I know this is going to sound strange, but as a woman, I don't want the first date to be romantic. In my opinion, romance develops over time. What I am doing on a first date is assessing a person's character through casual conversation and sensing different facets of their lifestyle. I don't ask "interview" questions but getting to know someone without all the bells and whistles of dating is important to me. I feel like we are way too blinded by the idea of romance. With that said, I totally get where you're coming from with this video. But I know for myself, I don't want someone to put in a lot of time, effort and planning only to be disappointed if we don't go on a second date. I'm really more interested in getting to know someone over time so for me coffee is fine. I really don't care about the material aspects of dating. I care about a person's character and if they are being truthful with me. For me, sexual chemistry develops over time. I realize it's different with others. Thanks for this video and I appreciate the time you put in.
I don’t want to be alone with somebody I don’t know anything about. A coffee shop date is just a first meeting, to decide if the parties want to meet up again. The guy I liked best in the past few years, I met at a coffee shop at noon. It didn’t go on long term, but yeah, a coffee date can be ok.
Oh! I never said that you couldn’t meet somebody at a coffee shop. I just said it shouldn’t be your first date if you’re actually looking for long term romance. But feel free to ignore my experiences and do what feels right for you.
I couldn’t disagree more. Coffee dates have been my best. Dinner dates have been my worst and a big waste of money. Once we’re in a relationship I’m happy to take my date out for a nice dinner. Not before.
It sounds like great advice, but to offer an opposing viewpoint, part of the idea of there being low effort/low investment is that a lot of us can put a ton of work into planning and preparing for the first date and we can tell as soon as she sees us that she's disappointed and not interested. If it's just a cup of coffee, then it's not as bad when she walks away as soon as she sees us or she at least tries to be polite and have the cup of coffee, even though we already know we're not going to hear from her again. It's a completely different matter when we already know we made reservations at a nice restaurant, went the extra mile to look good, and then wind up shelling out at least a couple hundred for the evening, again, already knowing we're never going to hear from her again.
I am absolutely certain I did not say anything about reservations at a nice restaurant and definitely said NOTHING about shelling out a couple hundred bucks!!! 😳 It doesn’t just “sound” like great advice it is tried, tested and true. Lol And if you have had a video conversation prior to your first date, she’s already seen what you look like to some extent.
I agree with this. I honestly feel really bad for the men today. There are some women who explicitly take advantage of men for a dinner. It's kind of disgusting. (I realize there are men taking advantage of women as well. It goes both ways.)
@@andrewpizzino2514 it’s too big of an investment, timewise and financially. “Grab” a coffee and walk if it’s daytime. If it’s evening, which would be my preference meet for a beverage and appetizer.
It’s not about the vibe. Many coffee shops here are very dimly lit and outfitted with intimate seating, quiet/romantic. It’s about all the other stuff.
Thank you Carey for the tips. I found this video and the comments rather thought provoking. I believe that coffee dates to be mostly a waste of time. I was going to give you a thumbs up but gave it to your ever so sweet momma instead. Let her know that she has an effect on your viewers.
I agree with all of this, coffee is not a date. But more so I don't view a first meeting as an actual date. It's an introduction/vibe check.. All too often once two people get off the app and meet in real life, one of the persons immediately knows that they are not actually attracted to the other and wants nothing further. And if they are mutually attracted, they'll see each other again on a real date.
@@OzzmanComith and that’s what the “date” is for. Once you’ve determined they are who they say they are and they look somewhat like their pictures and they speak your language. Then you go on a date. Not out for coffee. Unless you’re looking for a friendship or just wanna get out of the house. Lol
@@CoffeewithCarey Ahh i see the disconnect for me. i do cold approaches only, no online dating. For me a coffee date with the wrong women is just that, an outing for coffee. With a woman i vibe well with a coffee date becomes a walk on the peer/beech, to grabing some lunch like pizza, to ending it off with a stop for gelato. The adventure begins with coffee and those that don't make it past that stage just get a friendly outing at no real cost to me but the coffee and 10 mins of time.
Asking for coffee date is a great way to expose the material girls. If their focus is on how much they get out of it more than excitement to meet guy then it’s an easy elimination tool.
My best dates lately have been riding bikes to the Brewery. The trail leaves from the local park and rides right up to the Brewerys parking lot . The girls I like are athletic . They wear their biking clothes, which are somewhat revealing . I think these are pretty good dates, considering the girls have always called me afterwards wanting to get together again
@markkettner9246 ~ Those dates you described 🚲 🚲 🍻 sound fun & low key; however, I think YOU should be calling the gal you asked out on said date afterwards ... 🌹
I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve been on numerous coffee dates with women who prefer going on a coffee date, and they all worked out quite well. Sometimes we sat in the café and chatted and sometimes we took the coffee and went for a walk. It’s a great way to get to know someone. I will never do dinner on a first date again. Those have been my worst date experiences. Sorry Carey.
You misunderstood if you think I said you should go for dinner on a first date. 650 videos and thousands of clients… and I’ve never said that. 🤷🏻♀️ YDYD.
Not maintaining eye contact when having a date is a big mistake, in my opinion. This one woman i dated years ago. I wasn't afraid to keep my eyes off her. Whenever we'd be on a date or just having a conversation with her. She would always tell me how she loved the way I looked at her and that it was so sexy.
Just go the gym and work out on first date. See if the guy is stronger than you. 😅 You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he squats. Oh, and nothing beats coffee for a pre-workout energy drink.
Movie dates mean YOU'RE NOT ENGAGING with each other. DINNER is way too EXPENSIVE for 2 total STRANGERS! I can see that staying INSIDE might make it feel more like an "interview"--which is NOT the vibe we want either. How about MEETING AT A PARK for a PICNIC? (Figure out who brings what beforehand). Or go some place nice for a WALK? I think people can make their appearence look good--even without high heels--when you're meeting someone--even for coffee.
I love these points. I wonder how to respond when a man asks me to coffee? Is it such a sign of low effort that I decline and move on, or is there a natural & positive way to say I only go on “real” dates that will inspire him/not be off-putting?
@jennywho604 “Actually, I was thinking I wanted to get over to the gardens at the blah blah blah to check them out, do you have any interest in taking a walk over there? We could actually grab some coffee on the way if you’d like.”
Thank you, this is great! Will try it should the opportunity arise. It definitely feels better/special when someone plans a real date, even if the activity is simple. Now I better understand why. Thanks again!
@@jennywho604 it only really matters if you continue to date. they will need to take their turn also. It’s just one date, to figure out if you enjoy this person’s company. Doesn’t matter who initiates.
Winter is coming in New England. Tell me where to have a date when it's cold. I've met a few men over breakfast after getting to know one another via texts and phone calls. In summer I met someone at a big flea market...
I agree with you. Starbucks is not a great place to go for a first date. I live in Philadelphia and we are blessed to have some great independent coffee shops with decent outdoor seating. I really try to avoid Starbucks.
I’m actually a big fan. It has a homey familiar feeling that relaxes me. Just never for a first date, because I know. Nice that you have options you enjoy! 🤎
Okay. no coffee dates. Other advice, no alcohol dates. No dates where something is competing for your attention. That leaves walks in the parks. Not much. Do you have other ideas? This was strong on what not to do and weak on what one can do.
Leonard, I hope your subscribed I have over 600 other episodes for you to work your way through! Lol Ps. Be creative. Nobody knows you and what you like to do and perhaps then a little about the lady, like you do.
Hey Carey….im 57 year old going through divorce…..it was a bad mistake….i think i need help….thinking maybe match maker sounds like a good idea….how does it work…?…would you be interested in finding my mate… I live in Kentucky Have great job…im stone cold sober…and will always be that way…..no drugs as well….Christian Man… Can you help…?…let me know…thanks..
What else are you going to do? Stare into each others eyes over a candle in a restaurant when you are total strangers? Heels at 70 thats a no. I don't drink so booze doesn't factor into my dates.
That’s the only idea you have, a candlelit restaurant? There’s like a million other things to do. Heals at 70? That’s a yes for me. I have too many fabulous pairs of heels to stop because of how many years I’ve been here. YDYD! 🤎 (You do you, darlin’) I just made that up. What do you think?
If she has kids her only option is to come over my house at 10pm for first date. If she passes on that , i will pass on her complex situation i dont need im my life.
What?? Do women say yes to that “date plan”? 😳 Half of my matchmaking clients have children at home. I would never allow them to go to someone’s house at any time let alone late at night, for a date.
I know this is going to sound strange, but as a woman, I don't want the first date to be romantic. In my opinion, romance develops over time. What I am doing on a first date is assessing a person's character through casual conversation and sensing different facets of their lifestyle. I don't ask "interview" questions but getting to know someone without all the bells and whistles of dating is important to me. I feel like we are way too blinded by the idea of romance. With that said, I totally get where you're coming from with this video. But I know for myself, I don't want someone to put in a lot of time, effort and planning only to be disappointed if we don't go on a second date. I'm really more interested in getting to know someone over time so for me coffee is fine. I really don't care about the material aspects of dating. I care about a person's character and if they are being truthful with me. For me, sexual chemistry develops over time. I realize it's different with others. Thanks for this video and I appreciate the time you put in.
And that’s what makes the world go round! 🤎👍
Agreed with you and Cary both. I am going to aspire to be more creative.
Less pressure for the woman, too! Nice dinners come later!
I don’t want to be alone with somebody I don’t know anything about. A coffee shop date is just a first meeting, to decide if the parties want to meet up again.
The guy I liked best in the past few years, I met at a coffee shop at noon. It didn’t go on long term, but yeah, a coffee date can be ok.
Oh! I never said that you couldn’t meet somebody at a coffee shop. I just said it shouldn’t be your first date if you’re actually looking for long term romance. But feel free to ignore my experiences and do what feels right for you.
I really liked this video… all my first dates were coffee dates… now I know why I am still single at 71….
Yay, Paul!!! I finally got through to you!!! ♥️♥️♥️
@@flauze dude, you are sooo missing the point. 🫠
maybe watch the actual episode for ALL the reasons a coffee date blows! 🤦🏻♀️
Hi Paul!
I couldn’t disagree more. Coffee dates have been my best. Dinner dates have been my worst and a big waste of money. Once we’re in a relationship I’m happy to take my date out for a nice dinner. Not before.
I never said dinner as a first date.
I love your sense of humor: “If there’s no romance, and there won’t be…”. 😂
🤣
It sounds like great advice, but to offer an opposing viewpoint, part of the idea of there being low effort/low investment is that a lot of us can put a ton of work into planning and preparing for the first date and we can tell as soon as she sees us that she's disappointed and not interested. If it's just a cup of coffee, then it's not as bad when she walks away as soon as she sees us or she at least tries to be polite and have the cup of coffee, even though we already know we're not going to hear from her again. It's a completely different matter when we already know we made reservations at a nice restaurant, went the extra mile to look good, and then wind up shelling out at least a couple hundred for the evening, again, already knowing we're never going to hear from her again.
I am absolutely certain I did not say anything about reservations at a nice restaurant and definitely said NOTHING about shelling out a couple hundred bucks!!! 😳
It doesn’t just “sound” like great advice it is tried, tested and true. Lol
And if you have had a video conversation prior to your first date, she’s already seen what you look like to some extent.
I agree with this. I honestly feel really bad for the men today. There are some women who explicitly take advantage of men for a dinner. It's kind of disgusting. (I realize there are men taking advantage of women as well. It goes both ways.)
Dinners are sky high. If it’s a perfect stranger/blind date not happening
First dates should never be dinner
@@CoffeewithCarey Ah. But not cofffee either. Out of the game for awhile, still learning
@@andrewpizzino2514 it’s too big of an investment, timewise and financially. “Grab” a coffee and walk if it’s daytime. If it’s evening, which would be my preference meet for a beverage and appetizer.
Coffee dates are perfect to meet a complete stranger. And in Europe cafés are wayyy more romantic than in the USA.
It’s not about the vibe. Many coffee shops here are very dimly lit and outfitted with intimate seating, quiet/romantic. It’s about all the other stuff.
Thank you Carey for the tips. I found this video and the comments rather thought provoking. I believe that coffee dates to be mostly a waste of time.
I was going to give you a thumbs up but gave it to your ever so sweet momma instead. Let her know that she has an effect on your viewers.
Awww. Fantastic. I always let her know how people appreciate seeing her happy shining face! 🤎
I agree with all of this, coffee is not a date. But more so I don't view a first meeting as an actual date. It's an introduction/vibe check.. All too often once two people get off the app and meet in real life, one of the persons immediately knows that they are not actually attracted to the other and wants nothing further. And if they are mutually attracted, they'll see each other again on a real date.
That’s what a FaceTime call or a zoom call is for.
@@CoffeewithCarey No. Face time is not to "vibe". I get no real sense of the person's energy unless its in person, body language matters.
@@OzzmanComith and that’s what the “date” is for. Once you’ve determined they are who they say they are and they look somewhat like their pictures and they speak your language. Then you go on a date. Not out for coffee. Unless you’re looking for a friendship or just wanna get out of the house. Lol
@@CoffeewithCarey Ahh i see the disconnect for me. i do cold approaches only, no online dating. For me a coffee date with the wrong women is just that, an outing for coffee. With a woman i vibe well with a coffee date becomes a walk on the peer/beech, to grabing some lunch like pizza, to ending it off with a stop for gelato. The adventure begins with coffee and those that don't make it past that stage just get a friendly outing at no real cost to me but the coffee and 10 mins of time.
I agree with this. I actually like coffee dates. They're low key and not time consuming.
I HATE coffee dates. For all the reasons you mentioned. Just…no. Never again. 😂
FANTASTIC, Katelyn!!
my choice was "a walk with Coffee" 😅
Ding ding ding! 🛎️
Well, like Frank Sinatra once sang..."There's an awful lot of coffee in Brazil" 🎼🎵🎶🎵🎶☕☕☕☕👍👍
Coffee is the most important meal of the day!
Asking for coffee date is a great way to expose the material girls. If their focus is on how much they get out of it more than excitement to meet guy then it’s an easy elimination tool.
Ydyd!
I AGREE AND I'm a woman!
My best dates lately have been riding bikes to the Brewery. The trail leaves from the local park and rides right up to the Brewerys parking lot . The girls I like are athletic . They wear their biking clothes, which are somewhat revealing . I think these are pretty good dates, considering the girls have always called me afterwards wanting to get together again
Love the date! ♥️
Called you? Hmmm Why are you encouraging them make use of their masculine energy? 🤔
@markkettner9246 ~ Those dates you described 🚲 🚲 🍻 sound fun & low key; however, I think YOU should be calling the gal you asked out on said date afterwards ... 🌹
I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve been on numerous coffee dates with women who prefer going on a coffee date, and they all worked out quite well. Sometimes we sat in the café and chatted and sometimes we took the coffee and went for a walk. It’s a great way to get to know someone. I will never do dinner on a first date again. Those have been my worst date experiences. Sorry Carey.
You misunderstood if you think I said you should go for dinner on a first date. 650 videos and thousands of clients… and I’ve never said that. 🤷🏻♀️
YDYD.
Not maintaining eye contact when having a date is a big mistake, in my opinion.
This one woman i dated years ago. I wasn't afraid to keep my eyes off her.
Whenever we'd be on a date or just having a conversation with her.
She would always tell me how she loved the way I looked at her and that it was so sexy.
Yes! We talk about this in an all of my confidence episodes! 🤎👍
@CoffeewithCarey I remember in one video of yours that your body should be facing the person that you are talking to
@@sirhc07 yup. And your feet!
Just go the gym and work out on first date. See if the guy is stronger than you. 😅 You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he squats. Oh, and nothing beats coffee for a pre-workout energy drink.
Whatever floats your boat! ⛵️
@@CoffeewithCarey 😊🤣🤣🤣 True
All those people that voted for coffee dates… Let them. They deserve each other.
Because I believe that when we know better, we do better. Should people just stop learning? 🤦🏻♀️
@@flauze I think the answer was “each other”.
Movie dates mean YOU'RE NOT ENGAGING with each other. DINNER is way too EXPENSIVE for 2 total STRANGERS! I can see that staying INSIDE might make it feel more like an "interview"--which is NOT the vibe we want either. How about MEETING AT A PARK for a PICNIC? (Figure out who brings what beforehand). Or go some place nice for a WALK? I think people can make their appearence look good--even without high heels--when you're meeting someone--even for coffee.
☕️☕️
I love these points. I wonder how to respond when a man asks me to coffee? Is it such a sign of low effort that I decline and move on, or is there a natural & positive way to say I only go on “real” dates that will inspire him/not be off-putting?
Great question, Jenny let me think on this for a bit
@jennywho604 “Actually, I was thinking I wanted to get over to the gardens at the blah blah blah to check them out, do you have any interest in taking a walk over there? We could actually grab some coffee on the way if you’d like.”
Thank you, this is great! Will try it should the opportunity arise. It definitely feels better/special when someone plans a real date, even if the activity is simple. Now I better understand why. Thanks again!
@@jennywho604 it only really matters if you continue to date. they will need to take their turn also. It’s just one date, to figure out if you enjoy this person’s company. Doesn’t matter who initiates.
Always get a prenup , that’s my recommendation… protect yourself…
Bring that up and watch a lot of women think you turned ugly pretty quickly.
Paul!
Winter is coming in New England. Tell me where to have a date when it's cold. I've met a few men over breakfast after getting to know one another via texts and phone calls. In summer I met someone at a big flea market...
Beverage and appetizers is the standard. to a restaurant for dessert. Bowling. Shopping at Costco. (One of my favorite dates. Lol)
I agree with you. Starbucks is not a great place to go for a first date. I live in Philadelphia and we are blessed to have some great independent coffee shops with decent outdoor seating. I really try to avoid Starbucks.
I’m actually a big fan. It has a homey familiar feeling that relaxes me.
Just never for a first date, because I know.
Nice that you have options you enjoy! 🤎
I do not speak the language. A coffee date basically means brunch?
No. A coffee date means inviting somebody to meet you at a coffee shop for a “cup of coffee”!
Thanks I will go in drag
I guess I don’t understand how that makes sense
Okay. no coffee dates. Other advice, no alcohol dates. No dates where something is competing for your attention. That leaves walks in the parks. Not much. Do you have other ideas? This was strong on what not to do and weak on what one can do.
Leonard, I hope your subscribed I have over 600 other episodes for you to work your way through! Lol
Ps. Be creative. Nobody knows you and what you like to do and perhaps then a little about the lady, like you do.
Hey Carey….im 57 year old going through divorce…..it was a bad mistake….i think i need help….thinking maybe match maker sounds like a good idea….how does it work…?…would you be interested in finding my mate…
I live in Kentucky Have great job…im stone cold sober…and will always be that way…..no drugs as well….Christian Man…
Can you help…?…let me know…thanks..
Look in the description box below any episode for a link to my website. You can message me there, Richard.
@@CoffeewithCarey
What else are you going to do? Stare into each others eyes over a candle in a restaurant when you are total strangers? Heels at 70 thats a no. I don't drink so booze doesn't factor into my dates.
That’s the only idea you have, a candlelit restaurant? There’s like a million other things to do. Heals at 70? That’s a yes for me. I have too many fabulous pairs of heels to stop because of how many years I’ve been here. YDYD! 🤎
(You do you, darlin’)
I just made that up. What do you think?
@@CoffeewithCarey I m so going to use this!!! YDYD 💟💟💟
@@ssiegreen5292 haha. 🤲
@charmee4045 ... 👀 & 👀 + 🕯️ 🍽️ but NO 🍷 🍷 & 👠👠 - geeze, you sound like a load of fun!!! 🫡 (😂)
Are there any credentialing requirements for “matchmakers?”
Yeah, you have to have watched fiddler on the roof at least 10 times
@@CoffeewithCarey hahahahahahaha best answer I have seen!
@@LifeAccordingtoMaria ☺️😉
I recommend 2 Irish Coffees at Morton's or a nice jazz club.
Entertainingly said and well done Carey.
Thank you John.
(After some appetizers sounds perfect to me )
@@flauze are you commenting on a video you didn’t even watch or just trying to be contrary?
If she has kids her only option is to come over my house at 10pm for first date. If she passes on that , i will pass on her complex situation i dont need im my life.
What?? Do women say yes to that “date plan”? 😳
Half of my matchmaking clients have children at home. I would never allow them to go to someone’s house at any time let alone late at night, for a date.
@@CoffeewithCarey I think he's referring to "Netflix & Chill" without saying Netflix & Chill...
@@ssiegreen5292 for a first date. Lol
@@CoffeewithCarey Clearly you have no idea of what's running around out there...
Ew.