So true, narcissists are both jealous and controlling. They first charm you then they hurt you for being kind to them. I think they secretly loathe themselves and hate anyone that cares about them. They are motivated by fear, not love.
I was married to a grandiose narcissist for 30 years, I was a virgin when we got married and I remember my wedding night crying and sobbing because he made a huge argument out of nothing! I was 19 and the night we actually had intimacy for the 1st time it was more like a tape with an R it was painful, abusive, empty and cruel. As the years went by porn and more perverse types of sex were introduced. The cheating with dozens of women including underage girls was blamed on me. For him sex was complete control, if he wanted it, it didn’t matter if I was sick , sad or just had a baby. To him I was always too old, too fat, too thin, never enough . He discarded me 8 months ago, and I have started my healing journey, not 100% recovered , but I will get there. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this video.
My husband was a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist. When I read your comment I was struck by how much your description of your overt narcissist husband was exactly like mine! I don’t really understand what the difference between the two is, except for the overt actually fitting their public persona. I felt so much guilt and condemnation for the things my husband coerced me into doing with him that I couldn’t pray and feel God heard me for over 30 years. I’m feeling better but it has taken time. There are many women out there like us who can certainly pray for each other, even though we’ve never met. 🥹❤️🙏
This is the very best video I've seen on this subject. Thank you! Perfect description of their sexual behavior. Over time it devolves into humiliation, degradation and ultimately sadism. These people live to rob you of your very heart and soul, because they have none.
Narcissists aren't just jealous because you enjoy sx too much. They're jealous if you enjoy ANYTHING. Like family or friend gatherings, holidays, whatever you are into, they don’t like it. My husband ruined so many holidays by sitting there with a condescending smirk on his face, whenever I'd be laughing, having a good time, telling a joke, whatever. He hated to see me having a good time. Bastard made everybody uncomfortable, while believing everyone else had made fools of themselves. Just by being happy. We all ignored him, but it was still awkward.
They don't do real intimacy, except for the lovebombing period, maybe when you are "good little girl" to them, when you didn't realize what they are like.
This was such a heartbreaking experience for me in multiple ways. I appreciate you talking about such a difficult subject because one of the hardest parts of coming out of a narc relationship is feeling heard and seen.
They enjoy the breaking of the boundary. If you are too easy, there is no boundary. They have to sometimes have to create a boundary just so they can bust through it.
I have seen hundreds of videos on N and this one is new to me and confuses me! I thought my N dter in law who controls my son and has isolsted and alienated him from us,his lovinv parents is holding him with good sex . Why wd he agree or not beable to see thru this? Please explain ..anybody...thanks ..bsffled naive me
@@Silllywalksyes, it is rape. Consensual lovemaking doesn't interest them as much as sadism does. That's why they purposely violate agreed boundaries (condom use, no to certain acts, etc.) and say they were 'caught up in the moment' etc. Then gaslighting you later ('I never removed the condom') is pro-longing the sadism.
@@theripper1705 🤣 you don't have to tell me. I know all about it. They also like to use "clever names" when speaking with people that their ignorance tells them are targets. They LOVE to tell on themselves. In truth, they should just be ignored, but they spend all their time trying to be SEEN whether anyone actually wants to see them or not. Yeah. They've got big problems.
After 30 years of ignorance and 2 years no contact, this information has helped me understand some aspects of my experiences so much better. Thank you 🙏
The cover narcissist I dealt with for 11 years always wanted to record it. Was also addicted to porn. Would put my face on the girls in the videos. It was very demeaning to me 😢. I wanted to be in the moment & I felt used . He weaponized sex , withholding it from me. Lack of affection , intimacy & sex for years . I lost my sex drive due to the abuse I suffered from him. I’m sure he cheated on me just never caught him .
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I also had my boundaries broken by him making me continually do things that I didn’t want to do. He caused me pain- things that still hurt today during in regular life…. I lost any sex drive I had also.
24 years with my covert narcissist almost 20 years married. I didn’t realize this until 3 years ago spiritual in 2020 I waited a year to say anything I was called crazy roller coaster ride from hell cause I noticed the pattern. He thinks sex is love no empathy at all. Control over sex I agree it’s sick and twisted yes he wanted to watch porn while we have sex. He doesn’t like sex from past 3 years cause it’s normal sex is never good enough gets mad after cause wants me to sleep naked. I like sleeping in T-shirt panties always have. No sex past 3weeks. We have 2 kids together. I’m moving upstairs to other bedroom praying he leaves. He threatens me with divorce then plays it off as he didn’t say that. Good at flipping his words saying he didn’t say it to make me think I am crazy but I know the game. I believe they would go both ways if it benefit them in anyway. He has tried to talk me into having a threesome. I told him you married me if you want someone else you shouldn’t have gotten married. It’s fucked up. I don’t even want sex anymore. Thank you for sharing the truth about narcissists. Don’t stay run away if you feel it’s not right it’s not believe in yourself and your gut feelings cause they are true. Empath vs narcissist spiritual war we are in.
This explains so much. The misery I experienced and finally mourning the death of my intimate life. I capitulated after believing I had no over the situation. Recently I have been able to identify "what" I'm living with and now I'm planning accordingly. Thank you for this information, it's brought many, many things and situations to the light.
OMG that's exactly what I've been thinking about my fiance🫢 I feel like the man in the relationship begging for sex and not getting it SMH!! I asked him if he'd give me a hall pass and he jokingly said yes, he probably thinks I'm playing? But I'm at the point of breaking🙄
They want to diminish you as a person and break your spirit while at the same time pretending to luve within the rules and values if a committed relationship.
They are definitely getting called out in this video! I hope people recognize the signs and get away sooner than later after seeing this. This is not an easy topic to talk about. Thank you for sharing so authentically. 🤗
great video. I'd just add, some narcissits use the withholding technique, to keep control, frustrate you, and relish in their ability to break your heart, make you feel less desirable, and yet another way to overall devalue and diminish you. and cause you self-doubt. all these awful manipulations all at once! and here I was, just looking for love, enjoying the lovebombing stage, when WHAM, he starts refusing me intimacy- usually as a weird form of punishment. I wish I had lett him then, instead of 10 years after marriage. he even withheld on our wedding night. bastard. anything to crush my dreams.
Sorry you had to experience that kind of hurt. You're not alone, though. Mine was the same way. I felt the same way you did about it. Sex life dwindled to almost never. Then, one day, he just declared he didn't want to have sex anymore, because, "It doesn't last long enough, so it's not worth it for me." That was a lie. He didn't care how I felt about it, at all! He just did it to hurt me. He was addicted to porn, and even started taking Viagra so he could "do himself" better. These narcissists will find anything they can to use to hurt us.
Same for me! = From the honeymoon on, he withheld intimacy as a disturbed form of punishment. Calling me all kinds of names to justify his disgust at me being my fault. Even telling me that because I left a dirty fork in the sink overnight made me a lazy wife and is the reason he could never get a irritation with a bad person like me. He had a secret Porn addict and hated anything that made me smile so denied me anything loving or kind. I was in shock & disbelief the howl time, like am I even talking to a human?
@@chrystalgreene892 yep, we had very similar abusive relationships. my ex told me his affairs were because i was a "bad mom and wife"-- when i did 100% of all housework, child-rearing, and worked a full time job as well! they love looking for "reasons" why we disappoint them. they seem to never be satisfied, fulfilled, or content. mine was a porn-addict as well- watched and downloaded the most disgusting videos, then would say "no" to me in the bedroom. i remember thinking i was "depressed"- when i was just being abused/devalued. once i realized his cruelty and "black hole" of needs and wants, without giving me any genuine love or support, i was able to start my detachment from him. but it takes years to heal, doesn't it.
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Dear My Ex Narcissist, The reason I refuse to fall for your hoovers or reverse hoovers are as follows: If I fall for your hoovers and reverse hoovers you will take what you want from me as you usually do and degrade me in ways that I hate and do things to my body that I do not enjoy and feel objectified and dehumanized by, then you will laugh and mock me and defend yourself listing off all your "generosity" making me feel even worse and to put yourself on a pedestal of self appointed altruism, then you leave. You don't like the real me. You're just like my narcissistic family. You make me grovel for scraps and abuse and degrade me for your benefit and amusement and make me be a fake happy version of myself for your convenience. No more. No more🚫.
exactly - all he wanted was perverse, degrading, and demeaning sex. Bringing the thought of others, talking about homosexual fantasies of his. He kept pushing porn on me- I don’t like porn. He kept calling me his little porn star. We did have the “best” sex in the beginning because I was really in love and felt super comfortable. But as I got to know him deeper , it got more degrading- then he stopped wanting to do it less and less. I still wanted intimacy, even if I didn’t like the violence and perversion. He stopped doing anything that served me and it was only about him. Sex was sparingly at the end, and then he went through a fake religious period where he said he didn’t want to because of the lord. He decided to be an atheist but he still didn’t want to do it- breadcrumbs of sex. This is so true. He would always tell me I want to see you have sex with XYZ - “for your pleasure”.
I'm a cuddle monster ... and I like to feel wanted and acknowledged. If I look forward to being with my spouse I would hope they would also. On a snow in day, watching movies and cuddling... I don't mind cooking I just enjoy one on one time.
Seeing your discomfort or degradation feeds them.. it's NOT love, it's not sexy, it's victimization. YOU do not matter during sex. Rather the opposite. Also, having it on their terms, when, where, how, while depriving you of your preferences, also feeds them. Get FREE and GROW AWAY from them!! Grow your life
He actually came out and said to me one time while away on holiday- that if I didn’t have sex with him when, where, how, however much he wanted that he was never going to go away with me again. That was indeed the last time I went anywhere with him.
He just never cared about me . . . He actually told me that he cannot match my energy. So I lived deprived for 23 years. . . And the few times it would be so mechanical . . . I remember crying because of disappointment so many times . . . I never ever heard him make a single sound in 23 years . . .
@@janabanana8227 I left 2 years ago . . . O have spotted him around looking miserable and beaten . . . He always cowers or looks down when he sees me . . He can no longer syphon my energy . . . I am goad I left . My life has changed alot . . .
Kevin you are living proof of the effects of the unseen realm...the dichotomy of people is real! Thank you for all you do,your videos have opened a valve allowing decompression so u can reason through what I ve been dealing with...God bless brother.
For me the narcisist wanted all the time sex. There was never a comforting hug, because it always went down the path of sex and sometimes you just need that loving hug and not that striving for satisfaction. When I listen it seems like I am the narcisist, because I didn't wanted as much sex as him.
I couldn't get a hug from my ex-husband with out him grabbing my ass or change in front of him and treating me like a sex bop-it. It's sick. With a loving fiance' now who loves to canoodle, and he is NOT pushy at all.
But you’re not he ended up pushing you away because he wanted it all the time. I’m still married to mine 48 years two more years it’ll be 50 years and I’ve listened to so many videos about narcissists… I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until about six years ago seven years ago I was just flipping through RUclips channel and a narcissist video came up and God told me land on it so I watched it and I was like wow that’s who he is. That’s what he is, he’s mellowed out a lot since we’ve aged, but in the beginning when we were younger, wow he wanted it all the time and he expected me to be a mind reader if I didn’t want it that night and we went to bed the next day he would not talk to me and sometimes he would talk to me for weeks on end just because I didn’t ask him to have sex or because he wanted to have sex after we were married and I said no I was too tired and he got pissed off and said fine. I’m never gonna ask again. You’re gonna have to be the one too, he also wanted me to watch porn… we had a bag up on the top shelf in our closet, so our daughter wouldn’t find it with all kinds of porn videos when I became a Christian. I joyfully took that bag out and threw it away in the trash. I also threw away all the little paraphernalia things that he had that he liked for me to use and threw those in the trash too, he wanted me to show myself off all the time like not wear underwear out in public and wear short skirts… We had one at one point in our life and he used to work late hours and didn’t get off till 11 o’clock and wanted me to come pick him up and show myself off to truckers all the way home. I hated doing it but couldn’t stand it if he wasn’t talking to me so I did all those awful things for the first 30 years… Then one time I started getting a lot of bladder infections and I had to have this procedure done that was so horrible and painful and it was right after that that I told him flat out I’m not ever having sex with you again it’s not worth it because the doctor told him I was so small that it was easy for me to get bacteria inside during sex so that was my excuse. I just said the doctor said I shouldn’t do it. I’m not doing it and I’ve been happier ever since if you’re wondering why I stayed so long with him and I’m still here. It’s because I have multiple health issues and I’m on 11 to 12 different medication’s including a heart medication, he has the insurance since we retired seven years ago my different job I never had insurance for he now sleeps on the sofa, and I have the bedroom to myself because he has violent dreams and was hitting me kicking the lamp off onto the floor in his sleep while dreaming and finally had enough of itso we live more like roommates and our older age… Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get it out.
One more thing I forgot to say was about a year or so ago we were talking and laughing and all of a sudden he just admits to having an affair with her first 10 year marriage with some girl had a one night stand that he worked with he said and he said so casually he goes, you knew about it he tries to tell me over and over again that he had told me about it and that he even said it right after it happened in front of a friend of ours a girlfriend of ours, who is staying with us temporarily that we went to high school with, so I said fine And have her tell me if you told me while she was there and I’ll believe it and he never did… He claims that I said at that time years ago when he told me that I want to have an affair, but in reality he started pushing me to have affairs With guys I did theater with I was an actress for 32 years and I did have a relationship with one just a couple one night stands and just making out with another and then I was supposed to come home and tell him what happened and that turned him on enough to have sex with meso stupid
It can get worse too. When they make being intimate SO emotionally soul destroying that you don't want to go near them. This happens when they have you pinned down (bought house together, married, kid) I've had many narcs and 10 years single given me the space. 1-walking out of the room or washing straight after the act. 2-making sure you climax then turning you around to do dog style. Doing this EVERY time. As a woman I can't tell you how many did this and how degrading it is. 3-Looking up and seeing them looking at you in disgust. Then when they realise you seen them just getting off you and walking out of the room. I'm so glad to be free of them
Your videos are absolutely outstanding and I just happened to come across you as I studied up on narcissism as I was a victim for almost 2 years till I started learning the truth. If you don't mind my saying so.. you are very charismatic man... Quite an appealing quality in someone with your expertise.
My narc always said he wished he could experience a woman’s orgasam because mine looked so much more intense than his. He was also a selfish lover, he’d get off and leave me there unsatisfied He also denied me sex for the last 3 years as a way to punish me
It actually feels disgusting when a male narcissist stares at me as their gaze is perverted. There is no where to hide either. I remember the stare my ex husband gave me when i was leaving him (he had been rejecting me sexually for years and i stupidly stayed). He had a lustful gaze but it wasn’t normal. It was creepy. I got to escape but the trauma is still there and i haven’t found any man since.
I’m about to leave mine and I have said so many times how his eyes change sometimes. Definitely creepy. I hate it. Feels like something else behind “those” eyes. I think the normal eyes are the mask and when it slips, I see what’s really there.
@@Avalexcyn i thought the eyes were attraction towards me when he stared but that day when i had decided to move out, i knew it wasn’t normal attraction but something else. It felt like sexual abuse and i think that was what he was doing. A narcissist sexually rejecting you constantly and then switching it on again and then off, is sexual abuse. I still don’t know if they are possessed by something. Its scary and i don’t want to ever be around it again but its so common now.
i agree, they have creepy perverted gazes. when i was leaving my ex-husband narc, he tried to sneak up on me as i was exiting the shower, and tried to make the moves on me. he had the nerve to say "come on, they say: sex with the ex, is best!" i relished finally being able to say NO to him!!! sicko. he was so cruel to me for 10 years. then we were divorced for 14. he ultimately died alone, so i believe in karma, and i think there is SOME justice/fairness in my life story.
@ yeah they thought that they could take from us still and make a fool of us while trying. the universe gave mine a new woman straight after me with the first four letters of my name as her name and he was still phoning me up to talk to me while with her and i never knew. I blocked him when divorce came through. I am still very angry at myself for ever being with him. Its been 7 years but not met anyone who was worth my time as none were honest online or in person so i have been fully single.
I had to be in bed at 11 pm to get up at 6am for work. He'd watch porn til 3 am shake me awake and expect me to be ready. Wanted me to watch porn. No. Had to look at girls in magazine while sex with me.
I'm retired at 47. went from Grass to Grace. This video here reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, honest wife, $75K biweekly and a good daughter full of love God bless America🇺🇲❤️
Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.
I raised 75k and Kate Elizabeth Becherer is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her.Kate Elizabeth Becherer is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!
Interesting to me how someone can have that make love experience with someone who does not love them. Im a neurodivergent so that is something I would pick up on and be turned off immediately.
Other that the scroll of obvious reasons I didn’t sleep with my married boss, some years ago, and even though I didn’t know anything about narcissism, at that time. Yep, I had to question, is this about love, attraction, control or even hatred? I had the sense it might be about control. Said, “Sex.” Never said anything else. Didn’t know if he felt entitled, because I worked for him. I knew that, even if it wasn’t directly about control, he’d most surely have more control of me, had I slept with him and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
One huge reason- they're not very good at sex, and they know it, and they're afraid of the humiliation. They can pull it off the first few times, under the glamour and excitement and confusion of early involvement _(future-faking)_ ...but after that, they can't get off unless it's coercive, or hurtful, or deceitful. (that's one reason they move on to new partners all the time, and one reason they prefer young or inexperienced partners.) So they manipunuplate the sexual encounters to distract you from noticing how bad at it they really are. They complain about trivial things- you didn't moan, you moan too much. You closed your eyes, you didn't close your eyes. _(gaslighting)_ And they try to pretend that THEY are some kind of sex expert, or that THEY are normal, and you are not. They complain that you don't like it rough, or that you don't get turned on by porn. They have multiple partners, and they pretend that their other partners like having sex with them more than you do. _(triangulating)_ When really, all the partners are just tolerating it and hoping ithat Narky improves someday soon. Really...they are afraid that one day in bed, you'll laugh at them, or pity them. And that you'll tell everyone else just how pathetic, immature, and needy their sexual practices really are.
Yes. The last time it felt like SA. It was not about sexual intimacy. It was about making sure I assured him he is in control and I’m something to be controlled and made sure it was painful. (What the heck?!?! Right) Yes the por& was also not even of women but men with wigs. He unlifed himself 3 months ago once I began to pull away and he had a narcissistic collapse when most of the supply was pulling away because his abuse was getting exposed. After months of threats on my life, an attempt on my life, verbal abuse and finally an awful exit which he blamed me for in the days prior, I began to heal and the ptsd is very hard. I’m in therapy and will spend every day learning to love myself and never enter this level of an abusive relationship ever again. It’s all about power and control and the depravity and perversion pervades all aspects of reality including the sexual one Yeap.
Yep my husband said I was a cold , frigid see u next week because I refused anal and oral. He said he owned my body and I had to want whatever he wanted. My affection dried up pretty fast. I’m so glad I’m a widow--I could never trust another relationship, I’ll stick to my dogs and parrots!
I'd never ever been able to think about jealousy for the pleasure of sex I made with HIM. But it makes sense, really! Instead I strongly suspect that he is jealous of my way of being, I saw it. Never thought there could be jealousy for sex with him. It's quite shocking but releaving at the same time. Thank you
They couldnt cross boundries but i all of a sudden was being accused of only using them for sex and being a sneaky permissuciois, lying, cheater with no self dignity, respect, worth or morals that was doing things behind their back. The exact things they did to me, ive became over the last 2 years. And fhey are now this saint that has done no wrong, wont dare mention a thing they ever did to betray my trust and now they dont trust me!! When they leave my presence i get asked/told who i am and what i do, who i do it with, ect.
I was bullied and bullied into being intimate whether I wanted to or not. It was horribly painful for me. I even went into hospital for a procedure 'down there' and he still wanted to be intimate. When i said no, he went ballistic. If I had a bad migraine and was sick, he still wanted to get intimate and said he couldn't understand why I was rejecting him. 😢
I just ended something last week with a narc who was like this. Eventhough I was convinced I learned enough about the matter I was charmed into his toxicity. We met three times. He was showing off about the fact that he had a high s€xdrive. I didn’t hit the roof even once, so to speak. It was a lousy selfish 💩show. I had butterflies in the stomach but I ended it as soon as he started to breadcrumb, induced confusion, manufactured jealousy, ghosted, gaslit me. It did hurt but at least I knew enough and recognized about the matter to end it in time. Thanks for the video. It was right on spot and just in time. Funny to know you are a moaner. We men are many times. Thanks for your open en honest talk. I really needed this. I wouldn’t mind finding out why so many gay men are narcs but I understand it might not match with your public. Thanks again. Respect from Amsterdam.
Never forget the lesson they taught you because it can happen again. People don't realize that you can subconsciously be attracted to those types without knowing why. For me personally I had narcissistic parents and a very difficult childhood, and didn't realize how that would manifest into my adulthood desires when it came to relationships and friendships so please be aware 🩵
you describe their behavior well: brag, love-bomb, have selfish sex with you then pull away with false reasons, breadcrumb, frustrate, intermittent reinforcement, cause self-doubt and make you feel unworthy/ugly/not good enough. how they "fake" the nice actions/behavior at first, is a miracle. they are wicked to people (like me) who really crave affection, attention, and wholesome love. but i know the moral of the story is to love yourself and not give anyone else that much power over your happiness and sense of self-worth! hope you recover well and find a non-narc boyfriend soon!
@ Thank you for your sensible and honest response. My narc didaster last octobrrr feels looong ago. But your kind response is truly appreciated. I wish you also genuine and true love. I don’t know if this means male or female for you but that is not of my business. I have two sweetheart dogs. I sometimes believe their love comes closest and also has been the closest to the genuine and authentic love I also grave. There IS love for our kind of people. We have to look in a different way. Look with our heart. Not with our eyes… But that is a hard thing.. Lots of love and good luck from Amsterdam ❤️💯
@@martyvirtue4051 thx! FYI I’m a gal looking for a guy. i agree that it’s hard not to fall for good looks. But a sense of humor and the ability to show normal and spontaneous reactions are perfect clues that the person is authentic . I finally can see through people who constantly fake their reactions or lie or triangulate or brag too much or brag about their connections in the world or brag about their successes or try to even brag about their charities or “selfless” acts. Healthy people don’t have to call attention to themselves like n’s do! I remember my ex always asking our kids : “who’s the best daddy?!” And would get mad if they didn’t rush to answer him first …. Creeps.
I’m a born again virgin once I left my husband of 15 years. I moved to a city in Montana that the skiing was good. But not near BIG Sky…. The golf was good….but not….I AM FOLLOWING U and BUILDING A 3 MILLION HOME!!!! 22 hrs away from our doorstep…? Jusssst right! 8 months no sex….i am not a victim. I am a VICTOR!!!!!🥰🥰🥳🥳🤠🤠
It's definitely a threat to them if their spouse get satisfied in sex making. They have to control over their spouse make them feel they r the only one can feel 100% satisfied in sex...that's why lot of nars don't service a quality for their spouse. Very twisted psychology.
i wish someone had warned us about guys like this. i'm sorry you went through that. my 10yr marriage sucked big time. but i'm much stronger now, but probably will never really trust anyone could be a genuine and self-less lover to me.
Hey ist michelle i youd really like to ask your advice not right now but had parther for 20 years and n9w not sure if have another parther anyway i will text you a bit later but can you please idont what to go true this again thank you 😊
Man ...I still haven't cried he liked men exlax more men I've been tested I was single 32 yrs wat was I thinking wel only wasted 2 yrs but hard whole apple to swallow wen I didn't get the memory he says ugly stuff female thing is the best he said if I got a disease that is even better
Withholding sex and affection as a punishment for "not listening" to him and having my own thoughts and opinions...also trying to make me feel undesirable and lower my self esteem
Arguing with me every day for three years call the cops on me take me to my house. He’s stalking my social media.h He’s sneaky fucker why so goddamn much and when he argues with me it’s always the same thing she’s worried about everybody else instead of making this relationship better he’s 60 something years old and I’m 34
Wow Kevin, I always thought that I am not good enough..... he just was happy if he did hurt me, make me feel uncomfortable, that's my own husband. I stopped making sex with him. He just went ahead with prostitutes, how he anyway always did. We are separated now, just because I went sick, Autoimmune disease, I am far from him, I can't imagine live with him anymore, but I need some financial support, hopefully he will keep helping me, is not that much, but in my situation now is necessary. I need to find a way. May God help me, I pray for you, Kevin, you are awesome and help me extremely, I cam say that Jesus save me through your help, thank you very much 🙏
My ex she said that she had sex with me because I made her feel good & safe yet she didn't love me but she knows that I love her that is,why I make her feel safe & good she had sex with me for another 3 years after she ended the relationship. I stayed with her to show her that I am committed. & when I Sid that I only want sex with you. She said good now she is with someone else. & she wondered why I'd kick off at her. I did that alot.😢
So true, narcissists are both jealous and controlling. They first charm you then they hurt you for being kind to them. I think they secretly loathe themselves and hate anyone that cares about them. They are motivated by fear, not love.
yes they have no self confidence, I saw it after 40 years.
@@lauchlanguddy1004They have no self - worth. This makes them very insecure.
True. They just don't want you to be happy,to enjoy. They want you constantly to be miserable.
This is the first time I have ever heard anyone talk about this this was a real eye opener
Agree
narcisism is complex multilayered disorder: your partner has the sickness but you have the symptoms
What you want they don't give, what you don't want they try to give it to you. Except money.
@@HoangKimPham-f9x 👍 they got the sickness and you got the symptoms
they will use the money!!!
@ on themselves
@@mshiker yes somehow you owed them the 20,000$, from your account, after seperated.
I was married to a grandiose narcissist for 30 years, I was a virgin when we got married and I remember my wedding night crying and sobbing because he made a huge argument out of nothing! I was 19 and the night we actually had intimacy for the 1st time it was more like a tape with an R it was painful, abusive, empty and cruel. As the years went by porn and more perverse types of sex were introduced. The cheating with dozens of women including underage girls was blamed on me. For him sex was complete control, if he wanted it, it didn’t matter if I was sick , sad or just had a baby. To him I was always too old, too fat, too thin, never enough . He discarded me 8 months ago, and I have started my healing journey, not 100% recovered , but I will get there. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this video.
My husband was a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist. When I read your comment I was struck by how much your description of your overt narcissist husband was exactly like mine! I don’t really understand what the difference between the two is, except for the overt actually fitting their public persona. I felt so much guilt and condemnation for the things my husband coerced me into doing with him that I couldn’t pray and feel God heard me for over 30 years. I’m feeling better but it has taken time. There are many women out there like us who can certainly pray for each other, even though we’ve never met. 🥹❤️🙏
Lord heal you. 🙏 ✝️ 🫂
This is the very best video I've seen on this subject. Thank you! Perfect description of their sexual behavior. Over time it devolves into humiliation, degradation and ultimately sadism. These people live to rob you of your very heart and soul, because they have none.
Narcissists aren't just jealous because you enjoy sx too much. They're jealous if you enjoy ANYTHING. Like family or friend gatherings, holidays, whatever you are into, they don’t like it. My husband ruined so many holidays by sitting there with a condescending smirk on his face, whenever I'd be laughing, having a good time, telling a joke, whatever. He hated to see me having a good time. Bastard made everybody uncomfortable, while believing everyone else had made fools of themselves. Just by being happy. We all ignored him, but it was still awkward.
They don't do real intimacy, except for the lovebombing period, maybe when you are "good little girl" to them, when you didn't realize what they are like.
Oh my...mine would always say I was a good little girl and he liked to reference himself as daddy lol!
@@jh9912omg same 🤮
This was such a heartbreaking experience for me in multiple ways. I appreciate you talking about such a difficult subject because one of the hardest parts of coming out of a narc relationship is feeling heard and seen.
They enjoy the breaking of the boundary. If you are too easy, there is no boundary. They have to sometimes have to create a boundary just so they can bust through it.
That is sick. That's rape. And you're not wrong.
I have seen hundreds of videos on N and this one is new to me and confuses me! I thought my N dter in law who controls my son and has isolsted and alienated him from us,his lovinv parents is holding him with good sex . Why wd he agree or not beable to see thru this? Please explain ..anybody...thanks ..bsffled naive me
@@Silllywalksyes, it is rape. Consensual lovemaking doesn't interest them as much as sadism does. That's why they purposely violate agreed boundaries (condom use, no to certain acts, etc.) and say they were 'caught up in the moment' etc. Then gaslighting you later ('I never removed the condom') is pro-longing the sadism.
Good comment!
@@theripper1705 🤣 you don't have to tell me. I know all about it. They also like to use "clever names" when speaking with people that their ignorance tells them are targets. They LOVE to tell on themselves. In truth, they should just be ignored, but they spend all their time trying to be SEEN whether anyone actually wants to see them or not. Yeah. They've got big problems.
After 30 years of ignorance and 2 years no contact, this information has helped me understand some aspects of my experiences so much better. Thank you 🙏
The cover narcissist I dealt with for 11 years always wanted to record it. Was also addicted to porn. Would put my face on the girls in the videos. It was very demeaning to me 😢. I wanted to be in the moment & I felt used . He weaponized sex , withholding it from me. Lack of affection , intimacy & sex for years . I lost my sex drive due to the abuse I suffered from him. I’m sure he cheated on me just never caught him .
Dont worry, im a male and still my sexuality also got fucked up by a girl.
Sheesh . . . You must know my ex.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I also had my boundaries broken by him
making me continually do things that I didn’t want to do. He caused me pain- things that still hurt today during in regular life…. I lost any sex drive I had also.
Why would you even be around someone like this in the first place.....11 years ?
24 years with my covert narcissist almost 20 years married. I didn’t realize this until 3 years ago spiritual in 2020 I waited a year to say anything I was called crazy roller coaster ride from hell cause I noticed the pattern. He thinks sex is love no empathy at all. Control over sex I agree it’s sick and twisted yes he wanted to watch porn while we have sex. He doesn’t like sex from past 3 years cause it’s normal sex is never good enough gets mad after cause wants me to sleep naked. I like sleeping in T-shirt panties always have. No sex past 3weeks. We have 2 kids together. I’m moving upstairs to other bedroom praying he leaves. He threatens me with divorce then plays it off as he didn’t say that. Good at flipping his words saying he didn’t say it to make me think I am crazy but I know the game. I believe they would go both ways if it benefit them in anyway. He has tried to talk me into having a threesome. I told him you married me if you want someone else you shouldn’t have gotten married. It’s fucked up. I don’t even want sex anymore. Thank you for sharing the truth about narcissists. Don’t stay run away if you feel it’s not right it’s not believe in yourself and your gut feelings cause they are true. Empath vs narcissist spiritual war we are in.
You should make a T-Shirt "IT TAKES LOVE TO MAKE LOVE"
This explains so much. The misery I experienced and finally mourning the death of my intimate life. I capitulated after believing I had no over the situation. Recently I have been able to identify "what" I'm living with and now I'm planning accordingly. Thank you for this information, it's brought many, many things and situations to the light.
I used to think his withholding was bc he was half in the closet. I now know he was jealous of my pleasure, *and* half in the closet.
Was it because he was obsessed with the back door?
Yeah he probably wanted what you were getting from him.
😅
OMG that's exactly what I've been thinking about my fiance🫢
I feel like the man in the relationship begging for sex and not getting it SMH!!
I asked him if he'd give me a hall pass and he jokingly said yes, he probably thinks I'm playing? But I'm at the point of breaking🙄
@@WitchyChaosKittythere are so many out there who are in the closet. Mine of 25 years was
They want to diminish you as a person and break your spirit while at the same time pretending to luve within the rules and values if a committed relationship.
This video is mind blowing. Its the story of my past in relationships.
They are definitely getting called out in this video! I hope people recognize the signs and get away sooner than later after seeing this. This is not an easy topic to talk about. Thank you for sharing so authentically. 🤗
great video. I'd just add, some narcissits use the withholding technique, to keep control, frustrate you, and relish in their ability to break your heart, make you feel less desirable, and yet another way to overall devalue and diminish you. and cause you self-doubt. all these awful manipulations all at once! and here I was, just looking for love, enjoying the lovebombing stage, when WHAM, he starts refusing me intimacy- usually as a weird form of punishment. I wish I had lett him then, instead of 10 years after marriage. he even withheld on our wedding night. bastard. anything to crush my dreams.
Sorry you had to experience that kind of hurt. You're not alone, though. Mine was the same way. I felt the same way you did about it. Sex life dwindled to almost never. Then, one day, he just declared he didn't want to have sex anymore, because, "It doesn't last long enough, so it's not worth it for me." That was a lie. He didn't care how I felt about it, at all! He just did it to hurt me. He was addicted to porn, and even started taking Viagra so he could "do himself" better. These narcissists will find anything they can to use to hurt us.
Same for me! = From the honeymoon on, he withheld intimacy as a disturbed form of punishment. Calling me all kinds of names to justify his disgust at me being my fault. Even telling me that because I left a dirty fork in the sink overnight made me a lazy wife and is the reason he could never get a irritation with a bad person like me. He had a secret Porn addict and hated anything that made me smile so denied me anything loving or kind. I was in shock & disbelief the howl time, like am I even talking to a human?
@@chrystalgreene892 yep, we had very similar abusive relationships. my ex told me his affairs were because i was a "bad mom and wife"-- when i did 100% of all housework, child-rearing, and worked a full time job as well! they love looking for "reasons" why we disappoint them. they seem to never be satisfied, fulfilled, or content. mine was a porn-addict as well- watched and downloaded the most disgusting videos, then would say "no" to me in the bedroom. i remember thinking i was "depressed"- when i was just being abused/devalued. once i realized his cruelty and "black hole" of needs and wants, without giving me any genuine love or support, i was able to start my detachment from him. but it takes years to heal, doesn't it.
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Dear My Ex Narcissist,
The reason I refuse to fall for your hoovers or reverse hoovers are as follows:
If I fall for your hoovers and reverse hoovers you will take what you want from me as you usually do and degrade me in ways that I hate and do things to my body that I do not enjoy and feel objectified and dehumanized by, then you will laugh and mock me and defend yourself listing off all your "generosity" making me feel even worse and to put yourself on a pedestal of self appointed altruism, then you leave. You don't like the real me. You're just like my narcissistic family. You make me grovel for scraps and abuse and degrade me for your benefit and amusement and make me be a fake happy version of myself for your convenience.
No more. No more🚫.
are we with same person? This is crazy
@@cassandravassell3727They all behave in the same way.
Perfectly said. Thank you. Mathew 12:45
exactly - all he wanted was perverse, degrading, and demeaning sex. Bringing the thought of others, talking about homosexual fantasies of his. He kept pushing porn on me- I don’t like porn. He kept calling me his little porn star. We did have the “best” sex in the beginning because I was really in love and felt super comfortable. But as I got to know him deeper , it got more degrading- then he stopped wanting to do it less and less. I still wanted intimacy, even if I didn’t like the violence and perversion. He stopped doing anything that served me and it was only about him. Sex was sparingly at the end, and then he went through a fake religious period where he said he didn’t want to because of the lord. He decided to be an atheist but he still didn’t want to do it- breadcrumbs of sex. This is so true. He would always tell me I want to see you have sex with XYZ - “for your pleasure”.
I'm a cuddle monster ... and I like to feel wanted and acknowledged. If I look forward to being with my spouse I would hope they would also. On a snow in day, watching movies and cuddling... I don't mind cooking I just enjoy one on one time.
Seeing your discomfort or degradation feeds them.. it's NOT love, it's not sexy, it's victimization. YOU do not matter during sex. Rather the opposite. Also, having it on their terms, when, where, how, while depriving you of your preferences, also feeds them. Get FREE and GROW AWAY from them!! Grow your life
He actually came out and said to me one time while away on holiday- that if I didn’t have sex with him when, where, how, however much he wanted that he was never going to go away with me again. That was indeed the last time I went anywhere with him.
My husband made sex feel perverted. As a result I started hating it. I’m so glad it’s over
Not the pleasure
Not the Mutual passion
But the CONTROL of it 🤔
It takes Love to make Love💯
Perversion brings Disconnect
He just never cared about me . . . He actually told me that he cannot match my energy. So I lived deprived for 23 years. . . And the few times it would be so mechanical . . . I remember crying because of disappointment so many times . . . I never ever heard him make a single sound in 23 years . . .
Seems like maybe you didn't take the hint.
@@VioFaxlol. Savage.
@@michaelallen1154My first thought was maybe @VioF guy is Blessed591's narcissist! Something they would say.
You aren't still with him... right,
@@janabanana8227 I left 2 years ago . . . O have spotted him around looking miserable and beaten . . . He always cowers or looks down when he sees me . . He can no longer syphon my energy . . . I am goad I left . My life has changed alot . . .
That explains why he wanted it so much! He wanted to have control over me through sex. I was his possession.
Kevin you are living proof of the effects of the unseen realm...the dichotomy of people is real! Thank you for all you do,your videos have opened a valve allowing decompression so u can reason through what I ve been dealing with...God bless brother.
This is spot on. This is what I have been trying to figure out for a long long time.
The excitement for the covert narc was to see my expressions ; this gave him a powerful feeling he craved
Finally.. someone to talk about this issue! Thank you!!
For me the narcisist wanted all the time sex. There was never a comforting hug, because it always went down the path of sex and sometimes you just need that loving hug and not that striving for satisfaction. When I listen it seems like I am the narcisist, because I didn't wanted as much sex as him.
I couldn't get a hug from my ex-husband with out him grabbing my ass or change in front of him and treating me like a sex bop-it. It's sick. With a loving fiance' now who loves to canoodle, and he is NOT pushy at all.
But you’re not he ended up pushing you away because he wanted it all the time. I’m still married to mine 48 years two more years it’ll be 50 years and I’ve listened to so many videos about narcissists… I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until about six years ago seven years ago I was just flipping through RUclips channel and a narcissist video came up and God told me land on it so I watched it and I was like wow that’s who he is. That’s what he is, he’s mellowed out a lot since we’ve aged, but in the beginning when we were younger, wow he wanted it all the time and he expected me to be a mind reader if I didn’t want it that night and we went to bed the next day he would not talk to me and sometimes he would talk to me for weeks on end just because I didn’t ask him to have sex or because he wanted to have sex after we were married and I said no I was too tired and he got pissed off and said fine. I’m never gonna ask again. You’re gonna have to be the one too, he also wanted me to watch porn… we had a bag up on the top shelf in our closet, so our daughter wouldn’t find it with all kinds of porn videos when I became a Christian. I joyfully took that bag out and threw it away in the trash. I also threw away all the little paraphernalia things that he had that he liked for me to use and threw those in the trash too, he wanted me to show myself off all the time like not wear underwear out in public and wear short skirts… We had one at one point in our life and he used to work late hours and didn’t get off till 11 o’clock and wanted me to come pick him up and show myself off to truckers all the way home. I hated doing it but couldn’t stand it if he wasn’t talking to me so I did all those awful things for the first 30 years… Then one time I started getting a lot of bladder infections and I had to have this procedure done that was so horrible and painful and it was right after that that I told him flat out I’m not ever having sex with you again it’s not worth it because the doctor told him I was so small that it was easy for me to get bacteria inside during sex so that was my excuse. I just said the doctor said I shouldn’t do it. I’m not doing it and I’ve been happier ever since if you’re wondering why I stayed so long with him and I’m still here. It’s because I have multiple health issues and I’m on 11 to 12 different medication’s including a heart medication, he has the insurance since we retired seven years ago my different job I never had insurance for he now sleeps on the sofa, and I have the bedroom to myself because he has violent dreams and was hitting me kicking the lamp off onto the floor in his sleep while dreaming and finally had enough of itso we live more like roommates and our older age… Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get it out.
One more thing I forgot to say was about a year or so ago we were talking and laughing and all of a sudden he just admits to having an affair with her first 10 year marriage with some girl had a one night stand that he worked with he said and he said so casually he goes, you knew about it he tries to tell me over and over again that he had told me about it and that he even said it right after it happened in front of a friend of ours a girlfriend of ours, who is staying with us temporarily that we went to high school with, so I said fine And have her tell me if you told me while she was there and I’ll believe it and he never did… He claims that I said at that time years ago when he told me that I want to have an affair, but in reality he started pushing me to have affairs With guys I did theater with I was an actress for 32 years and I did have a relationship with one just a couple one night stands and just making out with another and then I was supposed to come home and tell him what happened and that turned him on enough to have sex with meso stupid
You nailed it, that's exactly how it was. Pure evil 😢
Wow!! Thank you for explaining these very private matters. You have just explained 23 years of my life 😢
Very well said! 1000% accurate.
Bottom line, they can't stand to see you happy!
It can get worse too. When they make being intimate SO emotionally soul destroying that you don't want to go near them. This happens when they have you pinned down (bought house together, married, kid)
I've had many narcs and 10 years single given me the space.
1-walking out of the room or washing straight after the act.
2-making sure you climax then turning you around to do dog style. Doing this EVERY time. As a woman I can't tell you how many did this and how degrading it is.
3-Looking up and seeing them looking at you in disgust. Then when they realise you seen them just getting off you and walking out of the room.
I'm so glad to be free of them
Your videos are absolutely outstanding and I just happened to come across you as I studied up on narcissism as I was a victim for almost 2 years till I started learning the truth. If you don't mind my saying so.. you are very charismatic man... Quite an appealing quality in someone with your expertise.
I'm glad you discussed this powerful topic. My ex narc did many of the things you mentioned, all in the name of demeaning control.
On point as always Kevin ❤
Thank you!!!! So needed these truths! Truth does set us free.
My narc always said he wished he could experience a woman’s orgasam because mine looked so much more intense than his.
He was also a selfish lover, he’d get off and leave me there unsatisfied
He also denied me sex for the last 3 years as a way to punish me
That's so weird. His jealousy made him want to take away your joy & pleasure in every way possible.
My covert narcissist NEVER consummated our marriage so I was untouched for 20 years.
😲No Way !
That's terrible. ☹️
Hmmmm! U stayed for 20 years?!
It actually feels disgusting when a male narcissist stares at me as their gaze is perverted. There is no where to hide either. I remember the stare my ex husband gave me when i was leaving him (he had been rejecting me sexually for years and i stupidly stayed). He had a lustful gaze but it wasn’t normal. It was creepy. I got to escape but the trauma is still there and i haven’t found any man since.
I’m about to leave mine and I have said so many times how his eyes change sometimes. Definitely creepy. I hate it. Feels like something else behind “those” eyes. I think the normal eyes are the mask and when it slips, I see what’s really there.
@@Avalexcyn i thought the eyes were attraction towards me when he stared but that day when i had decided to move out, i knew it wasn’t normal attraction but something else. It felt like sexual abuse and i think that was what he was doing. A narcissist sexually rejecting you constantly and then switching it on again and then off, is sexual abuse. I still don’t know if they are possessed by something. Its scary and i don’t want to ever be around it again but its so common now.
i agree, they have creepy perverted gazes. when i was leaving my ex-husband narc, he tried to sneak up on me as i was exiting the shower, and tried to make the moves on me. he had the nerve to say "come on, they say: sex with the ex, is best!" i relished finally being able to say NO to him!!! sicko. he was so cruel to me for 10 years. then we were divorced for 14. he ultimately died alone, so i believe in karma, and i think there is SOME justice/fairness in my life story.
@ yeah they thought that they could take from us still and make a fool of us while trying. the universe gave mine a new woman straight after me with the first four letters of my name as her name and he was still phoning me up to talk to me while with her and i never knew. I blocked him when divorce came through. I am still very angry at myself for ever being with him. Its been 7 years but not met anyone who was worth my time as none were honest online or in person so i have been fully single.
I feel so sad 😢
Me too
Yup. Deep sadness 😞
@@ErinP79same here
This explains everything!
I Appreciate you Kevin......I curtained that in my late twenties! Thanks..........
I had to be in bed at 11 pm to get up at 6am for work. He'd watch porn til 3 am shake me awake and expect me to be ready. Wanted me to watch porn. No. Had to look at girls in magazine while sex with me.
🤦
🤦
Was never mistreated in the bedroom but he withheld it from me also was a 33rd degree mason
I'm retired at 47. went from Grass to Grace. This video here reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, honest wife, $75K biweekly and a good daughter full of love God bless America🇺🇲❤️
Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.
I'm inspired.
Please spill some sugar about the biweekly stuff you mentioned
This is a definition of God's unending provisions for his people. God remains faithful to his words. 🙏 I receive this for my household
I raised 75k and Kate Elizabeth Becherer is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her.Kate Elizabeth Becherer is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!
I started with a miserly $1500. The results have been mind blowing I must say TBH
This was very insightful.This video could help people
Me and y ex was so in love that it pains me to review the actual changes in the relationship. Definitely a description of a narcissist
Interesting to me how someone can have that make love experience with someone who does not love them. Im a neurodivergent so that is something I would pick up on and be turned off immediately.
Some of us believe the story in our heads. Unfortunately
Other that the scroll of obvious reasons I didn’t sleep with my married boss, some years ago, and even though I didn’t know anything about narcissism, at that time. Yep, I had to question, is this about love, attraction, control or even hatred? I had the sense it might be about control. Said, “Sex.” Never said anything else. Didn’t know if he felt entitled, because I worked for him. I knew that, even if it wasn’t directly about control, he’d most surely have more control of me, had I slept with him and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
Oh thank fk for that 😂
🤔🤔 So, THAT'S why he slept on the couch for the last 3 weeks before I was discarded 😳
I can’t believe this mentality! So true!
One huge reason- they're not very good at sex, and they know it, and they're afraid of the humiliation.
They can pull it off the first few times, under the glamour and excitement and confusion of early involvement _(future-faking)_ ...but after that, they can't get off unless it's coercive, or hurtful, or deceitful. (that's one reason they move on to new partners all the time, and one reason they prefer young or inexperienced partners.)
So they manipunuplate the sexual encounters to distract you from noticing how bad at it they really are. They complain about trivial things- you didn't moan, you moan too much. You closed your eyes, you didn't close your eyes. _(gaslighting)_
And they try to pretend that THEY are some kind of sex expert, or that THEY are normal, and you are not. They complain that you don't like it rough, or that you don't get turned on by porn. They have multiple partners, and they pretend that their other partners like having sex with them more than you do. _(triangulating)_ When really, all the partners are just tolerating it and hoping ithat Narky improves someday soon.
Really...they are afraid that one day in bed, you'll laugh at them, or pity them.
And that you'll tell everyone else just how pathetic, immature, and needy their sexual practices really are.
Yes. The last time it felt like SA. It was not about sexual intimacy. It was about making sure I assured him he is in control and I’m something to be controlled and made sure it was painful. (What the heck?!?! Right) Yes the por& was also not even of women but men with wigs. He unlifed himself 3 months ago once I began to pull away and he had a narcissistic collapse when most of the supply was pulling away because his abuse was getting exposed. After months of threats on my life, an attempt on my life, verbal abuse and finally an awful exit which he blamed me for in the days prior, I began to heal and the ptsd is very hard. I’m in therapy and will spend every day learning to love myself and never enter this level of an abusive relationship ever again. It’s all about power and control and the depravity and perversion pervades all aspects of reality including the sexual one Yeap.
They want to humiliate you.
Yep my husband said I was a cold , frigid see u next week because I refused anal and oral. He said he owned my body and I had to want whatever he wanted. My affection dried up pretty fast. I’m so glad I’m a widow--I could never trust another relationship, I’ll stick to my dogs and parrots!
this also goes for kissing too.
if they suddenly start licking your face up & down like a dog and you sit there like
*???* thats probably a red flag
😊😊😮😊
Can 100% confirm. Very well said. ❤️🙏🏻
Wow wow ,this is so trueeee !
I'd never ever been able to think about jealousy for the pleasure of sex I made with HIM.
But it makes sense, really!
Instead I strongly suspect that he is jealous of my way of being, I saw it.
Never thought there could be jealousy for sex with him. It's quite shocking but releaving at the same time. Thank you
🤯🤯🤯🤯 It makes so much sense now!!! Wow 😭😭
I get it now woooh I'm not crazy
To weaponize it when the discard comes
They couldnt cross boundries but i all of a sudden was being accused of only using them for sex and being a sneaky permissuciois, lying, cheater with no self dignity, respect, worth or morals that was doing things behind their back. The exact things they did to me, ive became over the last 2 years. And fhey are now this saint that has done no wrong, wont dare mention a thing they ever did to betray my trust and now they dont trust me!! When they leave my presence i get asked/told who i am and what i do, who i do it with, ect.
So true!!!
He would always tell me to shut up, hold still.
I was bullied and bullied into being intimate whether I wanted to or not. It was horribly painful for me. I even went into hospital for a procedure 'down there' and he still wanted to be intimate. When i said no, he went ballistic. If I had a bad migraine and was sick, he still wanted to get intimate and said he couldn't understand why I was rejecting him. 😢
I just ended something last week with a narc who was like this. Eventhough I was convinced I learned enough about the matter I was charmed into his toxicity. We met three times. He was showing off about the fact that he had a high s€xdrive. I didn’t hit the roof even once, so to speak. It was a lousy selfish 💩show. I had butterflies in the stomach but I ended it as soon as he started to breadcrumb, induced confusion, manufactured jealousy, ghosted, gaslit me.
It did hurt but at least I knew enough and recognized about the matter to end it in time. Thanks for the video. It was right on spot and just in time. Funny to know you are a moaner. We men are many times. Thanks for your open en honest talk. I really needed this. I wouldn’t mind finding out why so many gay men are narcs but I understand it might not match with your public. Thanks again. Respect from Amsterdam.
Never forget the lesson they taught you because it can happen again.
People don't realize that you can subconsciously be attracted to those types without knowing why. For me personally I had narcissistic parents and a very difficult childhood, and didn't realize how that would manifest into my adulthood desires when it came to relationships and friendships so please be aware 🩵
you describe their behavior well: brag, love-bomb, have selfish sex with you then pull away with false reasons, breadcrumb, frustrate, intermittent reinforcement, cause self-doubt and make you feel unworthy/ugly/not good enough. how they "fake" the nice actions/behavior at first, is a miracle. they are wicked to people (like me) who really crave affection, attention, and wholesome love. but i know the moral of the story is to love yourself and not give anyone else that much power over your happiness and sense of self-worth! hope you recover well and find a non-narc boyfriend soon!
@ Thank you for your sensible and honest response. My narc didaster last octobrrr feels looong ago. But your kind response is truly appreciated. I wish you also genuine and true love. I don’t know if this means male or female for you but that is not of my business. I have two sweetheart dogs. I sometimes believe their love comes closest and also has been the closest to the genuine and authentic love I also grave. There IS love for our kind of people. We have to look in a different way. Look with our heart. Not with our eyes… But that is a hard thing.. Lots of love and good luck from Amsterdam ❤️💯
@@martyvirtue4051 thx! FYI I’m a gal looking for a guy. i agree that it’s hard not to fall for good looks. But a sense of humor and the ability to show normal and spontaneous reactions are perfect clues that the person is authentic . I finally can see through people who constantly fake their reactions or lie or triangulate or brag too much or brag about their connections in the world or brag about their successes or try to even brag about their charities or “selfless” acts. Healthy people don’t have to call attention to themselves like n’s do! I remember my ex always asking our kids : “who’s the best daddy?!” And would get mad if they didn’t rush to answer him first …. Creeps.
You have no idea how bad it got
Truth✅. Narcs are gross.
Barry white had so much to give to you my love it's going to take a lifetime it's going to take years and years and years and years
where is the cigar? I liked it!!
Alot are on the DL
Some people need to know that there are women narcissist that completely cut their husbands off from sex as well too.
Yes its more common than males but i ended up with a male narcissist doing it to me. I haven’t found any man who wanted to be my lover since.
Absolutely! And it's wrong, evil, and frustrating, no matter who the narcissist is.
yep, then blame YOU
Wooowww that hit me dead in my chest! Ummm 😢
Thank u for this
It's definitely takes love to make love
I’m a born again virgin once I left my husband of 15 years. I moved to a city in Montana that the skiing was good. But not near BIG Sky…. The golf was good….but not….I AM FOLLOWING U and BUILDING A 3 MILLION HOME!!!! 22 hrs away from our doorstep…? Jusssst right! 8 months no sex….i am not a victim. I am a VICTOR!!!!!🥰🥰🥳🥳🤠🤠
I don't have love for them.
It's definitely a threat to them if their spouse get satisfied in sex making. They have to control over their spouse make them feel they r the only one can feel 100% satisfied in sex...that's why lot of nars don't service a quality for their spouse. Very twisted psychology.
It's a good time for celibacy
All this. And then acting out porn situations without convent, then I was refused sex & worse - any intimacy. After Covid and 2 yrs, I was out
Withholding sex and affection as a punishment for "not listening" to him and having my own thoughts and opinions
It also takes two it takes two baby it takes two baby to make a dream come true it just takes to
thank you
Excellent❤
OMG. My body has taken almost 3yrs to heal from these pains. I was body shamed. Forced to watch porn.and hated it. OMG
i wish someone had warned us about guys like this. i'm sorry you went through that. my 10yr marriage sucked big time. but i'm much stronger now, but probably will never really trust anyone could be a genuine and self-less lover to me.
Hey ist michelle i youd really like to ask your advice not right now but had parther for 20 years and n9w not sure if have another parther anyway i will text you a bit later but can you please idont what to go true this again thank you 😊
Man ...I still haven't cried he liked men exlax more men I've been tested I was single 32 yrs wat was I thinking wel only wasted 2 yrs but hard whole apple to swallow wen I didn't get the memory he says ugly stuff female thing is the best he said if I got a disease that is even better
Withholding sex and affection as a punishment for "not listening" to him and having my own thoughts and opinions...also trying to make me feel undesirable and lower my self esteem
WOW! VERY TRUE.
Arguing with me every day for three years call the cops on me take me to my house. He’s stalking my social media.h He’s sneaky fucker why so goddamn much and when he argues with me it’s always the same thing she’s worried about everybody else instead of making this relationship better he’s 60 something years old and I’m 34
I had one try and introduce 3sums after only a month or 2 😂😂
Wow 😮 crazy Kevin.
Wow Kevin, I always thought that I am not good enough..... he just was happy if he did hurt me, make me feel uncomfortable, that's my own husband. I stopped making sex with him. He just went ahead with prostitutes, how he anyway always did. We are separated now, just because I went sick, Autoimmune disease, I am far from him, I can't imagine live with him anymore, but I need some financial support, hopefully he will keep helping me, is not that much, but in my situation now is necessary. I need to find a way. May God help me, I pray for you, Kevin, you are awesome and help me extremely, I cam say that Jesus save me through your help, thank you very much 🙏
Me too 😢
That's why I came right to the comments. Too triggering to even watch....sorry!
My ex she said that she had sex with me because I made her feel good & safe yet she didn't love me but she knows that I love her that is,why I make her feel safe & good she had sex with me for another 3 years after she ended the relationship. I stayed with her to show her that I am committed. & when I Sid that I only want sex with you. She said good now she is with someone else.
& she wondered why I'd kick off at her. I did that alot.😢