to "NPCs", but what else? Do they have tools or weapons? What do they actually do or discover all day? Once you establish that, you can also explain how Lisa is able to hack into the game while being trapped in the game itself or what they use to fight against the creatures and overcome the traps. 5. The entire mechanism of how the AI was able to turn reality back into the game is very unclear. I thought maybe it had "infected" the neural implant or whatever they were using to log in and basically caused hallucinations. But you never explained that.
A very thorough list of points; I've taken all this on board. There were a couple of aspects to the story I really struggled with and hoped that 'suspension of disbelief' would allow me to get away with it!
This is a pretty decent story so far. Im only 30 minutes in, but im sure it will continue. If i may give you a small piece of advice though..... in your descriptions of things, ive noticed that you double speak. For instance you mentioned about how the main character was getting settled back into school again, and then like 2-3 sentences later you basically stated the same thing just arranged in a different way. When reading or listening to a story, im the kind of person who likes a lot of description but i dont like to be told the same thing over and over again. Its redundant. But i must say your writing has greatly improved. Good for you!
Reunited and it feels so good, except, boom, snap, back to reality ..wtf..did I just quote Peaches & Herb and Eminem in the same (sort of) sentence? 🤔🤣Excellent story as always Agent McCorkindale, your payment should post soon...(glitch, glitch)...Sincerely, Neuralink. 🤣Seriously, though, good job, I really liked this!
Utopia.. Unbelievable, Unrealistic, Unreachable, U.. 8 billion people will never be all happy at the same time. While alive, anyway... 😅 Thank You dear Doctor 💜🌍
I've been reading books on 'how to write' which I think is actually to the detriment of my writing style. I feel I'm way too focused on a fast moving plot and it's at a cost to character development. I'll get the hang of this eventually, I hope.
@@DrCreepenyou do have really great scenes. In the story with the mind control in the water (sorry I forgot the title, I'm horrible with those) in the beginning you built tension wonderfully! The neighborhood being affected, then the friend, you could tell something was very wrong not because you told us, but because you showed us the danger. It is a fantastic opening where I think your natural talent really does shine through in a way that does it justice. Just remember that pacing in a story doesn't require break neck speed. Take your time! Listen to how you're feeling. You've commented before where you believe you have weak spots so you know where you want to go and I fear the books on writing might be holding you back. We're your fans, we listen to you for hours every week. If you end up writing a long story with multiple parts, do you think we'll be upset? Quite the opposite! I have complete faith in you to find the balance between your voice as an author and practical writing advice. You have fantastic ideas. You can craft very skillful scenes. Don't let the doubts and advice steamroll you, okay? It's a trap a lot of writers fall into. Remember you're not writing stories for the authors of those books or even us. We benefit, but the stories are yours. Do them the justice they deserve your way.
While I LOVE your channel and have been binging old content for the last couple days (amazing compilations), I’m not quite a fan of this one. It was too Sword Art Online/Matrix revolutions. There was so much technical story happening that I didn’t really care about the main character or anyone stuck in the game. (Other than the basic trope of being the hero save your ‘friends’) It may have been awesome if he woke up in the end where he first tried the game and only a few hours had passed!! You come out feeling like you’ve lived years of adventure only it’s driven by your state of mind. He was paranoid looking for glitches… he found them and “saved the world”. End Game.
I knew it couldn't be real when he said "The world reacted swiftly and decisively."
🙃
😂😂
One time, we'd be wrong 🫠
😂😂😂😂
Sorry; that was an extremely cliche sentence!
Being blind all my life, I listen to audiobooks and other stories as a matter of course. This guy is right up there at the top with his narrations. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if they ever made virtual reality for the Blind community. Would I play such a game if something like that existed? Yes I would. Even if it were dangerous.
Would you get the neuralink implant if it meant you’d be able to do that?
@@noahokayama3825 to be honest, I wouldn’t probably get the
M NeuroLink technology but if it were just a headset that I can put on and takeoff I’d be OK with that. Although now, after getting through the entirety of the story, maybe I might rethink things and not play such a game.
That's a really interesting idea. My mom has been blind in one eye her entire life and she's going fully blind within 5 years..she doesn't have depth perception. I wonder if she could experience virtual 3D then..
allencolvin5231
3 days ago
Being blind all my life, I listen to audiobooks and other stories as a matter of course,
allen colvin were you in Arkansas Blind School or better Austin Texas Blind School?
I think you would enjoy this story, it is Long
The Interface Series (1-15) - _9MOTHER9HORSE9EYES9
26K views 6 years ago
Thee Landstander
My idea is I can do a few posts at a time, resulting in fairly short videos in between my usual fare
@@einienj3281unfortunately not, neurolink basically allows you to interface either with your phone or a computer directly with your brain. You would need some type of mechanical eye, retina or whatever organ isn't working replaced to regain vision. Unless every part of the eye's is working fine and the fault and therefore reason for sight loss is after the image is seen by the eye, somethings going wrong somewhere on the images journey being reflected and transported, picked up and understood by the brain. In that case neurolink still won't work as it only allows you interface with a computer or similar device. They dont sell mechanical eye's yet but you can defo get eye transplants. If you live in a country with healthcare you have about 0% chance to get one and anywhere in the west they cost more than an arm and leg put together but if you don't mind how unethically the eye is sourced, they are very cheap in china, about 1/8 the price of Europe and that that includes the surgeon performing surgery, you have to pay 20k after even buying the eye here jisf to get them to fit it 😮
Am I the only one who noticed how hilariously useless the main character was to the team at the end? Their only contribution being moral support and keeping the team focused
I had Arthur Dent from HGTTG in mind, to be honest.
This was a great dark web video game story. Excellent creation by author and excellent narration by narrator, one in the same 😉. Thank you, @Dr. Creepen. Have a splendid weekend ❤🤗🌟
Cannot get enough of your writing, Doctor. Never stop!
Time to watch a new CREEPEN DR. video!
Star Trek: TNG episode, "The Game" This story reminds me of that so much, with the aliens being replaced by AI.
I had to cut you out the past few weeks. You were doing a story about Vietnam. We lost my father-in-law a week and a half ago, he was a Vietnam vet. I love your narrations, and please don't change for me, your followers would hate that. I'll go back and listen later, however, I am back, and you didn't disappoint. Ty for being you.
My pleasure :)
❤❤❤Another of your great stories and narration! Very much appreciated I'm going to really enjoy this! Thankyou ❤❤❤
Enjoy!
As always love the narration doc, and your writing is getting better and better every time! I also love your optimism of the world thrown in them about governments actually responding and acting in the peoples best interests, it’s a nice change from the stories that use them as a big bad who are behind all the bad things happening in the story
CONGRATULATIONS! If I'm not mistaken, this is the first story written by the famous Darius McCorkendale to receive 10,000 views in one day. Very well deserved!
Yes, it is!
Thanks so much Dr.! 😃🌹
You're most welcome!
NeuroTech: "you're in a simulation, within a bigger simulation, all within another giant simulation."
😂😂😂
Time to sit back with
0ur favorite narrator.
❤👑❤
Cheers Doc! Good evening all, have a good weekend. ❤
Thank you Dr Creepen for another awesome pasta. Excellent story and narration as typical for you. Definitely love the story. I'm sitting back and relaxing with my bottle of rum, and binge listening to your pastas. Thank you for everything you do my great doctor. 🖤🖤🖤🖤
Stoic DV here. Wow, I'm LOVING the beginning of this story! Won't be falling asleep to this one on the first listen.
Hope you enjoy it!
@@DrCreepen Start to finish, it rings of both nostalgia and creepiness of a future one might wish for, and wish to avoid as well! Thank you for your inspiring story.
This should be very interesting!
Nice Job as usual Doc! Very enjoyable! ❤
This is the Matrix. Alex was becoming Neo and the A.I. was Agent Smith. And since no one made a Matrix reference, I will
Ultimate? We shall see.
I have a horrible tendency to add words like that to my titles.
personal opinion I thank Dr creepen is the best narrator
I bought some merchandise and forgot to post it. I'll be sure to do it later I do enjoy supporting narrators and this is the best way to do it. By the Dr, if I had a story for you to read could you do it? And where do I send inquiries?
My subreddit is in the vid description.
First😂
Cheers 😊
Great job, doc!!! Ur really good!!
Thank you!
Excellent story- I already have a huge mistrust of AI - this cinched my beliefs . Wonderful narration Dr Creepen as always
Glad you enjoyed it!
Everything you read is just wonderful
Loving all the stories 🎉
A lil more descriptive writing would’ve launched this into an ARG fanaticism
Ah, another brilliant and amazing story, Doc. The only critique I'd have for you, is that the world of Utopia and the AI was a bit overly repetitive, which in and of itself is completely fine, but I felt like there could have been more elaborate details that could have been added. Not just when he'd be taken back into the world, but also in the beginning of the story. Sure, it's fine to generalize a lot of things, and you don't want to add any unnecessary details, but perhaps adding more description of what the game was like to help with world building, no pun intended. Perhaps just giving examples of the quests that you'd be sent out on in the game, and then after he'd thought he'd escaped, he'd begin to notice similarities in tasks that people would ask him to help out with; and maybe making him think that they had requested for him to aid in a war against monsters found in the game, using the same dialogue that an NPC whom had given the same quest option to players in Utopia. Leaving the MC to initially believe that despite the coincidence, he could have sworn that they said what he initially heard, but, when asking them what they meant by that, and what were they even talking about, they'll seem confused or concerned, either telling him that they hadn't said anything, or that they simply had requested him to hand them an object (maybe they're on top of a ladder, or something, and it'd just be easier to have someone passing by or working with them just reach up to give them something sitting just out of reach, you get the idea) that he was standing right next to, leading him to think he was beginning to go crazy, or question whether or not he was still in the game, or just overly exhausted from lack of sleep due to strange nightmares he couldn't recall.
Also, perhaps instead of repeating the cycle for a third time of him being forced into the game, make it so the AI is trying to brainwash him by changing the world to instead emulate the game more akin to real life within the game as well. This could add some diversity in the story, and help with further blurring the line of reality even further.
Perhaps the whole time this would lead the main character to never truly know if he's in reality or within the game, and be unable to even tell the difference after it continued to evolve, making him not want to leave, let alone attack the AI or the world it had created for everyone on an individual level. Maybe in the simulated reality, it would almost be like an alternative universe, where a loved one or good friend, whom had tragically died in an accident, or health complications, and so on would be there, and everyone would try to convince him that whatever happened to that person never actually did happen. You could also have them tell the MC that it's true that the person had almost lost their life, but survived through it, due to a small change in the virtual reality timeline.
Lastly, another idea for a story based off of virtual reality, you could go for a twist at the end that he actually was always just an advanced NPC that the company had spent extra time and effort on to make it think and truly believe that it was real, as well.
All in all though, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and if you'd like to incorporate any of the ideas that I've presented here into a story of your own (same goes for anybody who took the time to read this, lol), if you'd like to. I'd be honored, in fact, if any of these things inspire you or any other authors out there. ❤
I hope you and your family are doing well, by the way, and that your teaching career is as fulfilling as you'd hoped it to be. I'm sure that teaching, on any level / grade must be a daunting task, so yeah, I guess I better wrap this up as it's already gone on far too long, eh? Haha.
Warm Regards,
Ben
Good points, thank you!
One of my favorite stories!
I think I love you :)
⭐️Listening to your narrations is fantastic.
Thank you! 😊
@@DrCreepen
You're more than welcome.
Another McCorkindale original. Woohoo!
City of Golden Shadow is a book about VR and it going wrong and conspiracy. This story reminded me of it. The book is really good.
Wow. Well written doctor. Ironically it's where we are heading now unfortunately... Very well done doctor...
Excellent story...
Really sparks the imagination and disturbing real-world patterns of probability. 🤔
Cheers Good Dr, great story and narration. Wishing you a great weekend, Blessings from Scotland. 🙏 ⚔️🏴⚔️🌹
Same to you!
Thanks Doc...You ROCK...🤘☢️🤘
Why did I just listen to slightly different readings of the same story three times in a row. If I may offer criticism, variety and background info would have been appreciated. I would have liked more info on the humans behind the ai since someone had to have created it as, well as what experiment they were actually running. I had also pegged his mysterious hacker friend (the one who didn't come in person for the second fight) to be a traitor and was kind of disappointed when nothing ever came of this blatantly mysterious man.
It was a good story, and I did finish it. I also think the Grammer and word choice as well as the writing style are good.
I wish you all the best and hope you write more amazing stories in the future. Sorry for the wall of text.
Thank you. To be honest, Specter's story was deliberately ambiguous, in case I wanted to revisit this story and his charcter could play a big part in the continuation.
allencolvin5231
3 days ago
Being blind all my life, I listen to audiobooks and other stories as a matter of course
Spoiler Alert, so don't read this if you haven't listened yet: Wait a minute...I just got the full impact. What about the implant? Isn't it inside the brain? So just taking off the VR ...doesn't do any good? Aack!
I literally use this to sleep every night
I'm sure the main character NEVER escaped the virtual world in the first place.
Really good story good Dr, very reminiscent of the Otherworld series by Tad Williams and of course certain aspects of The Matrix, thus begging the question of once locked into a VR world run by an advanced and evolving AI consciousness, how can you ever know for certain that you've gotten out?
Thank you once again for one of your tales
Thanks 😊
You're welcome!
Very captivating story. Great narration as always.
It reminded me about a dream I had at the beginning of the AI craze. In that dream I was fighting malicious AI, only to discover it was already inside my head influencing my thoughts. The story - besides that theme - was nothing like "Utopia", but I think you would like the atmosphere. It could match Dr Creepen's worlds.
Hurray
New dark web story
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️👍👌🇬🇧
You seem to write stories really fast
Haha... you have no idea! I started this one in 2021.
@DrCreepen Ohh, haha. I knew things aren't always as they seem. 👏
Whoop Whoop homies
✌🏻🐵✌🏻
👋😌💤💤💤 thanks doctor
Most welcome!
Is this a few years old? I feel like I heard this before. They are placed inside of a vr utopia and there's like a crazy dude involved I don't know.😂 maybe I'm thinking of that episode from black mirror or some similar TV show.
Yeah The Good Dr. Is In The House! 🧡💚 Hi A.J.! 💙💜 Absolutely Excellent Writing, what a Great Story! 🩷 Keep up the Fantastic Work Dr. Creepen! 🥰😱👻🐺🐈⬛🐾🙏✌️
Thanks so much!
The premise of the story and the first part were pretty good, but towards the end the execution became less good.
1. You often repeated phrases, like "The AI threw everything it had on me" or "it's wasn't over" in various forms. You could tighten that and only use it once in the most important moment.
2. The third part was a lot of telling and very little showing. That's why their journey remained very abstract. You mentioned a few creatures and psychoterrors, but it could have used more fleshed-out scenes about how they were dealing with those things and with the traps. What traps were that even?
3. The problem I see there is that the AI is basically god in the game. It seems to have no limits and could easily just kill them by, I don't know, turning the floor into lava.
You should give it limits. Maybe it can operate only within certain rules within the game. For example if it had to submit to the programmed in-game physics, then it could only create landscapes and creatures that had some kind of internal logic. The floor-turns-to-lava would then have to have an in-game cause and happen relatively slowly. Maybe by an actual in-game volcano. The insta-change could not happen and thus give the heros a reasonable chance of escape.
I also expected a bit more body horror. If they went through so many dangers, did they lose limbs? Did they suffer from hunger and thirst? Did some of their group experience mental breakdowns and had to be soothed and coaxed back to action by their allies? Or were the others forced to leave them behind?
4. You should describe more of the details of how they interact with their environment within the game. Both in the first part and in the third. We only learn that they talk to "NPCs", but what else? Do they have tools or weapons? What do they actually do or discover all day?
Once you establish that, you can also explain how Lisa is able to hack into the game while being trapped in the game itself or what they use to fight against the creatures and overcome the traps.
5. The entire mechanism of how the AI was able to turn reality back into the game is very unclear. I thought maybe it had "infected" the neural implant or whatever they were using to log in and basically caused hallucinations. But you never explained that.
A very thorough list of points; I've taken all this on board. There were a couple of aspects to the story I really struggled with and hoped that 'suspension of disbelief' would allow me to get away with it!
@@DrCreepen You'll improve! :)
I think you have potential. Your stories are already pretty good.
Awesome story; my husband & I enjoyed it!❤ More on the Utopia battle.
starts off sounding like Greed Island
At it's core this story is a variation of Sword Art Online.
SAO with a twist
This is a pretty decent story so far. Im only 30 minutes in, but im sure it will continue. If i may give you a small piece of advice though..... in your descriptions of things, ive noticed that you double speak. For instance you mentioned about how the main character was getting settled back into school again, and then like 2-3 sentences later you basically stated the same thing just arranged in a different way. When reading or listening to a story, im the kind of person who likes a lot of description but i dont like to be told the same thing over and over again. Its redundant. But i must say your writing has greatly improved. Good for you!
I'm still learning the craft of writing!
@@DrCreepen you are doing quite well. You seem to be a quick learner! 👍
Reunited and it feels so good, except, boom, snap, back to reality ..wtf..did I just quote Peaches & Herb and Eminem in the same (sort of) sentence? 🤔🤣Excellent story as always Agent McCorkindale, your payment should post soon...(glitch, glitch)...Sincerely, Neuralink. 🤣Seriously, though, good job, I really liked this!
that was double palpible...
This one tells v shows.
Sir Darius 😮
Utopia.. Unbelievable, Unrealistic, Unreachable, U.. 8 billion people will never be all happy at the same time. While alive, anyway... 😅
Thank You dear Doctor 💜🌍
Ok Doc, I mean Darius, I’m getting a real Jumanji vibe here..
Good play on the animes Log Horizon and Sword Art Online.
Got some code lyoko vibes with renegade ai(xana) reslly good story
The beginning of this sounds like my 68 year old father with Second Life 😮💨
Why is this story seem so familiar to sword art online
Thought the title meant it was made by ai, wasnt gonna click at first 💀
this one feels like it was written by an AI. the style is extremely inconsistent with the authors previous works too.
I've been reading books on 'how to write' which I think is actually to the detriment of my writing style. I feel I'm way too focused on a fast moving plot and it's at a cost to character development. I'll get the hang of this eventually, I hope.
@@DrCreepenyou do have really great scenes. In the story with the mind control in the water (sorry I forgot the title, I'm horrible with those) in the beginning you built tension wonderfully! The neighborhood being affected, then the friend, you could tell something was very wrong not because you told us, but because you showed us the danger. It is a fantastic opening where I think your natural talent really does shine through in a way that does it justice. Just remember that pacing in a story doesn't require break neck speed. Take your time! Listen to how you're feeling. You've commented before where you believe you have weak spots so you know where you want to go and I fear the books on writing might be holding you back. We're your fans, we listen to you for hours every week. If you end up writing a long story with multiple parts, do you think we'll be upset? Quite the opposite! I have complete faith in you to find the balance between your voice as an author and practical writing advice. You have fantastic ideas. You can craft very skillful scenes. Don't let the doubts and advice steamroll you, okay? It's a trap a lot of writers fall into. Remember you're not writing stories for the authors of those books or even us. We benefit, but the stories are yours. Do them the justice they deserve your way.
@@DrCreepenI love your style ❤
While I LOVE your channel and have been binging old content for the last couple days (amazing compilations), I’m not quite a fan of this one. It was too Sword Art Online/Matrix revolutions. There was so much technical story happening that I didn’t really care about the main character or anyone stuck in the game. (Other than the basic trope of being the hero save your ‘friends’)
It may have been awesome if he woke up in the end where he first tried the game and only a few hours had passed!!
You come out feeling like you’ve lived years of adventure only it’s driven by your state of mind. He was paranoid looking for glitches… he found them and “saved the world”.
End Game.
Fair enough... I tried to pack a lot of stuff into a relatively short story.
Isn’t this just SAO but better
I happen to like AI and virtual reality.
I don't want such technology destroyed because one bad thing happens.
Basically the message I got from the story is. All cool technology is bad.
AI bad
VR bad.
Sorry but I don't hate or fear technology like that.
Great story, Doctor. You are very talented. Always, xoxome, Bon Humboldt County USA 🌲🤪🦸🧚🤸
Thank you kindly!