LOVE EXPERT Reveals The 3 Signs That Relationship WON'T LAST! | Jillian Turecki & Lewis Howes
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- Опубликовано: 6 дек 2022
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Listen to the audio version! - www.lewishowes.com/pod
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In this episode you will learn, the three biggest reasons that most relationships fail, the makings of a toxic relationship and how to avoid them, conversations to have with your partner to create a conscious relationship and tips on how to peacefully end a relationship.
And now, let’s jump right into Episode 1,355 of The School of Greatness!
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1) partner unable to handle their own stress 2) partner starts taking partner for granted 3) resentment builds up
Doomed if the partner is creating the stress and thinks they are unappreciated when they hear requests to compromise.
@@shirleywatts6083oh yeah!!!! Thats a straight up narc/ demon
alot of relationship coaches say that relationship talk kills the relationship
@@tubesurf17 i tend to follow advice from married coaches in general
48:00 "When someone really sees you and loves you, it can heal the parts of you that don't love yourself." - Jillian Turecki
Well, what do you do when you fall for someone who (much later, due to circumstances) reveals that has a need to a daily, maybe I'm being unfair, or every 48h, a dose of "psych. hell" in order to keep going? You think that doesn't exist? Search before you judge my saying.
Gasp (that’s awesome)
@dragonfish only when they allow it.
@@KasLola 💯👍
No. Only you can really "see" and love yourself unconditionally. Everyone else will only love you conditionally, even your parents. So you will need to see, accept and love yourself and that is the only way to heal and have a chance of healthy relationship. If you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself, it will not be possible with anybody else either
Took me quite a few years to even be able to see the role I played in my divorce. Of course, it’s the dynamic between partners, but I used to believe I was purely a victim of bad behavior. I agree with this wholeheartedly that I was not always managing my emotions. The stress with REAL with a newborn and also being a stepmom for the first time on top of giving birth. But, I blamed my ex husband for mismanagement of my stress and emotions. This was 16 years ago and he definitely didn’t handle stress well either. Funny how most of us are having kids prior to being self-aware enough to handle our own emotions. We are still growing up while we are having kids. To anyone in this situation, have compassion for yourself, forgive yourself often… we are all still learning 💖
I've always been the opposite of you and always blamed myself and constantly racked my brain thinking "What can I say or do to find that connection again?!" But as I've gotten older, I realized it's not always me who is at fault and oftentimes mutual mental distress amplify each others stress leading to a downward spiral. It takes 2 to tango. Both parties have to consciously put in the work together
@@jzen1455 yep, that was the conclusion I came to as well. It is the dynamic between partners. We need to accept the role we played, but it’s never completely our fault (or vice versa). Even if our only fault was “rushing in” to a relationship without taking necessary time to get to know our partner (that’s what I did) that’s still the role we played. Poor judgment & decision making skills lol
Yea I'm starting to realize that
When we have children, we grow up with them. In many ways, we try to relive our childhood through theirs.
@@michelledavidson1781 yes, I agree ☺️
It sounds like Lewis is trying to pre-plan his entire relationship from beginning to end in order to avoid any pain. But life doesn't work that way in my opinion sometimes things just happen (of course you have to work on yourself )
I agree it’s restrictive to rules and regulations so if it doesn’t work according to plan then what ..,
I didn't get that, it's more preventative steps learned from past relationships. Its super cool that joint therapy is a given, I suppose he sees not wanting to do that as a red flag perhaps.
He’s saying less friction, not perfection
I don’t see that all - He is defining his values and setting his boundaries and is allowing his partner to do the same. It’s all about alignment. This is not to say he won’t be spontaneous in his relationship, it’s setting the standard.
Who the hell is this woman blaming all the survivors for choosing their own path. Worst interview!
24:30 - Chemical Confusion
50:10 - How important is sex in a relationship.
53:00 - Constant Venting
56:30 - Bonding over pain
1:07:00 - Having Joy as their Baseline
8 Keys for entering in a relationship:
1. Working on your own healing journey, -being aware of all your triggers and traumas-,
2. Being in alignment of your love languages,
3. Being alignment of your values and vision of life,
7. Service
8. Behavior matching words.
8 keys? There are only five here...
@@noncomformistanarchist4181 That is true.
@@HermesNautico Affirmative
3, 4 & 5: "Being aligned on your values, vision & your lifestyle for life"
6 - "both commit to therapy from the start"
1. Working Healing journey
2. Alignment on love languages
3. Values align
4. Vision of where the relationship is going align.
5. Lifestyle align
6. Therapy together
Dating men like Lewis, who seek growth, tend to make better partners than the men who refuse/reject couples' coaching/therapy. Healthy relationships happen through mutual growth/work.
That’s why I enjoy seeing your videos Mr. Aslay- you have a growth mindset I like to follow 😊
@@tima1443 awe... thank you 🙏
To teach someone how to take accountability is the most admirable thing I think someone can do! Great job Jillian ❤️🔥
She's just nailed my love life perfectly. I'm single because I'm too stressed trying to overcome income deficits. I was taught nothing from my truly horrific narrcistic parents. I am responsible for me though but healing isn't straightforward.
I dated my "boring" husband thinking I could being my authentic self and thinking I was "safe" with a stable guy like him. I went all out to work our marriage. How wrong I was. 13 years later I'm fighting to save myself, my home, my reputation from a cheating, slandering coverts narcissist. I trusted him implicitly and he has shattered that illusion.
Exactly boring does not mean the person is safe worst advise lol
Same here, only I’m divorcing now after 20 years and 2 children. It took all this long because of them, otherwise I found out who really is after 11 years. Covert narcissists are more manipulative and deceitful and takes years sometimes for their masks to fall off.
@Sunshinelollipops223 I think the idea is if you keep repeating a pattern of dating certain types but keep running into the same pitfalls with those types, then it's a sign that it's time to switch it up. They never claimed that all boring people are good and safe. It's just a tool one can use to break out of an unhealthy cycle. It's not a guarantee that you'll find the perfect partner. Finding someone who's actually stable and emotionally available is scary for some, so they avoid it and label it "boring" out of fear. There's no advice a coach/therapist can give that will 100% guarantee you won't find yourself in an abusive situation. But trying it out with someone you know is good for you but perceive as boring is a hell of a lot better than continuing to get into exhilarating but tumultuous and toxic relationships that always fail in the end.
I feel you 🥺 Never knew such evil actually does exist ha?? Hope you're getting better ... Leads of players & well wishes to you ❤ God bless 🙏🏽
~ Borneo, Malaysia
“The whole point of a boundary is that there’s more connection, not less”
This! So many people have this backwards!
How do you mean? Im not stating my opinion. It’s in quotations because it’s verbatim of what she said. I’m just saying I agree.
15 year as a US Marine taught me to "Step back, BREATH, vew situation from a wide non emotional lense (firefights are super Stressful) decentralized command and address stressors ie no problems just solutions undiscovered concerning stressors
Not a problem just a challenge
Wow she nailed it in every aspect and I appreciate her sharing her realness from her own discoveries and calling out the downfalls of relationships - without the hopeful wishing. She was very poignant and honest ..
🙌
I had issues dealing with stress. She’s opened my eyes and I’ll never be triggered by stress again.
"Your relationship with yourself reigns supreme!! Don't leave your own side!!" Loved this talk, I learned so much, thank you for sharing!
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
As a person who has abandonment issues which originated in childhood, being ghosted is the worst!
Yes!!
Yeah, good to know hey where the pain is coming from. I also have the same but no idea the events as a child that created it.
Yeah, good to know hey where the pain is coming from. I also have the same but no idea the events as a child that created it.
it is so very very very hurtful....I wish people would stop ghosting.....I have abandonment issues because my dad died when I was young and my mom abandoned me for real......I was all alone in this world.....and I still am all alone.....no one wants me....I am a DUD I guess....my own family hated me
It's Samantha Jones that said that line
" I love you but I love myself more"
"You don't have to be a selfish person to become selfish in a relationship "! So many of us are trying to survive, trying to figure out what we need and by that we become selfish
Some constructive criticism, noticed whenever you have a relationship professional you cut them short by always one upping with you and your present relationship. It was cool the first couple times I heard it but now your half of the conversation is on repeat. Also seems professionals get derailed and don't get to speak on different relation types and end up counseling your already healthy relationship. Big thanks for your content.
Yeah, the irony is his relationship doesn't actually sound very healthy. He sounds like he's way too controlling, without even knowing it. I don't even think Martha understand that's what's happening either. It's almost like he has been beat and overpowered by his own fears, shame
If you think Lewis does that, you should watch Tom Bilyou completely hijacks I always fast forward his talking because I want to hear their guest. Lewis has a good balance.
@@IndependentPrettyGirlis to me, your comment is absolutely absurd.
@@mylouiethe3rd truth hurts, sounds like you're hurting lol
I have noticed this. It is annoying. This expert is awesome!! 🙌🏻🙏🏻
Wow! From Portugal! Loved 😍 this interview! I was planning to bake chocolate brownies while listening but was Soooo GOOD that I had to stop and watch with a Pot of English Tea. Five Stars 🌟 Thank you for sharing 🙏
My partner and I got together in our early twenties before I knew all of this…and its hard sometimes having to learn these things bc im more into personal growth than he is…now were in our thirties
Man hearing this and looking back..my divorce was nowhere near as painful as being 2 ghosts passing eachother in the hallways of the house were living..nothing kore painful than staying for the fear of change..went from deeply in love to barely able to speak to eachother without arguments and living like 2 roomates..i tried to pull her back but she continued to live in her stress and i became the punching bag for that stress..i turned to drugs to numb that pain and rejection i was feeling but couldnt communicate to her for fear of further rejection and not brave enough to make the change..not communicating for fear of adding to the stress did exactly the opposite causing her to reject me more and losing respect for me..she wouldnt help me get back on track and just seen it as my problem..my problem that she hated me inside for..a true terrible position to be in..i will never let this happen again
@Christopher Rosenbalm, my heart goes out to you brother. I’m in a similar relationship I’m trying to escape. It’s not easy.
This is one of the most authentic down to earth conversation about relationships I have heard in a very long time!!! Thank you!!! 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for watching!
Damn! Mr Lewis Howes - your relationship charter/team agreements is lovely ❤❤
How and Why would anyone disagree to that?
I would add: always show gratitude (meaning: actively practice saying “Thank You” whenever your partner does something for you like getting you a glass of water, folding laundry, making the bed, bringing you a napkin - anything and everything )
Those 2 words do so much to bring to front how much you do for each other. Hopefully the thank yous are equal.
If not I think they soon will be equal ☺️☺️
It's lack of communication!! Why doesn't she say that?? When you're stressed and you don't have someone you can open up to, stress can get out of hand. So, finding a partner that you can open up to, is essential!!
I’m going to be listening to this again and again! It’s so very valuable stuff! I wish my wife would listen to this stuff too. If we could focus on even a fraction of the good points mentioned here, we could grow, heal and love/live so much better.🙂
motionboy356 share this with your wife and tell her how this resonated with you and you’d like to know her thoughts?
Same goes here. The relationship would be so much healthier.
I’ve listened to this twice
I needed to hear her speak on the stonewalling & ghosting. I saw the great relationship and wanted it back, but these things are true dealbreakers…can’t compromise without conversation and/or conflict resolution. We could have solved our issue if he was willing to talk… I was quickly put in a category. Our breakdown actually happened after my cousin who was like a sister died a few weeks earlier and was done on my bday. I needed work, but damnit I forgot I’m a catch who just didn’t see something was still lingering to work on. I guess I dodged a bullet. 🤷🏾♀️
At least, I saw my opportunity and have been working diligently to heal my attachment style from disorganized to secure. I look forward to finding the love I deserve! ☺️
So much great wisdom in this video, thank you very much! A great piece of wisdom that I've learned from Marshall Vian Summers is that relationships are based on what you can do together. That's why the purely romantic ones are not sustainable. And yes, it's so important to find your way in life, to be able to see who's going the same way.
Thank you for sharing!
I am going to remember this advice in my second chance on this journey for LOVE.Cheers
The MOST AMAZING video on relationships out there! I learned so much, took notes and I will watch this again just to learn more.
Thank you!
Love listening to Jillian she's amazing. Her voice is so calm and easy to listen to so peaceful ❤
Thanks for watching! I'm glad you liked it!
I claim a beautiful heart-centered healing for the friendship between myself and my best friend.
May all visible and invisible support surround us both in the healing power of love and truth.
It is possible, it is happening and it is divine. And so it is.
So good. I’ve already gone to listen to two of her podcasts. Thank you for exposing us to intelligence in relating.
What is love? What is fear? This we learn on Earth. By having fearful experiences we get to know fear and by having loving experiences we get to know love and all fearful experiences can be very challenging so much love and compassion to all fear, to all fears. Thank you for sharing 🌎
So far I have learned a lot from all of your interviews but this one was 😮 mind blowing because I learned the most from this person: Jillian T. Thank you so much and I will listen to this again ❤
OMG...creating so much complexity from something that is so simple...think less,live more..
Jillian is the best! 🙌 Thank you for this episode! 🌟
What an amazing episode! Thank you for being so raw and vulnerable! 🙌🏽
Go towards ‘no drama’, as opposed to ‘boring’. Someone who meets you halfway and shows up for you. Someone who is grounded, knows who they are. Even if the chemistry is not off the charts you can work on that….
Well had that happen if you don't know there terms or blah blah n tgee a Normy but do not communicate n then they don't understand.....it's almost an additional in itself. Honeymoon phase n it disappears.
Jullian is fabulous! You are always a great interviewer and your input also! Thank you!
By far the best insight I have ever garnered regarding relationships. At so many points I felt so uncomfortable listening to this but I am utterly grateful to both of you for this incredible interview.
So insightful, 2 of my favourite voices and thinkers!! Thank you!!!
Brilliant podcast, Thank you so much Lewis and Jillian.
My 3rd was the best. I learned what not to do from the others and worked not to be that. He passed 9 years ago and i still miss him. It depends on the connection.
I must have watched this interview a half dozen times, each time hearing something new because it's packed full with tid bits of wisdom. The one thing though that continues to play in my head is the part about one's "picker" being off. This really resonates with me. Looking back in my life I can see all the places where my picker was off (sacrificed my needs and desires in order to be loved) and now I'm living with those consequences. Anyway, GREAT conversation Lewis - I appreciate you and your interview style. Thank you!
PS I wish more men (especially men mature in age) would approach a relationship in the manner you have!
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Thank you for making this, I'm listening and willing to learn from my own faults and build from them.
Wow the first 10 minutes of this conversation especially describes my exact circumstances and I am so glad I found the courage to walk away from that. His stress destroyed our relationship and sent me into fight or flight mode
🙌
Jilian, I’ve learned so much from you in these last couple of months. I deeply admire your work, and the dominance over the knowledge you have and share with others. I’m happy that at my lowest, I found your podcast and have been learning ever since.Thank you for being a light.
🧡🧡🧡
Thank you for sharing. This is very helpful.
This discussion is great. Will watch again. Thank you for your honesty.
"It's so exhausting to be around someone who complains all the time". Yes, and it means that person is in a victim mindset. A pattern of thinking that somehow brings them comfort, but drains the listener, their partner. They become very unattractive to be around.
The part about service and growth as a core common value for both and individual an a couple - on point, that's what I want ! I realised it only lately after years of mismatched relationships. Thank you!
Omg!! Great information. Great guidance..
Really enjoying these videos...Lewis reminds me of Fr. Mike Schmidt when he speaks - very kind and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing this information.
Love it! Love it! Love it!. So many points delivered ..and now its time to reflect and process what to work on. Awesome Knowledge delivered! Great presenter! Well done beautiful lady! Great choice Mr Howes! Well done!👍
Thanks Lewis for being such a fine example for us all! I love watching your podcasts, you have such wonderful energy and an infectious smile! Thank you!
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Good conversation Thank you.
Been waiting for this!
I really enjoyed the authenticity and honesty in this conversation. Great way to start 2023💕🕊
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Thank you BOTH for this amazing podcast! . THANK YOU! 🙏
Very smart lady. So agree stress can cause a lot of problems in a relationship.
Really insightful video. Cool Lewis is taking notes too
This was awesome! Thank you ❤
One of your BEST interviews about relationships Lewis! Great job and thank you!
Thank you! Appreciate you for watching. 🧡
Brilliant.. on point, ill listen again. Thank you both
I just discovered this channel and I feel that I get to understand and learn so much in those interviews. Thanks for this. It's really enlightening!
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Yes you need to know how to be happy first... You can't ask people to be different enough to make you happy 💜🙌
One of best interviews l have seen, both of you were personal.
Every adult on earth should watch this Video.
Thank you!
Great topic and very informative! Thank you Jillian ❤
Wow she nailed the demise of my marriage and now I’ve learned he is a narcissist. Now after 28 years how do I even know what love is? Well I found it and it has changed my life and I love who I am. I just lost that.
Wonderful guest - so confident in herself and what she brings to the table - engaging and interesting interaction with each other. Blessed Day Your Way Thank you!
Thank you so much for watching! :)
I’ve been connected to people but my entire families we have not one stayed married unless we have been married. I put up with things that I wouldn’t today. I didn’t show myself self love by establishing boundaries.
Wow! Lewis you’re a gem of a man! Hope you’re the model for the much needed new man that is doing his part in relationships to create healthier, happier, more loving relationships! Yay Jillian and Lewis! Improving, creating and living healthier intimate relationships is at the core of healing our families, communities, and the world. ❤
This Is one of the most beautiful dialogues i have witnessed🙏♥️
Without words... I love how conscious you two are. Just beautiful
Thank you! Appreciate you for watching. 🧡
@@lewishowes you are just genuine🙏
And Jillian is just heartwarming💜
You are a good one Lewis❤️
With all the education, experience and awareness there is always something more to show me that I have been asleep with my eyes open.
Lewis you are amazing partner!!!I wish every man had your awareness.Great lesson from you both.thank you for another great interview.😊
Wow another great interview that has come at the exact moment. Thank you again Lewis
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you 💟💟
Being conscious starting a relationship is a must, but everyone has a shadow that holds both issues and hidden desires and gifts and if you dismiss a potential partner because they don't fit a list or are not matching all of your life goals, you may be missing out on the greatest healing opportunity of your life...in other words, most of us are not fully conscious of what would be good for us
I love the way she explains everything I have gone through and gives solutions. This is a must see video ❤
Thanks for watching!
From a gift to a given. Quote of the day!
Amazing content 🙏🥰
40 years of what I thought was a reciprocal relationship turns out he was avoidant in the extreme which culminated in resentment & sadness & stonewalling . I was not aware of my or my husbands issues during this time & counselling never found a path forward . Unfortunately our daughters have also borne the burden of our lack of education & responsibility’s.
Love me some Jillian!!
15 mins onwards - I really liked this approach
Another amazing interview thank you ❤
Great interview. So much depth. Listened to some of this a year ago and didn’t fully get it until now. Thank you.
You're welcome! Thanks for watching.
She communicates with the women in her life...What an amazing woman!
Absolutely brilliant. Love this. One criticism though. It's really important to make the distinction between acceptance and toleration. You know that you are truly accepting something if you would not prefer it to be different. You know that you are tolerating something if you would prefer it to be different. Lots of people get these two mixed up and they mistake unhealthy toleration as healthy acceptance. What is often seen as healthy acceptance is basically somebody not having found a way to influence their partner to stop doing what they find difficult or harmful. And what often comes under the umbrella of healthy acceptance is toleration of harm. The kind of people who are more likely to be watching this podcast are probably going to be people in abusive relationships. If you're in a good relationship you're probably less likely to watch This podcast. Therefore it is really important not to put the word toleration in there as something that is a good thing. That is not abuse informed language. If you are tolerating something by definition you don't like it.
Yes
Ugh ... We get it .... Let's talk about you more. I came to hear her. You wouldn't stop talking about yourself.
Wow wise words from this lady. I like her.
This is freaking awsome. So much gems. I wish i knew these things before I got married.
Thank you!
from 34 minutes, wow. Thank you
She is the best expert I've heard in a while!!!
Wow, this lady looks so much like Bailey Quarters from WKRP in Cincinnati it's amazing.
I’m curious if you saw different therapists for individual counseling or used the same therapist as your couples counselor. Loved this video.
Great guest, beautiful, and explained everything so well. I thank you so much! ❤️🥰
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Love Lewis 🎉
I cannot disagree more with previous comments. For me this was one of the his best interviews and i love the interaction and information he provides from his current repationship. Keep these going please.
Thanks! Appreciate you and your support.