autism/ adhd / Neuro divergent TikTok compilation

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  • Опубликовано: 29 дек 2024

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  • @HiltownJoe
    @HiltownJoe 2 года назад +367

    "Thinking out of the box is so easy for me, mostly because I don't even know where the box is."
    What a legendary quote.

    • @gpettus9508
      @gpettus9508 2 года назад +11

      I've heard similar sentiments expressed before in regards to ADHD. "We are so good at thinking outside of the box that oftentimes we're not even aware that there WAS a box."
      The quote here is like the second stage of that. Being told that you're good at thinking outside the box makes you aware that there's usually a box you think outside of, but not necessarily knowing where it is.

    • @HiltownJoe
      @HiltownJoe 2 года назад +8

      @@gpettus9508 ADHD and Autism has many similarities, when it comes to boxes and thinking I would say, thinking outside of the box due to not being aware of the existence of the box is more of an Autism thing, while thinking outside of the box due to not knowing where the box is, is an ADHD thing. I do not know if this makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me.

    • @lavendarghostie
      @lavendarghostie Год назад +3

      so all my (3) siblings and at least 3 of the 4 of us probably have adhd and now possibly autism too, all of us have been to one teacher's class so our family knows her well one time my dad came for a student meeting and she mentioned "i'm so glad to have your son in my class he is really good at thinking outside the box" and my dad responds with "Mrs. B I don't think any of my children have seen the box let alone know that it exists" lol i will always love that story lol

    • @kimyzeamer3726
      @kimyzeamer3726 Год назад +3

      Yea seriously I feel that from my soul

  • @vamplinvamp
    @vamplinvamp 2 года назад +175

    Back at school where I’m the only autistic person in my entire friend group and it’s exhausting.

    • @fruitbatz12
      @fruitbatz12 2 года назад +3

      Wanna be friends

    • @fruitbatz12
      @fruitbatz12 2 года назад +3

      Friends?

    • @Homesicktraveler
      @Homesicktraveler 2 года назад +2

      @@fruitbatz12 i wanna be friends:D

    • @oaktwig6413
      @oaktwig6413 2 года назад

      I think that at least two of my friends are autistic like frr
      I told one of them and she did a ton of research and those quizzes and she told her parents and they just said she was a “shy introvert” or something

    • @riakun
      @riakun 2 года назад +3

      This was my all during Elementary and Middle school (minus one person in middle school).
      I got extremely lucky in high school. Literally 50% of my friends I made in high school were nuerodivergent and later diagnosed with ADHD/autism, including myself. We were all in our late 20s/early 30s when finding this out.

  • @ashleysjourney110
    @ashleysjourney110 2 года назад +99

    My first time talking to autistics I literally had no thoughts and just had fun. I cried because it was the best conversation I ever had.

  • @BliffleSplick
    @BliffleSplick 2 года назад +125

    I think a lot of why ND people have a higher pain tolerance is constant gaslighting
    "OWWW the sun hurts!"
    "No it doesn't, stop making a fuss."
    "Oww the vacuum is screaming"
    "Go. To. Your. Room. That's not funny."

    • @caspergotlost
      @caspergotlost 2 года назад +23

      oh god the vacuums. when i go to college, i will do many of the chores. but for the love of god, someone else needs to vacuum. when i was little, i always said i thought it would explode. it's so loud, how isn't it on the verge of breaking?

    • @BliffleSplick
      @BliffleSplick 2 года назад +6

      @@caspergotlost I highly recommend earplugs.
      And I think that the dB they measure for them has frequencies above a certain point just excluded because something used in the home should NOT be making that kind of noise.

    • @caspergotlost
      @caspergotlost 2 года назад +7

      @@BliffleSplick The vibration gets me too, and while earplugs help, the childhood fear from hearing it is still there. But thanks!

    • @paranormalplanet5336
      @paranormalplanet5336 2 года назад +7

      god, that's so true, i am more sensitive to pain, and as a kid the constant gaslighting taught me to be quiet. i just don't voice any pain and can deal with it well, but it doesn't make it hurt less.

    • @BliffleSplick
      @BliffleSplick 2 года назад +7

      @@paranormalplanet5336 I think it's important to heal your inner child by actually acknowledging and dealing with the things that still hurt. Even if we can tolerate it, wouldn't it be kinder to do something about it?
      Noise cancelling headphones (everything is so noisy!), heated blanket (pain), weighted blanket (needed a lot of cuddles), heck even making a point of having 3-in-1 oil for screaming hinges.
      The world is mean enough as it is, we don't need to join it in making our life harder. Be kind to yourself

  • @surewhatever8843
    @surewhatever8843 2 года назад +112

    The second person is absolutely on track. I not only love their ideas, I love the way they lay it out in a way that’s easy for others to understand and implement.

    • @gracelewis6071
      @gracelewis6071 Год назад +8

      Yes I was trying to read their name but it's all blurry! I'd love to hear more from them
      Edit - I paused too soon; @iamtorireid from the end credit bit :)

    • @kimyzeamer3726
      @kimyzeamer3726 Год назад +6

      I would love to be able to have a neurodivergent friend group! I swear it always feels like everyone around me pull the token oh yea we all have ADHD sometimes card and it’s terribly frustrating. I would for once love to be able to just vibe with some people who are autistic, high functioning, ADHD, neurodivergent or the ADHD autism combo like me. Like I feel like we would be the ultimate in good times.

    • @commentbot9510
      @commentbot9510 Год назад +1

      I never thought about inviting friends over to do stuff, but it reminds me how in college my friends and I would hang out in the library to do homework or my boyfriend would come to my dorm and we would do homework. It seems like a much more fun way to get things done

    • @forgesoulfire1320
      @forgesoulfire1320 Год назад +1

      ​​@@kimyzeamer3726I can't agree more, it's seemingly a mix of nauseating and stressful being told to be myself so damn much but then being treated like I'm lacking and just being patronized if I so much as try to seriously be myself... To have a full on social circle of friends who are ND like me would be dreamlike I swear...

  • @naymeequillo
    @naymeequillo Год назад +28

    The neurodivergent friend group sounds like SO MUCH HEAVEN

  • @DieWalWahlWahl
    @DieWalWahlWahl 2 года назад +126

    1:07 The second one hit me hard! This friend group sounds beautiful! I have never had a friend group where I was feeling comfortable with, so now I don't meet any of them. But this friend group sound awesome! I would love to hang out with them.

  • @MrMatruskan
    @MrMatruskan 2 года назад +51

    The friend group talk gave me chills! Thanks!

  • @wa11ie
    @wa11ie 2 года назад +43

    the difference even one neurodivergent friend can make is day and night. even when i had neurotypical friends who weren’t assholes (i was really good at picking those for way too long) the people i always got along with the best were people who were, like me, suspecting they were some sort of neurodivergent. the biggest example of this is a fairly new friend i only made this year: we were hanging out with my best friend, her girlfriend, recently and i don’t think there has ever been a day in my life where i was that unapologetically myself. we were just talking for 10 hours and would have probably continued if my best friend didn’t have to get up early the next day. compare that to any neurotypical friend i had where we both had trouble keeping up a conversation for longer than 5 minutes where i felt chronically uncomfortable because i was trying not to overshare because we were talking about their weekend and it wasn’t my turn to share information. with my neurodivergent friends that isn’t an issue because we can just talk about whatever and one person throws in a story and then the other throws in something related and we can bond over the fact that we had vaguely related experiences. another plus of neurodivergent friends is that they don’t act concerned when i am stimming because they’ve been bouncing their leg for the last 10 minutes.

  • @nikitatavernitilitvynova
    @nikitatavernitilitvynova 2 года назад +35

    The second video got me screaming "YES!" because people often times think I don't care about things or I hate people when it's not. I don't know how to start conversations because I'm too self conscious and think too much about things and other people's reactions. But when people talk to me and ask me things I will respond. I will slowly warm up to it and get involved. And talk for hours. Or I will stick to plans given to me very loosely. If someone asks me to be there on time I will. Expecially if I enjoy the thing I'm about to do. Or if I'm with people I love being with. And some people struggle to understand this and think it's not how Aspergers works or that you're either all in full of symptoms and can't function at all or if you have mild symptoms you're faking it and you're pretending to have it.

  • @LyraDavis
    @LyraDavis 2 года назад +36

    Who ever the second person is; THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Say it louder for the people In the back! Print this on T-shirts. Print this on billboards! Your brain is beautiful! Neurodivergent socialising looks different but it’s not wrong. Stop the stigma. We don’t fit in your box. And that’s okay.

  • @minksrule2196
    @minksrule2196 2 года назад +42

    The connection between people being hypermobile and people having IBS is the fact that your joints and your digestive system is made of connective tissue so if you've got connective tissue issues in one place, likely you'll have the same issue in other areas of connective tissue. Your heart and lungs have also got connective tissue that's why asthma and heart conditions are also more likely for hypermobile people or so I've seen within my own family. I personally believe the connectin between people being neurodivergent and hypermobile is the fact that the gut is likely to be different too. There is a big connection between gut health and mental health. It doesn't necessarily mean that if your gut is different it'll effect you negatively it just means it'll likely make your brain different too. Also this is my personal opinion based on facts I've read. I don't know how much evidence there is for what I've written in this comment

    • @miramari732
      @miramari732 2 года назад +8

      Gut health of autistic people is usually in bad shape because we tend to have lot of sensory issues with food and EDs are common. But autism is in this case cause (as it is genetic), and then you'll get common comorbidity in form various form of autoimmune disorders (also genetic) and this starts vicious cycle of poor gut health making you feel bad and eat even less various food. Not to mention fact that our needs and concerns are commonly neglected or ignored, so it allows things spiral down even faster. Society pressure, bullying, constant discomfort and lack of help causes trauma, triggers other body and mental issues and then we end up with lovely statistic of su!c!de as second leading cause of death (first is seizure, as epilepsy is most common comorbidity). You can't cure neurodivergency by changing diet but you can raise quality of life if you diagnose comorbidities like IBS, allergies, food intollerances etc. before they wreak havoc

    • @1Robkip
      @1Robkip 2 года назад

      Well, I guess I could pitch in and say I have asthma, heavily suspect I have ADHD, and am hypermobile. Hope this helps? Ig????

    • @minksrule2196
      @minksrule2196 2 года назад

      @@1Robkip yeah it's very common

    • @1Robkip
      @1Robkip 2 года назад +2

      @@minksrule2196 I have joined the masses of neurodivergent people who can touch their hands behind their backs and can't run a quarter mile before practically choking.

  • @Shortman5241
    @Shortman5241 2 года назад +9

    Self dx autistic here. Diagnosed with adhd. Had a bad day today because all of my senses were going off due to a traumatic experience from yesterday. Cried because my skin got wet and people were talking and squeaking their shoes.

  • @Fern_Tull
    @Fern_Tull 2 года назад +26

    I feel more comfy with my neurospicy friends than my neurotypical friends
    like idk how to talk/communicate with them "normally" and I get worried that they won't understand me
    but with my ADHD and autistic friends it's like they can ready my mind and they know just what I mean

    • @voidkid420
      @voidkid420 2 года назад +2

      lol, I like 'neurospicy' ... divergent and diverse etc just feels like a lame cop-out

    • @surewhatever8843
      @surewhatever8843 2 года назад +3

      Neurospicy...love it!!

    • @mrwofferzwafflez
      @mrwofferzwafflez 2 года назад +2

      Neurospicy…? Goddamn, that’s mine now haha

  • @JDMimeTHEFIRST
    @JDMimeTHEFIRST Год назад +5

    Neurodivergent friends are the best. It’s just tough to find others sometimes

    • @JDMimeTHEFIRST
      @JDMimeTHEFIRST Год назад

      I definitely relate to jumping in circles for topics.

  • @jaydef6497
    @jaydef6497 Год назад +5

    Um , who was that last doctor, I need to watch the whole thing. Intention Deficit Disorder is so much more accurate I’m crying.

    • @kitkat8669
      @kitkat8669 9 месяцев назад +2

      Right?? He described it in such a beautiful and simple way that I sobbed

  • @music_and_other_random_thi1330
    @music_and_other_random_thi1330 Год назад +4

    The first person explained my brain perfectly

  • @alius8617
    @alius8617 2 года назад +6

    for me whenever I interact with people it feels like I'm in a play. I know what to say, but it's not really what I feel/want to say. I'm thinking about the flickering lights, but I'm asking someone how their day is. and then I have these sets of universal responses which are what I use when I'm not engaged. and yes, I'm super burnt out at the end of everyday, and sometimes end up becoming non-verbal.
    I have this one (most definitely not) neurotypical friend, who says she's neurotypical (probably has adhd). I literally do just the friend group thing, where I go over to her house with noise-cancelling over-the-ear headphones/or noise-reduction earplugs, cuddle with her dog, then talk about our special interests together. Or on good days, we go to this nice board game cafe/a library/any place the both of us feel comfortable in.

  • @hopehamilton4294
    @hopehamilton4294 2 года назад +37

    1:09 Does anyone have any tips for finding a neruodivergent friend or friend group?
    P.S. I'm home schooled and don't get out often so my social life is pretty much nonexistent

    • @jupiterisstupider143
      @jupiterisstupider143 2 года назад +12

      how i made nd friends is i just talked to a bunch of ppl at my school (kinda had to, its a small school and how the culture is there its very hard to avoid talking to people) and whoever i wasn't bored talking to i made friends with lol, they were legit all nd even tho none of us knew yet, idk if that helps tho cuz u might not be comfortable talking to a bunch of ppl

    • @TheImaginaryCat
      @TheImaginaryCat 2 года назад +16

      Maybe look at people around you, you might already know some. I got diagnosed as an adult and realized that's probably why iver half of the friends that I managed to keep over the years were neurodivergent. Also there might be groups near you? Like support groups or or maybe a local foundation that has events and things. Different youth organizations might have them too since there is more awareness these days. Hope you can find some cool people 😊 good luck!

    • @captaincaspian42
      @captaincaspian42 2 года назад +6

      They're find you or you'll find them without even knowing at first!

    • @fruitbatz12
      @fruitbatz12 2 года назад +5

      We can be friends I'm autistic and have ADHD

    • @hopehamilton4294
      @hopehamilton4294 2 года назад +3

      @@fruitbatz12 That would be cool, but how do I contact you, I don't have any social media cause my parents won't let me and they don't consider RUclips a social media site, but I do have email!

  • @SainteAliaDesFourchettes
    @SainteAliaDesFourchettes Год назад

    9:29 Intention Deficit Disorder !!! Brilliant analysis.

  • @elijahthorne303
    @elijahthorne303 2 года назад +2

    ok but omg the last one though!!! time myopia/time nearsightedness is an absolutely genius way of putting it for REAL!!!! and "i dont seem to be able to accomplish most of the things i intended to do" SO fucking true. so, SO fucking true!!! literally a problem ive been running into for years and years and years and never seem to be able to explain to people. HOLY shit. felt that in my fuckin BONES
    he does not miss!! just banger after banger this guy

  • @lavendarghostie
    @lavendarghostie Год назад +2

    0:59 so all my (3) siblings and at least 3 of the 4 of us probably have adhd and now possibly autism too, all of us have been to one teacher's class so our family knows her well one time my dad came for a student meeting and she mentioned "i'm so glad to have your son in my class he is really good at thinking outside the box" and my dad responds with "Mrs. B I don't think any of my children have seen the box let alone know that it exists" lol i will always love that story lol

  • @nikitatavernitilitvynova
    @nikitatavernitilitvynova 2 года назад +5

    I always use the analogy of my dominant hand. I ask myself: "What's the hand I sue for writing? This one so it has to be left since I'm left handed." I used it for the longest time. Btw I learnt how to walk when I was 2 and always hit things on my way. That's because I was in hospital from 4 months of age to 8 so basically 4 months as a baby due to medical issues. Which may be the reason why I learnt so late. And yes a child I was super bendy. I have double jointed fingers where I can stretch back half my finger and it doesn't hurt. Plus I always loved to lay down and lift my legs up in weird ways. My mom uses to say I was super bendy.
    I usually get scared of pain I can control. Like needles. They are something I know it's about to happen and that freaks me out. But two years ago I fell off my bike and didn't cry at all. I teared because of the pain and pushed through. I told the passerby I was fine and could go home alone since I lived nearby. I had scratches all over my arm legs and knees. I only cried when I saw my mom because I was scared she'd yell at me. I get often times cold when people aren't and love blakies. I'm also known for getting heat exhaustion or thermic shock due to sudden temperature changes. I had surgery as a baby because of hiatal hernia and currently have chronic gastritis. I can easily visualize things. My writing was horrible as a child to the point I can't even read it. And I mix things up when I do maths. Like 4x0=4. Yes the teacher was shocked. I was 14. And the only random ache I get is inflammation to my legs I believe because of flat feet and flat feet surgery. But I have a pair of schechers that actually make that pain worse. I get extreme ankle to knee inflammation pain. And I have Aspergers and adhd as my diagnosis. Plus chronic gastritis and lactose intolerance and a hatred for a medication that gave me gallbladder stones as a result.

  • @RaunienTheFirst
    @RaunienTheFirst Год назад +1

    8:24 this clip missed epilepsy. People with Autism (and possibly also people with ADHD) are more likely to also have epilepsy

  • @marzettik
    @marzettik Месяц назад

    Preach! Let's unmask the friend groups we have! That was great. ❤

  • @SofieBjorkheim
    @SofieBjorkheim Год назад

    #2 youre friend group seems amazing!

  • @Lunar_DeBrie
    @Lunar_DeBrie Год назад +2

    I seriously think I have audhd now, or maybe just adhd with a little bit of spice. My need for routine but inability to establish it and distress for when plans go awry really scream that to me, and it's hard to not feel lazy.

  • @SainteAliaDesFourchettes
    @SainteAliaDesFourchettes Год назад

    2:46 Nice ! 😀🧠🙌

  • @wdlovesthee736
    @wdlovesthee736 Год назад

    Unmask the friend group! Absolutely !

  • @elizabethbatten8514
    @elizabethbatten8514 2 года назад +1

    2:57-3:05 is EXACTLY the kind of friend group I have always needed but never found!

  • @digitalisdraws2361
    @digitalisdraws2361 Год назад

    the one with adhd talking about how they have conversations with their friend where they talk about lots of different topics and talk over each other n stuff is like me and my friends! :D

  • @Midnight-xf5od
    @Midnight-xf5od 2 года назад +8

    I want to be tested for ADHD but my mom won't get me tested cuz I'm only showing 3 symptoms

    • @MiaraAvalin
      @MiaraAvalin 2 года назад +3

      3 symptoms you know about. I have discovered just how little of my symptoms I realised I had as I have learned more about ADHD. Same for autism. Some symptoms are easily dismissed by those of us who aren't professional because we don't know how to recognise them or see what they actually can look like in different people. No two ND people are the same. If you are struggling in life, or are afraid you will struggle, try to talk to your mother about this, about your worries. I know its not easy, its not until now, at 39 my parents are finally realising that I might be on to something with the ND stuff and that I might be struggling more than they realised.

  • @jellybean_18
    @jellybean_18 Год назад +2

    Im pretty sure im Neurodivergent, still trying to figure out if its Adhd, Autism or both (im leaning towards both) but im always trying to figure out if my family has any history of Neurodivergence. Its a no but my mom dad, and three of my siblings act PRETTY Neurodivergent so i just wonder if they've just never been diagnosed because of not enough/the right education.

  • @jeneanbean
    @jeneanbean 2 года назад +7

    So glad there isnt another meltdown video. Please stop adding those. It's fucked up.

  • @raventhorX
    @raventhorX 2 года назад +5

    "whats in the box!" I'll do you one better: "WHERE IS THE BOX?!"

    • @Shortman5241
      @Shortman5241 2 года назад

      ILL DO YOU ONE BETTER: HOW IS THE BOX!?

    • @DragonMoonFNAF
      @DragonMoonFNAF 11 месяцев назад

      I’ll do even better: WHY IS THE BOX?!

  • @elisabeth8683
    @elisabeth8683 2 года назад +1

    The neurodivergent friend group sounds amazing I really want to make one!!!!

  • @adams509
    @adams509 Год назад +1

    Does anyone know the name of the youtube video shown in the last clip? I cant seem to be able to read it on my phone screen :(

  • @oaktwig6413
    @oaktwig6413 2 года назад +3

    3:04
    Plz I wish this could happen to me 😭

  • @pushumonster
    @pushumonster 2 года назад

    This compilation was great !

  • @ADHDWhisperer1
    @ADHDWhisperer1 Год назад

    Please can someone tell me the contact name of the lady talking about comorbid conditions in the black and white top?

  • @tristantheoofer2
    @tristantheoofer2 2 года назад +2

    1:07 yea i think i need a nuerodivergent friend group lol. like i have a few nuerodivergent friends but not like a friend group lol. also the last clip to me is accurate as fuck

  • @the_sky_is_blue_and_so_am_I
    @the_sky_is_blue_and_so_am_I 2 года назад +3

    Valid and based. Luv y'all.

  • @gamergate2.0andbooks
    @gamergate2.0andbooks Год назад +1

    I feel like I have to explain the reason I don't want do stuff

  • @DragonMoonFNAF
    @DragonMoonFNAF 11 месяцев назад

    The second one tho…that’s actually my friend group.

  • @jeng6786
    @jeng6786 2 года назад +1

    8:42 I brought this up with my therapist and she watched the video, we will talk about it in our next meeting!!

    • @dingle_danglee
      @dingle_danglee Год назад +1

      Whats the video called I'm trying to find it

  • @thejourneyofwhat
    @thejourneyofwhat 2 года назад +3

    can someone explain the last one? hes just saying things we struggle with isnt he? what am i missing

    • @reson8
      @reson8 2 года назад +6

      I think you might be missing how it's framed, especially to normal societal groups. He's basically de-stigmatising the commonly-held negative perceptions around add/adhd.

  • @pennylee9880
    @pennylee9880 Год назад

    I have diagnosed ADHD 😃 and I have double jointed fingers

  • @boethia7367
    @boethia7367 Год назад +1

    ...I need some neurodivergant friends now.

  • @Sawyerxxpancakes
    @Sawyerxxpancakes Год назад

    Hello, nd friends? Have dyspraxia or childhood Apraxia of speech and might have other things with sensory issues and food textures
    Only have a few friends who are also neurodivergent

  • @xryxix
    @xryxix 2 года назад +2

    💜💜💜💜💜💜

  • @kaylanek1
    @kaylanek1 2 года назад +1

    3:00 please, please let me be friends with you

  • @raquelking6323
    @raquelking6323 Год назад

    Hyper mobility has absolutely nothing to do with neurodivergence.

  • @JesgateOnDown
    @JesgateOnDown Год назад

    At 1:08 She looked better without the makeup. 🤷

  • @Carolina57685
    @Carolina57685 2 года назад +2

    None of the tiktoks in the thumbnail are in the video what the fuck

  • @TinyRobotED-tm9rs
    @TinyRobotED-tm9rs Год назад

    lol

  • @USA-o5o
    @USA-o5o 2 года назад +1

    I can't imagine someone that's Nero diversion talk about how there Nero diversion to anyone that's not there friends family therapist or doctor but who knows I could be wrong

  • @PhoenixProdLLC
    @PhoenixProdLLC Год назад

    No offense, but this bs of "oh it's a happy rainbow unicorn day" every day being on the spectrum, is absolute nonsense.

  • @reson8
    @reson8 2 года назад +2

    If the message you wanted to get across was that ND people were angsty, selfish and dismissive you've succeeded. The last clip was an interesting take on adhd and deserves more attention.

    • @Horseluvver
      @Horseluvver 2 года назад +9

      Say WHAT?!
      I would love a friend group...part of having autism (at least for me) is that I meet a lot of people who are 'nice' at first then get really mean, dismissive & even cruel.
      I'm 60 ffs.
      People never stop bullying.
      Sorry if you feel like that's all negative.
      It sounds really safe and good, to me.

    • @reson8
      @reson8 2 года назад

      @@Horseluvver As a fellow autist i'd like to say i can relate. With this in mind, 'friend groups' have their own problems, notably with the tendency to become echo chambers which don't tolerate differing thoughts/opinions as well as it being quite devastating to be removed from one, perceivably through no fault of your own. I have learned over the years to just be very careful about who you 'let in'.

    • @Shortman5241
      @Shortman5241 2 года назад +4

      I don't see where you're coming from. Could you please elaborate?

  • @oncewolfy
    @oncewolfy 2 года назад +1

    Someone wake these people up... its disgusting, has any1 met or seem someone with extreme levels or severity of autism/adhd? This is a stab in their back...

    • @mrwofferzwafflez
      @mrwofferzwafflez 2 года назад +6

      Severe levels? Mate, the damn thing’s a spectrum not a skyscraper.

    • @caidalee1994
      @caidalee1994 2 года назад +2

      It’s really not. This isn’t the Pain Olympics. Difficulties are difficulties. Knowing that other people have more doesn’t make it any easier.