How do we recover from sexual abuse?
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- Опубликовано: 15 июн 2013
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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The worst part of being sexually abused as a child from age 5 to 14 years is that the same people who did things to you are your relatives who are still in your life each time you go home you see them and they behave like they did nothing to you😢😢😢 now it's hard to have a meaningful relationship with anyone. It really hurts 13 years down the line same scared kid in a grown up body.
every time they walk in a room, scream rapist. MAKE THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. Make them hurt too.
Truee
Next time you see one of them tell them you are considering reporting their sex crime to the police.
if i ever in your position, i definitely fight him, it justified
I understand ♥️♥️ people don’t always get it… It’s not as easy as just yelling “rapist!” Etc whenever you see them or have to interact with your abuser. It’s not that simple. I’m sorry for what you went through 💔
I wish I could have amnesia... Forget certain parts of my life.
You're not alone. I feel the exact same way.
SAME
Hey Jenay , I feel you. Been saying that to myself for so long .
*hugs your hearts..* me too..😞
ugh same
The comments make me realise we are never alone in this. We are one of many. Our stories all individual but our pain the same. We can heal from this together, power on voice and truth x
I’m learning abt loneliness, I believed that I am alone and that I relay to much on others to be there and believed that “getting better” was a joke and etc now that Im learning to be better I’m learning how to Accept the fact I’m not alone, it’s not easy considering I forced myself to believe such horrible things but I know I’ll get there one day
I feel lonely when talking about my trauma, eventho there's so many information on internet...
it only make remember my past trauma, and make me go feeling like trash, suicidal, and depressed ....
felt so alone with my wounds, emotional, verbal abuse, then violence trauma, bullying in school back then, junior and senior high school....
i'm lonely and ostracized since child, everytime i open up about my feelings to my family, they criticize instead and bring my past flaw and blame....
so i grew up with sadness, and loneliness, i put mask or facade just to try to be strong, but eventually it crumble and i notice i become someone i hate, Narc/Psycho's....
I don't want to be like my father and my mother who are harsh and paranoid on people, i wanna be normal ordinary guy, it just i always put smile so that people don't notice my depression...
addictions, cig, phone addictions are just escaping way to my core wounds, deep inside we re only feeling sad and depressed, smiling are a way to mask my pain and depression ...
it sucks, you're smiling and comforting everyone, but you cry at the same time, and saying, don't worry about me, i'm okay.....
i cry in random place and random people, try to comforting myself and saying it's okay, but and it's not.....
everynight i cry alone in my room, sometimes i vent myself, so that i just died....
@Me Joseph thank you, i just...
when someone care for me, i always end up crying, sorry....
nobody can know our pain,they'll tell us that time will heal,that we will forget,truth is,we live with the memories,the nightmares,the fear and the tears .. you don't heal,the wounds don't stop bleeding,it doesn't get better..hugs to everyone who has been abused,we are the only ones who can understand each other.
I've been abused for 10 years by my father, and was then sold to an organisation that abuses and tortures kids, a lot of them die in the process.
I need to tell you, that it does get better. It really does. The memories of course don't go away, but your life can be filled with joy, peace and feelings of safety and even the memories itself will feel a lot less bad.
Time is not what will heal you. It needs time, but it also needs a lot of work, trial and error. Start dreaming of a life where you are happy and then do whatever it takes to get there. It is possible.
Essy Passaris yea I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt like that
I don’t think I was Sexually abused, at-least I don’t recall any of those memories. But I do understand- because I care. Even if I didn’t go through it- I understand- and in the future I’m going to help make a difference so that these things decrease over time and hopefully come to an end...Thanks for speaking up- your comment and everyone else’s comments are so heart-breaking. you are all so strong for saying something. I was almost molested, and I learn things growing up that cause a lot of anxiety, but I’m doing better. & I want to support people- who have experience similar things- there are good people in this world, we are making a difference, but we have to fight- we can’t help others, if we don’t help ourselves- keep fighting please.
It never goes away.
Big hugs.
But I want to stop feeling this way. I want it to stop impacting my life. I want to stop having triggers..
Monique A 😢
Oh yes..i do so understand you!!
Same... I'm sick of my mind. I wish I could have amnesia
You will one day I promise. 💕 if you need anyone to talk to- reach out to a good friend, relative. I had GAD for a long time and it slowly going away again. It’s hard but something that has helped me is “self-love, exercise, CBT, mindfulness and seeking out positive articles and limiting my time on social media or any platform with negative information.
Monique A how I feel 😭
Ten reasons I still don't feel safe.
*he's still in my life.
*i go to where he abused me all the time.( not voluntarily )
*every man in my life has let me down.
*i have a panic attack every time an older man tries to touch me.
* the man who did it is related to me.
* whenever I try to recover he somehow comes back in to my life.
* the only person I ever told is now gone.
* I can never tell my mum about it.
* he knows that I remember yet he knows that he has enough power over me for me to keep quite.
* my entire neighbourhood loves him.
I have an idea.. what if you set a recording video when hes around, and try to put your position and his face precise on the cam, and do this until you gather enough evidence. You have to need more than 1 video. otherwise people and police would think you lie. Pls be smart. I dont want you to live like this pls do something about it. For now, only you who can help first. I can only pray from distance..
Ugbad Sharif Everything, save for him being related to me, rings true for me too. He got away with everything he did to me because of the statute of limitation, and our ages when it had happened. There is literally nothing I can do at this point. We go to the same school and have some of the same classes. It's a lot to deal with.
You need to completely remove yourself from your situation, whenever you can.
Move to a different state whenever phsyically possible, change your number, block them and everyone associated with them from every single social media outlet and change your identity online, start going by a nickname and never tell anyone your real name while online. or even delete all your social medias and start over with a new nickname.
Wow guys. I've been gone from my account for so long I didn't even see this. first id like to say thank you so much, I've never received this much support my whole life and I appreciate it so much. A couple of things have changed since then. 1. I told my two closest friends so now they know 2. I told my mum (although she sort of blamed me and told me there was nothing to be done) 3. I now know that suicide is not an option and I've started to forgive myself but I still hate him to my chore 4. he is still in my life unfortunately but I try to avoid him as much as I can 5. my depression isn't at the state it was before thank god 6. recovery is been slow but its coming along 7. I was diagnosed with anxiety
I'm glad you talked to your friends. And even though your mom wasn't supportive it's still good that you told her. Sometimes people aren't ready to believe what they hear but that's on her, not you. Abuse is never the victims fault. Ever. Period. People who say differently are kidding themselves.
"Abuse made you who you are now! It shaped you!"
I call bullshit. Abuse didnt shape you. You arent some angellic survivor that needs to have books and poetry written because of. You survived because you had to. You didnt have any choice but to survive or die. Abuse didnt shape you, you did. You saved yourself. You pushed through for yourself. You are you because of you. YOU are why you are who you are today. Abuse fucked you up.
Yes, abuse fucked you to pieces. But guess who glued those pieces together and continues to hold them together every single day? Guess who.
You do. So be proud.
Thank You for calling the bullshit.
We shape ourselves despite what we went through. It's a life long struggle though.
Awwwww😭♥️
☹️
We are talking about abuse at childhood not after that i guess, and it always does leave many bad consequences on the victim = survivor and this person have to correct them as much as he/she can.
I was sexually abused for months at age of 5 years.
It was horrible for me that when some members of my familiy discovered it and kept me away from the abuser i forgot it because it was really hurting my brain even if i didn't understood it right.
I couldn't remember it for 8 years because my brain was hiding it from me to protect me from the trauma not because i forgot it.
I experienced many bad consequences and i was always blamed by people for them they didn't knew the reason and i forgot it at these 8 years 😔.
At age of 13 years i started feeling homosexual and i didn't know that there are people like me. I searched why and i've read that sexual abuse at childhood is one of the reasons of homosexuality i said no i haven't been sexualy abused the day after i came back from school and i remembered the sexual harassment i felt down thank god my bed was behind me.
Homosexuality also comes from abuse in childhood as many bad behaviors but the person may forget the reason for a while.
Wow…😢so true!!!
ever since i was abused, i've had problems with dating and getting close to people. i cant get intimate with anyone without being scared.
Same, it is so exhausting.
At first I was naive bcuz my SA experience was hidden deep in my memory it didn’t affect me back then
same
Same. I hate it. Everyone just thinks that I'm cold and heartless, but it's just too much to handle since my SA.
Oh I hope you’re okay now ! I’m so sorry !
All of us in the comment section are here for the same reason. We need a podcast to share each others stories and explain how we got through it all. This is a good vid, but we could all do it better.
@Liam no thank you but i appreciate the offer
I was abuse around the age of 6 and can't remember most of it because I block it out. My biggest problem now is dating. Being intimate with someone scare me and with my avoidant personality disorder talking to a woman is hard for me to do. I am fine alone but when I do try to be with someone I just panic. I know how to survive alone but not with someone.
john harvey I'm struggling with this too. All I can tell you is that it won't get better unless you put some work into it.
john harvey nor can I...you're not alone...
it takes courage to say this. it means you are already in a good stage where you can work on your awareness and make changes to the better!
I do too John.. how are you doing now?
Same here. Just to think been intimate with someone makes me feel scare, and I have been tried to avoid those situations
Watching this for my wife. She was wronged by so many people as a kid.
I personally like the term “victim” more than survivor at this moment because I didn’t talk about my abuse until I was an adult. I prefer it because I tend to believe I deserved this treatment and using “victim” tells my mind that it wasn’t my fault. Maybe in time that will change.
I have to agree with you. Survivor, for me takes away the fact that a perp was involved. I survived high school, I survived 2 nights of camping in pouring rain, I survived late nights up with my newborns. Whereas with sexually abuse or rape I was a victim of someone else's demise.
me too, and I don't like someone foreced to give some " survivor" It's not a deadly disease, It's purposely by evils
Thank you ! I never use the word survivor with assault nor let someone use it survivor to describe an assault victim of any kind.
Thank you. I was sexually assaulted by a stranger who tried to rape me 4 days ago. I tried to go back to work yesterday because I weirdly really didn't feel very traumatized the past couple days, but once I was at work everything started startling me and I had my first panic attack. It was humiliating, as I just started this job (I moved cross country by myself a month ago) and didn't know my colleagues well. I still feel like I am living in dream or a weird tv show that I watched. I feel like I'm out of control (my reactions and thoughts). Thank you for making me feel less alone.
Rebecca I was also sexaully assualted and almost raped two weeks ago. I got away by stabbing the guy with a pen. I know that I would not have been breathing today should I not have managed to escape. I gain my strength in knowing I escaped, in knowing I overpowered someone towards who I was physically powerless against. I gain strength in the simple beauty of being able to breathe every day now (I was strangled). I get flashbacks every day but I refuse to let someone take power over my life even after it happened. You will be okay. Talking to someone you trust helps, and also putting the event into the right perspective, and taking anything positive from it, really helps.
Thanks for your comment. I feel a lot better now. I have a great rape trauma therapist. Healing hasn't been a linear progression. I wish you the best in moving forward. I did not physically fight my assaulter. I begged for my life and begged to go home a couple times and then I just froze and my mind went blank. With time, I have felt less guilty about this. There are different responses to trauma and I did my best to stay alive- and lucky for me it worked. I would also say, as advice to any recent survivors out there reading this, that if you share your experience to people, who are insensitive and rude, at least temporarily distance yourself from them, and find someone who will take you seriously. The legal system will be as unkind as everyone says and a lot of people may disappoint you by not offering the continue support or check ins that you need, but you will be ok. You'll gradually become less afraid of the dark, and men, and being alone and whatever else you associate with your assault. You are not alone and there is no right way to heal and move forward.
You are never alone, and I resonate so strongly with your feelings. Sending you love and the best of vibes, give yourself some love. You survived, you are strong, you are beautiful and you will thrive. 💜💜💜 I’m so sorry, no one should know how this feels. I’d say I wish I could hug you, but it’s a verbal hug Bc I still can’t touch people or let people touch me lol. You are loved and you’ll get through this. 💜
Rebecca sending comfort your way!
this just happened to me yesterday. like I moved across the country for a new job and i’ve had to already take time off bcs I was raped yesterday. any updates on your journey??
My heart goes out to all of you. 💔
I was sexually abused from 9-17 by a member of family.
Someone who’s supposedly will protect me.
The hardest part was, when my family found out, they forgive and still let this person stay with me.
I was the one who took the initiative to leave that hell.
First I was in denial that I’m okay, tried to block that memory. When I am being asked about my childhood, I can vaguely remember the good part.
Now, I wish I could forget everything.
It’s really hard to trust, almost impossible, with everyone.
I have anxiety when I am being left alone with a man.
😢😢😢😢😢hope u get healed, ur reaction is totally natural
More power to you ❤❤ You are not alone. 😓😓😓
That's awful.
what hurts me the most from my abuse was the fact that no one protected me... i was alone. why couldnt my parents take better care of me. why did my cousin abuse me in my own home. I have no innocence. it was robbed from me. And now i have trauma that i hide and dont properly deal with it because it is so damn shameful and im filled with anger.
I think it's time to do another video on sexual abuse/incest. The more the healing process is talked about the more inclined someone will be to take the advice seriously. After 10 years of abuse and seven years of healing, i never ever would have thought it'd be as happy as I am today. I'll never forget but I refuse to let "him/her" control me without even knowing it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.
Xxx
❤☀️🙏🌹
I needed this. Thank you.
Hi
Hi Alicia, how did you do it? What’s your advice. I just found out my daughter went through this horrible nightmare. How can I help her? Thank you
Congratulations! It is hard, but putting in the work in therapy really pays off. Keep going!! 💛
since everyone else is sharing their stories; was molested at 7 by a family friend (blocked memory), sexually abused a child at a daycare from 9-13 and told it was my fault, groomed at 14-16 by the same guy who did awful things when i was 7, and assaulted at a party by another bi woman months after telling someone about being groomed and harassed. Men and women can be so horrendous.
First part happened to me :/ sorry you went through that
Im a junior in High School, and I was recently sexually assaulted by a good male friend of mine. It's been very traumatic for me, and I already have social anxiety and severe depression and just relapsed with my eating disorder because of this........ I was finally able to come out and tell my parents and teacher, and my teacher isn't taking it seriously... I'm having constant panic attacks, crying outbursts, random breakdowns, I'm barely able to sleep out of fear, I've been extremely paranoid, terrified everywhere I go and always having it on my mind... He's in one of my classes still and I can barely go to that class anymore.... I'm trying to help myself now, and it's very difficult. Your video helped me, thank you for having made it so much Kati.
thinking about you
Are you okay now?
I would suggest reading "How Long Does it Hurt?" I found it at my school library and it helped me to realize what happened to me was sexual grooming and abuse. It's a book meant for early highschoolers, so keep that in mind if you're thinking about reading it. Also theres cute comics in it and one character has a cool mohawk.
Thank you very much Tyler. I just bought it. My daughter is a teenager and I’m trying to help her, but I don’t quite know how. Any insights? I’d appreciate it.
@@jesicadelfin1099 just be there and love her. love is what heal us all. i am so glad she has you.
Hi Jessica i have seen your comment seeking advice/help for dealing with your daughter who has been through this horrific trauma, as someone who in my life has been through sexual abuse. I can say, you as her mother, acknowledging her experience, how horrific and inhumane it was from the perpetrator, that it was an evil action, etc is the first port of call. As humans we innately sense wrongs, your daughter knows it was wrong but as humans we seek validation for our experiences though deep down we know them to be wrong or right, that motherly validation is life changing. She will still have to deal with the negative and difficult consequences of having her body violated like that. However your support along with kindly letting her know her own strength, resilience and self care will see her through are equally important. She will feel empowered withon herself and comforted in the aspect of her relationship with you her mother. Thank you for seeking out ways to help her, it’s comforting to see a mother who cares. I wish you the best x
I've lived a life of sexual assault. its hard to break the mold when you're used to being abused, but emdr therapy has been saving my life. you guys are going to get through this and so will i.
Problem with any kind of traumatic experience especially if it was a repetitive experience is that it feels like you’re still in that moment. You can be in a really safe place and feel unsafe. It’s like a bad dream you keep having that you wake up and you’re not living that bad dream. It’s really important to stay conscious of your current reality and not focus on what used to be. You have to keep affirming the fact that you are right right now and I was in the past. I think talking about it and knowing that people care about your feelings is also of paramount importance. Thank you for your very nice talk.
I'm not even sure about that. I think talking makes it worse. Maybe once or so but not ofteners. Or else it is just repeating the whole time in your head. I'm very traumatized. It leads me to fall in shock conditions and to shiver in a corner. I think it's not possible to heal such things ever.
@@kathyhhb Yes, talking about it in an obsessive fashion that’s not helpful. Sharing feelings is always a good idea with people who care.
I'm a psychology student preparing to develop myself into a full fledged psychotherapist in the future and part of that is discovering the ways of therapy and experiences of rape survivors. Honestly, after just a single day of reading the stories and hearing about ways of coping, how therapy works and similar topics, my heart is heavy and i feel really bad in general. It's terrible what a person can do to another person and the effect that could have on their lives. My heart goes out to anybody who's experienced something this terrible - i am really sorry and i hope things get better for you. Please do know that you deserve to be loved, even if you think otherwise. Don't let your experience form the rest of your life, you CAN be happy and you deserve to be. Stay safe everyone, much love
Hello future therapist. I can't ever get therapist since it seems I need to be rich and they all care about money
i really think you should do this topic again.. im really struggling with it.
megan gibbs me too 😞 she has to save us
You have to save yourselves, that sounds mean, but believe in yourself, you are not the abuse, the abuse is not you, you are strong and you can do it, you are your best bet, you will never find peace if you look for comfort in other people, love yourself work on yourself, you are worth it.
I don't want saving. I just want to forget about the abuse.
@@sherrygeorge8613 :/ same
I was sexually abused by someone in my family. I am embarrassed to say it was at age 19. I feel like people would think your old enough to say no. I was so traumatized. I basically froze anytime the abuse would happen. I dont see one side of my family anymore. They disowned me and still send us Christmas cards. I hate them because they pretend they care but they haven't talked for years to me. I sometimes have flashbacks of it. Everything changed but I have the best support a girl could have. I have my fiancé Guillermo and his sister. One side of my family is still there. I love them too so much.
Abusers often groom people. Also, freezing is an involuntary reflex. It means that, on it's fast calculation, your brain determined that you had not enough power to fight and not enough agility or speed or strength to flee from the attack. A rapist or a sexual abuser, why would they care if you say no?
If you didn't say yes enthusiastically (that is, not just because you were threatened, fooled, drunk/high, afraid, below this person's authority or power, etc), that person had no sexual business with you.
It's not your fault. Everyone has a circumstance in which they freeze. It is an automatic response. It is not about not knowing other responses, it's millions of years of natural selection in your brain deciding that you highest chance at not being killed was freezing, and the mechanism decided that beyond the power of your modern citizen mind. It just the same decides, for some people, that to poop their pants is part of a proper response, and you wouldn't be shaming then telling them that by age 19 they should have known to hold their feces or urine in. In fact, if someone else told you that what happened to you happened to them, you wouldn't be telling them "You were 19, you should have known by then how to say no!". No. Then don't do it to yourself. Tell yourself what you would tell that person to soothe them, reassure them, comfort them, and to let them know that it was not their fault and that they don't need to be ashamed, and that even if they are ashamed that doesn't mean that they are shameful, and that you are not ashamed of them.
I hope you can heal, even a bit, bit by bit.
@@jatnarivas8741 needed to hear that. Thank you
Im so sorry that happened to you, I hope you can heal and have a fulfilling life. It was in no way your fault nor could it have ever been.
Same happened to me on December 21st. Still that man keeps assaulting me. I don't know what to do. I try to keep myself alert but at that time its feels like I am unable to move kinda freeze and then later on I realized what happened to me. Its so much now, It has already ruined my life, my dreams, I have exams from 2 days now and don't know what to do.
I don't feel like living....I just want this all to stop I can't handle more...its too much. I can't.
I am 18.
@@anonymous_0227only way I can kind of help you is saying you are not alone, I'm 19, at uni and in 2022 got into a bad mental space and really thought this other student I met cared, ignored every red flag and when I got with him turned into a completely different person, because of what he did we broke up, but he lives in my accomidation literally the door opposite me and apologised and yet again tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but still does it.
Like you I really want it to stop and it's difficult as you feel weak and disgusting.
But you can't let him win
He will not be the reason you die
You need to do everything for you
You cannot let him take you away from you
You need to try your absolute best and walk away and not let him continue
The problem with my mom and caregivers even if u tell them things they minimize it that their experience are worse. U feel u have nobody to trust
Yeah I e experience that, I hope you get the support you need
I wish it was minimized lol
I told my mom about it and she told me to forget about it.
Yes or they try to be supportive but then they tell you to just kind of let it go when we all know that rape and molestation or not something that she’ll just let go
Yea I know exactly what you mean they end up sweeping under the rug cause they want it to be a hush hush topic
I was drugged and abused for years, sometimes I just wanna give up, its so hard to stay strong
You do not deserve what has happened to you.
You are not the person this has made you. Please dont believe the response you are feeling here is you. It's the trauma response.
Hi, I am also a victim or survivor. I spent most of my life thinking I was so lucky that I never got abused. I got married to a wonderful husband, but after less than a year of marriage I started having recurring thoughts and memories of abuse towards me... when I was little. When it all came back to me I realized I had been abused by the person I'd loved the most, but I was so little that I didn't remember. It tore me apart, this person is now dead and changed his life-style for the better before he died but it left so many questions, brokenness, and hurt. Now I have difficulties being touched because of that, I really want to overcome this.
All will be well, what occurred was abuse. Being touched is different to someone having power of you. It is intimate for husband and wife. Donr let the past take control over what you are supposed to enjoy in life
I just want to say that you are not alone in this. I too sometimes don’t want to be touch by my husband because of past memories that feels like it was yesterday.
Something a lot of these videos miss is the possibility of relapse during times of stress. It took years to recover, and after years of being recovered I relapsed. I was shocked because everyone kept saying I had been “cured” and “moved past it.” Looked into the research and it talked about the permanent brain damage and possibility for the brain to snap back into that state and how we are more sensitive to stress permanently. It would have been useful to know that during recovery.
Andrew Banks they really aren’t. If I’d have known that I could have relapsed, I would have put more effort into self care and stress management. It would have helped me to prepare. Instead I assumed I was “past it” and that assumption really came back to bite me in the ass.
I thought I had put it past me as well. But you are right about the sensitivity to stress permanently. I try to warn people that I want to be around to not harm me but they never listen because they think I’m weak. I now know I have to stay away from certain people to protect my peace. It’s very lonely. I wish people respected other people more because all I want to do is be a loving individual. I stay to myself a lot but still people bombard their way into my life and I automatically believe they will be just as loving as I am. They suck the positive energy from me and leave me abused and drained. I’m going to look for a therapist but at the same time I wish the people of this world would do their part and not use up other people’s light. I need to learn how not to be an easy target because I really do have a lot of love for soo many, but many don’t deserve it.
Oh ... this just opened my eyes to something so the relapses aren't my fualt ?
Thanks for this; giving hope to able to heal from a highly complex trauma. Being a male survivor of CSA is horribly tough when isolation (for myself) has been a coping mechanism for many decades
Trust me, you want to report it. It will make you feel so much better. I was in a similar situation when I was younger, and it is just now as an adult that it all came out. Biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. Good luck.
Over 12 years I have been suffering. Hell i am drunk as I write this.
Bill Hill I've been there. It gets better. Find a therapist. Sometimes anti depressants are also suggested, because most of us suffer from depression, or worsening of depression after the abuse had happened.
As messed up as it is, I wish I was drunk too. It's 1am and I still can't sleep.
Bill.. I feel you, I have nightmares if I try to sleep sober.. how many times I failed suicide is absurd. No therapist helps.. neither does time. From 9 to 17.. I'm 52 and not over it. I'll die struggling w this.
9 years for me. I have to be either high or drunk or both
I'm sending so much love to you all, beautiful survivors ❤❤❤❤
This was a great video. I'm a male and I remember when I was being sexually abused I was emotionally and physically abusive to my sisters, while I've tried to admit and apologize to them, I still feel very real guilt, even though I think they have forgiven me. It's also hard for male victims of sex abuse because, even though there has been a lot of progress in gay rights, when you are younger you feel scared to tell anyone because they might say you were gay or wanted it. I know the guy who was hurting was not gay, but a pedophile, that stigma was a big thing.
I hope for healing for you.
i am so sorry
Why did you say you know they aren't gay? Pedophiles have a preference with either boys or girls most of the time and prefer certain ages. The ones who abuse same sex are most definitely gay (or bi)and hide it just like they hide their attraction to minors
I'm very sorry that happened to you, bad things happened to me too but I've been able to block most of it out so I at least don't have the thoughts or memories to torment me. Wish you the best bro!
Yes that happens. I can relate
When we clean up a mess that’s been piling for a long time, it tends to get messier before it gets better. Be gentle with yourself. I’m in the midst of it now myself. It can be lonely.
I've known about my childhood sexual rape for many years. I also have a clear memory of being assaulted by several doctors from childhood to adulthood. My mom just died and in her belongings was a letter I wrote to her 50 years ago when I was 10ish describing abuse by my doctor. I wrote to her from the pediatric unit of the hospital. I remember it like yesterday. But my therapist got to hold the letter and read my own 10 year olds words. I always say "be careful what you ask for. Validation can be so validating." Although I remember it, there is still this thought there is proof I'm not making it up. How do we let go of self-doubt - maybe just wanting so badly for it to not be true. My mom kept the letter for 50 years. But nothing was ever done. I'm 65 and still trying to heal. Am I the only one for whom the unsafety of covid and the protests are bringing back su,ch deep feelings of being unsafe?
There are always parts in this video that make me cry. The words that hit home the most were "do you feel safe" at first i thought yea i guess. But i then realized so much of my day i dont. I realized i dont feel safe when people walk behind me in the hall, as i assume they have a knife in their pocket ready to attack me. Why is someone touching me or coming up behind give me a panic attack. Why do i have a have mini heart attacks in parking lots, i was raped/attacked in a street. This question made me realize how damaged i am and even questioned myself on if i have ptsd... Facing those facts were so painfully hard. I didnt undeestand why i felt worse years later. now am proud of how alert i am. Its badass and a unique quality. im more understanding of why i have trust issues and my triggers for distress and panic.
it’s been 4 years n i’ve FINALLY started to know my self worth n i deal with so much dissociation and detachment from reality. i just keep trying to put my happiness and mind first
I love y'all for trying to get better, I'm so sorry you won't through that awful things but you're awesome and deserve all the love in the world.
im looking up these videos to find ways to support my cousin who had been sexually abused years ago. she just now came out about it on the 13th. her own step dad did it and im trying to find ways to comfort her.
People like you are amazing. I am sure it means the world to you friend :)
Same but for a friend of mine
My sis was raped by most my moms boy toys. She knew encouraged it. I've been trying to tell her, despite what happened you matter to me more than anyone, it doesnt make you bad . Realize your own high self worth. Her self esteem is low so gas her up with compliments. And don't give abusive men a relationship with you they don't deserve. What matters above all is immediately believing in her and standing on that truth forever. I hope this helps.
after it all started and continued, I felt safe when I was alone, where no one could get to me
Just came out, was sexually abused by 2 family members, my family has been supportive, but its so hard to get through this moment and time in my life. I just feel so bad and anxious. I’ve been strong.
This video really did make me feel like what I’m going through is normal. I have been trying to hide what happened to me from my family and not talking to a therapist because I’m afraid of facing what happened. I got sexually abused and it’s been hard dealing with it. I get nightmares and flashbacks a lot and got diagnosed with PTSD. You sharing this video was helpful. I wish you would keep making videos about this.
Thank you, I've been struggling getting to the hard parts in counselling more in depth. As a result my MH has declined, anxiety worsened and night terrors and not feeling safe paranoid not knowing who to trust.
Feeling alone in it as well, watching this video I feel like I have someone who understands and giving practical things to do.
I've been coming out of counselling and things just going around and around in my head trying to get on with the daily grind.
Not been knowing how to deal my emotions either. The first 3mins of this video made me cry, in a good way....I want to punch them all too! Thank you so much for this video I will continue to follow and will purchase the book....please continue with these videos, a God send. ❤️ 🙏🏻
I've had moments I've felt safe with my daughter. But overall I never feel safe. I'm scared of everything. Thank you for making this video. I've just begun my journey in healing and the emotions flooding in are overwhelming.
I just ordered the book. I hope you do more videos on this. The other videos have helped as well, the eating disorder and anxiety ones. Im 21 years old and suppressed all these feelings up until a two years ago, when I realized I could not live a stable life without dealing with my feelings. They were having a great impact on my life. Still a struggle, taking it one day at a time. Thank you again.
I’m so thankful I watched this video because I never thought much about if I felt safe… and no, I haven’t felt safe for a very long time… now I can work on finding a way to create a safe place and I’m excited to start there. I’ve been trying to heal for about 3 years and mostly I’ve just been spiraling down a hole that leads no where.
Great advice. It can be done. I'm finally on the better side and I don't have that constant fear anymore. Keep up the good work helping people.
I was sexually assaulted last year 3 weeks after I had my baby. I can't get over it. I can't have sex or have any kind of physical touch. I had to break up with my partner because of it. I'm just broken. I don't know how to heal. I can't even talk about it or say it aloud.
+Ariel Mae i am sorry to hear. Base on what you said, it will take some time for you to come to terms with your issue. Talking about it is the first and hardest step to take but once you past this part, most of the burden in you will go away and recovery would be much easier. Some victims took years before telling the truth. I will not sugarcoat this, there are some who did not recover even after talking about it.
As you mentioned above that you could not talk about it, how about writing it down for someone to read. Get a diary detailing your feelings and thoughts about it. Write how u feel each day and when u are ready to let someone u trust read it. If you can do this on youtube, you can do this as well.
Otherwise do something that lets you put focus on other things instead of your bad experience, like walking in parks, shopping etc.
And yes i know, life is not fair to some. Its a cruel fact.
Just know that nothing last, if the good things do end, so can the bad as well.
sorry to ask.. who assaulted you? if there was your partner, if it wasnt him, where was he when the assault happened? I pray for you I hope God be healing you soon..
Layla Mae I'm sorry that happened to you . Hope you are ok . I was sexually abused for 6 yrs starting at 12 yrs old I have flashbacks all the time . And I don't let the doctors touch me for an exam . I hope I can overcome so I can have a child . So I understand how alone you feel .
Disorder vs Recovery please message me :")
Disorder vs Recovery ctr4ever1231@yahoo
I've been abused in many ways, and I've tried therapy and just couldn't get anywhere with it because i wasn't ready. I've just started watching your videos but i feel like i have made more progress in these last few days than i did with a year of therapy.
Thank you for making each and everyone of these videos!
Me too
Thank you so much. All of your videos are extremely helpful for me! I can’t thank you enough honestly. You started helping me when I started researching how to heal from my mom and I researched her characteristics and stumbled upon your Chanel and your book recommendation ‘the emotionally absent mother’ I just ordered this workbook you recommended too. You’ve been like my number one mentor and most crucial step on my path of healing and you’ve seriously changed my life coming from someone who has seriously needed therapy for years and years but has been terrified to dig deep enough to deal with everything you’ve helped me so so much. Thank you !
I would be very grateful for more videos with similar content! Seeing a therapist but I find outside sources of un-distorted thoughts about recovery and coping are my biggest lifeline to calming my triggers before they make me volatile.
I was two-and-a-half. I had totally repressed any memories of rape and was told by my parents when I was older, but I didn’t believe it. Presently I am twenty-five and I have a two-and-a-half year old daughter, the same age I was when everything was taken from me. I had some drinks on NYE and it all came back spontaneously. I still don’t know who it was/where, but when I remembered I could feel the physical pain and it was terrible. I partially blacked-out during the realization of my trauma, but not anything before or afterwards. It’s almost as if my drunk state at the time decided it was time to remember, but then my brain protected me again by partially blacking it out. I don’t know if this abuse was on one occasion or more. I have always lived with depression, anxiety, and suspected PTSD and now this is another piece of the puzzle. So many things make sense now, but unfortunately I have much more questions than answers. I’m hoping therapy with help me remember details so I can eventually heal. I did read that some theorize that repressed traumatic memories will come to light when the brain recognizes that you are finally in a safe emotional space to begin dealing with the trauma that you could not process as a child. This gives me hope and helps me understand the “why now?” question. I also have trouble grasping why something that happened to me so young could still affect me and “stick” all this time unknowingly. My husband read in a book for his college that trauma in the first three years of life is the most permanent and devastating because of the brains rapid development. So it’s all starting to make some semblance of sense and I don’t feel as doubtful, shamed, or guilty as I did that night it all came back.
I have similar experiences like you. I asked my mom if she knew about anything, but she said no. & I really hope she is honest. But anyways, I wish you the best - I know, it can be hard, but you will get through it sis
I started to feel safe once my abusers closest to me were dead. I feel safe with my husband now. I worked very hard and long to get here but the truth is the triggers are always there. If I am feeling vulnerable I will startle myself awake in a panic. I was abused for 39 years, I am strong, smart and tough and my abusers made me this way......so their bullshit back fired on them
me too
Thank you for this. I was raped at 16, 22, abused at 24 and raped twice more that year by friends of my abuser and then my ex. I’ve finally been physically safe for three years, and feel better than I have but still struggle with knowing who I am or how to feel okay again. I’ve done a variety of talk therapies, reiki, shamanic healing visits, and meditation and mindfulness trainings. I even analyze my old journals to analyze where I was and where I am now, and trying to figure out how to get to the next version of myself. It is a process, and I really needed this video tonight to feel better about being patient with the journey. Thank you for all that you do 💫
To anyone who has been abused and is questioning their virginity status. You ARE a VIRGIN.
If anyone and you are you a VIRGIN tell them YES.
Being enticed, manipulated and forced to do something you don't want is rape.
Rape and SEX are different.
Sex = consent, not enticed and giving in, that is not consent
I really like this analogy: your virginity shouldn’t be something that can be taken or stolen from you, but you should think of it as something special that you choose to share with another person. As a rape survivor myself thinking of this analogy really helps to ease the negative feelings and make the nightmares and flashbacks less overwhelming
Yes, I can see this now, I never really understood it before. I was raped/abused by 16 different people at age 15. My mom was behind this, she put me in situations where this would happen instead of protecting me from them. At age 16, I got a boyfriend and had sex with consent for the first time. It was a completely different experience.
Thank you for this. For ages, my virginity was something I was so proud of, because I felt like I hadn't given myself away to someone who didn't deserve me, someone who would be there just to use me. Then I ended up remembering previously repressed memories of CSA and I felt dirty, spoiled, disappointed in myself. But all of those things I said about me saving myself for someone special are all true! Those are all decisions I made! I have no bearing on decisions other people made and they should not be counted
Thank you!! I wish I had understood this when I was a teen. I felt like I’d already lost my “virginity” as a child up to my teens due to sexual abuse so I “knew” I was already going to hell so why should I ever care what I did or what other people did to me at that point.
Rape is violence. Rapists should be put to death
honestly for me, it‘s even overcoming to just click onto this video. Last time I was on your channel I had a severe panic attack in my sleep, which I haven‘t had in 1 1/2 years after the incident. But I‘m stuggling so hard at this moment, everything triggers me meaning I know that I need help but I still need the willpower and strength to actually reach for professional help
I couldn't even finish two pages of the first chapter without feeling emotional.... I have failed two times to finish the first chapter... Healing is not easy...
Omg...this is so important! Earlier this year I had what I can only describe as a mental breakdown and I ended up homeless for 4 months. During this time I realized so many things about myself. I realized that I didn't feel safe. EVER. No matter where I went or with whoever I was with. It didn't matter. I just didn't feel safe. I'm only beginning my recovery journey but I've also realized I had a huge problem with disassociating in the past and that I didn't feel safe to be in my body. Growing up I witnessed domestic violence and am now dealing with suspicions of sexual abuse as well...it feels like it's too much to handle.
Love the inner child that is living within you, care for that child and be there for he/she. I been trying this and I talk a lot to myself specially when I know is about to get bad again, I hug myself and I let myself cry to sleep because the little me was alone and she finally decided to speak about it nobody believed her and then she numb her pain and started self destructive it was like I didn’t care about my life anymore, but I don’t deserve any of that, I deserve to be love and cared for, and I am giving that to myself!
I struggle everyday with its so hard to cope, good video
I found the courage to report an incident that happened at my campus two years ago only to receive a response saying it’s too late. It’s been hard being quarantined, for the longest time I’ve been finding ways to numb it down but these days everything amplifies.
it happened to me one week ago and since then I'm looking for a helpful text or video in the internet and finally I have found one. thank you so much
I'm just so thankful that I was too little to remember what happened to me.
This video helped me a lot to unpack and deal with this trauma
the only truly safe place is when im wraped up in my husbands arms.
same way with me
Me too
I’m so happy you have someone to support you too
How? I wish I felt comfortable with someone. Even with my husband, who is sweet and patient. I still freeze up when he wants to have sex.
Beautiful 💕
I had my first relationship at 14 years old and sexual harrassmemt happened and it has ruined my all other relationships cuz I can't get over it and it gives me mini panic attacks
Thank you for having the courage to stand up and bring the belief systems to the sufferance as inner child healing and root chakra healing is very needed on a healing journey
you're so adorable and supportive, I really wanna hug you
Thank you, you just help me today. I'm still struggling a lot. 😭😭😭
I revisited this video yesterday because I was so sad because I am currently going through having to recall a memory that was more difficult than I expected it to be. The person who harmed me is in a leadership position, so this has to be dealt with carefully but its been so difficult because to me the process feels as if its being drawn out. I just want it to be over and it wasn't even as bad compared some of the things I experienced in early childhood.
Hi Kati,
Thank you so much for this video. I would love to see you go through this workbook. Thank you so much for all of your love and care in your videos. You are a beautiful soul. I'm so grateful I found your channel. Sending all of my love and light your way.
xoxo, Alicia.
I want everyone who is living in intense pain right now because of this...if you work through it and keep sharing in safe circles...you will feel better in years to come...in 20 years you won't even think about it anymore...
Kati talking about beating them up is soo odly comforting, or is it just me? 1:49
I am a student who has spent hours of research and studying about this topic about sexual assault and abuse. This is a great video involving sexual assault and the outcomes that come along with it. Mental health is an important effect due to sexual abuse. Yes, agreeing with you with how seeing a therapist or a councilor is helpful and efficient in this. Nothing heals like time and the way you treat your body. You're not alone in this.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this.
Keep doing these.. I didn't go through 'sexual' abuse.. but I think it's very helpful and I want people to feel better!
I got this book because of you :) I love it.
Thank you so much for recommending me this book !
praying to completely remember and fully realize
my greatness, my wholeness, my creativity,
my magic, my power, and my authentic genius:
to live in inspiration and insight and joy and bliss.
I used to be mostly "recovered", while still having pretty bad trust issues. For years I lived alone with my dog, Leo and I felt safe. I had a happy and adventurous life. Leo died at age 11, and a year later I moved to another country where I met my former roommate which I ended up trusting. After months of living with her mental problems and pretty much non-physical abuse I walked out the day it became physically abusive. I felt broken again and the PTSD was back full force. I had a couple of months of uncertainty and homeless, until I finally found a home where I could live alone with my "new" dog Ricky and I felt safe in my home again. I still look over my shoulder when I leave the house and I don't really tell anyone where I live of fear of my former housemate. I've since stopped having nightmares, although I still have night terrors. The night terrors don't always wake me up, but every morning I wake up with some kind of an injury. I still think I'm recovering, and when ever I do feel "off" I always have RUclips. Therapy in the country I live in is limited because of a language barrier.
♥ I understand!
@@Seremonii I'm a lot better now. When I wrote this I was still struggling a little. My dog was also having night-terrors, so I was dealing with that too.
But although I'm still afraid of my roommates friends(organized crime), and I'm careful, it's not something I really think about all the time. Online security and my personal security has just become a habit. Until recently my bank didn't even know where I lived... But that had to change because I needed a new card and they sent it to my old address.
Writing stories about healing from sexual trauma, part fiction and part my past, has also taught me a lot about myself, my feelings and what I've been through. I'll be writing something that's from my past, and it suddenly clicks for me. Like, I used to think I was a bad kid growing up, because my parents told me so all the time. My mom blamed me for her depression, she literally told me that. My father blamed me for him 'needing' to beat me up or throw me into walls.
But when writing about stories from my childhood, I realized that I wasn't bad at all. I realized that when I got fed up with a teacher that had been bullying me for years, and the worst I could think of to do was to answer every question on a test with something to do with pink elephants. My teacher wasn't amused, and I was sent to the principals office for the first and only time in my life.
Another thing I want to say... Bad memories don't need a trigger, they just are.
That's totally what it's like for me at least. I'll never forget what happened to me, and I don't get triggered by something specific. I may not think about it all the time, but it's there.
It’s been 7 years and my assault is just now coming back into my head. I guess I suppressed it for so long. I felt so much shame and I thought If I told anyone they would blame me. Unless you’ve experienced it yourself you have no idea how someone feels. Not that a person can’t emphasize but it’s hard to put into words how I feel. I’ve told three people and it kinda made me feel better but was also embarrassing. I guess I need therapy. Lol
Thank you for taking the time to share this.
When i told my mom ..it was the biggest relief ever but seeing my mom heartbroken about it . made me feel so bad ..
I think it does. When you talk about it your mind naturally analyzes the event(s) and having someone to just listen and accept your experience is comforting. Furthermore, having someone who has ideas on how to deal with those scary moments gives you empowerment.
I was brutally raped and tortured by a person who I thought was my friend… it turns out he was a psychopath who could mimic empathy really well, so when his personality did a complete 180 it was traumatizing and shocking. I was frozen and confused.
Now I’m suffering from self-harm through engaging in sexual acts with the same person even though I hate him. I don’t feel okay at all. I wish sometimes that I could just disappear.
I'm very sorry. I hope that fake friend. Will burn in hell.
Not judging...just need clarification...you are an adult now, right? And do I understand that you are engaging in consensual sex with a man who sexually brutalized you? If that is correct, $#@)!&$ STOP!
So glad I found you’re channel. You need this
I really like this idea and I think you're awesome. I am very attached to my therapist and I had to move away for university and I think finding this is going to be very comforting for me, you remind me of her a lot. thanks Katie :)
He's related to me.
Hes still in my life.
He did it multiple times, from 6, to 8, 11, and 12.
I'm 14 almost 15.
Nobody knows but myself and I'm to embarrassed to speak up.
I cant speak up, because I have no proof and he could deny it and start war between are family.
Sometimes I think, what if it didnt happen and I just made it up? Maybe he doesnt remember it. Am I crazy?
No, your not crazy and I understand how you feel. I didn't tell anyone because I thought that it would cause too much trouble for my family but my mother was incredibly supportive when I told her. So I would say find someone you trust and you know loves you and tell them.
Please speak to someone you trust, call a helpline and do whatever research you can. Needless to say, you’re not crazy.
Speak up to someone. Try to seek for help, even if you can't say it to a family member or a friend, you can always call a helpline.
You are not crazy, and you are not guilty either, you will heal eventually. I believe in you, you're so strong.
Remember it's not your fault.
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT
I'd strongly encourage you to find someone trusted to talk to, perhaps through your place of education.
Please tell your mom or any of your family please say something because when you don’t say something the longer it sits in your head it starts to consume you
Hi thanks for this video. As a man who has dated several women who have had sexual abuse and trauma, I am trying to learn as much as I can about this tragic and prevalent problem. Honestly I'm really pissed off that people hurt people like this and that any person of any gender and age has to endure it. Being in relationship with and hurt by women who have been sexually abused in their past is really hard to endure as well. Thanks for helping with the healing.
Count yourself a lucky man that the women have confided in you & thus their true inner selves. The way I see it you are enriched thus and together is the cure. Some women choose to not give a man the time of day to their emotional self and the relationship is empty.
You are lucky all of my life I a am a female no man has loved me never they did not
For me, creating safety was what took the longest. I had to break so, so many patterns that kept making me feel or actually be unsafe.
Now, I feel mostly happy and safe. Working on trauma is so much easier now.
I would love to see more videos on this topic. This was very helpful! Thanks
How do I get over being molested as a child, I was around 5, it's my earliest memory, he's no longer in my life. I've never told anyone that I was molested, aside from online, but I'm practically anonymous online.
And I go into these spells of just only thinking about what happened, and I'm pretty sure it's the reason why I have issues of being intimate with my husband and just hate being touched.
It’s going to be hard, you can’t just “get over it”... if you can’t do therapy , I recommend CBT books and mindfulness books for negative thoughts. I have GAD for other reasons. Some similarities with this topic- but less severe. This has helped me. Seeking out positive articles and limiting negative ones- help.
Micki Babe another thing is- be open with your partner tell him, how you feel, if you haven’t told him what happened- make sure you find the right time to do so. It’s very important to get that out if you truly trust him. as for the intimate part- ask him to talk to you through the situation and/or put relaxing music.
I feel safe now that I live on my own and I'm independent. When I was abused I depended on him and had to live with him... It was my own father, I moved out as soon as I could. But still have PTSD and it's hard for me to talk about it. I just want to heal!
Angelica A something similar has happened to me. It isn’t you fault. Try distracting yourself with something you are passionate about. It has worked for me. Or talk to a friend you trust. If you need someone to talk to just reply.
Thank you so much for posting this. Please keep posting about this topic.
It’s one thing to feel anxiety about what happened, but another horrible situation is when you cope with a trauma years later, when anxiety turns into ptsd. People say the words “trigger” like it’s nothing now. Triggered to me means remembering events, every word, every detail, every sensation like it was the first time. I can’t say that enough. Every sensation. It feels like the event is actually taking place, in a moment, years and years beyond when it happened. Every sensation. It’s awful.
Except now, there isn’t a real event.
Now it’s only you, fighting your own body, and you cannot escape your body. Where would you go? You can’t make the sensations go away.
For anyone who has felt that way, and it made you feel like you lost your mind, you are not alone.
I was 5 or 6 when it happened to me. It was done by someone very close to me, a female relative of mine. I didn't know it was sexual abuse.. I let it happen once, twice.. maybe were I afraid? Maybe were I physically weak to stop het idk. One day my mother felt suspicious , and nearly caught that relative abusing me. She yelled at me and asked me several question. I just.. I just couldn't tell her 😭😭 I was too shy to tell her everything. But she forced me to spill out the truth. And on my knees I begged her not to tell my dad. But she told him. And he got mad thinking that I'm denying it by lying. He never believed me in anything.. Even when its about how tired/depressed/angry/... i sometimes felt. He keeps saying that I'm still lying and refers to my young sexual abuse thing.Now as a 15 year old teen I'm going through a very deep depression because of this whole scenario. I even tried to hurt myself several times.. I'm really freaking out.
I.just.need.to.get.it.out.of.my.mind.
Please help me.
I understand your situation. You shouldn’t hurt yourself. I know exactly how you feel. Someone I trusted also hurt me. You have a lot of courage for saying this. Even if you were hurt you should try to distract yourself by joining a sport. This has definitely helped me out. Or try talking with someone you trust. It’s always good to open up.
Hi. I hope you are well. I know time can make things better and worse.
I think you should find a stress/ptsd center to help you sort your feelings out. They deal with recognizing stuck points. Stuck points are negative and self blaming thoughts and put downs that prevent you from moving along in healing. Regular therapist claim to help but they can't. Find a therapist that specializes in PTSD and cognitive therapy.
I’m only 14 and I was sexually abused from the age of 4-7 years old and I couldn’t believe my own mum and dad didn’t believe bc it was my brother who abused me, it’s so hard coming home everyday from school and see him sitting there and we have to pretend that nothing ever happened. And I’m not even allowed to speak about it either and I’m up at 1 in the morning crying over it bc I never got comforted enough to deal with it
Thank you so much for this video. I hardly talk about my abuse and like so many others I don’t remember a lot of it. This video helped me look at it and really try to do something about it. I am in therapy but it’s so painful to talk.
Thank you Kati you’ve helped me understand what I went through as a young child with SA and abandonment. The safety thing rings very true to me. I can never live alone. I will never feel safe by myself. I need company. I like my own space but I also need to know people are there in the house and that they are coming back. I’m 22 and when Im home alone for days on end I feel scared. I go to work but I still feel unsafe and will go to an extreme to protect the house and secure it. When people are around It just magically goes away.
I’m recovered I believe. Some insecurities I need to work on but overall I’m happy, in full time work and working towards a future in a career in catering.
Feel abit of a failure 4 years down and I’m still healing but I’m still here fighting x
PTSD cognitive therapy with a PTSD specialist is very helpful. Regular therapist aren't skilled enough and will waste your time.
Guys have it tough. They do. I am sorry it happened to you. Fast heal through downloading audio subliminals on yt for healing sex trauma. Listen on loop all night...within days you will be better and empowered. x