"I'm 30 And Have No Friends" (Why This Is A Problem)
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- Опубликовано: 16 фев 2023
- "I'm 30 And Have No Friends" (Why This Is A Problem)
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It is very difficult to keep friends as an adult. People are very selfish and also fairly very busy so it’s tough
I've had best friends move away, say that they don't want to lose the friendship, and it's gone a little later. It always happens. However, I have an excellent group of best friends and friends that we get together with, go on trips together, etc.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Well said y’all.
individualism is rui
Individualism is ruining our society. Our life has been wasting
I used to be a real social butterfly but after my second deployment in the Marines,I’ve become real reserved. Deleted social media,stopped partying,and I’ve found my life is more at peace that way.
Well said.
I imagine that military life would make you more reserved in some cases
Your past friends don't sound like real friends. They sound immature if they brought more chaos than peace to your life. A healthy social life is simply having people around who you can go for walks with and invite over to chat, to go see the odd movie with, and to lean on if you need help (and offer that in return). We grow with them through life's hardships and changes.
Western society is broken. People not having friends as adults is not normal; it's only become common in our modern era.
I'm 62, and have no close friends. I have some close relatives and a few people from church I see yet they are not close friends. I enjoy being single. I'm never alone. I always have God with me.
In my experience people who are super quick to try to be my friend just want to take advantage of me. People who end up being great friends always took a little more work at first, and since I am naturally shy, it took a while for me to learn that.
Hey Ken - thank you for walking through your thoughts on my original video from a couple years ago. Also, I appreciate the kindness you showed to the second woman.
One thing to note is the lack of context from a single short clip. In future videos I discussed the toxicity and bullying that occurred early in life, specifically with those groups of friends. Tie that to an emotionally unavailable father and there's a recipe for disaster haha. Things have been much better now and if I didn't openly discuss what I was facing and move past the stigma of being a man with emotions, I would still be in that place.
Cheers,
Josh
Josh have you thought about ASD as a potential reason? Not that I think you are...because that was only a short clip. But it's in our family so I have seen how it affects relationships. It's harder to have friends because of the way we perceive other people and how we think they perceive us. I may be on the wrong track, just a suggestion. Good luck to you.
@@-SF1- I’ve been asked that quite a few times, but I have very few markers of ASD. I know that’s a common cause for many people though so I’m glad it’s getting talked about more openly.
I'm 59 now & either my friends have passed away or I just outgrew them due to maturity or other interest. Too, as you get older, your realize who your real friends are. Unless I meet someone at church today, it's just hard to meet other people.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
Your status is identified by the number of friends you got in certain circles. But with age you learn quality takes over quantity. Now I have few but true friends at heart and that’s what matters.
Well said.
@Tavari exactly right!
I’m 31no friends as well. I resonate with the woman more so. It’s much more peaceful less drama and we don’t have to worry about them screwing us over in the end. Working from home has really put a spotlight on it as well.
Well said.
How do you not get lonely especially working from home?
@@biolife3274 it’s definitely lonely. But I keep my work area separate in a spare room basically my office. When I’m off work I go to the gym and try ti make friends and family more of a priority otherwise I’ll end up a hermit in a cave, and anti social.
I don't have friends, and I'm living my life better.
May I ask why you don’t have any friends? I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
I'm a loner, too. I cut people out because I realized that I need to take care of ME AND ONLY ME. I'm done helping my friends and family around me. Friends and family are just anchor in our life, and if you wanna grow mentally, you're gonna have to leave the loved one behind.
Well said.
Ah, honey, no. You can learn how to put up healthy boundaries without having to cut everyone out. Learn how to say "no". If you've never done this your whole life, people will get upset at first. Give them time to adjust to the change.
Some people won't come around. They'll just stay mad and keep trying to wear down your new boundaries, wanting you to be a pushover. It's good to put distance between yourself and people like this.
Taking care of yourself isn't fully possible when you isolate yourself. Love and acceptance and company is part of a healthy life.
Having friends is more of a problem in adulthood than not having them
That’s right.
Why?
@@AutomaticDuck300 that’s what I want to know.
Being completely isolated and never speaking to anybody or interacting with any other species is amazing I just love the point where you start to hear voices and those become your friends instead
They both are young adults and sometimes your better off without a lot of people in your life. Don't be robotic just always have your guard up.
I’m 32, married with a kid..have a full time job and I just don’t have time to hang out with friends anymore. Most of my friends don’t have kids so hanging out with them anymore isn’t the same.
Yup. Hate when they don't understand it's not them. There's just no time left.
Explained perfectly! I'm on the same boat as you. Just don't have time.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂. I don’t hangout with my friends because of the same reason I’ve just stated.
My husband and children are my only friends. My childhood friends moved away and do their own things.
Over the years my adult “friends” turned out to be gossipers and only invited or included me if they were bored or needed someone to show up for their direct sales parties. When I would invite them for coffee or dinner they would come up with an excuse not to come over or meet. However, they had time for my sister 😂
I’m 35, same boat. We moved very often while I was growing up and then after I got married, we moved from Massachusetts to Texas.
I have acquaintances but let’s say I was at the mall and my car wouldn’t start…I have literally ZERO people in my phone I could text to come help me out (other than my wife).
This has been my truth since I was about 25 so I focused on my career instead of friends. Now I work with people who are 20 years older than me and we can’t relate.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
I work with people who are 20 years younger than me I guess Taco Bell isn’t the best job for me but I run that ship
@@drphilsbarber4513 I can Believe that.
@@judgeholder8112thanks bro I’m a shift supervisor $12 an hour working a cushy 20 hours a week living the dream
@@drphilsbarber4513 that’s awesome bro. Have a good 1. I wish you the best of luck.
I totally understand where Josh is coming from. Especially in my adult life, I feel I'm surrounding myself with groups who have already been formed long ago and that I do not have a sense of belonging. Something always seems to be missing. Working on this, but not an overnight process.
I'm 34 and have never had a best friend. Everyone still hangs out with their HS or college friends. I feel like it's just too late. I will likely die without close friends.
Those are fake friends
I'm in the same boat. I feel like you're never early enough no matter how long you've been around.
I have 1 friend, we have been friends since we were both 5 years old but I do not feel close to her at all and never find myslef wanting to talk about big stuff in my life with her. I dont know how to be friends with someone properly and always feel like I'm observing from a distance with every social interaction.
I'm 32, and I have acquaintances, sure. Friends that I grew up with in high school and college, we still keep in touch every once in a while, all of whom are married and have kids. I don't feel like our friendships have remained close though, which is why I designated the word "acquaintances". My partner and I have no kids at the moment. I've tried to reach out to get together with friends, but I understand our situations are different, and it's challenging to find available time on their schedules. After so many tries, I gave up. So I feel like I have zero really close friends outside of my relationship.
Maintaining multiple relationships is an annoyance with little return on the investment. 3 friends is far better than 30. I've never felt lonely.
How is single being selfish?!
Yup, even my ex co worker was asking why I am still single after being divorced long time ago. I am okay with it since I am set in my ways.
Nothing wrong with being single.
I relate to both of these people and feel like the pandemic enabled my isolation. I'm taking baby steps to reconnect. It isn't easy, but I know it will get better.
I wish you the best of luck 🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗.
I'm 55 and have probably 2 or 3 friends and I'm ok with that. I did not have good experiences in the past and was alone a lot. Because of that I learned what I really want in a friendship and those friendships I have now are wonderful. I am also slowly opening myself up to new experiences that have brought new people to my life that may become good friends in the future.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
Being friendly is not the solution, I try at work and I just ended up betrayed and quiting my job for crappy people
For me it’s not that there isn’t people who want to be my friend, it’s just I’ve outgrown them. I had plenty of “friends” when I was going out and doing what most do. Once I really started growing, got into a relationship and changed my focus it’s like I’m starting over from scratch and doing so as an adult is tough. You don’t trust the same as you once did in your younger days before things went wrong as well.
Well said.
I have alot of "friends", I'm socially and outgoing. Always make new friends at parties etc, I have friends at work, but I have maybe 3 real friends. That's ok, I have a social job where my job is to be friendly and connect with others in person so that's sometimes enough for me, I'm just exhausted after working all day being social.
I was born 2 years after my dad enlisted and I enlisted a few years before he retired. I did 15 years. So from 1984-2018 I had zero stability in my life when it comes to friends. I was never really able to fully connect with anybody because I knew one of us would be leaving at some point. Could be in 6 months, could be in 6 years. Worst part is, I don’t even remember the names of people I talked to on a daily basis for years.
Sorry but Ken has his head up hit butt not seeing what people really go through.🤦♀️🤦♀️
Right right.
I'm 32 and don't have friends. I'm fine with my life regardless, but I feel bad for the people who think they don't deserve to have friends.
May I ask why you don’t have any friends G? I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
@@judgeholder8112 You have a good one too.
@@Doknot-tb9ey 😃😃😃
I'm same bro
@@manojmaitydm I understand.
I have friends but they’re not in my age group. I’m 24 and I am fine with that now. Honestly, my older friends encourage me to have friends in my age group and I agree because one day they are going to be gone. To be real with some of you, it’s hard to find a friend who’s in my age group, thinking maturely, have something in common, and build a healthy relationship like my two old friends.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
I'm 23 and can relate to this. I have no friends near my age. Seems like everyone is very immature or nowhere to be found. At work the only people I get along with are roughly 60 years or older.
It’s really hard to find friends in your 20’s that DONT have to drink to socialize
Who has time for adult friends? I am married with two kids and by the end of the day I am exhausted and want to have some time to myself. Growing up I was always a loner, not by choice. I got tired of being in one sided friendships where people took me for granted or never reciprocated. I also peace out when I sense someone is dishonest or fake. While it used to bother me not having many friends, I’ve come to accept it and actually embrace it as I get older.
You're conflating fake friends with real friends. Nobody wants what you described and I totally understand dropping people like that. But it is a horrible shame that so many people don't have real friends, and that SO many people don't act like real friends.
I share the opinion of the woman in the video. The older I got, the more I realized how little benefit I got from my friendships. And once that happened, I stopped putting value in keeping or making friends. I dont deserve friends at this point, because Im objectively a bad friend now. I wont go out of my way to help people anymore, been screwed over one too many times. Divorced, no family of my own, no friends. Second half of my life is going to be very solitary, but thats ok. I have my hobbies, my work, and I get to keep everyone comfortably at arms length.
I don't care how many people agree with Ken, it's not a problem at all for someone to not have any friends, this needs to be normalized instead of exaggerated
If your A.D.D doesn't allow you to exist in this world living alone just say that. My life changed for the better alone. My dinner table is open to all but know that I have 0 problems eating alone.
Well said.
When I decide to be friends with someone I hold space for them in my life so I’m available to support them, talk to them, attend life events for them, etc. But when it’s routinely not reciprocated it does wear thin. I end up having to end the friendship rather than continue to hold space for someone who will only text back once or twice a year. Like Kyra, I’m not opposed to making friends in the future. For right now it just doesn’t seem to work out for me and I’m fine with it. I have my job and my family. Besides…being gazelle intense now doesn’t leave much room for socializing, does it?..😉
I only have a couple of close friends and people always say I am very nice. Sometimes acquaintances can become friends. I find it difficult to find people who don’t want something-money, favors etc. Quality is better than quantity.
I’m 30, and have little to no friends and zero significant others. The friends I did have along the way were kinda circumstantial. They were friends at work and or school. But after I left those individual places I ended up losing touch with them.
I should mention that at one point I was content with being my own company and my own thought. But as I started getting older, and the pandemic began, my mental health has been on the decline, and loneliness has been eating at me. It didn’t help that my life hadn’t been going the way I had planned it to-which is bound to happen to anyone. It came to a point where being alone with my own thoughts got pretty hazardous.
I am happy for people who’ve managed to make it far in life without needing friends in their life. But for other people such as myself, it does help when you have *REAL* friends by your side and willing to listen to you.
I just don’t think anyone needs to declare that you need or don’t need friends for you.
I have had lots of friends come and go. Some times the friendship just runs it's course. Some times it turns out the friendship just feels like it wasn't meant to be long. It's okay. I've learned that I would rather hang with family on vacation bc we seem to have more in common and don't get insulted or hurt at things.
No friends. Whats the problem? i'm 55 with no friends, no family, no wife or kids or pets. I am as happy as I have ever been in my life. I get to vacations to Europe (13 countries), take cruises whenever I want. I'm a loner that enjoys doing thing on a whim. Never get lonely. No one to take care other than myself. No one to check in with. No one to argue with.
Yep, im the same!! I love my own company and Im my best friend!!
No one to worry about you when you’re sick. No one to cry when you die.
Yikes man
@@theirishman759 What happen?? did you see a ghosts?
@@PickledHam yeah you, the one who don’t exist and lies to themself about the last sentence they spoke in their original comment. Devoid of nothingness.
When you have many friends and want to be alone for the first time.........is that weird????
Friends and family are what life is about. Stuff , travel , work are fine but nothing really means anything without people! You can enjoy your own company and space but not having ONE friend or family is not healthy. We ARE social beings. Very, very few people can be entirely alone and I mean very few. Once you have connections-family and friends you never want to be completely alone
My problem with friends, and why I don't have them, is that they take up too much of my time. They want to hang out, and I have stuff to do, I can't be sitting around staring at the sky. I don't understand how they have the time.
Well, I have no friends and I feel fantastic. I might have a few acquaintances.
I have worked in Corrections, which has changed my perspective and circumspection relative to people. Very cautious now!
Honestly I get the impression that the girl has something else to fill her void of not having friends and its a void for anyone I just sort feel like I see it all the time most people do have something to fill thier void which is why someone like her can be a bit upbeat about it.
Ur right, She goes on to say in the vid she has a bf lol
It's like she is alone but not lonely. I get that.
@@misse4413 yeah its the same for the guy who admits he is married but he seems to not have anything to fill that void of not having any friends. like for the women it seems like its a choice(again i think its because she has something to fill the void),do i think its her boyfriend honestly i get the feeling there is something more, and for the guy its not a choice
@@GrandDuchessAniya something like that but i get a feeling its a bit more complicated then that. like it feels like its a choice for her but i think its because she feels like she gets to live a fullfilled life.
Well said y’all.
guys, listen to your vibes. if you feel that person is not genuine let them go.
Not that this is across the board exactly, but at a certain age you really don't need friends per se. I am 37 and single and looking for a partner which is great, but do you really think at this age I want to get booze with the guys? Not really. I have an immediate family that cares for me and I am sure I will meet a partner someday. I guess I am saying for a guy in his 30s hanging out w/ the boys or the fellows kinda goes away and I don't care all that much to be honest.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
you will definitely meet your partner very soon. watch this space. good luck sir 😊
@@joeroot9142 🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗
30 and only have friends that live far away. ONe or two that I game with a few nights a week. But as far as in person connections just my wife and my kids. And family is all I need! Don't have time for anyone else.
Well said.
Busy working all the time coupled with not drinking, smoking, or using any substances means most social gathering events are of no interest to me. Friends? What friends...
Well said.
Acquaintances aren't friends.
I've had friends off an on through adult hood. People have lives and kids and we all out grow them and move on. When your a kid, friends are very important. But as an adult, we work and have our own lives. Most of the time it's hard to do anything cause everyone is too busy and doing their own things. So it's not uncommon to not have great friendships as an adult. It's like that for most of us. I'd rather spend more time with my cats than people, since most people suck anyway. LOL I guess if your needy then you need friends, but for some of us that don't depend on others for our happiness, we are fine and don't need to be around people 24/7.
Well said.
Define friend
A friend is someone who hangs around u in your personal life.
Someone that will have your back no matter what the circumstances are.
I live the same way josh does, except. I'm single and can't figure out how to talk to people. Not good enough for other people.
I am 41 no friends is a good thing trust me
May I ask why you don’t have any ride or die friends? I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
Working full time
Having a husband and 2 daughters the least I can do is… taking every day off spend time building up my relationship with my husband , daughters, parents and my brothers.
I don’t have time to build a relationship with friends. I was always canceling my friends cause my heart was always with the family and felt bad canceling plans. For that reason, I have none. Fair for them and I.
I feel the same way as the guy I never feel like I belong with them
I realized in adult you need friends to make a new one
Some people get burned no matter what. It happens.
I'm 54 and don't have any friends and I like it that way I have co-workers I'm friendly with but I don't do any activity outside of work I don't go out to clubs or anything I go to work I come home to my dogs I don't see a problem with it and I don't have to deal with the drama of other peoples stuff
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
I'm 32, Is better if you don't have all that people around you if they are bad people to you and don't respect you or care about u, I have mom , dad, siblings, boyfriend , no pets but my family does not want to share moments with me. They are toxic to me . Try to be a good friend and good person for my family but it seems that after my effort I am mot accepted or respected. I sometimes miss time with some girls I took cooking classes before who were my latest friends but people are fake ,take advantage of your kindness... and I realize at my lasts jobs that people is selfish and mean. Im better alone . Sometimes I miss being sorounded by people my age and laugh and share great moments that count , but then I remember what they did to me. They betray. I DON'T Want to waste energy with that kind of people anymore. As u are get older u realize is more complicated to make friends sonce people dont want to be part of your life, doesn't make time for u bc of they are getting merried or having kids and I dont want to do that yet.
Living in hot springs Arkansas you learn how crappy people are here
I can relate to both some what I think growing up I ended up in the wrong friend group I don’t think I ever really had real friends or even a friend the chick story is that she chooses to not have friends I’ve seen chicks post on facebook about needing new girlfriends and you should see the response they get people coming out of the woodwork and as a male in his late 20’s it’s hard to make guy friends I’ve ran into some untrustworthy people which also makes it hard which I’ve been in self isolation for years there’s certain scenarios where I want friends to do stuff with and it’s hard tryna push yourself up on guys they’ll think you’re lonely or desperate
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂. When I was in school I hanged out with the wrong crowd and I had to cut them off. I did it because I desperately wanted friends at that time G. My so called friends wasn’t friendly at all.
Reading all these comments about people with no friends is sad. Especially the comments where people have convinced themselves that they are better off having no friends. It seems that people have been burned by bad friends to the point they don't want to try anymore, "less drama". Some people love them some self too! I can't imagine life without the hand full of real solid friends that i have made over the years. The funny thing though, that doesn't mean you have to see each other every day. I have friends that i see once a year and its like no time has lapsed at all.
It’s not that easy making friends when you’re 30 and completely living a different life than the average person. By having the different interests that everyone else. This guy does not understand. It’s not that easy.
Friends are money. Going out is expensive, I would rather get a dirt bike and a house. Plus more people=more problems. I miss hanging out with people
I'm probably making a similar video in the near future
Friend todays are comparing their life to them that’s what friends are like now a days just find 1-2 max person to hang out but that’s it . Friendship is not what used to be
The guy needs to sack up. Just live your life. Work hard and continue to develop yourself. No need to count how many "friends" you have
This is so many people 😢
Right right. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
Remote work is bad right? 😒
I’m not sure 🤔.
This is crazy
You missed it on this one man, you have no idea what you are talking about and I know you coming from a goodplace.
im 48 dont have any friends unless you count my wife, 7 cats and dog. never really had any friends other then a gf and im fine with it. its not a problem. my wife also has 0 friends
Message For Anyone Who Are looking To Make True Friends:
8 People To Avoid:
- Abusers
- Bigots
- Bullies
- Creeps
- Hotheads
- Manipulators
- Narcissists
- Whiners
4 People Who Are Good To Be Around:
- Compassionate People
- Funny People
- Genuine People
- Wise People
(To all my fellow human brothers and sisters around the world, stay safe & always remember be genuine & take care of one another.)
I believe there are three categories of friends --
Best friends - those you hang out with, have fun with, do things with, visit, etc.
Friends - those that you see occasionally, might have lunch with once in a while, you know them but don't really hang out with them, etc.
Facebook friends - people you only know online. They are actually acquaintances, not real friends. They don't visit, you don't hang out with them, etc.
Sometimes, people move from one level to another - a friend might become a best friend, or vice versa. My select best friends are awesome!! My friends are cool, and Facebook friends are ok.
Well said.
It's easy to think you want friends when you really don't. One requirement for having friends is that you often have to give up your time and do spend that time doing worthless activities. You also have to keep many of your thoughts to yourself because most people aren't interested in the truth about anything.
Well you can always do worthwhile activities and find people who can handle the truth
Sooo you're just an asshole is the issue
You know? Ken I have seen some of these videos and it's very sad. For example some of these people are attractive? They are married?, They seem to be nice people?. But for some reason. They feel they can't connect with others. Very sad. I think with todays world the media , and the internet make people feel they are not good enough.
✝️🙏
4:47 Plenty of people? U sure?
But....... the first guy is married.
It doesn't matter.. That doesn't satisfy the want/need to have friends also. It is a very different type of relationship.
Yes always the “selfish” manipulative talk to guilt people that feel better alone into living the way they want to. We’re not all like that. And I’m typing this on my lunch break while working from home and YES I get just as much work done!
Thank you. Finally someone broke the fourth wall. I get so tired of reading comments about how they enjoy being “alone” and not dealing with anyone and they are happy with it on a video that is LITERALLY talking about people who are struggling with “loneliness”. People need connection, which is why most people who say that are fine being alone will go out and explore and travel, instead of staying in their homes and continue their happiness of solitude
The first guy story doesn't add up. How could you be married and have absolutely no friends.
If your a person that doesn't value relationships you really can't expect to have friends.
All relationships are transactional.
Hope this makes sense.
You might be right.
I’m 44 married. I also have 5 great close friends. One friend I’ve had since I was 15 years old. I feel sad for people who have no friends.
I only have a very few close friends that I have known since elementary school, 19 1/2 years. I hear from them every now and then and they’re busy with their lives. Very understandable. I tend to get bored and lonely a lot. I’m not married and I don’t have any kids. I’ve been single as a Pringle for a HEFTY 12 1/2 years. I don’t mind being single, but it gets very very very lonely. My hobbies and daily routine takes care of that for me. I’m 25. I strongly agree with your comment. Have a good 1. 🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂.
Hello Ken, i hope this finds you well.
There is a solution.
There are 7 parts:
1. what you do during social interaction
2. emotional perspective-taking
3. knowledge base of topics
4. Living Life and Lifestyle
5. Mindset of Independence, Living Life, and not caring so much about friends
6. The Self
7. Reasonable expectations of socializing
1. What you do during social interaction
Start off with small talk. You would jump topic to topic. This is about breadth. The goal is to establish friendliness and camaderie. Use details from the person's response to dive into more topics.
To get into deep conversation, ask open-ended questions that brings our emotions/stories, dive into insights/hypotheticals, and/or inspire their curiosity. This gets you into vulnerability through middle talk. This is about depth. As the person is talking, pay full attention by listening. Drop your thoughts. Be attuned to the emotions and share in the emotions. People feel more connected to you when you listen so they feel understood as well as being attuned to their emotions. Relate back to the comments and self-disclose anything about yourself if there is something about yourself related to the speaker's response.
Open-ended questions can include:
- what, how, why, if you could questions
- asking about specifics, not generalizations,
- Ask for a story
- what if or what else questions that dive into hypothetical situations
- Curiosity-inspiring questions
"Tell me more about that" or "Tell me more about(insert specifics of topic)" requests are to be used sparingly.
Self-disclosure comments can be:
- tidbits about yourself
- stories
- day-to-day events and happenings
- events that have happened in your personal life and lifespan
- events we go to
- places we have been to
- experiences we have gone through
- experiences where we experienced similar emotions and adjectives
Getting to know people and letting others get to know you is a diagonal process. Rather than asking direct questions to know people, we self-disclose at the end of responses. It serves as a good conversation expander and allows the other person to ask open-ended questions when it is your turn to speak.
In the caveman brain, we have an affiliation and trust with people we know. When we know what a person does outside of social interaction, we trust them.
To never run out of things to say, use the SPOKES method and conversation threading. The SPOKES method is thinking around the topic. To use the SPOKES method, talk about related subtopics related to the main topic being discussed. Throughout the conversation, keep an eye on anything your conversation partner is showing interest in. Once the main topic has been exhausted use conversation threading to dive into the stuff they have shown interest in. The SPOKES method and Conversation Threading work together to give you more topics to talk about.
If at anytime, you see something that your conversation partner likes to talk about, keep on talking about it. Keep it in mind for futrue interactions.
When it is your turn to speak about yourself, speak from the inner spirit. Getting in touch with yourself and your emotions enable you to speak from the spirit.
Remember, the grand majority of human conversation is socio-emotional. The small portion is verbal. It is just a matter of tapping into the socio-emotional channel.
Conversation is about delivering an enjoyable positive socially engaging experience that creates energy and emotion.
Practice the following socializing principles
- Intermittent Presence and Absence so people will miss you and be waiting for more.
- Leaving interactions at a High Point
- Delivering a positive experience
- Reciprocity
2. Emotional perspective-taking
We consider how the person feels about the interaction. Getting in touch with your emotions. Engage the concept itself by imagining how a social interaction feel to you. Imagine how a social interaction feels to someone and adjust your behaviour to make them feel well during an interaction.
3. Knowledge base of topics,
Use your curiosity to learn about different topics. Get in-person exposure to the topcs will also help develop a better understanding. We talk about and move around to a variety of topics with a person to connect with them. Be sure to give stories, ask open-ended questions, and tap in to the socio-emotional channel when talking about topics.
4. Living life and lifestyle,
We live your own lives and cultivate an authentic lifestyle. Be superproactive abut it. Humans have 30000 days. How are you going to spend those days in such a way that you will look back and view it memorably?
The stuff you experience in your lifestyle and life will always recoil back into a deep and meaningful conversation.
In vulnerability through middle talk, living life gives you stuff to throw out there in self-disclosure and connect with people. What interests do you have and get involved in that. If you liking baking, do that. If you want to go to a stadium concert, go to that. Travel to places geographically and enjoy it. Spend time with your family. Pursue goals.
Lifestyle and being your best self enables you to tap into the socio-emotional channel of human interaction. It builds vibrancy which attracts people to you. Our limbic systems reacts favourably to vibrancy.
5. Mindset of Independence and not caring so much about friends as well as main focus on Living Life
Be more concerned about living a memorable life than having a social life. This shows a positive attitude which is attractive. By doing so, you confidently know you can have a lot of things to talk about when the time to converse comes. Being concerned about living life keeps you grounded and prevents you from making your life about socializing.
Being independent shows centeredness which enables you to come from a place of giving, not taking.
Not caring so much about friends is important because there is more to life than just socializing and socializing is just a portion of the bigger picture of life. Not caring so much creates a positive mood and centeredness. Remember, humans connect through emotions and energy, not words.
Having a mindset of these 3 components also shows outcome independence. Outcome independence enables you to converse more smoothly.
Here are some expressions to help you get into the mindset.
" You life is a story. Write a good memorable one."
" Write an awesome autobiography"
" 30000 days"
" One planet. Places to go. Activities to do. Adventures to have. Moments to cherish. Experiences and stories to collect. Contributions to make. Opportunities to pursue. Goals to achieve. History to make. Let's do this."
" Take care of the areas of your life."
6. The Self
We take into consideration our interests, passions, and likes. We be our best selves and demonstrate our best qualities/characteristics. Find out what your values and principles are as well as what you stand for.
More importantly, we be a person of substance. People are looking for substance to connect with.
Be a person of substance by
- thinking big
- becoming knowledgeable
- building new skills
- diverse experiences and stories
- prioritizing what matters in the grand scheme of things
- try new things and traveling to new places
- going outside of your comfort zone to explore the intricacies of the world.
- Expansiveness and Exploration in your life
See socializing as understanding the universe of another person. Likewise, we should be enrichening and cultivating our own universes.
Make it your goal to be interesting, knowledgeable, and worldly.
7. Reasonable Expectations of Socializing
When we socialize, we go in with the expectation of getting a friend group and a social life. We want buddies to hang with Instead, see it in terms of developing interpersonal relationships and shared experiences. Sometimes, we need to have a lot of shared experiences before someone becomes our tight friends.
Be open to a variety of friendship/interpersonal relationship layouts. This includes: duos, trios, groups, circles, having associates on the side you are cultivating interpersonal relations with. Have a variety of social set-ups is fine and perfectly healthy.
Rather than aiming for an end-goal of having friends where we will be finally satisfied, we would use a more fluid approach. See it as developing, managing, and juggling interpersonal relationships over a long period of time. Keep on meeting new people as you go along. We need to step away from the microwave mentality of getting self-interested results with as much speed of as possible. In the context of socializing that is.
The words having friends implies ownership. Friendship is not ownership; it is a mutual patnership. It is "we" not "me"
Focus on what you can control.
This is a long-game big picture solution. It is an ongoing journey that you enjoy.
Conclusion
I cannot guarantee any particular results. It is quality of interpersonal relationships that matter. The quantity tends to be variable for each person and take care of themselves. Interpersonal relationships take time. Once again, play the long game. No matter what happens, keep on living your best life and being your best self.
I said all of this in the hopes that the above will be taken action upon and potentially change lives. Hopefully this helps. Feel free to let me know how it goes for you.
I know this is long. Copy and paste it for future reference.
If you want a friend, get a dog. Live life not to impress others or gain from anyone.
It's normal when you get older.
Sorry Ken but I dont agree. It’s a privilege in this life to have even one good friend you can count on that doesnt take take take. This life is full of fakers and takers.
to have friends is just about being friendly!!! What a joke!!! lol it seems this Ken Coleman lives in other universe....
The girl goes on to say she has a bf, thats why she aint lonely lool
Yes I have a bf and my family that’s all I need these days ☺️ I also never stated that I was lonely or felt lonely. Ken seemed to take my video out of complete context so try not to go by what he said when it comes why I don’t have friends.
@@Kyraann. Hahahaha oh wow! noted :) glad you have people around you
😃😃😃
@@Kyraann. 😇😇😇
i must say that these were the most useless 6 minutes i have spent watching a video of my life
Josh is just a weak man.
That’s not very nice of you to say that at all. Josh is going through a lot and he doesn’t need your toxicity in his life. Have a good 1.
Well he definitely hits the weights, good for him
@@joh1627 💯💯💯
Well if he was weak he wouldn't be admitting he has problems now would he.
@@silence19999 ✅✅✅
these selfish ppl in the comments who are saying they're better off without friends and want solitude will go die of a heart attack at 40 then. If that's wat u want for yourself, then go ahead. social isolation does that and it's literally been researched. Dangerous as smoking. but apparently that doesnt change anyones minds. It's these same ppl who r making us lonely ppl who DO want to have friends more isolated from yall because u ppl who worship selfish solitude are pushing us away and the loneliness epidemic gets worse than it already is.