Ep. 304 | Toxic Positivity (with Kate Bowler)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
- Joshua and Ryan talk about the folly of the self-help industry’s focus on exhausting positivity-on trying to convince us that we can out-eat, out-learn, and out-perform our humanness-with author, podcaster, and professor Kate Bowler. Watch “Maximal” episodes of The Minimalists Private Podcast exclusively on Patreon: • The Minimalists Privat...
Questions answered in this episode:
00:00 What is the “gospel of hustle”?
06:31 What are the signs that positivity has become toxic for us as individuals, and what are the signs that our well-intentioned positive vibes are becoming toxic to others?
07:17 Where did the ‘good vibes only’ orthodoxy originate?
09:34 Why does complaining seem to encourage camaraderie?
10:16 What is the problem with the language of positivity?
11:55 What is “horizon work”?
12:11 What is “choice poor”?
16:43 How do we address those that weaponize perspectives, such as toxic positivity, to bully us into accepting and adopting their way of thinking as our own; for example, when people that disapprove of minimalism call minimalists “privileged”?
21:17 How do you define “elitism”?
23:10 What is “prudential wisdom”?
31:07 Where did the notion come from that being positive is the cure for everything, the path for everyone, the solution to whatever life throws at you-what is wrong with embracing sadness, contemplation, grief, anxiety?
32:45 What is “limited agency”?
#TheMinimalists
Kate had me smiling throughout this whole episode with her personality. She is one of the most likeable and down to earth guests you guys have had on yet. Would love to see a future episode with her and TK because they would rift off each other really well.
This is the first time I have seen Kate Bowler. Kate, you are an amazing person. Thank you for appearing on this segment. And what a blessing for you to be friends with Josh and Ryan.
I really appreciate Brother Ryan’s “Mmmms” - small thing but adds SO much. Demonstrates his active listening. Creates a good container for those of us listening-in over the airwaves. Way to go Brother Ryan!
I always say the same. I love his "Mmmms"
This is a FANTASTIC podcast. I'm a critical care nurse, and as you can imagine, this has been a tough year in my profession. Often, at work, rather than allow ourselves to break down and accept how shit a situation is, some coworkers have chosen to fully ARMOR themselves in toxic positivity. It's something I also went through when I was going through cancer, and the practitioner I had to go see once a month wanted me to be a cheery bubbly happy individual, and wear scratchy silly pink and rainbow colored hats and big earrings as I was dealing with my bald head and the effects of chemo. I looked her in the face and told her where she could put it. She said I made her job a downer...excuse me? yeah, I'M the one going through the cancer. I can't believe people sometimes. thank you for this podcast subject! You guys are amazing.
In the past, a spiritual circle I was involved in, pressured each other to be positive 100% of the time. It was exhausting and unrealistic. Sometimes I felt uncertain and scared (about my stage 3 cancer), but I couldn't have a conversation with my spiritual friends, because they would chastise me for not being grateful, happy, and positive. I believe in being grateful and positive but I also give myself leeway to be human and to feel into all the emotions that are part of being human. I am no longer connected with that spiritual center, but I'm grateful I was introduced to a handful of people who, like me, who embrace emotions and are willing to explore them.
I am there with you! I wish more people grew up in religious groups that said, "You are loved," without constantly tacking on "in spite of your imperfection." Striving for perfection is denying all the beautiful ways you were created to be different.
The spiritual center is called Unity (not Unitarian). It changed my live in so many positive ways, I'll always be forever grateful to them. After 15+ years I noticed a couple "inconsistencies" I couldn't ignore. That said, I've taken their basic principles and applied them to my life and I'm a much happier person.
This was my first experience with a spiritual community (my parents were atheists). It was a fascinating, interesting and eye opening experience that led my down a very positive road. After 15+ years I noticed a couple "inconsistencies" I couldn't ignore. From what I've heard this is true of many religious/spiritual communities.
Gwen, hope your cancer is responding to treatment, am saying a prayer for your wellbeing.
Thank you Mary😍
She is a gem !!! Please, as someone who had their mid life crisis at 37, I beg of everyone, take the time to look up from the plow of life . Are society is designed so keep you busy and disconnected .great podcast, and the kindness you three have is a rarity, and priceless in our fraud ridden times.
If achieving your goals and being wealthy made you happy, all the singers from my favorite 90's bands wouldn't be dead.
This has got to be one of the most mind opening podcasts! From each of you three between 32:58 to Ryan's at 35:03..It spoke to me personally having had a large personal setback involving health and abilities..
Love to all of you~
The more of your podcasts I listen to, I'm falling in luv with both of your personalities & ways of thinking (not just one of you any longer haha!)
Thank you for introducing me to Kate Bowler.
Two of my favorite podcasts in one!!! I ❤ Kate Bowler! She got me through 3 abdominal surgeries last summer.
"limited agency" What a great conversation with you all today. Thank you so much for all that you do.
I love you Kate Bowler! You have an incredible energy I was smilling, calm and relax while watching you 😊.
Joshua, Ryan and Kate thanks for another insightful episode. You guys rock! Stay present, stay grateful and keep being Minimalistic.
Every day I just don’t feel positive and that’s ok. I’m going to be myself and if that’s not enough then that’ll be fine too. I’m human and I have negative and positive thoughts and feelings.
Elizabeth Holmes outperformed her humanness…🤥🤦♀️ I was a child of the 50s and 60s.Life was a lot simpler without the pressure and comparison on social media. Honestly, staying away from social media, stop filling our heads with the BS that media wants to fill it with, stop with the arm’s-length to do lists and live the life you want to live without comparing yourself to others. I love my life… I love my life mostly because I choose to love my life and I’m not trying to live up to anybody else’s expectations.🙌🏻
You can see the sympathy and concern in Ryan’s face as Kate starts to tear up.
❤️Kate❤️Thank you Ryan & Joshua 💐I am always agog with anticipation to hear your podcast.💝💝💝#VetSafe
This topic hits home for me! When I was 14-16 I struggled with depression to the point I tried to kill myself a few times, but my parents kept saying I just wasn't praying enough. Thankfully, I got myself to a therapist around 18 and was medicated for 6 years, until I was able to stabilize in my mentality and now I'm medication free - but mindful it I need to go back to therapy if something hits a thread with my history of depression.
Kate has a great positive energy 🌻🌻
I had a minute where I wondered if your comment was ironic. 😅
I dont really think so xD
All of us no matter our sosio -economic status have to distinguish between wants (that our tribe often dictates) and our needs and then we have to have the courage to act upon that revelation
Courage...yes!
Thanks all for another thoughtful and timely discussion.
Such a great episode. Deep. I shared with a friend, and we had a great conversation about it and our lives. Thank you for everything you do.
Bring her back! Awesome interaction!
I’m not an Atlas! I don’t know why but that comment from Ryan really made me laugh. I then thought of The Californians from SNL & their direction skits- I could see Ryan right there with them:)
Great show!
Healthy productivity can include service and particularly service to others. I'm.priveliged to be retired with a good pension, this allows me to serve others at the food bank. Any decisions I make include my own notion of" life currency". What I have received in terms of health, relationships, decisions, choices ..and how can I figuratively spend to help others. Understanding that we are all here to learn lessons, serve for our highest good and remain humble in the process.
What is possible today spoke volumes to me.
Great episode. Thank you
My Boomer parents and Boomer friends insist that they are happy because they live in big houses with big backyards. They wouldn't be happy being a minimalist like me.
I'm on the fringes of boomer and we just sold our home we lived in 35 years. We are now renting and love it. Our apartment complex has two pools that we don't have to take care of.I haven't walked into a Home Depot for months!
Another Boomer here! I’m 66 and living a simple life and much happier after downsizing. I look forward to when my husband finally agrees to living in a tiny house!😬 there’s nothing wrong with being positive. Toxic positivity is a new buzzword…Anything taken to the nth degree can become “toxic”. I stayed in a toxic marriage for 26 years because I grew up in a household where we were not allowed to cry, show anger or complain. I have learned from my second husband how to be honest in relationship and get your needs met without complaining or stuffing it down. We allow each other downtime and time and we just don’t feel positive and it’s OK. It’s worked for us so far for almost 18 years.❤️
Very enjoyable podcast. Wonderful guest and discussion. I drew a lot of wisdom from it. Thanks, all!
Still reading your Memoir Everything That Remains! ❤️
I must first confess, this my second video watch You Joshua & Ryan, And Kate,
Kate when you talk about getting knock off the tread-mill I had that happen to
me, I had never been on one what a shocker when I flew across the room.
I felt nothing more surprised I did not get hurt. Yep, whatever each individual decide for his or her life is ok! That will all be life ups and downs some funny others scary and some time amazing, Kate, that saying made me remember that day My sisters was just still most likely in shock over what happen. It all part of our reaction to things in our human life as they say all is good even the not so good is good. No need to compare or nothing like that. Wow, all 3 of you are so young, I hope you 3 do not mind a lady in her middle of 60's watching and listening to you three talk. I love You Tube but I will not be putting out videos way past my awesome looks they came and left. Just enjoying retirement these days. Thank you, all 3 coming together sharing on RUclips.
thanks for this.
I have anointing oil! Started using it when my daughter came for recovery from heroin addiction. I anoint her, our home, doors and windows. I pray and anoint my family and home. It truly gives me peace.
My boss is overly positive 100% of the time. It comes across as very unrealistic and tiring to listen to. She is very controlling and switches mood very fast when thing aren’t going her way
Bronze is the new gold.
Great listening
I don't think toxic positivity and total helplessness are opposites - I think they are two sides of the same coin. When these are the only tools/options someone has, it's a sad thing because it means they never encountered enough compassion in their lives so far. There are a lot of consequences of trying to be positive all the time, which are actually really negative (I used to feel like the victim of gaslighting, even though my parents were never intentionally doing it. But my dad needed things to stay positive or else..)
Love this eoiside
Sounds like you cats have been listening to Richard Rohr. Fantastic.
I think that being an elitist means that you think you are better than someone. I try not to judge anyone for that reason...even hoarders!
Someone needs to make a motivational poster or shirt that says "Some things are possible!"
If you lived in Balkan and survived war and poverty you become a magician of oportunities.
Sep22. 319am From PR 🇵🇷
Loved the documentary!
Elitism is it the opposite to diversity and inclusion.
Interesting
And it centers around the hoarding of resources and maintaining the systems that allow that to continue.
I’m confused so hard with this....
Excuse me, can Kate be my new best friend? Cause she's incredible
Not to be morbid but how much is too much for funerals erangements ect
She lost me when she said something negative about capitalism. This country was built on capitalism.I own a small hair salon and I love my job.I consider myself a capitalist.Its a good thing.
Absolutely. Without free markets, there is no Liberty, and your choices are even fewer.
Brent Ross oh crazy I was just reading your comment down below and I had to read it over and over and over and I still don't get it but it's funny 😂
I agree Carmen… there are all kinds of examples where when she says about capitalism it’s just flat out nonsense. Anyone who’s read Martha Collins book about teaching kids in some of the poorest neighborhoods in the country understand that regardless of your background you cannot only survive but you can thrive.👍🏻 that said, anyone who not doesn’t grow up poor does have an advantage. No one should feel ashamed of that and as my husband cringes when I say, “it is what it is”.
@@brentross9233 Not sure how "free" the markets actually are when government subsidies to the wealthy are allowed but give a small hand up to the individuals and it's called welfare.
Not to mention the lobbyists' channeling funding to their 'government' sponsors...(In quotes as we usually think of Corporate sponsors, ha.)
Yup. Built on the labor of slaves with cotton/sugar/tea/coffee etc. fetching all kinds wealth to build big plantation homes to continue the process. Once freed, slaves got ZIP, not even the parcels of land, etc., that new immigrants received as a boost.
Now corporate capitalism is destroying our drinking water/oceans/stability of the climate. It's increasing the uptake of poisons from plastics that Big Oil SAID was recyclable (when often less than 10% is, and this lie was fueled for decades(!))
Pure capitalism is based on infinite expansion upon a finite planet. Yeah. Love it all you want but that doesn't make it logical and good.
Is Kate the daughter of Gerry Bowler?
I know religious friends who live in mansions yet Jesus lived a simple and minimalist life...I am so confused by their lip service...
If everyone on the planet lived in the now typical (enlarged) suburban home with all of the amenities, it is said that we would need five+ planets to accomodate everyone. Not very respectful of the Earth.
second. 😅
first (lmao)
How is Jesus not a minimalist?
i love how left wing she is it's fantastic! class-pilled socialist christianity is based