How to Cope when Clients Quit Therapy
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- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2024
- How to Cope when Clients Quit Therapy
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One thing I didn’t realize would be part of my work as a therapist is the inevitability of clients “quitting” therapy, or when clients end therapy sooner than I had planned or anticipated given their treatment plan.
I remember the first time I had clients drop off prematurely from therapy, I took it personally. I questioned my treatment plan, my approach to counseling, and even whether I was cut out to be a therapist.
We all go through this! And it’s completely normal for clients to quit therapy. But it is important that we do our due diligence when this happens rather than internalizing it or sweeping it under the rug.
In this video, I share some tools to help you cope when clients quit therapy as well as some ways to help you improve the quality of your work going forward.
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This video is geared for therapists of all kinds, including psychologists, MFTs, LPCCs, social workers, and others in the clinical counseling field.
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I have spent yesterday after my therapy session and today deciding if i should stop seeing my therapist. I have often lately felt more sad and hurt after a session, because i feel she really dont care and that is extremly painful. Last session when she went to Get me, i felt she looked annoyed that it was me, and during session she kept looking at her watch, she does that often and in a very obvious way, like she is bored having to listen to me. I dont want to tell her because it might be hurtful to her if it’s not how it really is, and me making assumptions, but my feelings are still hurt leaving her office, and i spent The whole day crying. It’s sad because i really did like her, but it hurts when i dont feel she cares and is annoyed having me there. Of course she wont tell me she is, but sometimes energy dont lie.
I hope you were able to discuss it with her
I ghosted my therapist after 2 bad sessions. She downplayed my trauma, minimized it, and then laughed at me.
Having had 6 years as a client experience, I can say for me the biggest reason that I have wanted to quit over the time, but didn't, was feeling like my therapist at times was only seeing me because they were actually getting paid to talk to me
I only bring this up because I think a lot of clients feel this way. I think it's something for therapist to take note of. Obviously, we get paid as therapist but at the same time there's a balance to be struck there to where the client doesn't need to feel like that that's the only reason that the therapist is actually talking to them and giving them their time. Just my thoughts anyway
Laura, this is such an important point. I'm sorry to hear you've felt that way. It points to how impactful it is to believe that our therapists really care for us. And the best way to do that is to actually care for our clients! I hope this is something your therapist would be able to safely and nondefensively address with you were you to ever bring it up, but I know from experience that not all therapists are equipped to do that, which is very unfortunate. Best wishes to you!
Thank you
@@lauragore5489 Laura I understand this because I am a counselor and have been in the client chair. One way I have chosen to look at it is that we could all share our issue with family or friends who would not charge us to listen however it's likely none of our friends have the emotional bandwidth and/the skills to know how to help. I would (and have) do this work without pay I love it and my clients so much
@@lauragore5489 I mean it is their career. Can’t be upset . It’s her job to first help you and then get paid. It’s a service . Don’t take it personal.
It needs courage for a service provider in any business to ask and engage in a transparent talk the other person before it is late why they are not coming and what can be done for them to trust . I say that because most people are afraid to be confronted that they didn’t do a good job in their job. If someone does it shows they are experienced and trust themselves. If not it shows they are afraid to ask in case they hear their mistakes .
I like the reframe that clients quitting therapy are advocating for themselves. I’m struggling to find a therapist that suits me, pretty much always have. I saw 6 providers last year and terminated with my therapist Friday. I am also a therapist and I lost 3 clients last week, all due to finances / personal obligations. It was really sad, but I wasn’t upset with them. I was upset because I have to open for intakes and meet new people 😭 I would love a video about how to deal with the uncertainty of this role in general, whether that is clients terminating, cancelling appts / asking to reschedule, or clients whose availability changes as treatment progresses. I’m autistic so all of the routine shifts in my job are difficult to manage even though I understand and accept they will happen.
I brought up in supervision but felt being blamed for my intervention. It has been very challenging for me.
Lolol legit needed this 🙄😂
I have been in and out of therapy for over 20 years, I've been seeing my current therapist since Jan this year. I'm not getting anything out of my sessions, every week I go home thinking what a waste of my time. I'm trying to heal from a lifetime of abuse. Every week we end up talking about my weight, the first time it came up I disassociated. We did change the subject but my therapist won't leave it alone. I have trust issues, and this isn't helping. I just want to be left alone.
Hi Dr. Fang - I was working w/ a therapist who actually quit ON ME! Yup. There on Friday, gone on Wednesday. After a successful 2-year alliance. Wondering if you might do a video highlighting multi-session closures, as opposed to abandonment? Love your work.
Ahh Jessica, I'm so sorry this happened! I am super attached to my therapist and we are doing great work together/have a super strong relationship. I would be devastated by that experience. My heart hurts for you and that's a great video topic - how to gracefully handle a termination or graduation of therapy and the relationship is super important.
🥲 Thanks Ali, your words mean a lot
Jessica, That is about my worst nightmare! I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. Even when I've gone on temporary leave, I still have given several months' notice as well as options for where my clients could receive support while I'm not available. Barring certain exceptions, ending on such short notice is generally unethical. I think it's a great idea to talk about how to end well with clients, as your experience highlights. Thank you for sharing.
I literally just ended my therapy today simply because I do better in person than telehealth . I really liked my therapist, but felt I do better in person , which she didn’t provide. Even if she did , she was 40 mins away . I tried telehealth for 6 sessions . I honestly feel horrible, cause she ironically was my fav therapist ughhh .
I totally agree! During that sh!t show I stopped therapy instead of doing it online. Funny you say that because that's how I felt but my T is so helpful I do drive a bit over that to see them in person. Although I try to plan other things there also like grocery shopping so I don't need to go into town locally to do that. 2 birds 1 stone deal. A few years back though I was in a situation where I couldn't go that far. So I get that also. It stinks when the close ones aren't a good match.
Andy, did you tell her that while she was your fav before quitting online therapy. I am a therapist at BH but only the past 2 months. I am actually happy for someone to decide to choose in person if that is what they feel is best. Short of achieving ones goals that is my second fav, because they are taking direct action to choose better self care for themselves. But the ones that just swap with no warning, especially after several positive sessions is just baffling. I wouldnt hold a grudge if they came back but I just really respect the clients who just say a quick note like “hey i am really tight on cash. Im gonna take a break for a few mos and not renew, or even just that they wanted to try a few therapist to get the best fit before delving too deep. I get that. Its really where they are but giving some feedback helps us be better therapists too.
Thank you for addressing this topic! Such helpful tips. 😊
Such a wonderful channel! Thank you so much for speaking about things that are hard to talk about.
This is a very helpful video. Thanks for making it.
It can be disheartening but it's important to remember that sometimes they are not ready to accept the message and that's ok. Timing is personal. Therapy is painful and uncomfortable. It's always helpful to do introspection. I do grief work and everyone is in a different space. I try to approach the subject and actually say that there will likely come a time they will want to quit. But if they push through the pain it will be worth it.
Good point - timing is everything.
Hi! I love love love your videos! They are always so helpful. I was wondering if you could do a video on how to get reviews while being ethical.
I like how you brought up clients do this to advocate for themselves. I encourage my patients to speak with their therapist if there are issues, for instance when they feel they are not a good fit. Sometimes when they explore this it is typically a misunderstanding and then more therapeutic relations are built. Other times it really is that the therapist and client are not the best fit, so they move on. Ghosting someone is not something I encourage but I could see how having that conversation would be difficult. Thanks again for bringing valuable content our way.
I really agree with this. I've had a couple of people end after a just a few sessions and I had a sense we might not be a good fit. I did feel bad, but I also thought it might be for the best. Ghosting is hard because as the therapist there is no closure, so you end up wondering, but I try not to judge myself or the client. I TRY not to... this was helpful in the end to help me learn what kind of therapist I am, which is ok too.
I feel bad as an adult for ghosting a therapist. They weren't bad I just couldn't talk about the deep shit with them so why drag it on. Then I spent way to many months with the next one but we talked about trust. Later on after quiting I realized it was there body language. She was clearly judging me by there reactions. I feel bad about the first one I ghosted. I told the front desk they were nice and it was my financial issues but cancel the rest. Hope they didn't blame themselves too much.
Hi Dr.Fang! I messaged you back a couple months ago. I went to grad school with Roy Kim and finished Kristie Plantinga SEO program which was so amazing!! She’s the best at SEO. I have a question. I am a therapist who is Christian. About half of my clients consider themselves Christian and they love bringing their faith into therapy which I love as well. I have been contemplating on doing a niche for a Christian counseling but I’m questioning if I’m adequate enough. I went to Azusa Pacific (Christian Grad School) and been highly involved in my church; several church bible studies. How did you go from a therapist whose Christian to a Christian therapist who does Christian counseling? Specific certification/ training?
QUIT
TAKING
IT
PERSONALLY
Therapy can help with that 🤣
maybe people are sick of sanctimonious platitudes peddled out by so called care givers and want to deal with things themselves. Therapists, Councellors etc are paid a good wage to care but they could also just half ass it and pretend to listen to problems.
Sanctimonious platitudes? 🫠 that is not what happens in therapy
The most obvious example of this for me was the 4 times I accepted male clients in my practice last year. I let them know upfront that my niche is working with women and they insisted they wanted to work with me. 3 of 4 came to one session and the other one had 2 sessions. In session things seemed fine, but obviously not. Now I just refer males and wish them well, but I am from Venus I guess.
Great point! I learned a very similar lesson myself. I now universally refer out everyone who is not in my niche. Usually both me and the client will be better for it :)
You shouldn't be a therapist if you're uncomfortable with males
@@liam.4454she did not say she was uncomfortable just that they aren’t her niche
Clients can leave whenever they want. For any reason.