Still pisses me off to this day that these demons can just accuse you of something that you haven’t done and never thought of doing, without a shred of evidence, yet you are guilty and condemned by the narcissist’s court.
I like to say: "It's better to make a mistake and apologize, than to never have made a mistake." I get some very confused looks. I guess you have to have had a relationship with a narc to understand what it is like to be around someone who has never made a mistake.
As a society, we are mass producing dysfunctional people. The backroom psychologists of the advertising industry have played an important role in getting us in to this state. Their mission included the cultivation of vanity and entitlement as a way of making consumers more fertile. But these mental attitudes also created fertile soil for narcissism and borderline behaviours. The basic algebra proves that these strategies were far more successful with women than they were with men. So it's funny to see people trolling Dr T with comments about how '..I know a man...' Women are not the victims in this epidemic. And there is very little help or advice for the many men (and their children) who through no fault of their own end up in car crash relationships. Thank you Dr. T.
My favorite line was "you made me hurt you" ofcourse they always hurt the one closest them. When they recall this event later they can't remember any physical violence ever taking place. They remember how you hurt, let them down, shamed them & exc.....I guess it called selective memory. But it's real to them because they keep playing over & over in their mind till it becomes real. They use tactics like kiss you than slap you to confuse you. It's a slow progress like sleep deprivation, isolation, gas lighting & much more. You are so busy fighting so many fronts, putting out so many fires you get lost in the forest. They can be so good at this you have no idea you are being abused. I never knew anyone could be so pathetic & pure evil. Another great video 🥀 THANKS DOC
Their selective memory is absolutely real to them. Which is why I've learned that every interaction with my ex must be in writing, recorded, and/or have another witness present. They won't take any accountability, so if you must have contact with them, you have to force accountability.
Thanks, Annette. I'm sorry you went through that. Sometimes a victim can become so detached and withdrawn that you become numb to the narc's behavior. Even though they revise history, they still know they're lying, in my opinion. They rarely stop at one revision. They continuously embroider it and change it based upon their audience and whether or not anyone points out an inconsistency. They don't come clean when that occurs. They just heap more lies onto the mountain range of lies.
Yes, Emma. Keep as much communication (particularly if you share custody) in writing as you can. They'll still twist, distort, deny and lie, but you have a record. Even if you don't have to go to court, documentation helps to mitigate the effects of gaslighting, projection and other manipulations.
@@shrink4men Thank you Dr. T. He HATES communicating only in writing. So I told him, "If you have been telling the truth about all these things, then that means that I have been lying. If I am such a liar, then wouldn't you WANT to have all further communication in writing? So I can't keep lying to you?" He didn't have an answer for that.
Thanks for such educated information it has been a life line. My BPD Ex(a few months now) started her victim mentality after our son died at 4 years old but unknown to me people told her to move on and she started using me for her reason to be a victim. She used the farm church and flying monkeys during the divorce to smear me for her own gains and to make her an innocent victim(disgusting allegations) but the worst part is we have two children. I was too naive and when demons were strangling her at night that should have been huge red flags and I should have known. Men always look to the silver lining and the fairy tale but to all those out there listen to your gut and there is a time to fold up and run.
The Drama Triangle in action. And so true, the professional Victim, the seemingly weakest player, is typically the drama game instigator. The only way to win is to stop playing all together. Before returning to her decades-long abuser, she actually said 'You're too smart' meaning she will return to the one more easily controlled, her Persecutor bully. Realizing that I needlessly played the part of her Rescuer left me feeling dirty. Never again. ~ Happy Holidays, Doctor Palmatier. So appreciate your valuable contributions ~
If such a smart, wise, educated, professional, and of course, DOCTOR, was fooled in her life by one or more of these “disordered” personalities, I guess then I shouldn’t feel like such a dumbass for doing the same. I truly had no idea that this behavior actually was possible in another human being.......and I f’in married it. Decades of hell, then wonderful people like yourself entered my life, and now my “brain” has the knowledge to at least try to heal, and make sense of all the “crazy”. Thank you for all you do, and your comical, witty, and sarcastic presentation always makes me laugh. Your the best Dr. T !!!!!!!!!
I get really sick of seeing borderlines using their diagnosis as an excuse, whining about how the rest of us should be compassionate and understanding towards poor little them. The target of their abuse and violence needs to be more compassionate towards them? It shows that they don't want to be better, they want to be enabled. I think borderlines do this particularly, which gives us a lot of insight into the disorder: they are perpetual victims, even victims of not having their displays of victimhood believed. What they need, just as much as what everyone around them needs from them, is to be consistently held to account with meaningful proportionate consequences.
They dont need to study you, because their way is the false way, your willpower doesnt matter to them, willpower your truth vs the illusion, that illusion will allways win therefor the Professional victim will allways fit that entitlement, they only way to beat a Professional victim is to stay away of that reality. Again a healthy video from Dr. Tara.
Omg my EX blamed me for everything. When I stopped taking his abuse, saying no and standing up for myself he got worse and started raging at me. I left for good after he raged and tried to attacked me in a paranoid state while tearing our home apart at the same time. My oldest grandson started crying hysterically and started vomiting over seeing his grandfather tearing the home apart and screaming he was going to bash my head in. My EX then seeing our grandson hysterical started screaming at me and saying "look what you are making me do" I was like WTF ? I did nothing to cause this. What is funny he was having a affair with a known borderline woman who was just as cruel as him and he admired her reputation...lol...I guess birds of a feather do flock together. I love these videos you do because you hit it on the nail everytime.
Great video. I could never picture my BPD ex staying married to a Tunisian mafia enforcer she met in Paris, staying with him for 4 years while he beat her, “escaping” from him back to the US, then moving back to Paris to marry him again. All of these details I got over time. It wasn’t that I couldn’t picture her in this previous life because I didn’t think she was damaged enough to do it; it was because I absolutely could not picture her NOT being the perpetrator of abuse. Your video clarified this nicely; she definitely admired him and had contempt for me and my patience for her “abused”, tantruming former child. Can’t believe how gullible I was.
Lots of BPDs get involved with NPDs. It makes sense in a way, they both speak the same emotional language, so to speak... Afterwards the BPD will often get involved with a codependent who doesn't abuse them, & actually tries to love them & treat them right. And then the BPD will proceed to scoop the codependent's heart out with a melon baller. Go figure!
The subtlety of this is that the perpetrator role and victim role are not static, it is interchangeable, one who is a victim one time can become the perpetrator another time. Even in relationships with non disordered people. BPD/NPD do it perfectly.
Former friend narc pulled that one all the time. And when he didn't walk out mid-conversation after I confronted him about his disgusting texts he would flat out say it was my job to make sure he stays happy and it was my fault if he goes on another crybaby narc tantrum for not "paying enough attention to his needs" 🙄
Meep .. sad aren't they. Narcc abusers may vary in their fav form of torture. Underlying traits dont change. Like Entitled, Lack if Empathy, Emotional and/or Physical Abuse, Lying, Not Responsible for anything. Ad infinauseum. I know a Narcc (9 yr-I was the special victim) has all 8 if not 9 traits. 3 yrs 92% No contact 3 yrs. Yay Me! Very high in all expressions of operation. Machiavelli. Now I see some toxic ppl comming and see traits say manipulation w lie. Or suddenly I am not smart and dn't anything or just wrong w all opinions. Well what video describes well (you very good) the Borderline and the Histronic. I studied ppl all my life and have a friend who wrote a book who is like having a therapist. Saved me from being crazy. Not the same tho as a good shrink. Need to see sooner. I saw 2nd persons real face after @6 mos. The change pretty sudden. I think he was a somatic Narcc (Narc 1 c= is a plant for cops) Narcc is the evil buser. I m too n sev disabled wld like not to waste precious resources on those it will not help and wastes my lifes resources.
It sounds like being a narc, is a colossal amount of effort into a delusion. It is always very upstream all the time. Unfortunately, in today's feminist professional victim world, there is a myriad of ignorant enablers that give foundation to the accusations.
That’s exactly what I thought when MeToo started in 2017. All these accusations that take place 20 or 30 years ago and we’re supposed to believe the men are guilty without proof of wrongdoing just because an attractive woman said so on social media. People forget in a just society an accused person is considered innocent until proven guilty and it is the court that determines this not the media or talk shows. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Harvey Weinstein, Ravi Zacharias and the like have done everything right either but heck, I don’t know what I’d do if I were a wealthy successful businessman and had tons of beautiful women in my face trying to get my attention about this and that. I’m not saying I would fall but lots of men would and to say you wouldn’t be tempted in that situation would be dishonest. And let’s not forget a lot of these actresses doing the accusing have tons of awards and accolades and money and know the ins and outs of Hollywood like the back of their palms. If you think it’s possible for a man to destroy someone’s reputation with a false accusation because of a relationship gone wrong, what makes you think a woman wouldn’t take advantage of that power too?
My malignant narcissist/ex-wife had a long narrative history of failed relationships that were always the other persons fault-and I have undoubtedly been added to that list. It’s impossible to have a relationship with someone who is never wrong. And I’m sure going to therapy with one of these creatures would be a huge mistake.
Most likely, Jerry. If all their previous exes were allegedly jerks, cheaters, abusive, etc., you can count on eventually being portrayed that way when it's your time in the barrel. Personality disordered abusers of both sexes do this. It's part of the Triangle. Today you're a rescuer. Tomorrow (or some later point in the future) you're the villain. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Marie E, if it helped you to realize he was unlikely to change and it helped you decide to get out, then maybe it had some value. If you go to therapy hoping the narc will change, then yes, you're likely better off buying a pouch of magic beans.
@@shrink4men it did help me see he was never going to change so u are right it wasn't a waste of time and we were even fighting more after each session. It was like when I started going with him to sessions he became worse. I use to see his counselors wife and she did not know that was my husband at first and had a incident with my EX and thought this man has BPD..she was right and I ended up back in counseling with her after I permanently left my EX and she helped me recover from his abuse and my childhood trauma. Loving my life now so much and somedays want to pinch myself that I could be this happy.
You describe exactly what happened to me and to this day former friends and former family members think I am the sick one. I have had to cut off all relations because I was practically eaten alive and my spirit was feeling dead. The pain of not being recognized for being the quiet good person I was really is something you can't fully get over. Projection is the worst. Yes, they admire and take pride in their despotic behavior and pretty soon it is hard to separate the flying monkeys from the narcissists. They have all the money, status, and power now but I wonder what it is like for them when they look in the mirror and get a glimpse of their real self. Now, they no longer have me to look down on and kick around. Well, I suppose they just find another person for that.
Very illuminating, the whole situation is massively familiar. No responsibility, seeking enablers rather than meaningfulness... having survived, I have one piece of advice, plan your exit like a military operation and get out. For those with complex situations, kids etc, staying is doing them harm too. Thank you Dr Palmatier
yES THEY COMPLETLY ALIENATE THE CHILDREN USE POLICE AND CHILDRENS AID CONVINCING THEM THAT THEY ARE VICTEM,WITHIN THE 2ND YEAR ALL CHILDREN WILL TAKE ON HER DELLUSIONAL BELIEFS AND THEY BECOME FLYING MONKEYS AND THESE ARE KIDS WHO WERE VERY VERY CLOSE WITH THE HEALTHY PARENT,BUT POLICE AND CHILDRENS AID UNWITTINGLY ASSIST SO TIME PASSES WHEN THE HEALTHY PARENT IS ISSOLATED FROM THE CHILDREN AS IT TAKES TIME TO BEGIN CUSTODY BATTLE,BY THIS TIME THE CHILDREN ARE HALF WAY SEVERLY ALIENATED AS AID WORKERS ARE RAISING THE EX BORDERLINE AND ONCE SOUND KIDS INTO ABUSE THERIPY,MEANWHILE EACH CHILDS BEEN ABUSED THESE ADVOCATES UNWITTINGLY FUCK UP THE CHILDS MIND AND THE CHILDS FORCED ISSOLATION.BY THE TIME DAD AND NEW GIRL GET VISITATION THE ONCE HEALTHY KIDS,LAUGH AT RULES IGNORE RULES DEMAND THERE NEEDS ARE MET TO THIER LIKING OR YOU ARE BANNED AND HATED AND BEFORE LONG ALL CHILDREN DENY VISITATION.BY THE TIME THEY ARE 12 THE JUDGE SAYS SORRY SIR WE CANT FORCE THEM NOW,ALL THE WHILE IGNORING ALL EVIDENCE THAT THE CHILDREN HAD BEEN TRAINED TO HATE AND ARE NOW IN NEED OF SEVERE PSYCHOLICAL HELP;THE CHILDREN END UP WITH BORDERLINE OR NARSISISISTIC PD AS WELL AS THEY ARE TRAINED HOW TO BEHAVE AND SEE IN OUR MESSED UP SYSTEM ABUSE AND FALSE VISTEMHOOD IS WHERE POWER IS.IF ONE CHILD REMAINS STRONG SOMEHOW THROUGH IT,USUALLY THE CHILD WHO NOW BECOMES THE SCAPEGOAT AS THE FATHERS NO LONGER ALLOWED IN THERE LIVES,THE MOTHER MUST FIND A NEW WAY TO ABUSE,UNLESS SHE GETS A NEW BOYFRIEND,SO UNTIL THAT TIME THE CHILD SHE TAKES ABUSE ON MAY MAKE IT OUT,BY THE TIME THAT CHILDS OLD ENOUGH THAT CHILD WILL REUNITE WITH THE HEALTHY PARENT AS AN ADULT BUT UNFORTUNATLY MANY ALIENATED PARENTS /AFTER NO SUCCSESS OF HAVING THOSE IN POWER SAVE HIS CHILDREN FROM THIS KIND OF ABUSE,MOST ALIENATED KIDS DO NOT STAY HEALTHY BUT ALIENATED PARENT WAITS IN PAIN FOR SEVERAL YEARS PRAYING THAT THE ADULT CHILD WILL SEE THE LIGHT,UNRAVEL THE DELLUSSION,UNFORTUNATLY MOST DONT MAKE IT OUT AND BECOME THE PATHOLIGY.mY PARTNER AND I WENT THROUGH THIS,MY PARTNER TOOK HIS LIFE AND I AT THE SAME TIME END UP WITH NON GENETIC STAGE 3 CANCER,AFTER BEING PUT THROUGH HELL;FALSE ALLEGATIONS FIRST BY EX ABOUT HIM AFTER WE MET,THEN EACH CHILD TOOK TURNS WITH FALSE ALLEGATIONS NON STOOD UP BUT HE WAS ARRESTED TWICE AND NEVER CHARGED BUT THE FEAR WHEN WE HEARD LOUD KNOCKS PUT US INTO PTSD,WHEN THAT HAD NO REAL EFFECT SHE THEN BEGAIN CLAIMING I STALKED HER THEN WENT FROM THE FATHER WAS ABUSSIVE TO i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lEAVING A BODNOD IS HELL AND YOUR KIDS WILL TURN ON YOU AS THE EX AND INLAWS ASSIST IN MANIPULATING THERE MINDS PIOSINING THERE SOULS.I STILL WATCH THESE VIDEOS SOMETIMES,TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL;LIVING OR BEING PART OF A BPDNPD EXPERIENCE IS A LIVING NIGHTMARE;I MISS HIM SO MUCH HE WAS MY SOULMATE;THEY MURDERED HIS SPIRIT AND THE INTERNAL PAIN TOOK OVER.I NOW CAN SMELL A BORDERLINE OR NARC OUT IMMEDIATLY,BUT I NEVER GOT THE CHOICE TO DECIDE IF I WANTED THAT LESSON IN LIFE;I HAD THE CHOICE TO LEAVE HIM SO I DID NOT ENDURE WHAT I DID DUE TO HIS EX AND KIDS,BUT THAT WAS NEVER A THOUGHT BECAUSE HE WAS AN INNOCENT MAN BEING AMBUSHED BY A VERY MENTALLY ILL EX AND HER MOTHER,THEN LATER 4 KIDS AND THE POLICE AND CHILDRENS AID ADVOCATES AND COURTS ARE ALL UNWITTING,HOWEVER THE CHILDRENS AID ALWAYS ASSIST FALSE VICTEMHHOD MOTHERS IN VERY CORRUPT WAYS SO I STRINGLY BLAME THE SOCIETY DUE TO HUGE BIASES ALSO THAT THE CHILDRENS AID IS RAN BY VERY NPD DISORDERED LEADERS ANY WORKING WHO DOES NOT JOIN THE CLICK IS MOBBED ,SO THEY QUIT OR BECOME ONE.i CANT WAIT FOR THE COURTS TO END,THEY PRAY I DROP DEAD BUT I AM BEATING CANCER AND TRYING TO BREATH THROUGH IT.ITS HELL AND THOSE IN POWER ARE INVOLVED BY LACKING CREDENTIALS SERIOUS CREDENTIALS IN FULLY UNDERSTANDING CLUSTER B DISORDERS AND LAWS ASSIST THOSE PEOPLE INTO THE ABUSE AND IN OUR CASE DEATHS OF VICTEMS.HE TOOK HIS LIFE
17:49 I appreciate what you're going through...! I have barely begun to sweep aside the toxic cov narc fog from my "wife" of 22 years! The pattern of my victimhood(which I only now have begun to hate)is less complex than yours, but no less AGONIZING!! WE ALL are UNITED by this HELLISH EXPERIENCE and somehow MUST find real joy and happiness FOR AND WITH OURSELVES and, through that wonderful revelation, find ourselves as REAL HUMAN BEINGS...If only for the first time in our lives where we finally cut the strings (CHAINS) of being RAISED as a "useless," custom made puppet for a cov narc father and DESTOYER of whoever I should have grown up to be. To paraphrase the great genius Orson Wells in Citizen Caine..."I COULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY GREAT MAN..."
Last time I saw my mother, a couple years ago, I wasn't feeding her with attention and she had a tantrum, force-feeding me her abuse: she grabbed repeatedly at my face, which I absolutely hate, and yelled at me about how she loves me (i.e. demands my attention), attacked me with lies about imaginary crimes of bullying my wife, and bawled me out about how I should treat other people. This unbelievably abusive and violent bully who'd just attacked me with complete lies then publically lectured me about how I have to treat people better. A couple days later, she turned around and immediately attacked me after my wife made a decision to pay for a meal, deliberately trying to manufacture potential conflict between my wife and I (it wouldn't have happened but it's the intent I want to highlight) by demanding I change it behind my wife's back, and melted down stamping her feet and sticking her tongue out while yelling and howling in tears when I refused. This lunatic recently rang me for Christmas, after a couple of years of blissful lack of any contact, spewing abuse at me for not wanting to be around her while whining ceaselessly about what a helpless victim she is of my bullying. "Bullying" means any time other people don't do what she wants, so it includes not responding, having separate thoughts and feelings, and liking different things. I've noticed an important theme: she has never asked "why?"; in this case the obvious question would be why I don't want to be around her. She already knows; she is aware that she is extremely abusive but regards it as an entitlement. What I did hear was a whole lot about is her many entitlements: entitled to have control over me, entitled to be the centre of my attention, entitled to be my number one priority, entitled to interfere in my relationship, entitled to subject me to abuse, and even more about how she's the biggest victim in the history of the world. My point is to pay careful attention to what you don't hear: especially the obvious questions that would follow were the story they want you believe even a truthful account of what they believe themselves. This reveals all you need to know about their deliberate, conscious intent.
Once I had worked out what he was and what his tactics were I stopped reacting completely and pretended to be so bored with his shenanigans. The less I reacted the more he ramped it up, the more 'bored' I became. Wow! Did he lose the plot when he couldn't flip anything back on me. He actually became hysterical, angry, then crying and pleading, then laughing, sometimes simultaneously. It was like his internal mechanisms had gone haywire. This all occurred over the phone, so I was safely out of arms reach though. I don't think I would like to try it in the same room.
Thank you for an excellent description of what this looks like in everyday interactions. This happened to me several times a day, every day. Could be a simple thing like “What did YOU do with my keys?” It was never phrased as “Have you seen my keys?” because e v e r y-l i t t l e-t h i n g was my fault! His every interaction with me carried blame, so it’s no wonder I was utterly and completely exhausted when I left him 25 years later. So glad I left the crazy behind. Thanks again for a great video!
You're welcome and thank you. I'm glad you're out. I experienced something similar to what you describe. It was my fault when he broke my grandmother's Christmas ornament because it was on his studio table where he told me to leave it because 8 months prior.For whatever reason he wouldn't allow me to use his glue gun, so I could glue the pipe cleaner tree back into Santa's hand. (Most likely he didn't want to tear himself away from Facebook to get it more me). Then there was the time he stubbed his big toe because, and I quote, "Why did you leave the stool where you knew I would bump into it?!?!" It it's all so absurd once you're on the other side of it.
My ex just flat out accused me asking, “Where have you hidden my keys, glasses, wallet” etc. He couldn’t keep track of anything if his life depended on it. Of course, when I told him where HE left said items, and he found them, he would smile and make a joke of it. Too bad I didn’t forget his snarky, rude attitude while he was accusing me right before that. You would think after him doing this hundreds of times, he would admit that he loses track of his stuff all the time, but nooooooo.........he’s too perfect for that. Jerk x infinity.
sitting here 2 years away from my ex female monster Narc( I stayed because she loved bombed me , and it was so great in begining ) etc. etc. etc. STUNNED!!!! when you mentioned Love Story. My ex told me over and over again how this was her favorite movie, and insisted I watch over and over again. "LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOUR SORRY" God I was so foolish. Dr T is THE BEST!!!!!!
Great clip T! "Professional victims admire people who are bullies" - Bingo. Sane, healthy and honest people need to pay very close attention to this. It's also worth noting that the most successful bullies also don't appear to us overtly as bullies, which explains why sociopaths are often the most successful in virtually all areas of human endeavor - politics, business, religion, health etc. It's systemic. They are drawn to power. Tara, you're probably already familiar with the term that this personality type can be described as- authoritarian - not that the term itself is important, as you know, but being familiar with it and the associating ideas may help us lay folk deconstruct and understand interpersonal dynamics a bit more. There's a fantastic piece on the authoritarian personality I read recently by psychologist Erich Fromm, the analysis of which some have found to be constantly playing out in their own relationships, except he takes it all the way up the fractal to interactions on the wider sociopolitical level. If you're not already familiar with it, I highly recommend it because it's also related to why your work is so important on the broader level. People being able to see these things more clearly also helps us in developing greater discernment in other areas of our lives so that we're not vampirized at the societal level, but it has to start in more direct/immediate spheres of our own lives - romantic relationships, parents, friends etc. Fundamentally, it appears these people are terrified of freedom (their own and others) and autonomy, so relationships in which they are comfortable are all based on power dynamics. Arno Gruen's Betrayal of the Self is a seminal work in this area, amongst some others (including Fromm). Apologies if you're familiar with all this already, but maybe it'll help somehow. Here's the Fromm article: www.marxists.org/archive/fromm/works/1957/authoritarian.htm Keep up the great work.
This podcast is so very powerful and informative, it has been enlightening and an awakening. You are saving lives with your educational podcasts. Your terminology is very helpful in creating clear distinctive imagery that helps the thought process maintain your life-saving lessons. I particularly like the line, "A determined narcissist could make the Dali Lama lose his cool." You are amazing, Thank you for Being, You are Enough.
LOL,did you steal my dalai lama line hehehhehe I must have said that a hundred times trying to figure this out.....they could make anyone pull their hair out or worse,thanks for the vid
Thank you so much. I want to say you've witnessed my life! I feel like I'm in a cloud. When the attacks come and they have been nearly every day since my wife lost her mom. I find my self saying. Honestly, I don't remember doing that but if I did, I'm so sorry. I would never want to hurt you that way. What can I do? What do you want? "GET HONEST" "LOOK IN THe MIRROR" get honest about what? I reply. "JUST GET HONEST" no matter how much I've done for her in recent days, I hear "20 years ago this and 30 years ago that" You should have been a dad" anyone can be a father" "your kids hate you, your grandchildren are afraid of you" I've asked them and no corroboration. Thought I was loosing my mind. "My mom and dad told me not to marry you" she says, why did you stay for 30 years I respond. I'll never miss another video. Where have you been all my life. I've lost friends. The say get rid of her. They've witnessed this. Its the better or worse thing. I've tried everything. Now I hear the truth! Don't misunderstand. I am an A type personality. A retired insurance executive and a fighter. Probably why I never just ran and ran and ran. Anyway. Now I know! Thanks again. Glad I found you and I'll be catching up on ALL of your previous videos. "DARK TO LIGHT" What a blessing. Boundries or ? I'll figure it out. I'll be waiting with great anticipation for your next video. I liked and subscribed and gladly rang the bell because you rang mine. PS. I appreciate the humor. God bless
Please!!! Do another video on as to why they use projective ID and consistently start arguments to make provoke a reaction from you. Please 😇 Thank you Dr. T!
Thank you Dr Palmatier, I can’t get over how efficiently you uncover the underlying dynamics. You’ve helped me no end in understanding the narcissist’s games and motivations. Like a breath of fresh air So grateful 😘
Dr. T that's part of what I noticed is how he will say certain things just to get me to argue & be emotional & I can't hold it in & not get mad at him. How do you ignore the pushing of Buttons to piss you off & emotional & crying.
Thanks again Dr. T , once again you are RIGHT ON , my ex was the ultimate actress, playing both Instigator & Victim. Heck , she should have won two Oscars.Good job ....looking forward to your next video. Btw ....Erich Segal wrote the book Love Story...Happy Holidays.
Only option is to walk away, excuse me, RUN AWAY! They are emotionally and psychologically 12 years old, and untreatable. My ex claimed her son's father was abusive, but in turn use to tell me, " You're so laid back, I wonder if you'll be able to protect me?" Then she would get mad about me going to the gym, instead of thinking about doing more things with her. Lol! Total NUT job! And blamed EVERYONE for her problems, and never took responsibility.
@@rmjmoviereviews6876 What are the chances! You met my ex-GF! She was like a 6-year old when I ran though. Probably grew up a little over the last decade.
I'm glad you're out, RMJ. In almost every case in my practice, the NPD/BPD eventually projects a parental role onto their partner. Except, they then greatly resent being treated like children and around and around you go.
I almost killed myself because my wife did no less than 3 things from each vid you run. I'm in the process of the divorce now...but it is so so painful....i was suicidal....BUT no more....I see clearly.
The receptacle is still responsible and accountable for their actions if they lose their cool with the narcissist. They're in that situation for a reason too.
Thank you for this excellent video, having gone No contact with NM for 6 months this is just what I needed to hear. With Christmas coming I’ve been struggling to maintain No contact out of a sense of obligation! Your perfect explanation has reinforced my decision not to be dragged back into this harmful game they play. God bless you and have a peaceful and happy Christmas 😍
Wow just wow,I've been scrolling past this video for the past six weeks or so under the guise of when the time is right. Every one of your videos has helped me Dr Tara in moving forward with my life and sanity returning to my very being. This video is like the bow around the magnificent present you give all of us here on your channel. I'm eleven weeks clear of the borderline and the view could not be any clearer, thank you so much for the sharing of your gift. This video ROCKS !!
These are clear and truthful statements. If culture and education were working to good effect, these things should be obvious. But instead, it feels like we are drowning in a sea of poison.
Thanks being I've been told I've had a victim mentality and your list has helped me reaffirm that I am not. I noticed another thing about truly victim mentality people will compete with other's misfortunes. I have 2 sister in laws who do waif displays and when they met eachother, it was like a one-up game as each shared life crashing events during their early introduction phase. And big details about mental health and how they're receiving treatment. I am all about advocacy but they always take up their blues harmonica out and own the room. They get lots of treatment for decades and still seem completely unable to have insight or flinch when they rewrite history.
Well she did once come at me with a knife to scare me, saying she used to be beaten up by an ex and she wouldn't let it happen again, so that would fit with the idea of using victimhood as an excuse.
My husband's ex is such a textbook case, and I was glad to help him discourage her stalking and abuse. But the worst doozies in *my* life have been fellow nurses. They don't say "nurses eat their young" for nothing! When I was a brand new RN, a rather poisonous preceptor decided to target me, and it was impossible for me to stop her mobbing effort. Another time, when I was filling in as interim DON, we hired an applicant whom we'd passed over at first, and it seemed really important to her that I be put back in my place as publicly as possible, so she often scolded me for this or that thing in front of everyone. She treated most nurses like that, though higher-ranking ones got it worst. Possibly the most frustrating nurse was doing a specialized job but needed to stay home with her children, so I was hired. I'd done that particular specialty longer, in more places, and was certified in it, unlike her, but none of that mattered. She micromanaged the crap out of me and basically drove me round the bend by insisting that I do everything her way, even though her process was outdated and slow. I finally stopped answering her phone calls and quit on the spot after a 3-month slog--something I had never done before. I think the last nurse had a raging case of OCPD, because of her rigidity, obsession with process and her never-ending nitpicking. I'd bet my paycheck that my real purpose was to prove to herself that she was indispensable and ought to keep working outside the home. Anyhow, these nurses gave me the vapors, for sure, making me wonder what hit me. And yes, employers could do much more to discourage this kind of lateral violence in the workplace. With females, though, the abuse is often covert. Men make delightful, forthright coworkers in comparison.
Fascinating. My ex really liked these women in our congregation who were marginal Christians whom were bullies with caustic personalities. Baffled me but now I know why she liked them. It's crazy but totally documented.
@@shrink4men Also a nice Christmas tree in the background. My journey started 2 years ago when I googled "why is my wife a crazy b#$%#?". I found your articles on S4M. For months, all of the info I was getting was from your articles. I didn't even know their were RUclips channels on this stuff. Now I see that's it's just everywhere. So many people need help. I now am 9 months out of my marriage to crazy, low contact parenting our 3 year old daughter. I've come a long way. I don't bite at her attempts to antagonize me to get narc supply. I owe a lot to you Dr Tara. You started me on this journey when I found your site. It's a long climb out of that well. I always like seeing in the comments when people tell their success story(got out of a bad relationship with a CB).
Why I started watching video's about narcissist again? I gathered enough knowledge maybe not for diagnosing people like my future ex wife aka mother of my daughter . I know now that our "relationship" couldn't work and chances that I'll be with another women are close to zero. So why I started to watch videos about this topic again. Ps I'm not an idiot it's just english isn't my first language 🤯 Ps 2 Dr T thanks for your help you're great 👍
(My narcissist went on a lot about her ex-husband being such a bad person, however, after we broke up and I started to ask about him I found out that people generally thought good of him.) The victim stuff is kind of a problem here because for a lot of us being involved with a narc we're not entirely sure what it is going on or if the abuse going on is abuse. When the lights on, however, you understand you were a target and the unloading sure sounds like victim consciousness until pain comes off of it. With my narc I don't talk about her except to a therapist but have no misconceptions of the damage done. Is that different than victim consciousness.
You get accused of stealing and hiding their things, petty things soap and hand lotion things that can easily get lost to name a couple. reverse gaslighting you by accusing by you of gaslighting them but you know you didn't touch their things . so they play victim to their own gaslighting when you are the victim.
Wow! This sounds like 80% of the politicians, entertainment industry, college campus's and athletes(the short list) ... All the news/media are the enablers/and also the N.V.s .
Yes yes yes- spot on! I am divorced since 17 years, and you described my ex husband in detail! Yes- and he didn't change... always whining 😭 but never take action to change the things he is whining about. Power games then, to make me feel sorry for him, so he could get whatever it was then... so sick
I have had the dubious honor to know a couple of people (women) who seemed to fit the description: They both claimed to suffer from anxiety, and by all means, they did. However, they used their anxiety issue to control and rule over their husband and family. If they did not get their will, even in small everyday things, tears would flow untill the family members finally gave in and gave them what they wanted, being it cleaning out the cupboards on late evening before Christmas, or their 18 year old daughter staying at home when she wanted to go out and see friends. One of those two had a stay at a treatment center for anxiety and mental problems, where she learned "to love herself". After that, she got even worse to her family and friends/neighbors.
Until I watched your videos I never realized I was a parent child trying to "get it right" with my wife. If I could fix the relationship then I would be fixing what happened with my mother. We do seek out these relationships for that reason. At least I did. Yuck.
Why are police and those in the legal system not required to study and learn about this? Better yet, why is emotional abuse not a crime? I understand it’s hard to prove, but victims should be able to use psychologists like you who understand this abuse as expert witnesses on their behalf. This is truly a major problem when police are not educated on this and assist in doing further damage to true victims of abuse and wrongly charge them. Then again, I’m of the belief that many who even go into such professions like law enforcement and the legal system are these kinds and are drawn to such careers solely because of the inherent power over others they would end up having.
One thing I don't fully understand is, let's say I got fired because somebody legitimately went through a lot of work to frame me and get me fired and it worked. If I said, "I would have ____ more money now if only that person didn't frame me and get me fired!", would that count as victim mentality (assuming this is not being used as an excuse)? Or what about, "If only this narcissist didn't put me in a bad mood ten minutes ago, I would be in a better mood right now!" Like when does it become actually wrong to think this way and why?
How do we help a Narcissistic person? If I'm being attacked by a Narcissistic person shouldn't I not play the victim as well? If I want to fix a loved one how can I do this?
Here I thought all along he was just a gigantic triggered millennial chronic complaining $ussy but it turns out he’s just a professional victim gigantic triggered millennial $ussy. Thanks, Dr. T! As per usual, this video is gold.
Still pisses me off to this day that these demons can just accuse you of something that you haven’t done and never thought of doing, without a shred of evidence, yet you are guilty and condemned by the narcissist’s court.
CaAnPeSe4ever yep. I was called a cheater and a gold digger... projection much?
It’s called MeToo.
OMG "they are scared of the ones they cant control and lash out in turn on those who try to help them" rings so close home.....my story.🤦♂️
I like to say: "It's better to make a mistake and apologize, than to never have made a mistake."
I get some very confused looks. I guess you have to have had a relationship with a narc to understand what it is like to be around someone who has never made a mistake.
As a society, we are mass producing dysfunctional people. The backroom psychologists of the advertising industry have played an important role in getting us in to this state. Their mission included the cultivation of vanity and entitlement as a way of making consumers more fertile. But these mental attitudes also created fertile soil for narcissism and borderline behaviours.
The basic algebra proves that these strategies were far more successful with women than they were with men. So it's funny to see people trolling Dr T with comments about how '..I know a man...'
Women are not the victims in this epidemic. And there is very little help or advice for the many men (and their children) who through no fault of their own end up in car crash relationships.
Thank you Dr. T.
I never saw being a "victim" so effectively weaponized as I did by my ex.
My favorite line was "you made me hurt you" ofcourse they always hurt the one closest them. When they recall this event later they can't remember any physical violence ever taking place. They remember how you hurt, let them down, shamed them & exc.....I guess it called selective memory. But it's real to them because they keep playing over & over in their mind till it becomes real.
They use tactics like kiss you than slap you to confuse you. It's a slow progress like sleep deprivation, isolation, gas lighting & much more. You are so busy fighting so many fronts, putting out so many fires you get lost in the forest. They can be so good at this you have no idea you are being abused.
I never knew anyone could be so pathetic & pure evil. Another great video 🥀 THANKS DOC
Their selective memory is absolutely real to them. Which is why I've learned that every interaction with my ex must be in writing, recorded, and/or have another witness present. They won't take any accountability, so if you must have contact with them, you have to force accountability.
Thanks, Annette. I'm sorry you went through that. Sometimes a victim can become so detached and withdrawn that you become numb to the narc's behavior. Even though they revise history, they still know they're lying, in my opinion. They rarely stop at one revision. They continuously embroider it and change it based upon their audience and whether or not anyone points out an inconsistency. They don't come clean when that occurs. They just heap more lies onto the mountain range of lies.
Yes, Emma. Keep as much communication (particularly if you share custody) in writing as you can. They'll still twist, distort, deny and lie, but you have a record. Even if you don't have to go to court, documentation helps to mitigate the effects of gaslighting, projection and other manipulations.
@@shrink4men Thank you Dr. T. He HATES communicating only in writing. So I told him, "If you have been telling the truth about all these things, then that means that I have been lying. If I am such a liar, then wouldn't you WANT to have all further communication in writing? So I can't keep lying to you?" He didn't have an answer for that.
Thanks for such educated information it has been a life line. My BPD Ex(a few months now) started her victim mentality after our son died at 4 years old but unknown to me people told her to move on and she started using me for her reason to be a victim. She used the farm church and flying monkeys during the divorce to smear me for her own gains and to make her an innocent victim(disgusting allegations) but the worst part is we have two children. I was too naive and when demons were strangling her at night that should have been huge red flags and I should have known. Men always look to the silver lining and the fairy tale but to all those out there listen to your gut and there is a time to fold up and run.
The Drama Triangle in action. And so true, the professional Victim, the seemingly weakest player, is typically the drama game instigator. The only way to win is to stop playing all together.
Before returning to her decades-long abuser, she actually said 'You're too smart' meaning she will return to the one more easily controlled, her Persecutor bully. Realizing that I needlessly played the part of her Rescuer left me feeling dirty. Never again.
~ Happy Holidays, Doctor Palmatier. So appreciate your valuable contributions ~
If such a smart, wise, educated, professional, and of course, DOCTOR, was fooled in her life by one or more of these “disordered” personalities, I guess then I shouldn’t feel like such a dumbass for doing the same. I truly had no idea that this behavior actually was possible in another human being.......and I f’in married it.
Decades of hell, then wonderful people like yourself entered my life, and now my “brain” has the knowledge to at least try to heal, and make sense of all the “crazy”.
Thank you for all you do, and your comical, witty, and sarcastic presentation always makes me laugh.
Your the best Dr. T !!!!!!!!!
Isn't she !!!
I get really sick of seeing borderlines using their diagnosis as an excuse, whining about how the rest of us should be compassionate and understanding towards poor little them. The target of their abuse and violence needs to be more compassionate towards them? It shows that they don't want to be better, they want to be enabled. I think borderlines do this particularly, which gives us a lot of insight into the disorder: they are perpetual victims, even victims of not having their displays of victimhood believed. What they need, just as much as what everyone around them needs from them, is to be consistently held to account with meaningful proportionate consequences.
My soon to be ex wife barely apologies when she does it comes in the form of "I'm sorry YOU feel that way"..
They dont need to study you, because their way is the false way, your willpower doesnt matter to them, willpower your truth vs the illusion, that illusion will allways win therefor the Professional victim will allways fit that entitlement, they only way to beat a Professional victim is to stay away of that reality. Again a healthy video from Dr. Tara.
Omg my EX blamed me for everything. When I stopped taking his abuse, saying no and standing up for myself he got worse and started raging at me. I left for good after he raged and tried to attacked me in a paranoid state while tearing our home apart at the same time. My oldest grandson started crying hysterically and started vomiting over seeing his grandfather tearing the home apart and screaming he was going to bash my head in. My EX then seeing our grandson hysterical started screaming at me and saying "look what you are making me do" I was like WTF ? I did nothing to cause this. What is funny he was having a affair with a known borderline woman who was just as cruel as him and he admired her reputation...lol...I guess birds of a feather do flock together. I love these videos you do because you hit it on the nail everytime.
Wow, the Karma with those two will be epic and nuclear when it explodes... Stay strong, thank God you made it out!
"jump into an argument without aiming to solve a problem"
Great video.
I could never picture my BPD ex staying married to a Tunisian mafia enforcer she met in Paris, staying with him for 4 years while he beat her, “escaping” from him back to the US, then moving back to Paris to marry him again.
All of these details I got over time.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t picture her in this previous life because I didn’t think she was damaged enough to do it; it was because I absolutely could not picture her NOT being the perpetrator of abuse.
Your video clarified this nicely; she definitely admired him and had contempt for me and my patience for her “abused”, tantruming former child. Can’t believe how gullible I was.
Lots of BPDs get involved with NPDs. It makes sense in a way, they both speak the same emotional language, so to speak... Afterwards the BPD will often get involved with a codependent who doesn't abuse them, & actually tries to love them & treat them right. And then the BPD will proceed to scoop the codependent's heart out with a melon baller. Go figure!
The subtlety of this is that the perpetrator role and victim role are not static, it is interchangeable, one who is a victim one time can become the perpetrator another time. Even in relationships with non disordered people. BPD/NPD do it perfectly.
I have known narcs who never shift blame, they just ignore and walk away. Epic entitlement.
Being dismissive is another way to avoid ownership of their behavior. The attitude is, "That's your problem. Deal with it and don't bother me."
Former friend narc pulled that one all the time. And when he didn't walk out mid-conversation after I confronted him about his disgusting texts he would flat out say it was my job to make sure he stays happy and it was my fault if he goes on another crybaby narc tantrum for not "paying enough attention to his needs" 🙄
Meep .. sad aren't they. Narcc abusers may
vary in their fav form of torture. Underlying
traits dont change. Like Entitled, Lack if
Empathy, Emotional and/or Physical Abuse, Lying, Not Responsible for anything. Ad infinauseum. I know a Narcc (9 yr-I was the special victim) has all 8 if not 9 traits. 3 yrs 92% No contact 3 yrs. Yay Me! Very high in all expressions of operation. Machiavelli. Now I
see some toxic ppl comming and see traits say manipulation w lie. Or suddenly I am not smart and dn't anything or just wrong w all
opinions. Well what video describes well (you
very good) the Borderline and the Histronic. I studied ppl all my life and have a friend who wrote a book who is like having a therapist. Saved me from being crazy. Not the same tho as a good shrink. Need to see sooner. I saw 2nd persons real face after @6 mos. The change pretty sudden. I think he was a somatic Narcc (Narc 1 c= is a plant for cops)
Narcc is the evil buser. I m too n sev disabled wld like not to waste precious resources on those it will not help and wastes my lifes resources.
It sounds like being a narc, is a colossal amount of effort into a delusion. It is always very upstream all the time. Unfortunately, in today's feminist professional victim world, there is a myriad of ignorant enablers that give foundation to the accusations.
That’s exactly what I thought when MeToo started in 2017. All these accusations that take place 20 or 30 years ago and we’re supposed to believe the men are guilty without proof of wrongdoing just because an attractive woman said so on social media. People forget in a just society an accused person is considered innocent until proven guilty and it is the court that determines this not the media or talk shows. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Harvey Weinstein, Ravi Zacharias and the like have done everything right either but heck, I don’t know what I’d do if I were a wealthy successful businessman and had tons of beautiful women in my face trying to get my attention about this and that. I’m not saying I would fall but lots of men would and to say you wouldn’t be tempted in that situation would be dishonest. And let’s not forget a lot of these actresses doing the accusing have tons of awards and accolades and money and know the ins and outs of Hollywood like the back of their palms. If you think it’s possible for a man to destroy someone’s reputation with a false accusation because of a relationship gone wrong, what makes you think a woman wouldn’t take advantage of that power too?
My malignant narcissist/ex-wife had a long narrative history of failed relationships that were always the other persons fault-and I have undoubtedly been added to that list. It’s impossible to have a relationship with someone who is never wrong. And I’m sure going to therapy with one of these creatures would be a huge mistake.
Jerry S...went to counseling with my narcissist ex...lol..waste of time and left and have gone 2 yrs no contact
Most likely, Jerry. If all their previous exes were allegedly jerks, cheaters, abusive, etc., you can count on eventually being portrayed that way when it's your time in the barrel. Personality disordered abusers of both sexes do this. It's part of the Triangle. Today you're a rescuer. Tomorrow (or some later point in the future) you're the villain. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Marie E, if it helped you to realize he was unlikely to change and it helped you decide to get out, then maybe it had some value. If you go to therapy hoping the narc will change, then yes, you're likely better off buying a pouch of magic beans.
@@shrink4men it did help me see he was never going to change so u are right it wasn't a waste of time and we were even fighting more after each session. It was like when I started going with him to sessions he became worse. I use to see his counselors wife and she did not know that was my husband at first and had a incident with my EX and thought this man has BPD..she was right and I ended up back in counseling with her after I permanently left my EX and she helped me recover from his abuse and my childhood trauma. Loving my life now so much and somedays want to pinch myself that I could be this happy.
You describe exactly what happened to me and to this day former friends and former family members think I am the sick one. I have had to cut off all relations because I was practically eaten alive and my spirit was feeling dead. The pain of not being recognized for being the quiet good person I was really is something you can't fully get over. Projection is the worst. Yes, they admire and take pride in their despotic behavior and pretty soon it is hard to separate the flying monkeys from the narcissists. They have all the money, status, and power now but I wonder what it is like for them when they look in the mirror and get a glimpse of their real self. Now, they no longer have me to look down on and kick around. Well, I suppose they just find another person for that.
This really describes my ex-wife. It is hard to see when you are in it.
Very illuminating, the whole situation is massively familiar. No responsibility, seeking enablers rather than meaningfulness... having survived, I have one piece of advice, plan your exit like a military operation and get out. For those with complex situations, kids etc, staying is doing them harm too. Thank you Dr Palmatier
yES THEY COMPLETLY ALIENATE THE CHILDREN USE POLICE AND CHILDRENS AID CONVINCING THEM THAT THEY ARE VICTEM,WITHIN THE 2ND YEAR ALL CHILDREN WILL TAKE ON HER DELLUSIONAL BELIEFS AND THEY BECOME FLYING MONKEYS AND THESE ARE KIDS WHO WERE VERY VERY CLOSE WITH THE HEALTHY PARENT,BUT POLICE AND CHILDRENS AID UNWITTINGLY ASSIST SO TIME PASSES WHEN THE HEALTHY PARENT IS ISSOLATED FROM THE CHILDREN AS IT TAKES TIME TO BEGIN CUSTODY BATTLE,BY THIS TIME THE CHILDREN ARE HALF WAY SEVERLY ALIENATED AS AID WORKERS ARE RAISING THE EX BORDERLINE AND ONCE SOUND KIDS INTO ABUSE THERIPY,MEANWHILE EACH CHILDS BEEN ABUSED THESE ADVOCATES UNWITTINGLY FUCK UP THE CHILDS MIND AND THE CHILDS FORCED ISSOLATION.BY THE TIME DAD AND NEW GIRL GET VISITATION THE ONCE HEALTHY KIDS,LAUGH AT RULES IGNORE RULES DEMAND THERE NEEDS ARE MET TO THIER LIKING OR YOU ARE BANNED AND HATED AND BEFORE LONG ALL CHILDREN DENY VISITATION.BY THE TIME THEY ARE 12 THE JUDGE SAYS SORRY SIR WE CANT FORCE THEM NOW,ALL THE WHILE IGNORING ALL EVIDENCE THAT THE CHILDREN HAD BEEN TRAINED TO HATE AND ARE NOW IN NEED OF SEVERE PSYCHOLICAL HELP;THE CHILDREN END UP WITH BORDERLINE OR NARSISISISTIC PD AS WELL AS THEY ARE TRAINED HOW TO BEHAVE AND SEE IN OUR MESSED UP SYSTEM ABUSE AND FALSE VISTEMHOOD IS WHERE POWER IS.IF ONE CHILD REMAINS STRONG SOMEHOW THROUGH IT,USUALLY THE CHILD WHO NOW BECOMES THE SCAPEGOAT AS THE FATHERS NO LONGER ALLOWED IN THERE LIVES,THE MOTHER MUST FIND A NEW WAY TO ABUSE,UNLESS SHE GETS A NEW BOYFRIEND,SO UNTIL THAT TIME THE CHILD SHE TAKES ABUSE ON MAY MAKE IT OUT,BY THE TIME THAT CHILDS OLD ENOUGH THAT CHILD WILL REUNITE WITH THE HEALTHY PARENT AS AN ADULT BUT UNFORTUNATLY MANY ALIENATED PARENTS /AFTER NO SUCCSESS OF HAVING THOSE IN POWER SAVE HIS CHILDREN FROM THIS KIND OF ABUSE,MOST ALIENATED KIDS DO NOT STAY HEALTHY BUT ALIENATED PARENT WAITS IN PAIN FOR SEVERAL YEARS PRAYING THAT THE ADULT CHILD WILL SEE THE LIGHT,UNRAVEL THE DELLUSSION,UNFORTUNATLY MOST DONT MAKE IT OUT AND BECOME THE PATHOLIGY.mY PARTNER AND I WENT THROUGH THIS,MY PARTNER TOOK HIS LIFE AND I AT THE SAME TIME END UP WITH NON GENETIC STAGE 3 CANCER,AFTER BEING PUT THROUGH HELL;FALSE ALLEGATIONS FIRST BY EX ABOUT HIM AFTER WE MET,THEN EACH CHILD TOOK TURNS WITH FALSE ALLEGATIONS NON STOOD UP BUT HE WAS ARRESTED TWICE AND NEVER CHARGED BUT THE FEAR WHEN WE HEARD LOUD KNOCKS PUT US INTO PTSD,WHEN THAT HAD NO REAL EFFECT SHE THEN BEGAIN CLAIMING I STALKED HER THEN WENT FROM THE FATHER WAS ABUSSIVE TO i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lEAVING A BODNOD IS HELL AND YOUR KIDS WILL TURN ON YOU AS THE EX AND INLAWS ASSIST IN MANIPULATING THERE MINDS PIOSINING THERE SOULS.I STILL WATCH THESE VIDEOS SOMETIMES,TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL;LIVING OR BEING PART OF A BPDNPD EXPERIENCE IS A LIVING NIGHTMARE;I MISS HIM SO MUCH HE WAS MY SOULMATE;THEY MURDERED HIS SPIRIT AND THE INTERNAL PAIN TOOK OVER.I NOW CAN SMELL A BORDERLINE OR NARC OUT IMMEDIATLY,BUT I NEVER GOT THE CHOICE TO DECIDE IF I WANTED THAT LESSON IN LIFE;I HAD THE CHOICE TO LEAVE HIM SO I DID NOT ENDURE WHAT I DID DUE TO HIS EX AND KIDS,BUT THAT WAS NEVER A THOUGHT BECAUSE HE WAS AN INNOCENT MAN BEING AMBUSHED BY A VERY MENTALLY ILL EX AND HER MOTHER,THEN LATER 4 KIDS AND THE POLICE AND CHILDRENS AID ADVOCATES AND COURTS ARE ALL UNWITTING,HOWEVER THE CHILDRENS AID ALWAYS ASSIST FALSE VICTEMHHOD MOTHERS IN VERY CORRUPT WAYS SO I STRINGLY BLAME THE SOCIETY DUE TO HUGE BIASES ALSO THAT THE CHILDRENS AID IS RAN BY VERY NPD DISORDERED LEADERS ANY WORKING WHO DOES NOT JOIN THE CLICK IS MOBBED ,SO THEY QUIT OR BECOME ONE.i CANT WAIT FOR THE COURTS TO END,THEY PRAY I DROP DEAD BUT I AM BEATING CANCER AND TRYING TO BREATH THROUGH IT.ITS HELL AND THOSE IN POWER ARE INVOLVED BY LACKING CREDENTIALS SERIOUS CREDENTIALS IN FULLY UNDERSTANDING CLUSTER B DISORDERS AND LAWS ASSIST THOSE PEOPLE INTO THE ABUSE AND IN OUR CASE DEATHS OF VICTEMS.HE TOOK HIS LIFE
17:49
I appreciate what you're going through...!
I have barely begun to sweep aside the toxic cov narc fog from my "wife" of 22 years! The pattern of my victimhood(which I only now have begun to hate)is less complex than yours, but no less AGONIZING!! WE ALL are UNITED by this HELLISH EXPERIENCE and somehow MUST find real joy and happiness FOR AND WITH OURSELVES and, through that wonderful revelation, find ourselves as REAL HUMAN BEINGS...If only for the first time in our lives where we finally cut the strings (CHAINS) of being RAISED as a "useless," custom made puppet for a cov narc father and DESTOYER of whoever I should have grown up to be. To paraphrase the great genius Orson Wells in Citizen Caine..."I COULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY GREAT MAN..."
Last time I saw my mother, a couple years ago, I wasn't feeding her with attention and she had a tantrum, force-feeding me her abuse: she grabbed repeatedly at my face, which I absolutely hate, and yelled at me about how she loves me (i.e. demands my attention), attacked me with lies about imaginary crimes of bullying my wife, and bawled me out about how I should treat other people. This unbelievably abusive and violent bully who'd just attacked me with complete lies then publically lectured me about how I have to treat people better. A couple days later, she turned around and immediately attacked me after my wife made a decision to pay for a meal, deliberately trying to manufacture potential conflict between my wife and I (it wouldn't have happened but it's the intent I want to highlight) by demanding I change it behind my wife's back, and melted down stamping her feet and sticking her tongue out while yelling and howling in tears when I refused.
This lunatic recently rang me for Christmas, after a couple of years of blissful lack of any contact, spewing abuse at me for not wanting to be around her while whining ceaselessly about what a helpless victim she is of my bullying. "Bullying" means any time other people don't do what she wants, so it includes not responding, having separate thoughts and feelings, and liking different things. I've noticed an important theme: she has never asked "why?"; in this case the obvious question would be why I don't want to be around her. She already knows; she is aware that she is extremely abusive but regards it as an entitlement. What I did hear was a whole lot about is her many entitlements: entitled to have control over me, entitled to be the centre of my attention, entitled to be my number one priority, entitled to interfere in my relationship, entitled to subject me to abuse, and even more about how she's the biggest victim in the history of the world.
My point is to pay careful attention to what you don't hear: especially the obvious questions that would follow were the story they want you believe even a truthful account of what they believe themselves. This reveals all you need to know about their deliberate, conscious intent.
Once I had worked out what he was and what his tactics were I stopped reacting completely and pretended to be so bored with his shenanigans. The less I reacted the more he ramped it up, the more 'bored' I became.
Wow! Did he lose the plot when he couldn't flip anything back on me.
He actually became hysterical, angry, then crying and pleading, then laughing, sometimes simultaneously. It was like his internal mechanisms had gone haywire.
This all occurred over the phone, so I was safely out of arms reach though. I don't think I would like to try it in the same room.
Thank you for an excellent description of what this looks like in everyday interactions. This happened to me several times a day, every day. Could be a simple thing like “What did YOU do with my keys?” It was never phrased as “Have you seen my keys?” because e v e r y-l i t t l e-t h i n g was my fault! His every interaction with me carried blame, so it’s no wonder I was utterly and completely exhausted when I left him 25 years later. So glad I left the crazy behind. Thanks again for a great video!
You're welcome and thank you. I'm glad you're out. I experienced something similar to what you describe. It was my fault when he broke my grandmother's Christmas ornament because it was on his studio table where he told me to leave it because 8 months prior.For whatever reason he wouldn't allow me to use his glue gun, so I could glue the pipe cleaner tree back into Santa's hand. (Most likely he didn't want to tear himself away from Facebook to get it more me). Then there was the time he stubbed his big toe because, and I quote, "Why did you leave the stool where you knew I would bump into it?!?!" It it's all so absurd once you're on the other side of it.
My ex just flat out accused me asking, “Where have you hidden my keys, glasses, wallet” etc. He couldn’t keep track of anything if his life depended on it. Of course, when I told him where HE left said items, and he found them, he would smile and make a joke of it. Too bad I didn’t forget his snarky, rude attitude while he was accusing me right before that. You would think after him doing this hundreds of times, he would admit that he loses track of his stuff all the time, but nooooooo.........he’s too perfect for that. Jerk x infinity.
unless your a covert narc then you say your sorry all the time with never changing behavior
sitting here 2 years away from my ex female monster Narc( I stayed because she loved bombed me , and it was so great in begining ) etc. etc. etc. STUNNED!!!! when you mentioned Love Story. My ex told me over and over again how this was her favorite movie, and insisted I watch over and over again. "LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOUR SORRY" God I was so foolish. Dr T is THE BEST!!!!!!
The "dump" is like when the football coach gets the 10 gallons gatorade douse but more like hot coffee and very uncelebratory.
Great clip T!
"Professional victims admire people who are bullies" - Bingo. Sane, healthy and honest people need to pay very close attention to this. It's also worth noting that the most successful bullies also don't appear to us overtly as bullies, which explains why sociopaths are often the most successful in virtually all areas of human endeavor - politics, business, religion, health etc. It's systemic. They are drawn to power.
Tara, you're probably already familiar with the term that this personality type can be described as- authoritarian - not that the term itself is important, as you know, but being familiar with it and the associating ideas may help us lay folk deconstruct and understand interpersonal dynamics a bit more.
There's a fantastic piece on the authoritarian personality I read recently by psychologist Erich Fromm, the analysis of which some have found to be constantly playing out in their own relationships, except he takes it all the way up the fractal to interactions on the wider sociopolitical level. If you're not already familiar with it, I highly recommend it because it's also related to why your work is so important on the broader level.
People being able to see these things more clearly also helps us in developing greater discernment in other areas of our lives so that we're not vampirized at the societal level, but it has to start in more direct/immediate spheres of our own lives - romantic relationships, parents, friends etc. Fundamentally, it appears these people are terrified of freedom (their own and others) and autonomy, so relationships in which they are comfortable are all based on power dynamics. Arno Gruen's Betrayal of the Self is a seminal work in this area, amongst some others (including Fromm). Apologies if you're familiar with all this already, but maybe it'll help somehow.
Here's the Fromm article: www.marxists.org/archive/fromm/works/1957/authoritarian.htm
Keep up the great work.
This podcast is so very powerful and informative, it has been enlightening and an awakening. You are saving lives with your educational podcasts. Your terminology is very helpful in creating clear distinctive imagery that helps the thought process maintain your life-saving lessons. I particularly like the line, "A determined narcissist could make the Dali Lama lose his cool." You are amazing, Thank you for Being, You are Enough.
LOL,did you steal my dalai lama line hehehhehe I must have said that a hundred times trying to figure this out.....they could make anyone pull their hair out or worse,thanks for the vid
This so sounds like the story of my life right now. I feel so lost
Thank you so much. I want to say you've witnessed my life! I feel like I'm in a cloud. When the attacks come and they have been nearly every day since my wife lost her mom. I find my self saying. Honestly, I don't remember doing that but if I did, I'm so sorry. I would never want to hurt you that way. What can I do? What do you want? "GET HONEST" "LOOK IN THe MIRROR" get honest about what? I reply. "JUST GET HONEST" no matter how much I've done for her in recent days, I hear "20 years ago this and 30 years ago that" You should have been a dad" anyone can be a father" "your kids hate you, your grandchildren are afraid of you" I've asked them and no corroboration. Thought I was loosing my mind. "My mom and dad told me not to marry you" she says, why did you stay for 30 years I respond. I'll never miss another video. Where have you been all my life. I've lost friends. The say get rid of her. They've witnessed this. Its the better or worse thing. I've tried everything. Now I hear the truth! Don't misunderstand. I am an A type personality. A retired insurance executive and a fighter. Probably why I never just ran and ran and ran. Anyway. Now I know! Thanks again. Glad I found you and I'll be catching up on ALL of your previous videos. "DARK TO LIGHT" What a blessing. Boundries or ? I'll figure it out. I'll be waiting with great anticipation for your next video. I liked and subscribed and gladly rang the bell because you rang mine. PS. I appreciate the humor. God bless
Its never too late to run and start a new healthy life. Life is short
Please!!! Do another video on as to why they use projective ID and consistently start arguments to make provoke a reaction from you. Please 😇 Thank you Dr. T!
Working on it.
Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD - 🤝🙏🏾... Thank you mam. You’re truly a gift to the world...and I’m not talking just for the holidays ✌🏾
Great work.
I could feel the pain resurfacing as well when you brought up the psyche/emotional vomiting/projection. God bless
Thank you Dr Palmatier, I can’t get over how efficiently you uncover the underlying dynamics. You’ve helped me no end in understanding the narcissist’s games and motivations. Like a breath of fresh air So grateful 😘
If my narc wife ever had an official job title... It sure as heck isn't "homemaker".
Dr. T that's part of what I noticed is how he will say certain things just to get me to argue & be emotional & I can't hold it in & not get mad at him. How do you ignore the pushing of Buttons to piss you off & emotional & crying.
Yes, I would like to see the follow up you’re suggesting to know what the thrill is for them.Thanks for THIS informative video.
Very articulate. Very good. Well done dr
This is so true...u can never win ..u burn out
Erich Segal wrote Love Story.
Thanks again Dr. T , once again you are RIGHT ON , my ex was the ultimate actress, playing both Instigator & Victim. Heck , she should have won two Oscars.Good job ....looking forward to your next video. Btw ....Erich Segal wrote the book Love Story...Happy Holidays.
Yes! Erich Segal! Thank you.
Your welcome.
Only option is to walk away, excuse me, RUN AWAY! They are emotionally and psychologically 12 years old, and untreatable. My ex claimed her son's father was abusive, but in turn use to tell me, " You're so laid back, I wonder if you'll be able to protect me?" Then she would get mad about me going to the gym, instead of thinking about doing more things with her. Lol! Total NUT job! And blamed EVERYONE for her problems, and never took responsibility.
@@rmjmoviereviews6876 What are the chances! You met my ex-GF! She was like a 6-year old when I ran though. Probably grew up a little over the last decade.
I'm glad you're out, RMJ. In almost every case in my practice, the NPD/BPD eventually projects a parental role onto their partner. Except, they then greatly resent being treated like children and around and around you go.
Dr. T this is another situation I go through with my Boyfriend. I am really thinking he truly is a Narcissist.
Victoria Stallard get out now! They never change.
If it was a friend who was in that situation, what would your advice be?
I almost killed myself because my wife did no less than 3 things from each vid you run. I'm in the process of the divorce now...but it is so so painful....i was suicidal....BUT no more....I see clearly.
The receptacle is still responsible and accountable for their actions if they lose their cool with the narcissist. They're in that situation for a reason too.
No one said otherwise. Adults, regardless of their personality disorder or codependency, are responsible for their choices and actions.
Thank you for this excellent video, having gone No contact with NM for 6 months this is just what I needed to hear. With Christmas coming I’ve been struggling to maintain No contact out of a sense of obligation!
Your perfect explanation has reinforced my decision not to be dragged back into this harmful game they play.
God bless you and have a peaceful and happy Christmas 😍
Medical term--"projectile vomit" No kidding... maybe instead of "receptacle"... "target for projectile vomit"
"I looked up one day and saw that it was up to me/you can only be a victim if you admit defeat."
Wow just wow,I've been scrolling past this video for the past six weeks or so under the guise of when the time is right. Every one of your videos has helped me Dr Tara in moving forward with my life and sanity returning to my very being. This video is like the bow around the magnificent present you give all of us here on your channel. I'm eleven weeks clear of the borderline and the view could not be any clearer, thank you so much for the sharing of your gift. This video ROCKS !!
Thank you for coming back, Dr. T!
These are clear and truthful statements. If culture and education were working to good effect, these things should be obvious. But instead, it feels like we are drowning in a sea of poison.
Wow! this is an amazingly insightful and informative video, thank you so much! Now I know whats been happening to me. ~Peace
Thanks being I've been told I've had a victim mentality and your list has helped me reaffirm that I am not.
I noticed another thing about truly victim mentality people will compete with other's misfortunes.
I have 2 sister in laws who do waif displays and when they met eachother, it was like a one-up game as each shared life crashing events during their early introduction phase.
And big details about mental health and how they're receiving treatment. I am all about advocacy but they always take up their blues harmonica out and own the room.
They get lots of treatment for decades and still seem completely unable to have insight or flinch when they rewrite history.
Well she did once come at me with a knife to scare me, saying she used to be beaten up by an ex and she wouldn't let it happen again, so that would fit with the idea of using victimhood as an excuse.
My husband's ex is such a textbook case, and I was glad to help him discourage her stalking and abuse. But the worst doozies in *my* life have been fellow nurses.
They don't say "nurses eat their young" for nothing! When I was a brand new RN, a rather poisonous preceptor decided to target me, and it was impossible for me to stop her mobbing effort.
Another time, when I was filling in as interim DON, we hired an applicant whom we'd passed over at first, and it seemed really important to her that I be put back in my place as publicly as possible, so she often scolded me for this or that thing in front of everyone. She treated most nurses like that, though higher-ranking ones got it worst.
Possibly the most frustrating nurse was doing a specialized job but needed to stay home with her children, so I was hired. I'd done that particular specialty longer, in more places, and was certified in it, unlike her, but none of that mattered. She micromanaged the crap out of me and basically drove me round the bend by insisting that I do everything her way, even though her process was outdated and slow. I finally stopped answering her phone calls and quit on the spot after a 3-month slog--something I had never done before.
I think the last nurse had a raging case of OCPD, because of her rigidity, obsession with process and her never-ending nitpicking. I'd bet my paycheck that my real purpose was to prove to herself that she was indispensable and ought to keep working outside the home.
Anyhow, these nurses gave me the vapors, for sure, making me wonder what hit me. And yes, employers could do much more to discourage this kind of lateral violence in the workplace. With females, though, the abuse is often covert. Men make delightful, forthright coworkers in comparison.
I work in tbe medical field and I'm shocked at the bullying
Again, great work Dr. T!
Great vid....I sent my beat down married guy friends the link to your channel
This is very truthful and informative.
nailed it - love this video --- you get right to the point. TY
Thank you, Dr Palmatier.
Thank you, Dr T. Your RUclips Chanel and your book, Say Goodbye to Crazy, are spot on. Life changing information. You are in my gratitude list.
Fascinating. My ex really liked these women in our congregation who were marginal Christians whom were bullies with caustic personalities. Baffled me but now I know why she liked them. It's crazy but totally documented.
Very very well described!
Thank you.
@@shrink4men Also a nice Christmas tree in the background. My journey started 2 years ago when I googled "why is my wife a crazy b#$%#?". I found your articles on S4M. For months, all of the info I was getting was from your articles. I didn't even know their were RUclips channels on this stuff. Now I see that's it's just everywhere. So many people need help. I now am 9 months out of my marriage to crazy, low contact parenting our 3 year old daughter. I've come a long way. I don't bite at her attempts to antagonize me to get narc supply. I owe a lot to you Dr Tara. You started me on this journey when I found your site. It's a long climb out of that well. I always like seeing in the comments when people tell their success story(got out of a bad relationship with a CB).
Why I started watching video's about narcissist again? I gathered enough knowledge maybe not for diagnosing people like my future ex wife aka mother of my daughter . I know now that our "relationship" couldn't work and chances that I'll be with another women are close to zero. So why I started to watch videos about this topic again. Ps I'm not an idiot it's just
english isn't my first language 🤯
Ps 2
Dr T thanks for your help you're great 👍
Thank you for this! I will be using this on my page of healthy Coparenting as a learning tool.
You described my sister to a T. Have not had any contact with her since 1990....plan to keep it that way.
No contact ages like fine wine.
(My narcissist went on a lot about her ex-husband being such a bad person, however, after we broke up and I started to ask about him I found out that people generally thought good of him.) The victim stuff is kind of a problem here because for a lot of us being involved with a narc we're not entirely sure what it is going on or if the abuse going on is abuse. When the lights on, however, you understand you were a target and the unloading sure sounds like victim consciousness until pain comes off of it. With my narc I don't talk about her except to a therapist but have no misconceptions of the damage done. Is that different than victim consciousness.
Very well explained!.. Exactly how these people are.👍🏻
You get accused of stealing and hiding their things, petty things soap and hand lotion things that can easily get lost to name a couple. reverse gaslighting you by accusing by you of gaslighting them but you know you didn't touch their things . so they play victim to their own gaslighting when you are the victim.
Brilliant.
Wow! This sounds like 80% of the politicians, entertainment industry, college campus's and athletes(the short list) ... All the news/media are the enablers/and also the N.V.s .
Yes yes yes- spot on! I am divorced since 17 years, and you described my ex husband in detail! Yes- and he didn't change... always whining 😭 but never take action to change the things he is whining about.
Power games then, to make me feel sorry for him, so he could get whatever it was then... so sick
I have had the dubious honor to know a couple of people (women) who seemed to fit the description: They both claimed to suffer from anxiety, and by all means, they did. However, they used their anxiety issue to control and rule over their husband and family. If they did not get their will, even in small everyday things, tears would flow untill the family members finally gave in and gave them what they wanted, being it cleaning out the cupboards on late evening before Christmas, or their 18 year old daughter staying at home when she wanted to go out and see friends. One of those two had a stay at a treatment center for anxiety and mental problems, where she learned "to love herself". After that, she got even worse to her family and friends/neighbors.
Until I watched your videos I never realized I was a parent child trying to "get it right" with my wife. If I could fix the relationship then I would be fixing what happened with my mother. We do seek out these relationships for that reason. At least I did. Yuck.
They are professional everything in the field of narcissism! The victim role is one of their cycles.
Why are police and those in the legal system not required to study and learn about this? Better yet, why is emotional abuse not a crime? I understand it’s hard to prove, but victims should be able to use psychologists like you who understand this abuse as expert witnesses on their behalf. This is truly a major problem when police are not educated on this and assist in doing further damage to true victims of abuse and wrongly charge them. Then again, I’m of the belief that many who even go into such professions like law enforcement and the legal system are these kinds and are drawn to such careers solely because of the inherent power over others they would end up having.
Thanks for these videos.
Wow 😳
My soon to be ex wife to a tee !!! Thanks!
One thing I don't fully understand is, let's say I got fired because somebody legitimately went through a lot of work to frame me and get me fired and it worked. If I said, "I would have ____ more money now if only that person didn't frame me and get me fired!", would that count as victim mentality (assuming this is not being used as an excuse)? Or what about, "If only this narcissist didn't put me in a bad mood ten minutes ago, I would be in a better mood right now!" Like when does it become actually wrong to think this way and why?
Love Story, is the movie.
How do we help a Narcissistic person? If I'm being attacked by a Narcissistic person shouldn't I not play the victim as well?
If I want to fix a loved one how can I do this?
F___ckin A
They're NOT.
@9:00
Fabrication or exaggeration
Here I thought all along he was just a gigantic triggered millennial chronic complaining $ussy but it turns out he’s just a professional victim gigantic triggered millennial $ussy. Thanks, Dr. T! As per usual, this video is gold.
you are good and with loads of great information but I would like a better presentation.
Thank you. What do you suggest?
a less monotone voice
I ask my ex wife why did she lie to me .Her answer was If you didn't ask questions she would not lie.