@@bern9642 The only religion with a phobia of it in the world is Islam so unless there's something like Atheistophobia that I don't know about, I'll play the victim card because we *are* victims
The Scottish Play, after that Lady Macduff is dragged off stage and raped to death. We had an actual kid in the production and she asked in the fullest innocent voice "what is rape?" My heart!
I think in Europe it’s also the standard. Haven’t seen otherwise unless maybe it’s a big party or some event but even then mostly we take our shoes off. Lived in different countries in Europe and it seems to be the norm.
That tweet saving story better be a lie. I can only imagine how confused the world would be 500 years from now reading so much of the earth's stupidity
@@txt4r I'm just telling you what Mr. Nanjiani said. I remember it from an old WTF, Marc Marron, podcast. You'd have to pay to get access to the back catalog, but it is affordable if you care that much. Regardless, unless you're calling Mr. Nanjiani a liar, his family still in Pakistan got death threats over the joke, and that's why he (prematurely) cut it from his stand up act. I do agree with you on this part: he was actually defending Islam
@@196cupcake OK got it thanks there are very strange people anywhere you go who do not make any sense and Pakistan is no exception I can list countless examples
At my college, the guys' restroom is cleaner than the ladies. I know because a lady used the guys' restroom while theirs was full. she said, "my god, this restroom is cleaner than the ladies restroom."
So, all things being equal, the urinal or toilet closest to the door is the least used. Most think it'd be the one furthest away, hence why most people skip the "clean" one
A mouse on a surfboard? Is that preferable to ants on Seadoos? I mean, I don't if a mouse has the balance necessary to ride a surfboard, but with an appropriate team of scientists, they could make a Seadoo an ant could operate.
I used to be a custodian, the women’s bathroom is worse. They flush tampon, and panties. Sometimes they forget to flush. They also leave their bloody pads on the side of the toilets.
_Everybody should watch *THE BIG SICK 2017*, co-written by Kumail, featuring Kumail and Emily Blunt...THE BEST ROMANTIC COMEDY I've ever seen - he is a GREAT actor...SOoo believable in his role...filled with brilliant moments._
If someone stands at the urinal next to you with a bunch open, shove him down the line. He won't fight back, and if he does, he's doing it with a full bladder.
Socrates along with several other philosophers spend Millenia pondering philosophical implications of MILFs at Taco Bell.. it a concept that is still taught in philosophy classes to this day.
Most guys don’t know this but women restrooms are DISGUSTING. Just today I waked into a public restroom... shit smeared on all the seats. And that’s not the first time I’ve seen this.
3:45 just to be clear prophet Muhammad PBUH did say that we will have vehicles moving us around and that people would be talking to metal which is the microphone you are holding.
Surrounded by MILFS at Taco Bell is a totally underrated William Shakespeare play
Honestly it's one of the best plays he's ever written; a true classic. it's a shame it doesn't get the recognition it deserves 😧
To smash or not to smash, that is the question.
LOL
Surrounded by milfs at taco bell is also the name of my 80's synthpop tribute band!
totally.
on using urinals "if your shoelaces are untied: burn your legs off" -- just got home from way too many airports..this is so true
He told the "Islam predicted cars" joke at SNL too. Still funny😂
His delivery on SNL was way funnier!
@fatima arshad, So what? He's still speaking good about Islam unlike many other atheists and people of other religions.
@@abdulbasit9435 Oh, honey...
@@abdulbasit9435 isn't it the same with atheists and Christianity? Don't play victim, everyone gets shat on
@@bern9642 The only religion with a phobia of it in the world is Islam so unless there's something like Atheistophobia that I don't know about, I'll play the victim card because we *are* victims
“The piss of a thousand strangers”
Strangely poetic
The name of my favorite metal band.
thousand piss stare
every artisanal beer from Brooklyn.
Is that Shakespeare?
It's adorable that he thinks women's bathrooms are cleaner
Right.
It's because he never got any.
maybe you have never seen Men's rooms 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol!
They are, in every sense of the word
"Islam is the one true religion, women shouldn't drive..." Context is everything.
"So he's losing the battle"
😂😂😂
To be fair, most Gary were born with a mustache.
To be faaaaaaiiiiirrrr
Gary Vee tooo
The plural of Gary is Gary lmao
Gary Oldman 😂
To be fair most John's are toilets
I have watched so many Kumail Nanjiani interviews I already know the pee story, but its always so entertaining to hear it.
Have you ever watched Chris D'Elia? I started watching comics because of him
@@peoduction6068 yeahh, I have, he's hilarious man👏. I actually started watching comics because of John Mulaney.
Shakespeare also wrote "what, you egg? [He stabs him]"
The Scottish Play, after that Lady Macduff is dragged off stage and raped to death. We had an actual kid in the production and she asked in the fullest innocent voice "what is rape?" My heart!
Really feels like he missed a chance to coin the word "Twitterature."
😂😂
Love pronouncing it.
I literally heard it when I was watching
That's so cutarded
Shit I guess it's your copyright now!!!!!!
" *Surrounded by MILFS at Taco Bell* " --- Gandhi
Edgar Allan Poe
Pretty sure it was jesus
I am an Indian and I am laughing at this comment!
preety amazing right?!
@@satyawatigendre4417 he is Pakistani
"I was raised Muslim... (wait for applause)"
🤣
This is why it grosses me out when ppl walk in their house with shoes on 😭
Bc you're Asian
@@fairy5668 if you go inside without your shoes your not Asian, you're just normal. You may also be Asian but that's beside the point
Me too
I think in Europe it’s also the standard. Haven’t seen otherwise unless maybe it’s a big party or some event but even then mostly we take our shoes off. Lived in different countries in Europe and it seems to be the norm.
@@youreskimofriend2327 yes it is. Walking inside the house with the shoes on is just an american thing.
Wait, he didn't tell us literature or Twitter on that last one 😅
one of williams best
@@dislikeablemelon9991 HAHAHA
Obviously literature
I believe that was an early Edgar Allan Poe
GANDHI
That tweet saving story better be a lie. I can only imagine how confused the world would be 500 years from now reading so much of the earth's stupidity
It is true, my friend.
Snowden was right
TheRichRoom Thanks, now my last bit of hope for the future has died. I’m going to go cry in a corner now. 😫
I hope they archive trump’s tweets so the future humans will know how stupid he was
Kumail Nanjiani is officially in my top 5 fave comedians 😂👍🏻
Fun(?) fact: Kumail Nanjiani had to stop using that bit because his family in Pakistan started getting death threats from Muslim extremists.
@@196cupcake Not true
None of his jokes were offensive to anyone
he was actually defending Islam
@@txt4r I'm just telling you what Mr. Nanjiani said. I remember it from an old WTF, Marc Marron, podcast. You'd have to pay to get access to the back catalog, but it is affordable if you care that much. Regardless, unless you're calling Mr. Nanjiani a liar, his family still in Pakistan got death threats over the joke, and that's why he (prematurely) cut it from his stand up act.
I do agree with you on this part: he was actually defending Islam
@@196cupcake OK got it thanks
there are very strange people anywhere you go
who do not make any sense
and Pakistan is no exception
I can list countless examples
@@txt4r I agree, and I have some examples of my own, haha
I was not ready whatsoever for that last one 😂
I am Muslim and when he said the guy said "the Quran said women can't drive" I laughed so hard man 😂😂😂
Who names their kid Gary? He didn’t even have a mustache. 😂😂💀
There are no babies names Gary. They just appear at age 27
Rob Fab Videos When I was in 1st-3rd grade, our principals name was Gary. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized it was Gary and not Grey. 😂
A fan of Spongebob Squarepants
He got meright in the beginning 😂😂😭😭 "if your shoe laces are untied...burn your legs off"
His eyebrows are soooo expressive! I love it lmao
The perfect humor on a Monday afternoon love this guy and this channel 😎✨🌮
Say what you want about men's restrooms, but you've never found a used tampon or maxipad in the toilet.
Thats what you would think.
im a woman and ive never found that either
You're oh so wrong
Some dudes will use a tampon for nosebleeds, so I've seen it.
@@anthonynorman7545 Haha!!! Sure. "Nosebleeds".
Better than most of the JFL clips I've seen recently!
"Surrounded by milfs at Taco Bell."
- Emily Dickinson
Trick question, they are both Shakespeare.
Scott M nah... I think that either Gandhi or Jesus said the last one.🤣
Freakin love Kumail, he’s so funny
The last one caught me off guard 😂
OMG I LOVE KUMAIL SO MUCH!!! HES HYSTERICAL!!! 😂🤣😂🤣
Kumail is one of the funniest comedians working today
National Archives and Library of Congress sometimes get confused.
If you think Jesus was white, your not allowed to have an opinion on gun control. - Rory Scovel
Jesus was Arab.
@@XxvaxionxX *Jewish
@@danielboisvert2194 that's an ideology not a place.
If it ain't white it ain't right
@@wellreadbull3740 ...They are a people group. Jesus was ethnically Jewish.
Kumail was one of my first favorites when I got into stand up. I really miss him on the stage.
Eyes forward Gary
"Surrounded by MILFS at Taco Bell" That's literature, I definitely remember reading that one. I think it was Keats!
What’s funny this guy is going to play in the Marvel movie The Eternals lol 😂 That’s awesome!
Cowboy 1000 omg.🤣 Why do I get the feeling that that movie is now gonna be at LEAST 10 times funnier.
OMG no way!!!!!!
Kumail is so fucking eternal XD
When he said surrounded by MILFs at Taco Bell, I absolutely died
At my college, the guys' restroom is cleaner than the ladies. I know because a lady used the guys' restroom while theirs was full. she said, "my god, this restroom is cleaner than the ladies restroom."
Maybe it gets cleaned more often because of how terrible it gets 😄
"It's fuckin Gary"🤣🤣🤣
The Uber guy.
And then everyone in the crowd that wore shoelaces legs disappeared
Eyes forward Gary!
Lmao, Kumail Nanjiani is so underrated.
Aaron Smith nope. He’s pretty mediocre tbh
@@vivekshah7769 no he's really not.
This was the perfect video for me to click on while I was drinking a yellow beverage.
this crowd was WEAK, you deserved better Kumail
2:36
So, all things being equal, the urinal or toilet closest to the door is the least used. Most think it'd be the one furthest away, hence why most people skip the "clean" one
I love this guy. And Gary, wherever you are, just ask before you touch. You'll be fine.
Missed his chance to call it “Lit or Twit”
Great set tho
Garys are supposed to born fully grown with mustaches?
he's so great hahaha, love him
EYES FORWARD GARY
Great name for a band!
He was great in Stuber.
Mouse on a surf board!
My old man was a maintenance man for my town for 20 years....hes said for the past 20 years that the women's bathrooms were always much worse
why are ppl so gross & messy in a public space???
I love Kumail 😂
Kumail: "Hello Pot"
Pot: "Nice to meet you, Kettle"
These are FAVORITE Kumail jokes.
This title is how I feel every day.
I'm proud for the Eternal Kumail
Haha for this exact reason my uncles make us take our shoes off before going in their house
Only your uncles? Isn’t that normal??
They announced they're storing tweets over 7 years ago.
A mouse on a surfboard? Is that preferable to ants on Seadoos? I mean, I don't if a mouse has the balance necessary to ride a surfboard, but with an appropriate team of scientists, they could make a Seadoo an ant could operate.
Twiterature
Like this guy .
3:45 actually it says that.. but not directly
Which Ayah?
Good watch
I can't unhear prismo
Is this guy in the Internals?
I used to be a custodian, the women’s bathroom is worse. They flush tampon, and panties. Sometimes they forget to flush.
They also leave their bloody pads on the side of the toilets.
HAPPPPPYYYYY BIRTHDAYYYYYY......THANK YOU VeRY MUCH
Better than the twilight zone episode
Who else has watched the Silicon-valley TV show
_Everybody should watch *THE BIG SICK 2017*, co-written by Kumail, featuring Kumail and Emily Blunt...THE BEST ROMANTIC COMEDY I've ever seen - he is a GREAT actor...SOoo believable in his role...filled with brilliant moments._
IKR!
am I the only one who always checks his laces before going to public bathrooms?
This crowd sucks. That Gary story is fucking hilarious 😂😂😂
Started watching this while starting my dinner.. Too much pee talk to eat comfortably!! xD
Hold for applause lmfao
He did that car one on SNL it was hilarious
You know what the fuck it is! Had a good deep laugh
If someone stands at the urinal next to you with a bunch open, shove him down the line. He won't fight back, and if he does, he's doing it with a full bladder.
Oh this was posted on my birthday
the last line was just brilliant joke
He didn’t have a mustache or anything 🤣😂
This is why I always use the stall
Bad crowd can ruin a Great performance.
Oh, it just did...
"lit or twit"
Socrates along with several other philosophers spend Millenia pondering philosophical implications of MILFs at Taco Bell.. it a concept that is still taught in philosophy classes to this day.
He's obviously named after Gary from spongebob
very very very good :)
I thought he drove uber😂😂
Stuber
This is why I don’t work, what if I have to use a public bathroom
Nice Ted talk
aaaand that’s why you take your shoes off at home! Why is that weird? It’s common sense.
I've heard the bathroom joke years ago but I don't remember who did it
Patton Oswald
Most guys don’t know this but women restrooms are DISGUSTING. Just today I waked into a public restroom... shit smeared on all the seats. And that’s not the first time I’ve seen this.
3:45 just to be clear prophet Muhammad PBUH did say that we will have vehicles moving us around and that people would be talking to metal which is the microphone you are holding.
he gave the same story, same names, on CONAN , but he placed it at comic con thn
When were YOU on Conan or at Comic con??