TOKENS Waking up on that day The day after tragedy. It still felt like a dream Or more like a nightmare. I can’t believe it’s even real. There was some irony the night before On the drive from Disney World. I asked my mother, Who already heard the news, To play a song from Dear Evan Hansen It was A Part Of Me. “I can’t believe it’s even real.” Going down to the service Watching Mary Poppins. The sequel just came out And we were on our way there. I can’t believe it’s even real. I don’t remember anything there Just seeing new people. They knew me because of him But I never knew them. I can’t believe it’s even real. I got my first token from there A bunch of photos Time we spent together They are my phone wallpapers. I can’t believe it’s even real. At a funeral or service Is when people should feel awkward. Because if they knew what to say They’ve been through this too often. I said something like that About how nobody should know what to say To my friend’s sister At the service that day. I can’t believe it’s even real. After that we went to the theater One over in Huntsville. To see Mary Poppins Returns. I still have a pin from that day It is my second token Just sitting on my dresser. I can’t believe it’s even real. Then it was all over And the day was done. Everybody else probably Went back to their normal routine. But the memories still remain Along with the pain. I can believe it’s real. I will never forget that December day When my life fully changed. After that, I could never go back Loss is a one way track. I can believe it’s real. There are two more tokens, Ones I got later. The first was a kindle Because he got me back into reading. It’s rare when I go a day without it Since it makes me think of him. I can believe it’s real. Later in Disney World That 2019 summer I got one final token To remind me of him A thimble of his ashes. It is near the pin, on my dresser. I can believe it’s real. These tokens ensure I will remember him As if I could ever forget. I see the ashes when I wake up And the photos when it’s my phone. I believe it’s real. The pin I rarely see, It is just too small. There was no reason to keep it But I can never throw it away. I believe it’s real. The kindle is what is used most days To make me think of him I put it near my glasses So it is what I see first thing in the morning. I believe it’s real. Loss is something hard to understand At least it was for me. It’s different between a friend And a pet. I believe it’s real. He was my best friend One who I had fun with. But our time is long gone With one still here and one in ashes. I know it’s real. It was him who inspired many interests From music to reading. He kept trying to get me to listen to one song It took some time, but I did. I know it’s real. If I could say one thing to him Right before he died, I thought long and hard about this But it would be “Goodbye.” I know it’s real. When somebody leaves, And you didn’t know. It hurts because of that one thing They never said goodbye. I know it’s real. One thing I wish I showed him To give a bit of joy Was marble racing I don’t know if he would have liked it. I know it’s real. There are so many hobbies That I got from him Like online gaming and D&D He found what worked. I know it’s real. We were so similar Him and I. Both our moms worked together And we each had an older sister. Yet our lives went down such different directions Despite all we had in common. I know it. He hated when I was on my phone Just playing video games He made me realize I was addicted to it But after his death, I’ve used it more than ever. I know it. He was more creative than me too We played D&D on Fridays It was just him and I He got me into the hobby Yet he made the world real. I never congratulated him for that. I know it. There is so much I wish I did I have much to regret But I can’t change the past As much as I want to. I know it. I made peace with that last year But it does not reduce the sting Or make it magically disappear Nothing can. Only time can reduce the sting Dad helped explain that to me. I know. If I could go back And only say one thing that day It would be goodbye Just for that closure. I know.
TOKENS
Waking up on that day
The day after tragedy.
It still felt like a dream
Or more like a nightmare.
I can’t believe it’s even real.
There was some irony the night before
On the drive from Disney World.
I asked my mother,
Who already heard the news,
To play a song from Dear Evan Hansen
It was A Part Of Me.
“I can’t believe it’s even real.”
Going down to the service
Watching Mary Poppins.
The sequel just came out
And we were on our way there.
I can’t believe it’s even real.
I don’t remember anything there
Just seeing new people.
They knew me because of him
But I never knew them.
I can’t believe it’s even real.
I got my first token from there
A bunch of photos
Time we spent together
They are my phone wallpapers.
I can’t believe it’s even real.
At a funeral or service
Is when people should feel awkward.
Because if they knew what to say
They’ve been through this too often.
I said something like that
About how nobody should know what to say
To my friend’s sister
At the service that day.
I can’t believe it’s even real.
After that we went to the theater
One over in Huntsville.
To see Mary Poppins Returns.
I still have a pin from that day
It is my second token
Just sitting on my dresser.
I can’t believe it’s even real.
Then it was all over
And the day was done.
Everybody else probably
Went back to their normal routine.
But the memories still remain
Along with the pain.
I can believe it’s real.
I will never forget that December day
When my life fully changed.
After that, I could never go back
Loss is a one way track.
I can believe it’s real.
There are two more tokens,
Ones I got later.
The first was a kindle
Because he got me back into reading.
It’s rare when I go a day without it
Since it makes me think of him.
I can believe it’s real.
Later in Disney World
That 2019 summer
I got one final token
To remind me of him
A thimble of his ashes.
It is near the pin, on my dresser.
I can believe it’s real.
These tokens ensure I will remember him
As if I could ever forget.
I see the ashes when I wake up
And the photos when it’s my phone.
I believe it’s real.
The pin I rarely see,
It is just too small.
There was no reason to keep it
But I can never throw it away.
I believe it’s real.
The kindle is what is used most days
To make me think of him
I put it near my glasses
So it is what I see first thing in the morning.
I believe it’s real.
Loss is something hard to understand
At least it was for me.
It’s different between a friend
And a pet.
I believe it’s real.
He was my best friend
One who I had fun with.
But our time is long gone
With one still here and one in ashes.
I know it’s real.
It was him who inspired many interests
From music to reading.
He kept trying to get me to listen to one song
It took some time, but I did.
I know it’s real.
If I could say one thing to him
Right before he died,
I thought long and hard about this
But it would be “Goodbye.”
I know it’s real.
When somebody leaves,
And you didn’t know.
It hurts because of that one thing
They never said goodbye.
I know it’s real.
One thing I wish I showed him
To give a bit of joy
Was marble racing
I don’t know if he would have liked it.
I know it’s real.
There are so many hobbies
That I got from him
Like online gaming and D&D
He found what worked.
I know it’s real.
We were so similar
Him and I.
Both our moms worked together
And we each had an older sister.
Yet our lives went down such different directions
Despite all we had in common.
I know it.
He hated when I was on my phone
Just playing video games
He made me realize I was addicted to it
But after his death, I’ve used it more than ever.
I know it.
He was more creative than me too
We played D&D on Fridays
It was just him and I
He got me into the hobby
Yet he made the world real.
I never congratulated him for that.
I know it.
There is so much I wish I did
I have much to regret
But I can’t change the past
As much as I want to.
I know it.
I made peace with that last year
But it does not reduce the sting
Or make it magically disappear
Nothing can.
Only time can reduce the sting
Dad helped explain that to me.
I know.
If I could go back
And only say one thing that day
It would be goodbye
Just for that closure.
I know.
What stopped me was learning about the death of my father in-law to be. I realized the ripple effect and how he’s effected people he never even met
I’m glad you’re still here to share your story.
This popped up in my recommended. Hope ur doing ok
I’m doing ok. It’s hard at times but getting close to a new normal.
@@Kinja427 That’s good. I’m trying as well, I wish you well
Beautiful Poem, wishing you well in 2021
Thanks. Hope 2021 goes well for you too.