Anxiety feeds off avoidance
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- Опубликовано: 19 мар 2024
- Avoiding the truth when you're anxious can actually enhance your worry!
By not knowing, you experience the stress of all possible outcomes at once. Facing the reality, even if it's scary, can help reduce anxiety as it removes ambiguity.
Avoidance may be tempting, but it's not a helpful strategy when dealing with anxiety.
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I've recently realized that my procrastinating, mostly about house repairs, is an anxiety response. I have lost confidence in my ability to do them on my own, and have a deep distrust of hiring strangers. It doesn't help that my state is loaded with rip off artists and incompetent people. Hard to discern them from the good guys.
I have the exact same problem. After Hurricane Ian we had to hire contractors quickly to make our house livable because we had no where else to go. Spending month after month dealing with their incompetence until they finally finished (or did they? they kind of walked off the job) really left me anxious. We have a deck and fence that are falling down, but there is no one I trust to fix it. Even the personal referrals I received from friends and acquaintances did not work out. Do you live in Florida too?
Avoidance. If money isn't the issue, definitely use reviews from Yelp & such _(unless you're actually a trained professional)_ to assist you in decision-making. Only suggesting since DIY capacity can be impaired when you feel unsure of your skills.
The other option is to start small with a manageable, low-stakes task/ project.
Same!!
Absolutely the same and I’m not in the US. It’s a widespread thing: if you’re at 0 in your own life, you don’t have the bandwidth to risk going down to minus one or minus two, psychologically speaking. That easily translates to living with a rotting house, because the desire to be taken care of competently is so overwhelming, and in fact reasonable. But we’re also not fools and we know the cowboys are out there, we’re not rich and we’re vulnerable. It’s completely unacceptable. But so often staying with the rotting house feels safer and more manageable, depressing as it is, than the risk of unleashing chaos on your home and your life. May all of us find the good help that we seek.
@@bonnacon1610 You are a very wise person.
Anxiety and avoidance often have a strange symbiotic relationship. It's like a snake eating it's own tail.
Yes, we get caught in a persistent replay or circling.
I get anxiety before I do something but even when I do it and then have to do that thing again, I get anxiety again.
Exactly my problem 😢. I have anxiety opening emails or learning any information related to school because I'm afraid of hearing bad news (missed deadline, etc). But even when I push myself and open my email and realize I didn't die and the world didn't end, so you'd think the next time it would be easier, but I just have the same amount of overwhelming anxiety.
same here, it's relentless!
@@anasdarkaoui5351 Same! It doesn't help that school sends so many frickin emails, many of which aren't necessary
@@lailanitukuafu ....and wouldn't have been sent in the era of snail mail. It's too easy to press 'send'.
"Better to do it than live with the fear of it." - Logan Ninefingers
Likewise, backing off from satisfying activities as a way of attempting to reduce overwhelm is the wrong tactic. The relief it brings is very brief, the sense of loss of the activity grows, and the overwhelm catches up and continues to grow. It's a lose, lose, lose solution. Overwhelm is and probably always was about the self-care *activities* which were skipped because their value was underestimated. And now I add "is" because at 71, after a lifetime of overwhelm, I'm finding it very difficult to rearrange my mindset to prioritize taking care of me.
Chronic depression & anxiety are so tiring. Just gotta chip away at it one day at a time
Yes. Something else I have known, but rarely practiced, that is an offshoot of this: in a given task with several nonsequential steps...put off the hardest one and it will bother you in increasing intensity while the others get done! Always tackle the toughest things first.
Yes!! I cause myself more issues because I am afraid of the unknown. So I avoid anything that can possibly be a negative. Its stupid, but I am so broken I can't deal with any other bad news.😢
Boy, I just recently went through something medical that I was so afraid was the worst-case scenario, and I did wait to seek help, and I did stress myself out so much, that I got shingles on top of it.
It is so hard to not worry, and I know it's a habit because my mom is walking anxiety, and she's never broken away from it. I keep trying, though, with your helpful tools. 🌻
You have described the fear of death as well.
Excactly. Spot on. The western society is designed to not think about death as long as possible. Never learn or think about what might happen after death, researching relegions,siritualism. We keep avoiding death like its not real, but it will catch up. There is no escaping the reaper. And people have this mentality that just because we can't know for sure what happens after death, it's better not to think about it. Which is i think is the wrong way to go.
I recently learned about the two types of approach to overwhelming problems: solution and avoidant.
Solution is when you are overwhelmed but say, "what small thing can I do today to make this less overwhelming in the future?"
Avoidant is putting it off until it becomes so pressing that you can no longer avoid it - which means it's more stressful to avoid it than the stress of facing it, which is a double whammy of stress.
You added the issue that by not getting tests that you have to face every possible outcome, and this is what contributes to and creates the overwhelm. And you're right, I've not heard anyone else discuss that crucial part.
My homeless bother and his new girlfriend Are upset we're Downsizing Our House
because they had wanted to raise their expected baby in ours. I can't take it anymore.
You might say that I'm avoiding that scenario.
@@Tom-Travels I think that's more about sticking to your boundaries than avoiding an inevitable reality. It's your house, you absolutely have a right to do what you want with it. If it would make you uncomfortable to let them live with you, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself
we gots to lean into the scary!! it feels counter intuitive but it’s a certainty to absolving the fear and the stress that partners with it… blaze on brave fellow SOULdiers! blaze on!!💫🌟💖🌟💫💖💫
perfect... right to the point...
Wow, I feel like this video reduced my anxiety by a lot, by just hearing that mechanism about the mind trying to predict every possible outcome
I somehow learned this and now I am always in a rush to get things done RIGHT NOW, which cannot always happen and then messes with my anxiety. 😶
Same!
Aint this the truth, such a hard behaviour to break! Thanks for explaining this, very helpful indeed
Exactly what I do! Thank you Dr. Scott!
So so so TRUE! TY 🙏🏻 for sharing this good insight 😊👍🏻
Thank you. That was very valuable and just what I needed to hear in this moment.
Great video, Scott! Love your videos!
Thank you, Scott.
Thank you!
Wow your insight is amazing
I get a strong compulsion to look away from people walking towards me. Then I get the anxiety of thinking I've been rude, and wondering if the other person feels offended 😣
Overcoming that compulsion feels like the most difficult thing in the world! Just looking in someone's direction and acknowledging them feels impossible.
So I avoid it again, and again, and again, and again 😢
Very pleased with my decision to subscribe.
I do this all the time it is so anxiety inhancing. Chess helped me like just move the king you have to anyway and then evaluate. Still a real avoider. Good advice thanks for your videos
Problem i have is dating. Been on shed loads yet every single time. Im absolutely bricking it just as much as the last. Im convinced ive got worse somehow
💯my experience!
This helped me so much. Do you have more sources on how anxiety works?
I always refer to this as "peering through timelines" as if I'm some Greek oracle lol. I think of every single thing that could go wrong and it's so excruciating, right up until the point that I actually do the thing and then suddenly everything is fine.
What if you force yourself for years to go to certain events every day like school and other social gatherings eventhough you have constant fear sometimes so much that you have to throw up before and during the event but most of the time it goes relatively smoothly and you still have that same fear everytime. I am sick of it. It makes my life miserable. From now on I will avoid it.
Look into hierarchical exposure therapy. Doing scary things is necessary to reduce anxiety but pushing yourself too hard for too long can get you stuck or even make it worse ❤️
@@DrScottEilersI have heard of it and tried to implement it. Until now I wasnt able to because it is mandatory to go to school. That meant that I had to go to school which was way too much and so I decided since I have to endure this pain anyway might as well trv to lessen anxiety through pure exposure through other things as well. Like going to parties, talking to strangers, even on the street, try new social activities like boldering and so on. I always feel unsave, anxious and alone eventhough I know that I can socialise with strangers. I never am able to make close friends though. Now that I am in University I dont have to go to lectures so I decided that I wont and try to feel save because I never feel save. Even when I am alone I have always had a slight fear. The plan is to not expect myself to go to social event and just do things that feel save. If I feel save going to a event then I'll go if not I won't. My therapist suspects that I have anxious-avoidant personality disorder. I don't know if I believe that because I can force myself most of the time to go but maybe I do. I am scared that I will never feel truely save.
Edit: I always kind of isolated myself. So I didnt constantly expose myself to other things. It was most of the time a one time thing. I got to the activity socialised a bit and never went again because I didnt want to go anymore because it was no or little fun. But I did try many different things. Because I do want to connect with people.
I also had a policy of always going when I was invited no matter what.
I've stopped going anywhere on public transport .. no longer drive and am 68.. for fear of not finding a clean restroom. 😢 desperate to leave my prison cell. Thank you from UK
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Catastrophizing all the way...mold hill to a mountain...in thinking.
How would this apply to say... Fear/anxiety of flying? I think Im too deep in my anxiety to see the logical correlation.
Heirechle exposure. Like sit in an airport first etc...
@drScottEilers I appreciate what you’re saying I’m going through this. But it’s more complex because if you have a weird blood test result or a health concern the way the health system is set up it’s weeks and months of uncertainty AFTER you’ve leaned that something is wrong. I had an MRI which showed concern but I wasn’t that day able to know what my options or prognosis was.. one test turns into another which turns into an appointment in 3 weeks which turns into another test… meanwhile my knowledge that something is wrong takes away the possibility that it’s nothing and replaces it with this scary knowledge that something is wrong but I can’t know how bad till all of the tests and appointments trickle though the overwhelmed medical industry. During that undefined amount of time it’s completely debilitating and the stress is out of control, worse to me than ignorance. How would I overcome this?
So how do you push yourself to learn more about it? I have the exact scenario happening where I have 4 medical diagnoses that I know very little about. I try to get myself to read about them but ultimately end up stopping because it feels like to much information.
Use your cell phone video recorder, horizontally.
Is it catastrophizing so off if we know all of our bodies will end up failing catastrophically one day?
Try wearing bright colours instead of death and decay gray and black, you might feel better.🎉
All my clothes are black, gray, or dark blue hahaha
Sometimes it's like you check my to do list before you release a video.
My homeless bother and his new girlfriend Are upset we're Downsizing Our House
because they had wanted to raise their expected baby in ours. I can't take it anymore.
I shouldn't be surprised that your brother's family planning was anchored on using his sibling's housing, but I am. If he wants to be grown up and have kids, he's going to have to grow up and provide for them.
Yes but what about those poor innocent folk that have Autism as my 40 year old Son has ? And on top of that ? He also suffers from pathological avoid / demand disorder Elon Musk also is on the same spectrum This disability is not a mental illness though funny enough ? But these people find it very difficult to live and survive easily in this World ? They appear normal like everyone else just looking at them on the surface BUT ...... They have to wear a mask in order to fit in to Societies norms ? Of which they struggle with such difficulty because their brain thinks in literal terms ? Always negatively ? Catastrophically ? Always fearing the worst black/ white thinking , ? All or nothing thinking ? And yet , it's so strange with autism / Asperger's syndrome these individuals are so very talented ! And have a gift of some sort ? And as with neurotypicals of this World they will often see these people as weird ! Different ? And so neurotypicals bully them ? Ignore them as complete nerds ? Because most people without this disability cannot deal with folk who are different and often fear being exposed for their own faults and weaknesses ! The aspies / autistic folk or Community see the normies as weird ? Because the autistic people are very deep thinkers ! And as neurotypicals thinking in itself can be a curse and a blessing ? Just saying and I love your work ? Your videos are very helpful and deep so thankyou for your input I enjoy your honesty and practical common sense approach to mental illness ! And question .... Is there anyone who is sane anymore xxxxx
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