I once read somewhere, "living my life was like serving a life sentence for a crime i didnt commit". I felt that wholeheartedly. I scored between 6 and 7 on ACEs. Life is such a struggle. Daily. My adult son is struggling with addiction and poor mental health. Now he is serving a sentence for a crime he didn't commit either. Sending love, hugs and strength to everyone ❤
I am the same, though I consider it to be 7. We constantly under appreciate our situation. Its an adaptive strategy to help us survive the unsurvivable. What was done to us many dont survive. One of the things we have to come to terms with, on many levels, is the fact that we suffer and will suffer our entire lives for what was done to us. There is no justice. Even the best help we can get can never undo the damage. The best we can do is to alleviate as much of the suffering as we can. All because we had caregivers when we were most vulnerable who continued the cycle of trauma they were introduced to. They were abused as well. Its no excuse. It's a cycle we have to break for future generations not to have to suffer as we have.
I had several ACES as a child. Now I can go to sleep easily, but wake up in the middle of the night in a semi panic state. Takes me an hour or two to reset and go back to sleep. Literally watching this in the middle of the night.
There are two forms of insomnia: one is when you can't get to sleep and the other is when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. You may have insomnia.
It definitely comes from emotional issues. Most overeaters are constantly trying to fill a void within themselves, usually the hole that should be filled by their self esteem.
Add the aspect that a child who grows up in traumatic households may internalize and develop a poor self image. This child not properly cared for grows up to be an adult who may not care for and love themselves. This adult may not then take the steps of proper nutrition, exercise or even preventive medical care. They see themselves as not worth it. It's a tragedy which just compounds on layer after layer.
My mother is very sick and dying, my mother has mental conditions and refuses to go to the doctor. I have CPTSD, depression, anxiety and schizotypy, I can't get psychological help in my local town. My family stole her and tried to kill her, I have no one, I don't know what to do. When this happened I was 18, but I feel like my mental age is younger than that. I'm alone and scared, what can I do? My family destroyed my life and my mother life
@@beautifultrauma me too, so on point that it made emotional, now i am 46 years old and trying to learn to care for myself and build confidence and the believe that i am worth it.
I grew up in a violent household and was told that it was for my good that I was beaten all the time (spare the rod, spoil the child, corporal punishment, etc.) My dad also yelled at us all the time and I was scared of him. My mom always pretended that everything was fine and she buried herself in work and so I had no safe adults in my home. Thankfully I found safety in school and felt that my teachers cared for me more than my parents. If it weren't for school to give me an escape from my home, I probably would have ended my life. I was the rare kid who looked forward to school starting back up again in the Fall.
Same here. I hated to miss school. My sister and I have anxiety to this day. Therapy has helped. I could write much more. @SP-ml3bs, thank you for sharing w/your comment.
@SP-ml3bs I'm sorry to hear that, idk how people can be so cruel. It sort of reminds me of how people say "trauma makes you stronger." Like I think that's a personal feeling- some people may feel tvis way but others won't. And you deserved to have a say when they told you it was gor your own good. I hope you are safe now and are managing well. I'm only kn the beginning of my healing and it's hard. My trauma isn't well recognized like other kinds ie SA or violence. I was adopted and sort of similar- people say "you should be grateful you're were adopted." Not everyone is adopted to a good home or adopted at all- and being adopted doesn't discount the trauma we may have experienced before. Just like someone getting to a safe spot after an abusive relationship doesn't mean they should just smile all the time and be grateful. I imagine most of us are grateful ot be safe but once we are safe, the trauma can come rushing back after we repressed it for so long. With so many people "playing the victim" who are not or were not victims, it makes it harder for ttauma survivors to speak up. We aren't playing the victim- we were the victim. I wish you well and that you can heal. ❤️
@@mountaindesert34788 We aren't playing the victim, we were the victim. Thank you for your supportive message. What we went through as children, while very different, was traumatic. I also wish you well and hope you can heal too.
Lucky you……. How did society not affect your children? lucky you…. I have never met a single person who is not experienced to trauma in one form or another. How did you do it?
Working on healing from my own childhood trauma in hopes to help my daughter heal as well. It ends with us! Thank you for these very insightful videos ❤
I wish my soon to be ex daughter in law would!! She is passing on the dysfunction to the oldest child especially and it breaks my heart! My son is trying to get custody with little success. It’s L.A. and they seem to be celebrating this!?
I hope this information can comfort people and encourage them to keep on trying. It seemed more directed to the general public than those who have experienced it, so it might get a mixed reaction. To people affected by ACE's it can be disheartening to hear about these things. It's not hopeless though, it just takes a lot of time for your brain to learn and adjust. Give yourself some grace if you experience long term illnesses and difficulties from it. Keep on trying to make your experiences better. Persist with self empathy ✌️
It’s definitely better to work at self-compassion and accepting the things we cannot change (how we feel; how others behave; the laws of physics) so we can focus on the things we CAN change (some of our thoughts; a lot of our behavior). Otherwise, we just stay stuck in the same self-destructive behaviors. ❤️🩹
My ACEs score is 10/10. I have been in therapy for the last 10 years. I have had so many health issues and a couple of near death emergencies. I have found healing and so many places: being a parent, having deceased parents, psych meds, yearly physicals, and learning about breaking cycles and epigenetics.
I have many ACES as well. Have also found healing in some of those same resources and in separating myself from my unhealthy parents. Sending you lots of love and wishes for ever more healing. ❤
I feel bad for you, that's awful what you had to go through. Unfortunately I got an 8. One of my issues was self-harm while weight training. I had no idea I was doing it, but now I've gone through 4 shoulder surgeries, carpal tunnel release in both wrists, a reconstructive surgery for a thumb, ongoing trigger point shots for neck pain and several things - like a torn quadricep from highschool - just can't be fixed any more. Not to mention all the substance abuse issues, ongoing depression, self-identity issues, crippling ADHD, etc etc etc. Seriously, good luck to you this stuff is so hard to work through. I keep hearing it gets better with all the work and so far I'm finding that to be true, but it takes a long time..
Its pandemic. Freud, Paget and others creating the field of psychology learned that trauma was not the exception but the norm. How society functioned traumatizing, abusing and neglecting everyone. When they realized it they started to blow them whistle but decided against it because they were afraid for their careers the possible damage done to this emerging field. I can understand why they did that but it also angers me deeply as maybe, just maybe, had they done it right we would be living in a much different world. A world where people are aware of the damages of trauma, abuse and neglect and it was ended for the most part.
35 seconds in. I have lived this for over 70 years! Early childhood trauma, with the resulting negative mindset, makes success at...anything...extremely difficult or impossible. Once success is seen at the horizon, the subconscious mind recoils at it, seeing it as going against imprinted default programs. One of my own examples: I would join a gym, start to see good results...and stop going. I never knew why; did not even give it a second (conscious) thought. Understanding the paradigm, medication and talk therapy have helped. I still struggle with this. How sad.
Interesting re: recoiling at success. Much emotional and physical abuse in my household growing up. We were called names when our parents got mad, we grew up with low self-esteem. My sister and I have both overcome a lot, but I still see 'success' in some parts of my life as something to be (subconsciously) feared or not to be worthy of. Your comment makes sense of this.
Also the trauma response of thinking "Things are going so good, so I know from experience that something absolutely awful is gonna come soon to ruin this for me, so I'll quit while I'm ahead or not even try to begin with." This is the specific type I suffer with as well. It's awful, because even your highs feel like lows. It's a never-ending cycle of wanting better, knowing you can be better, but never feeling like you reach that goal due to being made to feel like less/stupid no matter what choices you make. A husk without reason. I would never put my (metaphorical) child through what I've been through. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I did.
I am breaking the cycle so my children do t have to lives with childhood trauma like I did, and I am serious about maintaining my mental health as well as a safe atmosphere for my kids. ❤ And I’m taking you up on the free grounding skills course!
I agree with everything she is saying. It definitely resonates with me. I’m obese, I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I was told by psychologist that my health issues are probably from childhood emotional abuse/neglect. I have done EMDR and it had help tremendously
Isn’t it so weird how bilateral stimulation just lets the brain… digest… the traumatic memory, turning it into a regular memory? It’s like our system got backed up, and EMDR is like a plunger, getting everything to flow through properly… 🤯
Those stats on abuse are way under reported. It ignores traumatic amnesia. And denial of what really happnend. There are many affects of trauma that cause victims to not recognize what happened to them. I couldnt remember most of the abuses until my 30s. I didnt recognize I have CPTSD until my 50s. Only in the past several years did I recover memories of what was done to me. There are literally billions out there repressing these memories just to survive. I can remember being in the womb. I can remember being born. I remember so much of my infancy. I can tell you that I knew, being only months old, that I existed in an unsafe world. I was shown my father was a lethal danger. He proved it on several occaisions. My mother showed me she was not someone I could get help from. All my elder siblings were abused as well and took out their anger, fear and rage on me. I had no one to help me. No one to console me. Just more danger on a daily basis. Danger to my body, my mind and my emotions. I live in existential terror. I cannot make relationships. I have been alone my entire life. I thought this was normal. I score 7 but i had many abusers throughout my life and no one to support me. This has to end. No one should have to live like this. No one should have to endure what i have and continue to have to endure. I have had several years of truama therapy and have made great steides in recovery but I still suffer greatly and still cannot make connections. No one has a right to raise their children in trauma, abuse and neglect. We, as a society, condone too much abuse in the name of parental rights.
I understand completely. My ACES score is 9. I am now 69, and have become quite resilient from being on my own most of my life. Resilience is a form of strength and courage that few people develop without first surviving their personal hell on earth. We are the bravest of the brave. God bless you.
Nature and nurture, my dad committed suicide and my mom is narcissistic- I clearly see why I have emotional and health issues. People should be so grateful who have a good loving family.
My therapist says my OCD is rooted in childhood trauma. I have to control everything in adulthood because I had no control over anything in my childhood. I didn't always feel safe, I experienced neglect and an alcoholic parent so I never knew what was going to happen. Every time my mother left my dad (3x before she finally divorced) I felt like I had to start over after we moved. My obsessions revolve around safety. My compulsion is "checking". Being late to work everyday because I have to check that everything is unplugged so there's no fire, check my doors are locked 5x, check my stove and dryer is off 5x, impulsive thoughts, rumination on trauma, turning my car around to check the garage is closed, and religious compulsions due to traumatic experiences growing up in the church. The worst thing about OCD is knowing it's irrational, but not being able to talk yourself down.
My late hubby had awful OCD; honestly, your best bet to a saner life is an SSRI, or Anafranil (the original gold standard) or both, like he was on. It can take things from a 10 down to a 5 so the residual symptoms are more manageable. ❤
I don’t know if this is remarkable or catastrophic but I have routine checking kind of OCD I call it. Where’s my keys, are my glasses on my head, do I have enough lens wipes in my pocket in my pants, have I locked the door, did I turn the coffee pot off and leaving too many lights on before I go to work so I’ll have to have a high electric bil (I live in a one bedroom apartment with electric bills between about like 45 and $75 so this is probably stupid but I used to live in a bigger house),. Is this larger OCD than normal amount of I you know checking routine routine of checking. Internally I take pride in having a routine so I don’t forget and so I used to feel like this is a good set of habits. What do you all think?
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your video especially these recent childhood trauma ones. You are playing a tremendous role in my healing journey of cPTSD.
I have an ACES score of 7. I continue to learn as much as I can and am also now a certified ACES trainer. Part of my job includes training early childhood teachers on ACES and trauma. This has been enormously helpful In my own healing journey, being able to educate others about the impact of trauma. Thank you for sharing this information - the way you explained how trauma impacts brain function was very accessible and straight forward.
As a trauma-informed practicing therapist, this is the best summary of adverse affects from childhood affecting anyone who has experienced. So grateful for your videos and how they are informative and easy to understand, especially with the neuroscience backing. Thank you!
Thank you for being a trauma-informed therapist! It’s nuts that basic education for all mental health workers at all levels isn’t at least half-focused on various kinds of trauma, given how common it is! 🫤
I watch your videos faithfully but rarely do I comment. First Thank you! I never knew about this ACES score method. After a lifetime of trauma at 50 years old and a parent of 2 and 1 angel taken by addiction. My mind is blown to see this scoring method because I can check every single one. My score would be thru the roof and so would my children. It also saddens my heart that I honestly could be a poster child/adult for depression anxiety trauma. But it’s in my past and I have a network (including you) of supportive wise people that have opens my eyes awaken. When ya know better you do better. If I can name it I can claim it. Thank you again it hurts to see all the hurts I’ve endured inflicted and enabled . But I’m still standing and growing wiser with your help. ❤️💡🙏
All 10 for me. I’ve had health concerns, both physical and psychological. Things are getting better though with continued therapy and a healthy lifestyle. I employ several different modalities with decent success. Cptsd is not easy to navigate, nor is the realization that you’ve been duped and stolen from. Grieving is key. Deep grieving and responsibility for what we can do to ameliorate our situation. Wishing anyone who struggles deeply all of the success they dream of
I am learning how to greave instead of going into rage mode and self sabotage, because love, respect and care is not something i have known. but i hope that i can learn and move on, in a much happier life and hope the same for everyone. life is a gift, and knowing what to do with it, it's what we need to learn. lots of love for those still deep in in that journey and hope the light will shine and bring you to the present.
Grieving, yes; grieving everything we needed so badly and didn’t receive; a past of deprivation we can never go back and fix; a future of tending to a deeply wounded inner child we didn’t wound. 😔
Where can one obtain effective help? I went through unspeakable abuse growing up- my parents were extremely abusive. I am grateful for living with a very young aunt and uncle- although it was for only 8 months, they helped me in ways my own parents never did.
In childhood, my mother was a workaholic. My father suffered extreme anxiety after being in the RAF during WWII. My sister and I grew up in an absolutely miserable home; stressful; depressive, unsupportive. I thought of killing my father many times as a young adolescent. I was terrified of him. I am now 73 years old and have had a hell of a life. Luckily, I enjoyed university, and it was my saviour - I loved study and exams. My sister suffered worse; she suffered bipolar and psychosis. She died at 66 after living one of the worst lives I have ever known. I studied Neurobiology and so have an excellent knowledge of what went wrong with me biologically from the disaster of the first 20 years of my life. My ACE score was 5.
This explains so much that I've never understood about myself despite already doing the inner work for ACoA and having ADHD. CT has been a big help. I also like being in nature whenever possible. This new knowledge will help me have more empathy toward myself regarding these negative traits that have dogged me. Prayer and a close connection to our Creator should never be minimized. Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
Food is cheap, and legally required to be provided so readily available. It’s therefore the easiest way to get through today when today is terrifying; except then thousands of days are just as terrifying… 😰
I conducted an IRB approved study in grad school on individuals who's parents were divorced before the person was 18. I wanted to explore the reason why less people are choosing to legally marry. I had a couple of open ended qualitative questions. It was heartbreaking to read some of the experiences. Edited to add: 18 percent of respondents said that because of their childhood experiences, they didn't want to marry or have children because they were afraid they couldn't break the trauma cycle.
@Pixdust77 - I never had kids. Regret it, but at the same time I think it was for the best (in the interest of the child). Grew up in a very dysfunctional household, and it took me a couple of decades into adulthood to figure things out, too late for kids. My sister, though, raised two children in a healthy HH; she managed to break the cycle ❤
This video literally gave my brain chills (like, I can actually feel them). As a individual who had the repressed memories of trauma come back just months ago, this just enlightened me in so many ways. Just knowing this is happening seems to give me a sense of peace, as well as the "How Trauma and PTSD Change the Brain" helped me gain some acceptance of the trauma, and gave me hope that I'll be able to thrive one day. Thank you!
My brain and body have certainly been affected by childhood trauma. Misdiagnoses of my condition that went on for far too long were a major part of the problem. Thank you so much for your professional wisdom on ACEs. 💚&☮️
Thank you, From someone who fell off the cliff. I’m finally getting the help I have needed. So far I’ve been only working on my medication’s . getting them sorted out and on the correct meds. That’s been painful. I’ve spoke with my psychiatrist who has helped me through this process. Immensely . she agrees that the medication is only part of my problem. We will be working on coping mechanisms and dealing through the trauma once I’m on a good regime. This video is very helpful to me. It helps me understand why I am the way I am and gives me hope that others have been through it and have moved on thank you
It’s not so much a “moving on” as a “making peace and living with”. The past cannot change; but, we can change our behavior and thoughts about and towards ourselves in light of it. ❤
I just discovered recently that Mast Cells are directly related to stress/trauma, and that effects our inflammation responses. It's certainly not just about nutrition anymore.
Scored an aces 3/10. Another source of childhood trauma is school bullying as well. All these things combine to cause all kinds mental and physical health problems.
Try being bullied your entire life for being neurodivergent and growing up in a house with a father who was ND and had an ABI and you had to walk on eggshells
@@trinity2396 Right, yes, some circumstances can be seen as more severe than others, but everyone's feelings are valid. It should never be a response of “But I had worse!” that's very selfish. (I scored 7/10, I went through any possible abuse/bullying you can't think of. I’m not going to go around undermining someone else's experience.)
@@XstargojoBeing judgmental of a traumatized neurodivergent person isn’t helpful, either. “That also sounds terrible, so sorry to hear you went through that.” could be a better response. Or just don’t respond, if you aren’t able to be supportive.
@@trinity2396most people who are ND arent saying stuff like this as a stick measuring contest. its a "i know how you feel i went through xyz myself" thing. I dont think that was the reason they said what they said. it comes from a place of empathy or venting/lamenting personal issues which is in no way to invalidate others experiences. Just thought you and the other person who commented could understand. -from someone who is also ND
This is EXACTLY what I've been looking for. You are the best therapist I've ever found, and I've used a fair few. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing so much helpful information! I will be forever grateful to have found you.
👍🙏 I watched a video on how to apologize to your kids…it was very healing for my kids to hear me take full ownership of my actions. I let them know they were never the reason for my anger. I am saying the same thing to myself…I was never the reason for my dad’s anger 🙏 wish I would’ve understood this before being a parent
I am working on using healthier coping skills in order to be a better role model for my daughter. I am 73 and she is 39. There is always an opportunity for improvement.
that entire list was inflicted upon me before the age of 13. My coping manifest as a combination of sheer physical exertion, and art. Psychedelics was the last puzzle piece. I grew up to be a very jacked art teacher.
Janina Fisher is also a brilliant resource for this exact thing.Her TIST (trauma informed stabilization treatment) therapy is transformational. As one who has several aces, I always think that If I ruled the world, this is where I would put all my focus. Thank you so much for this video!
Your warmth, compassion, simple explanations, hope and positivity are palpable, and very soothing balms to those of us who have many ACES. Thank you. ❤
Oh, thank you so much!! I'm taking myself for a walk down the river tomorrow. Thank you, Emma. I've had a wonderful psychologist who is more like a friend, for about 5 years. I'm very lucky. But him being someone ihave so much to talk about with, shared values and interests, is not actually in a helpful, its a little to unstructured CBT. But the way he is with my ND children is just incredible. We're so lucky. However, a friend of mine has recently had her first few appointments with a psychologist, who starts their sessions with grounding exercises. I realised that's probably something that I should be being taught and it would be helpful. I've considered going back to CASA (trauma counsellors for CSA in Australia). 22 years on and off in counselling and psychology, and in realising there's different types of treatments I need to know about. So to improve childhood trauma this week, I'm going to better myself. And keep trying to make my separation from my kids dad as calm as possible. No matter how much he's not doing a good job at not being angry and reactive in front of kids. But I'm feeling better, less guilty, to see its the only ACE in my babies life. I never feel like I'm doing good enough. Shame cycle is so hard to overcome. You're the best. Thank you, again!!
Education is only the first step in healing from CPTSD but a critical one and this overview video is the best I have seen in several years . I highly recommend learning all you can about IFS. There are so many free resources on YT and excellent books you can get from the library. You’ll be amazed at how quickly it can help you understand your specific trauma and and its affects and help you integrate. Try to be as kind to yourself and others as possible on your journey and know that healing CPTSD is a life long process but well worth doing for a better life. But of course a YT reply is nothing, so just try it and see for yourself.❤
As a CCPT (child-centered play therapist), I would have loved to have seen play therapy on the list of treatments (so much research!) so parents get their kids deep healing before they grow up and have as many effects from the ACES! 👍🏼
I spent a bit trying to help children who were already showing signs of serious trauma, and was repeatedly frustrated by the fact that the same mothers (it was always the mothers; the fathers were generally disengaged) causing the trauma had to agree to any and all interventions, were not in practical/headspace positions to change their own behavior, and just wanted the kids “fixed” so they wouldn’t cause them any trouble! Successful workers in that arena were very good at soothing the egos of the mothers and assuring them that they were angels in no way responsible for the troubles their children were experiencing. It was gross, and I wasn’t very successful at it. 🤢
ACE score of 7. Have spent 35 years PLUS working on healing. It's so important to recognize when you have had a particularly difficult childhood that it will naturally impact you into adulthood. Just turned 64 and the high ACE score still concerns me in terms of how it's affecting my health. I've been on antibiotics for literally 2 years to treat a rare infection in my ear cartilage from a spider bite. Trauma and neglect caused me to develop an overactive nervous system and that has never changed. The PTSD, anxiety and depression have not lost their grip. It's one day at a time. Overwhelmed at the mountain of challenges I face in my life. But thankful for resilience. 💞
I'm 27 with a lifelong history of childhood abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, etc. that have given me chronic fatigue, chronic pain with fibromyalgia, severe IBS, and about 9 mental illnesses including CPTSD, BPD, and worse. Last year my body FIRST started relaxing as it never had before. I'm still in that process and have almost all of that stress out of my head and neck (that I can tell for now) but it's been absolutely agonising and it takes active concentration. Doctors my whole life can't find anything 'cause the physicalist dogma that rules society is 50% incorrect, and the fact that people thought neurons ONLY in the brain can learn or react is absolute insanity when there are neurons all over the body (and of course they JUST figured this all out yesterday).
Check out vagus nerve therapies to learn how to move into Parasympathetic (rest and heal) from Sympathetic (fight or flight). You can switch in mere seconds. It REALLY helps.
Not having names/diagnoses for any of this when I was growing up in the 60s/70s, when I finally did get into counseling as a young adult, I only discussed one of my parents drinking. The fact that I had a sibling attempting to kill/hurt me, all of my childhood, never came up until much later in life, going into menopause/counseling. Grateful for this acknowledgment and awareness for future generations.
Yup......trauma or emotional negligence during the formative years is basically a life term punishment. I had various forms of childhood trauma, some identified and some not. I began therapy in my late 20's and had 15+ counselors over 40 years, plus psychiatrists and medication when my depression became serious. I've read dozens of self-help books and adopted every self-treatment possible, e.g., exercise, diet, supplements. Basically, everything I have done and thousands I have spent has kept me "just above water", i.e. away from drug and alcohol. But it's sobering to realize that all that money and effort has only managed to keep me alive, and I'm far from e.g., having quality relationships or becoming a significant benefit to society. Someday, my hope is that the science of psychology will be able to help those in need in an inexpensive, sustainable manner.
EMDR and carefully controlled treatment with psychedelics seem to be promising fields of study. Also, people are starting to get wise that maybe having 50% of people be hooked on benzos by the time they get to nursing homes isn’t great. 😬
@@misspat7555 "carefully controlled treatment with psychedelics seem to be promising fields of study."...I have been watching this closely. I agree, it's showing promise. My opinion, after much reading, is that real, sustained improvements in behavior are incredibly difficult. It requires the neuroplasticity of an infant, i.e., changes in our self-perception and perception of reality few adults are capable of. There were some fascinating studies done in the early 60's(?) using psychedelics that were similar to what you mention. Highly controlled, administered by experts and follow-up studies. Results were miraculous. Patients that had undergone the radical new treatment went from, e.g., exhibiting schizophrenia and nearly incapacitated to functional, even engaging in healthy relationships and building careers. The lessons seem obvious......it takes exceptionally "intrusive" chemicals in combination with expert administration in a highly-controlled environment to produce real, sustained improvements. At least there's hope, especially once sophisticated AI becomes part of the equation. 🙏🙏
@@misspat7555 "carefully controlled treatment with psychedelics seem to be promising fields of study."...I have been watching this closely. I agree, it's showing promise. My opinion, after much reading, is that real, sustained improvements in behavior are incredibly difficult. It requires the neuroplasticity of an infant, i.e., changes in our self-perception and perception of reality few adults are capable of. There were some fascinating studies done in the early 60's(?) using psychedelics that were similar to what you mention. Highly controlled, administered by experts and follow-up studies. Results were miraculous. Patients that had undergone the radical new treatment went from, e.g., exhibiting schizophrenia and nearly incapacitated to functional, even engaging in healthy relationships and building careers. The lessons seem obvious......it takes exceptionally "intrusive" chemicals in combination with expert administration in a highly-controlled environment to produce real, sustained improvements. At least there's hope, especially once sophisticated AI becomes part of the equation. 🙏🙏
I hate sounding like a crybaby every time I comment on these types of videos, but venting helps me. And so often I forget about the things in this video, and how they have affected me, and I find myself agreeing with the people I’ve known in my life who think I’m just a sorry, no good loser. My sisters are 5 & 7 years older than me. I’m male and in my mid fifties. I have had a horrible go at life. I am neurodivergent and haven’t worked for a very long time. My sisters aren’t, and haven’t had as hard of a hard time at all. They reject that I’m neurodivergent. I have CPTSD, depression and anxiety too. About a year ago I could no longer ignore that they, including their children, as well as my narcissistic mother, have viewed me as a no-good loser for decades. I tried sharing with my sisters about exactly what this video is describing. I scored a 5 on the ACES test. Interestingly, they wouldn’t score near that. Especially the middle child, who is the golden child. I have a list of health issues longer than a CVS receipt, including diabetes, heart disease (had a heart attack this year), and cancer - and I’ve never smoked, drank, or abused drugs. I now have 5 fewer organs than I was born with. My sisters are incredibly healthy compared to me. It’s weird, too, because I don’t necessarily look unhealthy, and people sometimes think I’m in good shape! And I ALWAYS feel like death warmed over 😂. Can you believe that my family have hinted that my health problems are my fault without evidence? It’s offensive. So, anyway, I tried sharing this info and traumas I’ve experienced, and my sisters rejected it. They basically blame me for my problems, and don’t accept that horrific parenting and traumas contributed. They no longer have a relationship with me. I have a good relationship with my wife of 34 years and our kids. They are pretty much the reason I’m still here.
I'm so relieved to hear you say you haven't kept up a relationship with them. It hurts not to be able to have a loving relationship with blood family, but at the end of the day we can't heal if they keep dragging us down. I'm glad you finally have the support you need in your TRUE family.
I once read somewhere, "living my life was like like serving a life sentence for a crime i didnt commit". I felt that wholeheartedly. I scored between 6 and 7 on ACEs. Life is such a struggle. Daily. My adult son is struggling with addiction and poor mental health. Now he is serving a sentence for a crime he didn't commit either. Sending love, hugs and strength to everyone ❤
I actually scored a 10! I’ve been looking to find a therapist that understands this but it’s been difficult. So this channel has been such a blessing for me. This journey of healing can be arduous and lonely so I’m so glad I found this channel. I feel stuck even though I work in this field assisting others, I myself had to sit down to connect with what happened to me. We can do this, one moment of self love and appreciation at a time.♥️🌺
Finding a therapist can be so hard!! My social worker is the main only person who reslly understands adoption issues, I hate feeling like I'm begging for help and no one listens
@ I have had some of those same feelings;- Which seems (for me) to be re- traumatizing. I had to change the way I saw the process and take the time for self compassion and self care. Wishing you happiness and good health because you deserve it!🌺
Three weeks after I was born ( as I was told,) my mom went back to work and left me with her mother and step-father. They basically raised me until my parents remarried. I was traumatized having to leave my grandparents and I was 5. I knew my mom didn't want me and it was even worse when my dad was in the picture. He was wonderful to me but to her I was in the way. She divorced my dad when I was 12. Thank heavens my grandmothet was nearby but then my mom started ballroom dancing leaving me alone a lot of nights. I became an overachiever to spite her. Looking back, she never held me, read to me or told me she loved me. Worse was I am an only child. As an adult I was criticized for everything. I've come to the conclusion that she was a narcisstist and didn't want to be a mother. On the good side I did have relatives and/or friends who were safe havens. The worst thing she ever did to me was when I was 9. My bedroom wasn't perfect and she came roaring in at me saying she was calling an orphanage. She actually went to the phone. My dad was outside and didn't hear her. I was terrified of having to leave my dad. That brought up my fear again of being uprooted. I got married after my college sophomore year but did finish college. I became a teacher ( and then a mother of two sons,) and could tell by looking in my students' eyes if they were going through what I had. I swore I'd be a good mother and there for my sons. I was. My mom thought the house had to be perfect as everything else. There is no perfect. Looking back I wish I'd stayed with my grandparents but then I wouldn't have had those 7 years with my dad who gave me self-esteem.😢
Im working so hard to repair and heal mine. I don't think I'll have my own kids at this point (I'm already 42, male), but I would like to have a healthy relationship and hopefully marriage before I go. Despite all my issues, I do have a lot of love to give, and I want someone to share it with. That's a lot of motivation to get there!
What is required of me to heal? I have been a drug addict, went to rehab, got clean. 12 years sobriety. Had mental breakdown, worked hard in fixing that, still suffer with anxiety and depression. Listen to all your stuff since 2021, learned a ton and passed it on to my sponsees and group members. I have an auto immune disorder as mentioned. I really want to experience more growth and get past all the abuse and trauma from my parents.
Just the fact you don’t mention relapse is impressive, first off; I re-read to make sure, congrats! It depends on the person and situation, but I do have a list of stuff that can help: 1) Taking a walk, especially in nature. 2) A hot shower or bath. 3) Reading for pleasure. 4) Rocking or swinging. 5) Writing it out, via journaling or “writing a letter” that is not sent. 6) Talking to someone safe; can be a living person, dead person, pet, God, whoever works for you. 7) Listening to music. Especially, some people say listening to sad music when sad, or angry music when angry, helps us feel supported. 8) Drinking something hot, like tea or hot cocoa. 9) Slowly savoring a piece of chocolate; the good stuff! 10) A good, hard cry. May take feeling radically safe and lots of reassuring self-talk for those of us for whom showing emotions was unsafe. I recommend a small towel or washcloth to leak into. 11) Certain supplements and medications may help, YMMV. I myself take SAM-e, but nothing works for everyone, or even the majority of people. 12) Weighted blankets; the recommendation is about 10% of body weight. 13) Kind, gentle self talk. You didn’t sprain your psychological ankle; you were in a serious psychological multi-vehicle accident. Some pain and scars won’t be heal-able, but you can learn to accept and live with them. 14) Pursuing YOUR goals. What is important to you? Even small steps in the right direction can help silence our inner nay-sayer. Hope this helps! ❤
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression. The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself.
I hear you my friend. Absolutely exhausting, just had a bad episode and hopefully coming out the other side.. Healthy eating no alcohol etc and trying to be kind to myself. It’s tricky but it helps, be safe.
My ACES score is 7. I am overweight and have lost the same 30 pounds so many times that I should have disappeared but I always gain it back. I lost my husband 3 years ago and I weigh more than I ever have. I’ve tried therapy for childhood trauma and grief. At age 59, I’ve barely scratched the service.
Great summary of ACE research, I've been banging on about this for years. I've started a carers group and currently working with all our volunteers to understand what is good mental health and how they can take care of their own stuff first so they can help others. We can heal from childhood trauma, with the right tools and support. I'm so glad about that!
Thank you for this. 😊 I’m a trauma therapist with an ACES score of 9. I often refer people to your content. Strategies for resilience when your ACES score is high are a so important. I want to circle back to the initial part of the video where it was stated that the ACES researcher thought that obesity was a possible coping skill for trauma. Yes we can dissociate with food and compulsively overeat. However, I think weight issues are much more complex than a coping skill. The HPA dysregulation plays a role. The same digestive issues that lead to leaky gut and autoimmune disease also set up the hormonal imbalances that cause weight gain. Also, there is research now on changing the term “obesity“ because of the negative connotation in society. Being called obese has become synonymous with laziness or a poor coping skill choice causing people to avoid getting medical care. Trauma can contribute to weight problems but in a more complex way than just the behavioral piece.
Thank you for mentioning the HPA axis. That is definitely my issue. I recently ordered a supplement from Genesis Health Products to aid in rebalancing the HPA axis.
Been aware of this for some time, but it’s good to hear it again. Some people will never see it and think they are “fine” or that they are “over it”. It doesn’t have to rule your life but you have to be aware - like knowing you broke your leg badly years ago & will always need an alteration when you buy trousers.
Wow so much work to do around us! I strongly believe that a healthy community helps building up a strong community, so more people needs to help each other! By building parks and public gardens; recreation centers for kids and adults outside activities. We all need human interaction, so less crappy feelings can take over and eventually disappear ❤
I had a full on psychotic break last year and went through a few months of severe psychosis. I couldnt even put a sentence together. It took me about 4 months to pull my structure of language back together. I have not seeked help because I know it's about changing diet and looking inward in order to change the perceptions of ourselves. Realizing it's an imbalance and not a character flaw is just music to my ears ❤
Emma! Spot on! It is so helpful to have you describe what I have experienced, both with childhood trauma and the healing I have experienced as an adult. I have spent the past 20 years getting past my ACES and find myself more capable of living life with much-improved health. I live in Providence, near Logan, Utah, and am currently a graduate student at Utah State studying School Counseling. My dream job would involve helping students learn social and emotional skills to better cope with their lives. I'd also love to teach parenting classes to assist families. Thank you for your channel and all it does to teach and support in such simple and clear ways. I hope to meet you one day. Jennifer South
I keep thinking about this video. It just makes a lot of sense, and you laid it all out really well. I think my issue has been being stuck in a freeze with low sympathetic tone for most of my life since childhood, which has been confusing, because it seems traditional advice is always always about further lowering that tone!
Thank you. Your understanding makes me feel less lonely. I was always told to realize that it’s not happening now. And that didn’t help. But I think you said that…at the right time…and I had a real breakthrough, the next morning. It’s been decades since my most recent lasting breakthrough. I appreciate you! ❤ Michael
As long as our brain keeps rehashing it, desperately trying to get the indigestible digested, it IS still happening! I have found EMDR to be very helpful with getting those trauma memories to digest, already! 🤢
@ I like the way you put that. And thank you for your understanding comment! This sort of compassionate understanding is very helpful! 🙂 I’ve heard that EMDR is helpful. My psychiatrists have always been cautious with me, due to how low I get when recalling memories. But I admit that my recent breakthrough was due to recalling a memory and then storing it differently. So maybe I sort of self-EMDR’d? I’ve recently learned a way to help others, and that gives me purpose that wasn’t there, before. I’m afraid that living with the memories caused chronic stress, and 5 decades of that has taken its toll, mentally and physically. I really enjoy helping others, with RUclips. But…whew…
The graphic from 10:33 is missing walkable cities, which is another factor that can help create positive childhood experiences (just look into how The Netherlands has the happiest kids in the world)
Sounds like I have more than the number of these that I don’t and I’m going to actively get back in touch with my own therapist(s) 4 counseling. Working on healing myself in order to work past this.
what’s important to note tho, is that you can be a positive community member & still be abusive or extremely abusive to your children, partner(s) & other family members. You can attend all things regarding how to “be a better parent” & how to be a “better person” & still be neglectful & abusive. In fact a lot of people will do those things, & use them as justification for their behavior. specifically narcissists & codependents. The only way to truly prevent trauma is to educate all people on how neglect & abuse can look, & what trauma responses can look like (whether outward or internal). people need to be educated & honest about what their childhoods looked like, calling their experiences what they are, & not take the “they did black to help me, bc i was a bad kid” stance.
What would REALLY help would be people having safe places to live without having to placate a power-hungry monster to obtain a place to sleep. I couldn’t get free until I was 32. ❤️🩹
When I found about that study it was really eye opening but also really sad, as I realised that I have gone through almost all of those life experiences. It made me feel like I had to work really hard to not be another probability in a statistic
i've been following you for so long, and working so hard at gettign better, and learnign by you how to navigate life. i want to say thank you!! you are truelly helping alot of people!! thank you!
I'm trying to get help and heal from childhood trauma and verbal abuse from my X husband. On the flip side I'm watching all five of my grandbabies being traumatized. This is beyond painful. I have no words to explain the way I'm feeling 😫
Excellent video. Important information. Thanks so much for your research and taking the time to share it and also give ways of helping ourselves. Finally being told I had PTSD since childhood has helped me understand my emotions and behaviors better, and helped me search out and find things that have helped me deal with condition. Several things on your list have helped me. I would add Acupuncture to that list, it helps regulate the nervous system generally, and there are specific protocols for PTSD that help. Thanks again. You are wonderful.
My anxiety goes up if I gain weight. Turn out: my dad would make fun of my mom cuz of her weight n it turns out my mom's siblings would make fun of my mom growing up for her weight. Then my mom use to praise me on living off air and never eating. Then society, males make fun of fat women. So more negative reinforcement. And at least 4 other variables that cause it.
I try to educate as many people as I can on ACEs and how to mitigate the negative impact on our health. I actually wrote a fictional novel that aims (in part) to raise awareness on this topic.
Obesity for me, it’s a choice. If by making myself as unattractive as possible, maybe I can protect myself from more abuse. It’s my way of trying to actively repulse men so they won’t interact with me.
Where do I start reparenting myself? I've cut my parents out of my life and feel like this is the best I've ever been. I have an unhealthy relationship with food, stress, borderline agoraphobic, etc.
You have lost a lot, and the hurt/fear/rage/relief of grief will be something for you to grapple with, though everyone’s path is a little different, just as every person, and every person’s story, is a little different. Acknowledging what you have lost; parental love you never knew, a safe home you never had, whatever all else; and gently, curiously poking around at how that feels inside of you, examining it as a doctor would examine a serious, possibly infected wound; how deep? How wide? Where, exactly, does it hurt the most? What ick needs cleaned out so it has a chance of healing? What helps the hurt? How to bandage it to facilitate healing? And so on, could be a good starting point. ❤️🩹
Please create a video about RTS, Religious Trauma Syndrome. 😢 I've been suffering from it all my life, suffering from anxiety disorder, OCD, IBS, etc.....
@@edzanjero353If it helps at all to know that a Millennial Catholic believes God has unconditional love for us all and only wants to support and comfort us, I have that to offer. It pains me to understand how much misery people representing the Church have inflicted in the name of God. 🥺❤️🩹
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
I once read somewhere, "living my life was like serving a life sentence for a crime i didnt commit". I felt that wholeheartedly.
I scored between 6 and 7 on ACEs.
Life is such a struggle. Daily. My adult son is struggling with addiction and poor mental health. Now he is serving a sentence for a crime he didn't commit either. Sending love, hugs and strength to everyone ❤
I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your son are going through. Keep praying! God bless
I am the same, though I consider it to be 7. We constantly under appreciate our situation. Its an adaptive strategy to help us survive the unsurvivable. What was done to us many dont survive.
One of the things we have to come to terms with, on many levels, is the fact that we suffer and will suffer our entire lives for what was done to us. There is no justice. Even the best help we can get can never undo the damage. The best we can do is to alleviate as much of the suffering as we can. All because we had caregivers when we were most vulnerable who continued the cycle of trauma they were introduced to. They were abused as well. Its no excuse. It's a cycle we have to break for future generations not to have to suffer as we have.
@@annettescaldeferri9019🙏 Sending prayers and hugs.❤
🙏🤗🙏
That's such a perfect description
You're like our warm internet mom. Thanks for posting, we miss you ❤️
More like big sister!
The mom I never had. My mom was harsh and refused to be accountable for her actions.
Totally! She reminds me so much of my youth pastor.
I had several ACES as a child. Now I can go to sleep easily, but wake up in the middle of the night in a semi panic state. Takes me an hour or two to reset and go back to sleep. Literally watching this in the middle of the night.
Magnesium Glycinate is a game changer. Check it 😊
There are two forms of insomnia: one is when you can't get to sleep and the other is when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep.
You may have insomnia.
I do wish doctors would address disordered eating as a trauma symptom, not a character flaw, obesity, anorexia, orthorexia.
Absolutely 💯
When my brother died I emotionally ate.It happens and no one is perfect.My brother was in mid fifties.
It definitely comes from emotional issues. Most overeaters are constantly trying to fill a void within themselves, usually the hole that should be filled by their self esteem.
You look for an excuse. Stop drinking a gallon of Coke daily, that might help.
@@deinemudder351 butt out
Add the aspect that a child who grows up in traumatic households may internalize and develop a poor self image. This child not properly cared for grows up to be an adult who may not care for and love themselves. This adult may not then take the steps of proper nutrition, exercise or even preventive medical care. They see themselves as not worth it. It's a tragedy which just compounds on layer after layer.
Relatable 🥺
You’ve described me as my former self before I unearthed and explored my cptsd
Facts! This comment should be pinned! 📌
My mother is very sick and dying, my mother has mental conditions and refuses to go to the doctor. I have CPTSD, depression, anxiety and schizotypy, I can't get psychological help in my local town. My family stole her and tried to kill her, I have no one, I don't know what to do. When this happened I was 18, but I feel like my mental age is younger than that. I'm alone and scared, what can I do? My family destroyed my life and my mother life
@@beautifultrauma me too, so on point that it made emotional, now i am 46 years old and trying to learn to care for myself and build confidence and the believe that i am worth it.
I grew up in a violent household and was told that it was for my good that I was beaten all the time (spare the rod, spoil the child, corporal punishment, etc.) My dad also yelled at us all the time and I was scared of him. My mom always pretended that everything was fine and she buried herself in work and so I had no safe adults in my home. Thankfully I found safety in school and felt that my teachers cared for me more than my parents. If it weren't for school to give me an escape from my home, I probably would have ended my life. I was the rare kid who looked forward to school starting back up again in the Fall.
Yep; I didn’t really enjoy the summer; school was better than home… 😬
Same here. I hated to miss school. My sister and I have anxiety to this day. Therapy has helped. I could write much more. @SP-ml3bs, thank you for sharing w/your comment.
@SP-ml3bs I'm sorry to hear that, idk how people can be so cruel. It sort of reminds me of how people say "trauma makes you stronger." Like I think that's a personal feeling- some people may feel tvis way but others won't. And you deserved to have a say when they told you it was gor your own good.
I hope you are safe now and are managing well. I'm only kn the beginning of my healing and it's hard. My trauma isn't well recognized like other kinds ie SA or violence. I was adopted and sort of similar- people say "you should be grateful you're were adopted." Not everyone is adopted to a good home or adopted at all- and being adopted doesn't discount the trauma we may have experienced before. Just like someone getting to a safe spot after an abusive relationship doesn't mean they should just smile all the time and be grateful. I imagine most of us are grateful ot be safe but once we are safe, the trauma can come rushing back after we repressed it for so long.
With so many people "playing the victim" who are not or were not victims, it makes it harder for ttauma survivors to speak up. We aren't playing the victim- we were the victim.
I wish you well and that you can heal. ❤️
@@mountaindesert34788 We aren't playing the victim, we were the victim. Thank you for your supportive message. What we went through as children, while very different, was traumatic. I also wish you well and hope you can heal too.
As a cycle breaker.
I have raised kind, caring and loving children.
💚
as a cycle breaker, I know that my first reaction to things isn’t MY reaction, it was my conditioned reaction
it’s what i do NEXT that defines me
Lucky you……. How did society not affect your children? lucky you…. I have never met a single person who is not experienced to trauma in one form or another. How did you do it?
Working on healing from my own childhood trauma in hopes to help my daughter heal as well. It ends with us! Thank you for these very insightful videos ❤
Yes! There is a traditional Lakota belief that our healing reaches both forward and backward for seven generations ❤
Keep it up. Same boat here with my first son.
Solidarity! Same here
I wish my soon to be ex daughter in law would!! She is passing on the dysfunction to the oldest child especially and it breaks my heart! My son is trying to get custody with little success. It’s L.A. and they seem to be celebrating this!?
You got this! The fact you are facing this head on shows that you are a great mother.
I hope this information can comfort people and encourage them to keep on trying. It seemed more directed to the general public than those who have experienced it, so it might get a mixed reaction.
To people affected by ACE's it can be disheartening to hear about these things. It's not hopeless though, it just takes a lot of time for your brain to learn and adjust. Give yourself some grace if you experience long term illnesses and difficulties from it. Keep on trying to make your experiences better. Persist with self empathy ✌️
It’s definitely better to work at self-compassion and accepting the things we cannot change (how we feel; how others behave; the laws of physics) so we can focus on the things we CAN change (some of our thoughts; a lot of our behavior). Otherwise, we just stay stuck in the same self-destructive behaviors. ❤️🩹
My ACEs score is 10/10. I have been in therapy for the last 10 years. I have had so many health issues and a couple of near death emergencies. I have found healing and so many places: being a parent, having deceased parents, psych meds, yearly physicals, and learning about breaking cycles and epigenetics.
I have many ACES as well. Have also found healing in some of those same resources and in separating myself from my unhealthy parents. Sending you lots of love and wishes for ever more healing. ❤
Wow. I never heard of a 10. I score 7. I couldn't conceive of a 10. Wow.
I feel bad for you, that's awful what you had to go through. Unfortunately I got an 8. One of my issues was self-harm while weight training. I had no idea I was doing it, but now I've gone through 4 shoulder surgeries, carpal tunnel release in both wrists, a reconstructive surgery for a thumb, ongoing trigger point shots for neck pain and several things - like a torn quadricep from highschool - just can't be fixed any more. Not to mention all the substance abuse issues, ongoing depression, self-identity issues, crippling ADHD, etc etc etc. Seriously, good luck to you this stuff is so hard to work through. I keep hearing it gets better with all the work and so far I'm finding that to be true, but it takes a long time..
It hits real hard to see how high the numbers are of people with childhood trauma ...
Its pandemic. Freud, Paget and others creating the field of psychology learned that trauma was not the exception but the norm. How society functioned traumatizing, abusing and neglecting everyone. When they realized it they started to blow them whistle but decided against it because they were afraid for their careers the possible damage done to this emerging field. I can understand why they did that but it also angers me deeply as maybe, just maybe, had they done it right we would be living in a much different world. A world where people are aware of the damages of trauma, abuse and neglect and it was ended for the most part.
@@josephbelisle5792Rich people mostly get that way by traumatizing thousands of people, including children. They don’t want to stop. 😑
Yes. I knew my childhood was bad, to be informed it's as bad as gets. Ok man did I just realize I had no chance. All?! Don't wanna kno
35 seconds in. I have lived this for over 70 years! Early childhood trauma, with the resulting negative mindset, makes success at...anything...extremely difficult or impossible. Once success is seen at the horizon, the subconscious mind recoils at it, seeing it as going against imprinted default programs. One of my own examples: I would join a gym, start to see good results...and stop going. I never knew why; did not even give it a second (conscious) thought. Understanding the paradigm, medication and talk therapy have helped. I still struggle with this. How sad.
Interesting re: recoiling at success. Much emotional and physical abuse in my household growing up. We were called names when our parents got mad, we grew up with low self-esteem. My sister and I have both overcome a lot, but I still see 'success' in some parts of my life as something to be (subconsciously) feared or not to be worthy of. Your comment makes sense of this.
Also the trauma response of thinking "Things are going so good, so I know from experience that something absolutely awful is gonna come soon to ruin this for me, so I'll quit while I'm ahead or not even try to begin with."
This is the specific type I suffer with as well. It's awful, because even your highs feel like lows. It's a never-ending cycle of wanting better, knowing you can be better, but never feeling like you reach that goal due to being made to feel like less/stupid no matter what choices you make. A husk without reason.
I would never put my (metaphorical) child through what I've been through. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I did.
I am breaking the cycle so my children do t have to lives with childhood trauma like I did, and I am serious about maintaining my mental health as well as a safe atmosphere for my kids. ❤ And I’m taking you up on the free grounding skills course!
Yes!! Me too!
I agree with everything she is saying. It definitely resonates with me. I’m obese, I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I was told by psychologist that my health issues are probably from childhood emotional abuse/neglect. I have done EMDR and it had help tremendously
Isn’t it so weird how bilateral stimulation just lets the brain… digest… the traumatic memory, turning it into a regular memory? It’s like our system got backed up, and EMDR is like a plunger, getting everything to flow through properly… 🤯
What is EMDR
Those stats on abuse are way under reported. It ignores traumatic amnesia. And denial of what really happnend. There are many affects of trauma that cause victims to not recognize what happened to them. I couldnt remember most of the abuses until my 30s. I didnt recognize I have CPTSD until my 50s. Only in the past several years did I recover memories of what was done to me. There are literally billions out there repressing these memories just to survive.
I can remember being in the womb. I can remember being born. I remember so much of my infancy. I can tell you that I knew, being only months old, that I existed in an unsafe world. I was shown my father was a lethal danger. He proved it on several occaisions. My mother showed me she was not someone I could get help from. All my elder siblings were abused as well and took out their anger, fear and rage on me. I had no one to help me. No one to console me. Just more danger on a daily basis. Danger to my body, my mind and my emotions. I live in existential terror. I cannot make relationships. I have been alone my entire life. I thought this was normal. I score 7 but i had many abusers throughout my life and no one to support me.
This has to end. No one should have to live like this. No one should have to endure what i have and continue to have to endure. I have had several years of truama therapy and have made great steides in recovery but I still suffer greatly and still cannot make connections. No one has a right to raise their children in trauma, abuse and neglect. We, as a society, condone too much abuse in the name of parental rights.
I understand completely. My ACES score is 9. I am now 69, and have become quite resilient from being on my own most of my life. Resilience is a form of strength and courage that few people develop without first surviving their personal hell on earth. We are the bravest of the brave. God bless you.
If you still feel this bad after counselling, I recommend you try a Psychologist/Psychiatrist combo both of whom are experts in trauma.
I'm 46 and so tired of living in fight/flight mode. Trauma started at 4. It's tiring.
so so hear and understand. I have broken down so much due to unresolved issues.
sending you love and hugs.
You are strong, but always know that you don't have to be strong everyday
After 25 years of mental and emotional abuse, I'm exhausted
Indeed. And the world considers the rest we need laziness and forbids it upon pain of homelessness. 🥺
Me too. Age 49. I've had insomnia for 22 years. I'm exhausted.
Nature and nurture, my dad committed suicide and my mom is narcissistic- I clearly see why I have emotional and health issues. People should be so grateful who have a good loving family.
My therapist says my OCD is rooted in childhood trauma. I have to control everything in adulthood because I had no control over anything in my childhood. I didn't always feel safe, I experienced neglect and an alcoholic parent so I never knew what was going to happen. Every time my mother left my dad (3x before she finally divorced) I felt like I had to start over after we moved. My obsessions revolve around safety. My compulsion is "checking". Being late to work everyday because I have to check that everything is unplugged so there's no fire, check my doors are locked 5x, check my stove and dryer is off 5x, impulsive thoughts, rumination on trauma, turning my car around to check the garage is closed, and religious compulsions due to traumatic experiences growing up in the church. The worst thing about OCD is knowing it's irrational, but not being able to talk yourself down.
My late hubby had awful OCD; honestly, your best bet to a saner life is an SSRI, or Anafranil (the original gold standard) or both, like he was on. It can take things from a 10 down to a 5 so the residual symptoms are more manageable. ❤
I do some checking but contamination is hardest
I don’t know if this is remarkable or catastrophic but I have routine checking kind of OCD I call it. Where’s my keys, are my glasses on my head, do I have enough lens wipes in my pocket in my pants, have I locked the door, did I turn the coffee pot off and leaving too many lights on before I go to work so I’ll have to have a high electric bil (I live in a one bedroom apartment with electric bills between about like 45 and $75 so this is probably stupid but I used to live in a bigger house),. Is this larger OCD than normal amount of I you know checking routine routine of checking. Internally I take pride in having a routine so I don’t forget and so I used to feel like this is a good set of habits. What do you all think?
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your video especially these recent childhood trauma ones. You are playing a tremendous role in my healing journey of cPTSD.
I have an ACES score of 7. I continue to learn as much as I can and am also now a certified ACES trainer. Part of my job includes training early childhood teachers on ACES and trauma. This has been enormously helpful
In my own healing journey, being able to educate others about the impact of trauma. Thank you for sharing this information - the way you explained how trauma impacts brain function was very accessible and straight forward.
As a trauma-informed practicing therapist, this is the best summary of adverse affects from childhood affecting anyone who has experienced. So grateful for your videos and how they are informative and easy to understand, especially with the neuroscience backing. Thank you!
Thank you for being a trauma-informed therapist! It’s nuts that basic education for all mental health workers at all levels isn’t at least half-focused on various kinds of trauma, given how common it is! 🫤
I watch your videos faithfully but rarely do I comment.
First Thank you!
I never knew about this ACES score method.
After a lifetime of trauma at 50 years old and a parent of 2 and 1 angel taken by addiction.
My mind is blown to see this scoring method because I can check every single one. My score would be thru the roof and so would my children.
It also saddens my heart that I honestly could be a poster child/adult for depression anxiety trauma. But it’s in my past and I have a network (including you) of supportive wise people that have opens my eyes awaken. When ya know better you do better. If I can name it I can claim it.
Thank you again it hurts to see all the hurts I’ve endured inflicted and enabled . But I’m still standing and growing wiser with your help. ❤️💡🙏
It’s okay to hurt, fellow traveler. You have good reason to. Please be very gentle with yourself. ❤
All 10 for me. I’ve had health concerns, both physical and psychological. Things are getting better though with continued therapy and a healthy lifestyle. I employ several different modalities with decent success. Cptsd is not easy to navigate, nor is the realization that you’ve been duped and stolen from. Grieving is key. Deep grieving and responsibility for what we can do to ameliorate our situation. Wishing anyone who struggles deeply all of the success they dream of
Beautifully said!👌🏽💯 Thank you!🌺
I am learning how to greave instead of going into rage mode and self sabotage, because love, respect and care is not something i have known. but i hope that i can learn and move on, in a much happier life and hope the same for everyone. life is a gift, and knowing what to do with it, it's what we need to learn. lots of love for those still deep in in that journey and hope the light will shine and bring you to the present.
Grieving, yes; grieving everything we needed so badly and didn’t receive; a past of deprivation we can never go back and fix; a future of tending to a deeply wounded inner child we didn’t wound. 😔
Where can one obtain effective help? I went through unspeakable abuse growing up- my parents were extremely abusive. I am grateful for living with a very young aunt and uncle- although it was for only 8 months, they helped me in ways my own parents never did.
I didn't have children because I didn't want to pass on my depression (from my dad) or let my mum get near another child 😢
I feel you
May God ease you both. I really hope you will have beautiful things in abundance.
In childhood, my mother was a workaholic. My father suffered extreme anxiety after being in the RAF during WWII. My sister and I grew up in an absolutely miserable home; stressful; depressive, unsupportive. I thought of killing my father many times as a young adolescent. I was terrified of him. I am now 73 years old and have had a hell of a life. Luckily, I enjoyed university, and it was my saviour - I loved study and exams. My sister suffered worse; she suffered bipolar and psychosis. She died at 66 after living one of the worst lives I have ever known. I studied Neurobiology and so have an excellent knowledge of what went wrong with me biologically from the disaster of the first 20 years of my life. My ACE score was 5.
This explains so much that I've never understood about myself despite already doing the inner work for ACoA and having ADHD. CT has been a big help. I also like being in nature whenever possible. This new knowledge will help me have more empathy toward myself regarding these negative traits that have dogged me. Prayer and a close connection to our Creator should never be minimized. Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
0:49 Absolutely. Food was on ly my first drug in trying to escape the emotional hell that was my childhood
Food is cheap, and legally required to be provided so readily available. It’s therefore the easiest way to get through today when today is terrifying; except then thousands of days are just as terrifying… 😰
I conducted an IRB approved study in grad school on individuals who's parents were divorced before the person was 18. I wanted to explore the reason why less people are choosing to legally marry. I had a couple of open ended qualitative questions. It was heartbreaking to read some of the experiences.
Edited to add: 18 percent of respondents said that because of their childhood experiences, they didn't want to marry or have children because they were afraid they couldn't break the trauma cycle.
@Pixdust77 - I never had kids. Regret it, but at the same time I think it was for the best (in the interest of the child). Grew up in a very dysfunctional household, and it took me a couple of decades into adulthood to figure things out, too late for kids. My sister, though, raised two children in a healthy HH; she managed to break the cycle ❤
This video literally gave my brain chills (like, I can actually feel them). As a individual who had the repressed memories of trauma come back just months ago, this just enlightened me in so many ways. Just knowing this is happening seems to give me a sense of peace, as well as the "How Trauma and PTSD Change the Brain" helped me gain some acceptance of the trauma, and gave me hope that I'll be able to thrive one day. Thank you!
I wish you were alone, fellow traveler, but you are far from it. ❤
My brain and body have certainly been affected by childhood trauma. Misdiagnoses of my condition that went on for far too long were a major part of the problem. Thank you so much for your professional wisdom on ACEs. 💚&☮️
Thank you, From someone who fell off the cliff. I’m finally getting the help I have needed. So far I’ve been only working on my medication’s . getting them sorted out and on the correct meds. That’s been painful. I’ve spoke with my psychiatrist who has helped me through this process. Immensely . she agrees that the medication is only part of my problem. We will be working on coping mechanisms and dealing through the trauma once I’m on a good regime. This video is very helpful to me. It helps me understand why I am the way I am and gives me hope that others have been through it and have moved on thank you
It’s not so much a “moving on” as a “making peace and living with”. The past cannot change; but, we can change our behavior and thoughts about and towards ourselves in light of it. ❤
This is SO empowering! Thank you!!! One step I’m taking this week is to connect with neighbors!
Thankyou. I am going to keep healing my inner child and try to give loving kindness to everyone.
I just discovered recently that Mast Cells are directly related to stress/trauma, and that effects our inflammation responses. It's certainly not just about nutrition anymore.
Scored an aces 3/10. Another source of childhood trauma is school bullying as well. All these things combine to cause all kinds mental and physical health problems.
Try being bullied your entire life for being neurodivergent and growing up in a house with a father who was ND and had an ABI and you had to walk on eggshells
@@Dancestar1981this is not a competition, all circumstances are horrible
@@trinity2396 Right, yes, some circumstances can be seen as more severe than others, but everyone's feelings are valid. It should never be a response of “But I had worse!” that's very selfish.
(I scored 7/10, I went through any possible abuse/bullying you can't think of. I’m not going to go around undermining someone else's experience.)
@@XstargojoBeing judgmental of a traumatized neurodivergent person isn’t helpful, either. “That also sounds terrible, so sorry to hear you went through that.” could be a better response. Or just don’t respond, if you aren’t able to be supportive.
@@trinity2396most people who are ND arent saying stuff like this as a stick measuring contest. its a "i know how you feel i went through xyz myself" thing. I dont think that was the reason they said what they said. it comes from a place of empathy or venting/lamenting personal issues which is in no way to invalidate others experiences. Just thought you and the other person who commented could understand.
-from someone who is also ND
This is EXACTLY what I've been looking for. You are the best therapist I've ever found, and I've used a fair few. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing so much helpful information! I will be forever grateful to have found you.
👍🙏 I watched a video on how to apologize to your kids…it was very healing for my kids to hear me take full ownership of my actions. I let them know they were never the reason for my anger. I am saying the same thing to myself…I was never the reason for my dad’s anger 🙏 wish I would’ve understood this before being a parent
I am working on using healthier coping skills in order to be a better role model for my daughter. I am 73 and she is 39. There is always an opportunity for improvement.
that entire list was inflicted upon me before the age of 13.
My coping manifest as a combination of sheer physical exertion, and art. Psychedelics was the last puzzle piece.
I grew up to be a very jacked art teacher.
Congrats on your healthy coping/healing strategies! Long may they serve you well! ❤
Janina Fisher is also a brilliant resource for this exact thing.Her TIST (trauma informed stabilization treatment) therapy is transformational. As one who has several aces, I always think that If I ruled the world, this is where I would put all my focus. Thank you so much for this video!
Your warmth, compassion, simple explanations, hope and positivity are palpable, and very soothing balms to those of us who have many ACES. Thank you. ❤
Oh, thank you so much!! I'm taking myself for a walk down the river tomorrow. Thank you, Emma. I've had a wonderful psychologist who is more like a friend, for about 5 years. I'm very lucky. But him being someone ihave so much to talk about with, shared values and interests, is not actually in a helpful, its a little to unstructured CBT.
But the way he is with my ND children is just incredible. We're so lucky.
However, a friend of mine has recently had her first few appointments with a psychologist, who starts their sessions with grounding exercises. I realised that's probably something that I should be being taught and it would be helpful.
I've considered going back to CASA (trauma counsellors for CSA in Australia). 22 years on and off in counselling and psychology, and in realising there's different types of treatments I need to know about.
So to improve childhood trauma this week, I'm going to better myself. And keep trying to make my separation from my kids dad as calm as possible. No matter how much he's not doing a good job at not being angry and reactive in front of kids. But I'm feeling better, less guilty, to see its the only ACE in my babies life. I never feel like I'm doing good enough. Shame cycle is so hard to overcome. You're the best. Thank you, again!!
You cannot control his behavior, only your own. Keep on keeping on! ❤
Education is only the first step in healing from CPTSD but a critical one and this overview video is the best I have seen in several years . I highly recommend learning all you can about IFS. There are so many free resources on YT and excellent books you can get from the library. You’ll be amazed at how quickly it can help you understand your specific trauma and and its affects and help you integrate. Try to be as kind to yourself and others as possible on your journey and know that healing CPTSD is a life long process but well worth doing for a better life. But of course a YT reply is nothing, so just try it and see for yourself.❤
Thank you for your comment. I felt its warmth and care. ❤
As a CCPT (child-centered play therapist), I would have loved to have seen play therapy on the list of treatments (so much research!) so parents get their kids deep healing before they grow up and have as many effects from the ACES! 👍🏼
I spent a bit trying to help children who were already showing signs of serious trauma, and was repeatedly frustrated by the fact that the same mothers (it was always the mothers; the fathers were generally disengaged) causing the trauma had to agree to any and all interventions, were not in practical/headspace positions to change their own behavior, and just wanted the kids “fixed” so they wouldn’t cause them any trouble! Successful workers in that arena were very good at soothing the egos of the mothers and assuring them that they were angels in no way responsible for the troubles their children were experiencing. It was gross, and I wasn’t very successful at it. 🤢
I wish she was my neighbor,,,just to get things on the right track,,but also put in the work!! She's a special person !!
ACE score of 7. Have spent 35 years PLUS working on healing. It's so important to recognize when you have had a particularly difficult childhood that it will naturally impact you into adulthood. Just turned 64 and the high ACE score still concerns me in terms of how it's affecting my health. I've been on antibiotics for literally 2 years to treat a rare infection in my ear cartilage from a spider bite. Trauma and neglect caused me to develop an overactive nervous system and that has never changed. The PTSD, anxiety and depression have not lost their grip. It's one day at a time. Overwhelmed at the mountain of challenges I face in my life. But thankful for resilience. 💞
I recently started therapy to explore my own childhood trauma and learn how to regulate my emotions so I can do better for my kids
What did you do to learn how to regulate your emotions ?
@janicekirkland7570 well like I said I just started therapy so I don't have any advice yet sorry.
Love this, 100% understand and have lived through this. I have fibromyalgia and chronic stress, many unexplained symptoms. this is 100% why.
I'm 27 with a lifelong history of childhood abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, etc. that have given me chronic fatigue, chronic pain with fibromyalgia, severe IBS, and about 9 mental illnesses including CPTSD, BPD, and worse. Last year my body FIRST started relaxing as it never had before. I'm still in that process and have almost all of that stress out of my head and neck (that I can tell for now) but it's been absolutely agonising and it takes active concentration.
Doctors my whole life can't find anything 'cause the physicalist dogma that rules society is 50% incorrect, and the fact that people thought neurons ONLY in the brain can learn or react is absolute insanity when there are neurons all over the body (and of course they JUST figured this all out yesterday).
God Bless You .
I wish you healing, fellow human. ❤
Check out vagus nerve therapies to learn how to move into Parasympathetic (rest and heal) from Sympathetic (fight or flight). You can switch in mere seconds. It REALLY helps.
Not having names/diagnoses for any of this when I was growing up in the 60s/70s, when I finally did get into counseling as a young adult, I only discussed one of my parents drinking.
The fact that I had a sibling attempting to kill/hurt me, all of my childhood, never came up until much later in life, going into menopause/counseling.
Grateful for this acknowledgment and awareness for future generations.
Yup......trauma or emotional negligence during the formative years is basically a life term punishment. I had various forms of childhood trauma, some identified and some not. I began therapy in my late 20's and had 15+ counselors over 40 years, plus psychiatrists and medication when my depression became serious. I've read dozens of self-help books and adopted every self-treatment possible, e.g., exercise, diet, supplements. Basically, everything I have done and thousands I have spent has kept me "just above water", i.e. away from drug and alcohol. But it's sobering to realize that all that money and effort has only managed to keep me alive, and I'm far from e.g., having quality relationships or becoming a significant benefit to society. Someday, my hope is that the science of psychology will be able to help those in need in an inexpensive, sustainable manner.
EMDR and carefully controlled treatment with psychedelics seem to be promising fields of study. Also, people are starting to get wise that maybe having 50% of people be hooked on benzos by the time they get to nursing homes isn’t great. 😬
@@misspat7555 "carefully controlled treatment with psychedelics seem to be promising fields of study."...I have been watching this closely. I agree, it's showing promise. My opinion, after much reading, is that real, sustained improvements in behavior are incredibly difficult. It requires the neuroplasticity of an infant, i.e., changes in our self-perception and perception of reality few adults are capable of. There were some fascinating studies done in the early 60's(?) using psychedelics that were similar to what you mention. Highly controlled, administered by experts and follow-up studies. Results were miraculous. Patients that had undergone the radical new treatment went from, e.g., exhibiting schizophrenia and nearly incapacitated to functional, even engaging in healthy relationships and building careers. The lessons seem obvious......it takes exceptionally "intrusive" chemicals in combination with expert administration in a highly-controlled environment to produce real, sustained improvements. At least there's hope, especially once sophisticated AI becomes part of the equation. 🙏🙏
@@misspat7555 "carefully controlled treatment with psychedelics seem to be promising fields of study."...I have been watching this closely. I agree, it's showing promise. My opinion, after much reading, is that real, sustained improvements in behavior are incredibly difficult. It requires the neuroplasticity of an infant, i.e., changes in our self-perception and perception of reality few adults are capable of. There were some fascinating studies done in the early 60's(?) using psychedelics that were similar to what you mention. Highly controlled, administered by experts and follow-up studies. Results were miraculous. Patients that had undergone the radical new treatment went from, e.g., exhibiting schizophrenia and nearly incapacitated to functional, even engaging in healthy relationships and building careers. The lessons seem obvious......it takes exceptionally "intrusive" chemicals in combination with expert administration in a highly-controlled environment to produce real, sustained improvements. At least there's hope, especially once sophisticated AI becomes part of the equation. 🙏🙏
I hate sounding like a crybaby every time I comment on these types of videos, but venting helps me. And so often I forget about the things in this video, and how they have affected me, and I find myself agreeing with the people I’ve known in my life who think I’m just a sorry, no good loser. My sisters are 5 & 7 years older than me. I’m male and in my mid fifties. I have had a horrible go at life. I am neurodivergent and haven’t worked for a very long time. My sisters aren’t, and haven’t had as hard of a hard time at all. They reject that I’m neurodivergent. I have CPTSD, depression and anxiety too. About a year ago I could no longer ignore that they, including their children, as well as my narcissistic mother, have viewed me as a no-good loser for decades. I tried sharing with my sisters about exactly what this video is describing. I scored a 5 on the ACES test. Interestingly, they wouldn’t score near that. Especially the middle child, who is the golden child. I have a list of health issues longer than a CVS receipt, including diabetes, heart disease (had a heart attack this year), and cancer - and I’ve never smoked, drank, or abused drugs. I now have 5 fewer organs than I was born with. My sisters are incredibly healthy compared to me. It’s weird, too, because I don’t necessarily look unhealthy, and people sometimes think I’m in good shape! And I ALWAYS feel like death warmed over 😂. Can you believe that my family have hinted that my health problems are my fault without evidence? It’s offensive. So, anyway, I tried sharing this info and traumas I’ve experienced, and my sisters rejected it. They basically blame me for my problems, and don’t accept that horrific parenting and traumas contributed. They no longer have a relationship with me. I have a good relationship with my wife of 34 years and our kids. They are pretty much the reason I’m still here.
❤
I'm so relieved to hear you say you haven't kept up a relationship with them. It hurts not to be able to have a loving relationship with blood family, but at the end of the day we can't heal if they keep dragging us down. I'm glad you finally have the support you need in your TRUE family.
Thank you for sharing that with us . Sending love ❤️
I once read somewhere, "living my life was like like serving a life sentence for a crime i didnt commit". I felt that wholeheartedly.
I scored between 6 and 7 on ACEs.
Life is such a struggle. Daily. My adult son is struggling with addiction and poor mental health. Now he is serving a sentence for a crime he didn't commit either. Sending love, hugs and strength to everyone ❤
@beautifultrauma3148 ❤️🙏
I actually scored a 10!
I’ve been looking to find a therapist that understands this but it’s been difficult. So this channel has been such a blessing for me.
This journey of healing can be arduous and lonely so I’m so glad I found this channel.
I feel stuck even though I work in this field assisting others, I myself had to sit down to connect with what happened to me.
We can do this, one moment of self love and appreciation at a time.♥️🌺
Finding a therapist can be so hard!! My social worker is the main only person who reslly understands adoption issues, I hate feeling like I'm begging for help and no one listens
@ I have had some of those same feelings;- Which seems (for me) to be re- traumatizing.
I had to change the way I saw the process and take the time for self compassion and self care.
Wishing you happiness and good health because you deserve it!🌺
Unfortunately, mental health training emphasizes the many ways people can be “broken”, not the “how” they became “broken”. 🫤
No wonder I’m all fcked up.. It all makes sense… I pray 🙏 for everyone in the comments…. Good Luck everyone
Unfortunately, I was thinking the same thing 😢😮
Thank you for your loving ministering to all of us ❤
Three weeks after I was born ( as I was told,) my mom went back to work and left me with her mother and step-father. They basically raised me until my parents remarried. I was traumatized having to leave my grandparents and I was 5. I knew my mom didn't want me and it was even worse when my dad was in the picture. He was wonderful to me but to her I was in the way. She divorced my dad when I was 12. Thank heavens my grandmothet was nearby but then my mom started ballroom dancing leaving me alone a lot of nights. I became an overachiever to spite her. Looking back, she never held me, read to me or told me she loved me. Worse was I am an only child. As an adult I was criticized for everything. I've come to the conclusion that she was a narcisstist and didn't want to be a mother. On the good side I did have relatives and/or friends who were safe havens. The worst thing she ever did to me was when I was 9. My bedroom wasn't perfect and she came roaring in at me saying she was calling an orphanage. She actually went to the phone. My dad was outside and didn't hear her. I was terrified of having to leave my dad. That brought up my fear again of being uprooted. I got married after my college sophomore year but did finish college. I became a teacher ( and then a mother of two sons,) and could tell by looking in my students' eyes if they were going through what I had. I swore I'd be a good mother and there for my sons. I was. My mom thought the house had to be perfect as everything else. There is no perfect. Looking back I wish I'd stayed with my grandparents but then I wouldn't have had those 7 years with my dad who gave me self-esteem.😢
Im working so hard to repair and heal mine. I don't think I'll have my own kids at this point (I'm already 42, male), but I would like to have a healthy relationship and hopefully marriage before I go.
Despite all my issues, I do have a lot of love to give, and I want someone to share it with. That's a lot of motivation to get there!
What is required of me to heal? I have been a drug addict, went to rehab, got clean. 12 years sobriety. Had mental breakdown, worked hard in fixing that, still suffer with anxiety and depression. Listen to all your stuff since 2021, learned a ton and passed it on to my sponsees and group members. I have an auto immune disorder as mentioned. I really want to experience more growth and get past all the abuse and trauma from my parents.
Just the fact you don’t mention relapse is impressive, first off; I re-read to make sure, congrats! It depends on the person and situation, but I do have a list of stuff that can help:
1) Taking a walk, especially in nature.
2) A hot shower or bath.
3) Reading for pleasure.
4) Rocking or swinging.
5) Writing it out, via journaling or “writing a letter” that is not sent.
6) Talking to someone safe; can be a living person, dead person, pet, God, whoever works for you.
7) Listening to music. Especially, some people say listening to sad music when sad, or angry music when angry, helps us feel supported.
8) Drinking something hot, like tea or hot cocoa.
9) Slowly savoring a piece of chocolate; the good stuff!
10) A good, hard cry. May take feeling radically safe and lots of reassuring self-talk for those of us for whom showing emotions was unsafe. I recommend a small towel or washcloth to leak into.
11) Certain supplements and medications may help, YMMV. I myself take SAM-e, but nothing works for everyone, or even the majority of people.
12) Weighted blankets; the recommendation is about 10% of body weight.
13) Kind, gentle self talk. You didn’t sprain your psychological ankle; you were in a serious psychological multi-vehicle accident. Some pain and scars won’t be heal-able, but you can learn to accept and live with them.
14) Pursuing YOUR goals. What is important to you? Even small steps in the right direction can help silence our inner nay-sayer.
Hope this helps! ❤
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
dr.zachary3 is the man
On Instagram?
Yes
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression. The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself.
I hear you my friend.
Absolutely exhausting, just had a bad episode and hopefully coming out the other side..
Healthy eating no alcohol etc and trying to be kind to myself.
It’s tricky but it helps, be safe.
My ACES score is 7. I am overweight and have lost the same 30 pounds so many times that I should have disappeared but I always gain it back. I lost my husband 3 years ago and I weigh more than I ever have. I’ve tried therapy for childhood trauma and grief. At age 59, I’ve barely scratched the service.
❤️🩹
Not only do I have multiple ACES and am a HSP, but I believe it is directly corelate to Thyroid cancer. Another impact on my personal health.
I have also taken great efforts to my own and other children (12 foster children, dealing with ACES.
Great summary of ACE research, I've been banging on about this for years. I've started a carers group and currently working with all our volunteers to understand what is good mental health and how they can take care of their own stuff first so they can help others. We can heal from childhood trauma, with the right tools and support. I'm so glad about that!
Thank you for this. 😊 I’m a trauma therapist with an ACES score of 9. I often refer people to your content. Strategies for resilience when your ACES score is high are a so important. I want to circle back to the initial part of the video where it was stated that the ACES researcher thought that obesity was a possible coping skill for trauma. Yes we can dissociate with food and compulsively overeat. However, I think weight issues are much more complex than a coping skill. The HPA dysregulation plays a role. The same digestive issues that lead to leaky gut and autoimmune disease also set up the hormonal imbalances that cause weight gain. Also, there is research now on changing the term “obesity“ because of the negative connotation in society. Being called obese has become synonymous with laziness or a poor coping skill choice causing people to avoid getting medical care. Trauma can contribute to weight problems but in a more complex way than just the behavioral piece.
Changing the term won’t help anymore than adopting the term “intellectual disability” did. It’s attitudes that need to change, not terminology.
Thank you for mentioning the HPA axis. That is definitely my issue. I recently ordered a supplement from Genesis Health Products to aid in rebalancing the HPA axis.
Yesss, supporting families and marriages is so important. Build up families, don't tear them down for some utopic idea of how humans should function.
Been aware of this for some time, but it’s good to hear it again. Some people will never see it and think they are “fine” or that they are “over it”. It doesn’t have to rule your life but you have to be aware - like knowing you broke your leg badly years ago & will always need an alteration when you buy trousers.
It's so.good to have you here, Emma. I wish you all the best ❤❤
Thanks!
Wow so much work to do around us!
I strongly believe that a healthy community helps building up a strong community, so more people needs to help each other!
By building parks and public gardens; recreation centers for kids and adults outside activities.
We all need human interaction, so less crappy feelings can take over and eventually disappear ❤
It certainly takes a village. ❤
I had a full on psychotic break last year and went through a few months of severe psychosis. I couldnt even put a sentence together. It took me about 4 months to pull my structure of language back together. I have not seeked help because I know it's about changing diet and looking inward in order to change the perceptions of ourselves. Realizing it's an imbalance and not a character flaw is just music to my ears ❤
Emma! Spot on! It is so helpful to have you describe what I have experienced, both with childhood trauma and the healing I have experienced as an adult. I have spent the past 20 years getting past my ACES and find myself more capable of living life with much-improved health. I live in Providence, near Logan, Utah, and am currently a graduate student at Utah State studying School Counseling. My dream job would involve helping students learn social and emotional skills to better cope with their lives. I'd also love to teach parenting classes to assist families. Thank you for your channel and all it does to teach and support in such simple and clear ways. I hope to meet you one day. Jennifer South
People need to be given better coping skills BEFORE they have kids so they don't transmit their traumas onto their kids.
I think everyone should get a free year of weekly therapy at 19, myself. 🤔
I’m a retired C-PTSD therapist. Worked with the triple diagnosed. Saw all this in my clients.
Hope you talk about resilience score.
So… neurodivergent, mental health, AND substance use disorder diagnosed? 🤔
This is one of your best. Very important, very informative 💜🫂
I keep thinking about this video. It just makes a lot of sense, and you laid it all out really well. I think my issue has been being stuck in a freeze with low sympathetic tone for most of my life since childhood, which has been confusing, because it seems traditional advice is always always about further lowering that tone!
Hmm, sounds like the direction you might need to head is towards feeling feelings; acknowledging fear, hurt, anger, relief, those kinds of things. 🤔
Just love your videos Emma. They are much appreciated. You keep us going. ❤
Thank you. Your understanding makes me feel less lonely.
I was always told to realize that it’s not happening now. And that didn’t help.
But I think you said that…at the right time…and I had a real breakthrough, the next morning. It’s been decades since my most recent lasting breakthrough.
I appreciate you! ❤
Michael
As long as our brain keeps rehashing it, desperately trying to get the indigestible digested, it IS still happening! I have found EMDR to be very helpful with getting those trauma memories to digest, already! 🤢
@ I like the way you put that. And thank you for your understanding comment! This sort of compassionate understanding is very helpful! 🙂
I’ve heard that EMDR is helpful. My psychiatrists have always been cautious with me, due to how low I get when recalling memories. But I admit that my recent breakthrough was due to recalling a memory and then storing it differently. So maybe I sort of self-EMDR’d?
I’ve recently learned a way to help others, and that gives me purpose that wasn’t there, before. I’m afraid that living with the memories caused chronic stress, and 5 decades of that has taken its toll, mentally and physically. I really enjoy helping others, with RUclips.
But…whew…
The graphic from 10:33 is missing walkable cities, which is another factor that can help create positive childhood experiences (just look into how The Netherlands has the happiest kids in the world)
This information and your channel are amazing!
Can you please make a longer video about EMDR and SOMATHIC THERAPY, thank you 🙏
Sounds like I have more than the number of these that I don’t and I’m going to actively get back in touch with my own therapist(s) 4 counseling. Working on healing myself in order to work past this.
Emma, your videos are SO insightful and helpful and your presentation is warm and encouraging. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise.
what’s important to note tho, is that you can be a positive community member & still be abusive or extremely abusive to your children, partner(s) & other family members. You can attend all things regarding how to “be a better parent” & how to be a “better person” & still be neglectful & abusive. In fact a lot of people will do those things, & use them as justification for their behavior. specifically narcissists & codependents. The only way to truly prevent trauma is to educate all people on how neglect & abuse can look, & what trauma responses can look like (whether outward or internal). people need to be educated & honest about what their childhoods looked like, calling their experiences what they are, & not take the “they did black to help me, bc i was a bad kid” stance.
What would REALLY help would be people having safe places to live without having to placate a power-hungry monster to obtain a place to sleep. I couldn’t get free until I was 32. ❤️🩹
When I found about that study it was really eye opening but also really sad, as I realised that I have gone through almost all of those life experiences. It made me feel like I had to work really hard to not be another probability in a statistic
i've been following you for so long, and working so hard at gettign better, and learnign by you how to navigate life. i want to say thank you!! you are truelly helping alot of people!! thank you!
I really enjoyed watching this. It’s very informative and easy to follow. Thank you!
I'm trying to get help and heal from childhood trauma and verbal abuse from my X husband. On the flip side I'm watching all five of my grandbabies being traumatized. This is beyond painful. I have no words to explain the way I'm feeling 😫
No words needed, those who have felt that kind of pain get it. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Excellent video. Important information. Thanks so much for your research and taking the time to share it and also give ways of helping ourselves.
Finally being told I had PTSD since childhood has helped me understand my emotions and behaviors better, and helped me search out and find things that have helped me deal with condition. Several things on your list have helped me. I would add Acupuncture to that list, it helps regulate the nervous system generally, and there are specific protocols for PTSD that help.
Thanks again. You are wonderful.
My anxiety goes up if I gain weight. Turn out: my dad would make fun of my mom cuz of her weight n it turns out my mom's siblings would make fun of my mom growing up for her weight. Then my mom use to praise me on living off air and never eating. Then society, males make fun of fat women. So more negative reinforcement. And at least 4 other variables that cause it.
I wish I could find a therapist who understands adoption issues plus institutional neglect. I'm just learning on my own 😞
Remain calm and carry on. We are all on this vessel together.
But what if I occasionally need to have a massive “ugly cry”? 🥺😢😭😭😭😢
I try to educate as many people as I can on ACEs and how to mitigate the negative impact on our health. I actually wrote a fictional novel that aims (in part) to raise awareness on this topic.
Thank you for explaining ACES so succinctly. We appreciate you Emma!
Obesity for me, it’s a choice. If by making myself as unattractive as possible, maybe I can protect myself from more abuse. It’s my way of trying to actively repulse men so they won’t interact with me.
Thanks so much for making this video.❤
Thank you Healed 😊 🙏 💓 ☺️ My Life Journey 🙏 🙌 From Childhood Trouma 🙏 Dear Divine Mercy Father. 🎉Thank You Ma'am. 🎉
Thank you!💌 I am working on my self. I am trying to understand my past and trying not to do the same with my kids.
Where do I start reparenting myself? I've cut my parents out of my life and feel like this is the best I've ever been. I have an unhealthy relationship with food, stress, borderline agoraphobic, etc.
You have lost a lot, and the hurt/fear/rage/relief of grief will be something for you to grapple with, though everyone’s path is a little different, just as every person, and every person’s story, is a little different. Acknowledging what you have lost; parental love you never knew, a safe home you never had, whatever all else; and gently, curiously poking around at how that feels inside of you, examining it as a doctor would examine a serious, possibly infected wound; how deep? How wide? Where, exactly, does it hurt the most? What ick needs cleaned out so it has a chance of healing? What helps the hurt? How to bandage it to facilitate healing? And so on, could be a good starting point. ❤️🩹
Please create a video about RTS, Religious Trauma Syndrome. 😢 I've been suffering from it all my life, suffering from anxiety disorder, OCD, IBS, etc.....
The Catholic Church of the Boomer Era inflicted a deep, lifelong scar in my brain...being UTTERLY petrified of God.
@@edzanjero353If it helps at all to know that a Millennial Catholic believes God has unconditional love for us all and only wants to support and comfort us, I have that to offer. It pains me to understand how much misery people representing the Church have inflicted in the name of God. 🥺❤️🩹