Love the focus on loneliness and isolation! I need this!! Also thank you for clarifying the difference/similarity between childhood PTSD and complex PTSD I was confused in past videos. Also thank you for all the videos you put out to help us!!!
You have made so much difference in the way I understand me now.I understand me more and are less hard on myself. I'm trying so much more and I have gone to a hydro pool where people are around me and I feel safe and I have started to talk only small amounts little steps.
Trauma changes your brain. You can see it on a brain scan. Because you can't function at your normal level, you isolate. I'm not lonely. I just don't trust. In time, when I recover, I'll get back into the swing. Until then, I won't force myself. I will stay in my beautiful lakeside home and enjoy my own company. This was initially a response to the extreme long-term trauma of narc abuse, causing PTSD. Today, it's my choice. I'm happy.
They have been doing a lot of experimenting with psychedelics and PTSD for veterans. It seems to do a bit of a reset on emotions around past experience. Basically PTSD changes the brain, and psychedelics seem to change it again.
There with you... different situation but similar situation. I still have two daughters at home. My husband and my father passed away 6 months ago on the same day, 3 hours apart, unexpectedly. 25 years of marriage, but the last eight were not happily ever after😢. Anyway as an ICU nurse, I never got to totally isolate during the pandemic. I'm an only child and I like to be with people but I like to be alone as well. I will say that when I do go out, I miss the freedom of just going because I'm now in a wheelchair as a nurse I don't know what happened to me but I can't work I can't walk and I can't seem to get anybody to help me with disability. That's another topic. So we are Income less losing our home lost our cars and I still have two daughters to raise. It is absolutely lonely now, because I feel like I need people or as before I was independent and didn't need people. But I don't mind being alone I'm just scared to death of what's going to happen. Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely but it's so easy to just order your groceries and order everything and not have to go out anymore that I'm afraid for the next generation of what's going to happen. I have teenagers and they don't even answer the phone they don't even know how to use the phone on their phone. LOL they don't write anymore they just text I just think I'm so glad I kept them busy and kept them in sports and in clubs and in volunteering because they are well-rounded kind and they could sell ice to the eskimos and talk to people and strangers they don't know. Some of their friends don't even make eye contact or say please and thank you when they're paying at a store or a restaurant. It drives me crazy enjoy your beautiful home.❤❤
I'm glad you're making this series . I'm so angry about how my ability to connect with people is damaged because of my abusive and neglectful parents. It's like I'm sitting life out . I feel ashamed of how underdeveloped I am , I'm 51 in a few weeks and I'm still like a child inside but I don't want anyone to see.
50+ and i see i am childlike in so many ways as well, but people do see it - it's adding to the list of reasons why i am so isolated ... thank you for sharing
Very traumatic childhood. Very stressful career for 50 years and now retired. I cherish my solitude. I don’t consider it isolation. I’m never lonely…or bored…when I’m alone. It’s Zen for me. I keep hearing about the need for people in our lives. I think it’s only a *positive* thing when you have _good_ people in your life. All I seem to meet are shallow and self centered people who only bring unnecessary drama into my life.
I can relate to your experience. I’m from a very troubled shotgun marriage (mother pregnant with me) in 1952. I was unloved and unwanted before I was even born. Very young parents, alcoholism, rx addiction, violence on regularly mother, older brother and especially myself. I learned early on to get the heck out of the way or at times how to be funny or serve my father by bringing him drinks, shining his shoes. As an adult I became hospitable, generous and the best kind of friend that helped anyone out. I did not know it then that that is the DEFINITION OF “supply” for narcissists. I have had few adult friendships that were reciprocal. Over the years I’ve learned to just keep to myself too. We are living in an age of selfishness, entitlement and victim mentality where all you have to do is hurt someone’s feelings or worse call them out or say “no” and that’s it. End of story. No one takes any responsibility these days.
@@gailfagan7579I'm sorry that's what you have encountered and hope you can find decent people out there. They do exist- I think it's hard because many already have established friendships and the ones floating around free can be toxic. I recently had a bad experience and learned some red flags and green flags. Lots of good info out there in articles, books and of course YT on establishing healthy friendships.
I think you are right about development/neuro components. I was locked in a room for years and even after that, I still prefer to stay inside without having friends. I was open and a bit reckless when I was younger, but I went through many traumatic events as an adult that caused me to isolate. The desire to have friends, go out in the world, to trust and love again is still there. But the reality is that people are dangerous and constantly black belting is exhausting. I am working through exposure in therapy, but I have not met anyone safe enough to invite into my world.
I'll have to look up that exposure therapy ,I'm the same ,gave up on energy and money vampires cloaked as little bo peep,the whole life has been a struggle and I have lupus ,so I'm too exhausted to even bother trying to restart my life ,but I'd love to meet someone genuinely honest,my trust in humans had gone ,and I too stay in 🌈🙏🏼💞wishing you a happy life
I am one of the people who has just gotten used to being alone. I hate that most of my major life events I did alone and celebrated alone. Being also introverted means I am usually happy alone. Until I am not. Sigh.
I spent many years isolating myself because I was afraid of rejection and being hurt. I didn't want to take the risk. It turns out I was right to believe that. I finally got married in my 50s and I thought I had found someone loyal. I was wrong about that. She left me on our second anniversary, after refusing to go to counseling. I was crushed. Over a year later, I am still not over it. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Loneliness is bad, but not as bad as the crushing feeling of abandonment and betrayal when the person you loved walks out. (And leaves with a smile.) I would rather be alone than to go through that again
Rob. I can totally relate. I'm 80, 3 times married with unhappy results and chosing partners with unresolved issues and still working on my own. Being an introvert , and very shy with an alcoholic abusive mother, as a child I .never learned how to relate healthily with others and feel so worn down with trying I feel like giving up and being lonely is a best option. I recently read Mother Hunger, which is angled toward women but has helped me understand how the developing brain was impacted by neglect. Anna's vids have given me some hope it's not too late .....You are not alone in feeling the well of bravery is dry but perhaps there's still some there if we dig deep ? Blessings 🙏
I’ve 100% become a recluse and only go out when absolutely necessary, avoiding social interaction as much as possible. I don’t really feel lonely though…and do have connections with a few people I feel safe with. That said, it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever really be able to “reintroduce” myself to the outside world. This sucks.
Me too! Not lonely.😊 After my husband of 40 yrs passed, I found no need to be, socially engaged. This was an easy transition due to resettling 4 hrs away. Being a true introvert is compounded by being an HSP….loud tinnitus in both ears from age 21 yrs…..bright lights, loud music, voices, abrupt laughter, whistling, kids voices, dogs…etc. etc. etc. I crave quiet! Just a rREAL JOy to be with! However, for 81 years….tried to fit into this “normal“ physically draining world where volume was rampd up. I needed SPACE! Life has become so much easier.🤗 I walk in the woods, 1 1/2 hrs before sunrise, it’s cool, safe, and has calming effect on brain and then….at the end … is my reward…..a red sunrise! I love your insightfulness Anna! you hv pegged me time and againI Ten yrs ago ….found an uncle who was 90 and a sensitive loner too. His son, my cousin, had same personality….stay n background …space that I do. ( was adopted age 10) Now pushing 90 and feel like a child. Thank you again Anna.❤️
You suffer with loneliness, until you reach out and connect...then you realize,wow, loneliness is so much better than whatever this "human contact" thing is. nevermind.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you 💛 your insight has been incredibly helpful. Even just knowing that there are others that have been through this. You have given me validation that I had never experienced before. I am 50. It wasn't until recent years that people even acknowledged that women, especially "mothers" could possibly abuse children. I was found and taken to the hospital when I was a child. All I heard from any adult was " yes,but your mother loves you.all mothers love their children." Not to mention they had no concept of the level of sexual, emotional and physical abuse she was performing on me.(sorry,that was long)
I'm sixty-six years old and far too worn out to try healing at this point. I am what I am, so I'll just accept it and do the best I can. Thank you for helping younger people to heal though. I commend you!
Im 62 and no way do i think lm to old to heal. I too am so exhausted and had some operations recently. But lm trying hard to change even if exhausted. I think for me its very hard but l just cant give up as long as lm breathing l have to keep trying to heal, change and deal with things. Its absolutely extremely difficult to deal with thing but lm still hoping it will help better my life. I cant stay as l am. Its a choice, sink or swim. Sounds like its too hard for you and you have chosen to sink. Im telling u that u can do this and it will be worth it. I see changes in me that have been worth all the hard work. Sometimes l feel its too much and l cant do it, and l say yes u can too myself and think what are the consequences of not trying and giving up and then l know l have to keep going. So please dont give up. Im alone with no family or children and a disability and lm almost your age. So age is no reason to give up.u can do it if u want. But l also totally get you and understand how u feel and how exhausted and overwhelming life can feel sometimes and its all too much. I hope this helps you someway
@@sparrowbarnesmusic5864 I haven't given up. I've been fighting and working my entire life to heal with years of therapy. I'm at a place where I've made peace with my past and my damage. I've healed so much and am too exhausted to continue to fight. I want calm, quiet, and sweetness in my life. My work is done and I'm ok with that.
😢 timely topic! Thank you. My symptoms have become so severe that they have made me a prisoner of my home and of my own body. The loneliness is extreme and the grief profound. I don’t know how to turn this train wreck around.
Sorry you're in that hardest place. There is a channel on here that has really helped me, as well as this one. Unlock Your Life. I hope you find inner peace. If you're in Europe (UK here) , we could write each other if helps. I have nobody except 2 friends, no family whatsoever, except for my precious animal family 🙏. It's darkest just before dawn. Keep breathing, keep moving..the sun will come up again 🙏❤️. I understand ❤️
Here's a box of hugs, it's infinite and you can take out as many as you need. Wishing you well, persevere, it's so hard but things will be better one day. Please take care.
I've suffered all my life from PTSD. I sometimes think I'm not really a normal person, because since I was 1st given my own bedroom at 13, It was heaven ( I have 6 Siblings) . I was so excited, and though it wasn't fancy, I LOVED it! I was always a voracious reader, and was really best friends with my horse vs. People. We moved around ( 27 schools before I was in 11th Grade) and after the first few moves, I just quit trying to make close friends. I knew I'd be leaving them soon. MyvDad was a Corporate Executive, and felt strongly that we all stay together, even when that meant uprooting even the older kids, until they were in college. My Mom went along with whatever Dad decided. My Mom was very loving, but not in a physical way at all. She never was the hugs, or touching type of person. Turns out she had come from a home where her Dad was an Alcoholic, and her Mother was a Schoolteacher, who never really paid attention to her. I never knew any of my Grandparents, and only saw an Aunt & Uncle a few times throughout my life. Having 5 Brothers, and one sister who was 6 years older, and didn't know I exisisted was good & bad. She and I are very close as adults, though she, and all of my Brothers live scattered across the U.S. I was married to a very abusive man for 15 years, raising his two kids along with ours. They have always been " my kids". Their Mom didn't want them, and their Dad was indifferent. To this day I am what refer to as their "Real Mom". I feel very blessed to have all these kids. They, too are scattered around the U.S., happy in their lives, and with their families they've grown through the years. From day 1, I always said I would never NOT let my kids know I loved them. Physically holding them, loving them, and always tried very hard to make sure I told them several times a day " I Love you ". I re-married couple of years after my divorce. He was the greatest Dad, Papa. Husband, and friend anyone could ask for. He helped me to heal tremendously. He never told me what to do. He only encouraged me to do what made me happy, and when I'd get Flashbacks really bad the first few years, he told me " Never say you're sorry about that. Be kind to yourself". I could go on & on about his calm, level-headedness that kept me grounded. You see he'd already done his healing. I lost him 3 years ago this coming November from Agent Orange exposure years ago in Vietnam. I'm doing much better as time goes along, and doing major reworking of our home, now my home. For the first time, even though I've missed him constantly, I've learned to cope, and let the healing happen as it does. What has been bothering most lately is how much I miss physical contact. The Trust, 100%. The closeness. The 1/2 of me that is gone. I will not use dating sites. And, I live in acrural City of approx 5600 people. I love the outdoors, so my Mastiff and I go walking a lot. A year ago one of my daughters moved back here with her daughter. So, I do see them every few days to a week. Like I said I feel this craving for the human contact, but I still really value my Solitude. I definitely have issues with Trust, not jealous type trust ..fear of being hurt Physically, as well as emotionally letting my guard down. I may be single forever, and if I do? That's ok too. Dies anyone else ever feel the longing just to have skin to skin contact, ( not just sex) closeness, with another? Is it something that will go away after a while?
Yes, I’ve been craving that yet, a personal connection and I can’t find myself on those online dating sites ….I lost my husband July 2020 due to Covid, and the hardest part, has been longing for a human touch, hug, hold hands etc….I have 2 dogs and a young son, I adore them, but I miss the intimacy dearly. I surrender and give it to God. Aside from that desire, I truly do enjoy being alone, I love my independence and my friends & kids are great. Soon, I’ll be ready for a touch from a loving man, and You will too.
This is great and correct on many levels, but there are those out there that love being alone! Isolation does not always equal loneliness. It does not always mean that something is wrong. Isolation equals bliss for some!
Oh yes! Part of the reason i remained isolated was the anger i felt towards ‘others’. I hated my relatives and neighbors for not intervening and stopping my abusive father. No one frm my family inquired about us. Frm that experience ive learned people are just useless so why bother forming relationships with them. They will never help u in my time of need. Even to this day i still feel the anger 🔥
Despite my difficulties with people, I hated being alone when I was younger. Now I love it. But perhaps I’ve gone too far the other way! Thanks Anna - I’m going to enjoy this series 💕
Same. I used to be really social. I had a lot of friends. But there were times it wasn't about connecting as it was about escaping. I isolate now. I like being alone a lot of the time, but I also feel lonely other times.
I’m often hated by sight, so this is def my struggle. Besides that, it’s not easy coming upon those with my values & morals or even with understanding. Understanding is all I adore.
I love that you make a series of loneliness and isolation. I suffer from it privately and at work. It brought me so down on my knees in life that if i go to work my body says: no. By getting migraines and catches every flue. So no one needs me. In the work theme. And as a single mom with no friends there's a lot space to grow to. Even the possibility of a conflikt, like the elephant in the room and no one is talking about it triggers me and i feel like four years old. To be honest I feel so useless. Not for my little family i get this being a mom pretty well, including conflicts. With safe people no problem. But for society i feel useless. I am looking forward for your wise inspirations. 🙏
These videos help me feel a little normal, just by the fact that my feelings are common to the situation. As a neglected child who was married to an abusive man for 20 years, I thank you for that.
I took on the phrase “I am a roxk, I am an island” as my mantra frim the song “I Am A Rock, I Am An Island” by Simon & Garfunkle when I was a child because I had to keep the mental/psychological, emotional & sexual abuse at home secret. I just found out this year my birth father tried to see me twice, drove over 4 hours one way, and my “mother” refused to let him see me & my brother. She told both of us our entire lives that my birth father never wanted to see me or have anything to do with us. My “mother” was never attentive, she gas lighted me regularly about all kinds of things big & small. I never felt like she loved me while watching her tell my brother “oh Michael, you don’t know how special you are” with a loving tone. When a pedaphile in the neighborhood abused me at age 5 & I told her, she “swept it under the rug” & told me not to go there again. I could tell by the look on her face, her body language & what she said that she was emotionally like a child & I had to be the “parent” from them on. She then married a pedaphile and convinced me that I wanted him to adopt me. My mother would emasculate her second husband multiple times a day, refuse to have sex with him and would yell at all of us multiple times a day. And he then took out his anger & sexual desire by sexually abusing me daily. I knew that because she didn’t believe me about many other things, like telling her the milk tasted bad (it was sour) and she forced me to drink it anyways, thst she would not believe me if I told her her husband was sexually a using me. When I was 18 & my first real boyfriend convinced me to tell my “mother” about the sexual abuse, sure enough, she didn’t believe me and she said “you’re just confused, you don’t remember correctly, therapists have put ideas in your head that are not true.” The sexual abuse was so bad I had & still have periods of dissociation with no memory of sections of time that might last for a hour or two to a full day. And then when I started telling people about the abuse I went thru almost all of them avoided me afterwards. They obviously didn’t want to know about it & didn’t care to continue being friends. Since I started standing up for myself against the dysfunctional behaviors my family continues to do, most of my family gave me the silent treatment & I was left isolated & alone in the basement. I left 3 days ago & took my service dog with me (I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome & many of the co-morbidities) which angered my adult son & he spread 1/2 truths to my adult daughter. Now no one in my family will talk or text me. I go weeks without seeing or talking to anyone. I have only 3 people in the world who have treated me a a friend & stayed friends for any length of time.
I've had no family whatsoever since age 13. The abuse was so serious I was at last taken into a children's home. It was a huge relief, they were dead to me and I was free, at last. I vowed never to have kids myself, at 52 now, no regrets. I'm free. I feel sorry for people still enmeshed with all the drama and upset of somewhat dysfunctional families , all their lives. If mediation can't help , then you just have to focus on yourself,heal yourself, encourage healing in others, and know how others are is about them, not you. How you are is about you. External mediation or family therapy are the healthiest ways to find a way through for you all. I wish you well.
Transform your "isolation" into solitude by choice because it better by a damn sight than congregating with cretins. Stay strong and know that while you may be alone in physical proximity, you very much are NOT alone in spirit.
Thanks for the video. It's so hard to even attempt to connect again because my nervous system has ten thousand examples of when connecting was a terrible idea, especially with people who seemed nice at first. Thanks to technology, living at the periphery ain't so bad.
I saw the music note and had to check out your channel. What a pleasant surprise. I'll be going back to listen to more. What a cool instrument. Oh and I also watched your video called 'lemme type dis.' Love that too. 😸
I find that most people are self absorbed and are not capable of a two sided conversation. This, and not my CPTSD, is the reason for my withdrawal from people. It is a social problem that is not addressed actively on RUclips. It is much harder to make friends than most coaches or therapists will acknowledge. I have an active social life, but nobody who shows any interest in me as a person. I think this is the rule for most ppl who are at all emotionally intelligent.
This is because most people go along with the mind numbing program and think just because you follow someone you are now “Friends”. If you talk to people you will recognize that socially even the DEFINITION of friends is warped. They won’t even mention how many people have committed Harri…. Karri (intentionally spelled this way so this comment would be approved cuz even in he COMMENTS you can’t acknowledge this MAJOR PROBLEM.. ) we gotta keep up with appearances after all… cuz it’s online 🫠🫠🫥
Amen 🙏🏻 Absolutely true. Once you pass the certain level of the veil dropping you realise how vain and lost most people are. Feels like being surrounded by robots or something. I guess that’s what it takes if you want to ‘make it’ by the indoctrinated societal standards.
Also remember some people handle isolation better than others.I spent a big part of my life in the outback in sometimes extreme isolation similar to the lockdown conditions .Some people deal better than others with it.Its not ideal but you do learn to embrace solitude and see the good side of it.
Anna- ( or anyone here 🙂) Have you heard of The Welcoming Prayer by Thomas Keaton?? Wondered what you thought of it! I’ve been doing it this past week. Here it is below: The Welcoming Prayer Gently become aware of your body and your interior state. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment, because I know it is for my healing. I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions. I let go of my desire for security. I let go of my desire for approval. I let go of my desire for control. I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person, or myself. I open to the Love and presence of God and the healing action and grace within. -Thomas Keating
Childhood, then being an empath, then all through life, taken advantage of. Got my property with all I need. Husband passed. I'm not lonely. I've been happier alone, for I no longer trust and don't feel the need to. Though I am going to continue to watch you for I like to learn
I'm the same, except I never had a husband , and no reliable partner for over 20 years. Just me, my animals and a couple of good friends. I protect my peaceful life 🙏
A therapist once said one kind of abuse results in later in life, the reactions we have are like one shot at a time. For others later it’s like a machine gun, lots at the same time. I had a strange envy for people of trauma that had one defined moment of abuse or abandonment. Rather than it seeming like there was no foundation but instead sinkholes next to land mines. A counselor years ago described me as being decimated - but nothing ever “ happened to me “. One of the challenges is & has been trying to heal while still being expected to be a responsible bill paying adult. The isolation is more an insulation. Cuz it’s so noisy sometimes.
I'm currently going through a (pretty long) period of refusing to be a responsible adult. I just can't do it. Too overwhelming. I can't try to fix myself AND function simultaneously.
@@charlottetaylor4471 I’ve had a hard time too … one things that has helped is a tool from therapy that I write down 3 feelings I want to practice that day. For me, practice is the key … I don’t have to be perfect… just practice. In the end, I feel better about myself and I change my focus when I start to go down the negative thought track. You’re not alone … I’m struggle too … maybe just work in bite size pieces of “fixing” yourself… I know it can feel so overwhelming to look at how much work/ healing needs to be done … and if like me, discover more along the way. I hope you get real rest for your body, mind, and heart. 🙏🏼❤🙏🏼 and know you’re not alone.
I subscribed to your channel a while ago but only started listening to you recently. Anna, thank you so much for giving voice to the pain, hurt and to every struggle ALL of us here went through as kids. Growing up in a middle eastern country, there was very little to no acknowledgement of mental/behavioral health. Abuse and bullying run rampant and are very normalized. Parents think it's the right way of parenting, to abuse their kids physically, emotionally and mentally (since they've been through it, it's only fair to submit their kids to it too --> generational trauma/abuse). If it wasn't for science in the west making progress in psychiatry, psychology, etc and the advent of internet/social media, a lot like me would still be in the dark about CPTSD. I could have carried on with my life, super isolated, sad, feeling like i don't belong and riddled with anxiety and panic attacks to the point of literally shaking. Your channel, along with few other channels have helped me a lot , mostly by stopping to blame myself for what my parents and society did to me but also finding hope and community. Soon after I moved away from my family years ago, my situation started improving. But in May of this year, i had a real traumatic event , which I won't mention here, but it did a number on me (real PTSD). I've been experiencing serious anxiety and panic attacks since, and sadly a lot of childhood trauma is resurfacing. I don't know what to do. I went to the ED back in May and was given medication to calm me down but i am afraid of going again and being told by a health professional that i have to be on medication for the rest of my life (i hate pills). It's been almost 4 months now, and though i have improved a lot, but i am still struggling sometimes to leave my apartment. Your videos are helping me a LOT. I wish my parents knew better 😥😔. I forgive them and i love them.
Thank you for sharing, I'm really glad you are here. It won't happen all at once but listening, sharing and seeking the help you need are all empowering steps. -Cara@TeamFairy
Maybe try seeing a homeopath and takeing some homeopathic remedies, they can help . And yes Anna is really informative so we can join the dots ,or find the dots !
I've always felt lonely and isolated, part of it or all of it started when I was 8 years old hiding in the field behind our house fearing for my life and no one was there for me.
I have learned to embrace my isolation and loneliness. I tried to date the past two years. total wipe out. I had detached for over a decade. I am back to isolation for a little while again. Mom is dying so I need to digest this all and heal some more. It is an emotional time for me.
Thank you for this! I really really needed this. I miss out on so many relationships because it has become too uncomfortable to try to connect with people.
Thank you ❤! I’ve been working so hard on myself and the isolation I revert to is something I want to change but struggle with. I’m so happy I found this page.
If anyone wants to see a super duper illustration of attachment and detachment problems, watch Natalie from the Ukraine on 90 Day Fiancé The Single Life. I watched her find someone she likes, tell herself he’s not the man for her, fall head over heels for him sexually, and totally freak out when their two days together came to and end. There’s so much going on inside her beyond CPTSD, if that’s what happened to her, and I suspect it has, that my heart just breaks for her. She is so outside her own control and you can see the floor falling away underneath her feet when her mind takes hold of her. She reminds me of me, in my younger years. 😮 Total panic in the face of attachment. Total abandonment melange when it’s time for him to go back to work and they must detach for an unknown period of time.
This was a little tricky to hear… In the first few minutes of the Crappy childhood fairy event in London Anna described a type of person who lives in the woods with a dog, that’s me. I don’t talk to other humans, I’m too scared. Even on that day surrounded by people like me for the first time in my life I virtually ran out the door at the end of the day. I have asked myself every day since then “do you actually want to be with people” I ask myself this because I do not fear ending up alone but I am lonely now.
When I was 4 , my 3 year old younger sister died and my parents never talked about it and I think it’s one of the reasons I isolate myself because I believe that everyone will leave and I’ve gotten soo used to being alone 😩. It’s horrible because it’s not like people don’t reach out to me when I isolate myself but I purposely ghost them :
Thanks Anna and CCF team for bringing this series back around. It is even more important to me than in earlier years -I think -due to a serious head injury about 3 years ago. That incident seems to have maximized many of my symptoms especially as to relationship avoidance. I know Anna had a traumatic injury years ago as well. I would love to see a video on physical /medical conditions interaction with CPTSD symptoms.
Thankyou for what you do, you've help me so much. I will never be okay, I know I'm broken by what has happened to me but I understand myself for the first.
Glad you're understanding yourself a bit more. That's one of the first steps to healing. Sending you encouragement. We're rooting for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you, Anna! This is so helpful and it’s been a goal this fall for me to get back out and start getting involved with some community activity. Bless you for all the good you do in the world. 🙂
There is know way - I can say thank you, enough. You are really amazing - I work on healing and being healthier everyday- and along with therapy, therapeutic tools, Trauma therapy, journaling- also included daily are your videos and exercises. Thank you!!!!! Many Blessings.
I may isolate, but I am safe. Treachery and Evil is always a team sport. Though I may be alone, I also can never be the cruel and vicious victim of others, never-ever again.
Thank you for bringing this back!! Congratulations on the channel growing like it has! I also watch Heide Priebe and a collab between both of you would be amazing. You are uploading content that goes SO well together. Thank you again for all you do on this channel!
I appreciate this so much. I am 9 months clean and sober and have become so afraid of other people but also feeling so alone in the world. I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight since I got sober so I have zero confidence and am so self conscious about my existence. I work from home so there’s not a lot of “chance meeting” people and I am too untrusting to take the chance of meeting anyone online. Looking forward to watching the rest of your videos on this and maybe getting to a place in life where I have a healthy friend group. ❤
Congratulations on your sobriety! Glad you are here now! If you’re interested, Daily Practice is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Also, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp, and you can find it here: bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
Hey, your story sounds a lot like mine. Nearly died 4 years ago from a Cardiac Arrest from years of alcohol abuse and now totally clean and well. No more family is a blessing and enjoying a lonely life trusting myself and very few good friends.
I love that,"a normal reaction to abnormal conditions".To me and I"m sure many of us our experiences and how we were raised is normal.Now at 64,I"m finally starting to admit that my childhood was F"d up.All my life,I thought that was a cop out."Well,my just,Suck it up!" approach didn"t really work out to well.As long as your above ground,I guess,there"s still time to change.
I seem to be a magnet for narcissists. I have suffered trauma over and over in my life, starting fairly early. I self-isolate at times. This served me well during the cv lockdown because I was able to tolerate the isolation better than some.
I never had trouble attracting people, I make concious efforts to meet and connect with new people and people often approach me too. But it's the kind of people. From a young age, I've unwillingly been a "fixer " in most relationships starting from that with my parents. It's not a role I seek or enjoy, but I do help people only when they ask me to and respect their boundaries but the same people tend to overwhelm me and violate my boundaries over the time and that leads to the ending almost always initated by me. The same thing happened with my parents where they turned abusive when I wouldn't perform my role as a "fixer". This has led to my isolation from people.I am looking forward to Ana's take on situations similar to mine.Thanks for all the wonderful work .
I have bpd and cptsd, so it’s a lot for me! I tend to now avoid certain places were I know people are going to be etc..or in an effort to avoid me embarrassing myself when I get “recklessly impulsive.” Also I have a rigid strict routine and I’m a perfectionist, and if things go weird or not to plan I get angry or take it personally 😢😩🙏🏽🤦🏽♀️
I'm going through trauma in my adult life. Some trauma during childhood, but nothing like the trauma I'm experiencing now. Previous trauma made me strong enough to handle isolation and trauma now.
😂Oh my gosh, I came from a family where there were 10 Children. I've never been able to figure out my life, so for 69 years, I've kept myself isolated from people I've loved, family groups, parties, and relationships; I feel safe alone with my sweet and so loving fur pet Chloe my adorable tabby cat. My wife and I have both looked into the future, and with tears running down our faces can not even fathom living without Chloe's love and affection. 😢 I have siblings. I have nothing to do with them and am actually glad when they're dead and gone; that's how I've lived my whole life. I've often thought about how trusting, loving, and confident I would do anything for a friend, but there are conditions to all those good things about my personality; if you betray me once, you're history. I've written you out of my life. I'm considered bisexual. In discussing my lifestyle with my sister, she secretly tells my siblings everything about my lifestyle, things I couldn't tell anybody. I would trust Sallee with my life until July 24, 2022. I couldn't figure out why my family began to avoid me. Not being invited to family parties kept me away from their families; this sister lives in Arizona, and I can't remember the last time we saw each other; this year, she came to our hometown in Idaho. Sallee brought her family and grandkids for a week; the following week was spent with my X brother-in-law and his new wife. Out of two weeks when everybody's families were gone, I was privileged to meet her for two hours. That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. She broke the most sacred trust and betrayed me. This is how my life has gone-relationships, emotional ups, and downs. I cannot be around my wife's family; my wife doesn't even know I'm there while I'm tucked away in a far corner watching movies on my phone. I have a good reason for isolating myself. Jim
I'm 72 now and sick with chronic diseases. I feel too damaged by crappy childhood and adulthood, a.k.a. "life", to fix me. I'll be watching all your videos with fingers crossed. TY
The isolation is part neurological, part psychological, part emotional, part cultural. Part of the yrge to Isolate is learned. It was a protective measure to keep away from dangerous people. Part is neurological, bcz we as babies didnt get the emotional connection when growing up. Isolation is different from solitude. Isolation is a state of living with very little connection with other people and without meaningful relationships. It blocks you from being happier and functional. Further PTSD symptoms can increase the chance that you will isolate further. Research shows that loneliness is itself a factor in the developmen of complex PTSD and it causes loneliness to last longer than it otherwise would. Loneliness increases the chance that traumatic events will cause CPTSD. And loneliness causes the symptoms of CPTSD to last longer. No wonder this is so hard to heal. The way to heal CPTSD is to strengthen your ability to safely connect with other people.
I just turned 55 yrs old and for the majority of my life I did the opposite of isolating. I was a social butterfly. I was also a big time partier and then a barfly, as well. I didn’t set out to stab people in the back, hurt anyone, take from anyone, have a hidden agenda, or use people. After everything I had been through and even though I drank alcoholically, and used drugs - I just wanted to love and be loved. I trusted and overshared with all the wrong people. I went out with abusive guys and married one at 19 yrs old. I got divorced at 22 then engaged 6 different times to the same type. All the females I befriended (except for one) stabbed me in the back, pretended to be my friend and bad-mouthed me, always tried to take something from me, make me look bad, turn on me, abandon me, lie about me, etc…People would misunderstand me all the time, and twist my words around. They would say “no one is that nice, what’s up with that phony?” about me. They would discredit me without even knowing me, make fun of me in front of others or behind my back. Untrue rumors were always flying around about me at work. Many men would say they had slept with me when they had not. Still, I kept on trusting people and trying to make true friends only to keep getting burned like the biggest idiot that ever lived. I will never understand why except I wanted to love and be loved but I’m not a stupid person. I was just desperate, I suppose. I never learned from my mistakes. I was severely abused, neglected, and abandon in childhood, I believe since infancy. I carried this over into my teenaged years with abusive boyfriends, friends, and of course continuing to allow my family to do it. Then I carried it into adulthood until my early 50’s until I went no contact, finally with my father & step mother, my mother, my brother, my step sisters, and both sides of my extended families. Incidentally, they were all still using and abusing me and I didn’t even realize it until I found yours and Patrick Teahan’s channels (plus communities) and discovered what CPTSD was. So, thank you so much. I also had gone no contact with a few “friends” who were not real friends, as usual. But prior to all that, I had gotten sober, gone back to school, and was staying away from relationships from aged 41-43. That’s when I began to isolate big time. Then I met and started living with another guy who I wasn’t ready for or good for , who definitely wasn’t good for me. He also drank a lot and I didn’t at all. He was watching me on a camera in his living room, unbeknownst to me. He hacked into my computer and used my own webcam to watch me, knowing I took my laptop in the bathroom with me, everywhere…to listen to music or whatever. He had gone through my personal info I had at his house. He had gone through my purse. He had hooked my phone up to a computer and copied it. He took lewd pics of me after hacking into my computer with his friend and posted them God knows where. He sent them to my phone contacts. He hijacked my email and FB accounts which had so much personal info, he stole a very personal journal I had on my laptop and I don’t even know what he did with that. I know from my Experian acct that a lot of my stuff was and still is on the dark web. I had my identity stolen. I was paying a fraudulent company back for my student loans which my bank finally caught after 8 mos. On top of all that he and his military buddies physically stalked me. I had a complete nervous breakdown…a real life psychotic break. No one in my family would help me. The police wouldn’t help me. I was completely in shock plus still grieving from my sister’s death and being kicked out of my program at school I worked so hard to get into because I couldn’t keep up with all the stress. So, I ran away from my home state over 10 yrs ago. I met the man I’m still with today who I thought was so nice but turned out…NO. I’ve primarily isolated, since. I’ve felt lonely my entire life, however. No matter how many people I was socializing with or what relationship I was in. I still do. I choose to isolate until I meet healthy people who are also on a healing journey or have healed. I can’t see myself fraternizing with someone who hasn’t experienced trauma like we have, that come to your channel. I don’t think they would ever understand me. I won’t put myself through that again. Presently, I’m literally stuck in a “not-so-good” relationship with the man I’ve been with for 10 years. By the time I realized he was never going to change I, physically couldn’t work and was completely financially dependent on him with “0” income of my own. But I was getting healthy, finally, working on my life and my CPTSD, feverishly (getting a trauma therapist and doing the work, having to be prescribed some psych meds, taking good care of myself physically ((since all of the trauma from my whole life has brought on quite a few serious health issues, the dr’s have no explanation of where they came from except FOR stress)) continuing to follow yours & Patrick’s channels; and doing the work, researching and finding the other best resources I could to help me recover from this malady and doing that work, finding and practicing quality spirituality that really works for me, signing up to take classes starting next week to begin a real career late in life to become independent, etc…) Well, thanks again, Anna, for all you do to help and support those of us that need it so badly. You and Patrick were the catalyst that saved my life. I just thought I’d share a little of my story with the community. They give me so much support with their comments. Plus I needed to vent, I suppose. I also hope this part of my story may help one person who reads it. That would be great. Much gratitude to all of you and good luck on your own journeys. ❤😊🙏☮️
Most people think that being an extrovert is typically a person who is loud, talkative, life-of-the-party, and smiling and laughing much of the time. An introvert is usually thought of as a quiet, reserved, stoic, guy or gal in the corner at parties shyly smiling hoping not many people notice them. It can be all those things, but; and this relates to C-PTSD, an introvert needs "down time" and isolation, introspection to "recharge" their emotional batteries. Extroverts need to call 10 different friends to banter with, a social event to mingle in, or even a fun sporting or entertainment venue to recharge their batteries. You can be an outgoing introvert and a serious, knowledgeable extrovert. Maybe the CCF could relate her insights on how CPTSD affects both types. Furthermore, the personality types: melancholy, phleghmatic, sanguine, and choleric? I would guess Anna Runkle is more of a sanguine personality while Cara Alexander is more of a phleghmatic type?
I am a rock, Simon & Garfunkel A winter's day In a deep and dark December … I am alone Gazing from my window to the streets below On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow I am a rock I am an island … I've built walls A fortress deep and mighty That none may penetrate I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain It's laughter and it's loving I disdain I am a rock I am an island … Don't talk of love Well I've heard the word before It's sleeping in my memory I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died If I never loved I never would have cried I am a rock I am an island … I have my books And my poetry to protect me I am shielded in my armor Hiding in my room safe within my womb I touch no one and no one touches me I am a rock I am an island … And a rock feels no pain And an island never cries
Don’t forget bullying in schools is a dreadful thing, it is with you for all of your life and mental abuse in the family, I don’t mind being isolated because there’s no trust left. Only deep resentment.
I'd love to see a video of you exploring how those who have CPTSD and/or attachment issues sublimate human contact with closer than healthy bonds with pets, or parasocial relationships with celebrities. I have no close connections with humans, but love my dog more than my own life. I raised him from a tiny puppy. He is my everything. I get obsessed with television characters, and have an in depth fantasy life about them. I justify this by separating the character from the actor. I have no fantasies about the actor. You have permission to use my comment and my name, Caroline.
I'm learning more and more to enjoy my own company. It's really my only choice in an election year. I hate to say this but I live in an area where most of the populace would not be allowed into the 5th grade. It's actually terrifying. I had a brutal childhood. In addition I was abducted and tortured as an adult. Most people aren't even aware that the United States ended in 2002.
The only way I can tolerate intimacy with other people besides my husband is to drink around them. I am fine with transaction/strangers, in crowds of strangers, one time interactions that don’t lead to anything. I can’t connect with people because it feels suffocating. I can’t stand having a hair dresser for more than half a year. They get too familiar and I bolt. I’m a 45 year old female. I will even drive to a farther away store so I don’t have to run into someone familiar. I went through hell as a kid and as an adult. I have pretty much shut people out because it is too hard. I cut and run after a possible friendship develops. I up and quit so many jobs. It’s bad. I want to add that sex is messed up too. Limerence is real. Now I don’t have too much issue, but I have to really watch it. I am just better off not interacting with older men. I know where that stems from.
Thank you. I needed this. I have always felt like I just dont belong. I want to make friends I just dont know how. When I was younger I drank a lot I was funny life of the party, but I'm sober now and I dont know how to be me.
I stay in my space, with my drink (none alcoholic) My phone and TV. I am safe here. I have no liars, hatefulness and complaints. Yes I am comfortable. I do sew and craft. My husband is my friend and soulmate. We both recluse.
The difference that I’ve ALWAYS experienced is wanting to have connections but..they do not want me. I’m told I’m a friendly, personable person. Yet I feel like Teflon. Nothing sticks. It’s like the top that you must twist in order for it to stay upright. When I stop twisting the top (nurturing the friendship, relationship, etc) it falls down. I’m weary of the effort now.
Hi Anna, I was wondering if you would consider making a video about this topic: when you have come far with your healing and maybe have understood that some of the relationships in your life (like family) is dysfunctional and unhealthy so you have distanced yourself or even cut ties. And maybe you feel like you've emotionally outgrown other friendships, like they feel too emotionally unavailable now that you are ready for and craving deeper connections. Also you're not attracted to the type of romantic partners as you used to be and you feel like you've gone through a romantic identity crisis .. All in all I find this place (even though the healing and inner peace is so welcome and feels amazing) confusing and quite lonely. I am sure it's a common experience but any advice how to go from here?
I had a great childhood and suffered no PTSD. However I am now 46 and I am struggling with much loneliness and isolation. I live on my own and my kids are older now. My boyfriend lives in Toronto so I don’t see him much , I’m on disability because I can’t work due to fibromyalgia.
Love the focus on loneliness and isolation! I need this!! Also thank you for clarifying the difference/similarity between childhood PTSD and complex PTSD I was confused in past videos. Also thank you for all the videos you put out to help us!!!
Thank YOU for being here too :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You have made so much difference in the way I understand me now.I understand me more and are less hard on myself. I'm trying so much more and I have gone to a hydro pool where people are around me and I feel safe and I have started to talk only small amounts little steps.
Trauma changes your brain. You can see it on a brain scan. Because you can't function at your normal level, you isolate. I'm not lonely. I just don't trust. In time, when I recover, I'll get back into the swing. Until then, I won't force myself. I will stay in my beautiful lakeside home and enjoy my own company. This was initially a response to the extreme long-term trauma of narc abuse, causing PTSD. Today, it's my choice. I'm happy.
They have been doing a lot of experimenting with psychedelics and PTSD for veterans. It seems to do a bit of a reset on emotions around past experience. Basically PTSD changes the brain, and psychedelics seem to change it again.
There with you... different situation but similar situation. I still have two daughters at home. My husband and my father passed away 6 months ago on the same day, 3 hours apart, unexpectedly. 25 years of marriage, but the last eight were not happily ever after😢. Anyway as an ICU nurse, I never got to totally isolate during the pandemic. I'm an only child and I like to be with people but I like to be alone as well. I will say that when I do go out, I miss the freedom of just going because I'm now in a wheelchair as a nurse I don't know what happened to me but I can't work I can't walk and I can't seem to get anybody to help me with disability. That's another topic. So we are Income less losing our home lost our cars and I still have two daughters to raise. It is absolutely lonely now, because I feel like I need people or as before I was independent and didn't need people. But I don't mind being alone I'm just scared to death of what's going to happen. Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely but it's so easy to just order your groceries and order everything and not have to go out anymore that I'm afraid for the next generation of what's going to happen. I have teenagers and they don't even answer the phone they don't even know how to use the phone on their phone. LOL they don't write anymore they just text I just think I'm so glad I kept them busy and kept them in sports and in clubs and in volunteering because they are well-rounded kind and they could sell ice to the eskimos and talk to people and strangers they don't know. Some of their friends don't even make eye contact or say please and thank you when they're paying at a store or a restaurant. It drives me crazy enjoy your beautiful home.❤❤
I'm glad you're making this series . I'm so angry about how my ability to connect with people is damaged because of my abusive and neglectful parents.
It's like I'm sitting life out . I feel ashamed of how underdeveloped I am , I'm 51 in a few weeks and I'm still like a child inside but I don't want anyone to see.
Wow I'm the same way... I'm 35 and still feel 18
I’m 53 so I get it just don’t give up ❤❤❤
There is a lot of support, you can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
47 last week and feel the same. Like there are giant parts of me missing.
50+ and i see i am childlike in so many ways as well, but people do see it - it's adding to the list of reasons why i am so isolated ... thank you for sharing
Very traumatic childhood. Very stressful career for 50 years and now retired. I cherish my solitude. I don’t consider it isolation. I’m never lonely…or bored…when I’m alone. It’s Zen for me.
I keep hearing about the need for people in our lives. I think it’s only a *positive* thing when you have _good_ people in your life. All I seem to meet are shallow and self centered people who only bring unnecessary drama into my life.
I can relate to your experience. I’m from a very troubled shotgun marriage (mother pregnant with me) in 1952. I was unloved and unwanted before I was even born. Very young parents, alcoholism, rx addiction, violence on regularly mother, older brother and especially myself. I learned early on to get the heck out of the way or at times how to be funny or serve my father by bringing him drinks, shining his shoes. As an adult I became hospitable, generous and the best kind of friend that helped anyone out. I did not know it then that that is the DEFINITION OF “supply” for narcissists. I have had few adult friendships that were reciprocal. Over the years I’ve learned to just keep to myself too. We are living in an age of selfishness, entitlement and victim mentality where all you have to do is hurt someone’s feelings or worse call them out or say “no” and that’s it. End of story. No one takes any responsibility these days.
@@gailfagan7579I'm sorry that's what you have encountered and hope you can find decent people out there. They do exist- I think it's hard because many already have established friendships and the ones floating around free can be toxic. I recently had a bad experience and learned some red flags and green flags. Lots of good info out there in articles, books and of course YT on establishing healthy friendships.
Isolation keeps u away from narcissists
True, but so does healing :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
There are worse things than narcissists.
I think you are right about development/neuro components. I was locked in a room for years and even after that, I still prefer to stay inside without having friends. I was open and a bit reckless when I was younger, but I went through many traumatic events as an adult that caused me to isolate. The desire to have friends, go out in the world, to trust and love again is still there. But the reality is that people are dangerous and constantly black belting is exhausting. I am working through exposure in therapy, but I have not met anyone safe enough to invite into my world.
It sounds like you are taking some baby steps and that is wonderful and brave!
-Cara@TeamFairy
So much love to you yoshi.
I'll have to look up that exposure therapy ,I'm the same ,gave up on energy and money vampires cloaked as little bo peep,the whole life has been a struggle and I have lupus ,so I'm too exhausted to even bother trying to restart my life ,but I'd love to meet someone genuinely honest,my trust in humans had gone ,and I too stay in 🌈🙏🏼💞wishing you a happy life
I understand, I feel the same, you’re not alone. I feel like “nothing special” and gave a hard time connecting to people … I feel unlikeable.
Same
I am one of the people who has just gotten used to being alone. I hate that most of my major life events I did alone and celebrated alone. Being also introverted means I am usually happy alone. Until I am not. Sigh.
An online community is a start :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
💯
Me too- I'm good with being alone- I do that better. I could winter-over at the south pole permanently. Give me animals instead.
I like the distinction between solitude and isolation. As well as knowing when to choose solitude.
I love that too :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I spent many years isolating myself because I was afraid of rejection and being hurt. I didn't want to take the risk. It turns out I was right to believe that.
I finally got married in my 50s and I thought I had found someone loyal. I was wrong about that. She left me on our second anniversary, after refusing to go to counseling. I was crushed. Over a year later, I am still not over it. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Loneliness is bad, but not as bad as the crushing feeling of abandonment and betrayal when the person you loved walks out. (And leaves with a smile.)
I would rather be alone than to go through that again
It can be even more painful when it is your mother and sibling. Selfishness
Rob. I can totally relate. I'm 80, 3 times married with unhappy results and chosing partners with unresolved issues and still working on my own.
Being an introvert , and very shy with an alcoholic abusive mother, as a child I .never learned how to relate healthily with others and feel so worn down with trying I feel like giving up and being lonely is a best option.
I recently read Mother Hunger, which is angled toward women but has helped me understand how the developing brain was impacted by neglect.
Anna's vids have given me some hope it's not too late .....You are not alone in feeling the well of bravery is dry but perhaps there's still some there if we dig deep ? Blessings 🙏
@@Helen-nv8el Thanks Helen. I hope so.
There is a middle solution. Those of us with CPTSD need some tools to go about the business of connecting and staying regulated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve 100% become a recluse and only go out when absolutely necessary, avoiding social interaction as much as possible. I don’t really feel lonely though…and do have connections with a few people I feel safe with. That said, it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever really be able to “reintroduce” myself to the outside world. This sucks.
Wow, this is exactly how i feel. Exactly.
Me too! Not lonely.😊 After my husband of 40 yrs passed, I found no need to be, socially engaged. This was an easy transition due to resettling 4 hrs away. Being a true introvert is compounded by being an HSP….loud tinnitus in both ears from age 21 yrs…..bright lights, loud music, voices, abrupt laughter, whistling, kids voices, dogs…etc. etc. etc. I crave quiet! Just a rREAL JOy to be with! However, for 81 years….tried to fit into this “normal“ physically draining world where volume was rampd up. I needed SPACE! Life has become so much easier.🤗 I walk in the woods, 1 1/2 hrs before sunrise, it’s cool, safe, and has calming effect on brain and then….at the end …
is my reward…..a red sunrise!
I love your insightfulness Anna! you hv pegged me time and againI Ten yrs ago ….found an uncle who was 90 and a sensitive loner too.
His son, my cousin, had same personality….stay n background …space that I do. ( was adopted age 10) Now pushing 90 and feel like a child. Thank you again Anna.❤️
You suffer with loneliness, until you reach out and connect...then you realize,wow, loneliness is so much better than whatever this "human contact" thing is. nevermind.
True, without tools getting triggered can be worse But that is the purpose of this channel, to offer solutions :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you 💛 your insight has been incredibly helpful. Even just knowing that there are others that have been through this. You have given me validation that I had never experienced before. I am 50. It wasn't until recent years that people even acknowledged that women, especially "mothers" could possibly abuse children. I was found and taken to the hospital when I was a child. All I heard from any adult was " yes,but your mother loves you.all mothers love their children." Not to mention they had no concept of the level of sexual, emotional and physical abuse she was performing on me.(sorry,that was long)
So lonely! Realizing that having a solo journey is probably my life lesson
I'm sixty-six years old and far too worn out to try healing at this point. I am what I am, so I'll just accept it and do the best I can. Thank you for helping younger people to heal though. I commend you!
I feel the same. I feel like it’s too late.😢
Im 62 and no way do i think lm to old to heal. I too am so exhausted and had some operations recently. But lm trying hard to change even if exhausted. I think for me its very hard but l just cant give up as long as lm breathing l have to keep trying to heal, change and deal with things. Its absolutely extremely difficult to deal with thing but lm still hoping it will help better my life. I cant stay as l am. Its a choice, sink or swim. Sounds like its too hard for you and you have chosen to sink. Im telling u that u can do this and it will be worth it. I see changes in me that have been worth all the hard work. Sometimes l feel its too much and l cant do it, and l say yes u can too myself and think what are the consequences of not trying and giving up and then l know l have to keep going. So please dont give up. Im alone with no family or children and a disability and lm almost your age. So age is no reason to give up.u can do it if u want. But l also totally get you and understand how u feel and how exhausted and overwhelming life can feel sometimes and its all too much. I hope this helps you someway
@@sparrowbarnesmusic5864 I haven't given up. I've been fighting and working my entire life to heal with years of therapy. I'm at a place where I've made peace with my past and my damage. I've healed so much and am too exhausted to continue to fight. I want calm, quiet, and sweetness in my life. My work is done and I'm ok with that.
@@oxfordhappy I pray you're good with who you are now. Accepting and putting the past where it belongs is a wonderful feeling.
I am 65 ..a few baby steps does wonders.
😢 timely topic! Thank you. My symptoms have become so severe that they have made me a prisoner of my home and of my own body. The loneliness is extreme and the grief profound. I don’t know how to turn this train wreck around.
Sorry you're in that hardest place. There is a channel on here that has really helped me, as well as this one. Unlock Your Life. I hope you find inner peace. If you're in Europe (UK here) , we could write each other if helps. I have nobody except 2 friends, no family whatsoever, except for my precious animal family 🙏. It's darkest just before dawn. Keep breathing, keep moving..the sun will come up again 🙏❤️. I understand ❤️
💜hugs
Try this course bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
Here's a box of hugs, it's infinite and you can take out as many as you need. Wishing you well, persevere, it's so hard but things will be better one day. Please take care.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy says page can’t be found
I've suffered all my life from PTSD. I sometimes think I'm not really a normal person, because since I was 1st given my own bedroom at 13, It was heaven ( I have 6 Siblings) . I was so excited, and though it wasn't fancy, I LOVED it! I was always a voracious reader, and was really best friends with my horse vs. People. We moved around ( 27 schools before I was in 11th Grade) and after the first few moves, I just quit trying to make close friends. I knew I'd be leaving them soon. MyvDad was a Corporate Executive, and felt strongly that we all stay together, even when that meant uprooting even the older kids, until they were in college. My Mom went along with whatever Dad decided. My Mom was very loving, but not in a physical way at all. She never was the hugs, or touching type of person. Turns out she had come from a home where her Dad was an Alcoholic, and her Mother was a Schoolteacher, who never really paid attention to her. I never knew any of my Grandparents, and only saw an Aunt & Uncle a few times throughout my life.
Having 5 Brothers, and one sister who was 6 years older, and didn't know I exisisted was good & bad. She and I are very close as adults, though she, and all of my Brothers live scattered across the U.S.
I was married to a very abusive man for 15 years, raising his two kids along with ours. They have always been " my kids". Their Mom didn't want them, and their Dad was indifferent. To this day I am what refer to as their "Real Mom". I feel very blessed to have all these kids. They, too are scattered around the U.S., happy in their lives, and with their families they've grown through the years.
From day 1, I always said I would never NOT let my kids know I loved them. Physically holding them, loving them, and always tried very hard to make sure I told them several times a day " I Love you ".
I re-married couple of years after my divorce. He was the greatest Dad, Papa. Husband, and friend anyone could ask for. He helped me to heal tremendously. He never told me what to do. He only encouraged me to do what made me happy, and when I'd get Flashbacks really bad the first few years, he told me " Never say you're sorry about that. Be kind to yourself". I could go on & on about his calm, level-headedness that kept me grounded.
You see he'd already done his healing. I lost him 3 years ago this coming November from Agent Orange exposure years ago in Vietnam. I'm doing much better as time goes along, and doing major reworking of our home, now my home.
For the first time, even though I've missed him constantly, I've learned to cope, and let the healing happen as it does. What has been bothering most lately is how much I miss physical contact. The Trust, 100%. The closeness. The 1/2 of me that is gone. I will not use dating sites. And, I live in acrural City of approx 5600 people. I love the outdoors, so my Mastiff and I go walking a lot. A year ago one of my daughters moved back here with her daughter. So, I do see them every few days to a week. Like I said I feel this craving for the human contact, but I still really value my Solitude. I definitely have issues with Trust, not jealous type trust ..fear of being hurt Physically, as well as emotionally letting my guard down. I may be single forever, and if I do? That's ok too. Dies anyone else ever feel the longing just to have skin to skin contact, ( not just sex) closeness, with another? Is it something that will go away after a while?
Thank you for sharing; craving human contact is very human!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, I’ve been craving that yet, a personal connection and I can’t find myself on those online dating sites ….I lost my husband July 2020 due to Covid, and the hardest part, has been longing for a human touch, hug, hold hands etc….I have 2 dogs and a young son, I adore them, but I miss the intimacy dearly. I surrender and give it to God. Aside from that desire, I truly do enjoy being alone, I love my independence and my friends & kids are great. Soon, I’ll be ready for a touch from a loving man, and You will too.
It does not go away.
This is great and correct on many levels, but there are those out there that love being alone! Isolation does not always equal loneliness. It does not always mean that something is wrong. Isolation equals bliss for some!
Oh yes! Part of the reason i remained isolated was the anger i felt towards ‘others’. I hated my relatives and neighbors for not intervening and stopping my abusive father. No one frm my family inquired about us. Frm that experience ive learned people are just useless so why bother forming relationships with them. They will never help u in my time of need. Even to this day i still feel the anger 🔥
Despite my difficulties with people, I hated being alone when I was younger. Now I love it. But perhaps I’ve gone too far the other way! Thanks Anna - I’m going to enjoy this series 💕
Same. I used to be really social. I had a lot of friends. But there were times it wasn't about connecting as it was about escaping. I isolate now. I like being alone a lot of the time, but I also feel lonely other times.
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m often hated by sight, so this is def my struggle.
Besides that, it’s not easy coming upon those with my values & morals or even with understanding.
Understanding is all I adore.
Loneliness is devastating beyond words.
It hurts in its own unique way as it kills your soul.
I love that you make a series of loneliness and isolation. I suffer from it privately and at work. It brought me so down on my knees in life that if i go to work my body says: no. By getting migraines and catches every flue. So no one needs me. In the work theme.
And as a single mom with no friends there's a lot space to grow to. Even the possibility of a conflikt, like the elephant in the room and no one is talking about it triggers me and i feel like four years old.
To be honest I feel so useless. Not for my little family i get this being a mom pretty well, including conflicts. With safe people no problem. But for society i feel useless.
I am looking forward for your wise inspirations. 🙏
I'm so glad you'll be following the series :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
These videos help me feel a little normal, just by the fact that my feelings are common to the situation. As a neglected child who was married to an abusive man for 20 years, I thank you for that.
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Watching this and listening to your understanding , insightful words , makes me feel less isolated. Thank you 🙏
I'm glad!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I took on the phrase “I am a roxk, I am an island” as my mantra frim the song “I Am A Rock, I Am An Island” by Simon & Garfunkle when I was a child because I had to keep the mental/psychological, emotional & sexual abuse at home secret.
I just found out this year my birth father tried to see me twice, drove over 4 hours one way, and my “mother” refused to let him see me & my brother. She told both of us our entire lives that my birth father never wanted to see me or have anything to do with us.
My “mother” was never attentive, she gas lighted me regularly about all kinds of things big & small. I never felt like she loved me while watching her tell my brother “oh Michael, you don’t know how special you are” with a loving tone.
When a pedaphile in the neighborhood abused me at age 5 & I told her, she “swept it under the rug” & told me not to go there again. I could tell by the look on her face, her body language & what she said that she was emotionally like a child & I had to be the “parent” from them on.
She then married a pedaphile and convinced me that I wanted him to adopt me.
My mother would emasculate her second husband multiple times a day, refuse to have sex with him and would yell at all of us multiple times a day. And he then took out his anger & sexual desire by sexually abusing me daily.
I knew that because she didn’t believe me about many other things, like telling her the milk tasted bad (it was sour) and she forced me to drink it anyways, thst she would not believe me if I told her her husband was sexually a using me.
When I was 18 & my first real boyfriend convinced me to tell my “mother” about the sexual abuse, sure enough, she didn’t believe me and she said “you’re just confused, you don’t remember correctly, therapists have put ideas in your head that are not true.”
The sexual abuse was so bad I had & still have periods of dissociation with no memory of sections of time that might last for a hour or two to a full day.
And then when I started telling people about the abuse I went thru almost all of them avoided me afterwards. They obviously didn’t want to know about it & didn’t care to continue being friends.
Since I started standing up for myself against the dysfunctional behaviors my family continues to do, most of my family gave me the silent treatment & I was left isolated & alone in the basement.
I left 3 days ago & took my service dog with me (I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome & many of the co-morbidities) which angered my adult son & he spread 1/2 truths to my adult daughter.
Now no one in my family will talk or text me.
I go weeks without seeing or talking to anyone. I have only 3 people in the world who have treated me a a friend & stayed friends for any length of time.
Thank you 4 sharing Jen! 💕
I've had no family whatsoever since age 13. The abuse was so serious I was at last taken into a children's home. It was a huge relief, they were dead to me and I was free, at last. I vowed never to have kids myself, at 52 now, no regrets. I'm free. I feel sorry for people still enmeshed with all the drama and upset of somewhat dysfunctional families , all their lives. If mediation can't help , then you just have to focus on yourself,heal yourself, encourage healing in others, and know how others are is about them, not you. How you are is about you. External mediation or family therapy are the healthiest ways to find a way through for you all. I wish you well.
@@LeahLa17 you got this Leah💯
Transform your "isolation" into solitude by choice because it better by a damn sight than congregating with cretins. Stay strong and know that while you may be alone in physical proximity, you very much are NOT alone in spirit.
Stay strong Jen. At some point, those who really care will understand. But even if they don't, what matters is for you to love and understand you.
Thanks for the video. It's so hard to even attempt to connect again because my nervous system has ten thousand examples of when connecting was a terrible idea, especially with people who seemed nice at first. Thanks to technology, living at the periphery ain't so bad.
I saw the music note and had to check out your channel. What a pleasant surprise. I'll be going back to listen to more. What a cool instrument. Oh and I also watched your video called 'lemme type dis.' Love that too. 😸
@@wordivore Thanks so much for the kind words! Making music has been a nice safe way to interact with the world :D
Technology definitely makes small steps easier :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy You're right, of course :) I'll keep trying.
I find that most people are self absorbed and are not capable of a two sided conversation. This, and not my CPTSD, is the reason for my withdrawal from people. It is a social problem that is not addressed actively on RUclips. It is much harder to make friends than most coaches or therapists will acknowledge. I have an active social life, but nobody who shows any interest in me as a person. I think this is the rule for most ppl who are at all emotionally intelligent.
This is because most people go along with the mind numbing program and think just because you follow someone you are now “Friends”. If you talk to people you will recognize that socially even the DEFINITION of friends is warped. They won’t even mention how many people have committed
Harri…. Karri (intentionally spelled this way so this comment would be approved cuz even in he COMMENTS you can’t acknowledge this MAJOR PROBLEM.. ) we gotta keep up with appearances after all… cuz it’s online 🫠🫠🫥
Totally agree with you
Amen 🙏🏻 Absolutely true. Once you pass the certain level of the veil dropping you realise how vain and lost most people are. Feels like being surrounded by robots or something. I guess that’s what it takes if you want to ‘make it’ by the indoctrinated societal standards.
Also remember some people handle isolation better than others.I spent a big part of my life in the outback in sometimes extreme isolation similar to the lockdown conditions .Some people deal better than others with it.Its not ideal but you do learn to embrace solitude and see the good side of it.
Anna- ( or anyone here 🙂) Have you heard of The Welcoming Prayer by Thomas Keaton?? Wondered what you thought of it! I’ve been doing it this past week. Here it is below:
The Welcoming Prayer
Gently become aware of your body and your interior state.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment, because I know it is for my healing.
I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions.
I let go of my desire for security.
I let go of my desire for approval.
I let go of my desire for control.
I let go of my desire to change any
situation, condition,
person, or myself.
I open to the
Love and presence of God
and the healing action and grace within.
-Thomas Keating
Childhood, then being an empath, then all through life, taken advantage of. Got my property with all I need. Husband passed. I'm not lonely. I've been happier alone, for I no longer trust and don't feel the need to. Though I am going to continue to watch you for I like to learn
I'm the same, except I never had a husband , and no reliable partner for over 20 years. Just me, my animals and a couple of good friends. I protect my peaceful life 🙏
A therapist once said one kind of abuse results in later in life, the reactions we have are like one shot at a time. For others later it’s like a machine gun, lots at the same time. I had a strange envy for people of trauma that had one defined moment of abuse or abandonment. Rather than it seeming like there was no foundation but instead sinkholes next to land mines. A counselor years ago described me as being decimated - but nothing ever “ happened to me “.
One of the challenges is & has been trying to heal while still being expected to be a responsible bill paying adult. The isolation is more an insulation. Cuz it’s so noisy sometimes.
Appreciate you sharing your experience.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm currently going through a (pretty long) period of refusing to be a responsible adult. I just can't do it. Too overwhelming. I can't try to fix myself AND function simultaneously.
@@charlottetaylor4471 I’ve had a hard time too … one things that has helped is a tool from therapy that I write down 3 feelings I want to practice that day. For me, practice is the key … I don’t have to be perfect… just practice. In the end, I feel better about myself and I change my focus when I start to go down the negative thought track.
You’re not alone … I’m struggle too … maybe just work in bite size pieces of “fixing” yourself… I know it can feel so overwhelming to look at how much work/ healing needs to be done … and if like me, discover more along the way.
I hope you get real rest for your body, mind, and heart. 🙏🏼❤🙏🏼 and know you’re not alone.
yeah its my whole life before now beating myself up and isolating hope i can take steps to get out
I subscribed to your channel a while ago but only started listening to you recently. Anna, thank you so much for giving voice to the pain, hurt and to every struggle ALL of us here went through as kids. Growing up in a middle eastern country, there was very little to no acknowledgement of mental/behavioral health. Abuse and bullying run rampant and are very normalized. Parents think it's the right way of parenting, to abuse their kids physically, emotionally and mentally (since they've been through it, it's only fair to submit their kids to it too --> generational trauma/abuse). If it wasn't for science in the west making progress in psychiatry, psychology, etc and the advent of internet/social media, a lot like me would still be in the dark about CPTSD. I could have carried on with my life, super isolated, sad, feeling like i don't belong and riddled with anxiety and panic attacks to the point of literally shaking. Your channel, along with few other channels have helped me a lot , mostly by stopping to blame myself for what my parents and society did to me but also finding hope and community. Soon after I moved away from my family years ago, my situation started improving. But in May of this year, i had a real traumatic event , which I won't mention here, but it did a number on me (real PTSD). I've been experiencing serious anxiety and panic attacks since, and sadly a lot of childhood trauma is resurfacing. I don't know what to do. I went to the ED back in May and was given medication to calm me down but i am afraid of going again and being told by a health professional that i have to be on medication for the rest of my life (i hate pills). It's been almost 4 months now, and though i have improved a lot, but i am still struggling sometimes to leave my apartment. Your videos are helping me a LOT. I wish my parents knew better 😥😔. I forgive them and i love them.
@@sleepyjoeatemyiceacream thank you Lisa. Much appreciated 💙🙏
Thank you for sharing, I'm really glad you are here. It won't happen all at once but listening, sharing and seeking the help you need are all empowering steps.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🙏🥰
Maybe try seeing a homeopath and takeing some homeopathic remedies, they can help . And yes Anna is really informative so we can join the dots ,or find the dots !
@@lindahazel4786 what kind of homeopathic remedies do you suggest? I'd like to look them up on the internet first. Thank you for the kind suggestion.
I've always felt lonely and isolated, part of it or all of it started when I was 8 years old hiding in the field behind our house fearing for my life and no one was there for me.
I have learned to embrace my isolation and loneliness. I tried to date the past two years. total wipe out. I had detached for over a decade. I am back to isolation for a little while again. Mom is dying so I need to digest this all and heal some more. It is an emotional time for me.
Condolences, that is a hard thing to walk through.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for this! I really really needed this. I miss out on so many relationships because it has become too uncomfortable to try to connect with people.
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
So glad you cover this. You really get it.
i love being ‘isolated’. learned the hard way, and it HAS made me stronger. i love myself more now then ever. just me i guess lol 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you ❤! I’ve been working so hard on myself and the isolation I revert to is something I want to change but struggle with. I’m so happy I found this page.
You are so welcome here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
If anyone wants to see a super duper illustration of attachment and detachment problems, watch Natalie from the Ukraine on 90 Day Fiancé The Single Life.
I watched her find someone she likes, tell herself he’s not the man for her, fall head over heels for him sexually, and totally freak out when their two days together came to and end.
There’s so much going on inside her beyond CPTSD, if that’s what happened to her, and I suspect it has, that my heart just breaks for her.
She is so outside her own control and you can see the floor falling away underneath her feet when her mind takes hold of her.
She reminds me of me, in my younger years. 😮 Total panic in the face of attachment. Total abandonment melange when it’s time for him to go back to work and they must detach for an unknown period of time.
This was a little tricky to hear… In the first few minutes of the Crappy childhood fairy event in London Anna described a type of person who lives in the woods with a dog, that’s me. I don’t talk to other humans, I’m too scared. Even on that day surrounded by people like me for the first time in my life I virtually ran out the door at the end of the day. I have asked myself every day since then “do you actually want to be with people” I ask myself this because I do not fear ending up alone but I am lonely now.
Maybe some membership activities via zoom is a better starting place?
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna….I do this….can’t wait to watch ❤❤
When I was 4 , my 3 year old younger sister died and my parents never talked about it and I think it’s one of the reasons I isolate myself because I believe that everyone will leave and I’ve gotten soo used to being alone 😩. It’s horrible because it’s not like people don’t reach out to me when I isolate myself but I purposely ghost them :
Small steps :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thanks Anna and CCF team for bringing this series back around. It is even more important to me than in earlier years -I think -due to a serious head injury about 3 years ago. That incident seems to have maximized many of my symptoms especially as to relationship avoidance. I know Anna had a traumatic injury years ago as well. I would love to see a video on physical /medical conditions interaction with CPTSD symptoms.
Noted :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I definitely appreciate everything you do. Thank you so much💜
You are welcome, thanks for being here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thankyou for what you do, you've help me so much. I will never be okay, I know I'm broken by what has happened to me but I understand myself for the first.
Glad you're understanding yourself a bit more. That's one of the first steps to healing. Sending you encouragement. We're rooting for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you, Anna! This is so helpful and it’s been a goal this fall for me to get back out and start getting involved with some community activity. Bless you for all the good you do in the world. 🙂
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
There is know way - I can say thank you, enough. You are really amazing - I work on healing and being healthier everyday- and along with therapy, therapeutic tools, Trauma therapy, journaling- also included daily are your videos and exercises.
Thank you!!!!! Many Blessings.
So glad that the tools are helping!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I may isolate, but I am safe. Treachery and Evil is always a team sport. Though I may be alone, I also can never be the cruel and vicious victim of others, never-ever again.
Thank you for bringing this back!! Congratulations on the channel growing like it has! I also watch Heide Priebe and a collab between both of you would be amazing. You are uploading content that goes SO well together. Thank you again for all you do on this channel!
I appreciate this so much. I am 9 months clean and sober and have become so afraid of other people but also feeling so alone in the world. I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight since I got sober so I have zero confidence and am so self conscious about my existence. I work from home so there’s not a lot of “chance meeting” people and I am too untrusting to take the chance of meeting anyone online. Looking forward to watching the rest of your videos on this and maybe getting to a place in life where I have a healthy friend group. ❤
Congratulations on your sobriety! Glad you are here now!
If you’re interested, Daily Practice is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Also, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp, and you can find it here: bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Hey, your story sounds a lot like mine. Nearly died 4 years ago from a Cardiac Arrest from years of alcohol abuse and now totally clean and well. No more family is a blessing and enjoying a lonely life trusting myself and very few good friends.
I love that,"a normal reaction to abnormal conditions".To me and I"m sure many of us our experiences and how we were raised is normal.Now at 64,I"m finally starting to admit that my childhood was F"d up.All my life,I thought that was a cop out."Well,my just,Suck it up!" approach didn"t really work out to well.As long as your above ground,I guess,there"s still time to change.
I do believe sometimes you need solitude in order to gather your thoughts...
I believe with this
Strengthen the ability to connect with other people. ❤
I want to do this.
You can!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I seem to be a magnet for narcissists. I have suffered trauma over and over in my life, starting fairly early. I self-isolate at times. This served me well during the cv lockdown because I was able to tolerate the isolation better than some.
I never had trouble attracting people, I make concious efforts to meet and connect with new people and people often approach me too. But it's the kind of people. From a young age, I've unwillingly been a "fixer " in most relationships starting from that with my parents. It's not a role I seek or enjoy, but I do help people only when they ask me to and respect their boundaries but the same people tend to overwhelm me and violate my boundaries over the time and that leads to the ending almost always initated by me. The same thing happened with my parents where they turned abusive when I wouldn't perform my role as a "fixer". This has led to my isolation from people.I am looking forward to Ana's take on situations similar to mine.Thanks for all the wonderful work .
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thanks. I’ll be watching. I’m trying to get better connecting to people.
Thank you so much for helping!🙏🏼
🥰 thank you again for your generosity in sharing your work. We appreciate you more than you know!
So kind of you to say - grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you for connecting with me. I heard you when you said “ tolerate “
I have bpd and cptsd, so it’s a lot for me! I tend to now avoid certain places were I know people are going to be etc..or in an effort to avoid me embarrassing myself when I get “recklessly impulsive.” Also I have a rigid strict routine and I’m a perfectionist, and if things go weird or not to plan I get angry or take it personally 😢😩🙏🏽🤦🏽♀️
I'm going through trauma in my adult life. Some trauma during childhood, but nothing like the trauma I'm experiencing now. Previous trauma made me strong enough to handle isolation and trauma now.
😂Oh my gosh, I came from a family where there were 10 Children. I've never been able to figure out my life, so for 69 years, I've kept myself isolated from people I've loved, family groups, parties, and relationships; I feel safe alone with my sweet and so loving fur pet Chloe my adorable tabby cat. My wife and I have both looked into the future, and with tears running down our faces can not even fathom living without Chloe's love and affection. 😢 I have siblings. I have nothing to do with them and am actually glad when they're dead and gone; that's how I've lived my whole life. I've often thought about how trusting, loving, and confident I would do anything for a friend, but there are conditions to all those good things about my personality; if you betray me once, you're history. I've written you out of my life. I'm considered bisexual. In discussing my lifestyle with my sister, she secretly tells my siblings everything about my lifestyle, things I couldn't tell anybody. I would trust Sallee with my life until July 24, 2022. I couldn't figure out why my family began to avoid me. Not being invited to family parties kept me away from their families; this sister lives in Arizona, and I can't remember the last time we saw each other; this year, she came to our hometown in Idaho. Sallee brought her family and grandkids for a week; the following week was spent with my X brother-in-law and his new wife. Out of two weeks when everybody's families were gone, I was privileged to meet her for two hours. That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. She broke the most sacred trust and betrayed me. This is how my life has gone-relationships, emotional ups, and downs. I cannot be around my wife's family; my wife doesn't even know I'm there while I'm tucked away in a far corner watching movies on my phone. I have a good reason for isolating myself. Jim
Thank you so much for this, it makes me feel less a stranger in the world❤
You're not alone!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you. And blessings to all.
I'm 72 now and sick with chronic diseases. I feel too damaged by crappy childhood and adulthood, a.k.a. "life", to fix me. I'll be watching all your videos with fingers crossed. TY
Every year of life counts! Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
The isolation is part neurological, part psychological, part emotional, part cultural. Part of the yrge to Isolate is learned. It was a protective measure to keep away from dangerous people. Part is neurological, bcz we as babies didnt get the emotional connection when growing up. Isolation is different from solitude. Isolation is a state of living with very little connection with other people and without meaningful relationships. It blocks you from being happier and functional. Further PTSD symptoms can increase the chance that you will isolate further. Research shows that loneliness is itself a factor in the developmen of complex PTSD and it causes loneliness to last longer than it otherwise would. Loneliness increases the chance that traumatic events will cause CPTSD. And loneliness causes the symptoms of CPTSD to last longer. No wonder this is so hard to heal. The way to heal CPTSD is to strengthen your ability to safely connect with other people.
Yes maam you channel has validated so very many things thanks ever so much
I just turned 55 yrs old and for the majority of my life I did the opposite of isolating. I was a social butterfly. I was also a big time partier and then a barfly, as well. I didn’t set out to stab people in the back, hurt anyone, take from anyone, have a hidden agenda, or use people. After everything I had been through and even though I drank alcoholically, and used drugs - I just wanted to love and be loved. I trusted and overshared with all the wrong people. I went out with abusive guys and married one at 19 yrs old. I got divorced at 22 then engaged 6 different times to the same type. All the females I befriended (except for one) stabbed me in the back, pretended to be my friend and bad-mouthed me, always tried to take something from me, make me look bad, turn on me, abandon me, lie about me, etc…People would misunderstand me all the time, and twist my words around. They would say “no one is that nice, what’s up with that phony?” about me. They would discredit me without even knowing me, make fun of me in front of others or behind my back. Untrue rumors were always flying around about me at work. Many men would say they had slept with me when they had not. Still, I kept on trusting people and trying to make true friends only to keep getting burned like the biggest idiot that ever lived. I will never understand why except I wanted to love and be loved but I’m not a stupid person. I was just desperate, I suppose. I never learned from my mistakes.
I was severely abused, neglected, and abandon in childhood, I believe since infancy. I carried this over into my teenaged years with abusive boyfriends, friends, and of course continuing to allow my family to do it. Then I carried it into adulthood until my early 50’s until I went no contact, finally with my father & step mother, my mother, my brother, my step sisters, and both sides of my extended families. Incidentally, they were all still using and abusing me and I didn’t even realize it until I found yours and Patrick Teahan’s channels (plus communities) and discovered what CPTSD was. So, thank you so much. I also had gone no contact with a few “friends” who were not real friends, as usual.
But prior to all that, I had gotten sober, gone back to school, and was staying away from relationships from aged 41-43. That’s when I began to isolate big time. Then I met and started living with another guy who I wasn’t ready for or good for , who definitely wasn’t good for me. He also drank a lot and I didn’t at all. He was watching me on a camera in his living room, unbeknownst to me. He hacked into my computer and used my own webcam to watch me, knowing I took my laptop in the bathroom with me, everywhere…to listen to music or whatever. He had gone through my personal info I had at his house. He had gone through my purse. He had hooked my phone up to a computer and copied it. He took lewd pics of me after hacking into my computer with his friend and posted them God knows where. He sent them to my phone contacts. He hijacked my email and FB accounts which had so much personal info, he stole a very personal journal I had on my laptop and I don’t even know what he did with that. I know from my Experian acct that a lot of my stuff was and still is on the dark web. I had my identity stolen. I was paying a fraudulent company back for my student loans which my bank finally caught after 8 mos. On top of all that he and his military buddies physically stalked me. I had a complete nervous breakdown…a real life psychotic break. No one in my family would help me. The police wouldn’t help me. I was completely in shock plus still grieving from my sister’s death and being kicked out of my program at school I worked so hard to get into because I couldn’t keep up with all the stress. So, I ran away from my home state over 10 yrs ago.
I met the man I’m still with today who I thought was so nice but turned out…NO. I’ve primarily isolated, since. I’ve felt lonely my entire life, however. No matter how many people I was socializing with or what relationship I was in. I still do. I choose to isolate until I meet healthy people who are also on a healing journey or have healed. I can’t see myself fraternizing with someone who hasn’t experienced trauma like we have, that come to your channel. I don’t think they would ever understand me. I won’t put myself through that again.
Presently, I’m literally stuck in a “not-so-good” relationship with the man I’ve been with for 10 years. By the time I realized he was never going to change I, physically couldn’t work and was completely financially dependent on him with “0” income of my own. But I was getting healthy, finally, working on my life and my CPTSD, feverishly (getting a trauma therapist and doing the work, having to be prescribed some psych meds, taking good care of myself physically ((since all of the trauma from my whole life has brought on quite a few serious health issues, the dr’s have no explanation of where they came from except FOR stress)) continuing to follow yours & Patrick’s channels; and doing the work, researching and finding the other best resources I could to help me recover from this malady and doing that work, finding and practicing quality spirituality that really works for me, signing up to take classes starting next week to begin a real career late in life to become independent, etc…)
Well, thanks again, Anna, for all you do to help and support those of us that need it so badly. You and Patrick were the catalyst that saved my life. I just thought I’d share a little of my story with the community. They give me so much support with their comments. Plus I needed to vent, I suppose. I also hope this part of my story may help one person who reads it. That would be great. Much gratitude to all of you and good luck on your own journeys. ❤😊🙏☮️
Most people think that being an extrovert is typically a person who is loud, talkative, life-of-the-party, and smiling and laughing much of the time.
An introvert is usually thought of as a quiet, reserved, stoic, guy or gal in the corner at parties shyly smiling hoping not many people notice them.
It can be all those things, but; and this relates to C-PTSD, an introvert needs "down time" and isolation, introspection to "recharge" their emotional batteries.
Extroverts need to call 10 different friends to banter with, a social event to mingle in, or even a fun sporting or entertainment venue to recharge their batteries. You can be an outgoing introvert and a serious, knowledgeable extrovert.
Maybe the CCF could relate her insights on how CPTSD affects both types. Furthermore, the personality types: melancholy, phleghmatic, sanguine, and choleric?
I would guess Anna Runkle is more of a sanguine personality while Cara Alexander is more of a phleghmatic type?
Always alone, never lonely.
I am a rock, Simon & Garfunkel
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
… I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock I am an island
… I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island
… Don't talk of love
Well I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock I am an island
… I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock I am an island
… And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
Thank you. It seems very daunting to try to heal this isolation. I am trying and it’s so uncomfortable.
Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
Irene Lyon deals with the effects of trauma/CPTSD on the nervous system.
Can you please discuss debilitating social anxiety due to cptsd?
I've noted this as a requested topic.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you! I love your videos! They are so helpful!
Don’t forget bullying in schools is a dreadful thing, it is with you for all of your life and mental abuse in the family, I don’t mind being isolated because there’s no trust left. Only deep resentment.
Thank you❤ so needed this! You’re a blessing 🙏🏻🥰
Appreciate your support. Thanks for being here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I'd love to see a video of you exploring how those who have CPTSD and/or attachment issues sublimate human contact with closer than healthy bonds with pets, or parasocial relationships with celebrities. I have no close connections with humans, but love my dog more than my own life. I raised him from a tiny puppy. He is my everything. I get obsessed with television characters, and have an in depth fantasy life about them. I justify this by separating the character from the actor. I have no fantasies about the actor. You have permission to use my comment and my name, Caroline.
Topic noted :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Very interesting, this might help someone I care about. Love it!
thank you for this...so much pain
Sending you encouragement. We're cheering for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🙏
I'm learning more and more to enjoy my own company. It's really my only choice in an election year. I hate to say this but I live in an area where most of the populace would not be allowed into the 5th grade. It's actually terrifying. I had a brutal childhood. In addition I was abducted and tortured as an adult. Most people aren't even aware that the United States ended in 2002.
The only way I can tolerate intimacy with other people besides my husband is to drink around them. I am fine with transaction/strangers, in crowds of strangers, one time interactions that don’t lead to anything. I can’t connect with people because it feels suffocating. I can’t stand having a hair dresser for more than half a year. They get too familiar and I bolt. I’m a 45 year old female. I will even drive to a farther away store so I don’t have to run into someone familiar. I went through hell as a kid and as an adult. I have pretty much shut people out because it is too hard. I cut and run after a possible friendship develops. I up and quit so many jobs. It’s bad.
I want to add that sex is messed up too. Limerence is real. Now I don’t have too much issue, but I have to really watch it. I am just better off not interacting with older men. I know where that stems from.
"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society."-J. Krishnamurti
God bless you ❤ thank you for everything you do
💖Thank you! I so appreciate everything you and your team do! Thank you again and God Bless 💖
Our pleasure. Thanks for the support. - Ashley, Team Fairy
BTW, I will love hearing from you on this topic.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing, to us.
It’s quite beauty-full.
You are so welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you. I needed this. I have always felt like I just dont belong. I want to make friends I just dont know how. When I was younger I drank a lot I was funny life of the party, but I'm sober now and I dont know how to be me.
Sending you encouragement! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks, Anna. I need this too.
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
I was left home alone a lot as a kid. I was always terrified the whole time of someone breaking in. I'm still terrified of that now.
really needed this right now. thank you
Thank YOU for watching and supporting. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I stay in my space, with my drink (none alcoholic)
My phone and TV. I am safe here. I have no liars, hatefulness and complaints. Yes I am comfortable. I do sew and craft. My husband is my friend and soulmate. We both recluse.
The difference that I’ve ALWAYS experienced is wanting to have connections but..they do not want me. I’m told I’m a friendly, personable person. Yet I feel like Teflon. Nothing sticks. It’s like the top that you must twist in order for it to stay upright. When I stop twisting the top (nurturing the friendship, relationship, etc) it falls down. I’m weary of the effort now.
I look forward to seeing them.
Yay!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Brilliant!😘. Thank you so much.🐝
thank you for this information
Welcome!
-Jack@TeamFairy
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I need right now. Bless you.
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I was wondering if you would consider making a video about this topic: when you have come far with your healing and maybe have understood that some of the relationships in your life (like family) is dysfunctional and unhealthy so you have distanced yourself or even cut ties. And maybe you feel like you've emotionally outgrown other friendships, like they feel too emotionally unavailable now that you are ready for and craving deeper connections. Also you're not attracted to the type of romantic partners as you used to be and you feel like you've gone through a romantic identity crisis .. All in all I find this place (even though the healing and inner peace is so welcome and feels amazing) confusing and quite lonely. I am sure it's a common experience but any advice how to go from here?
I encourage you to write in to Anna! hello@crappchildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm going through this very similar situation.
Going on a decade now being isolated and apparently Im fine with it as I have zero desire to be around people, they just make my life harder.
This is so helpful!!!
Thank you so much!
Glad it helped!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna ❤
Thank YOU for watching and being here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I had a great childhood and suffered no PTSD. However I am now 46 and I am struggling with much loneliness and isolation. I live on my own and my kids are older now. My boyfriend lives in Toronto so I don’t see him much , I’m on disability because I can’t work due to fibromyalgia.
Welcome, hopefully the content helps you!
-Cara@TeamFairy