Timeline for my recovery | response to viewer question
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- Timeline for my recovery | response to viewer question
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I know this is a really long video and I would appreciate your feedback on if this is too long or just fine. When I was going through the edit I tried to trim it down but wondering if this would have been better more condensed - I did want to answer the questions as fully as possible though. Anyway feedback is good so let me know! Thanks!
I thought it was a lot to cover so not too long in my opinion.
I like your videos just the way they are. Like a friend just telling me what they’ve seen and think. Less like a presentation and easier to understand what you were feeling and thinking as this unnecessary man-made tragedy unfolded.
It was fine. You didn’t repeat anything and the amount of time was good.
thanks for the feedback I really appreciate it - I know I shouldn't really worry about it but I do want to make "content" that actually reaches people and helps them.
I think it’s great!! I couldn’t share my story in that short of time. Love your content
Your channel is such a blessing for those of us experiencing this first hand. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much for saying that glo - validation of our experiences is really important and then examples of how to get through it changes everything!
Thank you so much Duane. I don't want to suck up, but seriously... Hearing your story made me feel that there's hope. I've never done something so simultaneously perfectly rewarding yet impossible.
My oldest (5) is noticing the contrast already been myself and momma, and he gravitates to me. My 3 year old daughter is a complete Daddy's girl.
The only issue is that my ex is also noticing that, and when my children get close with me, sure as shit she sabotages it to the best of her ability using court as her sword and my past as her shield.
Thanks so much for those kind works Scott it really means a lot and very much appreciated!
Yeah, that is a typical pattern of behavior and I've made videos on the sabotage of events in the past. We would "hope" they would not be like that but unfortunately is a common tactic they use... But having the kids bond already being strong and having the knowledge of what you're dealing with will make it almost impossible for her to wreck that relationship - but she will try...
I am incredibly thankful for your shared knowledge. Thank you so much. I have so many similarities and I am so sorry you went through this. -a mom
Hey DSD hope you had a good Thanksgiving!
I did Pepe! I hope you had a good one as well! I figure this will probably be my last large one - next time all the kids are adults...
@@DSD you don’t think they’ll want to spend that time with you?
Maybe that is a bit of my negativity coming through. Throughout the last 10 years I have always been the "second choice" or after thought. Maybe I'm just mentally preparing myself so if it happens it won't be a "shock". I guess my point is this - my story really is everyone's else's story - my ex is still a POS - the games still continue with the kids - but I have decide I will NOT allow that to destroy my life. Honestly the situation with Angie has kind of driven that point home. I could pass tomorrow and I do not want to have any of that anger, bitterness, stuck in my "heart" and I want to be at peace. IDK let me know if that makes any sense...
@@DSD I know exactly how you feel my friend.
I am a woman and I can sign under each statement that you made. It is like they read the same book "How to Destroy your Ex after separation". Chapter 1-Use ACS and Court as a sword. Chapter 2. Lie. Chapter. 3 Lie More...It also affected my reputation, my ex filed 3 CPS reports in less than 6 months after he found out that I had a boyfriend. Note-he was married right after our separation himself. I think you have to really live through this hell in order to believe it. To recognize the patterns of the behavior such as baiting, withholding, gaslighting, silence treatments, turning children against you. When I was asked by random people in my building who knew him and why I did not leave him, it made me always feel embarrassed. Because I knew that the real hell will begin right after the split and I was not ready. I am battling this human virus for more than 4 years now. What helped me is to leave in the moment as well as to see a bigger picture and not just a short term rewards. Self awareness and not to respond to bait. I really appreciate your channel and courage to speak up. It is a lot of shame and isolation when it comes to such topics due to "regular" people are just not able to grasp the scope/nature of this abuse. Looking back- I wish I could have done things differently but I guess I had to go through this journey so I can appreciate and see life in a different angle. I wish you good luck and looking forward for your videos.
H. hang
O. on
P. pain
E. ends
Duane the keyword is "Nightmare" dealing with these people is a super power.
Your a lifesaver !! Hope to catch up w ya
Duane, thank you for your videos and telling your story. I normally listen to your videos when I'm not having a good day - they help me to sit with the painful feelings of my situation and try to process things a bit.
I listened to a podcast that you and Debby did recently. You were both honest, respectful to each other and vulnerable, and it gave me hope that one day I might meet someone who will treat me like that.
That one was a while ago - I always thought it was good for us to be like that and to be honest about what happened and what was going on. She was always self conscious about it but I think she did a great job on camera. Helen I hope one day you won't need the videos but unfortunately all of this takes time - and work - and we are all on our own individual timelines - and that is okay
@@DSD
It was so good to listen to (I listened while working on my cross stitch project). Just hearing an honest and respectful conversation without any of the BS gaslighting or word salad, which is absolutely exhausting to either listen to or experience.
Aww, Debby did great, she's a really kind soul and it's lovely that you met each other and have helped each other.
Yes, hopefully on my journey I'll be able to watch less and less of your videos. They help so, so much - just knowing that the experience is real does seem to help, I thank you so much for making them and sharing your wisdom and experiences.
I didn't want the admit to myself that I've got a child with a toxic person. Its a real mind f**k but I see it now and I'm working on my healing. It's really soul crushing, but from the rubble I'm going to build a strong foundation 💪🏽
I hope you, Debby and your kids are all well.
Thank you so much Helen I really appreciate that! Yeah these experiences are a real mind ****. It's enough to make you feel like you're losing your mind.
One of the reason I created my outdoor/camping channel is to stay connected to people who don't need DSD but want to stay connected. I completely understand that with time watching the NPD content is just not helpful.
I do really hope that we are all able to help our children through this so that they do not "NEED" to repeat the experience to figure out some childhood trauma/drama. I mean that is exactly why I got into the mess I did. For the jury is still out but I think I've made progress with at least one of the kids - now I just have to wait and see what happens with the other two.
Much needed info I am still in court hope for another finished step next year..👍🏾
Hang in there Nelly - it generally feels like these situations just won't ever end - but they do. Getting through court is a HUGE step that generally takes a long time. Hopefully with the knowledge you're gaining throughout this you'll handle the next phase much better!
@@DSD sure Thanks I will keep you guys posted on what's next..👍🏾
🙏 Great advises, cool video! Simple and Duane's style 👍
:-) thanks so much Emily I really appreciate that!
Hey there D👋🏼
Hi Jesse thanks for checking the video out and saying hello!
@@DSD hey I appreciate you !
You’re correct our “exes” were psychopaths. Unfortunately it’s hard for society to believe that is the case because I’m sure your and my ex were beautiful, charming, innocent looking which makes it hard to believe that they could do any harm.
Looking cool in the desert DSD..So much cooler then your early videos bro lol..
Thanks Balders - yeah it was a long painful and dangerous journey. I hope my story can provide a glimmer of hope for people in the dark days of this…. And I’m starting to enjoy the beauty of the desert.
Thanks Duane. 3 year on this journey and still with the help of your channel.
I really hope Filip that you're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately the pain and connection runs deep and it can take a lot of time to start to break free from that. I think it took me right around 3 years to start to get to the other side. To be honest, at that point I thought that was the best it was EVER going to be - all I can say it is so much better than I ever imagined it would be.
What’s crazy is when you’re knee deep in it, it’s damn hard to have a 5,000 foot view.
TC that is SO true... I know that I sure was NOT able to do it when I was in the middle of it. Even when people would try to explain it to me they didn't come from a place where I thought they understood what I going through - so their words were hallow. My hope is that you (or anyone) can believe I was right there with you, that I also walked the path, and that if I was able to make it out that maybe they will see the 5k foot view!
Great video… it was good to finally hear your story in full Duane.
Thanks so much D Dad - when I was going through the edit of this I was really concerned it was going to be too long and not engaging enough for people to sit through it. I also made this a podcast on my other platforms which tend to like longer form content - IDK I just wanted to answers Jerry's question and thoroughly as I could. Hopefully I didn't veer off course...
@@DSD I wasn’t concerned with the time… I enjoy listening to you talk anyway. In this case you were telling a story, so it kept people’s attention
Great thanks so much for that - I'm trying to get better at that - I think it's a real niche audience though so it is only really going to appeal to a certain subset of people. I just checked and average view is 44.1% a little lower than normal but still not too bad.
Hi Duane Great show. The thing is with your show is that you have gone through it... and know the madness, and you speak from the heart which touches a lot of people that are at the start of this sad journey. Your straight talk however long it is, is very much appreciate 🙏 and the hard work that you put into the show. Thanks again 😉
Mick from Ireland
Thanks for saying that Mick I really appreciate it - I know you've been through a tremendous amount of pain throughout this "process" and I really appreciate you saying that. My hope has always been for people to feel as though they can relate to what I'm saying and hopefully see a glimpse of the possibility of a future past this. I can remember back to those dark days when I lost that hope myself - and it was a very dangerous time...
I'd personally never get married, I would just have a long term girlfriend. These family court laws are ridiculous bro.
I hear you man. It’s not worth the risk…
Juice ain’t worth the squeeze
Yeah I agree with you Pepe - hard to think of ever putting myself in that position again...
@@DSD I get the best reactions from women that are interesting in me or just talking about relationships when I tell them most people don’t offer much and I prefer my freedom to do anything I want at anytime and I enjoy saving money. Most people have a hard time being single.
Yeah, most people do and that is a HUGE danger. When you are scared of being alone and fear it then your boundaries will wash away. And I say that from being that person - I spent 2 decades in a relationship because I feared the alternative. Not even with LTR I'm not sure I would ever want to have someone live in my house again... Because, I prefer my freedom, and maintaining my peace... Pepe I really hope you're doing well my friend. I know you've been through a lot over the last few years.
The chaos they create lasts for a long time but it does end
Good video. Love the format. The topic itself
Makes me feel some type of way.
Family courts have an egregious reach and it shouldn’t be the way that it is.
I was married to an “adult” “8 year old” and she ran me through the courts when she got angry.
The courts is there to divide assets, punish, and to take your $
Don’t ever get murried. Not worth it. Ever.
Yeah it's like chaining yourself to a ferrel wild animal that SOMEONE ELSE kicked... Thanks for the feedback and support Warrior80 - I hope the "some type of way" was a good thing. This topics and stories can be - for lack of a better word - triggering. I think most people who use "trigger" have no fucking idea what it REALLY means. Hang in there buddy - I hope you're close to the other side of this thing! (Or maybe already there!)
Not too long at all….these people are 👺☠️☠️….and once you begin to get to the other side (after yrs of trauma & then yrs of education/healing) we can see how we turned ourselves inside out 4 absolutely nothing!! It’s seriously absurd & the iron hot fire 🔥 anxiety was sooo not worth it!! It is a painful experience….but I want to let those in the thick of it know….in time & calmness things do get better & you can be really happy again
Great video Duane. Fantastic content. I’m so jealous you’re wearing a t-shirt in November! Weather is cold, wet and miserable in England😂
LOL I that I responded to your comment. It's funny because I was just talking about your comment to Debby the other day. Honestly I'm kind of spoiled in this desert environment. Sure we have "weather" but it's nothing like most places and it enables me to wear t-shirts in November - although it is starting to get cold so I'll have to layer up a little bit! Hope things are good in England - sorry about the wet and miserable - I'd actually like to experience that some time so I can see if I would like it...
🤗🙏🕊️ Hoping all of your viewers will feel seen, heard, and understood, and that they will be able to learn from your experience.
Thanks so much Cindy, I hope the same!
My narc ex wife left me and now has found out that I’m dating 15 months post separation and is telling me I’m hurtful and she’s threatening to contact my new girlfriend!
lol. I chuckled a few times. You sound like me when I tell my story.. It truly shows the hell that you've been through yet at the same time you can "laugh" about it.
Well it has taken me a long time to be able to laugh about it. Honestly I really thought I would always be mad about this. I hope that people can see there is life and happiness on the other side of this even if you don’t crush them! Lol
@@DSD Same here. 4 years of that crap in court. Children's aid society, GAL, police a bunch of time (most I had was 5 cop cars at the house!). Lots of action and it finally settled a few weeks ago. There are annoyances that remain but I'll have to live with them until the kids get older. You can't change what happened. You can only control so much. The only thing you can change is how you perceive it and being mad won't help.
Man that last line, "the only thing you can change is how you perceive it and being mad won't help" is SOOOOO f'ing true. It sucks, that simple truth is so complicated to figure out. I don't know about you but I found in my life the answers are ALWAYS simple.
You do what you can with the tools you are given. But as bad as this sound don’t waste time on anyone and dwelling. Must move on no matter how painful it is. I’ve been there lost it all kids don’t speak with me financially crippled and emotionally as well. But you must better yourself. The best revenge is massive success
And the really interesting part, when you achieve that "revenge" it doesn't mean anything because you don't care anymore - you're just enjoying your "massive success" and the peace in your "new" life! This is again another example of how the answers are really simple it is just complicated to get to the point where we can understand - and life - those answers. (took me a few years to figure that out)...
@@DSD it does Duane believe me I’ve been through hell and back twice sir. The hardest stage of my grieving process was doubt. I had this guilty feeling that I didn’t fight hard enough even though I did everything possible for 4 years. During this process I was financially crippled put my job in jeopardy and emotionally destroyed. Depression had consumed me and I just couldn’t do it anymore. For 4 years I was dragged through the mud, attacked by my ex and the constant court hearings, allegation attacks against my character, children coerced to go against me just completely depleted me of my peace and energy. Unfortunately things didn’t end like I wanted them to but I now have recognized and accepted that I gave it a hell of fight and did everything and anything but it was not gods plan and I’m at peace with that. The family court system is not made to help us real dads out here. We’re categorized as dogs, cheaters and low life’s in the eyes of family court judges. I say massive success is my best revenge because I always told myself they wanted me to suffer they wanted to take away my kids from me and my ex told me she wanted to see me homeless destroyed possibly even not alive. And I always told myself the next time they see me I will be smiling thriving and in a way better place to when they “left me for dead” and won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me destroyed. Sometimes the people closest to us are the ones that mean us the most harm and we need to identify that accept and as much as it hurts push them away. It’s truly a very sad disastrous situation that we can learn from that nothing is guaranteed in life and that we must put ourselves first because sometimes no one else will.
Marriage is an agreement without knowing the terms and conditions. Love is more than an agreement.
I get the first part of what you're saying Skya, but what do you mean about love is more than an agreement?
@@DSD I don't really know what love is cause I married and divorced a narcissist. But what I learnt about myself is that I recognise now when people lie to me and when they are saying the truth. This is amazing! If I ever fall in love in future, I will be more focused on how my own words align with my actions instead of only focusing on the other person. I would rather focus on love than on marriage this time. I realised I'm a love material, not a marriage material and a human being first. Not a wife first. I feel that real love is when it's without conditions, without loosing yourself, without expectations. But when our values no longer align, we part ways. Thank you for your question - it made me think. And this is what your channel does beautifully, dear Duane - it makes people think and it breaks a pattern of a dangerous autopilot. Thank you.
I understand what you're saying - and you are spot on. It's really all about healthy boundaries and to me what you're talking about is just that. You have to focus on what is real - and mutual. One concept that was difficult for me to understand (post divorce) is unconditional love. I mean I understand it with children because it is definitely there - but when you experience it with another adult human in a loving relationship -especially when you've NEVER had it before - it can really twist your mind. I really hope you find what you're looking for Skya and it sounds like you have your head in the right space (or should I say heart) to find it. Thanks for the clarification and answering my question!
do you know what makes you sick?
the filthy sewing pranks that narcissists do to you.
when it suits them, they say things as if it were in their child's best interest.
but if it doesn't suit them then the same situation suddenly doesn't matter anymore, if it would harm the child!.
I'm so tired of that.
playing endless self-interest games and turning my son against me.
how I hate my ex say what a horrible person