I would add to the pro list: If your child's case has become high profile, either in your local community or even nationally if it was a really big deal case or some popular podcast featured it or something. You don't want your child's name to be google-able and bring up whatever horrible trauma they have as the first search result when they're applying for jobs or something.
As an interracial adoptee at the age of 2 my parents kept mine and my sisters (also adopted at the age of 2) given names and just used them as our middle names. Which I really LOVE as an adult because I have adoption trauma and suffer with identity. Both my sister and I don't have any cultural connections to India either. So those are the two reasons why I love that my parents did decide to keep our given names and just use them as our middle names.
As an adult I changed my whole name. It was wonderful. Cost about $350 took about 4 months. But I got everything changed. 10/10 would recommend. My parents still call me by my old name but that’s fine with me. As long as my legal name is what I want.
I love the idea of making their current name their middle name. My husband actually goes by his middle name. And it's pretty common where we live. I also like the idea of presenting the child(ren) with choices, but allowing them to make the final decision. We were already planning to change their last name. I like the idea of unifying us as a family, but hadn't thought about changing their first name. Thank you for the suggestions/ tips.
I'm a former foster youth, never adopted, but RUclips suggested this video and it triggered me to remember when I was 14 and the youth pastor the church my foster parents were forcing me to go always referred to me by my foster parent's last name and when I corrected him, he would make jokes about how I wouldn't want to use my "old" last name and how I must want to change it. No matter how many times I corrected him, he always called me by my foster parent's last name. It really hurt and I don't think I'll change my last name when I get married since it's something I felt was being taken from me back then.
I’m so sorry that happened! It is definitely not okay for anyone to force you to get rid of your previous name…especially in a foster placement that isn’t even adoption. People can be so insensitive! We were definitely nervous about approaching this topic with our kids which was why we were so shocked when our oldest asked us to change her name! I know it’s such a different experience for every adoptee.
Yes it builds their story and identity. They may go on to change all their names as adults and start from scratch! If you say they have to keep their original surname that seems excluding, like your spouse telling you that you can’t have their surname when you get married. If you’re a family it makes sense you have the same surname.
My siblings were adopted all at younger than a year old, we opted to change their names, but none were huge changes. There were safety concerns with all three so it was the best choice for our situation. My two sisters kept their original first names but my parents changed the spellings and changed their middle names. My brother was named after his bio dad Shawn, we changed it to Jonathan (Shawn and Jon rhyme so I thought that was nice). They are all teenagers now and know their original names. Thankfully they are happy with the changes! ❤️ Absolutely love how you explained the biblical references of God giving people new names! Such a beautiful concept!!
My younget half-brother wad adopted when he was 10. His adopted mother changed his middle and last names. He said it was the best thing that happened to him becuase he was no longer associated with our Ova Donor. He was sad when I told him I had given my middle daughter his original middle name, but he calls her by her middle name becuase it was his, and it gave them a special bond.
Great video Katie! I’m a new foster mom and we are currently fostering our daughter for a couple of months before we can start the adoption process. She is 12 and she started to talk about how she doesn’t like her middle name. She came up with a name herself and would pronounce it with our last name, all on her own.
👍 We foster, so do not change names, but especially for kids who are angry with their parents, we develop a nic name together, to indicate they can be their own person
Our kids took on our last name but as their first names were the absolute only thing that came with them from their bio parents we chose to keep them. I think it is very important for identity. 👍
👊My middle was my bio mom's middle name, and I really didn't like it. Now I have no middle name and am a lot happier! Thanks for the great advice, as always!
Katie, thanks so much for doing these videos. It’s very encouraging for those of us seriously considering adoption through foster care. I love all of your ideas! Keep them coming!
Aside from making the decision to adopt, what to do with my daughter’s name (adopted at 2.5 yrs old) was the hardest decision! I debated if changing her first name would make her feel like there was something wrong with her and she needed “fixing”, not to mention her identity wrapped up in it. Ultimately what I did was use a variation of her birth last name for her middle name because it lent itself to that (and to reflect her heritage). We gave her a new first name that is a family name on my side. That is a tradition for my family and I didn’t want her left out of that and feeling like she wasn’t good enough to have a family name. I love that her name represents my family, her birth family, and my husband’s family (her current last name).
my grandson finally found me on fb, my daughter- his mother had put him & his sister up for adoption, he was 3, she was 1. i couldnt imigine, just coming to know mommy, daddy, and knowing your name then, mommy isnt mommy any more mommy looks diffrent, daddy looks diffrent, and then being stripped of youre own 1st name, and given the name wilbur....im glad hes found me, since his birth mom, my daughter took her own life- alot of the despair was making that selfless decission for the kids future. so complicated.
👍🏻I remember not liking my first name as a kid, so for a year in elementary school I tried going by my middle name, but I kept forgetting about it and would get in trouble for not responding when the teacher would call on me! 😂 The next year, I went back to going by my first name. Now, I like both names 😊
Oh my gosh that is so funny! I remember wanting to "rebrand" myself in middle school as Kate instead of Katie...but no one could remember to call me that hahaha
👍 We are actually discussing name changes with our kiddo now. We absolutely love ❤️ her name! And think that it fits her perfectly! She has come up with several names (first) that she likes..like a different one every other week. Olivia, Emma, Emily and now Anna.. she's 12, I'm trying to stress that this is a permanent change and I'm not sure she's completely grasping that concept. She's all for having our last name and I suggested a middle name that she really liked, but I'm just nervous that she will have deep regret as she gets older by giving up her complete name and basically her identity. Any advice?? Btw, I truly enjoy your channel and have been watching you since we began our fostering to adopt process. You've been so helpful 😊
I don’t think my middle name is ugly, but it was after two aunts that I am not close to. However, my mother in law and I have the same middle name and I love that connection. If we have a little girl one day, my husband wants to give that middle name to her. ☺️
Hi Katie we have adopted 6 girls all have kept at least one part of their original name with the exception of 2. It was their choice to completely change their names. One being named after my mother and one after my grandfather. All 6 girls have at least one name being a unisex name. They all still have contact with bio families.
👍when I got married I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband's last name so i have 2 middle names. Thank you for bringing up the point about changing the social security number. That is not something we had considered.
That's funny, my sister's middle name is Louise, and I found it so pretty that I gave it to my first daughter as her middle name. I like my middle name, and we named our second daughter that name. Didn't like my first name, haha, but I've accepted it more as an adult.
My niece was 2 when adopted and had a hyphen in her name. My sister took that out because it was just so much easier and will be much easier throughout my niece’s life.
IMO if the kid is too young to care, go ahead and change it or not based on your own feelings. If they're old enough to know their name, I'd get their consent first and get them to help me pick out the new name, and probably also have awhile of using the new name unofficially to feel it out before we change it officially. Different situation, but I've heard a lot of stories about stepparent adoptions where the kid's last name was changed against their will and they resent it so much they change it back as soon as they hit 18 and cut contact with the stepparent and the parent whose partner that is. So I think you should get their consent if they're old enough to care about their name, because if you don't and they resent it that'll damage your relationship with them. Also I don't really have strong feelings either way about my middle name. It's not what I would have chosen but I don't hate it either.
We intent to change one of the middle names and reorder the rest when we adopt our little... he's always gone by his middle name and we have safety concerns with his first name since his last name is the same as ours...
Do you have a book? Also please give all the book recommendations on adoption. I already purchased the weavers craft. I’m trying to read everything I can before we start the process. I also wanted to say I’ve learned so much from your videos! Thank you for posting about realistic expectations. It’s not gonna be perfect, but a little clunky at first.
I have not written a book but I would love to someday :) I always recommend reading “The Connected Child” and “Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child”! Thanks for watching 🥰
It’s totally up to you! If they are old enough, you could ask them what they think of the idea. A lot of kids do like to share your last name when they are adopted.
👍🏽 I dropped my middle name after I got married so that I could keep my maiden name in its place. Great video! I have a newborn adoptive placement and we plan to keep her first name as a middle name.
I would add to the pro list: If your child's case has become high profile, either in your local community or even nationally if it was a really big deal case or some popular podcast featured it or something. You don't want your child's name to be google-able and bring up whatever horrible trauma they have as the first search result when they're applying for jobs or something.
Yes that is such a good one!
As an interracial adoptee at the age of 2 my parents kept mine and my sisters (also adopted at the age of 2) given names and just used them as our middle names. Which I really LOVE as an adult because I have adoption trauma and suffer with identity. Both my sister and I don't have any cultural connections to India either. So those are the two reasons why I love that my parents did decide to keep our given names and just use them as our middle names.
@@TeresaBenson thanks so much for sharing your experience 😊
As an adult I changed my whole name. It was wonderful. Cost about $350 took about 4 months. But I got everything changed. 10/10 would recommend. My parents still call me by my old name but that’s fine with me. As long as my legal name is what I want.
I love the idea of making their current name their middle name. My husband actually goes by his middle name. And it's pretty common where we live. I also like the idea of presenting the child(ren) with choices, but allowing them to make the final decision. We were already planning to change their last name. I like the idea of unifying us as a family, but hadn't thought about changing their first name. Thank you for the suggestions/ tips.
I'm a former foster youth, never adopted, but RUclips suggested this video and it triggered me to remember when I was 14 and the youth pastor the church my foster parents were forcing me to go always referred to me by my foster parent's last name and when I corrected him, he would make jokes about how I wouldn't want to use my "old" last name and how I must want to change it. No matter how many times I corrected him, he always called me by my foster parent's last name. It really hurt and I don't think I'll change my last name when I get married since it's something I felt was being taken from me back then.
I’m so sorry that happened! It is definitely not okay for anyone to force you to get rid of your previous name…especially in a foster placement that isn’t even adoption. People can be so insensitive! We were definitely nervous about approaching this topic with our kids which was why we were so shocked when our oldest asked us to change her name! I know it’s such a different experience for every adoptee.
Sorry to hear that. It does sounds very insensitive. It should be your decision.
God bless!
Yes it builds their story and identity. They may go on to change all their names as adults and start from scratch! If you say they have to keep their original surname that seems excluding, like your spouse telling you that you can’t have their surname when you get married. If you’re a family it makes sense you have the same surname.
My siblings were adopted all at younger than a year old, we opted to change their names, but none were huge changes. There were safety concerns with all three so it was the best choice for our situation. My two sisters kept their original first names but my parents changed the spellings and changed their middle names. My brother was named after his bio dad Shawn, we changed it to Jonathan (Shawn and Jon rhyme so I thought that was nice). They are all teenagers now and know their original names. Thankfully they are happy with the changes! ❤️
Absolutely love how you explained the biblical references of God giving people new names! Such a beautiful concept!!
@annalewc Sean and John do NOT rhyme!!
My younget half-brother wad adopted when he was 10. His adopted mother changed his middle and last names. He said it was the best thing that happened to him becuase he was no longer associated with our Ova Donor. He was sad when I told him I had given my middle daughter his original middle name, but he calls her by her middle name becuase it was his, and it gave them a special bond.
Aww that’s sweet that they have that connection! Thanks for sharing your story ❤️
Great video Katie! I’m a new foster mom and we are currently fostering our daughter for a couple of months before we can start the adoption process. She is 12 and she started to talk about how she doesn’t like her middle name. She came up with a name herself and would pronounce it with our last name, all on her own.
Aww that’s so sweet 🥰
👍 We foster, so do not change names, but especially for kids who are angry with their parents, we develop a nic name together, to indicate they can be their own person
Our kids took on our last name but as their first names were the absolute only thing that came with them from their bio parents we chose to keep them. I think it is very important for identity. 👍
Our family is working toward adoption and I quite like the idea of keeping their birth name, if possible
👊My middle was my bio mom's middle name, and I really didn't like it. Now I have no middle name and am a lot happier! Thanks for the great advice, as always!
Thanks for sharing your perspective as an adoptee, Holly! :)
Katie, thanks so much for doing these videos. It’s very encouraging for those of us seriously considering adoption through foster care. I love all of your ideas! Keep them coming!
Aside from making the decision to adopt, what to do with my daughter’s name (adopted at 2.5 yrs old) was the hardest decision! I debated if changing her first name would make her feel like there was something wrong with her and she needed “fixing”, not to mention her identity wrapped up in it. Ultimately what I did was use a variation of her birth last name for her middle name because it lent itself to that (and to reflect her heritage). We gave her a new first name that is a family name on my side. That is a tradition for my family and I didn’t want her left out of that and feeling like she wasn’t good enough to have a family name. I love that her name represents my family, her birth family, and my husband’s family (her current last name).
I love that! Such a great way to incorporate family (bio and adoptive) into her name :)
my grandson finally found me on fb, my daughter- his mother had put him & his sister up for adoption, he was 3, she was 1. i couldnt imigine, just coming to know mommy, daddy, and knowing your name then, mommy isnt mommy any more mommy looks diffrent, daddy looks diffrent, and then being stripped of youre own 1st name, and given the name wilbur....im glad hes found me, since his birth mom, my daughter took her own life- alot of the despair was making that selfless decission for the kids future. so complicated.
👍🏻I remember not liking my first name as a kid, so for a year in elementary school I tried going by my middle name, but I kept forgetting about it and would get in trouble for not responding when the teacher would call on me! 😂 The next year, I went back to going by my first name. Now, I like both names 😊
Oh my gosh that is so funny! I remember wanting to "rebrand" myself in middle school as Kate instead of Katie...but no one could remember to call me that hahaha
👍
We are actually discussing name changes with our kiddo now. We absolutely love ❤️ her name! And think that it fits her perfectly! She has come up with several names (first) that she likes..like a different one every other week. Olivia, Emma, Emily and now Anna.. she's 12, I'm trying to stress that this is a permanent change and I'm not sure she's completely grasping that concept. She's all for having our last name and I suggested a middle name that she really liked, but I'm just nervous that she will have deep regret as she gets older by giving up her complete name and basically her identity. Any advice??
Btw, I truly enjoy your channel and have been watching you since we began our fostering to adopt process. You've been so helpful 😊
I don’t think my middle name is ugly, but it was after two aunts that I am not close to. However, my mother in law and I have the same middle name and I love that connection. If we have a little girl one day, my husband wants to give that middle name to her. ☺️
Hi Katie we have adopted 6 girls all have kept at least one part of their original name with the exception of 2. It was their choice to completely change their names. One being named after my mother and one after my grandfather. All 6 girls have at least one name being a unisex name. They all still have contact with bio families.
👍when I got married I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband's last name so i have 2 middle names.
Thank you for bringing up the point about changing the social security number. That is not something we had considered.
I wish I had done the same after marriage. I feel like it can be easier when it comes to a variety of legal issues.
That's funny, my sister's middle name is Louise, and I found it so pretty that I gave it to my first daughter as her middle name. I like my middle name, and we named our second daughter that name. Didn't like my first name, haha, but I've accepted it more as an adult.
My niece was 2 when adopted and had a hyphen in her name. My sister took that out because it was just so much easier and will be much easier throughout my niece’s life.
IMO if the kid is too young to care, go ahead and change it or not based on your own feelings. If they're old enough to know their name, I'd get their consent first and get them to help me pick out the new name, and probably also have awhile of using the new name unofficially to feel it out before we change it officially. Different situation, but I've heard a lot of stories about stepparent adoptions where the kid's last name was changed against their will and they resent it so much they change it back as soon as they hit 18 and cut contact with the stepparent and the parent whose partner that is. So I think you should get their consent if they're old enough to care about their name, because if you don't and they resent it that'll damage your relationship with them.
Also I don't really have strong feelings either way about my middle name. It's not what I would have chosen but I don't hate it either.
This has given me such a huge relief! I wish i could talk to you, maybe one day, but thank you so much for this info. ❤️ ❤
So many great thoughts. Love the biblical reasoning!
This is so interesting! I would never have thought of half these things. 👍
👍I’ve always liked my middle name better than my first, but have never gone by it.
I’ve been wondering about this for a while. Thank you for making this video!
👍mine is a patronimik. A lot of Eastern europeans get their father's name with a change to its ending as a middle name.
We intent to change one of the middle names and reorder the rest when we adopt our little... he's always gone by his middle name and we have safety concerns with his first name since his last name is the same as ours...
That makes sense!
Do you have a book? Also please give all the book recommendations on adoption. I already purchased the weavers craft. I’m trying to read everything I can before we start the process.
I also wanted to say I’ve learned so much from your videos! Thank you for posting about realistic expectations. It’s not gonna be perfect, but a little clunky at first.
I have not written a book but I would love to someday :) I always recommend reading “The Connected Child” and “Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child”! Thanks for watching 🥰
Our Bio daughter has the same name as our FD. The name is not that common, so we weren't expecting that to happen.
That’s too funny! What are the odds of that happening?!
👍 Very helpful video. thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
Can you share the name framed? Would love the idea sharing.
👍🏻👊🏻 I like and don’t like at the same time 😅, I wouldn’t choose it, but isn’t the worst too
Love this! Very helpful!!!
👍🏼mine is Kaleoalohalani! I love it so much! I go by Kaleo
👍🏼 Lynae! I am a fan.
it likely depends on the age of the child and thier circumstances.
I completely agree!
What if the child is only 3yrs old.
👍🏼 I love my middle name ❤
So many "unique"/misspelled names.
Oh my gosh your oldest really looks like a Maia though 😂if that makes sense
Should we definitely change their last name? I want them to keep their first names.
It’s totally up to you! If they are old enough, you could ask them what they think of the idea. A lot of kids do like to share your last name when they are adopted.
Keep safety in mind as well.
What about just changing the last name?
Yes, a lot of people do that!
👍🏽 I dropped my middle name after I got married so that I could keep my maiden name in its place. Great video! I have a newborn adoptive placement and we plan to keep her first name as a middle name.
👍
👍 👍 👍
👍🏻💕
👍🏼
✊
👊
👊 😂
A name that I thought of and fell in love with, especially for an adopted daughter, is Story.
I think it’s unkind. Its a non traditional name that like puts their history on blast. Not something I would want to be called.
👊🏻 Denise. I have NEVER liked it, lol
👍
👍
👍
👍
👍
👍
👍🏻
👍