Happy YOU Day to anyone raising kids! What do you guys think about French parenting techniques? The French have been stereotyped as being "strict" parents, but so far I've haven't seen it yet! I'm more impressed with all the good eaters and the focus on finding "me" time as parents. So refreshing to think that your time is still very important when having kids!!
I am American but I was raised abroad as an expat by professor parents. I've always been grateful for the fact that I was always spoken to as a critically thinking rational human. They insisted on using real words and avoiding baby talk and I try to do that when I address children now. Kids are smart and discerning. I currently write books for young readers and always use accessible but meaningful language to communicate with kids. I also agree with the importance of teaching self-soothing and resilience early on.
I honestly never realized how French I've raised my son!! He's almost 16 now. He's always been a very patient kid. He's the perfect travelling companion. He'll sleep just about anywhere. He waits without wiggling. He's a great eater, too. When all his preschool friends were eating nothing but noodles and butter, he was eating sushi, loving broccoli, trying different cheese. Sure, he loves junk food too, but he never complains about the dinner set before him. I attended to every cry, but never let him dictate our schedule like my friends did with their kids. "Oh, we have to be home by 2 because little Susie has to go down for her nap." My son would just curl up in his stroller, a couch or my lap and sleep. Gah!!!! We were very lucky. We ARE very lucky! He's a GREAT kid and I'm so dang proud of him! ☺️ (Sorry for the not-so-humble brag. I'm glad I get to be his mama!)
Hahah i think it's great to see anyone so undeniably proud of their child! I think Eleonore is a genius when she rolls, so I can't even imagine how you feel about your kids when they are older and can be real companions. 😍 And how nice to have a great sleeper and a great eater too! Sounds like you won the jackpot!
Well about luangage, a big difference is the languages themselves. To speak and write french take 10 years, so you better have to start early. For food, it is normal for us. We have a lot of different ingredients in our gastronomy, so children have at least to taste. We do know that taste will change, but the taste of the food will be known. As a personal example, I did not like beet but now I like it. And I thanks my parents to have make me eat it. One thing that is important is you must use non-processed ingredients. So you learn the real taste of food. A last thing, it is quite common to start to learn to cook around 6 years old in France, both genders. As for your last advice, no one is the priority, everybody does have her/his place in a familly and must respect others. But children have priority but must be respectfull. Thanks for the vid, always good to have an external point of view ^^
About striking a balance between your familly life and your own well-being, my wife and I declared the after-lunch coffee break, a sacred time for the two us. It meant,even at an age they were not napping anymore, our daughters had to go to their respective room at that time, and find a way to keep themselves busy in silence by reading a book, drawing, etc. When they complained about the fact they were neither tired nor in need for a break, we told them it was more for our benefit than for theirs, and parents have the right to get time for themselves as well. Funny enough, our daughters turned into mothers now and have established the same rules with their own kids. Think about it.
I think this is such a great example of learning to make "me time." In the states, i think the children's well being and needs become so central, that parent's forget that they have the right to just take a break too. And saying for example, the time right after lunch is me time, is a great way of finding some time to chat with your partner and take a breather. And i love that they do it now as mother's too. :)
My parents do exactly the same hahah, they have a "coffee break" in the living room just after lunch while my brothers and I have to take a "temps calme" (="chill time" ?🤔) in our bedrooms or somwhere else to read or play calmly. I've always thought it was in order to digerate the lunch but yes, it is also a time for my parents to rest and have a moment for themselves. (I am French, sorry for my very bad English !)
@@r.s5918 Your english is great! bravo! And I really love this coffee after lunch idea being a me time. I'm totally going to make that a new practice in our house!
After reading French children don’t throw food I implemented the pause with my son from day one and he slept through the night before 3 months. It’s a great tip!
Hi, I'm french, I liked your video quite a bit :) As you were saying, I agree that trying food again and again is something that is really ingrained in our education, and it's something that really never goes away, since even at age 25 you still try food that you previously didn't like, in case your pallet has evolved. It's a well known fact, for instance, that chicory (that bitter lettuce-like vegetable, is that the correct word? I had to google it xD) isn't very much liked by children, but often around the teenage years you grow out of it, which was the case with me and now I really like it. It's like that with red wine as well, teens and young adults tend to not like it as much, but you try it and try it again, maybe in your parents' glass at first, and then someday you just like it. I think it's an important experience to get, since it's one of the best proofs I've found that who you are, your personality and your tastes, change drastically overtime. A good thing to realise about yourself when you're young. Also, I was never forced to eat anything specific. But I would hear "just try it, and if you don't like it, that's fine" every time I was presented with a food I didn't want. Worked very well. Finally, and sorry for the novel-long comment xD, I just wanted to add that I've seen one significant difference between french and other upbringings, also food-related. I work at a restaurant in the summers with a lot of english-speaking tourists and I'm surprised every time people get the kids menu for their children. Though it's not like that in all families, growing up I would never get that menu. Instead, when I was really young, I might get a side dish and a taste off of my mum's plate, and then later I would get either just an entrée, or even the full menu like the adults. It's more expensive, sure, but on the other hand it makes you feel like you're part of the people going out to eat, not the afterthought who gets chicken and fries while everyone else gets elaborate masterpieces. And also, I always, always, ate with my parents, not before, and we ate the same thing (except the baby years of course). I think that makes a huge difference too. Cheers :)
First, thanks for the super long comment! Love getting all the details out of you :) And really great point about eating the same thing as your parents. In the US kids eat off the children's menu until they are like 12 or 13. Besides a steak frites from time to time, i hardly ever see a children's menu at restaurants! Also, i hated goat cheese before coming to France and I absolutely love it now. I guess it was more that I hadn't gotten used to it yet, than i hadn't really like it. Such an interesting concept to have your kids try lots of food over and over, but never force to eat too much of it until they like it. GENIUS
This is so interesting! As an American woman I feel like motherhood is presented as totally consuming and mentally impossible, but this "version" of raising a baby feels much simpler and less anxiety-provoking.
I've always been told " if the mother is happy and balanced, then the kid will be". That's why - as you said- I've always been encouraged, as a mother, to really find a balance between my needs and my children's. And all your other key points are totally true too ! I didn't realize that it wasn't universal before watching your video
I've always heard "happy wife, happy life" ahahha more for the partner though than the kids. But I feel like when I get in some essential "me" time, i'm just a better parent!
This is so neat. I am Canadian of French ancestry, all the things you’ve mentioned is what my grandma and Mom said. It’s fairly similar to how we were brought up. I guess those sentiments have been passed down over the generations :) However as kids we always seemed like the “mature” one in our group of friends. Probably because of the whole patience/ respect that was learned at a young age.
Parisian too here. Our daughters are apparently the same age, she sleeps from 8:30 pm to 7 a.m since she's about 3 and a half months. Our pediatrician told us when she was about 2 months old "let her deal with her rythm, food and sleep, and she'll get there around 4 months". And she did ! Babies know stuff. If you intervene you only make them take more time to figure things out on their own so... Best advice we ever had ! Also i don't know if you read french but a friend of mine gave me a book called "Bébé, dis moi qui tu es" while i was pregnant and i think it's the best parenting book i read to understand my baby
Somebody just told me about this book in the comments! I'm going to order it. I've never read it but sounds like a good insight of information! And the "try not to intervene" is such a good piece of advice. There are so many inate things in humans that sometimes they just need some time to get there. Thanks for the book reco!
French dad here. Our son is now seven. The eating situation really is the most difficult part. We raised him, as you described, introducing him early and persistently to vegetables and other stuff. He did like them younger and would eat just about anything that was in his plate. But now the fight is ON! Those veggies he used to like so much are gone. But the policy is "It is what it is, I won't fix something up just for you so eat it or go to bed on an empty stomach." and when they're is too much triage in the plate we insist on 1 or 2 more bites. Plus if your belly is full for veggies (or whatever is in the plate that wouldn't appeal to you) then it is also full for dessert. Then again: choose wisely. But it's a hard fought battle.
French woman here, my Mum used to do the same to me, si tu as plus de place pr tes légumes ben tu as plus de place pour le dessert....Well I am now a really well rounded eater who eats stuff I never thought I would actually end liking!
Oh my gosh I love this video so much! I’m American, and not even a parent yet, put I’m LOVING the French perspective on parenting. I’ve never understood the mindset of letting an infant or child be “in charge.” Thank you for sharing and please make more content like this!
Hi Elisabeth! Thanks so much! I always found French parenting super interesting before I had a child too. I come from a big family so I got a first hand look at different parenting techniques all the time and it's interesting to see a different way of doing things from another country's point of view!
I know for sure there's a diff with our babies, my pediatrician was French. I had my first at 19 here in KY and she slept through the night at about 1.5 to 2 months. Honestly, was a nearly perfect baby who never cried. When we intro'd solid foods, we fed her whatever we were eating and just pureed it for her in our blender.
Really nice video ! I'm from the North East of France and it's exactly how I've been raised. I can't count how many times my mom told us : "C'est pas les enfants qui dirigent la maison/baraque !" 😂
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified This is exactly the same as "My home my rules". My parents told me several times that if I wanted to have things my way I should wait until I am the one in charge. This taught me both respect and responsibility. And now that I'm over 40 it still applies. My home my rules, my parents' home my parents' rules, my friends' home my friends' rules, etc.
I like the way you analyse things, you are very observant and then its very interesting to listen to your talks. I m sure you are a fantastic mum ! I wish I had one like you when I was a child 😊 !
Happy mother's day!! Good video. I am a French mom living in the US and I agree with you. I like that the French kids adapt to their parents life style . I find that it is the opposite for American families where it gets complicating because the kid is the king so he decides when and where and can have more tantrums . My kids slept through the night at 4 months old, have been used to be patient and eat a variety of food. I took them everywhere, they are very good at traveling because they adapt and sleep whenever it's time to, in the car, at some late parties...
Thank you!! That is something I saw for the first time in France was adults bringing their kids to "parties" (nothing too crazy) but having them go crash in teh guest bedroom and sleep until the adults wanted to leave! I thought this was amazing how adaptable the kids were. Just tagging along wherever!
I read bringing up bebe while pregnant and I was in love with the ideas. Then my daughter was born and I learned humility. Honestly, she’s a terrible sleeper and a wonderful eater - and I think this result would have happened under either parenting system.
Thanks. I'd heard about the differences between French and American styles of child raising. Interestingly when I would mention some of these differences to some American women they get offended. Motherhood is a very touchy subject. But I do believe we Americans are raised to see ourselves as the center of the world. And it starts as babies. And sometimes when I see mothers who can't pause whatsoever between cry and response, then later I see toddlers who know how to step on those pedals with extreme force I am always tempted to say something, but alas it is too late. I really appreciated this.
I agree it's really touchy to correct or criticize someone's parenting. It's not an easy discussion to have with anyone. But i completely agree that children seem to run the family instead of the other way around. I don't think it's easy to find the balance, but i'm constantly reminded in France with a 5 month old, that I choose the schedule, I run the household (with my husband of course! :) ) and so it's important for me to lead and not be led. Really different way of thinking!
I too am American, married to a Frenchman, living in Paris, and raising our two young children, ages 3 and 1. With all aspects of our lives, I incorporate a mix of both cultures and let my instinct lead me. There are some American ways that I can’t stand, and the same goes with the French. But overall, I think each child determines much of how parenting goes. My 3 year old never slept a full night until she turned 3, but eats EVERYTHING. On the other hand, my 1 year old has been sleeping through the night from 6 months old, and is a very finicky eater. I’ve raised them both identically and they’ve shown me who they are. You can’t force a child who can’t sleep to sleep, or a baby to eat what it doesn’t like. I dislike the French “one size fits all” mentality in many aspects of child rearing. Congratulations to you on the birth of your daughter! Trust YOUR own gut and instincts and you won’t go wrong.
I'm form Germany and I'm far from being a mother myself. However the topic is pretty interesting to me. I really couldn't agree more on your comment, force can create a lot of damage, especially at such a young age. My mom didn't, and I won't do that to my future children either!
@@liloruf2838 This isn't at all what is said in this video, and even less how to raise a child in French. No one here says there's only one way to raise a child. In France simply, we don't infantilizes children. We talk WITH them (and not to them). We don't want they were babys all their life. And so they're taught not to be capricious or too obnoxious. Above all, we don't let them behave as heads of families or grab all the attention as if they were living gods. It’s very different. For exemple, in France (I hope) we'll never see "mini miss contest" or "Little Miss Beauty" (I don't know the exact words for it) as did in usa (i don't know if this kind of contest always exist). We want prepare them to the hard conditions of life, not to make them "little princesses" always out from daily realities. When it comes to food, most of french parents ask their kids to taste the food before deciding that they don't like it because of the appearance or the smell or because they know what is it (like snails for exemple :D). The very young child eats like his parents but in less quantity. Except for the things we know he hates. But on the other hand, we'll ask him several times while he grows up to taste again what he doesn't like for the moment. It allows the palate of the child to evolve in becoming an adult. To finish, you'll know there's nothing more unpleasant for a French person who receives host at the table than to see him-her quibbling at each dish presented to him-her and who enumerate all things he-her don't like when this list seems to be long as a wedding list :). In France, in general it's quite frowned upon. You willn't be told anything out of politeness. But we'll think inside us that you are "a spoiled little girl-boy" (yet you're an adult). :)
@@j-loosenfout67 as a french raised like that and raising two kids : i approve this message. It's what we think, how we do it ( force to taste, not to eat, try at each age to re-try again), and so on. That's like i raised mine, they eat at restaurant with us and like it ! They are fans if sushis, chicken tikka, french food, stinky cheese... And they are calm and open to everything, at 5 and 7 we crossed a month from west of france to north of sweden by road, eating everything and enjoying long roads without a single cry. This method ( learning patience early, tasting everything with an open mind) works perfectly with kids
@@philv3941 Hello, well thank you. I just wanted to clarify that contrary to what is suggested by @J A or @Lilo Ruf, the French parents aren't executioners of children, far from it! When I've read their comment, it seems like French was monster of childs lol :)
I'm French and never really analyzed our ways of doing in such depth, but I can say there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. Especially the sleeping part, we always posed a little when our daughter woke up at night and she started sleeping 12h at 2.5 months old. I suppose we got lucky but I do think a big part of it was not soothing her the second she cried.
There must be a little bit of luck in getting a baby who sleeps well, but i'm sure you implemented (without even knowing) certain habits that helped a lot too! 12 hours at 2.5 months is impressive!
Never quite realized we raised our kids in that different way. I'm french living in Chile, happy mom of a 5 months old little girl, just like you ! And I can tell you she doesn't sleep through the night yet 🥴 but we're getting there. But it's true I talk and explain things to her as if she was an adult, I am absolutely sure she understands me, or at least the emotions that transpire through my speech :) I do make her wait here and there as well and I plan on cooking lots of different foods for her ! I was a difficult eater as a kid but my mom always told me to "just try, to see if your taste has changed". I know eat almost everything ;)
Love meeting other momma's with kids around the same age as Eleonore! Sleep will come and so does eating everything. I was SUCH a picky eater and it wasn't until I moved to France that I really started retrying things i thought I didn't like. It's amazing how much your palette can mature and change!
Always a good video on a known but inexhaustible subject. If it is true that there are no identical parents, the education we are talking about here is that taught when we "raised" our children. Discipline, parental authority (especially paternal). Some find good principles there, but not everyone. But we can't throw everything away. For our part, my wife and I have opted for simple principles: A child is a person and we have tried (not always) to speak, to consider our child as such. No words "baby" like ouha-ouha for the dog, meow for the cat etc. Communication with a young child requires the same words as with an adult; if he doesn't understand the words right away, he will understand them later. And it increases the size of the vocabulary. Sleeping, "sleeping" is an ambitious goal for parents who also want to sleep. First of all, if it is possible, that the child has his room, or at least a quiet room. We don't rush to calm him down from the first tear, the first cry. The child must learn and understand the time, the waiting, the frustration. But you shouldn't let the child scream either. Children's food must be that of adults, if only to make it expensive or complicated. For our part, we have noticed many changes in taste, what used to please no longer pleases and vice versa. Anyway, before adulthood, nothing is final (and even after). Politeness and "good education" allow children to adopt social consensuses which will help them to flourish. Finally, yes, a child is a person in its own right and is therefore neither a king nor a god. Her freedom ends where her parents' freedom begins. Not being dependent on parents is a goal for a child. After, we do as we can, good or bad, but always with a lot of love. The thing that I have said often is "The only thing that is certain is that I will always love you. The rest, we do not always control". Thank you for this video and stay healthy.
I think having a child has taught me a lot in just 5 months, but one thing is that most parents are doing their absolute best and if you do your absolute best, with a lot of love, you can't do anything better than that and your kid is lucky to have you. I definitely don't want any of my videos about raising Eleonore in France, to give the impression that parents who are doing something different should feel like it's "wrong," but i find it so fascinating how different we raise kids in other cultures. Being a parent has really opened my eyes to a whole new world! Also, really love that you tell your kids "the only thing that is certain is that I will always love you. The rest , we don't always control." Such a good message to send!
So interesting! Thanks for sharing, Kate! Would you do a video on French child care? I think there are some great differences when it comes to having your child go to crèche or a private child care at a very young age where as it’s not very common for women to stay home to provide the child care themselves. Even within Europe the French system of child care was very unusual as recent as 20 years ago.
My grandmother is from France and she was very very strict growing up. I have to say though that I had the upmost respect for her. This is all accurate 🤣🤣 my grandmother is awesome I have to say but as a kid I definitely misunderstood her because of my mother raising me the American way. But looking back my grandmother was right 🤣🤣I’m that way though when it comes to sleep and letting my daughter learn how to self soothe. My daughter was sleeping my 12 hours at 3 months old because of how my mother and grandmother raised me and I chose to use those techniques on her. Worked like a charm.
Very interesting video ! And I loved scrolling through the comment section just as much :) because most comments (if not all, but I haven't read them all) are respectful, kind and interesting
I was literally just thinking the same thing. Two great minds think alike :) As i was responding to everyone, I was like wow. How nice not to see comments with people attacking each other. I love talking about controversial subjects too because it's great to hear different points of view, but people can be so nasty behind a keyboard. It's refreshing to have a video with pretty thoughtful and interesting remarks!
Interesting video and really enjoyed seeing your perspective on French ways of raising children. I follow some of them but not all. For example, I have always managed my day around my children's naps. I have a 2.5 year old and she is extremely well behaved for her age. It's not down to my mothering skills. Firstly, she is good natured and fairly even tempered which is pure luck. Secondly, I try to ensure that she is rarely overtired. When she's overtired, she'll tantrum. To each their own. Some don't mind overtired children as much as I do. It really is a preference in that regard and how you want to manage things. I prefer the inconvenience of working out my life around my children's naps. Some people don't. My friends and I always say you do what works for you and your baby. We all have different ways of raising and taking care of our children. I don't think there's a right or wrong way as long as you respect yourself and who you are as a mother.
It's so interesting to hear your take on teaching children to learn patience! In the context of sleep, using "The pause" is such an effective tool to help teach babies how to link their sleep cycles together. Thanks so much for sharing :)
All my children were sleeping through the night at 8 weeks (and I don't know of any of my friends that went longer than that); however, this may be related to them being breastfed, and they either slept immediately next to our bed or coslept with us. A point was made either by a pediatrician or a parenting book that that infant was nestled in its cozy little incubator of mom's womb for 9 months, and grew to that stage listening to your heartbeat and bloodflow, hearing mom's and dad's voices, nestled in body heat, albeit in a cramped space (hence the comfort of swaddling). Sometimes those early cries, when all other needs are sated, are an expression of the need to be in (skin-to-skin) touch with the mothership, to hear your heartbeat because all's right with the world. :) Cutting cow's milk out of my diet helped the firstborn in particular, who had colic early on. We were also encouraged to start solids closer to 6 months, and 2-3 days of rice, then wheat, etcetera through the grains before the fruits and then vegetables, and this was not only for taste but to allow the digestive system to adjust. I still ended up with picky eaters, but as they hit teenage years, they started getting more adventurous. It's a wonderful journey, and congratulations on your sweet baby!
Thank you so much! You know what i find so interesting, is nowadays, lots of information we get is that breastfed babies don't sleep as well as formula babies because formula takes longer to digest, so they aren't as hungry as often. However, my mom breastfed all my three sisters and I and we were all sleeping through the night by 8 weeks too with no problem. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but hearing your story too makes me wonder how true the formula vs breastfed discussion is related to sleeping? Also, fun fact, swaddling isn't a really common practice in France, like the US. I swaddled Eleonore for 2 months because i thought she loved it, but my husband and his family were like ummm,, what is that? hahahah
I'm reading Bringing Up Bebe right now and the author talks about this exact same thing. I find it fascinating the differences and how well it works in France!
I think it’s funny you said the baby deciding what’s the best time for nap. The fact the baby can adjust to what a parent want shows that it’s ok to do it. And better they learn early that authority figures matter as it happens anyway once in school.
I don't even have a baby, but after listening to you talk about it, I bought the book you mentioned...French children don't throw food 😄 looking forward to read the book
After having raised three kids, as an American in France, what I can tell you is my kids ate everything, vegetables included (at one point my French husband was "worried" my son was vegetarian at 18 months) until they went to school and ate at the "cantine". All three of them changed their eating habits against anything green or not breaded. This, I think, was because they were trying so hard to fit in (because they were 70/30 English speaking; my French husband being in the military and gone often) and heard the other kids complaining about it and not eating certain things. So while I agree the French expose their children to a variety of foods, the actual tendency is, sadly, towards "nuggets/frites/coca" ... starting at kindergarten. They are then given a "gouter" as an award after school on the playground which consists almost entirely of boxed cookies or cakes because they are hungry and their lunch was uneaten.
The "goûter" thing is a cultural thing, don't know if you have similar where you live but every children in France, even those who eat everything at lunch have a goûter. First because between lunch and diner you have a bit of a time and you just need a little something to perk you up (children spend a lot of energy) then because it's a cultural thing, everyone eat a goûter at 4:30pm even adults and it's not because we don't eat our lunch. I'm 21, have a goûter every single day even when i'm not hungry, it's juste that we love to have it and it's an opportunity to take a break. It's usually something sweet, a fruit or a cookie for example, it doesn't have to be a big.
I am mid-way through "Bringing up Bebe" so I thought I would look up more French parenting. I wish I had have read it and looked into French parenting while I was pregnant. I'm a Canadian, who had a baby at the beginning of the pandemic. I had no clue what I was doing, and had no help.
Hi, I'm like you, an American married to a Frenchman. I also have a 20month old. I like that your nurses told you about the pause. They didn't with me. I'll maybe try that if I have another. I've also got to disagree about the food. All my in-laws and all my information I got from my doctor's only allowed food at 6 mo the. And the food you started with was very limited. And they kept to pureed foods much longer than I had planned. They were shocked that I started soft solids pretty quickly. I also found a huge difference in swaddling newborns. In the US swaddling is taught in the hospitals. But here they use the sleep sacks instead (which I believe are slowly becoming popular in the states) and, personally, my husband HATED seeing our boy swaddled. He said it looked so uncomfortable and restrictive. He couldn't get him out of the swaddle fast enough! Though he's also a bit of a papa poule, which I love Haha Anyway! Happy first Mother's Day to you! Enjoy those baby snuggles!
Hi! How interesting! We were told solids at 4 months and we got little sheets of paper that showed what they could eat at 4 months and then at 5 and at 5 months we could even introduce meat! I'm surprised it was different because i feel like France is quite "national" when it comes to eating and the schedule. Did you feel like at 4 months your baby should be eating at 8 am, 12 pm, 4 pm and 8 pm? It's like they hop on the national eating schedule so quickly! And completely agree for swaddling!! Not only did my husband HATE it, my mother in law was horrified. hahahahahah. We still swaddled the first 6 weeks, she slept so great like that and then gradually moved to the sleep sac, which i love! Happy mothers day to you!! :)
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified I wish I could send you a photo. In our Carnet De Santé there is a whole diagram/bar chart sort of thing about when to start foods. It has meats, cereals, potatoes, vegetables, and fruits "possible" puréed at 5 months, but not "recommended" until 6months. Yogurt is possible at 7 and recommended at 8. Boiled eggs and oils and butters starting at 7 too. Perhaps they've changed it into he last year and a half... Not sure
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified hahaha well, my hubby's a total pushover when it comes to our boy haha so he gives in and gives snacks quite easily O:) When our little one was at crèche je was very much on a food schedule. With the isolation and us now in charge we're much more relaxed about it. And we are also snacking when bored and I swear The Child is like a dog. If he hears a rustle of paper from the kitchen, he comes running! Hahaha
@@RaeJ8 hahaha my image of a perfect French kid is someone running around with a pain au chocolat or a piece of baguette mashed inside their fist! I bet those buggers always want food! Must be hard to control!
@@RaeJ8 I didn't even think to check in the carnet de sante. The pediatrician just gave us a piece of paper with all the recommendations. I'm going to go check and see! To be honest though we are struggling to manage working full time, plus watching Eleonore during quarantine (like everyone else i am sure). So when the pediatrician at our last appt was like "start introducing this and this and this" to her diet, I left the doctors and told my husband HELL NO. She can stick to fruits and veggies for awhile longer.... 😋
There aren't 2 parenting the same in France and there aren't 2 pedatricians the same... But i'm agree about what you said for the schedule but it's not only for the mother. We do it for the baby because when Come black from meeting Friends, you are less stressed and you can focus more on the baby After. Avoir une maman reposée et détendue, c'est meilleur pour le bébé. On ne met pas le bébé de côté par égoïsme, on veut être les meilleures mamans possibles en relâchant la pression régulièrement pour ne pas craquer ensuite.
I read Bringing up Bebe a few years ago and realized I unintentionally paused in the middle of the night before rushing to my baby. All three of my children slept through the night (about 6-7 hrs) starting around 5-6 weeks. Of course there were exceptions, like illness, sleep regressions, etc
Love this video. I read the same book many years ago. I wanted to know what she had found out about the fact, that in general, most babies sleeps through the night at an early age in France. I could not see what we were doing, that was so different than others. When she mentioned about the pause, I was really surprised. It is so ingrained in us that I never realised it. And yes my hyper active daughter did sleep through at 4.30 months roughly. As well, I wanted to mention, that I read somewhere that you have to try any food 7 times before you can actually say I do/don’t like it. Any truth to that .... maybe. 😁
Im swedish married to a frenchman, we live in Morocco for the moment I never lived in France. In my husbands city Laval its a bit different from Paris I think, the children I meet eat so much sweets no vegtables, special meals cooked just for them. I watch your videos very often even with my husband sometimes, its very intressting to see your videos about cultural differences.
Wow! I don't know Laval, but i'm surprised to hear of French children who eat lots of sweets or meals cooked just for them! But of course, there are exceptions to every rule! Lucky them :)
Also, I just went to Sweden last year for the first time before Eleonore was born and loved it! My husband studied abroad in Lund so we went back there and to Malmo. It was so much fun!!
It's not a matter of area, but a matter of parents, didn't your husband dismissed from the children's education or he doesn't realize how much harmful it is ?
I am French, hubby is also French, kids born in Canada. I can confirm that they were able to sleep through the night at a very early age but food-wise errr my son is finally ok to eat different things and he is 4.5 yo! My doctor here in Canada actually recommended feeding them solid food starting at 4 months old.
I’ve noticed those differences with my English side off the family too. Every time I would go there they would talk to me and other kids like babies, and we were kind off the center off attention. Learning a kid how to be patient is so important, and not giving them everything they want. I know that for my kids even if I have the money I will refuse to buy them toys sometimes . They need to learn what NO is. You don’t have to have everything just because you can afford it.
I think the reason patience for example is taught at such a young age is due to how the brain develops. Neuro pathways develop very early,with repetition.These pathways,once set,are very difficult to change,so that is possibly why they are asking you to teach it so young.
French children are known to sit very patiently at restaurants at a young age compared to other countries and I wonder if it's linked to what youre saying. If the repetition at such a tiny age has that big impact a couple years later. I think american kids for example are taught to be patient, but not as young as the French from what i've seen!
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified it could well be. Certainly,in UK,I have noticed the difference in restaurants from when I was a kid. I would never have dreamed of causing a fuss when I was out for dinner. It was a treat,if I kicked off,I wouldnt get that treat again,plain and simple. I think too through that some of it is down to different styles of parenting.
I would have loved to have had a baby that slept through the night at 4 months old. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old. Unfortunately, it's a bit too late for us to try the pause because he's 34 now. Maybe if I have grandchildren I can get him to try it.
hahaha i think if you start trying to do the "pause" on him at 34, it might not be so effective 😂😂 I have quite a few French and American friends struggling with their infants sleep habits. I think it's very very common in other countries to have kids that struggle for years with sleep. It's not always an easy thing to teach!
If I may said something, a baby always understand what you say. So when they keep wake up at night (apart from being hungry, dirty or sick of course), sometimes it is because parents does not have take a real good time just for them. Not always a long time but a time just between you and the baby. If you did this and the baby still wakes up, let him/her cry a bit (about 5 minutes) and then check the baby and if nothing explain that you work the day after and you need your sleep. We did this with my wife, in 3 days, our kid stop to wake up. And yes, I am french ^^.
The sleep difference comes a lot from bottle feeding and breast feeding also :) French women tend to stop breast feeding by three months when they have to go back to work. It seems there is a big correlation between those facts . This was a great video !!
People told me that a child can not do a full night until he/she weights 5 kilos. It depends what you call a full night. For me or my wife 5 6 hours is a full night. Friends of mine need 8 hours to call it a night 😂
Thanks so much! I don't know how old your children are but it's never too late to try new parenting techniques unless they don't live with you anymore 😜
Hi ! I am french and really enjoyed your video because it's good to have a glance at how we do things, for most of the time we do it automatically without thinking about why we do it. Maybe you could make a video with the opposite side too : what Americans intentionally include in their education that french people miss... Keep up empowering moms with your particular personal point of view !
Really interesting to see an external look to the things we do. Thanks for that. I am looking forward to your update in a couple of years about teaching table manners in France. It's a big thing and taken very seriously. We have those adorable toddlers cutlery. My nephew's love them (to do like the adults). Also I had that conversation with a few American friends that are not able to use both hands to hold cutlery (constantly switching their fork and knife) or holding the fork the wrong way. He had no idea I was secretly judging him (😈) but it made for a pretty interesting and fun conversation. Nordics and Scandinavians have some pretty interesting techniques and approach too. There are a couple of video about woodland daycare in Denmark or Sweden. Super interesting watch. It's all about teaching self reliance, confidence, trust and autonomy. I highly recommend.
I've heard the Nordics way of raising kids is really interesting too! Once I can have guests on the channel again when quarantine is over, I should see about getting a Scandinavian point of view! And we do have different table manners in the US vs France so i'm not even sure what I would teach Eleonore. 😂
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Table manners are now appalling in the UK. I've been in IKEA where the children throw food all over the floor in the restaurant there and their parents don't even bother to pick up the food. It gets left there for ages and puts you off your food.
I’m in the us and my 3 kids are older now but my pediatrician always told me to give the same vegetable or fruit 3 days in a road. My kids for the most part eat everything, my youngest is a little picky but she likes vegetable s a lot. 😊
My french paediatrician told me to start with solid foods as early as possible. “Every” food has to be tasted before the 6th month of the baby to prevent allergies. You can start as early as 3 months ( with apples, pears, carrots, pumpkins) as long as you are not giving the baby foods that can cause allergies. The medication that is use on babies for allergies can’t be used on babies weighing less than 7kg. So the moment your baby hits the 7,5kg go for all the foods that can cause allergic reaction before the 6th months. One new ingredient every 2 days is so that if allergic reaction occurs you know what ingredient has caused it. But I still think that you have to taste as much foods as possible while pregnant ☺️
This is really terrible advice I’m afraid. Babies really should only get solids at around 6months and starting too early can lead to lifelong gastro problems.
@@veronicataylor9831 go figure it out 🤷♀️ sometimes I think that babies are test subjects... I have never heard the no solids before 6 months, but it will not surprise me if it was the norm 3 years ago or 30 years ago or the latest one from last week.
This is the book I was reminded of: www.amazon.com/French-Kids-Eat-Everything-Discovered/dp/006210330X. Canadian girl marries French guy, has kids, culture clashes ensue. I read it recently and while it's too late for me personally to use it as parenting advice, it really does explain a lot about how the French adults one meets were raised. One takeaway for expat parents: never offer a French kid a between-meal snack, even a healthy one. Your kids' friends' parents will see it as undermining the training.
Thanks for the book recommendation and the no snacking thing starts SO young in France. I haven't gotten there yet, but i heard from lots of parents that besides the "gouter" it's kind of a no no to give your kids any snacks.... ekkkk!
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Absolutly correct, snacks are generally dropped between 6 or 8 years old. In this way, the children will most likely appreciate the veggie at the main diner^^
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Scheduled family meals are one of the major key "ceremonies" of french lifestyle. And one important reason for it is that when you get a proper meal and are fully satiated you can then freely enjoy your activities between meals without worrying about your stomach. As a kid you can play with your friends all day long without needing a snack break. Just the regular meals and the "goûter" and the rest of the day is fully enjoyable play time.
Also, more for kid than baby thought, don't make them leave the table until they ate what they get in their plate ( take sense when they don't like what they're eating). Well no need to keep it at table the whole day, but just encourage them to eat everything or wait a long time (30min at least). At start they will probably prefer to wait, but on the end they'll begin to eat even when they don't like cause they'll be used too
agree, when i was a kid with my brothers, we had to ask our parents if we could go out from the table "est-ce que je peux sortir de table s'il vous plait?" because it was to be respectful and also probably to make sure we eat everything
I wasn't allowed to leave the table without finishing my plate and I ALWAYS had to ask too! But i've understood that in France, it's more about tasting food you don't like, then being forced to eat a bunch of it? In my family, you ate whatever was served whether you liked it or not!
Side note about picky eaters. We do what we see our parents do. So if a parent is overy picky about their food, the likely hood is that the children will be too. I've heard parents say that this or that vegetable is terrible. Only for them to be surprised when the children use that same language to decribe the vegetables they dislike but the parent likes. And pallet fatigue is real. Just because the adult can eat broccoli every day doesn't mean the child wants to. Picky eating is what the parents do to the children, not the other way around.
I,am French raised in a middle up class family. A lot of years ago, one thing troubled me about child in US and I don,t know if it,s a cliché 😵.... It, s happened in 1977 when I saw the movie "close encounters of.....kind" from Spielberg..... In a scene in the home during dinner, the 2 parents have a light fight about the space ship and I saw the MESS DID THE CHILD ON THE TABLE SET😲, YELING LOUD AND BROKEN GLASS WITH A BATON 😨, OTHER CHILD RUN AROUND THE TABLE 😠 WHEN OTHER EAT😕 , and parents don,t blamed the childs?... If I done this, my mother will yelled at me and sister saying "DON,T DO THAT😮ARE YOU MAD? GO IN YOUR ROOM NOW, you and you !....😡" 4 me, it was very strange for of laxism for parents. I was little older than the child in the movie.
I'm french and even if I'm 45 years old I can still remember the struggling about eating carrots when I was 3 years old. It's was a struggle with my mom, I wasn't allowed to quit the table for hours if I hadn't eating those horribles things.
I only spoke "proper" language to my kids from day 1, no baby talk allowed. It is also important for you and your husband to each speak your own language to Eleonore so that she absorbs the 2 languages easily. My grandson (2 and a half yrs) is now speaking both English and Italian at home, as well as French at the crèche (they live in Lausanne), so we have a little polyglot.
hahaha ! sympa la video ! perso j'ai eu 2 enfants et beaucoup de probleme avec mon ex-femme sur l'education ! moi trop rigide - elle trop souple ! et mon plus beau "cadeau" est venu de mon fils, a 18 ans, qui m'as dit : papa je suis content que tu m'aie éduquer car quand je vois ma soeur et ce que maman en a fais...! je pense que les enfants ne sont pas des nuls...faut leurs parler franc, cash, comme a un adulte.....ils arrivent a comprendre (peut-etre expliquer differemment ou avec d'autres mots) et ils vous le rendront ! et pour la nourriture ca c'est le plus dur....ma maman m'a toujours obliger a manger les legumes et je deteste ca (a part quelques legumes) et j'ai appris que ...cuisiner un legume differemment peu etre apprecier ( l'exemple simple...ma maman faisait une soupe légumes..elle coupais en morceaux, cuisais dans un bouillon et hop a table....et beuurk ! le simple faite de mixer les legumes et ajouter 2-3 patate et carotte (legume que j'aime) donne un gout patate/carotte à la soupe et j'en oubliais les raves - navet- celeri-courgettes- etc...(legumes que je n'aimes pas) !! et maintenant je manges des legumes....mais a MA facon sinon ca passe pas....!! et je pense aussi que c'est aux enfants de s'adapter à la vie courante/familiale plutot qu'aux parents ! salutation
Ça doit être tellement compliquer de se mettre d'accord sur l’éducation a deux tout le temps! Je vois déjà des différences avec mon mari qui vont poser des problèmes plus tard... 😂 Merci aussi pour les "tips" pour cuisiner avec les légumes!!!
C'est vrai. J'ai l'impression qu'en France on se focalise beaucoup sur le gout, mais trop peu sur les textures. Et en fait, ça joue pour beaucoup. Moi je n'aime pas le poisson "a la française". Mais depuis que je suis allé en Asie je commence vraiment a apprecier. Il n'est pas cuisiné pareil, la texture est differente et les herbes me conviennent mieux.
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified ! de rien...si jamais, il y a encore la cuissonque vous pouvez modifier....perso j'aime les légumes tres tres cuits, qui fondent dans la bouche...alors imaginez ma tête quand je suis invité ou au restorant quand les légumes sont cuit 2 minutes.....pour moi ils sont crus....beurkkk....hahaha
Loved this video! I am not a mum yet but it’s so interesting and very similar to the British way too. We’re there any french books that were particularly helpful? Thanks! x
As a father, this is the one I keep recommending if you want to go further on about the topic covered by this video. www.amazon.fr/Bringing-Up-B%C3%A9b%C3%A9-Discovers-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00MNNAODK/ref=sr_1_2?__mk_fr_FR=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&crid=2CV7W9R89KHM0&dchild=1&keywords=pamela+druckerman&qid=1588751275&s=english-books&sprefix=pamela%2Caps%2C182&sr=1-2
Yes! I loved French kids dont throw food from Pamela Druckerman. Here is the link! www.amazon.fr/French-Children-Dont-Throw-Food/dp/0552779180 It's an american woman, married to a british man, raising kids in Paris. It's got loads of super interesting info!
My children were always very upset when the waiter proposed the childrens menu...at the age of six, my son tried "escargots" and he like it since, my daughter tried "Steak Tartare" at eight and ist is her favourite dish. But she hated tomatoes until she was 12....
oh that remind me of me! also tried escargot at 6, my parents were worried-ish but i loved it! but my parents never forced us to take the menu enfant, we just took what we wanted and sometimes our parents just ask if it was possible to have a smaller portion for us
I nursed all my babies (6) and co slept with them and they all slept through the night from about 1-3 months on. Because you can just put them on the breast and go back to sleep
Bonjour. Cette vidéo a maintenant 1an. Je suis curieux de savoir si votre vécu en tant que maman correspond à ces principes. Bien sûr, nous ne sommes pas objectifs quant il s'agit de nos enfants, mais êtes vous satisfaite de les avoir appliqué ? Cordialement.
Hi! I’ve read and listened to a lot about French parenting regarding sleep, but never hear anyone talk about naps! Since they typically start sleeping through the night earlier, what do naps look like? When/where/how often. Thank you!
Also a thing from a french dad. Before diner, I let carrots on a plate. Kids take them, and something even rob them. Not a good thing, may be. But they eat carrots, and not candies, or cakes. Better... My ex-wife does the same with tomatoes. Not better, but good enough also Une chose d'un papa francais. Avant le diner, je laisse des carottes sur une assiette. Les enfants les prennent, voir les derobent. Ce n'est pas parfait, mais ils mangent des carrotes, et non des bonbons. Mon ex fais la meme chose avec les tomates. Moins pratique, mais efficace aussi.
I loved your video thank you. My son just turned 4 months last week. I started giving him rice cereal and he doesn’t seem to like it. He starts to cry after a few minutes that I start feeding him. Should I start a vegetable? And then go back to the rice cereal? Or should continue to give him rice cereal? Thank you 😊
Hi, I will be a first time mother here in Paris in few months, could you please suggest me some best stores to get the baby clothing and other baby essentials in Paris! Thank you very much 🙏
I'm in the USN not a mom yet but all of my friends are. There is such an unhealthy Mom culture. Gone away is the woman behind the mother as soon as the baby enters. It is so disappointing to see friends and family members succumb to trying to do it all and keep up the illusion that it's all attainable. This sounds so much more practical and extremely reasonable
My son is four and always ate everything; he LOVES vegetables. My daughter is almost two, and will literally throw vegetables on the floor. Will not eat them. So yeah, I know she should, and may even like them, but HOW DO I GET THEM IN HER MOUTH???
So interesting... the psychologist in me kind of disagrees with how the french do child rearing in some respects but the parent in me thinks, jeez why didn't i think of that lol.
I know this is an older video but I just wanted to ask do the French babble to their babies at all? Or do they use the same voice when speaking to an adult?
Hi, not sure about what babbling exactly mean but for sure we use a tone and vocabulary sweeter to children specially if we explain them a mistake they did. Hope it helps
Really?! I find it so interesting to see the different ways we raise kids in different countries, but i guess it would be just as interesting to delve into how different kids are raised within the same country too!
I am French, my wife is Chinese and we do share a lot of parenting ideas too. We think that there is a 'classical' way to raise kids that is more or less common around the world and a 'modern' way, found in a lot of places too.
I really would like to share a fantastic book written by a doctor and that is regularly updated ; Bébé dis moi qui tu es (Français) Poche - 18 septembre 2013 de Docteur Philippe Grandsenne (Auteur) It reflects most of the fine remarks you make on your video (thanks!) !!
Lots of generalizations here... "baby speak" also exist in France, not all families raise their children the same... You are mostly talking about upper class, college educated and so on. And I was a very, very, very picky eater as a baby and a child :D
Yes, it's totally generalized because it's so hard to list all the exceptions. And glad to have another picky eater among us!! Though i've gotten so much better in my late 20's early 30's!
Is it true that a French mom wouldn't think it unusual to leave her sleeping child in a stroller out front of a store while she goes in and shops? Or was that perhaps the case maybe 20 years ago? Just something I've heard about but could never get confirmed.
I think French mom's "in general" aren't hovering over their kids like most american mothers in settings like on the playground for example. However, I've never seen anyone leave their kids outside unattended. I live in Paris right now, so probably a no no because of the size of the city. I'm not sure that in medium sized towns they would do this either though....
It was true until the 60/70s maybe, but now it's not, exept in your garden of course (if the garden in close). But it still true in some nordic countries
Hello. Nice video, always interesting ;) thank you. Just a quick question. About children and USA, what about the "Baby Shower"??? Is any oportunity to have a video about that? This is just because I really don't understand this "process". Or I'm an ET, or... I don't know ! I've some familly in Connecticut, they (tried) explained me how it works, and to me it's just a shame. But probably it's culturel ;) Cheers
Hahah great topic! I could totally do something about a baby shower. My American friends organized a baby shower for Eleonore in Paris. It was so much fun!! :)
Hi Alain! So sorry to hear that. I didn't delete it and I just checked in the spam folder to see if RUclips blocked something but don't see it there either. I don't delete anything unless it's hate speech or really rude language so if you are motivated to leave the comment again, it should show up!
Hm... I think in the US, parenting styles differ between cultures as well. My family (black-american) and most of the minority families I grew up with (some east and south east asian,a fricans, very religious) were more like the French. Kids didn't rule anything lol And I think American parents, at least a lot of them, try to treat their children as mini adults, but they can become pushovers very easily because they're worried about potentially damaging their children. As for the French style, specially teaching patience, I do think it's a good thing, but sometimes I think it can be heavy-handed and perhaps those type of lessons hinder French adults when it comes to being ambitious with their careers or entrepreneurship. If what you've learned from your parents was "stop, no, wait, be patient" and what you learned from schooling was "be critical, you'll never get a perfect grade, don't show off" then it makes sense that certain free spirits can feel suffocated as they age.
Someone else made a comment that French style of parenting reflects a lot their black american upbringing too. Interesting to see how parenting styles change within a country too. And one of the negative stereotypes of French parenting is this idea that they stiffle creativity as an adult because there are lots of rules to French parenting. I guess you can never win!
It’s not so much French parenting vs. American parenting as it is parent-led intentional parenting vs. the parenting industry in the US. American parents used to parent like this until Dr. Spock introduces the idea that all parenting must be taught by experts rather than parents creating the family values that work for the family.
The opposite to Dr Spock was Truby King who instructed mothers to let their babies cry it out all night from birth and not to feed them for 12 hours at night and only every four hours during the day so Dr Spock was a breath of fresh air after that. Some mothers using the Truby King methods would not feed their babies for eight hours at night because they thought 12 hours was too long from birth at a time when babies need feeding often. Even during the day using the Truby King method the baby would be shut up alone in their bedroom to sleep when not being fed or put out in the garden in all weathers which is just cruel. A pause of just ten seconds to a minute is nothing like leaving babies to cry all night.
No point in commenting. All Americans must be the same and raise their children the same. It isn’t as if we have a population of 330M+ and immigrants from all over the world.
Yea, I totally understand your point. I just try to base my videos off my experience as an American, what i've researched and read about the US and same for France. It's a huge, diverse population in France too, but I have to make generalizations to compare, so I just try to take the really large trends that seem to span across lots of families. But of course, it doesn't mean everyone does it this way!
Happy YOU Day to anyone raising kids! What do you guys think about French parenting techniques? The French have been stereotyped as being "strict" parents, but so far I've haven't seen it yet! I'm more impressed with all the good eaters and the focus on finding "me" time as parents. So refreshing to think that your time is still very important when having kids!!
I am American but I was raised abroad as an expat by professor parents. I've always been grateful for the fact that I was always spoken to as a critically thinking rational human. They insisted on using real words and avoiding baby talk and I try to do that when I address children now. Kids are smart and discerning. I currently write books for young readers and always use accessible but meaningful language to communicate with kids. I also agree with the importance of teaching self-soothing and resilience early on.
Is it not true that the reason French babies sleep through the night is because you feed them formula and the Americans breastfeed?
I discovered an awesome compilation of videos that will help on Calmer Fixer Blueprint
I honestly never realized how French I've raised my son!! He's almost 16 now. He's always been a very patient kid. He's the perfect travelling companion. He'll sleep just about anywhere. He waits without wiggling. He's a great eater, too. When all his preschool friends were eating nothing but noodles and butter, he was eating sushi, loving broccoli, trying different cheese. Sure, he loves junk food too, but he never complains about the dinner set before him. I attended to every cry, but never let him dictate our schedule like my friends did with their kids. "Oh, we have to be home by 2 because little Susie has to go down for her nap." My son would just curl up in his stroller, a couch or my lap and sleep. Gah!!!! We were very lucky. We ARE very lucky! He's a GREAT kid and I'm so dang proud of him! ☺️ (Sorry for the not-so-humble brag. I'm glad I get to be his mama!)
Hahah i think it's great to see anyone so undeniably proud of their child! I think Eleonore is a genius when she rolls, so I can't even imagine how you feel about your kids when they are older and can be real companions. 😍 And how nice to have a great sleeper and a great eater too! Sounds like you won the jackpot!
Well about luangage, a big difference is the languages themselves. To speak and write french take 10 years, so you better have to start early. For food, it is normal for us. We have a lot of different ingredients in our gastronomy, so children have at least to taste. We do know that taste will change, but the taste of the food will be known. As a personal example, I did not like beet but now I like it. And I thanks my parents to have make me eat it. One thing that is important is you must use non-processed ingredients. So you learn the real taste of food. A last thing, it is quite common to start to learn to cook around 6 years old in France, both genders. As for your last advice, no one is the priority, everybody does have her/his place in a familly and must respect others. But children have priority but must be respectfull. Thanks for the vid, always good to have an external point of view ^^
About striking a balance between your familly life and your own well-being, my wife and I declared the after-lunch coffee break, a sacred time for the two us. It meant,even at an age they were not napping anymore, our daughters had to go to their respective room at that time, and find a way to keep themselves busy in silence by reading a book, drawing, etc. When they complained about the fact they were neither tired nor in need for a break, we told them it was more for our benefit than for theirs, and parents have the right to get time for themselves as well. Funny enough, our daughters turned into mothers now and have established the same rules with their own kids. Think about it.
I think this is such a great example of learning to make "me time." In the states, i think the children's well being and needs become so central, that parent's forget that they have the right to just take a break too. And saying for example, the time right after lunch is me time, is a great way of finding some time to chat with your partner and take a breather. And i love that they do it now as mother's too. :)
My parents were doing the exact same things x)
So my brother and I were just going into our rooms or in the garden to play together or alone.
My parents do exactly the same hahah, they have a "coffee break" in the living room just after lunch while my brothers and I have to take a "temps calme" (="chill time" ?🤔) in our bedrooms or somwhere else to read or play calmly. I've always thought it was in order to digerate the lunch but yes, it is also a time for my parents to rest and have a moment for themselves.
(I am French, sorry for my very bad English !)
@@r.s5918 Your english is great! bravo! And I really love this coffee after lunch idea being a me time. I'm totally going to make that a new practice in our house!
@@r.s5918 Your English is good, but i would say quiet time and digest.
After reading French children don’t throw food I implemented the pause with my son from day one and he slept through the night before 3 months. It’s a great tip!
Hi, I'm french, I liked your video quite a bit :) As you were saying, I agree that trying food again and again is something that is really ingrained in our education, and it's something that really never goes away, since even at age 25 you still try food that you previously didn't like, in case your pallet has evolved. It's a well known fact, for instance, that chicory (that bitter lettuce-like vegetable, is that the correct word? I had to google it xD) isn't very much liked by children, but often around the teenage years you grow out of it, which was the case with me and now I really like it. It's like that with red wine as well, teens and young adults tend to not like it as much, but you try it and try it again, maybe in your parents' glass at first, and then someday you just like it. I think it's an important experience to get, since it's one of the best proofs I've found that who you are, your personality and your tastes, change drastically overtime. A good thing to realise about yourself when you're young.
Also, I was never forced to eat anything specific. But I would hear "just try it, and if you don't like it, that's fine" every time I was presented with a food I didn't want. Worked very well.
Finally, and sorry for the novel-long comment xD, I just wanted to add that I've seen one significant difference between french and other upbringings, also food-related. I work at a restaurant in the summers with a lot of english-speaking tourists and I'm surprised every time people get the kids menu for their children. Though it's not like that in all families, growing up I would never get that menu. Instead, when I was really young, I might get a side dish and a taste off of my mum's plate, and then later I would get either just an entrée, or even the full menu like the adults. It's more expensive, sure, but on the other hand it makes you feel like you're part of the people going out to eat, not the afterthought who gets chicken and fries while everyone else gets elaborate masterpieces. And also, I always, always, ate with my parents, not before, and we ate the same thing (except the baby years of course). I think that makes a huge difference too. Cheers :)
First, thanks for the super long comment! Love getting all the details out of you :) And really great point about eating the same thing as your parents. In the US kids eat off the children's menu until they are like 12 or 13. Besides a steak frites from time to time, i hardly ever see a children's menu at restaurants! Also, i hated goat cheese before coming to France and I absolutely love it now. I guess it was more that I hadn't gotten used to it yet, than i hadn't really like it. Such an interesting concept to have your kids try lots of food over and over, but never force to eat too much of it until they like it. GENIUS
True, worked for me with Melon for instance.. didn´t like it, now i do. same with other things
this is so true my taste is still evolving, I would really like to apreciate evrything at the end of my life !
Thanks I avoid kid menu too just realize it😂 Bonne journée à tous !
Chicory is something that goes in cheap coffee right ? It’s like a dried up root ground up
This is so interesting! As an American woman I feel like motherhood is presented as totally consuming and mentally impossible, but this "version" of raising a baby feels much simpler and less anxiety-provoking.
I've always been told " if the mother is happy and balanced, then the kid will be". That's why - as you said- I've always been encouraged, as a mother, to really find a balance between my needs and my children's.
And all your other key points are totally true too ! I didn't realize that it wasn't universal before watching your video
I've always heard "happy wife, happy life" ahahha more for the partner though than the kids. But I feel like when I get in some essential "me" time, i'm just a better parent!
This is so neat. I am Canadian of French ancestry, all the things you’ve mentioned is what my grandma and Mom said. It’s fairly similar to how we were brought up. I guess those sentiments have been passed down over the generations :) However as kids we always seemed like the “mature” one in our group of friends. Probably because of the whole patience/ respect that was learned at a young age.
Parisian too here. Our daughters are apparently the same age, she sleeps from 8:30 pm to 7 a.m since she's about 3 and a half months. Our pediatrician told us when she was about 2 months old "let her deal with her rythm, food and sleep, and she'll get there around 4 months". And she did ! Babies know stuff. If you intervene you only make them take more time to figure things out on their own so... Best advice we ever had !
Also i don't know if you read french but a friend of mine gave me a book called "Bébé, dis moi qui tu es" while i was pregnant and i think it's the best parenting book i read to understand my baby
Somebody just told me about this book in the comments! I'm going to order it. I've never read it but sounds like a good insight of information! And the "try not to intervene" is such a good piece of advice. There are so many inate things in humans that sometimes they just need some time to get there. Thanks for the book reco!
French dad here. Our son is now seven. The eating situation really is the most difficult part. We raised him, as you described, introducing him early and persistently to vegetables and other stuff. He did like them younger and would eat just about anything that was in his plate. But now the fight is ON! Those veggies he used to like so much are gone. But the policy is "It is what it is, I won't fix something up just for you so eat it or go to bed on an empty stomach." and when they're is too much triage in the plate we insist on 1 or 2 more bites. Plus if your belly is full for veggies (or whatever is in the plate that wouldn't appeal to you) then it is also full for dessert. Then again: choose wisely.
But it's a hard fought battle.
French woman here, my Mum used to do the same to me, si tu as plus de place pr tes légumes ben tu as plus de place pour le dessert....Well I am now a really well rounded eater who eats stuff I never thought I would actually end liking!
Oh my gosh I love this video so much! I’m American, and not even a parent yet, put I’m LOVING the French perspective on parenting. I’ve never understood the mindset of letting an infant or child be “in charge.” Thank you for sharing and please make more content like this!
Hi Elisabeth! Thanks so much! I always found French parenting super interesting before I had a child too. I come from a big family so I got a first hand look at different parenting techniques all the time and it's interesting to see a different way of doing things from another country's point of view!
I know for sure there's a diff with our babies, my pediatrician was French. I had my first at 19 here in KY and she slept through the night at about 1.5 to 2 months. Honestly, was a nearly perfect baby who never cried. When we intro'd solid foods, we fed her whatever we were eating and just pureed it for her in our blender.
Really nice video ! I'm from the North East of France and it's exactly how I've been raised. I can't count how many times my mom told us : "C'est pas les enfants qui dirigent la maison/baraque !" 😂
hahahah j'adore! I'm going to add these phrases to my vocabulary so i can already start throwing them out when Eleonore can talk :)
Unintentionally Frenchified 😂
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Well do not use "baraque" too soon ^^
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified This is exactly the same as "My home my rules". My parents told me several times that if I wanted to have things my way I should wait until I am the one in charge. This taught me both respect and responsibility. And now that I'm over 40 it still applies. My home my rules, my parents' home my parents' rules, my friends' home my friends' rules, etc.
Or « t’as cru que t’étais à l’hôtel !!! » 😄
I like the way you analyse things, you are very observant and then its very interesting to listen to your talks. I m sure you are a fantastic mum ! I wish I had one like you when I was a child 😊 !
That's so kind and glad you enjoy the videos!!
Happy mother's day!!
Good video. I am a French mom living in the US and I agree with you. I like that the French kids adapt to their parents life style . I find that it is the opposite for American families where it gets complicating because the kid is the king so he decides when and where and can have more tantrums . My kids slept through the night at 4 months old, have been used to be patient and eat a variety of food. I took them everywhere, they are very good at traveling because they adapt and sleep whenever it's time to, in the car, at some late parties...
Thank you!! That is something I saw for the first time in France was adults bringing their kids to "parties" (nothing too crazy) but having them go crash in teh guest bedroom and sleep until the adults wanted to leave! I thought this was amazing how adaptable the kids were. Just tagging along wherever!
I read bringing up bebe while pregnant and I was in love with the ideas. Then my daughter was born and I learned humility. Honestly, she’s a terrible sleeper and a wonderful eater - and I think this result would have happened under either parenting system.
Thanks. I'd heard about the differences between French and American styles of child raising. Interestingly when I would mention some of these differences to some American women they get offended. Motherhood is a very touchy subject. But I do believe we Americans are raised to see ourselves as the center of the world. And it starts as babies. And sometimes when I see mothers who can't pause whatsoever between cry and response, then later I see toddlers who know how to step on those pedals with extreme force I am always tempted to say something, but alas it is too late. I really appreciated this.
I agree it's really touchy to correct or criticize someone's parenting. It's not an easy discussion to have with anyone. But i completely agree that children seem to run the family instead of the other way around. I don't think it's easy to find the balance, but i'm constantly reminded in France with a 5 month old, that I choose the schedule, I run the household (with my husband of course! :) ) and so it's important for me to lead and not be led. Really different way of thinking!
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified i hate "les enfants rois" and there are some in france too believe me!
@@cecilelpt5808 Yes of course! Exceptions to every rule, but can really be hard to deal with sometimes!☺
I too am American, married to a Frenchman, living in Paris, and raising our two young children, ages 3 and 1. With all aspects of our lives, I incorporate a mix of both cultures and let my instinct lead me. There are some American ways that I can’t stand, and the same goes with the French. But overall, I think each child determines much of how parenting goes. My 3 year old never slept a full night until she turned 3, but eats EVERYTHING. On the other hand, my 1 year old has been sleeping through the night from 6 months old, and is a very finicky eater. I’ve raised them both identically and they’ve shown me who they are. You can’t force a child who can’t sleep to sleep, or a baby to eat what it doesn’t like. I dislike the French “one size fits all” mentality in many aspects of child rearing. Congratulations to you on the birth of your daughter! Trust YOUR own gut and instincts and you won’t go wrong.
I'm form Germany and I'm far from being a mother myself. However the topic is pretty interesting to me.
I really couldn't agree more on your comment, force can create a lot of damage, especially at such a young age. My mom didn't, and I won't do that to my future children either!
@@liloruf2838 This isn't at all what is said in this video, and even less how to raise a child in French. No one here says there's only one way to raise a child. In France simply, we don't infantilizes children. We talk WITH them (and not to them). We don't want they were babys all their life. And so they're taught not to be capricious or too obnoxious. Above all, we don't let them behave as heads of families or grab all the attention as if they were living gods. It’s very different.
For exemple, in France (I hope) we'll never see "mini miss contest" or "Little Miss Beauty" (I don't know the exact words for it) as did in usa (i don't know if this kind of contest always exist). We want prepare them to the hard conditions of life, not to make them "little princesses" always out from daily realities.
When it comes to food, most of french parents ask their kids to taste the food before deciding that they don't like it because of the appearance or the smell or because they know what is it (like snails for exemple :D).
The very young child eats like his parents but in less quantity. Except for the things we know he hates. But on the other hand, we'll ask him several times while he grows up to taste again what he doesn't like for the moment. It allows the palate of the child to evolve in becoming an adult.
To finish, you'll know there's nothing more unpleasant for a French person who receives host at the table than to see him-her quibbling at each dish presented to him-her and who enumerate all things he-her don't like when this list seems to be long as a wedding list :). In France, in general it's quite frowned upon. You willn't be told anything out of politeness. But we'll think inside us that you are "a spoiled little girl-boy" (yet you're an adult). :)
@@j-loosenfout67 as a french raised like that and raising two kids : i approve this message.
It's what we think, how we do it ( force to taste, not to eat, try at each age to re-try again), and so on.
That's like i raised mine, they eat at restaurant with us and like it ! They are fans if sushis, chicken tikka, french food, stinky cheese...
And they are calm and open to everything, at 5 and 7 we crossed a month from west of france to north of sweden by road, eating everything and enjoying long roads without a single cry.
This method ( learning patience early, tasting everything with an open mind) works perfectly with kids
@@philv3941 Hello, well thank you. I just wanted to clarify that contrary to what is suggested by @J A or @Lilo Ruf, the French parents aren't executioners of children, far from it! When I've read their comment, it seems like French was monster of childs lol :)
I'm French and never really analyzed our ways of doing in such depth, but I can say there is a lot of truth to what you are saying.
Especially the sleeping part, we always posed a little when our daughter woke up at night and she started sleeping 12h at 2.5 months old. I suppose we got lucky but I do think a big part of it was not soothing her the second she cried.
There must be a little bit of luck in getting a baby who sleeps well, but i'm sure you implemented (without even knowing) certain habits that helped a lot too! 12 hours at 2.5 months is impressive!
Never quite realized we raised our kids in that different way. I'm french living in Chile, happy mom of a 5 months old little girl, just like you ! And I can tell you she doesn't sleep through the night yet 🥴 but we're getting there. But it's true I talk and explain things to her as if she was an adult, I am absolutely sure she understands me, or at least the emotions that transpire through my speech :) I do make her wait here and there as well and I plan on cooking lots of different foods for her ! I was a difficult eater as a kid but my mom always told me to "just try, to see if your taste has changed". I know eat almost everything ;)
Love meeting other momma's with kids around the same age as Eleonore! Sleep will come and so does eating everything. I was SUCH a picky eater and it wasn't until I moved to France that I really started retrying things i thought I didn't like. It's amazing how much your palette can mature and change!
Always a good video on a known but inexhaustible subject.
If it is true that there are no identical parents, the education we are talking about here is that taught when we "raised" our children. Discipline, parental authority (especially paternal). Some find good principles there, but not everyone. But we can't throw everything away.
For our part, my wife and I have opted for simple principles:
A child is a person and we have tried (not always) to speak, to consider our child as such. No words "baby" like ouha-ouha for the dog, meow for the cat etc. Communication with a young child requires the same words as with an adult; if he doesn't understand the words right away, he will understand them later. And it increases the size of the vocabulary.
Sleeping, "sleeping" is an ambitious goal for parents who also want to sleep. First of all, if it is possible, that the child has his room, or at least a quiet room.
We don't rush to calm him down from the first tear, the first cry. The child must learn and understand the time, the waiting, the frustration. But you shouldn't let the child scream either.
Children's food must be that of adults, if only to make it expensive or complicated. For our part, we have noticed many changes in taste, what used to please no longer pleases and vice versa. Anyway, before adulthood, nothing is final (and even after).
Politeness and "good education" allow children to adopt social consensuses which will help them to flourish.
Finally, yes, a child is a person in its own right and is therefore neither a king nor a god. Her freedom ends where her parents' freedom begins. Not being dependent on parents is a goal for a child.
After, we do as we can, good or bad, but always with a lot of love. The thing that I have said often is "The only thing that is certain is that I will always love you. The rest, we do not always control".
Thank you for this video and stay healthy.
I think having a child has taught me a lot in just 5 months, but one thing is that most parents are doing their absolute best and if you do your absolute best, with a lot of love, you can't do anything better than that and your kid is lucky to have you. I definitely don't want any of my videos about raising Eleonore in France, to give the impression that parents who are doing something different should feel like it's "wrong," but i find it so fascinating how different we raise kids in other cultures. Being a parent has really opened my eyes to a whole new world! Also, really love that you tell your kids "the only thing that is certain is that I will always love you. The rest , we don't always control." Such a good message to send!
So interesting! Thanks for sharing, Kate! Would you do a video on French child care? I think there are some great differences when it comes to having your child go to crèche or a private child care at a very young age where as it’s not very common for women to stay home to provide the child care themselves. Even within Europe the French system of child care was very unusual as recent as 20 years ago.
Ouah, you are a better French parent than many of us 😮
My grandmother is from France and she was very very strict growing up. I have to say though that I had the upmost respect for her. This is all accurate 🤣🤣 my grandmother is awesome I have to say but as a kid I definitely misunderstood her because of my mother raising me the American way. But looking back my grandmother was right 🤣🤣I’m that way though when it comes to sleep and letting my daughter learn how to self soothe. My daughter was sleeping my 12 hours at 3 months old because of how my mother and grandmother raised me and I chose to use those techniques on her. Worked like a charm.
Very interesting video ! And I loved scrolling through the comment section just as much :) because most comments (if not all, but I haven't read them all) are respectful, kind and interesting
I was literally just thinking the same thing. Two great minds think alike :) As i was responding to everyone, I was like wow. How nice not to see comments with people attacking each other. I love talking about controversial subjects too because it's great to hear different points of view, but people can be so nasty behind a keyboard. It's refreshing to have a video with pretty thoughtful and interesting remarks!
Teaching patience is preparation for dealing with the painstakingly slow bureaucracy! I wish I had been better prepared before my move ;)
Interesting video and really enjoyed seeing your perspective on French ways of raising children. I follow some of them but not all. For example, I have always managed my day around my children's naps. I have a 2.5 year old and she is extremely well behaved for her age. It's not down to my mothering skills. Firstly, she is good natured and fairly even tempered which is pure luck. Secondly, I try to ensure that she is rarely overtired. When she's overtired, she'll tantrum. To each their own. Some don't mind overtired children as much as I do. It really is a preference in that regard and how you want to manage things. I prefer the inconvenience of working out my life around my children's naps. Some people don't. My friends and I always say you do what works for you and your baby. We all have different ways of raising and taking care of our children. I don't think there's a right or wrong way as long as you respect yourself and who you are as a mother.
It's so interesting to hear your take on teaching children to learn patience! In the context of sleep, using "The pause" is such an effective tool to help teach babies how to link their sleep cycles together. Thanks so much for sharing :)
All my children were sleeping through the night at 8 weeks (and I don't know of any of my friends that went longer than that); however, this may be related to them being breastfed, and they either slept immediately next to our bed or coslept with us. A point was made either by a pediatrician or a parenting book that that infant was nestled in its cozy little incubator of mom's womb for 9 months, and grew to that stage listening to your heartbeat and bloodflow, hearing mom's and dad's voices, nestled in body heat, albeit in a cramped space (hence the comfort of swaddling). Sometimes those early cries, when all other needs are sated, are an expression of the need to be in (skin-to-skin) touch with the mothership, to hear your heartbeat because all's right with the world. :) Cutting cow's milk out of my diet helped the firstborn in particular, who had colic early on. We were also encouraged to start solids closer to 6 months, and 2-3 days of rice, then wheat, etcetera through the grains before the fruits and then vegetables, and this was not only for taste but to allow the digestive system to adjust. I still ended up with picky eaters, but as they hit teenage years, they started getting more adventurous. It's a wonderful journey, and congratulations on your sweet baby!
Thank you so much! You know what i find so interesting, is nowadays, lots of information we get is that breastfed babies don't sleep as well as formula babies because formula takes longer to digest, so they aren't as hungry as often. However, my mom breastfed all my three sisters and I and we were all sleeping through the night by 8 weeks too with no problem. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but hearing your story too makes me wonder how true the formula vs breastfed discussion is related to sleeping? Also, fun fact, swaddling isn't a really common practice in France, like the US. I swaddled Eleonore for 2 months because i thought she loved it, but my husband and his family were like ummm,, what is that? hahahah
I'm reading Bringing Up Bebe right now and the author talks about this exact same thing. I find it fascinating the differences and how well it works in France!
I think it’s funny you said the baby deciding what’s the best time for nap. The fact the baby can adjust to what a parent want shows that it’s ok to do it. And better they learn early that authority figures matter as it happens anyway once in school.
I don't even have a baby, but after listening to you talk about it, I bought the book you mentioned...French children don't throw food 😄 looking forward to read the book
After having raised three kids, as an American in France, what I can tell you is my kids ate everything, vegetables included (at one point my French husband was "worried" my son was vegetarian at 18 months) until they went to school and ate at the "cantine". All three of them changed their eating habits against anything green or not breaded. This, I think, was because they were trying so hard to fit in (because they were 70/30 English speaking; my French husband being in the military and gone often) and heard the other kids complaining about it and not eating certain things. So while I agree the French expose their children to a variety of foods, the actual tendency is, sadly, towards "nuggets/frites/coca" ... starting at kindergarten. They are then given a "gouter" as an award after school on the playground which consists almost entirely of boxed cookies or cakes because they are hungry and their lunch was uneaten.
The "goûter" thing is a cultural thing, don't know if you have similar where you live but every children in France, even those who eat everything at lunch have a goûter. First because between lunch and diner you have a bit of a time and you just need a little something to perk you up (children spend a lot of energy) then because it's a cultural thing, everyone eat a goûter at 4:30pm even adults and it's not because we don't eat our lunch. I'm 21, have a goûter every single day even when i'm not hungry, it's juste that we love to have it and it's an opportunity to take a break. It's usually something sweet, a fruit or a cookie for example, it doesn't have to be a big.
I am mid-way through "Bringing up Bebe" so I thought I would look up more French parenting. I wish I had have read it and looked into French parenting while I was pregnant. I'm a Canadian, who had a baby at the beginning of the pandemic. I had no clue what I was doing, and had no help.
Really interesting and makes so much sense!
Hi, I'm like you, an American married to a Frenchman. I also have a 20month old.
I like that your nurses told you about the pause. They didn't with me. I'll maybe try that if I have another.
I've also got to disagree about the food. All my in-laws and all my information I got from my doctor's only allowed food at 6 mo the. And the food you started with was very limited. And they kept to pureed foods much longer than I had planned. They were shocked that I started soft solids pretty quickly.
I also found a huge difference in swaddling newborns. In the US swaddling is taught in the hospitals. But here they use the sleep sacks instead (which I believe are slowly becoming popular in the states) and, personally, my husband HATED seeing our boy swaddled. He said it looked so uncomfortable and restrictive. He couldn't get him out of the swaddle fast enough! Though he's also a bit of a papa poule, which I love Haha
Anyway! Happy first Mother's Day to you! Enjoy those baby snuggles!
Hi! How interesting! We were told solids at 4 months and we got little sheets of paper that showed what they could eat at 4 months and then at 5 and at 5 months we could even introduce meat! I'm surprised it was different because i feel like France is quite "national" when it comes to eating and the schedule. Did you feel like at 4 months your baby should be eating at 8 am, 12 pm, 4 pm and 8 pm? It's like they hop on the national eating schedule so quickly! And completely agree for swaddling!! Not only did my husband HATE it, my mother in law was horrified. hahahahahah. We still swaddled the first 6 weeks, she slept so great like that and then gradually moved to the sleep sac, which i love! Happy mothers day to you!! :)
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified
I wish I could send you a photo. In our Carnet De Santé there is a whole diagram/bar chart sort of thing about when to start foods. It has meats, cereals, potatoes, vegetables, and fruits "possible" puréed at 5 months, but not "recommended" until 6months. Yogurt is possible at 7 and recommended at 8. Boiled eggs and oils and butters starting at 7 too.
Perhaps they've changed it into he last year and a half... Not sure
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified hahaha well, my hubby's a total pushover when it comes to our boy haha so he gives in and gives snacks quite easily O:)
When our little one was at crèche je was very much on a food schedule. With the isolation and us now in charge we're much more relaxed about it.
And we are also snacking when bored and I swear The Child is like a dog. If he hears a rustle of paper from the kitchen, he comes running! Hahaha
@@RaeJ8 hahaha my image of a perfect French kid is someone running around with a pain au chocolat or a piece of baguette mashed inside their fist! I bet those buggers always want food! Must be hard to control!
@@RaeJ8 I didn't even think to check in the carnet de sante. The pediatrician just gave us a piece of paper with all the recommendations. I'm going to go check and see! To be honest though we are struggling to manage working full time, plus watching Eleonore during quarantine (like everyone else i am sure). So when the pediatrician at our last appt was like "start introducing this and this and this" to her diet, I left the doctors and told my husband HELL NO. She can stick to fruits and veggies for awhile longer.... 😋
New to your channel but I'm finding it so interesting and insightful. Please keep up the great content.
Thanks! Glad you found me and are enjoying the videos! :)
There aren't 2 parenting the same in France and there aren't 2 pedatricians the same...
But i'm agree about what you said for the schedule but it's not only for the mother. We do it for the baby because when Come black from meeting Friends, you are less stressed and you can focus more on the baby After. Avoir une maman reposée et détendue, c'est meilleur pour le bébé. On ne met pas le bébé de côté par égoïsme, on veut être les meilleures mamans possibles en relâchant la pression régulièrement pour ne pas craquer ensuite.
Completely agree with you!
I read Bringing up Bebe a few years ago and realized I unintentionally paused in the middle of the night before rushing to my baby. All three of my children slept through the night (about 6-7 hrs) starting around 5-6 weeks. Of course there were exceptions, like illness, sleep regressions, etc
Love this video. I read the same book many years ago. I wanted to know what she had found out about the fact, that in general, most babies sleeps through the night at an early age in France. I could not see what we were doing, that was so different than others. When she mentioned about the pause, I was really surprised. It is so ingrained in us that I never realised it. And yes my hyper active daughter did sleep through at 4.30 months roughly. As well, I wanted to mention, that I read somewhere that you have to try any food 7 times before you can actually say I do/don’t like it. Any truth to that .... maybe. 😁
ohhh! very interesting to have an actual number on how many times you should try something before you dont like it!!
Im swedish married to a frenchman, we live in Morocco for the moment I never lived in France. In my husbands city Laval its a bit different from Paris I think, the children I meet eat so much sweets no vegtables, special meals cooked just for them. I watch your videos very often even with my husband sometimes, its very intressting to see your videos about cultural differences.
Wow! I don't know Laval, but i'm surprised to hear of French children who eat lots of sweets or meals cooked just for them! But of course, there are exceptions to every rule! Lucky them :)
Also, I just went to Sweden last year for the first time before Eleonore was born and loved it! My husband studied abroad in Lund so we went back there and to Malmo. It was so much fun!!
It's not a matter of area, but a matter of parents, didn't your husband dismissed from the children's education or he doesn't realize how much harmful it is ?
I am French, hubby is also French, kids born in Canada. I can confirm that they were able to sleep through the night at a very early age but food-wise errr my son is finally ok to eat different things and he is 4.5 yo! My doctor here in Canada actually recommended feeding them solid food starting at 4 months old.
Nice videos! Would love to see more b-roll/photos to be more visually engaged with the talking... especially since Paris is so beautiful.
I’ve noticed those differences with my English side off the family too. Every time I would go there they would talk to me and other kids like babies, and we were kind off the center off attention.
Learning a kid how to be patient is so important, and not giving them everything they want. I know that for my kids even if I have the money I will refuse to buy them toys sometimes . They need to learn what NO is. You don’t have to have everything just because you can afford it.
I think the reason patience for example is taught at such a young age is due to how the brain develops. Neuro pathways develop very early,with repetition.These pathways,once set,are very difficult to change,so that is possibly why they are asking you to teach it so young.
French children are known to sit very patiently at restaurants at a young age compared to other countries and I wonder if it's linked to what youre saying. If the repetition at such a tiny age has that big impact a couple years later. I think american kids for example are taught to be patient, but not as young as the French from what i've seen!
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified it could well be. Certainly,in UK,I have noticed the difference in restaurants from when I was a kid. I would never have dreamed of causing a fuss when I was out for dinner. It was a treat,if I kicked off,I wouldnt get that treat again,plain and simple. I think too through that some of it is down to different styles of parenting.
Thank you for this really interesting video :)
So glad you enjoyed it!! Mom topics is definitely a new subject I love talking about! :)
I would have loved to have had a baby that slept through the night at 4 months old. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old. Unfortunately, it's a bit too late for us to try the pause because he's 34 now. Maybe if I have grandchildren I can get him to try it.
hahaha i think if you start trying to do the "pause" on him at 34, it might not be so effective 😂😂 I have quite a few French and American friends struggling with their infants sleep habits. I think it's very very common in other countries to have kids that struggle for years with sleep. It's not always an easy thing to teach!
If I may said something, a baby always understand what you say. So when they keep wake up at night (apart from being hungry, dirty or sick of course), sometimes it is because parents does not have take a real good time just for them. Not always a long time but a time just between you and the baby. If you did this and the baby still wakes up, let him/her cry a bit (about 5 minutes) and then check the baby and if nothing explain that you work the day after and you need your sleep. We did this with my wife, in 3 days, our kid stop to wake up. And yes, I am french ^^.
I'm french, my first son slept through the night after 3 weeks and my second son after 3 years.
valerie pepin Je suis content d'apprendre que tous les bébés français ne sont pas parfaits.
The sleep difference comes a lot from bottle feeding and breast feeding also :) French women tend to stop breast feeding by three months when they have to go back to work. It seems there is a big correlation between those facts . This was a great video !!
People told me that a child can not do a full night until he/she weights 5 kilos. It depends what you call a full night. For me or my wife 5 6 hours is a full night. Friends of mine need 8 hours to call it a night 😂
What a great video. Wish I had this information when I became a mom years ago. Love your content.
Thanks so much! I don't know how old your children are but it's never too late to try new parenting techniques unless they don't live with you anymore 😜
I am loving the parenting videos! Great job! Keep them coming!!
Thank you! I absolutely will! Raising a baby is such a new thing that i've got tons of video topics I want to share 😂
Hi ! I am french and really enjoyed your video because it's good to have a glance at how we do things, for most of the time we do it automatically without thinking about why we do it. Maybe you could make a video with the opposite side too : what Americans intentionally include in their education that french people miss...
Keep up empowering moms with your particular personal point of view !
Thanks for the feedback and I'll absolutely do one from an American point of view! :)
Fascinating! Loved the Pamela Druckerman book
such a good book!
great video, learned alot Thanks
This was fantastic!!! Sooo true.
Really interesting to see an external look to the things we do. Thanks for that.
I am looking forward to your update in a couple of years about teaching table manners in France. It's a big thing and taken very seriously. We have those adorable toddlers cutlery. My nephew's love them (to do like the adults).
Also I had that conversation with a few American friends that are not able to use both hands to hold cutlery (constantly switching their fork and knife) or holding the fork the wrong way. He had no idea I was secretly judging him (😈) but it made for a pretty interesting and fun conversation.
Nordics and Scandinavians have some pretty interesting techniques and approach too. There are a couple of video about woodland daycare in Denmark or Sweden. Super interesting watch. It's all about teaching self reliance, confidence, trust and autonomy. I highly recommend.
I've heard the Nordics way of raising kids is really interesting too! Once I can have guests on the channel again when quarantine is over, I should see about getting a Scandinavian point of view! And we do have different table manners in the US vs France so i'm not even sure what I would teach Eleonore. 😂
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Table manners are now appalling in the UK. I've been in IKEA where the children throw food all over the floor in the restaurant there and their parents don't even bother to pick up the food. It gets left there for ages and puts you off your food.
I’m in the us and my 3 kids are older now but my pediatrician always told me to give the same vegetable or fruit 3 days in a road. My kids for the most part eat everything, my youngest is a little picky but she likes vegetable s a lot. 😊
My french paediatrician told me to start with solid foods as early as possible. “Every” food has to be tasted before the 6th month of the baby to prevent allergies. You can start as early as 3 months ( with apples, pears, carrots, pumpkins) as long as you are not giving the baby foods that can cause allergies. The medication that is use on babies for allergies can’t be used on babies weighing less than 7kg. So the moment your baby hits the 7,5kg go for all the foods that can cause allergic reaction before the 6th months. One new ingredient every 2 days is so that if allergic reaction occurs you know what ingredient has caused it.
But I still think that you have to taste as much foods as possible while pregnant ☺️
This is really terrible advice I’m afraid. Babies really should only get solids at around 6months and starting too early can lead to lifelong gastro problems.
@@veronicataylor9831 go figure it out 🤷♀️ sometimes I think that babies are test subjects... I have never heard the no solids before 6 months, but it will not surprise me if it was the norm 3 years ago or 30 years ago or the latest one from last week.
My parents let me try wine at 10 years old, but only 1 centimeter while eating. Never got addicted. But it trains the taste
This is the book I was reminded of: www.amazon.com/French-Kids-Eat-Everything-Discovered/dp/006210330X. Canadian girl marries French guy, has kids, culture clashes ensue. I read it recently and while it's too late for me personally to use it as parenting advice, it really does explain a lot about how the French adults one meets were raised. One takeaway for expat parents: never offer a French kid a between-meal snack, even a healthy one. Your kids' friends' parents will see it as undermining the training.
Thanks for the book recommendation and the no snacking thing starts SO young in France. I haven't gotten there yet, but i heard from lots of parents that besides the "gouter" it's kind of a no no to give your kids any snacks.... ekkkk!
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Absolutly correct, snacks are generally dropped between 6 or 8 years old. In this way, the children will most likely appreciate the veggie at the main diner^^
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Scheduled family meals are one of the major key "ceremonies" of french lifestyle. And one important reason for it is that when you get a proper meal and are fully satiated you can then freely enjoy your activities between meals without worrying about your stomach. As a kid you can play with your friends all day long without needing a snack break. Just the regular meals and the "goûter" and the rest of the day is fully enjoyable play time.
@@christianbarnay2499 Nobody should be forced to go more than four hours without food though as then blood sugar levels drop.
@@lemsip207 French meal times: breakfast at 8, déjeuner at 12 goûter at 16, diner at 20. That fits perfectly.
Also, more for kid than baby thought, don't make them leave the table until they ate what they get in their plate ( take sense when they don't like what they're eating). Well no need to keep it at table the whole day, but just encourage them to eat everything or wait a long time (30min at least).
At start they will probably prefer to wait, but on the end they'll begin to eat even when they don't like cause they'll be used too
agree, when i was a kid with my brothers, we had to ask our parents if we could go out from the table "est-ce que je peux sortir de table s'il vous plait?" because it was to be respectful and also probably to make sure we eat everything
I wasn't allowed to leave the table without finishing my plate and I ALWAYS had to ask too! But i've understood that in France, it's more about tasting food you don't like, then being forced to eat a bunch of it? In my family, you ate whatever was served whether you liked it or not!
Side note about picky eaters.
We do what we see our parents do.
So if a parent is overy picky about their food, the likely hood is that the children will be too. I've heard parents say that this or that vegetable is terrible. Only for them to be surprised when the children use that same language to decribe the vegetables they dislike but the parent likes.
And pallet fatigue is real. Just because the adult can eat broccoli every day doesn't mean the child wants to.
Picky eating is what the parents do to the children, not the other way around.
Talking to infants this way is very new actually.
I,am French raised in a middle up class family. A lot of years ago, one thing troubled me about child in US and I don,t know if it,s a cliché 😵.... It, s happened in 1977 when I saw the movie "close encounters of.....kind" from Spielberg..... In a scene in the home during dinner, the 2 parents have a light fight about the space ship and I saw the MESS DID THE CHILD ON THE TABLE SET😲, YELING LOUD AND BROKEN GLASS WITH A BATON 😨, OTHER CHILD RUN AROUND THE TABLE 😠 WHEN OTHER EAT😕 , and parents don,t blamed the childs?... If I done this, my mother will yelled at me and sister saying "DON,T DO THAT😮ARE YOU MAD? GO IN YOUR ROOM NOW, you and you !....😡" 4 me, it was very strange for of laxism for parents. I was little older than the child in the movie.
Great video !!!
Thanks, glad you liked it!!
This is so interesting. It may explain why so many kids in the US are such high maintenance. The French way is much healthier.
I'm french and even if I'm 45 years old I can still remember the struggling about eating carrots when I was 3 years old. It's was a struggle with my mom, I wasn't allowed to quit the table for hours if I hadn't eating those horribles things.
But do you like carrots now ? 😆 To me it happened at the "cantine" horrible memories however I do like everything now
And a baby fashion video would be cute.
All those baby models 😍
There are also very good interviews of Pamela DRUCKERMAN on youtube as well as a TEDx conférence.
Since you are interested in the topic, I guess you would like to read “first bite” by Bee Wilson.
I have never heard of it, but will check it out!
Thanks for the video, if I could give you more than one thumps up, I would !
I only spoke "proper" language to my kids from day 1, no baby talk allowed. It is also important for you and your husband to each speak your own language to Eleonore so that she absorbs the 2 languages easily. My grandson (2 and a half yrs) is now speaking both English and Italian at home, as well as French at the crèche (they live in Lausanne), so we have a little polyglot.
hahaha ! sympa la video ! perso j'ai eu 2 enfants et beaucoup de probleme avec mon ex-femme sur l'education ! moi trop rigide - elle trop souple ! et mon plus beau "cadeau" est venu de mon fils, a 18 ans, qui m'as dit : papa je suis content que tu m'aie éduquer car quand je vois ma soeur et ce que maman en a fais...! je pense que les enfants ne sont pas des nuls...faut leurs parler franc, cash, comme a un adulte.....ils arrivent a comprendre (peut-etre expliquer differemment ou avec d'autres mots) et ils vous le rendront ! et pour la nourriture ca c'est le plus dur....ma maman m'a toujours obliger a manger les legumes et je deteste ca (a part quelques legumes) et j'ai appris que ...cuisiner un legume differemment peu etre apprecier ( l'exemple simple...ma maman faisait une soupe légumes..elle coupais en morceaux, cuisais dans un bouillon et hop a table....et beuurk ! le simple faite de mixer les legumes et ajouter 2-3 patate et carotte (legume que j'aime) donne un gout patate/carotte à la soupe et j'en oubliais les raves - navet- celeri-courgettes- etc...(legumes que je n'aimes pas) !! et maintenant je manges des legumes....mais a MA facon sinon ca passe pas....!! et je pense aussi que c'est aux enfants de s'adapter à la vie courante/familiale plutot qu'aux parents ! salutation
Ça doit être tellement compliquer de se mettre d'accord sur l’éducation a deux tout le temps! Je vois déjà des différences avec mon mari qui vont poser des problèmes plus tard... 😂 Merci aussi pour les "tips" pour cuisiner avec les légumes!!!
C'est vrai. J'ai l'impression qu'en France on se focalise beaucoup sur le gout, mais trop peu sur les textures.
Et en fait, ça joue pour beaucoup. Moi je n'aime pas le poisson "a la française". Mais depuis que je suis allé en Asie je commence vraiment a apprecier.
Il n'est pas cuisiné pareil, la texture est differente et les herbes me conviennent mieux.
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified ! de rien...si jamais, il y a encore la cuissonque vous pouvez modifier....perso j'aime les légumes tres tres cuits, qui fondent dans la bouche...alors imaginez ma tête quand je suis invité ou au restorant quand les légumes sont cuit 2 minutes.....pour moi ils sont crus....beurkkk....hahaha
Loved this video! I am not a mum yet but it’s so interesting and very similar to the British way too. We’re there any french books that were particularly helpful? Thanks! x
As a father, this is the one I keep recommending if you want to go further on about the topic covered by this video.
www.amazon.fr/Bringing-Up-B%C3%A9b%C3%A9-Discovers-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00MNNAODK/ref=sr_1_2?__mk_fr_FR=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&crid=2CV7W9R89KHM0&dchild=1&keywords=pamela+druckerman&qid=1588751275&s=english-books&sprefix=pamela%2Caps%2C182&sr=1-2
Yes! I loved French kids dont throw food from Pamela Druckerman. Here is the link! www.amazon.fr/French-Children-Dont-Throw-Food/dp/0552779180 It's an american woman, married to a british man, raising kids in Paris. It's got loads of super interesting info!
@@habsheim0 Interesting! I wonder if this is the second book? I loved the french kids dont throw food by her too!
Unintentionally Frenchified French Children... was published in December 2012. Bringing up bébé was published in 2014. You’re right.
My children were always very upset when the waiter proposed the childrens menu...at the age of six, my son tried "escargots" and he like it since, my daughter tried "Steak Tartare" at eight and ist is her favourite dish. But she hated tomatoes until she was 12....
hahah i was never upset about the children's menu. I remember being disappointed when I was too old to order off of it! 😂
oh that remind me of me! also tried escargot at 6, my parents were worried-ish but i loved it! but my parents never forced us to take the menu enfant, we just took what we wanted and sometimes our parents just ask if it was possible to have a smaller portion for us
@@cecilelpt5808 No need for smaller portions - my children are real garbage bins, they eat (almost) everything and leftovers are unknown :-)
The baby already tastes diferent food in the wombe of the mother. It's important the mother eats everything.
Longue et heureuse vie à Aliénor
I nursed all my babies (6) and co slept with them and they all slept through the night from about 1-3 months on. Because you can just put them on the breast and go back to sleep
Bonjour.
Cette vidéo a maintenant 1an.
Je suis curieux de savoir si votre vécu en tant que maman correspond à ces principes. Bien sûr, nous ne sommes pas objectifs quant il s'agit de nos enfants, mais êtes vous satisfaite de les avoir appliqué ?
Cordialement.
Hi! I’ve read and listened to a lot about French parenting regarding sleep, but never hear anyone talk about naps! Since they typically start sleeping through the night earlier, what do naps look like? When/where/how often. Thank you!
Also a thing from a french dad. Before diner, I let carrots on a plate. Kids take them, and something even rob them. Not a good thing, may be.
But they eat carrots, and not candies, or cakes. Better...
My ex-wife does the same with tomatoes. Not better, but good enough also
Une chose d'un papa francais. Avant le diner, je laisse des carottes sur une assiette. Les enfants les prennent, voir les derobent.
Ce n'est pas parfait, mais ils mangent des carrotes, et non des bonbons.
Mon ex fais la meme chose avec les tomates. Moins pratique, mais efficace aussi.
I loved your video thank you. My son just turned 4 months last week. I started giving him rice cereal and he doesn’t seem to like it. He starts to cry after a few minutes that I start feeding him. Should I start a vegetable? And then go back to the rice cereal? Or should continue to give him rice cereal? Thank you 😊
Hi, I will be a first time mother here in Paris in few months, could you please suggest me some best stores to get the baby clothing and other baby essentials in Paris! Thank you very much 🙏
Hey, I was wondering if your baby was born in France or in the in the U.S? How did you solve this nationality issue?
I'm in the USN not a mom yet but all of my friends are. There is such an unhealthy Mom culture. Gone away is the woman behind the mother as soon as the baby enters. It is so disappointing to see friends and family members succumb to trying to do it all and keep up the illusion that it's all attainable. This sounds so much more practical and extremely reasonable
My son is four and always ate everything; he LOVES vegetables. My daughter is almost two, and will literally throw vegetables on the floor. Will not eat them. So yeah, I know she should, and may even like them, but HOW DO I GET THEM IN HER MOUTH???
So interesting... the psychologist in me kind of disagrees with how the french do child rearing in some respects but the parent in me thinks, jeez why didn't i think of that lol.
I know this is an older video but I just wanted to ask do the French babble to their babies at all? Or do they use the same voice when speaking to an adult?
Hi, not sure about what babbling exactly mean but for sure we use a tone and vocabulary sweeter to children specially if we explain them a mistake they did. Hope it helps
Hmmm... I think that black American parenting culture and French parenting culture share a lot of ideas
Really?! I find it so interesting to see the different ways we raise kids in different countries, but i guess it would be just as interesting to delve into how different kids are raised within the same country too!
I am French, my wife is Chinese and we do share a lot of parenting ideas too. We think that there is a 'classical' way to raise kids that is more or less common around the world and a 'modern' way, found in a lot of places too.
I really would like to share a fantastic book written by a doctor and that is regularly updated ; Bébé dis moi qui tu es (Français) Poche - 18 septembre 2013
de Docteur Philippe Grandsenne (Auteur) It reflects most of the fine remarks you make on your video (thanks!) !!
Thanks for sharing!
What is that sound in the background?
Lots of generalizations here... "baby speak" also exist in France, not all families raise their children the same... You are mostly talking about upper class, college educated and so on. And I was a very, very, very picky eater as a baby and a child :D
Yes, it's totally generalized because it's so hard to list all the exceptions. And glad to have another picky eater among us!! Though i've gotten so much better in my late 20's early 30's!
Baby talk depend of the cultural background of your family. Usualy if your family is well educated, they do not use baby talk.
Is it true that a French mom wouldn't think it unusual to leave her sleeping child in a stroller out front of a store while she goes in and shops? Or was that perhaps the case maybe 20 years ago? Just something I've heard about but could never get confirmed.
I think French mom's "in general" aren't hovering over their kids like most american mothers in settings like on the playground for example. However, I've never seen anyone leave their kids outside unattended. I live in Paris right now, so probably a no no because of the size of the city. I'm not sure that in medium sized towns they would do this either though....
It was true until the 60/70s maybe, but now it's not, exept in your garden of course (if the garden in close). But it still true in some nordic countries
Hello. Nice video, always interesting ;) thank you. Just a quick question. About children and USA, what about the "Baby Shower"??? Is any oportunity to have a video about that? This is just because I really don't understand this "process". Or I'm an ET, or... I don't know ! I've some familly in Connecticut, they (tried) explained me how it works, and to me it's just a shame. But probably it's culturel ;) Cheers
Hahah great topic! I could totally do something about a baby shower. My American friends organized a baby shower for Eleonore in Paris. It was so much fun!! :)
Salut Jean-Michel ! :) I live in CT. Out of curiosity, do you remember which town?
Where did my commentary go?
I spent 1 hour commenting on this and my message has been deleted?
Hi Alain! So sorry to hear that. I didn't delete it and I just checked in the spam folder to see if RUclips blocked something but don't see it there either. I don't delete anything unless it's hate speech or really rude language so if you are motivated to leave the comment again, it should show up!
I have noticed a strange noise in your videos, what is it? is it your camera?
Hm... I think in the US, parenting styles differ between cultures as well. My family (black-american) and most of the minority families I grew up with (some east and south east asian,a fricans, very religious) were more like the French. Kids didn't rule anything lol
And I think American parents, at least a lot of them, try to treat their children as mini adults, but they can become pushovers very easily because they're worried about potentially damaging their children.
As for the French style, specially teaching patience, I do think it's a good thing, but sometimes I think it can be heavy-handed and perhaps those type of lessons hinder French adults when it comes to being ambitious with their careers or entrepreneurship. If what you've learned from your parents was "stop, no, wait, be patient" and what you learned from schooling was "be critical, you'll never get a perfect grade, don't show off" then it makes sense that certain free spirits can feel suffocated as they age.
Someone else made a comment that French style of parenting reflects a lot their black american upbringing too. Interesting to see how parenting styles change within a country too. And one of the negative stereotypes of French parenting is this idea that they stiffle creativity as an adult because there are lots of rules to French parenting. I guess you can never win!
I agree with you fully-I think our history and the current realities we face necessitate this.
7:45
Um. This is what they teach parents in the US. Or are you saying that American parents don't tend to follow this?
It’s not so much French parenting vs. American parenting as it is parent-led intentional parenting vs. the parenting industry in the US. American parents used to parent like this until Dr. Spock introduces the idea that all parenting must be taught by experts rather than parents creating the family values that work for the family.
Interesting. I'm not as familair with parent led intentional parenting so I don't have too much of an opinion, but i'll check it out!
The opposite to Dr Spock was Truby King who instructed mothers to let their babies cry it out all night from birth and not to feed them for 12 hours at night and only every four hours during the day so Dr Spock was a breath of fresh air after that. Some mothers using the Truby King methods would not feed their babies for eight hours at night because they thought 12 hours was too long from birth at a time when babies need feeding often. Even during the day using the Truby King method the baby would be shut up alone in their bedroom to sleep when not being fed or put out in the garden in all weathers which is just cruel. A pause of just ten seconds to a minute is nothing like leaving babies to cry all night.
No point in commenting. All Americans must be the same and raise their children the same. It isn’t as if we have a population of 330M+ and immigrants from all over the world.
Yea, I totally understand your point. I just try to base my videos off my experience as an American, what i've researched and read about the US and same for France. It's a huge, diverse population in France too, but I have to make generalizations to compare, so I just try to take the really large trends that seem to span across lots of families. But of course, it doesn't mean everyone does it this way!
Same with french people, we are all differents, but this is generalisation, it's not hard to understand that.
il n'y a pas les sous titres pour les français !?
jordan gilles ...Ahaha, Ben non, no subtitles!