Man, really can't thank you enough for these video's.. Started film school this year and I've learned so much from your vids. I'm very curious what the final script looked like, though. After all, I'm in the process of making my first short myself and am currently in the script writing phase.. Congratulations again on the wonderful short!
[Oh boy, this comment escalated into half a novel.. Sorry! :D] This is such a great insightful behind the scenes view and a lot of great lessons to be learned! Also, a great final result with an interesting and compelling story and concept - as opposed to so many short films that seem more like "tech demos" in a way, without much substance. Also, really cool cinematography, sound design, amazing editing and "special effects". There is only one area where I'd like to share my 2 cents' worth of unsolicited feedback and I hope it doesn't come across the wrong way (I am very aware that your film is miles away from whatever I could do at this point, hehe). I feel like an area where you could still grow is some of the writing. I am not talking about the plot or story (which is great), but rather the specific lines. They are not "bad" per se, but I think they are actually holding YOU back because your VISUAL (or non-verbal) storytelling is so very strong. While watching the film, I felt quite a few times that the spoken dialogue and monologuing are slowing your story down. Maybe the monologuing was a very intentional characterization of the role, in which case it's just a matter of subjective taste (and I simply didn't like it). What I'm talking about: Terry ranting about having just lost his job - We get this from the box with the plant and his interaction with the co-worker. Don't need to spell everything out. Trust your visual storytelling (which is great). Maybe he could rant in a more oblique way (maybe referencing something the boss said during the firing etc.). Which would give you more opportunity to characterize Terry at a deeper level. Everybody is upset when they lose their job. Having bills to pay and a family to support is almost cliché. What could Terry say that is uniquely Terry that lets us get to know HIM more in the first few seconds he is on the screen. Bonus points if this maybe somehow already foreshadows the "unprofessionalism", which honestly comes out of the blue at the end of the film (and therefore the final punch line doesn't hit as strongly as it might). "Calm down, Terry; just listen to the radio." This could be conveyed non-verbally which might be more powerful. -> We all know "Show don't tell." - since you are really really good at SHOWING, you don't need to TELL the same thing as well. So many things are sufficiently implied by your production design, the framing of the shots, the great acting. Saying them out loud diminishes them rather than enhancing them. The great thing is: You are actually doing this very well at other points in the script! The cut to the depressed tv-dinner scene. This works beautifully without spelling everything out. Imagine your script had a line that had Terry say "Man, I'm so depressed. I lost my job and I'm broke. And now I need a new job." You don't need that and you (as the film maker) know it because the non-verbal storytelling is so strong. Another point where it works really well: "Hello Terry, I understand you are looking for a job." Imagine having Terry say "Yeah, I am." In your script Terry doesn't answer the question, instead going for a counter-question. And that is great. WE the audience already know Terry needs a job. No need to spell it out, so you efficiently use that line of dialogue to characterize Terry in the situation (confusion, anxiety, intriquedness...). Same thing with "If I took the job, what exactly would I be doing?" And again, you know that it is much more powerful to cut directly to a confusing, exciting chase scene instead of having the caller say anything. THIS is great. So, again, I'm not saying the writing is weak. Rather I'd say: embrace the very strong non-verbal story telling, the quick-cuts, leaving things to the audience's imagination and creating subtext &characterization with your dia- and monologue. One more writing-related thing I noticed, which might be very picky. In retrospect, I really didn't love the radio report about the lottery winner. Maybe this was an intentional misdirection (like in the very first shot), but to me it set up the expectation of: "Ok, so the plot is going to be about Terry robbing the winner of the lottery, because he feels the world is unfair." The way the camera gets really close on the radio, the way it emotionally impacts Terry and above all the timing of this "plot point" in the narrative frames it as an inciting/plot event: "Having lost his job, Terry learns of a new way to get money." To me, this meant that the effect of the ACTUAL key plot event (the mysterious phone call) was less impactful because I thought we had already passed that part of the plot. Something in my mind kept asking "but what about the lottery?". To show Terry's frustration about the injustice of the world without putting too much focus on that specific potential plot thread, maybe he could switch through the radio stations and everywhere there are random people celebrating good news and success and riches. So, again - this isn't a dig at you or trashing your writing. The opposite, if anything: Wanted to let you know that your visual story telling is strong enough and that maybe you can consider and explore how trusting in your non-verbal storytelling skills while writing the lines may help elevate your overall films to the next level :)
@@Thomas-gx3ti These are really great points. Essentially “less is more” when it comes to your critiques. I do appreciate the feedback and the specific details you give. I think it takes a tremendous amount of trust to know that the audience will grasp the concept without overly explaining. It’s a fine line, but I appreciate the feedback and the insights!
All around well done. The actual movie was awesome and the bts was fantastic. I love how detailed you broke everything down, very professional. Best line was talking about the different lighting on the initial car scene because you had to film over two day, "That's indie film making for you". Should be on a t-shirt.
welp, the algorithm worked its magic for me haha! i’ll shoot my music video tomorrow and needed some behind the scene reference on how u guys move behind the cam, SUPER HELPFUL! keep it up sir!
I love how you are breaking down why you put stuff where you put it. So helpful and probably the best breakdown I’ve seen
I appreciate that Becca! 🤙🏽
agree, very great infos
Detailed BTS.Nice🎉
Thanks Holly! 🤙🏽
Man, really can't thank you enough for these video's.. Started film school this year and I've learned so much from your vids.
I'm very curious what the final script looked like, though. After all, I'm in the process of making my first short myself and am currently in the script writing phase..
Congratulations again on the wonderful short!
Thanks! That’s awesome to hear. Good luck at film school and to your short film.
[Oh boy, this comment escalated into half a novel.. Sorry! :D]
This is such a great insightful behind the scenes view and a lot of great lessons to be learned!
Also, a great final result with an interesting and compelling story and concept - as opposed to so many short films that seem more like "tech demos" in a way, without much substance. Also, really cool cinematography, sound design, amazing editing and "special effects".
There is only one area where I'd like to share my 2 cents' worth of unsolicited feedback and I hope it doesn't come across the wrong way (I am very aware that your film is miles away from whatever I could do at this point, hehe).
I feel like an area where you could still grow is some of the writing. I am not talking about the plot or story (which is great), but rather the specific lines. They are not "bad" per se, but I think they are actually holding YOU back because your VISUAL (or non-verbal) storytelling is so very strong. While watching the film, I felt quite a few times that the spoken dialogue and monologuing are slowing your story down.
Maybe the monologuing was a very intentional characterization of the role, in which case it's just a matter of subjective taste (and I simply didn't like it).
What I'm talking about:
Terry ranting about having just lost his job - We get this from the box with the plant and his interaction with the co-worker. Don't need to spell everything out. Trust your visual storytelling (which is great). Maybe he could rant in a more oblique way (maybe referencing something the boss said during the firing etc.). Which would give you more opportunity to characterize Terry at a deeper level. Everybody is upset when they lose their job. Having bills to pay and a family to support is almost cliché. What could Terry say that is uniquely Terry that lets us get to know HIM more in the first few seconds he is on the screen. Bonus points if this maybe somehow already foreshadows the "unprofessionalism", which honestly comes out of the blue at the end of the film (and therefore the final punch line doesn't hit as strongly as it might).
"Calm down, Terry; just listen to the radio." This could be conveyed non-verbally which might be more powerful.
-> We all know "Show don't tell." - since you are really really good at SHOWING, you don't need to TELL the same thing as well. So many things are sufficiently implied by your production design, the framing of the shots, the great acting. Saying them out loud diminishes them rather than enhancing them.
The great thing is: You are actually doing this very well at other points in the script!
The cut to the depressed tv-dinner scene. This works beautifully without spelling everything out. Imagine your script had a line that had Terry say "Man, I'm so depressed. I lost my job and I'm broke. And now I need a new job." You don't need that and you (as the film maker) know it because the non-verbal storytelling is so strong.
Another point where it works really well: "Hello Terry, I understand you are looking for a job." Imagine having Terry say "Yeah, I am." In your script Terry doesn't answer the question, instead going for a counter-question. And that is great. WE the audience already know Terry needs a job. No need to spell it out, so you efficiently use that line of dialogue to characterize Terry in the situation (confusion, anxiety, intriquedness...). Same thing with "If I took the job, what exactly would I be doing?" And again, you know that it is much more powerful to cut directly to a confusing, exciting chase scene instead of having the caller say anything. THIS is great.
So, again, I'm not saying the writing is weak. Rather I'd say: embrace the very strong non-verbal story telling, the quick-cuts, leaving things to the audience's imagination and creating subtext &characterization with your dia- and monologue.
One more writing-related thing I noticed, which might be very picky. In retrospect, I really didn't love the radio report about the lottery winner. Maybe this was an intentional misdirection (like in the very first shot), but to me it set up the expectation of: "Ok, so the plot is going to be about Terry robbing the winner of the lottery, because he feels the world is unfair." The way the camera gets really close on the radio, the way it emotionally impacts Terry and above all the timing of this "plot point" in the narrative frames it as an inciting/plot event: "Having lost his job, Terry learns of a new way to get money." To me, this meant that the effect of the ACTUAL key plot event (the mysterious phone call) was less impactful because I thought we had already passed that part of the plot. Something in my mind kept asking "but what about the lottery?". To show Terry's frustration about the injustice of the world without putting too much focus on that specific potential plot thread, maybe he could switch through the radio stations and everywhere there are random people celebrating good news and success and riches.
So, again - this isn't a dig at you or trashing your writing. The opposite, if anything: Wanted to let you know that your
visual story telling is strong enough and that maybe you can consider and explore how trusting in your non-verbal storytelling skills while writing the lines may help elevate your overall films to the next level :)
@@Thomas-gx3ti These are really great points. Essentially “less is more” when it comes to your critiques. I do appreciate the feedback and the specific details you give. I think it takes a tremendous amount of trust to know that the audience will grasp the concept without overly explaining. It’s a fine line, but I appreciate the feedback and the insights!
Great video mate, very detailed BTS. I need to get back to Part 1 :) Thanks for sharing!
Thanks 🤙🏽
Love this stuff! Thanks for breaking down in this much detail. Shows that producing something very compelling is obtainable.
My pleasure! 💪🏼
That match cut works so well around the 30second mark
I know right? 😎
Theres more!! Lets go 🔥
😎🤙🏽
All around well done. The actual movie was awesome and the bts was fantastic. I love how detailed you broke everything down, very professional. Best line was talking about the different lighting on the initial car scene because you had to film over two day, "That's indie film making for you". Should be on a t-shirt.
Thanks 🤙🏽 love this idea!
@@drew.schettler i get 50% of sales.
how is this just 500 views, this is so helpful, great vid!
Glad it was helpful! Probably the algorithm haha 😂
welp, the algorithm worked its magic for me haha! i’ll shoot my music video tomorrow and needed some behind the scene reference on how u guys move behind the cam, SUPER HELPFUL! keep it up sir!
I wish you used the 1990s jurassic park phone ring tone
😎