I haven't had that since I was a kid. Even after they divorced, mine still fight with each other. One of my mother's closest friends said that they are most likely going to be fighting with each other for the rest of their life. And thanks to the cost of living leading us to a new economic recession that makes the Great Depression look like a joke, I can't escape it. Can someone do me a favor and pray for me?
@@iangreer4585 Of course. I'm sorry that you seem like you haven't had much peace lately, and although I don't know if I can help you in other ways I can certainly pray for you as you asked.
Throwback to when I found a very kind and mentally stable 20y.o. girl I started a relationship with. Did activities together, had great times but she felt like we couldn't stay together long-term because, and I quote word for word, "It feels like I'm going home to my husband, right now I just want to have fun". I'll let you guess what "having fun" means.
@@sebastianwolfmayr Mentally stable people enjoy having fun too you know. I wouldn't have wanted to settle down with a girl when I was 20, no matter how much I liked her - it wouldn't have lasted and I'd have missed out on valuable experiences. What you need to be careful of is that you don't get stuck in this kind of mindset and end up middle-aged and unhappy because you only ever date when you want a wife or husband.
@@trollerifficIf “having fun” is a euphemism for sleeping around. I’ll pass. If I want other types of fun, like concerts or travel, I can do that with her
At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Rudyard said: “Many of my friends are Mongol cavalry members, very successful people that fought with Ögedei Khan. I can’t tell you their names but we fought together against the Khwarazmian Empire. I’ve had lots of conversations with very successful Mongols including the rich and powerful and I can tell you that they’re miserable, even with all their concubines.”
"Our society tells us what's good in life is to see your enemies flee before you and to hear the lamentation of the women, however modern antidepression usage show that clearly hasn't scaled to the general population."
On Japan, it’s extremely difficult to meet a girl in Japan. Even if you speak the language. Cold approaches are instant fails. Apps will get you talking but getting a real life meeting at the cafe is futile. I am gaijin , foreigner. If Japanese men are not approaching Japanese women, you would think the women would turn to gaijin, maybe? But since gaijin are also rejected, it suggests to me the problem is that women are rejecting men generally.
I was in Tokyo recently, it's hard but not impossible. I had some great conversations with girls just walking around Shibuya (even if quite a lot were through translate haha)
>Is a foreigner and goes to what is known as a nationalistic country who cares about the preservation of their people >Is surprised when any woman of value won't date him Cmon man you had to have thought this through more
@Spaghetti Meatball you're just wrong. Japanese people, unlike the west or whatever, don't care about racial purity or national pride. They care about whether the person is decent or not. Yes it's true that many say I'd prefer a Japanese man/woman but this is a cultural ideal the same way an American would want an American
In the mid-90s, two reporters from my college newspaper (one male, one female) decided to test out the pre-Internet's form of online dating, the personal ads section in the local community paper, and report on the results. I bet you can predict the results. The woman got messages from a number of men, including at least one person she knew from the university community. The man got zero replies. This core reality has existed for a long time.
@@alien77777 I somewhat disagree. One could still date from ads at that time. Not saying ads was dominant because in a small towns ads was nearly unnecessary: You likely knew of the person, or knew someone who knew the person. So ads were more of a big city thing
There's allot in society that we've picked up as young men. But being good because you yourself want to and not being beholden to a confusion caused the populace will pay in dividends. Make yourself the master of your own ship again. Listen and consider advice, sure, but you decide your life. Be your own man, not someone else's.
Personally, I gave up years ago at dating. Third fiancee cheats and you're just done trying to get married. Bought dogs, a ranch, moved my friends and immediate family onto that ranch in Texas. Debt free with a ranch and I'm only 36.
Buy 1 square quarter mile of land, build small tiny houses on the land, and then build a fence and let dogs run loose and every friend pays their fair share. Sounds awesome.
@@postalmann7866 No, if MIRV's rain down from ICBM's I'm gonna whip out the pure nitrogen and seal the house while I listen to white noise, or ethereal chords from synthesizers, make peace with any god there is, and then pass out and die.
being debt free at 36 is a very desirable trait that women look for but i completely understand why you said that first part. you just dont want to waste your time on someone who you know is going to use you.
I got married young and way before I was ready and every year that goes by makes me more grateful I did. Been married 11 years and the longer I’m married, the more I appreciate my wife.
I have a buddy who is a fuckboy, and it has completely destroyed his life. Watching him pursue women is like watching an alcoholic look for a bottle they hid and can't find again.
@@scabu3 maybe you’re just shallow. It’s not a bad thing though. But as you keep getting old, your body won’t keep with your shallow lifestyle. So, one day, you will be lonely, old, maybe impotent. My uncle used to be like you. But now, he is just and old and lonely bugger. It’s sad to watch.
I remember someone asked you in a livestream for advice on women, to which you replied that "I run a fucking alternate history channel, not a dating app!" That was in 2020. Now in 2023... Also, I haven't even fully watched the video yet, but I can already infer that this will be one of your most meaningful works in your catalogue. Edit: I was right.
In an alternate timeline Whatifalthist and his smart tech friends make a dating app designed to address the problems the popular ones currently have... but do they succeed? Only time will tell...
@@danshakuimo he did joke about making that cousin one where you match with 3rd cousins because they’re statistically the most successful relationships
I've heard my buddy tell me the same story probably 5X about how he met the "perfect" girl online. He was hot and heavy for a few weeks or possibly month or two with her and then eventually realized that she wasn't the idealized "perfect" person he had in mind and so he moved on to the next girl. The 'swipe right' culture leads to unrealistic expectations - like others have said too many choices leaves one unsatisfied.
I agree. Since it's so easy to find a replacement, there's no incentive to refine what you already have. People see one imperfection and they move on to the next one expecting to find the perfect relationship with zero effort.
Yeah I've been saying for years that people, especially incels, have unrealistic dating goals and unrealistic idealized woman who doesn't exist. The two biggest factors that determine relationship success is commitment and acceptance. None of us are perfect 99.9 of us will never find it. Its not fair but it is what it is.
@@philosophicaltrucker9279really? I'd think incels would take anything they could get. Just like single moms with 3 kids should but they want 6'3 100k guy. So I disagree
Today, my 62 year old Dad asked me for advice, because he is starting to realize that he is going to die alone. I reminded him that I've been single for four years, and will probably never be in a relationship again. It was a sad moment, but beautiful when we recognized and related to each other's pain.
Which country are most of you guys in saying all this uk or usa or Australia or elsewhere? And can some of you shed some light on what is going on as all this is new to me post covid era Like how old are a few of you and what have you been doing or searching for wife's or long term soulmates and also are you okay looking or not etc? I'm new to it all bit finding some of English lasses online are very rude and nasty don't reply even when okay and average looking and 6 foot etc they seem I've noticed to be getting worse get say they want a date and love yet only reply to top looking men only so it's all a bit depressing and I believe it makes you feel like crap and impacts on men's mental health as you wonder whats going on even worse when I then see when outside ugly men covered in tattoos with cute women so why are they dating uglies etc in real life world yet they ignore most men online I'm confused by it all Some are really disgusting attitudes I've also noticed this affect is creeping into real life sometimes they ignore and don't even make eye contact or smile heard other men say its like being dead or a ghost then add in everything else here in England weather is crap and no community no values and boring conversations daily with people who don't care about anything anymore Also they ignore and conform to all the crap baffled by it all to be honest usually I'm more upbeat but its started to get me down as well a bit in last few weeks
The Status Quo keeps getting shaken up too much, thats part of the problem. Men dont go out and pursue anymore being pursuit is equated to stalking or obsession or rape by radicalized women.
I also feel that a big problem with this is that people often blame themselves for their inability to find a partner. They may not recognize that a lot of their problems with dating stem from a broken system and instead start thinking that they're ugly, stupid, whatever, leading to more self isolation, self esteem issues and mental health problems. These problems manifesting in people then make it more difficult for other people to find a partner creating a vicious circle.
I think the problem in general is being able to distinguish what is what. Because it's also true that there are stuff you can do or not do which can make you terrible at this. Like you can find both people blaming themselves for things that aren't inheritely their fault, and people blaming the system for things which are their own faults or even people who do both at the same time.
Well at least blaming yourself is, in a way, holding yourself accountable, which is the first step in fixing the issue Whereas saying shit like "oh you can't find a partner because the system is broken" only adds to the hopelessness because it removes your sense of agency and makes you feel like there literally is nothing you can do about it.
This is because women associate social success with attractiveness. A man cannot merely be pro-social. He must be socially competitive and dominant. Thus men (or people) who don't date are "losers" with negative social value, and so their social value might "infect" you so therefore avoid them. Men are competitive and form hierarchies, but women are the ones who create the need for counter-productive competition including social exclusion and punishment.
I remember in one of his livestreams, someone asked him for advice on women, to which Rudyard replied "like I can help you. I run a fucking Alternate history channel, not a dating site!" Oh how times change.
@@nicholasmorrell dude im literly becoming a teacher because of how badly the school system failed me and I want to try and save the kids I can teach from that absolute failure I was given
@@Crusader-ct1qv It just shows how the social dance and previous neutral ideas and natural civility between men and women are devolving at a rapid pace.
I say this for experience, please listen to me. I had many girlfriends and never truly loved any of them (but i did show affection to them, I just didn't know I didn't) , until one particular girl, Brunella. We kissed, we made things, she often came to my home, she was the first and only person in my life i will ever love, unfortunately she was emotionally unavailable, never said i love you to me, never opened her feelings, a very cold person. My advice is, don't open your heart to women who aren't open with you, when they will leave you with their cowardice and for no reason you will feel humiliated, you will feel like you left your dignity for someone who wasn't worth it, who just doesn't show that she cares.
Florence Nightingale (1820-1910): "Women crave for being loved, not for loving. They scream out at you for sympathy all day long, they are incapable of giving any in return, for they cannot state a fact accurately to another, nor can that other woman attend to it accurately enough for it to become information. Now is not all this the result of want of sympathy? I am sick with indignation at what wives and mothers will do of the most shocking selfishness. And people call it all maternal or conjugal affection, and think it pretty to say so. No, no, let each person tell the truth from their own experience. They really don’t have sympathy or the ability to empathize, because they are always judging everyone and every thing as a product on a social value scale that relates to their own egos and bounces off of themselves. There is no capability for genuine feeling.This is what I have experienced with women, there is no capability for genuine feeling for other humans, or really in general, except when those feelings are for themselves and the other people are just proxies to bounce ideas off of."
Mass rejection of dating apps would go a long way to solving the problem of modern dating. It also will _never_ happen for a wide variety of reasons, hence the reason modern dating as a whole is absolutely fucked.
As a woman I completely agree. Dating apps are horrendous. They need some kind of serious overhaul to make them less superficial and dehumanising or to be scrapped altogether
Agreed in some sense. You need that gratification to work. I have seen many asexuals that are very happy being together. But it’s always and I mean always best to talk about what you want in a relationship before sticking to someone who you may not even know hates the thought of oral or who hates the thought of copulating every day. It’s simple to learn by just asking it, but maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s now very touchy or creepy to ask those questions? I know that those questions aren’t romantic or they may even be seen as taboo but it’s needed to learn. What if for years the other person gives up on trying to convince the other of some gratification and then dumps or divorces because of that need? It seems trivial but it isn’t in a relationship. I’ve seen many fail because of those needs not being met.
The only freedom that matters to women is reproductive freedom (i.e.: including the right to get pregnant without securing support first). They are "morally ambiguous" and "agreeable" otherwise. Freedom in this context means nothing more than no constraints. And that doesn't mean right to require sexual consent. No, let's take that for granted. It also means freedom from consequences. Again, getting pregnant without first securing protection and provision, commitment. Women can be counted on to put sexual pickiness above even ever having children, and the freedom to be that way above all other freedoms. Freedom being in this case maximally irrational. They're otherwise normal human beings, but this sure complicates their romantic choices.
@@_Chessa_ how are asexuals a "couple" and not just "friends"? Also where do you know all these asexual-couples? I've never met them in my life, and I've lived in various cities in a few different english speaking nations...
@@demun6065 they're very rare but they do exist. Asexuals in general are really rare to begin with, then you have the divide between romantic and aromantic asexuals. But you might meet a couple and never know that they're ace because they still kiss and hug and their primary love language may be physical touch they just don't have the desire to mate.
@@ZM-jb6gc so there’s no bearing on a man sowing his oats and not caring when he leaves a kid with no support? I think it’s the killer’s fault when they use the weapon to kill you even if they had a reason. right? So even if it’s consent that’s still on the man to step up it’s not about a woman “securing” anything when a man refuses to step up and be a father…
People thought my husband and I were crazy getting married at 20 & 22. We met through mutual friends ten years ago, right when online dating was going from fringe to the norm. Every day I am more grateful that we got married when we did. When life gets tough we don’t even think of splitting up because we both know we could never replace what we have. I loved being married in my 20s. There’s something about going through young adulthood and growing up together that many people in this culture miss. I blame an over-abundance of choices and a fear of commitment instilled in our generation by our divorced and cynical parents.
It's the only way to win. If you're 5 years in and think "wow neither of us are crazy or problem causing" you're very lucky. Watch out for grass is greener or body/libido/hormone changes. These feelings are normal, very very harsh. Don't blame anyone if they happen. Admit how fricking hard and harsh they are. Be open. Understand that it will never get better than what you have. The grass is not greener.
A lot of people aren't armed with the culture of maturity in their 20s if ever, and if they are they also most likely to be religious, which is easy to think of as necessary for that.
A lot of people also haven't had any good example. Either coming from divorced families, or families where people stay together but seem to hate eachother and life in general. Too much freedom without any preparation doesn't help, of course. Because people go from one extreme to another.
@@ZM-jb6gc Amen. There's countless stories of women in their 40's divorcing their husband because they thought they could do better only to find themselves in the modern dating market.
The problem with online dating (and dating in large cities) is linked to the theories of Barry Schwartz's "Paradox of Choice." He posits that people are happy when they have some choice, but unhappy when they have too much choice. When you have lots of choice, you are either paralyzed by the choices and then make no choice, or you become dissatisfied by your choice because you're certain that a better choice could've been made. Ultimately, searching through endless ads of human beings is a thoroughly depressing activity. As my mother once told me, just pick someone. Love is what happens after you've made the commitment.
I want to emphasize that it's not just intimate relationships on the decline. The chart presented at 20:49 shows couples met via friends is on the decline. This very natural way of meeting your SO forms a healthy interconnected web of close friendships that can last a long time. My SO and I met online, and while she has some friends from school still, we are mostly just on our own for 99% of our free time. As someone who grew up very shy and antisocial, I am AMAZED by my sheer need for real friendships and general social connection. Any chance we get to hangout with good friends I will HAPPILY take, and at the end of the hangout I am always left feeling like this is the void in my life that can only be filled by true friendships with fun and awesome people. So to anyone reading this who feels the same, just know that you're not alone.
Plenty of people don't have friends anymore, which is beyond depressing and definitely plays a huge role in this. People have been so disconnected I'm wondering if they could even take to the other sex without having to fight off a anxiety attack. That goes for both sexes and all ages. Personally, my greatest loves before my wife were friends first. Started out friends of friends and then we started hanging out one on one and fell in love. I doubt that happens much anymore.
The social and psychological concept of external constraints on ABSOLUTE female reproductive agency (no consequences, can wait 1000 years for one in a million giga chad and still be fertile, likewise can get pregnant and the world will simply pay you money for having Chad's wonderful baby, no consequences) are removed. Even recently in the West, and also in other countries still, there have always been constraints on women. A perception of consequences. Hook up Tinder culture has psychologically (and inaccurately) removed these constraints. Thus, modern Tinder culture - which women literally spread among each other like wildfire, like the most important evangelical principle a woman could possibly spread to another woman - is becoming ubiquitous. In my view, it seems that female mammals are sexually programmed to be absolutely uncompromising. There's no "good enough" or "realistically this is what I can get and I'm lucky in fact to have this." Doesn't exist in their sexual psychology. They are programmed this way as an adaptation responding to lack of external agency, to compensate. So, with the constraints removed, women genuinely struggle to find romantic satisfaction - at all. Their bodies are reacting to an unrealistic, non-existent situation. It's like how we react to fast food and develop life threatening mordibities associated with obesity. It's not a female problem, it's female sexuality problem. They "break" without constraints - cultural, social then psychological - on reproductive agency. Without a perception of consequences. Women totally break. They like men, and they like sex, but something deep inside them is incapable of feeling satisfied and sabotages everything. It's sad, I think. Only these barbaric, horrible, illiberal environments provide women social and sexual situations that lead to basic psychological happiness, if not sexual satisfaction. It "didn't have to be that way" except it seems many mammal species are basically like this. And women will literally give up most of their actual freedoms to preserve reproductive agency. As if speech matters to them so long as they can have sex with Chad and freely divorce Brad when he gets boring.
I would also like to emphasize when he starts talking about attachment styles at 44:00 I think he was onto a very great point about how dominant the framework of anxiety is in social interactions & dating/sex in America & the west, it ties into other times like FOMO - a big reason young people get into the hookup culture in the first place, I would read "American Hookup" by Lisa Wade for more detail, not being able to share genuine feelings/emotions/desires/thoughts or affections for another is apart of the status quo, social media addiction & the use of Snapchat or Tiktok to stalk others to jump in on trends is part of the feeling of millions of young people feeling very socially isolated & left out of the group, wanting to be on the in, everyone thinks they're the only one whoe feels isolated so keep on desperately looking at what others are doing on the internet & since there's endless people doing endless different things they just follow whatever big trends to try to fit in. There are many other reasons girls avoid healthy meaningful relationships with genuinely good & kind men who respect them and want what's best for them in the future, like them as a person, it has to do do with how well or poorly they were loved in their childhoods. With bad models & a loveless home she's likely to "fall deeply in love" with men who do the least for her, think buy her mcdonalds, fuck her hard & then ignore or neglect her like her parents did in entirely other kind of ways that people may not even perceive as neglect or abuse at all in childhood but to that child at the time it was how they perceived it... I would recommend he reads the book "What Happened to You" by Dr. Bruce D Perry, something interesting I've noticed is all the people who have had very great loving models in their most formative developing years, 0 - 13 find healthy meaningful relationships infinitely easier than everyone else. This may also explain why you have so many different accounts of how to deal with women, if all of their neurons connected in a certain way making them just unlikely to fall in love with you then it's best to just stop wasting your time & getting more attached to that girl, find one who is comfortable with you loving her & treating her well.
I saw this motivational picture yesterday that said IT'S OK TO REJECT YOUR FRIENDS TO HANG OUT AND STAY HOME TO READ A BOOK. And I'm thinking, really? You can read a book any time, but friends getting together, that's rare, that requires everyone sacrificing and coordinating their time. You better show up.
I tried dating for years, and failed miserably. The moment I started working on myself and meeting people in person at community events and in bars, I found success, and as a result I'm getting married to someone I met in a public event in 4 months Modern dating is beyond broken, meet someone with similar values at an event that people like you would go to, and go without the express intent to find someone, and just talk to them. You will find someone for you, it's how all of your ancestors managed it for the past 500 years or more.
Convert to Islam -> talk to the middle-aged men over in a masjid-> be charismatic with them -> they will give you their daughters in return for being so based -> enjoy your 4 wives You're welcome
It's not that I don't wat kids, a family, or a wife. And it's not even so much that those things carry risk - everything in life does. It's that it now carries DISPROPRTIONATE risk with ZERO protection. For the people who say "Not all X are like that", it's not about the fact that there are bad ones, it's that the bad ones are SO DAMAGING, trying to find the good ones isn't WORTH it - if I give you bowl of 200 M&M's, and say just 1 has enough poison to kill you, are you gonna even take a single one? No. Now, if I were to tack a 3 million dollar prize on top of that, most people would say "Sure." PRPORTIONAL RISK ASSESSMENT. If I sleep with someone but do not engage in a relationship, I can: A - have my genetics stolen and forcibly put up for responsibility of any child that is made, even THOUGH I successfully took precautions (Fishining sperm out of a trash can) B - Be charged of a crime on mere accusation should the person decide to regret things, even though we consented at the time and often have no legal recourse. C - Can be made legally and financially responsible for children that are PROVABLY not mine. IF I decide to 'go the extra mile, get married, have kids, with intention to do so: A - pregnancy will be treated as a skinner box in which the child is simultaneously alive and dead - I'll be expected to be "a responsible father" should my wife decide to keep it, but she ALSO reserves total right to end the life of that fetus and I'm not allowed to have a say B - Can, 90% of the time, have up to 3/4 of my assets seized and permanently kept from me, on mere accusation. Even if I can PROVE that I have done nothing wrong with mountains of evidence, 80% likely, will get thrown out C - Can have what biological children who ARE mine, estranged and kept away under legal threat. It's not that risk exists, it's that the risk is UNREASONABLY DISPROPORTIONATE AND ONE-SIDED that's the issue. I have ZERO say in the ENTIRELY of the dating, mating, courtship, or child-rearing process. In essence, I am given all of the RESPONSIBLITY but NONE of the AUTHORITY. Responsibility without authority is called slavery. You do not want a partner, friend, or team mate. You want an indentured servant. Consider driving a car - I run a MUCH greater risk of death in a car than I do any of these things stated above - yet I drive the car BECAUSE I am *CONSISTENTLY* rewarded for my efforts and have agency - I always have SOME amount of control when driving the car, and I ALWAYS get rewarded with the destination I'm trying to reach - therefore, the risk is PROPORTINATELY worth it. But with the modern dating market? Despite being a grown adult who should be working IN TANDEM with someone, I have zero control over: Pregnancy Sex Finances Child rearing Courtship Property Legal councl Societal support Merely saying hello to someone, all these things considered, is the equivalent of storming Normandy Beach - except you storm that beach with the clairvoyance that Germany wins anyway
@TheHylianJuggalo of course it's a risk, so exercise proper judgement and don't marry a whore If you don't marry or have children your line will die out and you're failing your country and culture, there will be no-one to hold your hand on your deathbed, you will die early and alone, either unable to get food, water or turn on the heating/air con and die at home, or you'll die in a run down aged care facility surrounded by people who don't care about you or actively dislike you If you never take that risk, you will die a miserable death, alone and uncared about
I think two massive factors that are overlooked in this are the decline of the two parent household, and the massive over-focus on academic achievement over all else in the upbringing of millennials/gen-z The result is that you have large numbers, from both sexes of that generation that are completely lack the skills and traits to maintain healthy relationships, because they were never taught to them. They have poor social skills, because as children, they were told to shut up and learn algebra, rather than developing social skills with their peers. They are increasingly overweight and out of shape, because their school decided gut the physical education programs to make more time to learn how to write a 5 paragraph essay. They never had an example of a healthy relationship at home because nearly half of them were raised by divorced parents. It’s easy to blame social media and dating apps for modern dating problems, but the real problems go back decades.
@@maxscott3349 I had difficulty with fractions in grade 1 as well. Later I became the best student in the high school winning provincial awards and applied to the number one university in Canada UofT. Rejected an aerospace engineering scholarship from the number 2 university because it's number 2. Graduated during the Great Financial Crisis, nobody was hiring. Hanging out in a cheap country now at 37 years old, still haven't started my life, still single. Didn't talk to girls until I graduated university, then immediately got one girlfriend after another. They wanted to immediately marry, which seemed crazy to marry when you still haven't seen the world. I've waited patiently like a good boy all my life to be free and see the world, I wasn't going to commit now.
@Max Scott because the school system is garbage now, an the kids are given pills to sit still. They pass kids that have no business passing, and they move on scraping by. They don't actually learn anything, but on paper they are educated. School system is a joke, so is this generation an the society that birthed it.
I'm from India and from a pretty big city here. Here in my college I have many of my friends who come from rural villages remote enough to have never seen a Domino's or McDonald's. Initially I was totally surprised when they told me they have been in relationships gor over 5-6 years being with the same person since the beginning of high school. Then I understood that they understand love way better than we do. Here in the cities the attitude goes like "It's oke of the relationship ends, I will find a dozen more people". But in the villages when the dating pool is much more limited you are much more willing to make sacrifices for each other to make the relationship work out and in between of those sacrifices somewhere you realize if the love exists or not
That sounds convenient but thats not the whole truth. Most places are hardly that isolated, especially these days. The problem is weak men. Women are wired to detest that. Strong men in poverty stricken areas often practice polygamy, as long as they can support the family.
I was hoping for the commentary. I love rural life. Average “partners” of neighbors is probably between 1&2 over a lifetime. Average marriage age is seemingly 24. Life is slow but life is good.
46:16 I felt this. My parents are divorced and to be quite honest, my mom is a psycho and my dad is a respectable man. Guess who got us (the kids), the house, and most of the money? My crazy mom. All dad got was the truck. He was stuck renting a tiny apartment for 1 year and lived at his dad's house over the following summer. Then he found a good person and they share a house. Meanwhile my mom psychologically tortured me for a year and a half and I felt like living garbage for that time. Only recently has she stopped, once the prospect of me moving in with dad has become a real threat, thus she actually has to treat me with love and respect. The only thing keeping me there is that is where all my friends live.
The courts always side with the PRIMARY CAREGIVER. That’s usually mothers 99% of the time. Men usually don’t even know their kids teachers names, or their doctors names or take them to dentist appointments or the ones attending parent teacher conferences, or the ones cooking and feeding the kids. Moms are.
I did have a highschool sweetheart, and am not a virgin, but when she left me right after highschool because I had traditional expectations about what fidelity meant, and she knew she was going to hurt me long term. It did genuinely break my desire to participate or care about the sexual marketplace from that point on. And in the following ten years I've actually become quite comfortable with that. Obviously, collectively, checking out isn't good, but for me personally it was a path towards finding greater satisfaction in other things, and learning self reliance. So in a sense I am both a participant in this problem, but, having 'learned' not to be lonely, or turn relationships or children into objectives in themselves that define my life worth, I'm also kind of just an observer.
And yeah, having looked at dating apps briefly a couple years ago... I was astounded that even one like eHarmony had little to *no* way to actually use real values as the basis of a good match. You'd thing if you were designing anything but a hook-up sight that would be your number 1 priority. Not just "democrat or republican," but real questions about the qualities and morals that you find most important when considering a partnership with another person.
Same thing happened to me but in a slightly different context. You start to see a pattern when dating women that leads to a mindset of "How in the world could I trust a woman nowadays to stick around and not screw me over via divorce court whenever she feels like it?"
@@PeruvianPotato And that goes right back to my point. How could I trust a woman to not break a bond which is supposed to be for a lifetime? Especially when they are incentivized to do so in a variety of ways.
I feel this. I just turned 40 and did not ever end up getting married due to very poor choices in my 20's (using and selling drugs, being involved with a large criminal group) I have had a few long-term relationships but ever since I got clean and stopped breaking the law at age 31 things have been rough though. Due to this I do not have a great career or very much money. I get by and have no debt, but I also have no house or cool title. Earlier this year I decided that I am going to do my very best to attract a partner. I spend 5 days a week in the gym and bought new clothes even. My hygiene is on point, I am 6'1", have visible abs, but clearly this is not enough. So, I grind on. I do not want to die old and alone and I am at the limit of where I can start a family. If all the work and self-improvement I am doing pays no results by the summer of 2025 I plan on throwing in the towel and riding my motorcycle into an oncoming semi-truck. I do not blame women or society for my position in life. I made the mistakes, and I am learning that sometimes there are mistakes you cannot come back from. If you are young, please do not do drugs. Focus on your career and building a good social network. There are fates worse than overdose and prison. Even with 9 years clean, a little money in the bank, and the will to find love, I am still looking at a 50/50 chance of attaining a happy life. Being lonely is awful. I cannot do it for another 40 years. Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk, I will quit shouting into the void now.
Hello, this is the void, responding back with his two cents. You are not at the edge of being able to start a family. Your efforts to be healthier make you biologically healthier and therefore more fertile. Eat carrot salads, cook with coconut oil and butter, stay away from any and all unsaturated fats, and you will feel like you're 25 again, minus drugs. Your idea of a happy life is binary and very narrow. I get it, but this will lead to ruin. Open up your mind as to what it means to be happy, not in a post-modern or spiritual sense, just a normal one. This is something you will have to realize for yourself. If you manage this, you will eventually understand how ludicrous it was to begin with to ever even consider unaliving yourself
You have suffered greatly in your life. You caused much of your own suffering, but you've also pulled yourself out from rock bottom. I think the fact that you've come this far is amazing. Please keep being so open and let others in. Please don't drive your motorcycle into a semi-truck. You are so lucky in so many ways.
@felixthecat4584 You don’t *have* to get into a romantic relationship to live a happy and fulfilling life. Especially trying to force one and make one happen when it’s not really ready to happen can cause alot of issues. Just focus on, as you said, your career and building a large social network. You’re still fairly young, barely middle aged. Especially given how much longer even people who are already elderly are living nowadays (Warren Buffett, Stan Lee who died at almost 100, Oprah Winfrey who looks pretty young in her 60s, etc), you probably have another good 50-60 years of life left, *atleast*. Take advantage of that time. Go back to school, get a career in a field you’re passionate about (doesn’t have to be through college or university, trade schools exist too. It’s where I plan to go after graduating high school, and you can get some pretty sweet qualifications from there), explore social groups online and in your local area, go for walks and rides, watch good and high-quality content, overall just make the best out of your life. There are so many things you can do that are better than desperately hunting for love, and, even worse, killing yourself. I’m not the only one in this thread trying to help you. Just please, consider our words.
I'm not over 6' and don't have defined per se abs. So I guess I'm doomed. In my early 20s there was a kind of limited interest from pre-Tinder still climbing the "man ladder" women who I supposed climbed it long past me, either marrying or finding someone hotter. Meanwhile, the "mid-30s settle for career man" thing is something I missed due to a career switch. Even so, I'm not sure my dignity is so low I'd settle for a panicking woman who starts off from our first date drawing sexual boundaries (lol at so many of my friends). Marriage is literally a trade where a woman gives up her 20s to a man, her absolute peak of sexual value, so he'll stay around in his 50s when he's at a relative peak and her attractiveness has severely declined. If a woman failed to give you her 20s, DO NOT ever marry her. You're free to stay with her til the end, even through your 50s. But only if it's convenient for you without a clearly better option or opportunity. We men are seriously failing at the game marrying ANYONE over 30. What a mistake. Unless you're both very high performing and wealthy professionals and she wants to have more than one kid, do not marry after 30. Period.
I'm gay, so I'm coming at this from a different angle, but my experience still lines up with everything I learned in the manosphere. I've had a degree of access to women that most straight men don't have. They let their guards down around me. Gay men are often used as emotional tampons. Women are by and large capricious and unprincipled. They choose expedience and short term gain. They bond via gossip and you should ABSOLUTELY BET that if she knows something, the Sisterhood knows it as well. Women will put other people on blast not so much out of malice, but simply because talking about other people is how they bond. Do NOT trust women with your vulnerabilities. They say they want to know to better understand you, and they might even believe themselves when they say that, but if they learn something that gives them "The Ick", or if it's juicy enough, her friends will know.
I have somewhat similar experiences with women I've had flings or hookups with, who would ridicule and talk mad shit about other guys they rejected or friendzoned, or simply unattractive guys at our university. They'd really be ruthless in making fun of other guys when they were with me alone, and they were surprised to see I'm not laughing at it or joining them in ridiculing other guys, saying "but it's not about you, you're cute!", like they consider hot and ugly guys separate social caste. Meanwhile when I heard these things I just though "I wonder if prettier girls who rejected me talk the same way about me". Realising this really made me suspicious towards women and while before I wasn't afraid to show vulnerability or weakness, after this there's no way in hell I'm ever opening to woman anymore. It's not some mystical patriarchy that made me that way but simply experiences with women themselves, even though it wasn't directed at me it still showed me how fake and ruthless they can be if only you don't fit their standards.
Pretty accurate. Also gay, had mostly female friends in my life. And only sisters. I was an "emotional tampon" too, I thought being gay gave me the responsability to be a good listener for women😅 Yes they are wildly competitive, they dissimulate it by being hyper friendly between them: in fact it is a war, a war for hierarchy. They definitely want the man their more pretty/charismatic/successful "friend/bff😅" got. It only goes this way, to a point that I am wondering if they are really into men, and not more into social validations. If a star begins to date blk men, then a lot of women in the society will do the same, they are "trendysexual". I've read that men are sexually stimulated by vision. Women by emotions, wich is an absolutely different conceptualization of desire. That could explain why porn is such a pandemic in the male demographic. And why women can more easily change from straight, to bi, to lesbian, etc.. I am kind of releaved not to be straight somehow, it is not easy, but when I see what my female "friends" are doing to their men, and why, I am better off.
my mom is the same. i struggled talking to her and everytime i did, my family knew about it even though it was private. all women are the same. they say they aren't but they are.
@@czwarty7878I think this here sums up perfectly why I have love and contempt in the same hand for women as I've learned with being with them over the years is that not only do they have loose lips, but this dichotomy of wanting to be trust worthy, what and who they speak of when they are not present tells all. Even though you want to trust them you can't trust any of them no matter how good they are or appear because if they can do or say about others they can about you. They're mostly unaware unless you call them out on it, and even still rarely will they change it permanently. They also practice this feaux "art of kindness" while being anything but and that's where my contempt comes in.
The 2 best pieces of dating advice I ever got were: 1. Focus on your own personal development above dating. Demonstrate to yourself your value. Believe it and others will too. We mostly defer to other people’s opinions of themselves since getting to the truth is laborious. 2. Talk to women like you aren’t trying to date them, just like they are a possible friend or acquaintance. It reduces all of the noise/unnecessary expectations in your head and lowers the stakes of your encounter. It helps you actually focus on her more to see if you even like her to begin with.
"Talk to women like you aren't trying to date them, just like they are possible friend or acquaintance." This is actually a good advice but in some cases this is also a perfect recipe to find yourself in the friendzone...
@@PrototypeXV one tried. I’d gotten to know her and felt comfortable enough telling her I didn’t want to be her friend and only date her. She was used to guys accepting the friend zone and was shocked and impressed. We’ve been married 6 years.
yea that last one is pretty BS cause that's how you get locked into the Friend Zone plus i will admit this is gonna sound very old fashioned but i do not believe men and women can be platonic friends without one or both falling for each other
@@kurtpunchesthings2411 I already addressed the friendzone thing. And it’s not like getting to know someone means you have to be friends with them. You’re creating a false dilemma.
@@kurtpunchesthings2411 That's how my boyfriend and I started dating. We were friends since we were 12 because we shared a common interest and were around each other a lot. We never talked with each other like we were trying to date, honestly I couldn't even imagine him talking to me like that... he was just himself around me and I really liked that. We've been together for seven and a half years now, and I'm not going to let anything tear us apart- neither will he. I've also been friends with plenty of guys that were never interested in me and I was never interested in either. I could be an exception, but it's certainly happened.
As a guy who’s been sexually successful but not relationship successful I’ll say that it honestly was not worth it. Most experiences left me feeling unfulfilled or anxious about the future because I am part of the 14% that looks for a long term relationship. Half of the time I got ghosted, the other half of the time the relationship only lasted a week. I am not saying that we should not try, but I will say that sex early on ruins relationships and just having friends who are females seems to have been a working strategy for other friends of mine as it gives them a large pool of people they have a lot in common with to pick from. That’s the strategy I’ve started to pivot to as I’m learning more about dating
I get ghosted all the time because I can’t make any relationship work. I lost my virginity at 16, and had consistent sex since then. I think there is a larger problem with delayed maturity for me but also the women I date are not mature either.
I think there needs to be a inbetween between friendship and romance tbh Part of the problem is that being romantically involved today must equal a immediate sexual relationship. Before people courted. They were exclusively romantically involved so they each knew where they stood, they just didn’t have sex immediately. I think we’ve skipped an important step. Im 40 now and met my husband when we were 18 so I’m going back a while. We didn’t have sex for 6 or 7 months though. Nether of us were religious virgins lol but we just didn’t have the time or the privacy I suppose. Looking back it made it soo much better though. Got rid of the anxiety and helped us get to know each other properly.
Just don't treat women as friends but with background "strategy" intent or hope of Se* or relationship... that's one of the reasons many of us don't trust guys! start thinking of women as humans and friends rather than secual objects.
@@melusine826 women are going to have to meet halfway on that. Many guys will tell you of the dichotomy of treating women poorly and getting g positive attention, vs treating them well and getting ghosted in short order. It's just the case that for w/e reason I see most women respond favorably to being treated as a sexual object, and don't care for being friends (my new englander experience). And I don't care for being friends with women tbh, they don't provide what I want from friends.
“When a society allows total chaos, it engenders total suspicion, and the normal processes by which any society is held on a steady keel - trust, dedication, reliability, penalty for wrongdoing - corrode, and things begin to fall apart, because the props are gone.” James Michener, “Alaska” (1988)
This is the reality I’ve come to accept. I’ve started to think that I’ll be ok living alone the rest of my life, just meditating, reading books and maybe writing my own. Precisely at that moment I accidentally met a girl, who was kind of ex-feminist, turned libertarian, really smart and interested in science, philosophy and religion, reading Aristotle and Camus. And I wish to everyone who read this: I really hope you will find someone you can discuss the deepest questions of existence after passionate sex) This is life. Everything else is just a distractions at worst or means to the end at best.
Once I thought I'd be poor forever but then I tripped on a dying angle whose hand held a lottery ticket which it turns out won me a billion dollars. So, if my experience counts for anything, I'd say don't give up hope.
@@tastyfalcon1788 my old friend from school introduced her. First we became friends, and few weeks later I realized that maybe I don’t want to be just friends. First she rejected me, but I realized that I should not give up and at the same time still be a gentleman and that worked out. In the end it was something like “I wish I had a bf like you” - “l am literally that guy”))) I tried to perceive her as a fellow human being, lost as we are all in this endless spacetime, not just as a cute object - and that was what she was looking for. But for now I just hope that we will survive the war… and someday after russians f*ck off from our country I will make her my wife)
as an educated gen z. holy fuck man, your videos are amazing. It is EXTREMELY impressive to see someone as professional as you, whilst not being adhered to academia, and only being a year or two older than myself. I am 20. I love your videos man. You take the generational issues and explain them in a direct simply effective way.
@@WhatifAltHist I don't know why, but the picture of you at 33:04 of when you said " I would consider myself as an average attractive looking guy", looks like the starting architype origin photo of the Unabomber of Ted Kaczynski or someone that "did a little trolling" as a war criminal and got away with it, lol. Other than that, this was a great video and keep up the good work!
In one of my college classes I wrote about how much of the economic success in various parts of the world have been subsidized or outright funded by the American middle class through a few different avenues and my professor, an older professor at that, was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone could think of American deindustrialization as anything other than a resounding success with no downsides what so ever and deduced points from my paper.
Thats the most bullshit grading I've ever heard. Hope whatever job you intend to get with that degree is good and not part of academia, because thats what you can expect if you stay in the system. If you can forget the useless degree papers and get the experience instead. The post-secondary system is so broken and backward its not funny. They pump out zombies not capable individuals now.
I have been married for 8 years but was curious about this video. I remember dating being broken even when I was around dating. However, when it doesn't feel "broken" is when you know you are on the right track. One advice that I have is don't corner in on a specific person and date around until someone truly attaches to you that works. Also, don't underestimate how friends (or family) and non-romantic relationships can also help kill loneliness. Those relationships are just as important and are not often emphasized.
It was wonky 10 years ago but it's legitimately broken now. It's social media. People believe there are these women having sex all the time when in fact it's inner city thots having all the sex with the same guys. They're not catches. They're usually overweight and guys know they put out for a $50-100 dinner. An NYC restaurant is the new brothel. So young men think they can't get these mythical girls and girls are thinking "why aren't I getting picked." Truth is, both groups are sitting at home and hunting for dopamine hits online. All the data supports that. After talking with young women in my family and friends group over the holidays I'm convinced there are just as many female incels but they'd never admit that anymore. 25 years ago not being sexually active was perfectly acceptable. Many girls in highschool would have probably killed themselves if it was found out they were sexually active, let alone promiscuous. So while men probably are undercounting their lack of sex it's likely women are over counting and just following the trend.
@@RJT80 I will say that @whatifalthist is generalizing USA/Western Culture more and certain areas of the United States probably have it differently or hold onto different values. I live in Tennessee and you can definitely still find traditional values in certain areas and regions. Internet and social media is heavily driven by the culture of major cities (primarily Los Angeles) and not a reflection of national culture. Some of what he cites is different from what I experience. I look back to Highschool and College as a time when it was easy to get people together for social interaction and adulthood is harder (although co-workers are a little easier to do things with while at work such as lunch outings or after work outings). I try to get regular board game events and it is like pulling teeth at times but sometimes the stars align and everyone comes.
I think you're 100% right on friends, sometimes stuff doesn't work out romantically for me, but having friends makes my life better, since I have support and don't feel like a failure since I still have people who care about me
Seemingly unrelated, but actually probably very relatable I think is the collapse of community in society. I grew up in the 1980's. Our family knew all the other families on our street, all the parents at school functions knew each other, and there were more groups and social things to be involved in, in person. That's all gone now. And that effects dating by default because there are no longer the real life social networks that once existed. The dating apps of today are the equivalent of the "bar scene" of 20 years ago. Basically a meat market. But there are no other alternatives now, where as back then there were other alternatives.
One of the biggest things people miss is that formerly marriage was pretty much mandatory including non-availability of divorce to a great extent, and of course marriages were typically arranged or at least most people literally married the girl next door. So if people are not pushed together they won’t get together.
And the woman was forbidden to chose her spouse. Because history said she would always pick the wrong guy. Some problem for millennia and different cultures. Men or other family members choosing the male spouse took the “feels” out of the equation and picked the best long term option.
@@ralphemerson497 In my experience women always go for the pretty boy, then the pretty boy treats them like shit. The way you get to BE the pretty boy is by dating older women.
Well, then it would stand to reason that people naturally drift and don't want to be bonded to one another. But without systems then the big money institutions couldn't derive profit by parasitism, so thus the lie that economic and social contracts are for the benefit of humanity. It isn't. You are merely degenerate beings serving slightly more organized degenerates. Looking forward to y'all eating each other 😜
Reminds me of what a female Ukrainian friend once told me about one of her distant uncles who lived in rural Ukraine. She said the guy had absolutely nothing going for him, he was a hopelessly dull dude who never had anything remotely interesting happen to him. And he still got married and had kids. It really was unthinkable that he wouldn't, people didn't find it strange. You had to have a _major_ physical or psychological dysfunction or be absolutely dirt poor in order not to be considered on the marriage market.
5:38 important to consider is that it was 27% BEFORE the pandemic and lockdowns, I wouldn't be surprised if that literally doubled the number. I was still in high school during the start of the pandemic and I didn't even go to school for an entire year, everything was digital. Kind of difficult to talk to girls in that situation.
I went solo travelling and ended up on a tour with a bunch of 20 something woman (great way to meet women offline). One was complaining about how she hadn't had sex in 17 weeks. And how that was her longest dry spell. Honestly I think her problem was that she was having sex so regularly with different men that it had lost meaning to her. It was no longer something special and more an itch that needed scratching.
Good for you, man. Now the world is completely diffent. Most women in the Western world are deeply influenced by liberal culture. They are like teenagers
As far as I can tell, most of my friends have good stable relationships they found through school work or neighbours. Dating apps were mostly a fad that's been over for a few years. Hookup culture is overstated. But if you lack community then it is genuinely very hard to meet people since society has fractured into small tight closed socisl groups and trust outside that is fairly low.
Hookup culture is not overstated, LMAO! Good luck finding people that you "connect" with and make a "real relationship" when everybody sucks hard! Yeah, sorry for "judging" people. I know it's not nice and it also makes me look like garbage as well but it's so so frustrated to not relate with 90% of the population. So yeah, I would love to do hookups but I don't have the confidence but I think that it's worth it overall.
If everybody that you meet sucks, you should look at the variable that all your interactions have in common to solve the problem. . (You. You're the problem)
@@user-nc4np1sl4l Yeah that's about right. Every good romantic interaction I've had with a woman has started when she showed clear interest in me. I've tried to chase girls but it doesn't work it has to be mutual from the start. I'm also much more successful when my research projects/career are going well. Other people can feel it when you exude real enthusiasm and optimism and they seek it out. I guess my advice is focus on leading a good life and opportunities for relationships will appear to you.
Very true, Bill Kong. And that's a function of the commercial and managerialist society. In order to get an education, a job, and then to get a rise, we are forced to move towns and cities like never before. Our social networks are constantly being fractured, either needing to drive for hours to keep up with old friends, or being resigned to only seeing them online. I met my current partner and fell for each other 6 months before my department moved offices, so we now live apart, and see each other at weekends and for vacations, because neither of us can find employers for our specialist skills located near the other person. Neither of us are really members of our communities - home just happens to be an affordable house near work, among a load of people with little in common.
Ive found someone who loves me, but I often find that she still has a fairy tale idea of what love is. Disney and other modern-mythmakers have told a lie that love is a fleeting feeling, when in reality it's being able to deal with someone's flaws and making an effort to enrich their life regardless. There are some languages in which there isn't really an equivalent of saying 'I love you.', but instead they show their love through many actions over a longer time period.
I think a major contributing factor is that we live in an anglosphere world, and as a result, we're not always going to be aware of certain deficiencies of the English language and how much of a dire effect this can have. Other languages have multiple words and concepts that could be translated as different forms of love, so not having specific words for these concepts in English can exacerbate this fairy tale ideal of love in the English speaking world. Love is really just being consistently willing to do things for other people without an exact exchange in the moment in return. This whole "love languages" is nonsense because those are all actions and in reality people are going to want some combination of all those things. The English language and its supremacy is not the be all end all.
Thank you Rudyard - this was fascinating. I am the unicorn in your fanbase - a 62 year old woman who found you when you were doing more straight alt hist stuff, and have followed you ever since. I am a boomer with 4 zoomers and your recent videos - esp this one - have helped me to better understand where they are. If not understanding - at least great springboards for discussion!!
The children of boomers are millenials generally, unless you had kids really late in life. Zoomers are children of genX. Millenials right now are giving birth to generation alpha.
Ain't no way your 62 years old !! No 62 year old woman would used word like boomer or zoomer !!! This is a troll account for sure !! -If not !! i'm sorry, i don't want to look like a douchebag here-
I've often felt that female social pressure on other women, especially for women before menopause, has almost a psychedelic effect. It's as if women can create completely ubiquitous culture one generation, that is abhorrent or incomprehensible to women of another generation. I wonder if you feel that way. It's as if their brains have been put through a process to allow them to think a way that is incomprehensible to you. Hence, psychedelic.
It used to be that dating was for the purpose of marriage. Starting a family was affordable for most young people - one income family could support 2-3 kids. Today, young people, especially men, don’t have the incentive to raise a family, we don’t even see the benefits of getting into a relationship.
A note on Japan's birth rate, it's actually the second highest in East Asia. Although it fell earlier, all of South Korea, China, and Taiwan have plummeted below Japanese levels recently. But, since Japan has been in this situation longer, it's probably the best understood.
@@mam0lechinookclan607 I SUBSRIBED ON THIS CHANNEL TO WATCH INTERESTING ALTERNATIVE HISTORY VIDEOS AND DISTRUCT FROM EVIL AND PAINFUL REALITY AND THEN HE BETRAYED HIS ALTERNATIVE HISTORY FUNS, STOPPED MAKING ALTERNATIVE HISTORY AND INSTEAD STARTED TO MAKE VIDEOS ABOUT GEOPOLITICS AND CULTURE WHICH HIGHLIGHT THE MOST DISGUSTING AND PAINFUL ASPECTS OF REALITY AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!! I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF HIS VIDEOS BECAUSE OF THAT BUT THE TITLES THEMSELVES ALREADY MAKE ME EXTREMLY RAGED!!!!!
dating is broken simply because people only want the perks of other people without the downside. Values like compassion, sacrifice and selflessness are not in use. and to be in a relationship is rather how you deal with the shortcomings of the other person. dealing with their great qualities is easy and natural and requires no effort. Instead of looking mostly at the good qualities, people should seriously answer to themselves whether they could deal with the other person's shortcomings or not. But nobody seems to be interested on answering such question, nor to understand everyone has shortcomings, absolutely everyone...
I dated the worst guys and was resigned to living alone. Then my brother tricked me into meeting a guy from his work (he had to trick me since I was sure I didn't want to date anymore). I married that guy and am still happy with him six years later. I admire and trust my brother and actually feel a sense of pride to have had a male family member pick the man I married. He said he was hoping to make this guy his brother and he did. FYI. My husband was also sure he'd be alone and hadn't dated anyone in five years. He was super weedy and nerdy when we met but had a wonderful heart and was willing to commit. He has since become a very masculine, powerful guy and I have shed my prior feminist ways. We are so much happier living a traditional life.
Your story proves that WOMEN are not good in finding the right Person and its because of you your dating online was bad and its Better other decide for you
Man, I'm glad I missed whatever era said you couldn't enjoy being a housewife. Not even the gender in pop culture class I had to take said that, it in fact argued that being a housewife needs to be more valued, because in the past it has been taken for granted.
"The chads aren't happy" Like someone in a restaurant who's hungry because he doesn't like what's on the menu vs someone starving to death in a desert.
The Chad Lites weren't Happy already. Once the Chad's all become unhappy we're in Big Trouble. However, when the Giga Chad's become unhappy, then it's OVER!
I met my girlfriend through a dating app, we connected because we felt like we couldn’t connect to others through everyday life. Met in real life and it worked out amazing. I guess I got lucky.
@@RedWolfenstein pretty much tbh. We fail to realize that we actually have very little control in our lives, in our world. The only thing we CAN control is how we react to things, but under the right circumstances (such as a bad upbringing), we cant even control that aspect. Very few truly get lucky in todays world.
Just wanna get this off my chest but this is why I resonate so much with 'literally me' characters. They reflect so much my current state and as well as the current state of society itself. That being increasingly materialistic, shallow and atomized that results in more people being lonelier than ever. Im a young man but thank God I have 2 friends to be exact tgat I can count on and especially a father who I look up to that always kept me grounded and strong no matter how hard it got. As I'd like to say to myself, "I am God's lonely man". And maybe by this point in history "we are all God's lonely men"
Relationship secret: cultivate being a good questioner and a good listener… it’s a natural way to show interest in someone (which is inherently attractive)… be alert, present, and even vulnerable. In other words: Be open to the unknown. Ask questions about what genuinely interests you, the idea is to be genuine and express genuine interest. Not questions calculated to reveal XYZ about the person, but questions that arise as the conversation unfolds. Don’t try to manipulate someone into a relationship with you, don’t think financial success or chadness or acting like an alpha is the key to relationships with women. Actually, a good sense of humor trumps any of that. When you find a good partner, you will know by the quality of your communication… If you think someone is worth a commitment, it’s a good idea to take a trip together. Traveling will introduce some tension and stress, and if you can deal with each others’ stressed sides, then congratulations, you might have a future together. My 4 cents.
@@MsBhappy Excellent takes, both of you. Thank you for avoiding the pitfalls of shallow fad advice and blame to deliver legitimately worthwhile life lessons. I think the people in this comment section will get a lot from them.
Nice comment, Honestly Ya I'm starting to think chadness or alphaism might be the male equivalent of "strong indepentent who don't need women and just need sex/ money". Granted there is nuance but not by much.
@Tt Cc ^ This 100% Just be genuine and interested. You'll get better and better and coming up with questions related to the conversation, and you can keep conversation from never ever dying even with people you have very few common interests with. I was fascinated when I came to that realization. Ever since I remembered, if someone wasn't in deadass the same exact passions as me and at a somewhat similar advancement level, I wasn't really able to carry a meaningful conversation for a long period of time, or even at all sometimes.
Sexual satisfaction is key too. Keep her serviced and not only is she less likely to go sniffing round others but she will look at you differently to others.
One of the most interesting things in my life, is being a part of an Arma 3 group. We've had the same core members of men for about 7 years. With a variety of men from different countries and social class. A significant amount of us veterans of our home nation. And it's been amazing to see some of the members I knew that were in high school take the advice of older members and apply it to make their lives better. Our Arma group turned from once per Sunday commitment to visiting eachothers countries and being intimately included in each other's lives where alot of these men including myself would have otherwise been alone and without advice or direction from other men. We share everything from workout advice, cooking, camping info, anything you could want to know from people that are out in the world living their lives. I think men need this sort of fellowship in a healthy way as without it you absolutely see people falling into these personality cults, without the proper pushback from multiple people that are respectable and have varied views. Even the exceptionally socially disabled will pull us to the side to ask how to make friends with other members. I would say it's a necessity to be in a community with fellowship preferably in real life but atleast in this internet Era way we figured out. Because you don't know what you don't know and if you build your life on a poor foundation without others that have made similar mistakes to point them out to you I the way you need to hear. You are fucked.
I used to date lots after highschool but it became really unfulfilling and after failing to find a single woman i could see myself with long term, many like me gave up and decided to spend our time playing video games, going to work and self improvement. Its unfortunate that these are the situations young men live in, but one man cannot change the world, only his own circumstances.
@@buddermonger2000 The issue is almost all forms of IRL male spaces are usually eroded away due to women infiltrating them and making it about themselves. The loss of traditionally 'male only' social groups has all but destroyed men's sense of masculinity and responsibility, thats why online gurus like Andrew Tate gain so much traction.
My husband and I were each other’s firsts. We both come from foreign countries that are not as polarized as the US, but still have a stronger “central culture” that everyone is expected to adhere to. We met each other, liked each other, and got married knowing full well that there are other people out there, but we’d be unlikely to find someone we liked substantially better than each other. In a way, I think the capitalist logic of “more choice is always better” ruins people’s ability to get married, because people think the longer they keep searching the better the final result will be, and every person they encounter/hook up with along the way is just a temporary time filler until the perfectly suitable person comes along. I personally was not taught this, but was taught that you pick someone of good character that aims to go in the same direction as you. Being perfectly fit for each other happens after years of marriage when you’ve learned each others’ likes and dislikes and have grown to become two halves that are molded to each other. So when you’re looking for someone to marry, you’re looking for a good foundation, lots of potential, and a willingness to grow and change, not the perfect fit.
I'm saving this comment cuz this is the attitude I'll use when I go into the dating market. Settling on someone I can get along and grow with and only after years of getting to know each other can we retroactively say that we were "the perfect one"
My wife and I got married when I was 21 and she was 19. That was nearly 20 years ago now. Back then, we had friends and family try to talk us out of it. We’d be miserable, they said. We should get “more experience” (read: casual sex), they said. We are too young to know what we want, they said. Thankfully, we ignored them. We are not a perfect couple. But we love each other more than the day before, and placed our marriage into the hands of God. It worked for our ancestors, and I am not so quick to dismiss their wisdom.
ONE of the best comments on this video. Thank you! Yeah, people now want to find the perfect person. But no one is perfect. You must try to find someone who shares your basic beliefs (faith, for example). May be that person does not share your hobbies, but that person is able to learn about them in order to make you happy. I have to add that marriage is great, but it is not a world of beautiful roses. And even after years of marriage, that person will never become a perfect person. And it is OK. I met a girl on a website. We talked a lot, we laughed a lot, had the same faith ( Catholics), had many things in common. She said she liked me, that she was interested in me in romantic terms...We prayed a lot...She said she wanted to meet me personally. She made me promises... But after these 2 months, suddenly, she changed her mind. She said she was confused, she had to let me go because she felt I was not the right guy....bla bla bla. So why to say all those things (promises, beautiful words...). I will never understand her. I said goodbye to her.
In term of lonely. I never felt lonely until I dated a psychologist teacher, she dig deep into my heart and showed me how I was masking my loneliness with endless of entertainment and online dating. And I felt so refreshed and at ease after finding out how lonely I am
Don't date therapists or psychologists. If they have malicious intent, they'll be gaslighting circles around you before you can even project or blame shift.
It’s kind of comforting hearing your analysis and have it meet my actual experience as well. It’s an indicator that I’m not the weird one, but also have room to improve as well. Great channel friend.
30:00 - Just to clarify for those who don't know, Yuri Bezmenov was one of the people sounding the alarm about the deconstructionists after defecting from the Soviet Union.
Dude, you just hit a home run with every video. These topics are what people need to be thinking about going forward and close to nobody is discussing it.
The other thing that's broken about internet dating is that it's increasingly all about physical appearances, which is why it is inherently shallow. I'm not saying that they aren't important, but in the real world you get a good idea of intelligence, personality, how articulate and thoughtful they are, before you ever ask a potential partner out.
And this is why sociologists say that online dating has completely changed the dynamics of dating. Since such a huge portion of relationships start online, the dynamics of online dating (i.e., of how physical appearance matters more than ever) are starting to matter even more than the dynamics of meeting people in-person.
I'd say it's a lot more than just feeling empty. When you keep rotations and sleep with tons of women, you can bring a lot of negative drama and issues to your life. Unexpected pregnancy, stalker behavior, time and energy wasted on pursuit and maintenance, other guys/bfs/husbands targeting you, STDs, emotional messiness and jealousy, etc etc etc.
After a rough break-up I went on a study bender with gender dynamics to find out why my ex did what she did (Tribalism answers a lot of questions about human behaviour in general). I also feel it prudent to point out that I certainly played a part in that break-up; taking accountability is empowerment because then you gain a level of control over the outcome and/or recovery. One conclusion I've found is that how men and women are interacting is one of the best indicators for the health of a society and therefore how the organizations in said society should conduct themselves. The greatest challenge facing Western civilisations that you'll never hear about because it goes against the narrative is male disengagement and the resultant sub-replacement TFR, and the majority of men in Western civilisation will tell you (behind closed doors) that it's because they see women as a liability due to having no protections from the worst of female behaviours. For a government to get men and women married and the TFR back on track would require holding women to a higher standard (won't happen in consumerist societies). Mind you, a great way to ensure a smaller government is to have married families with the father in the house, so it's against the government's interests there to have strong marriages. Interesting how they're in a catch-22 there! The only reason women are pandered to nowadays and held to, historically speaking, lower standards as a society is because they're a bit over 50% of the population but account for 85% of purchases (hence why men are shamed for being single and also squeezed for all their money in family courts. What this also means for women is that institutions don't care about them, only their purchasing power). It's why you see the tropes of strong wahmen and bumbling men in media nowadays; it's easy to spend money when you feel strong and confident.
I blame a a lot of dating issues younger people have on the internet and smart phones. I and my wife had dinner with a nephew of mine and his girl friend and within moments of placing our orders the two of them whipped out the phones and just start browsing in silence. My wife and I stared at them in stunned fascination for several minutes before I had to cough to get their attention before politely asking them to put the phones away for the duration of the meal so that we could talk. The weird thing was that my nephew and his girl friend were not unique; in that same restaurant there were actually other young couples seated there glued to their phones instead of conversing with each other which is NOT what I observed growing up and coming of age in the late 80's to the 2000's.
The internet is totally the biggest reason behind feminism but it’s not because young people won’t put the phone away at the dinner table or don’t want to put down the video games leave the house.Technology has changed every single aspect of our lives. Society is more and more built around not putting down the tech and not leaving the house and lessening human contact
Facecrook, Instacrap and Twatter. Likes, likes, comments, dopamine hits. I'm 40, so not tied to the phone at the same level, but here I am commenting on a YT video instead of going to sleep, lol
Also drivers stopped at red lights instantly start playing with their phones and typically miss the change back to green so you’ve got to honk at them sometimes, then naturally, they get pissed off at you.
When I was dating, it was hard - especially since I was very introverted. The few girls I did date, were of high morality and character from good families. Also, their parents owned guns, so not taking any chances. There was one girl I dated in high school that was a farmer's daughter. She obviously helped out and was very athletic - she could throw me into the neighbor's pasture if I tried something with her. She scared me off when she said she wanted to marry right after high school. I wasn't keen on that since my parents did the same and it didn't end well for them. She took that as a "no" when I actually meant "not yet." Oh well. She's now in the military for over 18 years and married with 2 kids. I could not be more happy for her. When I was single, living in an apartment. There was a very nice, somewhat shallow young lady that seemed to like the "bad boys" and couldn't understand why would tread her poorly and she would end up in tears just a few months into their relationship. The only dated athletic and pretty good looking guys - and mentioned this to me (I was neither - at least to her). After a particularly bad breakup, I suggested she give nice guys a chance - you know - someone like me. LOL, she just preferred me as a friend. As of now, she never married. For myself, I got a bit disillusioned with the whole dating scene even 20-25 years ago. There were girls ok with having sex after 3 dates to a young lady that wouldn't let me kiss her until our wedding day - I wasn't keen on either. I never really managed to grab the attention of any loose girls when I really wanted it - I think I'm more of an acquired taste. A mutual friend actually introduced me to my wife via the phone - since she was in the Philippines. We corresponded for several months until I decided I wanted to visit her. I had to do something since my phone bills were getting crazy. This really worked well for me since I was horribly shy in person - especially starting out - I was always a good talker on the phone. This gave me time to develop a relationship without my nerves sabotaging things before I could get comfortable in the relationship. At this point, things felt like they could be serious, so she agreed to get all the paperwork in order just in case we hit it off once I visited in the Philippines. If things didn't work out, she agreed to just serve as my tour guide and we could part ways as distant friends. Yeah, it didn't take long - we married 4 days after we met in person when I landed in Manila. No nerves at all - it only took one kiss and I knew she was the one I wanted. Apparently, she felt the same way. Yes, it was a crazy short courtship and we did jump into something rather quickly that could have ended very poorly - and no, I would not necessarily recommend a similar path to my kids. However, we have been married for over 20 years. While we have had many ups and downs (several cultural misunderstandings), it did work for us - even outlasting some friends' marriages that we assumed were rock solid. Today's dating scene seems completely bonkers compared to when I was dating. While there are tools available I would have loved to have had access - like well accepted online dating sites and apps (they were just beginning and certainly not well regarded). I can see the downsides of the "fuckboys" of the hookup apps. It's basically high school all over again where a handful a jocks getting all the action. However, even today, there are still the tried and true traditional places to meet your potential partner - work, school, and church - or through mutual friends. I was never keen on the bar as a place to meet your mate, but I know of a few good marriages that started out like that - so I'm no going to completely knock it - but I would say the odds are not in your favor. Right now, it seems "work" is the one place that is most under attack as a place to meet your spouse - which is unfortunate. I've always thought dating was for finding a mate to build a family, hopefully with someone you can share your life with, and enjoy the various phases of life with - or, perhaps we just need to find a new word to describe that concept so the purpose is clear and leave "dating" for whatever it has devolved into today.
We are living through the real time disintegration of our society. Reclaim your honor, improve yourself physically and mentally, find a girl with good morals raised by a firm, but fair man(even if you have to travel outside the US), and love a simple life while teaching your children to live morally and honorably.
@@AM-cm2kj Yeah this. You probably don’t realize that women from developing countries only like you and want to date you because you are from a first world country. They would marry you, but as soon they get the citizenship they will be divorcing you.
I'm a member of Generation X myself. My prime "dating years" were roughly 1985-1995. I actually met my wife in 1991, when we were in college. Back then, of course, the Internet as we know it today essentially didn't exist. I am very thankful that dating then was not how it is today. I personally struggled very much with dating and my own self-image and self-esteem in general back then; dating was very difficult for me as it was. I shudder to think how hard it would be for me today. It's true that the Internet, as a whole, has had many positive effects for society but it surely has also come with a lot of negatives, many of which we are only now truly coming to understand. Hopefully we will eventually learn to adapt. We'd better. Love this channel, keep up the great work!
Bullsht! Have confidence. Yes I grew up when internet came out. Had about 30 hook ups and gfs based in USA. Found my high school teachers daughter, and another flew across the country to get it on on her dime. Back then online was a mystery, cool. Yes I could and did meet many online and offline. In 2008 I moved to Asia. Now again all the ladies flocked to me. But I grew up with values of family and friends. Married a 22 virgin in 2020.
One of the things that has allowed me to ask out women as a guy with social anxiety is knowing that so many young people feel lonely and are single. I asked my sister once, trying to figure out how to get a date with someone I just see around, "If you were working or shopping at a bookstore or something and a guy started talking to you and asked if you'd want to get coffee sometime, would you say yes?" Her response was, "I don't know, nobody has ever done that." My sister is a 23 year-old average-build blonde who dresses quite normal. If she has never had that experience, I assume very few women have. I figure it's a MeToo consequence.
I would attribute it to anti social behavior way above metoo. A well behaved man that is desperate for a partner isn’t thinking about future accusations. Ask that next girl out brothers, get comfortable with failure.
☝🏾Facts. Don't let failure/rejection hurt your confidence too much. The vast, vast majority of men face it regularly. We're the ones that initiate everything, more often than not.
I’ve tried doing this but a lot of women just aren’t that approachable. I usually wait for a woman to look at me, maybe smile before approaching but they don’t and I don’t think I’m a bad looking dude. I’ve been with very attractive girls before. It feels a bit intrusive to just speak to a girl who’s minding her own business. But may be that’s just me and I should try just approaching them regardless.
just shoot your shot dude lmao. the more time you spend thinking about it the harder it gets. putting yourself in the fire with girls that aren’t “approachable” will make the easy ones a layup
Like how the Industrial Revolution made physical fitness a choice rather than a given for survival, the Internet has made social bonds a matter of intention rather than something society provides for you. It's a kind of extreme individualism - if you can micromanage your life you'll find health, love, and wealth, but why did we pick this way when our social frameworks worked just fine before?
The funny thing about online dating is that is that it can be depressing and anxiety-inducing when it doesn’t work, but as soon as it does work you cease to do it. The people who are most satisfied with modern dating are now in relationships and no longer consider themselves “dating”
Some people are addicted to online dating and dont want to settle down because that would interfere with their online dating addiction. I knew a woman, a nurse, who was like this. Online dating was her whole world, almost everyday she would go on a date.
@@cara-seyun Which is why there should be a non proffit dating sight that actually does its best to tried to match people who would be happy together, and make money from the donations of people now in happy relationship who wish for others to be as happy as they are.
The biggest issue with modern dating is that people intentionally devalue themselves by fucking around while believing that they're becoming empowered or showing off. It makes finding someone worthy of spending life with that respected you enough to wait effectively impossible after an age that is far too young to find a life long partner in (aka high school).
We are in the late stages of the Calhoun Utopia experiment. The experiment has been run numerous times by various researchers. It always progresses in the same fashion, and most importantly it always ends the same why. There is little reason to believe that it will end differently for the industrialized world.
I'm gonna just say this before I watch the video: Dating has put me through so much bs. From nearly getting an STD and getting tricked into a polygamous relationship, to finding out one of my girlfriends was actually a lesbian, and a later "girlfriend" had actually been a man who thought they were a woman. (And many more unwanted experiences) All of these experiences have made me come to the conclusion that I should no longer date people, and that if I should ever desire to date someone in the future it should be someone from a country where the people aren't, for lack of a better phrase, completely fucked in the head.
Oh my goodness that's just bizarre I just give up cuz I'm skinny and fat girls make fun of me and I end up crying and feeling stupid I feel ya plus people are just umm like nervous dogs right now it's their own fault.
People have unrealistic expectations. Our ideas and manifestations of love are skewed so badly by social media and pop culture that our society is suffering miserably. At least, for the people you're identifying. I am married and happy at 31 years old. Firmly millennial and absolutely conservative in temperament.
Great Important Point you made! Both Men & Women today have ridiculous Unrealistic expectations. I've actually met some really Young Dudes around 20 to who are upset because no Girls ask them out. Bro - Girls have never generally asked out Guys in the Thousands of Years since Dating began. That's not how it works. Also, Rejection wasn't invented with Dating Apps. Our Grand Father's all got rejected many times before they actually met Grandma. But, they didn't have Social Media to cry about it. They simply dusted themselves off & moved on to the next Girl, until someone said "Yes". And if they took it personally, then our genes would have gone extinct & we wouldn't be here !!
I've literally been thinking about this topic lately (within the last few days). How do you always manage to upload the right video at the right time for me!?!?! What is this superpower mr. Whatifalthist!?!?
I’m a 22 yr old American, and i’d like to congratulate you for being so spot on. Your overview is a great summary of our current dating predicament. I was laughing when you were hyping up your target audience as the potential leaders of tomorrow. I’m planning to become a digital nomad too which was a nice coincidence to hear. Double upload incoming?
Something you are missing here is how we live in a world of overabundance now. Individual things - and people - simply lose their value and meaning when the next 100 are just a click away. The other side is choice paralysis and the feeling that something that is better might just be one click away. Too many easily available choices have a strong chance to make people very unhappy. A simple analogy is how you used to rent videos from rentals. You went there together, browsed carefully, picked two movies, and really enjoyed and valued them. Today, you just start Netflix, aimlessly zap through, maybe watch something for 5 minutes, then... just repeat, or stop. It's something that runs through our entirely lives.
"The rural and religious will inherit the world." As a young rural religious man (with five siblings), this made me very happy, haha. And excellent "big brother" advice to the "15 year olds who will rule the Fascist dictatorship in 2040". I also think you bringing your life experiences into your videos is a really cool development. Keep up the phenomenal, genuinely insightful and brilliant work!
I think the urban and atheist still have a chance if a working artificial womb gets invented. Would a society reproducing this way be any good to live in is another question, but it could theoretically survive.
@@htth3152 its an interesting point but they still wouldnt alot of hardcore atheists in soviet union and the east were die hard marxists and anti-theists but they still were able to produce large amounts of children as part of their post war boom, its more a problem of the "western atheist"/new atheists who are often ideologically opposed to alot of tradtional things including child rearing you could give them wombs and theyd probably still trash them/ban them etc
@@The_Real_Frisbee Society is not doomed if it becomes more rural it will actorly be more admired like how suburban homes became loved from being less compressed.
@@htth3152 Huxley already envisioned that exact situation in "Brave New World", which is basically hell disguised as heaven Also, cloning is banned in half the world
At this point, one day such dating tendencies may get so bad that we will need to reconstruct our ideas of relationships and it’s dynamics. Thus meaning the situations will get even worse and worse in coming years for a damn lot of people. I would say the main problem is incredibly high expectations of how your beloved partner should be like and also a lack of empathy for people who don’t fit in these dream-like categories but still would make a great partner for you.
@@JAKE-ng8yr I don't think so. It's not within man's nature to share a female with other males. I think something for much worse will occur at some point. The point is family (a specially the one with kids) is functioning as a pole with shackles to man (to woman as well but in a different way). Those shackles are wilfully put on by man and have two functions. Firstly they serve as a very strong protection against going "rouge" as you have a family you need to take care off. As long as you have some kind of a backbone you will aim to stand up again preventing from complete collapse. Secondly they prevent man from going rouge in literal manner of the word. Since you have a close ones that you love, and you are not able to protect them 100% of the time you want word around them to be as safe as possible therefore you keep aggression level of other society members in check. Normally the amount of man without those chains was very small therefore even if they had some some stupid ideas the majority could easily subjugate them. Well I am afraid that this subjugation option is slowly becoming impossibility. What's more it's highly unlikely for them to create families later in lives because there are simply no free women who can become their partners (the good ones will stay married, the bad ones just can't function in a relationship and are going to make their life even more miserable than it already is). Which will lead in turn to degradation of mental health with every passing year - which in turn will make them less likely to comply with society rules with every passing year. The question if there will be a point at which number of man with "Joker" mindset ("some people just wanna see the world burn") will become high enough to unleash absolute mayhem. And it won't be slow process - sure it will start slow but after crossing critical point it will explore with the force of nuclear bomb.
@@iamjashin well internet isnt in nature too and we all use it most of the time. We are beyond nature. And yeah its gonna get worse, more mass shootings, killing maybe even some extremist parties will get into goverment with the votes from lonely males.
@@iamjashin My theory is that these "men" will work their way to legislate the legalization of prostitution just so that can just some type of sexual fulfillment. Also I do believe that the next culture war conflict after transgenderism will be polygamous marriage of which the Mormon Church will support and back 100% of it.
I'm 22 and got married at 20 to my wife. The main reason we got married was we thought sex before marriage was wrong and we really liked eachother. I feel like a lot of people are fine with having friends benefits and trust me I understand the temptation I really do. But I think it really plays a part in our butched dating scene
My rebuttal to that is what if the man and woman get married but find out after marriage that there's something preventing sex? There was a story of a guy who married his wife before finding out his wife couldn't have sex for whatever reason (also didn't really seem to want to have sex or any non-penetrative intimacy), so as a result, the guy's just sexually frustrated and likely wouldn't have married her in the first place had he known all this beforehand. For this reason, I'm not all on board with the sex before marriage crowd because sex defines a romantic relationship, and it's okay for people to want sex, so it's best that all this is clear beforehand. But I do see what you mean about things seeming backwards or strange in today's dating climate.
@@murkywaters5502 I know very few couples that are that extreme in terms of their sexual relationship. I think that's an outlier but it's an important thing to consider.
@@murkywaters5502 if sex is difficult, there’s usually a medical reason that can be corrected. I had a friend call me in tears on her wedding night for this exact reason. She needed her hymen surgically opened and some pelvic floor physical therapy. She’s had no issues since then. There is still such a thing as an annulment, as well. Traditionally speaking, if you’re unable to complete the act or there’s a major issue that was left unmentioned before the wedding, you can have the marriage canceled like it never happened. This is true in both secular courts and religious communities, and I’ve known people who’ve gone through it for a variety of reasons-such as not sharing mental health diagnoses. Sex, physically speaking, is not complicated. Compatibility is an issue of communication and commitment, not anatomy. You can tell from a simple kiss if you’re sexually attracted to some one or not. If gays can make it work, then any man and women can make it work if both parties are committed. I say this as someone who has more experience in this area than I care to admit. Also, “incompatible sex drive” is not something to bank on. Over the course of a lifetime, things change. I used to be the highly sexed one in my marriage, now on my fifth pregnancy, I barely think about it. We would have never imagined ten years ago that our sexual dynamic would change so much. What hasn’t changed is that we always have to make compromises-and that’s a good thing for a relationship! I also take issue with the idea that sex “defines” marriage. Sex should be reserved for marriage, IMO, but marriage is about building a family. Happy sexless marriages have existed throughout history and continue to exist. I think of a friend of mine whose husband was paralyzed from the neck down shortly after marriage-they’ve been together at least 35 years at this point and have children. I know another couple where the man was obese and his equipment just wasn’t accessible. Another major thing is the impact of hormonal contraception. It changes a woman’s preferences, so if she’s sexually active before marriage and on the pill and then gets off of it to start a family, sometimes she’s in for a very rude awakening. I wasn’t religious as a young person, but I am now that I’m in my 30s. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited for my husband and never taken birth control. It would have saved me a lot of scars on my heart and trauma.
@@unsrescyldas9745 don't get me wrong my wife and I had sex before marriage but we really hated that part about our relationship and said "We will either break or get engaged and try to avoid sex as much as possible until our wedding day"
I struggle with finding relationships. Every time i've asked a girl out it's like Murphy's law, something always goes wrong, and i don't know what i'm doing wrong. I'm not ugly, not fat, i'm introverted, and i work hard
From my experience there are certain things you need to do. 1. Never ask Girls out if she isnt showing you 100% interest. 100% interest means that you a heavily flirting, she always looks at you smiling etc. 2. Dont be needy at all cost. Take that idea of "i want to pursue a relationship" and throw it in the bin. It makes everything worse. You need to find REAL peace with yourself, accept that there are things in life you cannot control and live your life to the fullest. When you arrived that point you will not think like you think now anymore.
Have people at any point in history ever been satisfied with their dating lives, though? A vast majority of all media like songs, shows, movies, even poems and epics from a long time ago have heartbreak and the search for love as either a central or secondary theme. Not discounting the difficulty of dating in the 2020s; there are definitely unique challenges at this point in time to consider, but the search for a real, lasting connection in a sea of fakes and one night stands is not necessarily a new problem.
No, but now it doesn't even lead to population growth or enough population growth which will mean huge percentages of old people in the population a couple of decades in the future. Which is a first.
The difference was that at the time, love was considered a high ideal that people would give up everything for, or die if unable to achieve. Now it is something to throw away if inconvenient, unsatisfying, or if there is something more beautiful to lust after.
My Grandpa was the first in his extended family to date. Before then, it was either arranged, or people were calling (a sort of cross between arranged and dating). He was married by 21 despite going to an all-boys school and Grandma going to an all-girls school. The problem I believe is both cultural, systemic, economic, and legal, but mostly cultural. I’m a man who lives in a large city where the Church is insanely strong, so take that skew into account, since the city is very different from any other city I’ve been to or lived in here in New York. There are some boroughs where the boomers reign, but also some very jovial districts. So networking and dating has been something I’m able to do, but then you run into the other issues: Men find themselves hopeless and addicted, while women find themselves disconnected and led astray, many forced into universities. Neither have a good perspective, and when they do gain perspective, we all have to do a decade’s worth of maturing in a matter of months or a couple years, and work hard without any parental figure telling us we should. Most marrying-age people will not do that. We have no expectations. We were raised by Hollywood and TikTok entertainment, not men of God (or anyone even remotely conservative or authoritative). Marriage itself has also been redefined. Long before Ogerfel, marriage was still seen as something pleasureful and perfect, and that reflected in partners. Hence why even men have too high standards at times. Getting married is not a game show, and it’s not so much a meritocracy. Marriage is a vocation and a mission. Missions have common struggle for greater rewards.
I treat dating like fishing It's not even about catching anything It's about enjoying the outdoors and alcohol in-between, the catching is a happenstance plus.
That's interesting. I never thought about it this way, but you made me realize that I'm doing it somewhat in the same way. I try to build an experience that is gonna be enjoyable and something I can learn from in many aspects of my life regardless of what the outcome will be.
I noticed a lot of people talking about money. Here’s another perspective, I’m a RUclipsr with 100k and on tinder when I put that, girls do not care nor ask about it. They only care about looks. In other words, I get like one match a week.
Money is at best an enhancer if you are a dork and get rich your now a rich dork. As you allude to physical attractiveness and emotional attractiveness aka game. Are in reality the primary determining factor for success with women. This is why rich dudes are often cuckolded by their wives. With a broke but suave and good looking bartender or similar low status jobs.
A suggestion for those wanting to easily meet attractive people of opposite gender. Learn to dance. Salsa, Tango, swing, etc. Dance filters in people who are physically fit. You will get to make physical contact, get a chance to form rapport, and be in each other’s space without having to go through pleasantries and familiarity. The most traditional of courtship rituals still works.
It works for tall attractive men. The one exception is men who are instructors or class leaders, which is inherently attractive and can "hook" a woman.
10:05 Dating apps were hated because any man could send any woman a message and women absolutely hated it, then Tinder came along and women could filter out all the non-handsome men.
@@tgheretford we need to give women more power. They'll be the ones to put an end to premarital sex because they'll be waiting for the single biggest Chad and we'll sneak in to reinforce the patriarchy
This is a great video! The part where you talked about college stuff was interesting. I'd love to see a what if video predicting the future of universities. I work in a university context and it seems to me with the rise of online education that universities have become a largely unnecessary middle man and that in the next 50 years or so universities will have a greatly diminised importance in society and people will do engineering apprenticeships. Economically speaking it doesn't make sense to waste 3 or 4 years of someone's most productive years and burden them with debt by making them do assignments that do not contribute economically. Surely paying students for work as they are learning and making them learn practically is better economically and for students than our current system
I sure hope so! I’m in college rn and I’m frustrated with it. I’m determined to make a side hustle thru educating myself outside of the corrupt ass “educational” system.
The book I wrote for my son has a chapter called "On Attraction" which talks about a lot of what you're talking about. It felt weird writing it, but I feel like if I don't help my son, he'll grow up the way I did not knowing how to meet women and without any tools it's really easy to fall into despair. The recommendation I gave him as to how to meet women is to stay away from online dating altogether and find out places women will be and try to be there. I am lucky to be married to a great woman, but not just lucky. I had to make my own luck to find women to date being a hikikomori nerd living in a brand new city where I didn't know anyone. You mentioned that society is uncomfortable with stereotypes, but I think it's also deeply uncomfortable with men acting to become more attractive to women. It's seen as a creepy and manipulative, but in reality it helps men stop being creepy and helps them not have to be manipulative because women actually want to be with them.
I know what you mean about men working on themselves being see as creepy or "trying too hard". Someone asked me why I go to the gym. I said it's because I want to improve my dating life, and research shows woman want strong men who are fit. The amount of disgust I got with that from women was shocking to me. They said it was try too hard and living you life for women and I was shocked. And don't get me started on women trying to improve themselves & making changes regarding what men like and in a woman. That was called "controlling and sexist". Guiding your child is much better than a stranger on the Internet or dating gurus who will empty their bank accounts. I have given up on dating in the western world. I'm going to date in a traditional religious country that is tied to my roots.
@@murkywaters5502 It's called The Graysonian Ethic: Lessons for my unborn son. It's published on amazon, and I've also got a (deepfaked) audio book edition on youtube.
"The recommendation I gave him as to how to meet women is to stay away from online dating altogether and find out places women will be and try to be there." Wont work in my society. You cant knock on peoples doors and say your looking for a wife anymore.
I think it's more the cultural breakdown of community and the ability to socialize with and meet strangers than anything else. That's what drove everyone to the dating apps/sites, but it has been going on before they became popular. There are smaller communities far flung from the urban centers where strangers can still talk to each other, connect, and no longer be strangers. I honeymooned in one of them, it was amazing to see. Wife and I are currently in the process of trying to make a move up there. I suspect population density is a big driver of this social breakdown. In a smaller community, people can know each other, and meeting another human during your day is usually a pleasant event. In an enormous city, meeting other humans is overwhelming and even dangerous.
I've been reading for years in the comments that "this video somehow showed up at the right time." I finally get to comment that I have experienced this. Literally just had 2 horrible responses from matches online today, I'm excited for this video. thank you for your hard work and dedication to your craft whatifalthhist
I haven't watched the whole video yet but honestly, the dating market is rough. Women gravitate towards the top tier men. Men and women both have let standards crumble in regards to grooming and other personal ethics. The divorce rates are sky high and favor women which I know scares many men away. But what's worse is I don't think this is by accident. I think social engineering along with mass media is a big culprit. With feminism we began to see a divide between men and women. Marxist philosophies and practices made big government the provider by rewarding women for divorcing at the expense of men. Porn and other meaningless distractions have made men weaker and less competent than their predecessors. Media has taught women that they are all perfect 10s and should never date down and given them unrealistic standards. I know people from other cultures that still have children and healthy marriages, they also don't subscribe to progressive beliefs. I truly believe we in the western world have been specifically undone and that none of it is an accident; but instead malicious social programming.
Just to support your "other cultures" point when it comes to marriage and kids : As a french dude mainly using OkCupid, I only talk to people who set up their profile as "no kid and wants kid(s)" (not even "might want kid(s)", since I'll know I'll want some, might as well prevent a future break up over a disagreement on that very important point in my life) and no geographical filter. The moment you filter people based on that one single criteria, you instantely see how much countries shift away very quickly from european countries to south east asian and african christian or islamic countries (side note, I barely see any american women in my OkCupid feed. So either they don't use this app at all, or they fill their profile in ways so different than mine that the app doesn't even present them to me, or maybe even both, idk). It's incredible. I know from all my friends and family members that most people around me aren't interested in raising families, and it shows in statistics : In france, 1 out of 3 women don't want children. But still, the extent of that shift really surprised me. I personally do subscribe to many progressive beliefs, and am not religious at all. But I can't help to notice that if I want to live my future family in the way that I want to, if I happen to meet that person through dating apps, statistically speaking, I'll find that with someone with very different beliefs than mine.
Divorce does not scare me and why ? well that's simple the best things in Life Shawn require risk do you think when Caesar crossed the Rubicon do you think that was an easy thing to do ? no no it wasn't it was the hardest thing he did in his life he knew the moment he crossed the Rubicon there was no going back he would either emerge Victorious and become Emperor of Rome or would be defeated and killed but why did he do it knowing how high the price of failure was ? he did it because he wanted Rome more then anything in the world and he was willing to risk death to achieve this goal my point is if you want to get Married do not fear Divorce just try and find a great woman to marry don't fuck up and take it from there
Some key issues id put out there are: Lack of familial spirituality - a lot of young people just can't find or create a familial vibe with a partner. There is a level of relaxed honesty that many relationships are not reaching Ritual dating habits - people don't really learn courtship from anywhere in the US. Things like dances, cheerleaders and jocks, ect just aren't supported or practiced Drugs and medicine - so much of the young are on some drug that affects hormones. Like seriously find a girl with normal oxytocin receptors or a guy without some medicine or drug for attention/social skills
Good take. The ritual piece is an important one, I think, because it's the reason why nobody even knows where to start. If you have a common mechanism, then everyone's at least coming to the same place with a relatively similar starting point.
familial vibe with a partner is absolutely big. If you can't relax ,take off your mask and generally just be as real as can be after a certain point in a relationship where naturally you start trusting them a bit more. Then you might as well not even bother. I have Exs who I'm actually still on relatively good terms and deep connections/ friendships with. Along with forging more friends from their circles and so and so forth. Its a shame because the strife and bitterness I had to suffer from certain ex's and types of women I could of just skipped if I had learned your first point. Gaining personal power in masculinity is wonderful but at some point as a man you gotta be strong enough to bring it down from around your heart and emotions and test her if she is also in love with you as a person and not as merely a rock and strength.
@@YoLoBrOtHeR genuinely not being able to just have a family. Like, you know, a kid who grew up with a single parent and never ever have been a part of a functional family. Just not knowing what to do and how to do it, it's really hard to learn it without any example as well. Simply an uncharted territory for the kiddo and so it either scares him off, so he isolates his feelings and doesn't involve in things with his partner or puts him through a lot of stress and frustration, which provoke fights with his partner. Something like that probably. The key either way is that a person is not able to connect with their partner fully to create a trusting and genuine athmosphere in their relationship.
even just things like sugar and caffine can mess with the head. we weren't meant for all these huge amounts of processed sugars and super high caffine energy drinks yet we suck them up thinking they don't effect us at all. let ALONE some of the chemicals they put in everything. god knows how many studies will show these effects in a few decades as we have generations with increasing sugar consumption to compare and contrast
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
At this point, the biggest flex isn't having money, it's having 2 parents who are still happily married to each other and they raised you with love
A year ago I could have flexed that, sadly no more
I haven't had that since I was a kid. Even after they divorced, mine still fight with each other. One of my mother's closest friends said that they are most likely going to be fighting with each other for the rest of their life. And thanks to the cost of living leading us to a new economic recession that makes the Great Depression look like a joke, I can't escape it. Can someone do me a favor and pray for me?
@@iangreer4585 Of course. I'm sorry that you seem like you haven't had much peace lately, and although I don't know if I can help you in other ways I can certainly pray for you as you asked.
@@mrgreenboy644 Thank you
@@iangreer4585 It's the least I could do. God bless you, sir.
Throwback to when I found a very kind and mentally stable 20y.o. girl I started a relationship with.
Did activities together, had great times but she felt like we couldn't stay together long-term because, and I quote word for word, "It feels like I'm going home to my husband, right now I just want to have fun". I'll let you guess what "having fun" means.
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution, are thought-provoking
how is that mentally stable?
@@sebastianwolfmayr Mentally stable people enjoy having fun too you know. I wouldn't have wanted to settle down with a girl when I was 20, no matter how much I liked her - it wouldn't have lasted and I'd have missed out on valuable experiences. What you need to be careful of is that you don't get stuck in this kind of mindset and end up middle-aged and unhappy because you only ever date when you want a wife or husband.
@@trollerifficIf “having fun” is a euphemism for sleeping around. I’ll pass. If I want other types of fun, like concerts or travel, I can do that with her
@@trollerifficI don't think men want wives who slept with 50 other men and did some kinkiest and degenerate sex possible. But I might be wrong lol
At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Rudyard said:
“Many of my friends are Mongol cavalry members, very successful people that fought with Ögedei Khan. I can’t tell you their names but we fought together against the Khwarazmian Empire. I’ve had lots of conversations with very successful Mongols including the rich and powerful and I can tell you that they’re miserable, even with all their concubines.”
He's clearly a freemason. Maybe he'll meet St Germaine and break into time travel arcana.
Source: trust me bro
HAHAHA
You ain't never lie.😂
"Our society tells us what's good in life is to see your enemies flee before you and to hear the lamentation of the women, however modern antidepression usage show that clearly hasn't scaled to the general population."
On Japan, it’s extremely difficult to meet a girl in Japan. Even if you speak the language. Cold approaches are instant fails. Apps will get you talking but getting a real life meeting at the cafe is futile.
I am gaijin , foreigner. If Japanese men are not approaching Japanese women, you would think the women would turn to gaijin, maybe? But since gaijin are also rejected, it suggests to me the problem is that women are rejecting men generally.
Feminism will be the death of the West.
I was in Tokyo recently, it's hard but not impossible. I had some great conversations with girls just walking around Shibuya (even if quite a lot were through translate haha)
>Is a foreigner and goes to what is known as a nationalistic country who cares about the preservation of their people
>Is surprised when any woman of value won't date him
Cmon man you had to have thought this through more
@@GigaNietzsche have you got the right thread ?
Nobody said anything about a surprise. You don't know what you're talking about.
@Spaghetti Meatball you're just wrong. Japanese people, unlike the west or whatever, don't care about racial purity or national pride. They care about whether the person is decent or not. Yes it's true that many say I'd prefer a Japanese man/woman but this is a cultural ideal the same way an American would want an American
In the mid-90s, two reporters from my college newspaper (one male, one female) decided to test out the pre-Internet's form of online dating, the personal ads section in the local community paper, and report on the results. I bet you can predict the results. The woman got messages from a number of men, including at least one person she knew from the university community. The man got zero replies.
This core reality has existed for a long time.
its-over-for-most-men,cope-or-rope!
In the mid 90s dating was by approaches not based on ads
The bee goes from flower to flower...The flower does not go from bee to bee.
@@alien77777 I somewhat disagree. One could still date from ads at that time. Not saying ads was dominant because in a small towns ads was nearly unnecessary: You likely knew of the person, or knew someone who knew the person. So ads were more of a big city thing
@@paulschmitz9175 Fyi: bee queen goes there far away from own honeycomb to be fucked by many bees.
Dad: "Are you winning, son?"
Son: "No."
Basically this
"Soon i will".
Me yes
There's allot in society that we've picked up as young men. But being good because you yourself want to and not being beholden to a confusion caused the populace will pay in dividends. Make yourself the master of your own ship again. Listen and consider advice, sure, but you decide your life. Be your own man, not someone else's.
Dad: Son Why are your computer on the desktop everytime I come in your room?
Personally, I gave up years ago at dating. Third fiancee cheats and you're just done trying to get married. Bought dogs, a ranch, moved my friends and immediate family onto that ranch in Texas. Debt free with a ranch and I'm only 36.
Awesome. That sounds like something that I've conceived. However, not something that I would think would work for my situation.
Buy 1 square quarter mile of land, build small tiny houses on the land, and then build a fence and let dogs run loose and every friend pays their fair share. Sounds awesome.
@@postalmann7866 No, if MIRV's rain down from ICBM's I'm gonna whip out the pure nitrogen and seal the house while I listen to white noise, or ethereal chords from synthesizers, make peace with any god there is, and then pass out and die.
being debt free at 36 is a very desirable trait that women look for but i completely understand why you said that first part. you just dont want to waste your time on someone who you know is going to use you.
That’s awesome! Really living the dream and I bet you are happier now than trying to be co dependent on a romantic partner
I got married young and way before I was ready and every year that goes by makes me more grateful I did. Been married 11 years and the longer I’m married, the more I appreciate my wife.
Women really should learn this.
I'm tryna get like you big bro
@@kungszigfrids1482 It would fix 70% of the problems today.
Plenty of women would get married young if men wanted to get married young.
@@karenmassey8354 Men want to get married young.
I have a buddy who is a fuckboy, and it has completely destroyed his life. Watching him pursue women is like watching an alcoholic look for a bottle they hid and can't find again.
Exchange skills then.
He probably has other issues then. I sleep with multiple women and i can assure you its pretty great.
@Brendan Knox yeah I'm a millionaire playboy and my life is awesome. You just suck buddy
Cope
@@scabu3 maybe you’re just shallow. It’s not a bad thing though. But as you keep getting old, your body won’t keep with your shallow lifestyle. So, one day, you will be lonely, old, maybe impotent. My uncle used to be like you. But now, he is just and old and lonely bugger. It’s sad to watch.
I remember someone asked you in a livestream for advice on women, to which you replied that "I run a fucking alternate history channel, not a dating app!"
That was in 2020. Now in 2023...
Also, I haven't even fully watched the video yet, but I can already infer that this will be one of your most meaningful works in your catalogue.
Edit: I was right.
I saw it and it's pretty damn good. Talks about the good and bad of men, women, and society itself pertaining to dating and relationship hardships.
Times have changed
In an alternate timeline Whatifalthist and his smart tech friends make a dating app designed to address the problems the popular ones currently have... but do they succeed? Only time will tell...
@@WhatifAltHist the most relevant video
@@danshakuimo he did joke about making that cousin one where you match with 3rd cousins because they’re statistically the most successful relationships
I've heard my buddy tell me the same story probably 5X about how he met the "perfect" girl online. He was hot and heavy for a few weeks or possibly month or two with her and then eventually realized that she wasn't the idealized "perfect" person he had in mind and so he moved on to the next girl. The 'swipe right' culture leads to unrealistic expectations - like others have said too many choices leaves one unsatisfied.
By the gods how terrible.
I agree. Since it's so easy to find a replacement, there's no incentive to refine what you already have. People see one imperfection and they move on to the next one expecting to find the perfect relationship with zero effort.
Now u see why quality women stay off them apps... they may try, but see how it works...and stay in...
Yeah I've been saying for years that people, especially incels, have unrealistic dating goals and unrealistic idealized woman who doesn't exist. The two biggest factors that determine relationship success is commitment and acceptance. None of us are perfect 99.9 of us will never find it. Its not fair but it is what it is.
@@philosophicaltrucker9279really? I'd think incels would take anything they could get. Just like single moms with 3 kids should but they want 6'3 100k guy. So I disagree
Today, my 62 year old Dad asked me for advice, because he is starting to realize that he is going to die alone. I reminded him that I've been single for four years, and will probably never be in a relationship again.
It was a sad moment, but beautiful when we recognized and related to each other's pain.
Ted Kaczynski's books, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' offer unique perspectives 50:54.
We all die alone.
Very True! I've never spoken with any Man in any Generation, Currently who's remotely satisfied with the Dating Market.
Which country are most of you guys in saying all this uk or usa or Australia or elsewhere? And can some of you shed some light on what is going on as all this is new to me post covid era
Like how old are a few of you and what have you been doing or searching for wife's or long term soulmates and also are you okay looking or not etc?
I'm new to it all bit finding some of English lasses online are very rude and nasty don't reply even when okay and average looking and 6 foot etc they seem I've noticed to be getting worse get say they want a date and love yet only reply to top looking men only so it's all a bit depressing and I believe it makes you feel like crap and impacts on men's mental health as you wonder whats going on even worse when I then see when outside ugly men covered in tattoos with cute women so why are they dating uglies etc in real life world yet they ignore most men online I'm confused by it all
Some are really disgusting attitudes I've also noticed this affect is creeping into real life sometimes they ignore and don't even make eye contact or smile heard other men say its like being dead or a ghost then add in everything else here in England weather is crap and no community no values and boring conversations daily with people who don't care about anything anymore
Also they ignore and conform to all the crap baffled by it all to be honest usually I'm more upbeat but its started to get me down as well a bit in last few weeks
Haha
The fact that both men and women are unhappy with the dating scene shows that there's something seriously wrong with the sexual status quo.
there's something wrong with the whole civilization at this point, no families means no future and no future means why care?
Yeah but getting things to change is hard probably need a economic depression, war or something else very bad to reset society.
The Status Quo keeps getting shaken up too much, thats part of the problem. Men dont go out and pursue anymore being pursuit is equated to stalking or obsession or rape by radicalized women.
@@johnl.7754 I vote war. Keep China from rising and fix western society at the same time? Worth it to me.
They have been taught the opposite sex it evil.
I also feel that a big problem with this is that people often blame themselves for their inability to find a partner. They may not recognize that a lot of their problems with dating stem from a broken system and instead start thinking that they're ugly, stupid, whatever, leading to more self isolation, self esteem issues and mental health problems. These problems manifesting in people then make it more difficult for other people to find a partner creating a vicious circle.
I think the problem in general is being able to distinguish what is what.
Because it's also true that there are stuff you can do or not do which can make you terrible at this.
Like you can find both people blaming themselves for things that aren't inheritely their fault, and people blaming the system for things which are their own faults or even people who do both at the same time.
Can I control the system? No
Can I control myself? Yes
Why even consider what I cannot control as the source of issues?
Well at least blaming yourself is, in a way, holding yourself accountable, which is the first step in fixing the issue
Whereas saying shit like "oh you can't find a partner because the system is broken" only adds to the hopelessness because it removes your sense of agency and makes you feel like there literally is nothing you can do about it.
This is because women associate social success with attractiveness.
A man cannot merely be pro-social. He must be socially competitive and dominant.
Thus men (or people) who don't date are "losers" with negative social value, and so their social value might "infect" you so therefore avoid them.
Men are competitive and form hierarchies, but women are the ones who create the need for counter-productive competition including social exclusion and punishment.
Very astute comment and I think you are probably very right. Sad state of affairs we find ourselves in these days.
When an alternate history channel is offering relationship advice, you know the world has gone to h-e-double hockeysticks.
I remember in one of his livestreams, someone asked him for advice on women, to which Rudyard replied "like I can help you. I run a fucking Alternate history channel, not a dating site!"
Oh how times change.
@@nicholasmorrell dude im literly becoming a teacher because of how badly the school system failed me and I want to try and save the kids I can teach from that absolute failure I was given
@@Crusader-ct1qv It just shows how the social dance and previous neutral ideas and natural civility between men and women are devolving at a rapid pace.
I say this for experience, please listen to me. I had many girlfriends and never truly loved any of them (but i did show affection to them, I just didn't know I didn't) , until one particular girl, Brunella. We kissed, we made things, she often came to my home, she was the first and only person in my life i will ever love, unfortunately she was emotionally unavailable, never said i love you to me, never opened her feelings, a very cold person. My advice is, don't open your heart to women who aren't open with you, when they will leave you with their cowardice and for no reason you will feel humiliated, you will feel like you left your dignity for someone who wasn't worth it, who just doesn't show that she cares.
Florence Nightingale (1820-1910):
"Women crave for being loved, not for loving. They scream out at you for sympathy all day long, they are incapable of giving any in return, for they cannot state a fact accurately to another, nor can that other woman attend to it accurately enough for it to become information.
Now is not all this the result of want of sympathy? I am sick with indignation at what wives and mothers will do of the most shocking selfishness. And people call it all maternal or conjugal affection, and think it pretty to say so. No, no, let each person tell the truth from their own experience. They really don’t have sympathy or the ability to empathize, because they are always judging everyone and every thing as a product on a social value scale that relates to their own egos and bounces off of themselves. There is no capability for genuine feeling.This is what I have experienced with women, there is no capability for genuine feeling for other humans, or really in general, except when those feelings are for themselves and the other people are just proxies to bounce ideas off of."
Mass rejection of dating apps would go a long way to solving the problem of modern dating. It also will _never_ happen for a wide variety of reasons, hence the reason modern dating as a whole is absolutely fucked.
As a woman I completely agree. Dating apps are horrendous. They need some kind of serious overhaul to make them less superficial and dehumanising or to be scrapped altogether
Mass rejection of smartphones would be better. Lets go back to the blackberry era.
50:54
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution, are thought-provoking .
Highly recommended
@@lsjt8924how about you women just drop your superficial height requirements then?
Nah... social media would still exist to give wamyn "free" validation.
It all needs to go.
"Let's decouple sexual gratification from commitment!" They said.
"It totally won't EVER go wrong!" They said.
Agreed in some sense. You need that gratification to work. I have seen many asexuals that are very happy being together. But it’s always and I mean always best to talk about what you want in a relationship before sticking to someone who you may not even know hates the thought of oral or who hates the thought of copulating every day.
It’s simple to learn by just asking it, but maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s now very touchy or creepy to ask those questions?
I know that those questions aren’t romantic or they may even be seen as taboo but it’s needed to learn.
What if for years the other person gives up on trying to convince the other of some gratification and then dumps or divorces because of that need?
It seems trivial but it isn’t in a relationship. I’ve seen many fail because of those needs not being met.
The only freedom that matters to women is reproductive freedom (i.e.: including the right to get pregnant without securing support first). They are "morally ambiguous" and "agreeable" otherwise.
Freedom in this context means nothing more than no constraints. And that doesn't mean right to require sexual consent. No, let's take that for granted. It also means freedom from consequences. Again, getting pregnant without first securing protection and provision, commitment.
Women can be counted on to put sexual pickiness above even ever having children, and the freedom to be that way above all other freedoms. Freedom being in this case maximally irrational.
They're otherwise normal human beings, but this sure complicates their romantic choices.
@@_Chessa_ how are asexuals a "couple" and not just "friends"? Also where do you know all these asexual-couples? I've never met them in my life, and I've lived in various cities in a few different english speaking nations...
@@demun6065 they're very rare but they do exist. Asexuals in general are really rare to begin with, then you have the divide between romantic and aromantic asexuals.
But you might meet a couple and never know that they're ace because they still kiss and hug and their primary love language may be physical touch they just don't have the desire to mate.
@@ZM-jb6gc so there’s no bearing on a man sowing his oats and not caring when he leaves a kid with no support? I think it’s the killer’s fault when they use the weapon to kill you even if they had a reason. right? So even if it’s consent that’s still on the man to step up it’s not about a woman “securing” anything when a man refuses to step up and be a father…
People thought my husband and I were crazy getting married at 20 & 22. We met through mutual friends ten years ago, right when online dating was going from fringe to the norm. Every day I am more grateful that we got married when we did. When life gets tough we don’t even think of splitting up because we both know we could never replace what we have. I loved being married in my 20s. There’s something about going through young adulthood and growing up together that many people in this culture miss. I blame an over-abundance of choices and a fear of commitment instilled in our generation by our divorced and cynical parents.
It's the only way to win. If you're 5 years in and think "wow neither of us are crazy or problem causing" you're very lucky.
Watch out for grass is greener or body/libido/hormone changes. These feelings are normal, very very harsh. Don't blame anyone if they happen. Admit how fricking hard and harsh they are. Be open. Understand that it will never get better than what you have. The grass is not greener.
A lot of people aren't armed with the culture of maturity in their 20s if ever, and if they are they also most likely to be religious, which is easy to think of as necessary for that.
A lot of people also haven't had any good example. Either coming from divorced families, or families where people stay together but seem to hate eachother and life in general. Too much freedom without any preparation doesn't help, of course. Because people go from one extreme to another.
You’re lucky shit…
@@ZM-jb6gc Amen. There's countless stories of women in their 40's divorcing their husband because they thought they could do better only to find themselves in the modern dating market.
The problem with online dating (and dating in large cities) is linked to the theories of Barry Schwartz's "Paradox of Choice." He posits that people are happy when they have some choice, but unhappy when they have too much choice. When you have lots of choice, you are either paralyzed by the choices and then make no choice, or you become dissatisfied by your choice because you're certain that a better choice could've been made. Ultimately, searching through endless ads of human beings is a thoroughly depressing activity. As my mother once told me, just pick someone. Love is what happens after you've made the commitment.
Except most of those ads aren’t even human, just chatbots who want you to buy porn
@@cara-seyun Clearly a depressing environment worth avoiding.
You can see that streaming services like netflix etc. are a microcosm of this effect
@@arbootieoaks Exactly. I often go there, look at all the choice, start watching something, change to something else, and then just turn it off.
Trur for wonen in apps, not trye for men.
Whatiffalthist keeping his audio at a consistent volume challenge: Impossible
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' are intriguing 50:54 .
I want to emphasize that it's not just intimate relationships on the decline. The chart presented at 20:49 shows couples met via friends is on the decline. This very natural way of meeting your SO forms a healthy interconnected web of close friendships that can last a long time. My SO and I met online, and while she has some friends from school still, we are mostly just on our own for 99% of our free time. As someone who grew up very shy and antisocial, I am AMAZED by my sheer need for real friendships and general social connection. Any chance we get to hangout with good friends I will HAPPILY take, and at the end of the hangout I am always left feeling like this is the void in my life that can only be filled by true friendships with fun and awesome people. So to anyone reading this who feels the same, just know that you're not alone.
Plenty of people don't have friends anymore, which is beyond depressing and definitely plays a huge role in this. People have been so disconnected I'm wondering if they could even take to the other sex without having to fight off a anxiety attack. That goes for both sexes and all ages.
Personally, my greatest loves before my wife were friends first. Started out friends of friends and then we started hanging out one on one and fell in love. I doubt that happens much anymore.
The social and psychological concept of external constraints on ABSOLUTE female reproductive agency (no consequences, can wait 1000 years for one in a million giga chad and still be fertile, likewise can get pregnant and the world will simply pay you money for having Chad's wonderful baby, no consequences) are removed.
Even recently in the West, and also in other countries still, there have always been constraints on women. A perception of consequences. Hook up Tinder culture has psychologically (and inaccurately) removed these constraints. Thus, modern Tinder culture - which women literally spread among each other like wildfire, like the most important evangelical principle a woman could possibly spread to another woman - is becoming ubiquitous.
In my view, it seems that female mammals are sexually programmed to be absolutely uncompromising. There's no "good enough" or "realistically this is what I can get and I'm lucky in fact to have this." Doesn't exist in their sexual psychology. They are programmed this way as an adaptation responding to lack of external agency, to compensate.
So, with the constraints removed, women genuinely struggle to find romantic satisfaction - at all. Their bodies are reacting to an unrealistic, non-existent situation. It's like how we react to fast food and develop life threatening mordibities associated with obesity.
It's not a female problem, it's female sexuality problem. They "break" without constraints - cultural, social then psychological - on reproductive agency. Without a perception of consequences. Women totally break. They like men, and they like sex, but something deep inside them is incapable of feeling satisfied and sabotages everything.
It's sad, I think. Only these barbaric, horrible, illiberal environments provide women social and sexual situations that lead to basic psychological happiness, if not sexual satisfaction. It "didn't have to be that way" except it seems many mammal species are basically like this.
And women will literally give up most of their actual freedoms to preserve reproductive agency. As if speech matters to them so long as they can have sex with Chad and freely divorce Brad when he gets boring.
i agree but ive also been given the 'dont shit where u eat' advice and not sure how to apply that to friend groups
I would also like to emphasize when he starts talking about attachment styles at 44:00 I think he was onto a very great point about how dominant the framework of anxiety is in social interactions & dating/sex in America & the west, it ties into other times like FOMO - a big reason young people get into the hookup culture in the first place, I would read "American Hookup" by Lisa Wade for more detail, not being able to share genuine feelings/emotions/desires/thoughts or affections for another is apart of the status quo, social media addiction & the use of Snapchat or Tiktok to stalk others to jump in on trends is part of the feeling of millions of young people feeling very socially isolated & left out of the group, wanting to be on the in, everyone thinks they're the only one whoe feels isolated so keep on desperately looking at what others are doing on the internet & since there's endless people doing endless different things they just follow whatever big trends to try to fit in. There are many other reasons girls avoid healthy meaningful relationships with genuinely good & kind men who respect them and want what's best for them in the future, like them as a person, it has to do do with how well or poorly they were loved in their childhoods. With bad models & a loveless home she's likely to "fall deeply in love" with men who do the least for her, think buy her mcdonalds, fuck her hard & then ignore or neglect her like her parents did in entirely other kind of ways that people may not even perceive as neglect or abuse at all in childhood but to that child at the time it was how they perceived it... I would recommend he reads the book "What Happened to You" by Dr. Bruce D Perry, something interesting I've noticed is all the people who have had very great loving models in their most formative developing years, 0 - 13 find healthy meaningful relationships infinitely easier than everyone else. This may also explain why you have so many different accounts of how to deal with women, if all of their neurons connected in a certain way making them just unlikely to fall in love with you then it's best to just stop wasting your time & getting more attached to that girl, find one who is comfortable with you loving her & treating her well.
I saw this motivational picture yesterday that said IT'S OK TO REJECT YOUR FRIENDS TO HANG OUT AND STAY HOME TO READ A BOOK. And I'm thinking, really? You can read a book any time, but friends getting together, that's rare, that requires everyone sacrificing and coordinating their time. You better show up.
I tried dating for years, and failed miserably.
The moment I started working on myself and meeting people in person at community events and in bars, I found success, and as a result I'm getting married to someone I met in a public event in 4 months
Modern dating is beyond broken, meet someone with similar values at an event that people like you would go to, and go without the express intent to find someone, and just talk to them. You will find someone for you, it's how all of your ancestors managed it for the past 500 years or more.
Convert to Islam -> talk to the middle-aged men over in a masjid-> be charismatic with them -> they will give you their daughters in return for being so based -> enjoy your 4 wives
You're welcome
Sadly I don’t think I’ll find very many women at the HOI4 tournament
Very tough for the men in small towns. Much easier in medium and large sized towns.
It's not that I don't wat kids, a family, or a wife.
And it's not even so much that those things carry risk - everything in life does. It's that it now carries DISPROPRTIONATE risk with ZERO protection. For the people who say "Not all X are like that", it's not about the fact that there are bad ones, it's that the bad ones are SO DAMAGING, trying to find the good ones isn't WORTH it - if I give you bowl of 200 M&M's, and say just 1 has enough poison to kill you, are you gonna even take a single one? No. Now, if I were to tack a 3 million dollar prize on top of that, most people would say "Sure."
PRPORTIONAL RISK ASSESSMENT.
If I sleep with someone but do not engage in a relationship, I can:
A - have my genetics stolen and forcibly put up for responsibility of any child that is made, even THOUGH I successfully took precautions (Fishining sperm out of a trash can)
B - Be charged of a crime on mere accusation should the person decide to regret things, even though we consented at the time and often have no legal recourse.
C - Can be made legally and financially responsible for children that are PROVABLY not mine.
IF I decide to 'go the extra mile, get married, have kids, with intention to do so:
A - pregnancy will be treated as a skinner box in which the child is simultaneously alive and dead - I'll be expected to be "a responsible father" should my wife decide to keep it, but she ALSO reserves total right to end the life of that fetus and I'm not allowed to have a say
B - Can, 90% of the time, have up to 3/4 of my assets seized and permanently kept from me, on mere accusation. Even if I can PROVE that I have done nothing wrong with mountains of evidence, 80% likely, will get thrown out
C - Can have what biological children who ARE mine, estranged and kept away under legal threat.
It's not that risk exists, it's that the risk is UNREASONABLY DISPROPORTIONATE AND ONE-SIDED that's the issue.
I have ZERO say in the ENTIRELY of the dating, mating, courtship, or child-rearing process. In essence, I am given all of the RESPONSIBLITY but NONE of the AUTHORITY.
Responsibility without authority is called slavery. You do not want a partner, friend, or team mate. You want an indentured servant.
Consider driving a car - I run a MUCH greater risk of death in a car than I do any of these things stated above - yet I drive the car BECAUSE I am *CONSISTENTLY* rewarded for my efforts and have agency - I always have SOME amount of control when driving the car, and I ALWAYS get rewarded with the destination I'm trying to reach - therefore, the risk is PROPORTINATELY worth it.
But with the modern dating market?
Despite being a grown adult who should be working IN TANDEM with someone, I have zero control over:
Pregnancy
Sex
Finances
Child rearing
Courtship
Property
Legal councl
Societal support
Merely saying hello to someone, all these things considered, is the equivalent of storming Normandy Beach - except you storm that beach with the clairvoyance that Germany wins anyway
@TheHylianJuggalo of course it's a risk, so exercise proper judgement and don't marry a whore
If you don't marry or have children your line will die out and you're failing your country and culture, there will be no-one to hold your hand on your deathbed, you will die early and alone, either unable to get food, water or turn on the heating/air con and die at home, or you'll die in a run down aged care facility surrounded by people who don't care about you or actively dislike you
If you never take that risk, you will die a miserable death, alone and uncared about
I think two massive factors that are overlooked in this are the decline of the two parent household, and the massive over-focus on academic achievement over all else in the upbringing of millennials/gen-z
The result is that you have large numbers, from both sexes of that generation that are completely lack the skills and traits to maintain healthy relationships, because they were never taught to them.
They have poor social skills, because as children, they were told to shut up and learn algebra, rather than developing social skills with their peers. They are increasingly overweight and out of shape, because their school decided gut the physical education programs to make more time to learn how to write a 5 paragraph essay. They never had an example of a healthy relationship at home because nearly half of them were raised by divorced parents.
It’s easy to blame social media and dating apps for modern dating problems, but the real problems go back decades.
What academic achievement? I don't meet a whole lot of people who can handle more than fractions or put together useful sentences
@Max Scott I agree with both you and the orginal post lmao. I couldn't add a fraction to save my life despite years doing it.
@@maxscott3349 I had difficulty with fractions in grade 1 as well. Later I became the best student in the high school winning provincial awards and applied to the number one university in Canada UofT. Rejected an aerospace engineering scholarship from the number 2 university because it's number 2. Graduated during the Great Financial Crisis, nobody was hiring. Hanging out in a cheap country now at 37 years old, still haven't started my life, still single. Didn't talk to girls until I graduated university, then immediately got one girlfriend after another. They wanted to immediately marry, which seemed crazy to marry when you still haven't seen the world. I've waited patiently like a good boy all my life to be free and see the world, I wasn't going to commit now.
The social media is just an accelerant.
@Max Scott because the school system is garbage now, an the kids are given pills to sit still. They pass kids that have no business passing, and they move on scraping by. They don't actually learn anything, but on paper they are educated. School system is a joke, so is this generation an the society that birthed it.
I'm from India and from a pretty big city here. Here in my college I have many of my friends who come from rural villages remote enough to have never seen a Domino's or McDonald's.
Initially I was totally surprised when they told me they have been in relationships gor over 5-6 years being with the same person since the beginning of high school.
Then I understood that they understand love way better than we do. Here in the cities the attitude goes like "It's oke of the relationship ends, I will find a dozen more people". But in the villages when the dating pool is much more limited you are much more willing to make sacrifices for each other to make the relationship work out and in between of those sacrifices somewhere you realize if the love exists or not
That sounds convenient but thats not the whole truth. Most places are hardly that isolated, especially these days. The problem is weak men. Women are wired to detest that. Strong men in poverty stricken areas often practice polygamy, as long as they can support the family.
@@spontaneousbootay That's a pretty valid point ngl
+
50:54
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution, are thought-provoking .
Highly recommended .
India has Dominos?
Came for reasons why dating today sucked, stayed for the genetic history of humanity and social commentary on the brokenness of society
I was hoping for the commentary.
I love rural life.
Average “partners” of neighbors is probably between 1&2 over a lifetime.
Average marriage age is seemingly 24.
Life is slow but life is good.
@@chamuuemura5314 unfortunately young girls are leaving rural areas
@@chamuuemura5314 You're so out of touch with reality, it hurts.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54.
I'm totally depressed after watching this video
46:16 I felt this. My parents are divorced and to be quite honest, my mom is a psycho and my dad is a respectable man.
Guess who got us (the kids), the house, and most of the money? My crazy mom. All dad got was the truck. He was stuck renting a tiny apartment for 1 year and lived at his dad's house over the following summer. Then he found a good person and they share a house. Meanwhile my mom psychologically tortured me for a year and a half and I felt like living garbage for that time. Only recently has she stopped, once the prospect of me moving in with dad has become a real threat, thus she actually has to treat me with love and respect. The only thing keeping me there is that is where all my friends live.
get a job asap and listen to Stefan Molyneaux, similar story, very wise
The courts always side with the PRIMARY CAREGIVER. That’s usually mothers 99% of the time. Men usually don’t even know their kids teachers names, or their doctors names or take them to dentist appointments or the ones attending parent teacher conferences, or the ones cooking and feeding the kids. Moms are.
@@bulbasaur1232 assumption
At least he got the truck.
@@bulbasaur1232 uh, my dad knew all those things.
I did have a highschool sweetheart, and am not a virgin, but when she left me right after highschool because I had traditional expectations about what fidelity meant, and she knew she was going to hurt me long term. It did genuinely break my desire to participate or care about the sexual marketplace from that point on. And in the following ten years I've actually become quite comfortable with that. Obviously, collectively, checking out isn't good, but for me personally it was a path towards finding greater satisfaction in other things, and learning self reliance. So in a sense I am both a participant in this problem, but, having 'learned' not to be lonely, or turn relationships or children into objectives in themselves that define my life worth, I'm also kind of just an observer.
And yeah, having looked at dating apps briefly a couple years ago... I was astounded that even one like eHarmony had little to *no* way to actually use real values as the basis of a good match. You'd thing if you were designing anything but a hook-up sight that would be your number 1 priority. Not just "democrat or republican," but real questions about the qualities and morals that you find most important when considering a partnership with another person.
Same thing happened to me but in a slightly different context. You start to see a pattern when dating women that leads to a mindset of
"How in the world could I trust a woman nowadays to stick around and not screw me over via divorce court whenever she feels like it?"
@@GigaNietzsche Just sign a prenup and you good.
@@PeruvianPotato Prenups get tossed out like a used paper towel by judges
@@PeruvianPotato And that goes right back to my point. How could I trust a woman to not break a bond which is supposed to be for a lifetime? Especially when they are incentivized to do so in a variety of ways.
I feel this.
I just turned 40 and did not ever end up getting married due to very poor choices in my 20's (using and selling drugs, being involved with a large criminal group) I have had a few long-term relationships but ever since I got clean and stopped breaking the law at age 31 things have been rough though. Due to this I do not have a great career or very much money. I get by and have no debt, but I also have no house or cool title.
Earlier this year I decided that I am going to do my very best to attract a partner. I spend 5 days a week in the gym and bought new clothes even. My hygiene is on point, I am 6'1", have visible abs, but clearly this is not enough. So, I grind on.
I do not want to die old and alone and I am at the limit of where I can start a family. If all the work and self-improvement I am doing pays no results by the summer of 2025 I plan on throwing in the towel and riding my motorcycle into an oncoming semi-truck. I do not blame women or society for my position in life. I made the mistakes, and I am learning that sometimes there are mistakes you cannot come back from. If you are young, please do not do drugs. Focus on your career and building a good social network. There are fates worse than overdose and prison. Even with 9 years clean, a little money in the bank, and the will to find love, I am still looking at a 50/50 chance of attaining a happy life.
Being lonely is awful. I cannot do it for another 40 years.
Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk, I will quit shouting into the void now.
Hello, this is the void, responding back with his two cents.
You are not at the edge of being able to start a family. Your efforts to be healthier make you biologically healthier and therefore more fertile. Eat carrot salads, cook with coconut oil and butter, stay away from any and all unsaturated fats, and you will feel like you're 25 again, minus drugs.
Your idea of a happy life is binary and very narrow. I get it, but this will lead to ruin. Open up your mind as to what it means to be happy, not in a post-modern or spiritual sense, just a normal one. This is something you will have to realize for yourself. If you manage this, you will eventually understand how ludicrous it was to begin with to ever even consider unaliving yourself
You are honest with yourself, and I respect that. I wish you luck with your life and hope you find the right person
You have suffered greatly in your life. You caused much of your own suffering, but you've also pulled yourself out from rock bottom. I think the fact that you've come this far is amazing. Please keep being so open and let others in.
Please don't drive your motorcycle into a semi-truck. You are so lucky in so many ways.
@felixthecat4584 You don’t *have* to get into a romantic relationship to live a happy and fulfilling life. Especially trying to force one and make one happen when it’s not really ready to happen can cause alot of issues. Just focus on, as you said, your career and building a large social network. You’re still fairly young, barely middle aged. Especially given how much longer even people who are already elderly are living nowadays (Warren Buffett, Stan Lee who died at almost 100, Oprah Winfrey who looks pretty young in her 60s, etc), you probably have another good 50-60 years of life left, *atleast*. Take advantage of that time. Go back to school, get a career in a field you’re passionate about (doesn’t have to be through college or university, trade schools exist too. It’s where I plan to go after graduating high school, and you can get some pretty sweet qualifications from there), explore social groups online and in your local area, go for walks and rides, watch good and high-quality content, overall just make the best out of your life.
There are so many things you can do that are better than desperately hunting for love, and, even worse, killing yourself. I’m not the only one in this thread trying to help you. Just please, consider our words.
I'm not over 6' and don't have defined per se abs. So I guess I'm doomed. In my early 20s there was a kind of limited interest from pre-Tinder still climbing the "man ladder" women who I supposed climbed it long past me, either marrying or finding someone hotter. Meanwhile, the "mid-30s settle for career man" thing is something I missed due to a career switch. Even so, I'm not sure my dignity is so low I'd settle for a panicking woman who starts off from our first date drawing sexual boundaries (lol at so many of my friends).
Marriage is literally a trade where a woman gives up her 20s to a man, her absolute peak of sexual value, so he'll stay around in his 50s when he's at a relative peak and her attractiveness has severely declined.
If a woman failed to give you her 20s, DO NOT ever marry her. You're free to stay with her til the end, even through your 50s. But only if it's convenient for you without a clearly better option or opportunity.
We men are seriously failing at the game marrying ANYONE over 30. What a mistake. Unless you're both very high performing and wealthy professionals and she wants to have more than one kid, do not marry after 30. Period.
I just went through a breakup from a three year relationship and you release this!
Your timing is impeccable Rudyard.
He was in your window watching.
Perhaps Rudyard is experiencing similar thing
I’m sorry. Keep your head up.
If I may ask, did you meet this girl you broke up with over a dating app or was she a friend you knew for a while beforehand in person?
Greetings, protagonist!
I'm gay, so I'm coming at this from a different angle, but my experience still lines up with everything I learned in the manosphere.
I've had a degree of access to women that most straight men don't have. They let their guards down around me. Gay men are often used as emotional tampons.
Women are by and large capricious and unprincipled. They choose expedience and short term gain. They bond via gossip and you should ABSOLUTELY BET that if she knows something, the Sisterhood knows it as well.
Women will put other people on blast not so much out of malice, but simply because talking about other people is how they bond.
Do NOT trust women with your vulnerabilities. They say they want to know to better understand you, and they might even believe themselves when they say that, but if they learn something that gives them "The Ick", or if it's juicy enough, her friends will know.
Never believe what women say, especially if it sounds hopeful. I can't tell you how much experience is behind this advice.
I have somewhat similar experiences with women I've had flings or hookups with, who would ridicule and talk mad shit about other guys they rejected or friendzoned, or simply unattractive guys at our university. They'd really be ruthless in making fun of other guys when they were with me alone, and they were surprised to see I'm not laughing at it or joining them in ridiculing other guys, saying "but it's not about you, you're cute!", like they consider hot and ugly guys separate social caste. Meanwhile when I heard these things I just though "I wonder if prettier girls who rejected me talk the same way about me". Realising this really made me suspicious towards women and while before I wasn't afraid to show vulnerability or weakness, after this there's no way in hell I'm ever opening to woman anymore. It's not some mystical patriarchy that made me that way but simply experiences with women themselves, even though it wasn't directed at me it still showed me how fake and ruthless they can be if only you don't fit their standards.
Pretty accurate.
Also gay, had mostly female friends in my life. And only sisters.
I was an "emotional tampon" too, I thought being gay gave me the responsability to be a good listener for women😅
Yes they are wildly competitive, they dissimulate it by being hyper friendly between them: in fact it is a war, a war for hierarchy.
They definitely want the man their more pretty/charismatic/successful "friend/bff😅" got. It only goes this way, to a point that I am wondering if they are really into men, and not more into social validations.
If a star begins to date blk men, then a lot of women in the society will do the same, they are "trendysexual".
I've read that men are sexually stimulated by vision.
Women by emotions, wich is an absolutely different conceptualization of desire.
That could explain why porn is such a pandemic in the male demographic. And why women can more easily change from straight, to bi, to lesbian, etc..
I am kind of releaved not to be straight somehow, it is not easy, but when I see what my female "friends" are doing to their men, and why, I am better off.
my mom is the same. i struggled talking to her and everytime i did, my family knew about it even though it was private. all women are the same. they say they aren't but they are.
@@czwarty7878I think this here sums up perfectly why I have love and contempt in the same hand for women as I've learned with being with them over the years is that not only do they have loose lips, but this dichotomy of wanting to be trust worthy, what and who they speak of when they are not present tells all. Even though you want to trust them you can't trust any of them no matter how good they are or appear because if they can do or say about others they can about you. They're mostly unaware unless you call them out on it, and even still rarely will they change it permanently. They also practice this feaux "art of kindness" while being anything but and that's where my contempt comes in.
As a father of three young boys on the cusp of puberty I want this as a societal discussion on a much deeper and intentional level, for their sake.
Congrats on adding to the problem
It’s over lol
Prayers lifted for you man, can’t imagine trying to raise children in this environment
Consider Ted Kaczynski's 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution' 50:54 for thought-provoking reads ..
The 2 best pieces of dating advice I ever got were:
1. Focus on your own personal development above dating. Demonstrate to yourself your value. Believe it and others will too. We mostly defer to other people’s opinions of themselves since getting to the truth is laborious.
2. Talk to women like you aren’t trying to date them, just like they are a possible friend or acquaintance. It reduces all of the noise/unnecessary expectations in your head and lowers the stakes of your encounter. It helps you actually focus on her more to see if you even like her to begin with.
"Talk to women like you aren't trying to date them, just like they are possible friend or acquaintance."
This is actually a good advice but in some cases this is also a perfect recipe to find yourself in the friendzone...
@@PrototypeXV one tried. I’d gotten to know her and felt comfortable enough telling her I didn’t want to be her friend and only date her. She was used to guys accepting the friend zone and was shocked and impressed. We’ve been married 6 years.
yea that last one is pretty BS cause that's how you get locked into the Friend Zone plus i will admit this is gonna sound very old fashioned but i do not believe men and women can be platonic friends without one or both falling for each other
@@kurtpunchesthings2411 I already addressed the friendzone thing. And it’s not like getting to know someone means you have to be friends with them. You’re creating a false dilemma.
@@kurtpunchesthings2411 That's how my boyfriend and I started dating. We were friends since we were 12 because we shared a common interest and were around each other a lot. We never talked with each other like we were trying to date, honestly I couldn't even imagine him talking to me like that... he was just himself around me and I really liked that. We've been together for seven and a half years now, and I'm not going to let anything tear us apart- neither will he. I've also been friends with plenty of guys that were never interested in me and I was never interested in either. I could be an exception, but it's certainly happened.
As a guy who’s been sexually successful but not relationship successful I’ll say that it honestly was not worth it. Most experiences left me feeling unfulfilled or anxious about the future because I am part of the 14% that looks for a long term relationship. Half of the time I got ghosted, the other half of the time the relationship only lasted a week. I am not saying that we should not try, but I will say that sex early on ruins relationships and just having friends who are females seems to have been a working strategy for other friends of mine as it gives them a large pool of people they have a lot in common with to pick from. That’s the strategy I’ve started to pivot to as I’m learning more about dating
I get ghosted all the time because I can’t make any relationship work. I lost my virginity at 16, and had consistent sex since then. I think there is a larger problem with delayed maturity for me but also the women I date are not mature either.
I think there needs to be a inbetween between friendship and romance tbh
Part of the problem is that being romantically involved today must equal a immediate sexual relationship.
Before people courted. They were exclusively romantically involved so they each knew where they stood, they just didn’t have sex immediately.
I think we’ve skipped an important step.
Im 40 now and met my husband when we were 18 so I’m going back a while.
We didn’t have sex for 6 or 7 months though. Nether of us were religious virgins lol but we just didn’t have the time or the privacy I suppose. Looking back it made it soo much better though.
Got rid of the anxiety and helped us get to know each other properly.
Just don't treat women as friends but with background "strategy" intent or hope of Se* or relationship... that's one of the reasons many of us don't trust guys! start thinking of women as humans and friends rather than secual objects.
@@melusine826 women are going to have to meet halfway on that. Many guys will tell you of the dichotomy of treating women poorly and getting g positive attention, vs treating them well and getting ghosted in short order.
It's just the case that for w/e reason I see most women respond favorably to being treated as a sexual object, and don't care for being friends (my new englander experience).
And I don't care for being friends with women tbh, they don't provide what I want from friends.
RTRD
“When a society allows total chaos, it engenders total suspicion, and the normal processes by which any society is held on a steady keel - trust, dedication, reliability, penalty for wrongdoing - corrode, and things begin to fall apart, because the props are gone.”
James Michener, “Alaska” (1988)
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' are intriguing 50:54.
This is the reality I’ve come to accept. I’ve started to think that I’ll be ok living alone the rest of my life, just meditating, reading books and maybe writing my own. Precisely at that moment I accidentally met a girl, who was kind of ex-feminist, turned libertarian, really smart and interested in science, philosophy and religion, reading Aristotle and Camus. And I wish to everyone who read this: I really hope you will find someone you can discuss the deepest questions of existence after passionate sex) This is life. Everything else is just a distractions at worst or means to the end at best.
Where did you meet a girl interested in cool stuff like that?
Dude that sounds like a dream girl for me holy shit! Hope I can find someone like that soon. How did you two meet?
@@jeffashley8172 Manic Pixie Dream Girl syndrome as I call it.
Once I thought I'd be poor forever but then I tripped on a dying angle whose hand held a lottery ticket which it turns out won me a billion dollars. So, if my experience counts for anything, I'd say don't give up hope.
@@tastyfalcon1788 my old friend from school introduced her. First we became friends, and few weeks later I realized that maybe I don’t want to be just friends. First she rejected me, but I realized that I should not give up and at the same time still be a gentleman and that worked out. In the end it was something like “I wish I had a bf like you” - “l am literally that guy”))) I tried to perceive her as a fellow human being, lost as we are all in this endless spacetime, not just as a cute object - and that was what she was looking for.
But for now I just hope that we will survive the war… and someday after russians f*ck off from our country I will make her my wife)
as an educated gen z. holy fuck man, your videos are amazing. It is EXTREMELY impressive to see someone as professional as you, whilst not being adhered to academia, and only being a year or two older than myself. I am 20. I love your videos man. You take the generational issues and explain them in a direct simply effective way.
Thanks, that means a lot to me
I appreciate you read the comments, I been a fan for as long as I can remember. keep up the great work.
educated Gen Z.... There's a contradiction in terms
@@highlander723 how so?
@@WhatifAltHist I don't know why, but the picture of you at 33:04 of when you said " I would consider myself as an average attractive looking guy", looks like the starting architype origin photo of the Unabomber of Ted Kaczynski or someone that "did a little trolling" as a war criminal and got away with it, lol. Other than that, this was a great video and keep up the good work!
In one of my college classes I wrote about how much of the economic success in various parts of the world have been subsidized or outright funded by the American middle class through a few different avenues and my professor, an older professor at that, was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone could think of American deindustrialization as anything other than a resounding success with no downsides what so ever and deduced points from my paper.
Thats the most bullshit grading I've ever heard. Hope whatever job you intend to get with that degree is good and not part of academia, because thats what you can expect if you stay in the system. If you can forget the useless degree papers and get the experience instead. The post-secondary system is so broken and backward its not funny. They pump out zombies not capable individuals now.
Fuck em
Yeah, I would too. You think the middle class of America has say? Your delusional.
Thats just sad
That's what you get for trying to be based
Every date I've ever been on has felt like a job interview.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54 .
Modern dating for men is much worse than a job interview because you have the chance of getting multiple job offers.
I have been married for 8 years but was curious about this video. I remember dating being broken even when I was around dating. However, when it doesn't feel "broken" is when you know you are on the right track. One advice that I have is don't corner in on a specific person and date around until someone truly attaches to you that works. Also, don't underestimate how friends (or family) and non-romantic relationships can also help kill loneliness. Those relationships are just as important and are not often emphasized.
Yeah I believe on the social level, not emphasizing friends and family connections is one of our biggest issues
It was wonky 10 years ago but it's legitimately broken now. It's social media. People believe there are these women having sex all the time when in fact it's inner city thots having all the sex with the same guys. They're not catches. They're usually overweight and guys know they put out for a $50-100 dinner. An NYC restaurant is the new brothel. So young men think they can't get these mythical girls and girls are thinking "why aren't I getting picked." Truth is, both groups are sitting at home and hunting for dopamine hits online. All the data supports that. After talking with young women in my family and friends group over the holidays I'm convinced there are just as many female incels but they'd never admit that anymore. 25 years ago not being sexually active was perfectly acceptable. Many girls in highschool would have probably killed themselves if it was found out they were sexually active, let alone promiscuous. So while men probably are undercounting their lack of sex it's likely women are over counting and just following the trend.
@@RJT80 I will say that @whatifalthist is generalizing USA/Western Culture more and certain areas of the United States probably have it differently or hold onto different values. I live in Tennessee and you can definitely still find traditional values in certain areas and regions. Internet and social media is heavily driven by the culture of major cities (primarily Los Angeles) and not a reflection of national culture. Some of what he cites is different from what I experience. I look back to Highschool and College as a time when it was easy to get people together for social interaction and adulthood is harder (although co-workers are a little easier to do things with while at work such as lunch outings or after work outings). I try to get regular board game events and it is like pulling teeth at times but sometimes the stars align and everyone comes.
I think you're 100% right on friends, sometimes stuff doesn't work out romantically for me, but having friends makes my life better, since I have support and don't feel like a failure since I still have people who care about me
Seemingly unrelated, but actually probably very relatable I think is the collapse of community in society. I grew up in the 1980's. Our family knew all the other families on our street, all the parents at school functions knew each other, and there were more groups and social things to be involved in, in person. That's all gone now. And that effects dating by default because there are no longer the real life social networks that once existed. The dating apps of today are the equivalent of the "bar scene" of 20 years ago. Basically a meat market. But there are no other alternatives now, where as back then there were other alternatives.
One of the biggest things people miss is that formerly marriage was pretty much mandatory including non-availability of divorce to a great extent, and of course marriages were typically arranged or at least most people literally married the girl next door. So if people are not pushed together they won’t get together.
And the woman was forbidden to chose her spouse. Because history said she would always pick the wrong guy. Some problem for millennia and different cultures. Men or other family members choosing the male spouse took the “feels” out of the equation and picked the best long term option.
@@ralphemerson497 In my experience women always go for the pretty boy, then the pretty boy treats them like shit. The way you get to BE the pretty boy is by dating older women.
@@ralphemerson497
>history said women would always pick the wrong guy
That's exactly what they do today
Well, then it would stand to reason that people naturally drift and don't want to be bonded to one another. But without systems then the big money institutions couldn't derive profit by parasitism, so thus the lie that economic and social contracts are for the benefit of humanity. It isn't. You are merely degenerate beings serving slightly more organized degenerates. Looking forward to y'all eating each other 😜
Reminds me of what a female Ukrainian friend once told me about one of her distant uncles who lived in rural Ukraine. She said the guy had absolutely nothing going for him, he was a hopelessly dull dude who never had anything remotely interesting happen to him. And he still got married and had kids. It really was unthinkable that he wouldn't, people didn't find it strange. You had to have a _major_ physical or psychological dysfunction or be absolutely dirt poor in order not to be considered on the marriage market.
5:38 important to consider is that it was 27% BEFORE the pandemic and lockdowns, I wouldn't be surprised if that literally doubled the number. I was still in high school during the start of the pandemic and I didn't even go to school for an entire year, everything was digital. Kind of difficult to talk to girls in that situation.
Also you should considee that 80% of Gen Z felt lonely before the pandemic, in 2019 according to the graph. Just imagine the numbers after that (6:46)
The girl who is now one of my closest friends might have been my first girlfriend if not for the lockdown kicking in the week I wanted to ask her out.
@@kungszigfrids1482 Girlfriend, shmirlfriend, so you missed an experience. Talk to her if you still like her. You can still go out.
@@CellGames2006 She has a boyfriend now.
I went solo travelling and ended up on a tour with a bunch of 20 something woman (great way to meet women offline). One was complaining about how she hadn't had sex in 17 weeks. And how that was her longest dry spell. Honestly I think her problem was that she was having sex so regularly with different men that it had lost meaning to her. It was no longer something special and more an itch that needed scratching.
I’m a happily married 62 year old man who is a very big fan of your work. This was a particularly impressive example of why I feel this way.
Thank you
Good for you, man. Now the world is completely diffent. Most women in the Western world are deeply influenced by liberal culture. They are like teenagers
are you french
@@smal750why was that your question? lol 😂
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' are intriguing 50:54
As far as I can tell, most of my friends have good stable relationships they found through school work or neighbours. Dating apps were mostly a fad that's been over for a few years. Hookup culture is overstated. But if you lack community then it is genuinely very hard to meet people since society has fractured into small tight closed socisl groups and trust outside that is fairly low.
Hookup culture is not overstated, LMAO! Good luck finding people that you "connect" with and make a "real relationship" when everybody sucks hard!
Yeah, sorry for "judging" people. I know it's not nice and it also makes me look like garbage as well but it's so so frustrated to not relate with 90% of the population.
So yeah, I would love to do hookups but I don't have the confidence but I think that it's worth it overall.
@@godnyx117 Huh
If everybody that you meet sucks, you should look at the variable that all your interactions have in common to solve the problem.
.
(You. You're the problem)
@@user-nc4np1sl4l Yeah that's about right. Every good romantic interaction I've had with a woman has started when she showed clear interest in me. I've tried to chase girls but it doesn't work it has to be mutual from the start. I'm also much more successful when my research projects/career are going well. Other people can feel it when you exude real enthusiasm and optimism and they seek it out.
I guess my advice is focus on leading a good life and opportunities for relationships will appear to you.
Very true, Bill Kong. And that's a function of the commercial and managerialist society. In order to get an education, a job, and then to get a rise, we are forced to move towns and cities like never before. Our social networks are constantly being fractured, either needing to drive for hours to keep up with old friends, or being resigned to only seeing them online. I met my current partner and fell for each other 6 months before my department moved offices, so we now live apart, and see each other at weekends and for vacations, because neither of us can find employers for our specialist skills located near the other person. Neither of us are really members of our communities - home just happens to be an affordable house near work, among a load of people with little in common.
Ive found someone who loves me, but I often find that she still has a fairy tale idea of what love is.
Disney and other modern-mythmakers have told a lie that love is a fleeting feeling, when in reality it's being able to deal with someone's flaws and making an effort to enrich their life regardless.
There are some languages in which there isn't really an equivalent of saying 'I love you.', but instead they show their love through many actions over a longer time period.
Love is always an action word, pay close attention to that
I think a major contributing factor is that we live in an anglosphere world, and as a result, we're not always going to be aware of certain deficiencies of the English language and how much of a dire effect this can have. Other languages have multiple words and concepts that could be translated as different forms of love, so not having specific words for these concepts in English can exacerbate this fairy tale ideal of love in the English speaking world. Love is really just being consistently willing to do things for other people without an exact exchange in the moment in return. This whole "love languages" is nonsense because those are all actions and in reality people are going to want some combination of all those things. The English language and its supremacy is not the be all end all.
@@murkywaters5502 “I love you” and “I love pizza”
Love is a social construct it’s made up. Love has no real evidence of existing
@@fuzzytop4746 careful not to cut yourself on all that edginess
Thank you Rudyard - this was fascinating. I am the unicorn in your fanbase - a 62 year old woman who found you when you were doing more straight alt hist stuff, and have followed you ever since. I am a boomer with 4 zoomers and your recent videos - esp this one - have helped me to better understand where they are. If not understanding - at least great springboards for discussion!!
The children of boomers are millenials generally, unless you had kids really late in life. Zoomers are children of genX. Millenials right now are giving birth to generation alpha.
That really is very unusual, you sound like a cool person :)
@@mam0lechinookclan607 Adolf Rizzler
Ain't no way your 62 years old !!
No 62 year old woman would used word like boomer or zoomer !!!
This is a troll account for sure !!
-If not !! i'm sorry, i don't want to look like a douchebag here-
I've often felt that female social pressure on other women, especially for women before menopause, has almost a psychedelic effect. It's as if women can create completely ubiquitous culture one generation, that is abhorrent or incomprehensible to women of another generation. I wonder if you feel that way. It's as if their brains have been put through a process to allow them to think a way that is incomprehensible to you. Hence, psychedelic.
It used to be that dating was for the purpose of marriage. Starting a family was affordable for most young people - one income family could support 2-3 kids. Today, young people, especially men, don’t have the incentive to raise a family, we don’t even see the benefits of getting into a relationship.
A note on Japan's birth rate, it's actually the second highest in East Asia. Although it fell earlier, all of South Korea, China, and Taiwan have plummeted below Japanese levels recently. But, since Japan has been in this situation longer, it's probably the best understood.
Consider Ted Kaczynski's 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution' for thought-provoking reads
50:54
I am grateful that you have branched out to do social commentary as well as alternate history.
the side effect of studying history critically is that you learn a lot about human nature.
AND I HATE HIM SO MUCH FOR THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@ДАРТАНЬЯН-з2щ why?
@@mam0lechinookclan607 I SUBSRIBED ON THIS CHANNEL TO WATCH INTERESTING ALTERNATIVE HISTORY VIDEOS AND DISTRUCT FROM EVIL AND PAINFUL REALITY AND THEN HE BETRAYED HIS ALTERNATIVE HISTORY FUNS, STOPPED MAKING ALTERNATIVE HISTORY AND INSTEAD STARTED TO MAKE VIDEOS ABOUT GEOPOLITICS AND CULTURE WHICH HIGHLIGHT THE MOST DISGUSTING AND PAINFUL ASPECTS OF REALITY AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!! I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF HIS VIDEOS BECAUSE OF THAT BUT THE TITLES THEMSELVES ALREADY MAKE ME EXTREMLY RAGED!!!!!
But to keep yourself distracted from reality would be worse. Or not?
dating is broken simply because people only want the perks of other people without the downside. Values like compassion, sacrifice and selflessness are not in use. and to be in a relationship is rather how you deal with the shortcomings of the other person. dealing with their great qualities is easy and natural and requires no effort. Instead of looking mostly at the good qualities, people should seriously answer to themselves whether they could deal with the other person's shortcomings or not. But nobody seems to be interested on answering such question, nor to understand everyone has shortcomings, absolutely everyone...
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution .
I dated the worst guys and was resigned to living alone. Then my brother tricked me into meeting a guy from his work (he had to trick me since I was sure I didn't want to date anymore). I married that guy and am still happy with him six years later. I admire and trust my brother and actually feel a sense of pride to have had a male family member pick the man I married. He said he was hoping to make this guy his brother and he did.
FYI. My husband was also sure he'd be alone and hadn't dated anyone in five years. He was super weedy and nerdy when we met but had a wonderful heart and was willing to commit. He has since become a very masculine, powerful guy and I have shed my prior feminist ways. We are so much happier living a traditional life.
Ted Kaczynski's books, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' offer unique perspectives 50:54
Your story proves that WOMEN are not good in finding the right Person and its because of you your dating online was bad and its Better other decide for you
Man, I'm glad I missed whatever era said you couldn't enjoy being a housewife. Not even the gender in pop culture class I had to take said that, it in fact argued that being a housewife needs to be more valued, because in the past it has been taken for granted.
Lmao stop pretending to be a woman on the internet
Statistically 5, 1O and 2O year marks are when marriages end...
Let's see if you're still together now, or in 3 years.
"The chads aren't happy"
Like someone in a restaurant who's hungry because he doesn't like what's on the menu vs someone starving to death in a desert.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54 ..
Yeah. I agree with many of his points but "boo hoo poor chads" can fuck off.
"Chads" are not happy because of the illusion of choice and regularly having sex with random people messes up your nuerological systems
The Chad Lites weren't Happy already. Once the Chad's all become unhappy we're in Big Trouble. However, when the Giga Chad's become unhappy, then it's OVER!
*someone in a restaurant who's hungry because all the food is stale and moldy and might get him sick
I met my girlfriend through a dating app, we connected because we felt like we couldn’t connect to others through everyday life. Met in real life and it worked out amazing. I guess I got lucky.
Yep lucky most of life comes down to luck. We're responsible for very little of our boons in life.
@@RedWolfenstein pretty much tbh. We fail to realize that we actually have very little control in our lives, in our world. The only thing we CAN control is how we react to things, but under the right circumstances (such as a bad upbringing), we cant even control that aspect. Very few truly get lucky in todays world.
Making the best out of your luck is basically how you lead an interesting life. Good on you brother.
@@RedWolfenstein I think that's cope tbh, lowkey sounds as an excuse to not improve one's self.
My friend met his wife this way. Now they have a child. Could not believe at first, but sometimes happens, it seems. World went totally insane.
Just wanna get this off my chest but this is why I resonate so much with 'literally me' characters. They reflect so much my current state and as well as the current state of society itself. That being increasingly materialistic, shallow and atomized that results in more people being lonelier than ever. Im a young man but thank God I have 2 friends to be exact tgat I can count on and especially a father who I look up to that always kept me grounded and strong no matter how hard it got.
As I'd like to say to myself, "I am God's lonely man". And maybe by this point in history "we are all God's lonely men"
Real
Praying for my homies
goslingbros, wgmi
@@justinrobertson781 Amen. God bless us.
He's literally me
Relationship secret: cultivate being a good questioner and a good listener… it’s a natural way to show interest in someone (which is inherently attractive)… be alert, present, and even vulnerable.
In other words: Be open to the unknown.
Ask questions about what genuinely interests you, the idea is to be genuine and express genuine interest. Not questions calculated to reveal XYZ about the person, but questions that arise as the conversation unfolds.
Don’t try to manipulate someone into a relationship with you, don’t think financial success or chadness or acting like an alpha is the key to relationships with women. Actually, a good sense of humor trumps any of that.
When you find a good partner, you will know by the quality of your communication…
If you think someone is worth a commitment, it’s a good idea to take a trip together. Traveling will introduce some tension and stress, and if you can deal with each others’ stressed sides, then congratulations, you might have a future together.
My 4 cents.
Great advice. I'd also add learn about secure attachment and the red flags for insecure attachment styles
@@MsBhappy Excellent takes, both of you. Thank you for avoiding the pitfalls of shallow fad advice and blame to deliver legitimately worthwhile life lessons. I think the people in this comment section will get a lot from them.
Nice comment, Honestly Ya I'm starting to think chadness or alphaism might be the male equivalent of "strong indepentent who don't need women and just need sex/ money". Granted there is nuance but not by much.
@Tt Cc ^ This 100%
Just be genuine and interested.
You'll get better and better and coming up with questions related to the conversation, and you can keep conversation from never ever dying even with people you have very few common interests with.
I was fascinated when I came to that realization.
Ever since I remembered, if someone wasn't in deadass the same exact passions as me and at a somewhat similar advancement level, I wasn't really able to carry a meaningful conversation for a long period of time, or even at all sometimes.
Sexual satisfaction is key too.
Keep her serviced and not only is she less likely to go sniffing round others but she will look at you differently to others.
One of the most interesting things in my life, is being a part of an Arma 3 group. We've had the same core members of men for about 7 years. With a variety of men from different countries and social class. A significant amount of us veterans of our home nation. And it's been amazing to see some of the members I knew that were in high school take the advice of older members and apply it to make their lives better. Our Arma group turned from once per Sunday commitment to visiting eachothers countries and being intimately included in each other's lives where alot of these men including myself would have otherwise been alone and without advice or direction from other men. We share everything from workout advice, cooking, camping info, anything you could want to know from people that are out in the world living their lives. I think men need this sort of fellowship in a healthy way as without it you absolutely see people falling into these personality cults, without the proper pushback from multiple people that are respectable and have varied views. Even the exceptionally socially disabled will pull us to the side to ask how to make friends with other members. I would say it's a necessity to be in a community with fellowship preferably in real life but atleast in this internet Era way we figured out. Because you don't know what you don't know and if you build your life on a poor foundation without others that have made similar mistakes to point them out to you I the way you need to hear. You are fucked.
Some of the best male friends I have came from my old ARMA unit.
@@AJadedLizard Damn that was wholesome the closest I got is a roblox roleplay group and my wattpad followers
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution, are thought-provoking .
Highly recommended
@@ResponsibleBee-qk4ob shaddup and edit your script to only shill where relevant
I used to date lots after highschool but it became really unfulfilling and after failing to find a single woman i could see myself with long term, many like me gave up and decided to spend our time playing video games, going to work and self improvement.
Its unfortunate that these are the situations young men live in, but one man cannot change the world, only his own circumstances.
You know... really all you need is a lot of will and a WHOLE lot of blood to do that.
Or to find many who are like minded and start going.
@@buddermonger2000 The issue is almost all forms of IRL male spaces are usually eroded away due to women infiltrating them and making it about themselves. The loss of traditionally 'male only' social groups has all but destroyed men's sense of masculinity and responsibility, thats why online gurus like Andrew Tate gain so much traction.
My husband and I were each other’s firsts. We both come from foreign countries that are not as polarized as the US, but still have a stronger “central culture” that everyone is expected to adhere to. We met each other, liked each other, and got married knowing full well that there are other people out there, but we’d be unlikely to find someone we liked substantially better than each other. In a way, I think the capitalist logic of “more choice is always better” ruins people’s ability to get married, because people think the longer they keep searching the better the final result will be, and every person they encounter/hook up with along the way is just a temporary time filler until the perfectly suitable person comes along. I personally was not taught this, but was taught that you pick someone of good character that aims to go in the same direction as you. Being perfectly fit for each other happens after years of marriage when you’ve learned each others’ likes and dislikes and have grown to become two halves that are molded to each other. So when you’re looking for someone to marry, you’re looking for a good foundation, lots of potential, and a willingness to grow and change, not the perfect fit.
I'm saving this comment cuz this is the attitude I'll use when I go into the dating market. Settling on someone I can get along and grow with and only after years of getting to know each other can we retroactively say that we were "the perfect one"
My wife and I got married when I was 21 and she was 19. That was nearly 20 years ago now. Back then, we had friends and family try to talk us out of it. We’d be miserable, they said. We should get “more experience” (read: casual sex), they said. We are too young to know what we want, they said.
Thankfully, we ignored them. We are not a perfect couple. But we love each other more than the day before, and placed our marriage into the hands of God. It worked for our ancestors, and I am not so quick to dismiss their wisdom.
ONE of the best comments on this video. Thank you! Yeah, people now want to find the perfect person. But no one is perfect. You must try to find someone who shares your basic beliefs (faith, for example). May be that person does not share your hobbies, but that person is able to learn about them in order to make you happy. I have to add that marriage is great, but it is not a world of beautiful roses. And even after years of marriage, that person will never become a perfect person. And it is OK. I met a girl on a website. We talked a lot, we laughed a lot, had the same faith ( Catholics), had many things in common. She said she liked me, that she was interested in me in romantic terms...We prayed a lot...She said she wanted to meet me personally. She made me promises... But after these 2 months, suddenly, she changed her mind. She said she was confused, she had to let me go because she felt I was not the right guy....bla bla bla. So why to say all those things (promises, beautiful words...). I will never understand her. I said goodbye to her.
In term of lonely. I never felt lonely until I dated a psychologist teacher, she dig deep into my heart and showed me how I was masking my loneliness with endless of entertainment and online dating. And I felt so refreshed and at ease after finding out how lonely I am
hope that person is reasonable
This man is in danger lol
I dunno man.
That seems suspicious.
Don't date therapists or psychologists.
If they have malicious intent, they'll be gaslighting circles around you before you can even project or blame shift.
@@rey_nemaattori agreed man.
It’s kind of comforting hearing your analysis and have it meet my actual experience as well. It’s an indicator that I’m not the weird one, but also have room to improve as well. Great channel friend.
30:00 - Just to clarify for those who don't know, Yuri Bezmenov was one of the people sounding the alarm about the deconstructionists after defecting from the Soviet Union.
Dude, you just hit a home run with every video. These topics are what people need to be thinking about going forward and close to nobody is discussing it.
Ted Kaczynski's books, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' 50:54 offer unique perspectives.
"We live in a society where everyone just yells and screams at each other. Nobody's civilized anymore."
who are you quoting? Yourself?
@@enlightenedvagabond3556 -joker
So uncivilized
@@Noname2004kurdish really says a lot about our society
We live in a S-0-Yciety where it's cringe
The other thing that's broken about internet dating is that it's increasingly all about physical appearances, which is why it is inherently shallow. I'm not saying that they aren't important, but in the real world you get a good idea of intelligence, personality, how articulate and thoughtful they are, before you ever ask a potential partner out.
"If somebody's love waviers due to physical appearances then....
IT SUCKS!
IT'S FAKE!
the end..."
@@iangreer4585 It never existed. It was just lust.
And this is why sociologists say that online dating has completely changed the dynamics of dating. Since such a huge portion of relationships start online, the dynamics of online dating (i.e., of how physical appearance matters more than ever) are starting to matter even more than the dynamics of meeting people in-person.
I disagree.
@@TaylorWilmes Do you now?
Saying Chads have it rough because they feel empty is like saying billionaires have it rough. I suppose, but that is so incredibly privilege-blind.
Yeah like boo hoo, I get to fuck girls every so often I'm doomed...
I'd say it's a lot more than just feeling empty. When you keep rotations and sleep with tons of women, you can bring a lot of negative drama and issues to your life. Unexpected pregnancy, stalker behavior, time and energy wasted on pursuit and maintenance, other guys/bfs/husbands targeting you, STDs, emotional messiness and jealousy, etc etc etc.
Lol
After a rough break-up I went on a study bender with gender dynamics to find out why my ex did what she did (Tribalism answers a lot of questions about human behaviour in general). I also feel it prudent to point out that I certainly played a part in that break-up; taking accountability is empowerment because then you gain a level of control over the outcome and/or recovery.
One conclusion I've found is that how men and women are interacting is one of the best indicators for the health of a society and therefore how the organizations in said society should conduct themselves. The greatest challenge facing Western civilisations that you'll never hear about because it goes against the narrative is male disengagement and the resultant sub-replacement TFR, and the majority of men in Western civilisation will tell you (behind closed doors) that it's because they see women as a liability due to having no protections from the worst of female behaviours. For a government to get men and women married and the TFR back on track would require holding women to a higher standard (won't happen in consumerist societies). Mind you, a great way to ensure a smaller government is to have married families with the father in the house, so it's against the government's interests there to have strong marriages. Interesting how they're in a catch-22 there!
The only reason women are pandered to nowadays and held to, historically speaking, lower standards as a society is because they're a bit over 50% of the population but account for 85% of purchases (hence why men are shamed for being single and also squeezed for all their money in family courts. What this also means for women is that institutions don't care about them, only their purchasing power). It's why you see the tropes of strong wahmen and bumbling men in media nowadays; it's easy to spend money when you feel strong and confident.
What does TFR stand for?
Blaming women. Super original! Such a deep thinker
Blaming women. Super original! Such a deep thinker
Blaming women. Super original! Such a deep thinker
Blaming women. Super original! Such a deep thinker
I blame a a lot of dating issues younger people have on the internet and smart phones. I and my wife had dinner with a nephew of mine and his girl friend and within moments of placing our orders the two of them whipped out the phones and just start browsing in silence. My wife and I stared at them in stunned fascination for several minutes before I had to cough to get their attention before politely asking them to put the phones away for the duration of the meal so that we could talk. The weird thing was that my nephew and his girl friend were not unique; in that same restaurant there were actually other young couples seated there glued to their phones instead of conversing with each other which is NOT what I observed growing up and coming of age in the late 80's to the 2000's.
It’s like the matrix isn’t it. Scary
The internet is totally the biggest reason behind feminism but it’s not because young people won’t put the phone away at the dinner table or don’t want to put down the video games leave the house.Technology has changed every single aspect of our lives. Society is more and more built around not putting down the tech and not leaving the house and lessening human contact
Ive not seen this among my family and friends. We dont use phones our internet is restricted to computers which are not used when we have guessts.
Facecrook, Instacrap and Twatter. Likes, likes, comments, dopamine hits. I'm 40, so not tied to the phone at the same level, but here I am commenting on a YT video instead of going to sleep, lol
Also drivers stopped at red lights instantly start playing with their phones and typically miss the change back to green so you’ve got to honk at them sometimes, then naturally, they get pissed off at you.
When I was dating, it was hard - especially since I was very introverted. The few girls I did date, were of high morality and character from good families. Also, their parents owned guns, so not taking any chances. There was one girl I dated in high school that was a farmer's daughter. She obviously helped out and was very athletic - she could throw me into the neighbor's pasture if I tried something with her. She scared me off when she said she wanted to marry right after high school. I wasn't keen on that since my parents did the same and it didn't end well for them. She took that as a "no" when I actually meant "not yet." Oh well. She's now in the military for over 18 years and married with 2 kids. I could not be more happy for her.
When I was single, living in an apartment. There was a very nice, somewhat shallow young lady that seemed to like the "bad boys" and couldn't understand why would tread her poorly and she would end up in tears just a few months into their relationship. The only dated athletic and pretty good looking guys - and mentioned this to me (I was neither - at least to her). After a particularly bad breakup, I suggested she give nice guys a chance - you know - someone like me. LOL, she just preferred me as a friend. As of now, she never married.
For myself, I got a bit disillusioned with the whole dating scene even 20-25 years ago. There were girls ok with having sex after 3 dates to a young lady that wouldn't let me kiss her until our wedding day - I wasn't keen on either. I never really managed to grab the attention of any loose girls when I really wanted it - I think I'm more of an acquired taste. A mutual friend actually introduced me to my wife via the phone - since she was in the Philippines. We corresponded for several months until I decided I wanted to visit her. I had to do something since my phone bills were getting crazy. This really worked well for me since I was horribly shy in person - especially starting out - I was always a good talker on the phone. This gave me time to develop a relationship without my nerves sabotaging things before I could get comfortable in the relationship. At this point, things felt like they could be serious, so she agreed to get all the paperwork in order just in case we hit it off once I visited in the Philippines. If things didn't work out, she agreed to just serve as my tour guide and we could part ways as distant friends. Yeah, it didn't take long - we married 4 days after we met in person when I landed in Manila. No nerves at all - it only took one kiss and I knew she was the one I wanted. Apparently, she felt the same way. Yes, it was a crazy short courtship and we did jump into something rather quickly that could have ended very poorly - and no, I would not necessarily recommend a similar path to my kids. However, we have been married for over 20 years. While we have had many ups and downs (several cultural misunderstandings), it did work for us - even outlasting some friends' marriages that we assumed were rock solid.
Today's dating scene seems completely bonkers compared to when I was dating. While there are tools available I would have loved to have had access - like well accepted online dating sites and apps (they were just beginning and certainly not well regarded). I can see the downsides of the "fuckboys" of the hookup apps. It's basically high school all over again where a handful a jocks getting all the action. However, even today, there are still the tried and true traditional places to meet your potential partner - work, school, and church - or through mutual friends. I was never keen on the bar as a place to meet your mate, but I know of a few good marriages that started out like that - so I'm no going to completely knock it - but I would say the odds are not in your favor. Right now, it seems "work" is the one place that is most under attack as a place to meet your spouse - which is unfortunate.
I've always thought dating was for finding a mate to build a family, hopefully with someone you can share your life with, and enjoy the various phases of life with - or, perhaps we just need to find a new word to describe that concept so the purpose is clear and leave "dating" for whatever it has devolved into today.
Call it courting
Happy you found the right girl after your bad luck.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54
We are living through the real time disintegration of our society. Reclaim your honor, improve yourself physically and mentally, find a girl with good morals raised by a firm, but fair man(even if you have to travel outside the US), and love a simple life while teaching your children to live morally and honorably.
@@natoslayer2907 Well he did recommend geomaxxing which would greatly benefit JBW inkwells
@@AM-cm2kj buzzword Batman holy
Worthless comment.
Society has always been depraved.
@@AM-cm2kj Yeah this. You probably don’t realize that women from developing countries only like you and want to date you because you are from a first world country. They would marry you, but as soon they get the citizenship they will be divorcing you.
I'm a member of Generation X myself. My prime "dating years" were roughly 1985-1995. I actually met my wife in 1991, when we were in college. Back then, of course, the Internet as we know it today essentially didn't exist. I am very thankful that dating then was not how it is today. I personally struggled very much with dating and my own self-image and self-esteem in general back then; dating was very difficult for me as it was. I shudder to think how hard it would be for me today. It's true that the Internet, as a whole, has had many positive effects for society but it surely has also come with a lot of negatives, many of which we are only now truly coming to understand. Hopefully we will eventually learn to adapt. We'd better. Love this channel, keep up the great work!
Bullsht! Have confidence. Yes I grew up when internet came out. Had about 30 hook ups and gfs based in USA. Found my high school teachers daughter, and another flew across the country to get it on on her dime. Back then online was a mystery, cool.
Yes I could and did meet many online and offline. In 2008 I moved to Asia. Now again all the ladies flocked to me. But I grew up with values of family and friends. Married a 22 virgin in 2020.
@@sagepirotess6312 Cool story, brah.
@@sagepirotess6312 I think you missed the part with the 27 percent sexless rate of young males 2018.😶
@@GermanTaffer nope, and for the record that's not high.
@@sagepirotess6312 That is high you schmuck. I hope when that portion of the population go ballistic they go straight for you lmao
One of the things that has allowed me to ask out women as a guy with social anxiety is knowing that so many young people feel lonely and are single. I asked my sister once, trying to figure out how to get a date with someone I just see around, "If you were working or shopping at a bookstore or something and a guy started talking to you and asked if you'd want to get coffee sometime, would you say yes?" Her response was, "I don't know, nobody has ever done that." My sister is a 23 year-old average-build blonde who dresses quite normal. If she has never had that experience, I assume very few women have. I figure it's a MeToo consequence.
I would attribute it to anti social behavior way above metoo. A well behaved man that is desperate for a partner isn’t thinking about future accusations. Ask that next girl out brothers, get comfortable with failure.
☝🏾Facts. Don't let failure/rejection hurt your confidence too much. The vast, vast majority of men face it regularly. We're the ones that initiate everything, more often than not.
I’ve tried doing this but a lot of women just aren’t that approachable. I usually wait for a woman to look at me, maybe smile before approaching but they don’t and I don’t think I’m a bad looking dude. I’ve been with very attractive girls before. It feels a bit intrusive to just speak to a girl who’s minding her own business. But may be that’s just me and I should try just approaching them regardless.
Cold approaching is dead girls meet dudes that are pre vetted on social media and dating apps or through friend groups
just shoot your shot dude lmao. the more time you spend thinking about it the harder it gets. putting yourself in the fire with girls that aren’t “approachable” will make the easy ones a layup
Like how the Industrial Revolution made physical fitness a choice rather than a given for survival, the Internet has made social bonds a matter of intention rather than something society provides for you. It's a kind of extreme individualism - if you can micromanage your life you'll find health, love, and wealth, but why did we pick this way when our social frameworks worked just fine before?
Well to put it simply. We didn’t know 🤷🏼♀️ we r the lab rat generations. Anyone born after a boomer is simply an experiment
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54.
This is so true
The funny thing about online dating is that is that it can be depressing and anxiety-inducing when it doesn’t work, but as soon as it does work you cease to do it. The people who are most satisfied with modern dating are now in relationships and no longer consider themselves “dating”
Yeah. A really good dating website would run out of users pretty fast.
Some people are addicted to online dating and dont want to settle down because that would interfere with their online dating addiction. I knew a woman, a nurse, who was like this. Online dating was her whole world, almost everyday she would go on a date.
@@cara-seyun Which is why there should be a non proffit dating sight that actually does its best to tried to match people who would be happy together, and make money from the donations of people now in happy relationship who wish for others to be as happy as they are.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54 ..
The biggest issue with modern dating is that people intentionally devalue themselves by fucking around while believing that they're becoming empowered or showing off. It makes finding someone worthy of spending life with that respected you enough to wait effectively impossible after an age that is far too young to find a life long partner in (aka high school).
Fr
WE DON'T WANT DATING, WE WANT SKS ON THE FIRST DATE WITHOUT EFFORTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can thank hippie Boomers for that. Free love duuuude.
Why does it devalue people?
@@ataraxia7439 It devalues you because the process make you feel like a piece of meat, like an animal whose only purpose is pleasuring someone else.
We are in the late stages of the Calhoun Utopia experiment. The experiment has been run numerous times by various researchers. It always progresses in the same fashion, and most importantly it always ends the same why. There is little reason to believe that it will end differently for the industrialized world.
50:54
Ted Kaczynski's prison writings, Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution, are thought-provoking .
Highly recommended
@@ResponsibleBee-qk4ob
Did you knew that the european parliament does look like the tower to babel?
Its actually never been repeated by other researchers. Thats one of the main arguments against its validity.
I'm gonna just say this before I watch the video:
Dating has put me through so much bs. From nearly getting an STD and getting tricked into a polygamous relationship, to finding out one of my girlfriends was actually a lesbian, and a later "girlfriend" had actually been a man who thought they were a woman. (And many more unwanted experiences)
All of these experiences have made me come to the conclusion that I should no longer date people, and that if I should ever desire to date someone in the future it should be someone from a country where the people aren't, for lack of a better phrase, completely fucked in the head.
Are you in California or Oregon?
@@sunfish4095 I'm in Arkansas.
Yikes. How old are you?
Oh my goodness that's just bizarre I just give up cuz I'm skinny and fat girls make fun of me and I end up crying and feeling stupid I feel ya plus people are just umm like nervous dogs right now it's their own fault.
@@sunfish4095 certified Portland moment
People have unrealistic expectations. Our ideas and manifestations of love are skewed so badly by social media and pop culture that our society is suffering miserably.
At least, for the people you're identifying. I am married and happy at 31 years old. Firmly millennial and absolutely conservative in temperament.
I'm the same age and also married and somewhat Conservative.Glad to see I'm not alone in our mostly Wretched Generation
Consider Ted Kaczynski's 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution' 50:54 for thought-provoking reads
Great Important Point you made! Both Men & Women today have ridiculous Unrealistic expectations. I've actually met some really Young Dudes around 20 to who are upset because no Girls ask them out.
Bro - Girls have never generally asked out Guys in the Thousands of Years since Dating began. That's not how it works. Also, Rejection wasn't invented with Dating Apps. Our Grand Father's all got rejected many times before they actually met Grandma. But, they didn't have Social Media to cry about it. They simply dusted themselves off & moved on to the next Girl, until someone said "Yes". And if they took it personally, then our genes would have gone extinct & we wouldn't be here !!
I've literally been thinking about this topic lately (within the last few days). How do you always manage to upload the right video at the right time for me!?!?! What is this superpower mr. Whatifalthist!?!?
Alot of us are all asking ourselves the same questions.
It's not tailored to you bruh
@@porkerpete7722 r/woooosh
Could it be a hive mind? OoOoOH 👻
I’m a 22 yr old American, and i’d like to congratulate you for being so spot on. Your overview is a great summary of our current dating predicament. I was laughing when you were hyping up your target audience as the potential leaders of tomorrow. I’m planning to become a digital nomad too which was a nice coincidence to hear. Double upload incoming?
Perhaps he will address the broken family law system?
Consider Ted Kaczynski's 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution' for thought-provoking reads. 50:54
Something you are missing here is how we live in a world of overabundance now. Individual things - and people - simply lose their value and meaning when the next 100 are just a click away. The other side is choice paralysis and the feeling that something that is better might just be one click away. Too many easily available choices have a strong chance to make people very unhappy. A simple analogy is how you used to rent videos from rentals. You went there together, browsed carefully, picked two movies, and really enjoyed and valued them. Today, you just start Netflix, aimlessly zap through, maybe watch something for 5 minutes, then... just repeat, or stop. It's something that runs through our entirely lives.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution
"The rural and religious will inherit the world." As a young rural religious man (with five siblings), this made me very happy, haha. And excellent "big brother" advice to the "15 year olds who will rule the Fascist dictatorship in 2040". I also think you bringing your life experiences into your videos is a really cool development. Keep up the phenomenal, genuinely insightful and brilliant work!
I think the urban and atheist still have a chance if a working artificial womb gets invented. Would a society reproducing this way be any good to live in is another question, but it could theoretically survive.
I live rural, unless something massive in our infrastructure changes, society is doomed if it's rural that inherits the world.
@@htth3152 its an interesting point but they still wouldnt alot of hardcore atheists in soviet union and the east were die hard marxists and anti-theists but they still were able to produce large amounts of children as part of their post war boom, its more a problem of the "western atheist"/new atheists who are often ideologically opposed to alot of tradtional things including child rearing you could give them wombs and theyd probably still trash them/ban them etc
@@The_Real_Frisbee Society is not doomed if it becomes more rural it will actorly be more admired like how suburban homes became loved from being less compressed.
@@htth3152
Huxley already envisioned that exact situation in "Brave New World", which is basically hell disguised as heaven
Also, cloning is banned in half the world
At this point, one day such dating tendencies may get so bad that we will need to reconstruct our ideas of relationships and it’s dynamics. Thus meaning the situations will get even worse and worse in coming years for a damn lot of people. I would say the main problem is incredibly high expectations of how your beloved partner should be like and also a lack of empathy for people who don’t fit in these dream-like categories but still would make a great partner for you.
Open relationship will become more popular. 4 males with 1 female so they can get at least tiny bit of affection. Mark my words
@@JAKE-ng8yr I don't think so. It's not within man's nature to share a female with other males.
I think something for much worse will occur at some point. The point is family (a specially the one with kids) is functioning as a pole with shackles to man (to woman as well but in a different way). Those shackles are wilfully put on by man and have two functions. Firstly they serve as a very strong protection against going "rouge" as you have a family you need to take care off. As long as you have some kind of a backbone you will aim to stand up again preventing from complete collapse. Secondly they prevent man from going rouge in literal manner of the word. Since you have a close ones that you love, and you are not able to protect them 100% of the time you want word around them to be as safe as possible therefore you keep aggression level of other society members in check.
Normally the amount of man without those chains was very small therefore even if they had some some stupid ideas the majority could easily subjugate them. Well I am afraid that this subjugation option is slowly becoming impossibility. What's more it's highly unlikely for them to create families later in lives because there are simply no free women who can become their partners (the good ones will stay married, the bad ones just can't function in a relationship and are going to make their life even more miserable than it already is). Which will lead in turn to degradation of mental health with every passing year - which in turn will make them less likely to comply with society rules with every passing year.
The question if there will be a point at which number of man with "Joker" mindset ("some people just wanna see the world burn") will become high enough to unleash absolute mayhem. And it won't be slow process - sure it will start slow but after crossing critical point it will explore with the force of nuclear bomb.
@@iamjashin well internet isnt in nature too and we all use it most of the time. We are beyond nature. And yeah its gonna get worse, more mass shootings, killing maybe even some extremist parties will get into goverment with the votes from lonely males.
@@iamjashin My theory is that these "men" will work their way to legislate the legalization of prostitution just so that can just some type of sexual fulfillment. Also I do believe that the next culture war conflict after transgenderism will be polygamous marriage of which the Mormon Church will support and back 100% of it.
@@iamjashin your last point about the joker moment ain’t true because porn keeps men seduced from uprising.
I'm 22 and got married at 20 to my wife. The main reason we got married was we thought sex before marriage was wrong and we really liked eachother. I feel like a lot of people are fine with having friends benefits and trust me I understand the temptation I really do. But I think it really plays a part in our butched dating scene
My rebuttal to that is what if the man and woman get married but find out after marriage that there's something preventing sex? There was a story of a guy who married his wife before finding out his wife couldn't have sex for whatever reason (also didn't really seem to want to have sex or any non-penetrative intimacy), so as a result, the guy's just sexually frustrated and likely wouldn't have married her in the first place had he known all this beforehand. For this reason, I'm not all on board with the sex before marriage crowd because sex defines a romantic relationship, and it's okay for people to want sex, so it's best that all this is clear beforehand. But I do see what you mean about things seeming backwards or strange in today's dating climate.
@@murkywaters5502 I know very few couples that are that extreme in terms of their sexual relationship. I think that's an outlier but it's an important thing to consider.
@@murkywaters5502 if sex is difficult, there’s usually a medical reason that can be corrected. I had a friend call me in tears on her wedding night for this exact reason. She needed her hymen surgically opened and some pelvic floor physical therapy. She’s had no issues since then.
There is still such a thing as an annulment, as well. Traditionally speaking, if you’re unable to complete the act or there’s a major issue that was left unmentioned before the wedding, you can have the marriage canceled like it never happened. This is true in both secular courts and religious communities, and I’ve known people who’ve gone through it for a variety of reasons-such as not sharing mental health diagnoses.
Sex, physically speaking, is not complicated. Compatibility is an issue of communication and commitment, not anatomy. You can tell from a simple kiss if you’re sexually attracted to some one or not. If gays can make it work, then any man and women can make it work if both parties are committed. I say this as someone who has more experience in this area than I care to admit.
Also, “incompatible sex drive” is not something to bank on. Over the course of a lifetime, things change. I used to be the highly sexed one in my marriage, now on my fifth pregnancy, I barely think about it. We would have never imagined ten years ago that our sexual dynamic would change so much. What hasn’t changed is that we always have to make compromises-and that’s a good thing for a relationship!
I also take issue with the idea that sex “defines” marriage. Sex should be reserved for marriage, IMO, but marriage is about building a family. Happy sexless marriages have existed throughout history and continue to exist. I think of a friend of mine whose husband was paralyzed from the neck down shortly after marriage-they’ve been together at least 35 years at this point and have children. I know another couple where the man was obese and his equipment just wasn’t accessible.
Another major thing is the impact of hormonal contraception. It changes a woman’s preferences, so if she’s sexually active before marriage and on the pill and then gets off of it to start a family, sometimes she’s in for a very rude awakening. I wasn’t religious as a young person, but I am now that I’m in my 30s. If I had it to do all over again, I would have waited for my husband and never taken birth control. It would have saved me a lot of scars on my heart and trauma.
Good job, you and your descendants will inherit the lands of the wicked, who are writhing in pleasure.
@@unsrescyldas9745 don't get me wrong my wife and I had sex before marriage but we really hated that part about our relationship and said "We will either break or get engaged and try to avoid sex as much as possible until our wedding day"
I struggle with finding relationships. Every time i've asked a girl out it's like Murphy's law, something always goes wrong, and i don't know what i'm doing wrong. I'm not ugly, not fat, i'm introverted, and i work hard
From my experience there are certain things you need to do.
1. Never ask Girls out if she isnt showing you 100% interest.
100% interest means that you a heavily flirting, she always looks at you smiling etc.
2. Dont be needy at all cost. Take that idea of "i want to pursue a relationship" and throw it in the bin. It makes everything worse. You need to find REAL peace with yourself, accept that there are things in life you cannot control and live your life to the fullest. When you arrived that point you will not think like you think now anymore.
Have people at any point in history ever been satisfied with their dating lives, though? A vast majority of all media like songs, shows, movies, even poems and epics from a long time ago have heartbreak and the search for love as either a central or secondary theme.
Not discounting the difficulty of dating in the 2020s; there are definitely unique challenges at this point in time to consider, but the search for a real, lasting connection in a sea of fakes and one night stands is not necessarily a new problem.
No, but now it doesn't even lead to population growth or enough population growth which will mean huge percentages of old people in the population a couple of decades in the future. Which is a first.
It’s never been at this level, such that it’s causing demographic change
The difference was that at the time, love was considered a high ideal that people would give up everything for, or die if unable to achieve. Now it is something to throw away if inconvenient, unsatisfying, or if there is something more beautiful to lust after.
You should listen to Grace Jones. Nothing to do with heartbreak, but she's a great musician.
@@lucianboar3489 euthanasia and depopulation is what awaits us 🤘💀
My Grandpa was the first in his extended family to date. Before then, it was either arranged, or people were calling (a sort of cross between arranged and dating). He was married by 21 despite going to an all-boys school and Grandma going to an all-girls school. The problem I believe is both cultural, systemic, economic, and legal, but mostly cultural.
I’m a man who lives in a large city where the Church is insanely strong, so take that skew into account, since the city is very different from any other city I’ve been to or lived in here in New York. There are some boroughs where the boomers reign, but also some very jovial districts. So networking and dating has been something I’m able to do, but then you run into the other issues: Men find themselves hopeless and addicted, while women find themselves disconnected and led astray, many forced into universities. Neither have a good perspective, and when they do gain perspective, we all have to do a decade’s worth of maturing in a matter of months or a couple years, and work hard without any parental figure telling us we should. Most marrying-age people will not do that. We have no expectations. We were raised by Hollywood and TikTok entertainment, not men of God (or anyone even remotely conservative or authoritative).
Marriage itself has also been redefined. Long before Ogerfel, marriage was still seen as something pleasureful and perfect, and that reflected in partners. Hence why even men have too high standards at times. Getting married is not a game show, and it’s not so much a meritocracy. Marriage is a vocation and a mission. Missions have common struggle for greater rewards.
I treat dating like fishing
It's not even about catching anything
It's about enjoying the outdoors and alcohol in-between, the catching is a happenstance plus.
That's interesting. I never thought about it this way, but you made me realize that I'm doing it somewhat in the same way.
I try to build an experience that is gonna be enjoyable and something I can learn from in many aspects of my life regardless of what the outcome will be.
Oof, wait until 30.
I noticed a lot of people talking about money. Here’s another perspective, I’m a RUclipsr with 100k and on tinder when I put that, girls do not care nor ask about it. They only care about looks. In other words, I get like one match a week.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54
Money is at best an enhancer if you are a dork and get rich your now a rich dork. As you allude to physical attractiveness and emotional attractiveness aka game. Are in reality the primary determining factor for success with women. This is why rich dudes are often cuckolded by their wives. With a broke but suave and good looking bartender or similar low status jobs.
A suggestion for those wanting to easily meet attractive people of opposite gender.
Learn to dance. Salsa, Tango, swing, etc.
Dance filters in people who are physically fit. You will get to make physical contact, get a chance to form rapport, and be in each other’s space without having to go through pleasantries and familiarity.
The most traditional of courtship rituals still works.
It works for tall attractive men. The one exception is men who are instructors or class leaders, which is inherently attractive and can "hook" a woman.
@@ZM-jb6gc I only have one friend who goes to dance classes. He is rather short. He found his girlfriend there within 4 months after starting.
I tried that twice, but there were only old or married people :(
But maybe I try a third place
No, I am not going to do tango for some hoe.
10:05 Dating apps were hated because any man could send any woman a message and women absolutely hated it, then Tinder came along and women could filter out all the non-handsome men.
lmao
It won't be too long before lobbying ensures that non-handsome men are filtered out of society through legislation.
@@tgheretford that would be hilarious
@@TheGovernmentputcrackinmyblunt It would be, if it wasn't for the fact that it's starting to become real.
@@tgheretford we need to give women more power. They'll be the ones to put an end to premarital sex because they'll be waiting for the single biggest Chad and we'll sneak in to reinforce the patriarchy
This is a great video! The part where you talked about college stuff was interesting. I'd love to see a what if video predicting the future of universities. I work in a university context and it seems to me with the rise of online education that universities have become a largely unnecessary middle man and that in the next 50 years or so universities will have a greatly diminised importance in society and people will do engineering apprenticeships. Economically speaking it doesn't make sense to waste 3 or 4 years of someone's most productive years and burden them with debt by making them do assignments that do not contribute economically. Surely paying students for work as they are learning and making them learn practically is better economically and for students than our current system
College in most fields is more of a class and status divider. I didn’t think that when I was in college but now that I graduated it is super obvious
I sure hope so! I’m in college rn and I’m frustrated with it. I’m determined to make a side hustle thru educating myself outside of the corrupt ass “educational” system.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent, 50:54 Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution
I really appreciate the brutal honesty you put in these videos. It's like school, but actually useful
Ted Kaczynski's books, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' offer unique perspectives 50:54.
The book I wrote for my son has a chapter called "On Attraction" which talks about a lot of what you're talking about. It felt weird writing it, but I feel like if I don't help my son, he'll grow up the way I did not knowing how to meet women and without any tools it's really easy to fall into despair.
The recommendation I gave him as to how to meet women is to stay away from online dating altogether and find out places women will be and try to be there.
I am lucky to be married to a great woman, but not just lucky. I had to make my own luck to find women to date being a hikikomori nerd living in a brand new city where I didn't know anyone.
You mentioned that society is uncomfortable with stereotypes, but I think it's also deeply uncomfortable with men acting to become more attractive to women. It's seen as a creepy and manipulative, but in reality it helps men stop being creepy and helps them not have to be manipulative because women actually want to be with them.
Is it a published book? What is it called?
I know what you mean about men working on themselves being see as creepy or "trying too hard". Someone asked me why I go to the gym. I said it's because I want to improve my dating life, and research shows woman want strong men who are fit.
The amount of disgust I got with that from women was shocking to me. They said it was try too hard and living you life for women and I was shocked.
And don't get me started on women trying to improve themselves & making changes regarding what men like and in a woman. That was called "controlling and sexist". Guiding your child is much better than a stranger on the Internet or dating gurus who will empty their bank accounts.
I have given up on dating in the western world. I'm going to date in a traditional religious country that is tied to my roots.
@@murkywaters5502 It's called The Graysonian Ethic: Lessons for my unborn son. It's published on amazon, and I've also got a (deepfaked) audio book edition on youtube.
@@thegraysonianethic2481 Cool! I'll check it out. Thanks!
"The recommendation I gave him as to how to meet women is to stay away from online dating altogether and find out places women will be and try to be there." Wont work in my society. You cant knock on peoples doors and say your looking for a wife anymore.
"If there's nothing worth dying for there's nothing worth living for"
i hope there will be a part 2 talking about "why marriage is broken "
50:54
Kaczynski's books, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' are worth a read
I don't think marriage is broken. I think men need to re-learn how to be men.
I think it's more the cultural breakdown of community and the ability to socialize with and meet strangers than anything else. That's what drove everyone to the dating apps/sites, but it has been going on before they became popular. There are smaller communities far flung from the urban centers where strangers can still talk to each other, connect, and no longer be strangers. I honeymooned in one of them, it was amazing to see. Wife and I are currently in the process of trying to make a move up there.
I suspect population density is a big driver of this social breakdown. In a smaller community, people can know each other, and meeting another human during your day is usually a pleasant event. In an enormous city, meeting other humans is overwhelming and even dangerous.
Kaczynski has written two books from prison, they're excellent: Technological Slavery and Anti-Tech Revolution 50:54 .
This shows that Christmas can come more then once a year
But lonely singles can't.
I've been reading for years in the comments that "this video somehow showed up at the right time." I finally get to comment that I have experienced this. Literally just had 2 horrible responses from matches online today, I'm excited for this video. thank you for your hard work and dedication to your craft whatifalthhist
Care to share what those 2 horrible responses were?
Ted Kaczynski's books, 'Technological Slavery' and 'Anti-Tech Revolution,' 50:54 offer unique perspectives.
I haven't watched the whole video yet but honestly, the dating market is rough. Women gravitate towards the top tier men. Men and women both have let standards crumble in regards to grooming and other personal ethics. The divorce rates are sky high and favor women which I know scares many men away. But what's worse is I don't think this is by accident. I think social engineering along with mass media is a big culprit. With feminism we began to see a divide between men and women. Marxist philosophies and practices made big government the provider by rewarding women for divorcing at the expense of men. Porn and other meaningless distractions have made men weaker and less competent than their predecessors. Media has taught women that they are all perfect 10s and should never date down and given them unrealistic standards.
I know people from other cultures that still have children and healthy marriages, they also don't subscribe to progressive beliefs. I truly believe we in the western world have been specifically undone and that none of it is an accident; but instead malicious social programming.
Just to support your "other cultures" point when it comes to marriage and kids :
As a french dude mainly using OkCupid, I only talk to people who set up their profile as "no kid and wants kid(s)" (not even "might want kid(s)", since I'll know I'll want some, might as well prevent a future break up over a disagreement on that very important point in my life) and no geographical filter.
The moment you filter people based on that one single criteria, you instantely see how much countries shift away very quickly from european countries to south east asian and african christian or islamic countries (side note, I barely see any american women in my OkCupid feed. So either they don't use this app at all, or they fill their profile in ways so different than mine that the app doesn't even present them to me, or maybe even both, idk).
It's incredible.
I know from all my friends and family members that most people around me aren't interested in raising families, and it shows in statistics : In france, 1 out of 3 women don't want children.
But still, the extent of that shift really surprised me.
I personally do subscribe to many progressive beliefs, and am not religious at all.
But I can't help to notice that if I want to live my future family in the way that I want to, if I happen to meet that person through dating apps, statistically speaking, I'll find that with someone with very different beliefs than mine.
Divorce does not scare me and why ? well that's simple the best things in Life Shawn require risk do you think when Caesar crossed the Rubicon do you think that was an easy thing to do ? no no it wasn't it was the hardest thing he did in his life he knew the moment he crossed the Rubicon there was no going back he would either emerge Victorious and become Emperor of Rome or would be defeated and killed but why did he do it knowing how high the price of failure was ? he did it because he wanted Rome more then anything in the world and he was willing to risk death to achieve this goal my point is if you want to get Married do not fear Divorce just try and find a great woman to marry don't fuck up and take it from there
This was very informative and you’re very intelligent! Thanks for doing all the research work and sharing!
Some key issues id put out there are:
Lack of familial spirituality - a lot of young people just can't find or create a familial vibe with a partner. There is a level of relaxed honesty that many relationships are not reaching
Ritual dating habits - people don't really learn courtship from anywhere in the US. Things like dances, cheerleaders and jocks, ect just aren't supported or practiced
Drugs and medicine - so much of the young are on some drug that affects hormones. Like seriously find a girl with normal oxytocin receptors or a guy without some medicine or drug for attention/social skills
Good take. The ritual piece is an important one, I think, because it's the reason why nobody even knows where to start. If you have a common mechanism, then everyone's at least coming to the same place with a relatively similar starting point.
Lack of familial spirituality? What does that mean?
familial vibe with a partner is absolutely big. If you can't relax ,take off your mask and generally just be as real as can be after a certain point in a relationship where naturally you start trusting them a bit more. Then you might as well not even bother. I have Exs who I'm actually still on relatively good terms and deep connections/ friendships with. Along with forging more friends from their circles and so and so forth.
Its a shame because the strife and bitterness I had to suffer from certain ex's and types of women I could of just skipped if I had learned your first point.
Gaining personal power in masculinity is wonderful but at some point as a man you gotta be strong enough to bring it down from around your heart and emotions and test her if she is also in love with you as a person and not as merely a rock and strength.
@@YoLoBrOtHeR genuinely not being able to just have a family. Like, you know, a kid who grew up with a single parent and never ever have been a part of a functional family. Just not knowing what to do and how to do it, it's really hard to learn it without any example as well. Simply an uncharted territory for the kiddo and so it either scares him off, so he isolates his feelings and doesn't involve in things with his partner or puts him through a lot of stress and frustration, which provoke fights with his partner. Something like that probably. The key either way is that a person is not able to connect with their partner fully to create a trusting and genuine athmosphere in their relationship.
even just things like sugar and caffine can mess with the head. we weren't meant for all these huge amounts of processed sugars and super high caffine energy drinks yet we suck them up thinking they don't effect us at all. let ALONE some of the chemicals they put in everything. god knows how many studies will show these effects in a few decades as we have generations with increasing sugar consumption to compare and contrast